Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist script is here for all you fans of the Michael Cera and Kat Dennings movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist Script

Hey, this is Tris.
Leave a message after the beep.

Hey, Tris, it's Nick. How are you?
It's about 3 in the afternoon.

I think you're probably
still at school.

I stayed home today.
I took a personal day.

I wanted to finish up
some creative projects...

...and stuff that I've been working on
around here.

Nothing to do with you or anything.

So I'm sorry, real sorry I missed you.
I was hoping to get you on the phone.

Haven't talked to you in a while...

...and I just kind of wanted to
speak to you at some point.

You know, I think last time
we spoke...

...we both kind of said some really
nasty things that neither of us meant.

You know, just, like...

...when you broke up with me,
you know...

...and everything, on my b-day.

Also, that mixed CD
that I left on your doorstep...

...was the last one
that I'll be making for you.

More or less.

Anyway, give me a call.

I'm doing very well.
I hope you're great.

Have a great weekend,
and do something fun, you know.

Just get out there.

Call me, though,
when you get a chance.

All right. Bye.

Message has been deleted.


To re-record
your message, press one.



It's Friday, pumpkin.

I'm sorry. Do you mind?
I'm in my zone.

- Oh, you're in your zone. I'm so...
- What?

- What?
- What?

What? What? What?

Could you please
come join my zone?

Hey, guys.

- Hi.
- Hey, Tris.

He made another one.

Look at the ridiculous cover art.



- Don't do it.
- Don't do what?

Let's go already.

He makes the best mixes in the world.
Look at this cover art.

Tris does not know
what she gave up.

"Road to Closure Volume 12"?
Poor bastard.

You are so in love with this guy
it is ridiculous.

Okay, I have never met him.
I have no idea who he is.

I'm just gonna put this in my iPod.

Is that always there?

Yes, always.


That's where we put the garbage.


- Yo.
- I'm not going.

- What do you mean you're not going?
- Let's load the van.

I don't wanna go.
I'm taking a mental-health day.

We have a gig, Nicky.
This is a big night for us.

This is our first night
with our new name.

We are the Jerk Offs,
and we finally found a drummer.

You found a drummer? Who?

That's a children's toy.
Who's gonna operate that thing?

- You.
- Okay. Thanks for coming by, guys.


We love you, okay...

...but you've been depressed
for a month and it's not cool.

Get your clothes.
We're gonna play this gig...

...then find you something better.

- Someone better.
- Yes.

Not that easy. You don't know
what it's like to be straight. It's awful.

- Jersey's only source for indie rock.

And for all of you
Where's Fluffy fans out there...

...for the first time since the last time,
looks like Fluffy's to be found...

...somewhere in the five boroughs

The rarest show on Earth
is rumored to go on after hours... keep an eye out
for those white rabbits.

You never know
where they might lead you.

Fluffy. You can't say no to Fluffy.

- Okay, all right. I'll go.
- Yes.

- Let me put some clothes on.
- Put some clothes on.

- But I'm taking my own car.
- And put on some pants.

- Oh, my God.
- What?


I just got a text from Carrie
saying Where's Fluffy... doing a surprise show tonight.
- Oh, my God.

Last time they had a surprise show
it was at Arlene's. Start there.

Okay, wait.

Promise me that you won't get drunk
and leave me alone the whole night.

When have I ever done that?
I promise.


Did you hear? Who's Fluffy is playing
in the city tonight. I love that band.

It's "Where's Fluffy. "

Whatever. So I'm bringing this guy.

He's been following me around
the mall for months.

- Maybe it's your scent.
- Yeah, what's that called?

"I Cheat on People"
by Calvin Klein?

And what do you wear?
"My Daddy's Famous" by Dior?

- All right, you're both pretty.
- I was only kidding. So sensitive.

Okay, talk to you later.


- Why do you humor her?
- She's not that bad.

We grew up with her.
Just don't let it ruin your night.


- Fluffy. Fluffy.
- Fluffy. Fluffy.

Goddamn it. Come on.


- Hey, baby, you look good.
- No, you look good, baby.

- Give it.
- It's mine.

We are the Jerk Offs.

Nick, the drum machine. Turn it off.

I don't know how this works.
There's no off button.

You suck!

Drum machines suck.

Your mother buy that for you?

- Oh, my God, you dirty little slut.
- What? What did I...?

You're practically blowing him
with your eyes.

I am not. You cannot do anybody
with your eyes, Caroline.

Well, you can. But whatever.
He's a complete mo, look at him.

He is not a mo.
Look at how shitty he's dressed.

- His Supercuts haircut. He's coming.
- I know.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

That was really good.

Well, he's bridge-and-tunnel,

If he's bridge-and-tunnel,
then what does that make us?

Doesn't make us anything.
You're very drunk. Come on, let's go.

Whatever, you're drunk.
Why don't you cut the cord, Mom?


- God.
- Hi, I've been looking at you guys.

Have you been looking at me?

Hey, Nicky.

Ask this beefy guy
what his name is for me.

- What's your name?
- Anything you want it to be.

