The Men Who Stare At Goats Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the The Men Who Stare At Goats script is here for all you fans of the George Clooney movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some The Men Who Stare At Goats quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

The Men Who Stare At Goats Script


- Boone?
- Yes, General?

I'm going into the next office.

Yes, sir.

Damn it!

My name is Bob Wilton.
I'm a journalist.

Part of my job is finding
where the story begins.

If you were looking at my story,
you might think it began

when I got a job at the
Ann Arbor Daily Telegram.

Or you might think it began...

...when I married
my college sweetheart Debora.

But you'd be wrong.

Because the real story of my life
began a few years back,

when my editor sent me
to interview a local guy,

he'd heard on the talk radio show.

The guy claimed to have
some kind of psychic powers.

That he could travel with just his mind
anywhere he wanted.

He called it "Remote Viewing".

The man's name was Gus Lacey.

What have you seen lately?

Lately, I've been watching
the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland.

Thanks, Mom.
Uh, and it turns...

I got it. I got it.
Mom, I got it.

Thank you.

It turns out...

It's the ghost of a dinosaur.

Okay. Wow.

So, when did this all
start for you, Gus?

It started when I was a kid.

Gus told me that
back in the eighties,

he was part of a top-secret unit
that got their training in the army.

In a program sanctioned
by the highest levels of government.

When I asked him what's the purpose
of this unit was, he said:

We were Psychic Spies, mainly.
That was our initial tasking.

Once they realized
what they were sitting on...

We were trained to kill animals.

- What? With...
- With our minds. That is correct.

Just by staring at them.

What kind of animals?

One of our unit's
stopped the heart of a goat.

Power... they unleashed in us.

Last week I killed my hamster.

You wanna see?

There! Look!

You ever seen a hamster
do that before?

- I've never owned a hamster, Gus, so...
- Just look! Look!

See the way it's glaring
at its wheel.

Yeah, I guess our hamster-owning
readers will know what's...

aberrant behavior and what...

- Oh, shit! Shit! He's down!
- Yeah, he's down.

At this point I'd been staring at him
for about three hours.

Bizarre, right?

What is that?

It didn't die.
You said, you killed it?

Yeah, well...

Mom said no.

She said:
"Don't show the hamster dying"

"Show the tape where
the hamster acts bizarre instead."

You should have seen
the Skipper at work.

- Who's the Skipper?
- Lyn Cassady.

For me, after Bill he was the
most gifted psych I've ever met.

He was like an occultic force.

I think he runs a dance studio now.

The little man inside me
dismissed Lacey as a nut.

You know, the little man.

He's the one who says:
"Keep your head down."

"Stay in your little town,
your little job."

"You're a lucky guy,
your wife loves you."

"You have everything you want."

"You're not looking for
some great adventure."

"But then, one day...

...when you least expect it,

"The great adventure finds you!"

Ron's sudden death
was the catalyst for everything.

Deborah told me later that
it had been like a wake-up call for her.

What people used to call:
"The memento mori".

Ron's massive coronary
had reminded her that was just too short to
waste any chance of true happiness.

And his death that helped her
to put everything in perspective.

A week after the funeral...

...she left me for my editor.

It seemed like such a tragedy
at the time.

We couldn't see beyond
our little lives... the great events of history
unfolding out there in the world.

I was like a child or a Hobbit,
safe in the Shire.

Or a blond farm boy
in a distant, desert planet,

...unaware that he was already
taking the first steps on the path...

...that would lead him relentlessly
towards the heart of a conflict...

...between the forces of
Good and Evil.

Americans are a resolute people,

...who have risen
to every test of our time.

Adversity has revealed
the character of our country, the world.

Had I known where that path
would lead,

...had a soft wind from my future
brought me the name of Bill Django,

...I might never have gone.

But as it was,

I did what so many men
have done throughout history

...when a woman has broken
their heart...

I went to war.


- So, have you seen any combat?
- Yeah, no it's, uh...

Well, I won't lie to you Debora,
it's been pretty damn hairy.

Yeah. We've been
watching it on Fox.

Yeah, it's not, uh...

I've seen things that
you shouldn't, you know...

Well, I don't even know
why you're there.

Well, I think it's important
people get an accurate picture of what's

- What?
- Ready to go?

- ...what's happening, so...
- Yeah.

- So, what is that... is that Dave?
- Yeah.

He says "Hi."

Oh, that's, huh...

Is he gonna get his stuff
out of here?


I... I gotta go.

We're moving out, riding up
north to cover the fighting there

Wait, Bob, I'm just...

So, what's a useful phrase?

La tutlek. Ana sahaffi.

- La tutlek. Ana sahaffi.
- Right.

- What's that mean?
- Don't shoot. I'm a reporter.

Okay, I'll bear that in mind.

La tutlek. Ana sahaffi.

I've been waiting for months for
permission to cross the border into Iraq.

All that time, I'd seen
the embedded war correspondents

...coming back,
swapping stories.

They all ignored me.

I had to get into Iraq somehow,

or I would never again
be able to face myself,

my wife, or that
one-armed fuckhead Dave.

DeWitt Resources, uh,
out of Arkansas.

That's right.
We make trash cans.

You're here for the conference, right?
Looking for a contract?

- I guess.
- What's your pitch?

Well... we're real cheap.

- Bob Wilton.
- Skip.

- Do you mind if I...?
- No.

- So you're from Arkansas?
- No.

- Been here long?
- No.

Be careful what you wish for.

