Barcelona Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Barcelona script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Whit Stillman and Chris Eigeman, Taylor Nichols, and Mira Sorvino..  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Barcelona. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Barcelona Script



I couldn't believe my cousin Fred

would just show up that way.



On the other hand,

it was absolutely typical.



I was furious, but tried not to show it.



- You could have called.

- I did call.



From a pay phone that cut me off

and swallowed my change.



- You called once from the airport.

- At least once. I would not, not call.



- How long do you plan to stay?

- Good question.



- More than three days?

- Oh, yeah.



- You know what Dr. Johnson said?

- No.



''Guests, like fish,

begin to stink on the third day.''



That sounds about right.



You'll find I begin to stink on the first day.



I saw the prettiest girl

at the Trade Fair today.



You spoke with her? Of course not.



I'm beginning to reconsider my attitude

toward female beauty.



I think it's very bad.



You see a beautiful girl

and you're subject to all these emotions.



Some are very powerful,

almost uncontrollable.






They are. You haven't even spoken with

a girl and already you want to marry her.



I think...



Inordinate concern for beauty

has wrecked more lives...



- Wrecked lives?

- Yeah.



- At the lake, Charlie Johnson.

- That was pathetic.



There are so many cases.



In our family,

the ''beautiful Boynton sisters'' thing.



- Is this related to you and Betty?

- No, that was different.



There are really attractive girls there.



This is where

the cool Trade Fair girls come.



Great. ''Cool Trade Fair girls.''



A lot of people come here.

It's quite popular.



If you wanted to meet cool Trade Fair girls,

you could go to the fair itself.



The atmosphere's not so good

and trade fairs are intermittent...



...while the girls come here all the time.



Trade Fair girls off season. Cool.

This is great stuff.



A lot of them studied in London

and have terrific English accents.



That's good? I hate that.



Jesus, what was that all about?



- What does facha mean?

- It's slang for ''fascist.''






Don't worry, they call everyone that.



Comb your hair, wear a tie, you're a facha.



- A military uniform? Definitely facha.

- So, facha is something good, then.



If it referred to the political movement

Mussolini led, I'd be offended.



Men wearing this uniform died

ridding Europe of fascism.



That's the cathedral.



These are remnants

of the old Roman walls.



The palace of the Catalan government.



That's City Hall.



Let's call it a night. You're obviously tired.



After what happened?

I'm far too worked-up to call it a night.



We had a close call back there.

It could've turned ugly.



They obviously didn't mean facha

in the positive sense.



With the controversy over NATO, this

may not be the best time for a fleet visit.



There's a lot of anti-NATO feeling here.



- Anti-what?

- Anti-NATO.



- Anti-NATO?

- Yeah.



Actually, here it's OTAN.



- They're against OTAN?

- Yeah.



What are they for? Soviet troops racing

across Europe, eating the croissants?



What exactly are you doing here?



Advance man for the  th Fleet.

The last fleet visit was a disaster.



I'm here early to smooth things out

and make sure nothing goes wrong.



That will be tough.



It's an assignment that'll require

a lot of diplomacy and tact.



I'm surprised they gave it to you.



It doesn't require that much tact.



This is my favorite Barcelona avenue.



Paseo de Gracia.



It's the Michigan Avenue of Barcelona.



Yeah, nice.



After all that's happened tonight...



...I won't be able to sleep

without more to drink.



This avenue is Diagonal.



Actually it's more like Michigan Avenue.



This thing of always falling in love

with incredibly attractive girls is...



...really bad.



Maybe by resolving to go out

only with plain, or even homely, girls...



...I could avoid all that.



I've got a real romantic illusion problem.



Instead of fantasy built on the slope

of an eyebrow or curl of an upper lip...


            see the real person,

look into her eyes and see her soul.






I've resolved to go out only with plain,

or even homely, girls.



What if, and this is hypothetical...



...the one girl with whom

you'd be happiest...



...with the most wonderful personality,

or soul imaginable...



...also was incredibly attractive?



According to your theory,

you wouldn't even look at her.



I'd look at her.

I just wouldn't go out with her.



Your one chance at happiness

would be gone.



I don't buy that there's just one girl

who's right for you.



There are a lot of terrific plain

or homely women.



What if you don't meet any of those girls?



What if the only women you meet and like,

are also very attractive?



Do you think I'm an idiot?



If the only women I meet that I like

are attractive, I'd make an exception.



Why did I tell you about this?

I must be drunk.



No, you can confide in me.



It was just an idea.



Good, because it sounded pathetic. Crazy.






Cerdos? Pigs?



They're calling us pigs.



It's meant to hurt.



Let's go.



Do you have any paint or a marker?






- Forget it.

- I'm not going to forget it!



People have forgotten things for too long.



This is not our country.



You shouldn't be doing that.

We're guests here.



How blind can you be?



People like you make me sick!






That's it. Let's go.



You just leave it like that?



''Yankee pigs go 'hoem"'?



You'll paint the wall with a ballpoint pen?



It's a felt-tip.



Give me a break. I'm going.



Listen, I'm going.



I'm out of here.



Ciervo has a ''v'' not a ''b''.



It's correct phonetically.



''Yankee deer.''



How is that an improvement?

''Yankee deer go home.''



Would you prefer to be

a Yankee pig or a Yankee deer?






What are you doing here?



- You're going to the same party as we are.

- Yes.






We haven't met.

You're some royal personage?



Isabel de Farnesio.



My cousin Fred.

Marta works at the Trade Fair.



I like your costume.



Have you no costume, Ted?



We must go.



Let's split up. I'll go in your car and...



...the princesses in Ted's.









- Where in England did you learn English?

- Providence, Rhode Island.



He's not at all the way he seems.



He seems a typical American,

a big, unsophisticated child...



...but he's more complex.



- Really?

- Heard of the Marquis de Sade?



Ted's great admirer of de Sade.



And a follower of Dr. Johnson.



He's a complex, and in some ways,

dangerous man.



He has a romantic illusion problem.

Women find him fascinating.



His nickname is punta de diamante,

point of a diamond.



See that odd expression on his face?



Under the normal clothes he wears...



...are narrow leather straps,

drawn taut, so when he dances...






Don't mention this.

He'd feel I violated a confidence.



Thank you.



Sit here.



What's wrong?



- I told them your nicknames.

- You're kidding.



- Marta wanted to know.

- Ted, what are your names?



- Don't.

- I only remember two others.



Don't get into that.



- What difference is it going to make?

- I mean it. Really. Don't.



I'm supposed to be the childish one.



- Lf he doesn't want to talk about it...

- It's the principle.



- Principle?

- ''Crusty Fusty'' and ''The Big O.''






- What does that mean?

- I don't believe you.



What is the big deal?



It's just...






Give me a break! Don't go.



