Voila! Finally, the Black Dynamite script is here for all you fans of the blacksploitation homage movie featuring Michael Jai White. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. At least you'll have some Black Dynamite quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?
And swing on back to Drew's
Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.
Black Dynamite Script
(Announcer) Leon St. James for Anaconda Malt Liquor
Delectable combination of the finest products
This is the only malt liquor which contains
the seal of excellence from Uncle Sam himself
When you pop the top,
the panties come down
Is that Anaconda malt liquor, the only malt liquor
to be approved by the United States government?
That's right, Anaconda malt liquor
(singing) Oooo oooo oooooooo.
(Announcer) Anaconda malt liquor which provides you the best
Every one of you is the most
respected men in your region
Doing business with me you will find,
you will be protected, and
you will be supplied with as much
as you can distribute
One of us here is not who he appears to be
Come on you jive turkeys,
what kind of rundown is this?
- Look man...
- I got to get back to the streets
where I come from, suckas
- Hold it!
- I told you dumb wops, I ain't no snitch
- Who said you were?
My god, Ben!
Do you know what this means?
Do you know who's brother this is?
Will turn the neighborhood upside down.
I tell you, upside down!
The streets will run crimson with blood
of the men responsible for his brother's death
..a veritable one man army
You get on his bad side,
and you are done for
It is only a matter of time before
he finds out and when he does,
no matter where he is, get ready
gentlemen because Hell is a
coming... coming... coming...
Black Dynamite, that was the best I ever had
- Me, too!
That goes triple for me
Mommas... you gonna wake up the rest of the bitches.
(singer) I want to tell you a story about
He is a mean muthafucka, a superman,
I wanna tell you a story about Black Dynamite
* * Black Dynamite * *
- Yeah ?
- Dynamite, baby, Nibsy still hasn't paid up
Sally, I'll make him pay
- Who is it?
- I'm looking for Nibsy
- There's no Nibsy here
I am going to ask you one more time:
Where is Nibsy?
Here I am, sucker!
Honey Bee what is happenin', baby?
What did you do to Nibsy?
Word on the street is he is
going to be in traction.
You know me.
I just talked to him.
Thank you, Black Dynamite
I'm so happy.
Hey, they messin' with you momma,
they messin' with me.
Black Dynamite, I want to thank you for taking
care of the girls when I was down and out,
and ain't have no pimp.
Oh, I almost forgot, ain't no one
saw Pimpin' Jake for two days.
- and he even owed you money.
I knew I forgot something.
Tiny, get Pimpin' Jake out of my trunk.
And, tell him to bring the rest
of my money by Wednesday, otherwise
I will make him stick self
I'm sorry. Go on.
They replaced the chain on your nunchucks,
and oiled the bearings
They sitting there on your desk,
next to the dry cleaning.
Alright, what is wrong Honey Bee?
I've known you too long.
Something is bothering you,
why don't you lay it on me?
Black Dynamite, I gotta go to the hospital
It's my little nephew Bucky.
Where is Bucky?
And, what has he had?
It is that new drug on the street, and
all the kids are falling prey to it.
What are we going to do, Black Dynamite?
I know what I am going to do.
I am going to stop it!
The only way I know how.
Ever since I was a boy, all I ever
knew how to do was fight
Fight, fight, fight
And when I got tired, I fight some more
Now that The Man has got our
backs to the wall, I ain't
going to let him hurt the kids
I am going to take him down
I am going to take 'em all down
Who the hell is interrupting my Kung Fu?
- Who the hell is this?
- Black Dynamite..
- It's your Aunt Billy
Aunt Billy, how many times have I told you,
not to call here and interrupt my Kung Fu?
- It's bad news Dynamite..
- It's your only brother, Jimmy
He's dead, Dynamite. Jimmy's dead!
- Scram. Scram!
I said split
* you turkeys
Get out of my house
I'll see y'all tomorrow
How did this happen, Aunt Billy?
We have found him shot full of holes
in an old shipping yard
dead as a dog
Said he had drugs on him
I guess, he was still on that stuff
I thought you promised
your Momma on her deathbed
that you was gonna get him
off that stuff, Black Dynamite
Who ever did this is gonna pay,
I promise you that.
I hope it ain't like when you promised
your Momma you was gonna get him off that stuff
.. for the rest of his life.
