Soul Men Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Soul Men script is here for all you fans of the Bernie Mac and Sam Jackson movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Soul Men quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Soul Men Script

Marcus Hooks
and the Real Deal, take 6.

- That's three names.
- You want me to sing the main line?

Oh, yeah, here we go, here we go.

Tonight we take a musical journey south,

where the legendary soul band
Marcus Hooks and the Real Deal

developed their signature sound.

1, 2!

 Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 

They started out singing for
pennies on the street corners of Memphis.

 Pull the string 

 And I'll wink at you 

 I'm your puppet 

 Mm-hmm, yeah 

 I'll do funny things 

 If you want me to 

 I'm your puppet 

 I'm yours 

 To have and to hold 

 Darling, you've got 

 Full control 

 Of your puppet 

But by 1972,

Marcus Hooks and the Real Deal

had become one of the biggest
R&B acts in the world.

 Nothin' like sweet soul music 

 To bring us together 

They played to sellout houses
all over the world.

They'd sold 6 million records

and influenced a generation
of American musicians.

 Dance to the sweet soul music 


But that all ended
on July 24, 1977,

when Marcus Hooks
began his solo career

with a dramatic concert at
New York's Madison Square Garden.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Marcus Hooks.



Hey, boy, hi.

Hey, boy, dance.


But while Hooks
became a music legend,

the journey took
a decidedly different direction

for former band mates
Floyd Henderson and Louis Hinds.

Renowned for their
signature dance stylings

from their one
breakout hit, "Walk in the Park,"

the duo broke up in 1979.

citing creative differences

and a desire to pursue
separate projects.

Back off! Freeze!

Get your hands up! Let me see them!

Oh. Wait. Wait, wait.
It ain't... Ohh!

The gun ain't real! Ow!
It ain't real! Ow!

I'm just broke, God it!

I ain't tryin' to hurt no!

Watch your damn hands!

Police mother brutality!

While Floyd Henderson...

Come on down to Floyd's Car Wash,

where everything is done by hand.

...combined his showmanship

with an entrepreneur spirit.

And don't forget about
Super Soul Sundays,

with a full body wash

to guarantee a free rimjob.

Come on. Get your rimjob.

Come get your rimjob.

Come and get your rimjob!

Whatever happened
to the forgotten duo...

The Real Deal?

Baby, turn the navigation on.

I hope we can find this place
sometime tonight.

He gonna love it there.

They got Craftmatic adjustable beds,

clap-on lamps.

Y'all better shut up back there,
I'm tellin' you.

I'm gonna reach back there

and pop one of them little boys
upside the head so bad.

I think that's it, Uncle Floyd.


Now, I can't believe
I let you talk me into this bullshit.

What you talking about?
It's beautiful. You don't like this?

It's a death camp.

Oh, how is it a death camp, Unc?

We got 36 holes of golf.

Three swimming pools.

You know the ratio
of women to men here

is 5 to 1, Unc? 5 to 1.

That mean you got 'em everywhere.

You can't even move.
There's women...

Every time you look around,

women crawling between your legs,
arms, anything.

I mean, damn, Unc.
And if you're worried about the business,

I got that.

You taught me everything you know.


Yeah. You know something, son?

You're real crafty.

Appreciate that.

See, first you move into my house.

Then you take over my business.

- Aw, man, I ain't taking...
- Oh, yeah.

Then you move me
all the way out to the Valley, man,

so can't nobody hear me scream. Right?

Actually, that's why
we're moving you here.

So the nurses can hear your ass scream.

You remember you fell on that floor
for three days

- and couldn't nobody hear you.
- I remember.

Yeah. Now, stop being bitter, man.
Enjoy yourself, Unc.

There are your golden years, player.

Now, come on
in the house and say bye

to Charlene and the kids.

Fuck them kids.

Fuck the kids?



- Ohhh... yeah, baby.
- Ohh! Ohh!

Ohh! Oh, give it to me.
Give it to me nice and hard.

Oh, ˇpapi, síl Ooh!

Oh, right there!


Uhh! Ohh!

Ooh. Don't stop, baby.



No, you're not getting away.

Hoo hoo! Hoo hoo!


Uhh! Uhh! Yeah.



How's the hip?



Okay, Mr. Henderson.
I'm gonna need you

to, uh, stands up, face the window,

and bend over the table.

My problem ain't back
in that area, doctor.

Look, Mr. Henderson,
your sleep problem

can be a symptom of a myriad
of different conditions,

some of which, you know, are...

well, you know, back in that area.

I don't like nobody
behind me like that, Huds.

I'm telling you, I just don't like
nobody playing

- with my penny.
- I'll be very gentle.

I'll be in and out before you know it.

Just bend over. There you go.

Hold on, now. Get a good grip.


Just relax.


 Sittin' on 

 The dock of the bay 

 Watching the 


 Roll away 

 Ooh ooh 

All right, again, Mr. Henderson,

there's absolutely
nothing wrong with you.

So take those for insomnia.

Give me a call if anything changes.
All right?

- All right.
- Do me a favor.

Stop being so hard
on yourself, Mr. Henderson.

Retirement can be a tough transition.

All right?