You're right. You do stink on the first day.






That guy really gets to me.



I admit I act like a jerk around him,

but he provokes it.



Are those names related

to his sadomasoquismo?



No, it's something... Did you hear

that crack he made about my intelligence?



Should we dance?



Sometimes we think...



...we almost always assume, we're going

through life surrounded by people.



Then something happens and you realize:

We're entirely alone.



Tonight, while shaving...



...I always shave against the beard

for a closer shave...



...I remembered this razor ad on TV

showing the hair follicles, like this.



The first of the twin blades cuts them here.



Then the hair snaps back

and the second blade cuts them here...



...for a closer, cleaner shave.

That we know.



But what struck me was:



If the hair follicles are going

in this direction and the razor is too...



...then they're shaving in the direction

of the beard, not against it.



So I've shaved the wrong way all my life.



Maybe I misremembered the ad.

The point is...



...I could've shaved the wrong way

all my life and never have known it.



Then I could have taught my son

to shave the wrong way, too.



You have a son?






But I might someday. Then, maybe

I'll teach him to shave the wrong way.



I think maybe my English is not so good.



Did you know that your costume

has your name in it?






God. How odd!



First, we check with Seat and Opel.



Fred's thesis that I'd never meet

any terrific plain girls...



... was already inoperative.



Aurora, the princess with Marta

at the costume party...



... invited me to a Lionel Hampton concert

Thursday night.



Fred began his advance work

with a visit to the consulate...



... which was less than a complete success.



I saw it as a judgment call.



You were unaware of this order?



I thought it applied to the khaki uniform.

Not the blue one, too.



- You're ROTC?

- Yes, I am.



This order, I must admit, troubles me.



Men in this uniform died, ridding Europe

of fascism. I'm proud of this uniform.



- It seems a bit cowardly to...

- Come on.



The thing is,

I don't have any good civilian clothes.



The blue one, I think.



- You don't mind my borrowing it?

- No.



- Really?

- It's okay.



Spanish girls tend to be promiscuous.



- You're such a prig.

- I didn't mean ''promiscuous'' pejoratively.



It's just a fact.



They have a completely

different attitude towards sex.



I wasn't using ''prig'' pejoratively.



Okay, I'm a prig.



But, now I'm speaking sociologically.



The sexual revolution reached Spain

later than the US, but went beyond it.



I don't know what it was like

in other cities, but in Barcelona...



...everything was swept aside.

The world was turned upside down...



...and stayed there.



Maybe the world was upside down before,

and now it's right-side up.



No. I don't think that's it.



I'm going out with Aurora on Thursday,

so I thought I'd read tonight.






The very nice, plain girl with Marta.



She had extra tickets for a jazz concert.



Jazz concert? That's tough.

You really are polite.



- Is this how you dress to go out?

- Yes.



Your Trade Fair outfit is so cool.



- Those clothes are awful.

- Really? I think they're cool.



Why do I always look better in mirrors

than in photographs?



I like your outfit. Very New Wave.



- You sure you don't want to go?

- No.






Except for work,

I'd been in a funk for some time.



I'd never mention that to Fred.



He was the last person to trust

with a personal confidence.



I don't know whether I had found God

in Barcelona...



... or was having a religious phase.



It all began after the sad and guilt-ridden

break up with Betty...



... with whom I'd been deeply involved,

including carnally...



... despite never having loved her.



The attraction of physical beauty...



... transformed a good friendship

into a horrible pre-marital situation.



This led directly to the Old Testament.



Two Old Testament books, in particular...



... included advice on romantic matters,

some of it, very tough.



After what happened with Betty,

I resolved not to sleep with any girl...



... until I met the one I wanted to marry

and spend the rest of my life with.



I had no idea if I'd meet such a person

or if she existed, plain or not.



My aspiration was to free romance

from the chains of beauty and carnality...



... and stop doing harm.



What's going on?



What are you doing here?



Is this some strange Glenn Miller-based

religious ceremony?



No, Presbyterian.



Is this your Presbyterian church?



Well, Protestant.



- Protestant churches are like this?

- Pretty much.



I didn't get a chance

to change any money today.



- How much?

- Would $    be possible?



Actually, I don't have it on me.

I'm waiting for a transfer.



If you want to borrow       pesetas,

just say so.



- I can give you a check for it.

- I'd like the money back.



Of course.



- You'll get it back.

- Sure.



What made my isolation bearable

was my work for IHSMOCO...



... the Illinois High-Speed

Motor Corporation.



Like everyone,

I'd seen Arthur Miller's play...



... and, as a youth, had the usual

deprecating attitude to business and sales.



That changed when Professor Thompson's

business course convinced us...



... that even the mundane world of business

had its romance.



A job interview with IHSMOCO led

to employment and its training program.



I arrived in sales just as

the flu epidemic struck and never left.



In sales I found not just a job,

but a culture.



Franklin, Emerson, Carnegie and Bettger

were our philosophers...



... and thanks to Carnegie's

theory of human relations...



... many customers also became friends.



I don't consider high-pressure sales

sales at all. It's a form of fraud.



In true sales, you provide a real

and constructive service...


            people improve their lives

or make companies more efficient...



...and so create wonderful economies

of scale...



...from which everyone

and the whole economy benefit.



The classic literature of self-improvement

really was improving.



Here's something good.

It's Bettger quoting George Adams:



''The wisest and best salesman

bluntly tells the truth about his article.



''That is always impressive.



''lf he does not sell the first time,

he leaves a trail of trust behind.



''Being bluntly honest is always safe

and best.''



Other books, magazines, and tapes

mixed practical tips with home truths.



Each time you handle a paper,

mark it with a red dot.



If you encounter papers

with three or four dots...



... you could work more efficiently.



Try to dispose of each paper

the first time you handle it.



The enthusiastic tone

of much of this literature...



... did open it up to the ridicule of half-wits.



Maybe I could use these same techniques

in my Navy career.



''Every day, in every way, I'm becoming

a better and better lieutenant.''



That's autosuggestion,

popularized by Coué, but totally unserious.



What I'm talking about,

has nothing to do with that.



I loved coming into the office early

to catch up on the overnight telex traffic.



The telex was our umbilical cord

to Chicago...



... and confirmations for bigger sales

came through it, too.



What's wrong?



- Dickie Taylor's going to supervise sales.

- The Dickie Taylor of Marketing?



I can't believe it. Work for that guy?



I'm sure he's going to get me fired.



No. You are the best they have.

They cannot do that.



I really looked forward to seeing Aurora

that night.



I had this image of looking into her eyes

and seeing her soul.



But she was late, which was actually

not that common in Barcelona.



Oh, it's you.



Aurora can't come.

Please excuse my retard.



Two weeks ago Aurora had a flechazo.



What's a flechazo?



