Son Of Rambow Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Son Of Rambow script is here for all you fans of the Garth Jennings movie with Bill Milner and Jessica Hynes. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Son Of Rambow quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Son Of Rambow Script


Brother William,
would you like to read today?

O, God, our heavenly father,

who has commanded us to love
one another as Thy children.

I could've killed them all.
I could've killed you.

In town, you're the law.
Out here, it's me.

Don't push it.

Don't push it or I'll give you a war
you won't believe.

Let it go.

Let it go.

 He's stuck there.
He can't go any place!

 If you don't
fly this thing, Ray,

I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you.

 Hold it steady, you sonofabitch!

 Get that man a cigar!

-  Get in the car.
-  Get in the car!

William. William, your lace.

William, where did you find this?
This watch doesn't belong to you.

Do you understand?

Jess, stop it. You put it back
where you found it, William.

Voila. Montez-le. Comme ça.

Toute droite. Toute droite comme ca,
un petit peut plus.

Tres bien. Bravo, c'est magnifique.

I'm saying it might be
in your interest to listen,

and you'd do well to keep your wits
about you when I talk about scree.

OK? So, show time.

Er, thanks for your help.

Erm, we're gonna be watching
a documentary now,

and you're not allowed
to watch television, are you?

Right, you got something
to be getting on with? OK, good.


That is expensive and not for you
to be messing around with, alright?

 Fire. When treated with care,
it can be man's greatest tool.

But, if used incorrectly,

it can be his most deadly foe.

That's it!

- What?
- You know damn well what!

I don't have a tennis ball!

Go on. Fetch.

Nice drawings.

- Rarrr!
- My book!

Oh, sorry. There you go.

Don't you want it?
I thought you said you wanted it. Hmm?

- I thought you said you wanted it!
- No!

Morning, Janet.
A couple of miscreants

for the attention of "She Who Must Be".

- Lee Carter, sit down.
- Yeah.

- Sit down.
- Alright.

He's got St Vitus' Dance, that one,
I tell you.

OK, thank you.

What is your name?

Will Proudfoot.

Listen, mate,

I don't mind taking the blame
for this if you like.

But, er, if I do, you, er, might
have to give me something in return.

Fair enough. I always fancied a watch.

You probably don't mind getting a
letter sent home and being tortured.

Didn't you know? About the torture?

Oh, yeah. The last time she tortured me,

I could barely stand up for a week.
Pain like you'd never believe.

Doctor said they might
have to amputate it off.

Well, can't keep the lady waiting,
can we?

Let's just, er,
get this over and done with.

- I'll pray for you, Lee Carter.
- Cheers.

Dear God, make sure Lee
Carter doesn't get... too badly hurt.

 Now, voici Michelle Gina.

Sharon Davy, Michelle DuBois.

Gail Graham?

Dit bonjour a Marie Planté.

David Smart.

Voici monsieur Lucas Dupont.

- Duncan Miller?
- Yep.

Voici Monsieur Didier Revol!

Bienvenue, Didier.

Let me help you, Lee Carter.

God, that bitch was rough. She must
have loved that bloody goldfish.

I'll be alright though, in a week.
Maybe two. I don't know.

Can you... smell that?

That stench is the smell

- of Lee Carter.
- Up yours, Tina.

- Scab.
- Slapper.

- Scab.
- Er, slapper.

- Scab.
- I blame the parents.

Well, that's me, then.
I'd better be off.

No, don't worry, I'll be fine.

Time heals all wounds. Oh, God!

Come on! Damn it!

Had to be the one with the bloody
trailer on the back, didn't it?

- Where are you going?
- Oh, erm...

the Head said I could have the
afternoon off after her torturing me.

How can you cycle with your leg all bad?

- Right here?
- Yeah, exactly.

- Is this where you live?
- Yeah, this is my house.

Yeah. Of course it isn't, you idiot.
It's a short cut. Keep pedalling.

Hey, boy, that video you're selling me,
it all wonky.

I can't see nothing but fuzzy lights.

I told you about that, Dora.
It's your tracking.

Are you alright, Frank?

That's Frank.

So, this is where you live?

Oh, no. This is the family
business. My home's through here.

So, this is your home?

Yep, this is it. Home, sweet home.

Hold that a sec.

What are you doing?

I know what we could do.

If you don't tell me where they are
hiding, then I have no choice

but to shoot you and your cat.
Do you have any last requests?


