Slipstream Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Slipstream script is here for all you fans of the Anthony Hopkins movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Slipstream quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Slipstream Script

  
  
I was talking to Noah last night.

  
You know, Noah,
my brother-in-law.

  
Yeah, and he was telling me
about this storm they were having,

  
and he said to me,
"Bette, Bette dear,

  
this is retribution from on high. "

  
Yeah,
I know, I know.

  
What's that, dear?

  
Oh, yes, I heard.

  
Poor old Felix.

  
How are the boys taking it?

  
No, well, you never know, do you?

  
Yeah, you've gotta enjoy life.

  
You know,
when my little Ruthie died,

  
I started looking in the
mirror every morning...

  
You are bringing
the writer up here.

  
...and I'd say,
"Bette, Bette, honey, this is it, girl.

  
"The show's on the road,

  
and you've to get get up
and get at 'em. "

  
Yeah...

  
Oh, it'll be lovely to see you again...

  
Well, do you think you'll ever
get out this way?

  
Oh, I'm going to Las Vegas.

  
Tomorrow. Going up to see
my sister-in-law...

  
my sister-in-law, Sandra, yeah.

  
And Gina, my niece...
well, I call her my niece...

  
is driving me up there
in the morning.

  
We're going to take Sandra
to a show.

  
Sandra's lived there all her life,

  
and she's never been to a show!

  
Isn't that something, huh?

  
Listen, I'll talk to you soon,
sweetie pie.

  
Bye.

  
Did you see that?

  
Felix?

  
Can we go now?

  
- What happened?
- It's over.

  
- It's over?
- Do a rewrite!

  
- Yeah?
- Let's get out of here.

  
Come on, Felix.

  
Come on.

  
One decaf, no sugar,
extra-foam latte.

  
- One iced tea.
- Thank you.

  
- Thanks, Lily.
- You're welcome.

  
How did the reading go?

  
My agent thinks I have a really
good chance, so who knows?

  
- You'll do fine.
- Thanks.

  
From your mouth to God's ear.

  
- Cut!
- This is my friend Felix.

  
Hi, Felix. Like the cat.

  
- That's funny.
- Felix the Cat.

  
Nine lives.

  
That's Lily. She's sweet.

  
She's from Russia
and wants to be in movies.

  
She's my new best friend.

  
Hello?

  
Hello? Hello?

  
Anyway, where was I?

  
Right, this woman Shelley.

  
She says you go back
through past lives, incarnations,

  
and you get in touch with everything
that makes you do stuff in this life.

  
Say you were an addict or nuts
or, like, stuck in old habits.

  
You have fears of elevators
and spiders and snakes

  
or stuff like clowns and opera singers,
anything freaky...

  
it all comes up through
past-life regression

  
so you get pulled back
through the slipstream.

  
It's karma... Indian stuff
from millions of years ago.

  
The Akashic records
or something like that.

  
This woman,
she is totally awesome.

  
It's awesome.
Totally awesome.

  
...past-life regression,
pulled through the slipstream.

  
...walk you through this stuff,
get you to clean your side of the street.

  
My yoga teacher told me about her.
You ought to try yoga.

  
You ought to try yoga,
and wheatgrass and colonics.

  
She charges $300 an hour.
She's got this place in Culver City.

  
Her name's Shelley something.
It's one of those names you can't say.

  
- Anyway, her first name's Shelley...
- Hello?

  
A poodle called Tiddles,
but you go into her place,

  
and she does this channeling,
these aura readings.

  
- Oh, she says that all this...
- Where was I?

  
...an illusion, a dream.

  
Felix? That's all it is.

  
"A dream within a dream. "

  
What?

  
"A dream within a dream. "
Edgar Allan Poe.

  
Sorry, I overheard you talking.

  
A dream within a dream.

  
That's so cool.

  
Anyway, she's got
this really stinky dog,

  
but cute, called Tiddles.

  
Felix!

  
- What's your problem, man?
- No problem.

  
- What's your problem!
- No problem.

  
Get out of there.

  
What's your problem?
What's wrong with you!

  
Oh, my God.

  
We've lost the plot!
We've lost the plot!

  
We've lost the plot.

  
Hey, you! Get out of my car.

  
Call 911, please! Somebody help!

  
Do something, please!

  
Help, help.

  
No! We've lost the plot!

  
Watch out. My name's Gavin.
You mind? This is great!

  
Hey, this is digital, man.
Film is out. It's obsolete.

  
This is digital, man.

  
Welcome to America.

  
Oh, my God, this is insane.

  
Awesome.

  
Can you tell us what happened?

  
This is guy was getting out
of his car and going crazy.

  
...have any reason why,
he started shooting.

  
- He really...
- I was trying to call 911,

  
and no one was helping me.

  
Then these guys
came out of nowhere...

  
He got off a few shots.

  
Shooting mostly Democrats.

  
I mean, I didn't know what to do.

  
It was complete pandemonium
on this freeway, man,

  
and there was a man
sitting in a car, staring at...

  
Of course, I was terrified. I mean...

  
Can you describe what happened?

  
I saw the guy in this
vehicle, the beat-up

  
one with Pennsylvania plates,

  
just get out and lose
his fucking mind.

  
- La-la land.
- I was terrified.

  
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.

  
We're here.

  
We are?

  
Yeah.

  
What do they put in that stuff,
what is it, "blatte"?

  
What do you mean?

  
You've been out of it
for three hours, dead to the world.

  
I didn't sleep much last night.

  
- Felix?
- Wh...

  
Look at that sky.

  
Felix!

  
You want to come in?

  
No, I've gotta get back.

  
I've gotta get back.

  
Okay.

  
See you tomorrow.
Same time.

  
Same time.

  
- See you.
- Drive safe.

  
I will.

  
Hello?

  
What?
Channels four and seven.

  
Come on, you're not serious!

  
Oh, my God, I am on TV!

  
...and he shoots
this woman in a car,

  
and he's yelling something,
I don't even know what.

  
Police commended the men...

  
Oh, my God, I look horrible!

  
God! Not that bad.

  
Stormy!

  
Mommy's gonna be a movie star!

  
Look! Look, look.

  
Oh, listen, where are you?
Are you in the bar?

  
- Are you in there now?
- Gina!

  
Why didn't he wake me?

  
I can't believe you slept through it.

  
Who were you with?

  
- Felix Bonoeffer.
- Who's he?

  
The older gentleman
in the red convertible Impala.

  
- Gina!
- Okay.

  
Listen, I've gotta go. Mort's being
a real pain in the butt tonight.

  
...shot him at point-blank range.

  
The gunman was heard
screaming at other drivers,

  
"We've lost the plot!"

  
I'm not going to be here next week

  
because I'm driving
my aunt up to Vegas.

  
I'll call you as soon as I get back.

  
Gina, would you come on
and get off the phone now?

  
Look, I'm sorry...

  
It's playing in there now?

  
...and that, folks,
is the way it happened.

  
Well, I'm not a crook.

  
Thanks so much forjoining me
and have a great night.

  
- Women!
- Yeah!

  
I need you here.

  
Hey, Gav, how's Brian?

  
How you feeling?

  
Right, this woman Shelley.

  
Good night.

  
So, you taking off tomorrow?

  
Yeah, early, about 8:00.

  
All right. You know not
to get in no trouble.

  
- Yeah, I know.
- Try to drive safely, okay?

  
I'm a pretty safe driver.

  
I should charge you extra
for the security work, you know?

  
- Thank you. I appreciate it.
- Good night.

  
Good night.

  
- Are you Bette Lustig's niece?
- What?

  
Are you Bette Lustig's niece?

  
- Oh, my God!
- Are you Bette Lustig's niece?

  
What's your problem?
Why you bothering the lady?

  
I'm not bothering anyone...

  
You opened up her car door.
I would say that was bothering her.

  
- I want to talk to her.
- Wait a minute.

  
He was in the bar earlier.

  
Yeah, he was quiet, no trouble.

