Who's Your Caddy? Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Who's Your Caddy? script is here for all you fans of the Faizon Love movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Who's Your Caddy? quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Who's Your Caddy? Script

  
  
 I came from the bottom 

  
 I made it to the top 

  
 And I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 Coming to your town
to invade your block 

  
 Yo, we live from the hood,
taking over your spot 

  
 I came from the bottom,
I made it to the top 

  
 I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 I'm gonna drop 

  
 Whatever I drop is hot 

  
 It's gonna rock 

  
 Got so much money,
now I can't be stopped 

  
 Follow me
while I take you on an odyssey 

  
 I'm gettin' dollars, see,
can't nothin' bother me 

  
 Green grass, yeah,
blowin' on the hood 

  
 Million-dollar caddy
call me Tiger Woods 

  
... from the bottom, I made it to the top 

  
 I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 Coming to the your town
to invade your block 

  
 We live from the hood,
takin' over your spot 

  
 I came from the bottom,
I made it to the top 

  
 I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 Coming to your town
to invade your block 

  
 We ride from the hood,
takiní over your spot 

  
 Yo, drop 

  
Nice ride

  
- Whatís up, my guy?
- Whoa, C-Note, Im a huge fan

  
- Is that right? Okay
- Yeah

  
Whatís up, G?
Hey, who on tour this week?

  
Gnarls Barkley

  
Can you hook my boy up
with some backstage passes?

  
I think he tryin to get
his pimp thing together

  
Hey, thanks a lot

  
All right? Peace, buddy

  
- Hey
- How you doing?

  
You still breast feed?

  
Well, it ain't the Southside

  
- No
- Sure ainít

  
You got to be kidding

  
Is this the caliber of person
we want in the club?

  
With all due respect, Mr Cummings,

  
he was the President of
United States

  
An unfortunate accident

  
And besides, I cant stand the wife

  
Denied Next?

  
Oh, hmm, dykes on spikes

  
Iím led to believe he does have
a very successful talk show

  
Denied Next?

  
Whatís happening, players?

  
Whatís the burning in here?
- What y'all smokin on?

  
- Blip pow
- All right

  
I call you back

  
And how you doin?

  
May I help you?

  
Yes, I want to get an application
for membership

  
You don't just apply
for membership here

  
You have to be invited

  
Your eyes blue?

  
Ooh, I bet they be tryin to kiss you
in the mouth

  
Denied

  
Mr Cummings, we have a problem

  
Thereís no problem

  
- Uh
Hell, no

  
That ainít the Rev

  
I didnít know Al Sharpton was a member
Whatís happening?

  
We in the right place?

  
How may we help you?

  
Im in desperate search
of an application, sir

  
Uh, well
take them to the Caddy Master

  
We always have a spot in the yard

  
for an enterprising young man
who can carry a bag

  
- What?
- What?

  
Did he call you a nigger?

  
- Uh...
- You want me to carry a bag?

  
If youíd prefer,
you could work in the stables

  
- Horses?!
- How are you with a shovel?

  
- Shovel?!
- He just said,

  
Nigger, shovel that horse shit

  
- Meto shovel horse shit?
- Its honest work

  
G, could you please school
this nine-ball on who hes talking to?

  
Yes, I will
Gentlemen, step back!

  
Shout it

  
You are in the presence
of a multi-platinum greatness

  
Preach that shit!

  
The impresario of hip-hop

  
- Bam!
- The godfather of modern rap

  
- Bam!
- The artist formerly known as

  
Bam!

  
- Tell it, girl
- Christopher C Hawkins,

  
the one, the only, C-Note

  
Southside

  
Southside!

  
Im sorry, Mr Note

  
I... I don't watch much MTV

  
As you can see,

  
were in the middle
of reviewing candidates

  
for membership, so

  
Well, we just in time
Sign me up

  
Im afraid it doesn't work
that way

  
You see, we have
a very stringent application process

  
Stringent

  
Can I get a stringent on the rocks?

  
Okay, G, could you please show him
some love for me one time

  
- How's a million?
- Memberships only 500,
  
Keep the rest as a gratuity,

  
you know, for letting us
circumvent your stringent process

  
You feel me?

  
No, I don't feel you

  
This is a very exclusive club

  
We have a five-year waiting list

  
A five-year waiting list

  
of over 600 very qualified candidates

  
Very qualified

  
We only have 180 members

  
I can assure you, Mr Note,

  
there is not a chance in hell
that you will be number 
  
You feel me?

  
Thatís cold, my brother

  
Im not your brother

  
Thatís some astringent shit

  
Please show Mr Note and his friends
to the exit

  
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo
Hey, this some bullshit

  
Were gonna talk
to Johnny Cochran about this

  
Hes dead

  
Oh, wait a minute
You killed Johnny Cochran?

  
You moron

  
Hes dead?

  
Lets ride

  
- Lets go
- This is astringent

  
- All this is astringent
Yeah, we comin back

  
We comin back
with more black people

  
Well be talkin to you soon

  
Step outside,
well be astringent

  
Come on here, girl
Thank you

  
Great party house

  
on one of the best streets
in Carolina Pines

  
Location, location, location, right?

  
Oh, it has a six-car garage,
plenty of parking for all your guests,

  
and more square footage
than youíll know what to do with

  
Oh, Tom Cruise lives
two doors down

  
His lot size is much smaller

  
Now, cant you just hear the blender
whipping up a batch of Margaritas

  
while youíre kicking back,
catching some rays with your bitches

  
- Your what?
- Bitches

  
Watch your mouth, buddy

  
Oh, bitches, pretty girls, I get it
Im down with that

  
I could just smell those lines being cut
Mmm

  
Are you pickin up
what Im puttin down?

  
You feel me, donít ya?
Yeah

  
All right, lets move on

  
If I havenít sold you already,
give me one more chance

  
because this is
the piŤce de rŤsistance

  
You have the entire
Carolina Pines Golf and Country Club

  
right here in your back yard

  
Oh, and that...

  
that right there is the 17th hole,

  
made famous
when Jack Nicklaus called it the

  
Best hole in all of golf

  
Yes, youíre a fan

  
Everybody knows Jacks the man

  
Yeah, but all about Tiger

  
- Hes so cute
- Hey, G, how we looking?

  
That was my contact
at the County Registrars office

  
Everything checks out
We good

  
All right
Well take it, all cash offer

  
Tell your client I need to close
by the end of business tomorrow

  
- Can you do that?
- Oh, fabulous

  
You are really going to spice things up around
here

  
You bring the sugar
Fantastic

  
- Honey
- Hmm?

  
I have a lesson with the golf pro today

  
Thatís fine, honey

  
Just keep your head down
and keep your eyes on the ball

  
What do you think
about what Im wearing?

  
Uh, yeah its perfect

  
Ugh

  
I think I wear this

  
it wont restrict my swing

  
Well, thatís perfect, honey

  
Just remember,

  
keep your head down
and your eyes on the ball

  
So when will you make a decision?

  
Within the next three weeks

  
Well, I think I speak
for everyone here at Carolina Pines

  
when I say
we would love to host the US Open

  
We did have
a successful tournament here,

  
the year that Jack Nicklaus
shot a 62 on the last day

  
Oh, yeah, he had a good round

  
its only two strokes
off my course record

  
Did I ever tell you about that?

  
Just last week

  
- Never grows old, sir
- Yeah

  
Did you hear something?