- He's creepy.
- He's harmless.

And he's gonna help us find Fluffy.

What's your problem?

She's here.

You told her
not to come to the shows.

I did. She came anyway.

Don't even think
about going over there.

I need to say hi if she came
all this way to see me.

Dude, don't give into temptation.
She's not worth it.

Oh, my God. I love it.

- Happy anniversary.
- Thank you so much.

- Oh, my God, all right, how's it look?
- Fits great. It looks really good.

Is it too long in the back?


So you like it?


- Come here.
- Good.

- Who do you belong to?
- Tris. Tris.

No, no, louder. Who do you belong to?
I didn't hear you. I didn't hear you.


Alone again?

Hey, Tris.
Been looking for you everywhere.

This is the one I was telling you about.
You have friends who'd be into her?

You know what, that's okay.
Thanks, anyway.

Oh, well, you know,
Gary's in college.

You could have better luck
with college guys.

That's when guys really get into stuff
like how smart a girl is, you know?

It's not all about looks.

Yeah. Gary seems real deep.

But I guess Ira Silverberg's daughter
doesn't have to worry about looks.

- I came here with someone, actually.
- Really?

- Yep.
- Who?

My boyfriend.

Your boyfriend?


Guess you should be getting
back to him, then.


Okay. I'm gonna go see him, then.


I know this is gonna sound weird,
and I'm a stranger...

...but would you be my boyfriend
for five minutes?



Okay, just be cool. Just be cool.

Just, please, just go with it, okay?

Nick. Norah.

How do you guys, like,
know each other?


We go to the same dentist together.

Dr. Mann.

Manno Mannowitz.

Come on, Gary.

Hey, did you get my mixes?

How do you know Tris?

Mixes? Are you Tris' Nick?

She told you about me?
How do you know her?

Oh, dear God.


That tastes so good.

Help, help, help. I just made out
with Tris' sloppy seconds.

What's the problem now?

Caroline, the problem is that this is not
gonna compete with perfect little that.

Okay? It's time to go. Night is over.

- I fell.
- I know you fell.

Let me give you a hand with that.

- I gotta get her home.
- Are you going back to Englewood?

- I can take you. That where you live?
- Do I look like I'm from Englewood?

I don't know if you're saying
that you are from there or you're not.

That's one super cut
you got there, dude.

- Think she's drunk.
- Oh, yeah.

I'm just parked right out front.
I think we can walk her out there.

- Wait. Stop.
- What?

- Are you mad at me?
- No, Caroline.

- Sorry.
- It's okay.



Hi, we're Bishop Allen.

- Try to walk. Focus on walking.
- Hi, guys. So look, I need you.


Can we get a ride?

Who...? We? Is that...? Are you...?
You and this fellow here? Is that "we"?

- Well...
- Sorry, Tris, the car's full.

You didn't say "hi" to me earlier.
Are you mad at me?

I think you should probably
take Drunkzilla here...

...back to Daddy's house anyway,
don't you?

And I was just talking to Nick, so...

You know what, Tris? There's no room
for you, okay? Not tonight. Come on.

Well, that's cool. I'll catch up with
you guys. It's a small car, anyway.

You guys have fun.

Not now, Gary.


Give me a minute.

Damn it. Why won't she turn?

- I think it's gotta cool down.
- Yugo.

Yeah, you don't see many of these
Easter eggs on the road.

Yeah. Once you buy one
you see them everywhere.

Oh, yeah? It's pretty small.
In mint condition, though.

Yeah. This is the result of a lot
of time and care.


- You off-duty?
- This isn't a cab.

Are you off-duty?

It's not a cab, my friend, I promise you.

Okay, don't get mad.

I wasn't getting mad.

What is that?

It's not as ominous as it seems.

I told you they look cute together.

Okay, here's the plan.
I'm gonna go give Nicky a pep talk.

Dev, clean up the girl.

Nick. I had a feeling
you two might get stuck.

- Having some trouble?
- Stalled again?

Hi, Thom. Hi, beefy guy.

- Lady friend.
- Yes?

Dev could use your assistance
in the van, if you please. Thank you.

In the van?

In the van. Large vehicle right there?
Yes, thank you. Thank you.


Try this.


Let's just say we're not the biggest
fans of his ex.

And we've decided
you're to be his salvation.

Besides, we saw you two making out,
and we think you're the one.

We just gotta get you
out of that sports bra.

- This isn't a sports bra.
- Come on. We're all ladies here.

Are you seriously
talking about Tris right now?

I think this might be my opportunity
to get some answers, you know?

Do not talk to this girl
about Tris, Nicky. I mean it.

Look, we'll take
the drunk mess home.

You kids go find Fluffy, text us
when you do and we'll meet you there.

What could possibly go wrong?


Oh, it's better than the uni-boob.

Thanks a lot.

This isn't gonna work, okay?
He's hung up on Tris.

You look gorgeous.
And let me tell you something:

Nicky is definitely worth the underwire.
He just needs a little push, that's all.


Oh, God. I gotta get my friend home.

- We'll do it.
- What?

