The Number 23 Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the The Number 23 script is here for all you fans of the Jim Carrey movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some The Number 23 quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

The Number 23 Script

  
  
A week ago,
the only thing I thought was

  
Out of the ordinary was
that it was my birthday.

  
Sorry.

  
I'm just bored.

  
Oh.

  
Unit 5, come in.

  
Unit 5, come in.

  
Do you read me, unit 5?

  
Of course, things
didn't really start here.

  
 I'll have a blue... 

  
How do I look?

  
- The truth?
- I look like a rock star, don't I?

  
- You look great.
- Hey, what's going on with you?

  
- What?
- Why are you acting so weird?

  
- What do you mean?
- You got drugs on you? Smoking cigarettes?

  
- Huh? Oh, just holding them for a friend, huh?
- Have a good time.

  
- Ha ha.
- Have a good time.

  
Aggie, you okay?

  
- Sexy.

  
Do you hate me?

  
As much now as the day I met you.

  
- You know, I might be contagious.
- I could be immune.

  
- What about the party?
- Like they're gonna miss me.

  
What about the cake?

  
I'd like two
words on my tombstone--

  
"What if?"

  
What if I had said screw the cake?

  
Single tonight, Walter?

  
Not actually, no.

  
- Oh, hey!
- Oh, come on.

  
Why don't you wag your tail
at me in the bitches' room?

  
- Sybil.

  
What if
I had been a bit more...

  
sybil, I wouldn't wag
my tail in the bathroom

  
With you if you were
the last bitch on earth.

  
...tactful?

  
Sparrow, I repeat.

  
We have an unidentified
scavenger sighting.

  
It's one minute to 5:00, Sybil.

  
Then we're agreed you're still on duty.

  
Mm-Hmm, yeah, sure.

  
Sounds delicious. Can I get it to go?

  
Right.

  
Okay okay.

  
Come to papa.

  
Maybe you'd like to hear a story.

  
- Hmm?

  
Yeah, once upon a time

  
There was a dog

  
Who lived a life of terror,

  
Feared no one.

  
But although his teeth were sharp

  
And his belly full,

  
His heart was empty.

  
He decided to go on a journey

  
To a land far far away,

  
Where he came upon a
wooden shack one day

  
With a thin old man inside.

  
And he invited him in.

  
The dog...

  
was overjoyed.

  
And that night

  
Warm smoke billowed
from the chimney above,

  
But, oh...

  
what an odd-Smelling smoke this was.

  
You see, the land was china.

  
And in China,

  
- They eat dog.

  
- Whoa! Ooh!

  
Let me see who your
irresponsible owner is.

  
Oh, god!

  
Damn it!

  
Didn't like my story, huh?

  
That's all right. I can take criticism.

  
Oh, god.

  
Oh, I don't believe this shit.

  
All right, buddy, pick a spot.

  
Now where'd you go?

  
Destiny--

  
Maybe that's too big a word for it.

  
If I'd been nicer to sybil, she never
would have sent me after that dog.

  
I wouldn't have been
late to meet Agatha,

  
And none of this would have happened.

  
But I was late.

  
And that's all it took.

  
Oh!

  
- Take a look at that. Try not to throw up.
- Oh oh, god!

  
"Nasty
evil dog"--

  
That's what "Ned" stands for.

  
If I ever see him again, he's
gonna be Ned with two d's--

  
"Nasty evil dead dog."

  
- All right, now take a deep breath.
- Dead Ned.

  
- That's what he's gonna be.
- And remember,

  
It's your birthday, okay?

  
- Yeah, I've been thinking
about that. - Mmm-Hmm.

  
Why is it we go and see
your friends on my birthday?

  
Um...

  
probably because you don't have any.

  
- Oh.

  
Makes sense.

  
So I'm older, I'm disfigured,

  
And I'm spending an evening in hell.

  
- No.
- I suppose I'm buying that for you too.

  
Well, actually, I've had a good
long time to flip through it.

  
Why don't you give it a try?

  
Have some writer fill my head with
nonsense? I'll wait for the movie.

  
You don't know what you're missing.

  
Hmm, and yet life goes on.

  
"'The number 23.'

  
A novel of obsession by Topsy Kretts."

  
Hmm.

  
"A heart-wrenching
odyssey into paranoia.

  
One of the most horrifying
metamorphoses ever told.

  
Beware of the dog next door."

  
Get out of here. Are you kidding me?

  
I'm buying this for you, okay?

  
- Would you get the cake?
- Yeah.

  
February
3rd, that makes me aquarius.

  
Experts say friends
are vitally important.

  
- Hi.
- Hello.

  
- Hi.
- Hey.

  
- Hello.
- Hey.

  
I'm sorry we're late.

  
- Nothing a kiss won't cure.
- Oh!

  
I am living
proof of the fallacy of astrology.

  
Hi. How's your arm, birthday boy?

  
- You okay?
- Just waiting for it to fall off.

  
- Good thing it didn't bite you somewhere else.
- Oh.

  
- Five seconds. Five seconds.
- Fourth word.

  
- Birds, butterflies, birds.
- It flies.

  
- Birds, birds.
- Flies, flies.

  
- "Lord of the flies"!

  
- Okay, you're next.
- Thank you.

  
"All the characters
in this book are fictitious,

  
And anyone finding a
resemblance to actual persons,

  
Living or dead, should
proceed no further."

  
- Now it's time for birthday sex.

  
I need a lot of birthday sex.

  
- You know what?
- What?

  
Let's sit out here for a while.

  
Oh-- Oh,
honey.

