Outsourced Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Outsourced script is here for all you fans of the Josh Hamilton movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Outsourced quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Outsourced Script

  
  
OK, how would you like this ship?

  
Standard ground takes 7 to 10 business days,

  
or if you need it tomorrow, we can
overnight it for an extra $20.

  
Well I don't need it tomorrow.

  
Well I'm a Supervisor here
I can knock it down to 15 for you.

  
Well thanks. I'm tempted.
I'm so impatient.

  
Hey for me,
instant gratification.

  
Alright. What the hell, ship it overnight
- No problem.

  
If you have any other
questions call anytime.
My name is Todd Anderson.

  
- Thanks Todd.
- Your very welcome

  
I need you in my office.

  
Is this gonna take a while?
I just ordered from Thai
Garden and I'm pretty fast.

  
So you like spicy food? Thatís interesting.
Close the door please.

  
Why is that interesting?

  
Todd, we decided to
restructure order performance.

  
- Restructure how?
- Offshore the whole department

  
- Good one.
- I'm not kidding.

  
Check out this spreadsheet.
Any American job thatís done on the
phone or online is going overseas.

  
- The savings are incredible.
- Is this some weird of physiological test?

  
Like a ritual hazing for the
annual review.

  
Its not quite time for your review Todd.
You been working coming
up on 4.5 years, not 5.

  
You can't outsource Order Fulfillment.
Our catalog is patriotic knick-knack

  
If a factory working from Wisconsin
call the 800 number to buy this...

  
and get a person from another country,
They'll flip out.

  
Thatís where the accent training comes in.

  
You expect me to walk in there
and tell everyone I'm sorry your
job has been outsourced?

  
I'll do it.

  
- So I'm fired too?
- No. Not at all.

  
- But I manage fulfillment.
Now you don't need me here.
- Your right, we don't need you here.

  
We need you at India.
Someone gotta train the new guy.

  
- And after that?
- We find something for you,
company growing.

  
- 'We'll find something for you'?
- Course you're free to quit.

  
But you haven't
vested your stock options yet.
Quit now and you'll give it up

  
Plus your pension and medical
and you'll be out there, in a bad job
market with no unemployment benefits.

  
As this guy in about 20 minutes.

  
No way.
I'm not going to India
to train my own replacement.

  
All you need to do is visit the call center,
improve the minute per incidents...

  
and make sure the new guy up to speed.

  
What this new guy get paid?
- Half a million.

  
Rupee.

  
That's $11.000 a year to do your job.

  
As 8, for the price of one
What are you gonna do?

  
Come on, lets get MPI down to 6.
- No, I'm not going.

  
- Its a short trip, you like spicy food?.
- Dave, I'm not going to India.

  
I gotta get to a train station?

  
Hi, can you get me to the
train station?

  
- Oh crap. No, I wanted a Taxi.
- No problem.

  
OK, sorry. I'll grab my bag.
Thank.

  
No, stop, stop.

  
Go, go.

  
Do you like India?
- Its interesting.

  
Its the best country.
No problem.

  
No problem you just jump. Jump.

  
- You must jump the train
- There's no room.

  
You must jump. Jump.

  
I take one of those.

  
No change, no change.

  
Thatís OK. I'm dying of thirst.
Keep the change.

  
Yes, thatís fine.

  
Are you Mr. Toad?

  
Yes. No. Todd. Todd Anderson.
Western Novelty.

  
- I sent a car, but you were not there.
- I didn't see it.

  
I had to take one of
those taxi go kart thingy.

  
So sorry for the confusion.
I'm sorry please to me you, Mr. Dood.

  
I'm Purohit Narsimacharaya
Virajnarianan. But you can call me Puro.

  
Puro. I'll take you to your hotel.
Please come.

  
Sir, please come back.
I'm here.

  
I'm waiting for you.
Good night, good morning.
- Please come.

  
You like India?

  
Bombay doesn't look crazy, but
Gharapuri looks different. Schoner.

  
Bombay is terrible.
Gharapuri is very clean.

  
You have a business card, Mr. Toad?
- Todd. Please call me Todd.

  
Executive Vice-president of Marketing and
Order fulfillment. Very impressive.

  
Not as impressive as it sound.
What I really do, is sell kitsch to redneck.

  
Now I train some other
schmuck to do it.

  
- May I ask a question?
- Yes, go ahead.

  
Would you kindly be telling me,
what is kitsch, and what is redneck,
and what is schmuck?

  
Kitsch is garbage that people buy.

  
- Redneck basically mean farmer.
- Farmer?

  
and schmuck?

  
That mean a nice guy.
You the person I'm here to train?
Sorry, I didn't realize that.

  
I'm so fortunate to be learning the way
of American business from you, Mr. Toad.

  
Todd. Please just call me Todd.

  
- Your first trip to India?
- Yes

  
Some foreigner who come here
do not experience it well.

  
But I cant tell, you are a different breed.
A very good traveler

  
Strong, and ready for anything
and everything.

  
Thatís very kind of you.
Why do you say that?

  
Most foreigner cannot eat cola
without becoming very ill

  
How far is the hotel?

  
Your reservation is Gharapuri Palace Hotel.
That place is very lonely.

  
I'll take you to Aunt Ji's guesthouse.
She'll take care of you better
that your own real mother.

  
No, I like to go to my hotel.
I'm tired.

  
Please, I insist, we go to Aunt Ji.

