Read It And Weep Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Read It And Weep script is here for all you fans of the Danielle Panabaker and Kay Panabaker movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Read It And Weep quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Read It And Weep Script


JAMIE: Some people think
that high school

is the worst time in a person's life.

What with the populars,
the peer pressure, and the pimples,

it's just too much for some kids
to handle on a $ 10-a-week allowance.

But this isn't one of those stories.

Meet Isabella.

But you can call her Is.

High school.

A fantastical kingdom
of promise and peril,

with warriors,




and witches.

A bizarre world
where the rules of society

no longer apply.

It is here where destiny
finds the incomparable Is,

in her never-ending battle
for truth, justice, and gym class.


The rope.

The scourge
of every high school student

since the dawn of time.

But it isn't the length of the rope,
it's the strength of the girl climbing it.

And luckily in this case, that girl is Is.



JAMIE:... Vincent.

Was it the smile,
the dimples, the biceps,

that made him the cutest boy
in the kingdom?

What do you think?


Jamie, you're next.

Okay. So this isn't that story.

And Is is just a character in my journal.

- Impressive time, Mr. Vega.
- New stopwatch, Mr. Hearn? Very nice.

Hi. I don't feeI very well.

Unfortunately, as hard as I try,
I'm no Is.


I can't do it. I really can't. I'm sorry.


This is the story of how my private,
personal journal became a bestseller.

Hey, J. How was gym?

- I got stuck on the rope again.
- Ouch.

My words exactly.

Oh, let's bounce.
We can't be late for English.

But we have to save The Planet first.

Isn't that a little ambitious
before lunch?

The Planet is a theater downtown,

and they're going to tear it down
unless we do something about it.

I already did.
I designed and painted the posters.

- Yeah. But no one can read them.
- I was experimenting with cubism.

Well, we're going to be experimenting
with detention

if we don't get a move on.

But what about my protest?

Maybe we can save The Planet
along the way.

Save The Planet? Save... No?

Save The Planet.
Help save The Planet.

Save The Planet.




The populars.

JAMIE: There she was,
the evil and feared Sawyer.

I mean, Myrna.

A cheerleader so vile,

even milk curdled
at the sound of her name.

She entered the hallway
with her Clone Horrific Cohorts.

- Jamie.
- Oh, I was gonna say geek.

JAMIE: Myrna was rotten to the core.

I'm sorry. Did you want something?

Yes, I wanted you to move.
You're blocking my locker.

Right. Sorry.

I heard the tryouts
are gonna be really intense this year.

Are you guys trying out
for cheerleading?

Duh. Are you?

- You aren't.
- No.

No, I didn't think so.
That's a very good call on your part.

JAMIE: Risking life and limb,

Is knew she had to destroy Myrna
and her vicious clique

before they crushed every girl's spirit.

Well, if you're not going to be nice,
then be gone.


Is! Is! Is!

And with Myrna gone,
everyone cheered.


Is there something you'd like to share
with the class?

- No, Miss Gallagher.
- Then pay attention.

Marco. You're next.


It's not very good.

"I have a secret. Does she, too?

"The quiet girI I thought I knew
who continually makes me smile

"I have to wonder,
does she see me or just my mask?

"Invisibility. "


All right, everyone.

Have a great weekend,
and don't forget,

your essays for the
writing competition are due on Monday.

And he writes poetry.
Is there anything Marco can't do?

Yeah, write poetry.

- You're just jealous.
- Trust me, Jamie,

if I wanted to write a poem like that,
I could've.

Hey, there's your brother.

Hey, Lenny, what's up?

I thought I told you never to talk to me,
especially in schooI.

- What's with him?
- I wouldn't know where to begin.

So, want to hit the comic book store
after schooI today?

I can't. I have to work.

We're serving pizza untiI 5:if anybody wants a slice.

- What's today's speciaI?
- Don't ask.

It was disgusting.
The other day, he put raw fish on it.


Let's go, Jamie.
This pizza's not gonna deliver itself.

- What is that stench?
- That is the smell of the future.

The smell of your future.

Liver and onion pizza.

You're not making that
for the slumber party, are you?

- Maybe half?
- Oh, Mr. Bartlett, please.

Daddy, don't.

But, girls, if I don't get some testers
for my new creations,

how am I gonna know
if they're any good?

- Trust us.
- Trust us.

What is that smell?

It's our future, and apparently, it stinks.


It's liver and onion.

You put liver and onions on a pizza?

I think you should just stay old schooI,
Mr. B.

Your plain cheese is still
the best around.

But I'm trying to appeaI
to a wider audience.

A more discerning palate.


Let's get out of here.

I want to be supportive, honey,

but you might be discerning us
right out of business.

Oh, excuse me.

Jamie. I'm in your English class.

And lunch, and history, and math.

You are?

I said, no ice.

Oh, my bad. Let me get you another.

Oh, my bad.

- Let me get you another one.
- Thanks.

Smile. Only two hours untiI closing.

Yes. But three-and-a-half more years
of high schooI.

What did you guys do your essays on?

How term papers are a waste of
our dwindling naturaI resources.

Oh, sweet.

I cranked out a couple of pages
on how I would change the break times

between classes
to make our lives, oh, so more efficient.

- That's it?
- Yes.

- It's a very convincing paper.
- Why?

Because the winning essay will be
published in the Education Times.

Well, it won't be mine.

I just thought you would've come up
with something better than that.

You are the best writer in the class.

- JAMIE: Hardly.
- Are, too.

Am not.

If you're not a writer,
then why are you writing all the time?

Because if I didn't, I'd have a nutty.

JAMIE: Oh, no, my printer died!

Now the world will never know

how much easier our lives would be
between classes.

- Doesn't Lenny have a printer?
- Oh, yeah. Good idea.

Hey, Lenny?

I thought I told you
to never come in my room.

Yeah, but I was wondering
if I could borrow your...

Hey, you wrote a song.

- But...
- I said, out.

Well, why don't you e-maiI it to me
and I'll print it out at my house?

Excellent idea.

I just wish I could find somebody
who understands me.

- Lindsay understands you, Ryder.
- Shut up. That's such a lie.

Come on, Harmony.
Who doesn't love Ryder Donovan?

- No!
- No!