I wanted to prove myself,

and for my sins,

fate taught me a lesson.

Lyn Cassady?

Lyn Cassady.

For me, after Bill he was the
most gifted psych I've ever met.

Do you know a Gus Lacey?



I have your hat.


- You work for Hooper?
- Hooper? No.

I work for the Ann
Arbor Daily Telegram.

How do you know about Lacey?

I interviewed him a few months ago
for my paper.


Follow me.

Let me ask you something.

What color were the chairs
in the hotel bar?

You were in there for hours.
What color were the chairs?

- Green.
- Beige.

How many lights are there
in this room?

A Super Soldier wouldn't have to look.
He would just know.

- A Super Soldier?
- A Jedi Warrior.

He would know
where all the lights were.

He could walk through a room
and he could tell you... many power outlets
there were.

People are walking around
with their eyes closed.

At Level One, we were trained to
instantly absorb all details.

- What's, uh, what's a Jedi Warrior?
- You're looking at one.

- You're a Jedi Warrior?
- That's correct.

I don't...

I don't know what that means.

I'm Sergeant First Class Lyn Cassady,
Special Forces, retired.

In the eighties,
I was trained at Fort Bragg

...under a secret initiative
codenamed "Project Jedi."

The objective of the project
was to create Super Soldiers.

Soldiers with super powers.

We were the first generation
of the New Earth Army.

- You've got super powers?
- That's correct.

Wait a minute.

What you saying is that you...

...were a Psychic Spy, like Lacey?

We prefer the term "Remote Viewer."

- How does that work?
- Well, every Jedi had different techniques.

Mel Landau used to visualize packing
all his troubles into a little suitcase, clear his mind.

Steve Cuttle recite Bible verse
which was...

What about you?

I find... I find drinking helps.

And if I'm listening to
classic rock...

- Oh, yeah? Like who?
- I like Boston. Boston usually works.

What other powers did you practice?


- Invisibility?
- Yeah. That was Level Three.

- Like... actual invisibility?
- Well, yeah, that was the goal.

Eventually, we adapted it to just
finding a way of not being seen.

But once you understand,

the linkage between observation
and reality,

...then you begin to
dance with invisibility.

Like camouflage?

No. It's not like camouflage.

We also practiced Phasing.

Crossing from particle to wave,
from the physical to energy.

Solid objects seem to pass
right through you.

That starts with a breathing exercise.

Then you think black.
That's the nothingness. Got it?

I don't know what the...

Can I be honest with you, Lyn?

I don't know what to make of this.

I don't know what to say.
This is amazing stuff.

I wanna...

- Could I write a story about this?
- Not gonna happen.

Because, I've been looking
for a story, Lyn.

And I was gonna write
about the re-build contracts...

...but this is much better.
This is much better.

- Not gonna happen.
- All I'm saying is we could meet tomorrow

I'm shipping out tomorrow.

- What? You're going home?
- Going to Iraq.

I've been thinking about partnering
with a factory in Al Qaim.

- I could come.
- What?

- I could come, maybe...
- Look, I don't want to be a story.

- I don't need the attention.
- Look, we could change names, stuff...

Look! There's a war over there, Bob!
Do you understand that?


Now, I don't have to be
looking out for you.

You... you wouldn't have...
I'll look after myself.

I've been in some pretty hairy situations.

I'm a journalist, Lyn.
You understand?

A journalist.
I go where the story is.

What is this?

Nothing. I was just doodling.

What's the matter?


The U.S Army doesn't really have
any serious alternative...

...than to be wonderful!

This does not represent
the official position...

...of the United States Army
at this time.

Bill Django.

Who's Bill Django?

The man who wrote that book.

He said it all started when he
fell out of a helicopter in Vietnam.

Move out!
Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go!

Move it! Move it!

Fuck you motherfucker!

- Hey, knock it off!
- Hold your fire!

Chris! Knock it off!

Will you knock it off?


- Medic!
- You'll be alright.


What are you waiting for?

What the fuck!
Why isn't anyone firing?


Every single one of Bill's men
fired high.

They instinctively hadn't wanted
to shoot another person.

Later Bill would come across a study,
which revealed that...

...only 15-20 percent of fresh soldiers
shot to kill.

The rest aimed high,
didn't fire at all,

...or pretended to be
busy doing something else.

I got you, sir.
Stay with me, alright?

I got you.

Hang in there.

Their gentleness... their strength.

While recovering in the hospital,

Bill wrote to the
Vice Chief of Staff for the Army,

explaining that he wanted to go
on a fact-finding mission... explore
alternative combat tactics.

The Pentagon agreed to pay
his salary and expenses.

What Bill hadn't told the Pentagon

...was that he was really looking for
the answer to his vision.

How could his men's gentleness,

...their general lack of interest
in killing people, turned into a strength?

How could love and peace
help win wars?

Bill knew where to go
to find out.

Bill disappeared into the
New Age Movement for six years.

Like all Shaman before him,
he had traversed the wilderness.

Now he was returning to his people,
a changed man.

He brought with him his
confidential report

...which he called:

"The New Earth Army manual."

The New Earth Army is a banner under
which the forces of good can gather.

The courage and nobility
of the Warrior,

...blended with the
spirituality of the Monk.

The Jedi Warrior will follow
in the footsteps...

...of the great imagineers
of the past:

Jesus Christ, Lao Tse Tung,
Walt Disney...

The role of The New Earth Army is
to resolve conflict world-wide.

