Blonde Ambition Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Blonde Ambition script is here for all you fans of the Jessica Simpson and Luke Wilson movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Blonde Ambition quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Blonde Ambition Script

All aboard for New York City.

Do you really have to go?

If I want to make it as a model,
I can't stay here in Minden.

Hey. Hey.

Now, you know I'm gonna come back
in six months and make you my wife.

Bus is leaving now. Last call.


I love you.

- I love you more.
- I love you more.

I love you most.


Katie! Hey, I gotta ask you something.

Will you be my Valentine?

You know I'm an engaged woman.

Come on. Billy?
Billy's been gone for three months.

What about Mary Ann over there?
I heard she's got a crush on you.

I think she's gonna be
a real looker one of these days.

- All right, Mr. Eddie Carruthers...
- Yes. Yes, sir.

...this is our little
friends-and-family plan here.

- Just kind of sign your name right there.
- I'll be more than happy to.

Hey, Pap Paw.

Why don't we tell Mr. Carruthers
about our anytime anywhere plan?

- That's a wonderful idea.
- Yeah, sounds good to me.

- Wonderful.
- No surprise charges.

Let me see here.
Could you give me a hand or a boot?

Thank you. Really, thank you.

- All right. Isn't she something?
- I guarantee you.

I'm telling you, if it wasn't for her,

this place would be like
some kind of pig sty or something.

Be my Valentine! Be my Valentine!

I love you.

You know, this is the first Valentine's Day
we've spent apart in 15 years.

And he's always so romantic.

Speaking of Valentine's Day, darling,
I got you a little surprise.

Pap Paw.

You could take off this weekend,
fly the coop, go to New York,

see old Billy
and surprise him on Valentine's Day.

Also, I got you this telephone.
Cousin Haley's number right on the back.

You carved it really nice, Pap Paw.

Couldn't figure out
how to program the damn phone.

You know your Cousin Haley?

Heard she's got her a good job
up there in New York City.

Pap Paw, you are the best.
Thank you so much.

You're welcome. I almost forgot.

- In case you get nervous, sweetheart.
- Thanks, Pap Paw.

I'm gonna sleep in the city
that never sleeps.

Hope they got a bed.

Now you have some fun up there.

This is my first time in New York City.

I just got engaged
and I'm coming to surprise my fiancé.

He's a model. He's really cute.

Look what I made him.

I made him this on the way over here.

Well, I've been yapping like a puppy,

so why don't you tell me
a little bit about yourself, Mr. Nebolah...

Nebalahanihani. Hanihani? Nenahania?

I knew it.

Billy? Billy?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What? You...
- What is that?

Oh, shit.

- Oh, hey. Hey. Hey, babe.
- Who is that?

Who? Her?

- I don't know who that is.
- Hey!

It is me, Aphrodite. I met you last night.

Listen, I can explain, all right?
Just let me explain. Stop.

Hey, now. Easy on the boys, all right?

I'm up for a huge
Lubriderm campaign next week.

You're a hand model?

How could you do this to me?

Everything has changed for me here.

I'm Billy 2.0 now.

It's like, before, I was an eagle.

And now I've just blossomed into

a bigger eagle.

- That doesn't even make sense.
- Yeah.

Big eagle, big small eagle.

See? Aphrodite gets it.

Because Aphrodite
is an independent woman.

She's a metropolitan lady.

And that's the kind of woman
I need in my life right now.

It's not my fault you got nothing else
going on but being my girlfriend.

I'm sorry.

Well, you don't have
to worry about that anymore.

Katie. Just wait.

Katie, baby, hey. Hey.

Do you mind if I get the ring back?

Take it.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Stupid thing.

Thank you.

Hey! Hey!


- Watch it!
- You watch it, hickey!

Zips Messenger.

Haley. Thank the Lord. It's Katie.

Katie Cat! Oh, my God.
My mom said you were gonna call.

Are you in town? We gotta hang.

Well, actually, I'm kind of in a pickle here.

- Can I stay with you?
- Hell, yeah, absolutely.

I have a rehearsal
but the super can let you in.

Oh, my gosh.

- Haley!
- Katie Cat!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Or not.

And I crawled into bed
with a stripper bimbo.

Bimbo. What is this, the Disney Channel?

Say "bitch. " Just say it.

Such an A-hole. I mean...

And to think he had the nerve
to say that I'm too dependent. Me.

Billy is a worthless teabag.

I never liked him.
I should have told you and I'm sorry.

Just... You just shouldn't even sweat him.

But I've never been without him.

Pap Paw is gonna be so crushed.

What am I gonna tell him when I go home?

Don't go home.

What do you mean?

All your life you've been Billy's girlfriend,
or Katie-Billy's-girlfriend.

Maybe it's time
that you start thinking about yourself.

You can stay here. Crash on the couch.
What have you got to lose?

- I don't know.
- Oh, come on!

It would be just like that summer
I came to stay with you guys, remember?

When my dad was in jail?
That was the greatest.

I could use a little bit of Minden
here in New York.


This is gonna be so great.

Get up! Get up, get up, get up.
Wake up. Wake up. Up!

I'm up. I'm up.

I got an audition for Cats.

- I love Cats.
- It's a new non-musical version.

The Kafka Playhouse off-Broadway.

- I'm up for the role of Dog.
- Break a leg.

Okay. I should clarify.

I need you to fill in for me at my day job.

Here is everything you need to know.

Whatever you do,
don't leave my bike on the street. Thanks.


She couldn't have been a waitress.

I got it. I can do it.

Excuse me. Sorry.

- Watch out!
- Come on.

- Is this Connelly and Connelly?
- Right down there.

Are you all right down there?

It's a cute helmet.

Does Barbie want it back?

And to think most guys
would've helped me up by now.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

There you go.

Are you okay?

Here, don't move it, don't move it.

Now, hold on.
I'm gonna do something here, all right?

Just think positive thoughts.

Sorry. Feels better, though, doesn't it?

Yeah. What'd you do?

I know shiatsu.
I had a Japanese roommate back in college.

Hey, here you go. I'll give you a hand up.

- Here's your ride.
- Thanks.

Hey, hey, excuse me, miss.

It's customary for the patient
to buy dinner for the shiatsu specialist.

It's just kind of an old Japanese tradition.

