That was unreal.Donated by SergeiK
Yeah, it was nice.
Nice? But you were calling out my name.
You were banging my head into the headboard and singing. It hurt.
- Why didn't you say something? - I just wanted you to finish.
Oh, this isn't right!
Well, did you at least... you know...?
No, Freddy, I didn't come.
Look, don't worry about it, OK?
- Oh, for Christ's sake! - Pay attention! You might learn something.
I hated music at first. Seriously.
No! I don't want to!
But my parents were determined. I mean, they really tried, man.
No, no, no, stop! How many times...?
After the banjo, the trumpet, the piccolo and the accordion, guess what came next.
Go on, guess.
Summer of '85. First time I'd been in a record shop.
I was with my date. OK, baby-sitter.
That was the moment the lights just blazed on.
That was the day I knew I was destined to be a rock star.
Unfortunately, I was a generation late.
By the time I was ready, live music in Sydney was flatlining.
Bands were getting elbowed out of pubs and clubs by pretty-boy DJs
and the worst plague to hit Australia since the cane toad:
Why people sat there fitting their week's wages down a slot was anyone's guess.
Profits ruled. Live music just couldn't compete.
It was now up to the labels to make sure we had cutting-edge artistes to choose from.
I've been waiting for this. Her last album was great.
Have you heard "Scent of my Love"? I love that song.
I had a band. We rocked hard. Well, we would've.
After a year of rehearsing, all we needed was a gig,
but that was proving pretty tough.
Then one day, just like on an MTV special...
- Shaw's Records. - Freddy, it's Bruno.
Bruno, how are you?
- Gig? Yeah, right, mate. It's not my birthday. - No bullshit. It's for real.
- You serious? - Yeah.
Yeah! Bruno, you rock! The guys are gonna be stoked!
One phone call. One gig. It can change your whole life. Destiny, man.
- We should open with that song, definitely. - No, it's a better closer.
Hook 'em with the ballad, then jerk off with the arty shit.
- It's not arty shit, Bruno. - It's just an expression, you big...
Take it easy. We've finally got a gig, right?
Oh, Jesus, a gig. My hands are shaking.
Ah. Flop sweat. A little something to soothe those nerves?
Mm, let me think. And how do they rate next to rat poison?
I give them a 6.8 on the Luce-o-meter. A nice, level high.
- Oh, really? - Brunes, you did the gig guide, right?
Does the Queen wipe her own arse?
Everyone and their dog's gonna be there tomorrow night. Relax.
When I'm finished, you'll be headlining Homebake!
All right! Let's do it again. Count us in, Luce.
One, two, three, four!
- Not again! - Fuck.
Bruno's onto it.
Oi! Grandpa! You do that one more time, I'll plug in your walker,
and a thousand volts will sizzle the scraggly white hairs on your balls!
- Dickhead. - Good one, Brunes.
Are... you... ready?
- Dad. - Yeah.
That was pretty bloody pathetic. Are... you... ready?
- Yeah! - Dad, please.
Suck more piss! All right!
First gig! I remember our first gig with the Boomawangs, back in seventy...
- Six. - '76. The singer got hit with a beer bottle.
A chunk of glass went right in his eyeball. And he kept...
- Kept on singing. - Kate!
- Katie! - Got my eye on you, baby!
- Isn't that how you got the pirate thing? - Yeah, yeah. Career-maker that bastard was.
- Found this in the second-hand bin. - KISS and Make Up.
- Gee, thanks, Kate. - So, are you guys psyched or what?
Oh, my God!
Aren't you, like, with that band?
You must have me confused with someone else.
- Bruno! You pig. That's heavy. I wouldn't. - Yeah?
I could bench-press your arse no strain, drummer boy.
Hey, that killer opener you're having trouble with? I've some ideas for the lyric.
Who's a pig now, eh?
Wait, wait. Don't say anything yet.
Anything to say to people watching at home?
I am Luscious Lucy. Let the snare bite and the high-hat hiss,
for I am the best drummer in the world!
- You're not, Luce. - So Tan, how we feelin'?
- I think I'm gonna be sick. - All right. All right.
- Freddy. - Yo.
- How are those vocal chords, man? - Strong, smooth and ready to rumble!
- So, you're feelin' pretty good then? - Yeah.
It's what it's all about, man. We're gonna remember this night for ever.
All right. We're gonna take a break, so nobody leave.
Tan, you're pushin' too hard. You're anticipating the crash.
What I'm anticipating is my bass wrapped round your head.
As manager of a band who are supposed to play tonight, I'm entitled to free drinks!
Mate, your band's name ain't on my list.
Freddy, where the hell are you?
I'm at the Duke of York. Where the hell do you think I am?
The Duke of Clarence? I'm fucking positive it was the Duke of York.
- It was the Clarence, you fucking idiot! - I'm goin' into a tunnel.
Hey, Brune. When do we start?
- That idiot is sacked. - We were just managed up shit creek.
- Let's go to a real pub, yeah? - Yeah.
- Coming, aren't you? - I'm not really up for it.
Joe! Jesus, one drink. You haven't talked to me all night.
I'll catch you later, OK?
Four schooners, thanks, Thommo.
- Freddy. How's life? - Don't ask.
Actually, I'll tell you how life is, Thommo. Pretty shitty, mate.
Here we are, musicians with somethin' to say and no place to say it.
"Why?", you ask. Because certain publicans I know
are employing pricks like him instead of real musicians like us.
- All just to save a quick buck. - You make me feel like such an enemy of art.
Yeah. Well, when you're ready to book a real band, let me know.