Jedis will parachute into war zones,
utilizing sparkly eyes technique,

...carrying symbolic
flowers and animals,

...playing indigenous music
and words of peace...

What's... What's the
sparkly eyes technique?

Are you ready?

- Got it?
- Okay.

- You see it? You got it?
- I think, I got it.

As Lyn drove on, I wondered
what the hell I was doing.

I wanted to go back.
This wasn't me, this was crazy.

And so was Lyn.

But, by then, it was too late.
We'd already crossed the border.

What? Does that direct
your powers?


The cone. Does it direct your
psychic powers or something?


It cooks supper.
It's solar.

Utilizing the power of the universe.

No pollution,
totally renewable.

That's New Earth Army technology.

Pretty mind blowing, isn't it?

First time I saw that,
I was like...

- What the fuck?
- Yeah. But, well it's...

But what?

It's just hard to believe
the Pentagon paid for this.

There's nothing in here,
actually about fighting?

The New Earth Army was
tasked with preventing conflict.

We're a force of peace,
not war.

Bill understood
if you want to change the world,'ve got to start
by changing the armies.

He was the guy that started
the research in the non-lethals.

- Non-lethals?
- Check this out.

- The Predator.
- The Predator?

Lyn, that's just a plastic...

You're mine now.

The predator is 100% biodegradable.

It's friendly to the earth
and it can hurt you in a hundred ways.


It has warrior capacities.
And it looks a little bit funny.

Jesus! Stop it!

- I bought it online.
- Fuck!

The funny thing is, you could see
this just lying on the ground...

...and you'd never know
that it has such lethality.



Well, I guess it's officially night now.

Piece of shit.

I've got Crohn's.
The steroids help.

Sometimes there's a need, Bob.

Sometimes people are calling
out for something,

...they don't even know
it themselves.

And then a man like Bill
appears out of nowhere,

...because he heard the call.

We are a hollow army, gentlemen.

Vietnam has crushed our soul.

We have to dream a new America.

An America that no longer has an
exploitative view of natural resources,

no longer promotes
consumption at all cost.

But to achieve this dream,

we must become the first superpower
to develop super powers.

We must create Warrior Monks.

Men and women
who can fall in love with everyone,

...sense plant auras,
pass through walls,

...stop saying mindless clichés
and see into the future.

I want you to
join me in this vision.

Be all you can be.

Amongst Bill's audience that day
was a Brigadier General...

...from the Defense
Intelligence Agency.

Dean Hopgood.

For some time, the General
had been concerned with...

...Soviet research
into psychic powers.

According to some stories,

...the Soviets had designed
"psychotronic generators."

Machines capable of bombarding
the President with negative energy.

They were also conducting
sadistic experiments... see whether animals
had psychic powers.

Could they, for instance,

...telepathically detect that their
babies were distressed?

Sick bastards.

But when did the Soviets begin
this type of research?

Well, sir...

It looks like they found out
about our attempt to...

...telepathically communicate with
one of our nuclear subs.

The Nautilus, while it was
under the Polar cap.

- What attempt?
- There was no attempt.

It seems the story
was a French hoax.

But the Russians think
the story about the story...

...being a French hoax
is just a story, sir.

So, they've started psi research...

...because they thought
we were doing psi research,

when in fact we
weren't doing psi research?

Yes, sir. But now that
they're doing psi research,

...we're gonna have to
do psi research, sir.

We can't afford to have the Russians
leading the field in the paranormal.

Two weeks later, the Army adopted
the slogan: "Be all you can be."

And appointed Bill Commander of the
first New Earth Army battalion.



Lyn? Lyn!


Nothing, I...

- What? What are you doing?
- Salute to the sun.

Alright. We're Oscar Mike.

- That's "On the Move", soldier.
- Right.

What are you doing?

Cloud bursting.
Keeps me in shape.

- Really? Which one?
- That one.

- What? This one?
- No. That one. The big one.

Isn't that too far away?

They're all far away.

And it's gone.

Jesus, you had like
the whole desert to drive in, Lyn.

I'm sorry about that, Bob.

Must have got a little
bi-locational there.

Don't worry it though.
Somebody will come along soon.

- Heads.
- Right.

- Head.
- Right.

- What's your record at this?
- Two hundred and sixty four. Tails.

Right. Well, that's pretty...

Thank you, Jesus.
Good Jesus!

Please! Please!

Can you help us?
Can you help?

Can you help?
We drove into a rock.

And I wonder, if you could
take us to some... a town or someplace?

Can we... we get in?
Thank you.

He says fattore.
Fattore, he says.

We can get in.
Come on.

Thank you. Thank you for, uh,
picking us up.

No cars came by.

How... How far is...


- Is this...
- Yeah.

We're gonna die.

We're gonna be killed by Al Qaeda.

- I don't think they're Al Qaeda.
- What the hell do you know?

You don't know.

You don't know!
You don't know anything!

This is all your fault!

Bob, there's something
I have to tell you.

When I said that I was retired
from the unit, that was a lie.

I'm on a mission.

DeWitts was just my cover.
I've been reactivated.

I couldn't tell you
because this is a Black Op.

But I think you have a role to play.
I think that's why you're here.

You're an idiot.

You know why I'm here?

I just wanted to get into Iraq
so I could prove to my wife...

...that I wasn't a...

And now I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die.
And she's right. I'm such a...


Bob, have you ever heard of
"Optimum Trajectory"?


"Optimum trajectory."

Your life is like a river.