Skill. Skills on toast.

You know, I've been thinking.
The watch is nice, but, well,

it only really covers me
getting tortured.

I did have to, you know,
take the blame and lie.

What do I get for all that?

I don't have another watch.

I don't mean another watch. I get to
choose how you pay me back, right?

- Right.
- To properly pay me back,

you'll be the stuntman in the film
I'm making for Screen Test,

and you're not allowed to tell anyone
or I'll smash your face in. Alright?

- What's Screen Test?
- Exactly. Top secret.

Oh, shit. It's Lawrence.

- Get up there.
- What?

Get up there! Go! Come on!

- Lawrence.
- You made them pirates of Rambo?

Yeah. I was just doing it.

Don't use my camera
for that Screen Test bollocks.

I wasn't! Honest!
Lawrence, get 'em off me!

Get off!

- Come on.
- Get off! Ow!

More torture?

Yeah. It's not my day.

Oh, yeah, stay there. I'll be back in a

- Hello, mate.
- Ooh-ohh!

- What is that all about?
- Ooh-ohh!

Happy birthday, bro.

You... Oi!

You thought I'd forgot, didn't you?

- These are very nice. Thanks, mate.
- Cheers, mate.

Don't push it.

Don't push it or I'll give you a war
you won't believe.

Let it go.

 You don't wanna accept the fact
that you're dealing with an expert

in guerrilla warfare,
with a man who's the best with guns,

with knives, with his bare hands,
a man who's been trained

to ignore pain, ignore weather,

to live off the land, to eat things
that would make a billy goat puke.

In Vietnam, his job was to dispose
of enemy personnel. To kill. Period.

Win by attrition.

Well, Rambo was the best.

Are you telling me 200 men against
your boy is a no-win situation?

- You send that many, don't forget...
- What?

A good supply of body bags.

200 men!

He's gone.

You can come down now.

Do you have any last requests?

Oi, stuntman, your face
was well funny on that one.

Henry, come back here!

Who are you?

Who are you?

I am the son of Rambo!

What have you done with my Dad?


The sins you commit
are for the good of others.

Come on, Dad. We're going home.

 The wheel
is man's greatest invention,

but it is the greatest
bringer of death.

You told anyone
you were over at my house?

I swear to God, if you tell anyone
I'm making this film,

I'll smash your face in.
You still owe me, right?

So be at my house at ten tomorrow.

And don't be late.

We've finished watching TV now.
You can come back in.

You'll learn something
very much to your advantage.

Yes, I promise to astonish you

with news of how a river can operate

above the level of the flood plain, OK?

And how do they do that?
How does a river operate

above the level of the flood plain?
Is it because it's a bit arrogant,

thinks it's a bit better
than the flood plain,

or is it because of active deposition
of silt in times of flood?

Arrogant river? Deposition of silt?

It is actually the silt,
and I'm going to show you...

Erm, the silt
goes into a sort of super silt.

Bless, O Lord, this food to our use
and bless us to your service,

make us mindful of the needs of others,
through Jesus Christ, Amen.

Jess! Jess!

Only you could lose something
strapped to your wrist.

I should've taken it off you.

Don't go in that shed again.
Do you understand?

Do you understand?!

I need you all up early
for the preaching tomorrow.

- But I can't come.
- Of course you can.

- No, see, there's this boy at school...
- There's lots of boys.

No, I mean... This one was badly hurt,

and I promised to help him
with his chores tomorrow.

What happened to him?

He... He had a terrible accident,

and I promised I'd help him
with his chores tomorrow.


That's very kind of you.

Look, I'm sorry for getting angry
all the time.

It's... Anyway, you can go
and help this boy if you want.

Thanks, Mummy.

Two minutes.

Good morning, Lee Carter.
I'm here to help you!

Jesus Christ!

Oi! The bacon's burning!

Get in that bush.

I'm waiting in the bush. Shhh!

- Who was it?
- Oh, some Bible-basher. Here.

Want brown sauce on that or what?

Oi! What about my tea?

- Ready?
- Ready!

Three, two, one, go!

- You alright?
- I'm alright, Lee Carter!

- Ready?
- Yep, ready!

And action!

Cut! Cut!

And cut. Great.

- Ready?
- Yep, ready!

Right. Action!

Great. Cut. You alright, Will?


You alright, buddy?

What are you doing?

I am the son of Rambo!