Thanks for the help,

- but I don't really date guys I meet in holes.
- Neither do I.

I mean,
already we have something in common.

This could be a great opportunity for you.

Name's Ben, by the way.

- Nice try, Ben.
- I could've done a lot better than that.

Just push it.

Now, what the heck is going on over here?

That's embarrassing.

That's wonderful. Love it.

- Thanks for bringing that by.
- Yes.

All right. I'm glad I saw you.



I have this for... Sorry. Mr. Connelly.


- I'll call up.
- Thanks.

Mr. Connelly's office.

Oh, yes, send her right on up, Marcus.

Oh, Lord. Here come trouble.

Excuse me!

Hello, Betty.

- I need to see Richard.
- Well, what is it regarding?

He cut me out of the Marina deal
and I need him to reconsider.

Well, now, pumpkin.

I am vice president of this company.

I have a right to speak with Richard.

Vice president is number two.
I only answer to number one.

But I know what will make you happy.

How about a thin mint?

Someone's being a klutzy Kathy.

And someone's being a sneaky Susan.

I despise you.

And take your paws off me.

How's everybody doing today?

- I like your tie.
- Thanks.

I like your tubes.

Hey. How'd it go with Richard?

I didn't go with Big Momma's House
standing in the way.

How dare Richard cut me out of that deal.

Well, I could cut him out of this world.

Push him right in front of a subway,

- how'd that be?
- Oh, be realistic.

Richard's never taken the subway in his life.

Yeah, that's true.

If only the Board were aware
of his negligence on that Marina deal.

Then they would fire him
and I'd have his job.

Well, we need to get
some inside information and expose him.

How can we get our hands on anything
with that guard dog Betty always around?

She's the problem, you know.
She's our roadblock.

Well, I could have her removed.

I know for a fact she takes the subway.
I could easily push her.

Well, I'd probably have to get a
friend to help me push her in front of one.

- She's a big one.
- No. No one needs to die.

- Okay. Yes.
- But if we could get rid of her somehow.

- Get someone we can manipulate.
- Manipulate.

- Make him look bad.
- Yes.

- Then I'd be president.
- Yes, you would.

Bye, everybody. Sorry, excuse me.

Oh. Gotta go.

- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, my God!


Look what you've done,
you evil breasty beast!

I'm sorry.

I need a Shout wipe, stat!

What are you, some kind of moron?

I'm gonna make sure this company
never uses your services again.

No, no, no, no, no.
See, I'm filling in for my Cousin Haley.

This is not my job.

I don't have a job in New York.
I don't even live in New York.

And I have no idea
what I'm even doing here!

No, you don't know what you're doing here,
you ditzy blonde scatterbrained dingbat!

Wait a minute.

Have you had lunch?

Oh, tapas.

I was worried you were taking me
to a topless bar.

It's tapas.

- They're appetizers.
- Run by Spaniards.

Spaniards, yes.

Well, I am just so thrilled. Cheers to...


Okay. Toast.

- What was your name again, dear?
- Katie.

- Right. Here is a toast to you.
- Yes. Katie.

We are so thrilled
that you decided to join us for lunch.

You know,
you can remove your equipment, honey,

because there is no more threat of injury.

I'm sorry about your shoe earlier.

Didn't really expect you to call me a moron.

Oh, that was merely a test. It was a test.

- A test?
- Yes.

It was a test to see if you could survive
in a cutthroat corporate environment.

You see, I do it to Freddy all the time.

Yeah. It's called grooming.
She's grooming me.

Why would you wanna test me?

You're not from around here,
are you, Casey?


- I'm from a small town called Minden.
- I knew it.

You see? Because us small-town girls,
we can sense each other.

Yes, we can.

You're from a small town? Where?

It's New Satchelmansterberg.

- Yes.
- Yes.

- It's New Satchelmansterberg.
- Quaint.

It's in Ohio.

- Wonderful tiny little village...
- Yes, it is.

...up in this mountain...
- So cute, isn't it?

...forest-type shire.

- You know, I see myself in you.
- Yes.

- I think you deserve a chance.
- Yes.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- I think I have a brilliant idea.
- Brain fart. I smelled it.

How about a position
at Connelly and Connelly?

- Brilliant.
- A job?

- No, I have to go back home soon.
- Don't be ridiculous.

I recognize a desire in you.
A desire for independence.

- A desire to be on your own.
- Yeah.

- To take charge of your life, to take control.
- Yes. Yes, yes.

I want to cultivate that desire in you.

- What do you say, Chelsea?
- Katie.

What do you say?

I think it sounds like a great idea.

- Yes!
- All right.

Then it's a deal!

Excuse me. Pap Paw says
that's compliments to the cook.

Is that right?

Hi, I'm trying
to locate one of your messengers.

I actually don't know her name,
but she's blonde.

She's got a great smile.
Cute dimples. Very soft skin.


Oh, my God, Haley! Are you okay?

- What are you doing?
- Setting you free.

No, I'm Trapped.

I'm playing Trapped. We're doing
an emotional embodiment exercise.

It's really fun.

Jump in.

You look fantastic!

- He's Infatuation.
- I'm Katie.

Katie! Hi, Katie!

Get your meat hooks off of her.


- I take it you're Jealous?
- Yeah, I was.

But I'm gonna go ahead
and flip-flop back to Aroused.




Good work. Good work, everybody.
Excellent work.

You were terrific. Confused, right?

- She looks scared.
- Well, you were humping her.

- Your friends kind of creep me out.
- Yeah.

Hey, wait, these are real.
What's the occasion?

I got a job interview.

Oh, no, you talked to Bob next door.

Listen, that isn't a tour guide position.
It's an escort service, believe me.

No. A real job. At Connelly and Connelly.

Which means I get to help Pap Paw
pay off his mortgage at the store.

- That's amazing.
- I know.

I'm just glad
someone's having some luck around here.

My Cats audition was a disaster.

- What happened?
- I had a total meltdown.

I think they said they're gonna go
with a real dog or something. I don't...

Are you an idiot? I said no sesame seeds.

I am an idiot. Damn it! I'm such an idiot.
I'll pick them off, okay?

- I need you to focus, Freddy.
- Yes, what?

We're one step closer
to getting Richard booted out.

I love it when you talk booted.

We just need to get that dinosaur Bertha out
and that Okie bimbo in.