  
Uh, I think its coming
from the 17th, over there

  
Come on, girls, give it to me now

  
Stay close

  
- Sexy
-  Thatís right 

  
- Oh
-  Burn, man 

  
- Shit
-  Uh-huh, now

  
-  Im back 
- Oh, I love my job

  
 Im your fireman,
fire, fa, fireman 

  
 I got that fire, Im hollering 

  
 I got that fire, come and try me 

  
 You can spark it up,
and Im-a put you out 

  
 Ainít nobody fucking
with me man 

  
 Heatman, Ski Mask,
spending next weeks cash, he fast 

  
-  And I donít even need a G pass 
- Shake what your mamma gave ya, yeah

  
 Im passing em out now

  
 And you cant have that 

  
 And my chain Toucan Sam that 

  
 Tropical colors you cant match that 

  
 Gotta be abstract 

  
- Oh, how yíall...
-  You catch my gal legs open 

  
-  Betta smash that 
- Cut!

  
What the hell are you doing
in my golf course?

  
Shootin a music video
What it look like?

  
It looks to me like trespassing

  
It does look like trespassing

  
And youíre the one
thatís doin the trespassing

  
Now, get your monkey ass
off my property

  
Your property?

  
You see that line?

  
It represents
the property line of that estate

  
Now, 99 years ago your club
leased the land from the owner of record

  
That 99-year lease expired yesterday,
and was not renewed

  
One acre belonging to Carolina Pines

  
reverted back to the owner
of that property

  
Guess who closed escrow yesterday?

  
Whoo!

  
How much do you want?

  
Oh, it ainít about the money

  
I don't wanna beat you up
on the land at all

  
All I want is a membership,
and I sign everything over to you

  
I never get that past the board

  
All right, girls,
were going commando style

  
Everybody take off your tops

  
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
All right, I try

  
I do what I...
You got a deal

  
Okay
Donít play with me, though

  
I keep you up
way past your bedtime deal?

  
All right, everybody back to one
Here we go, girls

  
And action!

  
-  Yeah, yeah 
- Uh, Im sorry, Frosty

  
Just a slight misunderstanding

  
Is he a member?

  
No I assure you, no

  
I be back in three weeks
to make my final decision

  
Well make this our little secret,

  
but if I find out that this
is how you run your club, Cummings,

  
the only thing youíll be hosting
is a Bud Light commercial

  
I like those Bud Light commercials...
funny and creat...

  
Iím all over it, sir

  
Can I go back and watch
for a little bit?

  
No

  
Everyone

  
Id like to introduce you
to Miss Shannon Williams

  
Hello Nice to meet you all

  
Iíve hired Miss Williams
to handle the C-Note situation

  
She comes highly recommended

  
Graduated top of her class
from Harvard,

  
law degree from Columbia

  
Miss Williams

  
Gentlemen,
Im not going to waste your time

  
He owns the property legally
and outright,

  
and you have
no legal recourse to get it back

  
Now, the way I see it
is you have two choices...

  
Take his offer or buy him out

  
- Harrington?
- Well, yes, its a complex scenario...

  
- Well buy him out
- Well buy him out

  
As you legal counsel,
I would advise against it

  
If I were you, Id take his offer

  
- Not an option
- Not an option, no

  
May I ask why?

  
Hes a... hes a rapper

  
Not quite our class, dear

  
This is not a strip club
its a golf and polo club

  
its gentlemanís club

  
Well, its gonna cost you

  
Throw some money at him,
Miss Williams,

  
and make him go away

  
Thatís right

  
So what I need you to do
is call your boys,

  
crunch the numbers and yíall
gotta make this thing work for me

  
I donít think its working
on the bill, you now

  
You either want to be
part of the team or you donít

  
Toodles Jackass

  
Sorry to interrupt you, C,
but we have here a Ms Williams,

  
and sheís a

  
lawyer?

  
Can I interest you
in something to drink?

  
No, thank you
This is a business call

  
- Water?
- No

  
- Kool Aid?
- No

  
- Juice?
- No, thank you, Mr Hawkins

  
All right, cool
Have a seat

  
Okay

  
We gotta give you a hand

  
- Smart play
- How's that?

  
Sending a beautiful, voluptuous,
honey-caramel-complexioned sister here

  
to do battle with the big bad brother
from the streets

  
Mr Hawkins,
youíre hardly from the streets

  
You went to Dartmouth

  
You graduated
with a bachelor degree in business,

  
a minor in English lit

  
- Hmm
- You played lacrosse for the Big Green

  
Rightwing, wasnít it?

  
So this gangsta rap thing cover up
that you got going

  
wont get any play with me

  
Well, either you know
how to Google real good,

  
or somebody done did their homework

  
Well, I like to know
who Im dealing with

  
So were dealing now

  
Yes, Im authorized
to settle this dispute

  
All I want is the membership

  
I donít know nothing
about no dispute

  
My client was under duress
and made a rash verbal commitment

  
Hed like to honor his word but alter it

  
Oh, this ainít about the money

  
I know
its about sticking it to the man

  
So whatís the number?

  
There is no number

  
Come on
Everybody has a price

  
Girl, you done brought me a gift?

  
Yes, we did

  
Three million dollars?

  
Thatís grocery money, baby

  
Now, the property alone is worth
five million in a soft market

  
You do the math
You tryin to play me?

  
Im not trying to play you

  
I just want to settle this
So what will it take?

  
I want a membership,

  
and I wanna
stick it to the man

  
And the deal is done

  
 You know it could happen,
it don't happen

  
 Till it happen, when it happen

  
-  You gonna wish it never did 
-  Hey! 

  
Thatís the 458, man

  
You got the where the 622 should be

  
its stupid its stupid!

  
Are you sure you wont reconsider?

  
Well, I donít know

  
You might have to tell your boss man,
sir, that I ainít gonna change my mind

  
C-100!
Lookin good

  
Bam, check it out

  
Whatís up?

  
Plasma screen televisions,
X- Box 360,

  
30-gig mega... rrrrr
with a rrrr hard drive

  
so you can download the
MP
  
Navigation system
so you can ghost-ride the whip

  
-  Ghost-ride the whip 
-  Ghost-ride the whip 

  
-  Ghost-ride the whip 
-  ghost-ride the whip 

  
 Ghost-ride the whip 

  
 Now, freeze 

  
Let it go
Bam!

  
- Bill me, baby
- What you know about that?

  
- Whatís happenin?
-  You know it could happen 

  
- Yeah!
-  It don't happen

  
 Till it happen when it happen,
you gonna wish it never did 

  
 You know it could happen

  
 It don't happen
till it happen when it happen

  
 You gonna wish it never did 

  
So how much it cost me?

  
Nothing Hes not interested
in your money

  
This is not acceptable,
Miss Williams

  
I need you to kid-glove this guy,
you know, speak his language,

  
you know, wine and dine him

  
Mr Cummings, I am a lawyer,
not a street hooker

  
I didnít mean to insult you,
Miss Williams

  
Im just up against it

  
Exactly what are you up against?

  
His lifestyle has jeopardized
our chances of hosting the US Open

  
The USGAs going to be here
in three weeks to make their decision,

  
and I need this guy gone

  
I will not let a low-life street thug ruin everything
Iíve worked so hard for

  
So give him a membership

  
Have you not been listening
to what Iíve been saying?

  
According to your bylaws,

  
all new members are on probation
for the first four weeks

  
Ah
I like where youíre heads at

  
If he even breaks one rule,
the slightest infraction,

  
Yeah, he wont last one day

  
And then youíll have grounds
for dismemberment

  
Dismemberment
Oh I like the sound of that

  
I thought you would

  
Have a good day

  
Whoa, Killah Ink

  
Hey, Mr C
Whatís happening, baby?

  
I have to hand it to you,
Mr Hawkins

  
- That was a heck of an entrance
- Who got next?