  
- Come on, it'll be romantic.
- Yeah, but it's also cold.

  
Here, take my coat.

  
Your jacket, take it. I'll call you.

  
Mom, dad. I thought I heard voices.

  
Well, you know,

  
If someone was in bed asleep
the way they were supposed to be,

  
- They wouldn't hear any voices.
- In bed? Okay.

  
You're supposed to be in bed.

  
Oh, dad. Dad, I, uh,
forgot to give you this.

  
- Here.
- Oh, cool.

  
- Yeah, I wrapped it myself.
- Yeah.

  
I accept bribes any
time of the day or night.

  
Back door?

  
She went down the alley.

  
Wow, that's cool.

  
Robin, she's a nice girl.

  
Make sure she stays that way.

  
All right. Good night, dad.

  
- Happy birthday.
- Thanks.

  
"Chapter 1:
you can call me fingerling.

  
It's not my real name.

  
It came from a book I read as a child,

  
'Fingerling at the zoo.'

  
Paper flap long gone,

  
It had a green hardback
cover and mottled texture.

  
It was possibly my very first book.

  
Funny,

  
I can't recall what it was about.

  
The only thing I
remember is the name--

  
Fingerling.

  
I wished it was mine

  
And now it is."

  
This is your first bite?

  
First animal one, yes.

  
My wife, she has these gnawing urges

  
In her sleep and...

  
tell me about this canine Ned.

  
What would you do if you
came across him again?

  
If I was in my truck, I'd accelerate

  
Until I heard a thud.

  
I'm sorry. I'm
just-- I'm joking.

  
I just-- This
is just silly.

  
Mr. Sparrow, animal-Control
regulations state

  
That any officer suffering
at the hands of an animal

  
Must undergo psychological
counseling within seven days

  
To evaluate their state of mind.

  
I gave him my arm on a platter.

  
Can't blame a creature of
lower intelligence for that.

  
I made a mistake, okay? Write
that down. I made a mistake.

  
It's my fault-- Like
when I told my wife

  
She could choose the color

  
For the living room walls, you know?

  
Not that women are of
lower intelligence, just...

  
have a good day, mr. Sparrow.

  
No, I'm jus--

  
No, Agatha is the most
intelligent person I know.

  
What she sees in me, I'm not sure.

  
Look...

  
I love my job, and I'm good at it.

  
Ned got away.

  
Well, yeah, but...

  
don't worry. Apart from
a flawed sense of humor,

  
I'm giving you a clean bill of health.

  
You're not a danger to anyone.

  
That's why you can go and
have the whole day off.

  
Really?

  
I'll take it.

  
- Mr. Sparrow.
- Yeah.

  
What color did your wife
choose for the walls?

  
Red, blood red.

  
"Chapter 2:

  
Imagine me, if you must,

  
As someone you once knew.

  
Someone perhaps you liked.

  
Or better yet,

  
Imagine me as you.

  
As a kid, I was top of my class,

  
Not because I liked studying,
but because I realized

  
That an education was my
best shot at getting out.

  
See, the stork dropped me in
a small dustbowl of a town.

  
There wasn't anything wrong with it.

  
As far as boring towns go,

  
I'm sure it ranked above average.

  
I had friends, but...

  
I always felt alone.

  
No one ever left,

  
But I wasn't gonna die here.

  
As much as I loved him,

  
I didn't want to be
anything like my dad.

  
He seemed so distant and sad.

  
Numbers were his life.
He was an accountant.

  
And I guess he had expected me to
take over the business he had built,

  
But I had other plans.

  
My mom was tickled pink
on my eighth birthday

  
When I announced I
wanted to be a detective.

  
Can't say the same for my father.

  
It really put the
kibosh on his master plan

  
And it fueled his hatred
for the widow dobkins.

  
She lived next door.

  
- It sounds odd, but her dog alfie...

  
Is the reason I became a detective.

  
The grass is always
greener on the other side,

  
At least according to alfie.

  
That's why he was always in our yard,

  
And it was my job to catch him.

  
But I never crossed the fence
into the widow dobkins' yard.

  
That was my father's rule.

  
On my eighth birthday,

  
I broke the rule.

  
Now I must admit that my
loneliness and obsession

  
With detective stories
had fueled fantasies.

  
So I'm not sure of all the details,

  
Except one.

  
The widow dobkins was dead.

  
It was a whole hour
before the doctor arrived,

  
And in that uncertain hour

  
My eight-year-old
mind raced.

  
I decided that the
widow dobkins was killed

  
By a man with a deranged mind,

  
A mind such as our town
had never seen before.

  
No one would be safe from
him, not even his loved ones.

  
Especially his loved ones.

  
Of course, a doctor later
concluded that it was suicide,

  
But I never believed it.

  
By then, my mind had been
opened to a whole new existence.

  
From this, a
detective was born--

  
Detective fingerling."

  
This has promise too.

  
Hey, there you are. What are you doing?

  
I'll clean this up later.

  
Filling your head
with nonsense, are you?

  
- Did you read this?
- Most of it.

  
- It's very creative.
- This fingerling guy.

  
Yeah, it's a cool name.

  
Yeah, what did you make of him?

  
I loved him at the-- Well,
at the beginning I did.

  
What do you mean at the beginning?

  
Well, he-- How far
have you gotten?

  
- Oh, two chapters.
- Oh.

  
Honey, will you move this ladder
for me, just right over here?

  
You know, honey, this fingerling
guy reminds me of my life.

  
It's so weird.

  
Like, it's like my childhood,
my memories, you know?

  
Will you hand me that blue paint?

  
- Here.
- Fingerling's nothing like you.