Once the puppet is planted,
you pull her strings and you sabotage Dick.

There you go.

- Are you kidding me with this?
- Sorry. Damn it!

Just go ahead and slap me.

- What do you think?
- I think not.

This is a job interview, not a bridal shower.

We need to make some changes.
You know what to do, Freddy.

But it was a really big hit
at the Minden Christmas formal.

I'm sure it was.

- But we're not in Kansas anymore.
- Oklahoma.

Oh, yes. It was a joke.

Max. The clothes. Please.

Oh, hey, hey, Freddy. Good morning.
You need to read this one.

Ziggy has done it again.

I'm sure he has.

Listen, Betty. I think I saw your nephew
down in the lobby.



- Well, we thought he was dead.
- Really?

He's down in the lobby.

And he's got a little present
for his Aunty Betty.

Happy day!

- Come give Mama some sugar...
- Okay.

- Come on, now.
- Okay.


Yeah. You look smashing.

Turn around. What do you think?
Now we just have to work on this.

I've been framed! Wait a minute!

Sorry, Betty. Bye-bye.
I'll make sure to clip Ziggy for you.


- It is a disaster.
- All right, well, brush it.

We need layers.

To the New York Katie.

God, sit still!

Isn't this fun?


These will take you, my darling,
from a hair don't to a hairdo

I was homecoming queen
three years in a row.

And I was in charge of all the pep rallies
and all the decorations.

- Impressive.
- Wonderful.

- That must have been fun.
- So fun.

- Sounds like a lot of fun.
- Okay. Harvard Alumni Association.

- Yeah. Good.
- Yeah. Oh, that's great.

- All right, great. What else? What else?
- Yes. Something more.

- Any other service work, employment.
- A summer job.

I worked exchange and return
at the Piggly Wiggly one summer.

- The Piggly Wiggly.
- Well, what do you know about that?

- Okay.
- That's wonderful.

- The Stock Exchange. Yeah.
- That's what I was thinking.

- This looks good.
- That's all we need.

I think we're done here.

Oh, I just...

I really wanna thank you, Debra.

Thank you, Freddy,
for everything that you are doing.

I just feel so blessed.

So do we.

- Freddy? You take this to Richard.
- Yeah.


- Wow. You get second place a lot.
- I'm aware of that.

Pap Paw says that second place
is better than no place.

Is that what he says? Good old Pap Paw.

What pearls of wisdom.

- Okay. Let's see. How you fitting, good?
- Yeah.

Confident? Okay.

- All right. You go get them, tiger.
- Okay.

- You look great. Get the job. Go get it.
- All right. I will.

Letter, Taylor. How're you doing?

- Mary. There you go.
- Thanks, Ben.

Philip. Enjoy.

Sorry about that.

I'm gonna call maintenance,
go get a new cart. Excuse me.


What are you doing,
following me or something?

No! No, not at all.

I prefer the term "stalking. "

Gosh. You really look great.

The heels must be
murder on the bike though, right?

Actually, I have an interview
with Richard Connelly today.

No kidding.

Iron Dick.

Say, you mind if I just...
Can I give you a little advice?

In the meeting with Iron Dick
just try and relax.

Who says I'm nervous?

I'm just saying...

When you go in there, just take it easy.

Dick's a real pussycat, you know.
He's gonna love you.

I don't like you.

Peppiness, in general, irritates me
and yours is impossible.

I don't like your choice of perfume
or the degree to which it's applied.

You must dive into a pool of it.

And that horsy grin insults us both.

What's wrong with your teeth?
They're too white.

They're like an artist's rendering of teeth.

Still, there are elements of your resume
I find mildly interesting, Miss Gregenstench.

Gregerstitch, sir.

It says here you worked the Exchange.

Just for the summer.

Do you want to tell me about it or should I
wait for your biography to come out?

I'm sorry.

The hours were ridiculous,
but I heard it was worse in the stock room.

I'm not at all sure we're talking
about the same thing, but never mind.

On any other given day,

this meeting would be a record-breaking
waste of time, but this isn't any other day.

I'm under tremendous pressure
from my board of directors

on a Marina deal I'm brokering,

and I just lost my long-time assistant, Betty,

who was highly competent
though personally annoying.

So, I need someone right now.

So does this mean I got the job?

If you're going to come work for me,
you need to learn to read between the lines.

- Yes.
- I got the job!

All right. No bouncing.

No bouncing! Stop it. Cease! Leave now.

- But I got the job.
- Return tomorrow.

- Go!
- Okay! All right. I got a job.

No running or cheering!

That is incredible! I'm so proud of you.

- You could have rent when?
- Soon.

I'm so dang excited!

You know what?
This is cause for a celebration.

I've been saving these.

Here we are. Yeah.

Don't tell me. Those are Billy's hands?

No! No. No.

You are not allowed
to let that ass ruin your good time.

Now, someone better will come along.

- Hello?
- Hey, Katie, it's Ben.

- Ben?
- Who's Ben?

How'd you get my number?

Gary in Human Resources gave it to me.

So they just hand out numbers
to people in the mailroom?

Ben who used
to live across the street from you?


Trust me, it's not that easy.

I owe the guy a back rub.

But I was just gonna ask you
how it went with Iron Dick today.

Hold on a sec.

- Ben Franklin?
- No.

- Hello?
- Hey, baby girl.

Tell me all about you
and old Billy up there on Valentine's Day.

Hey, Pap Paw. Hold on a sec, okay?

- Ben Affleck?
- No, no!

Ben. Hi.

I gotta go, but I'll see you at work.

So I take it you got the job.

- Benji, the dog.
- No!

You got the job.

Guess what? I got a job.

You mean
you're gonna stay up there awhile?

Yep. It's at a big company
and I even got my own desk.

Did old Billy have anything to do with that?

- Billy was an inspiration.
- Billy's a jerk.

- Haley says hi.
- Hi.

You give him a big old hug for me, okay?

- Will do.
- See y'all later.

- Bye.
- Love you, Pap Paw.


He is.

Good morning. Oh, my God.

My desk! What happened?

Have we been robbed?
Why didn't you call the police?

- Did you call the police?
- No, no.

Always call the police.

That's the first thing you do. Hello.

- Sir?
- What?

Your files have all been cross-referenced
and color-coded.

Wait a minute.

Oh, no.