- Man, we could rock the tits off this place. - Sure thing.
Next slot that opens up, you'll be the fourth or fifth out-of-work band I call. Promise.
Hang in there with your music, champ.
Before a feast, there must be famine.
Mate, your wallet!
It's such a sexual game. Balls, stick...
Choice of holes.
Then choose your position.
- Were you breast-fed? - Oh, yeah.
Cos studies link sexual obsession and the lack of mummy's tit.
Too soft, humiliation. Too hard...
Well. You can never be too hard.
- Beer? - Certainly.
What did you think? Honestly.
I thought it was going really well till the guy turned the greyhound races up.
At least his dog lost.
I don't know, Katie. It's all I've ever wanted, you know?
Just to be up on stage and have everyone loving my music as much as I do.
- Maybe it's just a stupid dream. - Yeah, I guess.
- It's only stupid if you give it up. - Yeah, well, I won't be doin' that in a hurry.
You don't think Joe's got someone else, do you?
He'd have to be insane.
- You know what he's like. - Yeah, I suppose.
- C'mon, Tan, let's jam. - No, not till I beat this depraved bastard.
Catch you later.
Joe, you fill me so perfectly.
It's like someone's poured plaster inside me,
pulled it out, and stuck that exact mould right on your balls.
You smell great, Angie.
I like it here. So dark.
So still, Joe.
You ever think about suicide?
- Then my parents walk in. - What did you do?
Handed the joint to Kev and told them it was his idea.
That's when we started rehearsing in the penthouse.
- Thanks for the lift. - No worries.
Hold on a sec.
It does that.
- So, you mentioned some lyrics? - Yeah.
I don't know if they're what you're looking for, it's just a few ideas I had over coffee.
Wow, this is unreal! Wait, what's that word? "People"?
- "Pimple." - Pimple! That's even better!
- Katie, this is poetry, man. - You think so?
- Fucking Kate! - What?
I said "Fucking great!"
- Maybe they forgot to mention it. - I heard it on the radio myself. The gig guide.
They gave our number and said we need a manager.
- Face it, mate, no one wants to manage us. - It was only an hour ago. Take it easy.
Yes, we are still looking for a manager, actually.
- Yeah, we could hang around. Are you far? - No. Pretty friggin' close.
I'm mindin' my own biz on the crapper, givin' birth to a Bruno-loaf,
when I hear this bullshit on the radio.
- My arsehole snaps shut like a mousetrap. - You messed up the gig.
One little mistake. Fuck you very much.
You've never made a mistake, you little fairy?
Give me another chance. Just one more chance!
I... I'm the manager.
Don't crush my dreams.
I'd rather be dead!
- Do something, Freddy. - What? I don't have a gun.
C'mon, Freddy. Do somethin'.
What? Make him our roadie?
Joe, we've been mates since the Squid days. You know I'd never tread on your turf.
It's just, you and Katie. I mean...
Things just don't seem to be goin' that well, and I just figured that if... you know, if I...
...the Australian Rock Awards, Sprimp's debut album shot to platinum in four weeks flat,
under the guidance of Manager of the Year, Shad Kern.
However, the band had...
- Kern Management, please hold. Yes? - I'm here to see Shad Kern.
- Do you have an appointment? - No, but I have his wallet.
No way! No fucking way does Sprimp do support for anybody.
- I don't care if they're rock icons. - Icons!
We've got five sold-out entertainment centres.
If we wanna do the stadium, we'll do it ourselves.
- Fuck them! - Hey, fuck 'em!
Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em!
Shad! How you goin'?
- Who is this? - It's Freddy.
We met the other night at the Palace Hotel.
- Right. The DJ-hater. - Yeah!
- Hey, you left this. Dig your work, man. - Cheers, brother.
Thanks. I don't know what I was thinking.
Oh, I do. You should've seen the bird he was with, man.
- Amazing. Don't say anything. - Hiya, baby. I'm sorry I'm late.
- Hey, babe. - Rehearsals just went on and on and on.
- Don't worry, kid. It'll pay off. I know it. - Incredible. Is that really the time?
Toby. Toby! Don't you have a sound check?
Yeah, man - in four hours.
The traffic's been atrocious. You'd better get down there. Huh?
I don't know what I'd do without you, man.
They're only after us, you see...
- See you later. - Bye, Shad.
You. With me.
We've been rehearsing for about a year and we've got a killer sound.
It's just so edge-of-your-seat, you know, "Give me more, you bastards."
Yeah, yeah. Listen. About the redhead?
You know the best thing about this industry? Well, people call it an industry,
but I prefer the term "playpen."
The best thing about this playpen is the drugs and the women.
And the worst thing about this playpen...
Is the drugs and the women.
Here. Backstage passes to the Sprimp concert tomorrow.
You're fucking joking. Pay off the ambulance driver and call his sister. I'll be there in 20.
- Well, Freddy, nice chat. - Yeah.
Look, I really gotta go, so, you know...
- And... remember... - Before feast there must be famine, right?
Yeah. See you, Freddy.
- Hi. - Hey.
- You OK? Your work said you were sick. - I've been better.
- Get this. - Actually...
I just hung out with Shad Kern. Sprimp's manager?
Nothing's definite, but I've just finally got an in.
- Great. - But I wanna talk about us.
You and me the other night, that was real. You can't walk away from that.
You and Joe haven't been right. It's the same with me and Tanya.
It'd be difficult, Joe and I being best mates, but I think Joe'd be all right...
Freddy, listen to me. Things have changed.
