World's Greatest Dad Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the World's Greatest Dad script is here for all you fans of the Robin Williams and Daryl Sabara black comedy. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some World's Greatest Dad quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

World's Greatest Dad Script

My name is Lance Clayton.

My biggest fear in life is that
I'm going to end up all alone.

I'm a writer.

I'm a writer, but so far
nothing I've written

Has ever been published.

Ernest Hemingway once said

All he wanted to do was
write one true sentence.

He also tried to scratch an
itch on the back of his head

With a shotgun.

I've always dreamed of
being a famous author,

of creating an important work...

 ooh la la la la la la la 

 la la la la la la

 saa la la la la la la la... 

...something that connected
with people and helped them

As they suffered through
the human condition.

 ooh la la la...

also something that made
a shitload of cash.

 ooh la la la la la...

I've written novels, books,
magazine articles,

And even children's stories.

All have been rejected.

I did sell a few greeting
cards once, though.

It felt pretty good.

I don't find the creative process

In itself rewarding enough.

I have to be honest--
I want to reach an audience.

This is my fifth novel.

I've promised myself that
if this one is rejected,

I'll give up writing.

Come on, boy, we're late.

Hey, buddy, I--


Oh, fuc--
What the fuck?

- God! Kyle?
- D-Dad?

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

- God, I was coming, you fag!
- Jesus Christ.

- I thought you were dead.
- Do you knock? Please!

I knocked.
Okay, yep.

- Out!
- God, I--

- Get out of my room!
- I'm out. I'm going.

- I'm out of here.
- You ever heard of privacy?

- You freak!
- Yeah, I'm the weird one.

Yeah. Oh, god.

what the fuck?



- Dad!
- Oh, yeah. Right.

 what do you do? Where do you go? 

You were up early.

- You're not funny.
- Okay.

What a Monday.

 Somewhere else...

why are we
listening to this?

'Cause I like
Bruce Hornsby.

Stop it.

Bruce Hornsby is a fag.

He's got kids, Kyle.

- You have a kid.
- Mmm.

- And you're a fag.
- Why? Because I like Bruce Hornsby?

- Yeah.
- Well, put on some music you like. Okay?

No, I fucking hate music.

- You hate music?
- Yeah.

- All music?
- Yes.

The only thing queerer than
music are the people who like it.

All music is gay now?
What about heavy metal?

That's probably the faggiest
of all the fag music out there.

Kyle, you could have
died this morning.

of embarrassment.

What you're doing
is dangerous.

What? Beating off?

No no-- Not--
We all have needs, Kyle.

Needs? What-- What are you
talking about?

Masturbation is natural, okay?

- You know what's not natural?
- What?

Talking about jerking off with your dad,
that's not natural.

- Shit.
- Don't do that, please, okay?

- Why?
- Because your feet are dirty.

Because I said so.

- Whoa, let me out here.
- Let me park in the lot.

Lance, I'm gonna look like a
dillweed walking in with you, all right?

It's bad for my rep.

Don't call me Lance.

It's your name,
isn't it? Lance?

 what do you do?
Where do you go? 

 what do you say?

 and how do you know?

 I'll say who cares 

 when people stare

 I will make myself

 yes, I will,
yes, I will 



 Mm-Hmm hmm...

slow down, boys.

 When I feel
like a freak... 


 When I'm on the other end
of someone's mean streak 

 people make fun,
I've got to lose myself... 


 Take my thin skin and
move it somewhere else 

 I'm setting myself up
for the future 

 looking for the chance that
something good might lie ahead 

 I guess I'm looking for
the possibilities 

 and in my mind

 I've got this skin
I can shed... 

 what do you do?

 Where do you go?...

- Good morning, Lance.
- 'Morning principal Anderson.

- What was that?
- Oh, personal mail,

But I used my own postage.

- Mmm. Good.
- Right.

May I speak with you
for a moment?


Your poetry course,

It's not very popular.

- Neither is poetry, sir.
- Mmm.

But the few who take it,
they get a lot out of it.

Yes yes,
I'm sure they do.

But I am sorry--
If your class enrolment

Doesn't improve by next semester,
we're going to have to drop it.

We're only budgeted for
one English elective,

And Mike Lane's Creative-Writing
course is quite the hit.

I just wanted to give you
a heads up.

Well, thank you, sir.

- Hey, what's going on, Mr. L?
- Hey, how you doin', man?

- Good. How are you?
- Ready for tonight's game?

- Yeah, you gonna be there?
- I'll be there. Of course.

- Good.
- Throw a touchdown for me, all right?

- Of course!
- Hey, Lancelot!

- What's up, buddy?
- Not much, Mike.

All right.

'Morning, Miss. Reed.

- Hello, Mr. Clayton.
- How are you?

- Good. How are you?
- Mmm.

Ahh, my favorite.

I thought teachers weren't
supposed to have favorites.

Not favorite students.

I'm a lucky guy.

How does a lump like me
get a dame like you?

Don't insult my taste.
I'm the lucky guy.

You finished?

Yeah. I wanted you to be
the first to read it.

I'm honored.


Maybe I'll take you
someplace fancy for dinner.

How about you come over to
my place for something hot and spicy?

Is that a double entendre?

- No, I was just going to make you my chilli.
- Oh.

And then bang you.


You have a very professional day,
Miss. Reed.

Right back at you,
Mr. Clayton.

- Take care.
- Extremely professional day.

Andrew, I want to show you something.

What is it?

Ew, is that woman
being crapped on?

Happy birthday.
It's fucking German Schizer porn.

All right, dude? It's fucking hot,
right, yo?

No, dude, what the fuck
is wrong with you, yo?


You wouldn't say that if
you lived in Europe.

I mean, these Europeans are much more
broadminded than these uptight Americans.

Shit's huge in Germany.

Yeah, well, we're not in Europe
and I don't like that kind of stuff.

Yeah, I know,
that's 'cause you're a fag.

Dude, it's gross.

I'd do it...

do someone.

- Oh.
- I would.

I'd chilli-dog her.

Hi, Jennifer.

Come on, baby, that pussy's
not gonna eat itself.

What the fuck did you just say?

Uh, nothing.

You're a fucking pig.

Wow, okay.

Hold that.

Get off me, you dumb jock!

What are you talking about?
I don't even play sports.

- You--
- Hey!

Come on, guys, knock it off.
Knock it off.

Yeah, that's right, bitch.

Oh, you're gonna help me up?

- Come on.
- Can't you control that animal?

Now come on, tough guy,
let's go.

Let's go, guys.
Come on.


What did you say to Jennifer?


He said that her pussy
is not going to eat itself.

Do you hear that?

You are--
That is rude.

- And you're a pervert.
- Be quiet.

Kyle, is that what you said?


Jennifer, Chris, get back to class.

Kyle, I need to speak
with you and your father.


Right now you're
on academic probation

And your grades show no
sign of improvement.

If you don't straighten up,

I'm going to have to expel you.

- Do you understand?
- Yes, Mr. Anderson.

I do understand.

Now get out of here.
And no more trouble.

Wait for me outside.


This isn't easy for me.