- Did you do this? On purpose?
- Yeah.

These are my files. This is my system.
I had a system that worked.

Now I have to kill you.

- Your stuff piled everywhere is a system?
- You know something.

I was very nice and I gave you a job.

And now I can't find anything.
Are you happy?

- Sir.
- What?

- The key to organization...
- Yes? managing chaos.

What are you, a fortune cookie?
And never touch me again.

I can't find anything.
This is counter-intuitive.

My head is spinning.
My stomach's pounding. Danger. Danger!

I made pigs in a blanket.

Thank God because
three years of work is down the drain,

but everything's gonna be okay
because you made pigs in a blanket.

That was sarcasm,
but let's not worry about it now.

You just go and I'll take care of everything.

I'll make everything better.

- I didn't mean...
- Goodbye.

No, you didn't mean to do anything.

You're a very nice girl
with too many teeth. Goodbye.

- Too... I was just trying...
- Get out!

- Okay.
- Goofy kid.

All right, that's better.

This can be fixed. It's being fixed.

Good pig. Good blanket.

Hey, Miss Gregerstitch. Nice digs.

You went from being a bike messenger
to an executive

without even stopping at the mailroom.

- Not bad.
- Just lucky I guess.

- It's pretty good.
- Hey.

Why were you wearing a hard hat
the other day?

I deliver mail down there, too,

and they sometimes
make me wear a hard hat

when I have
to go through the construction site.

What? Don't tell me the guy won't be there!
This is a problem.

- I don't like problems!
- Talk to you later.

- Why don't you fix this problem?
- Have fun with that.

- And no more problems!
- He sounds good today.

What do I care if it is his weekend
with the damn daughter?

Tell him not to get divorced next time!

Just find a way
to get him to that spec house.

Get me the Perry file and find out who
that was on the phone so I can fire him.

You having trouble with a client, sir?

- Butt out.
- Mr. Connelly.

- In Minden we have a saying.
- No, oh, boy.

If you wanna get the chicken in the coop,
you gotta get the chicks in first.

You really are a fortune cookie.

What if instead of looking at the daughter
as an obstacle to Mr. Perry,

we look at her
as an opportunity to seal the deal.

I'm listening.

Mr. Perry's gonna love it.

So, while they're inside
showing him the spec house,

I'm gonna be outside throwing his daughter
an old-fashioned Minden ice cream social.

How wonderful that you were able to save
Richard from losing such a big account.

- I just hope I can pull it all together by then.
- Don't you worry.

Freddy and I are gonna do whatever it takes

to make sure your party
is a smashing success.

- Won't we, Freddy?
- Smashing.

Here you go. We're having a party.
It's for a new client.

- Thanks, Ben.
- You got it.

- Nice aim.
- Hey, thanks.

I've been doing this awhile.

- Thanks, Ben.
- You got it.

You ever think about
moving up from the mail room?

- Thanks, Ben.
- Leaving the mailroom? Why?

No meetings. No work on weekends.
No pressure.

Say, now, don't you owe me a dinner
for saving your life with that shiatsu?

Nice try.

I do actually have a work opportunity
on Saturday if you wanna help me out.

- Yeah?
- It's not a date, though.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I didn't know that chatting up the new
employees was part of your job description.

I didn't realize my job had a description, sir.

Moving on, then.

- That's not the way to get ahead. Let's go.
- Yes, sir.

Hate that horn.

- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey, sweetheart.

- Are you having fun, Amber?
- Abso-freaking-lutely!

Would you like a tasty ice cream cone?

- Congratulations, this is fantastic.
- Thank you, Mr. Perry.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a spec house to look at.

Amber doesn't even know
that her dad's working.

I've got to get to Grandma's house.

Hey, Little Red Riding Hood.

I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

It's a wonderful story.

Who wants milkshakes? Huh, kids?
Rockstar milkshakes.

Tasty. There you go.
Party like rock stars, kiddies.

Good job. Give it a shot, too.

Hey, you look pretty enough to eat.
And I think I will.

- What the hell is this?
- Intermission!

What do you think you're doing?

Daddy! I'm stuck in the bouncy castle!

Help, get me out of here!

Amber? Amber, is that you?
Hold on, I'm coming in.

Drink up, kids. Drink it up. Drink up.

Hey, no. Hey. The piñata. Hit the piñata.

Feel the buzz, huh? Feeling it?

We need some parents over here!

Ben, I need your help!

I kind of got my hands full.


Light them up, kiddies.

- Candy.
- No, not candy. Fire. Bad.

Amber? Amber?


Where's my little girl?

What in God's name is going on here?

- You Robert Perry?
- Yes, but...

Looks like your party
got a little out of hand here, sir.

- Officer, I can assure you, this was not my...
- Sir, you have the right to remain silent.

We, on the other hand,
have the right to remain sexy!

No, no, listen. I'm not into...

Amber? Hey. No, no, no, come on. Come on.

No, no.

Oh, no.

- Don't look. Don't look. Close your eyes.
- No, no, it's a mistake.

Come on now... Enough!

Where is my daughter?

No, Daddy, I wanna stay.

- I like the men who took their clothes off!
- Oh, perfect.

I am so sorry, Mr. Connelly.

Don't be silly, it's all right. Didn't you hear?

She likes the men
who took their clothes off!

Look, you made a mistake and so did I.

- Start the car.
- Yes, sir.

No, it's my fault, Mr. Connelly.
You made no mistake.

Yeah, I made one. I hired you.

Does that mean...

- Am I fired?
- Read between the lines, Miss Gregerstitch.

Well, if that wasn't a date,
I can't wait for the real thing.

Hey, wasn't your fault.

- I'm just not cut out for this.
- Just not cut out for this?

That sounds a lot like the kind of thing

somebody says
when they're about to quit something.

I can't quit. I was fired.

He fired you?

Well, look. I wouldn't expect
a little technicality like that

to stop somebody like Katie Gregerstitch.

If you go in there and look him in the eye

and don't take no for an answer,
I think you can get your job back.

I think you can get it. Okay, hombre?

- Mr. Connelly, I want my job back.
- And I wanna play for the Yankees.

I promise, it will never happen again.

I know it'll never happen again.
That's the beauty of the word "fired. "

All right. Look.

You're a good kid, you really are.
But this is business.