And if you're aiming for a goal
that isn't your destiny,'ll always gonna be swimming
against the current.

Young Gandhi wants to be
a stock-car driver?

It's not gonna happen.

Little Anne Frank wants to
be a High School teacher.

Tough titty Anne.
That's not your destiny.

But you will go on to move
the hearts and minds of millions.

Find out what your destiny is
and the river will carry you.

Now, sometimes events in life...

...give an individual clues
as to where their destiny lies.

Like those little doodles
you just happened to draw?

It's the Ajna chakra,
the third eye.

The symbol of the Jedi.

When I saw that
you're drawing it, well...

...the Universe gives you clues
like that, you don't ignore it.

You're meant to be here with me, Bob.

It's the Jedi in you
that sensed it.

Now, I don't think these guys
are FRL's or Mahdi Army...

...I think we're talking
standard criminals here.

Which means they're gonna try
to sell us to another group.

- We can't let that happen.
- How are we gonna stop them?

There's three of them!
And they've got guns!

We're Jedi, Bob.

We don't fight with guns.
We fight with our minds.

What do you mean?

Okay, let's say that we have no choice
but to fight with these guys.

We will use visual aesthetics
to instill psychically... the enemy
a disincentive to attack.

What do you mean?

Okay, you pick one of them out,
you lock eyes with him,

...and you go into this monotone
and you're gonna go...

"I'm not going to attack you."

You relax your body and your voice.

And you just rip out
one of his eyes.

Or you get a pen
and you stab him in the neck,

you create this...
a fountain of blood,

I mean a real fountain, get it
squirting all over his buddies.

That is a psychic disincentive,
right there.

We haven't got a pen.

You're missing the point.

Come here.
Stand up. Come.

Let me show you something.

- Choke me.
- I don't want to, Lyn.

Choke me.
What am I gonna do?

I don't know...
there's too many sharp edges.

It's okay.
You can "attack me."

What's with the quotation fingers?

It's like saying, I'm only capable
of ironic attacking or something.

Choke me!

Well, if I choose to choke you,
what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna interrupt your
thought pattern.

See? I barely moved.

Physics wise,
not much going on here.

It's the psychic energy that's
important. You okay?

- Sharp edges.
- Yeah.

- You felt fear though in the beginning?
- Yes.

Would you say that level of fear
was abnormal?

I don't know. I was pretty
terrified anyway...

...but the fear I felt on the run-up
to the choking was, you know, unusual.

You know why?

Because it wasn't you.
It was me.

I was inside your head.
Fighting with the mind.

- Now, you must always...
- Okay. We'll go.

I'm sorry I freaked out
back there, Lyn.

You learned a lesson.

"Whatever you fear most
has no power over you,'s the fear
that has the power."

- Bill?
- Oprah.

You really don't work
for DeWitts?

Just my cover.

Gus Lacey said
you ran a dance studio.

That was just cover too, right?

No. I do run a dance studio.

I love dancing.

And you're out here
on a mission, right?

In time, Bob.

Did you mean what you said back there
when you said I had some...

...I had some Jedi in me?

We learn to recognize our own kind.

Haven't you always felt like
you were different?

Yes. Yes, I have.

That's the way it is for us.

We're the ones who don't fit in,
when we were kids.

Have you always had powers?

Kind of.

Foxtrot-117 has launched.
Tracking now.

Charlie-Oscar 31.8066667...

Did you crash those computers?

Yes, sir.

Far fucking out!

How would you feel
about a transfer, son?

I am Lieutenant Colonel Bill Django.

If you pass this course...'ll be a psychic weapon.

An angel of death,
our enemies worst nightmare!

Until that time, you're nothing!

Less than nothing!

- Do you understand?
- Sir! Yes, sir!

I'm just kidding about this shit.

Okay, what shall we do now, uh?

Let's dance.


Give it everything you've got.

That's it.

- What's your first name, Cassady?
- Lyn, sir.

You've gotta free your feet
before you can free your mind, Lyn.

I'm not really much of a dancer, sir.

That's not true, is it?

You can dance.

It's just someone told you not to.

Stop acting so fucking queer!

Well, I'm your commanding officer,
and I'm ordering you to...

...let the dance out!

Come on, dance!

Let it go!

Let it go!

That's it!

Welcome to the Heroes Journey, Lyn.

Okay everyone, remember,
we officially do not exist as a unit.

And remember,
no solid food for the first week.

Belgian waffle, ginseng
and amphetamines.

Not to be abused,
but very fucking handy.

There's the opening.
Feel the bend now. You feel it?

That's it! Yeah!

- Think cold!
- Bravo Zulu! Yeah!

Mother Earth, my life support
system as a soldier,

I must drink your blue water,
live inside your red clay,

...and eat your green skin.

Carry my body through
space and time.

You're my connection to the Universe
and all that comes after.

I'm yours and you are mine.
I salute you.

After years of feeling
like an oddball...

...Lyn had finally found a home.

At last he was with men who prided
themselves on being different.

Left shoulder, that's it.

These were Golden Days for Lyn.

There was something so noble
and pure in Bill's vision...

...that the Jedis felt inspired
to be more than soldiers.

In a world torn apart by
greed and hate...

they would be a force for good,
for peace.

For the first time in his life
Lyn felt truly happy.

Then into the garden
a serpent did come.

Let me finish this.
Let me finish this.

Larry Hooper was a failed Sci-Fi
writer from Colorado,

...recruited to the Jedi
after General Hopgood...

