Voila! Finally, the G-Force script is here for all you fans of the guinea pig movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. At least you'll have some G-Force quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?
And swing on back to Drew's
Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.
Hey, slow down!
Whoa! That is not cool!
Thank you for coming tonight, Darwin.
This room is secure,
so we can speak freely.
[Darwin] Why the secrecy?
Because the Feds are coming
tomorrow... to shut us down.
Shut us down?
Without even giving us a chance?
And there's only one way
we can save this department,
and that's prove ourselves,
in the field.
Our target is Leonard Saber.
As you know, he is a former arms dealer
and current CEO of Saberling Industries.
The Bureau's intel shows Saber
has developed a new microchip
with possible military applications.
They suspect he has sold his technology
to the Far East under the code name...
Now, Darwin, we need to find out
how Saber plans to use this technology.
Your mission is to download
the Clusterstorm files
from Saber's personal computer
located in his library, right here.
Ben, we're gonna get you that evidence.
We'll prove, once and for all,
what we can do.
We'll give 'em no choice.
They'll have to keep the program
and make us special agents.
Look, I believe in you,
but if we fail...
...we blow a case they've been
trying to crack for two years.
Hey, I'm nine inches tall.
I only see the upside.
[man] Right this way, sir.
[man 2] Thank you.
Ticktock, we're on the clock.
Speckles, do you copy?
I read you, Darwin. Five-by-five.
All communication systems are online.
[Darwin] I have a visual on Saber.
He's wearing a $6,000 suit,
and, according to my infrared scope,
Hanes size 36 tighty whiteys.
Saber's about to start his speech.
Remember, the clock is ticking, dude.
Blaster, Juarez, what's your twenty?
Approaching first objective.
We're ten seconds ahead of schedule
because Blaster is a little hyped-up.
Of course I am. This is what I live for.
Time to get this party started.
- [man on walkie] Have any activity?
- [man 2] Southbound is secure.
OK, we're clear.
you're behind schedule. You all right?
- First mission jitters, I guess.
- Do you want to abort?
No, no, it's OK.
I've been trained to do this.
I'd follow you
into a snarling pack of Dobermans!
Oh, wait. I already have.
Now, get your fuzzy hind end moving.
Hold on. There's a civilian
passing through the perimeter.
What are you looking at?
Move along, pal.
Don't worry. I just spotted my way in.
[Latin music plays]
- Blaster, don't drop a pellet.
- Too late.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[grunts] Whoa! Whoo!
Speckles to Mooch. Getting no visual.
The fly is in the ointment.
Darwin, do you copy?
[man] Yeah, you're right.
- [Speckles] What's your twenty?
- I'm in the morgue.
# Don't you wish your blowtorch
was hot like mine #
Good thing I took shop.
Welcome to my home.
I want you to know how grateful I am
to all of you for, once again, making us
the number one consumer
electronics brand in the world!
- Yeah, yeah.
These things are so popular,
I can't get one.
[Speckles] Mooch, focus.
Come on, honey.
You're not here for the sweets.
Get back on mission.
we've been putting a secret...
...into the heart of every member
of the Saberling family,
be it the cryogenic refrigerator or
the new microwave-heated coffeemaker.
A secret which is at the core of
any successful family: communication.
- Hey, Juarez. Race you to the top!
- OK. On your mark, get set, go!
Darwin, the table's set. You are clear
to infiltrate Saber's study.
OK, I'm in.
Clearing exfil route.
- Hey, it worked!
- [Speckles] Of course it worked.
Nothing happens in this house
that I don't know about. Trust me.
In 48 hours, when I press this button,
it will activate a wireless system
we call "Sabersense,"
which will awaken the chips
already in the logic boards
of all Saberling appliances,
allowing this coffee machine
to know how much coffee's been used,
communicate with your home computer,
and add coffee to your shopping list.
Now, in addition, Sabersense will link
every old and new Saberling
appliance in existence,
and create one big family!
And nothing will be the same.
Why did they put the Q
so far away from the O?
- OK, I'm in.
- Roger. I'm tracking it.
So what about it, Juarez?
You and me, I mean, you know...
Sorry, Blaster. You know
I've got my eye on someone else.
- No. In fact, I didn't know. Who?
Because he's so...
so not interested in me.
[Darwin] Copy that, Juarez.
- Oh, shoot!
- [Speckles] Keep the comm line clear.
- OK, Speckles, I think I found it.
- [Saber] Thank you, and good night.
Saber wrapped his speech.
Mooch, give me an eyeball.
I'm going upstairs for a drink.
Darwin, Saber's heading up.
ETA: about 50 seconds.
I'm into the Clusterstorm file.
- Speckles, are you seeing this?
- I see it.
This isn't about selling weapons.
It's about global extermination.
I'm downloading now.
Whoa! What just happened?
Encryption. Hands off the keys.
- I'm setting up a worm to decipher.
You have to stop Saber.
Execute delay strategy B.
I'm back in. Commencing download.
- [Darwin] Speckles, you're a genius!
- I'm a mole. I got a thing for worms.
Switching to wireless download.
Come on. Come on!
Darwin. Get out of there, now!
The chimney will block the signal.
Come on, baby, come on.
If he doesn't make it,
are you free Thursday night?
He'll make it.
- [Darwin] OK, drop the line.
- Here we go.
Whoa! Now, Blaster!
Darwin! Your butt's on fire!
Stop, drop and roll!
- We got it. Speckles, exfil.
- Way ahead of you.
I'll be waiting at the entrance
of the... Whoa! Oh, no!
Oh, my God! [stammering]
a large canine at exfil.
No escape. Repeat: no escape.
Hang on, Speckles.
We leave no rodent behind.
- I'm going after the dog!
- Wait, Blaster! Think it through!
- There's no time for thinking.
Juarez, Blaster's gonna need backup.
- Got it.
- I'll rescue Speckles.
- Hey, meathead!
Oh, did you see that? Whoa!
Let's go, old buddy.