Black Dynamite, I want you to promise me
that you gonna look after your brother
and make sure he doesn't
end up on drugs or dead
Jimmy, I am the 18-year-old Black Dynamite
and you are my 16-year-old kid brother,
and you are high as a kite
Tell me again
Who gave you the drugs Jimmy? Who?
Your Momma would turn over in her grave
if she were here to see this
She loved Jimmy with all her heart
You promised your Momma on her deathbed
that you would look after Jimmy
Now, he's dead!
I combed the crime scene like you told me to
Here's what I found.
Now this... is some heavy shit.
I see you have not lost your touch, BD.
The old pile of clothes trick.
I can't believe I fell for that.
The same trap in 'Nam used to save my ass.
BD took our fatigues, and
put them on two dead gooks
Then we circled back and
turned the tables on them.
I guess you forgot about the time you and
Bravo Company left my black ass for dead.
But, I remember.
I remember everything!
I remember Vietnam
like it was yesterday
I remember that village we had cut down,
It was a massacre
All the dead Chinamen we left in our tracks
I remember their faces
This one child I'll never forget
Poor little bastard was still alive
Little Chinese legs were blown clean off
Could still see the little shins of feet
hanging off the ceiling fan across the hut.
He was charred from his head
down to his little Chinese legs
He tried to get up
But what was left of his
right leg broke off
As he lay there flat on his face
he looked up at me
His little Chinese eyes burned straight
into my stomach, deep into my soul
He said something to me in Chinese
Like ( speaks bad Chinese )
sounded like some cartoon shit, but
I understood his question he was asking me
I don't need to speak Chinese to know
what that question was..
Why Black Dynamite? Why?
We're a long way from 'Nam
Look at this place, you must have
an 8-track player in every room.
What is going on today is a smack problem.
Corruption is running rampant.
We don't know who to trust.
We need you, Black Dynamite
Now more than before
I know I was the best CIA agent
that the CIA ever had
But I thought I told you honkys from the CIA,
that Black Dynamite was out of the game.
You never left the game.
I known you for a long time O'Leary,
and there is something you not telling me.
We heard about your brother's death, and
the last thing we need is you running
the streets into rivers of blood.
Then tell me who did it, and
I'll just leave a little puddle.
We don't know who killed Jimmy.
But, I do know this. You step out of line,
friendship or not, I'm gonna take you down.
In case you forgot, when you left the Agency,
you relinquished your License to Kill.
You do what you have to do.
Just don't get in my way.
Y'all give it up for Afroditey and the Moonchilds.
Big round of applause, big round. Yeah!
Black Dynamite, you came to see me
No bitch, I have come to talk with my friend
Bullhorn then I'll be here
When I'm done perhaps
I will throw you one
Ohh, out of sight!
I'll get off in 15 minutes
You right about that girl,
you right about that.
Bullhorn, can I get you anything
Yes, I want some of that black ass
Man, who dares knock when I'm planning...
Main man, Black Dynamite!
How you doin' Bullhorn?
What do you want to eat, man?
Sister Bennett made some hog on flavor put on to this
I ain't here for no food.
Oh man, I can dig it.
Sugar, leave us.
You know, man, I am really sorry to hear
about what happened to Jimmy.
You know me an you been tight
for a long time
- So you know if you need anything
- Thank you, Horn..
I need to know about the kind
of characters Jimmy was running with
You know he came around here a week ago
With some cats I had never seen before
I mean these cats looked mean,
meaner than two fat motherfuckers
wrestling over pork chops and greens,
can you dig it?
Yeah, I can dig it.
That ol' half a player, Cream Corn with them
You remember Cream Corn?
So.. where is Cream Corn these days?
Yo, I am running things
Cream Corn, that's what they all call me that
I got my * for your pleasure
Stick with me baby, I'll have your *
Never let anyone mess with me
I will jump on them ...
Don't be hitting me there, Black Dynamite!
Shut up sucker, I need some answers
I want to know who the cats were
that Jimmy was hanging with
Man, I don't know nothing for nothing
Their leader named Chicago Wind
He hangs out at a place name the Hip Pocket on Crenshaw
Now get me up!
So, you must be Black Dynamite
Cream Corn, you lyin' mutha
Chicago Wind, I suppose
Your presumption is correct, nigger
But if you assume that I killed your brother, Jimmy,
you presume wrong. That does not mean shit to me.