  
Oh, yeah, look at that?

  
"Fingerling at the zoo." My mother
read it to me when I was a kid.

  
I'm sure a lot of people
read that as a kid.

  
- Did you?
- No.

  
- Ha-Aa! - But you know what?
Every time I read a book,

  
It's like, the author stole a part
of me that I thought only I knew.

  
Someday I'm gonna write a book
and I'll do it to somebody else.

  
I don't know, hon.
It's-- It's just really

  
- Kind of strange.
- You know what?

  
There's a lot of neighborhoods
with houses just like yours,

  
With streets just like yours.

  
Yeah? With dogs next door?

  
Oh, your neighbor had a
dog. Well, that's shocking.

  
It wasn't called
alfie. It was called chief.

  
"Mis-Chief" my father called it.

  
He used to escape all the time.
That's why I became an a.C.O.

  
Fingerling's a detective.

  
I used to collect detective magazines.

  
And the widow next door, mrs. Dobkins,

  
Well, that's like my mom.

  
She died on my eighth birthday.

  
Look, I got freakin' goose bumps.

  
Honey, keep reading, okay?

  
Soon you will discover that
fingerling is nothing like you.

  
Somebody wrote a book about dad?

  
- No.
- Yes. Yes.

  
- How's school?
- Horrible.

  
Am I in it?

  
I mean, if the book's about dad,

  
Then I should have, like, a
starring role or something.

  
Yes, you should, and yet you don't.

  
Now what do you think that means?

  
- Hmm, jeez.
- Who's that?

  
- Fabrizia.
- Fabrizia?

  
Uh-Huh.

  
 got a big plan, this mindset 

  
 maybe it's right at the
right place and right time 

  
 maybe tonight and the whisper 

  
 or handshake sending a sign 

  
 wanna make out and kiss hard? 

  
 wait, never mind 

  
 late night and passing 

  
 mention it flipped her best friend 

  
 who knows saying maybe it slipped 

  
 but the slip turns to
terror and a crush to light 

  
 then she walked in, he throws up 

  
-  believe it's the fright, it's cute in a way... 

  
 till you cannot speak and
you leave to have a cigarette 

  
 your knees get weak,
escape was just a nod 

  
 and a casual wave, obsessed about it 

  
 heavy for the next two days 

  
 it's only just a crush it'll go away 

  
 it's just like all the
others, it'll go away 

  
 or maybe this is danger
and you just don't know 

  
 you pray it all away
but it continues to grow 

  
 I want to hold you close 

  
 skin pressed against me tight 

  
 lie still, close your eyes, girl 

  
 so lovely it feels so right. 

  
"Chapter 5:

  
I meet the suicide blonde."

  
I got a tip from your
neighborhood watch.

  
I know what you're up to.

  
This befriend-Me crap, it won't work.

  
Come any closer and I'll do it.

  
Well, I hope you don't.

  
It's my birthday today.

  
You end up hanging yourself,
it'll be the worst one ever.

  
You're pathetic.

  
- I'm serious. I'll
do it. - Hanging--

  
It's a painful thing.

  
Most people get the noose wrong,

  
End up walking around with
a permanent necklace...

  
agonizing reminder of how
fucking pitiful they are.

  
Come on, let's talk.

  
If you're still bummed, I'll
put one right between your eyes.

  
I'm a good shot.

  
Is it really your birthday?

  
"The suicide blonde
tells me she was a good person once,

  
But now..."

  
I'm a bad person.

  
I don't wanna make you bad.

  
You don't have that power.

  
Go see my ex-Boyfriend. He'll show you.

  
"I should
have gotten out of there

  
Right at that moment,
but then she said..."

  
It's this number!

  
This fucking
number-- 23.

  
It rules my world.

  
It's my father's fault.

  
He said he'd found a
way to beat the number,

  
That he'd beat it, that I was safe.

  
He said, "daddy loves you.
And he's gonna do something...

  
...to guarantee that
you won't inherit the curse."

  
He was wrong.

  
His guarantee wasn't worth
the blood it was written in.

  
I guess daddy didn't love me enough.

  
It's everywhere--
Dates, times,

  
License plate numbers, pages of books,

  
Even elevator floor lights.

  
Soon I found it was in my name.
It was in the words I spoke.

  
Nothing, nothing is safe.

  
Pink is my favorite color.
Do you know what pink is?

  
Red 27, white 65.

  
65 plus 27-- 92.
Pink has four letters.

  
92 divided by four.

  

Twenty-Fucking-Three!

  
"I'll be honest--

  
I didn't get it.

  
I asked her the only
question I could muster."

  
Any more coffee?

  
"It was
important to keep her talking,

  
So I tell her a story."

  
I had this
uncle, his name was charlie.

  
And, uh, one day, he read in his stars

  
That he was gonna fall in love

  
With a woman in red.

  
So he went out looking all day long

  
And he found one.

  
Six months later, they were married.

  
You're lying.

  
Two years later, the woman
in red divorces my uncle,

  
Takes him for everything he's got.

  
He's out there right now

  
At this very moment...

  
still looking for the woman in red.

  
Figures he just got the wrong one.

  
And this is supposed to
make me feel better how?

  
You look smarter than my uncle charlie.

  
"She has
a face meant to smile.

  
And as I exit the building,

  
I figure it's another job well done.

  
The next day I traced the ex-Boyfriend

  
Suicide blonde mentioned.

  
Burning coffee grounds is an old trick

  
Cops use to take away the
smell of death at a crime scene.

  
But somebody had used all the coffee.