- Mayday! Mayday!
- Heads up, boys!
Yeah, Juarez! You get him, girl!
- We're out of here. Let's go.
Something spooked the dog.
Let's check it out.
[Darwin] Blaster, Juarez, exfil.
By the way, in case you missed it,
I just saved your fuzzy behind.
We should celebrate over dinner.
Hang on, Speckles. We're going off-road.
Whew! OK. We're clear.
[coughing] That was a little heavy
on the smoke, Ben.
Yo, Juarez, did you catch the little
leg twitch at the end of my "death"?
Ah! That was acting, baby.
I was feeling it!
Tell me you are not part possum.
OK, you can laugh now, but some of
those people back there were crying.
It was like the end of Old Yeller.
Mooch! You made it. Good.
How'd it go in there, guys?
The game's over for Saber. It's all
there. Clusterstorm, everything.
Our training finally paid off.
I knew you could do this.
This is great.
I figured we need a name. Like,
you know, Green Berets or Navy SEALs.
Come on. G-Force!
- Um, no.
- The pose is cute.
- Is everything ready?
- Yeah, it's getting there.
Good. Feds won't be able to
shut us down with this evidence.
Does this make me look fatter?
- No. I think you look nice.
- How much longer, Speckles?
Just a few more touches to decode
To access the information
on Darwin's PDA,
I have to factor a univariate
polynomial over a finite field.
OK. Hey, do I look fat in this?
I haven't worn a jacket since the prom.
You look very... sharp.
- [# Lady Gaga: Just Dance]
Whoo! Oh, yeah!
"Because he's so not interested."
What does that mean?
[Juarez] Men are like government bonds.
They take way too long to mature.
But if you're a woman
trying to make it in a man's world,
you have to learn to think
like they do and keep them guessing.
- [Darwin] Candygram.
I heard over the wire
that you're interested.
I'm not interested.
That's not what you told Blaster.
Don't you get it?
I want him interested in me.
And he'll only be interested
if he thinks I'm not.
But you are interested?
- Of course.
- But not in me.
No, no, no. Because you know
you could have me,
which makes you not interested,
and that means I wouldn't be
interested in you even if I were.
[Ben] OK, everybody, they're here.
G-Force, in your positions.
Congratulations on becoming the
new task force director. That's neat.
Let's save the chitchat.
Time is money.
Many people don't know
that since the Civil War
animals have been used
to gather strategic intelligence.
Now, our work focuses on
between humans and animals. Now, these
cockroaches right here have been trained
to carry microcameras
into surveillance zones,
which is, I think, really kind of neat.
Congratulations. Dr. Kendall, do you
mean to tell me that Homeland Security
is financing a roach motel?
This is a rodent.
[Ben] Guinea pig, sir. Don't say that.
They get highly offended.
You know their DNA is 98.7 percent
identical to humans, right?
No. How would I know that?
[Ben] So you'll notice the extremely
developed sense of motor skills.
That's because their brains
have close to a billion neurons,
and a trillion synapses.
That's a thousand times stronger
than any supercomputer.
It gives them exceptional, like,
It's a video game.
Yeah. And there's something over here...
OK, we'll go over here.
[Ben] You're really
gonna be amazed by this.
It's a language decoder.
It enables animals to talk to humans.
Without it, they sound like
normal animals. Go ahead, take a look.
You're Doctor Dolittle.
You talk to animals.
Talking to animals is the easy part.
Getting them to talk back,
that's the hard part.
- Darwin! Juarez! Blaster!
- So these guys are special agents?
Yeah, just like we're gonna be.
- Hey, how you doing?
- Whoa. That's impossible.
No, no, no. Finding something that
fits me off the rack, that's impossible.
Think that's something? Check out
Speckles. He's been decrypting the file.
- Who's Speckles?
- Our mole.
Star-nosed breed. Blind as a bat.
IQ off the charts.
He's lucky I found him.
- His family was exterminated.
- We're ready.
Last night, G-Force was able to get
some intelligence regarding
You ran a mission
without my authorization?
Yes. We went to Saber's mansion and...
Wait a second, you broke into
Leonard Saber's house?
We accomplished in one night what
you guys couldn't do in two years.
And without a warrant. Holla.
Blaster, cool it.
I knew we were up for review, and I
wanted to show you what we could do.
All right, then show me. What'd you get?
Speckles, you're on.
- Darwin's PDA contains classified...
- Just open it.
What is it?
- A cappuccino machine?
- What? That's not right.
I downloaded the Clusterstorm file,
not plans for a coffee machine.
- Right computer, wrong file.
- Darwin, what happened?
Specks, show them the Clusterstorm file.
Well, this is all we have. I'm sorry.
No, that's not it! It's about
global extermination. I saw it.
That's it, Kendall. Outside... now.
What a surprise.
The guinea pig mission didn't work out.
I'm shutting you down.
- You can't do this.
- Yeah, I can.
You performed an unauthorized infil,
compromised a two-year
undercover FBI operation,
and came out with the crucial intel
that Leonard Saber,
and stand by for this,
makes coffee machines.
This means we're in big trouble now.
- Shh! Callate ya!
- ...a bit drastic?
You have to admit,
I've done some amazing things
as far as animal intelligence in there.
Thanks to you, those rodents can speak.
But sadly that means they're now capable
of exposing the derelict activities
committed on my watch.
- Yeah, but I...
I'm not gonna take the heat
for this, Kendall.
I'm not going down in Washington
as the crazy gopher guy.
Dr. Kendall's coming with me.
Cage anything that moves.
- Cage? Oh, no!
- What about my team here?
Here's an idea.
Since they're guinea pigs,
why don't we use them as guinea pigs?
- Oh, no.
Guys, we've got company.
We've got to get out of here.
The document capsules. Let's move.
- Leave the gear behind.
All right, we're going native.
Lock and load.
I always wanted to say that.
[Juarez] Let's go.
Talking animal, dead giveaway.
- No! No, not my glasses.