  
She has a very good garden, most
excellent Indian cook. Very hygienic.

  
You won't be lonely there.

  
OK, fine. I'll check it out.
Just make it quick

  
Yes, schmuck.

  
There, please come.

  
Welcome, welcome,
welcome.

  
- You must tired from your trip to Bombay.
- No, we just here to look.

  
Look, look. I have some tea
freshly make especially for you.

  
- What is your good name
- My good name?

  
- Mr. Toad. Fresh from America.
- Mr. Toad, how sweet.

  
Come in,
Come in please.

  
Tell me, Mr. Toad.
What does your father do?

  
What are you selling?
Are you married?

  
No, I'm not married.

  
You got a girlfriend, hmm?

  
I did, but we broke up a
couple of month ago.

  
Why break up?
You should be married.

  
She wanted to start a family
and I wasnít quite ready it.

  
Not yet? My god.

  
Your old enough to be a grandfather.
What are you waiting for?

  
Just eat. Very nice.
Fresh.

  
That's good.

  
Sir, you should not place the hand that
has been in you mouth, back in the food.

  
You should not eat with the left hand.

  
In India, we eat with the right hand

  
- Left hand is considered...
- Dir...

  
- Unclean.
- Unclean, yes.

  
Why?

  
Why...

  
OK...

  
That's great. OK.

  
That's good. Thank you.
Thank you.

  
We work from 6 in the evening to
6 in the morning. Daytime in America.

  
- Thatís unscrupulous, aren't you tired?
- No, we are accustom to the problem by now.

  
Is it true that...
when I'm manager...

  
- I'm gonna earn 500.000 rupee a year?
- Thatís what they told you.

  
Because of my future salary, I'm now engaged
to Bageshy Sasubude.

  
Baggy who?

  
Watch the...

  
She's cute.

  
She's more beautiful than Ashwe Naray.
I've loved her all my life.

  
I could never think of marrying her until,
Western Novelty hired me for 500.000 rupee.

  
You got to be kidding me.
Is this it?

  
There's no office, to rent in Gharapuri,
so we have to build one.

  
This is outsourcing all the real estate in
in Bombay, Madras, Bangalore...

  
even Gharapuri, so we had to build one.
Please come.

  
This here is the supervisor.

  
And here we have agent division.
They work very hard.

  
Its OK.

  
And because of America,
we have different time zones.

  
Seattle, New York, Chicago
and India.

  
Puro, what is that?

  
Oh, this?

  
This our MPI monitor,
Minute Per Incident.

  
This going to go up on the wall.

  
This is the average time our
agents solve the call in.

  
What? Oh, that just a cow,
must have wandered in. One minute.

  
Don't worry Mr. Toad,
we are fully operational.
We have state of the art computers...

  
digital phone line, optical modem.
Everything

  
Mr. Toad, are you OK?
- I have a cramp.

  
The cola.

  
Oh god

  
- One rupee.
- Not a good time.

  
- One rupee.
- Tomorrow.

  
- Only one rupee
- I don't have a rupee

  
- Please.
- Is that all you can say?

  
Hungry.
Only 1 rupee.

  
All right.

  
Leave me alone alright.

  
No, don't touch.

  
- Hey
- Yes

  
No toilet paper.

  
Hello everyone. I'm Todd Anderson
from Western Novelty...

  
and I'm here to help integrate
you into our business.

  
Now, I gotta tell you, this centre number
is nowhere near what they should be.

  
And base on the customer
complaint we've been having.
Its a cultural thing

  
Basically, you people
need to learn about America.
Its all about bringing down the MPI.

  
Things go faster if the customer feel they
talking to a native English speaker.

  
But we are native English speakers.
English is the official language
of our government.

  
You got it from the British, and so did we.
We just speak it differently.

  
We say 'internet',
and you say 'innernet'.

  
Fair enough, thatís exactly my point.
I'm asking you to say 'innernet'.

  
Next time you're on a call, try to list to
carefully to the customer's pronunciation

  
the slang, small talk.
Try to learn from them.

  
Learn about America.

  
Sir?
- Yes? You are?

  
- Marmite.
- Manmeet.

  
No, Manite. What I want to know,
is what is 'small talk'.

  
Oh, you know, thatís like,
'How you doing today'.

  
How the weather in Arizona?

  
You can talk about sport.
- like cricket?

  
Nevermind, forget sport.
You want to sound American.

  
If anyone ask where you're located,
just say 'Chicago'.

  
Try that.
- Chicago.

  
When you make the 'a' sound,

  
Hold your nose, to flatten
the vowel like 'Chicago'.

  
Thatís great, and if anyone ask
how the weather is, say 'windy'.

  
- Yes, you are?
- Asha, sir.

  
Isn't that a little dishonest?
I mean I'm not gonna lie.

  
I'm not in Chicago,
I'm in Gharapuri.

  
If I have to do this job I was told that
I would be selling product to a customer..

  
...on the telephone.
I did not know we had to be deceptive

  
- A lot of American are
upset about outsourcing.

  
- Sir, most of the product they're
buying are made in China.

  
OK, we're almost back.
We'll continue this tomorrow. Thank you.

  
It says 'made in China'.

  
Ouch.
Don't touch me.

  
Go away. I'm serious.

  
Good morning, Mr. Toad.

  
You have a long night, huh?

  
What?
You look like you have no energy.

  
- You must go to sleep.
- No, I will.

  
First you eat.
You're looking sick.

