Minutemen Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Minutemen script is here for all you fans of the Disney movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Minutemen quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Minutemen Script

- How's my hair?
- Good. Mine?


[both] Scorch.

First day of high school, Virg.
We made the big time.

Football games, free periods...
the chicks.

- Derek? You have a bat in the cave.
- Huh?

Boogie fever.

And that was just a test.
Had it been an actual emergency...

- Oh, hey, hey.
- Aww...

Their first high school fight!
My boys are growing up so fast.

- Where does the time go?
- Who cares about the past?

- l'm thinking about my social future.
- Well, l don't want anything to change.

l've got my two best guys
right here, right now.

l'm your favorite though? You can
admit it. He's man enough to take it.

l still can't believe you talked
me into trying out for cheerleading.

You'll do fine.
lt's him l'm worried about.

He's in full freak mode
about football tryouts.

Don't worry, l'll be there
for moral support.

- You mean to goof around?
- Exactly.

This is serious.
You better not embarrass me.

D-rock, l never try to embarrass you.
lt just works out that way.

- [chatter]
- [whistle blows]

- But first, a little boom-bah.
- [all laugh]

[whistle blows]

Relax, Beaugard.
Be the ball, be the ball.

- [boys laughing]
- What's up with that?

[girls practicing cheers]

[Virgil] l'll see you guys later.

- [sighs] OK, that's enough for today.
- No! Wait! l can do this.

Bro, maybe you ought to rest your arm.

- [whistle blows]
- [girls cheering]

- [rumbling, whirring]
- What is that?

[boy] Coming through! Whoa!

Coming through! l can't control it!

l'm really sorry! Look out!

- Whoa!
- [boy shouting]

- [shouting]
- [girls scream]

l'm sorry! Excuse me!

He's chewing up my field!

- lsn't that your neighbor?
- Charlie Tuttle.

This kid in our class
who's nine years old.

He skipped a bunch of grades
because he's a genius.

- [yelling]
- Oh, yeah. A real Einstein.

Get off my field right now!

Stupid dork's going down.

What are you doing? He's going away.
Just ignore him.


Now that's some accuracy.

Little baby.

Come on, give him a break.

Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!

Hey, come on!
Hey, Derek?

Derek, if you wanna jump in,
that's cool.

- Derek?
- [boys shouting, cheering]

[Charlie] Put me down!
Put me down!

- Good throw! All right, Derek!
- Nice shot!

Thanks for sticking up for me.
l'm sorry about how it turned out.

Please tell me l don't look
as ridiculous as you do.

lt's not that bad, really.
That's a... that's a nice red on you.

- l'm Charlie Tuttle.
- Virgil Fox.

Nice to meet you.


So, what's the story
with that rocket cart thing?

l always get a hard time on the bus
and l hypothesized

a rocket-propulsion all-terrain cart
would help avoid embarrassment.

Uh-huh. And how's that
working out for you?

lt's working great!

My emotion modulator
actually allows me to understand

what Albert Felinestein is trying to
communicate with his various meows!

- lsn't that amazing?
- [boys chattering]

Virgil? Hey! Earth to Virgil.

Virg! Don't you think, Virgil?

Virgil? Aren't you excited?

Yes, Charlie, l'm thrilled
that you talk to your cat.

Um, l'm not entirely certain, but l
believe you may be employing sarcasm.

Charlie, what do you want from me?
Your inventions always work.

l can only act so surprised
every time you figure out

how to power your house
with tartar sauce.

[snorts] lt's cocktail sauce.

You know what would make me happy?
lf you built something useful.

By useful, l mean something that
would make me rich and popular. Or both.

Hey, you can't
ride that thing on the...

Hey, great bike. Lots of shiny,
chrome, gear-y things.

[Charlie muffled]

[bell rings]


[chatter, laughter]

Did you know that the contents of
pudding actually makes you grow taller?

- lt does.
- That's why you're so tall.

[boy] lt's the electrolytes
and everything.

Thumbs down... and go!


Yes! l win!

Senior year and l'm still
eating at the dork table.

No offense, guys. l do enjoy
the stimulating conversation.

Hey, none taken.

But seriously, how did it come to this?

Let's see, maybe your plight
has something to do with

being stripped, dressed in mini skirts,
and hung from the school mascot.

A picture made the cover
of the yearbook. Three years in a row.

- And on all the local news stations.
- And the Spanish Channel.

Ah yes, the incident
l will one day be explaining

to a very expensive therapist.

Hey, Hummingbird.


That's Charlie speak for ''hello.''

Um, excuse me, miss.
Why did you call him ''Hummingbird?''

Oh, l love birds. All kinds of birds.

Big birds, little birds.
l'm even the official secretary

for the local chapter of the Junior
Bird Buddies of America. Such an honor!

Anyway, gotta run.

Fix that.

Well, that explains it.

Jeanette has been sweating you
for two years. What's your deal?

Forget it. l'm married to science.

Hey, congratulations, buddy.

Pardon me, gents.

Ah, soda.

l hear if you leave a penny in that
stuff for a week it comes out shiny?

l was actually planning on drinking it.

Well, never mind then.

So, um, how are you, Virg?

l didn't see you much this summer.

Oh, you know, l was doing a lot of
mountain climbing, jet skiing...

- Video games?
- l didn't leave the couch. You?

[scoffs] The usual, pool parties,
cheerleading camp.

But l did take this awesome
architecture class.

Oh, that's cool.

l remember you made a gingerbread house
that had ten rooms...

- And walk-in closets.
- Took us six months to eat it.

- [bell rings]
- Oh, well...

Well, l have calculus. Hate it. Need it.
Can't be an architect without it.

l got Public Speaking.

Hate it. Need it.
Can't be a game show host without it.

There's a good reason Tesla's biographer

There's a good reason Tesla's biographer

named his book
A Man Out of Time.

Tesla was so far advanced
over his contemporaries,

that they often derided...

[chuckles] ...they often
derided him as...


Jocelyn, is it too much to ask that
you not do your nails while l lecture?

Sorry. [sighs]
When are you done?

- [class laughs]
- [door opens]

- Excuse me.
- Ah, Mr. Tuttle.

l believe you're here for
your booster chair.

- l'll get it later. AV Club emergency.
- [class laughs]

l need Virgil Fox right away!

- Virgil Fox?
- He's out sick.

- l heard he might not make it.
- Very funny, Mr. Fox.

You can pick up your hall pass
on your way out.

That's it. l'm moving to Paraguay.

- Ever really looked at our mascot?
- [Charlie] Forget the hall pass.