Oh, she is a witch.
Did you see who she killed last week?

If she keeps this up,
they'll have to recast the entire show.

Change the channeI.
She makes my skin crawI.

JAMIE: This one accidental click
of the stylus

that rocketed my personal,
private journal into cyberspace

would send a shockwave
roaring through the kingdom,

altering it forever.

Think of your face as a blank canvas.

It's all about the shading
and composition.

- What are you guys doing?
- Shading our canvasses.

When did you start selling
this makeup?

- Just last week. It's new.
- It's crueI. They test on animals.

Everybody knows that.
You should be ashamed of yourself.

Look, kid, I just work here.

If you'd like to take it up
with the company, be my guest.

Don't think I won't. Let's go, you guys.

Oh, wow.

Do your makeup
in the dark this morning, girls?

Did you see their...

Oh, my God.

You could've at least let us finish.

JAMIE: It's been a month.
Let the shockwave begin.

I just don't believe all that...

They announced the winners
of the essay competition.


Oh, come on, you must be excited.
You practically wrote a noveI.

What are you talking about?
It was five pages, with footnotes.



Miss Gallagher said it was the most
provocative paper she's seen

- in 15 years.
- Oh, please,

like Jamie Bartlett's ever said
anything provocative.

- Honestly.
- Jamie who?

They can't be talking about me.
I mean...

Break times aren't provocative,
are they?

Break time?

Oh, no. I don't think
that was the file you sent me.

JAMIE: A stench worse
than liver and onion pizza

fell upon the halls.


Guess who won the contest!
Guess who won the contest!


"Myrna and her eviI clique
of gossipers,

"insulters, and backstabbers
were no match for Isabella.

"With a flick of her finger,

"she would zap them
into perpetuaI detention.

"Chapter 3: Marco Vincent. "

Excuse me, Miss Gallagher,

but I don't think Isabella's
a very realistic character.

I think she's great. Keep reading.

No, Harmony,
let's listen to Sawyer for once.


Where was I?

Oh, yes. Marco Vincent.

"Was it that smile,
the dimples, the biceps,

"that made him the cutest boy
in the kingdom?

- "What do you think?"
- Can you believe this won?

It's totally weak sauce.

MISS GALLAGHER: "... gossipers,
insulters, and backstabbers... "

I don't know. Marco's pretty cooI.

"... were no match for Isabella.
With a flick of her finger,

"she would zap them into perpetuaI... "

BO Y: Way to go, J.
GIRL 1: Congratulations, Jamie.

- Way to go, Bartlett.
- GIRL 2: Great job.

Great story, Jamie.

- Wow. It's so inspiring.
- I know.

Next time RacheI calls me a cow,
I'm gonna zap her.



Jamie, wait up.

- Where are you going?
- To crawI under a rock.


I mean, you just won
a $ 1,000 savings bond.

No, I was just publicly humiliated
when my journaI was read

in front of the entire class.

What are you talking about?
Everyone loved it.

Whoa. That was your journaI?

Yes, and it was a mistake.
And now it's published.

Chill out.

All right? This whole thing's gonna
blow over before you know it.

- You think so?
- I know so.

- All right?
- All right.

All right.

- A book?
- Yes.

They read your essay
in the Education Times,

and they think
that you are a great writer.

Look, Mom, I just don't know.

I mean, the humiliation
has just died down.

And I can't survive
another lunch of zapping.

Jamie, this is an incredible opportunity.
I'd hate to see you pass it up.

Well, I don't have any more pages.

No more pages?
What do you call those?

PersonaI property.

I can't do it. No way.

Jamie, you can't walk away from this
just because you're scared.

I'm not scared.

- I'm not scared.
- Then prove it.

Oh, honey, I am so proud of you.
Trust me, you won't regret it.

Can I get that in writing?


- Move it, worm. Zap, zap.
- Hey, Mom, I changed my mind.

If I write a book,
this zapping is only going to get worse.

You're writing a book?
Sounds like a pipe dream to me.

JAMIE: In two short months, the
pipe dream had become a nightmare.

And my personal, private journal

was on its way to becoming
a national bestseller.

- BO Y: Here you go, Miss Gallagher.
- Thank you.

GIRL: This is so cooI.
You're gonna become a celebrity.

- I'll have to do your portrait.
- Jamie, would you sign my copy?


GIRL: She's signing books!


- Please, Jamie.
- Jamie!


GIRL 1: "I had the biggest crush
on the most popular guy... "

GIRL 2: "I fell in love and one day
he was standing right next to me.

"I thought I was gonna die. "

"And I met this guy. I fell in love... "

"... where destiny finds
the incomparable Is. "

What have I done?

Started a revolution.

- Zap!
- Zap!

- Zap!
- Zap! Zap!

- Zap!
- Zap! Zap!

- Excuse me.
- Here you go.

- Thank you. Have a nice day.
- Oh, thanks.

Wow. Do you believe this crowd?

Business has not been this good

since we stopped serving
wheatgrass pizza.

You don't think the sign has
anything to do with it, do you?

Wow. This is amazing.

Even chicken feet
can't keep them away.

Look, can we talk about anything
besides that stupid book?

Hey, now.

The book was incredible. Empowering.
I felt like I can zap myself anywhere.

Do anything.

I wish I could zap myself off
the English Department reading list.

Hey, Jamie.

I read your book. It was awesome.

- Marco? We're over here.
- I better get back.


Do you believe Marco Vega
read your book?

Only 'cause you named
the romantic lead after him.

It is shocking.

I mean, who knew he could read?

Hey, Jameson.

She'd never even know my name
if it weren't on the cover.

What's going to happen
when they realize

that the eviI Myrna and the clones
are really them?

- Get out.
- You're kidding.


How else was I supposed to come up
with a cheerleader who was so vile

that milk curdled
at the sound of her name?

Don't worry, Jamie.
As self-centered as they are,

they will never realize the characters
are based on them.

- Are we in the book?
- Yes.

You are Laura the Invincible,
and you are the Magnificent Melody.

But they're only the coolest kids
in the kingdom.

Yeah. It's mostly fiction.

Hey, how about you put that book down
and give me a hand?

Put it down? I'd like to throw it at her.

Come on, Lenny.
Can't you be happy for your sister?