...met him at a
spoon-bending party.


You did this?

You son of a...!

Right from the start...

...he had made himself unpopular
with the rest of the unit.

Congratulations, Scotty. I'm sorry
it doesn't work out between you two.

Larry made it quite clear that
he despised most of the other Jedis.

Hey, man! How'd you like it
if somebody did that to you?

But Lyn...
Lyn was different.

Fuck off!

He really hated him.

K-9. Scotty?


- It's something cylindrical? It's a pencil?
- Okay. Larry?

This is Larry's spirit guide, Maud.

I'm looking into the cupboard now.

And I see...

I see...

...a tin mug?


It's a man sitting on a chair.

No, wait a minute.
You said A, not K!

- He said A.
- Bravo Zulu, Lyn. Outstanding.

After a year's training,
Lyn was given his first tasking.

A senior NATO General had been kidnapped
by Red Brigade members in Italy.

Bill was unofficially asked
if his unit would be able to... find him
before it was too late.

We're north of Verona.

It's a small town near a lake.

I can see a cinema.

Across the street from the cinema,
there's a shop.

Or it's a... it's a cafe.

He's in the apartment above the cafe.

The name of the town is...'s something sweet.


The name of the town is Dolce.

Bill had never encountered anyone
with such psychic capabilities.

And from that moment on,
Lyn's reputation soared.

Rank, medals... these things
mean little to the Jedi.

But growth in spirit, in wisdom,
in psychic power,

...these are things
that earn our respect.

Native Americans believed that
when one received the Eagle feather, was the mark of love,
of gratitude...

...and ultimate respect.

Only true human beings
may carry the Eagle feather.

- Way to go, Lyn!
- That's great!

The word soon got out in the
intelligence community...

...that there was a sergeant
at Fort Bragg...

...who could find whatever
you needed found.

It was as if Lyn could fly
anywhere in the world...

...without leaving his room.

As Bill said:

the Force truly was strong
with this one.


Don't worry, Bob.
We're not gonna get in that truck.

You don't want us.

You don't want us!

Put your weapon away.

Put your weapon away.

Bob, don't move.

Put your weapon away.
Bob, don't move.

Bob, stay put!
Bob, stop!

La tutlek. Ana sahaffi.

Hold it right there.

Now at the time I thought
Lyn was having some kind of fit here.

Later I discovered
what he was actually doing...

...was performing
the Echmeyer technique.

Ben Echmeyer was a Vietnam vet
with sixty-three confirmed kills.

He remains the only non-Korean to
achieve the rank of Master in Kwa Ra Do.

It's been said he could have
a tug of war with a dozen men...

...and not move an inch.

He was also able to lift bags
of sand on hooks...

...hung through his scrotum.

He was one of the Jedi teachers
at Fort Bragg.

Sir, what is the practical
application of this?

Ben caused quite a stir
by advocating his controversial...

..."shock and awe"
knife attack method.

The approach was hailed by some
knife aficionados as revolutionary

but criticized by others who believed
that the leaping and spinning...

...might lead you to
accidentally stab yourself.

Lyn Cassady, however,
became a firm convert to the style.

Of course, Lyn didn't actually have
a knife with him at this particular time.

So, I still think that
what he did was kind of...


Throw your hands up!

You idiot.

Shit! Shit!
They are not coming!

We're okay. We're okay.
They're not coming! We'll be alright.

Oh, shit!

There he is.

Sir, it's okay!
We're Americans.

We're here to help you!


Sir, will you...

Oh, crap!

- What happened? What happened?
- I think I just ran him over.


Are you alright, sir?

Bob, give me a hand.

Come on! Help him up!
Get him up here!

Bring him up!
Bring him up!

Shit! Shit!
Who is that?

Don't move!

Let's see your hands!

Todd Nixon,
Army small business office.

Mahmud Daash.

Ask me what business I'm in,

What business are you in, sir?

Right now, I'm in the
quality of life business.

We've got over 25 million Iraqis out
here who wanna be independent,

...wanna make something
for themselves.

More than anything else
they wanna buy stuff.

Cell phones, digital cameras,
leisure suits... you name it.

If it sells in Boston,
we can damn well sell it in Baghdad.

Am I right, Muhammad?

He knows what I'm talking about.

We've got Halliburton, Parsons,
Perini... just in the primes.

We're gonna have McDonald's,
we're gonna have Starbucks...

No corporate tax.
It's gonna be a gold rush.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the French!
Did you hear that shit?

Chirac wants to bring
French contractors in?

Hey, Phil, what's the most common
French expression?

"I give up."

That's fucking funny.
Year zero, boys. Year zero.

Okay, we're in Indian country now.
Check your six.

We've got a line of cars
at the gas station here.

You guys wanna wait?

We're too exposed.

We're taking the station.
Go in fangs out!

Secure the perimeter!

- Give her the go-juice, Eddy!
- I filled her up last time.

- That's bullshit.
- He did fill her up last time, Gary.

With all due respect, sir,
bull-fucking-shit. I tanked her last time.

- Bullshit!
- Every time!

Can we figure out
some kind of fucking system!?

Contact! Contact!
We've got contact!

Where is the shooter?

And what became known
as the Battle of Ramadi,

twelve people were injured.
Mostly locals.

Both security companies claimed...

...they had been fired upon
first by Iraqis.

Of course, it was later
revealed that...

...they had actually
fired upon each other.

One down!

My house is not far.
We could walk from here.

- Sounds good, Muhammad.
- Mahmud.