We lost a big account,

and I can't let something like that
happen again around here. Not now.

I won't take no for an answer.

I admire your fortitude.

I'm gonna call security now.

Hey, hey, hey!

Look, one way or another,
you're gonna listen to me.

- My great-grandpa, Gregory Gregerstitch...
- Here we go.

...built his store with his own bare hands.

One month later a tornado came
and blew the whole thing down.

I think I remember reading about that.

Did that stop him? No.

I got chills.

He rebuilt the store, opened it,
and it is still standing today.

Did you actually say Gregory Gregerstitch?

That's right.

Think back to when
you had your first big job.

Did you ever make any mistakes?

Did you ever feel like you deserved
a second chance?

Oh, boy.

This is the Norwegian Towers account.

And an official second chance. Go on.

Thank you, Mr. Connelly.
You won't be sorry.

All right, all right.

What do you want me to do with it?
File it? Copy it? Proofread it?

Actually, I want you to baby-sit.

- The file?
- The Norwegians.

Look, I don't have time
to explain it right now.

But they're getting together tomorrow night
to review the contract and hopefully sign it.

Here's the thing.
I need someone to keep them company,

just to see that they're having a good time.

But you're perfect for it

because I just remembered
you speak Norwegian.


It says on your resume
you speak fluent Norwegian, right?

That's my girl. Go on, go get them.
You're gonna be terrific.

I'm glad you're back already.

- Debra! I don't speak Norwegian!
- Of course you don't, honey.

- Well, why'd you put it on my resume?
- It was for your own good.

- It saved you your job, didn't it?
- But it's a lie.

Well, look. You say lie, I say half-truth.

What part of that is truth?

Well, you speak, don't you?

Debra, I'm sorry, but where I come from,
a lie is a lie.

Let's look on the brighter side of things.

What's this?

I knew the stress your grandfather
was under.

It's the deed to his store.

I just figured if I owned the building,
I could go easy on his rent.

I... I can't believe this.

Look. Right now,
your focus should be on your career.

And I say this as your mentor
and your friend.

- Thank you! Thank you!
- Oh.

And as far as this Norwegian thing,

don't worry your pretty little head.

- I'm gonna fix everything.
- Okay.

Freddy, are you sure
it's customary to wear this outfit?

Yeah, listen. I Googled the habits
and customs of Norwegia,

and to them you look totally normal.


Here they come.

Freddy? They're priests.

Oh, are they? You don't say.

Listen, relax.

Repeat after me.


You're doing great.
Please, maintain composure.

Hi. Hi. Oh, gosh.
I'm... I'm so glad you're here.

Do you happen to speak Norwegian?

No, I, I don't.
And apparently you don't either.

Do you have any idea what you just
said to these gentlemen?

- She is insult our Norwegian womens.
- She is a stinking fish.

- Jackass.
- Jackass.

No, no, no.
No, no, I, that's not what I meant.

- Help me?
- I'm... I'm sorry. I'm out of ideas.

Maybe we can take them out for a beer.


Here you go.

I wonder if it's okay that they're doing that.

Oh, here she comes.

Hey. What's Norwegian for a job well done?

Forget it. They signed the deal
and an option for four more years.

Congratulations, Miss Gregerstitch.

Mr. Connelly's office.

Oh, for crying out loud.

I'll send it right over.

Katie! Katie!

I can't find the Quackenbush file.
And Mr. Driftwood is coming at 3:00.

Stupid. Oh, thanks.
I guess it was in front of me the whole time.

We're in a hurry.

Look out, blondie. I saw it first.

I'm all set, Mr. Schwartzman.

The man doesn't want a pig in a blanket.

Would you give the man a pig in a blanket?
I love these things.

We'll take them in with us.

What our motto is here,
a pig in every blanket.

Mr. Connelly's office.

Pardon me, miss. Hey!


Thank you for lunch, Mr. Connelly.
It was so good.

You're welcome, Katie, but you deserved it.
You're doing great.

- Cheers.
- You all right?

It's this deal I've been working on.
There's so much riding on it, like my job.

But I can't tell you anything about it.

It's the most highly guarded secret
in the company. No one knows.

The Marina project?

Oh. You mentioned it in your office, sir.

- I didn't know it was a secret.
- Didn't know it was a secret?

Well, I guess it's not.
See, the thing is I'm stumped on it.

- I could really use a friendly ear.
- You can trust me.

- The key to this Marina deal is the boulder.
- Boulder?

Yeah, it's actually a rock formation.
But it's very complicated.

That's why I'm glad you're in on this.
I'll explain it later.

All right.


You are never gonna believe
what just happened.

What is it now?

Mr. Connelly just asked me to be
a part of the Marina project.

Oh. That is fantastic news.

I have a lot of ideas. But I'm having
a bit of a problem with the rock formation.

And I have a meeting with the investors
in two days.

Well, guess what?

It just so happens that marine geology
is somewhat of a hobby of mine.

So how about I have a look-see
at that file here

and we can come up with
a brainstorming session.

Oh, I don't think I'm supposed to show

I'm just gonna take a little peek at it tonight,

and give it back to you first thing
in the morning. Okay?

Okay. Thank you so much.

Well, it is my pleasure.

Hey, Katie. It's me, Ben.

I was in the neighborhood
and I thought maybe I'd swing by and...

Something a little more cool.

I noticed you staring at me at the office.

Heard you have a thing for guys
who work in the mailroom.

Waldo was busy so I thought...

Just try and be cool, okay?
I hope she's home.


- Wanna come in?
- Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.

So how do you feel?

Wow. That was incredible.

So was that your first time
having a New York slice?


- Can I ask you something?
- Shoot.

I was just wondering
if I could unbutton my pants.

I'm... I'm about to burst.

I think that's a great idea.
I'm gonna join you.

- Yeah. Let's synchronize.
- Okay.

- On three. One, two, three.
- Three.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- Oh, man.
- That is so much better.

That was a great idea.
I thought I was gonna have to go home.

Oh, my God. I love this song!
I love this song. I love this song.


Your... Your underwear is showing there.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

All right. The Lord certainly works
in mysterious ways, doesn't he?

- All right, let's dance.
- Oh, no. I don't dance. But thank you.

- Oh, yes, you do.
- No, I really don't.

- You do tonight.
- I have an old high school football injury.