It means dropping crazily

in love with someone...


            if an arrow had entered your heart,

shot by one of those little boy angels.



Aurora had a crazy adventure

with this man, but he got too serious.



- She wanted an adventure with you.

- An adventure?



But her boyfriend got angry

and pressured her.



- Aurora has a boyfriend?

- Yes.



''Vinyl Hampton.''



I was sure that Aurora said,

''Lionel Hampton.''



I've never heard of Vinyl Hampton.



How could you tell I felt that way?



During the whole concert,

your expression was like this.



- You're very perceptive.

- What?



- You're very perceptive.

- What?



You are very perceptive.



- Thank you.

- I don't like perceptiveness of that kind.



It's a typical pretty-girl thing...



...using observation for ridicule,

as if impertinence were cute and charming.



My impression of Aurora is...



...that she'd be more apt to use

observation for comprehension.



- You don't think Aurora's pretty?

- No.



But she's beautiful.



- Physically?

- Yes.



- Her eyes...

- She's beautiful because of her eyes?






She also has a beautiful...



- Figure?

- Yes.



Apparently, you are just the sort

of dangerous, foreign man she likes.



What do you mean?



Your brother told her about your interests.



- What?

- You know?






The Marquis de Sade, games of leather,

weekends of fun.



The straps under your clothes.



He said that?



That's completely untrue.



He promised

he wouldn't say that anymore.



He's not my brother.



You don't know anything

about the Marquis de Sade?






I don't believe you.



So you're not wearing them tonight.

That doesn't prove anything.



Maybe they're at the cleaners.



It turned out we both loved

disco music of the late     s...



... despite what everyone else thought.



We talked about all kinds of things.



You know how at parties

people talk about marketing?






I've never heard people at a party

talk about marketing.



This idea of marketing being a science.



If you look at the evidence,

it's all anecdotal.



It was during a Donna Summer song

that it happened...



... or that I realized it had.



Everything was completely different now.



The things they say about us.



I know we're not to take it seriously,

but it really hurts.



I don't believe you!



Once, I'd like to date a girl not certain

I'm wearing black leather underwear.



That bothers you?



- The exact same story over and over!

- It's not exactly the same. I vary it a little.



Great! It wasn't Aurora, but this

terrific friend of hers from the Trade Fair.



She's never met you

but was still full of your stupid stories.



Frankly, I don't care for your tone.



You should thank God you have a cousin

who makes up interesting stories.



I'm the best P.R. Guy you'll ever have.



Do you think any cool Trade Fair girl

would give you the time of day...



...if she knew the pathetic Bible-dancing

goody-goody you are?



You're far weirder than someone merely

into S & M.



At least they have a tradition.



We have an idea what S and M is,

from movies and books.



But there is nothing to explain

the way you are.



Hi, Ted. Go to the front

and we will come down.



Haven't you noticed the way he makes digs

at my intelligence?






In the US,

we take these tests called College Boards...


            go to a university

that's selective, highly selective...



...or not at all selective,

which is where I went.



My Board scores were bad.



You seem very intelligent for an American.



Well, I'm not.



The worst part was Ted

getting     Boards, perfect scores.



I've met other people with     Boards

and they didn't seem intelligent either.



- So Ted is very smart.

- He tests well.



I think it's true that the height

of the sexual revolution is over.



I don't go to bed

with just anyone anymore...



...I have to be attracted to them sexually.



I thought women had to have

an emotional bond with a man.



A secure, romantic relationship,

before they became interested...


            a relation of that kind.



Oh, no.



Using his position to get involved

with a   -year old student?



Nothing really happened until summer.

By then I was   .



Oh, well,   ...



Also, I had something to do with it.



Still. Just from the little you've said.

I really hate that guy.



In truth, much of what you say

reminds me of Ramon then.



Ramon soon left from teaching

to return to the newspaper.



He had read the works of Philip Agee...


            he was an expert

on the American CIA...



...and its involvement

in the internal affairs of every country.






One year, the correspondent of fashion

of his newspaper fell ill...



...before the Milan collections

and Ramon was sent in her place.



Ramon came back from Milan

with a new idea...



...which he referred to

as the ''idea of physical beauty.''



What's that?



His thought was that...


            is the closest thing to divinity

in the modern world.



All the old gods are dead.

There is no God that we know.



But in beauty,

the memory of divinity remains.



For always after...


            was the subject Ramon

wanted to dedicate his journalism to.



He wanted to write about

flowers and things?






It was the beauty of the female face

and form that fascinated Ramon.



He transferred to the Style of Life

section of the newspaper...



...where he did series

on photographer's models...



...and on the young women

who aspire to be actresses.



The articles were accompanied by photos,

and, as Ramon is a good writer...



...they were very popular with readers.



That makes sense.



There's something powerful

about the idea of physical beauty.



He's not stupid.



It was important for Ramon's career

as a journalist.



He started appearing on television.



He spent part of each month in Madrid.



But, our physical relation ended

almost completely.



He wanted an open relation

and encouraged me to go with other men.






- He thought I should go with other men.

- But you refused.






When did you break up?



- ''Break up''?

- Separate. Break apart as a couple.



We haven't broken apart.



We live together.



- Jesus, what was that?

- I don't know.



That's where the USO is.



A sailor from Brooklyn died

in the USO bombing.



Fred thought we should wait

with the sailor's friend...



... for the midnight plane

that was going to take the casket home.



He had a good voice. Very deep.

He liked to sing old Johnny Cash songs.



I really like those. Ring of Fire.



- He hoped to be a Brooklyn Johnny Cash.

- What a shame.



- Johnny Cash?

- Yeah.



Where'd you get the Old Crow?



The Consul.



So he's not such a bad guy.



We should get started.



''Our Father, preserve us from the dangers

of the seas and the violence of enemies.



''Bless the United States.



''Watch over those upon the deep...



''...and protect the inhabitants of the land

in peace and quiet.



''All hands bury the dead.



''Unto Almighty God...



''...we commend the soul

of our brother departed.''



There are many parties tonight.

At least three we should go to.



- Three parties?

- Or four.



Will that guy be at any of them?



I'm sure.



- That guy's here.

- Yes.



- Want to go?

- No.



You can't say Americans are not

more violent than other people?






All those people killed in shootings

in America?



Shootings. That doesn't mean Americans

are more violent than other people.



We're just better shots.



Jack refocused IHSMOCO

on what he saw as its real business.



''This means motors

and they must be fast,'' he'd say.



Jack's one of those magnetic personalities

from the World War II generation.



He was with Wild Bill Donovan

in the OSS...



...and parachuted into Sicily

before the Allied landings.



He's supposed to come to Barcelona

this summer. I hope you can meet him.



Why should I meet him?



He's one of the last of the greats.