  
Show me the money
Show me the channel, baby

  
Show me that cheese
Get in where you fit in

  
Money talkin, bullshitwalkin

  
We doin it just like the strip clubs
You got to pay to play, baby

  
How you feelin, kid?
You ready to sink this thing or what?

  
- Nothing but net
- Call the shot, Caddy Mack

  
Okay, boys, listen up
Hereís the shot

  
Off the ice machine, into the pole,

  
off the fire extinguisher,
into the ball washer,

  
bounce, bounce, bounce,
into the vending machine,

  
into the bucket

  
Easy like Sunday morning, baby

  
Now, you good, Mick-o,
but you ainít that good

  
You guys, step back for me, huh?

  
Hey, what kind of odds
are yíall layin down

  
- Whatís up? What you doin, hustler?
- Whatís up, baby?

  
- Hey, old timer How ya doin, bro?
- Hey

  
- Good to see you, man
- Whoo, how's your mom?

  
- Doin good, man
- Well, you give her my best

  
- Will do, will do
- Yo, yo, my man

  
Why donít you did deep
in your pockets

  
and get into this game?

  
Boy, you still out here
hustling them greens?

  
Is water still wet?

  
Does a bear shit in the woods
and wipe his ass with a white rabbit?

  
Youíre damn right
Im still reading them, baby

  
Well, I tell you what
Ten to one

  
my man right here
slams it home, baby

  
If you wanna rake some easy cash,
Id take that bet

  
Im gonna make it
even sweeter for you

  
I want a stack

  
Thatís a stizzle on my nizzle
for the whizzle

  
Thatís the win if you know that one

  
Make it light on yourself, baby

  
Come on, baby
Come on, come on, baby

  
Yeah!

  
- Bam!
- Money!

  
That boy got game

  
Tiger who?
Tiger mother-lovin who

  
Yes

  
 Throws some Ds on that 

  
 Just bought a Cadillac 

  
 Rich Boy sellin' it 

  
 All them haters wanna jack 

  
 Tight, no stick,
just bought a Cadillac 

  
 Throw some Ds on that 

  
 Just bought a Cadillac 

  
 Throw some Ds on that b... 

  
Throw some Ds on that ho!

  
Sweet ride

  
Wilson, shut up

  
- Sorry
- Man, you look like the Easter Bunny

  
Mr C, Mr C, I didnít know
they made them pants for men

  
I thought they was womenís britches

  
Look like a red-headed bitch
with a blue sweater on

  
Quiet on the tee

  
I love it

  
Now its time to play some golf

  
 You know,
cash boys, the music man

  
 Yeah, let me tell you
why I'm undefeated 

  
 I'm the best at this game 

  
 lost one as soon as you
stepped in this lane 

  
 Told y'all, showed y'all
I was the one 

  
 Spittin' flames,
shinin' bright as the sun

  
 So I rock my ice just to cool y'all 

  
 Do you know how much money
this jewelry costs? 

  
 Hold onto that thought,
I'm B-A-D 

  
 Starvin' MCs I E-A-T

  
 Now, y'all couldn't beat us,
even if you cheat us 

  
 On the golf course
in my Adidas 

  
 I'm far side,
it's all right 

  
 On the green, gettin' high
as I shoot the par-fives 

  
 Stop cry in',
what's all the fuss about? 

  
 Like MTV, I'll burn this house 

  
 Might get mad, flip,
freakin' cuss you out 

  
 Like you a bad mutha,
shut your mouth 

  
 I won this game like a champion

  
 'Cause I'm always doin'
what can't be done 

  
 Another hole-in-one
when I hit the tee 

  
 On a winnin' spree,
call it a victory 

  
 I won this game like a champion

  
 And I'm always doin'
what can't be done 

  
 Another hole-in-one
when I hit the tee 

  
 On a winniní spree,
call it a victory 

  
 He don't talk the name about it... 

  
Oh, Mulligan!

  
Can I give you a piece of advice?

  
Take it back low and slow

  
And then when you come through
and hit the ball,

  
just donít try to kill it

  
I gotcha

  
Whoo! Yeah

  
Nice call

  
- Whoís your caddy?
- You

  
Ride up front with your boy
Lets go, yíall

  
 I won this game like a champion 

  
 Another hole-in-one
when I hit the tee 

  
 On a winnin spree,
call it a victory 

  
Uh, give me my 60-degree wedge

  
Check this out

  
Is that a Nos system?

  
You better believe it
Want me to give it some juice?

  
- Yeah
- Hey, yo, B, hold on

  
- What?
- Iím-a count you down

  
Three, two, one

  
Southside

  
Slow down!

  
Brake!

  
Incoming!

  
Oh

  
Ohh!

  
Damn

  
Hey, boy

  
Whoo!

  
Fore!

  
You stupid

  
- Here, come on
- How would you say, 50 feet?

  
Hey, Mr C,

  
whatíd you shoot today, baby?

  
Uh, I only got one hole in

  
So that means you shot a low score

  
Hello

  
That looks scrumptious-ssss

  
Well, its She Crab Soup

  
its our signature dish
You really should try some, sir

  
I will

  
Mm-hmm

  
Hey my-guy,
whatís your name, buddy?

  
Wilson, sir

  
Nah, donít call me sir
The names Christopher

  
Sorry, sir... I mean, Christopher, sir...
I mean... I like you

  
All right, Dice Clay Jr, sir

  
Holler at your boy, Mr C!

  
Holler at ya, Miss

  
 Freedom gonna come some day 

  
 Freedom, oh, oh 

  
You see something you like?

  
You better keep looking
at the man in the mirror

  
bro

  
I know I got a bangin body
I got it goin on

  
 You must like what you see 

  
 You must like what you see 

  
 Cause you see a brother like me 

  
 Huh, huh, huh,
and Im-a break it down 

  
 Im-a break it down 

  
 And when I wanna stop 

  
 Back to the beat 

  
 Bam, bam, bam 

  
Look, I know it looks big,
but its only three inches

  
from the back wall

  
How's your mamma and them?

  
Oh, oh, oh

  
This is a nice-ass pad

  
Whatís happenin, baby

  
Yeah, if you like turned-up collars
with polo ponies and pink-striped pants

  
- Which we donít
- Which we donít

  
Now, whatís this, though?
Trophies, anyone?

  
Okay, not only do they have trophies,
they got a pimp cup

  
Look at this, the Inglewood pimp cup

  
- Hmm
- Look, they put your balls in a glass

  
Yeah
I donít see no pictures of my boy Tiger

  
Nah, no negras hear

  
We got goin?

  
Nah, hold up
Thatís a brother right there, isnít it?

  
No, thatís just a caddy

  
Hey, what up, Christopher?

  
I hear youíre getting
your jacket tonight, man

  
- Thatís tight
- Whatís up, baby boy?

  
Watch a doin?

  
Your dads got
a lot of hardware around here

  
Looks like
he the club champion up in here

  
Yeah He cheats

  
Whatís this right here?

  
Carolina Classic?

  
Its the biggest polo tournament
in the country

  
- You play?
- I suck

  
- Can anybody play?
- If you got the bankroll, yeah

  
Hey, gang, I think its time
we bought ourselves a polo team

  
- G, you got me?
- I got you

  
Call Ralph
Party, people!

  
- Yeah
- Horse?

  
- Horses
- Iím not riding on a horse

  
Ladies and gentlemen,

  
as you know, the jacket ceremony
for new inductees here at Carolina Pines

  
is a sacred tradition

  
So lets get to it

  
Pray all assembled,
please raise your glasses

  
And join me in welcoming
our first inductee...

