Beer For My Horses Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Beer For My Horses script is here for all you fans of the Toby Keith movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Beer For My Horses quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Beer For My Horses Script



All right.

We'll start this next set
with a song about

the North Texas,
Southern Oklahoma,

crystal meth,
amphetamine industry.



 Strap them kids in 

 Give them a little bit
Of vodka in a cherry coke 

 We're going to Oklahoma
To the family reunion 

 For the first time
In years 

 It's up at uncle Slayton's 

 'Cause he's getting on
In years 

 He plays that Choctaw bingo
Every Friday night 

 You know he had
To leave Texas 

 But he won't say why 

 He owns a quarter section
Up by Lake Eufala 

 Caught a great big ol'
Blue cat 

 On a driftin' jug line 

 Sells his hardwood timber
To the shipping mill 

 Cooks that crystal meth
Because the shine don't sell 

 He cooks that crystal meth
Because the shine don't sell 

 You know he likes that money
He don't mind the smell 

 He plays that Choctaw bingo
Every Friday night 

 He drinks his Johnny Walker
At that Club 69 

 We're gonna strap them
Kids in 

 Give 'em a little bit
A Benadryl 

 And a cherry coke
We're goin' to Oklahoma 

 Gonna have us a time 

 Have us a time 



It's out of here.



Well, here we go again, buddy.


Hey, Jer.

I sure like your new truck.



Get the hell out of here,

Or there's gonna be trouble.

See that?

It's my trailer, you cheater.

You tell your boyfriend
come on out here,

take a look at his new ride.


I told you, he ain't here.

I'll knock out
his headlights too.

Hey. I better get to this.

Whoa, Sandy. Norvel.
Get off my head.


Hey. Hey.
- Get off me.

Get your hands off me.

She's a cheater, Rack.

Hey. Hey. Settle down.
Tell me what happened.

My brother come up here today
to borrow my minnow bucket,

because he's going fishing
with Bobby Bell this afternoon.

So what?
He saw Jerry Buckey

sneaking in my trailer,
that's what!

Your brother didn't see
jack squat.

Sandy, now, let him talk.

Shut up, Lonnie.
Sandy, calm down.

Go ahead, Norvel.

Well, I raced right over here
from work,

and by God if I didn't see
Jerry Buckey's truck,

parked right here.

And I just


Well, partner,
that ain't Jerry Buckey's truck.

It ain't?

This truck here you tore up,

that belongs to Jay Boy Simpson.




Now, is it true?

Jerry Buckey been here
with you, baby?

You know me, Rack.

I'm a lot of things
but I ain't no cheater.

I would never even think
of cheating on Norvel.

I haven't even seen
Jerry Buckey

since last Friday.
- Hey, Rack.

Now, Sandy, you know
good and well Norvel loves you.

Oh, the hell he does.
He never takes me anywhere.

Why, he was telling me
the other morning

he had big, big plans
for you this weekend.

Ain't that right, Norvel?

Oh. Oh, yeah, Rack. It is.

I was gonna take here
to eat catfish.

You was?

You was gonna take me
to eat catfish?


And hushpuppies too?


Oh, Norvel.

I love catfish.

I know you do, baby.

Oh, Norvel.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry too, baby.

I love you, baby.
I love you too, baby.

Ain't love beautiful?

Let's roll.

All right, y'all,
take care.

We'll see y'all next week.

Bye, Rack.

Bye, Lonnie.
Thank you.

I don't want any thanks, either.
If he came in...

Hey, babe.
Where are we going?

"Hey, babe.
Where are we going?"

Cam, I'm late. I'm sorry.

There's late,
and there's too late.

You're the second.

I had to take that prisoner
over to Lawton.

What am I suppose to tell
the sheriff?

You tell him it's
your girlfriend's birthday

and you're suppose to be home
hours ago.

I did.
- Oh, yeah? What did he say?

He said, "Take that prisoner
over to Lawton."


You know what?
I'm just sick of your excuses.

It's always,
you're working late

or you're there with
your buddies.

You know what? I'm really glad
you're having a good time.

I'm glad you like to party.
I'm glad you like to have fun.

But unfortunately,
you never like to do it with me.


I got you something, baby.

This ought to be good. What?

Oh, it's nothing big.
It's just a little something

I wrapped up in a pair
of underwear. Threw in my pants.

- Damn, Cammie.

Damn, Cammie, don't.
This is crazy.

Do you remember
your birthday last year?

Let me remind you.

I put on that sleazy little
cocktail outfit,

just like that floozy-ass poker
waitress you like so much

down at the Indian casino.

You came in here,

you didn't say hello.

You sat on that couch, you eat
pork rinds, drink beer,

and you fell asleep watching
Coal Miner's Daughter.

That was real nice.

I like Coal Miner's Daughter.

You hit my mower.



What have I done?

Well, looks like Daddy's gonna
have to get him a new mower.


Oh, yeah, Rack,

looking good.

Hey, boys, what you doing?

Damn, Lisa,
you're looking good, baby.

I wonder if
she's still mad at me?

Hey, Lis.




Mornin', Peabody.
- All right.

Uh, hey, you got a little

donut right there on you.

No, over here.

Mornin', Rack.
- Mornin'.

I forgot to tell you yesterday,
Cammie called.

Oh, yeah?
Is she okay?

She's fine. How's George doing?
- Just horny as hell.

Well, I can see why.
- You know, that's nice.

But ever since he sold
my ThighMaster,

my ass just swelled up.


Well, cowboys
like fat calves.

I hear the hardware store
is having a sale on lawn mowers.

You might wanna get one.



What's up, Skunk?

I did it. I did it, Rack.

I taught Junior how to detect
the smell of drugs. Sit, boy.

Sit, Junior. No.



You're gonna love this.


No peeking.

Okay. Here we go.

Okay, boy.

Find the drugs, Junior.

Hold on.

Come here, Junior.
Turn around.

Now get ready.

All right. Come on.

Here we go.

All right, Junior, go ahead.

Find the drugs.

Find the drugs, Junior.

Come on, Junior.
Find the drugs.

Give him a second.
- That's really good, Lonnie.

You know, he might actually
be able to find them

if you glue them to his balls.



What are you turds up to?

Uh, nothing, sheriff.

Well, we're gonna have to
change that.

You boys are working
this weekend.

- Yeah, work.

It's the opposite of what
you usually do.

Jackson County Co-Op.

You're gonna stake it out
Saturday night.

Someone's been stealing
anhydrous ammonia

from the co-op tanks
and we're gonna catch them.

Well, why would anybody
wanna steal fertilizer?

Why would anyone
name a baby Lonnie?

It's what they use
to cook meth with.

Sheriff Wells over at Altus

says it's getting to be
a big problem over there.

These smaller co-ops
are easier to hit.