  
So what's the deal then, brother?

  
Is she Bette Lustig's niece?

  
Leave him, Mort.

  
It's okay. My name is Bonoeffer,
Felix Bonoeffer.

  
- Bonoeffer?
- Yeah, Felix Bonoeffer.

  
I saw you on the news
just now with my friend.

  
- Tracy Abbott.
... and at the racetrack.

  
- That's right, yes.
- What is all this?

  
- I know you.
- Okay, look, I gotta go.

  
- You gonna be okay?
- Yeah.

  
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

  
- Easy does it, now, fella.
- I will. Okay.

  
Hey, Gina,
are you sure you're okay?

  
I'll be fine.

  
...crossfire shootout
on the Morning View Freeway.

  
Gina, you know how to reach me.

  
I do!

  
You're a real good citizen,
Mort, the best.

  
Ray, can we talk?

  
Nothing to talk about, baby.

  
I need more time.

  
Time's up, old pal,
know what I mean?

  
It's zippo.

  
So what do I do now?

  
Just drive.

  
Where?

  
You know where. Drive.

  
It's not meant to happen
for me like this, Ray.

  
I got a wife, two kids.

  
It was just business.
I can pay you back.

  
Say bye-bye, little birdies,
fly, fly far away.

  
Stop! Don't do this!

  
Bye-bye.

  
Did you get through to Sandra?

  
No.

  
No, I left her a message, told her
we'd be there around 4:00, 4:30,

  
and that tomorrow
we'd take her to a magic show.

  
What did she say?

  
I told you she wasrt there.

  
- It's so hot.
- You want some water?

  
Your Uncle Bernie used to say
I was like a cat on a hot tin roof,

  
like Elizabeth Taylor
in that picture with Richard Burton.

  
- Paul Newman.
- Who?

  
Paul Newman.

  
You know, he had
the most beautiful blue eyes.

  
- Who?
- Richard Burton.

  
Ready?

  
I'll have a glass of milk,
two poached eggs for my friend,

  
and is it too late for oatmeal?

  
No, you could get oatmeal.

  
Great, I'll have it
with honey and a banana

  
and a glass of orange juice, please.

  
Alrighty.

  
Hey, Joanie,
I'm gonna take five minutes, okay?

  
All right, Mel, we got two poached,
oatmeal with a side of banana,

  
and a milk and an OJ.

  
Okay. Busy out there?

  
Yeah, packed to the rafters.

  
My feet are killing me.

  
Hey, Bonnie, what time is it?

  
My watch stopped.

  
Call Joanie when my order's ready.

  
I'm gonna get some air.

  
She needs to move her ass, anyway.

  
Hi, Bonnie.

  
Hey, Eddie.

  
How's your daughter doing, Eddie?

  
She's fine, thank you.

  
How's your daughter doing, Eddie?

  
She's fine, thank you.

  
Good morning.

  
Take it easy, Bonnie.

  
- Bonnie.
- Yeah?

  
You still want Joanie
to take it out?

  
Forget it. I'll take it.

  
Hey, are you okay?

  
Yeah, yeah, I'm all right.

  
Hey, thanks a bunch, Joanie.

  
Sorry, Bonnie, I forgot.

  
All right, ladies, here we are...
poached eggs.

  
There's your oatmeal
with bananas and honey.

  
Thank you.

  
Hello there, gentlemen.

  
The house is open.
You can sit anywhere.

  
There you go.
Anything to drink?

  
Coffee.

  
Okay, coffee.

  
Sir, anything for you?

  
Okay. One coffee coming up.

  
Would you like some water?

  
No.

  
Bonnie.

  
Yes, sir?

  
That is your name, is it not?

  
Excuse me?

  
- Bonnie.
- Take it easy, Bonnie.

  
That is your name, is it not?

  
Oh, yeah, it is.

  
What do you call the other one?

  
Sorry, my friend can be
quite rude sometimes.

  
- Isn't that right, Fat Man?
- Wish you wouldn't call me that.

  
- Call you what?
- Fat Man.

  
- But you are fat.
- I'm not fat.

  
Bonnie, don't you think
my friend here is fat?

  
Don't you think he's fat, Bonnie?

  
No, sir.

  
Thank you, lady, thank you.

  
So, what'll it be?

  
I would like...

  
Let's see here, I would like...

  
Omelet, Denver style.
Would you recommend Denver style?

  
...side of bacon, real crisp,
like my mom used to make it.

  
Oh, I see hash browns
are included.

  
That's good,
and toast included also.

  
Ray, toast is included also.

  
Isn't that something?
So, let's see here.

  
Not your sourdough
but your whole wheat,

  
and real well-done.

  
Like his mama used to make it.

  
Yes, how my mommy
used to make it.

  
For you, sir?

  
We're making
little Bonnie nervous, Fat Man.

  
Are we making you nervous?

  
We're real sorry, Bonnie.

  
Look, I don't want any trouble.

  
Who's causing trouble?

  
I know what it is.
She thinks you're Dr. Phil.

  
It's making her all of a dither.

  
You think I look
like Dr. Phil, Bonnie?

  
- Probably turning her on.
- I don't know, sir.

  
I mean,
is my resemblance to Dr. Phil

  
making you hot, bothered,
bewildered, and juicy?

  
'Cause if it is, Bonnie,
we can find a cozy little place,

  
and we can get really acquainted.

  
Look, please, do you...

  
Do you want to order?

  
I think not.

  
I'm just happy being here,

  
if that's all hunkety-dunkety-doo
with you, Bonnie.

  
So...

  
what do you call the other one?

  
Come out with your hands up.

  
Isn't it just a beautiful day
out there?

  
Come and get me, copper!

  
Don't, Johnny! No!

  
What a beautiful day!

  
Wouldrt you agree, ladies?

  
Just drink your milk.

  
Beautiful day?

  
You can look at me all you want,
ladies, no problem with that.

  
You got a problem, Bonnie?

  
No, sir.

  
Well, okay. If there are no problems,
then what the fuck are you staring at?

  
Look, we don't want
any trouble here.

  
How about rustling up
Boo Boo's breakfast?

  
I like that, Yogi.

  
Smarter than
your average bear, eh, Boo Boo?

  
Boo Boo. So silly.

  
- What's your name, baby doll?
- Joanie.

  
That's what you've been
drooling over so lustfully.

  
Joanie.

  
Ain't that cute.

  
Little sad, too,
now I gotta be honest.

  
Still wanna be
Mommy's little treasure?

  
Am I right?

  
Not quite ready to let go
of all your little girly yesterdays?

  
Pretty soon, sweetie pie, you're
gonna have to give up all that shit

  
when you join the festering parade
of tired old broads...

  
the Bette Anns, the Mary Lous,
the Patsys, the Cindys...

  
the Bonnies.

  
Just talking about you.

  
Come on, get a move on!

  
Boo Boo tends to get a little snarly

  
when he hasn't eaten,
right, Boo Boo?

  
So we got the Joanies,
the Bonnies, and we got the Bettes.

  
How you doing, old gal?

  
It is Bette, isn't it?

  
Not "Bett"?

  
And her name's Gina, right?

  
Good morning.

  
Or should I say, good afternoon.

  
Hello.

  
What's your problem, pointy head?

  
Got no problems.

  
Then what are you staring at?

  
Nothing.

  
Heck of a lot of staring going on
in this place, eh, Boo Boo?

  
Makes me feel real itchy and twitchy
all over,you know what i mean.

  
You don't have to be sorry.

  
Be conscientious, be American,

  
with American values... industry, valor!

  
That's what I like to see.

  
That's all I ask
of my fellow Americans.

  
"I am not a crook!"

  
Bonnie, where's
my friend's breakfast?

  
I'm just preparing it now.

  
Good! Continue the preparation.

  
- What is your name, pinead?
- Mel.

  
That's an all-American name to me, Mel.

  
Got a ring of authenticity.

  
Kinda cracker barrel,
know what I mean?

