Finding Amanda Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Finding Amanda script is here for all you fans of the Matthew Broderick and Brittany Snow movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Finding Amanda quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Finding Amanda Script

MAN: All right, we're at scene B.
We're in the living room. 

Settle, please. 

Ready, Ed?

And action. 

MAN #2: Don't argue with me, Sharon.
I don't want to hear it. 

I know what I saw. 

That girl is
out of control. 

I came in here, I found
my sweet darling daughter

making out on the couch with
that Martin kid. It was horrific.

I haven't seen that much tongue
since your Uncle Morty's last seder.

WOMAN: Excuse me, Ed,
but I seem to recall

you throwing that tongue around
pretty good when we were dating. 

I have no memory of that.
When we were first together,

I was always
the perfect gentleman. 

It wasn't about sex.
It was about romance. 

Yeah, I remember
the romance. 

Our first kiss was in a dark alley
behind a bad Mexican restaurant. 

That was very romantic-

the cool night air,
the starry sky. 

The snow-covered

There was no dumpster. 

Ed, we were standing
right next to it. 

I do not remember
a dumpster. 

That would explain why I get so
excited whenever we have chimichangas. 

( chuckles )

Okay, guys, moving on. 

Scene E- we're over here
at airport security. 

( car beeps )

- Taylor?
- Shit.

- Hey. Hey.
- You ran right out of there.

Yeah, I wasn't running.
I was walking.

Pretty good for

Yeah, I thought so.

- Really?
- Nah.

Of course not.
It was shit. We'll fix it.

- Where are you going?
- Dentist.

- Ooh! Ouch.
- Yeah.

That's gonna hurt.

Listen, Taylor, I just want
to give you the head's up.

Ed's unhappy.
He's been calling Carrie.

He says you're
ignoring him.

Jesus Christ, I'm in there five
times a day holding his hand,

listening to all his
lame-ass joke pitches,

all that crap about solar
energy for the umpteenth time.

Yeah, well, he's the star of your
show so you can't just ignore him.

And he's godfather to one
of Carrie's kids, you know.

Like I give a shit.
Listen, you remind Begley

that before I came on board,
no one was watching this show.

Last time I looked, we're
like 26th in the ratings.

Oh, when was that? 'Cause last
week you were in the low 50s.

Think I care
about the ratings?

Listen, can we talk
about this some other time?

Taylor, I don't want
to be a dick.

No, it's okay.
You can't help yourself.


You need this job.

After your spectacular
flameout a couple of seasons ago,

people weren't exactly
lined up to hire you. 

Now, if this was maybe my
last chance at the business,

I think that I'd be kissing my
star's ass as often as was necessary.


Enjoy the dentist.

( brakes squeal )

What are you doing?

Hit him off the rail!

( announcer talking )

Come on!

Come on, come on!
Hit him.

( crowd cheering )

( cell phone ringing )

( phone continues
ringing )

- Hey, Honey.
- Hi, you. 

How's it going?
How was your run-through?

Well, if they ever put together a
tribunal for crimes against comedy,

I'm fucked.

- What's up?
- Nothing. 

Just paying some bills.
Where are you?

- Work.
- I just called the office. 

They said you were gone.

Ah, well, I'm at
the network.

Actually, I'm about to
head into a meeting.

- ( pounding )
- Hey, I'm in here.

- Are you using the phone?
- I'm using a phone. 

Do you mind?

Open that door!
I gotta make a phone call.

- ( rattling door )
- Hon- honey?

- Who was that?
- Honey, I'm gonna-

I'm gonna actually-
I'm gonna call you back, okay?

Open the door!
I gotta make a phone call!

I'll call you right back.

( phone ringing )

- Hello?
- Sorry, honey. 

- Hi. So you're at the network?
- Yup. 

Can you- can you not
sweep right now?

Yes, I am.
What's up?

My sister called. She wants
us to go out there later.

Some kind of
family emergency.

Well, so we have to drive
all the way out to the desert?

She says she needs to
talk to me in person.

Do you think you can
be home by 5:00, 5:30?

Hang- hang on
a second.

Sir, can you please?

Honey, I'm- I'm really up
to my ass here, you know?

I've got this meeting to do.
I have a rewrite.

( toilet flushes )

Are you in a bathroom?

Yes. Yes, they do have bathrooms
at the network, you know.

Not all the shit
ends up on the schedule.



Are you at the track?

Lorraine, I am not gambling.

I haven't made a bet in weeks,
possibly a month.


I'm doing
what you wanted.

I'm not gambling.
I'm seeing that guy.

I'm sorry.

- I mean, come on. /i>
Give me a break. 

I know, I'm sorry.

Do you think you can
be home by 5:00?

5:30. I'll try.

- I love you.
- I love you too. 

- ( door opens )
- ( announcer talking )

Uh, you're breaking up,

I'll check in with
you later, all right?

Just sweep.

Go, number one! Number
three, die! One, go!

Go, one! Oh, number one!
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck you-

MAN: Taylor, why do you
bet on the horses?

TAYLOR: I don't know.
I guess I like the challenge of it. 

Go to the track,
race form under your arm,

it's nine races and
thousands of possibilities. 

I like the whole experience,

The horses,
the puzzle of it,

the people. 

I just love it.
I really do. 

When was the last time
you went to the track?

It's been a while.

Do you think you're
ready to give it up?


Total abstinence is the only
effective course of treatment

with horse-race gamblers.

Look- look,
I used to drink.

I used to do drugs.
I stopped.

I've been clean
for almost two years.

My work was-
I had to stop.

But the track?

Who am I hurting?
I earn enough money.

You don't think
it's destructive?

I've already quit
enough stuff.

I don't want to
give up everything.

Then why are you here?

My wife thinks I need
to talk to somebody.

What's the point
of talking

if you have no intention
of quitting?


Is that clock right?
Because I...

Think our 50 minutes
are up.

- ( crowd cheering )
- Hit him, hit him, hit him!

Hit him! Oh, God,
no no no.

Oh, God.

What's the matter?
I'm only 10 minutes late.

That's not so bad
considering the day I had.

Dr. Chase says hello,
by the way.

Hello, Dr. Chase.

Is it something I did?

I just-

I went to that new organic
market next to the coffee place.


And as I was leaving,
I bumped into Nancy Karos.

And we're talking,

and she asked me
what you were working on

and I told her and then she
said- this is unbelievable,

she said, "You're kidding me.
That show sucks. "

- Mm-hmm, well...
- Well, I went off on her

and I was yelling and
I think I used the C word.

- Holy shit.
- Yeah. 

And then she, like,
put her hand on my shoulder

and I pushed her
and she fell...

into some gourds-
into a gourd display.

The C word? Wow.

I'm guessing we
won't be invited

to their Fourth of
July thing this year.

No. I was shaking
the whole way home.

Honey- honey, you're very
loyal and I love you for it.

But the show does suck.

But you're
making it better.

Nobody messes
with my man.

I'll wait for you

Damn it!

I'll get you,
you little prick!

God! Squirrels.

Goddamn useless...

they bury shit all over the place.
They tear up my yard.


Dad said "asshole. "

I don't know what
it's like where you are,

but around here
it's a serious problem.

Well, what can
you do?

I can blow their fuckin' little
furry heads off, is what I can do.

Larry, you might want
to keep your voice down.

I think the boys
can hear you.

Do you have kids?

Then don't tell me
how to behave around mine.

Let's go.

Hey, you want
another beer?

- No. No, this is-
- Oh, lemonade.

- Yeah.
- Right.


God, must be tough.

- Not drinking.
- It's been about two years.

Dad Dad Dad!

Can we shoot?

Yeah. Yeah.

Just, you know,
be careful.

And if you aim at
each other, lower body only.

- No faces.
- Okay!

You can't catch me!

- How's your show going?
- Great. 

I don't watch it. 

Uh, I would, but...