Sheriff, why can't
these two guys do the stakeout?

Well, because I said so,
that's why.

Besides, these boys worked
the high school prom

last Saturday night.
- That's nice.

Least they were working
this time.

Last time they were at prom,
I believe they went as a couple.


Eat me.
- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Ah, ah.
That's quite enough.

We'll take care
of this, sheriff.

See you boys Monday.

You get rid of that--
That damn dog, will you?

Well, it's a K9 recruit, sir.

Right. Get rid of it.


You're a deputy.
Try to look like one.

Where is your gun?

Where's your badge?

Why do I try?

This sucks.

Staring at fertilizer tanks
on a Saturday night.

It's ridiculous.

Why don't you try complaining
a little bit more about it.

See if that helps.

You got something better to do?
- I did.

I was gonna stay home
and take off all my clothes.

Becky was gonna
take off all her clothes,

and we were gonna do
some other stuff

that didn't include looking
at fertilizer tanks with you.


How come Skunk never talks?

He speaks when he's got
something to say.

I've known him my whole life,
he's never said one word to me.

Yeah, he don't talk much.

But he is about the best cop
I ever knew.

I'm a-pretend
I didn't hear that.


How come he carries
that bow and arrow?

You mean, you don't know?
- No.

Skunk was orphaned
at a real young age,

and raised on a reservation

by a great Kiowa
Indian war chief.

I didn't know that.

Yeah. You know that, uh,
pilgrim-looking fellow

on the outside of
the Quaker Oats box?

You mean, the one that
looks like Barbara Bush?

Yeah, him.
- Yeah.

Skunk's great, great
grandfather killed him.



And then he cooked him
in less than a minute.

That's bullshit.


It is bullshit.

But he was raised on
a reservation. I promise you.


Dang, Lonnie. God.


You got a sour stomach?

I didn't do that,
Junior did.

Hey, you know what? I've noticed
something about Junior.

Whenever he farts,
something big's about to happen.


I wonder what
these boys doing out here

in the middle of the night.

You reckon it's those
fertilizer takers?

Fertilizer takers?


He's cutting the lock off
the gate.

He don't work here.

If he worked here,
he wouldn't do that.

Let's go, Lonnie.

Take your gun off safety
this time.



Got it, boss.
- Hurry up.

Let's do it.

Twenty-five gallons,
five minutes.

Twenty-five. Make it happen.
Let's go.

- Yeah. What he said.

Shoot them, pendejo.


Damn it, Lonnie.

Let's go. Let's go.


I wouldn't do that.



I give up.

Go. Hurry.

Watch these two.
I'll get these other guys.

You boys familiar with
good cop/bad cop?

Well, the good one just left.


Go, go, go.

What happened?

This is Rack.

All units in the vicinity,
be advised.

Rack, uh, this is Peabody.

What's your--?
What's your...?

Twenty. What's my 20?

Yeah. Your 20.
What's your 20?

I'm in the back of
an old black one-ton flat bed.

Request all available backup.

Lonnie and Skunk with you?

That's affirmative.

Uh, that is
all available backup.


You're under arrest.
Don't make me come in there.


Now you've pissed me off.


Boy, we sure nailed them.

That elbow of yours is lethal.

I'm-a tell you what,
you hit that guy so hard,

I will never risk you catching
me peeing in your coffee again.


You get the personal items off
the prisoner, file them for me.

You got it.

Well, boys, we're
gonna need all your stuff.

Watches, wallets.

Pictures of your boyfriends.

Y'all look like hell.

We might have to run out
and buy y'all some Bactine.

We got everything?

Well, fellas...

Hey, uh, I'm gonna need
that necklace.

Do you want this?


You cannot have this.

Do you understand
what I say to you?

This is familia.

You keep your necklace.

Because where you're going,

that necklace ain't gonna
be able to help you.


You boys sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.


 Honey, let's get trashed
And throw it all away 

All right.

That figures. We're out
working, they're out drinking.

Oh, now, what are you three
stooges doing in here?

Yeah, shouldn't you girls
be on the stakeout?

Actually, where we should be
is over at your daddy's house,

kicking him in the potatoes
for having sex with your momma.

Hey, now, don't--

We always work more
than they do, sheriff.

Actually, they did have to
work tonight.

Norvel and Sandy
went out to Catfish Cove,

and they run into
Jay Boy Simpson.

That was one hell of a fight.

Hey, ain't that my bat?



Well, it ain't love beautiful.
Ain't love beautiful.


Hey, Jake,
how about

a round of shots for the table
and three beers?


Table number seven.

What happened out there

Oh, nothing big. High-speed
chased, little scuffle.


Caught four guys
stealing fertilizer.

Three of them were just local
lowlifes for hire,

but this one guy, he's
a Mexican guy. I don't know.

He may be connected. He
seemed to be running the show.

Any idea who that might be?

We're working on it.
I'll know something soon.

Anybody hurt?
- Sheriff, this one guy

took one of Skunk's
broadheads right in the ass.


He's lucky my boy didn't put one
through his pump station.

Ain't that right, Skunk?

That damn bow and arrow
of yours.

Well, listen, here,
I wanna congratulate you boys.

A little toast.
- Here we go.

Whiskey for my men.

Beer for my horses.

 Let's get trashed 

 And throw it all away 
-  Throw it all away 

"And his sweat
was like drops of blood

falling on the ground."

"When he rose from prayer
and went back to the disciples,

"he found them asleep,

exhausted from sorrow."

"'Why are you sleeping''

"he asked.

"'Get up and pray

so that you will not fall
into temptation.'"



If you want salvation,

Lonnie? got to open your ears

and listen to the word
of the Lord.

You've got to open your eyes

and look into the book

and learn to live
by the word of the Lord.



You must wake up
and smell the Bible.

Ain't that so,
Lonnie Freeman?




Reverend Parker,

that was a wonderful message
you gave today.

What was your favorite part?

Oh, you know, the whole thing
about God being great.

And devil being an ass
and stuff.

I feel like a new man.

Oh, I bet you do considering
all the sleep you got.

Come on, Becky.
- Thank you.


We'll see you tomorrow, Lonnie.
- Okay, buddy.

We missed Cammie this morning.
Is everything okay?

She's just fine. She's a
little bit under the weather.

You know, couples just don't
seem to stay together anymore.

It's kinda sad.
- Heh.

Yeah, it's sad, all right.

Well, I'll see you later,

- Yeah?

You can borrow my lawn mower
any time you need it, son.

Johnny Franks? Heh.

I thought youse in jail.
- Nope.

You staying out of trouble, boy?
Oh, yes, I am, Mr. Deputy, sir.

Yes, sir.
- Good.

You ain't.

Are you high, Johnny?

You screwed up, deputy.

- Yeah.