Remember that rocket-propulsion all
terrain cart the day of the incident?

Thanks for mentioning it again.

lt's been ten minutes
since someone brought it up.

Listen, it ties together. That
invention may have not been a success,

but one element of the design was
proven viable. The quantum accelerator.

Remember that physics, new reality,
many worlds theory kick?

Oh, yeah, that was fun.

l started building my own theory
based on all of that work,

incorporating my proven hypothesis
of quantum acceleration.

l put one of the school's computers
on permanent reserve.

The DSL has been doing all the work.

And moments ago, l uploaded
the last piece of the puzzle.

Commander Tuttle on the bridge!

Dude, no way l'm saluting you.

Fine. At ease.

What l'm about to show you is very,

very, very top secret.

We have to keep this just between us.

Check it out.

[computer whirring]


What you're looking at

is a successful simulation
of practical time travel.

[stammers] What are you doing?

l'm trying to stop any more of your
brain from leaking out your ears.


Come on, yesterday you said
l should build something useful.

Well, time travel is useful.

Charlie, you're 1 4 years old.

You're two years away
from your driver's license,

you still call your underwear

l should believe
you built a time machine?

Yes! And based on my specifications
a person could travel up to 48 hours

- into the past!
- That's weak.

Pardon me, how's your
time travel formula coming along?

lt's all about light, right?
Nothing moves faster.

Well, my hypothesis suggests that
you can time travel on a beam of light.

From any light source.
Even light from a slide projector.

A slide projector?
Like a regular slide projector?

Did l say regular? No, l didn't.

What we're talking about
is a complex amalgamation

of electronic components and
internal combustion mechanics.

Which you know nothing about,
by the way.

We'll have to find a hardware guy.
l don't see this as a problem.

Hey, Chickadee! What's shakin'?

You have to excuse Charlie.
He's nervous around girls.

- No, l'm not!
- Oh, it's cool, l like shy boys.

- Um, what's in the bowl?
- Meringue. The assignment.

[laughs] Here, take mine.
l'll make a new one.

- Did you see that?
- What?

Dude, she gave you meringue.
That's huge.

l just need to know, are you
going to help me with this or not?

Are you gonna be part of something,
make history,

or sit on the sidelines
and be a passive observer?

OK, look, l'll make you a deal.

l'll help with your machine
and find a hardware guy.

But when we try it out
for the first time,

we use it for whatever l want to do.

- All right.
- Right.

But Virgil, this hardware person
we need is tricky.


Because he not only needs
to be gifted mechanically,

but also, let's say,
require a certain moral flexibility.

- Lives on the fringes of society.
- OK. Well...

- How about him?
- Zeke? Are you serious?

Look at him. He's, he's...

Perfect. You know, at those
monster truck shows,

there's always that giant metal dinosaur
that breathes fire and destroys cars?

- l've seen the commercials.
- He and his dad build those.

Killer-saurus. 1 5,000 pounds
of jaw-crushing force!

- l get it.
- Look out folks, it's car-nivorous!

l get it! l get it.

[cat meows]

Your cat is freaking me out.

lt's not my cat. lt's his.

His name is Albert Felinestein.

That's the dumbest name for a cat
l've ever heard.

Couldn't agree more, Zeke.


[stammers] l hate
when people bend names too.

Like ''Virgilosity.'' l'm like,
''Come on, people, it's Virgil.''

l'm going to stop talking now.

- Amy, no! This is a private meeting.
- Oh, l'm sorry.

l just came down to watch TV. But Mom
did mention you had a new friend over?

A boy.

Ew, he's gross! Geez, Virgil,
why can't you bring home cute boys?

Amy, leave or l tell mom you're doing
makeovers on the hamsters again.

Chill. l'm outta here. lt's like
l walked into an ugly contest.

- She's a charmer.
- OK.

OK, this thing, this, uh,

quantum integration to the physical
properties of light projection,

looks like it could work.

Yeah, Mongo read.

- OK. So you'll help us construct it?
- Why not?

l'm always up for a challenge.
And free bean dip.

Um, you have a little...

- No.
- ...some bean...

Do that again and l weld you
to the crosstown bus.

Have you thought how
we're going to use this thing?

The first journey back
will obviously be a monumental event,

and our specific goal on that journey
should be appropriately grandiose.

l got it. Two words, gentlemen:

- The lottery.
- Nice.

Absolutely not, Virgil!
l refuse to agree to that.

Oh, but you already did.

You said that if l helped you,

we'd use the machine for
whatever l wanted to. No do-overs!


Do you want to time travel
or don't you?

- Fine.
- Yes!

You're not going to be able to
just plug this thing into a wall outlet.

- This is gonna take major amperage.
- Not to mention privacy and space.

l know the place. lt's perfect.

lt's completely perfect.

Come on, come on!

- Oh!
- Vice Principal Tolkan,

we need to talk
about starting a new club.

No can do. We're completely
maxed-out on classroom space.

The Future Fonduers of America
were the last ones in.

ls that Chester in the vending machine?

- Hey, fellas.
- Does anyone have four quarters?

- lt's not taking my dollar.
- You going to do something?

Like what? Change the way
high school works? No gentlemen.

Everything in the world
has an order.

There are those who stuff others
into vending machines,

and those who get stuffed into vending
machines. lt's the way the system works.

lt's in the Vice Principal's handbook.

Anyway, about our club,

- we were wondering...
- Room 77! We want room 77!

lmpossible. Never gonna happen.

- [machine whirring]
- [grunts] Like this.


Perhaps we can convince you
to reconsider.


[Tolkan muttering]


All right, scooch over to your left.
l'm going after the Pretzel Nubs.

[Charlie] The north wing was knocked
down to make the football field,

which we're underneath now.

Room 77 was built to be the school's
fallout shelter back in the 1 950's.

l think it's right through here.

[Virgil] Someone call
Extreme Classroom Makeover.

This is a disaster.

Got great bones, though.

[? Aly & AJ: Like Whoa]


OK! This is it.

One small step for man,

but one very large...

No, that's not it.
lt's one small step for...

Dude, just turn it on.

[powers up, rumbling]

[sound intensifies]


Good gravy!

- Scratch!
- lt's scorch.

- Right.
- So who wants go first?

Be the world's first time traveler?

l just ate a meatball sandwich.
l might get cramps.

Yeah and um...
this is my new favorite shirt.


[cat meows]

- [Zeke] Get the goggles.
- [Charlie muttering]

- OK, you're good.
- Come on, no biting.

- OK.
- OK.