  
Mr Carson Courtemarche

  
- Oh, hell no, hell no
- Whatever

  
You got a big-ass head, brother

  
Look at that big-ass head

  
Boo, boo, boo
You got a shiny forehead

  
Chump Nice haircut

  
Uh I have no words to describe
our next inductee

  
Ainít no words!

  
- Damn right
- Ainít no words

  
So lets welcome
Mr Christopher Hawkins

  
Yo, C!
C! C! C! C!

  
Yeah, walk it off!
- C! C!

  
- Its about time
- C! C! C! C!

  
- Walk it off!
- Bam!

  
Bam! Bam! Bam!

  
- Killah Ink!
- Bam! Whoo-hoo!

  
Youíre doin it
Youíre lookin good

  
Youíre lookin good

  
Uh, unfortunately,
I have a little bit of bad news

  
Uh-oh, somebody pregnant

  
Mr Hawkins, your membership
has been officially revoked

  
What?!
- Revoked?

  
- Did he say nigger?
- This donít make no sense

  
Hold on one second Back up, stiff

  
Hold on, khaki-man
Hold on, hold on one minute

  
What do you mean, revoked?

  
Enlighten him, Miss Williams

  
Who is Miss Wilson?

  
Mr Hawkins, you have violated
several of the clubs bylaws

  
If you please turn your attention
to the plasma screen

  
- Court TV
- Here we go

  
Violation number one,
rule 729-
  
No personal or commercial aircrafts
may land on the course

  
except in case of emergency

  
Hold on, Ronald Reagan Jr

  
If you see the plasma, you see
the chopper didnít even touch the grass

  
Didnít even touch the ground, lady

  
Oh, yeah, oh yeah
I didnít even see that

  
Can you say hovering?

  
Its a technicality

  
We are getting technical, aren't we?

  
Violation number two,
section E, rule 12...

  
What did he do now,
proper light skin?

  
Thirty-six, dash 
  
No firearms are permitted
on the premises

  
No, hold up, hold up

  
- Iím will whoop her ass
- Excuse me, dog

  
This is signed by the mayor

  
The permit to carry my weapon
wherever and whenever I would like to

  
- Forgery
Forg...!

  
The potato salad was a forgery

  
- No, Mr Mayor
- My signature

  
- Anything else?
- But... what about that... that monstrosity?

  
- Thatís Big Large
- He almost killed me

  
Is that against the rules, too?

  
You are a disgrace to every member
whoís come before you

  
Youíre not fit to wear
the Carolina Pines crest

  
What does this mean?

  
- Daddy?
- What?

  
Oh, shoot

  
Sweet Jesus

  
Excuse me, honey
Excuse me

  
What does this mean?

  
 What does it mean? 

  
Hes not fit to wear
the Carolina Pines crest?

  
- Preach on it!
- Go on, Reverend!

  
Does this mean hes not the right size?

  
In the words of Whitney Houston,
Hell to the no!

  
Or is it about something else,
something more sinister?

  
- Holler!
- Cause this is surely not about

  
guns and golf carts

  
Tell it!
- This is not about rules and infractions

  
No, no, no
This here is about black and white

  
- Free Mandela!
- Thatís what Im talkin about!

  
This is about rich and poor

  
Thereís a lot of rich,
not enough poor in here

  
Why cant a soul brother

  
- walk these fairways, huh?
- Amen!

  
Why cant a soul brother
be Capn Crunch?

  
 I wanna know

  
Capn...

  
Capn Crunch

  
Captain Crunch?

  
He in the zone
Preach, little preach!

  
If you strip this brother of his jacket,

  
you will strip yourselves
of your very souls

  
Hallelujah!

  
Halle-shunna-hiya-hiya,
hoola-nah-nah shunna

  
Now I ask you

  
are you going to take away
this beautiful brothers dream?

  
- Mm-mmm
- Hmm?

  
 What did the man say? 

  
I think not because if you do,
I will sue the living...

  
- Shit!
- Out of you

  
Can I get a amen?

  
Amen!

  
- Amen
Hallelujah!

  
Holler if you hear me

  
Peace out!

  
 Come on

  
 Fire's gonna leave it low now

  
- Here we go!
- Yes!

  
Who the hell was that?

  
Yeah, I told you
we was gonna get in, baby, all day

  
Hey, C-Note,
I just wanna say, man,

  
I was really impressed
with how you handled my father

  
Iíve never seen anyone
diss him like that

  
Well, Im gonna tell you something
Ainít nobody scared of your daddy

  
You know what Im talkin about?

  
All right, what he do?
What he do?

  
What up? What up?

  
Whatís happening?

  
The boys wanna take the chopper
into the city and party You in?

  
Yíall go ahead and do that
I catch up with yíall in a minute

  
Ainít she
a little Abercrombie and Bitch for you?

  
Girl, you crazy Yíall have fun

  
- Crazy
- All right

  
My girlfriend Rashida
gets off the pole in 
  
Shout me a holler, C!

  
So check this out

  
You wanna come to the city
and party with us?

  
I donít know I mean,
are they gonna have shotguns there?

  
Front seat

  
All right

  
Mmm

  
Ahh

  
-  She's so cinematic 
- Mmm

  
 She's so cinematic 

  
 She's turned me to an addict 

  
 Got me addicted to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her, to her 

  
-  To her, to her, to her 
- Ooh

  
 Ooh, yeah shawty so cinematic 

  
 I spit a little game
just to get the rabbit 

  
 It's me on the microphone,
I've been an addict 

  
 Yo, pimp yo' rabbit,
I could pimp your static 

  
Yo, how you been doin?

  
Welcome to the club

  
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Where you goin?

  
Hey its a nice jacket

  
You earned it

  
You know I donít back down
for nothing

  
I donít expect you to

  
Why don't we stop this

  
me versus you and

  
together take a little break and...

  
Take a break?

  
Get to know one another,
be friends or something

  
You know, hang?

  
- Hang
- Rent a movie

  
I got T-shirts, footies

  
Id rather scratch

  
We got some hood in us after all
Let me find out

  
Good-night, Mr Hawkins

  
Id rather say good-morning

  
Good-night

  
 Sheís so cinematic 

  
 Sheís so cinematic 

  
 She's turned me to an addict 

  
 Got me addicted to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her, to her 

  
I like country clubs

  
Mick-a-leek-o

  
Looks like I ainít the only one
out here breaking the rules

  
Yeah, well, this is the only time
I get a chance to practice

  
What are you practicing for?

  
I just love the game

  
If you have that much love for the game, youíll have
to get a new bag of sticks

  
They work for me

  
Oh, they sure do

  
Holler at your boy, man

  
Yup

  
 We ain't done, son

  
 Uh-huh 

  
 Ha ha 

  
 Don't make that booty clap 

  
 Don't make that booty clap 

  
 We gonna make that booty clap 

  
 Gonna make that booty clap 

  
 Girl, don't make that booty clap 

  
 Don't make that booty clap 

  
 We gonna make that booty clap 

  
 Gonna make that booty clap 

  
 You ain't gonna do it 

  
 You ain't gonna... 

  
You like her, donít you?

  
If my father knew I was here,
hed shit a golf ball

  
You wanna slap that ass?

  
Think I do

  
You have to know you do

  
You wanna... you wanna slap that ass?

  
I do

  
Whose ass is it?

  
Hers?

  
No

  
its your ass

  
its mine?

  
Okay, you better get your...

  
Its Tank, baby, in the flesh

  
Long time, no see

  
- Tank?
- Yeah

  
I thought you got life

  
Oh, no, baby
Im out, Im out

  
Oh

  
Think I could slap it?