  
When I tell Fabrizia
about the suicide blonde,

  
She begs me to take
her to the apartment.

  
Her reaction is pure Fabrizia.

  
Death
and sex--

  
What a turn-On.

  
As the pages fell from the walls,

  
The scope of the suicide
blonde's obsession became clear.

  
She had reduced everything to 23."

  
It's
everywhere-- Dates, times,

  
License plate numbers, pages of books,

  
Even elevator floor lights.
Soon I found it was in my name.

  
It was in the words I spoke.

  
It was in my name. It was in my name.

  
It was in the words I spoke.

  
"When I
found out what her name was,

  
That added up too.

  
Maybe it was just a coincidence.

  
I mean, a name is just a name.

  
And a number is just a number.

  
Isn't it?"

  
It's self-Printed,

  
Self-Published,

  
And it's by an author I never heard of.

  
Looks like old topsy here
hasn't written anything

  
Before or after since.

  
Walter, what are you doing?

  
Check this out.

  
Walter sparrow doesn't work.

  
But if I use my middle name...

  
- Walter.
- 5-1-1-9-7.

  
- Isn't that amazing?
- What?

  
It's all 23. My
birthday-- 2/3,

  
Driver's license, social
security number-- Everything.

  
I was born at 11:12 PM. 11 plus 12.

  
It's like it's imitating my life.

  
You can't be serious.

  
The author knows so much about me.

  
It's as if he chose me.

  
Is this what you've been doing all day?

  
- Have you finished the book?
- Not yet.

  
You've concerned yourself with minutia

  
And you've drawn wild
conclusions from them.

  
What about the fact that
fingerling becomes a killer?

  
- A killer?
- And just how many people have you killed?

  
Wait, who gets killed?

  
Ask mr. Fingerling.

  
I'm sorry, honey.

  
Why this color?

  
Why did you choose this color?

  
I don't know, you tell me.

  
Red number five--
R-E-D is 27,

  
Plus five is
32 which is--

  
You're reaching now.

  
Sure, there are differences.

  
Fingerling's a detective,
I'm a dog catcher;

  
He met Fabrizia when he was 32,

  
Whereas I met
you when I was--

  
- 23.
- And the day we met was?

  
- September 14th.
- 9/14.

  
- 14 plus 9 is?
- 23!

  
We married
october 13th--

  
10/13, 23.

  
Suicide blonde said it ruled her world.

  
She killed because of it. Then
she handed it on to fingerling

  
On his 32nd
birthday-- 23 reversed.

  
Fingerling called it fate.
Do you know what fate is?

  
32.

  
I rest my case, your honor.

  
- Honey, I think you're taking this too seriously.
- Wait wait wait

  
Wait wait wait. We live at 1814.

  
I mean, 18 is one plus
eight which equals nine.

  
And nine plus 14 is also 23.

  
14 is one plus four which equals five.

  
And five plus 18 is 23 too.

  
- Oh my god.
- All right, Robin,

  
Please don't you start this nonsense.

  
This is not nonsense! I-I
mean, five plus 18 is 23.

  
Well, if the book were 27 or 150,

  
You could do the same thing.

  
18 plus 14 is 32.

  
23 reversed.

  
Spooky, huh?

  
"Chapter 7:

  
The suicide blonde had given
Fabrizia a taste for new thrills.

  
I played along,

  
But all I could think
about was the number."

  
Thanks.

  
"I didn't tell her

  
That the clock behind
the desk read 9:14.

  
Just rip it open. Just rip it off.

  
Pretend you have a knife.
Pretend you have a knife.

  
Come on.

  
I know you're gonna hurt me.

  
You shut up, bitch,

  
Or you die.

  
"Of course I
would never really harm Fabrizia.

  
I loved her. And I
thought she loved me."

  
"But I started
having terrible nightmares."

  
Eight,
nine, 10, 11, 12, 13--

  
What are you doing?

  
Reading.

  
You're insane.

  
- Isaac?
- Simply put,

  
It's a box that collects

  
Orgone energy.

  
We'll talk about wilhelm reich
next week. Thank you for coming.

  
Well, it sounds like a fascinating read.

  
Of course there exist far too few books

  
Where the main character
plays the saxophone.

  
I wasn't aware you also played.

  
I don't. That's just
it, it doesn't all match.

  
It's the number. I'm
seeing it everywhere.

  
Well, conspiracy buffs
would say, "of course.

  
After all, the world
spins in an axis of 23."

  
When you tell them it's
actually 23.5, they say

  
Five is simply two plus three.

  
23 is very
good at this particular game.

  
- Game?
- Yeah, paranoia.

  
- There's a fair bit of literature on the 23 enigma.
- There is?

  
There are 23 axioms
to euclid's geometry.

  
The human body consists
of 46 chromosomes--

  
23 from each parent.

  
Blood takes 23 seconds to circulate.

  
The mayans believed the end of the world

  
Would occur december 12th, 2012.

  
20 plus 12 is?

  
23 reversed.

  
Or 20 plus one plus two.

  
So what is this?

  
What is 23?

  
Is it...

  
god?

  
Two
divided by three--

  
.666.

  
666, the number of the devil.

  
There are only 22 chapters
in the book of revelations.

  
We all know how that ends.

  
So is 23 a blessing or a curse?

  
What's true is that there's
a select group of people

  
That take delight in
perpetuating the number's infamy.

  
Lucky seven, unlucky 13,

  
Ballplayers, lucky shoes.

  
People only pray because they believe
that god will help them if they do.

  
This is magical thinking,

  
Non-Scientific causal
reasoning. Now you're--

  
You're looking for so you're finding it.