What isn't easy, Mr. Anderson?

How's Kyle been acting
at home?

I mean, does he seem
normal to you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh. You and I both know
that sometimes

These things take
a long time to surface.

What things?

Well, I think that Kyle's
poor grades and acting out

Show signs of a serious
development problem.

He belongs in
a special-needs school

Where he can get the proper attention
and care that he requires.

- What?
- That's nothing to be ashamed of.

Sir, he's--
He's not slow.

He's just being a pain.

Give him
another chance.

Well, I have.
I've given him many chances.

That's true.

All right.

All right, but he'd better start
showing signs of improvement

And quickly. And he's got to stop
disturbing the other students.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Thank you.

- You're grounded.
- I'll run away.

Oh, and live with your mother?

And her boy-toy Todd?
That's a great idea.

- I'll take away your computer.
- No, you won't.

Yes, I will.
Jesus Christ, Kyle,

What did I do
to deserve this?

I didn't ask to be born.

Neither did l.

Boo hoo.

You are so funny!

Wait, read from here.
Starting there.

- What are you reading?
- "We don't experience it

As a restriction!"

- What's that?
- Oh, god, you are so funny.

It's-- Come here.
Give it to me.

- Oh, this is embarrassing.
- Mike got published

- In "The New Yorker."
- "New Yorker"!

- Hello!
- "The New Yorker"?

It's about the first robot that joins the N.B.A.

- It's like a parody about racism.
- MISS. REED: Racism.

- It's hysterical.
- No, it isn't.

No, it is seriously so good.

Called "I, forward."
Get it?

Yeah, like "I, robot."

- Right, but "I, forward."
- Yeah.

It's-- It's really hard
getting in "The New Yorker."

- It is?
- Yeah, really.

It's the first thing I submitted.

that's amaz--
I'm amazed.

The first thing?

That's great.
Good for you.

- What's that?
- Mike got published in "The New Yorker."

You don't say!
May I see it?

- Sure.
- It's about racism.

Hot dog!
Now don't go getting too famous on us.

What's that?

Mike published an article
in "The New Yorker."

- Take a look at that.
- Ho ho!

Right on.
You dog, you dog!


This should be read at assembly.

Now that is a great idea.

Mike, would you read it
at the assembly?

If you twist my arm,
all right.

May I take this with me?

- Yeah, sure.
- Can I read it after him?

That's awesome.

Hey, blow my whistle.
Come on-- "The New Yorker"!

For "The New Yorker"!

Wow, I cannot wait
to get my own copy.

"New Yorker."
It's not a national,

- But that's amazing.
- No.

Actually, it is
a national magazine.

- It's national.
- Really?

Whoa, I didn't know that.


How's Kyle?


Raising a son
is so hard.

Don't get me wrong, my hunter is the
best thing that ever happened to me.

But man, can he be a handful.

- How old is he?
- Two, going on 20.

Oh, god.

The kid's a player.

Well, I wonder where
he gets that from.

I have no idea.

How's he dealing with
the separation?

Real well.

I didn't know
you were separated.

It's been tough,

But his mother and I were supposed
to make a baby together.

We just weren't supposed
to live together.

- That's so sad.
- Yeah.


How often
do you see him?

Every other weekend.

They're not kidding when
they say that raising a child

Is the toughest job
you'll ever love.

Mmm. Well, you sound
like a great dad.

Ah, well,

I try my best.

Hi, Andrew.


I enjoy our little chats.

oh, yeah.

- Kyle?
- Hi-- Hi, dad.

- What are you doing?
- What? Nothing.

What's Andrew doing here?

What, Andr-- Don't
bother Andrew, all right?

- He has asthma.
- Then he shouldn't be having milk products.

- What?
- Listen, you're grounded. Send him home.

I can't send him home, dad!

God, man, you never listen to me.

I told you, he doesn't have a father

And he has a mother
who's an alcoholic.

Kyle, send him home.
You don't get to have friends over.

Fine, you know what?
You can send him home.

I'm not gonna do that to this guy.

Okay? You don't care about
anyone but yourself.

- Kyle?
- You're so-- What?

- What do you want?
- Do you want to do some homework?

I would love to, but I can't.

You have to go home.


Oh, well, that's a question
for my father.

Fine, Andrew can stay.
You can do homework.

Oh, you can stay now!
You can--

Go on, get in.
Shut up.

Oh, you're gonna tell me
to shut up now.

- Yeah, I am.
- Prick.

Mr. Clayton, do you
have anything to eat?

Sure, Andrew.

Uh, I'm a vegetarian.

Here you go, Andrew.
It's just cheese.

I hope you're okay
with that.

- Be careful. It's hot.
- Thanks, Mr. Clayton.

Kyle, let's see
how much you've got here.

On, online.
Well, "farmers relied on good soil,

worker animals, sunshine and...


You mean like sweat?

No, perspiration--
When it rains!

Uh, that's--
That's precipitation.

No, I meant "sweat."


It's hot. You want
something to drink, Andrew?


You okay?

I'm trying to write.

- Sorry.
- Please.


- Hey.
- Hi.

As soon as I finish helping
Kyle with his homework,

I'm coming over to your house and
putting my penis in your vagina.

That's a single entendre.

Oh, I should have
called you earlier.

I didn't get to the store
so I didn't make chilli.

Oh. Well, I'll
take you out to dinner.

Oh, I don't know if
that's a good idea.

I mean, we really shouldn't go out
where students might see us.

Well, you know what?
I'll pick up some takeout and bring it over.

Oh, would you just hate me if we
did this tomorrow night instead?

I'm just not feeling that great,
and it's already kind of late.

No. No, tomorrow night'll be great.


Are you sure you're
not mad at me?

No, not at all.


Then good night, sugar.

Good night, popsicle.

Let's see how you're doing
on that report, huh?

- It's good.
- Yeah.

See, Kyle?

What are you doing?

- Cool down.
- Oh.

What time do you
have to be home, Andrew?

It doesn't matter.

Well, you know, it's just 9:30.

We can go to a video store,
get a movie.

Are you stupid?
I hate watching movies.

You used to like watching
movies when you were a kid.

Yeah, only 'cause
you wanted me to.

Movies are for losers
and art fags.

What would you like to do?


can Andrew and I play "Doom"
on my computer?


Just "Doom,"
nothing else.

I like your dad.

My dad?

He's a fucking idiot.

"Insanity laughs

under pressure we're cracking

can't we give ourselves
one more chance?

why can't we give love

one more chance?

why can't we give love

give love

give love..."


Jason, you didn't
write that.

"Under Pressure."

What were you thinking?

I didn't think
you knew that one.

Jason, I'm white.

- Oh, boy.
- Sit down.

Thank you.

Guys, why are you here if
you're not gonna even try?

Poetry is about saying
something from your heart,

Something personal.

Yes, Ginger?

I have something
that's kind of personal.

Great. Go ahead.

"It was raining yesterday afternoon

water dripping off the lilac
bushes my mother loves

and as I sat and watched the blood
pour out from between my legs

and felt the pain of motherhood myself

I wondered if it would have
been a boy or a girl"

Thank you.