I wish I killed that nigger myself
Someone else beat me to it.
Is that so?
Well Mr. Chicago Wind,
what do you know about this?
Some heavy shit.
Let me explain something to you, super nigger.
I don't answer questions, I ask 'em.
Even if I did know who killed that
jive ass brother of yours, what makes
you think I am going to tell you?
Get your black ass out of my joint,
before we beat you like a rented mule.
That's right you jive ass punk, don't be coming
to the Hip Pocket talkin' no shit, you hear?
That's right nigger don't ever, ever come...
( grate slams shut )
Go get Chicago Wind before he disappears,
I'll take care of this gorilla eatin' goon here!
Oh, you's a corn-fed fool with a lot of muscle mass
but it's time for Bullhorn to get up in that ass!
( slap )
Let everybody know, and suckas be warned,
that this is the outcome when you mess with Bullhorn!
Gonna try catch me now sucka?
Now you know why they call me "Chicago Wind", fool
I left your ass blowing in the breeze
.. don't you ever ..
( screams )
That black son of a bitch, he killed my best dealer
I want Black Dynamite dead, and
I want him dead now!
Before you support any of these candidates
find out if they are going to rid
our community of hustlers and pimps
or are they going to destroy all
the programs which help our children
and give their corporate friends
free rein to exploit our community
like Congressman James.
She don't shot around.
Power to the people!
With all due respect to the young sister here
- You all know me
- Yes, we do
And young lady, these fine folks
don't need to be misled.
All they want is a little bit of bread.
You can't just stick it to The Man,
you also have got to have yourself a plan.
You got to take it from the jukebox to the ballot box.
We got to move from the stovetops
to the mountain tops!
You got to go from the poorhouse to the White House!
Let's take this thang from sea to shining sea!
Keep the faith Brothers and Sisters!
Say mama, you gonna have to work on your delivery
if you want to take on Congressman James.
Shame is, the half of these folks don't know
what the hell y'all talking about.
* put their head to a beat.
So what do you do to make
a difference? Do you march? Do you vote?
Let me guess, you're one of those Tom Slick brothers that
think they can get by on good looks, a wink and a smile, huh?
I don't know about Tom Slick.
But, thank you for the compliment.
That's not what I meant, not that I think
you have good looks.. I mean..
- you know these guys with.. uhh..
- Winks and smiles
What about the smile?
I am smiling.
Excuse me, Brothers.
Milks turned sour!
This is private. How did you get in here?
I walked in.
So you one of them sneaky brothers, eh?
Or, may be you an undercover pig?
Or, may be you just a federal hit man?
If I wanted, you cats would already be dead.
Now, let me speak to the man in charge.
Sarcastic, I am in charge.
If you were in charge, you might as well
surrender to whitey right now cause
your survival skills ain't worth a damn.
Black Dynamite! Ha ha!
It has been a long time, my brother.
You know this Uncle Tom?
I am blacker than the ace of spades,
and more militant than you and
your whole damn army put together
While you out there jacking up rallies
and brow beating politicians
I am taking out any money grubbing sucker
and hummer that gets in my way
So I'll tell what...
When the so-called revolution starts, you call me,
and I'll be right down front,
showing you how it is done
But until then, you need to shut
the fuck up when grown folks is talking.
We heard what went down at the Hip Pocket
That was righteous.
That was personal, Brother.
Personal or not, you've saved a
lot of Brothers and Sisters.
You need our help, we here.
I can dig it.
What can you tell me about this?
I ain't seen one of these in a while
(Mouths) I'm gonna fuck him up.
Here it is.
AR-48, I wish we could
get some shit like this.
Round like this can go through
a bulletproof vest like it was pinot.
Any idea who would have it?
Who ever did, they must work for The Man.
That right there is
strictly government issue.
You mind telling me how this was found
at the scene of my brother's death?
Okay, Black Dynamite
Want me to level with you?
Your brother Jimmy wasn't a two-bit drug dealer,
- He was one of us...
He was working undercover,
and he wanted to be just like you.
Jimmy, why didn't you tell me?
Here's the file,
its on the Cabroni family.
Looks like a shipping company,
but they're distributing dope.
Searches of the containers came up empty.
Jimmy felt that the Don and Congressman James
had something up their sleeve.