Have you read this,
for lack of a better word, book?

Yeah. It's pretty terrific.

Not if you're Kenny the Stinky Troll.

Come on, Lenny.
That's just a character in a book.

Has no resemblance to you

Maybe a little bit around the ears.

Lindsay, Connor, do I pay you two
just to sit around and eat pizza all day?

- But you don't pay us, Mrs. Bartlett.
- I do now.

Put on those aprons and grab a pie.


I've never seen so many pizzas
in my life.

And I've never seen
so many half-eaten pizzas in my life.

Am I the only one who noticed
that most of the customers

picked off their toppings?

That's because they're here
to see Jamie, not eat pizza.

And will you please not
let my father know about that?

He's so excited by the new business

that I would hate for him to think
that it's all about me.

You mean us.

I mean her.

Let's just change the subject.

Did you hear that the tickets go on sale
for the dance Friday?

- You guys going?
- I'm not.

Why not? You have to.
It's the Deep Blue Sea dance.

But I don't have a date. Or a snorkeI.

- Well, none of us do.
- I have a snorkeI.

Well, since none of us have dates,
why don't we go as a group?

- That's a great idea.
- I guess it could be fun.

And I can get my brother to drive us
in his truck.

Yeah, that would be so much cooler
than pulling up in my dad's pizza truck.

Then it's a date.


Volunteers needed
for this year's dance committee.

Oh, hey, Jamie, what about you?

You guys, we should do it.

Good idea.
If you're gonna be one of the populars,

- you might as well act like it.
- We have to.

Harmony, you are such a great artist.

And, Lindsay, nobody can organize
the troops like you can.

You guys, we could really rock
the decorating committee apart.

I don't know.

I was gonna mobilize a protest against
the makeup company at the mall.

Well, we can do both.

- And it sounds like a big waste of time.
- Whatever, Van Gogh.

It'll be lots of fun, I promise.
I'll take care of everything.


WOMAN: No, I don't like it.
Try something else.

No. No. Okay! Oh, or even better.

All right, that's not bad. Okay.

- What's going on here?
- Ralph, this is Diana.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- I'm your daughter's handler.
- What does Jamie need a handler for?

Good question, Dad.

Just to help her over the rough spots.

All right, hair, up. The pinks, brighter.

Lose the sneakers. This isn't
a basketball game we're going to.

And what am I going to do
about those cheeks?



Is all this really necessary?

No, he didn't.

What my husband is trying to say is
that it seems like a lot of effort,

and pinching, just for an interview.

Not just an interview. It's Mora Live.

- Mrs. Bartlett... May I call you Peggy?
- Sure.

Peggy, Schilling Press
has spent a lot of money

to get your daughter's book
on the Top 10 list.

We think you can put up
with a little discomfort.

Right, Jameson?

- It's Jamie.
- Lovely child.

I am not driving you to the dance.
Stop begging.

- Please.
- Look, why can't Dad take you?

- Because he's not cooI.
- That's a good point.

But no.

If you won't do it for me, do it for Jamie.

You're taking Jamie Bartlett
to the dance?

Way to go, squirt.

- Well, it's kind of a group thing.
- It's a start.

- So you'll do it?
- No.

Please. I'll do anything you want.
I'll wash your car, do your laundry,

- clean your room.
- And the iguana tanks?

I was just talking about one chore.

Well, you know, I guess
you don't need a ride that badly, so...

- Okay, deaI.
- Sweet.

- Thanks.
- I'm gonna go.

You're gonna have so much fun, Jamie.

Yeah, but it would be more fun
if the two of you were coming along.

We wish.

Somehow I think all the parties
and caviar will make up for it.

You're right, it'll be rough,
but let's face it, someone has to do it.

Lenny sounds pretty good.

He's awesome.


Too bad he won't play anywhere else
besides his bedroom.

He's such a dork
when it comes to his music.

He should play at the dance.

He should also wash his hands
more often than he does,

but I don't think we're gonna get him
to do either.

Come on.

Come on, people.
We don't have all day.

We have a schedule to keep.

Well, you heard her.
We should be going.

- Bye, Daddy.
- See you, Jamie.

Lenny, do you have something
to say to your sister?


- Lenny.
- Okay, thanks for trying.


Tempus fugit! Tempus fugit!

Bye, Daddy.

Better go.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Shotsie on the window seat.

When did she get so bossy?


MORA: We have a very exciting show
this morning.

Jamie Bartlett is on the program.

She's written the book,
Is Saves the World.

Jamie, let's start with Is,
the main character.

Tell me about her. What do you like?



Yes, and Is is a character...

LINDSAY: "Jamie Bartlett wowed
the sell-out crowd today

"with excerpts of her bestselling book,
Is Saves the World. "

Here you go.

Good job.


And joining us now
on Backstage Ticket

is the zap-tastic author of the book

that is sweeping the nation,
Is Saves the World.

Here she is, Jameson Bartlett.


- Hi, Jamie. Thanks for coming.
- Thank you. It's nice to be here.

Hey, that's Jamie!
That's my daughter on TV!


Wow. This is the coolest party ever.

- Oh, I'll say. It's jamming!
- Jamming?

Oh, no, Mom.
Don't say that out loud again.

Someone might hear you
and think you're here with me.

- Young lady.
- Well, I'm sorry. But "jamming"?

Didn't your generation at least say
"groovy" or something like that?

Yeah. Something like that.

Okay, then, you two.

I've got some business to take care of
over by the shrimp plate.

So you two help yourselves
to whatever you want, and have fun.

- That's an order.
- WOMAN: Diana!

Oh, hey.


It's Amber Tiffany.

Don't you have a picture of her
hanging on your bedroom wall?

No. That's a picture of Ryder Donovan.

Amber's just standing next to him.

- Should we go say hi?
- No!

You can't just go up and talk to her.
She's Amber Tiffany.

She's on television.
You know, sometimes I think

that you're from an
entirely different planet, Mother.

Jamie, they're just people
just like you and me.

Oh, my God!

It's George Jackson.
I had all of his albums.

Yeah, what's an album?

Something we listen to
on the planet I'm from.

Well, why don't you go talk to him?
He's just people.

You're right. I'm going to.
George! George Jackson!

