Epic Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Epic Movie script is here for all you fans of the Kal Penn movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Epic Movie quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Epic Movie Script

This is the story
of four orphans brought together by fate.

They didn't know it yet...

but there was something greater
in store for them-

something epic.

Meet our first orphan- Lucy.

She had been raised by
a kindly old museum curator.

- But alas...
- Ohh!

he was murdered.


Oh, please don't die.

Please don't die. You're all I have.

You're on my hand.

Oh, sorry.

It's a code.

But what is it?

Oh, my God! Oh, God!
The code! Please! Give me another clue!

I didn't read the book on tape.

Habeas corpus.
E pluribus unum.

Um, the code, please.

Your body is in the shape
of a letter. Is it the letter "D"?

Please! Please!

Um, that's an "A"!

It's "V"! "V"! Uh, "I"! "I"!

Um, "N"!

Uh- Um-

Um, "I"-

Oh! "C"! "C"!

"I"! "I."
Da-Da-Da- Da Vinci!


Oh, God. Oh.


"So lame the hair of Tom."

Wait. "Lame."

"Lame" is a-

"Lame" is a seven-letter word.

The code is seven!

Oh, thank-


Then there was
our next orphan, Edward.

He was living in a Mexican monastery
with all the other children.

I'm not eating that.

Be grateful, Eduardo.

Today I made something
especially scrumptious.






cheese flavored Doritos are delicious!


I'm sick of this!

I'm going to be
a lucha libre wrestler.

You think you are better
than the other orphans?

- Yes.
- Chanchito!

Come. Teach him a lesson
in humility.

You gotta be kidding me.

You like the flavor
of the beans going up your nose?

Just take his arm
and spin it around!

Chanchito, throw him off the table.


And stay out, cabrón!

Our next orphan, Susan...

was on her way to Namibia to
meet her new adoptive parents.

- Can I get you a cocktail?
- Just some water.

What can I get you to drink?

More juice, please.

I chose the wrong day to fly!

Enough is enough!

I've had it with these motherfuckin'
snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

- So have I!
- Enough is enough!

I've had it with these motherfuckin'
snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

- Right!
- I've had it...

with these motherfuckin' snakes
on this motherfuckin' plane!

Why do you keep saying that?

Because Internet bloggers
love it when I say...

I've had it with these motherfuckin'
snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

All right.
We get it already. Okay?

No, I don't think you do!

I've had it with these motherfuckin'
snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

- Why are you yelling?
- Shit, bitch, I'm always yellin'!

I'm Samuel motherfuckin' Jackson!


- The designer understands these things.
- Darling, you look great.

I'm so hot.


And finally...

our last orphan, Peter.

He made his home among
the undesirables of society- the mutants.

But even there he was an outcast.

Hi, Mystique.
Hi, L.C.

Right, um, so, anyway,
I was wondering...

would you like to come
to the homecoming dance with me?

As if.

Nice hair, Rogue.

You talkin' to my girl...



- Fight. Fight. Fight.
- Fight! Fight!

What are you gonna do about it?

He's unleashing his powers!

He's gonna spread angel wings!

More like chicken wings!

Break it up.
Break it up.

You all know Peter is too much
of a pussy to stand up for himself.


And for these four orphans...

life would never be the same.



You must be Susan.

And you... are Peter.

And you're Edward.

And you-

You're Lucy.

I've been expecting you.

So, come on!


I love your legendary candy.

A chocolate river!


It's delicious!

It's so delicious!



That's, uh-

- That's actually the sewer line. Yeah.
- It's delic-

Children, do you want to know...

what makes all my candy
taste so special?


It's a special, secret ingredient.

It's real human parts.

There's gonna be a little itty-bitty piece
of each and every one of you...

inside of the Yummy Yum candy-

I'm gettin' out of here.

Let us out, freak!

Let us out, freak!

No, no.
I can't do that.

- Yes, you can.
- Yes, you can.

You're... mine now.



Stop! Let me go!



What are you doing?

- Willy told me he wanted his knob polished.
- Dumb-ass.

We've gotta get out of here.

- We gotta get out of here.
- I just said that.

You just said that.

Where are we gonna go?
I don't have a home to go back to.