  
I mean, not like a tiger,
but like a teddy bear

  
Tigers play too rough

  
So slap it like a nice teddy bear

  
You been lifting weights?

  
Oh, Id rather be lifting you, girl

  
Oh, I know
Well, you know I cut out the protein

  
- Iím eating a lot of sugar
- Oh, yeah

  
its time to get
some of this chocolate going

  
Uh-huh Oh, you want that chocolate?

  
Uh-huh, carve it up?

  
Yeah, melted, uh-huh
Ooh, girl

  
Lets pick up where we left off,

  
but there ainít gonna be
no police this time, all right?

  
Okay You know, Tank

  
All right I lifted that restraining order

  
its all... its all good
Wont be no cops

  
Come on Whoo!

  
- Iím gonna do it
- You feel it?

  
Im gonna do it I feel it

  
- Do it Slap it
- Do it

  
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
There you go!

  
Pop it one time

  
Yeah!

  
Donít tease me, baby
Iíve got a long fuse, girl

  
- I work it, I work it
- Come on, come on

  
Bring it on

  
Back it up, back it up

  
Oh! Oh!

  
I think Im pregnant!
I think Im pregnant!

  
Youíre not popping it enough

  
There you go
Thatís it Whoa!

  
 We ain't done, son

  
What do you want?

  
A little help

  
A little help?

  
Yeah, what do you mean, little?

  
Uh I mean, I have a small job

  
Small? What do you mean small?

  
Are you trying to disrespect me?

  
No, no, no, I meant no disrespect

  
Hey, check this out, big man

  
Come on, now
Does this look small to you, huh?

  
Im sorry
My bad

  
Uh, word on the street is
you the man

  
to see about a... a job

  
What are we talking about?

  
A hundred

  
- large
- Now youíre speaking my language

  
Whoís the mark?

  
Christopher Hawkins

  
C- Note?

  
I want him gone

  
- Gone permanently?
- Or just gone

  
I want him out of my life

  
permanently

  
Consider him gone

  
Youíll get the other half
when the job is done

  
Hey, ma

  
Donít you Hey, mamma me

  
I ainít seen you in eight days,
and you skipped church last week

  
Iíve been busy

  
Too busy to come see your mamma?

  
Nah, its just work, thatís all

  
Gangsta rap
Thatís what you call work, baby?

  
Its just what I do
You know, you gotta roll with it, now

  
I roll with it when you grow up,

  
meet yourself a nice little girl
and settle your butt down somewhere

  
I have you know
I think I mightíve found me one

  
Oh

  
I hope its not one of them little
nasty video skank types again

  
Sheís a lawyer

  
A lawyer, huh?

  
Now youíre swimming in deep water
Whatís she like?

  
She shot me down tonight

  
Not impressed with your money, huh?

  
- Guess not
- I like her already

  
Whatís that? Im hungry
You got enough for me?

  
What do you think?
I always got enough for you

  
Go sit down
I make you a plate

  
Whoo!

  
My god

  
Smell that fresh air
Such a beautiful day for golf

  
its goin down

  
You know, this is the whole

  
that Jack Nicklaus eagled
to win the US Open

  
I know
I was there

  
Lt was like 20 years ago

  
Yeah, my dad caddied for him

  
Your dad is Bobby Hawkins?

  
Yeah

  
Hes a legend around here

  
And I heard
that he shot the course record

  
Well, it was a 59 unofficially

  
Cummings was never going to let
a caddy take the record away from him

  
Is that what this is all about?

  
No I just love the game, my friend
Putter

  
Grab that flag over there for me

  
I show you how we do this here

  
What about you?

  
What about me?

  
Well, you should be playing
the game for a living

  
instead of toting my bag

  
Someday

  
Well, you know,
someday comes and goes

  
quicker than you think

  
You gotta chase it

  
Lets take it in

  
 We came to set the party off

  
 I came to set the party off

  
 You came to set the party off

  
 Hey, pimp, get a girl... 

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl 

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl 

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl 

  
 Let's get this party off

  
Mmm, delicious

  
Yeah, Im glad you like it

  
its my special recipe

  
 Do you like what I'm seeing'? 

  
 Mix up the black
and the white Puerto Rican

  
 Even some European 

  
 Straight out of Compton

  
 Here's the crazy bother
name Ice Cube 

  
 From the stupid dope gang
with a attitude 

  
- Oh, Jesus
-  When I'm called off

  
 I got a sawed off

  
 Kick knowledge
and bodies are hauled off

  
 You, too, boy if ya get with me 

  
- Wilson!
- Sup?

  
Whatís that in your mouth?

  
Oh, thatís the grill, my niggard

  
I am not your niggard!

  
Whatever

  
 Goin' off on every body like that 

  
Yo, yo, yo, this is Kidd Clean
comin live and direct,

  
representin Killah Ink

  
My fellas,
Lets go and get this mutha poppin

  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

  
Yeah, you all know what it is

  
I want everybody right now
who came out to the party

  
give it up for my boy Wilson

  
- Whatís up, badass?
- What up?

  
Right now,
we got a special performance

  
cause you all know
I know how to pull strings

  
We got all the way from Atlanta, Georgia, just for
your on your birthday,

  
Give it up one time,
East Point represent!

  
 I'm about it, who about it?
I'm about it, you about it? 

  
 What the hell you waiting for? 

  
 I'm about it, who about it? 

  
 Need to stop the hating, boy 

  
 Hey, shortie, let me see
if you can do it like I do it 

  
 Commenced to getting to it
while you sipping on that fluid 

  
 Got the Chevy paint dripping
while I'm burning on that gritchet 

  
 Come and smoke with a pimp,
and ride with a player 

  
 Off to the A-T-L,
eastside that's Decatur 

  
 Got a couple shorties
on the low it's going digital 

  
Are you hot?

  
Im good, not too bad

  
Not you, idiot!
The bomb! Is it hot?

  
Is it hot?

  
Give me a minute

  
 I love freaky girls,
so baby, come give it up 

  
 Hey, tell me
what you're waiting for 

  
 Hey, what the hell you waiting for? 

  
This is Lil Rod
Im-a go

  
Well, light them up,
and lets get the hell out of here

  
 What the hell you waiting for? 

  
 I'm about it, who about it?

  
 Who can stop the hatin', boy? 

  
 I keep the best, fine greenery
around the whole city 

  
 I'm fresh from my head to feet,
the ladies lust for me 

  
 'Cause your boy
smokes pounds down

  
 King of the crop, now

  
 Not too long ago I had
to take it like a rebound 

  
 So give me
that got stacks on dizzeck 

  
 When I walk by,
watch the ladies break their nizzeck 

  
 They know I'm a baller,
young shot caller 

  
Bomb! Bomb!
Everybody down!

  
Hey, G, who did this?

  
I just got the word out
Im waiting to hear back

  
Just get me a name

  
You give me a couple days

  
I said I wanted him gone,
not dead

  
Gone is dead,
dead and gone

  
If you want an omelet, my brother,
you have to break a few eggs

  
You planted a bomb
at my kids pool party!

  
Its called collateral damage

  
Collateral damage?!
You blew up my car!

  
The deals off

  
Im not paying you one penny more,
you little prick

  
- Bite me!
- Oh, eat me!

  
Yíall are work it
Yíall are making papa grow

  
Youíre late, young man

  
Sorry, I got hung up, ma
Traffic

  
its all right, though
You lookin good

  
Got hung up
It ainít how I heard it

  
You all right?

  
Im good

  
What you got goin on in here,
momma?