- What? - There's been a complication.
All right. What kind of complication?
There's someone else.
In 24 hours?
I'm going to tell Joe.
Wait! I'll give you a lift!
Look at my hands. They're chick hands.
Then one day tomorrow comes and you die.
Everybody dies. It's... natural.
People die all the time.
You wanna be an old, decrepit shitbag, a wrinkly little fetus-man?
For what, Joe? To play one more song nobody'll listen to?
With your... chick hands.
What am I supposed to do with these hands?
- You have to try this. - What?
You just pinch you main arteries like this, and hyperventilate until you pass out.
Kate. If you need anything, like, you know, Chinese takeaway
or someone to hold your hand, then give me a call, yeah?
Shit. It's Kate.
You'd better make yourself scarce.
And who's Shad Kern?
Just the fucking Rock Manager of the Year!
Stool of Satan, Gutter Midgets, Lovestain.
- And the biggest fuckin' band in the country. - Sprimp?
- Ah, Sprimp! - Yeah, Sprimp!
I've been invited backstage after the concert to hang out with Shad and the band!
Where's Joe? He's gonna flip when he hears this!
- Didn't see that coming. - Joe, get off me! What are you doing?!
You piece of dog shit! You're ramming her, aren't you? Kate!
- Who's ramming Kate? - You're nuts!
No, your nuts, slapping her arse while you bang her! It's your kid, isn't it?
- No, it isn't. - Why else would she tell you first?
- Kate's pregnant? What's going on? - This is making my head hurt!
- How long have you been fucking her? - I didn't fuck her! We just kissed, once.
- Shoulda put a condom on your tongue. - Lowlife!
- Aren't you still with Tanya? - Shut up, Bruno!
Everybody shut up! Katie's pregnant with your kid, man - that's it!
- But you're with Tanya? - Yes.
- Not any more. - Wait, Tan!
- We never had sex. - Funny, you could say that about us.
Tanya, nothing happened. You know, nothing. Nada. Nyet.
So you're saying you feel nothing for her, is that it?
Nyet? I didn't think so.
- Tanya, listen. - It's OK.
I don't love you, Freddy. Come on, we're just friends anyway.
Look, it's time to move on. New girlfriend. New bass player.
- What the fuck is in me?! - My Quick Unpick. I was looking for that.
Quick Unpick? What the fuck is that?
- A hook you use to unpick stitching. - Why leave that lyin' around?
- Looks like it's in good and tight. - Can you pull it out?
Good advice. You should've followed it.
- Tanya, please. - OK! Jesus Christ!
Try not to cry, all right? Bend over!
And to think, this is how I'll always remember you.
- Freddy, I'm glad you're here. - Ex-girlfriend coming through.
Tanya... Listen, there's nothing going on.
I told him I hadn't even kissed another guy,
and then I remembered you, and itjust kind of slipped out.
Then he said he always thought we were screwing around,
so I said "Well, you can think what you like."
- I feel awful about you and Tanya. - That's all right.
She was always a bit of a pain in the arse.
So, are you OK?
Yeah. No, I... I don't know.
Everything's just all over the place.
Things'll get better.
You wanna come to a Sprimp concert?
Thanks for inviting me, Freddy. Man, I love being backstage at these things.
Sprimp are hot!
You managed us for a year and I never asked what music you like.
Oh, I like all kinds of music.
OK. But this could be our last chance to keep the band together, so don't screw it up.
There he is.
Yeah. Some notes. For your pitch.
Has this had any contact with your rectum?
St Peter says "That's the bad news. Karen Carpenter's on drums!"
Guys, this is Teddy. Says he's got a killer band, ain't that right, Teddy?
Freddy. I dig your work, guys.
What's a killer band got to do to get you to manage 'em?
Well, you've got to have a shit-hot demo with a new sound.
- That's how Toby here got my attention. - No, forget that.
Make sure this bastard comes to your next gig, huh?
And don't take no for an answer.
It's rock and roll, dude.
Knock 'em dead, guys.
How you doin'?
So, seriously, what does a guy...
What does a guy with a killer band have to do to get Shad Kern to manage them?
They've got a sound. A unique fucking sound.
- I can guarantee it. - What the fuck is this?
- Just Bruno, our roadie. - Co-manager.
- Enjoy the gig. - What are you doing?
Ladies and gentlemen, Sprimp!
Shad, wait. I could've sold you out with that redhead, but I didn't.
Your thanks is to fob me off with backstage passes to this show?
On the street, these guys are a fuckin' joke.
All I wanted was for you to hear us play. Anyway, it's your loss, man.
Call my office, tell me where you're playing, and I'll be there.
You won't be disappointed, Shad! Mr Kern!
The wait. My favourite part.
Will she come on like a tiger in slow motion,
or fast and rude like a raging hand grenade of bliss?
Prepare to surrender. Prepare to lose all control.
Come on, baby, give it to me. Give me a ten, an arse-kicking, perfect high.
Tighten, release. Breathe in, breathe out.
This is the one. It's gonna be the one. Go, ten. Come on, baby, go!
Sorry, man. Thought you were Satan.
Mate, take my advice. Talk to her.
Remember, chicks say "I hate your guts," and they mean "Buy me a dozen roses."
"I never wanna see your face again" means "If you make me laugh, I might blow you."
You get my drift?
Do you love her?
Then go out there and get her back.
- You're right. Fuck it! You're right. - Now you're talking!
It'll help take the edge off.
"You and me and baby makes three,
- We agreed... - I've agreed to stick with the band
on a strictly professional basis.