I don't need my boys exposed to
all that sex and foul language.

Yeah, I get that.

Uh, they're not killing
each other, are they?

You can't kill anybody
with an air pistol.

Well, you know, maybe
if you got up real close

and pumped one right
in the eye.

That's the trouble
with you liberals.

Hey, you get all nervous
around guns.

Just guns in the hands
of third graders.

( glass shatters )

Boys, damn it!

No, that is coming
out of your allowance!

He complains about
the foul language in the show.

Meanwhile, he's back there
in front of his kids

yelling, "Fuck the squirrels"
at the top of his lungs.

The boys are running around doing the
first 20 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan. "

Well, people take different
approaches to parenting.

Yeah, well, I just don't
think it's right

to raise children whose
inner sense of security

depends on whether or not
they have a full clip handy.

They're having trouble
with Amanda.

That's the big emergency?

- She's in Las Vegas
with some boyfriend.

- Well, how old is she?
- 20.

- That seems all right.
- She's working as a prostitute.

She's working as a what?

She's working as
a prostitute.

- Holy shit!
- Shh!

Are you kidding? She's
a prostitute? A hooker?

Yes. Keep your voice down.
Get in the car.

Wait a minute, my 20-year-old
niece is working as a hooker?

Get in the car!

Amanda called a couple
of months ago

all excited about
this job she got dancing.

- In a show?
- No, some club.

Ah, well, I could have
told you right there.

You see, in Vegas, dancing is
a euphemism for stripping.

And stripping is
a euphemism for hooking.

( groans )

So Amanda had this friend,

And she went out
to Las Vegas

and stayed with Amanda
for a few days.

And she was so worried,
she called Karen.

And she told her that she
thinks Amanda might be on drugs.

And she told her that Amanda
was being a hooker?

How does she know?

Amanda just came out
and said it.

I guess she has a lot
of money and a new house.

And, Taylor, you can't tell
anybody about this

because Karen doesn't
want it spread around.

I'm sure they're probably
saving it for

that idiotic Christmas
letter they write every year.

"Donny's in third grade. Larry,
Jr. Just got his gun permit

and Amanda's in Vegas with some
strange guy's baby batter in her hair. "

- Uh, that's-
- Don't do that. I'm driving.

- That's not funny.
- Don't hit when I'm driving.

Listen, Karen wants to get
Amanda into rehab

and there's this place
in Malibu-

Clark- Clark Baron
Chrysalis Center.

- I've heard of it.
- It's in "people" every other week.

They mostly deal
with young people.

It's a six-week program and
I said we would pay for it.

- How much?
- $15,000.


How do they intend
to get her there?

They're hoping she's
gonna want to go.

Oh, yeah, 'cause everybody
wants to go to rehab.

Rehab's about the happiest
place on earth

right- right behind

You know, will you just please stop it?
Because you're not helping.

I need a cigarette.

I don't think there-
I don't thing there are any in there.

What are these?

- Oh, those. Those are- they're old.
- Today's the 14th.

- They're from months ago.
- These are from today.

Uh, I'm not sure.

Jesus, Taylor. I asked
you, were you at the track.

Well, when you asked,
I wasn't.

When did you go? Before or
after you session with Dr. Chase?

Can you turn the car around?

It's just a few bets.

It's no more
than $200 tops.

Turn the car around.

All right,
I made a mistake.

But I've been doing
much better.

It was only a matter of time
until I slipped up, right?

- You lied to me.
- Lorraine.

Lorraine, don't do this.
Don't do this- I don't see the problem.

Yeah, I know you don't.
There's this thing,

Taylor, in a marriage
called "trust. "

You and I, after so many years
of your lies and your bullshit,

we don't have a lot
of it left.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, because you got caught.

'Cause you're in trouble.
Just go home.


- Go home and figure
out what you really want.

Hey. Hey, honey,
thanks for picking up.

Well, what I want is to say
that I'm an asshole.

But I'm gonna
make it up to you.

And I'm gonna prove to you
once and for all

that I can control
the gambling.

- I'm going to Vegas-
- ( line goes dead )

Hello? Hello?

- Let me finish.
I'm going to Vegas and-

( line goes dead )

Please let me finish.

I'm leaving first thing in the
morning. I'm going to find Amanda

and I'm gonna take her
to rehab.

And while I'm in Las Vegas,
I'm not gonna gamble one cent.

- ( line goes dead )
- Damn it!

God damn it.

Okay, listen
and don't hang up.

I made a mistake, yes.

But I'm gonna do
this thing for Amanda

because- because you are
everything to me.

You- you're my whole life
and I love you.

And- and if I lose you,

I've got nothing.

( man laughing )

Why are you answering
her phone, Larry?

Just tell her
to call me.

( alarm sounding )

 there's everywhere else 

 and then there's Vegas 

 anywhere else just don't
fit the bill 

 you travel the world 

 and then
there's Vegas 

 you feel like
a king 

 king of the whole
damn hill... 

- ( brakes screeching )
- Asshole!

 Boston's got her beans... 

- It's okay. Sorry.
- Thank you.

-  Pittsburgh,
she's got steel 

 they won't set your heart
to racin' 

 like a spin of the wheel 

 there's everywhere else 

 and then there's Vegas,

 there's nowhere else 

 no place I'd rather be... 

Good to see you,
Mr. Mendon.

( slot machines
Whirring )

 there's everywhere else 

 and then there's
Vegas, baby 

 ain't no place,
no place- 

This isn't your usual suite,
Mr. Mendon.

No problem.
It's fine.

You can just
put that anywhere.

Now you've got the new plasma
screens in every room.

And there's a little one
in the bathroom.

Great. It's perfect.
You can drop that anywhere.

You haven't been here
in a while, huh?

I've been busy
with the show.

- Which one is it again?
- "Those MacAllisters. "

Oh, yeah.
That show's great.

You get a bigger tip if you
tell me what you really think.

Oh, no.

No, I like it.
It's good...

If you like crap.

'Cause it's a total
piece of shit.

Probably the biggest piece
of shit in the history of-

Okay okay, you got greedy.
You had the hundred but you blew it.


Hey, well, thanks,
Mr. Mendon.

- And welcome back.
- WOMAN: Knock knock. 

- If there's anything else
you want me to do...

- Thanks.
- I heard you were here.

I came right up with extra pillows.

Oh, you're too good
to me, Sally.

- Sharon.
- Oh, I remember.

Did I leave you
a good tip last time?

I think so. 

- Well, if you're not
sure, it wasn't big enough.

I'm gonna leave you
a very nice tip this visit.

Oh, I don't expect anything,
Mr. Mendon.

It's gonna be big,
so get ready. I feel lucky.

I would like $15,in cash

and you can hold the rest.
Hopefully I won't need it.

Ooh, gosh,
I sure hope not.

I'm gonna need my supervisor's
approval on this, Mr. Mendon.

Why? Why? I'm a regular-
I'm a regular player here.

We need approval on
anything over $10,
and this is way
over that amount.


He's busy right now.
Can you wait two seconds?

Is Michael Henry here?

Taylor, can I
tell you something?

You know these people?
They're all about the money.

They don't see
beyond that.

They don't care
about this.

What is that?

The relationship.

This relationship
right here.


This relationship right here,
this is real.

The rest of it,
as far as I'm concerned-


Michael, what is
the issue?

Um, we had that situation
last time you were here-

I hesitate to even
call it a situation-

that minor non-event.

I don't remember that.

The check that bounced.

That was my business
manager's fault.

I told you that.
I explained that.

Hey hey, you're preaching
to the choir.

You're the preacher,
I'm up in the loft.

I got the music,
I'm singing.

And I'm also listening
and I'm understanding.

And I'm in complete

- Hey, Michael.
- Hey, look at you!

Look how hot you are!
I can feel the heat way over here!

You bastard! My eyebrows are
almost completely burned off.

( chuckling )
That guy's a complete prick.