  
Chill Wills, Slim Pickens,
Andy Devine, and Big Mac Mel.

  
Nice cozy little setup
you got here.

  
Tell me something, if you're not
too much of a whacked-out old fairy:

  
what exactly is your relationship
to sweet Bonnie Daydream, here?

  
- Nothing.
- She your little piece of ass?

  
I'm gonna keep my eye
on you, Mel baby.

  
Bonnie, come on out.

  
Mel, this way.

  
Mel, let me introduce you
to Abe Geekman.

  
His friends, and in this regard
I would count myself

  
as one of his closest
and dearest buddies, call him Geek.

  
Hi, gang.

  
You okay, Geek,
ol' Snuggly Boo?

  
Let's put up the Closed sign
on the old diner door

  
and keep out
Mr. Forest Ranger, Boo Boo?

  
- I sure did, Yogi.
- Smart little bear, Boo Boo.

  
Come on.

  
Now that we're all snug and cozy,
like... one, two, three, four,

  
five, six, seven little peas in a pod...

  
Speaking of pods reminds me:

  
you guys ever see
Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

  
Long time ago? Anyone?

  
No? Never saw it.

  
How 'bout that, Geek? They never saw
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

  
That is so sad.

  
Invasion of the Body Snatchers!
For pete's sake, never saw that?

  
- It's a great movie.
- Kevin McCan'thy was the star.

  
- And Dana Wynter.
- Oh, beautiful Dana...

  
What's with you people?

  
It's Geek's favorite movie.
We watch it every Thanksgiving.

  
And Fourth of July.
See, it stars Kevin McCan'thy.

  
He was a big star
back in the '50s,

  
and I met him once
in New York a long time ago.

  
You never told me that, Geek.

  
Yeah, he gave me his autograph,
gave me a picture.

  
Lucky son of a gun.

  
He amazes and astonishes me,
my old pal.

  
You're a regular old sly boots,
aren't you?

  
Look at him.

  
He's blushing,
like "Aw, shucks" blushing.

  
My old pal, a real sly boots.

  
Anyway.

  
Where was I?

  
Body snatchers, these people
lived in giant pea pods, you see?

  
- Dinner's ready.
- The movie is about

  
these pod people
who invade us from outer space.

  
Right, these creatures,
these parasites,

  
'cause that's what they are.

  
Goddamn parasites.

  
These parasites take over the bodies
and souls of fellow travelers,

  
- good, decent people.
- Compassionate, caring, sharing,

  
like you and me.

  
Men, women,
piddling old grandpappies,

  
- decaffeinated pussies.
- You and me.

  
Decaffeinated pussies.

  
- Men and women...
- Uncle Ira mowing his lawn.

  
And all the Aunt Beas
from all the Mayberrys.

  
- Talk show hosts and anchormen...
- Geek.

  
Sorry, anchorpersons.

  
- He is so bad.
- Sorry, folks.

  
People like Larry King Live,
Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer,

  
Dan Rather, Paula Zahn,

  
Katie Couric, Martha Stewart.

  
- Everyone from Oprah to...
- Donald Trump.

  
Fire!

  
They take over the bodies
and souls of people,

  
and you know what?

  
They become them.

  
First we had the Trekkies...

  
...now we have the Poddies...

  
and they run
the whole goddamn show.

  
- You want to know why?
- Why?

  
'Cause they are mainstream.

  
Mainstream.

  
That's not the real deal, right?

  
Better believe it, old son.

  
Mainstream. Gee whiz.

  
But Kevin is on to them.

  
Let us make no mistake.
Let it be understood.

  
Our Kevin is on to them.

  
Science, science...

  
Have no fear about Kevin.

  
Kevin is one smart cookie.

  
No flies on our Kevin.

  
Reporting for duty.

  
Yes...

  
What?

  
Don't forget about
the problem, Ray.

  
Problem?

  
He has to stay awake.

  
Right.

  
He has to stay awake.

  
That's his problem.

  
- Felix!
- Dinner's ready.

  
Once you fall asleep,
they get you!

  
- Parasites.
- Run, critters!

  
That's it, shazam,
pop goes the weasel.

  
- What?
- Pop goes the weasel.

  
It almost happens
to our Kevin.

  
Yeah, he's gotta stay awake.

  
You wanna know why?
Because they are mainstream, baby!

  
You've already done that bit.

  
- What?
- You've already done that bit.

  
Well, I'm doing it again, okay?

  
- Okay.
- Okay?!

  
If you're so smart, Boo Boo,
why don't you tell them?

  
Well, no, you tell them.
You tell it much better than I do.

  
It's so hot in here.
It's like a goddamn furnace.

  
The air conditioning
is broken, baby.

  
- What!
- She said the air conditioner is broken.

  
Why don't you go in there?
It's cooler.

  
Give us a break,
for pete's sake.

  
You were telling us
why Kevin has to stay awake.

  
Ever since he was an itsy-bitsy
little snot-nosed kid,

  
our Kevin had bought
the whole stupid fairy tale,

  
hook, line, sinker, and the grand piano,

  
you know what I mean?

  
Hello?

  
Suddenly he became
a grassroots goody two-shoes,

  
a noble champion of non-profit
advocacy organizations, etc., etc.

  
And why?

  
Because it made him feel
kind of cozy and mushy inside.

  
You know the feeling.

  
But sadly, Kevin, our hero,

  
had these core issues to deal with.

  
You've all heard about core issues?
Sure you have.

  
Kevin had tons of these things
all buzzing around inside him,

  
because secretly
he knew the truth.

  
He'd sort of cottoned on
to the big, fat Huckleberry Finn lie

  
that runs our world
and as a result,

  
he became bipolar,

  
had problems with rage
and so on and so forth.

  
Poor schmuck couldn't relate.

  
And that's awful.

  
Poor schmuck probably
should've married Dana Wynter.

  
- Yeah, right.
- Know what I mean?

  
Dana could've got him
through his stuff, you know,

  
got him to clean up
his side of the street, you know?

  
Hello?

  
She also had her own stuff
that kept coming up.

  
What time is it?

  
Let's make no mistake about that.

  
Let it be understood!

  
- Hey... that's my line.
- So?

  
You stomped all over
my train of thought,

  
you stupid son of a bitch.

  
You stomped all over
my keynote speech.

  
This is supposed to be
my stupid keynote speech!

  
- I'll kill you!
- I'm sorry.

  
- Jesus Christ!
- What does he want from us?

  
- It's Bette?
- What do I want from you?

  
- Her name's Gina.
- How does he know our names?

  
- You write this shit, dude?
- I'm bipolar.

  
Oh, I'm bipolar. Are you bipolar?

  
I'm bipolar. I'm a schmuck.

  
I'm a schmuck,
and I'm bipolar.

  
- He was a...
- I'm Boo Boo. I'm bipolar.

  
He's also co-dependent.

  
I'm Boo Boo.
I'm the bipolar bear.

  
- Very funny.
- I'm the bipolar bear!

  
- Adult child of alcoholics.
- Stop this!

  
- Stop doing this!
- Would you shut the fuck up!

  
Cool it!

  
- This is boring.
- I'm hungry.

  
Hey, Matt, Matt, are you okay?

  
What do I say next?

  
"It's quite simple, really. "

  
I know that. What comes next?

  
- Cut, cut.
- Cut. Let's cut.

  
Burt, come on, wake up!

  
Matt, you're killing us.

  
Okay, back to first positions,
everyone. Burt!

  
- Put on the air conditioning!
- What do I say next?

  
Boo Boo! I'm Boo Boo.

  
- Going down.
- Wait for the camera, folks.

  
- Matt. Matt just went down.
- What's going on?

  
- Shouldrt you get the...
- I have no idea...

  
He went down, huh?
I'm hungry.

  
Jesus, now what?

  
He's nuts.

  
Matt?

  
Grab his arms.

  
Actors.

  
Real nice!

  
Watch his head!

  
Oh, I can't feel my face!

  
Let's loosen his shirt. Breathe!