It's wonderful having work you like

and a boss you admire.



Lately, there have been some problems.

I don't know what's going on.



I haven't heard from Jack

and he's put this terrible guy over us.



Dickie Taylor.

He's this incredible jerk who...






- What's wrong?

- This music.



- How can anybody dance to this?

- It's not dance music.



That explains it.



What is it? It sounds familiar.



- It's Vinyl Hampton.

- Oh, God.



Isn't there dancing at parties here?



It's too early for dancing.



- You don't like jazz?

- No.



I've never heard of anyone

who didn't like jazz.



Really? How odd.



You really hate jazz?



My jazz rule is: If you can't dance to it,

you don't want to know about it.



Come on.



Come on.



This is almost impossible to do.



I always forget that. Maybe it is too early.



Take hamburgers.

Here, hamburguesas are really bad.



It's known that Americans like hamburgers,

so again, we're idiots.



But they have no idea

how delicious hamburgers can be.



It's this ideal burger of memory we crave...



...not the disgusting burgers

you get abroad.



We can't even call ourselves Americans.



They love to correct you, saying,

''South Americans are Americans too.''



- Give me a break.

- Norteamericano is the correct term.



But that makes no distinction

between us or Canadians.



''Yankee'' and ''Gringo''

are obviously pejorative...



...but it's the standard dictionary term

that's the most insulting. Estadounidense.









It's the same spelling. Dense.

Thick, stupid.



Every time you hear it, Estadouni- dense.

It's a direct slap in the face. Incredible.



You're too sensitive.



Great! Now we're too sensitive!



Fred, listen. I'm sorry. Are you joking?



You weren't really offended by that,

were you?



- I like being called dishonest.

- I did not call you dishonest.



When we were kids,

I borrowed some things.



It was never, ever theft.

I either told you or was about to.



I was joking. You're really overreacting.



You're right. I somewhat overreacted.



Before I realized it, I was already out

the door and too embarrassed to go back.



- The coffee's strange here.

- In Barcelona?



It's really messed me up.



You were so condescending.



You think I went into the Navy

because I washed out at Shearson.



- I don't know what happened in New York.

- I didn't wash out.



There was no disgrace.

They said I could go back.



I dreaded    years stuck indoors with

two weeks to go snorkeling annually.



A Naval officer has the rare job...



...that deals with the physical world

all day, and it counts.



It is not theoretical.



You dominate the elements

in four dimensions without a slip-up...



...or it gets very wet.



And all that fighting for freedom,

defending democracy, shining stuff...



...which as you know, I really buy.



Jesus. That's right. You do.



The bill has come.



Must have been like this, the night

F. Key wrote the Star-Spangled Banner.






- You have already finished?

- Yeah, it's like  :   a.m.



Ramon was talking so fascinatingly,

I stayed to listen.



What was so fascinating?



He was talking about the AFL-CIA

and the American labor unions.



He described how, after World War II,

men from the American labor union...



...the AFL-CIA were sent to Europe

to crush progressive unionism.



How'd they do that?



With sacks of money and the

anti-Communist tactics of Joe McCarthy.






America's largest union,

terribly right wing and facha.



You have not heard of it?



It's amazing the things Americans

don't know about their country.



There's no such thing as the AFL-CIA.



It's the AFL-CIO.



Actually, it's the A.F. Of L.C.I.O.



It was formed when the AFL merged

with the more militant CIO.



How do you know so much about it?



Chicago is the capital of   th century

American trade-unionism.



The American labor leaders

who came to Europe, Jay Lovestone and...



...were giants.



So what Marta said was partly true.



What do you mean, ''partly true''?

They were people.



I'm sure I've heard of the AFL-CIA.

It's some important American labor union.



So now it's late enough to dance.



There's an empty room

where you could work during the day.



Are you proposing we shake up together?



Shack up together.



You use ''shacked up'' when you don't like

one of the people involved.



You and Ramon were shacked up.

We'd be living together.



What about Fred?



He's moving out.



- She's a model he was interviewing.

- He's just all work. The creep.



Ramon might not be as bad as you think.

There's a reason he has so many women.



- He has a problem.

- What?



After he knows a woman well,

he can't have sex with her well.



He has a sexual impotence problem

of some kind?



- Of some kind.

- That's terrible.



Poor guy.



- It explains a lot.

- What?



It's well-known that anti-Americanism

has its roots in sexual impotence.



At least, in Europe.



There's no union called the AFL-CIA,

is there?



- No.

- Give me a break.



This bombing reminds one strongly

of the US blowing up its own ship.



The Maine...


            Havana harbor as the pretext

for starting the War of     .



An American sailor died in the bombing.



It's hard for me to believe even

the Americans would kill their own people.






The American elections are approaching.



A quick attack

on some foreign bogeyman...



...Libya or Iran, might rescue the American

president's reclining popularity.



The American  th Fleet...



...which was to have

shown the pendant here this week...


            still sailing the South Mediterranean,

awaiting such a pretext.



- Did you hear that?

- Yeah. Poor guy.



The most disgusting slanders!

Someone's gotta say something.



No, don't.



This scumbag is going around saying...



...that the USO bombing was arranged

by the Americans themselves.



That's a lie!






Everything you said.



The Americans exploding their own ship,

the Maine, in     ...


            a historical fact, established well.



The other is still a thesis,

but an increasingly likely one.



Both are disgusting lies.



No, Ted. All the history books

say that about the Maine.






I'm the one who's supposed to go berserk.



- You could've helped me out.

- I can't get into political arguments.



- You did fine.

- Yeah.



I made a complete fool of myself.

It's one of the first rules of sales:



''Never get involved in matters of public

controversy.'' But I couldn't not reply.



No. Don't get into a funk about it.

Who was really listening?



- Four or five good timers at some party.

- Twenty people, at least.



So you made a fool of yourself

in front of    or    people. So what?



No, I really like it here.

I'm really comfortable.



We talked about you staying three days.

It's been much longer.



I thought with the fleet delayed

you'd want another place to stay.






This is nice.



The thing is,

I'm trying to get Montserrat to move in.



That's great. I really like Montserrat.



- Won't you think of staying at Marta's?

- No.



Since being here, I've begun to realize

how important family is.



You and I are family.

I want to be with family now.



I want to be with Montserrat.



I'm really surprised at you

shacking up with her.



I would have thought

that was against your morals.



You really want me out of here, don't you?



I still need to pick up my music

from his apartment.



- What music?

- My radio cassette and tapes of music.



The situation is still raw.

You really need those things urgently?



I really need them urgently.



It seems unwise to go back so soon

after you broke apart.



What does that mean?



Suit yourself.



Who's the girl?



She's a girl from the fair

who wants to be an actress.



What a creep.



What this is about is a big country,

the United States...



...making war on a little country.