- In you go. Let's go.
It's OK. I'll be right behind you.
- Good luck, team.
- [alarm blares]
[Blaster] Yeow! I love my job!
Marcie, you tell Ben
the Clusterstorm file is on that PDA.
- And you tell him this isn't over.
What we have here
is your classic case...
- Be quiet. I'll distract them.
- ...and overspending.
- Bye, guys. Have fun in the lab.
- [man] Hey, hey!
- Would you put that down, please?
- Put it down.
It's not working. Come on. Come on.
- [man] It's empty.
- Stealth hamsters.
A special coating on the fur.
Light bends around them.
Renders them invisible.
That is ridiculous.
We did see hamsters talk.
- Now, let me see now.
- Step aside.
What are you doing?
Why are you letting them out?
- Oh, my God! They're everywhere!
[man] I don't see anything.
[Marcie] On the floor...
Be careful not to step on them.
- What was that?
- What was what?
There's no such thing
as a stealth hamster.
Be cool if there were, though.
Juarez, what's the situation?
They got the whole lab surrounded.
I'll need to inspect your goods.
Yeah, 20 bags of Falfa Cravins.
Yes, I know.
- We can hide in here. Go, go, go!
- No, not the cage!
This facility's closed.
Get this delivery truck out of here.
- I don't do cages!
- Speckles, let go!
Great. Now we are locked in.
What do you think?
Is this the frying pan or the fire?
Let's all agree right now.
None of this goes on our resume.
This is Killian.
We're locking the building down, sir,
but the animals have all bolted.
If those animals bolted,
then I got a problem.
I want them all back,
dead or alive, zero exposure.
- Three guinea pigs and a mole. Got it?
- Yes, sir.
I've never seen
such fat animals in my life.
Don't they have a gym around here?
A Jamba Juice or something?
Lay off the nuggets, man.
All right, my furry little friends.
Welcome to your new home.
Good luck getting out.
- Why did you just do that?
I thought it might cheer us up.
You can't just blurt it out anytime.
It ruins the effect.
Guys, guys. Cool it.
The world's at stake.
We got to get out of here.
Then what? The Feds want to
turn us into guinea pigs.
They'll never take us seriously.
Well, we did get the wrong file.
No, I downloaded the right file,
and we're gonna prove it
as soon as we find a way out of here.
Well let's ask that guy.
He looks cute and friendly.
my incarcerated little friend.
- May I ask you a question?
- Don't move!
All I'm saying is, know your place,
behind this line. That's all I'm saying.
Is he talking to us?
Did someone order a knuckle sandwich?
Because I'm about to make a delivery.
Wow. You talk a lot of smack
for a little guy, buddy.
For your information, it's "Bucky."
And if you want to stay alive,
do not cross that line!
[mice] Take cover!
Ew! The horror! The horror!
I love the smell of napalm
in the morning!
Don't pay any attention to him.
He's a quarter ferret.
I have no ferret in me, Hurley.
That has never been proven.
Then why are you marked down?
I'm on sale!
Everyone goes on sale eventually.
This should come as no surprise, but
he grew up in the psych ward at UCLA.
- Mice are on sale. Everybody's on sale.
- Enough with the line already.
We agreed this was my zone.
We all agreed that, right?
- [mice] Right.
- The mice will agree to anything.
- You guys are all idiots, right?
- [mice] Right!
Oh, yeah? Fine!
- Yeah, he's very sensitive.
- Not a ferret!
- Welcome, my friends, to the family.
- Um, where is the bathroom?
Well, for me, this morning,
the sports page, which is
pretty much where you're standing.
- Look, don't worry.
They put down newspaper every day,
there's plenty to read.
Hey, hey, hey.
We don't have time for this.
- Locate escape options.
- OK, here we go. Stand back!
- I'm gonna break the glass.
- I wouldn't do that if I were you.
This might be a good time for a nap.
OK. The truth is my grandmother met
a ferret at the San Diego petting zoo,
but nothing happened. They simply dated.
My papers say hamster, end of story.
Now stop looking at the line!
Darwin, please let me
pull his tongue out.
Negative. Nobody touches the ferret.
I am not a ferret!
You try to pull my tongue out,
you'll see what happens...
Let's check that lock.
G-Force, Delta formation.
[# Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling]
You guys from the circus or something?
- [mice] Yippee! The circus!
- I hate the circus.
No, we're not from the circus.
We're specially bred,
- and highly trained secret agents.
- Known as G-Force!
I get it. You guys are transfers
from the Hollywood store.
Darwin, it's locked.
We need another way out.
Go find Ben and report our location.
Clusterstorm launch is in... 29 hours.
Wait. Who's Mooch?
- The fly.
- Oh, man. Talking to the flies.
And I thought the ferret was crazy.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
[Marcie] What happened in there?
Well, I told them
we shouldn't be shut down.
And then I got to the bit
where I talk to guinea pigs,
- and then that's where I lost 'em.
- Darwin told me, before he left,
that he was positive
he downloaded the right file.
Where is the PDA?
- It's still back at the warehouse.
- Well, we gotta go get it.
crawling all over the place.
- That's all right. I've got an idea.
- OK, what do we do about the G-Force?
They're highly professional. They're
probably halfway back to my house.
Blaster, why don't you
leave the tactics to me?
- OK. No problem.
- So, Farty, how do you get adopted?
It's pretty simple. Act cute,
kid picks you out, takes you home,
and bingo, you're part of the family.
Except that, well, they never pick me.
Huddle up. OK, bring it in.
First, we get adopted. Then we escape.
Ben's house is the rendezvous point.
Now, go act cute.
Check it out. I'm chasing my butt.
How cute is that?
- Come on, Specks. You, too. Act cute.
- I don't have that kind of range.
Ew. Grandpa, what is that?
That's a hideous crime
against nature, I'd say.
I'm outta here.
- What can I help you with, young lady?
- I want a hamster.
Yes! Yes! I am out, baby!
Finally, the recognition I deserve.