  
- Let's break for lunch.
- Give him air.

  
Break for lunch, everyone!

  
One hour, everyone.

  
You! You want my part.

  
I don't want your part.
Want some water?

  
I don't want any water!

  
- Let him breathe.
- You don't have to have water.

  
- Can we get Monica in here, please?
- Who's Monica?

  
- The production nurse.
- She's never here when you need her.

  
- I'll get her.
- Try craft service. She's usually there.

  
- All right.
- Thanks, Bonnie.

  
- I need an ice pack.
- Come on.

  
- Does it still hurt?
- Yeah. Shit, it still hurts.

  
Abby, I need you to get me
an ice pack for Gavin.

  
- I just gotta figure out where...
- Give him to me.

  
You can't work like this anymore.
You're driving everybody crazy.

  
- I know that.
- Come here.

  
Come here, Michael.

  
My good little...

  
How are you, sweetie?

  
Jennifer, can you call Marcia,
the baby's mom,

  
and tell her that she needs
to come down here ASAP?

  
- Right this second.
- Well, where is she?

  
Probably at the motel
sunning her ass. Go!

  
Okay, calm down.

  
I am calm!

  
You're pulling my chest hairs!

  
Listen to me!

  
You are the leader.
I need you to act like one.

  
You're hurting my nipp...

  
From now on, you are gonna do
what I say, you understand?

  
Yes.

  
We are printing the second take.
We are printing the two last takes.

  
We need to match that last take

  
with the milk spilled
and the oatmeal,

  
and then when we come back from
lunch, we're gonna do a pick-up shot.

  
Yes, I get it, I get it.
I get it!

  
You are such an infant.

  
You're a baby!

  
Very touchy, isn't he?

  
Gavin, go down
to the production trailer.

  
Whoopsy daisy.

  
Drop dead, Lars.

  
I love you too!

  
Evan. Evan, darling...

  
- It's Gavin!
- Sorry, sweetie.

  
Listen, Evan, what are we
going to do about this wig?

  
- I mean, it doesn't even match...
- I don't care!

  
- What!
- Please excuse me for breathing!

  
Gavin, I'm really sorry
that I came in on that line,

  
but I don't know
what's going on around here.

  
- Who does?
- What line?

  
"Stop it! Stop doing this!"

  
I thought Mort
was gonna do that line.

  
No, that changed last night.

  
- Well, I didn't know!
- Well, you should've!

  
You should've said something!

  
- Come on, Florence Nightingale.
- Stop calling me that!

  
The nurse is coming over now,
and you were right, Barbara,

  
she was over there at craft service
just stuffing her face.

  
Unbelievable.

  
Hey, what are you doing?

  
Looking at your continuity sheets,

  
if that's what these
are supposed to be.

  
You're such an asshole, Lars!

  
I don't look through your shit.

  
How's Marlon doing
out there, anyway?

  
- Should we get a doctor, too?
- I'm gonna talk to Burt about it.

  
Honey, oh! Honey, come here.

  
- How do you feel?
- Get him a chair.

  
Get him in the chair.
There we go.

  
Back it in, back it in.

  
I've done this before like this.

  
Déjà vu.

  
Should we start the scene
in the kitchen?

  
We finished it, man.
We just have a pick-up shot.

  
- We started the scene?
- Yeah.

  
You were terrific.

  
No, no, I didn't think
you'd started the scene yet.

  
You scared the shit out of me.

  
Hey, hey! If you ever touch me
that way again,

  
I will eat your heart for lunch!

  
What are you talking about?!

  
Don't you touch me!
Don't anyone touch me!

  
That's lunch, everyone!
One hour.

  
One hour!

  
I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick, everyone!

  
You need to lie down.

  
- You want my part?
- Maybe we should all lie down.

  
What happened, honey?

  
He was overacting.

  
Leave me alone!
Don't you understand?

  
- Time's gone all weird...
- That's it. I'm outta here.

  
Gotta get outta here!

  
Oh, Jesus Christ!

  
Anybody know what's for lunch?

  
Get him to his trailer.
Come on.

  
Buddy, I need to call a doctor.

  
I need a cell phone, someone!

  
You should have a fucking phone!

  
That motherfucker!

  
Did you see that?
He just grabbed my titties!

  
This whole thing is going
to hell in a hand basket.

  
Okay, so we're clear?
Pick-up shot after lunch?

  
Yes, and we're gonna print
the last two takes.

  
If it were up to me,
we'd do a safety of the whole scene.

  
Anything for safety,
please, anything.

  
Come on, Lars, please,
give me a break.

  
I'm just kidding, old chum.
I'm just kidding.

  
Are you?

  
No.

  
- Who loves you, baby?
- Stop it!

  
Come on, sexy.

  
Who's that woman?

  
That's Lily. She's Russian.

  
What's she doing on my set?

  
Gavin, she financed half your film.

  
- That's why she wants a bigger part?
- Yeah.

  
What's she doing with Lars?

  
Giving him aid and sustenance
whenever he wants it.

  
Shit, directing sucks!
Where's my wife?

  
I'm here. Where's the baby?

  
- Jennifer has him.
- Where were you?

  
I was out buying diapers for him
and baby wipes for you, bonehead.

  
Oh, that's funny.
That's really funny!

  
Gavin.

  
I'm sor... I'm sorry. Sorry.

  
That's 45 minutes, people.

  
Back at 4:00. Back at 4:00!

  
Back at 4:00, copy that!

  
Gavin, this is Dr. Cohen.

  
Hi, Dr. Stuart Cohen.
Can we talk a moment, please?

  
- What's up?
- Privately.

  
- What's going on?
- What's the problem?

  
- Dead?
- Yeah.

  
I don't believe it.

  
Yeah, I don't know
what to say. It was...

  
What happened?

  
It could have been
severe heat stroke, heart, anything.

  
I took Dr. Cohen to Ray's trailer...

  
Yeah, he was lying down there...

  
- Who was laying down?
- What?

  
- Who was laying down?
- Matt, Matt Dobbs.

  
Right, and he didn't look good.

  
I asked him to sit up.
I needed to get his blood pressure.

  
I gave him some water.

  
I turned around to get my stuff,
and he had collapsed onto the floor.

  
It was awful.
I called an ambulance.

  
Are you sure he's dead?

  
What do you mean?
Of course I'm sure. I'm a doctor.

  
He's dead, extremely dead.

  
Okay, so what do we do now?

  
There's gonna have to be an autopsy,
coroner's report, all the procedures.

  
Did he have an insurance medical
before you started filming?

  
I guess so.

  
Did he or didn't he?
Don't you people check this out?

  
I don't know.
Don't get in my face!

  
Gavin, calm down!

  
All I'm saying is they have
strict laws up here in Nevada.

  
I'm sure they do.
Dr. Cohen, I'm Jeffrey, by the way.

  
I'm an actor in the film,
and this is...

  
Bonnie.

  
...Gavin, but he's a little stressed.

  
Okay, but hell, he doesn't
have to jump down my throat.

  
Does he have a family
or relatives?

  
Yeah, I have a wife and a child.

  
- He means Matt.
- Matt?

  
You know, the deceased?
What's his name, Dobbs?

  
Does he have a family?

  
Yes, he does. He has a wife
and two young kids.

  
I think they're divorced.

  
- His kids are divorced?
- What the fuck is wrong with you?

  
Do you laugh at everything?
I mean, a man has died.

  
She thinks this is funny.

  
- Are all you movie people like this?
- Go, go!

  
Who's in charge of things?

  
I'm the director.

  
- You've gotta be kidding.
- He is, doc.

  
He's in charge.
We can all vouch for that.

  
- Who the hell was that?
- That was the production asshole.

  
I thought as much.
Is there a producer around here?

  
Well, no. He's in LA.
His name is Harvey Brickman.

  
I'm gonna have to talk to him.

  
You know what, I'm gonna call
Harvey and break the news.

  
- I'll wait for the ambulance.
- I'll go with you.