- I tore my rotator cuff and my knee.
- Come on, dance for me.

- I really, I...
- Please, please. It's my favorite song.

- I really don't.
- It's my favorite song.

- Okay.
- All right.

Fingers right here in your belt loops.
Step back, step, touch.

- One, two, three, step.
- Okay.

- One, two, three, step.
- One, two, three, step.

- Okay, do it back this way.
- Oh, okay.

- Step, back, step, touch.
- Touch.

- Step back...
- Back.

...step, touch.
- Step, touch.

- I think I got it. One, two, three.
- Step back, no.

- Excuse me.
- To the right.

Come on.

- Step back, step, touch.
- Step back, step, touch.

- Step back, step, touch.
- Step back, step... This is awesome.

- Step back, step, touch.
- Step back, step, touch.

- Okay, I got it. I'm gonna go stretch out.
- No, no, no, no, no. Do it with me.

Oh. Darn song ended.

I was really starting to get the hang of it.

Should we call the station,
see if they'll replay it?

Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just...
This is a good song.

- Come on. It's much more my style.
- Really?

Yeah. Good slow dance.

Did you forget to hold the handle down
when you flushed the toilet?

That might be the most romantic thing
anyone's ever said to me.

You're only the second guy I've ever kissed.

- Really? Where do I rank?
- Definitely top two.

That's awesome.
I've always been an over-achiever.


Pap Paw!

- What are you doing here?
- Well, I was worried about you.

I didn't hear from you so I drove up.

- You drove?
- Who's this?

- My name's Ben.
- Ben, the plumber. Ben is the plumber.

See the toilet exploded? Yeah.
So Ben came over to do the plumbing.

Go plumb, plumber.

Here, let me take that for you, Pap Paw.

So, how is my future grandson-in-law?


Pardon me, I don't mean to interrupt.
Excuse me.

- But you were engaged?
- Am engaged.

I am engaged.

Never mentioned that to me.
She... She never mentioned that.

Well, why would she? Nosy plumber.

Let's go out on the town. You know what?

I haven't eaten a thing all day,
and I'm starving.

- Great idea.
- All right.

I'm gonna get going myself. I'm gonna go
grab some more plumbing tools.

Great to meet you.

The worst damn plumber
I think I've ever seen.

I think I'm gonna go fire him.
You wait right here, okay?

All right, I'll be right back. Just stay here.

Ben, wait.

- What was that all about?
- I'm sorry.

I just...
I haven't had the heart to tell Pap Paw

that Billy dumped me yet.

Can't you understand?

Oh. I'll go call you a real plumber.

It was...
It was nice to meet your grandfather.

Thanks for the dance.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- So, where's Billy?
- Oh, Billy?

Billy got this really big modeling job,
so he's out of town.

Oh. Yeah. Well, where?


- Timbuktu.
- Yeah, Billy's in Timbuktu.

Hey, all right. Did you fire the plumber?

The plumber's gone. Yeah.


- Where is everybody?
- Why, Katie, didn't you get the memo?

- About what?
- About what?

There's an emergency board meeting today.

I appreciate the time that... Oh.

- Good morning.
- What's going on?

Well, the Board has reached
a vote of no confidence

in Mr. Connelly's handling
of the Marina deal.

And they've decided to hand it over to me.


Mr. Connelly's been working
on this project for two years.

Yes, and it's come to our attention
that it's going nowhere. Fast.

- I trusted you.
- And I appreciate that.

Well, if that's all...

Wait, wait, wait...
I have been working out all of the problems.

And thanks to your problem-solving skills,

an inflatable castle fell on my son's head
last week.

- Not to mention your blatant dishonesty.
- I don't understand.

Well, it appears that there were several,

let's say, embellishments on your resume.

Harvard? The Stock Exchange?

Fluent in several languages.

Apparently, Mr. Connelly neglected
to do his homework

when it came to hiring you.

But, Debra, you were the one that wrote...

You should also know that
the Board is determining

whether to take legal action against you
for your misrepresentation.

Mr. Connelly took our advice
and resigned this morning.


- I'm so sorry, Mr. Connelly.
- I should have seen it coming, Katie.

I... I didn't know Debra was going to do
this to me.

I used to think that thing people
wrote in yearbooks was stupid,

"Don't ever change. " But you know what?
Don't ever change.

How could you do that to him?

- Oh. I didn't do it to him, honey.
- Party pooper.

You did.

I mean, come on.

Didn't you find it a tad odd that
some little country bumpkin,

fresh off the turnip truck would land
a job like this?

But you were supposed to be my mentor.


I'd say I taught you a thing or two.

There's no way you're gonna get away
with this,

because I can go straight to the Board
and tell them everything.

Tell them what?

Unless you wanna see your Pap Paw's store
leveled and turned into a strip mall.

- Would you like that?
- You wouldn't do that.

Wouldn't I?

Let's face it, honey.

If I'm in charge now, there's gonna be
some changes around here.

Starting with you, Richard,
and that freeloading son of his.

- What was his name again, Frederick?
- I believe he goes by the name Ben.

Ben? My... My Ben?

The Ben that works in the mailroom
is Mr. Connelly's son?

Oh, dear. Don't tell me he didn't tell you.

Does that mean he lied?

Why wouldn't he tell me?

Poor, poor little small-town girl.

You're just so easy to fool.
It's hard to pass up the opportunity.

Welcome to the Big Apple, sister.


Can we talk?

Can we talk? Talk about what?

Betrayal? Strippers? Billy 2.0?

- You're right. I shouldn't be here.
- No, you shouldn't.

Can we just talk about this
for a second, please?

You really hurt me, Billy.

All right. Guess I'll see you around.

Hey. Look who I found out here
wandering around in the hall.

- Just back from Timbuktu.
- What?

- You know, the place where you...
- Where you were modeling.

You know, that really big modeling job
you got?

I told Pap Paw all about it.

Right. Right.
See, I'm kind of a big deal over there.

- Do you wanna know something?
- What?

It just wasn't the same
without the woman I love by my side.

And we were both just saying how great
it would be to move back to Minden.


Now, that's wonderful.

It does my heart so much good
to see you two getting along so well.

Tell you what.

In the morning, we'll take that old truck
and head back to Minden.

Y'all can ride back with me.

Let's go, let's go. I wanna beat traffic.

Hey. Give me a hug.