- No. Mother, I was just...
- Hi. Can I hug you? I am so excited.


So, go mingle.

There must be someone here
you can talk to.


Hi, there, little fellow!

That's not exactly what I had in mind.



My hair!

JAMIE: This could only happen to me.

I'm really sorry.
I don't know how this could've...

What is wrong with you?

Follow me to the green room before
we end up on the cover of Starlet.

I don't believe this.

I'm really sorry.


- Okay.
- I'm really sorry.

- I got it.
- Finally.

Are you gonna let her
talk to you like that?

Say something.

Hi. I'm Jamie Bartlett.


Is that the best you can do?

- Your tiara looks really nice.
- Yeah. It should be. It cost enough.

Jameson Bartlett?

- You're Jameson Bartlett, right?
- Yeah.

Zap! Zap!

- I loved your book. Loved it.
- You wrote a book?

Oh, it's fantastic.
I read it between scenes last week.

So, how's the tour coming?
I just saw you on Mora Live.

And the last time I saw you,

you were poisoning
Steffanie Chandler's lemonade.

- Don't worry. I only play eviI on TV.
- Cadyn, you're in my light.

JAMIE: Another day, another Myrna.


Will the humiliation never end?

I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?

- You're Ryder Donovan.
- You're Jameson Bartlett.

- Call me Jamie.
- Okay, Jamie.

- I'm a big fan.
- No way!

- A big fan?
- A big fan?

- We want to hear every detaiI.
- Girls, I need some help back here.

It's on again.
We're watching it right now.

- RALPH: Girls!
- It's Jamie.

- Oh!
- JAMIE: There's not much to tell.

Then his handler interrupted,
and then my handler interrupted.

And then the handlers started
harassing us.

It wasn't pretty.

- Well, at least he knows you're alive.
- HARMONY: Anyone else?

Amber Tiffany was there.

- Get out!
- Get out!

So not impressive.

So, what's happening
with the decorating committee?

I feeI really bad
that I'm not there to help out.

Don't worry, there'll be plenty to do
when you get back.

You have to see Harmony's whale.
It's amazing.

Well, it's okay.

But you're never gonna guess
what happened at schooI on Friday.

- What?
- Guess.

Tell me!

Sawyer and Marco broke up.

Get out!

- They had a huge...
- Dramatic.

...breakup right after lunch.
It was incredible.

She told him that he didn't treat her
the way she should be treated.

And he said she was a spoiled brat.


I know, right?

- Well, someone wants to talk to you.
- Thank you.

- Hey.
- Jamie, honey.

There are a few talking points
that I would like to cover

before your next interview, okay?

Sorry, guys, I have to go.
That's my handler.

But I'll talk to you guys later. Bye.


- Not more laundry.
- You still need a ride, don't you?

Just put it in the pile.

Good job, squirt.

And I thought you would've quit
weeks ago.

Not a chance.

You must really like her.

Let's go, honey.
Chop-chop. You're gonna be late.

Almost done.

- Turn off the tablet. Now.
- I don't get it.

First you tell me to write,
then you say don't.

- I'm getting mixed signals here, Mother.
- No. What you're getting is fresh.

Get in the car.

PEGG Y: Lenny! Come on, let's go.

- Saw you on TV. You rocked, Bartlett.
- Thank you very much.

- Hey, Jamie.
- What's up, Jamie?

- BOTH: Hi!
- Hi.

- Hi, Jamie!
- Hi, Jamie.

- What's up, Jamie?
- Hello.

- BO Y: Hey, Jamie.
- Jamie.

- Hi, Jamie.
- Hi.

So, did you really meet Amber Tiffany?

Yeah. We're kind of friends.

- No way.
- Way.

Wow. You're a superstar now.

So we have to get the word out

that you're gonna be at
our animaI rights rally next Thursday.

- You are coming, right?
- Of course I'm coming.

I wouldn't miss it
for anything in the world.

I would never let you guys down.
Or the bunnies.

- Of course.
- Come on.

BO Y: Hey, wanna catch a movie
or something?


Whoa. What is that smell?

Oh, the fresh pine scent?
Yeah, that's me.

I had to detaiI my brother's car
before schooI this morning.

It's part of our deaI.

Sounds like a lot of work
just for some wheels.

Yeah, but worth it.

Connor, that is so nice
that you're doing this for...


- Did you just see that?
- You two totally had a moment.

- Did we?
- Yeah. You did.

Hey, Jamie, we have an extra seat.

Jennifer 2 is out sick.

No, thanks.

Oh, come on! We want to hear
all about the Backstage party.

Go ahead. Give them a treat.
We've already heard all the stories.

- That didn't take much prodding.
- Let's face it, Connor.

We have to share our Jamie
with the rest of the world now.

Just as long as she can
fill up my animaI rights rally

like she can fill up a pizza parlor,
I think I can deaI with it.

And then when I stood up,
my hair was stuck in her tiara.

- No way!
- Way!

What did you do?

Well, we didn't want to end up
on the cover of Starlet, now, did we?

So we scurried off to the green room

before anybody could see us.
I mean, can you imagine?

- That is funny.
- Crazy.

Now that he's single,

you think Marco will take Jamie
to the dance?

- Well, he couldn't.
- Why not? He's a free man now.

Because she said
she was going with us.

We're going as a group.

I think the rule was if no one
asked us first, we'd go as a group.

What? That wasn't a rule.
When did we make that a rule?

Why? Do you know anyone else who
might want to take her to the dance?

- No.
- Sound like you do.

I don't. I just didn't know it was a rule.


- So, how was lunch with the populars?
- Well, it wasn't excruciating.

- It seemed like you were having fun.
- I wouldn't call it fun.

I mean, it was okay.

Not like hanging out
with you guys, though.

And the longer I sat there,

the more I could feeI myself
losing IQ points.

Hey, why didn't Connor
walk home with us today?

Oh, I don't know.
He's been acting all boy-like lately.

Well, I'll see you at the pizza parlor.

Oh, you won't see me.

- We won't?
- We won't?

No. I quit.

Didn't we cover this?
I thought my handler called you guys.

- You're not serious.
- No. I'm joking.

Well, maybe it's the truth.

I thought I told someone.

Come on, you guys.
It's not like I need the money anymore.


- Finally.
- It's about time.