- What about Joe? - Screw him for not turning up today.
- Whoa, mate, he's just pissed off. - You did pork his old lady.
I didn't pork his old lady!
Look, if you can get Shad Kern to manage us, even I'd pork ya.
Look, can we just get this wet dream right?
So this Kern guy, he wants to sign us?
He wants to hear us play. Whatever, he's on the hook. All we need is a gig.
Great. It's "magical mystery gig that'll never happen" time again.
- Thommo's gonna rent us this place. - Brilliant.
And that parsimonious prick is doing this to win the Nobel Prize for Humanity?
Yeah. And 1200 bucks.
That's all we've gotta guarantee him. We keep the door and get drinks at staff prices.
- Cool. - But where are we gonna get 1200 bucks?
- Can't you sell some of your pills? - No way. That makes me a pusher, amigo.
- Tan, what about your parents? - No.
- God. Next stupid idea? - I've got one.
There's no point even talking about it unless we know that Joe's in.
- Bust up? Go back with that slut? - Kate is not a slut.
That's why she's got her tongue down the throat of your best friend.
- Angie, don't. - Let's ask Little Joe what he thinks.
- Oh, g'day, big fella. Joe's upstairs. - Thanks, Kev. How you keepin', man?
Tops, matey. I'd forgotten how good cornflakes were.
This is... It's not normal, Angie.
- Fuck normal. Who wants normal? - I do.
And Kate's normal. Having a baby is normal. I need lots of... normal.
Do you always ejaculate over a girl when you're trying to break up with her?
It's original, I'll give you that.
Are you crazy? Put some antiseptic on it. Jesus.
Think you can get rid of me? You'll never get rid of me, Joe. Ever.
Look, you are a mind-blowing fuck, but we have to cool it, OK?
What do you want? What?
You idiot. Katie's pregnant and you're cheating on her.
No, I'm not.
Look, not now. I was just breaking up with her, all right?
I came to tell you Sprimp's manager wants to see a gig.
You gotta come up with 240 bucks, fast.
- You don't deserve her, man. - Oh, and you do?
Oh, Freddy? Try and use this against me with Kate and you can forget the fucking band.
I mean it.
I can't guarantee they'll be 100% smooth, but your donations will really help my research.
I'm a seven-foot-tall blonde Amazon goddess
with violet eyes and breasts so big they meet behind my back.
I can't guarantee they'll be 100% smooth...
Fuck you too, you degenerate floating cake of whale shit! Jesus!
You sexy degenerate, you.
Here you go.
That's not an official Wilderness Society suit! You're a fake!
- You're the fake. - You're dead!
Fuck you, man!
And don't come back!
This time Joe's gone too far.
He's deluded himself before, but not like this.
Why does he always say things he doesn't really mean?
I mean, could he think about my feelings forjust a minute?
It's like at a party when there's one piece of cheese left on the plate.
The person next to you obviously wants it, but makes a point of offering it to you first.
Stuff like that really shits me.
I love it when it rains.
For a moment, everything's new again.
...ready to rumble!
- You're feelin' pretty good then? - Yeah. It's what it's all about, man.
We'll remember this night for ever.
- It's great. Things are going so well for you. - Yeah, well, we've only raised 100 bucks.
You'll get there.
I was just worried you and Joe were gonna bust up the band over all this.
So, have you finished that song we wrote?
The killer opener?
- I'm still working on it. - Think it'll turn out OK?
I hope so.
Some days, don't you wish you could just escape?
Joe and I are over.
- How did he take it? - He doesn't know yet.
It's the right thing for both of us. He just hasn't been around for me to tell him.
- Sorry, you were saying? - No. It's nothing.
Nothing. Hey, you want the last one?
- No, no, you... - Yeah, you do.
You reckon anybody likes fortune cookies?
- Where've you been? - The family planning centre.
They suggested that the father-to-be...
- Father-to-be? - Yeah. That he watch something for 24 hours.
- Teaches responsibility. - What are you talking about?
Meet Melly. Most blokes only look after it for a day, I'm gonna do it for a whole month.
- Joe... - Just watch me.
I'll get my shit together, you'll see. I will not let her out of my sight, ever.
Joe, what you're doing is great. But you and me, the way that it's been...
I've changed. You'll see.
It's not gonna work. It's over.
Freddy's not the guy for you, Kate. I know he's not.
- Please, Joe, don't do this. - Just give me a chance, OK?
I can be normal. Watch me.
It's nap time.
So we'll see you later.
Everything's gonna be fine. I guarantee it.
You were right, Freddy. They didn't even check the date.
Brunes. Brunes! Focus.
The idea is to get Shad to come to rehearsal, save a thousand bucks, yeah?
He'll be on the side of the stage. Wait here.
- What if I see him first? - Find me.
- What if there's no time? - Find me.
No cheating. Shadling!
- You said you'd listen to the whole demo. - Baby.
You know I think you've got a great sound.
- Then manage me. - I'll manage you...
...if you leave Toby.
That's so romantic.
But you know that's not an option. We don't wanna rock the boat, do we?
I think you should listen to track two.
Oh, hey. Shad.
- It's Bruno. In-A-Pinch Management? - Oh, yeah...
Shad, look, I know you said you'd come to our next gig and all,
but we thought maybe you'd like to come to a rehearsal instead, you know?
- Get ajump on the whole... - C'mon, baby, don't play with me now.
You really do have to hear them live...
- Shad, is this a good time for you? - No!
Don't you dare tease me!
Yeah! The demo rocks!