Hang on.
You wanna be the son of Rambo?

- I have to go now.
- Come back tomorrow.

- I ain't finished yet.
- OK. Bye, then.

Oh, and I'm glad your legs
are feeling better.


I don't know
if I've made enough for five.

I could share mine with you,
if you like, Brother Joshua.

Oh, no. Well, erm... that won't be...

I'm not staying. I just...

I'll see you in the morning
for prayer meeting.


- Ah. You all set?
- Mother had an accident in the night.

- Ah. Oh, dear.
- Two minutes.

Of course.

I tried to dress Grandma,
but Jess took over.

William... your shoes.

You got something else to wear?
We're leaving for prayer meeting now.

- Oh, William.
- Shall I take them to the menders'

and meet you there?

Grandma's lying on the floor!

Yes. Meet us there.
Sorry about this.

Not a problem.

- Good morning, William.
- Good morning, Brother Joshua.

Should be ready by three o'clock.

Thank you.

Keep it in a straight line, woman!

- This is why I won't let you drive!
- Jesus!

I've got everything!

Yeah, I can see that, you freak!


I think that's everyone.

I'm sure he'll wait for us here.

- What's the dog thingy?
- That's the flying dog.

He guards the prison where
the scarecrow keeps my dad, Rambo.

Right, and why have they
got him prisoner?

He's an evil scarecrow.

And then you save him, yeah?


OK, we'll do your story,
but we're doing it my way.

It doesn't mean I have to split
the prize with you, OK?

Yes, Colonel! Whoo-hoo!

Son of Rambo, Take One. Click.

OK, ready and action!

I've come to save you, Rambo!

We need to leave here right now
before the evil scarecrow finds us!

Oh. What about my tea?

Oh, son,
it's like a prison with them lot

marching in and out every five minutes,
shouting at you,

turning you over
while you're trying to sleep.

"Eat your food," they say.
It's not fit for dogs.

And the screams at night.
There's folk screaming in their beds.

But I don't know if they're hurting
or just... afraid of something.

I'm rescuing you, Father!
We're going to escape!

I need to spend a penny first.

Lord have mercy! What are you doing?
I'll kill you! Get out of here!

They make you look so stupid! They
should be ashamed what they do to you.

The boy's taking me home.

The boys was just pretending.
You're not going nowhere, pops.

You're staying in your room.


They're on our trails.

You'd better swing across the lake.
I'll get back up.

Meet you in the prison in one hour.

Don't worry, I'm trained to ignore pain
and live off the land.

Just go!

They're firing at us! Take cover!


Yeah, keep swimming to the other side.

I can't swim!

What do you mean, you can't swim?

Oh, shit!

Thank you for coming to save me,
Colonel Trautman.



I'll just have to say I got
lost or something. I don't know.

If this film doesn't win Screen Test,
I'm gonna be a monkey's uncle.

Right, come on.
We're gonna be blood brothers now.

- What's blood brothers?
- Come here.

How long do we have to hold it
like this for?

Until we hear that wood pigeon again.

I gave your watch to my brother.

Oh, so I won't ever get it back, then?

No. He likes it.

Wasn't mine anyway. It was my dad's.

Is he pissed off with you?

He's dead.

Oh. Right.

- How did he die?
- Mowing the lawn.

It wasn't the mowing that did it,
you idiot.

He had a thing called an aneurysm.

A little vein in his head popped,
and that was that.

He just, sort of, fell to the ground

and the lawnmower kept going
and tipped up and... into the fence

and made this really loud noise
as if it was hungry or something.

It kept going "Rrrr,"
until they switched it off.

- Jesus! I hope my veins don't pop.
- Me, too.

My brother said you can kill someone
with one punch.

Yeah. If you hit 'em right in the nose,

their bone goes up through their brain
and kills 'em.

Wow! Has he ever killed anyone
like that?

No. He could if he wanted to, though.
He's pretty skill at everything.

Do you like him?

Well, yeah, course I do.
He's my brother, isn't he?

What about your dad?

My dad? No.
He pissed off before I was born.

Then my mum met Colin, the bloke with
the big hair? He owns the care home,

so we all live there.
It's alright, I suppose.

But he lives in Spain, so my mum's
always over there with him.

She gets tons of duty-free and stuff,

which is kind of skill,
cos it's mostly just me and Lawrence.

We get to do what we want, muck
about. There's no-one to tell us off.