No, he and I-
we don't have this.

This is what I have
with him.

Well, that looks
like what we have.

What? God, no no.
Look at this.

This only goes one way.
Look, it's me giving. Giving.

It looks the same to me.

No no, we-
we have this.

- See, there it is, Daddy.
- 'Kay.

I still don't understand.

Do you guys not want my action
here? Is that what it is?

No no, it's not that. No.

'Cause just tell me,

Because if that's true, I'll
go across the street right now.

You know how much money I lose.
They'd be thrilled to have me.

Okay, now you're hurting me.

I'll handle these pricks.
You're good to go.

Go on, go get you some money
and start having some fun.

ANNOUNCER: As they come into
the stretch,

Dugal on the inside,
Cootie Booton on the outside. 

Dugal finding more
of the rail

but here comes
Cootie Booton. 

Cootie Booton's finding
another gear. 

Nose to nose with Dugal.
Here comes the wire. 

Cootie Booton in front. 

A desperate last lunge
from Dugal. 

Dugal wins by a nose!

Cootie Booton
an unlucky second. 

And a long way back
to Hankus Maximus III

with Mr. Charlie
rounding out... 

TAYLOR: Come on, three.
There you go. 

Come on, three.
Go, three.

Go, three. Go, three.
Go, three!

No, six- three.
No six- three.

Three three three!
Where's the wire- the wire?

- Where is the wire?
- ( man laughing )

- Three.
- That's the winner.

ANNOUNCER: And as they head down
the back stretch

The first time in their
mile-and-three-quarters journey... 



- Miss?
- What can I get you?

You have-

- Do you have Jameson's?
- Yeah.

I'll take a diet coke.

And the Jameson's?

No, just the coke.
Uh, diet.

You have lettuce
on you.

Oh, it's this shirt.

It came that way.



( race announcer
continues )

ANNOUNCER: And that's all from
Hapsburg, Pennsylvania. 

First post tomorrow
at 7:00 a. M.

Drive safely
and good night. 

( cell phone ringing )


- LORRAINE: So you
actually went?

How are you?

- I'm home.
- Good. 

There were quite a few
calls from work today.

I guess you didn't tell anyone
you were running off.

They camera-blocked all day.
They didn't need me.

If they call again,
tell them I'll be back

by show time
tomorrow night.

Or I'll call them. Yeah,
I'll be back. Don't worry.

How much
have you lost?

Honey- honey, this is
not about gambling.

I told you.

Even if I wanted to gamble,
where would I get the money?

I don't have an ATM card.
I don't have my checkbook.

I don't have any access to cash.
This is not about gambling. 


Do you know where
the Aztec Casino is?

The Aztec? What, you mean
like the Indians?

LORRAINE: I spoke to Lauren a little
while ago- Amanda's friend. 

She said that's the name
of the casino

Where Amanda hangs out
to do her work. 

If you're really serious
about finding her,

you might want
to start there. 


What can I get you?

Club soda.


Interesting theme
for a casino.

You know, the Aztecs
performed human sacrifices.

That's one of the reasons
they were wiped out by Cortez

- and the conquistadors.
- I wouldn't know.

We don't get a lot
of 'em in here.


So- so listen,
I'm in town by myself.


And, you know how it is.
It gets- gets a little lonely at night.


So I was hoping to
find some company.

- Company?
- Right.

You're asking me
about some company?


I get off at 2:00.

I don't kiss, I don't call you
"sweetheart" or "darling,"

And I don't take it
in the ass.

Oh now, hold on.

Cash only.

No, I'm looking
for a girl.

I don't do three-ways.

No, just a girl.

I'm looking for
just a girl.


Check over
by the elevators.


I'm super-hung
if it makes any difference.

It doesn't.

Oh, fine.
You and your friend,

you're not gonna
leave me alone, are you?

- No?
MAN: We appreciate it, though. 

- Have fun.
- You guys. 

Hey, stud, how-

Oh my God.
Oh, my gosh!

- Hi, stranger.
- Uncle Taylor!

What are you doing here?

Well, you know,
me and Aztecs.

How's Aunt Lorraine?
Is she here?

No, she's home.

This is- well, this
is a nice surprise.


So do you want to go and talk
someplace? You know, catch up?

Um, yeah, I would love that.
I just- I really can't right now.

Can you take a break?

I can't. Slow night.
Gotta make the rent.

Hi, sweetheart.
I love your shirt.

Go down on me for free,
it's yours.

Guys, guys, is that
really necessary?

- It's okay.
- ( man blows raspberry )

That was rude.

Um, listen, Uncle Taylor,
I really need you to, um...

I know what
you're doing, Amanda.


I know what
you're doing here.

Yeah, I think everyone
knows what I'm doing here.

You don't care?

Why should I care?
It's my job.


This asshole.


This young lady
bothering you, sir?

Thank you for asking.

I'm not talking to you,
am I, sweetheart?

No, I'm fine.
This is my niece.

Oh, really?
Never heard that one before.

You a guest
at the hotel?

No, I'm staying
at the-

Feel free to enjoy
the casino,

But elevators are for
hotel guests, okay?

- Thanks.
- Okay.

Prick. Give him 20 bucks, he doesn't
hassle you for a couple hours.

So, can we talk?

Listen, I really
gotta go. Okay?

- What time do you get off?
- Um, one more customer.

- Can you hang?
- Sure.

All right, I'll meet you
out front by Azi.

- Who?
- The big statue guy in the lobby.

- Great. Okay.
- Okay?


- Howdy, you.
- Hey, gorgeous.

- What are you doing tonight?
- I'm not doing nothing. 

Or nobody.

Oh, well, we're gonna have
to change that now, won't we?

Ooh wee!

So, where are you from,

I'm from Burbank,

They got real cowboys
in Burbank. 

Do they really?
Well, I got my boots on!

This is a nice car.

Thank you.
I just got it.

Isn't that
the best smell?

It's the best smell. I mean,
it probably causes cancer,

but all
the good stuff does.

Yep. Cigarettes, asbestos,
high-tension power lines.

Soon there'll be nothing
left to enjoy.

So, where do you
want to talk?

Oh, I know a place.

I just have to go home
and change first.

And you have to see
my house. Oh, my gosh,

my gorgeous,
fabulous house.

I love it so much.

Greg? Baby?


Where should
I put these?

Oh, just over here
by the door.

Trying to keep
the carpet nice.

Come on in.

Isn't it perfect?

Everything in here
is just perfection.

Well, except for
that lamp

because it looks perfect,
but it's a little high

and the wall's
a little low.

And so, 'cause the lamp
is high, it doesn't really-

do you know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm gonna take it back in
the next couple weeks anyway, so-

Okay, I'm gonna go pee.
You stay here, make yourself cozy.

Be right back.

Don't tell me to shut up.
Why do you have to be so mean?

Who are you?

I came with Amanda.
She's in the bathroom.

- ( toilet flushes )
- Better not be a fuckin' john. 

No, I'm her Uncle.

- Hi.
- Get out.

I am going.
You are such an asshole.

Just go.

Call me.

- You're the television guy?
- Guilty.

- Amanda!
- Oh, hi, baby. 

I'll be right out. 

Oh, you guys, I have
a really great idea. 

I'll be two seconds. 

You can tell Amanda
about the girl if you want.

It's no big deal.

Oh, no, I'm not
planning on-

You can if you want to.
No big secret.

- It's none of my business.
- She knows about the other chicks.

Is there more than one?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Just the way it has to be.

I don't follow that.

( sighs )

Amanda's out banging all these
strange guys all the time.

I gotta deal with that,
you know?

So I bang other chicks.

It keeps it equal.

Keep the playing field flat,
you know?

- Flat.
- I see.


Don't say anything
about the girl.

- I thought you just said-
- Just keep your fucking mouth shut.

( door closes )

- Hi, baby.
- Hi, baby.


Mmm, I missed you.