- Her. With the big cheeks.
- Huh? What?
- I could put bows in her hair.
I'm the hamster. They're guinea pigs!
- Whoa, whoa! Watch the hands, buddy.
- One oversized hamster. There you go.
You try to put a bow on me,
you're gonna lose a finger.
That little girl
has no idea what she's in for!
I'm gonna put nail polish
and lipstick on her and a dress.
You're going to lose your whole hand.
I know. Maintain my cover
until I have a chance to escape.
What about that little fur ball there?
He looks like he's full of life.
- No, no. Give me the fat one.
- I'm not fat. I'm fluffy.
Even if you forget to feed this guy
every now and then,
it wouldn't bother him.
- He's a little plump as it is.
- That's probably a good thing.
Oh, mama! This is it. This is it!
- What do these fellas eat?
- I'll show you. Follow me.
- Come on, Penny.
- See you on the outside!
Hey, guys, I can see my future!
It's all cakes and cuddles!
I think he's gonna
throw him in with the snake.
Huh? Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Oh!
Make way. Hamster coming through.
- Oh! Ah!
You're lucky I'm not in there,
because it would've been
lights out for you!
I would've hit you so hard
you would have shed yourself.
Then I would have turned you
into a nice pair of snakeskin boots.
That kid's a monster.
He just lifted him up and... whoa!
- Come on, kid.
- Blaster, do something.
- What do you suggest I do?
- Poop in his hand. Poop in his hand.
Hey, Grandpa, changed my mind.
Oh, no, no, not upside down,
not upside down. Hold him like this.
Where did the chubby one go?
I don't know.
All right, Specks. We have to think
of a way out of here.
There you are.
I knew you were trouble.
I can see it in your eyes.
[Killian] At 0920 local time,
Saber initiated a call to the usual
recipient, Mr. Yanshu, in Beijing.
He left a message saying the launch
was on track for Project Clusterstorm.
Since then, nothing.
Kip, our FISA tap just isn't cutting it.
Sir, with respect, if you were
to authorize a search warrant...
On what grounds?
I can't authorize a search warrant
without probable cause, and he knows it.
Saber comes from
the defense supply industry.
- He knows how to cover his tracks.
Just give me cause,
and I can authorize. Keep listening.
- We are listening, sir.
- Son, listen harder.
[# Jesse McCartney: How Do You Sleep]
- Come here.
- No, por favor.
No, not pink. And it stinks!
This has to be against
the Geneva Convention.
[Juarez] Where is Blaster?
We have to get out of here.
[Penny] I think you need lipstick, too.
- The tiara.
This is the tenth outfit.
Don't you look pretty?
Oh, my gosh.
I look like Paris Hilton's chihuahua.
Let me do this, Specks.
I'll come back and get you.
Relax. They told me
one of the mice died last week,
and was buried in the backyard.
Once I'm in the ground,
I can tunnel to freedom and rescue you.
Terrell! Oh, man.
- Mamacita, relax.
- Yeah, you're right. It is.
- Do something.
Wow. This woman's really abrasive.
You get it out of here before
it starts to smell up my shop. Hurry up.
- Just run take it out back right now.
- I am. It's squishy.
Let's just get it on out of here pronto.
That's not the plan.
No, no, no. Speckles, no!
Good luck, rest in peace and all that.
Oh, my God!
No, no, no.
- [Marcie] Is this OK?
- [Ben] Yeah, this is good.
[Ben] You know what to do.
- She was way cuter than the other one.
OK, he's got it. He's got the PDA.
[man] What the hell was that?!
OK, I got him. I got him.
- Let's go. Just stay calm, OK?
- Whoa, whoa. I got him. Here he is.
[Hurley] Look on the bright side: at
least you haven't been marked down yet.
What's that on your butt?
It's a birthmark.
Never seen a birthmark?
I have seen that birthmark.
Look at this. I got the same one.
Don't point that thing at me.
It might go off.
Seriously, just look at my butt.
You see? You see? We must be related.
No. I am a genetically
engineered super spy.
Ben spent years training us. We do
things that people only dream of doing.
Yeah. That's what they want you
to think. So you'll do tricks for them.
But you, my friend,
are a common, everyday
pet shop guinea pig just like me.
We must have been separated at birth.
But fate has brought us back together,
- Don't say that.
- I have a brother.
- Don't say that word.
- I have a brother! Come here, brother.
Come here, brother.
All right. My brother doesn't like hugs.
I'm good with that.
I am not your brother.
I'm not gonna dress it up, OK?
I sit here every day
hoping to get adopted, to find family.
And now, because of you,
family has found me.
Hurley, there is no way
that we are related,
so just get that
through your head, OK?
[Ben] OK. Here we go.
Darwin was right.
The file was marked "Clusterstorm."
- Can you open this?
- I don't know.
[Ben] OK, well, we've already seen that.
OK, just unplug the computer.
Unplug. Go, go, go.
- Was that a worm?
This PDA is infected
with an extermination virus.
What is going on in there?
No, no, no! Not the line, not the line.
Don't cross the line.
Can I offer you something?
A macadamia nut perhaps?
So, this is why I never saw you eat.
Not once in all these years.
All these treats and you never shared?
You think I wanted to spend my nights
sneaking out to feed myself?
Starving by day and
praying for night to come
so I could take a bite without the
threat of you eating everything I have?
You drove me to this!
My friend Speckles
got crushed in a garbage truck,
and you said nothing about this.
I'm outta here.
- Darwin? I want you to go.
- I am going.
You can't worry about me. You got a job
to do. You can't jeopardize it for me.
- I wasn't going to.
- You're only saying that
so I won't have to feel the pain so bad
when you leave.
Keep believing that.
Whatever works for you.
Oh, what a guy. What a guy!
- OK, OK. Listen, Hurley.
- You got to go, man.
- I got to go. You got to let go.
- You got to go.
- I've got to let go.
- Let go of me.
Don't give up the dream.
You're gonna find the family
you're looking for someday.