As we ran for cover,
I thought this was what I wanted.

I was on a mission,

...even if I didn't know
what kind of mission it was.

But I could hear
the little man inside me again.

He was screaming
like a little girl.

Krom One! Krom One!
This is Freedom Frontier.

We are under attack.

This is fucking fubar!

Muhammad led us
to his home...

...which as it turned out
had been robbed in his absence.

And also, accidentally
shot up in a fire fight.

Neighbors told him that
his wife had left,

...they weren't sure
where she had gone.

I'm very sorry
for running you over, sir.

It was an accident.

And I apologize for that
security detachment.

I don't want you to think that
all Americans are like that.

I apologize for the kidnappers.

Not your fault, sir.

I mean, we've
kidnappers in America and...

There's always... bad apples.

Lyn? Are you awake?

I was just...
thinking about Mahmud.

They're just trying to do
something with their lives.

Something... lasting, good.

But there's always somebody
who wants to smash it up.

What Lyn was really thinking
about was Larry Hooper,

and the part he had played in the
destruction of the New Earth Army.

But, in fairness,
the Jedi's own eccentricities...

...hadn't exactly won
them many allies.

For example,
there was Tim Kootz,

who, on being asked to ascertain
the whereabouts of...

...General Manuel Noriega,
had replied,

- Ask Angela Lansbury.
- Say again, Tim?

Ask Angela Lansbury.

Excellent. Excellent.

We asked Angela Lansbury.


She said she didn't know
where General Noriega was.

Or there was the time Major General
Gilling was visiting the base

and saw Jedi trainee
Clifford Hickox...

...practicing the ancient
Sun Dance of the Sioux Nation.

The Jedis survived
such minor scandals,

...protected, it was rumored,
by President Reagan,

who was a fan of both
the Star Wars films...

...and the paranormal himself.

But then, one summer,
a young, likable Lieutenant...

...named Norman Pendleton was
recruited to the New Earth Army.

Desperate to compete with Lyn,

Larry had been doing research into
the infamous CIA MK-ULTRA experiments

...which he believed could enhance
his own psychic powers.

All he needed was a lab rat
to try them out on.

To check if they were safe.

It turned out they weren't.

Run! Run!




Give me the gun.

Norm's father,
who had turned out...

...was pretty high up in the
Pentagon, wanted blood.

Although the Jedi's were pretty
sure that Larry was responsible,

...nothing could be proved.

And when he was called to testify
at the disciplinary hearing,

...Larry made sure to smear Bill
with everything he could.

Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds
from the project's black budget...

- to procure prostitutes...
- That's a lie!

...and to get drugs for himself
and his men.


Well, the hooker thing is
definitely a lie.

Brigadier General Hopgood resigned
and died some years later.

Bill received a dishonorable discharge.

Continue the work, Lyn.

The World needs the Jedis
now more than ever.

After Bill left,

Major Holtz of Special Forces
took command of the Jedis.

He didn't think much of Bill's
unconventional training techniques...

...and he's about to
make some changes.

Nothing was ever the same again.

I really appreciate this, sir.

We could have bought a map.

Bedouins have been navigating
this desert for centuries...

...without a map.

You can use a wristwatch in
conjunction with the sun.


- Well, what?
- Well, use your wristwatch.

I haven't got a wristwatch.

Oh, for the love of...



- It's digital.
- So?

You need a watch with hands.

How am I supposed to know?
You're the navigation expert.

You're the one who said
you could...

...find a way.

- I will, if you'd just be quiet...
- Turns out you haven't even got a watch!

- I don't need a watch.
- How the hell we'll get of here?

I'm using Level Two.

- What is that?
- Level Two. Intuition.

We were trained to make
correct decisions.

Somebody runs up to you...

...and they say
"There's a fork in the road."

Do we go left or do we go right?
And you go...

"We go right!"

- What? Just instant?
- Instant. Just like that.

We've been sitting here for half an hour.
How's that "instant?"

- Oh, it's this way?
- Yeah.

Oh, now you know.

Hang on.

What happened?

- IED.
- What?

- Improvised Explosive Device.
- Oh, Jesus! Jesus!

You're okay.
You're gonna be okay.

I can't believe it.

Great fucking intuition, Lyn.

I can't... 
Put me down. I can walk.

Oh, Jesus!

I think I may be
bleeding to death.

You're not bleeding to death.
You're in shock.

It's a shock.

It's hot.
I'm so hot.

- Aren't you hot?
- Bob?

It's really important
you keep your mouth closed.

You can lose a lot of water
through an open mouth.

If we'd only stayed with the car

...we would be alright now.

- Now we have no water, no...
- You're gonna be okay.

Would you stop saying that?
I've been...

I've been blown up!
I'm in the middle of a desert!

- I'm not gonna be okay.
- Bob, you're in shock.

If you panic,
your heart's gonna stop.

Is that supposed to calm me down?

Wait a minute.

This is west.

Al Qaim is the other way.
We're going the wrong way.

Al Qaim isn't the mission.
We're going near Al Qaim.


- I don't know.
- What?

Is that a joke?
This is a joke, right?

We've come 600 miles and
you don't know where we're going?

If the exact whereabouts of the
target was known... wouldn't take a Jedi
to find them, would it?

Who gave you the mission, Lyn?

- Bill did it.
- What?

Bill... He appeared in my
trailer two months ago.

A psychic projection.

- He called out my name.
- Oh, Jesus!

Lyn, there is no mission.