  
Well, Miss Williams wants to know
more about you,

  
so she came to the source

  
Is that right?

  
Im gonna whip yíall up
something to eat

  
Yes, maam

  
I gotta tell you,
I donít understand this generation

  
In my day, you met somebody

  
You fell in love
You got married, you had babies,

  
none of this sleeping around
and booty calls and online sex

  
You kids got it all wrong

  
Momma, chill out
Do we gotta do this now?

  
Damn right, we have to do it

  
Look at you

  
Youíre running
around town making millions,

  
shooting videos, carrying on,

  
but whereís the love, Christopher?

  
Little girl, I got your number, too

  
You running around town

  
with your big fancy law degree
and your power suits,

  
spending your time
in a courtroom instead of a bedroom

  
Your eggs arenít getting any fresher
Sweet potato pie?

  
Yes, maam

  
This is it

  
Oh got pictures

  
Oh

  
Nice look

  
Now, that was so long ago

  
Okay, so tell me,
was LL more upset with you

  
about stealing his clothes
or his little, thin mustache?

  
Well, if you really want to know the truth,

  
it took me about six, seven months
to get this here chin together,

  
but LL did help me win
the talent show with that I Need Love

  
Pow

  
Im sure you did need love,
looking like that

  
Donít do me like that

  
Iíve got a couple fashion skeletons
in my closet, too, thanks to Madonna

  
That mustíve been
so devastating to a girl like you

  
Whoo

  
- Youíre crazy
- No, you crazy

  
Well

  
Well, you... I should be going

  
I guess you gotta go

  
Yeah, I better go

  
You gotta go

  
I gotta go

  
Better go

  
I better go

  
Shannon

  
I be right there Okay

  
You gotta go?

  
Yeah Um, tell your mom
I said thank you, and good-night

  
Um

  
you know,
I came here to find out about C-Note

  
and I met Christopher Hawkins

  
Youíre all right with me

  
Damn

  
Well, it really is
a beautiful day here at Carolina Pines,

  
home of the storied Carolina Cup

  
Weíre just minutes away
from our second match of the day,

  
which promises to be
a real humdinger, as they say.

  
Hey there

  
Mrs Cummings

  
How you doing?

  
Are you smiling at me,
or am I smiling at you?

  
Now, you know thereís only one way
youíre going to win out there, right?

  
How's that?

  
Play dirty

  
Dirty

  
Well, I think you done tuned
into my channel

  
Fellas?

  
- Thatís what Im talkin about
- Iím talkin about

  
Thatís what we do

  
Weíve been trying to do that
for a long time

  
We do that

  
Is that?
Throats a little parched

  
Would you like a sip?

  
Sweet grapes

  
Ooh, Mrs Cummings

  
I can bite you

  
Can you?

  
Theyíre gonna kick us out of the South

  
This is, of course,
the 75th anniversary

  
of this wonderful tournament.

  
I'm sure every one here
is quite as excited as I am.

  
Good luck today, SeŮor Cummings

  
What are you doing?

  
I got a better offer

  
Youíve been playing
for me for 15 years

  
Whereís the loyalty?

  
This is all about money
Besides that, you are a prick

  
Yeah, now, slow down,
slow down, man

  
This is serious skunk weed
Im telling you youíre making a mistake

  
Hmm? Youíre not gonna make it
the whole game, no youíre not

  
You know youíre not

  
Hey, who does your hair?
That is some nice braid-work right there

  
Hey, yo, suckers,
wait up for your boy

  
Whatís up, baby?

  
Come on, all right
Come on, lets get it

  
All right, how's everybody doing so far?

  
Doing fine

  
How you feeling?
You all right?

  
Theyíve been playing this
since they was kids, man

  
This ainít our sport

  
Come on, man, stop whining
Matias, you know who Kobe Bryant is?

  
- Si
- Okay

  
Youíre Kobe Bryant
Youíre the leader of this team

  
- No problem Vamos
- Do your job, Mexico

  
All right, you know what were gonna do

  
- No
- Were gonna take this to the streets

  
The streets?
Were playing on grass!

  
We smoke grass Donít tell nobody

  
Think about the good grass
You the man

  
- You are SeŮor Shaq
You the big guy

  
- Hes Kobe
Right

  
- Shaq
- You the man

  
Kobe, Shaq, me and Mexico

  
The new version

  
- I got it
- Can you handle it?

  
All right

  
Blondie,
what kind of panties you got on?

  
My bad Anyway, were gonna do
a Killah Ink on three

  
Yíall ready?
Im gonna throw the first one at you

  
- Uno
- Two

  
- Three
- Killah Ink

  
And now, taking the field,
put your happy, clappy hands together,

  
for our defending champions
for the last 15 years,

  
wearing their signature navy and gold
and led by Captain Richard Cummings,

  
please let's hear it
for team Carolina Pines.

  
And on the opposite side of the wall,
wearing a rather zesty orange and black,

  
in their first tournament here ever,
lets hear it for team Killah Ink

  
All right, C-Note!

  
 They call me Nicky-Nicky
in the streets 

  
Whatís up, Prime Time?

  
Go kick my daddyís ass!

  
 We should take his head off

  
 We should take his head off

  
 I believe there's a... 

  
 We should take his head off

  
 I'm taking his head off

  
 I'm taking his head off

  
 I'm taking his head off

  
Good afternoon, ladies

  
You donít stand a chance

  
You know,
Iíve been hearing that all my life

  
Well, lets play some ball

  
And it's Magrini and Cummings

  
heading up the field together
towards the goal mouth.

  
They're 30 yards away, 20,

  
and Cummings is
in a wonderful position

  
and he shoots and scores!

  
 Whether it's rock and roll
or old soul 

  
-  It don't matter 
- Yíall stop clapping

  
-  Disco, Calypso, it don't matter 
- Stop clapping

  
- Welcome to my world
-  Suit and tie or tie-dye 

  
 It don't matter 

  
 Snakeskinís or Timberlands,
it don't matter 

  
 Tight fade or long braid,
it don't matter 

  
 Red head or brunette 

  
 It don't matter 

  
 Break-dance, slam dance 

  
 It don't matter 

  
 Do the jerk until it hurts,
I'm tellin' you 

  
-  Ain't nothing wrong with that 
- Iím not your son, you suck

  
Oh, come on, please

  
No, no!

  
 Ain't nothing wrong with that 

  
-  Ain't nothing wrong with that 
- Boom, boom!

  
Get out there and score!

  
Lord have mercy

  
I need a horse

  
 Ain't nothing wrong with that 

  
Magrini is once again chasing the ball.
His opponents are hot in pursuit.

  
He reaches the goal mouth, and the goal!
The game is tied at 11 apiece,

  
which means we'll go to sudden death, where the next
goal wins.

  
That hurt my momma

  
Let the big dog eat, baby!

  
Ha!

  
Ha! Ha!

  
Ha! Ha! Ha!

  
Yeah
Yeah

  
Miss Williams,
this has got to stop

  
I cant take this one day more

  
What exactly is wrong?

  
Look around
The members are enjoying themselves

  
I donít care

  
its my club
I make the decisions here

  
I tell them when to enjoy themselves

  
My recommendation
is that you let this thing go

  
I think that Christopher Hawkins
is a great addition to your club

  
Now you need to find someone else
to do your legal work

  
You cant quit me

  
I just did

  
You did it!
- Told you I donít never lose, baby

  
One of us has to go

  
How you wanna handle it?

  
Golf match
My team wins, you go

  
Your team wins, I go

  
Thatís cool,
but when I bust your ass,

  
youíre gonna take
that bullshit course record off the wall

  
You hear me?