So long, brother!
I miss him already.
Good luck with the climb back up,
Hurley! The cage is mine!
And it's all true.
My grandfather was a ferret!
Now who's been marked down?
So, there's the North Star,
which means Ben's is east.
OK, I need to head that way.
Go back, Hurley.
You think I can't make it out here?
You think you're the only one
who can survive in the big bad world?
Well, the truth is, Hurley is out of
his cage, and it's time to hit the town!
Guinea pigs gone wild! Woo-hoo! Yeah!
- [cat meows]
Darwin? I saw a cat.
OK, you can come with me
until we find another pet shop.
Oh, thanks bro. Did I mention
I'm also afraid of the dark?
[Yanshu on computer] Greetings,
Mr. Saber. I have a status report.
[Saber] You are a brilliant
business partner, Mr. Yanshu.
But remind me why we call these things
As we've discussed, it's in everyone's
best interest my identity remain hidden.
is perfectly on course, sir.
Sabersense will activate
in about 19 hours.
Why are we spending a large amount
of money tracking space junk?
Old satellites. Booster rockets.
Four million pounds of debris.
And why do we care?
The satellites, sir.
We have to protect them. Integral aspect
of the Sabersense network.
We've got a lot riding on this, Yanshu.
I've put my trust
in your engineering skills.
- Mooch, is that you?
- Yeah, yeah!
[Ben] Are the others OK?
- You know where they are?
You want help with that?
E... I... i...
...a... oh, yeah.
Oh, Mooch... You're a genius.
I was so worried about you.
I don't like when my fly is down.
Yeah, it's Ben. I found them.
I'll be by in ten minutes
to pick you up.
There's the delivery truck from the lab.
Como estas, gentlemen?
We're looking for some rodents.
Si, for you or for your children?
For the government.
- We're special agents.
- What? Yeah, right.
Are they fugitives
or terrorists or something?
Just answer the question.
OK, sorry. I'm just saying, you look
like a regular guinea pig to me.
Listen, I told you, I'm a commando
who just happens to be a guinea pig.
So where's all your fancy spy gear?
Back at the lab.
Oh. Same lab where I keep
my hot Canadian guinea pig girlfriend?
That's where my stuff is, too.
I have a unicorn back there
and a dragon that I ride around.
Look, if you want to stick with me,
stop with the yapping and keep up.
No can do, bro.
I'm calling a hunger strike.
And I am not moving an inch. Whoa!
Eh, civilians. Come on, soggy.
I'm hungry, I'm wet, I'm hungry...
Dogs. Why does it always
have to be dogs?
All right, MacGyver,
you got any brilliant ideas?
[Darwin] Yeah, I got an idea.
[# Black Eyed Peas: Boom Boom Pow]
- I think we made it.
- Great. How do we stop it?
Just keep running.
That's not how you stop it!
That's how you make it go!
- Hurley, get your butt outta my face.
- Get your face outta my butt!
So this is what spies do.
Como estas, chica?
We're looking for
three guinea pigs and a mole.
Same one as the Feds,
or are yours from a rival militia?
Wait, what Feds?
Men in Black were here
looking for the same thing.
Wanted to know who had bought them.
And did you tell them?
No, I refused and we shot it out.
What do you think? It's the Feds!
Mine! The cage is mine!
[# Space Cowboy: Falling Down
Remixed by Paul Oakenfold]
This is gonna be awesome.
I'm pretty sure this is
animal cruelty, but I love it!
This wheel doesn't work!
- Is that all you got?
- Ready to go for the record?
Maybe this would be a good time
for you to take your medication!
I feel the need... the need for speed!
Excuse me! Coming through!
- That was off the hizz-ook!
- [mother] Connor! Take out the trash.
- [mother] Now!
- I'm coming!
What do we have here?
You, my friend, suck.
I'm coming for you, Juarez. Whoa!
That's what I'm talking about!
Time for a joyride.
Get out the road, fool!
- Don't become roadkill!
I ain't used to driving stick!
- Oops! Not this time!
- Stop it. Stop it! Come back!
I'll come back when you're older
and put you in prison!
- [Connor] Get over here!
- [Penny] Don't go anywhere.
- I'll be right back.
- [Blaster] Juarez! Where are you?
- [Penny] Connor, get him!
I have to save his fur again?
[Penny] I got you!
Why are you dressed like
"Guinea Pig Barbie?"
One more word and I'll turn you
into a small side of bacon.
[Blaster] Well, you are sizzling hot!
Get this off of me!
Don't need that, or that, or that!
- Although, maybe this can stay.
- Juarez, you are fine china!
What exactly are we doing, anyway?
Two days ago, my team embarked on a
mission. Today, I'm gonna finish it.
My brother's a loon!
I love him, but he's...
Cake! Did I tell you I love cake?
Oh! Oh, I've heard of places like this!
They sell something called "layer cake!"
It's not just one cake,
it's many, in layers!
Often up to six!
Oh, it is the Holy Grail of human food!
I can't believe you're getting
so excited about cake. Coffeemaker!
That's the same coffeemaker
that was on the Clusterstorm file.
Hurley, I got to check out
that coffeemaker. Stay close.
Fifty billion rodents in the world,
and I get stuck with this guy.
I hope you're keeping track
of all these parts.
Don't watch me. Watch my back.
Right now, you're my eyes and ears.
Just act natural.
- OK. Sure.
- [girl] Look, Daddy!
Hi there. Hi.
- That wasn't very convincing.
- Hurley, do you know what this is?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
it's called vandalism.
This is a military grade,
multiple array transceiver
developed for the military's
Unmanned Weapons Program.
Sorry, I tuned out there.
What were you saying?
I gotta get this chip back to Ben's.
OK, that's weird.
I've heard coffee's bad for you,
but this is ridiculous!
Come on, move it!
- Why are we stopping?
- We're gonna fight it.
We're gonna do what?
We have to get that chip.
Good luck with that!
- Suck in your gut!
- I am!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Hang on, Hurley!