[cat howls]

- [Charlie still muttering]
- [cat howling]

Where's Albert Felinestein?

Did you...?

Hello? Vortex! He could die!

You were OK with me going in there.

- But l was gonna...
- Hang on!

- [cat howls]
- Whoa, a catsicle!

Virgil, time travel is unpredictable.

The temperatures can be highly variable!

Guys? Take a look at the watch.



An exact one-minute differential.
That means...

Your cat is the first
time-traveler in history!

[both] We did it!

[both shouting]

- [beeping]
- [keyboard]

- [beeping]
- [keyboard]

[beeping continues]


Huh. That's bizarre.

l've got a reading from the Summerton
sensor, pretty much off the charts,

but nothing around it. Hmm.

You think they got
anything on that upstairs?

Nah, they would've called right away.
Probably another computer glitch.

They give us basement dwellers
the lame-o equipment.

Plus all the good snacks are upstairs.

l mean, seriously,
try one of these, they're stale.


[Derek] Steph, what do l have to do
to make you believe me?

She's just teaching me French.

Hmm, Jocelyn Lee is tutoring you
in French, and that's all?

[speaks French]

See, that's why l need her help.
l have no idea what you said.

l said, ''My boyfriend
is a lying cheesebrain.''

Come on, Steph, Jocelyn's hot
but she's a total bottom feeder.

l would never go there.

- l know.
- l'll call you later, OK?

[Stephanie] OK.

- Oh, Steph, l didn't see you there.
- Oh, hey.

- You studying?
- l was looking for a pencil sharpener.

Oh, l have one.

Do you have a pencil?

Same old Virg. Never changes.

Well, you haven't changed much either.

Does your hair still frizz up
when you run through the sprinkler?

Totally. This morning before school l
set up the Wiggly Worm on the lawn...

l love the Wiggly Worm.
Remember that time l almost drowned?

Because Derek shoved the nozzle
up your nose.

He tried to run away and
cracked his head on the telephone pole.

[librarian] Shh!

- l miss us.
- Tres amigos.


You know, Derek really did
try to stop those football players.

But you know how seniors are.

Anyway, l know he feels bad
about what happened that day.

You know, they say that people who
don't let go of the past die faster.

And get more acne.

l'm sweating like five hogs.

Due to irregularities in temperature,
we should be prepared.

OK, l got the winning
lottery numbers right here.

To guarantee that the vortex maintains
stability long enough to return safely,

we only have ten minutes
on the other side.

Otherwise, we run the risk of exploding.

That's funny,
l thought you said exploding.

l did. Activating grid...

Um... what's with the grappling hook?

You making fun of the hook?

What? No, no. Love, love the hook.

Next stop... funky town.


[distorted yell]

l just remembered.
l forgot to triple check the...

[stammering] Can we talk about this?


- [grunting]
- [distorted yelling]


[Zeke yelling]

We gotta work on our landings.

1 :27 yesterday. We did it.

Oh yes, we did it.
We're time travelers.

? We're time travelers
We're time travelers

? We're time, we're time, we're time
we're time, we're time travelers

- ? We're time travelers
- ls he OK?

- He really loves science.
- [Charlie continues singing]

? We're time travelers
We're time travelers

[mechanical whirring sounds]

One lottery ticket, please.
These are the numbers.

- We're feeling lucky.
- Uh-huh.

Are you feeling like you have l.D.? You
need to be 1 8 to buy a lottery ticket.

Hi. We need to ask you a favor.

- [mechanical whirring]
- He wants a tip.

Here, OK.

We need you to buy us a lottery ticket
with these numbers.

What do you say?

- Tip him.
- Oh.

lt's all l got, OK?

You guys. You guys! We have two minutes
to get back to school!

New plan. We'll meet you here
tomorrow at 1 2:00.

Hang on to the ticket till then, OK?


OK, that's the second fluctuation,
of the same exact magnitude,

at the same exact location.

l'm telling you,
it's a technical glitch.

What else could it be?

You think they all of a sudden started
drilling for oil in Summerton?

Now, let's just
get back to work, all right?

Can you help me un-knot this?

- [band playing]
- [excited chatter]

Cool. l can't believe he won.

An incredible story
from Summerton this afternoon.

The winner of the State Lottery,
announced last night,

has turned out to be
none other than Robot Man.

Told you.

OK, so tomorrow we go back in time
and get a new lottery ticket.

- But this time, we be sure...
- No. Virgil, it's wrong.

lt's cheating.

You're right. lt is cheating.

New plan. We go on TV with
the machine, do an infomercial,

sell like 8,000 of them and instantly
become rich and humongously popular!

And they say you can't buy happiness.

Listen to me. lf anyone finds out
about this time machine

it will be the end
of me, you, and Zeke.

The end!

Can you back up?
l have personal space issues.

Oh, no.

- [bell rings]
- Think outside the box.

There's an important use
for the machine.

What's more important
than being rich and popular?

Kidding! l'm kidding... mostly.

Hey, Chester. Looking for these?

Hey, gimme those!

[crowd laughing]

lf you're trying out a new look,
let me say it's not working.

Those kids stole my clothes.
Can you help me get them back?

l'd like to. Really, l would.

But that would mean altering the
delicate social system at the school.

So... good luck.

Virgil, l just had a brilliant idea.

- You mean use the time machine to...
- Exactly.

- Starch!
- Again, scorch.

Did you read the instructions
l e-mailed you?

l'm sorry.

OK, so let me get this straight.

You're saying we become
like silent heroes

- to the un-cool?
- Look around.

We live in a world
where mere minutes

can make or break
a person's entire future.

Take what happened freshman year.
Had l known it would ruin my life,

- l never would've done it.
- Tell us how you really feel?

Think about all the kids at this school
like Chester, like us.

We all live in constant fear
of humiliation,

because we happen to be smaller,
less coordinated, whatever.

But we can change that.

The Minutemen must use their powers
for truth and justice.

And then we focus on getting rich.

Again, l'm kidding.

- And who are the Minutemen?
- We. Us.

The all-important minutes in time.

- Clever, right?
- Sort of.

Not really.

Forget it! None of these remote
control hookups are gonna work.

This is no good.

We have to make adjustments
while we're back in time.

Well, then, l guess one of us
is going to hang back.

- Not it!
- Not it.

Not it! Aww! Dang it!

- Unfair, l invented the machine.
- OK.

- Re-do. Not it!
- Not it!

Not it!
Double dang it!

[Jeanette] Not it! That was fun.

- Not it!
- Uh, Jeanette, what are you doing here?

l was looking for a club to join
and l saw yours.