But, he didn't quite know what is was.
He died trying to find out.
So I don't need to tell you
the importance of this mission.
But I just have one question,
are you in or are you out?
Because the God knows you're
the only one we can trust.
I had a feeling you were going to say that.
Hope you don't mind, I took the liberty
of re-instating your License to Kill.
You gonna need this.
Black Dynamite, may God be with you.
[ thinking ] Somebody broke into my dead brother Jimmy's apartment.
Ohh, you make my heart beat
Yeah, Doctor Dynamite can hear that.
But, I think you runnin' a temperature.
Let's see if I can find
a thermometer for you.
I told you urine sample, Nurse Jenny!
I mean, really!
Hey man, you sent her in here
with them titties, what you expect?
How's my X-Ray?
Well no fragments, in and out.
You're lucky, Black Dynamite.
3 inches to the left, and... pfft!
We would not even be having this conversation.
3 inches to the right, it would have missed my black ass.
You need a new line of work,
This is the second time this year!
- I know, I know.
try not to move the arm, well, for at least a week.
Why do I bother? There is no helping you.
Man, Doc, you help me just fine.
See you next time.
Hang in there Leon, do you hear me?
Hey mama, what is going down?
Is that your kid in there?
- Nephew, cousin..?
- I said no.
He happens to be one of the kids
at the orphanage where I work.
He overdosed on smack. Third one this month.
And, why? What does it matter to you anyway?
Whoa mama, just trying to help.
I don't need your kind of help.
Men like you only help when
there is something in it for them.
Can't be bothered,
When they're chasing their chicks,
their bread, their fancy cars.
No, Mr. Black Dynamite, the only kind
of help you know, is how to help yourself.
Mama, it ain't about me,
its about the kid in there
do you really not want help, or you just trying
to prove to the world you can do it all on your own.
'Cuz if you want help, I am right here.
My momma would always say, "A helping
hand is a helping hand, clean or dirty."
Guess my hand ain't clean enough for you.
We've almost lost Leon, fortunately on
the eleventh hour the doctors were able
to resuscitate him and save his life.
These politicians don't give a damn.
I mean look, look at these ads.
Congressman James made promises to the people.
Then he took away the drug awareness programs, and
allowed his bed fellows to sell crap to the kids.
Even invested in the products, now the dope
is everywhere, even... even in the orphanage.
Not the orphans!
I used to be an orphan.
You ain't got no momma and ain't
got no dad, you an orphan!
Orphan! Orphan! Orphan! Orphan!
No, not the orphans!
I think I need to show you something.
We have been trying to reach these children
But this new smack on the street
is causing too much of a mess.
The worse thing about these..these pushers is getting
these children addicted to this new smack.
Is that these children are orphans,
and orphans don't have parents.
Ain't nothing in the world get Black Dynamite more mad
then some jive ass sucker giving smack to the kids.
Bobby, stop it!
Can you deal a Brother?
I need my smack, and I need it now.
If you bring me the dose,
I'll do what you want partner.
I refuse to let this happen to you, little man!
I'll shake it from you, I'll slap it out of this body if I have to!
Stop, Black Dynamite, we tried that,
but nothing works!
I can't look at these kids no more!
This place used to be alive with laughter,
and kids playing. Now look at it, just sickening.
The ones responsible gonna pay,
if it is the last thing I do.
Oh, Black Dynamite, I wish it were that simple,
but it's much bigger than you or me.
Listen mama, it may be bigger than you and
it may be bigger than me, but it ain't bigger
than you and me! Can you dig it?
I think so.
I gotta split.
Need me to drop you off somewhere?
No, I think I'm going to go down
the street and grab a bite to eat.
Thanks for the ride.
Can I get some hot sauce?
Excuse me, lady?
Oh my god!
How did you know?
Donuts don't wear Alligator shoes.
It's cool, man.
Chili and donuts ain't working
out for me no how.
Maybe, it's time for a change.
What have you got me into?
It wasn't me they were after, sugar.
You must have pissed off people
in pretty high places.
I'm gonna take you somewhere you be safe.
Black Dynamite, you ain't got to worry
about Gloria, she gonna be safe with me here.
I've been teaching the girls Kung Fu
like you told me to
when they find her up in here,
we will fix those honky asses. Chick power!