Come on. Come on.

Hmm, see? That's better.

We are gonna be so happy together
back home.

You and me, just like old times.

Give me a kiss.

- Better get going.
- Yeah.

I'll get the rest of the bags.

- Hey, little girl.
- Hey, Pap Paw.

Are you sure this is what you wanna do?

Oh, yeah. I'm unbelievably happy.

Funny thing, but I don't exactly believe you.

I thought that Billy was
what you always wanted for me.

In a way, yeah.

What do you mean, in a way?

Well, in the way that he makes you happy.

That's all I ever wanted, you know.

You always seemed happy with Billy,

but last night your face said
something a little different.

I did a little investigating and Haley told me
about what happened between you two.

And I think it was a real lowdown,
dirty thing for him to do.

When I first came up here
and I first saw you,

I couldn't believe how much you'd grown.

- And how happy you seemed.
- Damn it, baby. Hey!

Didn't I tell you not to pack your
perfume with my clothes?

It spilled all over the place.

I'll tell you what let's do.


- All right, let's vamoose.
- All right. Come on, baby. Get in.

Sorry, Billy.

- This eagle's gotta fly.
- What?

Hey! Hey! Wait, Katie! What about me?

Would you shut the hell up?
We got a long way to go.

Give me a dog with onions, please.

Mustard and onion, coming right up.

A little more, please.

Oh, my God, Ben,
I've been looking for you everywhere.

Oh, yeah, what... What do you need,
your toilet fixed or something?

Debra is gonna close a huge deal tomorrow
and you gotta help me.

The truth of the matter is, I'm pretty busy,
what with the mailroom and all,

but I'm sure you can handle it.
I got faith in you.

Yeah, we're having a very important
meeting today.

There is a disgruntled employee out there,
okay? This woman.

Do not let her in the building.
She looks cute.

Very cute, this woman. See her?
Not so cute, okay?

Wow. Hello. The Marina group. Great.

Large group of Marina people.

- Hey. Wait. Can I get a lift?
- By all means.

- Whoa. Whoa.
- My name's Eric.

Nice to meet you, Eric.

You like my rig?

Miss O'Brien? I would like to
present to you the Marina group.

- Yes, hello. Welcome. Welcome.
- Welcome.

Thank you for coming.

You like to brush your teeth?

- Only when I'm nervous.
- There's nothing to be nervous about.

We're fully insured.

Well, before we begin our presentation,

I trust you've all had the opportunity to
review the documentation I sent earlier.

- So, are there any questions or issues?
- I have a question.

It's Section A, Article 4,
Paragraph 3.2. Curious...

- Thanks, Eric.
- Anytime.

- Here we go.
- Stairs are over there.




Miss Gregerstitch.

- I thought you weren't gonna help me.
- I'm not helping you.

I'm helping my dad. Nothing more.

Why didn't you tell me about him?

Look, my whole life he's been trying
to get me to put a suit on and be like him

and the truth is, that's just not who I am.

- Well, you clean up really nice.
- Thanks.

Well, now that we have that out of the way,
you ready for this?

I have them all prepped
and everything for you.

- Is Debra taken care of?
- Yeah, I spoke to your cousin.

- Okay. Let's do it.
- Okay.

Just walk behind me.

Morning. Hey, look. Is that Ryan Seacrest?

- Wow.
- Really?

- Morning. How are you?
- Morning.


Miss Gregerstitch, I'd like to introduce you
to the Marina group.


- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.

And so having thoroughly covered the
helicopter zoning addendum,

for the third time,

are there any further questions?

Ones that don't have anything
to do with helicopters?

Okay, so let me begin.

The brown area. The boulder, I assume?

Yes. Yes, and I am so glad
you brought that up. Thank you.

Of course, the boulder,
which has been a huge obstacle.

We believe destroying it with explosives
is the best alternative.

Blow it to high hell.

Could I get involved in that?

Yes, of course, absolutely.
So imagine it being gone.

As you can see by the data in front of you,
we have over 150 units,

starting with the base price of $600,000.

I appreciate the point
you're trying to make, son,

but you could show me all the figures
and numbers you want,

but the fact remains that if you don't
come up with a clever and very cheap idea

on how to get rid of
that big, fat boulder there,

then we don't have a deal.

We're actually running behind schedule,

- so could you please call the driver?
- Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen...

- Ladies and gentlemen.
- This will only take a minute.

Okay. Sit down, sit down.

There's an old saying where I come from.

When the cow won't move,
best not try and push her.

- Did she say cow?
- I heard cow. Yes.

Yes, she did, ma'am.

The trick is to work with the cow
no matter how stubborn she is.

All of this time we've been approaching
this boulder as a roadblock.

There's actually another way to look at it.
Did you bring the rock?

Yeah. Excuse me.

Well, look how easy that was.

That was great. It didn't cost a dime.

Sorry, it's just not quite that simple.

We've kind of come up with another...

- Wow!
- Look at that.

We use the boulder and we turn it into
an extreme sports bonanza.

It can be used by visitors or residents.
There's rock climbing, bike paths,

anything you want.

Could you move it a little closer?

What was once a negative
has now become a positive.

Wait. How do people get up on that thing?

That's a very good question, actually.

A tram.

- A tram, of course.
- That would be perfect.

A tram. Then the fatties could run around
and lose weight and be healthy.

- Let's get back to the boulder.
- Yeah.

Because we know that this has been...

Excuse me.

Do you have to be a sailor to live there,
i. e. own a boat?

Good question.

Well, you don't have to be a sailor.

- Do you have to be a pirate?
- You have a Pirate's Cove pictured...

- That's just a theme.
- Like a theme park?

- We like theme parks.
- Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah.

A great deal.

Snacks. We can have snacks.

Will people be required to wear
an eye patch?

No, there won't be any characters.

Yeah, theme parks are very nice.

Water slides?
Are you gonna put a water slide in?

I wanna do a cost benefit analysis
of your entire...

...on St. Patty's Day,
but that is just crazy.

Yeah, if you could go through that book.
It's the other book.

It would be the other book.

- Quiet! Everyone.
- I love helicopters.

So, Miss Stapleton.
Where did you get your MBA?

You've been misinformed.
I don't really follow basketball.

It's violent.

- Pretty little hairdo, huh?
- Thank you.

The jig is up, sister! You freak!