  
Ridiculous! I hold the course record
Everybody knows

  
Whoís this? Whoís that?

  
Arnold Palmer

  
- The caddy
- Caddy?

  
Yeah, the caddy
that worked here for over 40 years,

  
a caddy you fired

  
because he was a better golfer
than you could ever be

  
His name was Robert Hawkins

  
Is that what this is about?

  
A caddy?

  
That was my father

  
You think he shot a 59, donít you?

  
Caddy Mack

  
I played with him
the day he posted the score

  
If youíre calling him a liar,
youíre calling me a liar

  
I saw this score card 20 years ago

  
It is, to be kinda forgery

  
its as worthless today as it was then

  
It doesnít matter
whether you believe it or not,

  
its the truth

  
He was the best golfer I ever saw,

  
professional or amateur

  
We will settle this
on the golf course

  
Im looking forward to it

  
its a very simple question!
Who ordered the hit?

  
Im just a businessman

  
Iíve got no beef with you
Believe it

  
You know, we can do this
the easy way or the hard way

  
Cause I love
that big body Benz back there,

  
and Im gonna ride tonight

  
Love makes a brother stupid

  
You donít wanna see me stupid,
little man!

  
You got a big-ass mouth, bitch!

  
Ooh, is that all you got?
My baby sister hit harder than that

  
Hurry up, Tank!
Im starting to get bored with this

  
The more time I spend hitting you,
the lest time I spend hitting that, tater tot!

  
Next time bring it from the shoulder,
you big pussy!

  
Doh... uh yeah?

  
The last time Im gonna ask

  
Oh, its... its...

  
No, donít, big boy
Save your energy

  
cause you gonna need it

  
Now, if you thought he was bad,
you ainít messed with me

  
Im queen bitch of this universe

  
Now, if you donít tell me
what I want to know,

  
after I whoop your ass...

  
Okay, okay, okay
I tell you what you wanna know, all right?

  
Mick-a-leek-a

  
Thought I might find you here
Whatís happening, boy?

  
Not much
I hear you got a big match tomorrow

  
You should be working on your game

  
Oh, its too late for that

  
its never too late

  
Besides, I hear Cummings got a ringer

  
I got a ringer of my own, though

  
I need this job

  
No, you donít,
not when you got C-Note

  
Hereís your boy I got you

  
- All right
- Lets do it

  
What the hell

  
Giddy-up Lets get it done

  
- Yeah
- Ho, hey

  
 Now, on your mark, get set, go 

  
 It's time to let it show

  
 Relax your mind
and let your arms go 

  
 Go go go go 

  
 And let your arms go 

  
 Go go go 

  
 Now, I've been waitin' a long time 

  
 I'm patient enough 

  
 Been gettin' my work on

  
 And now it's time to let it show

  
 Time, time I let it show

  
 You keep on cry iní all night 

  
 You call for the sun

  
 Your hair to the sky,
and that's the limit, oh, oh 

  
Hey, hey, hey
Hello, everyone

  
Top of the morning to you

  
Whatís happening, Mr C?

  
Ow!

  
Whatís goin on, baby?

  
Looks like everybody showed up
to watch me whoop your ass

  
Actually, they showed up to watch

  
him whoop on your ass

  
All right, let me in here, let me in here
Let the betting begin

  
Come on, whoís betting on the kid?
Im taking ten-to-one, five-to-one

  
Okay, okay,
may I have your attention please?

  
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you all for coming here

  
to this rather special contest

  
Let me explain
what were going to do today

  
Well play 18 holes of match play,
best ball

  
Mr Parnevik, its your tee, sir

  
Thank you

  
Attaboy, Jesper!
Hit it good!

  
- Eat a sandwich
- Shut up

  
Whoa, great shot

  
Sweet

  
So who wants to follow that one?

  
Is that all you got?

  
Im just getting warmed up

  
Lets go, C-Note

  
Come on, breathe, breathe

  
Play for your freedom

  
Yeah
Oh!

  
Looking good, Mick, looking good

  
Whoo Whoo

  
What did I tell you?
Nice shot, Mick

  
Oh, this guy

  
Chump

  
Stop

  
My mouth was open

  
Damn, thatís a lot of sound
out of a quarter-inch speaker

  
Are you done?

  
Swing away

  
Watch out there!

  
- Boo
- Boo, boo

  
Oh

  
Oh

  
Damn, that waters deep

  
Oh

  
Oh

  
Does this smell infected?

  
Shoot him

  
Ladies and gentlemen,
at the end of the outward nine,

  
Mr Cummings team is four holes up

  
We shall take a 15-minute break
and convene back at the 10th hole

  
Thank you

  
Cant we kill him?
Come on

  
I thought it was

  
You ainít foolin, man

  
Yo, wait
Show me the money, baby

  
Man, were getting bitch-slapped

  
This guys got shots in his bag
I didnít know existed

  
Big deal

  
What are you,
a couple of pussies having a pity party?

  
Hes great
So what?

  
See, thatís your problem

  
Youíre playing him
instead of the course

  
It doesnít matter how great he is

  
Every time you put a peg in the turf,
youíre playing Old Man Par

  
Now, youíve got two choices...
you can either play big or go home

  
Im going to go warm up

  
You know

  
whether you win or lose,
your father would be proud of you

  
He didnít give a damn
about course records

  
He golfed his ball
because he loved the game

  
And thatís what you need to do

  
See, this could be the last time
you set foot on this course

  
Make it count

  
Hey

  
Hey, hey
Whatís happening?

  
I wanted you to know
I don't work for Cummings anymore

  
So sorry
I shouldíve quit sooner

  
Thatís cool
I get it

  
Gotta do what you gotta do, right?

  
Yeah

  
Yeah, you think youíre working
for someone thatís honest,

  
then you find out later theyíre not

  
Well, the three blind mice
couldíve solved that

  
Want to wish you luck on your back nine

  
Well, you know Im gonna shake em up
its halftime

  
All I have is time for the bliss, baby

  
Bing! Bam!

  
I didnít bring you all this way
for you to... to... to

  
- Choke, sir?
- Choke!

  
Whoo!

  
Ladies and gentlemen,

  
after 17 holes, we are dead even

  
The winner of the next hole
takes the match

  
Mick, its your tee

  
Hey, our ticket right there

  
Come on, Mick!

  
Donít piss like a puppy
Stay on the port

  
Let the big dogs eat, brother

  
You the man!

  
Yeah, thatís my dawg

  
Give it to em, baby

  
Yeah, thatís that money shot!
Thatís that money shot!

  
Oh! Let me lay down on it
Bam

  
- I hate you
Meow, meow

  
Oh!

  
Thatís the best shot he hit all day

  
Nice shot Beautiful
Great shot

  
Give me a five iron

  
Donít sweat it

  
Like I said, you either play big,
or you go home

  
This is my home

  
Well, lets act like it

  
Come on, Mick-o

  
There it is

  
Get close, baby

  
Whoo

  
Oh

  
How many points you get
when it go in the water?

  
Oh

  
All right Whatta I got?

  
230 yards uphill into the wind?

  
I donít have that shot in my bag,
do I?

  
No one does

  
All right, give me my driver

  
Come on, baby
Take your time

  
Let me show you how we do this

  
Think about the course

  
We play big, or we go home

  
Ease up

  
 People take it
just a little bit higher like this 

  
Mick, we won!
What did I tell you?

  
What did I tell you?
What did I tell you?

  
 We can take the slow... like this 

  
Just like money in the bank
Yes

  
Hey, Dick

  
- Richard Cummings
- Yes?