  
No, it's okay. Go to lunch.

  
Copy that.

  
Gavin!

  
Your ice pack.

  
Why has he got
that ice pack on his knee?

  
He had an accident
surfing over in Malibu.

  
He surfs?

  
Oh, yeah.

  
- Harvey Brickmars office.
- Harvey.

  
- He's not here.
- Where is he?

  
- Would you like me to try his cell?
- Put me through!

  
God!

  
He's on medication, isn't he?

  
He's on everything.

  
Thought as much.

  
Vicodin?

  
Yeah.

  
Yeah, you got it.

  
That's why he's wacko.

  
He's wacko?

  
Hello.

  
Hey, Harvey, it's Gavin.

  
- Marvin?
- Gavin.

  
- Gavin?
- That's right.

  
I'm directing one of your films.

  
- Which one?
- Slipstream.

  
Yeah, out here in the desert.

  
- Garvin?
- Gavin, not Garvin.

  
- Right, no, I'm directing...
- Hot?

  
- It's very hot out here.
- Where?

  
- Near Vegas.
- Vegas?

  
Listen, Harvey,
we have a problem.

  
Actually, we have
a very big problem.

  
One of your actors, Matt Dobbs,

  
well, he collapsed
about an hour ago...

  
Who's he?

  
Playing...

  
Well, he's dead.

  
What do you mean? He can't die.
We're in the middle of a movie.

  
Nobody dies until I tell 'em to die.

  
- It could've been a heart...
- Heart attack!

  
Hiya, Francis!
How you doing?

  
You. Call me.
We'll have dinner.

  
Or heat exhaustion.

  
What do you mean,
heat exhaustion?!

  
We're already three weeks in.

  
What do you want me to do, recast?
You're breaking up, Harvey.

  
You'd break up
if you had my problems.

  
We can't recast.
Jeez, what's the matter with you?

  
John! John, take this away.
It's rubbish!

  
- What should I do?
- How the hell should I know?

  
You're the director!
Do a rewrite!

  
Everybody wants to be
a writer these days.

  
- What should I do!
- I don't know.

  
Get somebody
from catering to do it,

  
maybe transpo,
just get on with it.

  
- Get on with what?
- What?

  
Nothing, nothing, nothing.

  
Could you come up here?
We've got no line producer or anything.

  
Shut it down.

  
Okay, I'll shut down production
this afternoon. Great.

  
You have my cell phone number.

  
Actually, production
has my cell phone.

  
Or you could call
my hotel in Vegas.

  
Well, it's not really in Vegas.
It's actually a motel... hello?

  
Hello, Harvey?

  
Hey, Gav, catch!

  
Where the hell am I?

  
- Matt Dobbs just died.
- Who's he?

  
He's an actor.

  
He was your bright idea,
wasrt he?

  
What do I know?
I'm just the writer.

  
You'd better get up there
to the desert and do a rewrite

  
before some other idiot
gets hold of it.

  
Very nice to meet you.

  
So unprofessional.

  
Hey, Gav!

  
- Okay, this is the situation.
- Evan, darling.

  
This is what the deal is.
We're shutting down production.

  
- Harvey is coming up on Monday.
- That should be lots of fun.

  
And what are we supposed to do,
Superman, sit around and wait?

  
I'm not sure
what the legal deal is in this case.

  
- Will you recast?
- Don't even say that word.

  
- Harvey wants to do a rewrite.
- You're bringing the writer up here?

  
- Yes, we're gonna do a rewrite.
- I'm down with that.

  
Oh, you would say that, Jeffrey.
You're so nice.

  
- So nice!
- We need a rewrite.

  
I have no idea what
I'm doing in this thing.

  
You need to bring
the real writer up here.

  
- Yes, the real writer.
- Do we get paid?

  
Yeah, well, speak to your agent.
Call your agent.

  
You don't understand, man.
I have to be paid. I need the money.

  
Well, what's that
thing called, force...

  
Force major.

  
He knows that.
He knows everything.

  
Bette, here's an idea.
Why don't you have a drink?

  
I gotta be paid. I'm gonna get
a deputy on the set!

  
Oh, babycakes, you're gonna get paid.
Don't worry your little head.

  
Mommy'll look after that.
Mommy'll look after that.

  
Bette, will you go fuck yourself?

  
You too, darling.

  
And that girly horse
you rode into town on...

  
Why don't you just drop dead?

  
I've enough of this shit!
I'm gonna get a lawyer.

  
I think it's a pretty healthy group.
What about you?

  
I'll sue their ass.

  
Burt, can we see dailies tonight?

  
I don't know, Gav.
The projector's broken.

  
- Like everything else on this movie.
- Any other questions?

  
- Yeah, I got a question.
- Yeah, Lars?

  
Who wrote this piece of crap?

  
You guys figure it out.

  
Yeah, baby!

  
My God, this place
must be a million years old.

  
Will that be it, sweetie?

  
I think this gentlemars next.

  
No, sir. You're next.

  
Thank you.

  
That'll be $1.35.

  
What?

  
$1.35.

  
- That's all?
- Did you want to pay more?

  
No, it's just so cheap.

  
That's the way it is out here,
sweetie, free and easy.

  
Yes, sirree, home on the range
where the buffalo roam.

  
The deer and the antelope play.

  
Dolly's Little Diner.
Home from home.

  
Home from home.

  
What's your name?

  
Dolly Parton Lookalike.

  
Dolly Parton Lookalike.

  
Dolly Parton Lookalike...

  
My, my...

  
Thank you very much.

  
Have a good day,
and enjoy it.

  
Catchy little tune, isn't it?

  
Yeah.

  
Thanks.

  
Beautiful day.

  
Yeah, you could say that again.

  
Beautiful day.

  
Waiting for your lady friend?

  
Yes, I am.

  
She'll be out soon.

  
- Hello.
- Hi.

  
Mommy?

  
Felix?

  
That bathroom was so gross
I couldn't use it.

  
The place had flooded.
The john overflowed.

  
There was stuff everywhere.
Are you okay?

  
God, you look like
you saw a ghost.

  
It's just the heat. I'm okay.
You all right?

  
Yeah.

  
Can I go behind the car?

  
Yeah, why not?

  
Okay, you stand guard.

  
Yeah. What?

  
Stand guard.

  
- No peeking!
- Okay.

  
Hello.

  
Who's that man
you were talking to back there?

  
I don't know.

  
He said he thought
he knew me from someplace.

  
He was kind of cute.

  
That's better.

  
Whose car is this?

  
I don't know.

  
Does it smell kind of funny?

  
Yeah.

  
Ready?

  
- Yeah.
- Good.

  
Let's go.

  
Have a nice day.

  
Hello, my friend.
We meet again.

  
Could you possibly give me
a ride to Las Vegas?

  
I fear that my car
is about to expire.

  
I seem to be lost. I don't know
if this goes to Las Vegas.

  
Oh, it does.
Take my word for it, yes sir.

  
You're doing the right thing,
just a little off-track,

  
but I can get us there.

  
Good, then get in.

  
To the land of Babylon
and fair fortune.

  
I love the desert.

  
You came into that diner
this afternoon, right?

  
Way down there on the highway.

  
We spoke briefly.

  
Where's your girlfriend?

  
She's in the back.
She's sleeping.

  
Does she always sleep
with her eyes open?

  
I never noticed.

  
She's not my girlfriend.

  
Oh, I apologize.

  
"Not having seen the dawn,
I open every door. "

  
- You're Kevin McCan'thy, aren't you?
- That's what they tell me.

  
I saw you in a great movie once.

  
It was called The Invasion
of the Body Snatchers.

  
Was I in that?

  
Yeah, and Dana Wynter.

  
She was your girlfriend,
and she was so beautiful.

  
Indeed she was.

  
- You were the hero.
- I was?

  
Yeah.

  
How do you like that!

  
Why doesn't he listen to you...
what's his name?

  
- Gavin.
- Right, Garvin.

  
I can never remember his name.