Dynamite, are you sure about this?
Maybe we should just call the police.
You can bet your sweet ass and half a tit,
that whoever put that hit out on you
already got the cops in their back pocket.
You be cool mama, Bee here will
keep you tight and outta sight.
Dynamite's gonna shake the tree from the roots,
rake up the fruits, rip it up out the ground
to find out what's goin' down.
Don't worry bout tomorrow cause tonight, Dyna...
- Dynamite's gonna make it all right!
Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you,
I ain't even gotta look! I should send your ass back
to Crenshaw Pete with his hot ass coat hangers,
bitch, would you like that?
Black Dynamite, I know we just met,
but somehow I feel I can trust you.
I'll be waiting here until you come get me.
Thank you for saving my life.
You be cool mama,
I'll be back before too long
So I said, bitch, you look like you need a pimp.
She said, I got a pimp.
I told her you ain't got a pimp,
you got a valet for whores!
Why ain't we got no midget girls in this town?
It keeps coming up short.
Can you dig it?
- You understand the position?
To man, all of them prostitutes
It's okay, but I told her your feet stupid
See? You a righteous pimp.
Pimp is one of the interested
I'm not alone, together we are also
Oh, oh, oh
The Game is at an all time low.
Never in the history of the game
has there been such devastation.
Tricks running low, and cops pushing harder than ever.
And that prostitutes do not care about us
I thought we had these
two-buck pigs paid off.
Come to find out they clap my hoes
everytime they hit the track.
I'm spending more bail money
than I'm getting tail money.
- Yeah - Yeah
- I can dig it.
Come on, this was been my worst
fiscal year, ever.
Last year I made a hundred thousand
dollars before first quarter.
Now its third quarter, and I ain't
broke six figures. Hell, I can't even
afford to get my hair fixed. Look at this shit!
Sound like we ain't selling ass.
You know what they say?
- The bitch won't sell her ass.
- ...her pimp will.
Shut up *!
I've been playing the game since you
were trading jail house tramps.
- Oh, oh... - Ouch.
Pimpin' been around since the world start turning,
it's been turning around, and around, around, until this
little planet rotates off its axis. As a result of its
core overheating, and it explode into cosmic dust!
- Can you dig it?
- Yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't need no coming and going, and if you live
long enough, you be around to see it come again.
But what we need to do,
is we need to collect the sides,
we need to negotiate between the pimps
and the hoes and the police.
Do you understand?
- Yeah - Yeah, man
Now then... let's stop all this bullshit,
and take a vote.
Hear, hear, yes.
All in favor raise their hand.
- Mo Bitches
- I can dig it, baby.
- Chocolate Giddy-Up
- I can giddy-up.
- Crenshaw Pete
- Captain Kangaroo Pimp
- I'm with you.
Look it, even if dope ain't not the boss,
there ain't enough tricks to go around.
Now I ain't know about y'all,
I'll need to keep selling that
heroin to make ends meet.
Then you'll have a much bigger problem.
Black Dynamite! How are you my friend?
How you doing big one?
To what.. do we owe this pleasure?
I just got one thing to lay
on you cats, then I'll split
That I am declaring war on anybody
whole sells drugs in our community.
But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs to the community
Be that as it may, if I catch you
I will not consider you a Brother or a friend.
Now can you dig it?
Hell no, nigger.
I can't dig it.
Now who you supposed to be?
- That's Black Dynamite...
- I didn't ask you, nigger. Shut up.
I'm going to tell you like this,
I'm gonna do, whatever I want to do.
Choice is yours, Brother,
If me and my people catch you,
you gonna have a lot more to deal with
- Good evening, gentlemen.
- Bye, Black Dynamite.
Hold it right there.
- It's me, Black Dynamite.
- What the hell you want?
I want to help you.
Why should I trust you, after you
dropped jive on me with Chicago Wind?
Because your brother Jimmy saved my life.
I was supposed to be there
with him the night he got killed
But he called me and
told me to stay at home.
I guess that I owe him one.
It's least I can do.
I need a list of names and locations.
Ain't no thing.
Oh man, everything is going to be okay.
Bullhorn, Cream Corn here says that he can
help us find the cats we looking for.
What do you think?
Man, I think we should put our act together!
"Black Dynamite Declares War on Drug Dealers"
They broke.. into my home!