I thought this golden ticket
was my lucky break.

The curator was all I had.

I never had anyone.
I raised myself.

And that's why you have
such a tough exterior?


And you're kinda bitchy.

- Why us?
- Because we're four kids nobody would ever miss.

We'll be stuck here till we die.

Shut up, Edward.
You're scaring her.

Don't tell me what to do!
You're not my father!

- Two for flinching.
- Oww! Aah!

Leave Peter alone.
He was just sticking up for her.

I can take care of myself.

Like it or not,
we're all in this.

It's obvious we don't like each other,
but if we're going to survive...

we have to stick together.


- Ow.
- Was the fight over?

I didn't know.

- Hey!
- Shh! Someone's coming.

Who wants to chew my gum balls?

It's Willy. Hide!

Where are you?

I'm gonna find you.



Ooh! Oh.



It's stuck.
It's- It's stuck.

It's- It's stuck.

You can do it!

My tongue!

My ba-a-a-a-ad.

Where am I?

The world of Gnarnia.


A silent "G," as in "gnome."

Or "gnarly."

- For legal purposes.
- Mm-hmm.

- I'm Mr. Tumnus.
- Oh, my name is Lucy.

What are you?

I'm a faun.
Half man, half goat.

- Oh, so you mean-
- Yeah. Dad screwed a goat.

These are my folks.


- You have her goatee.
- Thanks.

- And you?
- Oh. No.

Both of my parents are human.

Eew. Gro-o-o-ss!

Aah- No. Yeah.

So, you are
a daughter of Eve, huh?


How rude of me.
Let me show you around.

Oh. Oh! Oh!

I- I-

Welcome to my faun crib.

Come on. Let's go.

Let's see what's in the fridge.

Always gotta have Cristal.

For when Diddy's in the house.
Yo, Diddy!

Say "What's up?" to the honeys.

Check out my plasma.

Say hello to my little friend!

Wanna play us?
Okay. Let's play.

Scarface is the shit!

I'm Tony Fauntana!

You mess with me,
you're messing with the best!

You ain't a true player unless
you got flat screens everywhere.

In the toilet,
when I'm taking a leak.

Say hello to my little friend!

Wanna play us?
Okay, let's play!

This is my favorite part.


Under the couch for when
I'm looking for change.


On the top of her head
for when she, you know...

shines my hooves.

So now you all seen my crib.

So get the hell out!

Well, I really should
be getting back.

No, but you, um, must stay.

Oh, Mr. Tumnus,
I'll never forget you.

Please take this
to remember me by.

And I you.

I'm sorry.


you are in danger.

- What are you-
- You must go now.

Oh! What's wrong?

Take this.
It will explain everything.

Confirm identification.

My eyes! My-


Well, that's better than LASIK.

The evil White Bitch who rules Gnarnia...

has ordered anyone
who finds a human to turn them in.

I brought you ba-a-a-ack
to my lair to betray you...

but I couldn't do it.

You are a true friend.

She has plunged our
once-peaceful land into eternal winter.

Under her two terms,
we now have...

wiretaps, no gay marriage...

not to mention her bumbling
of the hurricane relief effort.

And-And the White Bitch
doesn't care about black people.

There is a small
resistance movement.

They learned she's developing
a weapon of mass destruction...

that can kill all of us.

Wait, a real W.M.D.,
or, like, a fake Saddam one?

No, a real one.

That sounds bad.

Go now, before she finds you.

- But-
- There's no time to argue.

Go no-o-o-o-ow!

This message
will self-destruct in one second.


Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

- Lucy?
- Who wants to play with Willy?

Lucy, move over.
I need someplace to hide.

Lucy. Lu-

Who lives here?


This is a really big wardrobe.

What a MI LF.

Kneel before the queen!

You're a son of Adam.

A what?
No, I'm Edward.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

- I was following Lucy into the wardrobe and-
- Lucy?

- How many are in your family?
- No.

Lucy, Peter and Susan
are not my family.

We're all just a bunch of orphans.

The prophecy!


Let me help you up.


- Oh, you must be parched.
- Yes.


Wow. A 40?

- Ah.
- Drink.

Fresh dog piss.
Go ahead.


I love this place.

And this can all be your new home.