Watch out, bro!
You want some of this,
you overgrown can opener?
Don't think the warranty
is gonna cover that.
Oh, brother. I thought I lost you there.
OK, thanks Hurley! Boundaries!
Talk about a killer cappuccino.
What is this thing?
This is Clusterstorm.
Saber must be weaponizing
his entire line of appliances.
We have to get this back to Ben's.
How are we gonna do that?
[# Flo Rida featuring Nelly Furtado:
Hey, bro? You have to admit,
we make a pretty sweet team.
I could get used to all this
"secret agent" stuff
if you're ever looking
for a new recruit.
Hurley, just be quiet and lean right.
[Ben] Look who I found out back.
- Blaster! Juarez!
- Darwin! You made it.
- Hurley, what are you doing here?
- Hey, guys!
Hurley, up high. Down low. Too slow.
Wait a minute. Where's Speckles?
Speckles didn't make it.
- What do you mean, he didn't make it?
- He was gonna break out
and engineer our escape,
but then the mission went bad.
He got crushed in a garbage truck.
- Oh, Speckles. Jeez.
- He sacrificed himself for us.
This is all my fault.
Ben, there's nothing you could've done.
No, I could've told you the truth
of who you really are.
Darwin, I misled you.
The truth is,
you're not genetically engineered.
Any of you.
I should've never... should've never
sent you out into the field. It's...
So we are not special at all?
No engineering? No enhancements?
We're just common, ordinary rodents?
I wanted you guys to think of yourselves
as more than just balls of fur
waiting for your next pellet.
Well, maybe you can
explain that to Speckles.
Ben, we need to know.
Tell us who we are.
OK, you guys want to know?
Juarez, we rescued you at a
roadside tapas stand in the Pyrenees.
I guess there
you're some kind of, you know, delicacy.
Blaster, we found you
at a cosmetics company.
They were testing, you know, some kind
of hair gel for allergic reactions.
And Speckles we found...
...you know, right before his
home was dug out to build a golf course.
And, Darwin, I...
I purchased you at a pet store.
Your parents abandoned you
because you were the runt of the litter.
I was a runt? What do you mean?
I never even had a chance.
This is Carter.
OK, we're on it.
Dispatch just got a report of two giant
hamsters riding a skateboard on Pacific.
Let's finish this.
You were right all along. I am just an
average, everyday pet store guinea pig.
Since when did you
start listening to me?
My parents didn't even want me.
Look, Darwin, you saved us from
the dogs, you defeated the Terminator,
read the stars like a map
and got us here.
I couldn't have done any of that.
Do you have any idea how many guinea
pigs could've done all those things?
I mean, literally, like three.
And they're all in this room.
Yeah, you're right.
I may not be genetically engineered,
but I'm no house pet, either.
Hey team, come over here. Listen up.
What Ben did was right.
He wanted us to believe in ourselves.
And we did believe.
We still have our training,
Blaster, you're a graduate
of West Point.
Yeah, correspondence course.
Yeah, whatever. And Juarez, how many
hours have you put in on that simulator?
Two hundred... thousand.
I helped with the tire!
We may be guinea pigs,
but we're not ordinary. We're special.
I still believe in us,
even if nobody else does.
I've always believed.
Ben, we don't have much time.
That coffeemaker's no coffeemaker.
When I tried to disconnect this chip,
it came alive and it attacked us.
It was so gnarly!
If I hadn't been there to take
cover fire for Darwin, who knows...
The Sabersense microchip
caused it to transform.
Ben, Sabersense and Clusterstorm
are the same thing.
And if every Saber product
in the world has that chip,
that means that every appliance on Earth
is gonna be a killing machine.
Sabersense launches in... 30 minutes.
I tried to access the
Clusterstorm file on your PDA,
but Saber, he protected it
with some nasty virus.
I mean, I'm a little bit at a loss.
Sorry to interrupt. Quick question.
If that little thingamabob
is all that like you say it is,
why don't you just use that
to destroy Saber's mainframe?
I'll go back in the box. Oh, pepperoni!
- That could work. That could work!
- OK, let's do this!
Wait a second.
We don't have our equipment.
Well, that's not entirely true.
[Ben] This is a little prototype
I've been working on
called the Rapid Deployment Vehicle.
She'll do with the throttle wide open.
And, Blaster, it has a rocking stereo.
That's what's up! Pimp my ride!
All right, we got gear.
And we know our mission.
Infiltrate Saber's mansion,
locate the main network core
and dock this infected PDA.
Bring down big mama with baby disease.
I don't know what that means.
But, yeah, that's good.
Here are the keys.
- Don't scratch it.
- All right. This is for Speckles.
Dr. Kendall, we know you're in there!
Open the door!
Everybody, into the RDV!
You, too, Hurley. Move it!
Open the door, or we'll open it for you!
Don't these fools
know we're on the same team?
- Juarez, plot us a course to Saber's.
- I'm on it.
- Go, go, go!
- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!
Mooch, we need eyes in the sky.
[man] Call for backup.
Tell them we're in pursuit of three
guinea pigs driving mobile spheres.
Actually, could you make that call?
[Hurley] My stomach doesn't do well
Hurley, don't you dare.
Yuck, Hurley. That's disgusting.
- I can't breathe.
- Roll down the window.
- These things don't have windows!
- That's real professional, guys.
Mooch, where's that recon?
- OK, here come the bad guys.
- Better have their "A" game.
- [Hurley] Mommy!
Where's that backup?
- May I ask why we're chasing rodents?
- No, you may not.
OK, you can just
let me out at the next corner.
We got three party crashers on our tail.
- Hurry up! You're losing them!
- They're boxing us in!
- Yeah, I got 'em, I got 'em.
- Maybe they want to adopt us!
Not likely, Hurley. Hold on, guys!
- Let's just crush 'em!
- Unlock it and rock it. Now!
- [Darwin] Time to divide and conquer.
- See ya!
- Oh, yeah! Come and get me!