We're in the middle of the fucking desert
because you heard voices?

There's no one here!
There's no one fucking here!

When the dust of Bill's discharge
had settled, revealed a surprising victor.

What do you have for me, sergeant?

This is a scientific report
I've done...

...on possible offensive
psi applications, sir.

I showed it to Lieutenant Colonel Django,
but he didn't seem interested.

No, I bet he wasn't.

We have men who can do this?

I can think of one, sir.

But we don't have the resources.

Well, sir...

...there is the goat lab.

Just 80 yards from Major Holtz's
office was an abandoned hospital.

Most of the soldiers
who lived and worked in Fort Bragg

...had no idea about the
actual function of this building.

although it was abandoned,

...the hospital was not empty.

The goats have been secretly flown in
from Central America to avoid customs.

Special forces weren't worried about
regular soldiers hearing the goats...

...because they'd been de-bleated.

Goat Lab was originally created
as a secret laboratory, provide in-the-field surgical
training for Special Forces soldiers.

The goats would get shot
in the leg with a bolt gun...

...and then a trainee would have
to dress the wound successfully.

Goat lab actually used to be
called Dog Lab.

But it turned out most soldiers didn't
feel good shooting dogs in the leg.

The army, though, had long felt
fine about doing stuff to goats.

Even testing atomic weapons
on them.

It's gone, Bob.


I can't find him.

I've lost my powers.

It's a curse.

What curse?

They took this, beautiful thing
that we've been building...

...and they destroyed the
New Earth Army.

Who destroyed it?

I did.

Hooper and Holtz wanted me
to do an experiment.

They wanted me to
stop the heart of a goat.

What had the goat ever done to me?

It was completely against
the way of the Jedi.

I was just gonna pretend to try... that they can see it wouldn't work
and they can forget about it.

Then, as I sat there...

I felt this... pulse

...inside me.
I couldn't stop it.

Maybe deep down inside...

...some dark part of me
wanted to see if I could do it?

Holy shit!

That was it.
I'd used my powers for evil and it's... if I brought a curse
on us all.

It's like that poem where...

...the guy kills the seagull and they
make him wear it around his neck.

Every night I would dream about that goat.

It's mouth opening and closing
without making a sound.

The silence of the goats.

I finished my tour and I quit.
I walked out.

I never went back.

But before he could leave,

Larry arranged one last parting gift.

What do you...?

It was the Dim Mak.

- The Dim Mak?
- The Dim Mak.

The Quivering Palm.

The Death Touch.

It's forbidden in the New Earth Army.

What does the Death Touch do?

It kills you, Bob.

- With one touch.
- Jesus!

There's a story that Wong Wifu,
the great Chinese martial artist,

...had a fight with a guy
and beat him.

Then the guy gave him
this light tap.

Wong looked at him
and the guy just nodded.

That was it.

He had given him the death touch.

Wong died.

Then and there?


About eighteen years later.

That's the thing about the Dim Mak.

You never know
when it's gonna take effect.

In a funny kind of way
I admired Lyn then.

He believed in something
so much...

...he thought he could
really die from it.

That's what I've been looking
for all along.

Something to believe in.

Something to give meaning
to my life.

That's why I'd fallen for
Lyn's crazy stories.

That's why I'd followed him
out into the desert.

Look! Look!

Come on! Come on!

These are friendly competitions
held between members of the camp.

When you think this sorta thing's for kids,
you better think again.


Lyn? Where are you going?


Hello, Bill.

Hello, Lyn.

This is Bob.

Hello, Bob.


Oh, good.

The gang's all here.

This is primarily a Psyops base.

- "Psy" for psychic, right?
- Psy for psychological.

The irony isn't wasted on me.

Radio broadcasts, leaflets,
things like that.

Oh, here's an Iraqi Psyops leaflet
they dropped on us.

"American soldier...

...your wives are back at home...

...having sex with Bart Simpson
and Burt Reynolds."

Yeah, didn't exactly do their
homework there.

How did you find us, Lyn?

I told you,
I remote viewed you.

If this is Psyops base,
what are you doing here?

I said it was primarily Psyops.

There are individuals in the
current administration...

...who were looking for creative solutions
to the war on terror.

They're far more open minded
than their predecessors,

...and they've outsourced
experimental research to my company.


It's pronounced "psi-ike".

Psychic Systems International Corp.

It turns out certain people had
heard about the New Earth Army.

They were very interested in some
of the work we were doing back then.

They got a hold on me,
I got a hold on Bill.

Bill works for you?

Bill's looking into
subliminal messaging.

This is the one we've designed... play to our own troops
before going into combat.

Push "play" on that.

There's a subliminal message in this?

This one's called...

"Don't get drunk before
firing heavy machine guns."

We've got all sorts of new ideas
and development.

Give them one of our new ideas.

- Air bag mine?
- Air bag mine.


Catapults the fucker right into the air.
Gimme another one.

Blast target with pheromones and
then release attack bees.

Excellent. Attack bees.
The forces of nature!

- Another.
- Project Achilles.

- We mutilate enemy corpses...
- We're not doing that anymore! You idiot!

The point is... we've got a budget,
we've got supporters.

I'm rebuilding the New Earth Army.

Only this time without
all that hippie crap.

- How you're doing there, Bill?
- Gonna get some ice-cream.

You get the occasional flash of
what he used to be but...

...he's pretty burnt out
on the booze.

Still, he's the best.
Oh, twizzlers.

- You want one?
- No.