In the US government's view,

which I'm not in any way endorsing...



...the US policy is...



Maybe this will help. Take these ants.



In the US view, a small group,

or cadre, of fierce red ants...



...have taken power and are oppressing

the black ant majority.



The stated US policy

is to aid those black ants...



...opposing the red ants,

in hopes of restoring democracy...



...and to stop the red ants from assisting

comrades in neighboring ant colonies.



That is the clearest and most disgusting

description of US policy I've ever heard.



The Third World is just a lot of ants to you.



Those are people dying, not ants!



You don't understand.

I was reducing everything to ant scale.



The US included. An ant White House...


            ant CIA, an ant Congress,

an ant Pentagon.



Secret ant landing strips...



...illegally established on foreign soil.



- Where are the red ants?

- There.



- That was terrible.

- You're blowing it way out of proportion.



Those red ants were bad news.

They weren't good for anybody.



I was trying to convince them

to look at Americans in a new way.



Then, in one stupid move,

you confirm their worst assumptions.



I didn't confirm them,

I am their worst assumption.



- Now Ramon is certain you are CIA.

- ''Where are the red ants? ''



It was a joke!



I won't apologize.

The little bastards got what they deserved.



Montserrat decided to ride back

with Ramon to pick up her things.






Montserrat called at  :   the next morning,

but I'd already left for the office.



Losing a sale doesn't bother me so much.

I'll make other sales.



But there's this thought I can't shake

that's getting me down.



Maybe I'm not cut out for sales.

I thought I liked sales and was good at it.



But maybe I'm not cut out for it.



What exactly is the problem?



Spending your whole life

doing something you're ill-suited to.



Wasting your life.



It's kind of depressing.



God. Maybe I'm not cut out for the Navy.



I gotta get back.



Back to work? For someone not cut out

for something, you're pretty obsessed.



That doesn't mean anything.



- It's okay if I stay another night?

- Sure.



The call from Chicago I'd been dreading,

came that evening.









That was Dickie.



He's coming here to speak with me

but won't say what it's about.



I'm getting canned.



Ramon's article appeared the next day.



It's incredible.



The most disgusting slander.



''Americans themselves

suspected in USO bombing.''



Where do they get this about us

blowing up the Maine?



I'm going to the Consul.

They've gotta reply to this.



God! I can't believe it!






You're not going to believe this.

The Consul.



That half-bottle of Old Crow.

He accused me of stealing it.



- He gave you that.

- I thought so.



He was on the phone, and I went like this:



I'm sure he indicated it was okay.



You replaced it.



You can't find Old Crow here, so I got

a bottle of Jim Beam, which costs more.



- The bottle in the kitchen?

- Yeah.



You've been drinking that.



I won't replace a half-bottle of Old Crow

with a full Jim Beam. I'm not an idiot.



You haven't replaced it?

Don't you see how bad that looks.



Oh, God, give me a break!



After a while, the line between

borrowing things and theft...



...becomes awfully thin.



Take that back.



Until you retract that,

I'm not going to say another word to you.






What you're referring to happened

   years ago and not as you imply.



Your kayak was a death ship!

I almost went down in it.



Thank God it was me, not you.

I was a stronger swimmer.



I probably saved your life.



Great. It wasn't only the kayak.



You're obsessed

with material possessions!



Maybe the Spanish are right.



This American materialism is terrible.



You're just like the Consul.



More interested in possessions...



...than in answering the most hideously

false and disgusting libel.



- Were you like this at the consulate?

- What's the Consul doing? Nothing.



He doesn't want to jeopardize

his relationship with the press.



You gotta be more careful.

You can't go mouthing off this way.



- Mouthing off?

- Yeah.



These are vile lies.



We know how disgusting they are.

But, nobody here does.



- We've gotta reply to this.

- We?



I drafted a brief letter for your signature.



I can't say,

''The article made me want to vomit.''



Maybe that's not a good way to open.

I could put it at the end.



What are these tiny,

red dots on your papers?



Digui? He's not here.



I just got in. Apparently he isn't home yet.



No, he didn't say anything.



Okay, I'll give him the message.



That was Montserrat.



What's going on there?



- Ted has not said anything?

- No.



He has been in a weird funk.



- It is all his fault.

- Really?



Watch. I am taking one      peseta note.

You're my witness.



And I'm leaving my signed,

personal IOU for that amount...


            be repaid within   ...



Well,    hours.



Yes, it is true.



It's actually better this way.



He'd have lent it to me,

but this spares us the acrimony.



Do you mind waiting?

I'll just be a few minutes.






Ramon is very smart.



That evening, on by one, he broke down

all her reasons for leaving him.



First, he's returned to writing

for the paper's international section.



I know. Great.



He pointed up that no matter how well

she and Ted were in Barcelona...


            some point Ted will return to Chicago,

to him the most beautiful city in the world.



That's crazy. San Francisco is.



Ramon is very persuasive.



He painted a terrible picture of what

it would be like for her to live...



...her life in America

with its crime, consumerism and vulgarity.



All those loud, badly-dressed fat people...



...watching their    channels of TV

and visiting shopping malls.



The plastic, throw-everything-away

society with its violence and racism.



And finally, the total lack of culture.



It's a problem.



Ramon's very clever because he never said

anything opposing Ted directly.



He didn't even mention

that thing about the ants.



He pointed out how Montserrat would be

separating from family and friends forever.



Even if she came back every year...



...her children would be Americans,

eating hamburgers.



Finally, Montserrat was sobbing,

what he described was so bleak.



She's dumped Ted and gone back

to Ramon because of some conversation?



That's just it. She just wanted

to have a serious talk with Ted...



...but the way he acted

practically forced her into Ramon's arms.



She is in the arms of Ramon?






I don't know.



When you were in Rhode Island,

was the crime and vulgarity so bad?






- What's going on?

- I'm getting canned.



But you're the best they've got.

You always say so.



I know. This jerk Dickie Taylor

is calling the shots now.



I don't know how Jack let it happen.






And on top of that thing with Montserrat.



Are you sure you know what you're doing?



Marta said you practically forced her

back into Ramon's arms.



She said that?



I don't know what happened.

Everything was going so well.



Then she never showed up that night

after going for her things at Ramon's.



They talked until dawn

and she slept on his sofa...



...which, for all I know, is true.



Marta said he laid it on thick with

the violence and racism in the USA.



It wouldn't change everything this way.

Something spooked her.



As if I had crowded her.

I was really playing it cool, too.



What makes you think that?



Now she doesn't want to move in.

She wants a serious talk.



- You know what that means.

- You should talk with her.



No. That would be a disaster.



I'd be the jerk crowding her,

whom she had to talk to seriously.



But saying you have a work emergency?



I do.



- And you're too busy to see her.