That was very personal.


If you ever need to talk
to someone, I'm here.


 yes, it's a good day 

 for singing a song

 and it's a good day 

 for moving along

 yes, it's a good day 

 how could anything
be wrong? 

 a good day from
morning till night 

 and it's a good day 

 for shining your shoes

 and it's a good day... 

Hello, lamb chop.

Hello, honeydew melon.

What's wrong?


Something's bothering you.

Do you like Mike?

What are you talking about?

Don't get mad. I mean,
I know we've never talked

About not seeing
anyone else.

I'm sorry I said that.


Are we still on for dinner?

 I've got a gal
that's always late 

 every time we have
a date 

 but I love her

 yes, I love her

 I'm gonna walk right up
to her gate 

 and see if I can
get it straight 

 'cause I want her 

 I'm gonna ask her 

 I'm gonna say,
"is you is or is you ain't 

 my baby?

 the way you're acting
lately makes me doubt..." 

- Hello?
- MISS. REED: Hello, jerk.

I am so sorry.

Yeah, you're a real shitbird.

Don't let it happen again.

I am such a jerk.

And it will never happen again.

 Mmm, a woman
is a creature... 

- Hello?
- In here!

 that has always
been strange 

 just when you're
sure of one 

 you find she's gone
and made a change... 

Oh, great.

 is you is or
is you ain't... 

That's great.

It's an interesting piece.

- Yeah? You're an interesting piece.
- Oh!

This is just like high school, right?

Ah. Except I didn't have
any girlfriends in high school.

Oh, well, those girls were idiots.

I would have been your girlfriend.


If we had a time machine,

Let's see--


I'd be in high school
and you'd be a fetus.

- I think that's--
- No, that's not cool.

No, not cool.

Ala la la la.

Weekend Summary:

We did nothing,
followed by nothing,

With a grand finale of nothing.

About time, Felter.

I think they're doing it.


You-- You think that they're fucking?

Andrew, Andrew, look,

You have to know that fucking
pussy is virgin shit, all right?

When I'm with a bitch, I just go
straight for the brown-eye.


I stick my cock in her asshole.

I got that part, but you've
never been with a woman.

Fuck you.

Kyle, I'm always with you.
I know.

No, you're not
always with me.

- Yes, I am.
- No, you're not.


Oh, you're fucking fucked!

- You're fucking--
- Let it go, Kyle. They're not worth it.

"Aha," yeah. That's right,
laugh it up, you fucking whores.

don't be shy.

There you go.

Ahh, yeah.


hey, buddy, what you doin'?

I'm doing my homework.
What does it look like I'm doing?



Need a hand?

You know,
your report, or...

no. No, it's-- No.


Hey, listen, I'm going
on a date tonight.

And if you're hungry, I could
fix you some food before I go.

You're going on a date
with who?

Well, no one's
supposed to know

Because it could cause
problems at school.



Do I know this Claire?

Miss. Reed. Hmm?

Really? You're going out
with the T.I.L.F, that's great.

- The what?
- T.I.L.F.--

- "Teacher I'd like to fuck."
- Nice mouth.

Hey, it's just what the other
kids at school call her.

What do you think
about Miss. Reed?

Well, she's got a hot body,
helmet's okay.

- Do her from behind.
- Hey, come on now!

Kyle, when did you become
such a pervert?

You sound like
your uncle Pete.

There's more to
a woman than that.

What do you think about
her personality?

Oh, um, nah.

She's pretty stuck up
and she's a phony.

Why do I even
tell you these things?

- Hello?
- Hey.

- Hi.
- We still on for some vittles?

Oh, I'm so sorry
I didn't call you sooner.

My mother is having
a nervous breakdown.

Her dog got burnt
by a hair crimper.

They were playing fetch or something--
She's fucking bananas.


I'm so sorry about tonight.

You're not mad,
are you?

Mmm, not at all.

Okay, good night, cupcakes.

Good night,
watermelon sherbet.

 when I get high

 this world's so nice 

 when I get high

 it's paradise... 

Your pot smells like shit.

- Oh. Oh, sorry.
- That's okay.

- Would you like some?
- Are you kidding?

I can barely breathe.

Oh, I'm really sorry.


If you were to offer me
some pot brownies,

I wouldn't say no.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Tonight when you're
getting changed,

Would you mind pulling
your bedroom drapes?


I think my son watches you.

Get out of here.

No no. I think he watches
you change.

Your son?


I thought he was a zombie.

I wish. I like zombies.

Oh, yeah, you do?
Me too. I do.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, I like the early zombie movies like
"Night Of The Living Dead."

Me too.

Oh, yeah, don't watch
that one alone.

- I don't like the new ones.
- No.

- Zombies are too fast, you know?
- Yeah, too fast. Yeah.

I believe like Simon Pegg said,
"The death is an impediment,

not an energy drink."

What you doing?

Jesus, dad.
You almost made me crap.

Did you get your homework done?

Yeah, a long time ago.


- Yeah.
- What--

Are you stoned?


Seriously, you smell like pot.
Are you smoking pot?

- No.
- You can tell me.

- No.
- You're not using grass?

No, you don't use grass.

Then what's--
What's that smell?

What smell?

It's probably a skunk outside
or something, you know.

Oh yeah, sure, a skunk.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't we do something
together tomorrow?

'Cause you feel bad?

Yeah. No.

I mean, it'd be just fun to do
something together, you know?

- Okay.
- Mmm.

Yeah. Yeah,
like build a rocket.

Sure, if you want to.

That's retarded.



- What do you want to do?
- Nothing.

Oh, come on now, Kyle, you must
be passionate about something.

- You want to know what I like?
- Yeah.

- I like looking at vaginas...
- Ahh.

...all day long.

- There you go.
- Yeah.

But maybe do something
non-vagina related.

You know, outside the vagina.

Okay, uh,
we could go to the mall.

Okay. And then
we'll catch a movie.

Yeah, sure,
at the mall, you know?

And then we'll maybe
look for a new computer.

No no, we'll just hang.

Dad, did I tell you that
we had to buy a new computer?

No, I said-- If you
were listening to me--

That we could look
for a new computer, okay?

And then we'll go
to your movie.

Okay. But we're not
buying a new computer.

Yeah, all right.
Sounds fun.

This isn't the biggest screen.

Jesus Christ,
how about a "Thank You"?

Are you on your period
or something?

Can I not say anything?

Hey, isn't that-- Isn't that
Mike with Miss. Reed?

Yeah, it is.

Dude, I wouldn't let
my bitch treat me that way.

- You don't have a "Bitch."
- How do you know?

- Hi, Kyle.
- Hey.

- Mr. Clayton.
- Hello, Andrew.

Oh, wow, so he
got it for you.

- Sweet.
- Not that sweet. It's not the biggest one.

What-- Dad, we're gonna
go home and hook this up.

What about going to
the movies?

Dad, we'll go
to dinner later!

Okay, fine.

Uh, what are you gonna do,
Mr. Clayton?

Oh, probably go to the movies
by myself, Andrew.


What are you doing?

You're carrying that
the rest of the way.

What, are you gonna cry?