  
Agatha thinks I'm nuts.

  
Finish the book.

  
And if after reading it in its entirety,

  
You still believe the subject to be you,

  
Then whoever wrote it
knows you very well.

  
And only they can give you your answer.

  
- That's a good idea.
- And in the meantime

  
I can speak to Agatha, if you like.

  
Hmm.

  
The
number was everywhere.

  
You have 23 pairs of shoes.

  
You're counting my shoes?

  
- What are you doing?
- Reading.

  
You're insane.

  
"Night after night
I killed Fabrizia in my dreams.

  
I explained to the department shrink
what her full name added up to."

  
- 23.
- What do you think that means?

  
I don't know, miles.

  
Maybe I should be a fucking accountant.

  
"The wise dr.
Phoenix recommends I take a break."

  
Maybe you should take a break.

  
"Like
time is gonna heal me."

  
Time is a--
A gentle man.

  
"Time is
just a counting system,

  
Numbers with meaning attached to them.

  
Still, a break is what he
prescribes. He called it--"

  
Emotional leave.

  
So you're not a detective anymore.

  
"Fabrizia
was not impressed."

  
I'm a detective on vacation.

  
- And you don't have a gun?

  
I still have these.

  
Maybe you should just
get some sleep tonight.

  
"The
number was everywhere.

  
At this point,

  
I don't need to tell you

  
How many pairs of shoes she had.

  
What are these shoes doing in the trash?

  
Did you know you had 23 pair?

  
Oh!

  
You're insane!

  
The Hiroshima bomb was dropped at 8:15.

  
Eight plus 15 is 23.

  
Waco, Texas, and the
Oklahoma city bombing

  
Both happened on april 19th.

  
Four plus 19 is 23.

  
Tropic of Cancer, 23.5 north;

  
Capricorn 23.5 south.

  
10886 is the number al capone wore

  
On his uniform in prison.

  
Ted bundy was executed
on the 23rd of january.

  
It's all 23.

  
"She didn't understand,

  
Which was fine because neither did I.

  
All I knew was

  
The number had gone
after suicide blonde,

  
Isabel lydia hunt.

  
Now it was coming after me."

  
I can speak to Fabrizia if you like.

  
"I believe he said
it in total innocence at the time.

  
But looking back..."

  
I can speak to Fabrizia if you like.

  
"...I wish I had reacted differently."

  
"I should have realized the truth.

  
I know it's absurd,

  
- But even the color of his tie betrayed him."

  
Do you know what pink is?

  
Red 27, white 65.
65 plus 27-- 92.

  
Pink has four letters.
92 divided by four...

  

twenty-Fucking-Three!

  
In the meantime, I can
speak to Agatha if you like.

  
Paranoia.  23 is very good at this...

  
paranoia, paranoia.

  
In the meantime, I can speak to Agatha

  
If you like.

  
...of an axis of 23. When you
tell them it's actually 23.5,

  
They say five is simply two plus three.

  
In the meantime,
I can speak to Agatha

  
- If you like.

  
"Chapter 21..."

  
Oh, god!

  
Ag!

  
Oh, god! Oh, god!

  
It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare.

  
It's a nightmare. It's
gonna be all right.

  
No!

  
No!

  
Ag, I don't want you

  
To be worried.

  
I just need one night to clear my head.

  
Please don't give up on me.

  
Your loving dog-Catching husband,

  
Walter.

  
Why that street?

  
Why that hotel?

  
Like it was my choice.

  
- Morning.
- What can I do for you?

  
Yeah, um, I'd, um...

  
Like a room.

  
Sign the register.

  
27's the quietest.

  
What about 23?

  
We've been experiencing some
plumbing problems with 23.

  
Chapter
22 was as I feared.

  
Tropic of capricorn.

  
It wasn't
the happiest of endings.

  
It wasn't an ending at all.

  
After chapter 22, there was nothing

  
But the question.

  
Did the number live to kill another day?

  
The number had gone after fingerling.

  
- And now it was coming after me.

  
You.

  
It's all your fault. If
you hadn't made me late...

  
all right, this suits me fine.

  
A place to rest in peace.

  
Yes!

  
I got you, you son of a bitch.

  
It's okay, boy.

  
You'll get up in a couple
of hours with a bad headache.

  
That's all.

  
Not so tough now, are
you, nasty evil dog?

  
Ned.

  
L, m,
n-- 14.

  
A, b, c, d, e...

  
shit.

  
Ned, Ned!

  
I'm father sebastian.

  
I trust there's an explanation for this.

  
He's just sleeping, father.
I'm an animal control officer.

  
- Is this your dog?
- It belongs to barnaby, my gardener.

  
Don't worry, barnaby, he's
all right. He's just sleeping.

  
- Why did you name him Ned?
- He didn't.

  
He-- He took Ned
in as a stray.

  
He likes graveyards. He
sits and watches the stones

  
Like he was watching over them.

  
That's how he got his
nickname-- Guardian of the dead.

  
Lately it's been this one.

  
Oh, no way.

  
What's wrong, son?

  
She died on her 23rd birthday.

  
Well, we can only assume.

  
- What?
- That she died.

  
They never found her body.
This is only a marker.

  
- Where have you been?
- Library. It's not just a book.

  
It's true, the number
screws with your mind,

  
Makes you do...

  
terrible things.

  
Perhaps I should be going.

  
No, I want you to see this, all of you.

  
There was a college girl named
laura tollins who was murdered.

  
They never found her body,

  
But her bed was soaked in so much blood.

  
This is the man who
killed her, kyle flinch.