  
Morty! Morty!

  
Yeah, where you been,
Morty baby, yeah?

  
Yeah, I saw Francis yesterday.

  
He looks terrific.

  
You can't talk?
You with Bobby?

  
And Leo! What, you having an orgy?

  
I got you! I got you, you bastard!

  
You call me, now!

  
Call me! All right, don't forget.

  
I love you more.

  
So why doesn't he
listen to you?

  
I tend to rattle his cage.
He doesn't like it.

  
So was it like this before the actor...
what was his name... died?

  
- Matt Dobbs.
- What was going on then?

  
Anarchy.
Dobbs was rewriting the script.

  
He'd call script conferences
every morning before shooting.

  
It made everyone crazy.

  
I thought we had a script!
What was the problem?

  
He's an actor, what can I tell you.
He wasrt even good at it.

  
He was the " look at me
scratch my balls" school of acting.

  
They're all such assholes.

  
I asked this guy, Matt Dobbs,
I asked him last week,

  
- I said, "Why are you doing this?"
- What'd he say?

  
He said it was a generational thing.

  
- What's that mean?
- Beats the hell outta me.

  
Little puke. Come on!

  
You couldn't do anything to stop it?

  
What could I do?
Gavin had no control.

  
He was terrified.

  
Couldrt make decisions about
anything, even about breakfast.

  
I could've helped him,
you know?

  
Camera set-ups, lots of...
but he wouldn't listen.

  
That's too bad.

  
Dino!

  
Dino, is that you, Dino?

  
Dino! How you doing?

  
You doing Hannibal 4: Blue Dragon
with Hopkins? He's in or out?

  
He wants more money?
Fuck him.

  
It's sad.

  
He's a nice little guy
with a big heart.

  
- What's his name?
- Gavin.

  
I think he's trying
to prove himself somehow.

  
Yeah, with big brother Mikey.

  
Some hot shit producer,
richer than God,

  
with three big awards
stuck up his ass.

  
This poor schmuck's been trying
to get even all his life.

  
Let's have lunch.
Enough with this garbage.

  
Why do people play this game?
It is so boring!

  
It eases tension.

  
Well, I'd rather enjoy my tension.

  
It gets things done!

  
When does Bonoeffer get here?

  
- I thought he was here!
- Maybe he is.

  
I never know what the hell
that guy's talking about

  
with his stupid accent.

  
What is he, Icelandic?

  
No, he's Welsh.

  
Why do I always end up
with the space cadets?

  
- Where you shooting tomorrow?
- Lucky Dice Motel.

  
Let's start kicking some ass, man!

  
Where's the director?!

  
Let's get on with it!

  
Cut, cut, cut!

  
- Cut!
- That was cut.

  
Hey, Harvey!
It's... well... I didn't know you were...

  
Today's Monday, isn't it?
I'm sorry, but you got in the shot.

  
What shot?
What are you talking about!

  
The shot where Bette and Gina
leave the motel and go back to LA.

  
Script check. Script check!

  
There's no such scene!

  
I'm in Room 419.

  
You think that I was
born yesterday?

  
Shut up!

  
- Harvey...
- It's Mr. Brickman to you,

  
you little putz!
What's that thing around your neck?

  
It's my baby boy, actually,
Mr. Brickman.

  
His name is Michael Joshua...

  
I don't wanna know his name!
What's he doing around your neck?

  
You try to direct my movie
with a baby around your neck?

  
But my wife is suffering
from post-partum...

  
- Post-what?!
- She can't cope.

  
It's post-partum depression,
Mr. Brickman.

  
It's like Brooke Shields.

  
- Your brother was right!
- Brother?

  
Yes, your big brother,
the producer.

  
He said you're a loser, an idiot.
He's right!

  
You bet your sweet ass
I'm right, Harvey!

  
Mikey!

  
Stop the car! Stop the car!

  
I mean, you asked me
to do a rewrite...

  
Harvey! Harvey!

  
Ask the schmuck
about his knee surgery!

  
- What?
- I had this knee surgery

  
and that why I have
this titanium plate...

  
Well, here's the darn card
that has the x-ray photo of it.

  
It has my little...
this one gets me through

  
clearances and concerts
of course, and...

  
Why are you doing this to me?

  
- I lost my way.
- Wake up.

  
Hello, Felix.

  
Are you ready, love?

  
Let's go have some breakfast.

  
- Hi.
- Bonoeffer, is that your name?

  
- Yeah.
- Are you all right?

  
Yeah.

  
What are you looking at?

  
Nothing.
Where'd you get that hat?

  
You got this for me
last year in Texas.

  
Don't you remember?

  
Oh, yeah.

  
Are you all right, love?

  
Yeah, I'm fine.
Just a little tired, that's all.

  
Arert you gonna be hot
in this jacket?

  
No, I'm all right.
I like being hot.

  
Can we sit anywhere?

  
- Anywhere you please, honey child.
- Thank you.

  
There he goes again.

  
Can we sit anywhere?

  
- Anywhere you please, honey child.
- Thank you.

  
Be with you in a moment.
Would you both like coffee?

  
Latte, extra hot, no foam, please.

  
Mr. Bonoeffer?

  
I'd like an orange juice.

  
- Mr. Bonoeffer?
- Yeah.

  
Lars Munsen.
Cinematographer extraordinaire.

  
Oh, hi.
You know my wife, Gina.

  
Gina's been our moral support
in these troubled times.

  
Oh, Lars.

  
She's our lucky mascot.
Isn't that right, little one?

  
Totally amazing.

  
There you have it.
Totally phantasmagorically amazing.

  
Thank you, Lars.

  
I should have introduced you.

  
This young beauty's
gonna be a movie star.

  
She's my protégé. Her name's Lily.
She's from Russia.

  
- Hi, Lily.
- Hi-lo.

  
So, how is everything?

  
Fantasia, old man.

  
- Lunacy.
- That bad, huh?

  
A looking glass world.

  
Mad Hatter's tea party.

  
Yeah?

  
One orange juice.

  
- Latte, no foam, sweetie pie.
- Thank you.

  
It's my pleasure.

  
- Who the hell was that?
- The waiter?

  
That's Aaron.

  
So, what's the latest development?

  
You are, Mr. Bonoeffer.

  
- I am?
- Of course.

  
Hurtling up here from tired old
Tinseltown to rewrite our little saga.

  
Maybe you can write me
a part, Mr. Bonoeffer.

  
- Me too.
- Well, I'll give it a go.

  
Oh, yes, please.

  
Harvey's coming up
this afternoon, I believe.

  
He's here.

  
Flew in this morning.

  
I doubt he'll help matters much.

  
Harvey experiences road rage
even in the bathroom.

  
Heads will tumble,
limbs will snap asunder,

  
and many a tear will fall,
I have no doubt.

  
Hi-ho, and merrily we go.

  
Godspeed.

  
Don't forget, now.

  
See you guys later.

  
Done with the paper?

  
It's yours, old chum, all yours.

  
Thanks.

  
Bye.

  
So that's Lars Munsen, huh?

  
Lars and Lily.

  
What do you know.

  
God, it's hot.

  
This is where it all started.

  
It's Bette, honey,

  
your old friend, Bette Lustig.

  
Bette, I've been looking
for you everywhere.

  
I had something to tell you.

  
I know, honey. Gina told me
you were looking for me.

  
Gina?

  
I can't remember
what it was I had to tell you.

  
Look!

  
Gina said you had
a spot of trouble, too.

  
Remember?

  
We drove up here three days ago.

  
We're heading back
to LA tomorrow.

  
You wanna come with us?

  
That's 45 minutes!

  
Felix...

  
Are you okay, honey?

  
Don't think so.

  
Let's go and say hello to Gina.

  
- Gina, yeah.
- You remember Gina, my niece.

  
I think so.

  
Of course you do.

  
Are you in pain, honey?

  
No, not anymore.

  
- Gina.
- Hello.

  
You remember Felix.

  
Of course I do.