Fucking pussy.

God damn it.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.

What did you do today?

I was with Mike. He was having
a breakdown about his divorce.

He was depressed 'cause
he had to go to this wedding,

So I went with him to the mall and
helped him pick up a suit to wear.

I know,
I saw you two there.

You did?
Why didn't you say hi?

I don't know.
It seemed weird.

Does it bother you
that I have male friends?

No, it bothers me you keep
our relationship secret

And you're out
in public with him.

Okay. What are you
doing tonight, hmm?

Let's go out.
We'll go out someplace fancy,

Someplace the world
can see us.

How about
outback steakhouse?


Anyone who's anybody
will be there.

You know, we can have

you know, wait, I can't.
I promised Kyle I'd take him out.

Let me take
both of you out.

- It'll be my treat.
- Really?

That's so nice.

- Hey, Kyle.
- I'm in here.

Why do you always
tip over this photo?

'Cause I hate it.
I look inbred.

I think you look handsome.

We're going out to dinner
tonight with Claire.

What? No.

- No, we're not.
- Oh, come on.

I thought she was
seeing Mr. Lane.

No no, they're just friends and she's
trying to help him out through a tough time.

Why am I explaining
this to you, Kyle?

Dad, okay, look,

It's bad enough being seeing
with a teacher as a dad,

But being seen with
two teachers is aids.

Okay, get dressed.
Put on something nice.

If you don't act right at dinner,
I'll stab you in the face.

So what do you like to do, Kyle?


Nothing? You must like
to do something.


Kyle just got a new monitor
for his computer.

So what do you like
to do on the computer?

Oh, well, you know,
it's funny you ask.

- I like--
- Games, mostly.

- Kyle, who are you texting?
- Andrew.

Why don't you give it a break
while we're eating, son?

No, I can't do that.
It's important.

Put it away.

So, Kyle,

Do you have a girlfriend?

I'm not gonna talk to you
about my personal affairs.

- Okay.
- Ooh.

Watch out.

Are you guys doing it?

Yeah, all the time.

I'm hurting right now.

Let's not make me throw up.

So do you play sports?

No no.
I'm a big spaz like my dad.

Well, I was on the dive team
in college.

Diving is not really
a sport, it's falling.

I'm sorry.

No offense.
It's just funny.

Hey, why don't we rent
a movie after dinner?

Sure, as long as
it's not horror.

- Really?
- I do not like horror.

Zombies? Are you
okay with zombies?

- No.
- Oh.

Do you like musicals?
I love musicals.

Bob Fosse was a great

He did "sweet charity"
and "all that jazz."

- "Cabaret."
- One of the great nazi musicals of all time.

Besides "the sound of music," you know?

Then he did "star 80."
That was not a musical, but...

- I only like the musicals.
- Oh, well.

- Me too.
- "Willy Wonka."

Which one?

Well, Gene Wilder.

- I like Johnny Depp.
- Oh.

- Yeah.
- Mm-Hm.

But, you know what? I like Gene Wilder...

- ...In "Young...
- Frankenstein."

"What hump?"

Did you see it?

- No.
- Oh, you should.

- It's amazing.
- Really wonderful.

Everybody's seen it.

- I'm sure.
- Yeah.

- Night, Miss. Reed.
- Good night, Kyle.

Do you think you're gonna
hit that shit tonight?

- Shut up!
- Come on, dude. That shit's tight, dude.

Seriously, if you don't nail her--

Hey hey, if you don't nail her,
dude, you're--

- You're an asshole.
- Will you stop it?

Don't act like you don't think
about pussy all the time too.

- I know you do.
- Kyle.

You're dropping me off first, I get it.

- You want me to go.
- I just wanna say good night to her alone.

- Okay?
- With your cock.

Kyle, you ruin everything.

Would you just
shut the fuck up?

Jesus, man. You fucking need
to get laid. Go over there.

I'll be right back.

All right. Don't do anything
I wouldn't do, okay?

Short of killing her, that leaves
me a lot of room.

Hey, baby.

See you tomorrow, Kyle.

Night, whore.


- That was fun.
- The kiss?

- Mm-Hmm.
- I'll show you something, come on.

- Not tonight.
- Wow.

Are you shooting me down?

Listen, I'd love to stay, but l
promised Kyle I'd be right back.

Kyle doesn't like me.

Oh no. He likes you a lot.

- No.
- Mm-Hmm.

He told me that when
I dropped him off.

- He did?
- Yeah.

He said I was a lucky guy.

No, I'm the lucky guy.

I gotta go.

Oh, come on.
He's almost an adult.

- Yeah.
- Mm-Hmm.


How are you gonna drive
home with that boner, huh?

I don't know. There's a stick-shift
joke there somewhere

But I can't find it 'cause all the
blood's leaving my brain.

- Sleep well.
- Hey.

Oh, that's sweet.

- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Oh. Boo.

- You're mean.
- Good night, sweet pea.

Good night, cream cheese.

You know I--

- Hmm?
- Damn you.

You sure?

I'm back.


Hey, Kyle.

Oh, Kyle. I told you to
stop doing that.


 don't be afraid 

 It's only love 

 don't be afraid 

 It's only love 

 don't be afraid 

 It's only love 

 don't be afraid 

 It's only love 

 love is simple

 love is simple

 love is simple

 don't be afraid 

 you're already dead 

 don't be afraid 

 you're already dead 

 don't be afraid 

 you're already dead 

 don't be afraid 

 you're already dead 

 love is simple

 love is simple

 love is simple

 love is simple

 la la la la la

 la la la la la

 la la la la la

 la la la la la

 la la la la la.

Welcome back, Lance.


- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

If you need more time off,
take it.

Nobody here would
fault you for that.

No, I'm okay.


Hey, Mike.

It's good to have
you back, Lancelot.


Mr. Clayton.


How are you doing?

I'm really sorry.


And I'm sorry
about my mom.

- Why?
- 'Cause she threw up in your planter

At that thing at your house after
the funeral.

I wondered who did that.

She drinks too much.

I know.

Don't worry, Andrew.

It meant a lot to me
that you came.

Thanks, Mr. Clayton.
Mr. Clayton.

Something doesn't
make sense to me.

What, Andrew?

Did Kyle seemed that
bummed out to you?

What do you mean?

To do what he did.
He just--

It's just, he didn't
seem that sad.

Andrew, Kyle was
a complex guy.

I'll say.



How are you?

I'm okay.


I want to apologize that I haven't
been there more for you.

It's just that I don't do death well.

Don't worry about it,
you know, I--

I've been kind of a zombie
lately anyway.

I'm really sorry.

Please don't be mad.

I'm not.

Let's do something soon,
all right?

All right.

Cheer up, pumpkin.

I like you.


hardly anyone came to the funeral.

I felt bad.
I should have gone.

Don't blame yourself.
It was a weekday.


This is Mr. Pentola.

- Mr. Pentola.
- Dr. Pentola.

Oh, doctor.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Clayton.
I'm very sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Dr. Pentola is a therapist.

We called him in
because we were afraid

Kyle's death may
trigger other suicides.

He's a grief counsellor.