They got.. the ledger,
they got the manifest,
they got everything!
- Names, dates, and schedules
- We even got the shipping routes.
Man, they ain't gonna be able to take a shit
without us knowing when and what color.
We cleaned up the streets and gave them
back to the people, once again making them
a pleasant place to take an afternoon stroll.
"Smack Wiped Off Streets"
Extra, extra! Hot off the presses!
Black Dynamite cleaned up the street!
It is unbelievable Black Dynamite,
everyone looks so happy
And its all thanks to you.
I would like to take the credit, mama,
but there is not "i" in team.
Oh, I can't resist,
I have to try this.
Hi girls, what are your names?
I am Shawanda, and her name is Brikwilla.
Those are beautiful names,
I am Gloria and this is Black Dynamite
My momma says my daddy is named Black Dynamite.
So you know my momma?
Uhh, you know little girls,
a lot of guys have that name.
This was really fun
Thank you for the day and an evening of fun
However, I think I should be going
I think that it would be safer
if you stayed here tonight.
Oh you think that?
I hope you don't think you gonna get any of this cookie,
Cause if I offer it to you,
this cookie might kill you
- Don't think just because we was bouncing in the park...
- In order to understand, my dear
It can be the sheets or the streets it don't
mean no never mind. That's your bad, baby,
you can go or you can come. Can you dig it?
you scared me, baby.
I am just a normal cat, who rights
the wrongs whenever he sees them.
you just cross the line sometimes, it's just,
You just too much, baby.
you gotta cross the line sometimes.
To do the right thing,
you gotta do the other thing.
You know people... they don't want to see
the coward, they want to see what scares them.
Can you dig it?
Black Dynamite, we got a breakthrough
and we need you...
...a big shipment is coming to town
Now "X" marks the spot to the warehouse, which will be done
We don't know the when, but we do know the where.
Whatever it is, we'll be there when they appear.
Looks like you got two warehouses,
one big one and one small one here.
We break into two units,
We hit the small one first,
then we scale the fence, move south
using an acetylene blowtorch to hit
the warehouse in the back.
That way we avoid the guards.
Then we hit the big warehouse
under the cover of darkness.
- Now, the torches...
- Man, the honkies gonna be running for cover!
When us Brothers git 'em, git 'em...
Now the torches needed, we ain't gonna
be able to get an acetylene torch in time.
- Think again, Brother.
- You know someone who's got one?
I know just the cat.
Whoever is down there, kill them!
Alright white face, where the drugs?
Up yours, coon!
It is right over there in the body bags, geez!
How much dope is in the big warehouse?
Bah, you're gonna kill me anyway,
I ain't gonna tell you nothing.
Dynamite, I got something
which will make him talk.
I'll tell you nothing.
Operation Code Kansas. Can't stop it.
Too late. Operation Code Kansas
is gonna fix all the niggers.
You won't be so big and so bad anymore.
Code Kansas is gonna fix you!
Oh, yes, niggers!
Yes, yes, yes...
Hey Smoke, I think you gave him
too much of that shit.
How long 'til it wears off?
Let's go hit the big warehouse.
That new Anaconda malt liquor
from the billboard, supposed
to give you "Oooooooo"
Taste good, too.
I know the drugs here somewhere.
We gonna check every crate 'til we find it.
I can't believe it, that entire
shipment just for malt liquor.
Don't know Dynamite,
we still kept that fifty keys
we found in that first warehouse
from getting on the streets.
I'm gonna go home and drink the rest
of this, man. Y'all should grab
some of this shit. It is incredible.
It don't make no damn sense.
The shipments, the manifest, the shipping logs, the ledger.
All records are consistent with a big shipment.
We have to missed something.
Whatever it was they got it out before we got there.
No... why would they still have
all those guards there, if they
got the drugs out?
No, them crackers up to something.
DB, we checked every single crate,
every stinkin' box!
Man, I'm with you, Dynamite,
them be guarding something.
What that guard said keep
running through my head,
"Code Kansas", you people
won't be so big anymore. "Code Kansas"...
Don't make no damn sense.
Hey hun... What don't make no damn sense,
is he service around this motherfucker.
Bitch, do you see us?
I'd like two sausage pancakes, two hotdogs
split down the middle twice. Okay?
Baloney, fried up in dough, slice that,
get a spatula smoosh it down.