You know that, uh--?
That Mexican guy you arrested?

His name's Tito.

And his brother,
he's gonna kill you.

Somebody's gonna kill me?

That's big news, Johnny.
- Thanks.

Here's some news for you.

You're not a rapper.

So pull your pants up.
- What--?

You know, you don't know
who you're messing with.

They'll kill you
if you're ain't careful.

You let me worry about that.


They'll kill you.

Hey, Lonnie.
- Hey, Rack. Heh!

That's my partner.

Twist my nipples, look who's here.
- Hey, darling.

You lookin' a little rough
this morning, Rack.

Oh, I'm all right.
- Where's Cammie?

She went on vacation.
- Really? Where'd she go?

I'm not sure.

You-all break up again?

- I already heard.

You want your usual, baby?


And then Junior farted,

and I knew something big
was gonna happen.

Then, about that time,
the tip of the Zebco

just went straight down
in the water.

And I just set the hook.

And I fought that son of a bitch
for about 20 minutes.


It was a snapping turtle.


Rack, I am surprised
you even let him carry a gun.


Do you hear Annie Streets
was back in town?

No, really?
- Yeah.

Her momma
got the Alzheimer's,

and she flew in from Chicago,
help take care of her.

Well, what about her stepdad?
Don't he take care of her?

Buck Baker? Shit.

All he cares about
is making money.

He's too busy
trying to bully farmers

into selling him their land
for a dime on the dollar.

Hell, he practically owns
every farm in the county now.

He never got Daddy's farm.

Well, he's one of the few
that stood up to him.

Rest his soul.

When I was dating Annie,
me and him never got along.

You know,
I always just knew

you two would get married

She wanted to go off
and see the big city.

There's no way I was leaving.

You've still got it for her.
You always have.

Why don't you go see her?

She probably got some
big high-dollar boyfriend

back in Chicago.
I saw her here the other day.

She didn't have no ring
on her finger.

We had our time together
a long time ago.

Anybody ever tell you
you are stone lazy?

Annie is the only female
ever come close

to giving you a run
for your money.

And that's what you were
missing in your life,

in case youse a-wondering.

So why don't you leave me
a big fat tip,

get off your sorry ass,
and go see her?

And take her something nice.


It's a little cool
out here.

Here you go.

Keep you warm.


Oh, my God.


Joe Bill Racklin.

What in the world?

Hi, Annie.

What are you doing out here?

Oh, I don't know. I guess
I just wanted to come out here

and see what a big-city girl
looks like these days.

Heh! Oh, yeah, well,
what do you think?

Well, she looks a lot
like a, uh, small-town girl

I used to know
a long time ago.

Pretty as a picture.

Oh, stop it, Rack. What
are you really doing out here?

Well, actually, I came here
to bring you some corn dogs

from the Tasty Cream.

I remember how much you
used to like them so much.



Well, I didn't really
have much of a choice,

'cause it was the only place
you'd ever take me.

Uh, I got you
some, uh...

mustard here somewhere.


I got you the wrong one.
I got ketchup. I got--

you haven't changed a bit.

Is that a good thing?

Yeah, I guess.

Been a long time, Annie.

Yeah, it sure has.

So, uh, Buck's got quite a place
here, huh?

Yeah, it's changed a lot
since I left.

He bought up a whole lot
of acreage.

See all those buildings
over there?

All new.

Trucks a-going
day and night.

- Yeah.

Mrs. Baker?

I think the last time
I was out here was when you--

Hey, Rack.

How you doing there,

Hey, Buck.

How's the, uh, deputy life
suiting you?

It's honest dollar.


An honest dollar.

You and your daddy both.

I was sorry to hear
about his heart attack.

Looks like he kinda
worked himself to death, huh?

Rack, why don't you
come on inside

and I'll fix you
some sweet tea?

Oh, that's okay, Annie. I
probably gotta get back to town.

I got some deputy stuff
I need to go take care of.

I'll see you.

Hey, Rack!

If you, uh, ever decide
to sell your daddy's farm,

call me first.

Hell, you ain't no farmer, son.

You're a bigtime deputy.



Does it take practice
being a grade-A asshole, Buck,

or were you just born one?

Born one.



Hey, buddy.
Are we still going pig hunting?

I thought you and Becky
was going over to Lawton.

No, she's, uh, keeping
her sister's kids and that,

so Daddy's got a hall pass.

Well, by God, then it looks like
we're going pig hunting.

What the hell
are you doing?

Rack, watch this.

Okay, Junior.

Bite me, boy.


Bite me, Junior.

Bite me, Junior.
Junior, bite me.

He did it earlier.
Come on, Junior.


Bite me. Damn it, Junior.
Attack me.

Lonnie, cut that racket,
will you?

Get rid of that fleabag.

Yes, sir.
Come on, Junior.

Let's go.


Any news on that Mexican boy?

Uh, we send the prints
over to the feds.

We're still waiting
on a positive ID.

Hey, Mavis?

We get that, uh, fax in
from Oklahoma City yet?

No, but you'll be
the first to know when I do.

Sheriff in?

How about a "good morning"?

Just tell the sheriff I'm here.


Hey. Ungh!

Sheriff, the DA's here.
- What's he want?

An ass-whupping,
the way he's talking to me.

Mavis, you send him on
back here then.

Oh, that's--


I knew I smelled
something rotten.



Hear you boys had a big weekend.

on the arrests,

but, uh, we need to discuss
this case.

What's to discuss?

Well, I spoke
with the judge,

and we don't think we have
a good enough case--

You don't have a good case?
- No.

We caught 'em stealing



Caught 'em stealing fertilizer.

Heh! Frankly, gentlemen,

we feel this entire affair
has been totally mishandled.

They fired shots at us.

Rack, let me handle this.

Close the door.

I mean, close the door with you
on the other side of it.




Now, the truth of the matter is

we don't really know
what these boys were planning

on doing with the fertilizer.

We all know what they were
gonna do with that fertilizer.

They weren't tending
sick lilies.

They're making meth.

Then we should have had the feds
come in and take care of it.

You've already
blown the opportunity

to set up
surveillance operations,

tracking their money sources,

making them lead us
to the big boys

in their manufacturing
and distribution network.

And now,

because of your, uh,
rogue deputies there,

we got nothing to show for it,
except maybe a lawsuit

for skewering a man's buttocks
with an arrow.

I mean-- Hee-hee!

What the hell kind of a
department are you running here?

Is this what you've been
waiting for, Rack?


This may be of interest to you,
Mr. DA.

Tito Garza,
wanted on federal charges.

Drug trafficking, racketeering,
attempted murder charge.

Feds want us to deliver him
to Oklahoma City on Saturday.

Well, I'll, uh, run that by
the judge, see what's what.