  
- Hello.
- Hello, Gina.

  
Would you like to join us
for tea or coffee?

  
- No, I can't.
- No?

  
Why not, honey?

  
You look pale.
You have breakfast?

  
I can't remember.

  
Can't remember.

  
- What's going on around here?
- What do you mean?

  
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

  
Don't do that, please.

  
- Why not?
- 'Cause it hurts me.

  
You shouldn't play
with the big boys.

  
- Right, Gina?
- Word from the wise.

  
- You're next.
- You should get a little rest.

  
Yes, try to rest.

  
- Remember?
- I just feel so cold.

  
I feel so cold.

  
Godspeed.

  
They're making a movie
around here somewhere.

  
So I've heard.

  
I tried to get a part in it,
but with my reputation...

  
I hear my friend Tracy
plays a very important part in it.

  
Isn't that right, Felix?

  
A very important part.

  
Isn't that right, Felix?

  
- Hello, Felix.
- Very important.

  
Will you have tea with us?

  
I love the desert.

  
Isn't it beautiful?

  
I love the desert.

  
Don't look at the camera, Felix.

  
Just be real. Like John Ford
said to Ben Johnson,

  
"Just be real. "
Isn't that right, Mr. Brickman?

  
Beats the shit out of me.

  
That is such a crock.

  
Are we in a movie?

  
Everything's a movie.

  
Talking pictures.

  
- That's all it is.
- Talking pictures.

  
Cheesy dreams...

  
while Huckleberry Finn goes
fishing on the edge of the moon.

  
Who's Ben Johnson?

  
He was in The Last Picture Show.

  
Just like us.

  
- Don't move, my love. Be still.
- Be real.

  
He's gone.

  
You know, when my little Ruthie died,

  
I'd look into that mirror and I'd say,

  
"Bette, honey, this is it, girl.

  
The show's on the road,

  
and you've got to get
up and get at 'em. "

  
- It's so sad.
- Oh, I don't know.

  
Something...
insurance or credit fraud,

  
something like that, honey.

  
- How fast will your car go?
- In honest miles-an-hour...

  
I have to go now.

  
I'll see you
tomorrow morning at 7:00.

  
Okay. Thank you, dear.

  
Are you sure you don't need me
to help you pack?

  
No.

  
What are you looking for?

  
Are you okay?

  
- Yeah.
- You take care of yourself.

  
Take care.

  
Okay. See you.

  
I just...

  
need to find my...

  
money.

  
What a moron!

  
It's not too hot for you,
is it, lady?

  
Oh, it is a bit.

  
But it sure is beautiful out here.

  
Pretty warm.

  
I got us some candy bars.

  
Hi. How you doing?

  
Nuts, potato chips.

  
Oh, good. That's great.

  
- Have a nice day, sir.
- Thank you.

  
Something bothering you, mister?

  
No, something bothering you?

  
Yes. I don't like being watched

  
or stared at, for that matter.

  
Detective Buzz Larabee.

  
I need you to identify a body.

  
So...

  
how well'd you know him?

  
I worked part-time at his bar,
the Chelsea.

  
And when did you see him last?

  
Tuesday night.

  
- This was at the bar?
- Yes.

  
So, what did you talk about?

  
We didn't talk much.

  
When I got off work that night,

  
Mort escorted me to my car
in the parking lot.

  
He was like that... polite,
always looking out for me.

  
He told me to take care and...

  
gave me a few days off
to bring my aunt up here to Vegas.

  
- Anything else?
- Yes.

  
A man called Bonoeffer.

  
Freaky, the whole
day had been like that.

  
How?

  
I'd seen this man earlier on TV,
Felix Bonoeffer...

  
- Who?
- Felix Bonoeffer.

  
That's what he called himself.

  
- I don't think it was his real name.
- Why not?

  
He was involved in a shootout.

  
Now, involved in a shootout?

  
What do you mean?

  
He was with my friend Tracy
in his car when it happened.

  
Well, what's this
got to do with Mort?

  
Who?

  
The guy on the slab, lady,

  
your friend in the freezer.

  
Are you okay?

  
No. Can I sit down?

  
Let me get you some water.

  
Tiddles!

  
Hi, Shelley.

  
Where's the kitchen?

  
I gotta get this lady some water.

  
It's through there.

  
Are these two okay?

  
- They're channeling.
- All right.

  
There you go.

  
Thanks.

  
What happened next?

  
He calmed down
after a few minutes,

  
so Mort asked if it was okay
to leave us together.

  
You know, was it safe.

  
He said he had to go.

  
Okay. Then what?

  
He got into his car and started
to drive out of the parking lot.

  
"... he started to... "

  
He got into his car
and started to drive...

  
"... of the parking lot...

  
and then... "

  
Dinner's ready.

  
Dinner's ready.

  
Okay. I'll be there in a moment.

  
How's it going?

  
I don't know. It's a...

  
little strange.

  
Like you.

  
Hi, Stormy.

  
Hello.

  
Do you want to read
what I've just written?

  
No. Later, love.
Come on, dinner's ready.

  
- Come on.
- I will, I'll be there.

  
That was nice, thank you.

  
Eat your salad, it's good for you.
It's organic.

  
I hate salad.

  
- Bunny food.
- The actor died.

  
You know, he was falling all over
the place, he was perspiring,

  
and I don't know,
his gun fell from his hand...

  
And then the next thing,
he collapsed.

  
He collapsed, and so that was...
I don't know, that was it.

  
You know, the actor died.

  
We were left high and dry, literally.

  
- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.

  
But the spooky thing was...

  
What?

  
Well, I don't know how
to describe it. It's like...

  
it's like we have no control
over anything.

  
It's like we're being
pushed about by something.

  
Everybody on the set felt it.

  
It was like a big joke.

  
A joke?

  
- Yeah, a joke.
- It was really strange.

  
- How?
- Well, the guy who wrote it...

  
- He did it for a laugh.
- That's what we heard, anyway.

  
Who wrote it, Gavin?

  
- I don't know.
- Nobody knows, really.

  
Nobody knows who he is
or where he came from.

  
It's kinda scary.

  
How do you mean, scary?

  
Like when you're a little kid...

  
and it's dark...

  
you keep thinking that you see
somebody you don't know

  
looking at you through a window.

  
It's kinda like a dream.

  
Oh, shit!

  
Can't you control your pages?!

  
Oh, my God.

  
Where the hell is he?

  
Felix!

  
Hey, Felix! Felix!

  
So?

  
What?

  
What happens next, man?

  
Search me.
I don't have a clue.

  
You schmuck. Schmucko!

  
You talking to me?

  
Who in the hell do you think
I'm talking to?

  
Leave me alone.
Give me a break, will you?

  
You just killed Barbara.

  
- Who?
- My script supervisor, dummy!

  
- So what?
- She's the one person

  
who's been holding
this thing together man!

  
There's a lot of people

  
with their dicks
flapping in the breeze,

  
and they're pissed off at you, man!

  
What... what... what's...
what's going on around here?

  
I don't know this place.
I don't know this place.

  
Garvin, baby!

  
- Where am I?
- We're inside Bonoeffer's computer.

  
Like viruses.

  
What are you talking about?

  
We're inside his hard drive, man.
Think about it.

  
You are nuts.

  
Okay, so I'm nuts,
but look in the corner.

  
Do you see?
That's Felix sleeping in that chair.

  
- Who's Felix?
- He's the writer.

  
I eat writers for breakfast.

  
Listen, I can't talk right now.
I'm in somebody's hard drive.

  
Did somebody say Felix Bonoeffer?

  
- Well, who the hell are you?
- Buzz Larabee, detective.

  
I've gotta question
this Bonoeffer guy, whoever he is,

  
and what do you two
know about him, anyway?

  
He's a writer.
What's there to know?

  
He was involved
in a shootout on the freeway.

  
- A shootout?
- A shootout.

  
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

  
Yeah, I knew there was something
about that guy with the stupid accent.

  
Where can I find him?