We'll do it. Go find Fluffy.


- Hey, unlock the door, please.
- Hi, hello?

Caroline? Honey, can you hear me?

Aren't you a sweet thing?

- Wake up, Caroline.
- Wake up.

- Wake up, Caroline.
- Get out.

Please be careful. This is not a toy.

- Can you...?
- You just need to be quiet.

Unlock the door, bitch.

Please don't be mad at me.
I'm right here.

Caroline. Just like we practiced.
Go like this.

I'm right here.

- You don't have to yell at me.
- Go like that. Up, up a little.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Everybody, move along. Thank you.
- I got her.

- All right.
- I did it.

- I can see the head.
- Come with me. Come with me.

I got her.

Okay. Nobody look.

I got her.

If you touch one hair on her head,
I will kill all of you.

Norah, I'm being carried.
You look so...

She'll be okay.

Is she conscious?

She'll be okay.
They're not gonna kill her.

Eyes up here.

So where do you think Fluffy's
gonna be?

- Should we try Mercury Lounge?
- Yeah, that's good.

But you know Fluffy's not going on
till super late, though.

So I guess we have some time
to kill, then.


...your friends are all gay, right?

Not all my friends.

Not all your friends,
but the ones in the van are gay?

Yeah, I mean, they're all gay. Yeah.

One hundred percent, you know, gay.
Gay every day, all the time.

Okay. That's a relief.

If anyone's gonna get raped
in that van, it will be a guy.

That's good.

You wanna get a drink or something?

- I don't drink at all.
- I don't either.

You don't?
Are you straightedge like I am?

I don't really subscribe to any label.


Hey. What's that banging?

- Is it my car?
- I think it's drums. Get it?

Get it? Rhythm?
Rhythmic drumming on drums?

Because when you're in a band,
you need drums.

And you're in a band,
and you don't have drums.


I haven't heard that before.

I didn't mean your band wasn't good.
I just meant you need a drummer.

You can just drop me off up here
if you want.

- Yo. Yo.
- Oh, my God.

Taxi. Yeah.

- Hi.
- Hey. Bowery Ballroom.

No, I'm not a cab, sir.
I'm not a cab. I'm not a cab.

- It's so good to be alone.
- Finally.

- Bowery Ballroom?
- You made that happen.

Oh, God, yeah,
that's what I'm talking about.

- I do that?
- Yeah, you do that.

- So are you from Englewood?
- Yep.

Englewood, up to no good.

- I'm from Hoboken.
- Hoboken, no joking. What?

- I love you.
- I love you.

I love you so much it's retarded.

So are you going off to college?

You smell so good.

- I don't know. I got into Brown.
- Oh, you smell like soap.

But I have this job lined up here
which is...

I don't know,
and I have to make up my mind fast...

...because they're only holding
my spot at Brown until tomorrow.

- I'm going to Berklee School of Music.
- Oh, yeah?

- It's in Boston.
- That's awesome.

If you went to Brown,
we'd only be an hour away.


What's wrong?

- Cramp.
- What? What? Hold on.

- My hand's stuck in the seat belt.
- Cramp, cramp, cramp. Cramp.

Okay, last stop. Get out, please.

- What do I owe you?
- It's $8.50.

- There you go, man.
- Okay.

- Thanks for the ride.
- Okay. Careful, now.

- Oh, my God.
- All right, hey.

Cherish one another, folks.

Don't slam my door, please.

Nice folks. Charged a little extra
for the cleanup.

That's gonna be fun.

Thanks for sticking that out with me.


So that's it, Tris.

That's the breakup mix.
Ten songs from my broken...

That was not even real.

Can we go straight
to laughing about this?

- I have to pee.
- Okay.

Go pee.

- Hey, how you been?
- Hi.

Caroline, pick up the phone.


Look, Dev, I am sick and tired
of arguing about our band's name.

- What about Shit Sandwich?
- What about Shit Sandwich?

We are Shit Sandwich.

Whatever happened to Dickache?
I liked Dickache.

- I got it. What about The Tight Ends?
- Going Balls Deep.

Norah! Norah! Norah!

Brooklyn Pool. I got a clue.

Hey. You are not gonna believe this.

So can't we talk about
how cool Fluffy is?

- They're my favorite band in the world.
- They're my favorite band.

I've gotten so many people
into that band.

Me too.

I had a bootleg of "Black Carnage"
before anybody else ever heard it.

I was the first person
outside of the band to hear that song.

- Okay. Yeah.
- I'm sure that I was.

We went to see them
at the Elbow Room.

- Yes?
- And it was a total bait and switch.

- Are You Randy showed up instead.
- That literally makes me wanna die.

Yeah, I hate those guys. I was the one
that got her into Where's Fluffy.

It was me.

She'd never even heard of them until I
put one of their songs on a CD for her.

- Tris. I'm talking about Tris.
- Is that right?

How well do you know each other?
You go to Sacred Heart together or?

Do you guys talk a lot?
Talk about her new boyfriend?

I cannot believe Tris dated a
straightedge. That's, like, astounding.

What did she say about me?
She said I was a straightedge?