  
Police found a murder
weapon, a butcher's knife,

  
With his prints all over it.

  
Well, Walter, this was
nearly 15 years ago.

  
Ag, he wasn't just her psychology
professor. They were lovers.

  
Everything they did together sexually

  
Was exactly like the
characters in the book.

  
He said it was her
idea to buy the knife.

  
She wanted to fake an attack.

  
Kyle flinch is topsy kretts.

  
The book is his...

  
warped literary confession.

  
Agatha said a-A dog told you this.

  
Ned isn't just a dog.

  
He's the guardian of the dead.

  
But what about all these 23s

  
In-In-In your name
and everything?

  
- Is it all just a coincidence?
- I don't know.

  
But I know who can tell me.

  
Well, you're two days early.

  
You knew I would come?

  
Reporters always come on the 10th.

  
The day you killed laura tollins.

  
The day she was taken from me.

  
I'm not a reporter. My
name is Walter sparrow.

  
I was born february 3rd.

  
Happy belated birthday.

  
February 3rd. 2/3.

  
- Yeah.
- Don't pretend you don't know,

  
Topsy kretts. I read your book.

  
Tell me about the number.

  
Is that why you killed her?

  
I need to know. You have to tell me.

  
What happened to you? I'm
afraid it's happening to me.

  
What happened to me?

  
You want to know the worst
thing about being in prison?

  
Your family, your sister, your parents,

  
They come to visit you.

  
Over time, though, the visits get less

  
And your sister stops coming at all.

  
Then you start to notice your
mother won't look you in the eye.

  
Pretty soon, she stops coming too.

  
Eventually,
your--

  
Your father tells you your
sister had a breakdown...

  
unable to deal with having a murderer

  
For a brother.

  
Now there's tears in his
eyes when he says this,

  
But he's not sad.

  
He's angry.

  
That's the last time you ever see him.

  
I didn't kill laura.

  
I loved her.

  
And I didn't write a
book about a number.

  
You're lying.

  
I'm in prison for a crime I
did not commit, mr. Sparrow.

  
But somehow I think your
problems are bigger than mine.

  
Fucking liar!

  
No. Yeah, no.

  
If I was to write a book,

  
I wouldn't use a ridiculous
name like "top secrets."

  
He was real convincing
about his innocence.

  
Well, killers usually are.

  
His fingerprints were on the knife.

  
Her blood was on his
hands when he dialed 911.

  
- No, he's innocent.

  
All because his name
doesn't add up to 23?

  
The real killer, the
author, he's still out there.

  
I have to find him.

  
Wait, I--I--I--I know
how you can find him.

  
Last night w-when
I was reading the book,

  
I found a p.O. Box address in the back.

  
- Are you sure you don't want anything in this?
- Just the snow.

  
- When do you want it to get there?
- Tomorrow morning.

  
- It'll have to go express.
- Fine.

  
Is that all?

  
No no, we
want a--

  
We want 23 of them.

  
I dreamt that I killed you, ag.

  
- Fingerling had the
same dream about-- - Shh.

  
I'm going with you today.

  
And all this is gonna come to an end.

  
You wouldn't hurt me, Walter.

  
You wouldn't hurt anyone ever.

  
How do you know?

  
There's your boxes, kiddo.

  
Now we'll see if somebody shows up.

  
This may not be the author.
He may not even be a man.

  
Well, we'll know soon enough.

  
- Walter, look.
- Huh?

  
Somebody's gone in.

  
That's him. I-It's gotta be him.

  
- You think?
- Yeah, I mean, look at him.

  
It's gotta be him.

  
Game's over, topsy kretts.

  
You sh--
Should be dead.

  
You should be dead!

  
- Walter, no!
- I'm calling the cops!

  
Stop! Who are you?

  
The number, what does it mean?

  
I think you know.

  
- Oh my god. Get an ambulance!
- Watch out!

  
- Dear god.
- Get an ambulance!

  
Don't you die on me.

  
You hear me? Don't you die.

  
Walter, please.

  
He's the only person that can
help us get back to normal.

  
Honey, you're not helping, okay?

  
Now I want you to
take Robin and go home.

  
This man needs a hospital.

  
- I'll take care of it.
- But he knows, hon.

  
Take Robin and go home.

  
I said I'll take care of it.

  
He knows.

  
Shit!

  
Hard to get rid of...

  
- what?
- I was insane.

  
What was driving you insane?

  
Hard...

  
to get rid of...

  
The institute.

  
Go there.

  
You'll see.

  
Oh my god.

  
- Agatha.
- Walter, he didn't make it.

  
I'm so sorry.

  
Well, did he say anything?

  
No, I'm sorry.

  
Did you find out who he was?

  
No.

  
I'll be home in a little while.

  
Oh, shit!

  
You gotta be kidding me.

  
Robin!

  
Every 23rd word on every 23rd page:

  
"Visit casanova spark, dig
beneath the steps to heaven."

  
- Who's casanova spark?
- It's not a person.

  
"I warn you, hell is
waiting, sparrow man."

  
We need to go.

  
23!

  
What was driving you insane?

  
Wanna take bets that there's 23 of them?

  
20, 21, 22...

  
are you sure you wanna do this?

  
What if mom was right?

  
Wh-Wh-What if-- What if
the man wasn't the author?

  
What-- What if he was just
the guy's father or something?

  
Sounds like a lot of what ifs.

  
Wouldn't that mean that the
real killer's still out there?

  
Did you hear something?

  
You're starting to sound like me, kiddo.

  
Gimme the light. Gimme the light.

  
Oh, my--

  
Okay, we gotta go. Go!