  
No, thank you.
I can't.

  
Mr. Toad, you want to
meet a nice Indian girl?

  
No, thank you.
I'm really not interested.

  
Are you homosexual?

  
Excuse me?

  
- You liking boy, not even girl?
- No.

  
No!

  
No, Thank you.
I can't eat a thing.

  
You must eat, you show up doing nothing.
It getting very hard.

  
Maybe tomorrow.
I need to get some air.

  
Tomorrow?

  
- When is the glass coming?
- Its coming presently, sir.

  
Is the problem always this low?

  
- This is low?
- Well yes, your obviously
not riding on the callers yet

  
Why is the MPI so bad?
At 12 minute per incidents,
we losing money on every call.

  
Bad? When I started it was 15.
I brought it down to 12.

  
This place is a disaster.
If we don't get it down to 6, I'll be
stuck in India for the rest of my life.

  
- We'll get the MPI down. No problem.
- Don't say no problem.
When there is a problem

  
If we don't get it down to 6,
you'll never get a promotion and you'll
never get to marry whatís her face.

  
- Who's face sir?
- Your girlfriend.
Baggy Swami or whatever her name is.

  
Everyone, please work faster.
OK?

  
What else?
Yes, Manmeet.

  
I do not understand item H403.

  
H403. A lot of American
wear this to sporting event.

  
But why, sir?

  
Its hard to explain.
You just do..

  
- I do know understand A221.
- A221.

  
Thatís a burger brand.

  
Americans eat a lot of beef,
and somepeople like to burn-

  
-their initials into their food with a
red hot iron before they eat it.

  
- Why?
- To the cow brand.

  
The thing you burn a symbol into a cow with.

  
In America, that how we
keep track of your cow, is branding

  
- With a red hot iron?
- Yeah

  
Wouldn't the cow run away?

  
No, we only do it to baby cow, when
they small enough, to hold them down.

  
- Yes, Asha?
- A suggestion, Mr. Todd?

  
- Go ahead.
- You need to learn about India

  
Hey its Todd. I'll be out of the country
for a few days so leave a message...

  
You have no messages.

  
Are you still there?
You have no messages.

  
I told you, its my grandson's
birthday at school

  
I want to get him some supplies, but I'm not
sure what kids need these days.

  
- Perhaps some rubbers.
- What did you say?

  
I mean if you have a pencil,
you'll let some rubber

  
OK. Who can tell me,
what was wrong with this call?

  
Its not a 'rubber',
its an 'eraser'.

  
- No, sir, this is a rubber.
- No, its an eraser.

  
A 'rubber' means condom.

  
- You mean like a 'flat'?
- They call it an 'apartment'.

  
No, a condom.
Birth control.

  
Does it work?

  
- This is Dave.
- Hi Dave

  
I just saw you number, you do realize
your not on vacation over there?

  
Yeah,
I gotta come here for a vacation.

  
Unless you're planning taking up residence,
you better get the ball rolling.

  
Yeah, thatís why I'm calling
actually...

  
- A MPI in the 6's is not realistic.
- I didn't say in the 6's,
Todd, I said get it down to '6'.

  
6,59 is not 6, its 7.
you need to get it down to 6.
  
You kidding me?.
We had a deal.

  
Seattle agents call offline on Sunday.
Expect a bump in calls.

  
You know what a 6 in the industry.
Anything below 7. Thatís the definition

  
Don't you read you contract?
We said get it down at 6,
I'm holding it at 6.

  
Dave, you're a
corporate slime ball.

  
Watch it Todd. Lose your stock options
and you'll be living in a cardboard box.

  
- Dave...
- I gotta go

  
Julie?
Hey, its me.

  
Yeah. How you doing?

  
Just want to check to say hi.

  
Oh nothing...
I just wanted to hear your voice.

  
I miss you.

  
I'm sorry. Did I wake you

  
Yeah, I know.
I know.

  
Somebody there?

  
Cheeseburger.

  
How much to take me to Bombay?
To Bhagat Singh Road?

  
No, Bombay is too far. Use too much petrol.
It will damage my car. Its impossible.

  
- OK, 6000 rupee.
- Don't sweat it. Iíll gonna expense it.

  
- OK, 5000 rupee and nothing less.
- Whatever.

  
OK, my deal is done. I'll take you
to Bombay for 4000 rupee.

  
Hello sir.
How may I help you?

  
I like two cheeseburgers, large fries...
- Sorry, we don't cheeseburgers.

  
What?
I thought this was McDonald's?

  
Sorry, sir.
This is MacDonnel's.

  
Get the Maharaja veggie burger.
It's as close as you can get.

  
I came all the way from Gharapuri
for a cheeseburger.

  
You know they have a real
McDonald's in Gharapuri.
Still can't get a cheeseburger.

  
You know what INDIA stand
for, don't ya?

  
'I'll Never Do It Again'

  
Did you hear about the guy who
outsource his old job?

  
He write codes in San Francisco...
makes 70 grand a year

  
so he hires a guy in Bangalore
to do his job for 12 grand.

  
His boss think he's
telecommunicating.

  
He gets so much free time, he's thinking
about to get another job just like it.

  
We got Indian doctors,
reading American X-rays.

  
Lawyers, writing briefs and
customer service.

  
- Me too.
- How long are you here for?

  
- I have to get MPI under a flat 6.
- Not in India.

  
Hire the accent neutral, the way for me.
All you can hope for is an 8.