With my help, you can be king.

Wha-What? King?

He can't be king-

And you would be my queen?

I've never had a girlfriend before.



How about that?

Oh, but first
I must meet the others.

Why? You're not gonna make
Peter king too, are you?

Oh! No.

But every king
needs subjects to boss around.

But, Your Majesty-

Behold, my white castle.

White Castle?

I feel like I've been there before.

Bring me the others,
and I'll crown you king.




You went through
the wardrobe too.

- Lucy!
- Lucy!

- Edward!
- Edward?

This is quite a hiding place.

We have to go now.
We're in grave danger.

Oh, no, no. We should stay right here.
What's the hurry, Lucy?

I mean, they just got here.

Hey, look!
I'm spelling my name!

- Mm-mmm.
- Please!

We have to go.
Mr. Tumnus told me.

Mr. Tumnus?
Who the bloody hell's that?

I love Sudoku!

He's a goat-man...

and he warned of great peril!

- Oh, Lucy.
- Fine!

If you think I'm lying,
just go ask him yourself!


This is gonna be
harder than I thought.

Hey, look!
Nicole Richie!


Mr. Tumnus?

I know what happened.

- What the hell is that thing?
- It's a talking beaver!

- Holy shit!
- Get it outta here!


Something in my groin tells me
you're not used to a talking beaver.

My name is Harry Beaver.

Mr. Tumnus is my life partner.

Mmm. Sweet man.

Mr. Tumnus was taken
by the White Bitch.

She's hot-
I mean, never heard of her.

The evil ruler. She arrested
Mr. Tumnus for hiding a human.

Is there anything
we can do to help?

Uh, yes.
You must go to Aslo.

He's waiting for you
at the Ancient Table.

- Who's Aslo?
- Who's Aslo?

He's the true king of Gnarnia.

- Not for long.
- Hello? The prophecy?

The four of you will join Aslo and lead
the resistance to destroy the White Bitch.

- Us?
- Yes. You're all heroes.

Especially you, Peter.

My son,
I have sent you to Earth for a reason.

You will be the savior
of all mankind.

You are truly invincible.

Oh, my God! You shot me
in the fucking eye! That really hurts!

Why would you do that?
That was so unnecessary! You bastard!

- But I can't be.
"But I can't be." Why him?

Well, maybe not Superman,
but a hero all the same.

It's your destiny.

Do you think you were
all brought together by chance?

Look at the clues.
They're all around you.

Oh, that's nice.

We're all in the painting.

But what does it mean?


It's a "cryptix."

The curator taught me
how to decipher these.


Be careful.

Well, what is it?

It's our birth certificates.

We all have the same last name
and the same parents.

- I don't get it.
- You're all related!

Brothers and sisters.

You're a family, for Christ sakes!

- Sorry.
- Is it really true?

None of us ever had
a real family before.

None of us ever had a real family before.

It's true.
You're quadruplets.

- But our parents-
- Killed by the White Bitch.

Then she separated the four of you
so the prophecy would never be fulfilled.

Where's Edward?

Hey, honey, I'm home.

Hey, buddy.
Did you miss me?


- Why?
- 'Cause I ain't your buddy!

Where are the others?

I thought we had something special.

I even got a tattoo
with your name on it.

That looks more like
50 Cent's tattoo, you idiot.

They did the wrong one.

I won't ask again.
Where is the rest of your family?

I told you,
they're not my family.

Tell me where they are.


Yeah, they went to Mr. Tumnus's house.

Yes! Yes!
You just got punk'd! Yes!

He did it!
He did it!

Say it to the camera.
Come on, say it right there.

- Say it!
- I just got punk'd.

Schwow! Yeah!

We just punk'd Edward!
Schwow! Schwow! Yeah!

That was awesome!
Yeah! Yes!

This thing up here is all me, baby!

The trucker hat-
That's awesome!

I did it. You love it.
You'll take it. Punk'd 'im!

- That was really funny! Oh, my gosh! Too funny!
- You are so annoying!

No, that was really funny though!

Schwow! Schwow! Schwow!
Schwow! Schwow!

Candy-ass trucker hat!

Schwow. Schwow.


The kids are with Mr. Tumnus.