- Hi.
- Okay, that's enough.

Look at my big man.
Isn't he gorgeous?

So gorgeous. 

Hey, we're gonna go someplace
and hang out. You wanna come?

Oh, no no.
Babe, I'm real tired.

Greg, damn it!

I'm sorry,
I forgot.

I'm trying to keep things
nice around here. 

- I mean, fuck me.
- I'm sorry. Christ.

No no no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

He endures
my little outbursts.

Don't you, baby?

Greg is going to school.

Tell him.

( sighs )

Learn the heating and cooling business.

My focus is more
on cooling.

So, a lot of
money in that?


Global warming?
Ever hear of it?

( under his breath )
What an idiot.

I forgot to tell you
about my brilliant idea.

You should come over tomorrow
night and I'll cook dinner.

- That'd be nice.
- Yeah?

You'll be home.
Right, baby?

I guess.
I might be tired.

Oh, no no.
You'll be fine.

Come on. Okay, now
I have to plan a menu.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Okay, I'm gonna go change.
You guys bond.

( laughs )

You could tell Amanda
about the girl if you want.

But don't.

I'm fuckin' serious,

( sighs )

Did you love Greg?

Don't you just love him?
He's so hot.

Don't you think
he's hot?

Yes, he's hot.

Hot and sociopathic.

- What?
- Nothing. 

He's very very hot.

He doesn't mind
your chosen profession?

Why should he?

My profession pays for
his school, his clothes

and his brand-new truck.

I keep my boy very happy.

Where are we going?

Oh, I know a place up
the strip that doesn't card me.

But we got to make
one more stop first.

( siren wailing )

( helicopter buzzing )

Is the car gonna
be okay here?

- Oh, yeah, sure.
- ( glass shattering )

How about us?

So, anyway, I came here-
it was, like, last year

and I got a job at the
International House of Pancakes.

- Do you know it?
- Yeah. 

Yeah, I usually say IHOP,
'cause it's shorter,

but I wasn't sure
if you'd heard of it.

Oh, well, it lists both names
in Zagat, so I'm good.

So, anyway,

my friend Michelle- she worked
with me but she was a hostess-

she got this job
dancing at this club.

- Dancing?
- Stripping.

She was making huge money,
no taxes.

- Everything under the table.
- Including Michelle, no doubt.

Oh, poor guy.

- I hate to see that.
- Mmm.

So, anyway, she introduces me
to the owner of the club.

Before you know it,
I'm dancing.

- Stripping?
- Yeah.

And you just started,
just like that?

Well, you don't really need
a lot of training to strip.

I mean, I've taken off my clothes
every night before I go to bed.

- You know?
- ( rat squeals )

Oh, my gosh!

- What was that?
- I don't know.

Scared me.

- Did you see me jump?
- Just keep walking.

Oh my God.
So, yeah, no training.

Except I took a
pole-dancing seminar once.

- That's it.
- They have seminars in pole dancing?

Yeah, at the local
community college.

Isn't Vegas the best?

I killed at the club. I had this whole
"Sweet Young Thing" working for me.

Every guy who pays for a blowjob
wants to get it from a girl

who looks like she's never
given one before.

That's my look.

- You do remember
I'm your uncle, right?

- Yeah?
- Hi.

- Is Link here?
- You picking up?

Yeah, he knows.

Shut the door.

This will only take
two seconds.


( TV plays
indistinctly )

- Hey, you want some?
- Uh, no.

No, thanks.
I'm- I'm married.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, so is she.

- That's nice, to have
something in common.

My mouth's watering already. 

Okay, you can
come back now.

Yeah. Enjoy.

Here's your pony, sweetness,
all saddled up and ready to ride.

- Thank you, sir.
- You're welcome. You'll love it.

- Hey, how's B.V.?
- He's great.

Good. Good, you tell him it should
be ready by the end of the week.


Hey, what's with
Principal Skinner?

( laughs ) He's cool.
He's my uncle.

- No shit?
- Yeah.

No, none at all.

Hey, your uncle?

I had an uncle once.

Or I killed some gook's uncle in 'Nam.
I can't remember which.

- How's it going?
- Good.

- You?
- Well, I got no legs.

I got no balls.
I piss out of a tube.

How the fuck do you
think it's going?

Right, but getting
the good parking spaces

must take some
of the sting out of it.

You're funny.

He's funny.
You're funny.

Thank you.
Good to meet you.

Good to meet you.

I'd like to introduce you
to my better half.

Unfortunately, it got blown off
10 kliks out the Haiphong.

You were in the shit?

Up to my neck,

Up to my neck.

Hey, you want

- No, I'm good.
- Come on!

You're in Vegas, queer-bait.
Loosen up a little.

Good point.
You have any pot?


Who the fuck smokes
pot anymore? Pot?

Hell, they ought to take pot,

they ought to hang it on the
wall of a museum somewhere.

That's how old pot is.
Pot is old, motherfucker.

So you don't have any?

Hey, TJ?


Hey, go around back.
See if my mom's up.


This pot is terrible.
It's all stems and seeds.

Link's a good guy, but that
stuff in 'Nam? Never happened.

I don't even think
it's pot.

- Might be marjoram.
- When he was 15,

he got drunk one night and a train
ran him over and cut him in half.

Can you imagine that?

Getting cut in half
by a train?

That would suck.

Beats getting cut
in thirds.

- What did you get?
- Oh, it's not for me.

I have this friend,
she's an addict

and she got busted
a couple times,

so I buy for her.
A little less every other week.

- Not for you?
- I think I just said that.

We have to make
one more stop.

( techno music playing )

( man whistling )

Isn't Kyoki great?

She's, like, the best
scrabble player ever.

What do you want
for our dinner?

- What?
- Tomorrow night.

- Uh, is chicken okay?
- Oh, yeah, chicken's fine.

- I see a pretty lady.
- Amanda!

- Hi, cutie.
- Special delivery.

Life saver.
Totally serious.

- What's on your ass?
- Oh, I know. Isn't it awful?

I'm nairing my butt.
Nair- the hair removal shit.


- I came in tonight,
looked in the mirror.

There was this long, huge hair
growing out of the side of my ass.

- Gross.
- I know!

I started thinking,
"I can see that one. "

Who knows how many more
there are back there?

I didn't want to risk it.
I'm nairing the whole thing.

- Oh.
- Howdy.

- Hello, hi.
- Trick?

- My uncle.
- Oh. Sweet.

- This is Whisper.
- Hello, Whisper. 

- Emory.
- Oh, is Emory your real name?


I love this girl.
She is so great.

- I'm blushing.
- I mean it.

Most of these girls,
they're just total cunts.

You want to smash their heads
in with a fucking rock.

Makes me sick thinking
about you with that guy.

Greg's nice.

Honey, nothing on this planet
with a cock attached to it is nice!

Watch your language,

- Sorry.
- That's okay.

I'm still back on
that "cunts and rocks. "

- Saw B.V.
- I know!

- Looking good.
- He's gotten even bigger than before!

I didn't think
it was possible.

- It's disgusting!
- He's huge.

He picked me up once...

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Club soda. Why don't you
just kill yourself?

It's next on my list.

- What?
- I can't get over it.

- The hooker thing.
- Are you okay?

I have a home for
the first time in my life.

You had a home when
you were a kid.

My parents split and I went
to go live with my dad

and he married Janine,

who's this total psychotic
bitch Nazi vegan who hates me.

So then I went to go live
with my mom,

- and she married Larry.
- Well, Larry's okay.

Well, okay, go on.

Yeah. And then I went to
go back and live with my dad

and that sucked, and then his brother
started raping me, which really sucked.

- Raping you?
- Whoa, there's a table.

- Here- we can sit down.
- Raping you?

Your- your father's
- your father's brother raped you?

Uh, my Uncle Bobby?

He raped you?

Yeah, for, like,
eight months.


It's old news.