You may wanna take a look
at that file too, sheriff.

Thank you, Mavis. Well, what
have we got here? Who's this?

That's Manny Garza.
That's Tito's brother.

He heads up-- Oh, nothing.

--just the biggest drug cartel
in all of Mexico.

Well, this is
terribly interesting,

but I am due in court.

If you'll excuse me.
- Mm-hm.

You have a nice day, Mr. L.

GUARD: Fall out boys,
off your ass, on your feet,

out of the shade
and in the heat.

We're going to the courthouse
for your arraignments.

On the hop.
Let's go, move it, girls!

Get out!
Hey, easy.

Not you, hotshot.

You earned yourself a few more
nights here at the five-star.

Looks like you got a big date
with the FBI.

You know, my brother gonna come
looking for you.

And you're not gonna like it
when he finds you.

Heh-heh! Well, you tell
your brother this, tough guy.

I'm easy to find.

Thursday night,
I'm pig hunting with Lonnie.

Friday night, I'm drinking beer
at the Thirsty Monkey.

Saturday morning,
I'll be at my house

drinking coffee
at the kitchen table.

And Saturday afternoon,

I'm taking your ass
to Oklahoma City

so you can find a horny convict
to be your love piñata

for the next 50 years.


Come on, Lonnie.

Let this guy stay here.



Hey, stranger,
what are you doing?

I was about to ask you
the same thing,

driving down the wrong side
of the road like that.

Isn't that illegal?

Well, not if it's official
police business, it's not.

Oh, so that's what this is?

Well, if anybody asks,
it is.

So are you lost?

No, I just came into town
to pick up a few things.

How's your momma doing?

She's all right.
- Yeah?

She's resting.
- Hm.

So, uh,

I was gonna run over to Altus

and catch a movie
tomorrow night.

By yourself?

Well, if you're not going.


Yeah. Yeah, I'm going.
- Yeah?

All right. So I'll pick you up
at Buck's house?

Why don't I come by your place?
- Okay.

How about 6:00ish?

How about 6:00?

How about I'll be there?



Now, let me get a little
of you walking home.


Damn. Mm-mm.


Sure is nice out
here tonight, ain't it?

Well, that's all it is.
I gotta piss.

I knew we should've gone down
to the river.

There ain't a pig out here.
- How would you know?

Rack, I've hunted pigs
my whole life.

I've probably killed more pigs
than any man in Greer County.

Is that so?
- It's primal instincts.

I know how they eat.
I know how they sleep.

I know
their breeding habits.

I can talk to them
if I need to. Heh-heh!

You can talk to pigs?
- Yup.

you're full of pig shit.

Say what you want, Rack,

but I am a pig's
worst nightmare.

The last thing
a pig wants to see coming

is Lonnie Luther Freeman.
- Luther?

- That's your middle name? Luther?

Be careful.

You know what I did
to the last guy

that made fun
of my middle name?

What's that?

Not a whole lot.
He's about 6'4", 250.




You know, we could always drive
over to the Thirsty Monkey.

There's a lot of pigs
over there.

No, Rack. You know,
I'm done chasing women.

I got Becky, and I'm happy.

She don't complain about me,

and she don't mind me
complaining about her.



You-all ever think about
getting married?

Oh, she does,
all the time.

You know,
I'm just afraid if we did

she wouldn't be as inclined
to take as good care of herself

as she does now,
you know?

I mean, hell,
you've seen her sister.


You gotta be at the table early
at Thanksgiving

when she's around.

My Lord.

She did kinda swell up,
didn't she?

Oh, like a eight-legged
dog tick.


Hey, did, uh,
Cammie ever come back?

No, I don't think
she's coming back.

I think she's gone for good.

Aw. Oh, man. I'm sorry
to hear about that.

Guess who is back in town.
- Who?

Annie Streets.
- My God,

she was hotter than donut grease
back in high school.

She still is.

And I got a date with her
tomorrow night.

You dog.

You dog.

Well, if you're
gonna keep her this time,

maybe you oughta try doing
something a little different.

I'm gonna suggest
not being yourself.

I do need to get my shit


- Huh. Heh-heh!

You want a beer?

If you're not gonna talk to me,
Rack, just take me home.



I had a nice time tonight.

Well, the night ain't over yet.
Let's go for a walk.

Oh, I don't know,
the streets of Altus, Oklahoma

could be pretty dangerous
this time of night.

I'll take my chances.



Oh, I just wanted
to apologize

for what Buck said to you
the other day

and disrespecting your daddy
like that.

Don't worry about that.

That stepdaddy of yours
is a piece of work.

What'd your momma
ever see in him anyway?

Heh! I don't know.

But I think at the beginning,
she really did love him.

Then it became more about

and making sure
I was taken care of.

God bless her.
How do you put up with him?

It's not easy.

If Momma didn't live there,
I wouldn't need him.

So who's gonna take care
of your momma

when you go back to Chicago?

Well, I'm not sure
I'm going back.

What do you mean?

Momma needs me,

and I miss small-town life,

The big city's
too fast for me.

I miss the people here.
I miss the pace.

Heck, I even miss
the Tasty Cream.

Believe it or not,

I kinda missed you too.

I missed you too, Annie.


I-I got you something.

Yeah, um...

Here. Heh.


Where did you get that?

Dug it out of
an old box yesterday.

Your daddy took it.
I thought you might want it.

Remember our first date?
Your old truck broke down,

and we had to walk
all that way back in the rain.

Wow. Thanks, Annie.
Golly, we were soaked.

I never thanked you
for wearing that white T-shirt.


Those were good times, Rack.

Yes, they were.
- Yeah.



You've been practicing.

Well, you've been gone
a long time.

Well, we should do this again.

the night ain't over yet.

what do you wanna do?

I don't know, maybe we'd...

go get a corn dog
and go to my house?

Oh, Rack, you're so romantic.

Corn dog?





Well, I think I got her

fertilizing for you there--

There, Rack.

I appreciate you getting here
on such short notice, Bob.

Ah, short notice,
long notice,

it don't make
no difference to me.

I ain't been--
I ain't been--

I ain't been
too busy today, anyhow.

Well, I tell you. You plumbers
sure are lifesavers.

Well, I'll tell you what,

I appreciate that,
but you know what?

This job,
it ain't, uh, what it's, uh--

It's cracked up to be.
- Must be hard.

Bet it is.
There are three things--

There is, uh--
Three things to, uh--

There are three things
to be a plumber.

I'm talking about
a good plumber.

What's that?

Shit runs downhill.

Don't chew your fingernails.

And payday is on Friday.

I believe that.

Hey, I'll see around. All right.
- Okay, Rack.

- Hello?



Buck Baker called the sheriff
early this morning.

He was all upset.

Annie didn't come home.

We found her car out here,


The car is clean, Rack.