Seriously, though, parents...

You're pretty much better off
without 'em. That's what I say.

- Colonel Trautman.
- Yeah?

Not including the bit
about losing my dad's watch,

this has been my best day of all time.

Oh! We've scabbed.

O my God, I've come to say
thank you for your love today.

Thank you for my family
and all the friends you give to me.

Guard me in the dark of night
and in the morning, send your light.


He's been lying, Mary.

He's confused.
He's trying to be a good Samaritan.

You've had more than your share
of loss in life,

and none of us wants to see you
lose your son to outsiders,

but you must speak with him now.

Warn him.
Let him know that the path he is on

can lead only to misery,
not just for himself but for all of you.

There's a group meeting tomorrow.
I thought it might do him good

to come along, get him back on track.

- Could you get him out of school?
- Of course. I'll make sure he's ready.

Well... good night, Mary.

And the Lord must greatly resent
the attempt to pursue a double life

that goes hand in hand with the worid

and presuming to be fully brethren
at the same time.

Hear, hear.

God is faithful, who has called us
into the fellowship of his Son.

It works out that way,
instead of being enticed.

God doesn't entice anybody into evil.

We're enticed, led astray,
by our own flesh,

according to the scripture.

Oi, you! Come back!

- Come on, then!
- Oi, you! Come back!

See ya!

My father won't send us to your school.
He said the pupils are a bad influence.

Is it true, Brother William?

I suppose so.

What are you looking at?

Well, you'll be wearing this stuff
one day, mate.

Thank you for taking him, Joshua.

We all need a little guidance
from time to time.

I'd hoped he might see me
as a kind of father figure.

- You were hungry.
- Yes, very.

Well, I'd better be going.

- Good night, Mary.
- Good night. Good night.

- What was he saying?
- Come with me.

He thought you were great.
Really, he did.


Where have you been, eh?

If you didn't wanna make this film,
you should've said,

rather than leaving me on my own
covered in ketchup!

We're blood brothers,
or have you not remembered?

I had to go to a meeting!
It's our religion!

- Oh, my itchy blue beard.
- They made me go and it was all day!

- I'm not supposed to be your friend.
- What's wrong with me?

- I'm Plymouth Brethren.
- What is that supposed to mean?

- It's our religion.
- Bollocks, Will!

It's true.
If they find out we're friends,

I'll be in the worst trouble ever.

I didn't forget, Lee Carter.

They made me go.
I swear it, on my heart!

I'm not allowed to make the film
with you any more. It's forbidden.

Well, I didn't wanna make it with you,

You, er, left your alarm clock in my
locker. You'd better go and get it.


Son of Rambo,

say, hello, to your new

flying dog.

- Did you make this?
- Yeah.

You made my flying dog!

We've got ten minutes before lessons.
Let's go.

- It looks just like my drawings!
- Alright, are you ready?

- Yep.
- OK. Three, two, one, go! Whoo-hoo!

Thank you, Lee Carter! It looks real!

Right, down, boy.


Thanks for coming.
Next, Lucy Rogers, monsieur.

Wait. Wait here, ladies.

- Do you want more Coke?
- Forget this.

- Forget this?
- Oui, forget this.

But there's lots more for you to
have a go on. I can get others.

St Mary's is just down the road,
and they're all Catholic.

He's bored. He's so bored.
I don't know what to do.

That... looks just like a flying dog.

Whoa! Whoa! Mind the trees!

- I can't control it!
- You're going towards the building!

- Hold on!
- I can't!

Carter! Don't you dare move,
you bally boy!

- Lee Carter!
- At least we got the shot.

Alright, skills. Get my camera
and put it in your locker.

Don't let anyone see you or you'll be
in deep shit. Catch up with you later.

You'll get in trouble.
You'll be tortured again!

Oh, don't worry. Just go.


Where's my book?

This is great. It's amazing.

- Wow! He's gonna love it.
- Yeah. Yeah, I think he will.

- Lee Carter!
- Don't worry, it's a week's suspension.

Get in the car!

Shut up! Get in the car.

Pipe down!

Sam Taylor-Wood,
I'll get you inside!

- Gonna miss your scabby little friend?
- Inside now!

That means you!


You said you were coming back
last week.

What? What?!

Look... Look, hold on a sec, Mum.

- Oi, it's Mum.
- Skill! Say hello for me.

He says hello. Hello back.