Before we begin,

I've read a lot of
suicide notes,

And this one seemed...



I need to ask you a question.

And I want you to be
completely honest with me.

Of course.

Did Kyle have any friends?

Excuse me?

Well, it's just
no one's come to see me.

You'd have to know Kyle.

Well, I shouldn't say no one.

A couple of kids came in with age-
Appropriate depression,

Eating disorders.

One kid came in with head lice.

I know him.

Not really my area of expertise.

But no one's come to talk about Kyle.


- Oh.
- Who were his friends?

- Andrew Troutmen.
- And who else?

That's it.

Kyle was kind of a loner.

A lone wolf.

Uh, I'll have to ask Andrew

To come and see me.

And, Lance, that goes
for you too.

If you need to talk, if you wanna
get anything off your chest,

Please, just come and see me.

Of course, doc, I will.

Thank you, Lance.

You're welcome,
Mr. Anderson.

All right, guys,
who wants to read next?

- Right here!
- All right.

Who's gonna give me $20?

- Oh.
- Oh, come on now.

All right. Okay.


Go ahead.


I may be young
but I'm not your boy

I won't pick your cotton
or pick up your dishes

Yeah, I sing, I dance

But I do it with the dignity
of my ancestors

I am not your monkey"

Right on.

Stay black, y'all.

Anybody else
have their haiku?

- Hello?
- Hey, sweet tarts.

- Hey.
- How are you?

- What are you doing?
- I'm watching mike play basketball.


- You okay?
- Oh, yeah.

- You sure?
- Oh, yeah.

- oh my god!
- What?

I gotta go.
Mike just won the basketball game.

Yeah, Mike!

- Hi.
- Hi.

I made you something.


- Those brownies.
- Oh.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Well, I'll come over and have some.

I was thinking maybe I could come in
and we'd eat them together.

No, I can't.

- Why not?
- I'm busy.

Bonnie, I really need
to talk to somebody.

I don't like people
in my apartment.

My apartment is a little
sad right now, you know?

If I-- If I let you in,
you can't tell anybody.

- Okay.
- Okay.


- Brownies, huh?
- Yeah.

- Come in.
- Ah.

Please, don't tell
anybody, okay?

Because I--
I don't wanna get thrown out of here.

- Oh, I promise.
- Thanks.

I-I know
it's a fire hazard

And I know it's not
rational, but...

I feel that if I throw anything out,

Something terrible will happen.

- No, I understand that.
- Good.

What's wrong, sweetie?

I know my son was a jerk,
but I miss him.


- Of course you do.
- Mmm.

It'll get better.

It doesn't feel like it right now.

Do you know that

I have read every one
of your books?



You threw 'em out.

Oh, yeah.

You are very talented.


You have a gift.

And you can't give up.

I won't.


They're gonna have a zombie
marathon on television

And I cordially

invite you, sir.

Oh, well, bless you, madam.

- Uh-Huh.
- It's a date.


Don't forget the brownies.

- I won't forget.
- No.

Your dog's staring at me.

What dog?

I got ya.

- Lance!
- Oh.

- I'm glad I caught you.
- What's up?

You know that while we
respect individual privacy,

We also respect freedom of speech
and expression here at school?

- Yeah.
- Well, one of the kids on the paper

Went online and they found
Kyle's police report--

The report of his death. And now they've
gone and published his suicide note.

- Oh my god.
- Yeah. I just found out about it.

I thought you should know
it's all over campus.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Are you gonna be all right?


I'm really sorry
about this, Lance.

It's that goddamn first amendment,


"to all those I hate,

I don't know why
I'm writing this.

You never cared about what l
thought or felt while I was alive.

Besides you're all
too shallow

To comprehend
the pain I feel."

 I hope
I become a ghost 

 I hope I can see
the end of time 

 I hope I become
a ghost 

 and make sure
the future turns out fine 

 I hope
I become a ghost 

 oh, when the world
is said and done 

 the stars will become
so close 

 and there will be nowhere
that I can't run 

 ooh ooh ooh ooh

 I hope
I become a ghost 

 and watch all my
grandchildren growing old 

 some they will
remember me 

 and others through the
stories they've been told 

 now I don't intend
to frighten you 

 I just wanna see
if what I think is true 

 'cause then and only then
we'll know 

 if it was worth
to become a ghost 

 ooh ooh ooh ooh

 there's nothing
sad about it 

nothing sad about it... 

"which brings me to you, dad.

don't blame yourself.

You tried hard and were the
best dad a kid could want.

I blame me doing this
on a defect in me...

in my soul.

I'm sorry."

 now that I've become
a ghost 

 I don't get to laugh
with friends like you 

 there's nothing sad
about it 

 there's nothing
sad about it. 

I love you, dad.

Has anyone seen Carl or Steven?


Oh, you have?
So they're in school?

Yeah, I saw 'em
this morning.

First of all I want to thank you
all for being here,

Especially the newcomers.

It means a lot to me.

Who has experience
with writing poetry?

-Yes, Heather.
- Can I ask a question?


What was Kyle's favorite band?


he liked Bruce Hornsby.

Yes, Ray?

Did he listen to any metal?

- A little Ozzy.
- I knew it.

Anybody have any questions
about poetry or...

yes, Jason?

Did the boy know Jesus
before he went?

Well, I would say
he was an Agnostic.

But I think he was
spiritual in his own way.

Yeah-- Yes, Heather?

What's his sign?

Oh, he was born
April 18th, so--


I can't believe
you didn't know that.

You know, anybody know
ezra pound?

Lawrence Ferlinghetti?

You know what Kyle really liked?

Emily Dickinson.

What band is that?

It wasn't a band.
She was a poet.

- She hot?
- Um, she was a Victorian.

If you like your buttoned-down girl,
she was one of 'em.


- Mr. Clayton.
- Peter.

- Can I talk to you?
- Sure.

It's about Kyle's note.

It-- It affected me a lot.

Well, it seemed to affect
a lot of students.

- I'm not happy, Mr. Clayton.
- Mm-Hmm.

I'm living a lie. I'm gay.

And Kyle's suicide note,

It's helped me get the courage to
come out finally.

Well, are you sure
you want to do that?

I'm misunderstood too,
just like he was.

I just want to be happy.

Good for you, Peter.
I-I wish you the best.

Thank you.

Hey, Mr. Clayton.

- Mr. Clayton.
- Ginger.

Kyle was right.
Emily Dickinson's great.

Isn't she?

- Mr. Clayton?
- Yes.

- I wrote another poem.
- Can't wait to hear it, Heather.

- John. Doctor.
- Hey.


Mr. C, what's up?

"Milky white skin
and hair so brown

I wish I had known
how bad you hurt

I could have held you
while you cried

you were too sweet
to stay

In this harsh world

but I will always
keep you close to my heart

Oh, wow.

He was such
a sweet kid.

And kind.

Oh, please.
They're everywhere.

as a father,

I don't know what I'd do if
hunter did something like this.

My heart really goes
out to you, Lance.


It's so sad. I didn't know he was
such a good writer.

Did he write anything else?

Yeah, he did.

I know it's really personal, but do
you think I could read it?