God, I love these things.

What? What is it?

It's the Dark Side.

Lyn, what you're gonna do?

It's too late...

- I'm dying, Bob.
- No, you're not gonna die.

I don't believe
you can be killed by...

- by mail order, Dim Sum, or...
- Dim Mak.

Dim Mak. Whatever. You can't just
be tapped on the shoulder and then--

It's cancer.


All I know it's the Dim Mak
that caused it.

It's cancer.

At least that's what the doctors said.

It's different ways
of looking at...

Different names for a reality.

Give that to Bill.

I don't deserve it.

Take it.

It wasn't the Dim Mak
that was killing Lyn.

And it wasn't the cancer.

He was dying of a broken heart.

And maybe, the cancer as well.

His mission had failed.

And failure was something
I knew too much about.


Lyn told me he didn't deserve
this eagle feather.

He wanted me to
give it back to you.

- It's fake.
- What?

Twenty thousand dollar fine
for taking an eagle feather.

This one's off a turkey.

You just die the tip black.

Don't tell Lyn.

It isn't real.

None of it was real.

Lyn told me about the curse.

That by killing the goat,
he put a curse on all of you.

What's Larry gonna do
with these goats?

Do you believe in redemption, Bill?

Didn't mean to wake you.

How did you find it?

I told you,
I remote viewed you.

Scotty Mercer told you, didn't he?

Yeah, he did.

We told Scotty
we were coming over here,

...asked him
if he wanted some work.

I haven't seen Scotty.

That's funny, because he told me
he'd run into you and mentioned that

...there might be some jobs
going over with.

Isn't that why you came,
really, Lyn?

You want back in, don't you?

It can happen.

You've only got to say the word.

This could be the new Golden Age
for psi research.

You, me and Bill,
back together again.

Like the old days.

You don't have to make a
decision now.

Tell me in the morning.

Mother Earth,
you're my life support system.

As a soldier
I must drink your blue water, inside your red clay
and eat your green skin.

Help me to balance myself.

As you hold in balance,
the Earth, the sea,

...and the space environments.

Help me to open my heart...

...knowing that
the Universe will feed me.

I pray my boots
will always kiss your face...

...and my footsteps match
your heartbeat.

Carry my body through
space and time.

You're my connection to the Universe
and all that comes after.

I'm yours and you are mine.

I salute you.

I salute you.


Bill! Bill?

Bill? Are you okay?

I just saw Timothy Leary.

Timothy Leary is dead.

I know.

He'd got an idea.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Gonna get some ice-cream.

Don't eat the eggs.

- What?
- Don't eat the eggs.

What's going on?

We put LSD in the eggs.

Bill showed me where Larry
had some bottles of LSD and...

We put some in the
powdered eggs last night.

And in the water.


I put it in the main water tank
as well.

But we drank the water.


Right. Hold on.

The weather today is gonna be...

I mean, yeah,
I'm guessing that.

I really didn't looked
at the thing but...

...I'd say it's gonna be
fucking hot out here!

Yeah. What else?

I mean, it's a fucking shocker, right?
It's gonna be hot again.

It would have been a good idea
if we hadn't drunk the fucking water?

Well, that might have aroused suspicion.

But don't worry.
Over the years,

I've built up a massive tolerance
to all narcotics.

You're going to hit the gates!
You're going to hit the gates!

That's cool!
You missed it!

In the name of the New Earth Army
and loving people everywhere,

...I'm liberating you!

I'm liberating this base!

Come on!
Go! Go!

Come on! Move!
Move on! Come on!

Put the gun down, Larry.


Wow, I'm really hungry.

- Come on!
- Let's go! Come on!

Come with me!

Don't worry about this guards.

Be free!

Wait! Wait! Wait!
Wait for me!

Where are you going?
What about the mission?

You are the mission, Bob!

Tell them what happened.
Tell everybody what happened.

It's your job now.

At the time I was hurt that
Lyn hadn't taken me with him.

But now I know, was because he and Bill
had already seen what was to come.

Nobody exactly knows
what happened.

The official story is that
their helicopter must have crashed,

...either because they were hit
by an RPG or because...

Well, that's what happens...

...when you fly a helicopter
while you're tripping on acid.

All I know is that
they've never been seen since.

Like all Shaman,
they returned to the sky.

When I got back,
I wrote the story up.


Lyn had handed a mission on
to me and I would see it through.

I would tell everyone
what happened.

I understood now that...

...Debora and I weren't
meant to be together and...

...I was at peace with that.

It wasn't my destiny to return
to the life I had before.

The Universe has other plans for me.

I sent the story to the newspapers
and TV stations.

I didn't care what the authorities
did to me.

I was ready to go to prison
as long as the truth came out.

But they didn't put me in prison.

They did something much worse.

...unusual tool to break
the resistance of Iraqi POWs

...and trust me,
a lot of parents would agree!

Some prisoners are being forced
to listen to Barney...

...the Purple Dinosaur
sing the "I Love You song",

...for twenty four straight hours.

And that was it.

That was the only bit of my story
that ran anywhere.

And it was a joke.

And if I ever needed proof
of how the Dark Side have...

...taken the beautiful dream
of what a nation could be...

...and had twisted it,
destroyed it.

Well, that was it.

But I won't stop.
I won't give up.

Because when I look at what is
happening in the world,

I know that now,

more than ever,

...we need to be
all that we can be.


Now, more than ever,

...we need the Jedi.

Special thanks to SergeiK.