I thought I was
a shitty uncle.

it doesn't matter.

I'm here now,
I'm happy.

And I have
the perfect home.

Yeah, but look what
you have to do to get it.

It doesn't matter. I mean, the
minute I walk through that door,

all the sadness and all
the bullshit stays outside.

And everybody needs that.

You know, after a day of doing whatever
horrible, awful thing you got to do

to make money, you need
a place to go

where it's quiet and you can
just remember who you really are.

And the terrible, awful thing you do-
you don't have any options?

Yeah. Yeah, sure, I could
go back to IHOP.

I could work there for
a whole month, with overtime,

or I could do eight or
nine guys over a weekend

And make the exact
same amount.

What would you do?

Uh, eight guys, fine.
More than that,

I would worry I was in it for
something more than the money.

You really don't
feel exploited?

All I know is,

after 20 minutes-
usually less,

I got it all: I got their money,
I got their gratitude.

So what if I have to let them
jizz on my tits to get it?


It's just not every uncle
who gets to hear his niece

say "jizz" and "tits"
in the same sentence.

I- I need a little air.

So listen, Amanda,

the reason I'm in town-

your mom and your aunt
asked me to come

because they're
worried about you.

They're thinking maybe you have
a drug problem or something.

I don't.


There's a rehab
place in Malibu-

It's called
the Clark-something Center.

The Clark- Clark Baron.
Yeah, it's Clark Baron.

You see it in
"people" magazine?

Well, we got you a room there
with a view of the canyon-

- ( laughing )
- What are you laughing at?

This is perfect.

You telling me
to go to rehab?

Why is that so strange?

Hello, my mom and your wife
are sisters. They talk.

I know about
your gambling problem

and your drinking problem
and your drug problem.

Well, those are not issues
for me anymore.

I know all about you puking at
the Emmy's a couple years ago,

and how you lost $150,000 in
three days at the racetrack.

She's talking about somebody else.
Do you have any ketchup for these?

And how you got fired
from that hit show

because you were so fuckin'
loaded the whole time.

Hello? You're, like,
50 years old.

- I'm 43.
- And you can't carry a checkbook

Or credit cards?
I mean, what's with that?

My choice.

My therapist's choice,

Because you can't
control yourself.

Whenever you need money or a check,
you have to ask Aunt Lorraine for it?

- That must suck.
- Okay, my life is fucked up.

But it took me
43 years to get here.

Look at you-
you're 20 years old.

At this rate, by the time
you're my age,

you won't be my age
because you'll be dead.

I don't need rehab.

I take Extacy, but
that's just for my work,

to get in the mood,
you know? But...

- Are you hooked on it?
- No.

Unlike you, I can take something and
not become instantly addicted to it.

I'm not an addict.
I'm in recovery.

( laughs )
You're an addict.

- I'm getting help.
- Because you're an addict.

I'm not an addict.

( helicopter passing )

- What is that?
- Extacy.

I don't want it.

No no no,
it's not for you.

I just want you to
hold onto it for me.


Because you can't.

Because you know,
sooner or later,

probably sooner,

you're gonna wind up
taking it. Right?

20 years old, you're so-
you're so goddamned smart.

Remember, don't take it.
I'm gonna want it back.

( jazz playing )

 Mr. Rooster 

 don't wake me up
too early 

 we talked all night,
my girlie and me 

 Mr. Rooster 

 don't start no
trouble brewing 

 no cock-a-doodle

 or red eyes, see 

 how about 8:00 o'clock? 

- ( phone ringing )
- WOMEN:  don't try it 

-  9:00 o'clock? 
-  no, don't you dare 

-  10:00 o'clock? 
-  I'll start a riot 

-  noon? 
- hello?

Did I wake you?

- Actually, no.
- Are you sure?

Yep, definitely.

( sighs )
I found Amanda.

She's at that place-
the Inca.

- The Aztec.
- Right. 

- Is she really hooking?
- Yep, she really is. 

Oh, God.

Did you talk to her
about rehab?

She's not interested. 

Taylor, you have to
get her out of there.

Well, I'm having dinner
with her tomorrow night-

I mean, tonight.

I'll bring it up again,
but I don't think so. 

Did you take a check
from my checkbook?

- What?
- Did you?

- No.
- One's missing. 

Well, maybe you used it
and forgot about it.

It's missing from
the middle of the checkbook.

Well, why are you looking in
the middle of your checkbook?


( sighs )


Taylor, if you took the check,
just tell me.

Look, I'm- you know, I'm
just here trying to help you.

I'm here trying
to help your family. 

Okay, I'm just telling you,
I called the bank- I put a stop on it.

Well, good.

Good, I mean, if you lose a check,
that's what you should do.

I don't see how it concerns me,
but that's fine.

Okay. Good. Fine.

Call me after you talk
to Amanda again.


- 20,000.
- Oh, darn.

- Things not going too well?
- You guessed.

You'll turn it around,
Mr. Mendon.

I have a feeling.
Sign, please.

You playing blackjack?

- Horses.
- Ooh, that's fun.

Did you ever see that movie
about the horse Seabiscuit?

- Yeah.
- That was a great movie.

I think it was called
"Seabiscuit," right?

No, I think it was

"Steve, the story
of Seabiscuit. "


That's what I get for
asking a comedy writer.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight-

First race at Belmont-
$2,000 to win

and place in the two-horse-
pass the potatoes.

MAN: all right.
One, two, three-

ANNOUNCER: but look at this,
on the far outside,

Pass the Potatoes is
making a huge move!

He's picking off runners
one by one. 

Pass the Potatoes
roars to the front. 

The rest of the field
looks like- oh oh!

Pass the Potatoes
took a bad step. 

Oh, he's toast!

( continues
indistinctly )

- Cocktails. Cocktails.
- Miss?

Diet coke?

And a Jameson's. A double.


- 20,000.
- Ooh.

Ooh, hiss.

You're gonna turn it
around, Mr. Mendon.

I just know you are.

- I have a very strong-
- ( computer beeps )

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear?

What, "Oh, dear"?

Two seconds.


TAYLOR: Okay, here's what
probably happened... 

Great. Go. 

The check that my wife wrote
before the one that I gave you,

she bought a Matisse
lithograph from a gallery

in Beverly hills.
But when she got it home,

there was a mark on
the upper left-hand corner-

a smudge, so she put
a stop on the check.

But the bank obviously
made a mistake

and put a stop on
the next check,

which would be the check
I gave you guys.

That's the only explanation I
can come up with at this moment.

I mean, that's all.

Well, look, I know
you're good for the money.

That's not an issue.
But, my bosses,

you know,
the asshole brigade,

a different story.
You have another check?

- I don't.
- Okay, again, no issue between us.

But I have to answer
to a higher power.

And if the casino gets stuck with
this, then they cut off my balls,

- throw 'em on the craps table.
- You won't get stuck.

I know, I know.
That's not even a concern.

But until this is resolved, I won't
be able to give you any more cash.

I'm busted, you know?
I'm down 60,000.


- And now you guys won't
give me a chance to get even?

- Is that fair?
- It's not me, Taylor.

I've lost a shitload of money
in this place the last few years.

And this is how you
treat me?

I mean, come on, Michael.

They're gonna kill me.
I'll give you five.

- Five?
- Best I can do.

You're kidding? I can lose
five walking from here to there.

I have no doubt.

- Five grand.
- ( sighs )

Why don't I just stay and
gamble with the old ladies?

I'm doing you-
I'm doing you a favor.

- All right.
- But now you have to do one for me.

Look, I give you five.
You're down 67.

Get another check.
Have your bank wire the money.

- Okay.
- End of the day would be great.

If not,
first thing tomorrow.


Let's go to the cage.

- Five grand?
- You're welcome.

- Hey, you!
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Well, this is a surprise.

Yeah, I was just shopping next
door and I figured you'd be here.

Are we still on
for dinner tonight?