Can I ask, what did you see
in her? I could floss with that girl.

This is your friend?

All right. I'm the bad guy now. This
what we're doing? I'm the bad guy?

If you really wanna know, she actually
supported our music and our band...

...when nobody else did,
not that that's any of your business.

- Okay, forget it. I can't do this.
- Do what?

Just make a U-turn and take me back
to Ludlow. I'll find my own way.

- Perfect.
- I refuse to be the goodie bag... your party.
- You don't have to yell.

It's not a train station.
We're in a car.

- Just drop me off.
- I will.

Oh, my God!

Are you crazy?

I don't know what I did
to make you so angry.

- Nothing. You're ridiculous.
- You don't know me.

- I know you. I know your make.
- My make?

You're an emo-band boy,
obsessed with Tris?

They could make action figures of you.
Drummer not included.

It's funny that Tris
never mentioned you.

But she did mention some frigid,
jealous JAP that was jealous of her...

...and who was a complete bitch.
- Oh, jealous? Oh, really?

- I know who she was referring to.
- Let's dance, douche bag.

you think you have something to...

I am not jealous!

Oh, no, man, she's not jealous.

Awesome. Awesome night.

- So how's it going?
- It was great until she choked me out.

- Kinky.
- What's up with you guys?

Well, everything's fine here,
Nick. Peachy.

- It's just we sort of kind of lost the girl.
- What girl?

You know, the girl.


Yeah, well, we came to
Gray's Papaya to grab a bite to eat...

...and she must've woke up.
The chick's flown the coop.

- Thom, that's not acceptable.
- I know.

So the shitbox stall again?
You want us to pick you up?

Thom, you have to find her.

We already looked everywhere,
Nicky. She's not in the van.

She's not in Gray's Papaya.
She's gone.

So I think now is the time
we cut our losses and go find Fluffy.

Right? Hello, Nicky?

Hey, Tal, it's me. Where are you?

- Hey.
- Norah?

They lost Caroline.



You kids been drinking?

- No.
- No.

Why not?
We're having a search party.

Search party!



Search party, N.Y.C.
Search party, N.Y.C.

Caroline, where the hell
can you be?

- Caroline.
- Caroline.




Guys, we need to be adults right now.

- I don't have $ 11.
- How much do you have?

- Total?
- Yeah.

One dollar.

One dollar won't get you to Newark.

Oh, no, no. I didn't say
I wanted to go to Newark.

That's so funny.

Okay. I'm just gonna
tell you something.

I was kidnapped tonight. Seriously.

In this van with these guys
talking about going balls deep.

Sounds like fun, right?
Not always. Scary.

I just think the Jerk Offs
isn't hardcore enough.

We are not calling ourselves
Shit Sandwich, and that is final.

I want my stepfather to have the
possibility of seeing one of our shows.

Yeah, well, I'm a third of this group,
too, Thom, if not more.

- How are you more?
- I'm the lead singer.

- You all right?
- I can't believe...

...I'm missing Where's Fluffy
for this.

- Where's Fluffy? Where?
- Well, supposedly at Brooklyn Pool.

We can't go, because we
need to relocate the entire person... guys managed to lose.

- Thank you very much.
- Oh, come on.

Okay. Listen, she's probably there.
I mean, the chick likes to party.

I say we do a drive-by.

No. Absolutely not. No drive-bys.

Look, the sooner we find Caroline,
the sooner we can find Fluffy...

...and the sooner this
will be over.


You know,
if you don't have a drummer...

...then why do you have drums,
you fistful of assholes?

Fistful of Assholes.

I like it.

Hi, I'm Caroline. What's your name?

That's okay,
you don't have to tell me.

It's been, like, one of those nights,
you know?

I was with my friend Norah,
who you don't know...

...but you would really like her
because everybody likes Norah...

...and she left me tonight, which is...
She never does that.

And then I was kidnapped.

And then she...
Usually when I go home with her...

...she makes me a turkey sandwich
when I get home...

...but I might never get home,
you know?

And I'm so tired.

Is that a turkey sandwich?

It is.

Can you hold this for me?

Thank you so much.

Oh, my God.


I just need my gum.

Okay, Englewood.

Okay. Well, the last bus to Englewood
left seven minutes ago.

You see? She's fine. Let's go.

No, just because there was a last bus
doesn't mean she was on the last bus.

- You and your logic.
- I'm trying her again.

I'll get it.

- Norah.
- Caro...

Oh, no.

Oh, God.


- Help me.
- Caroline, where are you?

- Tell me where you are.
- Norah, my gum.

What? Can you hear me? Caroline?


Norah, where are you?

- Can you hear me? Caroline?
- Norah?

- Shit.
- Where is she?

I don't know.
I couldn't hear over the music.

Music? What music?

She's at Brooklyn Pool.
She's probably looking for you.

- In Brooklyn?
- Let's go.

To Brooklyn?

Fine, let's go to Brooklyn.

- This is awesome.
- This is ridiculous.

Okay, what are we supposed to do
if she's not here, you guys?