- Where'd he go?
- How low can you go?
- There he goes! Under the trailer!
Little is the new big!
Bye-bye, bipeds! Smell you later!
- I want to go back to the pet store!
- You might want to buckle up.
He paid for undercoating. What a sucker!
Let's see if it protects him from this.
- [Hurley] Hey, what's that?
- [Darwin] This is my little friend.
- Say hello.
[Darwin] And goodbye!
Better hang on to your lunch!
Did we win?
This is Unit Two. We lost them.
How? You're driving a V-8. They're
rolling around in little plastic balls.
This one's not getting away from me!
[Juarez] Darwin, I need some help here.
Mooch, I need a visual on Juarez.
- I can't get these guys off my tail.
- We don't have tails.
Hang on, Juarez. Hurley, we're
going to the fair. Blaster, hard right.
All right, Juarez.
Let's take it to the house!
[Darwin] OK, I'm taking the lead.
- You're scaring me!
- Shut it, Carter!
Here's that box of M-80s.
Careful with these.
- You're driving angry!
- Yes, I am!
- [man] Come here, you little rodent.
- [horn honking]
Carl, look out! Look out!
Let's let 'em go,
let's let 'em go! Look out!
[# London Symphony Orchestra & Richard
Hickox: O Fortuna from Carmina Burana]
- This is so festive!
- This is crazy. This is crazy!
These are good seats!
I'm gonna flatten this little varmint!
Mess with the bull, you get the horns.
Look out! Look out!
How you doing?
Don't try this at home, kids!
[Hurley] That was great!
Let's do it again.
Face it, Trigstad.
You just got out-driven by gophers.
[car alarm beeps]
- [Juarez] Guys, I'm going in.
- [Darwin] Hurley, suck in your gut.
Blaster, I need to
tell you something about Juarez.
You have nothing to worry about.
She's not interested in me.
- She told you that?
- Yeah. She really wants you...
She's trying to make you more interested
in her by acting disinterested.
Yeah, well maybe
she told you she wants me
in order to look not interested in you,
which makes you more interested in her.
of the Saberling inner sanctum,
my co-conspirators in this endeavor,
are we ready to dominate?
Are we ready to change the world?
- Go, go, go, go!
Hurley, this is our exfil. It's very
important that you stand guard.
Whatever you do, don't leave this spot.
We're counting on you.
OK, OK. Got it.
[Hurley] Hey, does this mean
I'm part of the team?
There's the network core.
Behind the glass.
Look! We can gain access
through that panel.
OK, follow me.
- Hold up, guys.
- What is it?
It's a tripwire.
It's a booby trap.
Don't touch it, or this place'll blow.
Tick, tick, boom.
I don't think anybody'll mind
if I check the perimeter.
As I press this button,
we move forward
to a brave new world order
owned and operated by Saberling.
[Juarez] We're too late.
We can still stop it if we download the
virus into Saber's computer. Let's go.
Cake! Oh, you're so beautiful!
Oh, come to Papa!
It's all Saber, sir.
Is this enough probable cause?
common household appliances
- coming to life and chasing people...
- Those are Saberling appliances!
But they're just supposed to
communicate with each other.
- [man] Bravo, Echo! Go! Go!
- [man 2] Spread out!
What is that thing?
It's heading for the tripwire.
- It's got Hurley!
- Oh, hey guys!
- What's it doing?
- [computer] Peppers. Casserole.
It's trying to figure out
how long to cook him.
Cook me? Get me out of here!
- Move it, Blaster!
- I don't want to be an appetizer!
- [Darwin] We got to save him!
- [Hurley] Get me out!
[Blaster] Let's go to Plan B!
- Blaster, immobilize that thing!
- I'm on it!
- Don't let it hit the tripwire!
- [Hurley] I want to go home!
[computer] Soup. Eggs. Beef.
- Oh, man! It's packing a toaster!
[man] All teams, go, go!
[Saber] Why is this happening?
This wasn't the plan!
- Saber, what's going on?
- Get us out of here!
Take Saber down to the command truck!
[computer] Bacon. Carrot. Soup.
- Hurley, don't be scared.
- I'm not a chicken.
[computer] Chicken. Match.
[Juarez] Not even close!
- Come on, Hurley!
- Just a little piece of cake!
- Didn't drop the cake.
- Hurley, let's go!
Hunk of junk!
It's gonna hit the tripwire!
- Run for cover!
- [Hurley] Darwin, jump!
Are you OK? We can't get through.
I'm all right. I'm gonna keep going.
Not without us. No way.
There's no time.
I've got to take down the network core.
Hurley, I told you
stay put and guard the exfil.
Didn't I tell you that?
I thought I could depend on you.
All right. Now let's huddle up.
Come on. Here's to the team.
Good luck, Darwin.
We'll find another way through.
[Ben] OK, this is good. Over there.
Marcie, let's go.
I find it hard to believe
you've got nothing to do with this.
You have to believe me.
I don't know what's going on.
I only wanted to be the biggest
appliance manufacturer in the world.
What do you want?
I got major problems here.
There's your problem. The transmission's
coming off the core of his computer.
- G-Force went in to shut it down.
You sent those gophers in
without my authorization?
Sir, I'm picking up a video feed.
It's one of ours.
[Killian] Let's see it.
- What in the heck is that?
- [Marcie] That's Darwin.
You say that like it's a good thing.
What's he gonna do?
Gnaw his way out of there?
He's gonna insert a virus into
the core and take down the network.
- Hello, Darwin.
- Speckles, you're alive.
You infiltrated the bad guy's lair.
Where is he?
I am the bad guy.
What? You really think I let myself
get killed in a garbage truck?
Ha! Well I hid in a soup can.
Rode it all the way to the city dump.
And it was stinky.
- I can't believe the mole was the mole.
Actually, you may call me Mr. Yanshu.
- Business associate of Leonard Saber.
[Darwin] You tricked Saber
into helping you build Clusterstorm?
How could you do this to us?