  
Give me the light.
Let's get out of here.

  
- There's one right there.
- Where?

  
You stay here!

  
911. What's your emergency?

  
You need to send someone

  
To casanova's park.

  
Is this your idea of a joke?

  
It's empty.

  
What?

  
It was right there.

  
We're not crazy. We circled
every 23rd word on every 23rd page

  
- And it told us to come down here.
- Yeah.

  
And I sound completely crazy, don't I?

  
Just get some
sleep, okay? We're done here.

  
10-23, u.T.L.

  
Mom.

  
Oh, honey.

  
- Let's go home, okay?
- Yeah.

  
Skeletons can't just
get up and walk away.

  
You were right. That
man wasn't the killer.

  
The real killer is still out there

  
And he knows dad's onto him.

  
The book, it's got
all these-- These--

  
These secret messages every 23rd page.

  
- He's right, every 23rd page in the book.
- Stop it!

  
- Yes.
- Both of you, stop it! Now listen to me.

  
23 is a number, okay?
There's no magical meaning.

  
Only people can give it that.

  
And I don't care how many
lunatics are fantasizing about 23.

  
They're wrong! There's no curse.

  
There's no killer
running around out there.

  
- Jesus.

  
It's him.

  
That's Ned.

  
Nasty evil dead dog.

  
- Dad!
- Walter!

  
You.

  
It was you.

  
You moved the skeleton.

  
Please don't do this, Walter.

  
Then how did you know, unless...

  
your maiden name is pink.

  
Do you know what pink is?

  
Red and white, 92 divided by 4.

  
Someday I'm gonna write a book
and I'll do it to somebody else.

  
- Walter.
- Oh, god.

  
Whoever wrote it knows you very well,

  
And only they can give you your answers.

  
You wrote it.

  
Isaac knew all along, didn't he?

  
Walter, just let it be, please.

  
You're topsy kretts.

  
He may not even be a man.

  
- Don't make me do this.
- Why, ag?

  
Why'd you do this?

  
- Who have I been living with?
- Walter.

  
What's this for, ag?

  
What were you gonna do with this?

  

I--

  
I took it to protect us

  
From whoever we were gonna
meet at the mailbox facility.

  
Intending to kill that poor old
man who you got to publish your book

  
And protect your little secret?

  
- I'll take care of it.
- He was alive before you sent us away.

  
- Robin will hear you.
- Oh, we wouldn't want that, would we?

  
Wouldn't want our son to know the
horrible truth about his mother.

  
Mom, dad, what's going on?

  
She's topsy kretts. She wrote the book.

  
No, it's not true. Now your
father's gonna put down the knife.

  
- Aren't you, Walter?
- Tell him the truth.

  
- Walter.
- Tell him how you took the skeleton.

  
Yes, Isaac and I took the skeleton.

  
- You did?
- And I'd do it again.

  
But I did not write the book.

  
Don't lie. 13 years, ag.

  
13 years of lies!

  
- No more.
- Don't do this to us, Walter.

  
- Mom, who wrote the book?
- Tell him who wrote it.

  
Tell him.

  
You wrote the book, Walter.

  
I found this with the old man's things.

  
You put my name on this.

  
No.

  
No no no no no.

  
You're lying.

  
She's lying. I didn't--
I didn't write that.

  
Then who did?

  
You.

  
It was both of you all
the way along, wasn't it?

  
- No.
- What is this?

  
What are you doing?

  
Dad.

  
Dad, what's happening?

  
Walter, we can get you help.

  
The woman in red.

  
And this is
supposed to make me feel better how?

  
Oh my god. Shit!

  
Walter.

  
No! Get out of here!

  
Get your car. Come on.

  
- Let's go.
- Come on, honey.

  
"Chapter 23:

  
You can call me fingerling,

  
But my real name is Walter.

  
Walter paul sparrow.

  
What you have read so far
is not the whole truth.

  
Much has been changed
to protect the innocent

  
And the guilty.

  
I once read that the only
philosophical question that matters

  
Is whether or not to commit suicide.

  
I guess that makes me a philosopher.

  
You could say it was my inheritance.

  
After my mother's death

  
My father couldn't cope.

  
He didn't leave a note.

  
Just a number.

  
That number followed me from
foster home to foster home,

  
Till college when I met her.

  
Laura tollins.

  
Do it tight.

  
Pretend that you have a knife.

  
I got a knife.

  
Cut my shirt.

  
- I'll cut you some more.
- Are you?

  
Yeah, I'll cut you.

  
Cut me. Cut me.

  
"I loved her."

  
One little-Known...

  
"And I
thought she loved me."

  
...esoteric procession of the number 23.

  
Does a thing itself
have a mystical power?

  
- Does that equate? - Yes,
that-- That's-- That's the...

  
"Until my father's
number returned to haunt me."

  
Are you insane?

  
"That fucking number."

  
"When I circled every
23rd letter of her note...

  
it became clear."

  
"The number had gone after me.

  
- And now it wanted her."

  
Laura, this room--
You gotta get out.

  
- It's coming for you. I can't stop it.
- What?

  
- What?
- The number.

  
- No no no no no.
- Leave me alone.

  
You think you have the guts to use it?

  
Go ahead.

  
Kill me.

  
I love you.

  
I never loved you, ever.

  
How could I?

  
How could anyone?

  
You're pathetic.

  
Just like your father.

  
- Get out!

  
Laura.

  
Laura!

  
Laura! Laura!

  
Laura!

  
Laura!  Laura!

  
Laura! Laura!

  
Laura! Laura!

  
Laura!

  
"I was right.