And, a waffle.
I can get you a waffle, but all we got
is the chicken from last night.
Now I can bring you some of that,
if you want meat.
- Chicken & waffles?
- That's it!!
Take it easy Brother, it ain't her fault.
Sorry, Sister, we all just a little uptight,
but if you bring us some of them
good ass waffles, everything will be alright.
Man, you ain't have no waffles like these,
these waffles so good they like the *,
these buttery motherfuckers will
melt in your mouth, man. These waffles...
Wait, what did you just say...
You said, "melt in your mouth".
What else is melts in your mouth?
And, not just your hands.
- Who makes M&Ms?
- White man.
Yeah, yeah, Mars candy company
make them. Yeah.
- ...and Mars is also?
- The Roman god of war!
Who is the Greek god of war?
- You got it!
Now you take Mars, spell it
backwards, and drop the "s",
Ram! That's right, ram the
zodialogical sign for Ares.
Oh, and get this.
Ares' half-sister is Athena.
- Whoa, whoa. Athena is...
- Which is the capital of Greece.
As you all know, zodialogical astronomy
was created by the Greeks in...?
[All at once:] 785 BC!
785 is the area code for Topeka...
oh, my god!
785 is the area code for Topeka, Kansas!
[Everyone:] "Code Kansas"!
Now take that and spell it
backwards, and drop the "s".
Snack, Snake? Snake! Yeah.
Yes, Brothers, and and who is the Greek
demi-god of medicine? Who believed snakes'
tongue had mystical healing powers?
Asclepius, of course.
He had a staff with snakes intertwined
all around that bitch. They called it Asclepius' staff.
- It is a symbol the medical field uses to this day.
- I seen it.
Now what legend, involving snakes,
is in both Greek and Roman mythology?
- Come on. It involves Asclepius' own father
- Yeah, thanks lady...
- That's right!
Apollo slew the serpent at Delphi,
which was a big ass snake.
- And, what Brothers, is the biggest snake in the world?
- It's the South American Anaconda.
What she said.
[Everyone:] Anaconda malt liquor!
And, what is the slogan
for Anaconda malt liquor?
- Anaconda malt liquor gives you...
Gives you what?!
- And, who else is famous for...
- [Everyone:] Little Richard!
[Everyone:] Little Richard!
So, what they really saying is...
[Everyone:] Anaconda malt liquor gives you...
What is another word for "Richard"?
Anaconda malt liquor gives you a little dick.
Should we kill him?
Man, do you want to live?!
I said, do you want to go on?
Man, this time these crackers have gone too far!
Freeze you jive time suckers!
Who's in charge?
Brothers, make these honkys put the dick
shrinking poison back into the warehouse
so we can burn this mutha down.
Waste them, if they make a sound.
I'm going to go inside, and
find out who is running this shit.
- Come on, man
- Let back inside, Come on
- Alright man! - Get going..
Go on guys, I got this.
O'Leary, you son of a bitch.
I should've known it was you.
You should have.
You were too busy trying to save your
precious ghetto, and trying to lay that orphan mama
to see what was right in front of your face.
You diabolical, dick shrinkin' motherfucker!
You were behind it all the time, and
I'll bet you were behind Jimmy's death.
Hey man, I was just following orders.
That's what a good soldier does,
follow orders. Unlike you.
Everything has to be done
the Black Dynamite way.
I gave the order on Jimmy. I gave it
to James who gave it to the Don.
What good is it going to do you?
What would you do?
I can't believe you did this trick from 'Nam.
O'Leary? O'Leary, where are you?
O'Leary's dead. Who's this?
Fellas, we going on a boat ride...
to Kung Fu island!
Look Black Dynamite, there the island!
Okay, here's the plan...
Okay, let's split up.
We did this!
Power to you, Brothers!
This is it, Brothers. This is
where we stick it to The Man.
Let's go get that lab.
Alright, let's go.
You know when we get back home, I'm gonna
retire from the revolution start a family,
like my brother Joe. Yeah, right on.
Bullhorn said it gonna be a whole new country.
Do you know what I mean?
Who saw where that came from?
I shoulda known you'd be
behind this, fiendish Dr. Wu
Your knowledge of scientific biological
transmogrification is only outmatched
by your zest for Kung Fu treachery!
Your Kung Fu is quite extra
ordinary, Black Dynamite.