When she's not here,
because she's not, obviously.

Hello. How you doing? Hi.

- Everybody in. Pile on in.
- Really? Are you sure?

There you go.

- No.
- I've been here for an hour.

No, you can't get in.

Hey, were you on YouTube
or something?


Who are you?

I'm Norah.

I'm no one.
I'm just the daughter of someone.

Daughter of who?

My dad. I'm gonna
go find Caroline, okay?

Yeah, good luck.

That's my song.

Really? It's my song kind of.
Really? That's cool.

You dance?

Can we dance like this?

When they wrote this song, they were
hoping people would dance like this.

Go like this.
You're not supposed to actually...

Try and get as close to my hands
as you can without touching them.

- This is a very good dance, Nick.
- This is the pedal boat.

You know the blow-dryer?

- Okay.
- Doesn't work on mine.

Oh, no, it doesn't. Wow, you're soft.

I asked for the Ellen DeGeneres

Oh, my God.

Hey. Oh, hey.


- He's pushing me. I'm not doing it.
- It's okay.

- It's not me.
- It's all him.

He's making me do it.
I'm not doing it.

It's not your fault. It's all right.
Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Hi there.

Oh, hi.

Hey, baby.

- What are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?

Looking for Fluffy.
What are you doing here?

We're looking for Caroline.

Oh, Caroline. What, can't you just
follow the umbilical cord?

- What's up?
- Hi.

Nick, this is Tal. Tal, this is Nick,
Tris' latest victim.

Oh, serious?

Well... Oh, but you're in that
gay band...

...We're Gay.

The Jerk Offs.
And we're not all gay.

Yeah. You were pretty decent.

Except for being one arm short
of a Def Leppard cover group.

All right, yeah, take care, fellas.

You guys were pretty good except... were two penises short of
a Shania Twain re-imagination band.

You're done.

Prettiest shoulders, prettiest hair,
prettiest ears.

- Thanks.
- Gorgeous ears.

Here we go.

Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluffy!

Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluffy!



Okay. The hype man
knows what you want...

...but he's not sure
if you want it enough.

Do you really want it?

Do you really want it?
Do you really want it?

I said, do you really want it?

I got one question.




You suck.

- Damn it.
- The bait and switch.

- Randy, you suck.
- Go ahead.

So, listen, baby,
what are you doing tonight?

Aside from you being beautiful. I got
something I really want you to hear.

Look here. I need to talk to you
right now.

I got some important stuff
I need to talk to you about.

Okay, well, I'm gonna...

You have fun, okay?

I'm just gonna go find Caroline, okay?

You're just gonna call me
in 45 minutes anyways.

With a gay band.

- Hi.
- Hey.


Come on.

I thought we were gonna...

No, we're not, we're gonna...
Just get in the cab, Gary, come on.

Follow that van.

- So is that guy your boyfriend?
- Sort of.

He's sort of your boyfriend,
or he's your sort-of boyfriend?

He's sort of my ex-boyfriend,
most of the time.

- What is he the rest of the time?
- We're friends.

- With benefits?
- Yeah, it's just the never-ending story.

- That's like me and Tris.
- No, that ended, remember?

I mean...

Excuse me, you have a boyfriend
or an ex-boyfriend with benefits...

...but you still go around
kissing total strangers?

Trust me, that was an act
of desperation.

Oh, yeah, okay.
Seemed pretty desperate.

Oh, okay. Well, Nick,
you're not a total stranger, huh?

In fact, I am rife
with too much information.

What does that mean?

Okay, hi. I hate to break up
the love-fest back there...

...but does anyone wanna tell us
where we're going?

- I can narrow this down.
- Well, let's hear it, sister.

You know how some people like to eat
in the same places?


Okay, Caroline likes to barf
in the same places.

Hey, we're gonna get a hot dog
around the corner.

- Oh, no. No more. No more.
- Have you seen her?

Your girlfriend puked
in the ice cream again.

Last time it took me one hour
to chip out.

Hey. Hey.

Thought you got a ride home.

- What, do you like him or something?
- Do you?

Well, I was with the guy
for six months, so...

And you cheated on him
for six months, so...

- You didn't tell him that, did you?
- No, I didn't tell him that.


- I just feel like she's messing with me.
- Who are we talking about?

Right now, Norah. No, Tris. Tris.

- You just haven't figured it out yet.
- What?

It. You know, it, the big picture.

I guess not.

The Beatles.

- What about them?
- This.

Look, other bands,
they wanna make it about sex or pain.

But, you know, the Beatles,
they had it all figured out.

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand. " That's the
first single. It's F-ing brilliant, right?

The guy actually cried. I mean, I made
guys cry before, but I really broke him.

And I'm saying this
for the both of you.

I mean, I don't wanna
see you get hurt...

...but I don't wanna see him get
any more hurt, either, you know?

What do you mean?

Word on the street is
you never had an orgasm.

Because that's what
everybody wants, Nicky.

They don't want a 24-hour
hump sesh.

They don't wanna be married to you
for a hundred years.

They just wanna hold your hand.

I'm gonna stop doing that.