Well, if you came over
to my apartment.

I just don't want his stuff out there,
you know, floating around.

How about tonight?


My playoff game's tonight.

All right.
Not the lip.

You know I can't take the lip.

Oh, thanks, Mike.

What time?

I'm gonna need a little time because
you know, I haven't cleaned.

Yeah, I understand.

- Well, 8:00?
- That's great.

Good luck tonight.


If you think this
is a bad idea--

No no no.
Not at all.

I found something Kyle wrote

And I really think
you need to hear it.


This is from his journal.

"I went out to dinner with
my dad and Claire tonight.

I'm so happy for him,

But at the same time
seeing them together

Only proves that I'll
never be happy.

I know I'll never find
a woman like her--

So pretty,
so perfect.

She seems to complete him.

I hope they make it.

I hope they last.

I hope I'm leaving
my dad in good hands.

No one could ever get me.

I don't even get me."


I didn't know anyone
could feel that way about me.

He did like me.
He really did.

He did.
He really did.

I thought you were lying
to make me feel better.

I'd never do that.

- Really?
- Really.

Mr. Clayton.

- Good morning, heather.
- Yes.

Good morning.

Do you have anything
of Kyle's?


That I could have?

- No.
- Oh.

Wait a second.

Here you go.

Bruce Hornsby?

That was his favorite.

Thank you.

I need to talk
about last night.

Yeah, I need to talk
about last night too.


I'm tired of hiding
our relationship.


- Dan.
- Lance.

- Ginger.
- Mr. Clayton, look at this.



Hey, Mr. C.

Oh, Peter.

- Don't leave me hanging.
- Oh.

I don't know if Kyle
ever told you,

But he and I were
kinda bros.

I'm gonna win this game
tonight in his honor.

Great, Peter.

Mr. Clayton?


It doesn't seem right,
does it?

What doesn't seem right?

How everyone is acting.

Like they liked Kyle.

No, it doesn't.

You know what else
is weird?

- What?
- Kyle's suicide note.

In what way?

That stuff about being
an insignificant molecule

Bouncing around in a
meaningless godless universe.

Don't take this the wrong way,
but Kyle was...


Kinda dumb.

Ha. No.

Kyle was actually smart, Andrew.

You know, he just pretended
to be dumb, even around you

So, you know, people
wouldn't pick on him.

Yeah, maybe.

- It's mine!
- Let go, you crazy--


Oh! Get off!

You didn't even
like Kyle!

You didn't like Kyle!

Shut up, whore!

Bruce Hornsby?

I need to talk to someone.

That's why I'm here.

I feel terrible.

Suicide leaves many victims.

Don't beat yourself up.

Kyle may have been suffering
from a chemical imbalance.

And I know that the note
being published

Has caused you some

But in many ways it's been
a very positive thing.

Students are
coming to see me.

It's the breakthrough
I've been waiting for.

Who knows how many
of these kids

I can help because they're
reaching out for the first time?

You have to remember
the part where Kyle writes:

"I love you, dad."

But what if he didn't
really feel that way?

But he did.

Lance, suicide

is a permanent solution

to temporary problems.

and who knows

how many kids we won't lose
because of that note?

Keep your chin up knowing

that Kyle may have not
died in vain.

 in light of all
I've learned so far 

 I don't believe
I'm so strange 

 in spite of all
this time I spend 

 calling the air
by a name 

 when the first light
goes over the trees 

 he will be
singing with me 

 and if I feel like
singing alone 

 he always
leaves me be 

 I'm shaking
my shadow hand 

 as the sun moves
round the bend 

 with an imaginary man

 and we'll make-Believe
around and around again 

 I'm shaking
my shadow hand... 

Dr. Pentola.

Lance, you don't look so good.

Well, I had kind of
a rough weekend.

I did a lot of soul searching

And I thought about what
you said about Kyle's note

And the effect
on the other kids,


this is Kyle's Journal.

I brought it to you to read.

I want you to read it, and if you think
it'll be of value to the other kids,

I wanna publish it
and hand it out to them.

- I'll see if I can't give it a look.
- Oh, thanks.


It's so sad.


I mean, Kyle was such

A strong powerful writer.

So tortured.

Yes, he was.

What are you
gonna call it?

I was thinking
"l am what I hate."


"I am what I hate."
Kyle wrote that in chapter six.


- Really?
- Yeah.

I don't like it at all.


- To me, a better title...
- Mm-Hmm.

...would be
"you don't know me."

- Oh.
- You know?

we didn't know him.

But he didn't write
that though, I mean...

yeah, but
he felt that.

- You're inferring that from him.
- Yes.


"I am what I hate"
doesn't make sense as a title.

Give me a kiss.

- Come here.
- Oh.

 everybody wants
to be a genius 

 you're not the only one 

 with all things that
you might do 

 which one of them
will you get to? 

 tomorrow when
you wake up 

 then you'll show them 

 nobody wants
to break your heart 

 you do it on your own

 there's nothing wrong
with you today 

 nothing you had
that they took away 

 but all the time
you've waited for 

 what is owed to you

 you wanna fight,
they will fight you blue 

 you wanna lie,
who will lie with you? 

 you're the only one
waiting for a sign 

 so you're the only one 

 so you're
the only one 

 everyone's had
some situation 

 keep it to yourself

 there's no need to answer

 your lies have spoiled
two confessions 

 and all the time
you've waited 

 won't come back to you 

 you wanna fight,
they will fight you blue 

 you wanna lie,
who will lie with you? 

 you're the only one
waiting for a sign... 

 so you're the only one 

 so you're
the only one 

 everybody wants to be
a genius. 

Everybody loves the book.

Yes, they do.

- You did the right thing.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck me.

- I am.
- Harder.

No no no.
From behind.

Okay. Okay.

- Like that?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- To the left.

To the left.
My left. My left.


Don't stop.

Don't stop.
Don't stop!

- Stop! Stop. Stop.
- Okay. Sorry.

- Pull my hair.
- Like that?

- Not-- Not so hard.
- Oh, okay.

Are you ready for
our undead marathon?

Well, that's the thing.
Something came up.

Kind of an emergency.
I can't make it.

- Sorry.
- Oh. No, it's okay.

- Can I take a rain check?
- Oh yeah, dear. Good.

Yeah, listen l--
I hope everything's okay.

Oh, yeah.
It's just a small emergency.

- Okay. See you.
- Sorry. Bye.

Everything okay there, pal?

Yeah, great.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

You know what line
really blew me away,

Is when Kyle wrote:

"America is one of the finest countries
anyone ever stole."

That was brilliant.

He reminds me
of my hunter.

Lance, I have
a confession to make.

I lured you out here
under false pretenses.

I need to ask you

Would it be all right with
you if we renamed the library

The Kyle Clayton Memorial Library?

But you were gonna put him
in a special-needs class.


Yeah, and I feel
really bad about that.

- Oh.
- He wasn't slow.

Obviously he was brilliant.

He was just bored.

You know, we had him totally wrong.

I just hope to god that our mistake
didn't have anything to do with--

Well, with
what happened.

I'm pretty sure
it didn't.