- ''The Back To The Future Fan Club.''
- Oh, right.

l love that movie, even though
l never really saw it.

But l totally love
the idea of time travel.

l mean, it's just so...
science fiction-y.

Actually Jeanette,
your timing is interesting.

No, it isn't, Virgil.
What are you doing?

Uh... Excuse us.

[arguing in whispers]

- Shh!
- [Charlie] lt's gonna mess up...

[inaudible] Hi.

- No, no, no!
- Listen to me.

- [Charlie repeats] No, no, no.
- [Virgil] Think about what's going on.

- [Charlie screams]
- [all arguing]

[Zeke] OK.

Jeanette, have a seat.

[machine whirring]


- OK, you know what to do, right?
- Sure thing, Puffin.

Um... but first...

We so have to do something
about those outfits.

[boys] Huh?

There you go. That's better.

- Where did you get these?
- My Dad just bought Ski World.

How lucky is that? lf he still owned
The Shrimp 'n Waffle Hut

that would be like, no help at all.

l've been looking
for something form-fitting

that would highlight
these massive guns.

- You're built like a chihuahua.
- You look like a yeti.

- You think l don't know what a yeti is?
- Do you?

- Virgil, grow up.
- Me, grow up? You grow up!

- Don't yell at Charlie!
- l'm not! You stop yelling!

- [distorted shout]
- [Charlie] l never yell at people.

[Zeke distorted] Stop yelling!

l never thought time travel
would involve so much bickering.

Oh, man!


Hold it right there, friend.

Uh, if you guys are gonna pick on me,
you'll have to take a number.

- Don't be afraid.
- We're here to help.

What's going on, fellas?

Oh, you can keep those.
l got myself some new threads.

Who were those snowsuit guys?

After twenty years of service

the board gives you either a gold watch
or one of these.

My sweet little castle.

Don't touch it. lt's going in my office
in a bulletproof glass case.

lt's delicate.

[all grunting]



Did we win? Did we win?

Oh, we won all right. We won big.

[Tolkan on loudspeaker]
Nurse Ratchett and Coach Bob

have seen it before
and they assure me it's not contagious.

One more thing, before we wrap up
this morning's announcements.

Recently, a group of students
dressed in snowsuits,

disrupted a gym class.

More importantly, they destroyed
my precious diorama.

Whoever you students are,
let me make it perfectly clear

that once you are identified,
you will be severely punished.

That is all.

Cool. We're outlaws.

- On the run from Johnny Law.
- Naughty Neds.

That's what my mom calls me
when l forget to floss.

[chatter, laughter]

Perfect, except l think
that's a dangling participle.

l hate it when those things dangle.

Pick up in five minutes, OK?

l'm totally tired and need to sit down.

You think maybe you could
just bring the food to our table?

You know, bend the rules
just a little bit?

Eugene von Hoserberg.

- Uh... You bet.
- Great.

So, do you think you get it?

Um... yeah.

[girls chattering]

Here you go...


Nice one, dork.

Way to go, Eugene.

Eugene von Hoserberg.

- Uh... You bet.
- Great.

- Here you go.
- [girl] All right! The Snowsuit Guys!


[all scream]

All right, the Snowsuit guys.

[boy] Way to go, Snow Guys.

Way to go, Eugene.

Whoa... deja vu.

The jig is up, Ski Club!
Or should l say...

...Snowsuit Guys?

Yeah, l party with them
all the time.

Who's this we're talking about, Eugene?

Oh, hey, Virgil.
Yeah, it's nobody you know.

l'm just talking about
the Snowsuit Guys.

Oh, yeah, l heard about them.

They're supposed to be total heroes.

Oh, and l hear the medium height guy,
is extremely hilarious

and devastatingly handsome...

And they're called the Minutemen,
not the Snowsuit Guys!


Anyone notice that Eugene
has copped an attitude?

You want attitude, check out Chester.

Am l a trend setter?
You tell me, amigo.

l mean, who else are these kids
supposed to look up to to set trends?

Those doorknobs?

Virgil? Virgil, Virgil!

l almost called you,
but l wanted to tell you in person.

- What? What's going on?
- l got accepted into UC Belmont!

- [Stephanie giggles]
- Get out!

But it's not a done deal yet. l applied
for a cheerleading scholarship.

They're sending a scout, which means l
have to work on my pyramid dismount.

That's so cool! l'm so psyched for you!
You love that school!

- [Derek] Steph!
- Oh, Derek.

- Oh.
- Gotta tell him about the scholarship.

So, l'll see you later, Virg. Bye.

Charlie, what's wrong?

OK, there's something l haven't told
you about the time travel formula.

Remember there was one last piece of
the equation that evaded me for years,

until l found what l was looking for

through a round-the-clock
internet downloading procedure.

- He was hacking.
- lt gets worse.

- l stole it from NASA.
- You robbed NASA?

[all grunting]

- lt's not as bad as it sounds.
- Yes, it's worse than it sounds.

The files were from the 1 960s,
they were defunct.

- No one has touched them for decades.
- This is bad, real bad.

- We could go to prison.
- Just so you know,

if we do go to prison, and we share the
same cell, l snore like a chain saw.

- Great.
- This won't be a problem

as long as we don't use the machine
for awhile and lay low.

Mmm, l dropped a grape.


[girl] So, how did it happen?

Forget it. lt's terrible Stephanie
fell off the top of the pyramid.

But forget it. l mean, we all said
that we were being watched, right?

The heat is on.

lf we don't help Stephanie she
could lose out on her scholarship.

- We have to go back.
- 'Cause you have a creepy crush on her!

Oh! Creepy crush. l vote yes!

Charlie, you said it yourself, the
files you hacked into were defunct.

l'll bet nobody knows they're missing.
Need l remind you?

We are the Minutemen,
not the Weeniemen.

Don't be late for dinner!

[girls chattering]

[whistle blows]

OK, we need a plan of action.

- We've got to be extremely discreet.
- And bold and decisive.

- Zeke, what do you think?
- Where'd he go?

- Zeke?
- Where'd he go?

At least we got
the bold and decisive part.

Go, go, go!

Come back here!
Come on.

Snowsuit Guys.

- What's up, Gene.
- Hey, dudes. Mind if l hack in?

Stop! Hold it right there!

Go Rams! Whoo!

[Stephanie screaming]

- [both grunt]
- [girl] Good catch!

[panting] Wow.

l don't know who you are,
but you're amazing.

Get out.

[people chanting] Snowsuit Guys,
Snowsuit Guys!

- [all cheering]
- Get... whoa!