  
Youíre under arrest
for conspiracy to commit murder

  
Thatís ridiculous

  
Yo must have
the wrong Richard Cummings

  
Remember me?

  
This mans a liar

  
- Ooh
- Ooh

  
Ooh, that was a lot of little strength

  
Oh, yeah
All day long

  
- All day long?
- Yeah

  
- You can climb me like a tree
- Ooh, lets talk about it

  
- Lets go, come on
- Heh

  
Holler at your boy, Mr C

  
 A growin' boy need vitamin C 

  
 Can't wait four years
for a college degree 

  
 So I'm gonna try to be all I can be 

  
 Minus the army and Uncle Sam 

  
 God damn,
I'm just proud to be who I am 

  
 Get higher like this 

  
 On the days when I'm back to...,
all right 

  
 Take it
just a little bit higher like this 

  
Nice round, pop

  
The USGA is here

  
Thanks for everything

  
Well, he deserved it

  
And you deserve it, too

  
Very nice to see you again

  
Whereís Cummings?

  
Hes actually not a member
of this club anymore

  
Joined another club,

  
but let me introduce you
to our new president,

  
Christopher Hawkins

  
its good to meet you
its Frosty, right?

  
Frosty, right

  
As you can see, we made
a couple changes here at Carolina Pines,

  
you know what Im sayin?

  
Were still exclusive

  
but were more open-minded

  
What up, family?

  
- Southside
- All right, let me give you a tour

  
Ross King:
Welcome to the final round

  
of the US Open...

  
Sergio Garcia, Tiger Woods
battling it out to take the crown

  
and become Open Champion
over these wind-swept fairways

  
right here at Carolina Pines
Golf and Polo Club,

  
The club itself established
in 
  
It really has stood the test of time,

  
and it is absolutely steeped
in rich golfing tradition.

  
But I've got to now welcome the man,

  
the President of the club here,
Christopher Hawkins.

  
Christopher, good to see you.

  
How you doing, Ross?
What's going on?

  
Hi, mom.

  
Christopher, this I've got to say,
this course is really in top-notch shape.

  
Well, I'd love to take credit,

  
but I've got a terrific staff
that works behind me.

  
Well, it certainly shows.

  
Now, a lot of low scores
being posted here, it has to be said,

  
possibility that your fatherís record's
in jeopardy.

  
You know

  
its either your ass

  
or the remote

  
How did I get this?

  
I donít know Go sit down

  
Let me give you a lesson
about doobah-doobahs

  
Everybody talkin about the black man

  
got the biggest doobah-doobah
in the world

  
I donít know

  
I ainít seen
every black guys doobah-doobah

  
My doobah-doobah
happens to be pretty good

  
Hey, Mick,
do me a favor, bro

  
Can you help me out with something?

  
Yeah, no problem

  
Hold this for me, please
its messing up m swing

  
- Hey, my...!
- Pick them up

  
You want some candy, little boy?

  
- Yeah
- Aha, rrrrr

  
You still breast feed?

  
Im still on the bottle

  
Breast milk

  
Ainít my fault you people speak French

  
Oui, Oui! You have a little wee-wee

  
I got a boom bam!
Boom bam, boom bam!

  
Boom bam, bam bam!

  
Bah! Bah! Bam!

  
Whoo-hoo!

  
 You must like what you see 

  
 You must like what you see 

  
 Cause you see a brother like me 

  
 Im gonna break it down
Im gonna break it down 

  
 And then Im gonna stop 

  
 Back to the beat 

  
 Oh, pretty, pretty girl
look so fine 

  
I almost took my own head off
After you, boy

  
Okay

  
Air ball!

  
Youíll get the other half
when the job is done

  
What do you mean half?

  
 Make it feel nice 

  
 No more strife 

  
 Make you my wife 

  
 Baby, I would make
your dreams come true 

  
Tyrone, is that you?

  
- My grandmother used to baby-sit you
- No, that ainít me

  
TT, you peed in the bed
till you were 15 years old

  
I know you remember me

  
Goodbye, peace out!
Southside!

  
 To be with you 

  
 Yes, girl 

  
 Yes, girl 

  
 And they say,
"Oh, you're so picky-picky"

  
 "Why you no it, he said 

  
 I wanna sticky-sticky 

  
Damn, your tittys hanging out

  
Little bitty titty

  
Donít be selfish I gotta smoke, too

  
I gotta make some brownies
and some muffins and...

  
You know what?
Youíre just being greedy now

  
All right
No, go on in

  
Take it, take it
Just take the whole bag

  
Damn good try
Mm-hmm

  
I take those two Benjaminís
whenever youíre ready

  
If you gotta take your pants off first,
to get into your pockets,

  
hey, player, I understand

  
Huh! Huh, huh, huh!
Huh, huh, huh!

  
Huh! Huh!

  
Uh, oh, yeah
Look at me

  
Yeah!

  
Yeah?

  
Boom, doo-chah-doo, doo-chah-doo
Thatís how mine sounds

  
Doo-chah, doo-chah, doo-chah-doo
Doo-chah, doo-chah, doo-chah-doo

  
Doo-cha, doo...
dayoh...

  
doo-cha, doo-te-doo

  
 Tell me who'll I say
is just sittin' around 

  
 Tell me who'll I say
is just sittiní around 

  
 Tell me who'll I say
is just sittiní around 

  
 Jump around, jump around 

  
 Tell me who'll I say
is just sittiní around 

  
 Tell me who'll I say
is just sittiní around 

  
 Tell me who'll I say
is just sittiní around 

  
 Jump around, jump around 

  
 One, two, three, four 

  
 Girl, don't make that booty clap 

  
 Don't make that booty clap 

  
 We gonna make that booty clap 

  
 Gonna make that booty clap 

  
 Girl, don't make that booty clap 

  
 Don't make that booty clap 

  
 We gonna make that booty clap 

  
 Gonna make that booty... 

  
 Comin' at ya! 

  
 I came from the bottom,
I made it to the top 

  
 And I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 Comin' to your town
to invade your block 

  
 We ride from the hood,
taking over your spot 

  
 I came from the bottom,
I made it to the top 

  
 I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 Cominí to your town
to invade your block 

  
 We ride from the hood,
taking over your spot 

  
 Follow me
while I take you on an odyssey 

  
 I'm hittin' dollars, see,
can't nothiní bother me 

  
 Green grass, yeah,
blowiní on the hood 

  
 Million-dollar caddy,
call me Tiger Woods 

  
 I came from the bottom,
I made it to the top 

  
 I'm married to the game,
and this game don't stop 

  
 Cominí to your town
to invade your block 

  
 Yo, we ride from the hood,
takiní over your spot 

  
 She's so cinematic 

  
 She's turned me to an addict 

  
 Got me addicted to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her, to her 

  
 She's so cinematic 

  
 She's so cinematic 

  
 She's turned me to an addict 

  
 Got me addicted to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her 

  
 To her, to her, to her, to her 

  
 We came to set the party off

  
 I came to set the party off

  
 You came to set the party off

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl... 

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl 

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl 

  
 Get a pimp, get a girl 

  
 We came to set the party off

  
 You flossin'? 

  
 I'm flossin'

  
 You flossin'? 

  
 I'm flossin'

  
 You flossin'? 

  
 I'm flossin'

  
 Do you like what I'm seeing'? 

  
 Mix up the black
and the white Puerto Rican

  
 Even some European

  
 You talk about the man,
I'll beat 'im 

  
 You talk about the man,
I'll beat 'im 

  
 We do it big, we do it big,
we do it big, we do it big 

  
 We do it big, we do it big,
we do it big 

  
 We ain't done, son


Special thanks to SergeiK.