  
- I can't get home till I get a 6.
- Better find yourself a wife then.

  
She call me 'Toad'.

  
- What?
- My name is Todd, everyone says' Toad

  
Listen here, Todd.
Just a word of advice.

  
I remember feeling, like you do.
I was resisting India.

  
Once I gave in,
I did much better.

  
I don't understand.
What is so difficult about this order?

  
Pink over the blue,
I would stay away from
the horizontal stripes.

  
- May I ask you, are you married?
- Married? No.

  
Oh really?

  
- Look buddy, I assure you, I'm in Chicago.
- Yeah, right.

  
Oh god.

  
Puro, where have you been?
Things have gone crazy here.

  
I can't even... wandering off,
You should be coaching these people.

  
Maduri is having a nervous breakdown.
Manmeet hits, on every women who calls.

  
And where is the glass
to this god damn office?

  
I'm sorry sir,
very sorry.

  
Glasses coming
presently.

  
What's all this?

  
For you sir.
You don't look well.

  
The food help with your stomach.
OK for you to eat. No problem

  
Is it...

  
I'm sorry.
Thank you.

  
- Mr. Toad, stop!.
- Puro?

  
Sorry, I should have told you this earlier.
You should not wear
good clothes on this day.

  
Watch out!

  
I'm very sorry, Mr. Todd.
You should not have to worn good
clothes on the day of holi.

  
- Holy what?
- Just Holi.

  
Celebrating of color.
Changing of season.

  
Don't worry. I have this.
I'll protect you. Come with me.

  
Come, Mr. Toad.
Come.

  
Mr. Toad, are you OK?

  
Give me one of those.

  
Thatís a good shot.
- I use to play baseball in college.

  
- You like cricket. A very boring game?
- Give me another one.

  
Happy Holi.
Come, Mr. Toad.

  
Any calls?

  
Need a pen?

  
Pick any one you want.
No, not all...

  
This is pretty good.

  
- We must go. We are late.
- We can't go like this.

  
No problem. I'll take care of it on the way.
Come, quickly.

  
- Sorry, somebody had to...
- No, thank you.

  
Sorry we're late.
Holi.

  
- Sorry. Thank you, Asha.
- Thank you.

  
Thank you very much.
Thank you for shopping at Western Novelty.

  
Before anyone takes off,
I like to call a meeting.

  
I want to apology to all of you,
especially Asha.
She was right.

  
I need to learn about India.

  
- Sir, there is no need to...
- No, wait. Let me finish please.

  
Our first mistake, is trying to
run this, like an American office.
So I wanna ask you...

  
How can do we do things differently.
What would make your work
day a more positive experience

  
Yes, Sanjay?

  
May I bring in my family
pictures, for my desk?

  
Yes, bring pictures of them all.
I wanna see the whole family

  
What else?
Krishna?

  
- May I bring murti's for my desk?
- Murti's? Absolutely. Whatever those are.

  
Anyone can bring whatever they want
to make their space their own, as long
as it doesnít get in the way of work

  
Maduri?
- Sir.

  
Puro said that, we must wear only
western clothes to do western business.

  
Whatever you want.

  
- What is your good name?
- I'm Rani.

  
Would it be possible, to get a
discount from Western Novelty products?

  
Is there something
you were interested in?

  
- Number D100. Astrology placemat.
- You want those cheesy things?

  
I'm sure. I could get a set for free.

  
What about the ceramic basket?

  
You guys want this stuff?
You liked Western are selling?

  
Alright, here is what we'll do.

  
I'll call the company, and I ask
them to ship us the most popular
items in the catalogue.

  
Whoever improved their MPI the
most, on a given day, can get
their pick on the merchandise.

  
Alright, great job everyone.
Thank you.

  
Whatís that?

  
Massala, rock salt, cumin
chili pepper. Makes it better.

  
- Nice?
- Oh wow!

  
OK.

  
When I was young, Holi was the
favorite day of the year.

  
I so awaited eagerly

  
For me it, was Halloween.
You know Halloween?

  
The costumes?
My mum used to make
great home made costumes..

  
Its funny. I should
think about my parents.

  
- You miss them?. Of course.
- When I'm home, I don't miss them at all.

  
- Do you see them?
- Not much, hardly ever.

  
You don't live with your parents?

  
No, they live in Yakima.
Which is about 2 hours away.

  
But you see them every week?

  
No, a few times every year.

  
But why?
They're so close.

  
I don't know.

  
Some thing I don't understand
about American life.

  
You don't live with your parents.
Strange.

  
Another thing. You hate your boss.
You don't like this country, hmm?

  
Why choose something else?

  
I don't know how to explain it.

  
I my world, it just make sense
to work your ass off...

  
and go into a credit debt,
so you can have the 15 inch plasma.

  
You like the HDSI or the digiblack?
Which one?

  
They're both good.

  
Todd, thatís my family.

  
Impressive.

  
Asha, could you come here please?

  
Ok, here's the deal.
Youíre the best we have, and I've
seen you giving advice to the others.

  
After I leave, Puro going
to need an assistant-manager.

  
Now. We have to get the MPI to 6,0.
Can you help us?

  
Of course.

  
You think she can do it?

  
I think Asha could do anything.

  
Congratulation on your promotion.
You only have to step in a call,
when someone is in trouble.

  
Puro, you want to,
get her started?

  
- You know this?
- Yes, sir.