- What do you mean... Oh! Ah! A demo? - Fuck, yes!
- The truth is, we can't afford to do a demo... - I love the demo! Oh, give it to me.
- You're saying you'd give it a serious listen? - Now you've got it! Oh, here we go!
I get it! We're just going to have to get you one then! You won't be sorry, Shad.
I'll be in touch, all right?
I'll get the contracts drawn up tomorrow.
They caught you in the make-up room, so they checked the pass.
What's it matter? Now we know what Shad wants - a demo.
Great. Now instead of finding a grand, we've gotta find three!
You are not gonna believe what Joe's gone and done.
- So you know? - You've met his little friend?
- Yeah. Katie, I'm so sorry. - You are?
Course. Couldn't believe he screwed around on you.
I tried to tell you, but a plane flew over, and you said it was over anyway,
so I figured the band was going really well, and Shad wanted to...
You didn't know?
I came to talk to you about Joe buying a melon as a baby substitute,
but you're telling me that all this time he's been having an affair,
and you didn't tell me about it for the sake of your worthless fucking band?
- Yeah, but... - How selfish can you get?
To think I actually thought that you and I...
But that was all bullshit.
No, that was real! I understand how you feel...
Freddy, you have no idea.
I trusted you.
How do you open this fucking door?
Just pull it.
Breaking up's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Free to roam, free to rage, free to have a freakin' orgasm occasionally...
What's wrong with guys today?
They couldn't find their way around a supermarket, let alone a woman's body.
Oh, my God. Feeding time on the Planet of the Apes.
Oh, shit, Tan. If only it wasn't so tragically hip to be bi these days.
To subjugate is to make subservient or submissive.
- False. - Incorrect.
Precognition is the ability to see into the future.
What, like me and you going out on a date or something?
Dream on, dickhead.
- Hello? - Katie, it's me...
- Aha! A hole in one, right there. - One-night stands seem weird to me.
Sex with a stranger is the thrill of the unexpected.
One minute you're sitting in a pub,
the next, you're buck naked with a tongue rooting around your bunghole.
Maybe I don't feel like planting my heels on the ceiling and yelling "Come and get it!"
Sexual frustration can be frustrating.
- Have you seen what's going on? - No.
Thommo? What's the story?
What story would that be, Freddo?
Ah. Well, laddie, once upon a time there was a barman named Thommo,
who got sick of selling alcoholic refreshment to losers and half-wits in a shit part of town.
So he sold half his equity to the evil development man,
who turned around and filled his joint with pokies.
And then Thommo lived happily ever after,
sailing around the world on his gigantic fuckin' yacht.
What's more important, Thommo? Us? We've supported you for years.
Or pimpin' out your pub for a quick buck?
- What about the bands, man? - What about 'em?
I now officially consider you the enemy. Come on, guys, let's get outta here.
I'll send you a postcard, you dick.
God, a demo? They're so expensive!
Shad was practically begging me for it.
- Jeez, Tan, we can't pass this up. - Yeah. Come on.
No! The answer's no.
Come on. You know how tight they are.
Look, any money given comes with serious psychological strings attached.
All right! But we do it my way or we don't do it at all.
And you all have to be there. Even Joe.
Told you she'd crack. Just have to put the pressure on.
- Kate? Nah, nah. Cornflakes? - No, I'm good.
Nah, the only time Kate came round was to drop off a garbage bag full of Joe's stuff.
She didn't wanna talk to him.
- All right. Thanks, Kev. - Freddy...
- He really screwed it up good, didn't he? - Yeah. We both did.
Well, we're musos. We're meant to screw up when it comes to women.
I'll see you around, Kev.
Giant Squid was pretty cool, hey?
- Remember that gig we played... - You're being rude.
- What? - You didn't say hello.
- Yeah, I did. I just said... - To Melly.
- Anyway, remember the gig... - Don't try to memory-lane me.
- We could use that feeling. - Old news, mate.
We're better now. You and I are stronger than this bullshit, aren't we?
Yeah, and what about you and Kate?
For some reason, I didn't think you'd mind.
She's my girl.
I know. Itjust didn't seem like it. Anyway, whatever, man.
Look, I'm here about the band.
This is our chance. I'm telling you, I'm gonna make this thing happen.
And if you want to come along for the ride, then...
well, that'd be really cool.
It's up to you.
- Great. Joe's lost it. - It's a difficult time.
And for me. You don't see me breast-feeding mangoes.
- Melons. - Whatever! Is the table set?
- Maybe I should put on some music. - No, it'll just make them tense.
Oh, guys, I'm sorry I'm late, but Melly was a little bit grumpy on the way over.
Joe, please, no melons! Just for tonight.
- Shouldn't little Mellys be in bed by now? - Relax!
Here' s to bleeding your parents dry.
I envy you musicians. No cares, no money worries.
Yeah. A rich guy like you must be so stressed out
you can't even take a dump without an accountant present.
- Freddy, could you give me a hand, please? - Sure.
This is all wrong. There's no way I can ask them for money tonight.
C'mon, chill, Tan. You can do it. Ease us through.
We'll murder Lucy later.
- Goin' pretty well out there, eh? - I feel kind of weird, man.
An early phase that passes.
- What? - Nothin'.
All right, I slipped something in the shots. You guys needed to relax.
- Dude, I'm hallucinating! - Impossible.
Be cool. Trust me, it's very mild. Look at me.
I'm as solid as a rock.
I'm so glad you came over, because I wanted to say thank you for everything you've done.
But there's also something that I wanted to ask you. Um...
Tan! Your head!