- Have you ever heard of Maneuver X?



When you get deeply into sales,

you realize that...



...every major transaction involves

a mini identity crisis for the buyer.



You think, ''A green carpet.

Am I really a green carpet person? ''



In romance, the same thing applies

but on a humongous scale.



But what is Maneuver X?



It's removing all pressure.



Creating a space that the customer

has to affirmatively cross.



Only by disappearing more thoroughly

and inexplicably than Montserrat...



...can I change the current dynamic.



Will it? I don't know. I think it will.



If not, I'm dead.



You've thought this through.

That's impressive.



I haven't thought through anything

about Marta.



But isn't Maneuver X just another way

of playing hard to get?






I'm being followed.



- Give me a break.

- There is a guy following me.



Come here, I'll show you.



Not there. He'll see you. Over here.



Edge your eyes around.



He's on that pedestrian island,

a little further down.



He's in the car?



What car?



No. He's gone.



There really was a guy.



Wherever I went, he went.



- What did he look like?

- Sort of suspicious-looking.



- What was he wearing?

- He was carrying something.



A camera, I think.



The words to pop songs are about the only

literature of advice we have on romance.



Most of the advice, very bad.



Clarify something for me.



Since I've been waiting for the fleet,

I've read a lot.






One thing that keeps

cropping up is ''subtext.''



Plays, novels, songs, all have a subtext...



...which I take to mean

a hidden message or import of some kind.



Subtext, we know. But what do you call

the message or meaning...



...that's on the surface, open and obvious?

They never talk about that.



What do you call

what's above the subtext?



The text.



That's right, but they never talk about that.






The anti-Americanism here is incredible!



Oh, my God!






''CIA Network Discovered in Barcelona.



''Operations Run by Fred Boynton.''



How can they print this stuff?






God, incredible.



That was horrible. Blame the victim.



There was even a call

from the Pentagon, furious.



This is the worst day of my life.

God, that Consul's annoying!



That white car's following us.



- Which car? They're all white.

- The Renault.



- They're all Renaults.

- Cut it out.



The white Renault's following me. The last

thing I need is more press coverage.



It's got Gerona plates.



Why do you always go to bathrooms

with other people?



I wasn't born yesterday.



You were not born yesterday?



I don't understand you.



You're not in a very nice mood.



You gave Ramon that information.



I didn't know it was of significance.



Couldn't you tell I was joking?

I'm not in the CIA.



- It was obviously a joke.

- I have no idea what you are.



You promised not to repeat to Montserrat

what I said about Ted.



That he wants to marry her?



I had to tell her. She already

suspected something like that.



She was worried about getting

involved with an extremist.






It's fascist for a boy to immediately talk

of marrying a woman he likes.



I don't think Ted is a fascist

of the marrying kind.



You're right. Something did spook her.




...I told Marta you wanted to marry

and spend your life with her.



I never even told you.



You never confide anything in me,

so I have to extrapolate.



Why did you tell her?



You're in this conversation.

It has momentum.



You want to tell interesting

or funny things.



You end up telling things,

maybe you shouldn't.



This was just some ''funny thing.''



I'd take it back if I could.



Montserrat's gone to Paris to take

the summer program at the Institute.



I'm sorry.



I don't know if this is the right time

to mention this.



I'm sure it isn't, but...



...I think I might be in love

with Montserrat, too.



What if you aren't perfect for each other,

but we are?



Am I supposed to give up

any possibility of happiness?



Of ever knowing if she was the one person

I was meant to be with...



...because accidentally you met her first?



I hate your guts.



I know.



I'll never mention this again.



I'm going to Milan this morning

and up to Paris on Monday.



There's some IHSMOCO business there.



You'll call Montserrat before you go?



I think I'll just call when I get there.

Play it cool.



- You're keeping on with Maneuver X?

- Yeah.



A modified X.



I borrowed      pesetas.

Is it okay if I pay you back later?



You have a bad habit of borrowing things

without informing the lender.






''I owe you      pesetas

to be repaid within   ...



''...   hours. F.''



- You crossed over into real larceny.

- What?



I didn't take it.



I took one      peseta note.

The rest was all here.



I don't care. That's enough.



You can't think I would really steal?



How does it look?






I will either get your money back

or I will pay you back myself.









I don't steal. I didn't take your money.



You've always been so self-righteous,

ever since we were   . It's unbearable.



What happened when we were   ?

You're such a liar.



Every day, in every way,

I am becoming a better lieutenant.



Every day, in every way,

I am becoming a better lieutenant.



Even disasters that strike

those we are closest to...



... only reach us filtered through

our own colossal egotism.



My response was swamped

in subjective emotion, mostly guilt.



I prayed all the time, but with

the constant doubt I was kidding myself.



I suspected my religious faith

was largely bogus.



I resolved to stay all the time

and do whatever I could...



... to improve Fred's chances for recovery.



Fred was shot before

one of the long summer weekends.



By late Friday, the entire senior

medical staff seemed to have disappeared.



I can't believe you're just going?

There must be more you can do.



Don't worry.

Your buddy will get the best medicine care.



"Don't worry" is the most

frightening phrase in English.



"Don'd gworry," even more so.



It means they're not going to worry,

but you better had.



Each hour Fred remained unconscious,

his chances got worse.



I had heard that sounds

of familiar voices might help.



So I kept up a steady stream of chatter

in Fred's room.



And arranged an around-the-clock vigil

of friends to read to him.



It was hard to find books in English,

Fred might like.



''We seek him here, we seek him there.

Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.



''ls he in heaven? Is he in hell?

That damned, elusive Pimpernel? ''



It was disillusioning how some people

let you down when someone gets sick.



It's  :   the situation's really bad.



Why haven't you shown up yet?

You're really needed here.



Aurora turned out to be a real trooper.



Marta never showed up.



The Consul turned out to be a great guy.



Terrific with the hospital administration.



He couldn't believe Fred had taken

the Old Crow thing seriously.



I was just kidding.



I forgot guys who joke around a lot

can be so sensitive.



I have no sense of humor

so he must have assumed I was serious.



Among the Navy guards was

our friend, Frank...



... who, in his off-duty hours,

helped me with the reading.



'''Wherever you are, depravity and evil

are to be found,' said Pierre to his wife.



'''Anatole, come with me. I want

a word with you,' he added in French.''



Fred and I were so-called "only cousins"...



... the only cousin each of us had.



We didn't hate each other

our whole childhood.



The summer we were   

for    hours we were on quite good terms.



After we cut ourselves

in a fishing accident...



... we used all the blood

to become "blood brothers."



Later, I went into town with my parents.



I never saw my kayak again.



I was expecting Aurora.



But the nurse said

another woman wanted to speak with me.



You got my messages.



We'll go out.

You probably want to be alone with him.