  
- Western Novelty, Gharapuri.
- What the hell is wrong with you, Todd?
You trying to bankrupt us?

  
- What are you talking about?
You seen the MPI?

  
- I'm talking about this request
to ship hundred of product to India.

  
The agents can see it, look online.
They don't need to fondle them.

  
Actually they do.
Its an incentive.

  
They need to understand
what they're selling.

  
So promise them this time.
Alright.

  
Freight got held up by
shipping delay at customs.

  
- You got to think of our bottom line.
- I am.

  
thatís why I want to introduce
our products to a potential
market of a billion people

  
- You there?
- I'll overnight it to you.

  
Its working.

  
Your intended program is a very good idea.
I'm learning so much from you.

  
I can't believe you're so excited
about these tacky stuff.

  
Tacky? What is tacky?

  
Oh... Uh...
tacky's like...

  
Nevermind.

  
I noticed that everyone signed up for
incentive program except you.

  
Don't you want anything?

  
What would I do with this?
I'm a vegetarian.

  
I'm gonna go with carrots.

  
American have more
choices than anyone in the world.
Why would you choose this?

  
Actually, I got mine in red..

  
Uphold the town..

  
Hello.

  
You...
Sorry.

  
With all region joins,
in all the town, in all the world,
She had to walk into mine.

  
You know how to whistle don't you?
Just put your lips together. And blow.

  
Shut up. Just shut up.
You had me at 'hello'.

  
My mama always tells.
Life is like a box of chocolate.

  
I have one word for you.
Plastics.

  
Are you talking to me?

  
No, its not 'are you talking to me?'.
Its 'ya talkin da me?'.

  
This are called reductions.
American use them all the time.

  
'Got to go' becomes 'gotta go'
'Would he' becomes 'woodhe'.

  
OK, try again.
Maybe with more voracity.

  
Wow. Thatís very nice.
I believe it.

  
OK, who else is ready to go?

  
Now we have something for you.

  
You will do a dance from an India movie
You will be Salman Khan.

  
- No. What?
- Come, dance. Dance.

  
Its very simple..

  
I can't do that.

  
Come on, Todd. Dance.
Don't let me down.

  
You ironed my underwear?

  
Of course.
Doesn't your mother?

  
Yeah. I'm not sure, what she's referring to.
That part doesn't require batteries.

  
Mr. Todd, Mr. Puro,
We have a problem.

  
The shipment from Western Novelty
has gone to the wrong city.

  
What?
Where did it go?

  
They didn't write down
the pin number, so...

  
They send the entire shipment
to the other Gharapuri.

  
Oh great.
There is another Gharapuri?

  
3 hours drive. Maybe 6?
Depending on traffic.

  
And we'll have to take a
ferry from there.

  
Its an island?

  
There happens to be a one MG
Road 114 in the other Gharapuri?

  
Every town in India
has an MG Road.

  
Its stands for Mahatma Ghandi.
He was the father of our nation.

  
- Right. Can you take care of this?
- No problem.

  
But first I must sleep for 2 hours,
so I can back for the interview
of the new agent.

  
- Then I must make sure
my mother get to the hospital.
- Nevermind. I go.

  
If we lose the incentive,
everything falls apart.

  
But someone should
go with you.

  
If we leave now,
we can get back before night.

  
- You want to go with him?
- I'm the future assistant-manager.

  
Right?

  
I'm pretty sure there is a
painting of her in my room.
I feels like she following me around.

  
That's Kali, the goddess of destruction.

  
Why would you want the goddess
of destruction in your car?

  
Sometime destruction
is a good thing.

  
She ends one cycle so
a new one can begin.

  
- Why don't you ask her for something?
- Alright.

  
Destroy something for me,
so I'll understand.

  
We have to get a ferry
and he will wait here for us.

  
Oh my god, look.
Her hat.

  
Thatís our product.
Western item D334.

  
Never actually seen one on
our customer in the flesh before.

  
- Whatís with all the tourist?
- Some famous cave.

  
Doesn't probably feels
like India any more.

  
I could do it, you know.

  
- Do what?
- Your accent. If I had to, I could do it.

  
'I'll take one of them cheesehead hat. '

  
Yeah Madam. No problem.
We do have them cheesehead.

  
What size do you
want to purchase?

  
Your not one of them outsourcer, are you?
Whatís your name?

  
My name is Larry.
May I kindly have your credit number?

  
If your an American?
What is our national bird.

  
Oh yeah. Its a big vulture
with a big white head.

  
Let me speak to your supervisor?

  
Certainly sir.
Hello. I'm the supervisor.
How may I help you?

  
- You sound just like the other guy.

  
Well sir. Some of us do sounds alike.
There are over 1 billion of us, you know.

  
Thatís, terrible.

  
Nice. I guess we can
let him keep his table

  
How do we get it
back to the ferry?

  
- Whatís that?
- Is a temple.

  
- A temple for what?
- Shiva lingam.

  
Whatís a lingam?

  
Well, you know.

  
the male... part.

  
Todd, if your going in,
first take off your shoes.

  
Is the male part?

  
Its a symbol of creation.

  
- And the female part?
- Yes. They go together.

  
You see Shiva was a powerful god
and he grew tired of they cycle of life,
death and reincarnation.

  
So he decided to give up
the pleasure of life and he
smeared his body in ash.

  
- Ash?
- Yes

  
He didn't eat or drink or indulge
in any physical pleasure

  
This create a terrible fire within him.