The keys
still in the ignition.

The purse is there
with nothing missing.

Wasn't a robbery.

We don't have
any witnesses.


Hey, Buck.

what are you doing here?

Just checking up on Buck,
seeing how he's doing.

Can I talk to him?
- Come on in.


Buck, what can you tell me
about Annie?

Well, she left about 6:yesterday evening.

I haven't seen her since.

You guys heard anything?

Where she was last night?
What she did?

Well, she was with me

last night.
- She was with you?


Yeah, we went over

to Altus
and saw a movie.

Well, where did she go
after the movie?

Buck, she stayed the night
at my house

and got up sometime
early this morning and left.

You were the last one with her.
- Yeah.


You'd think

if your daughter's
screwing a cop,

at least she'd be safe.

You watch your mouth, Buck.

Rack, you gotta understand
this don't look so good.

You were the last one to see her

before she disappeared.

You ain't sayin'--
- No.

Maybe you shouldn't be
on this case.

I came over here 'cause I'm
lookin' for Annie.

I think you've done enough,
Rack, don't you?

Buck, I'll talk
with the sheriff.

We'll find Annie.

I think it's time

for you to leave.

Jesus Christ.


You don't think
I did this, do you?

Oh, hell no. Levins called.
He thinks it's a problem.


You're not taking me off this.

It's about Annie.
- I understand that.

We'll keep you in the loop.

But you cannot be seen
out there

working on this case.

You understand that?
We'll find her, all right?

Johnny Franks.

He's clean, sheriff.

He was at the Main Street Cafe
all morning.

Talked to Barb and a few locals
who were there.

His story checks out.

This sounds important.
You better punch up Line 2.

Sheriff Landry.

Bring my brother
to the center of Market Square

in Santa Luna, Mexico.

Sundown, this Friday.

Once my brother is released,

you'll get the girl.

At one minute later,
if I don't see my brother,

I'll assume
you want me to kill her.

And I will.

Do you understand?


Yeah, I understand.

How do I contact you till then?


Oh, shit.


Wait, wait, wait.
Rack. Hold on, Rack.

Hold him. Hold him.

Hold up. Stop.

Where do you think you're going?
- Mexico.

You're not going to Mexico.

This is no
small-town thug here.

This is bigger than us.

They got Annie.

Hey, I don't care
about that right now.


You listen to me.

They could have Annie
right here in this county,

and you wanna go down to Mexico
and do something stupid.

You with me on this?


We'll let you know.

You take the afternoon off.
Cool down.


 I need to see your face 

 Baby, I drove by your place 

 But you're still not there 

 I can't find you anywhere 

 One night was not enough 

 You've got this boy
Crazy in love 

 And if I'm right 

 Yeah, baby, if I'm right 

 You might need a hero





Lonnie, there's someone
at the door.

Ah. Tell 'em we're not here.

Lonnie, get up.
Wake up.

Get up.

Damn it, Becky.
- Go answer the door.

It's 3 in the morning.
Who's at the door?



I'm comin'.



Hold on.

- Lonnie, let's go.

Go where?
Mexico. I'm gonna go get Annie.

You're not supposed
to be workin' on this case.

Sheriff said.
- You'll need that.

Where's your ammo?
- Bottom drawer.

This is not a good idea.
I'm tellin' you right now.

You gotta think about
what you're doing.

Annie's down in Mexico,
scared to death.

I'm not gonna wait on Landry
to come up with a bullshit plan.

Where's the keys to Thunder?

No. We're not taking my truck.
She's not even broke in yet.



What's going on?
Hey, Beck.

Lonnie, let's go.

Honey, wait right here.
I'll be right back. I promise.

Rack, why do we gotta
take my truck?

You gonna wear those
to Mexico?

Um. Ahem.

Becky got these for me
for Valentime's Day.

They come with
a matching tank top.

It just looks too ridiculous.

Well, they're real nice.

Let me get my stuff.


Oh, no. You're not bringing
that stupid mutt with us.

Police dog.


I don't believe this.

Oh, Jesus, Skunk!
You scared the shit out of me.

Morning, Skunk.

Dead man. That's what I am.

If you two and that Mexican
don't kill me, Becky will.

So did you get everything?
- Yeah.

Why do we gotta
take my truck, anyway?

'Cause they won't be
looking for your truck.

What are we doing?
- First, we're gonna go get Tito.

Great. How we gonna
pull that off?

Well, who's working
the graveyard shift

down at the jail tonight?

Peabody. So what?

So, what happens to Peabody

when he eats too much sugar?

He gets sleepy.


Four bear claws.

Four éclairs,
couple of them cinnamon rolls--


Can I get

two of those chocolatey,
twisty deals

with the sprinkles on top?

I love those. Heh.

Skunk, you--? You want anything?

What? I'm hungry.

Now, what was that
you said you wanted?


Hey, Peabody.
- Oh, hey.

Hey, Lonnie.

What are you doin'
down here this late?

Oh, I was just
in the neighborhood,

and I thought I'd come by
and bring you some donuts,

you know, since it's
your birthday and all.

It ain't my birthday.

Well, then Merry Christmas.

Well, it's March.
- Hell, Peabody.

I brought you donuts. Can't
a fella bring a friend donuts?

Okay, all right.

All right.



Well? Well, what?

I don't really care much
for bear claws.

Hey, do you have any of them
chocolatey, twisty deals

with the sprinkles on top?

I really love those.




Is he asleep?


Like a big fat baby.


Wake up.

Get your ugly ass up.
Let's go.


Where are we going?



Come on, Junior.

There you go, buddy.
There you go.

Hey, Lonnie.
- Yeah?

Get that windshield. I'm gonna
go and pay for this fuel.


Do you want a coffee,




Hi, handsome.


You like to have
a good time?


Yeah. Heh.

I'm Harveyetta.

I'm Lonnie. Heh.

Who's that dude
in the back seat, huh?


Oh, that's my prisoner.


I'll be your prisoner.

he's a real prisoner.

He's Tito Garza.
He's Manny Garza's brother.

He's wanted by the FBI.
He's a big drug-warhead fella.

He kidnapped Rack's girlfriend.
Now he's in the store.

They're not like boyfriend
or girlfriend or anything.

They, uh-- Uh, we got
till sundown Friday.

We're gonna trade him for Annie.
She lives in Chicago.

Oh. Ha-ha.

Well, that's so...




So that's, uh,
two coffees and, uh...

Freeze, Snow White!

This is a hold up.
Give me the cash.

What are you looking at,

Ease up there, Casper.

All right now, nobody moves and
nobody gets hurt, all right?


Now, you open that register

and you give me
the money right now.

Don't give him jack.
We got two coffees--

You wanna get shot?


How are you gonna shoot me?

You got your safety on?