I thought we were friends.
I put my life on the line for you.
Yanshu was in my basement
this whole time?
And he wasn't a man. He was a mole.
"Yanshu" is the Chinese word for mole.
Sabersense was just a cover.
I created an army of robotic appliances,
and they created an array of
giant electromagnetic nodes...
Nodes capable of pulling down all
the space junk orbiting the planet,
and driving every human underground.
- So, what do you think?
- You've betrayed us. You!
- You sabotaged our presentation.
- Extermination virus. Nasty stuff.
You ever Google the word "mole" Darwin?
Three million entries.
Not on how to care for 'em,
or love 'em, or pet 'em. No!
Three million entries
on how to exterminate them!
The humans came and destroyed
our home... destroyed our home.
Son, if you ever get the chance
to bring mankind to its knees... do it.
They showed us no mercy, Darwin.
Well, now it's my turn
to do a little pest control.
If you'll excuse me... it's showtime.
He's created some kind of monster.
I think I'll stay here
and guard the exfil...
- What's our plan?
- Stop Speckles and save the world.
[Blaster] That's more
of a goal than a plan.
It's working! Look out!
I'm feeling ten feet tall.
No place like home.
There's no place like home.
That'll leave a mark.
Come on! We got to
get up there and stop Speckles.
How big is this thing going to get?
[Speckles] You humans stole my home!
Now I will steal yours.
[Speckles] Look out!
Something is missing. Oh, I know!
[Speckles] Just like humans.
Bringing guns to a space junk fight.
- [Speckles] Darwin!
- Speckles, shut this down, now!
- Then I'll shut you down.
I have no quarrel with you, Darwin,
but mankind must pay.
You know I can't let you do that.
Then you leave me no choice, my friend.
Go get it, girl.
Hurley, what are you doing?
I gotta get you back up there.
- No, Hurley! Don't do it.
- Go get him, bro! It's the only way!
[Speckles] Take that! And that!
It's no fun being the little guy, is it?
Everybody, hold on!
[man] Fall back!
Speckles, if you keep doing this
then you're no better than the humans
who destroyed your home and your family.
Well, that's kind of the point here.
I lost my family.
No, you're wrong. We're your family.
Me and Blaster
and Juarez and Ben and Marcie.
Speckles, Ben took us in
when nobody else wanted us.
And he made us a family.
We're a family.
Oh, no! No! What have I done?
What have I done?
It's too late, Darwin! I can't stop it!
But we can.
It's working! Darwin, it's working!
Speckles, come with me.
I got you!
We've gotta find Hurley.
- Hold it right there.
- We'll take him from here.
Relax, guys. He's code four.
- What a mess.
- There you go. Easy.
- Darwin, over here!
- [Darwin] Hang on!
- I got him. I got him.
- I can't hold it much longer.
No, not you, Hurley.
he landed next to his cake.
Oh, man, Hurley.
- [Darwin] Hurley.
- Oh, no.
No. No. This is all my fault.
He was my man.
Hurley, wake up, pal.
Listen, I just...
I just wanted you to know you
were as good as anyone out there today.
I don't know what they call it
back in the pet shop,
but out here we...
well we call it being a hero.
All you ever wanted was a family.
I never got to tell you this, but...
I'd be proud...
proud to call you my brother.
Hey, I think I saw his nose twitch.
Did you mean it
when you called me "brother?"
Not exactly. I was just...
That was like a figurative...
- You bet I did.
- Brother. I have a brother!
This is great!
We can spend every
take road trips to Vegas,
have tickle fights!
Oh, come here. Give me a hug, bro.
Oh, this is great!
You still want to be a part of the team?
- Hurley. I'm right here watching you.
OK, that's it.
I don't want to get too buff.
Not to worry.
Welcome to your new home.
OK, but I'm telling you now,
I don't do well with roommates.
- Easy there, tiger.
- Everybody, out! Everybody, out!
[mice] Jail break! Jail break!
Look, Juarez, I gotta know.
Which one of us are you interested in?
No no, Blaster! You've gotta ask her
who she's not interested in.
Thirty, 42, 83.
As far as I can tell,
you're not interested in either of us,
which means either
you want both of us or neither of us,
which leaves us desperate
even though we don't have a clue!
And that's just how I like it.
[Ben] Hey, guys?
It's the Director of the FBI.
G-Force. I want you to know
that Leonard Saber
has been forced to undertake the largest
recall of consumer products in history.
And he's getting help from somebody
quite knowledgeable about the defects.
Three down, 178,000 to go.
I think I'm gonna be here a while.
But I'm gonna rejoin the team
when I'm done. If they'll have me.
Your,friend Agent Killian, has been
reassigned. He has a few words for you.
Look! A frozen FBl-cicle.
I'm sorry that I doubted you.
How long do I have to stay down here?
It's really cold!
Team. As the full details
of your valor come to light,
it is an honor and a privilege to say
"thank you" on behalf of this country.
You guinea pigs pack more courage and
heart into those teensy little frames
than any agents I've ever seen.
G-Force, your funding has been restored.
Welcome to the FBI.
Guys... we got our badges.
- Yeah, boy! We're official-tishal now!
Not bad for a runt.
Thanks for believing in me, Ben.
Hurley, I've been thinking...
If you're gonna be out there
helping us save the world,
you're gonna need this.
You're one of us now.
My very own badge
and a new name! Rookie!
- So we're finally agents.
- No, special agents.
[Blaster] Let's get
this party started right!
[# Flo Rida featuring Nelly Furtado:
Get him on the good foot!
All right, Hurley!
G-Force in the house!
[mice] My turn! My turn!
This ferret can dance, right? Right?
[# Black Eyed Peas:
I Gotta Feeling]
I'm a mole. I got a thing for worms.
It's a good thing I took shop.
Oh, my gosh.
I look like Paris Hilton's chihuahua.
Yes! Yes! I am out, baby!
Finally, the recognition I deserve.
I'm Jeff Gordon! With fur! Whoa!