  
She was in danger.

  
I just didn't realize
the danger was me."

  
It's gonna be all right.

  
I just didn't realize
the danger was me."

  
Hey, laura.

  
Laura?

  
"What
began as a suicide note

  
Turned into something more..."

  
Shh--
Get the--

  
"...Much, much more."

  
23. That's a good one.

  
That's a good one.

  
23. 23.

  
23.

  
23, 23. Fuck it, fuck it.

  
I can see it. It's everywhere.

  
It's everywhere. It's everywhere.

  
No more fun and games.

  
Laura.

  
Shit! This fucking...

  
it's not true.

  
It's not true.

  
He does not--
Does not--

  
I love you...

  
more than any of...

  
period, exclamation.

  
Remember this?

  
"They
thought it was the fall..."

  
He doesn't remember anything. It's not
uncommon in cases of such severe head injury.

  
He could recover his
memory tomorrow or never.

  
Well, of course you have
to factor in the history

  
Of mental instability
of the patient's family.

  
His own father attempted suicide.

  
He just managed to be a
little more successful at it.

  
"...Because the trauma
of laura appeared to be fiction."

  
- And all that scribbling?
- Severe graphomania.

  
The rantings of a delirious mind.

  
Some sort of a survivor's guilt mixed up

  
With a numerology obsession.

  
You have your hands full, doctor.

  
Mmm. I'll do what I can.

  
Say, uh, may I have this book?

  
Thank you.

  
"My novel,

  
My confession,

  
- I never saw it again."
- My name is dr. Nathaniel.

  
"Some injuries can be healed over time.

  
Some are just too hard to deal with.

  
So my brain just blocked out

  
The terrible thing I had done

  
And the reasons why."

  
- Take care.
- I hope I never see you again.

  
- I hope not. I hope not. Don't come back, fella.
- Okay.

  
- Ooh! Oh my god. I'm so sorry.
- Oh!

  
Oh, no.

  
"Agatha
knew nothing about my past."

  
Oh, you owe me a cake.

  
"That made two of us.

  
I was free for now,

  
But the number found a new victim.

  
The number left me alone for 13 years...

  
until the night she found my book,

  
Or the book found her."

  
This is where I wrote it all.

  
It was me.

  
I'm a murderer.

  
I don't know what happened
to you, but I do know this:

  
You weren't a bad person who got better;

  
You were a sick person who became well.

  
I killed laura tollins.

  
There's an innocent man
in prison because of me.

  
You're a wonderful husband,

  
And you're the best father
a son could ever have.

  
And what would Robin do without you?

  
You know I can't let an
innocent man go on suffering

  
For my horrible sin.

  
We're all broken, Walter.

  
Remember, you told me your life started

  
When you met me?

  
Well, my life

  
- Began that day, too.
- You didn't know who I was.

  
I didn't know who I was.

  
- I want you to leave, ag.
- No.

  
- You need to leave before...
- No.

  
Before what?

  
Before you kill me?

  
Damn it, Walter.

  
Look, this...

  
this is who you were.

  
This is not who you are.

  
- This is not who you are!
- I'm a killer!

  
I have killed someone.

  
I killed someone.

  
I could do it again.

  
You think you could do it
again? You think you're a killer?

  
Here, then take this.

  
You go ahead and do it.

  
If you're a killer, then kill me!

  
Look around at all the beautiful 23s.

  
You don't want to
disappoint them, do you?

  
Do it!

  
I love you.

  
No, don't you say that.

  
- I love you.
- No, you can't!

  
Nobody can.

  
Dad!

  
There's
no such thing as destiny.

  
There are only different choices.

  
It's just a number.

  
Some choices are easy;

  
Some aren't.

  
Those are the really important ones,

  
The ones that define us as people.

  
The lord is my shepherd.
There is nothing I lack.

  
In green pastures, you let me graze.

  
To safe waters, you lead
me. You restore my...

  
13 years ago
I made the wrong choice...

  
guide me along the right
path for the sake...

  
I
needed to put it right,

  
And not just for my sake.

  
To die there in the street
would have been easy,

  
But it wouldn't have been justice,

  
At least not the justice
fathers teach their sons about.

  
I'll be sentenced in a week or so.

  
My lawyer says the judge
will look kindly upon me

  
For turning myself in.

  
Maybe it's not the happiest of endings,

  
But it's the right one.

  
Someday I'll be up for parole

  
And we can go on living our lives.

  
It's only a matter of time.

  
Of course, time's just
a counting system--

  
Numbers...

  
with meaning attached to them.

  
Isn't it?

  
 I've got me a badge 

  
 a bright, shiny badge 

  
 I'm painting the crest 

  
 in yellow and blue 

  
 I've got me a club 

  
 an exclusive club 

  
 doesn't include a place for you 

  
 hey 

  
 hello, neighbor 

  
 hey 

  
 hello, neighbor 

  
 right you are 

  
 it's in the way that you walk 

  
 all of the changes, all the mistakes 

  
 it's in the demands 

  
 you constantly make 

  
 it's in the way that you grieve 

  
 all of the loss 

  
 you don't know when
you're better off 

  
 or at what cost 

  
 you've got it good 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 benevolent mother 

  
 smother the child 

  
 the perpetrators are in denial 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 king of the castle 

  
 room at the top 

  
 off with their heads 

  
 chop 'em off 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 benevolent mother 

  
 smother the child 

  
 the perpetrators are in denial 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 king of the castle 

  
 room at the top,
off with their heads 

  
 chop 'em off 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil 

  
 the banality 

  
 of evil. 


Special thanks to SergeiK.