Sorry about that.

Throw that away before somebody
gets hurt.



That's, uh--

That's $75 even.

Heh. I'll be damned.

Two coffees
and a fill-up, 75 even.

What are the chances
of that happening?

I wonder if a sweet little
old girl like me

could hitch a ride
to the next truck stop

with a big, strong lawman
like you?

Well, I reckon we could. I--

I mean, I'm gonna
need to ask Rack.


Hey, Rack. Hey, listen, uh,
this is Harveyetta.

She was, uh-- She was wantin' to
know if she could catch a ride

to the next truck stop.

Let the hooker go
and get in the truck.

Rack, she ain't a hooker. Heh.

She's a good Christian woman.

She's got
a nice cross necklace on.


I told you that was
a nice rack necklace.

I mean, a nice, you know.

By God, I believe you're right,

She is a good Christian woman.

But she's not goin'.

Now get in the truck.



Well, but--

Sorry, Harveyetta.

Hey, where's Tito?

He was in the back seat.
He-- He couldn't have--

Damn it, Lonnie.
I told you to watch him.


You goin' fishin', Tito?




Hurts like hell, don't it?

You got him?
Get him in there.


Come here.

You try that crap again,

I'm gonna duct tape
your ass to the bumper.




Oh, my Lord.


This better be good.

Sheriff, he's gone.

Yeah, I don't know where
they went.


 Love Talk with Lea 

You are listening to
Love Talk with Lea.

We are mending hearts
from coast to coast tonight.

Our first caller
is from Levelland, Texas.

His name is Danny.

Hi, Danny.
Who you loving tonight?

Well, I'm loving
my beautiful wife, Debbie, Lea.

Well, tell us all
about Debbie, Danny.

Well, we've been
married for 17 years, Lea,

and there were times
when I doubted our love

and I took her for granted,

till three years ago when I had
the accident on the farm.

I woke up in the hospital
and both my arms were gone.

The first thing I thought
that went through my head

was I'd never be able
to hug my wife again.

And the second thought was
how was I gonna play catch

with my little boy.

And the third thought that was
probably the most devastating

was how would I defend myself
if someone was tickling me.

Can I come in?

I'm freezing my tits off
out here.

The hell is she doin' here?

Hey, Harveyetta.


Just had enough of that
damn hooker, didn't you?

See what you did?
This is all on you.

Hey, Harveyetta.
- Howdy.

Now you march yourself
right around there

and you drive a little while.

Well, come on. Let's roll.

And you, young lady, you're
getting off the next truck stop.

You understand me?



I've brought you some food,
my dear.

I wouldn't want
your boyfriend to think

I wasn't taking care of you.



I don't like
being insulted.


Your boyfriend insulted me.

He took someone
that was very important to me.

He took my brother.


Let me show you something.





This is Pedro.



you took something from me,
didn't you?

Manuel, please.


Tell her what you took.

No, I swear, I took nothing.

That's not true, Pedro.

I gave you a package to deliver.

You were supposed to get money
for the package

and bring it back to me.

But you kept the money
for yourself.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Manuel.

It's okay.

It's okay.



It's okay, perdido.





I don't like it when people
takes things from me.


He's bleeding all over the rug!

Annie, good help
is so hard to find these days.




What is that God-awful smell?

Oh, that's Junior.
Something big's about to happen.

Who's Junior?

He's my police dog back there.



Hey, baby.


Follow us.
 Show them to me 

 Show them to me 

I love you.

 Unclasp your bra
Set those puppies free 

 They'd look
A whole lot better 

 Without that sweater 

 Baby, I'm sure you'll agree 

 If you got two fun bags  

 Show them to me 



Well, it can't be that hard
to find them.

Now, I gotta have Tito Gaza
in Oklahoma City on Saturday

or it is someone's ass.

Now you find them, damn it.



Well, this is
just great, Rack.

What took me
two years to rebuild,

took us one day
to screw up.

Took you one hour
to screw it up.

I knew we shouldn't have taken
my truck. I knew it.

Well, you brought us out here
now, and got us in trouble.

A busted radiator
in the middle of nowhere.


Uh, fellas.


Heh. Will somebody
get the Mexican?


I said get him.
Don't kill him.

Look like
somebody's comin' up.

Let's see if we
can get him to help.


Y'all need any help?


Yeah, man.

Where's the closest gas station?

About 75 miles, I think.


I'll push you all down there
about 30 minutes.

I got a campsite.
Got a good mechanic down there.

I appreciate that, old-timer.
We're in a hell of a hurry.




So, uh, this girlfriend
of yours,

she means a lot you, huh?

Who told you
I got a girlfriend?

Lonnie, you got a big mouth.

- Sorry.

It's like a romantic fairy tale.

Rack, the white knight,

sweeping in to save
the princess.

What do you know about
white knights and fairy tales

in your line of work?

Well, I-I reckon I made plenty
of fantasies come true.

Yeah. Had your hand in a lot
of happy endings, huh?

I wrote me a poem down.

Now, if I ever met
my fantasy guy--? Okay?

--I'd want him to say
something like this:

All right.

When the sun don't rise
and the wind don't blow

And the seas have
left the shore

I promise, my dearest
With my dying breath

To love you forevermore


A man ever says something like
that to me, he'd own my soul.



that is the stupidest shit
I've ever heard in my life.

Hey, a gal can dream, can't she?

I come a long way
from Sweetwater

to find my white knight.

Yeah, one truck stop at a time.

You love this girl of yours?

I've always loved her.

You gonna marry her?

Yeah, maybe someday.

A boy can dream, can't he?



Here we are, folks.

Yeah, it's right over there,
what I saw.


I'm Charlie.

What kind of horseshit
you got going on here, Charlie?


This is like our down season,

you know,
we're traveling show folks.

Why don't you fix that radiator

and show us how to travel
the hell out of here.

This the rig you called
me about, Charlie?


Hey, this is Jeff.

He can fix any kind
of vehicle you got.


Handsome and handy, huh?

That's what my wife says.


Oh, look, a monkey.

What do you think?

What's the chance
of getting it running?

In a hell of a hurry.


You boys cops or something?

Yeah, Jeff. Come here, man.

I need a little chat with you.

I gotta get that guy back there
to Santa Luna, Mexico,

like, pronto, or there's gonna

be some really bad
stuff go down.

So you think you can
get me running?

Yeah, man. I'll get you running
in about four, five hours.

That's great.

The thing is,
we just need to find a radiator.

But I guarantee there's
one here. Follow me.

You gotta be shitting me.

She got a shot by a
security guard at the bank

and she bled to death
in my arms.

That is so...


Yeah. Yeah, you're my kind
of girl. All right.

We wanna welcome
our new friends here.

Is everybody sharing

a cup of circus jolly?