I want you to find them
and kill them.

Persona non grata.
Magna cum laude.

Urts-hay oh-say ood-gay!



No. No!

- Here. You goin' to prison.
- Ow! Dude!

- Edward!
- Edward!
- Edward!

- Edward!
- Mr. Tumnus!

I miss the smell of you, Harry Beaver.


Oh, yeah.

The White Bitch did this to you?

And now she has Edward.

- We must rescue hi-
- Get ahold of yourself, Lucy!

- Holy-
- It's too dangerous.

If she catch you,
you are as good as dead.

Um, that's me.

"The resistance has found out...

"that the White Bitch has completed
her weapon of mass destruction...

and is going to launch it
in 24 hours."

Let's get the hell out of here!

Aslo is the only one
that can help now.

Then take us to him.

What'd you do that for?

I forgot.

Before you meet Aslo,
you must train.

Only then you can defeat
the White Bitch...

and save your brother.

I'll meet you at Aslo's.
May the Force be with you.

Someone's coming.
The bitch is on to you. You must go now.

There you will train.


Mr. Tumnus?

I will stay behind
and fight him off.

No matter what,
you must not come back for me.

- Yep.
- Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!



If you want them,
you'll have to go through me first.

Please! Help!

He needs our help!

- Help!
- No, Susan, Lucy.

He... wants us to go on.

He sacrificed himself for us.

Peter, if you can hear me...

come back now!

I definitely underestimated
the situation.

I'm in a lot of pain!

What should we do?

Uh, we can't go back.
We have to-

- We have to do what's best
for Edward and for Gnarnia.
- Screw Gnarnia!

He's testing us.

This is not a test!
I can see my brains!

Et tu, Brute?

My name is Harry Potter!

Aren't you a little old
to still be a student here?

I am but 14.

As are my two best friends,
Ron and Hermione.


Hope you chicks are on the pill.

Harry likes to get wasted...

then show off
his sorcerer's stones.

They are definitely too old
to still be doing this shit.

We shall train you
so you can defeat the White Bitch...

and restore peace to Gnarnia.

We'll show you everything we know,
like how to use...

the invisibility cloak.

Oh, no!
I'm completely invisible!

Where am I?
Who's that?

- Where am I? I could be anywhere.
- Harry. Harry!

Where am I?

Step off, Potter!

Wrong cloak.

Let the training montage begin!

Cue inspirational music.

Blame the cloak.

- Get your hips nice and square.
- Okay, uh-

- All right. I'll set it up for you.
- Okay.

- You ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

Ipso facto "patrolo!"

Oh! Yeah!

Confront your fear!

Do not cower
in the face of danger!

Let nothing stand in the way of defeating
your enemy! Come on, Peter!

Stop being such a little nancy boy!

Schoolgirl! Pussy!

Congratulations, Peter.
Your training is now complete.

- You are now ready to meet Aslo.
- Yes!

This crystal will finally
put an end to the resistance.

I will start a series of earthquakes...

that will collapse all of Gnarnia...

and grow a new continent...

where only I
and my followers will live.

Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much
the plot of Superman Returns.

Pretty much, yeah.

It's an I.M. from Silas.

"The... keeds...




"The keeds have esca-puh-duh."

The kids have escaped!


I've got to catch and kill those children
before they ruin everything.

See what else Edward knows.

Let me out!

Oh, I gotta get outta here.

I'm never gonna see
my family again.

I'll get you out of here, mate.

Captain Morgan!
I love your rum!

Captain Jack Swallows.

At your service.

Jack Swallows?

That's kinda gay, dude.


I believe in your quest, son,
and I'll reunite you with your family.

I've got a ship waiting for us.


How are we gonna
get out of here?


Man down! Man down!

I could have faked it!

He needs your help!

Come, come!
We haven't got all day!


A real pirate ship!

Peter, Lucy and Susan
won't believe this.

Hey, this is awesome.
What's it like being a pirate?

Yo-ho, Ed, let me
break it down for you.

Word to the Kraken!

Time is winding, old boy.

So where's your family, eh?

They're on their way to
the Ancient Tables to meet Aslo...

where he's assembled
the resistance.


God, you're easy.

Thanks, love.
Oh, my.