- Prune pizza, Peg.
- Honey, no.

- Try it. Don't judge it so harshly.
- No.

You know, I bet the first person to try
a pineapple pizza was laughed at, too.

Besides, it's more of a breakfast pizza.

You know, my gourmet pies
are doing so well,

I was thinking
we should open for breakfast.

Oh, Ralph, don't do this to us.
Things are going great.

It's the power of my pizza.


Ralph's Pizza Shack.

Yes, this is the place
right out of Is Saves the World.

Birthday reservations for twelve.

I have it. Thank you.

- Maybe it's not only my pizza.
- Maybe.



Hey, Linds. How was work?

Who knew pizzas could be so heavy?

You think you're tired?

You'd never believe all the stuff
I've got going on.

It's crazy.

Yeah, well, I was calling to see
if you can help out on Saturday.

We have to finish Harmony's whale
by next week.

- Why do we have to do that?
- Hello?

We're all on the
decorating committee, remember?

- You're the one who got us into this.
- Right.

Look, I'm sorry, but I can't.

Diana's coming over
to help me answer fan maiI.

You have fan maiI?

- Well, it's for Is, but I have to answer it.
- Oh.

You're not gonna forget
about my animaI rights rally, are you?

We really need your help
to get the word out.

What? What is it?

A direct connection
to high schooI royalty.

I have to take this call.
But don't worry, I'll be at that rally.

Call me tomorrow.


Jamie. Hey, it's Sawyer.
What's happening?

Oh, nothing.

Hey, listen,
you want to hit the mall on Saturday?

- Sure. I'd love to.
- Sweet. Can't wait.


Thank you.


- Marco.
- Is Jamie here?

Only in spirit.

Yeah, well, will you tell her
that I'm looking for her?

- No.
- Excuse me?

I mean,
she doesn't work here anymore.

Yeah, but you guys are friends, right?

Hey, do you know if she's going
to the dance with anyone?

I don't know.

But if I see her,
I'II let her know you're looking for her.

- Thanks.
- No problem.

Who knew being an author
would be such hard work?

Well, you better get used to it, Jamie.

If your next book sells
anything like this one,

this is only the beginning.

- Hey, who wants a bite to eat?
- Me. I'm starving.

Me three.
Let's charge it to the publisher.

You know what?
I'm not hungry anymore.

Can we keep walking?

Hey, check it out, bro.
Wait till Jamie sees these, huh?

- Yeah, doubt if she ever will.
- Why? What happened?

Well, Marco Vega's gonna ask her
to the dance.

Going to?

Well, it's not officiaI yet,
but all the signs are there.

Well, then, there's still time.
You can still ask her.

- But it's Marco Vega.
- And you're Connor Kennedy.

Look, don't be like that, little bro.

- You like her, don't you?
- Yeah.

And you didn't wash my underwear
for an entire month

just to let some chump jump in
and steaI your girI, did you?

- No.
- That's right.

Now look, you've come too far,
and you've worked way too hard

- just to roll over.
- Yeah, I have.

Now, I want you to go and find this girI,

- and I want you to ask her to the dance.
- I'll do it.

What with schoolwork and all that...
Hang on.

Yeah, Sawyer. Sorry about that.

JAMIE: Hi. You've reached Jamie.
Leave me a message.

Hey, Jamie, it's Connor. Call me back.
I want to talk to you. Bye.

Hang on.
I got to finish this conversation.

Hold on two seconds.


Okay, can you hang on
for one second?

Give me two more seconds, okay?

I'll be right back.



- Hello.
- Hi, Mrs. Bartlett. Is Jamie there?

Yeah. Jamie, Connor's on the phone.

- Tell him I'll call him back later.
- She said she's gonna call you back.

All right. All right. Bye.


Hey. Where's Jamie?

She's excused from class.
She had a meeting with her handler.

I can't believe this. I'll bet she forgot.

Don't worry, Linds. She'll be here.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey, Jamie.
- Hey.



Hey. You look great.

- Move it.
- Easy.

- Thank you.
- You're just the girI I was looking for.

- Come on.
- Watch it!

- I am?
- Can I ask you something?




- Not now, Connor.
- But...

Marco was just about
to ask me something.

I'm sorry. You were saying?

Look, I know you're busy
and everything with all your Is stuff,

- but...
- Jamie?

Do you want to go
to the dance with me?

Of course I do.


You guys, I am so late.

Let me drop this stuff off,
and, boy, do I have news for you.

Yeah, yeah.
You look beautifuI, now let's move it.

- Are you ready?
- No.

Not without my normaI hair
and makeup team.

I don't know
how I'm going to pull this off.

What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?
- Don't tell me you forgot.

Okay. I have really important news.

More important
than saving the helpIess bunnies?

- Yeah.
- Kind of.

I can't believe you forgot. We need you.

Oh, your protest is today, isn't it?

Lindsay, it is totally not my fault.
I asked my...

Diana to call
to see if you could move it to Friday,

because I have this press thing
to do right now.

We've been planning this for months.

I can't just change the date
to fit your schedule.

- This is really bad, isn't it?
- You have to ask?

Look, I'm really sorry,
but it's for the book,

and I have a limo
waiting for me outside.


I can call them at the rally.
I can make this work for everyone.

Now, if I could only find my cell phone.

Oh, Sawyer, I don't know what to say,
but I really should be there.

Hey, what are you doing later?

I'm taping
a segment of Rise and Shine.

Totally lame, but what can you do?

Anyway, do you want to grab a bite
to eat later?

Anything but pizza.
Can't stand the stuff.

Hello! Hey, that is my phone.

Well, you weren't gonna use it
for anything important.

I love pizza. And Lindsay is my friend.

Lindsay isn't going to make you
a superstar.

Maybe I don't want to be a superstar.

"I don't want to be a superstar.
I love pizza. "

Well, I suppose you didn't want
the cutest boy in schooI

- to ask you to the dance, either.
- Well...

Stop whining and start acting like Is.


Oh, you look adorable. So, you ready?
Come on.

In a civil society such as ours,

it is indefensible
to treat small, little creatures,

such as bunnies, in uncaring ways.
Ban animal testing.

Do you want to sign our petition?

No. I want to find the bathroom.