Now everyone's said hello,
when are you coming back

cos the place
is turning into a shit hole?

You live by the gun,

you die by the gun.

We are soldiers.

We know only to fight.

I see a big light in the sky.


You make movie?

To be star of movie is my dream,
my friend.

You want to be in our film?

Yeah. Yeah.

My book.

I will be star of your movie.

Do you want...
Do you want some bubble gum?

I'm French, non?

What you doing? Me ask you to clean
the window, not play with it!

Put some elbow grease into it!
Listen, boy, clean my window!

I want to see my face in the window!

There you go, Mike.

Cheers, Keith.

Still, we do get to spend a glorious
week without devil-child Carter.


Jesus Christ!

You stupid bastard!



- Who are you, sir?
- Zey call me ze Wolf.

I know ze earth, I know ze sky...

...and I know ze tree.

I am Son Of Rambo.
I come in peace to you, Wolf.

Salut, son of Rambo.

I'm trying to find my dad.

We go by there and by there,
and I help you to find your daddy man.

Oh. Thanks ever so much. Let's go!

And cut. That was great!

English fool!



- Where did you get that gun?
- Ze Wolf is bad, non?

- It looks real.
- Hmm, yeah.

Oh, and just so you know,

- "cut" means stop.
- It's not a problem for me.

One last word to those of you out there.

You can still enter for
the Young Filmmakers competition.

You need to be under 17
next August 30th,

but here's an address to write to.
Screen Test, BBC Television...

It's OK. He is with me.

Swing across the lake. I'll get backup.

I'll meet you in one hour.

Die, Son of Rambo!

I'm back!

It's OK! He's only joking! He always
does that. Don't you, Lee Carter?


Wait! Wait! They're going
to help us make the film!

He's from France, and he's an actor.
Aren't you?

- Yeah.
- My nose. Is it bleeding?

They want to be in our film. They're
on our side. Isn't that brilliant?

- Yeah, but they hate me.
- Not any more.

And Didier's a really amazing actor.

- It's gonna be skill!
- Skill?

- Yeah, skill!
- No.

It doesn't sound right
when you say things like me.

Just keep to your spazzy way
of saying stuff.

I am the evil scarecrow! Prepare to die!

In this diagram, there are
20 small squares in each rectangle.

The diagram shows one quarter,
subtract one fifth.

Five squares, subtract four squares...

...equals one square, one twentieth.

This can be written as one quarter
subtract one fifth.

- Wait.
- It's OK. He's with me.

# This week's top 40 on Radio One

# Number 16

# "Peek-a-Boo" by
Siouxsie And The Banshees

We're in the sixth form common room!

What are we doing here?

It's great, isn't it?

# Creeping up the back stairs

# Slinking into dark stalls

# Shapeless and slumped in bathchairs

# Furtive eyes peep out of holes

# She has many guises

# She'll do what you want her to

# Playing dead and sweet submission

# Cracks the whip deadpan on cue

It smells like real cake.

# Peek-a-boo

# Peek-a-boo

# Peek-a-boo

- Your film's gonna be on Screen Test?
- Yes!


# Reeking like a pigsty

# Peeling back and gagging free

Are you that little boy making a film
with Didier?

Can we be in it? Please?

Those earrings
make you look like an ángel.

# I just can't get enough
I just can't get enough

There you go.

# And when it rains
You're shining down for me

# And I just can't get enough
I just can't get enough

# Just like a rainbow
You know you set me free

# And I just can't get enough
I just can't get enough

- We've gotta get out of here.
- We've just arrived!

Yeah, but it's rubbish. I hate it.

When I was your age,

I always used to walk past this bakery
on the way to prayer meeting.

One day I heard
the most wonderful music

coming from the radio inside,
and it really was like...

like the sweetest hymn I'd ever heard.

I couldn't get it out of my head.

I always used to walk past hoping
to hear it again, but I never did.

So I found a record player.

I bought the song from a record shop,

and I had to hum the tune
to the salesman,

because I didn't know its name.
I couldn't wait to get it home.

I was so excited.
I wanted my mum and dad to hear it.

He was protecting me...

... and our way of life.

Promise me you'll put these things
out of your mind, William.

- I promise.
- I know it's hard, but...

it's for your own good in the long run.

I'll never betray the Brethren again.

I promise.

Good night, my darling.

You're late.

- Kiss my arse.
- Oh, yeah? You and whose army?