- Is your friend all right, Tanya? - He does that.
Anyway, what I wanted to mention was that we've got an opportunity to cut a demo...
I'm sorry. I don't understand. What kind of a demo?
You know, like a sampler of our music...
We've got to be clear that uni comes first - that's a career.
The band comes second - that's a hobby. You've got to prioritise.
- What the fuck is happening? - Tanya, listen carefully.
This is liquid ecstasy. It produces a subtle feeling of well-being.
This is some hardcore LSD I forgot I had in my kit.
I'm gonna rip open your skull and piss in the cavity where your brain should be!
Tan! Don't move!
- My parents, you dickhead! - They're clean. So's Joe.
Hello, boys and girls! Guess who!
Oh, this shit is kind of robust.
That's right. We're gonna dance all night, dance all day.
Fire extinguisher! Someone call the fire brigade!
In here, Freddy!
Freddy, I trusted you.
You can't have my soul! Die, fucker, die!
Tanya? Sweetie? Are you OK?
Don't come in here! There's been a bit of a problem.
- Tanya, what's going on? - We think the macadamia nuts are off.
- Tanya, darling, should we call a doctor? - No, no doctors.
We just need to have a vomit and a lie-down. I'll just give you a call in the morning.
It's OK, Tan. Joe's still out there.
Excuse me. Do you have any idea what's going on here, son?
Aw! My melon's got a pooey nappy.
20 years ago, a groupie would've washed my undergruns for free.
Just to sniff 'em.
Ah, the memories. Now I hang around here for hours every laundry day,
praying that the blonde with the double serving of funbags will show up
so I can watch her unmentionables flip-flop around in the fuckin' dryer.
What kind of a dad am I?
She's just rotting away back here.
You can sell her. Use the cash to make that demo.
- You've got to be kidding. - No. Come on, take it.
- Not for this demo. It's not worth it. - Come on, son. Let me give you somethin'.
She's just rotting away back here.
You can sell her. Use the cash to make your demo.
- Hang on, Kevin, you can't... - I know, I know. We've had some good times.
But, you know, they're all up here.
Nothin' sadder than an old rocker that doesn't know when to quit.
Unless you're the Stones, of course.
You know what I mean?
Tan, hey. It's not Freddy's idea. This is somethin' I wanna do.
- I didn't make him do it. - We didn't make him.
- Are you speaking for him now? - I was just saying it wasn't my idea...
You don't get it, do you? This is your time. Right now. You've got to grab it.
You've gotta grab it...
With both hands...
And don't let go-ooh!
Don't let go-oh!
Oh, man. I know someone who'd kill his own mother to get his hands on one of these.
Good, Luce. Let him know it's for sale.
Kev, you rock.
God, don't do that.
How's the baby? Did you get an ultrasound?
Listen close, Joe. Ultrasound, no. Abortion, yes.
Yes, please, after what you've done. How was I so blind?
Wait. An abortion?
Jesus, don't look at me like that. I haven't done it yet.
- You'd be murdering our kid! - Joe, you're scaring me.
Just stop following me and leave me alone.
Fuck, that was hot!
- So, let's do that Cuban thing now. - No, the speed metal track.
- No, no, why don't you do the ballad? - No, the Cuban thing shows we have range.
- No, we're doin' the new one. - The killer opener?
- You have a fall? We've barely rehearsed it. - We're doin' it.
- We've got time for one more? - Sure. Over the top, dudes!
- Rip that metal, man! - All right. Luce, count it in.
One, two, three, four!
Yeah, so you split your mortgage between fixed and variable
and you refinance when the interest drops.
More attitude, guys. Stronger.
Scarlet, about that studio.
Scarlet. About that studio I wanted you to see. I've organised it for later.
Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention. Toby and I are going to the Channel X party.
- You could come with us. - Yeah, man, you should come.
- Yeah? - Shad, it's Freddy.
"Feast and famine" Freddy? I've got the demo we talked about.
I guess we did. Why don't you drop it into my office and I'll listen to it ASAP.
Fuck it, can you get it to me personally? I may be looking for some real talent.
- OK. - I'll meet you where I left my wallet.
The Palace? OK, ten o'clock. I'll see you there, Shad!
With me and Freddy pimpin' the band, you'll be the talk of the town!
No, fuck it. The world!
- Come on, then. - Kick arse!
- Brunes, I want to talk to you about that. - What about?
I thought when I give the demo to Shad, I'd do it on my own.
- Just you and me, right? - No, just me.
You know, I wanna schmooze him a bit, one on one. You understand that, right?
I hope you don't mind. I let myself in.
- What are you doin'? - You should give this a go.
Red dye number two.
What's wrong, sugar?
It's Kate. She's killing the baby.
Oh. Poor sweetie.
- That's what I said! - Now you're talking!
Let's celebrate. They're a 7.5.
You love to piss me off. It's not my idea of a good time.
Try one. Might stop you rushing ahead of the beat.
- I'm on the beat. You're the one who lags. - If you can't move, you can't groove.
- You idiot. You say the most stupid things! - Idiot? I do not!
- Compared to me... - You show no respect for me at all!
- You are so fucking wrong! - You're just a rich, untalented bitch!
Look... Ow! OK...
No. Look, Tanya...
- I know I said I wouldn't talk about us, but... - We agreed. Just a meal.
- I have to get this off my chest. - Freddy...
Just relax, just let me finish.
The band's got a real shot with this, and I want you to be a part of it.
I fucked up once. I'm not gonna do it again.
Freddy, I understand why you did what you did.