- Around the corner, to the left.
- Thanks.

This protest is a complete disaster.

Now the bunnies are gonna pay for it.

It's not our fault
that our celebrity endorsement

- pulled out at the last minute.
- No. It's her handler's fault.

I liked her better
when she didn't have a handler.

Me, too.

In five, four, three, two, one.

Hello, I'm Christine Beckler,
and welcome to Rise and Shine.

Today, I'm very pleased
to have high schooI freshman

- and best-selling author, Jamie Bartlett.
- It's a pleasure to be here.

So, how does it feeI
to go from high schooI freshman

to best-selling author in one semester?

Well, there's been
a lot of strange things

happening to me, but after a while,
you just get used to it.

We've been told that your book,
Is Saves the World,

is the fastest-selling children's book
in Schilling Press history.

Well, we object to the word "children,"
because Is relates to everyone.


I mean, me.

- Right. You've sold a lot of books.
- It's in its second printing.

Wow. Did you ever think
it would do so well?

Well, as I was writing
Is Saves the World,

I felt as if I had tapped into something
bigger than myself.

- And this is just the beginning.
- And that's what scares me the most.

- I'm sorry, what scares you?
- Oh, nothing.

I just meant that people
can really relate to the story,

- although I'm not sure why.
- Oh, I do. It's a terrific story.

So tell us, Jamie, how did you
come up with it in the first place?

Well, my English teacher,
Miss Gallagher,

said to write what we know.

Wait. So you're saying
that Is Saves the World

- is based on real events?
- Oh, I couldn't make that stuff up.

- And the characters are real as well?
- Oh, they're very real. Yes.

Actually, some of my fans
have pointed out

that Is is no more
than an alter ego of myself.

But she isn't.

Am I Is? Is isn't.

Is she? Am I Is?

You're Is? That's quite impressive.

Is battles evil in almost
every single chapter of the book.

What can I say?
Evil exists in many different forms.

And the more I talk to the kids,
the more I realize

that everyone
has a little bit of Is in them

and every school has a Sawyer.

I'm sorry. Who's Sawyer?

Holy cow.

I thought the eviI villain's name
was Myrna.

JAMIE: Wait. I didn't say Sawyer.
I said Myrna, right?

No. You said... You said Sawyer.
We have it on tape.

But... But... But... Oh, no.

Why didn't I just go and save
a little, cute, little bunny rabbit?

This was supposed to be
the best day of my life.

Okay, that's all we have time for today.

We thank you for joining us,
Miss Bartlett.

We wish you tremendous success
on your book.

Up next, seven things
in your toilet bowI that could kill you.

Right after this.




That's it, Jamie. Keep it together.

Only 20 more feet
untiI you reach your locker.


-Oh, no.
-Jamie BartIett, stop right there.


JAMIE: Is prepared to face her doom.

You based that eviI witch on me?
I'm supposed to be Myrna?

No, no, no, no. It's fiction.

I saw the interview
this morning, BartIett.

I heard what you said.
We aII heard what you said.

-I'm sorry, Sawyer.
-Oh, no, but you're going to be.

I'm gonna destroy you.
Because this is the reaI worId, Jamie.

You can't just zap me
into a perpetuaI detention.

Zap. She speaks the truth.

But I'm gonna zap you right back
to LoserviIIe where you beIong.

-Leave her aIone, Sawyer.
-Oh, you're defending her?

-Have you read her book?
-Yeah. Why?

You're in it, too. Who do you think
the muscIe-headed bozo

-with a pea-sized brain is?
-That's me?

No. It's Josh.


-Oh, that is so not cooI.
-She wrote about aII of us.

She trashed aII of us.

-We're the CIone Horrific Cohorts?
-We're the CIone Horrific Cohorts?

-Can I offer you a IittIe piece of advice?



Yes, Diana.
Oh, I think that's a great idea.

I'm just gonna run it by RaIph,
and I'II get back to you.

Okay, whatever it is,
I'm sure it's not a great idea.

Diana wants to have a book signing
at the pizza parIor.

Yeah. See, Iike I said,
that's not a great idea.

Jamie, what's wrong?

Everything, Mother.


JAMIE: It was the beginning of the end.


I don't know.

WiII you pIease drop
the dramarama act?

-I'm totaIIy bored with it.
-Oh, I'm sorry,

but, in case you hadn't noticed,
my Iife is faIIing apart.

FaIIing apart? HeIIo?
Your Iife is just beginning.

Or have you forgotten so quickIy?

We're going
to the Deep BIue Sea dance

-with Marco Vega.
-We are.

We're going to the...

No, no, no, no.

I'm going to the dance with Marco.
You are staying here.

Guess again.

Do you think you couId puII this off
without me?

-Any of this?

The parties? The fan maiI?

Marco Vega?

Yeah, but I was a great writer
before you.


Did your paper on mitosis get you
on Mora Live? Didn't think so.

Jamie, you and I are a team.

We don't need Sawyer, or the popuIars.

Our book
is on the nationaI bestseIIer Iist.

We get tons of fan maiI every day.
PeopIe Iove us.

Yeah. OnIy the peopIe
who don't know us.

Who cares,
as Iong as they keep buying the book?

I wouId rather have friends
than fans any day.

-Yeah, right.
-I wouId. That's it. Is is over.

I am never writing
another word about you.

I wouIdn't do that if I were you.

Now, if you won't think about yourseIf,

and you're not the girI I think you are
if you won't,

then think about your parents.
Business is booming right now.

And Iet me teII you one thing.

That doesn't have anything to do
with the Iiver and onion pizza.

So if you say goodbye to me,

you say goodbye
to the pizza parIor forever.

JAMIE: For better or for worse,
it was happening. Is was taking over.

She was saying
everything I was thinking.

Unfiltered. Uncensored. Unplugged.

So, what do you say?


BOTH: WouId you knock it off?
We're trying to save the famiIy in here.

No, no, no, no, no.

-I need quiet.

Oh, I'm sorry if my music is
interrupting you taIking to yourseIf.

You caII that noise music?

Why don't you do us both a favor
and give it up?


Hey, this isn't fair and baIanced.

I never said Mr. CIark had B.O.

Four coIumns of Ietters to the editor?

What kind of yeIIow journaIism is this?
And they're aII anti-Is.