We make kids laugh,

we make kids cry.

That's what we'll do
till the day we die.

If you love us,
you can fill your glasses,

and if you don't,

you can kiss our asses.
Kiss our asses.




Rack, this stuff's pretty good.

That's elephant piss.


Just kidding.
Horse piss. Kidding.

Gene's Gypsy wine.

You know our toasts around here
are kind of a family thing

even though we're not kin.

That's old Sniper Sam
over there from Vietnam.

Been a carny for 35 years.
He's a sharpshooter.

He was the best man
at both my weddings.

And you remember
Two Ton Tina over there.

Oh, she's friendly.
She's a hugger.


Oh, Rack.



Ladies and gentlemen.

direct your attention
to the center stage,

where I,
Merriweather the Magnificent--


--will attempt an amazing feat

that I have been practicing
for months

with piss-poor results.

In my quest to become the most
daring illusionist of our time,

my bravery is matched
only by my blind stupidity.




Isn't that dangerous, Charlie?

Danger is often just an illusion
created in our minds.

But when danger
becomes a reality,

it must be met head-on.

With an illusion.




All right, little fellow.

What's wrong, Lonnie?

Lost my watch.




That's my watch.

He took my watch.

Sit down, Lonnie.

Give me my watch,
you shakey old son of a bitch.

You saying I took your watch?

No, Sam.

I-I think I left my watch
at the truck stop.

My mistake.

Oh, it's no mistake, mister.

Gotcha! Just kidding, pard.




There you go, Rack.


You got her fixed?

Good as new.

All right, man.

You're the best.

Jeff, we'll see you, buddy.
- See you.

Hey, old Charlie boy
gave me a big old jug

of the circus jolly last night.

- I like it.

Hey, wait. We forgot Harveyetta.

No, your girlfriend's staying.



Sixty-two miles to showdown.

I can't wait that long.

You gotta pull over.
I gotta pee.

We just left 35 minutes ago.
You can't hold it?

The circus jolly is running
right through me. Pull over.

Jesus Christ, Lonnie.

Use that cup.

Look, I don't know about you,
but it takes two hands

to wrangle what I got.

Would you like to hold
the cup for me?


Oh. Ooh.

Hey, fellas.


Oh. Oh.

If this thing didn't have
a hole at the end of it,

it'd look like
a football right now.



They got great acoustics
in here, Rack.


 You know you make me wanna-- 

Cigarettes will kill you, man.

 Now, wai-ai-ait a minute 


 You know you make me
Wanna shout 

 Kick my heels up and shout 

 Throw my hands up and-- 

 Throw my head back and-- 

 Come on, now 

 Don't forget to say you will 

 Don't forget to say, ye-ah 

Say you will 

 Say it right now, baby 
 Say you will 

 Come on, come on 

 Say you will 
 Say that you-hoo-hoo 

 Say you will 


 Say that you love me 

 Say that you need me 

 Say that you want me 

 You wanna please me 

 Come on, now 

 Come on, now 

 Say. Say 
 Come on, now 

 I want you to know 

 I said I want you
To know right now 

 You've been good to me, baby 

 Better than I been to myself
Hey, hey 

Come on, man.

 A little bit softer now 

 A little bit louder now 

 A little bit louder now 

 A little bit louder now 








I really like it here, Rack.

They got some really friendly
people down here.

Do you think we could come back
when we're not working?


 Well, how did I
Wind up down here 

 In Mexico... 

Okay, guys, let's try to
be as inconspicuous as possible.


La puerta: The door.

La puerta: The door.

Tengo gusto: I like.

Tengo gusto: I like.

Queso: Cheese.

Queso: Cheese.

Taengo gusto del queso.

I like cheese.

Tengo gusto del queso. Ha.

How about that shit, Rack?
I like cheese.

You know what I'd like?
I'd like for you to give me time

to think here for a minute.

You know what Rack?

If we're gonna blend in,
we need to know these stuff.

I can't help it that you're
gonna be at a disadvantage

because you don't know Spanish.


Not right now, little buddy.

Hey, kid, do you speak English?

No comprenda.

Are you sure you
don't speak English?

A little.
- Yeah.

What's your name?
- Chico.

Chico, good.

You know who this guy is?

No, señor.

Manuel Garza.

You know Manuel Garza?

Si, señor. Gato Diablo.
No bueno.

Hey, you're telling me
"No bueno."

You wanna make $50?

- Yeah?

Si, señor.
- All right,

You wait right here, okay?

Lonnie, write your cell phone
number down on a paper.


Oh, yeah, right.

My truck, my piece of paper,

my cell phone number.


Give me that damn necklace.

Hey, Chico. Come here, bud.

All right.

You make sure Gato Diablo
gets this, okay?

Si, señor.


I hope many beautiful women
come to your funeral.

Hey, Skunk, keep an eye on Tito.

That kid's a really fast runner.
What are we gonna do?

Let's go in this cantina
and wait on his call.



Señor Gato, Señor Gato.

Stop that boy.




That is margarita.

I believe, that's the biggest
margarita I've ever drank.

They do not mess around
in Mexico, I tell you what.

You think he's gonna call?

He'll call.

Look at that donkey's ass
hanging off the wall over there.

Somebody mounted the wrong end
of that thing.

I bet if we walk around
the other side of the building,

it'll just be stick--




Oh, Mr. Deputy.

Are you enjoying your stay

in beautiful Mexico?

I've lost my
sense of humor, where's Annie?

No, no, no. Not to worry.

We are taking great pleasure
in caring for her.

You touch her and I'll kill you.


It's not her I want.

It's you.

You bring Annie
to Rusty's Cantina.

Rusty's Cantina, huh?

Good margaritas.

Okey-dokey, Mr. Smokey.

I'll meet you at sundown.

Bring my brother
if you want to see her alive.

Let's go.

Burn him.

Your boyfriend.
He sounds like a very nice guy.

I look forward to our meeting.

I was wondering, do you think
I should wear this or this?

I think I will bring them both.


Some really scary-looking
guys down there.


Hey. What are you doing?

I'm blending in.

Well, you look ridiculous.

And he doesn't?




It's showtime, boys.
They're pulling in.

What do you see?
About eight or 10 of them.

There's Manuel,

and they've got Annie.

There's Johnny Franks.

I knew that bastard had
something to do with this.

Get that Mexican in the truck.

I knew I should have
brought a suitcase.


- Forget the sombrero.

Rack, I paid 8 bucks for this.
I've always wanted one.

Besides, right now
it's a disguise.

But later it's a souvenir.

Hold that, give me the hat,

put all this stuff in a bag
and let's go, okay?

And bring a pillowcase with you.




Remember, when Tito is inside,
lock the doors.




Welcome, Mr. Deputy.
I see you're right on time.

Where is Annie?