The band was your dream long before I was in the picture.
- So? - What happens when you do a world tour?
- Well, you can come. - And what do we do with the baby?
I'm having it.
- Not a problem. - Actually, it is a problem.
You've gotta see this thing with the band through.
- And what about that night? - It was... a beautiful kiss.
You're gonna meet lots of gorgeous women on the road with much less baggage than me.
- You said nothin' was goin' on! - Stop it!
- Nothing is going on! - Stop it!
I should just go now. Goodbye, Freddy.
Melly! What the fuck have you done, man?
Fuck! Fuck you!
Fuck you, too!
Fuckin' Freddy. Ungrateful little gutter mongrel.
I work my balls down to a stump for him and the band,
and when the big moment comes, he express-posts me a "Fuck you"
and steals all the glory for himself.
No loyalty, that's his problem.
Mm. Some Indian would be great.
Yeah! Some vindaloo would really hit the spot.
That's my pole she's twirlin' on. Yeah.
- Yeah? - I need you to get to the Palace.
Yeah? Well, guess what? Roadie hours are over for the day, so you can just fuck off!
Stop dickin' around. It's important. I'll be there with the demo, but I've gotta find Joe.
- I need you to stop Shad from leaving. - Bruno's onto it!
- It's OK, sugar. - Melly!
Hey. There's no need to be upset.
Shad. I mean, Mr Kern.
Bruno. In-A-Pinch Management?
- Where's Freddy? - He's not far behind.
- Angie, I can't do this. - Of course you can.
Joe, what are you doin', man?
- Where's Angie? - What are you talkin' about?
- Angie! - Joe, there's no one here.
- Where... where is she? - Just let me help you.
Don't tell anyone, OK?
Just don't tell anyone!
Shit! Freddy's coming!
How'd it go with Shad?
You guys seen Joe? I'm really worried about him, man. He's acting really weird.
- You checked the house? - You're right, babe. Maybe he's in the house.
- Has the whole fucking world gone insane? - What's the problem, Freddy?
- We broke up. - I don't give a shit about that.
Joe's really flipped out. I'm serious.
- Hello? - Freddy, someone here wants to talk to you.
- Listen, you little fuckwit... - Shad. I'm sorry...
There are rules, Freddy. And one of them is, don't fuck with my time.
Get your arse here before I finish my drink or be prepared for a very long famine!
Fellas, can you give us a hand? It's Joe. Won't answer his door.
Oh, Jesus! Joey!
- Not you too! - Kev, give us some room.
- Joey! - Call an ambulance.
- What's he taken? - That.
- Sleeping tablets. Sedatives. - What do I do?
- We need an ambulance. - Joey!
- He's got a pulse, mate. He's got a pulse. - I don't know. He's taken them all.
I'm goin' with him.
You saved his life, man.
Can we have some music in here to drown that shit out?!
Take a hike, loser.
You fuck! I'm gonna kill you!
After that, everything just turned to shit. Joe, the band, my hopes for Katie...
The strange thing was, I still had this need to play.
Music is a great thing to lose yourself in. And, man, was I lost.
Give it up for the rockin' sounds of Alternate Current.
Oh, no, this is OK. The pay's pretty good and... killer crowds...
I was sittin' right there.
I hear Joe's doin' better.
- Do you hear from the others much? - No, it's over.
Kind of figure I should just lay low for a while, you know?
- Hey, Bon! You're the king! - It's just an act, mate. Fuck off!
Oh, yeah? Fuck you, dickhead.
Now, look. The real reason I'm here, I've got some great news.
- You got us a gig? - Who told you?
- Are you serious? - Does dog shit love shoes?
See? There you are. Right there.
When I saw it I thought it was a printing error.
No error. You guys are booked to play at Homebake!
- This is our chance to really cook! - I don't understand, man.
It was Destiny. That's only her stage name, of course.
My friend Destiny, her brother, he books all the bands for Homebake.
It was under my nose all along! She hooked me up just like that. Totally.
Bruno makes a promise, Bruno delivers.
Here you are, Joe.
Lucy always said I'd find my perfect 10 sometime.
- So, Homebake, eh? - Yeah.
Kev said they're thinking of letting you out soon.
No. I don't think I'm ready for it.
You guys should still do it. I won't be pissed off, man, I promise.
Hey, haven't you always said guitarists were as common as flies around a sheep's arse?
Kate brought it over. I haven't picked it up yet. I'll get there.
- How's she going? - Good.
She said technically I never really cheated on her. It was more of a mind fuck, really.
- Listen, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, man. - It's OK.
It was down to me, nobody else.
Things are a lot clearer now.
So, you thought of giving it another shot with Kate?
You've been having way too much of that Prozac, dude.
Hey. I just thought of a guitarist.
I can't, fellas. Shit, I'd love to, but... I haven't been on stage in 15 years.
Oh, come on. You know all the songs.
- No, I can't. - Luce.
Man, my baby!
I bought it back off the guy I sold it to. The bastard drove a hard bargain though.
- Yeah, OK. - Yeah!
- I'm really gonna miss you. - Like I told Joe, my folks have heaps of room.
- So, any time you guys wanna visit... - Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.
Shame you're gonna miss the gig.
Blame it on the movers.
It's funny, you know. I really thought you two would make it.
It's for the best.
Joe's the dad. He won't be left out, I promise.
No, I... I was talking about Freddy.
But right now, he's really putting everything into this gig.
Yeah. It's everything he ever wanted. He must be on a cloud.
...ready to rumble!
- So you're feelin' pretty good? - Yeah, it's what it's all about, man!