No. Actually I'm here to see you.



- Is it about Fred?

- No.



I'll walk you out.



You should go home, go to sleep.

You look so tired.



Greta and I can stay.



Greta has good English

and loves this book.



Okay. Thanks.

There's still hope, you know.



More than hope.



He could come out of it any time

and be okay with little consequences.



Or very few.



- Good-bye.

- Adéu.



''That man is somehow...



'''That man is somehow closely

and painfully connected with me'...



''...thought Prince Andre.



''Suddenly he remembered Natasha...



'' he'd first seen her

at the ball in     ...



''...with her slender neck and arms...



''...with her timid, happy face

prepared for ecstasy.''



Fifteen minutes don't go by

that I don't think of her.



- I think about her all the time.

- Too bad. I thought you'd gotten over her.



What do you mean?



It was impossible. You had no chance.



- Why do you say that?

- It is only my opinion.



When Fred was shot,

did he have envelopes of cash with him?






That money's mine and I need it back.






I need that money back.

I'm going on a journey.



That money was taken from me.

Fred was just recovering it.



You suspect me of having taken

that money?



You didn't take it?



I did. But it was only        pesetas.



Fred took more than those.



- What do you want?

- I want the money that belongs to me.



- How much?

-        pesetas.



I need that money. I'm going away.



- Where?

- The Maldive Islands.



The Maldives?



I've decided to change my life completely.

But I need that money.



From now on,

I want to lead an exemplary life.



Exemplary? What about Fred?



Fred shall not want to see me.



Something shameful happened.

He did not tell you?



The one Fred truly liked was Montserrat,

though he would never tell you.



Fred had gone into convulsions

while Aurora's friend was with him.



It's not your fault. You did

everything right. It's good you were there.



Can you hear anything?



If you can pull through this

you can rest at the lake.



Try to think about the lake.



Do you mind?

I feel awkward with someone looking on.






I was going to say something

and it's awkward.



- It will only be   or    minutes.

- I am sorry.



You know some Catholic prayer?



Are you the boy who wanted

to marry Montserrat?






- Who told you that?

- What?



That I wanted to marry Montserrat.



It was just the story of an American boy

who fell in love with Montserrat...



...decided he wanted to marry

and spend his life with her...



...while they danced to a Bee Gees song.



- Is he the boy in love with Montserrat?

- No.



- I don't think so.

- Montserrat does know you.



She called here after you left

and asked about both of you.



What did she say?



I don't know. Aurora took the call.



Why weren't you in the article on the most

beautiful women at the Trade Fair?



- You thought I should be?

- You should.



- I loathe that fellow. You know him?

- We've met.



That's interesting, you loathe him.

How come?



I don't have the English.

In Castilian, we'd say he's repelente.



Repellant. That's good.



- What's your name?

- Greta.



- That's not very Catalan.

- I'm not very Catalan.



Who's this?



- Are you religious?

- Quasi.



- You want to be an artist?

- No.



Listen, you should get some rest.



You think I should go?



I could stay longer if you like.

Until Aurora comes.



Actually I was thinking of sacking out here.



''Sacking out? ''



Sleeping here on the chairs, maybe.



Do you think he will become well?



- Are you convinced of that?

- Yes.



It was great you were here last night.



Thanks for staying.



I'm sorry I didn't come so soon.

I only heard yesterday.



- You only heard yesterday?

- Is he any better?






Not yet.



Fred was right.



I persecuted him for trivialities.



There were things that I blew way out

of proportion.



Things that seemed crimes at the time,

but were really of no importance.



Maybe he did save my life

going down in the kayak that way.



Those Board scores,

that couldn't have been right.



Before, I always thought

Fred was smarter than I was.



Maybe not smarter, but...



Maybe his explanation was true.



Fred said that when he took his Boards,

this annoying girl sat next to him...



...who kept fiddling with her brassiere.



Fred went to an all-boys school

and her fidgeting was so distracting...



...he lost his place on the answer sheet.



- You thought that was not true?

- I always assumed it was false.



No. That's the way it's been.



He moves and you think

he's come out of it.



Should we go somewhere to talk?



Until he comes out of this,

I resolved not to think of anything else.



Maybe when Aurora comes.



We came together.

They're in the cafeteria. I'll get them.



I'll stay here with Fred.



''Our Father, who art in heaven,

please forgive us our sins.''



Please bring Fred back

to full consciousness...



...with his mental capabilities

and everything reasonably intact.



Please forgive my doubting,

vainglory, and...



Give me a break.






How much can you remember?



Do you remember who I am?



- Do you remember who I am?

- Yes!



Who am I?



Some civilian.



Who am I?



The kid with the kayak,

but older and fatter. Leave me alone!



This is terrific.

He's going to have a complete recovery.



It's amazing. This is really good.



It looks like his recovery will be complete,

wouldn't you say?



- Yes. His memory...

- But over the long term?



Yes. Over the long term.



It looks like his recovery will be complete.









You fell asleep.



Typical of this guy to make me meet him

at the airport.






Dickie Taylor.

The terrible guy from marketing...


            making me race off to the airport

to get fired.



I can't believe that. They're crazy.



I don't know.

I've been having all these doubts.



Can you stay at the hospital

with Fred until I get back?



I'm sorry to set it up this way,

but the only connecting flight is at   :  .



I should get to what I'm here for.

I have some really bad news.



It is bad news.



I thought so.



Dickie, let's make this a lot easier. I quit.



I don't understand why Jack

couldn't call me himself. It's not right.



What are you talking about?

Jack's sick. He's going to die.



- What?

- Jack's sick.



I can't believe it.



The whole company's devastated.

Jack's the last of the greats.



- He's such a great guy.

- He is.



I admit I resented the favoritism

he showed you.



There was no favoritism.



Come on.



Anyway, Jack's very worried

about the company.



Dwight and Ron are older, Tom and Greg

are gone with nobody to succeed them.



Jack asked with whom I could work best.

Naturally, I mentioned you.



In Marketing,

you've given us great feedback.



It's had a critical dimension,

but you're right. Marketing's no science.



He wants pledges that we'll stay

with the company at least   years...



...and wants you back in Chicago

as soon as possible.



I thought you came to fire me.



What was all that ''I quit'' stuff about?

For a moment I thought...



I'm so far behind on the sales targets

you set.



I didn't set them.



- Jack did.

- What?



You don't know Jack's theory.

He thinks you aren't cut out for sales.



That it's not your life's work.



But if you were behind, you'd struggle

to keep up and ignore the rest.



- Jack doesn't think I'm cut out for sales?

- Not the way someone like Henry is.



Selling is more than a job

one is cut out or not cut out for.



It's a whole culture, applying the insights

of Carnegie and Bettger.



We all like Carnegie and Bettger.



Sales is the heart of any corporation.