Yeah, as long as you're not having
horse, I'm looking forward to it.

- Good.
- Why don't you sit down

- and maybe change my luck?
- Aw!


Are you drinking?
I thought you were in recovery?

Oh, no, that's not mine.
I've been changing seats.

- Jameson's?
- No.

You just ordered this,
like, two seconds ago.


Wait a minute.


I'm taking a quick break
from my recovery.


Oh, this is sad.
This is so sad.

Two days in Vegas,
you're already off the wagon.

And I'm the one
who needs rehab?

How you doing?

How you doin'?

- Hi.
- Remember me?


I think I told you
my name was Mike.

You remember me?


Come on, we had such
a good time,

I gave you an extra 50.

Listen, I'm really
busy right now,

- so thank you.
- Oh oh, sorry, yeah.

Right right,
you're working. Yeah.

And since I don't have my wallet
open, you got no use for me-

She doesn't want to talk to you.
She doesn't want to talk to you, okay?

- Hey! Hey!
- Huh? What?

Asshole, stay out of this,
all right?

- I'm getting security.
- This is between the whore and me.

- I'm getting security.
- No no no. No, don't.

She sticks her ass in
my face for half an hour

and now she pretends
she doesn't know me.

Oh, wait,
I do know you.

I'm sorry.
Yeah, you were the guy

with the cock like
a roll of dimes.

- MAN: Oh, look at this.
- You don't fuckin' know me!

Never do that again.
I'll fuckin' kill you!

- You fuckin' asshole!
- Get this fuckin' bitch off me!

- You don't even know my name!
- Jesus, Amanda.

- Fuck you!
- Okay okay okay okay!

Get- enough!
Enough enough!

Get her off!

- Enough! Stop it!
- Jesus.

Enough! If you want to
fight, then go somewhere else.

- Get off me!
- Back up!

What's going on?


It's- it's okay.

- She with you?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm with him.
I guess that means

you can't take me in
the back and rough me up, huh?

I'm gonna go to
the bathroom

unless you'd like me to
piss myself right here.

I'll see you tonight.

She's my niece.

( Amanda crying )

( leaf blower buzzing )

Excuse me?

Could you get me another
Jameson's on the rocks, please?

You know, why don't you bring
me two Jameson's with water?

That way I won't have to
keep bugging you.

Hello? Oh, God,
I hate this place.

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey. Hey, Tony.
How's things at I.C.M.?

It's C.A.A. now. I went over to
the dark side about a year ago.

You're out early.
Wedding's not till 7:00.

What wedding?

Billy Gerald's.

I mean, you worked
with him, right?

Well, he worked for me.

So you're not invited
to the, uh...?


See, I thought that it
was weird seeing you here.

You know, Billy's always telling that
story about how you pissed in his jacuzzi,

some party three years ago.

Never used it again,
you know.

Yeah, well, I went through
a rough patch back then.

I hear you, pal.
Hey, speaking of rough patches,

you got totally boned on the
Begley thing. Guy's a dick.

What are you
talking about?

You don't know?

Jesus, Taylor.

I just read it.

Johnny- Johnny, I can't
believe you couldn't reach me.

I've been here
for two days.

I haven't checked
my messages.

I've been dealing
with this family thing.

Yes, in Vegas.

I mean, I have to
hear about it

from fucking Tony Clark?

What do you mean, have I
been talking to C.A.A.?

This isn't about you.
This is about me getting fired

and me finding the story
buried on page three.

Yeah, I don't rate
the fuckin' cover?

You know, maybe I should
be talking to C.A.A., Johnny.

How about that?

Yeah, fuck-


- Here you go.
- Smells delicious.

Thank you. I made
the sauce from scratch.

Baby- iPod.

- What? What?
- Off. Off.

And please put
your napkin on your lap.

Thank you. It's actually
not really from scratch.

It's from a jar, but I added
some extra stuff of my own.

I thought we were
having chicken?

We are, but this
is the first course.

We're being fancy
tonight, baby.

- I want chicken.
- It's coming.

Eat your pasta.

This is fun.

We should have people
over more often.

What's that
supposed to mean?


You told her.
You fuck!

What are you
talking about?

Thanks a lot,

- I didn't tell her anything.
- Oh, yeah?

I didn't.

Pasta looks good.

What do you think
he told me?



- Greg?
- I'm eating here.

Can't you see that?
Jesus, I had a rough day at school.

All I want to do
is eat my dinner

without people jumping
all over my ass.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

Why are you such a nagging
bitch all the time?

- He had a girl in the house.
- Fuck you.

- When?
- Yesterday. 

You were up
in the bathroom.

Big news.
She knows.

I told him about our deal.
He thinks he's busting my balls.

Go ahead, ask her.
She doesn't fuckin' care, dude.

That's right.
I- I don't care,

unless the girl
was inside my home.

Greg, you know
the rules!

It's my home too.
You said.

No, this place
is sacred.

Yeah, sacred.
What am I supposed to do?

Some chick wants to do me, I'm supposed
to say we have to go to her place

because I'm not allowed to
screw chicks in my own home?

I mean, how do you think
that makes me feel?

Why don't you just
cut my balls off?

- Use this.
- Fuck you.

Don't talk
to my uncle like that.

You're taking his side on this?
Fuck you too then!

I mean, come on, baby.
We had a good thing going here. 

This guy shows up and
it's nothing but trouble. 

Okay, um, can we

just talk about
something else?

I just would like
to have a nice dinner.

Let's just change
the subject.


She had her shoes on
in the house.

( gasps )
Greg, damn it!

You know what?
Fuck this. Here.

- ( Amanda gasps )
- You happy?

- What's the matter with you?
- What's the matter with me?

My fuckin' dinner's ruined.
That's what's the matter with me.

I didn't even get to
eat my chicken.

You know what?
Fuckin' keep your chicken. I'm done.

Oh my God! No no, don't get up,
don't get up. It'll get on the carpet.

- ( door slams )
- No no no no, baby!

Um, come back, please please.
Greg! I'll get the chicken!

It's too late!

Um, I'm sorry.

So much for
my fancy dinner.

I'll go get
some paper towels.

You fuck this up for me
and I'll kill you!

What are you gonna do?
Refrigerate me to death?

Oh, shit.

( door slams )

We must do dinner again. 

Warn me.
I'll wear my best tarp. 

I'm sorry about Greg.

He's just
really sensitive.

I got that when
he threatened to kill me.

Why are you
with that asshole?

Well, you know how you have
this image in your head

of the perfect person
for you?

I met Greg,
and he was

my mental perfect
image come to life.

Emphasis on the "mental. "

You do realize he's
not at all perfect?

When you change out that lamp,
you might want to take him along.

What can I say?

He- he looks right.

You know? So maybe
if I keep loving him,

then he'll be right.

Do you want to gamble?

Let's go gamble. You can
win me some big money.

Okay, I'll go and change
out of these clothes.

Well, hurry.

I'll wait here.
I got the fever.

- WOMAN: Sir?
- A little one. 

I'll get it.

Bless you.

60, 20... 

How you liking
that recovery break?

It's been great.

But I've decided I'm going
right back to recovery

- right after my next drink.
- ( cell phone ringing )


I gotta make a call.

Okay, but come
right back.

We have to talk
about rehab again.

Oh, shit.

- Here you go.
- Oh, could you bring me another one?

Make it a double
because I'm going-

I'm going to quit
drinking right after.

- 'Kay.
- Thank you.

Hey, how's it going,

Hey, I am handsome.

Uh, is there any news on
the money from the bank?

I don't want to push
but they're asking.

Oh, yeah, I'm on it.
I called

and they can do a transfer
first thing in the morning.

Thank you, sir.

I can get you better.

What do you mean?

Your little friend?

I can get you one who's
not so trashy.

She's my niece.

I can get you
a better niece.

How about
a black niece?

Uh, naughty little
Asian niece?