- Okay.
- You're all frauds, aren't you?

I knew it!

- Who are you people?
- This beard! This beard is fake!

- Chill out.
- It's real, it's real, it's real, it's real!

That's extremely important.

- Very good.
- Very good.

- Ben's gonna take over from here, okay?
- Okay, Ben.

Thank you, Miss Gregerstitch.
I'm gonna utilize a visual aid here.

You deceitful little tramp.

How dare you undermine me?

Well, I guess you did
teach me something, Debra.

I called security.

Get in there, Freddy!

Try me, Freddy.

Find another way in!

You don't have to yell at me!

Katie. You okay?

I've got this one taken care of.

- All right.
- Thanks, guys.

We were good, weren't we?

- We got you so good.
- Get out of here!

That was uncalled for.

Excuse me.
I'm right in the middle of a presentation.

Yes, excuse me. Thank you.

Hello. Please do not listen to this man.

Neither he nor she represents this firm.

They have misled you.
So before security comes to take...

Oh, good God!

What is that awful looking thing?

That is the extreme sports bonanza.

Oh, is it?

That's wonderful.

'Cause maybe that gimmicky crap
works out there in Milwaukee,

but not out here in the Big old Apple.

I've been to Milwaukee
and I like the hell out of this idea.

It's ingenious. It works.
It's better than we expected.

Perfect use of the boulder.

And, in fact,
I'm gonna give them the contract.

- You are?
- Yeah, why not? I like it.

Oh, no, no, no. No.

No. You must be kidding.

No, that's crazy.
You cannot take this person seriously

because she is just this little, small-town,

good-for-nothing, white trash bimbo.

You know, lady, in our company,
we have a name for somebody like you.

A mean person.

A little stronger than that.

A really mean person.

Why don't you just do it a little more?


That's the word.

Very good.

You have done it this time.

You know what? Maybe you're all right.

You know, I'm gonna... I'm gonna take
a closer look at this little creation.

- No...
- Here we go.

- Let me look at it.
- Please don't touch that.

Oh, look at that.

You know, it's so adorable.
It's so lovely. Wow.

You know what? On second look, it's just...

Oh, whoops. Oh, did I do that?

Look at that. And that. And that! And that!

Don't do that. No, don't do that.

Thank God. There she is.

That woman is trespassing. Oh, no, no, no.
Wrong person. No, not me!

- Oh, gosh. Gosh.
- Holy mother of pearl!

What are you doing to her?

- My queen!
- Please.

Get your hands off of her.

He hits like a girl.

You damn dirty apes!

- Louie, Donovan, get her out of here.
- Come on, let's go.

- No!
- Get her out of here!

I'm president! It's me, I'm the president!
I'm gonna be president!

No! No!

I never liked her.

Well, this has been a fun day.

Now, you two. Do we have a deal or what?

Actually, I think I know somebody
who deserves to close this deal

a lot more than me.

Is he gonna come from the ceiling?

- It's official.
- Congratulations and thank you.

Oh, it's my pleasure, dear.

You have some
very good people working here.

We do.

- And some not so good.
- Some not so good.

- They're very loud.
- I like loud.

Of course you do!

- Boss, some champagne?
- No. Champagne makes me cranky.

- How about whiskey in my office?
- Oh. Whiskey makes me frisky.

- To the office!
- It's down there to the left.

Oh, boy.

Well, hey, you did a really good job.
You did.

- You deserve some credit, too, you know.
- Thank you.

I almost forgot something very important.

This is the deed to the store in Minden.

My gift to you, with great gratitude
and affection. Thanks very much.

Thank you so much, Mr. Connelly.

- You're most welcome. You did a great job.
- Thank you.

- And you did very well, too.
- Yeah, thanks.

You're welcome.

- Give him a hug.
- No, I don't think so.

- No. That's...
- Give him a hug.

Someday we'll get to that point,
but my parents...

- Hug!
- All right.


You know what? Thanks again.

- He's a great guy.
- Yeah. He's not bad.

You're not so bad yourself.

Yeah, I should probably
get this all cleaned up.

Sorry, I... You probably got your hands full.

All right. Party in Connelly's office.

Well, almost forgot this.

Boy, that Katie's one in a million, huh?

Yeah, you're telling me.

Hold that elevator.


What's wrong now?

Nothing. I... I don't wanna talk about it.
It's okay.

Nothing, huh?
Ben, back in Brooklyn we have a saying.

Don't be a shithead, go get the girl.

- She has a fiancé.
- She doesn't have a fiancé, you pinhead.

He's back in Oklahoma. She told me herself.

- She's free as a bird.
- You kidding me?

Go get her, please. She's waiting for you.

- You know she is.
- You think?

Put your arms around her and don't let go.

Thanks, Dad.


Way to follow your heart, man.

Hey, did you see a girl,
blonde, dimples, cute?

- That way.
- Yeah?

Wait! Oh, wait, Katie!

Hey, let me borrow this.

- Dude, I need it, please. Thanks.
- Hey! Hey, dude, come on!

Hey! Hey, Katie!

Look out.

Hey, hold on!



Hey! Hold on! Katie! Pull over!

- Katie!
- Ben? What are you doing?

Stop, you gotta stop! You gotta pull over.
I gotta talk to you.

- Pull over!
- Did you hear me? Pull over!

Lady, I can't stop here.
There's constructions.

- Hey, stop! Mister!
- Ben, be careful!

Pull over!

- Ben? Be careful. Be careful.
- Whoa!

- Whoa!
- Ben, no!


Wait, watch out!

I said pull over!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Oh, I'm great. Fantastic.

Stay there. I'm gonna come down.

I'm really sorry about
what happened back there, but...

I just thought you were back with your
fiancé because, you know, I...

- I saw you guys in the alley.
- No, no, no. I was saying goodbye.

I sent him back to Minden.

So, what's next for you, Miss Gregerstitch?

I was thinking about
staying in this hole a little bit longer.

Yeah? And... And doing what?

Read between the lines, Mr. Connelly.

You're gonna love
having me as your new boss.

Now go ahead and sit my little people
down by my bowl of skinny mints.

Oh, be careful now!

Those are very expensive.

Well, you know, you can always...
You can always discipline me.

Freddy, are you trying to turn me on?

'Cause it's working.

Special thanks to SergeiK.