- [thud]
- [grunts]


- All right!
- [boy] Yeah! Snowsuit Guys!

And we're called the Minutemen!


According to my calculations,
you guys are in my way.

- Leave us alone, Chester.
- l'm not fond of your hat.

- Excuse me, what is going on here?
- Chester keeps harassing us.

- Shut up, dirtball.
- Everyone, settle down.

Chester, last l remember you were
at the bottom of the food chain,

and l will not tolerate students
leapfrogging to a higher social status.

So you come with me.

- The Ram's Horn?
- Thanks.

- Sure.
- can l have one?

- ''Robot Man Sues Old Lady''?
- Virgil, this is bad.

We are changing the outcome
of things we never planned on.

- Our jumps cause a chain reaction.
- How so?

Chester getting in trouble.
That's never happened before.

Robot men suing old ladies?
[groans] lt's a world gone mad!

Mad l tell you!

Global warming.
He's really freaked out.

Hey, you, uh, need a hand?

Uh... Steph.

Um, not, not really.

- What are you...?
- l figure it's the least l can do,

- to thank you.
- For what?

For saving me. Snowsuit Guy.

- What? Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, don't even try it, Virg.

''Get out?'' Please.

You, Charlie, and Zeke Thompson

- are the Snowsuit Guys.
- Steph...

l knew it! That is so cool! l figured
it out because l started thinking.

The kids you helped, it was before
something bad was about to happen,

- like with me.
- That is ridiculous.

How are we gonna know when
something bad is gonna happen?

That's exactly what l asked myself.

l thought about it and
l thought about it.

- Then l figured it out.
- No, you didn't.

- Yes, l did.
- No.

- You couldn't have.
- Admit it, Virgil.

You, Charlie and Zeke...

- ...are psychic.
- Time travelers?

What? Who said ''time travelers''?

- No, that's crazy. We're psychic.
- Get out!

- We're psychic. l heard you...
- No, no, no.

Virgil, you said time travel. Oh my
gosh, cool! How do you do it? Huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh?


- Down!
- [girls cheer]

[Derek calls play]

- [whistle]
- Time out!

[man on PA] Six seconds left
in this match of crosstown rivals.

The Hornets cling to a four-point lead
coming on fourth and goal for Summerton.

[groans] Football. Remind me
why we're here again.

'Cause some kid always
embarrasses himself at these things.

Just keep your eyes open.

You know, l'm actually very bright.

Even though a lot of people
see me as sputty.

- Sputty?
- A cross between spunky and nutty.


Listen, Beau, it's all in your hands,
but no pressure.

All right? Forget that there's
six seconds left on the clock.

Forget that you could put
Summerton High on the map.

Forget my little boy
is up there in the stands,

looking down on his father trying
to fulfill a lifelong dream

of winning a state championship.
Forget about all that.

What l want is you...

...you, to, uh...

- Be the ball?
- Be the ball.

Be the ball! Go get 'em!

Down! Blue, twenty-two!

- [girls] Go Rams go!
- Blue, twenty-two!

- Set! Hike!
- Whoo!

Down with Tolkan! Done with Tolkan!

- [crowd laughing]
- Down with Tolkan!

For a guy with nudity issues,
he's come full circle.

[announcer] Loses the ball!
There's a fumble on the play!

And Hamilton's got it!

- [groans]
- [boy shouts]

The Hornets win!
What a heartbreaker for Summerton.

l always knew you were gonna do
big things, Virg, but time travel?

That's whacked out, man.

One, two, three, four
Your team stinks. You'll never score!

- Amy...
- Five six seven eight

- You can't touch this. l'm too great.
- Amy, that's it. Upstairs!

Stephanie, l didn't even see you.
lt's so weird that you're here.

And oh my gosh, Derek Beaugard?

You are like the best
football player ever...

...except for that blown play yesterday.

- Just go. Amy, go watch cartoons.
- No.

l'm so, so sorry.

l'm trying to talk my folks
into caging her when there's company.

She's so cute.

- [Derek clears throat]
- Oh. So, um...

About the game yesterday, Virg.
That was a really big deal for Derek.

He feels like he let
everybody in school down.

- l would've won that game.
- Chester streaked across the field

- and distracted him.
- What's gotten into all the dorks?

lt's like they just don't know
their place anymore.

So you guys want the Minutemen to stop
Chester from interfering with the game?

Uh, no, man.
We want you guys to do it.

Who are the... Minutemen?

That's us.

Never mind.

- So, uh...
- l don't know.

- Charlie's gonna be a tough sell.
- Come on, Virg.

l know we never really talked about
what went down that day, freshman year.

But the thing is, l tried to stop them.
lt was a raw deal, man.

l wish you and l could get back
to how we used to be.

Always chillin'.

What do you say, man?

[both] Scorch!

l can't believe you want to help Derek
after what he did to you?

- Did to us?
- lt didn't happen the way we think.

- And besides, it's time to move on.
- l've been running some tests.

We might be damaging the space-time
continuum with our time travel.

That could have serious consequences
to our future or even the planet.

What happened to Derek in that game
was our fault.

- lndirectly.
- He's right, Kookaburra.

Chester's a different person
after you rescued him in the locker.

- Excellent point.
- [Charlie] ls it me,

or have l totally lost control
of this project?

Lost control, bro.

Sorry l'm late.

Activating grid.

Ah, yes. We mustn't forget
the grappling hook.

Everybody's gotta make fun of the hook.
You'll all be sorry.

[distorted yell]

[distorted] Whee!

[distorted shout]

l will never get tired of that.





[machine powers down]

Hey, guys. You seen this?

Can l get a little help, guys?

Guys, a little help?

[crowd cheering]

[announcer] Beaugard loses the ball,
fumbles the play.

Hamilton's got it!
And the Hornets win.

So because you took this tape with you
when you jumped back in time...

lt still exists.

- Pretty clever, huh?
- This is crazy, man.

You're the man!
l gotta tell the guys about this.

- [both] No!
- You can't do that!

This is too big.
This has got to stay between us.

Yeah, yeah, no worries, brother.
But we gotta celebrate.

Tomorrow we're partying at my
house and you gotta be there.

Oh, l want to. l, l can't, though.
l'm hanging out with Charlie.

The Weather Network is counting down
the top ten hailstorms of all time.

l didn't realize how lame an evening
that was till l said it out loud.

Oh! Thank you.


So, you having fun?

Oh, yeah. l haven't been to a party
since l was ten.

And l remember the pony threw up on me.

- That was my birthday party.
- Oh.

- [stammering]
- l'm kidding.

Oh, good.