Tris? So who was on the street when
you heard this "word on the street"?

Was Caroline on the street?

It's okay. I mean, some people
just can't have one.

I can have one. Okay?

I've probably had, like,
a million in my life, so...

Oh, sure, yeah.

How am I supposed to know,
you know?

Oh, you'd know.

Look, I'm just afraid that if he gets
with you and nothing happens...

...his self-esteem could really
go through the crapper, you know?

- This is Tris.
- Oh, hey, bitch. It's Caroline.

- What? Give me the phone.
- Wait, what do you mean, kidnapped?

- Why didn't she call me?
- You're totally grounded.

- Give it to me.
- Hold on.

Where are you? We've been looking
for you everywhere.

- Norah? I found Jesus.
- What?

Jesus! He's much taller in person.

I'm at a church, I think.

- It's so churchy and beautiful.
- It's a church. Okay, which church?

- Norah, I have to follow Jesus now.
- No, Caroline...

There's an altar boy
with no pants on.

Why do you have no pants on,
altar boy?

Great. I have to find Jesus now.

- Nor?
- Yeah?

- My phone.
- Here.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You all right?

Is she okay?


I got a clue, guys.

- Are we done?
- One last stop.

A Yugo. We're looking for a Yugo.

- She said a church.
- All right, let me check it out.

What's wrong?

Tris is what's wrong.

Tris? Please. That girl's got nothing
on you. I mean, for one, she's awful.


- Yeah. And for two, you're amazing.
- Amazing.

Yeah, well.

- Hey.
- Sorry, sorry.

- I'm sleeping here.
- You trying to take my BLT?

- It's cool, Switzerland. I got this.
- Hey.

- What's up, friend? How you doing?
- Good. I was just gonna go in...

- You walked right in here.
- I didn't mean to.

You're like a little canary
in skinny jeans.

I was gonna go in
to look for my friend.

You got friends right here. Me and
Switzerland are here for you, baby.

Let me ask you a question.
You ever hook up with a dog?

No. What? Like an an...
A dog, like a pet? No.

Don't. It's not worth it.
I like you so much.

- I'm running away. I'm running.
- Run away. Run away, little canary.

Okay. Okay.
What exactly did she say to you?

Something about an altar boy
with no pants.

I don't know
what she was talking about.

Midnight Ass. The all-male
"holigay" revue at Camera Obscura.

"Deck the Balls," "O Horny Night. "
You guys never went to that?

A Christmas show
at this time of year?

Since when does a queen
need an excuse to sing?

Go, girl.

- Did you find her?
- No.

Merry Christmas.

Norah. Happy Hanukkah, Norah!

I made it to Broadway.

- I'll get her.
- Thanks.

This tree is drunk.

Norah, it's Yugo.
He came to rescue me.

It's right here, right here.
Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Right here.

I'll text you. Okay?

Want us to take you
back to the Yugo, Nicky?

Yeah, sure.

- The bass is really good.
- Thank you.

- You okay?
- No.

- You guys must be really good friends.
- Yes, I am a great friend.

It's always been like this. I'm the head
squire in Caroline's quest for attention.

That's gross.

You wanna...
I got one of these things.

You have a Handi Wipe?

Kind of handy.

What a gentleman.

Yeah, I...

We had Chinese food, like,
three weeks ago, and I haven't used it.

I never wash my pants.
I like to keep the night on them.

I've been thinking more
about Brown.


I think it'd be nice
to know someone an hour away.


I really wouldn't mind getting away
from my minion duties.

- Oh, Jesus.
- What?

Maybe I should just go
deal with it right now.

- Well, how will you get home?
- Nicky.

We'll get home fine.
You guys can still drop us off, right?



Nice meeting you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What are you doing here?
- You know what I'm doing here.

No, I really don't.

Well, it wasn't hard to find
the only Yugo in the city.

I think it's the only Yugo
in the country.

Aren't you gonna
open the door for me?

- Well, where are we going?
- You're giving me a ride home.

Why don't you get a ride
from that new guy?

Well, he doesn't have a Yugo.

It's just a ride. It's late. Please?


- Here.
- But I don't want your gum.

Just take it. God.

- Hello?
- Hey, Tal.


Where are you?

You should go. I'll be fine.
Don't worry about me. Go.



Have fun. I love you.

I miss you already.

You guys got directions?
You know where you're going?

- Yeah, we got them.
- Okay. No stopping.

No stopping for anything.

I don't care if Brad Pitt is selling fruit
in a thong on the GW.

- You cannot stop, okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, we know. We know.

Well, good night,
my hetero heroine.

Good night, Dev. Good night, Thom.

It was a really fun night.

God, I don't know
what your name is.

It's Lethario.


- There you are, yay.
- Hi.

- You made it.
- Yes.

You graced us with your presence.

You're the coolest girl ever.

- You wanna come have a seat?
- Yes.

- Okay, come. Step.
- Hi.

- Hey there.
- Hey.

So did you ever find Winehouse?

- Yes. And you don't wanna know.
- Yeah?

Don't even ask.

You're gonna be an amazing mother
one day.