  
Look in there, over there to the left.

  
See him sleeping in the chair?
That's him. There he is.

  
So that's him.
How can I get to him?

  
- No, don't disturb him.
- Why the hell not?

  
- Because he owes me, that's why.
- What do you mean?

  
A conclusion.
He keeps killing people off.

  
Tell me about it, huh?

  
Especially when he's tired.
He needs to sleep.

  
He's extremely dangerous,
especially when he's tired.

  
That's why I have to lock
this creep up... he's dangerous.

  
I hate writers. I always have.
Did he write this garbage?

  
Would you mind
taking out the garbage?

  
- Who's that?
- Who is that?

  
- His wife.
- Wife?

  
His wife.

  
I know that voice.

  
Love, the garbage?

  
Gina, don't wake him, Gina.

  
Gina, please don't wake him.

  
Love?

  
Love, can you please
take out the trash?

  
What? Sorry.

  
Can you please take out

  
the kitchen trash
before you go to sleep?

  
I don't want it to smell up the house.

  
Okay. Hi, Stormy.

  
- Come on, love.
- All right.

  
God Almighty.

  
Why'd you kill me off like that?

  
What?

  
Why'd you kill me off like that?

  
I didn't kill you off.
What are you talking about?

  
Shit, man, you killed me in scene 23.

  
I got the script right here.

  
Keep your voice down.

  
There, see?

  
I was supposed to go to scene 32.

  
You were?

  
Yeah, man, my part
was a lot bigger than this.

  
I had three more scenes.

  
Oh, I don't remember that.

  
Look at scene 32.

  
That was supposed to be me.

  
I was supposed to come in and yell...

  
Stop doing this!

  
So they didn't shoot it
the way I wrote it?

  
Man, Matt Dobbs
was rewriting everything.

  
He was all over the place...
all over the director, everyone.

  
- Who was the director?
- Gavin.

  
Gavin, yeah, I remember.
He was very good.

  
He was a pussy on this thing.

  
Nice guy, but he had no control.

  
Matt Dobbs was directing
the fucking movie.

  
He was? Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know that, Mort.

  
My name's not Mort, it's Phil.

  
Phil Henderson?

  
Phil, I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't...

  
So, who's Mort?

  
Mort is the character
I was playing, man.

  
What's wrong with you?

  
Oh, the hole in the head.

  
So, this guy was directing everything?

  
Everything, man.

  
He had us doing line readings.

  
He kept saying he knew
Pacino and Scorsese.

  
Big fucking deal.

  
He kept saying things like,

  
"I was out last night,
and I was talking to Bobby,

  
- "and Marlon was there... "
- Hey, Leo!

  
"... and Marlon said this,
and Bobby said that,

  
and Al, you know he loved improv. "

  
- All that crap.
- Actors.

  
Maybe that's why the jerk-off died.

  
He had to have total control,
you know what I mean?

  
A power freak.
Even Gavin went nuts at one point.

  
You remember that speech about
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

  
Body snatchers? No.

  
- You didn't write that?
- No, I didn't write it.

  
I knew it. I knew it.
This guy was a piece of work.

  
He just took off on this speech
about body snatchers in a movie.

  
Don't you see the dailies?

  
No, I'm not allowed
near the set, that's why.

  
Well, you wrote the movie,
and it was a good script.

  
It was very good.

  
In fact, that's the only reason
I took the movie.

  
It was a big break for me.

  
So, someone died?

  
Yeah, Matt Dobbs.

  
You wrote the part of Ray
for an African-American, right?

  
I did?

  
Yeah, man, what's wrong with you?
Are you on drugs?

  
No, no, I'm not on drugs.

  
Ray, the character that Matt Dobbs
was playing, was black.

  
Matt Dobbs
wasrt a black actor, man,

  
he was white, like her.

  
Oh, my God.

  
Why did you kill me off, Felix?

  
- Barbara.
- I was just the script supervisor.

  
That's all I was.

  
It's Barbara.

  
Now you have no continuity.

  
Nothing makes sense anymore.

  
It's so unfair.

  
It's just so unfair.

  
So unfair.

  
Go.

  
Mommy.

  
Oh, my God.

  
Let's get a doctor, an ambulance.

  
Oh, God.

  
It's okay, man. It's okay.

  
Yeah, they gave him
a thorough checkup.

  
Bloodwork was fine,
and the heart is great.

  
They even gave him
a brain scan, but he's fine.

  
What happened was
I went into the den...

  
Love, can you take out the trash
before you lock up, please?

  
The kitchen trash.

  
Love, can you please take out
the trash before you lock up?

  
Are you okay?

  
I can't move.

  
I couldn't wake him up.
He said he couldn't move,

  
so I just called the ambulance,

  
and we got him to the hospital.

  
I guess he's just stressed out.

  
He's been working so late
on this project of his, but he's fine.

  
I'll see you at the hospital.

  
No escape.

  
We got him to emergency,

  
but couldn't find
anything wrong with him.

  
He's right as rain.

  
Terrible pain.

  
So, when they gonna
let you go, honey?

  
Maybe Tuesday.

  
Maybe not today, maybe tomorrow.

  
Life.

  
Hi, Felix.

  
Felix.

  
Hi.

  
I'm Dr. Geekman, and this is
my associate, Dr. Stuart Cohen.

  
So, you're ready to go home?

  
The good news is we can find nothing
physically, organically wrong.

  
- Absolutely nothing.
- It could be just stress, right, Stu?

  
Right, stress, anxiety, perhaps.

  
Has he been under stress?

  
I'm sorry, you're his wife?

  
- Gina, hello.
- Hi, Gina.

  
Has he been under stress,
under pressure?

  
He's been writing a screenplay.

  
He's a bit obsessive about it,
stays up most nights writing,

  
but other than that
he's actually okay, Doctor.

  
- You're an all-or-nothing kind of guy?
- Yes, he is.

  
Lots of people
around this town like that.

  
Need to relax, let go.

  
Yeah, let go.
Can I talk to you for a sec?

  
Has your husband ever been diagnosed
as suffering from bipolar disorder?

  
He just thinks he's losing his mind.

  
He thinks he's going crazy, Doctor.

  
- Hello.
- Is there anything you can do?

  
Well, like Stu said,
just complete rest.

  
Yes, complete rest.

  
Lots of sleep and easy does it.

  
Moderation in all things.
You know, the golden rule.

  
You're next!

  
Okay, well, no physical activity
for a few days,

  
and complete rest,
lot of sleep, you know?

  
We could try some medication.

  
- Oh, no, Doctor, no drugs.
- Does he smoke?

  
- No.
- Alcohol?

  
No.

  
Be good to yourself. Relax.

  
Thank you.

  
Hello?

  
Thank you, Doctor.

  
Are you okay?

  
Yeah.

  
Are you sure?

  
Hello, Felix.

  
What are you doing?

  
I've gotta get out.

  
- I've gotta get out of here.
- What are you doing?

  
God!

  
Don't!

  
Please stop.

  
Love. Love!

  
I've got to get back.

  
It's 4:00.
It's 4:00, my time's up.

  
My time's up. I've gotta go back.

  
- Please don't be crazy.
- My time's up.

  
Hold it.

  
I've gotta get back.

  
We're almost home.

  
- I'm here to help.
- Please don't hurt him!

  
We're not gonna hurt him.
Is he on some kind of medication?

  
No, he's just been released
from the hospital, officer.

  
Okay, so he's not
on anything right now?

  
No, he's just been under
a lot of stress.

  
Morning View Highway.

  
All right, take it easy.
Just breathe. Just breathe.

  
Hey! Wait, wait!

  
What's that, dear?

  
Oh, yes, I heard.

  
I heard.

  
Poor old Felix.

  
Cut. That's lunch, everyone.

  
That's it.

  
You're pulling my chest hairs!

  
You're next.

  
Go, go, go.

  
- Hi.
- Hello.

  
So, you're ready to go home?


Special thanks to SergeiK.