  
Well. sure.

  
And they transformed him
to a blazing lingam, which threaten
to destroy all creation.

  
There other gods didn't know what to do,
so a Yoni appeared, as a goddess.

  
And she absorbed the terrible heat.

  
Restoring balance to the world and
saving the universe from destruction.

  
Wow.

  
Close call.

  
- Do you want a mango?
- Sure

  
Have you ever eaten a mango before?

  
First time.
This is great.

  
Eat like this.

  
Hello, sir.

  
Do you need nice room?

  
Need a room. No.
We're taking the ferry.

  
The ferry not happening. I'll get
you last room. Very good price.

  
- The ferry not happening?
- Yes. Ferry blowing up.

  
You staying here. I get you nice room.

  
Thatís right.
'Ferry blowing up. '

  
I gave you last room on this island.
For very special price.

  
Go on, sir.

  
Welcome, sir.

  
Good afternoon.
I'll take two standard rooms.

  
No standard rooms.
I'm very sorry sir.

  
- I'll take the deluxe room.
- Unfortunately. are already taken.

  
We have only one room available, sir.

  
- The luxury suite?
- No, the luxury suite is not available.

  
There is only one room available,
and the foreigners are very happy.

  
OK, thatís good.

  
Yes, thatís great.

  
- Yes. Thank you. Thatís fine.
- Give him money.

  
Thatís enough.
Thatís good.

  
OK, thank you.
For everything.

  
Well, this is...
incredibly awkward.

  
Why are you surprise?

  
This is my fault?

  
Of course.
You asked Kali to destroy something.

  
Its not a joke. She blew up the
ferry and now we're stuck here.

  
You told me too. You said
sometime destruction be good.

  
How can this be a good thing?

  
What do I tell my parents that I spent
the night with you at the Kamasutra Hotel.

  
I'm not gonna tell them.

  
Your standing downstairs at
reception desk, a sleazy guy, he saying this
room not available and that not available.

  
And you just say,
Oh

  
Why didn't you say anything?

  
Why didn't you say anything?
I don't know how this country works.

  
You know I can't even talk to you with
that stupid mango all over your face.

  
I don't have mango
all over my face

  
- Its all over your face.
- Is it? Yeah

  
I can't see anything.

  
Help me out.
I can't...

  
'Deer and the hare. '

  
'Coupling of the swan. '

  
My god.
'Monkey pulls the turnip. '

  
- No. That is impossible.
- Come on. Lets try it.

  
- No!.
- Yeah!

  
- You said I should learn about India.
- No!

  
Todd, no one must know about this.

  
It must be a secret.

  
We stayed in different rooms,
different rooms, and nothing happened.

  
Of course.
I understand.

  
Here.
Listen to this.

  
Press that.

  
So now when I call you,
you will have your own Bollywood ringtone.

  
Its part of your continuing
education in India.

  
Thanks

  
Have a good afternoon,
Miss Asha.

  
I'll see you at work,
Mr. Toad.

  
Hey.
Kid!

  
For you to draw, paint.

  
You see that?
Unbelievable.

  
Mr. Todd, please go to line 15,.
We have a problem.

  
This an empty line?

  
- Hello.
- Very nice to chat with you.

  
You said there was a problem?.

  
Yes, sir. The problem is I have
to sit 3 feet away from you...

  
and I can't come any closer.

  
Yes. That is a problem.

  
perhaps we can solve that after work?

  
I'm afraid, that
might not be possible.

  
Perhaps we can leave separately and
go to the market, we could meet there.

  
Well mam...

  
Your perfume is driving me crazy.
Is there anyway we can expedite this order?

  
May I correct you, sir.
It is not perfume. It is cardamom.

  
We live next to a spice merchant
and he grinds cardamom all day.

  
it gets in all our clothes.

  
I like it.

  
I'm glad you like it, sir.

  
Your lucky he doesn't sell garlic.

  
Yes I am, sir.

  
My neighbor buying cabbages over there.
Come with me.

  
I think we're Ok now.

  
Don't touch me.
Not in public.

  
- I can help you down the stairs.
- Thank you

  
The MPI almost down to 6.
I have to leave soon.

  
I know. Puro told me.

  
Do you ever think about...

  
living in the US?

  
I would miss my parents.
It would be too hard.

  
Have you ever thought
about living here?

  
Here?

  
I would, but I think I miss my
hot dog toaster too much.

  
- We're very close.
- How close?

  
- I can't really go into it.
- Thatís not a good thing.

  
- Lets drink some tea.
- No, I can't.

  
- People might talk.
- So what if they talk?

  
I should be more careful, like I'm
been seen with you, speaking like this

  
- Like how?
- Intensely.

  
I'm not...

  
Youíre a free woman, you can
speak intensely as you want.

  
Why do you worry so
much of people think?

  
Because...

  
I'm engaged to be marry.

  
- Engaged?
- Yes.

  
How long have you been engaged?

  
Since I was four years old. Our family
has known each other for generations.

  
His name Ashok. He has a
very good job, very polite

  
We will be married in July.

  
Do you love him?

  
Not yet.

  
Can't believe this.

  
I just can't believe it...
Someone strong, smart and opinionated...

  
as you would settle for
an arranged marriage

  
- I learn to love him.
- What about your right
to choose for yourself?

  
My parents met on their wedding day.
They loved each other.

  
To me thatís crazy.