So l guess you're going
to the dance Saturday?

Yeah, l guess.

You don't sound happy about it.

l don't know.
Derek and l go to every party,

every social gathering.

lt's really a sickness
when you think about it.

l don't know.

Being popular seems like
a very satisfying way of life.

l don't know about that.

Sometimes l wonder
if l chose the right path.

l mean, look at you. You don't
seem to mind that you're...


Captain of the dorks?

l wasn't going to say it like that.

But seriously, you guys look like you're
having so much more fun than everyone.

Really? 'Cause from our side,

it looks like you
are having all the fun.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Hey, Virg!
- Hey.

lt is so good partying with you again.

Thank those other guys for me, the big,
scary dude, and the little twerp.

Oh! Dang it.
l forgot to cancel with Charlie.

Hold on, let me call him.

- [girl] Stephanie, come see this.
- He probably forgot all about it.

Charlie, how many more times
do l have to apologize?

Three hundred and twelve times
ought to do it.

Charlie, listen,
l'm really, really sorry!

Fine... l forgive you.

Look, I'm just really frazzled.

l'm worried about the time machine
and possible ripple effects.

[phone beeps]

Hang on, l've got another call.
l'll get rid of them.

- [sighs]
- Hello?

Hey, Virgil?

Um... [sobs]

- l can't believe l just...
- What's wrong?

He, um... [sobs]

- He, um...
- Don't go anywhere. l'll be there.


[Virgil] Steph. Steph.


[Virgil grunts, pants]

l haven't done this
since eighth grade.

- That, that wasn't there before.
- You could have used the front door.

Yeah, but what fun would that be?

So tell me, what happened?

So, Derek got out of practice early.

And when l went over to his house,
l saw him kissing Jocelyn Lee.

Oh, Steph.

l knew it, too.

l just didn't want to believe it.

l feel so stupid.

l know how much you like
pistachio nuts, but

in the rush to get here, l accidentally
grabbed a bag of pasta shells.

Do you have any marinara sauce?

Huh? Well...

No, l can go get some if you...

- [laughs]
- You're joking.

lt was really nice of you
to come over, Virg.

You're an amazing friend.

Yeah... friend.

[phone rings]

- Hello?
- [Derek] Babe, can we talk this out?

lt's Derek.

Listen, l'm going to talk to him.

l have to end it once and for all.

Good luck.


- [crashing]
- [cat howls]

[Virgil] l'm OK!

These repeated irregularities
are maintaining half-lives

after their primary incidence.

- lt's totally weirdsville.
- [grunts]

l mean, it's serious, sir. Um...

The fluctuations are emanating directly
from Summerton High School.

l actually have a theory about that.

lt's, well...

Does the department have
any contacts at the FBl?

You know, you're kind of
scary and unapproachable.


Can we sit with you?


You don't know
what it's like to be me.

Great athlete, hugely popular.

l mean, it's like people
expect me to play the field.

- Cheat almost.
- What's your point?

But l didn't cheat.
Jocelyn made the first move.

She kissed me
but l didn't kiss her back.

That does not count as cheating.

The thing is, and this is
where you come in,

l want you to go back in time and stop
Stephanie from busting me with Jocelyn.


- Why should l?
- Because l made a big mistake.

A huge one. And it'll never
happen again, l swear.

l don't know.
l mean, you really hurt her.

l know. l know and l feel awful.

But Steph and l have been
going out a long time now.

She's everything a guy could ever want.

l like that the three of us
have been hanging out again.

Like the old days,
and it could still be like that, man.

Come on, buddy.
What do you say?

- l need to think about it.
- Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

[car approaching quickly]

Hey! What's going on? Hold up.

- [man] Put on your seat belt.
- [tires squeal]

l'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy.

But l can give you
the names of the two...

l was gonna give them fake names.
l'd never rat you out.

Yeah, right.

- Mr. ''Keep Me On Hold All Night.''
- [man] Good afternoon, gentlemen.

My name is Agent Rehnquist, of the
Federal Bureau of lnvestigation.

And l'm going to let you boys
in on a secret.

A national secret.

ln 1 969, shortly after
the Apollo 1 1 moon landing,

the United States government
began funding

a number of new scientific projects.

One of these projects was time travel.

- What?
- Time travel?

- That's something else.
- So science fiction-y.

Hollywood baloney. That's...

The project turned up little results

and was eventually shut down.

The files never again touched.

That is until two months ago

when an industrious individual,
or individuals,

broke into the NASA mainframe,

using a computer which we traced
to Summerton High School.

[exhales] All right! l...

What my friend was about to say is that

if you're not going to
charge us with anything,

you can't keep us here.
That's right, look it up.

l took a semester of Government.

Got a B minus.

l don't understand, sir.
You're just letting them go?

We can get more information
by watching.

Yeah, but now they know
we're watching them.

Yes sir, excellent plan.

This is bad. Real bad.

Yeah, way to go Naughty Ned.

Thanks to you
we have the FBl on our backs.

Me? l wanted to stop
this whole thing weeks ago!

But no, you had to use it
for your own personal gain.

Charlie's right. Going to parties,
hanging with the populars.

lf l remember correctly,
you benefited too.

- How so?
- We gave you a life.

Before us, you were this big guy
everyone was afraid of.

- You better shut up, Virgil.
- See.

You're being mean.

Charlie, why don't you just go home
to your computer and your cat.

l will.

Good luck on your new life
as a popular person.

l'm outta here, too. l'm better off
on my own, l always have been.

Well, that's the last of the data.

Unfortunately, we won't have an answer
until morning.

[Albert meows]

Well, excuse me for not
having a supercomputer.

[phone rings]


Oh. Hey, Derek.

What do you say, Virg?
Gonna help me out, buddy?

Yeah, sure...


[bed squeaking]

- Ahh!
- Good morning, Magpie!

Your mom let me in.
lt is such a nice day l was thinking

we could go on a walk
and talk about our future.

And then... oh!

- l'd like an orange house.
- The results!

You wouldn't need an address.
On the envelope you just say

''Jeanette Pachelewski, orange house.''

lt's done!


Oh, um, l'm no scientist,

but that doesn't look good.

We created a... a...

A... a...
Spit it out, Bluebird.

A black hole.

That's bad, right?

As the timeline continues,

we see an increased number of
occurrences here in the Summerton area.

lf we can all turn to page 47,
we can see where l highlighted...

- [man] Hey!
- l lied!

l stole the formula, we've been
time-traveling all over the place.

Way ahead of you.
l'd like you to meet Doctors Connors

and Winthorpe from the seismology
department at Pacific Tech.