Wait. So this whole thing was a setup
just to get information out of me?

Sorry, mate.
This isn't even a working pirate ship. Savvy?

- Oh, shit!
- It was nice doin' business with you, love.


I'll get you for this...


you... bitch.

I always hated you,
Captain Jack Swallows.

You think I like wearin' this
funny-lookin' hat? I'll roast your nuts!


your family's going to Aslo.

Summon the troops.

If it's a war they want...

it's a war they will get.

Let's start things off
with a bang, shall we?

- But you'll kill millions.
- Billions.

Come on.
Let me hear you say it.

- My family will stop you!
- Wrong!


Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh! Ooh!

Oh! Ooh!

Damn that Superman plot!

My name Borat.

This my country of Gnarnia.
Is nice!

She is my sister.

She is number four faun prostitute
in all of Gnarnia.




Where you goin', doll face?
I just took my Cialis.

Screw you, Aslo!

Ah, thanks a lot.

You're Aslo the Lion?

half lion, half man.

- So you mean you're-
- My father Siegfried boinked a lion.

But, you know,
what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Let me guess. The prophecy family.

We've come a long way.

You're missing one.

- Yes, our brother Edward.
- Yes, our brother Edward.

He betrayed you,
went to the White Bitch.

- Well, it wasn't his fault.
- Yada yada yada.

- But the prophecy says-
- "But the prophecy, the prophecy."

I'll help you get Edward back.

- Oh!
- Mmm!

But there's something
you've got to do for me.

What are you in here for, Mel?

You know.

Glug, glug.
Vroom, vroom.


Listen, sugar tits.

I like to sleep in the buff.



- That was spectacular.
- My butt's sore.


Dutch oven!


It's Aslo!

In nomine Patris, et Filii,
et Spiritus Sancti.


Come on, kids.

Peter? Lucy! Susan!

Oh, you guys, I've been such a prick.
Won't you ever forgive me?

We already have.

- We're a family now.
- We're a family now.

I like the sound of that.

- I love you guys.
- Oh, have your Dr. Phil moment later.

- Now get out of here!
- Go, go, go.

Good-bye, Aslo.

What's wrong?

He didn't make it.

Oh, shit! A talking beaver!


Oh, it's hard out here
for a beaver.

You forgetful bitch!
I already met you.

I know. Yeah.

Aslo never came back.
The White Bitch killed him.

And it gets worse.

It's over.

The White Bitch
will surely rule forever.

But we have you.
You will lead us.

You're the future
kings and queens of Gnarnia.

It will be an honor
to fight for you, my lords.

We'll fight for you.

And so will we.

We'll stand behind you, Peter.

That bitch has threatened
our mutant way of life for too long.

We believe in you.

Tomorrow, we fight.

So tonight, we party!

Hello, Gnarnia!
Are you ready for rock and roll?

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!



You're up, Sis.

I like to keep a clear head.

Come on. Loosen up for once.
You wanna-

You wanna, you know,
get your swerve on, like this.

Like that. And then-

No. Why?
What's the worst that could happen?

- Maybe just one.
- All right.

- Whoo-hoo!
- Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!



So, you're gonna be
the king of Gnarnia?

- That's what they say.
- Mmm.

I think that's so hot.

Why don't we get out of here.

Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug it!

Whoo! Yeah!

I'm okay.

You're good?

- Hmm?
- I'm okay.



- You know, I've got special powers.
- Uh-huh.

I'm a shape-changer.

I can change my form into anything.

What do you like?


Big hooters
with silver dollar nipples?

All right.

And a ghetto booty.

Like- Like a lot of junk
in the trunk, say.

Kinky. Mmm.


- And a mono-brow!
- Come again?

Mono-brow! Mono-brow!
King wants a mono-brow!

Okay, okay.

And big, flabby grandma arms.


Bingo wings,
like a fat, blue Britney Spears.

Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

Come here!

Where is everybody?

I don't know. Maybe it had something to do
with Susan puking on everyone last night.

We seem to be outnumbered.


I'm not running anymore.



We may not have the numbers on our side
or the weapons she possesses...

but we have something
far more powerful.

Perky breasts?

The strength of our family.

I'd follow you anywhere, brother.