Thanks, Lance.

Your saying that
means a lot.

This tribute will be an inspiration
to other students

And it'll help keep
Kyle's memory alive.

Sure, sir.

Thanks, Lance.


Just like my prom night,
nothing went in the hole.

No, it's good.
It's gonna be a tasteful dedication.

Very tasteful.


You're kidding me.

Thank you so much.

- Wow.
- What?

Pentola-- He sent
Kyle's Journal to Dr. Dana.

She loves it. She wants me
to be on the show.

She's gonna fly me
to LA.

- What's Dr. Dana?
- She's like Oprah.

Well, she's not as big as Oprah.

I mean, it's a good show,
you know?

Women seem to
really like it.

- Andrew.
- Are you busy, Mr. Clayton?

Oh, no no.
Just packing for my trip.

Yeah, that TV show.

"Dr. Dana."

What's up?

I feel bad.

I wish I knew
he was that depressed.

You and me both.

You know what's strange
about the book?


Kyle never talks
about vaginas, anal sex,

Fisting, felching
or rim jobs.

It is a little light on the felching area,
you're right.

But I think it's there,
Andrew, in its own way.

I was his best friend.
The book is so smart and sad.

He never talked
with me like that.

I wish he did. Maybe he wouldn't have
done what he did.

Don't blame yourself,

One thing I know,
he liked you.

Then why didn't he talk to me?

What do you want me
to tell you, Andrew?

Maybe it's like
I told you before,

He was super smart.
He didn't want people to know

Because he was afraid
of being treated differently.

But it doesn't make sense.
He was already treated like a freak.

If he was that smart he would have
loved to rub their noses in it.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Andrew.
Why can't you let it go, okay?

No wonder your mother drinks.

You know one of the last
things Kyle said to me?

He said that you're
a stupid fucking idiot.

Have a good time
on your TV show.

Kyle's still dead.


Are you almost ready?
I think we should get going.

I think you should keep
your pants on.

I think you should put
your pants on.

I'm not going
to wear pants.

I'm really nervous.

Yeah, you should be.

Mmm. Thanks.

I'm using backward psychology.

It's not working. I have to pee again.

- Hello.
- Mr. Clayton,

I don't wanna be rude
but the show called again

- And we really should be leaving.
- Okay, thank you very much.

Baby, that was the driver.
He said the show called.

We gotta get going, okay?

Oh, you look gorgeous. Let's get going, come on.

- Does this make my ass look big?
- No no. Not at all.

- You can't see your ass.
- What do you mean?

- I mean--
- So you're saying I don't have an ass?

I'm saying your ass is there,
but it's not too much.

- I'm changing again.
- No.

You know,

I really should get over there so l
could sit down with the producer

And go over with what
I'm gonna say.

That would
really help me a lot.

- All right.
- Okay.

- What do you think?
- Fabulous.

- I really--
- Nope.

I like that dress.

Sometimes people on the way,
they throw up in my car.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Okay, let's go.

- You look pretty.
- Thank you. You're so sweet.

Thanks. Which one of you
is on the show?

- I am.
- Oh.

- No, you're gonna do great.
- Thanks.

Hi, Lance Clayton
for the "Dr. Dana" show.

- Hi, guys.
- Dr. P.

Lance, hi.
Jerry Klein-- We spoke on the phone.

- Mm-Hmm.
- We can let them in.

Follow me. We can go right in.
We're running a little late.

- You guys hit some traffic, huh?
- Oh yeah.

- Ah, wonderful.
- This is Claire, my girlfriend.

- Hi, Claudia. Jerry Klein.
- Claire.

We're not gonna have time
to go through the notes

In the greenroom
as we planned,

- So we're gonna do it in makeup.
- Makeup?

- And that's this way. Claudia?
- Claire.

Thank you so much for sending
the photos of Kyle. They're beautiful.

- And also the book.
- I sent the book.

Is she gonna be holding
up the back of the book?

That's a director question.
I'm a segment producer.

How do we know
when the camera is on me?

You're gonna be in the
friends-and-family section.

Could you grab a seat?

Okay, yeah.

I just have a couple of
issues to discuss with Lance.

- Lance, do you have questions?
- No no.

- Look over here, please.
- Good. Good.

So, Lance, if you should start to talk
about your son...

- mm-Hmm.
- ...and begin to cry...

- yeah.
- ...or well up...

- okay.
- ...just go with it. Don't be ashamed, okay?

- Yeah.
- And if you cry...

- mm-Hmm.
- ...look up.

- No, look down, please.
- Oh.

- Don't look down. Look up.
- Can you look down?

- Don't tuck your chin.
- Oh.

And above all,
don't be nervous.

Lance, hi.

- Look this way, please.
- I don't mean to bug you right now.

My name is Bert Green.
I'm with with McKenna Artist.

- Hi, Bert.
- Your son's memoir is so strong.

My god, it's so moving.
My heart goes out to you.


- Oh, thank you.
- Have you been talking to publishers?

- No.
- Because I honestly think this could be

The biggest posthumous

Since "the diary
of Anne Frank," honestly.

- Really?
- Oh my god.

You know
what she's done for...

Yeah, that's huge.

Look, I'm gonna get out
of your hair right now.

But if any of this
interests you,

- Give me a call, okay?
- Okay.

Just give me a ring.
It's great to meet you.

Great to meet you.
Go out there and kill 'em.

- Do it.
- Okay.

- Now I'm nervous.
- Oh, great.

- It's go time, all right?
- Okay.

So again, Lance,
I'm so sorry for your loss.

And let's have
a great show.

My guest today
is Mr. Lance Clayton.

Lance's 15-year-old son
Kyle tragically took his own life.

But from this terrible
story of loss

Arose one of hope.

Here he is to share this powerful story,
Mr. Lance Clayton.

Thanks so much
for joining us.

- Thank you, doctor.
- We know it takes great courage for you to do this.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

Now, Lance--

Is it all right
if I call you Lance?

Yes, that's my name.

One of the most difficult things
is for a parent to lose a child.

Yes. Yes it is.

Tell us about
your son Kyle.

It's difficult,
isn't it?


He was a sweet boy.


I'm sorry.
He was a sweet boy.

- I'm sorry.
- But there was a lot brewing underneath?

The tragedy is I didn't
know until his death

How sad he was
or profound.


Here's a tissue
for you.

Indeed profound.


"You don't know me."

This is so beautifully

I just--
You know, the thing is,

I didn't know-- I'm so proud of him.
He was a great writer.

Yes, this is really
remarkable work.

No matter what page
I turn to,

There's something here
that really moves me.

- I want to read this.
- Okay.

"Is it more important
for me to be a good person

Or to be thought of
as a good person?

I'm so sick
of living a life in fear

Of being found out
for the phony I am,

A life where I don't trust
anyone's intentions,

Including my own."

Wow, that is really deep.

Hard to imagine that it was written
by a 15-Year-Old.

- He was an old soul.
- Mmm.

You know, I'm not gonna pretend
that I know what's going on

In the mind
of a teenager.

All I'm saying is,
Kyle made a mistake.