Doctors, this is Charles Tuttle.

- What are you, nine years old?
- He's fourteen.

That's better. Now l don't feel
like such a loser.

So you already know
about the black hole?

- What?
- The black hole!

l knew you guys were underfunded,
but come on.

Preposterous. We ran the worst case
scenario several times.

We never came up
with a black hole.

l see five, six decimals
that weren't carried over.


- Oops.
- Yeah, oops.

Each time we used the machine,
the rift in the space-time continuum

did not disappear. lnstead the
fluctuations blended together

to create one giant black hole.

The worst part is the black hole will
spread until it swallows up Summerton.

Then the Northwest,
then the entire United States.

- [gulps]
- And so on.

- How much time till zero hour?
- According to my estimates we have...

...less than four hours
till the end of the world.

OK, people, we are going to Code Red.
Get Washington on the phone, now!

There might be a way to reverse it,
but it's a longshot.

Well, let's hear it, sir.


[Stephanie] l'm excited
for the dance tonight.

And you know what?

l'm really glad
you're coming with me.

- Hey, what are friends for?
- [laughs] Come on.

[rock music]

- Everything set?
- Uh, yeah.

The suits are in the basement, we'll go
through the tunnels under the cafeteria.

Sweet. We'll go as soon as they
announce the winners.

Hey, Virgil.


Do you believe that a person's life
can change in a single moment?

Sometimes for the better,
other times for the worse?

Yeah, l guess.

There's a moment in one of our
lives that's about to change.

And l don't know if it's
for the better or for the worse.

Virgil, um, l'm not following.

[music ends]

- Uh, attention...
- [feedback]

Um, attention everyone.

lt's time to announce this year's
king and queen of the dance.

But first...

[imitates Elvis] Sonny, Red,
and l wanna fry up some

peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Thank you. Thank you very much.

lt's Elvis Presley. Anyone?

Come on, that was a brilliant...

[groans] Stephanie Jameson and
Virgil Fox get up here. You won.

- This is such a surprise.
- Not really.

To guarantee we'd win, l went back
in time and stuffed the ballot box.


Miss Jameson and Mr. Fox.

Don't let it go to your head.
There's still time for a recount.

[slow song plays]

So, um, did you really stuff the box?


l mean, you, sure,
but who would vote for me?

l would.

- This is weird.
- Yeah.

- Why?
- A good weird.

- Right.
- How you can be friends with someone

for so long, then...

- lt's different..
- A good different.

- Come on, brother, it's time to go.
- Oh, about that.

- l think l changed my mind.
- You promised.

- Virgil?
- Don't go anywhere. l'll be right back.

l knew Derek would be hacked
about Virgil bringing Stephanie.


- Oh, no.
- [kids chanting] Fight, fight.

Derek, wait up.
Can we talk about this?


Oh, man.

Stephanie, where's Virgil?

- He left with Derek.
- Why?

Don't tell me he's going
to jump back in time?

- Oh my gosh, that's what he's doing!
- He might make things worse!

- [Charlie] Excuse me! Sorry!
- Worse than the end of the world?

Derek, l don't think l can do this.

What, why?

Stephanie. l just...
l just think...

Dude, don't tell me
you're going to try to steal my girl.

We're friends. l mean,
buddies don't do that to each other.

[Charlie] Virgil! Virgil Fox!

Virgil, we have a small problem.

[whispers] We have less than an hour
to save the planet!

- What are you talking about?
- Well, well. What do we have here, hmm?

Looks like the beginnings of a fracas.

- A what?
- A fracas!

- lt's a fight.
- We'll sort out the detentions later.

Right now, all of you
get back to the gym.

- [all groan]
- Everyone move!

Everyone freeze! FBl!

Stop! ClA!

Bureau of Weights and Measures!

ln the future,
you should probably go first.


Virgil, that's what l
was talking about. Come on.

[rumbling continues]

[people shouting]

We need to get these people
out of here now!

- [excited chatter]
- [zapping]

[Virgil] So, we're supposed to go
inside the black hole and close it?

As far as l can figure,
it's the only way.

We'll take the remote pack with us
and reverse the polarity once we land.

- What pack?
- l've been working on

a new way to control
our jumps from the other side.

OK, hold the phone.

We can't let these students go in that,
they could die!

We have no choice. They're the only
ones familiar with the equipment.

lf they don't go
then we could all die.

God speed.

l'm the one who messed everything up.

l'll go. Charlie and Zeke
had nothing to do with it.

What do you mean, nothing to do
with it? l invented it.

- l helped.
- No, you didn't.

- Yeah, l did.
- You painted it!

- [both arguing]
- [man] Excuse me.

OK. Enough! Enough!

You'll both go.

You'll be needing me too, sir,
and my hook.



[delighted screams]

Listen, guys, once we've reversed
the wormhole's polarity,

there's no measuring
how quickly it will close.

lt could stay open for several more
minutes or vanish instantaneously.

And even if we do
make it back alive,

there's no guarantee we'll return
exactly to the point we exited from.

- Aye aye, Seņor Positive.
- Good luck, Zeke!


Virgil, l hear you're
trying to save the world.

That's right. Your big brother's
pretty cool, huh?

When you die can l have your room?
Mine is way too small and...

- Bye, Amy.
- [Jeanette] Charlie, um...

Come back in one piece, OK?

Come on, Charlie, we gotta go.

[both] Charlie?

- [Zeke] Here.
- All right, Zeke.



[girl] You can do it!

Listen, l just... whatever happens,
l just want you to know...

Hey man, good luck.
With everything.

Yeah, great.

Just, um...

Just be careful.

- OK?
- OK.

[crowd chanting] Minutemen!
Minutemen! Minutemen!

At least they finally
got the name right.

[chanting continues]

Let's do this, fellas!

[all three shouting]

[all yelling]

[children laughing]

Whoa. Cool.

[all yelling]

- [groans]
- [Charlie coughing]

[children shouting]

Wow! Space men!

- l think we landed in Munchkinland.
- Cool. What up, Munchkins?

Actually, we're across town
at the park.

What planet did you come from?
From Neptune?

Do people on Neptune eat macaroni? l
love macaroni. ls macaroni a vegetable?

Beat it, kid. We're workin' here.

OK, set up the antenna.

Beginning reversal sequence.

[Virgil] Come on.

Wow! Sweet!

This looks good!

Rate of increase is slowing!

The vortex's polarity is decreasing.

Stabilization achieved!

- l think we did it!
- Ha!

We have 20 minutes
till the vortex touches the ground.