"Me so horny. "

( chuckles )

Hi, there.

- Hi.
- Have a good evening.

- Who's that?
- Some guy.


Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm-

I didn't sleep much-
sleep much last night.

Ah. Ha ha!
That was weird.

Oh my God.

You took the X.

- No.
- Yes, you took it.

No, I did not.

- Then give it back to me.
- I took it.

I took it.
It's great.

It's really great.

Am I talking loud?

Is this too loud,
how I'm talking now?

TAYLOR: You know,
you really really

really should take me up
on this offer. 

It's $15,000,
but I think it is-

it is so worth it. 

'Cause you have to get
your life on the right path.

You do.
It's important.

Or you could just
fuck it.

( laughing )

You're great,
you know?

You are. 

I don't think I've ever
told you that before,

but you really are.
You are really really-

you're great.


Would you be saying that
if you weren't so fucked up?

Oh, it must be hard
being a hooker.

I don't think
I could do it.

I think I would
rather kill myself.

You know...

The first time
I ever did it,

I was here
at this hotel.

These guys came from,
like, Iowa

or someplace like that
for this bachelor party

and me and this other girl
came over to entertain.

And you could just tell that
they'd been talking for months,

like, "Oh, dude, we're
gonna go to Vegas.

We're gonna
get some hookers. "

They were horrified.

They just stood there

and stared at us like we
were exhibits at a zoo.

And this one guy, um...

he took me
into the bathroom,

he pushed me down
on my knees

and he stuck
his cock in my mouth.

He came in, like,
two seconds.

And he zipped up,

Walked out.

Didn't say one word
to me.

You know...

It's funny.

When you do
something like that,

It's who you are
for the rest of your life.

You could stop, but...

really, what's the point?
I mean...

you're always gonna
be that girl...

on her knees on
the bathroom floor.

And you know it.


( chuckling )

( rapping on door )


Mr. Mendon?



- Yeah?
- Are you okay?

What are you-
what are you doing?

What- what time is it?

It's 10 to 5:00.

Why are you-
10 to 5:00?

10 to 5:in the afternoon.


Is it still today?

It's Saturday.

Mr. Mendon.

Congratulations again.

Mr. Mendon!

See? I told you
you'd turn it around.

Good for you!

I have never seen
anything like it.

You were hot as balls!
Blackjack, roulette.

When was this?

Last night.



I saw you around 9:00.

You were, ha ha,
pretty good.

The gaming gods
were smiling on you.

Uh, last time I saw you
was just before 2:
When you cashed out. And listen, I was
able to buy you a little extra time,

you know, on the check,
because of your big win.

So just pay the cage
the 67,
When you get the chance.

How much did
I cash in for?

You- you don't remember?

I'm a little hazy.

Hey, if I cashed in

the last thing I'd be
is hazy.

( phone ringing )


- What?
- LORRAINE: Hello. 


- Where have you been?
- In my room. 

Well, I called a dozen times
last night and today

and the phone
just kept ringing.

Well, I was
with Amanda. 

And you're still there

so I'm assuming she doesn't
want to go to rehab.

- She's not interested.
- Taylor. 

Look, what am I supposed
to do? Kidnap her?

It doesn't work that way. You can't
help people who don't want to be helped.

You know, you never really
intended to help her, did you?

- What?
- This trip was just all about you.

You and your
fucking gambling!

Listen, I haven't gambled one
penny all day. That's the truth.

The bank called. 

They get a call from
the casino about a check?

For $100,000?

What check?

Oh, stop it, please.
Just stop it.

The check you took from my drawer.
The check you told me you didn't take!

Listen, I make the money
that goes into the account.

- I'm the one who-
- Oh, Taylor, please stop!

- Well, if it's about the money-
- It's not about the money!

You have no clue what it's about
so please just stop talking

while I have the smallest
amount of respect left for you.

Why did I think
this would work?

I thought if I loved you enough,
you wouldn't fuck me over.

But you don't care
about me, Taylor. 

I do.

No, you don't. 

You only care
about yourself

and those stupid horses.

Don't come home.

What does that mean?

I called a lawyer. 

So- so what am I
supposed to do now?

Beg you for another chance?


Uh, I'm such an idiot.


( ringing )

LORRAINE'S VOICE: Hi, we're not here.
Leave a message. 

Lorraine, pick up
the phone.

Lorraine, please
pick up the phone. 

You're scaring me. 

You're- if that's what you were
trying to do, you've succeeded. 

Hell- listen, I'll
stop gambling. I promise.



What do you want
me to do?


You misplaced $186,in cash and chips?

How does that happen?

Sometimes I hide the money
if I have a really big score.

I tore my room apart.
It's not there.

Oh, Christ.

Listen, that girl that
you saw me with last night?

- I think she has the money.
- The- the hooker?

She's not a hooker.

Who gives a shit?
What am I gonna do now?

What are you gonna
do now?

I put my ass on the line
for you- that five grand?

What if my bosses
hold me responsible?

I don't have that kind
of money to throw around

just 'cause
you're a fuck-up.

What? What did you
just call me?

What did you just call me?

- And there's still
nothing from your bank.

Well, there might be
a problem with that.

You see, my wife called
and I have a little trouble-

Just forget it!

I knew you'd fuck me over.
It's my own fault.

- Get out of here.
- What are you doing?

What are you doing? Wait.
You're kicking me out?

Yeah, that's what
I'm doing.

What about this?

What about
the relationship, huh?

- Or was that all bullshit?
- Do I have to call security?

You never really
wanted me to win.

Hey, asshole,
I want everyone to win.

But the funny thing?
It doesn't work out that way.

Some people win.
Most people lose.

The mistake everybody makes
is they keep coming back.

But I have to tell you?
The king of fuckin' losers?

You prick!

Hey, call security.
This man just tried to attack me.


All right.

Oh, congratulations again,
Mr. Mendon!

- Hi.
- Hello.

- You a friend of Greg's?
- No, Amanda's.

- Is she home?
- God, I hope not. That'd be weird.

Greg said she'd be
out until late.

Is- is she working?

No, she's with
some friends at a club.

Your nose is bleeding.

Which club?

God, he told me.
Let me think.

The Thaiger-
the Thaiger Club.

It's not spelled
like the animal.

It's Thaiger, T-h-a-i.
Like the food.

- Like the country?
- It's a country too?

Where is it?

The country?

The club.

It's in North Vegas
on Viceroy, I think.

Thank you.

Take your shoes off.

( rock music playing )

MAN:  one, two-
one, two, three! 

( song continues )



Hi. Are you
ever going home?

We need to talk.

I can't hear you.

We need to talk,
you and me.

I don't know what the hell
you're talking about.

Don't screw with me,

- Where is my money?
- You gave me $2,000.

You said I was
your good-luck charm.

If you think I'm gonna give it back
to you, you can go fuck yourself.

- Don't talk to me like that.
- I'm going home.

Oh, you are? Yeah,
why don't you do that?

Why don't we take a trip
to your sacred place

and say hi to Greg and the chick
that he's banging as we speak...

and then you can
give me my damn money!

Leave me alone.

Don't walk away
from me, Amanda.

Don't touch me!
Don't you dare fucking touch me!

Okay. Listen, Amanda. I'm not
fucking around. I need the money.

- No, I'm not fucking around!
- It's $186,000!

- Get out of my life!
- I won the money.

- I want it back!
- I swear to God!

Whoa, hey, whoa,
what's this?


You okay, Amanda?

Yeah, I'm fine, B.V.
I'm fine.

So you like to rough up the
ladies, huh? That's your thing?

She's my niece.

No, he really is
my uncle, B.V.

That ain't the answer
B.V. Was looking for.

She has my money.

Yeah, and knowing my girl,

She did something real nice
to make that money. 

So that makes it her money.

That's how it works,

( siren approaching )

Take this asshole
in back.

Hey, whoa, hey!