It's no match for mine.
You should have joined us
when you had the chance.
But, now you must die.
Man, I'll take this jive ass turkey.
Bullhorn, no! A friendship bonded
by the struggle against The Man has been
cut short by Kung Fu treachery!
Brother, your death will not go unavenged.
- Fiendish Dr. Wu, you fucked up now!
- Get him!
You should try more familiar
with this brand of Kung Fu
Black Dynamite Panther moves!
What the fuck?
Go get Black Dynamite!
Looking for me?
You can't see where I'm
coming from, you jive motherfucker!
Come on, come on.
You told him to keep an eye on me.
Aha! I threw that shit
before I walked in the room.
There are two reasons you
still breathing, sucker.
One, I want antidote to that dick shrinking drug.
And, two, I want to know who's pulling
your strings. Now start talking.
I said, talk!
The government... it's biological weapons,
They put me in charge of male enhancements,
your government has been preoccupied
with making a bigger penis for years.
What's this green one?
This is biggest disappointment.
It did the exact opposite of what was intended.
It made the penis shrivel to the size
of a two month old snapping turtle.
That's what you been putting
in the malt liquor, huh?
Just like the Tuskegee experiment.
You trying to focus your anger
on the black man, didn't you?
I was under orders,
they threatened to fire me.
Speaking of fire...
Suddenly, I like to leave your island.
You dirty motherfucker.
Black Dynamite, I found me a helicopter.
Quickly, give me a hair pin!
We'll make sure this island never make
any more disk shrinking poison again.
Right, let's light this bitch up!
Take that, you dick shrinking island!
Black Dynamite, how far does it go, man?
Cream Corn, this goes all the way to the top.
When I say top, I mean the tip-top.
Here it is, Black Dynamite, the Honky House.
I'm going down.
This shouldn't take long.
Take the controls.
How, Black Dynamite? Wait...
Son of a bitch!
Cream Corn! No!
[ much shooting ]
Should have know it was you all the time, sucker.
Was not even the fiendish Dr. Wu
could come up with a plan so
diabolical all by himself.
I had to ask myself,
who is so frigid, so cruel,
that he could serve smack to the orphans,
kill my brother Jimmy,
and put out a drug that shrinks black men's dicks.
Only one man, that's you Tricky Dick.
So I'm here to deliver you
one Presidential ass-whupping.
there's a perfectly logical explanation for that.
Don't mess with me, fucker!
Take your filthy black hands off
the Presidential dinnerware, you moon cricket.
And now, Black Dynamite, you must die.
You had enough, Mr. President?
You will never get away with this.
Watch me, you little insecure cracker.
You think by shrinking our johnsons going
to make your situation any better?
That's your problem, Tricky Dick, you are paranoid,
it not that your Kung Fu skills are top-notch,
but its your weak mind that get you into trouble.
Next thing you know two-bit crooks
will break Watergate. For what?
You've got them,
but where? And, how?
I had them a long time ago,
I was protecting my bitches.
So, since you had me set-up,
I had my people watching you see
from cooks to janitors, baby.
You lost it all turkey.
- Kill me.
- Say what?
- Kill me!
That's the easy way out for you,
now unless you want the rest of these pictures
hitting the news, I suggest you take good care
of me and my people. Can you dig it?
- I said, can you dig it?
- Yes, yes, yes.
I thought you did.
First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp slapped
you into that china cabinet.
I used excessive force.
Often times I stay in the line,
but I try to do so
in the name of what is right.
Most of the time the ends justifies the means,
but in this case,
I feel like I betrayed my own code of ethics.
And, for that, sugar, I apologize.
But, I shot at you.
I tried to kill you, Black Dynamite
This is true,
but you did not connect.
You shot a plate. Had you connected, maybe
pimp slapping you into that china cabinet
might have been justified.
Bu, I feel I crossed the line.
And for that, please accept my apologies.
I do. I do, it just...
Black Dynamite, you're so righteous.
This is also true.
- Because wherever there is injustice...
- Oh, Black Dynamite!
Wherever there is injustice,
wrongs to be right,
innocents to be defended,
Black Dynamite will be there
delivering an ass-whupping.
I will not hesitate to eliminate
any clown who comes around,
because if they want to the fight,
they better come see me
because I am Black Dynamite!