No, they're not, Jamie.
They're aII anti-you.



Look, you mind if I sit here?

Yeah. Go for it.

Wow. You reaIIy know
how to shake things up.

-It's a IittIe out of controI.
-That's just what this pIace needed.

Hey, so, is Myrna
reaIIy based on Sawyer?

OnIy a IittIe.

Okay, a Iot.

That's so cooI.

And aII the other characters in the book
are reaIIy students here?

Kind of.

-So does that mean you're Is?
-WeII, she'd be nothing without me.

-And I'm Marco Vincent, right?



-Hey, Connor.

-What's wrong?
-Have you taIked to Jamie?

No. And I don't reaIIy pIan on it.

-She's going to the dance with Marco.
-(SIGHING ) Whatev...

I'm so sick of her.

Do you know how many iguanas
I bathed to get that car for the dance?


-Here she comes.
-Hey, guys!

You guys!
You guys, you have to heIp me.

-Are you serious?

Sawyer's running
a smear campaign against me.

I need some positive PR,
and that's where you guys come in.

Have your handIer handIe it.

-What's her damage?
-You are.

-I got Iaundry to do.


You guys, I...

-WeII, I Iike white rice.
-But I... I couId try something eIse.

She's such a Myrna.

Come on, Marco.
Why don't we sit somewhere eIse?

Oh, I never toId you how much I Iiked
that poem that you wrote.

Don't bring that up.

That was too embarrassing.
Reading that in front of the cIass?

-So Iame.
-No, it wasn't.

I Ioved it. It was so reaI.

Are you gonna eat those?


WeII, I don't understand it.
We put ads in aII the IocaI papers.

This pIace
shouId be a madhouse by now.

Yeah, weII,
business has been kind of off

since Jamie's IittIe announcement
Iast week.

Maybe aII we need is a new pizza
to pick things up.

PickIed pork-ear pizza, Peg?

-Maybe it's time to cut our Iosses.
-Where is everyone?

I mean, I can't beIieve
we onIy soId two books.

It's a good thing
RaIph's parents showed up.

Oh, good!

Wait. Here they come! Customers.

We have customers!

LoveIy peopIe... What...

Wait! Wait!

HooIigans. We have hooIigans.

What happened?

I'm back.

Lindsay, don't sneak up on me
when I'm working on our masterpiece.

Yeah. I've been thinking about what
we shouId stuff our masterpiece with.

Oh, I know.
I have been driving myseIf bonkers.

What is gonna give our whaIe Iife?

Newspaper? Foam?

Packing peanuts?

Yeah. AII great suggestions,

but I was thinking of something
a IittIe more proactive.


I know this whaIe means a Iot to you,

but this is an incredibIe opportunity
to make a statement.

I can't do it without you.
What do you think?

I think it'II take our creation
to the next IeveI.

True art isn't meant to be just seen.
It's meant to be experienced.

You can't give the peopIe
what they want.

You have to show them what they want.
What they need.

-Was that a ''yes''?
-That was a ''heck, yes.''

-That was humiIiating.
-LocaI market's fickIe.

You said that business wouId pick up,
but it's been empty aII week.

What do you want from me?
Nobody wants to eat with a tattIetaIe.

-They're aII afraid of you.
-No, they're afraid of you.

Me? I'm just a figment
of your imagination.

No, you're not.

You're a monster, and...

And I am, too.

Lenny's given up on music
because of what we said to him.

Lenny, open up.


I didn't mean those things
that I said yesterday.

It's no reason for you to give up music.


Okay, this is getting a IittIe out of hand.

Since when does the Spartan
have five pages of Ietters to the editor?

Hey, Iook at this. They're not aII bad.
Check out page eight.

''Three cheers for Jamie BartIett.
She didn't Iie or sIander us.

''She mereIy saw through our masks.
We are geeks and jerks and jocks

''and aII those things
Jamie wrote about,

''even if we never admitted it
to ourseIves.

''Don't be embarrassed
that she saw who we reaIIy were,

''be embarrassed
that we never reaIIy saw her.

''A friend.''



-You aII right?
-Yeah, I'm okay.

-Did you see this?
-See it?

At Ieast Marco thinks I'm pretty speciaI.

-I'd recognize his styIe anywhere.

It's just Iike his poem.

Oh, and Connor?

I want to thank you for being there
the other night.

You're reaIIy a great friend.
Now I gotta go find Marco.

-Marco! There you are.
-And there you ''is''!

That is the sweetest thing
anybody has ever done for me.

-I'II pIay aIong. You're weIcome.
-Don't be modest.

I know it was you who wrote
the Ietter to the editor about me.

The positive one.

It's just nice to know that, in the face
of aII this negativity towards me,

however unwarranted and mean
it reaIIy is,

it's just nice to know
that there's someone out there

who knows the reaI me.

Oh, and Marco?

I can't wait for the dance.

PIus, I'd recognize
your styIe anywhere.

-Why, thank you, Is.
-It's Jamie.

Right. Sorry.

Hey, so what time
shouId I pick you up?

WeII, it was fun whiIe it Iasted,

but even Iast month's incredibIe saIes
aren't gonna cover Iast year's Iosses.

You know, I think you're wrong
about that pâté pizza, Peg.

-Let's give it another try, see...
-RaIph, honey.

Another inedibIe topping
isn't gonna save our restaurant.

The onIy way
we're gonna come out ahead

is by seIIing the pizza parIor now.
Before it's too Iate.

RALPH: Yeah, I hate to admit it,
you're probabIy right.


I don't know what you're moping about.

You got everything you wanted,
didn't you? A boyfriend and a sequeI?

What about my friends?
Or my brother's dreams?

Or my parents' pizza parIor?

You have pIenty of money
in your trust fund. You'II be fine.

Excuse me? This isn't about me.
This is about my famiIy.

Don't you get it, Jamie?
It's aII about me.

-That's what you think.
-What are you doing?


Where's our IittIe girI?

RALPH: Ready for the dance, princess?

Honey? Are you aII right?

Yeah. I think I'm going to be fine.

Just fine.

GIRL 1 :You made it!
GIRL 2: I know. I can't beIieve it.

Wait for you inside!

Let's go. Let's go.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I just thought
that this wouId be different, that's aII.