What? No no no no! B.V., no,
he really is my uncle, I swear.

- You stay here.
You let B.V. Handle it.

No, I swear!

I got this.
I got this.

Oh, shit.

Whoa, hang on, hang on.

This is a-
it's a misunderstanding.


- She's-
- Pain time.

Oh, wait a minute.
Wait, guys, guys!



So you like messing
with the ladies?

You like
pushing 'em around?

That's fine. But you don't
mess with B.V.'s girls.

Look, I really
am her uncle.

Oh, yeah,
and I'm her daddy. 

I outrank you.

So you tell B.V. that you're not
gonna mess with his girls no more

and we be cool.

This- this has really
gotten way out of hand.


Now, are you gonna mess
with B.V.'s girls?

No, I was- I was just
trying to help her.

This fucker's got
to be deaf.

I'll give you anything
you want, huh?

Get his attention
for me. 

Ah! Oh, fuck!

( BV chuckling )

Are you gonna mess
with B.V.'s girls?

You broke
my fucking hand.

Okay, get his other hand
and get his leg too.

No. No no, wait!
Wait wait, I have to type.

- Wait, I'm a writer.
- You're a writer?

- Yes.
- What you write?

- A T.V. Show.
- Wait, hold hold hold hold. 

- Which one?
- I'd rather not say. 

Oh, yeah? And I'd rather
not kick your ass.

- Which show?
- "Those MacAllister's. "

"Those MacAllister's"?
No shit? You write that?

When I had two
fuckin' hands, I did.

Wait, hold it, hold it.
No, hold on, hold on.

Come here, let me talk to
you for a minute. No.

Let me talk to you
for a minute.

You know, do you really
write that show?

- Yeah.
- Man, that shit is funny.

Man, I been thinking about getting
into the business, you know?

The television writing business?
Look, B.V.'s got this script.

Maybe you could look at it
with B.V., and check it out?

Maybe make some suggestions?
Better yet, hire B.V. for your show?

You're kidding.

- No, I been thinking about
gettin' out of this business.

I'm tired of all these
bitches and hoes, you know?

Too high-maintenance, man.
Stand up straight when I talk to you.

Look, I'm at a crossroad in my life.
I need a creative outlet.

Now, how many pages
should a script be?

For a standard half-hour

- Yeah.
- About 44.

44? Damn,
I only got seven.

Maybe, you know, you could take
it and add some stuff to it?

Like some pronouns, some
adverbs, some things like that?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Oh my God!
What happened?

Everything is good,
baby girl.

But you know what?

You should have told me that
this dude was your uncle.

It would have
changed everything.

You know, you need a ride
to the emergency room?

- No, I'm good.
- Well, you do well-

You stay on top of things.
I'll send you that script, okay?

- Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
- I'll deal with you later, all right?

- AMANDA: What?
- You guys knew that was her uncle?

- No.
- Didn't hear Amanda mention that. 

You okay?

Where's my money?

You gave me $2,000.

Okay. Okay.

You shouldn't have
come here.

( car alarm goes off )

I need to get
to a hospital.

Yeah, I'll drive you.

No no no. You've been
drinking. I'll drive.

You tell me
which way to go.

You missed the exit.

I said you missed
the exit.

I'm not losing
my wife

and getting
my hand broken

and getting kicked out
of a casino for nothing.

Somebody's gonna pay
for this and it's you.

You're going
to rehab.

No, I am not.

Look around, honey.
I think you are.

- I'm getting out.
- Go ahead.

- I'm serious.
- Yeah, good, go ahead.

You want to kill
yourself anyway.

Yeah, come on,
hurry up.

- I'm gonna do it!
- Yeah, go ahead.

I'll speed up. I want to
make sure you get killed.

Because believe me, sweetheart,
nobody wants a whore in a wheelchair.

- You fucking asshole!
- Go ahead, do it.

( brakes squeal )



Hello? Can you hear me?

Hi. Um, yeah.
My uncle kidnapped me

and he's taking me
to rehab in Malibu.

It's in California.

Um, I think it's called
Clark Baron or something.

Can you please
pick me up?

I have to pull off.

I can't drive anymore.
My hand.

I'll drive.

I don't think so.

Take it.


I'm not doing rehab.

As soon as you leave,
I'm out of there.

I'm just taking you there.
That's all I said I'd do.

What happens to you after
that, I don't give a shit.

If Greg ever sees you again,
he's gonna kick your ass so bad.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, he's wonderful.

You did real
well there, Amanda.

You've made a lot of bad
choices in your short life,

but Greg
really stands out.

Greg loves me.

Stop buying him stuff.
See how much he loves you then. 

Someday, you're gonna see
what he's really like.

He'll do something
or say something

and it'll suddenly
be so clear to you

that your darling Greg

is a hateful, mouth-breathing,
abusive piece of shit.

Well, at least he's not
a 43-year-old drunk gambler.

No, that would
take talent.

You and me...

We live to make
bad choices.

We need a person
in our lives who-

who looks at us
when we fuck up and...

remembers who we were.

Who we could be.

You don't have someone like
that, all you have is you.

And sooner or later,
left to your own

damaged devices...

you just go spinning right
off the goddamn planet.

You lose that person...

You're done.

Oh my God!

Oh! Oh ho ho ho!

Oh, thank you, God!

( laughing )

You're here.

It's free.

Give it a shot.

Let me actually think that
I'm doing something good.

If I can do one good thing,
maybe I can string a few together.

I'm glad this
is all about you.

You're better
than your life, Amanda.

You have a room with
a canyon view.

( tires squeal )

- Hi.
- Long fuckin' drive.

Now we gotta go
all the way back.


Mmm, thanks for
coming, baby.

These glasses are crap.
Where'd you buy these?

You love me, don't you?

Like I really want to answer
stupid questions right now.

Did you have a girl
at the house last night?


'Cause my uncle said
that he saw this girl-

Would you shut up
about that guy?

He doesn't even know
what he's talking about.

- No, Greg-
- Shut up!

You know, I don't even know
why we're sitting here talking.

I just want to
get the fuck home.

Don't ever hit me again.

Don't ever make me.

( ringing )

Hi, we're not here. Leave a message. 

Oh, uh, Lorraine...

Lorraine, pick up.

Hey, I just dropped Amanda
off at rehab.

- I thought you'd want to know...
- ( Amanda and Greg fighting )

Seriously, pull the fuck over right now!

I'm going, I'm going.
I'm jumping.

You're fucking crazy!

Jesus Christ.

I don't have fuckin' time
to play games, all right?

So get in the fuckin' car.
Get in the car.

Goodbye, Greg.

Is this because
you made me hit you?

- Is that the problem?
- Goodbye, Greg. 

Gah! It's over.
Fuck you. We're done.

That's right! And you know what?
I'm taking the fucking truck,

I'm taking my clothes,
I'm taking everything!

So fuck you!


I need gas money.

( laughs )

Fuck you! Bitch!

- WOMAN: Where you headed?
- I'm not sure yet. 

You better get in.

No, Dr. Franks
isn't here today.

Would you like to speak
with Dr. Baron?

I'll connect you.

Can I help you?

Yes. You have a room
with a canyon view

for Amanda Keene?

Is she here?

I'm her.

( band playing )

 there's everywhere else 

 and then there's Vegas 

 anywhere else just don't
fit the bill 

 you travel the world 

 and then
there's Vegas 

 you feel like
a king 

 king of the whole
damn hill 

 Boston's got her beans 

she's got steel 

 they won't set your heart
to racin' 

 like a spin of the wheel 

 there's everywhere else 

 and then there's Vegas,

 there's nowhere else 

 no place I'd rather be 

 there's everywhere else 

 and then there's
Vegas, baby 

 ain't no place 

 no place
I'd rather be 

 there's no place else 

 that shines so bright 

 so make it
Las Vegas 


(instrumental music playing)

Special thanks to SergeiK.