Oh, my-

Revenge is... mine!

Jack Swallows!

Payback is a bitch, White Bitch!

You owe me your soul,
Jack Swallows, and it's time to pay up!

She's blinded me, matey!

Oh, bugger!

What a tool.

Show them no mercy.

Take that, Kumar!


Oh, yes.

Yes, that's right.

Just like your parents did
before I killed them.

Wow. Let's slow things down
for a better look.


Oh! Oh, dear.

Oh, that's-
That-That is dis-



Let's get 'em!

Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this.

It's the crystal!

- We're all gonna die!
- We're all gonna die!

Give me the remote control.


No, stop.
We will not stoop to her level.

I hate those fuckin' kids.

The new Gnarnia
will be a democracy...

complete with due process.

She shall be given a fair trial,
judged by a jury of her peers.

Sorry, Bitch.


Oh, screw her anyway.

Make a beaver a hole.
Get your butt out of my face.

Hot, moist beaver comin' through.

May I present
the kings and queens of Gnarnia!

Peter the Heroic.

Susan the Just.

Edward the Loyal.

And Lucy the Dumb Shit.

All hail!

And so it was
that Peter, Susan, Edward and Lucy...

restored peace to Gnarnia.

They were orphans no more.
They were now a family.

They ruled Gnarnia
for many years to come.

That is, until they found
the wardrobe once again.

Let's cross streams.

There we go.

A little bit of blood.


- It's the wardrobe.
- It's been so long.

It's been so long.

Chuck Norris rules.

We're young again!


You did it!
You make movie film have happy ending.


Oh, my-

- Let us out, freak!
- No can do.


Captain Jack Swallows!

Captain Jack Swallows!

- Shit. Swallowing!
- Cut.

Captain Jack Swallows!


Wait. Can I ask you
something about the sucking?

Am I-

Am I, like, sucking the chrome off,
or is it-

- Yeah.
- I mean- Okay.

Here we go.

Oh! Hey!

Mmm. Mmm!

Well, guess what.

- What?
- Guess what.


Mi, mi, mi, mi,
mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi!

When I'm makin' you stuff,
quit cryin' and eat it!

Your mother ate it!
She liked it. It was fine.

- Where did I hit him? I hit him on the head.
- Cut!


We'll stand behind you, Peter.

That bitch has threatened
our way of life-

Our mutant-
Shit. Sorry. Bollocks.

She shall be given a fair trial...

judged by a jury of her peers.

We shall build a courthouse...

with crushed velvet drapes
and ample parking.

I'm so hot.

Oh, my gosh. I passed the yellow line.
I just don't see it.

half lion, half man.

So you mean you're-

My mom went to a party
at Siegfried and Roy's.

She got drunk, and then
it was her turn in the barrel.

It's a brutal game.

Justice shall reign supreme...

even for elves and fauns...

albinos and the Irish.

- I saw stripes!
- No! Man!

We shall revolutionize
the health system.

There will be no more
teenage pregnancies...

without my consent...

and without their consent.

I shouldn't have had sex with Shrek!

Like it or not, we're all in-

- You okay?
- No. But go ahead.

- Like it or not, we're all in this.
- Like it or not-

- Oh, I can't even do it now.
- Let's do it.

Damn that Shrek!
He said he wasn't a carrier.

Because, sweet tits,
we're four kids nobody would ever miss.

We'll be stuck here
till we dizz-i rizz-i.

Don't t-zelle me what to d-zoo!

The White Bitch is no more.

Now, we shall be queens.

Last night, I had sex
with a unicorn. Nice!

Hey, look.
It's Lindsay Lohan.

I haven't got
enough left for Roseanne.

- Oh. So I was supposed to- I supposed to fall?
- Cut it.

- It's supposed to hit me, right?
- Yes.

- Ooh!
- Cut!

Oh. But I need something
about the others first.

But first- Sorry.
Give me your hand.

Oh, no!

But kings need to boss
their subject's ship-What's the line?


Bring me the others, and I'll crown you
the throne. Shit. Crown you what?

I'm big.
I got big balls.

See Epic Movie...

or drunk Mel Gibson will hurt me.



So now you all seen my crib.

So get the hell out Oh...!

Special thanks to SergeiK.