What is the rush? Sit down.

Have a drink.

I don't drink with assholes.

Tell me, what is keeping me
from killing you right now?


That was a perfectly good
donkey's ass.

Ready to deal?

Take your big gun away

from the head of my brother
and release him.

First, where's Annie?

Right here, Rack.


How did you get involved
in this bullshit?


Well, I don't mean
to toot my own horn,

but United Farm Enterprises

is home to the biggest
meth lab in Oklahoma.

I provide the land
and the buildings.

And me, the manpower
and the distribution.

I see you're in bed
with that damn DA, huh.


Levin? Oh, he's no problem.

Give him a little whiskey
and some cash,

couple of fat Mexican whores,
he's happy as a pig in shit.

No offense there, Manny.

They're not all fat.

So you see, pretty simple.

I don't need a Deputy-Do-Right
and his girlfriend

prowling around my ranch
making things complicated.

Let her go, Buck.

First, release my brother.


Danger is often

just an illusion
created in our minds.

When danger becomes a reality,

it must be met head-on.

With an illusion.

Tito, are you okay?

La puerta. The door.

The door?


Tengo gusto del quesa.

You taste like cheese?

Hi, everybody.

What have you done
with my brother?



Holy crap.





Lonnie, cover me.

Have you no pride, Santo?
Get up and fight!


Cover me.

Watch the suit, man.




Whose idea
was it to lock this door?





What did you do to my brother?

Oh, crap.

I'm going to enjoy this.





Let her go, Buck.

Sorry, son.

We've got to play
this thing out right now.

You'd kill your own daughter?

Stepdaughter ain't blood.

You know, you should
never have come back, honey.

Your momma's gonna be okay.

With all that goofy juice
I've been feeding her,

she won't remember
her own name next week.

You son of a bitch.



That's it, Johnny.

Send him to hell.

Right destination,
wrong passenger.


I don't believe we've met.
Agent Levon Spurlock, FBI.

Three years undercover, Buck.

Glad to finally see you go down.


Here, brother. I owe you one.

It's gonna be okay. I got you.

You all right, baby?

I am now.



Hey, Rack.

You know, these boots are nice.

You can't find these Mexican
silver wing tips in Oklahoma.

Hey, Johnny. Hey, Annie.

Hi, Lonnie.

Meet Agent Levon Spurlock.

Hey, I'm Lonnie.

Nice to meet you.

Look at Junior.


He put the kick-ass
smack down on Tito.


Good dog, Junior.

Police dog.





Manuel Garza,
the strong-arm leader

of one of Mexico's
largest drug cartels

was incarcerated earlier today
in Oklahoma City.

He and his brother Tito Garza

has been the subject
of a five-year

undercover FBI investigation--

Hey. Hey, look at that.
Look at the TV.

An FBI spokesman
told the reporters

that the pair
had financed a large--

Hey, ain't that Johnny Franks?

I'd say he is.


Rack, it's the sheriff calling.
You want me to answer it?

Hell, no. If he's gonna fire me,
he's gonna fire me to my face.

Let's go in here
and have a beer, man.

Looks real quiet tonight.

Home sweet home, Lonnie.



Nice stuff there, Rack.

MAN 2: There you go, Rack.
What's up, brother?


I love it. Why you--

I missed you, baby girl.
Look what I got you.

Oh, Lonnie...
- Got all your favorite colors.

Oh, I love it,
I love it, I love it.

Oh, I love you. I--

Hey, Jake, how about some
shot glasses over here?


Good to see you, Annie.
You okay?


And I wanted to say

thank you so much
for sending this posse

to come and get me.

Disobeying orders,

kidnapping a federal prisoner,

illegal transfer of said
prisoner across state line,

unauthorized transport

and use of firearms
in a foreign country.

Am I missing anything?


Yup, yup, you are.

Uh, not answering the department
issued phone when you called.

I ought to kick your collective
asses right here and right now.

Give me one good reason
why I don't lock you up.

'Cause it's time for a toast.


Skunk, what is this?

Circus jolly.

Rack, Skunk said,
"Circus jolly."

Skunk, you have
a beautiful speaking voice.


Well, let's hear it.

Whiskey for my men.


Beer for my horses.


Oh, boy.

That's circus jolly, sheriff.

Yeah, well, it tastes
like elephant piss.


 I'm on haystack kicking back
Three bails high 

 A flat bed stage
And a full moon light 

 Party on the farm
All night long 

 With the moon shine flowin'
Till the break of dawn 

Hey, Annie.

Baby, I got something
I got to tell you.

When the sun don't rise
And the winds don't blow

And the seas
Have left the shore

I promise my dearest
With my dying breath

To love you forevermore.

Rack, that's the stupidest
shit I ever heard.

Did you rip that
out of a Hallmark card

from the drugstore
over in Mangum?

No, baby,
I got it from Harveyetta,

a hooker from Sweetwater.

 Twelve gauge
Underneath the seat 

 Gonna raise a little hell
To a down on beat 


Junior just farted.
Something big's about to happen.


 It's off the hillbilly hook
Off the redneck chain 

 Join the rebel revolution
It's a runaway train 

 We're country boys and girls
Take a real good look 

 We're going to show
You how to rock it 

 Off the hillbilly hook 

 Get up, get up 

 Get up, get up 

 Yeah, yeah 

 Get up, get up 


 Get up, get up 


 Well, a man come on
The six o'clock news 

 Says somebody been shot
Somebody's been abused 

 Somebody blew up a building
Somebody stole a car 

 Somebody got away
Somebody didn't get too far 


 They didn't get too far 

 Grandpappy told my pappy
"Back in my day, son 

 A man had to answer for
The wicked that he'd done" 

 Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree 

 Round up all of them bad boys
Hang 'em high in the street 

 For all the people to see 

 That justice is one thing
You should always find 

 You got to saddle
Up your boys 

 You got to draw
A hard line 

 When the gun smoke settles
We'll sing a victory tune 

 And we'll all meet back
At the local saloon 

 We'll raise up our glasses
Against evil forces, singing: 

 "Whiskey for my men 

 Beer for my horses" 

 We got too many gangsters
Doing dirty deeds 

 Too much corruption
And crime in the streets 

 It's time the long arm
Of the law 

 Put a few more
In the ground 

 Send them all to their maker
And he'll settle them down 

 You can bet
He'll set 'em down 

 'Cause justice is one thing
You should always find 

 You gotta saddle up
Your boys 

 You gotta draw a hard line 

 When the gun smoke settles
We'll sing a victory tune 

 And we'll all meet back at
The local saloon 

 And we'll raise up
Our glasses 

 Against evil forces

 "Whiskey for my men
Beer for my horses" 

 "Whiskey for my men
Beer for my horses" 

Special thanks to SergeiK.