- What?
- That doesn't make any sense.

- Oi! What you lot doing here?
- Takes one to know one.

- What?
- That's your funeral, Popeye.

Jesus. Everyone's gone mental.

- Alright. Is this what you wanted?
- Yes. Thank you, Duncan.


- Oh, my God!
- Isn't he brilliant?

He looks like a complete cock.

May I have some Cokey-Cola?

Coca-Cola coming up.

Has anyone got any paper?

- I feel ze evil. -
Feel ze evil?

Shh! We not make loud, or...

I am the evil scarecrow! Prepare to die!

- Stand back! I'll take him!
- No! Zis is a job for ze Wolf!

- Wait! Wait!
- Non!

Are you alright?

He's dead!

He's not dead. It's just concussion.

Come back to us.

- Come back to us...
- He's moving. He's moving.

- What did you do that for?
- I was acting.

- You hit him in the face.
- It's my film.

- You said it was my film.
- I don't like it. I'm taking it back.

Oi! Give that back!





Peace! Blood brothers!

Shh! We're not filming
for another five hours!

I'm coming up.

- You're breaking my house!
- Well, let me in, then, you bastard!

I'll get in trouble if they see you.

Oh, for Chrissakes!
Look, I'm sorry, OK?

- Shh!
- Can't we just make the film?

Just you and me!
I've brought you a present.

- You'll wake my mum!
- It was better when it was just us two.

You said it was my film. Now you want
to ruin it, on the last day!

No, it's not you. It's them!
I hate them!

They're two-faced!

You know, I come all this way
just to say sorry.

I even brought you a present,
you ungrateful little bastard!

Wait! Will!

Wait! I didn't mean it!


You look so tired, William.

What's he doing here?

Joshua's taking you away
for a few days.


William! William!

What is wrong with you, brother?
You are bringing shame on this family!

- Let go of me!
- It's over. You're coming with me now.

- You're not my dad!
- We're brethren!

I hate the Brethren! And I hate you!

William! Stop!


Thank goodness you're here!

Guns are over there.
Scarecrow head's here.

You look lovely, ladies. Keep it up.

We're just about to get the car started.

Erm, is this alright, Will?

It's perfect. Get ready.

- Good morning, Didier.
- Good morning.

What are you doing? Get back to work.

Yes! Well done, guys!

Is this alright, Will?

- A bit more green paint.
- You heard him. Green paint!

I've only got blue.

What's ze Wolf doing in my costume?

He's driving the jeep
for the getaway scene.

- I'm Trautman. I'm driving the jeep.
- You can't drive.

- It's a piece of piss.
- Don't be stupid.

Alright, then. Well, if I'm not needed,
I'll be taking my camera back, then.

- You promised!
- Yeah?

What would you know about promises,
blood brother?

- Don't push it.
- Yeah? You need to grow up!

- You drew first blood.
- And you're a head case!

It's just a scab.
It doesn't mean anything.

It doesn't hurt!


Well, does that hurt? Huh?

Fight! Fight! Fight!

- Me and my brother will kill you lot!
- You're both scabs.

I dare any of you to say that
about my brother! I dare you!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Scab! Scab! Scab!
Scab! Scab! Scab! Scab!

- Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
- Scab! Scab! Scab! Scab!

You and your brother are scabs!

Scab! Scab! Scab!

He's gone now! Let's make the movie!

Hurry up, people! We're losing light.

- Come on. This thing stinks.
- Sorry. OK. Ready?

Stand by, everybody! Stand by!


It looks brilliant!

Step on it, Trautman!
We're gonna save my dad!

- Argh!
- What's wrong?


Help! Help!


Didier! Help!



I don't care what you
and your so-called mates say about me,

but don't you ever,
ever call my brother a scab!

You know, at least he's there for me!
At least he cares about me,

which is more than I can say for you.
You're a two-faced fake

like the rest of them. I'm gutted
it took me this long to work it out.

I'm gutted I fell for it. Lawrence
is better than all you lot put together,

and he's all I've got, alright?
He's all I've got.

I didn't come back for you anyway.

Where's my camera?

Lee Carter! Get out!

do you know where your friend lives?

We need to contact his family.

- Sister Mary?
- Brother Joshua.

We've come to discuss your future
with the Brethren.

Mary, I feel it best
to come straight to the point.

We've had a group meeting,

and it has been decided
that this must be your final warning.