Have you read Drucker?



I saw that as the cult of management.



No, Drucker's terrific. Read him. Here.



The insight in this book is incredible.



- I'll get it at Kroch's when I'm back.

- Keep it.



I've memorized it and it's easier for me

to go to Kroch's when I get back.






You gotta admit, you're well on your way

to a complete and total recovery.



It's incredible.



Cut out the ''Pollyanna-Little-Miss-Mary-

Sunshine complete recovery'' crap.



You're almost pathological.

Sometimes, I'd like to wring your neck.



The mood swings are new.



Rehabilitation is fine for houses.

For people, it's unspeakably boring.



The whole basis for physical therapy is...



...doing the same thing

over and over and over again.



- But it's important.

- Oh, yeah.



Learning how to do things

you used to do much better?



You really should read Drucker.



- Think it's applicable to the Navy?

- Yeah.



And whatever else you do afterwards.



I started remembering things

about that girl, Marta.



Everything has gone so badly.



I'm not going to be a cry-baby.



I remember something about a limbo stick.



There was a limbo stick.



While I was in Chicago,

Fred used my office...



... to prepare the Fleet Information Sheet.



Great. Thanks.



That's really nice. Thanks.



Barcelona and Chicago never seemed

more beautiful than they did that fall.



Commuting between them,

I started routing through London...



... into Chicago directly,

avoiding New York and Madrid entirely.



Twice I ran into Greta on the London leg.



Apparently, she was visiting friends.



It was sad watching Jack's decline.



But he still had good days

and the memory of these...



... will always be important to all of us.



In Barcelona,

I had to quickly plan the wedding...



... and wrap up my IHSMOCO work.



You never said you were getting married?



Fred's attitude really puzzled me.



Initially, he seemed bitter.



I've never seen you like this. So cocky.



Aren't you taking things for granted?

The boyfriend's still around.



I'm not taking anything for granted

until the vows...



You think wedding vows will

change everything?



Your naiveté is astounding.

Didn't you see The Graduate?



You can remember The Graduate?



I can remember a few things.

Apparently you don't. The end?



Katharine Ross has just married this cool,

tall, blond...



...popular guy, the make-out king

of his fraternity.



This obnoxious Dustin Hoffman character

shows up at the church...



...starts pounding on the glass,

acting like a total asshole.



''Elaine! Elaine! ''



Does Katharine Ross tell Dustin Hoffman,

''Get lost creep, I'm a married woman''?






She runs off with him. On a bus.



That is the reality.



Thanks a lot.



Then Fred's tone changed and he became

insanely positive about the wedding.



Of course I like her. She's great.



You're right for each other.

It makes sense.



- She's accepted and everything?

- Of course, she's accepted.



That's great.



Positive thinking is fine in theory.



But when I try it on a systematic basis,

I end up really depressed.



It doesn't work for me, either.






- Good.

- You invited that guy?



He was great when you were

in the hospital. You misjudged him.



- He seems like a nice guy.

- He's paid to act that way.



- How are you doing?

- Nice to see you.



- How are you?

- Good morning.



How are you doing?



- No one from the bride's side.

- Her parents wanted to keep it small.



They must be delighted she's marrying

an Estadouni- dense.



No, they're not that way.

Her family's terrific.



My father wanted me to explain.



''Sorry for inconvenience.

Please take coffee, we there be soon.''



- Everything's fine with your sister?

- Yes.



We don't understand where she is,

but, not a problem.






Not a problem.

My sister is a very serious girl.



Do you know that?






Lets go to the Meson.



Things have been pretty tense.

I've hardly slept in a week.



Her old boyfriend resurfaced

on Wednesday.



Not a problem.



I don't think anti-Americanism

is that significant.



- It's nothing to take personally.

- Sorry if I take it personally.



What is it, then?



Let me use an analogy.

The US is like an enormous ant farm.



God, not ants!



A see-through plastic case

enclosing an ant colony.



It's a toy sold to children so they can

watch ants build their own society.



The US is like an ant farm

for the rest of the world.



But, people living in other countries

can't observe the ants.



They must rely on journalists

and commentators for a description.



The problem is,

that these people seem to hate ants.



I don't know if anyone

has mentioned it to you...



...but it looks to me like you could be

shaving in the wrong direction.



I wonder about that all the time.



- Your father never taught you?

- He uses an electric razor, so I never asked.



Your father uses an electric razor?

I never knew that.



He's light-haired,

so it never really mattered.



I really have to shave. It's no joke.



- So, what is the right way to shave?

- First, you wash with hot water.



They've just explained to me.

Aurora is coming now. Not a problem.



I know this is awkward,

but you'll be leaving town soon.



Now that everything seems set...



...I should mention

that I'll be asking Montserrat out.



I can't remember how things were

before I was shot, but since then...



...l've had this incredible feeling for her.

Not some silly crush.



I've seen her in different situations.

Some were really difficult.



You clearly realized the way things were,

before she did.



That was hard for her

as it was hard for you, before.



We spent hours on the phone.

She's so fascinating.



I can't go back without her.



She'll like San Francisco

more than Chicago.



It would be great, going to the Lake

with you and Greta there.



- God! You always do this.

- I always do this?



Can you try and be sympathetic

and cousinly?



Pretend I'm one of your customers.






But do we have to get into this now?

Things are a little tense.



My bride hasn't shown up.



She'll show up. She's gaga for you.



You think so?



She didn't spend time in the hospital

to see how War and Peace turned out.



She's actually looking forward

to the    channels...



...the consumer products.

It doesn't bother her.



Of course not. She's terrific.



You should want Montserrat

to have a chance of happiness.



You're her chance of happiness?






So what's your plan?

You gonna play it somewhat cool?



I'm going to play it really cool.



Hello. Please.



I know some people think

that the articles I wrote...



...were in some way related

to your shooting.



I don't agree that a journalist

should be criticized for writing articles...



...he believes to be true.



But, if anything I've done has caused you

harm in any way...



...please accept my sincere regret.



If there's anything I can do for you

in the future...



...please, do not hesitate.



Thank you very much.



Actually, I think there might be something.



These go with these, and those with those.









You see, we're not such idiots.



She's really beautiful.






I am not sure how important that is.



I really like her.



She keeps asking about my underwear,

and then smirking...


            if I am supposed to know

what she's talking about.



What are ''weekends of fun''?



Oh, that.



Montserrat was the same way.

It's a Barcelona girl thing.



It does sound familiar.






That's what's great about

getting involved with a foreigner.



You can't take it personally.



What's really terrific is that when we act

in ways which might objectively...



...seem assholish, or incredibly annoying,

they don't get upset at all.



They just assume it's some

national characteristic.



- Cosa de gringos.

- Yeah.



- Fantastic.

- Yeah.

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