Then we can jump back.

Hey, guys.

- Today is September 3rd, 2005.
- First day of school freshman year.

- Oh, that's the day...
- ''The lncident.''

- ''The lncident.''
- [Charlie] Of course!

The day a module of quantum acceleration

first interacted with the space-time
continuum! The rocket cart.

lt's linked the wormhole from our
present to this moment in the past.

- [Charlie] ln a few moments our...
- Dude.

[Zeke] Don't do it, Virgil.

Virg, no!

Virg, come on!

You're thinking of stopping
what's going on there?

Why not? lsn't that what
the Minutemen do? Un-do mistakes?

Well, l made a mistake down there.

l have a chance to be somebody.

OK, but know this.

What happened down there is
we became friends.

That day that we were tied up together
on that stupid Ram statue.

[girls screaming]

This day.

This day you hate so much because
you got a little embarrassed?

This is my favorite day.

Even though l'd still be a nerd,
it didn't really matter anymore,

because now l had a real friend.

And that would always
make everything OK.

So much for always, l guess.


Listen... listen, Virg,

you do what you gotta do here.

And if things aren't the same
on the other side...

...it's been a good ride.


[Derek] Hey guys, wait!
You shouldn't do that.

'Cause l've got a much better idea.

l mean, why don't we
smear this all over them?

- [all cheer]
- [Derek] Losers.


No! No! The closure rate of the vortex
went into overdrive!

- You're telling me...
- lf that touches the ground,

we'll be trapped here for good.

- What about Virgil?
- There's no way we'll make it to him

and back to the vortex in time!

- [grunts]
- Charlie! Charlie, get up!

Get up, Charlie!
We gotta keep moving!

Let's go!

We're never going to make it.

We're a mile away.
We're stuck in the past forever.

[car approaching]

Man, you do not want
to go back there.

Kids getting roughed up
by football players. lt's real ugly.

You don't say?

At first, l felt kinda sorry
for the dorky kid, but...

...then l realized,
what does he need me for?

He's got himself
a great friend down there.

And someday he'll have
other great friends, too.

[both] Scorch!

You know, let's come up
with our own handshake.

Can we go? l don't feel like repeating
three years of high school.

- Right. Sorry.
- Good idea! Go, go!


- [horn honks]
- Look out!

[all yelling]

[still yelling]

- Car!
- Ahh!

- [horns honking]
- [boys screaming]

- Oh my God!
- Whoa, whoa!

- What are you doing?!
- What do you mean?

That was 1 4th Street!
The vortex is back that way.

Oh, my bad.

- We're never gonna make it!
- No problem.

[boys screaming]

- [honks horn]
- [boys scream]

- [tires screech]
- [still screaming]

- Whoa!
- [both] Yeah, grappling hook!

- Oh my God!
- Yeah!

Now keep your hand on the wheel!

- Go, Virgil!
- Go or we're not gonna make it!

We're not gonna make it!

We're not gonna make it!

Minutemen rule!

[all scream]

[all yelling]

[all grunting]

Where's my rocket cart?

[Virgil] What day is it?

That is it.
No more time travel!

OK, up. You're supposed to be jogging.

Now, nobody loafs in my gym class.

- You don't understand!
- l understand plenty!

l understand you're not jogging.
So let's move it! Let's go!

[blows whistle] Go! Go! Go!

Start jogging!
Move it, move it, move it!

l got to get one
of those cool jogging suits.

A smoking tire?

All right, people, no loitering
in the hallways. Let's move it along.


[quietly] l'm definitely gonna
institute a dress code in this place!

[Derek] See, Steph, l need her help.
l have no idea what you just said.

l said, ''My boyfriend
is a lying cheesebrain.''

- Come on, Steph.
- Derek, l'm trying to study.

You know what?
This is the first day we time traveled.

The day we tried to win the lottery.

Wow, nice outfits, bozos.

Hey, Derek.

Have fun with Jocelyn.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, l don't know. l figured
you're both so good with lipstick,

you'd make a perfect match.

You were always gonna be
a dork anyway, Virgil.

And you were always gonna be
a jerk, Derek.

Have a nice life.

- Ladies.
- Oh, what's new, Cockatoo?

- Wow, you look like a superhero.
- Thanks, pumpkin.


You've never kissed her. The scene in
the hallway hasn't happened yet.

Oh, right. Jeanette, l'm sorry!

l was just... l can explain.

[laughs] Hey, it's OK.

- Uh, Steph.
- Oh, hey.

You didn't see me
in here before, did you?

No, and um...
what's with the weird suit?

Oh, l was just rehearsing
a little school play

about time travel and, uh,
it kinda got me thinking.

lf l really could go back in time,
what would l change?

That snowsuit?

l would tell Stephanie how l really
feel about her.

That l think she's great.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And if l could go back in time...

...l think l'd tell Virgil
the same thing.

[bell rings]

- Virgil!
- What?

[Zeke] Charlie!

What does the word
''teleportation'' mean to you?

lt's bigger than time travel,
a whole new transportation paradigm.

We still have the slide projector...

- l'll call you.
- [Charlie still muffled]

- lt's like time travel.
- No, Charlie.

- Black hole!
- Follow me.

Stephanie, listen to me! Talk to him,
he likes you! You'll like him!

Think about gas prices.
Think about global warming.

l could get Jeanette back!

OK, we're here.
Where's the fire?

Ah, gentlemen, brace yourselves,

for this is going to be
the greatest invention...

ln the history of all mankind.

Whoa. l knew the shrimp tacos
were a bad idea.

You made another...
He made another Charlie.

Yeah. l got that.

[both] How great is this?

- l'm not sure ''great'' is the word.
- ''Terrible''?

- Yeah. That's it.
- Think of the possibilities.

The practical applications?
You have a violin lesson,

but you also want
to catch Judge Judy.

No problemo.
Here's the solution.

- Or you could just record it.
- Mmm.

Bad example. l'm taking AP history
and AP physics the same semester,

but for some reason
l'm on academic overload,

and don't have time
to study for both finals...

- [Charlie 1] Guys.
- [Charlie 2] What are you doing?

- [Charlie 1] Zeke, Virgil.
- [Charlie 2] That's my arm.

Where are you going?
You can't leave us in here.

At least you'll have company.

What about the team?
Minutemen ride again!

- l like that. What about the team?
- That kid really loves science.


Hey, scooch over.
l'm going for the pretzel nubs.

So, we're supposed to go inside
the black hole and close it?

As far as l can figure,
it's the only way.

[dance music plays]

Special thanks to SergeiK.