Thanks. I guess so.

What is this jacket?

Who is Salvatore?

I got something to be worried
about here?

- It's just a jacket.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

I feel so safe here.

Like when I was a kid driving home
with my parents...

...from some trip somewhere...

...and I couldn't help
but fall asleep because that car... I was already home.

And that's how you feel, Nicky.
Like I'm already home.

Look, your car misses me.
It's falling apart without me.

But you just did that.

Oh, come on.

Are you really over me?

You wouldn't have to get over me
if you were still under me.


Wait, wait, wait.


Just, you know, I'm driving.
And try not...

Let's go down by the river. Right here.

- I'm very glad you came to see me.
- Me too.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You know, I brought a present
for you.

What? You didn't have to get me
any present.

So the history of the name,
Oz- rael...'s like anarchy meets Zionism,
you know. It's ironic.

Oh, man. You think Israel's ready
for all this Jew fire?

Are you kidding me?
We bring the Jew fire.

So... you like it?


Serious? Oh, that means so much.

That means so much.
Thank you so much. Really?

Really? Oh, thank you.

And you think your dad will like it?

- Whenever you're ready.
- Hey, what?

- No. Did they just charge us?
- What?

Did they just charge us?
What the hell?

Could you please talk to someone
about this, please?

- About that? Sure.
- Yeah? Really?

Yeah. Sit tight.

Thank you.
You're the coolest girl ever.

Excuse me.

I think you meant two zeros,
not one.

Thank you.

I've been kind of getting some
mixed signals from you lately.


Sort of.

Clears that up.

That's my song.



Hey, Nick.

Are you kidding me?


Assorted meat plate?

Great. Just keep it coming.
Thank you.

Nicholas' phone.

Hi, is Nick there?

No, he's not. Would you like
to call back for his voice mail?

Can I just leave a message?

Yeah, but if I need a pen,
you're shit out of luck.

Could you tell him...

...that he really blew it tonight
when he got out of the van?

And that he knows Norah probably
never wants to see him again...

...and he'd like to apologize to her
in person.


Yeah, where are you?
Did you leave the city?

- I'm at Veselka.
- What are the cross streets?

Second and Ninth.

Okay, well, don't leave.
I'm gonna come over, okay?

In the meantime,
could you pass that message on?


I have a confession to make.

Oh, you do?

I like your jacket.

- Oh, thanks. Well, it's not mine.
- It should be.

It belongs to Salvatore.

Well, he told me
that he wants you to keep it.

He does?

- Yeah, he thinks it looks better on you.
- That's nice.

But don't tell his wife,
because she gets crazy.

- And jealous.
- She's hostile?

- Is this your gum here?
- Don't touch it. I'm not done.

It must maintain its freshness.

So I also have a confession.

- Before Tal, I never really...
- What?

- Kissed anyone else till tonight.
- Really?


Unless you count Becca Weiner
at camp when I was 13.

- I do count Becca Weiner.
- You do?

I don't know who wouldn't. You'd
have to be a fool not to count her.

- How long were you guys together?
- Three campfire-y nights.

Oh, me and Tal? I knew that.
Three years total.

Friends with benefits?

I guess.

Well, what are the benefits?

Yeah, that's crossed my mind.
I don't know.

I don't know.
He's just always been there...

...and you just feel ignored
for long enough...

...and it's just nice
to feel special sometimes.

What is it that keeps two people
together for such a long time...

...when it's just not working?

I can call my parents and ask them.

- Do you wanna go somewhere?
- Yeah.

Where do you wanna go?

Anywhere. I mean,
it's only 4 in the morning.

Where do you wanna go?

Somewhere nobody we know
will find us.


I'll drive.

Aren't you impressed
that I drive stick like a pro?

This is amazing. You are literally
like my musical soul mate.

It's unbelievable.
Except for all the Cure.

What's wrong with the Cure?

There's nothing wrong with the Cure,
actually, but just the name.

You know, the Cure?
What are they the Curing?

Get it? They should be called
the Cause, right?

Maybe I'll take this for a bit
and you can focus on driving.

What, you don't like
my sweet grooves?

I need something
to distract myself...

...from the fact that you're driving
my car pretty recklessly.

I am a great driver.


Oh, this is a really fancy
parking job.

It's good because if another car wants
to park between us and the curb...

...he can get right in here.

Fine. I'll get closer to the curb,
just for you. Just for you, Nick.

Just because you're picky like that.


You're close enough to the curb now.
We're right on it.

Sorry I broke your car.

Yeah, don't worry.
We'll call a tow truck or some...


Welcome to...

Electric Lady Studios.
Built by Jimi Hendrix in 1970.

What? Do you have any idea
who recorded here?

Led Zeppelin? ACIDC?
The Rolling Stones?

David Bowie?

Your dad owns this place?

Is he this man?


So, what is he, like a former hippie,
current yuppie...

...spoon-feeding the masses
the same old garbage?

Stop me at any time.


- Yeah.
- Yes.

I'm gonna use that in my graduation
speech. That's, like, amazing.