We're gonna remember this night for ever.
- Kate, it's Freddy. - This number has been disconnected.
Please check the number and call again.
- Are we ready? - Yeah!
Thou, thee and this... Gonna be the hottest fucking gig ever, eh? Who's got the set list?
- Lucy! - I ain't got it. Freddy's got it.
- I don't have it. - Are you joking? You guys...
- I gave it to you five minutes ago. - Don't you ever stop arguing?
Think I'd miss my only chance to play at Homebake?
Welcome home, son!
OK, OK, come on. Schmaltzy crap later. Let's get this show on the road!
- Ah, this is it, eh? - So where's Kate? She meeting us there?
No. She's going to Melbourne with the movers at three.
- Movers? - She's goin' to her parents'.
I thought you knew, man.
Are we ready?
All right! Let's do it!
I'm not blind, Freddy, Look, I've been scared before.
Fuck, I've been known to crap my pants, remember?
Don't let your fear get in the way, mate.
The nerves'll disappear as soon as you start that first song. Guarantee it.
That's the spirit. A short cut.
OK, that everything, love?
Talk to me, Freddy. This isn't a short cut, is it?
- No! - Didn't think so.
Oh, no. No, not now, you piece of shit!
Hang on a minute. This is Kate's place.
Stop! In the name of love!
- Let's go, mate! - There it is!
- Come on, mate, speed up! - Oh, no.
Will you pay Sunni's speeding fine? I don't think so.
If Sunni doesn't friggin' step on it, I'll shove Sunni's beaded seat cover up Sunni's arse!
No need for intimidation tactics.
You missed it!
Go to the side!
- Katie! - Look out!
- The other side. - OK! On my way.
What the bloody hell do you think you're doin'?
- Aren't you meant to be on stage? - This is exactly where I should be.
You'll never forgive yourself, and you'll never forgive me.
That night, when everything changed,
when you said my dream was only stupid if I gave it up...
Well, I'm not giving you up. No way.
- Have you got room for me in Melbourne? - Come on, you'll be late for your gig.
Record crowds are expected at Homebake.
Coming up on Triple J, we'll hear megaband Sprimp live from the festival.
Don't worry. When you start playing, they'll come running, you'll see.
- How could she? - Yeah, well, she got what she wanted.
A nice juicy recording deal, a few added extras...
But running off with a sound engineer! I'm a rock star!
Come on. Pour the pain into your music, man.
That's it, that's it.
Five minutes, guys.
There they are.
- Hey! - Freddy.
- Hey. - Thanks, Joe.
You ready to rock and roll?
- Excuse me. Who's in charge here? - I am. Yeah. That's me, actually.
- Bumped? - No!
- Of all the asinine, fucked-up things! - Sorry, guys. We're runnin' late,
and Sprimp's contract requires all other stages to be shut down when they're playing.
Nothin' I can do.
You were so close. There's gotta be something we can do.
Quick, come with me. Guys! Guys, wait up!
Guys, pick it up. We're running behind.
Four quad boxes stage right. I need two A/C thirties...
Excuse me. I'm writing this article on roadies, the unsung heroes of Australian rock.
Could I talk to you after the show?
This is it. Let's rock and roll.
Give the kids a go, fellas.
Thank you for comin' out in support of live music, and say no to pokies!
My name's Freddy, and...
- Jim Morrison lives, man! - Fascists! Let 'em play!
- You! How the fuck did you get in here? - Freddy! Freddy! Freddy!
- Gimme a chance. Let me play one song. - You had your chance. Get 'em outta here.
- You owe me! - Wait right there. What did you say to me?
Toby could still find out you're bangin' his chick.
I owe you nothing. Scarlet chewed him up and spat him out,
so it doesn't matter that I was banging his girl the whole time.
I could've had an orgy with his cousin, sister, grandparents and Scarlet,
and that moron still wouldn't have known.
Hey, guys. Dig your work.
- Go, Freddy! Go! - Freddy! Freddy! Freddy!
Consider yourself fired, wanker.
How you doin'?
This song's a bit of a new one for us.
Let 'em play. If they're any good, it'll give me an edge on the deal.
I hope you don't mind, but, uh, it's kind of a killer opener.
My big moment. The moment I finally had to admit to myself
that we just weren't very good.
But sucking as much as we did that day - and our suckage factor was enormous -
we still got to play in front of a whole country full of people.
It was the most fun it was humanly possible for any of us to ever have.
About seven months later, Katie and I got married. Joe was best man.
Joe Junior made an appearance too.
Bruno won a million bucks in some contest by finding a purple Chocca. Lucky sod!
So he bought the Palace right out from under that butt-crumb Thommo.
We took the pokies and smashed them all with polo mallets.
Ladies and gentlemen, how we doin'?
Me and Joe manage Bruno's, and now the bands are back.
There's been a bit of a scheduling mix-up.
In the meantime, the house band's gonna rip through a few for ya.
Every few months, I give a band the wrong start time and slip us in ahead of them.
We might suck, but I never said we were idiots.
Tanya finished uni and went into anger management.
Lucy was the surprising one. He got a degree in pharmacy and went into business.
What goes around, comes around, I guess.
Joe kept up his medication and fell in love with a primary-school teacher.
Now, instead of one kid, he's got 35.
Kevin. Well, he's the same.
Some things just don't need to change. That's good, right?
As for Katie, she never got to experience the highs and lows of being a rock star's wife.
But I think she's OK with it. And me, a rock star?
Not my destiny. Still, you don't have to be a rock star to feel like one.