  
Some people would say America,
50 percent divorce rate is crazy

  
Will you tell Ashok about us?

  
No, of course not.
No one must know.

  
What do you call this,
what you and I are doing?

  
- Holiday in Goa.
- What?

  
Its something my friends and I say.

  
A friend of mine fell in love with a boy,
one month before she was to get marry.

  
He was a boy from school.

  
She told her parent,
she was under a lot of stress...

  
She had to go on a
holiday Goa alone.

  
She and the boy went to the beach,
they had 3 weeks together...

  
and she came back,
and got married.

  
So I'm just your
holiday in Goa?

  
Not 'Just'.

  
My only holiday in Goa.

  
Where can we go to be in Goa?

  
Shake my hand as a business
person and go inside.

  
- Its a pleasure talking with you, Mrs...
- Badwadikar.

  
Sorry, I don't have any...

  
You want me to come over?

  
Its Dave.

  
- You see our numbers?
- No, I was traveling.

  
- Did he made them go through with you?
- No, I need a ride.

  
A ride?

  
I'm at the train station.
I just got here from Bombay.
Come and pick me up.

  
Wait one minute.

  
Dave.
What are you doing here?

  
Surprise.

  
Hello sir.
Hello.

  
You want cola?
Wait... I make.

  
- Look like a storage unit.
- You get what you'll pay for.

  
- Whatís with the music?
- Its probably a wedding. Dave...

  
- Why are you here?

  
- What kind of management if I
don't drop in on your field operation,
every now and then.

  
- You don't trust me?
- Of course I trust you.

  
Just wanted to see it
with my own eyes

  
Colin gave us a bunch of numbers
which looks good.

  
Somebody says it too good
for 3 weeks work.

  
- You think I'm rigging the MPI?
- Relax.

  
When I walk in and see 2 dozen
people generating MPI in the 6s.
I'll be a happy mean

  
After you.

  
Puro, what the hell is this?

  
Its the water from the farmer next door,
because of the irrigation.

  
That is when, water
is flooded for the crops.
- I understand what that mean.

  
Water is coming everywhere
Nowhere to go. Big problem, what to do.

  
Clear down the working stations.

  
Now it...
Oh my god.

  
- I want to shred your passport.
- Relax, Dave. No problem.

  
No problem?
How can you say no problem?

  
- What does a problem look like.
- No problem.

  
- We're going up to the roof.
- The roof?

  
People, we're going
up to the roof.

  
We're gonna rewire this whole place
in the next 20 minutes.

  
Its a nice night,
its dry up there.

  
We'll bring up the workstations,
run a new main power cable

  
We're going back
online upstairs.

  
- Thatís impossible.
- Maybe back in the States is it.

  
Anil, get the car.

  
I'll be right back
with the consultant.

  
Consultant?

  
Puro, this is my neighbor,
he'll help with the rewiring.

  
He'll show you.

  
Consultant?

  
Yeah

  
This?
No problem.

  
Yes, I am sincere.
I do not hear what you look like.

  
You have a lovely voice
and personality.

  
Manmeet, marriage proposal
is not small talk.

  
- I think she's the one.
- Not tonight.

  
But Todd, I'm in love.

  
As long as you buy something every 5 minutes
and clock it as a separate incidents.

  
- You can say whatever you want.
- Thanks, Todd.

  
Elizabeth, wonderful news.
We can speak all line. I mean all day..

  
Yes, sir. No, sir.
Maybe, sir.

  
Quick, Quick...
Its a supervisor demand.

  
Give me.
Thanks.

  
Hello?

  
You got to be kidding me...

  
I'm buying a freaking American eagle from a
company in that suppose to be in America

  
and I get it in India?

  
- I understand that you're upset, sir.
- No, you don't.

  
Last month I lost my job at the
plant where I work for 22 years

  
because of the whole
operation was in Mexico.

  
My brother had to leave
town because of no job.

  
I know how you feel, sir.

  
No, you don't.
You have a job.

  
Sir, please don't hang up.
I have a solution for you.

  
What?

  
Please understand that all American
are upset about outsourcing...

  
so we have located American made
version of all our product.

  
If you have a pen, I will give you the
website of an American company...

  
that makes an eagle statue
very similar to ours.

  
same size,
same material.

  
Only theirs are made percent in America.

  
Well, thanks, I appreciate it.
But is the price the same?

  
No, sir, thereís
$212 more.

  
- Aright.
- Thank you sire,
may I have your credit card number?

  
Let me take that
to my supervisor.

  
The fee should be organized
at no extra charge. Anything else?

  
Thanks you for buying at Western Novelty.
My name Guarav.

  
Today, well done to everyone.
Thank you.

  
By the way, we broke 6.
Congratulations.

  
You guys were amazing.
I want to see you all at Lotus.

  
- Doing OK?
- Like I swallowed a live squirrel

  
Don't worry.
It only last a week.

  
Some of us are going
to the Lotus to celebrate.
Why don't you come with us?

  
Whatís the Lotus?

  
Its like an after hour club for call center
workers to get off at 6am.

  
It would be fun.
You wouldn't like it.

  
- I need to talk to you.
- We can talk tomorrow.

  
Your right. There is
another reason, I came here

  
I need to wipe out our proprietary data,
of these hard drive,
before we pull out of India.

  
What are you talking about?

  
- Don't tell me your moving
Fulfillment back to Seattle?
- No

  
China.

  
We're running an existing
call center there already.