- Cool. Good.
- Here, come on.

They were supposed to show up
at Brooklyn Pool tonight...

...but it looks like Where's Fluffy
is gonna...

- Hold on. Listen.
- I don't think they deserve it.

- I should tell them?
- Yes.

- I shouldn't tell them?
- Yes, of course you should. Come on.

All right. We'll give you a hint.
Are you ready?

Five, 68, 100 and 21.

Oh, come on.

- The numbers. They mean something.
- It's a clue.

- What did he say?
- So stupid.

- Sixty-nine.
- No, 68. Get out of the gutter.

The alphabet. The A...

- There aren't 68 letters in the alphabet.
- I hate you sometimes.

- Well, think, damn it.
- Five from 68, that's...

Gotta be something else.

Song titles. Do we know
songs with numbers in the title?

It's a address.

Fifth Avenue, 68th Street,
New York, New York...


- It's an address. It's an address.
- Turn!

- No, I can't. Wait.
- Just do it!

Oh, my God!

I'm gonna throw up.

Well, don't throw up
on the Strat. Please.

Yeah, I'll try not to.
Can I pick this up?


My God.

It's left-handed.

It's like playing for the first time.

Is this the job that you have
lined up?

- It's mine if I want it, yeah.
- Well, how could you not want this?

I don't know. I love music,
you know what I mean?

But I feel like if I work in it
in here...

...I might not love it
the same way anymore.

I loved your mixes, by the way.

You heard those?

I heard one. Or seven.
Yeah, I have seven of them.

I knew you liked Where's Fluffy
before I asked.

That's kind of creepy.

- What was your favorite song?
- Let's see. My favorite verse was:

"The way you're moving in your sleep,
the way you look before you leap...

...the strange illusions that you keep,
you don't know, but I'm noticing. "

- I wrote that.
- You wrote that?

I love that.

It wasn't about her.
It wasn't about anybody.

It was just, you know...

Would you play it?

- Right now?
- Yeah, dude. Look where we are.

- You wanna lay it down?
- Yes.

- Really?
- Get in there.

- Really?
- Go. Go for it.

- Can you hear me?
- Check.

Yeah. All right.

I never should've let you drive my car
Because now it's ruined forever

It was the biggest mistake of my life
To let you drive it

I'm sorry.

That's okay. I'm used to it.

She falls apart
and I put her back together again.

Just like me and Caroline.

It reminds me of this part of Judaism
that I really like.

It's called Tikkun olam.

It says that the world's been broken
into pieces...

...and it's everybody's job to find them
and put them back together again.

Well, maybe we're the pieces,
you know?

Maybe we're not supposed
to find the pieces.

Maybe we are the pieces.



I'm coming in.


I'm not gonna compete
with her, okay?

With who?

I think Dev has the same bra.

I just...

I just, I know I'm not, like,
pretty like that.

Norah, you're beautiful.

Why is this button so difficult?

Sorry, Nicky.

- Why would you buy these pants?
- I don't know.

I just, I don't know.
I can't remember.

- Cold. Cold hands.
- Sorry.

Why are your hands so cold?

You okay?

Yeah, it's just a little embarrassing.

Don't be embarrassed.
You're beautiful.

It's my phone. Sorry.



How do you feel about Where's Fluffy?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Okay. Oh, hurry up.
- We have to hurry. Hurry, hurry.

I am, I am, I am. Oh, my God.

Oh, shoes.

Okay, hang on.

Okay. I'm ready. Okay, go.

- Norah! You're here. I'm so happy.
- What are you doing here?

- How's it going?
- I'm never drinking again. I promise.

- Hey, Norah.
- Okay.

What are you doing?

You asshole.

Wait, you show up here
with this gaylord?

You trying to make a fool of me
in front of my boys?

Do you realize that I had to walk back
to 10th by myself?

- You weren't exactly by yourself.
- Shut up, Gary.

- So you're telling me this is over?
- You're seriously over me?

Come on, no.

Come here a second.

Come on.

You're still gonna give your dad
our CD, right? Aren't you?

Come on, you know how hard we
worked on that. You promised me...

Wait. It's all good. It's all good.

This doesn't concern you, Sal.

Well, anyway, so...

- It's Salvatore.
- Oh, yeah?

What, you blew it
with your own chick... you gotta run around
playing beard with someone else's?

- Lf you push me again...
- What?

- Your merry men will bone me?
- That's it.

Leave her. She'll go running to Daddy.

Come on, come with me.
Just come with me.

- Come on.
- Come on, come with me.

Let's go watch the show.

Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluffy!

That's three years I've wasted
on Ira Silverberg's daughter...

...and what does it get me?

Norah, who's gonna take me home?

Yeah, well, I hate your stupid band.

Oh, and P.S., I cheated on you.

- Go away.
- Shut up.

Let's go.

Don't leave yet, because we've got
one question for you: Are you ready...

...for Where's Fluffy?

I love you, New York.

Hey, what's wrong?

Are you sad we missed it?

We didn't miss it. This is it.

Come on. Don't you wanna go home?

Special thanks to SergeiK.