If you're that depressed,

Reach out to someone.

And remember, suicide
is a permanent solution

To temporary problems.

- You want my job?
- No. Please, Dana, no. Thank you.

Again, the book,
"you don't know me."

And my guest has been
Lance Clayton.

Thank you.

You were so good!

Thanks, doll.

And I'm so glad
you used my title.

It's a great title.


Lance, hi.
It's Bert Green.

- Hi.
- You were so great on "Dr. Dana."

Oh, thanks, Bert.

It was like--
It was like watching a ballet.

Hey, do you have time
to meet tomorrow?

Because there's a number
of publishers

Who are dying

- To meet with you.
- Well, really, no.

Actually we have
to head back tomorrow.

They're dedicating the school library
in Kyle's honor.

Good for him.
I mean, good for you.

That's good.

Hey, let's do it soon.

Because this book is hot.

It's like a volcano on the sun.

Wow. That's a lot of heat.

I'm gonna get a hold
of you soon.

Okay? Bye.

Lance, Lance.

Oh, god.
I'm glad I caught you.

Oh, your book is on fire.

- Oh.
- It is.

This is--
This is Bill Tobin.

- Hi.
- From Simon & Simon.

- Carl Klienman from Howard Publishing.
- Hi.

And this is George Kenny,
from Kaufmann Press.

They love your book
and they wanna meet with you.

- It's true.
- Really.

We're not gonna bother
with that right now.

They're gonna have a chance to talk
with you after the dedication, okay?

- Good.
- Okay?

And they also want
a book of yours too.

- That's amazing.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- See you in there.

I'm so proud of you,
lamb chop.


Mr. Clayton.

Bruce Hornsby.

We wrote Mr. Hornsby and he came.

Hey, man, when I heard
what a fan Kyle was

I thought,
how can I say no?


- Thanks.
- God, he's so sweet.

Bruce Hornsby.

I'd like to dedicate
this song to my biggest fan,

Kyle Clayton.

 another song
came and went 

 like the times
that we spent 

 hiding out
from the rain 

 under the carnival tent

 I laughed
and she'd smile 

 it would last
for a while 

 you don't know
what you got 

 till you lose it
all again 

 listen to
the mandolin rain 

 listen to the music
on the lake 

 listen to
my heart break 

 every time
she runs away 

 listen to
the banjo wind 

 a sad song
drifting low 

 listen to
the tears roll 

 down my face
as she turns to go 

 listen to the tears
as they roll 

 down my face
as she turns to go. 

Mr. Clayton,

I want you to know that

I've always felt not enough.

My dad

rides me all the time.

He calls me a loser.

I almost killed myself

until Kyle's note and book came out.

It saved my life.

I know he's looking
down on you so proud.

Thanks, Pete.

Thank you, Bruce Hornsby.

Welcome students, faculty

and guests.


we celebrate Kyle.

Kyle has shown us
so many things;

How fleeting the time

we spend on this earth
really is.

Kyle did not die in vain.

Through his book

And through our hearts
he will live on.

Today we dedicate
this library

In his spirit.

A tribute to his deep

and to the profound impact
he made on all of us

In the brief time we were fortunate
enough to know him.

And now to accept
this honor on his behalf,

I give you his father

Mr. Lance Clayton.

You guys didn't like Kyle.

But that's okay, I didn't either.

I loved him.

He was my son,

But he was also a douche bag.

He wasn't very smart

And he didn't kill himself.

Kyle died accidentally while masturbating.

I made it look like a suicide

And I wrote a suicide note.

I also wrote his journal. Thank you.


You are an asshole.


I used to think
the worst thing in life

Was to end up all alone.

It's not.

The worst thing in life
is ending up with people

Who make you feel
all alone.

 pressure pushing down
on me 

 pressing down on you,
no man asked for 

 under pressure

 that burns
a building down 

 splits a family in two

 puts people on streets

 um ba ba be

 um ba ba be

 de day da,
ee day da 

 it's the terror
of knowing 

 what this world
is about 

 watching some good friends
screaming, "let me out" 

 pray tomorrow
gets me higher 

 pressure on people,
people on streets 

 day day de mm hm

 da da da ba ba

 chippin' around 

 kick my brains
around the floor 

 these are the days
it never rains but it pours 

 ee do ba be
ee da ba ba ba 

 um bo bo be lap

 people on streets,
ee da de da de 

 people on streets,
ee da de da de da de da 

 it's the terror of knowing
what this world is about 

 watching some good friends
screaming, "let me out" 

 pray tomorrow
gets me higher high high 

 pressure on people,
people on streets 

 turned away from it all
like a blind man 

 sat on a fence
but it don't work 

 keep coming up
with love 

 but it's so slashed
and torn 

Why? Why? 

 love love love
love love 

 insanity laughs under
pressure we're breaking 

 can't we give ourselves
one more chance? 

 why can't we give love
that one more chance? 

 why can't we give love
give love give love give love 

 give love give love give love
give love give love 

 'cause love's
such an old-Fashioned word 

 and love dares
you to care 

 for the people on the edge
of the night 

 and love dares
you to change our way 

 of caring
about ourselves 

 this is our
last dance 

 this is our last dance

 this is ourselves

 under pressure

 under pressure


I knew you wrote the book.

I liked it.

- Really?
- You're a good writer.

I think you should keep writing.

Thanks, Andrew. I will.

Hey, Andrew.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

Do you want something to eat?

I'd like that very much, sir.

I'm vegetarian.

I know.





 I've always been
this way 

 never known
any other way to feel 

 got the right of way

 and all of the others
must yield 

 now I'm naked 

 and I'm in school 

 I can't make it 

 to the door


 try to understand

 that an oyster can only
make a pearl 

 from a grain of sand

 but from what I don't know
makes a girl 

 but I'm trying 

 not to laugh

 inside I'm dying 

-  when we break
-  when we will break

-  apart
-  apart

-  then you take
-  then you take

-  back your heart
-  back your heart

 and it aches
in the dark 

 but it makes

 a tiny spark

 I've always
been this way 

 never known any other way
to feel 

 got the right of way

 and all of the others
must yield 

 now I'm naked 

 and I'm in school 

 I can't make it 

 to the door

 we were lying

 in the grass

 I was trying

 oh, not to laugh

 I was drowning

 in the past.

 I know the way

 to lose my cares

 when this boy's burdens 

 are too much to bear

 I'm up in a cloud 

 flying in the sky

 I float away

 when I get high
high high 

 folks toss and turn

 and walk the floor

 when that old wolf
aooh aooh aooh! 

 is outside the door

 I'll roll the reefer 

 if wolfy brings the rye

 let's drink and puff,
yeah yeah 

 when I get high...

come on, Mr. Wolf,
let's blow this house down.

Oh, is that the best you can do?

Aha. Back off, son, let me try.


I don't even care
about pigs.

I don't care
about anything.

 when things are tough

 and I've had enough 

 when life gets rough

 I just light up

 blues can't catch me 

 they don't even try 

 I just look down

 when I get high
high high 

 I get high!

Oh-ho-ho, I must be wearing
my elevator shoes.

Special thanks to SergeiK.