  
They go online
tomorrow.

  
China is the new India.
20 heads for the price of one.

  
What are you gonna do?

  
Big speech.

  
I do have something to say.

  
Unfortunately, the bad news.

  
I just found out...

  
I don't know an easy
way to do this.

  
Western Novelty has decided to
move Order Fulfillment to China.

  
All of your jobs have
been outsourced.

  
Don't go to work tomorrow.
Its over.

  
Mr. Dave is wiping the
hard drives, right now

  
You get a month severance pay.
Thatís it.

  
Guys,
an announcement

  
I am...

  
I am engaged to Elizabeth Watson
in Orange, New Jersey.

  
Sorry, I didn't now,
I swear.

  
Why are they happy about this?

  
They will be.
It doesn't matter.

  
We trained them to
get a job anywhere.

  
Microsoft, Dell. Office Tiger.

  
They'll get a job in a week.

  
And the severance pay,
they'll have some fun.

  
So you can get another job too?

  
Management is different.

  
I'm not young any more.

  
If I'm lucky, I'll get a job.

  
But that might take a long time.

  
Bhagyashree's parents hearing,
she marries with someone else.

  
What's the hurry?
- Astrology.

  
Her moon are lined up.
Auspices times.

  
She must marry this year.
And now I don't have a job.

  
I'm so sorry.

  
- I must leave India.
- What? Why?

  
I will die if I see Bhagyashree walking
on the street, with a new husband.

  
If it any consolation,
I'm probably fired too

  
I'm sorry.

  
You're a good boss.

  
Asha, sorry.

  
I'm not concern about the job,
I'm more concern about my novel.

  
- You what?
- I'm writing a book in
between calls at work.

  
I saved a copy on my hard drive and
I don't want Dave to delete it

  
Can we go back and save it?

  
- Yes, I guess we should
- I think we should go, immediately!

  
What is this book of yours called?

  
'Holiday in Goa. '

  
- That was great.
I almost believe you myself.
- Stop!

  
- No time for small talk.
- Where can we go?

  
Guarav gave us a key to his place..
Its OK, he's a friend. We can trust him.

  
We can be alone together.
We have two hours.

  
OK, I have to ask you something.

  
What is that?

  
Its a bindi.
Its a third eye.

  
Its the eye with what you see,
the most important thing

  
Sometime two eyes arenít enough,
we'll need help

  
that you already been in my third eye

  
Us? How?

  
My father is an assistant-manager
in a foreign company, and my mother
come from a small village

  
A girl in my position, has her whole life
mapped out in front of her

  
Everything I have done, I had to fight for

  
'Asha, you cant go to university,
Asha you can't work in call center.
What will people say?'

  
and what you said..

  
It was the first time I ever
heard anything like that.

  
What did I say?

  
'Asha can do anything. '

  
I always wanted to believe that until
you, I didn't even think it was true.

  
I hope that Ashok see it.

  
Well he better, because if he doesn't
then I'll leave him,

  
and I'll come to the US and
take away you job.

  
God, I'm gonna miss you.

  
- You'll meet someone.
- She won't smell like cardamom

  
Rub some on her and pretend she is me.

  
She won't have her eyes either.

  
I wish I could meet someone
exactly like you.

  
Well. almost exactly.

  
Almost?

  
Someone as beautifully as you,
smart as you.

  
Its funny.

  
What?

  
But is not afraid to try
'monkey pull the turnip'.

  
Asha can do anything.

  
Hi, Toad. How are you?
- Good.

  
My friend Sudah.
My guest, Toad.

  
Yes, yes.

  
Data is uploaded.
These hardware is not
worth shipping to China.

  
If anything you want other than that plasma,
I got that covered.

  
Just do it, Dave.
If thatís my option, the let me go,
you don't need me anymore.

  
We don't need you here.

  
We need you in Shanghai.

  
- You're insane.
- Someone gotta train the new guy

  
We've been acquired by the largest direct
marketing firm in the United States.

  
Western is gonna be a
small part of this.

  
The new company is gonna
outsource 4000 call center jobs.

  
We need the VP to manage it all.

  
I showed them your numbers,
and they want you

  
It no joke. Its a great job.

  
You get all the benefits you have
and also a fat raise.

  
I'm not going to China.

  
and you get to keep the stock option,
as oppose to losing them,
and been unemployed.

  
No thank.

  
Someone head hunting?
Alright we'll beat their offer,
whatever it is.

  
Did I mention the stock option
will double in value, maybe triple.

  
You don't have to live in China.
All you have to do is get a call there
out to see and visit every month

  
get first class travel,
and corporate apartment, its your.
A high rise overlooking the harbor.

  
What do you want, Todd.
Tell me what you want.

  
You can't quit. Then you've work
your ass here for nothing

  
You cant quit Todd.
Who am I gonna send to Shanghai?

  
Better Hurry, its boarding.

  
Mrs. Puro..

  
Congratulation. To both of you.
Enjoy the view of the harbor.

  
- Todd, you saved my life.
- You saved mine.

  
Don't worry about running the centre.
You'll be great.
'Break a leg. '

  
- Break my legs?
- Expression. It means good luck.

  
Thank you, Todd.
I hope that both your legs get broken.

  
I'll never forget you said that.

  
Mom? Hey, its Todd.

  
Yeah, I'm back.

  
It was...
I'll tell you when I come by..

  
Hello?


Special thanks to SergeiK.