If the boy isn't corrected,

I'm afraid you and the family
would face expulsion from the Brethren.

I need to talk to you.

It's just me. Please come out of there.

I've spoilt everything!

Everything's ruined!


Are they going to throw us out?

Shh. Shh. Everything's alright.

I found a present in the garden.

Bye! See you! Bye!



Thanks. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Bye! Au revoir!
- Bye.


Bye! Bye!

I'm sorry.

What's he saying?

- He said you're his brother.
- Look, this isn't my fault.

He just wants you
to take this home for him.

Look at the state of it!

It's ruined.

He's been a very brave little boy,
Mr Carter.

You did! I watched you do it!

Mum, it's Lawrence.

- Lawrence!
- You always get so violent!

Well, it's not a good time for me,


What? Look, I can't even...

Get out of my car.


... the winner of
our young-filmmakers competition.

We present you with this,
on behalf of the judges and the BBC,

with our very hearty congratulations.
Thanks very much for that super film.

Jan will be presenting
the "Screen Test"...

Not eating, William?

You should be thankful for what
your mother's cooked for you.

Would you like to get down, love?

My mother wouldn't let me get down till
I'd finished everything on my plate.

Didn't the warning
mean anything to you, Mary?

You know what happens
if you don't teach him properly.


... call my brother a scab.

At least he's there for me.
At least he cares about me.

Which is more than I can say for you!
You're a two-faced fake!

I'm gutted it took me this long
to work it out, gutted I fell for it!

Lawrence is better than all you lot...

This belongs to you.

Is it broken?

Can you fix it?

Cheer up, son. You're going home.


Here we are, then.

What's this?

Better find out.

 Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight's showing of Yentl

shall be preceded by
a special short film.

We're sure you will enjoy it.

Sit there.

And don't move.

They took my father, Trautman.
They drew first blood.

We're gonna need guns.
Loads of really massive guns.

 Let's go!

What is that?

It's a flying dog!

Duck! It's shooting at us!

Let's split up.


They're firing at us! Take cover!


Who are you, sir?

- Zey call me ze Wolf.
- I need to find my dad.

I help you to find your daddy man.

I am the evil scarecrow! Prepare to die!

- What?
- You killed the Wolf!

 He was a traitor.
I could see it was a trap,

- set by the evil scarecrow.
- Good work! I can't thank you enough.

You save your father.
I'll get the chopper so we can escape.

I've come to save you, Rambo!

We need to leave here right now,
before the evil scarecrow finds us!

Come on, Dad! Come on!

Er... you win, Son of Rambo.
Do me one favour before you go.


- Tell my brother I was thinking of him.
- I didn't know you had a brother.

Er, yes.
Colonel Trautman, he's my brother.

Yes, he is.

And when you see my brother,

tell him I'm sorry... that I haven't
been there for him and that, yeah?

And say that I know we haven't been
much of a family and all that, but...

but he's all I've got, too.

- God bless you, Evil Scarecrow.
- Yeah, alright.

Let me die in peace, will you?

Dad, I'm going home.
There's a friend I've got to be with.

O my God, I've come
to say thank you for your love today.

Thank you for my family
and all the friends you give to me.

Guard me in the dark of night,
and in the morning, send your light.


Hello, Lee Carter.

My brother is the worst actor ever.

He is pretty bad.

Yeah. He's even worse
than that bloody French kid.

We'd better go.



- Son of Rambo?
- Yes, Colonel?

This has been my best day of all time.

# I've waited hours for this

# I've made myself so sick

# I wish I'd stayed

# Asleep today

# I never thought this day would end

# I never thought tonight could ever be

# This close to me

# Just try to see in the dark

# Just try to make it work

# To feel the fear

# Before you're here

# I make the shapes
come much too close

# I pull my eyes out,
hold my breath and wait

# Until I shake

# But if I had your face

# Then I could make it safe and clean

# Oh, if only I was sure

# That my head on the door
was a dream

# I've waited hours for this

# I've made myself so sick

# I wish I'd stayed

# Asleep today

# I never thought this day would end

# I never thought tonight could ever be

# This close to me

# Yeah

# But if I had your face

# Then I could make it safe and clean

# Oh, if only I was sure

# That my head on the door
was a dream

 By the way,
you spelt the title slightly wrong.

- There's no W in Rambo.
-  Oh. OK.

 It was still good, though.

Special thanks to SergeiK.