Come on. Let's just get this over with.

Ouch! Not the most positive way
to start a date, Is.

WouId you pIease stop caIIing me Is?

Hi, Jamie. You Iook beautifuI.

Thank you. So do you.

-And, Marco, very handsome.
-Zap at you, Miss G.


-AII ecosystems go.
-Oh, it's gonna be a whaIe of a time.

Guys, what's up?

-Hey, Lenny. What's up, man?
-I'm good.

All right. We're gonna take
a quick break. Thank you very much.


You want some punch, Is?

No, but I'd reaIIy appreciate it
if you wouId stop caIIing me Is.

Sorry. WeII, I want some punch.

I'm sorry for caIIing you Is.
I think you're reaIIy cooI, Jamie.

None of my friends can beIieve
that someone as smart as you

said yes to me.

That's crazy.

You're so smart,
and you're an amazing writer,

-and a poet.
-That stupid poem?

I wouId never write something Iike that.

-Excuse me?

I paid that dork Connor
to do the assignment for me.


Who cares? He's hot.

-Let's dance.
-You stay out of this.

-CaIm down. It's just homework, right?
-I heIp you with yours.

It's the principIe.

What does the principaI
have to do with this?

If I have to teII you,
you wiII never know.

WiII you pIease just shut up
and dance with him?

But he's not the one
that I shouId be dancing with.

Who are you taIking to? I'm Iost.

You, with me, now.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be
trapped in my computer.

Are we all having a good time?

You think you can get rid of me
that easiIy? We're a team.

-Like Abbott and CosteIIo.
-More Iike Dr. JekyII and Mrs. Hyde.

-You made me what I am today.
-Yes, but I was the nice one.

-I had friends before I had you.
-You had nothing. You were invisibIe.

-Everyone hated you.
-That's not true.

They hated what I became.

And I want to thank one special girl

who, in spite of tremendous
obligations and responsibilities,

took the time

to make all the beautiful
decorations in the gym tonight.

And if Connor wrote the poem,

then he had to write the Ietter
in the paper.

And just look at that whale.


Connor sees the reaI me.

I've been such a horribIe friend to him.
I hope he'II forgive me.

Jamie Bartlett.

-ALL: Boo!

-Get out here and take a bow.

Yes. We want to thank you

for all the good
you've done for the school.

Please. Come here.

Do you reaIIy want to hear this?
Let's just puII it now.

Just give her a second.

For your tireless dedication
and commitment,

and your amazing creativity,
accept our gratitude.

And these roses.

BO Y: Yeah. Whatever.


Now, is there anything
you want to say to us?

GIRL: Just teII the truth!

-ALL: Boo!

This is our chance to win them back.
Show them how great we reaIIy are.

TeII them about the sequeI.

Promise Sawyer a roIe in the movie.


You can do it. Just be yourseIf.

I mean, be me.

Thank you, Miss Gallagher,
for those kind words.

After the week I've had,
it's nice to be appreciated.

-ALL: Boo!

Jamie! Hey.

-You said that this wouId work.
-Keep going.

-Have I mentioned my sequel?
-Not another one!


Guys, I'm out of here. See you.

Any other briIIiant ideas?

That's it.

Lindsay and Harmony
have rigged the whaIe

to throw protest fIyers aII over
the dance fIoor.

They'II ruin everything.

But if you rat them out
before that happens,

and they take the faII for it,
you'II be a hero again.

You know
how fickIe the IocaI market is.

Do it. Do it.

Do it.

Harmony, Lindsay, stop!

That's my girI.

There's something
I have to say to you.

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to everyone.
I'm sorry if I embarrassed you,

or insulted you, or hurt you in any way.

That wasn't my intention.
None of this was.

That was my personal, private journal,
and no one was supposed to read it.

But that still doesn't give me
the right to say the things that I did.

No one is black and white
like they appear in my book.

I mean, we're all a lot of things.
All unique and special in our own way.

And we all have talents,
including my brother,

even though
he doesn't want anyone to know it.

He should.

See, and those are the things
that I should've been writing about.

Harmony. Lindsay. Come here.

I want everyone to know
who did all of the work tonight.

While I was off pretending to be
somebody I wasn't,

these two worked above and beyond
what they should have

to make this Deep Blue Sea dance
so spectacular.


These are for you.

What do you think you're doing?

And I have another present for you.

Jamie, stop!

If you puII that rope,
you'II be bIamed for everything.

What do you think you're doing?

Something I shouId have done
a Iong time ago.

You don't have the power, Is, I do.

Save the whaIes!



She's not getting away with this.




Now, where's Connor?
He ditched when you were onstage.

I have to find him.

It's aII right. Don't...



What does she want now?

There's onIy one way to find out.

I've been Iooking for you.

WeII, you found me.


Look, I'm reaIIy sorry
I've been such a jerk IateIy.

I don't know what's come over me.

Or maybe I do.

But the truth is, I never Iiked Marco.
I just Iiked his poetry,

and now I found out
that it wasn't even him.

It was you.

I wimped out.

I shouId've just asked you to the dance.

About that dance.

Way to go, squirt.

Ms. BartIett.

-About your dispIay...
-Yes, ma'am?

I want a word with you.

What are you doing?



Don't worry, Sis.

You're not the only one who's been
a dork lately. This one's for you.



Mom, Dad, I hope you don't mind.
I brought some friends for pizza.




WiII you Iook at that?

I gotta get cooking!

-Any more spinach pizza?
-I didn't make spinach.

WeII, whatever it was,
everybody wants more.

-My bad.

No! Your good. I think this couId be it.
Listen to those kids.

-Pizza! Pizza!
-Pizza! Pizza!

Lenny, go get the seaweed
from the sushi in the cooIer. Hurry.

-Pizza! Pizza!
-Pizza! Pizza!

Hey, great pizza, Mr. B!


Peg, you take the orders,
I'II get the pizza.

You did it, RaIph. You reaIIy did it.

No, he. But...

Yeah, I did.

JAMIE: And with one seaweed pizza,

order was restored in the kingdom
once again.

The princess kissed her frog,
and they danced until dawn.

Okay. 9:30.

And everyone lived happily ever after.


Well, almost everyone.


Special thanks to SergeiK.