Okay. Oh, yeah. Hey, listen.

Don't mix those sleeping
pills with alcohol

unless you want to kill yourself.

Okay. Who's next?

And for those of you in the Southland,

tomorrow's gonna be
another beautiful day with

bright, sunny skies

and temperatures into the mid-80s.

A perfect day for some golf.

And that's gonna continue
right into next week.

Gorgeous blue skies
and sensationally warm.

It doesn't get any
better than that.

This just in.

Soul music fans around the globe

are mourning the loss
of Marcus Hooks.

The legendary singer
and songwriter

apparently suffered
a massive heart attack

while performing last night
in front of a capacity crowd

at Kungstrardgarden Park
in Stockholm, Sweden.

His body's being
flown home to New York,

where a memorial service
will be held next week.

The seven-time Grammy Award winner

was 63 years old.

 I'll do anything for you 

We're back in just a moment.


Kezian Motors. Can I help you?


Hinds, telephone!

Dealing drugs out of my garage?

Listen, you doing something illegal,

I'll find out and send your ass
back to prison

so fucking fast, it will make
your black monkey head spin.

You know, there was a time

I would've knocked your teeth
down your throat

for saying some shit like that to me.

But I'm a changed man.

I'm trying to be
all centered and shit.

Now, I could'a called you
a unibrow-shaving, pilaf-eating,

greasy-ass goat fucker,
but I didn't, did I?

- Uh-uh.
- 'Cause I didn't want to hurt your feelings,

and I didn't want to piss you off,

just like I know
deep, deep down inside,

you don't want to piss me off, either.

- Now, do you?
- Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. No. Uh-uh.

All right.


Scruffy, Kibbles...

Yeah, this is Louis.

Hey. Mr. Hinds.

It's Danny Epstein
calling from New York. How are you today?


Marty's son.

Oh, yeah?


I ain't seen you since
you were in diapers.

Yeah. Well,

I assume you heard

about Marcus' passing, yeah?

Oh, yeah. I'm crying the tears
of a motherfucking clown.

Okay. Here's the thing.
VH1 is putting together

a farewell tribute at the Apollo,

and they got a lot of
big names lined up.

And they want Henderson and Hinds
to perform, right?

That's right! The Real Deal
back together again.

It's a great opportunity.

You talk to Floyd?

I did.

Mr. Henderson is in.


Then I'm out.

 Born under a bad sign 

 Been down since I began to crawl 

 If it wasn't for bad luck 

 You know I wouldn't have
no luck at all 

 Hard luck and trouble... 

That is disgusting.


I don't believe this. Hmm.



Ohh. Damn!

Ooh. Fuck happened, man?

Hell if I know. I came in,
found your ass laying there.

You looked me dead in my eyes.

Man, you recognized me.

I didn't recognize you.
You done changed.

I come all the way down here,

and, man, you gonna
look me in my face

- and knock me the fuck out?
- Should've called first.

How the hell I'm gonna call

and you ain't got no phone?

What kind of person
ain't got no land phone?

Kind of person don't
want to get no calls.

You don't even know
why I came down

to this old fucked-up-the-ass

I talked to little Ep.
I know why you're here.

And the answer is no.

Did he tell you we're at the Apollo
and they sold out?

Did he also tell you
who gonna be there?

Booker T. Jones. Isaac Hayes.
Bootsy Collins.


I don't care.

Do it for Marcus.

Fuck Marcus.

Well, do it for me.

- Fuck you!
- Come on, man.

- This is our shot.
- At what?

At a comeback, fool.
If we do this shit right,

we can get a record deal
and get back on the road

like we was 30 years ago.

I ain't trying to be like 30 years ago!

I ain't trying to make no comeback.

I'm gone, and I want to stay gone.

Don't make me beg you, man.

Lao-Tzu says, "Free from desire,
"you realize the mystery.

"Caught in desire,
you see only the manifestations."

What the fuck
that even mean, man?

That means...

get the fuck out.

Well, I guess you don't give a fuck
about the money, then, huh?

What money? It's a funeral!

Nobody get paid to sing
at no damn funeral!

How much?

40 grand.


No, down the middle.

No, no, no, no, no,
No, no, no, no!

That ain't even enough.

What the fuck you mean
that's not enough, man?

I got a lifestyle to maintain here.

What kind of lifestyle, man,

you filthy motherfucker?

You got a pantry full of dog food.
I don't see no dog.

Dog under the bed,
nigger! You lucky

he ain't attacked your ass
when you came in.

You're the dog, motherfucker!

Look, man, what happened to all
that fucking money you done saved, man?

Saved? Shit.

I don't remember shit from Watergate

to when the space shuttle blew up.

Hmm. Money I saved.

Okay, what about the royalties?
I used to get

over $30,000 a year off that shit.

I lost my royalties in a poker game.
All right?

- Poker?
- Listen here, man.

If you serious about un-assing me

from my lavish surroundings here,

man, you gonna have to be
a little more flexible

in your thinking. Say, oh...


Man, you must be higher
than a motherfucker.

We always split shit
straight down the middle.

Ain't gonna be nothing to split

if I don't show up, now, is there?

And I ain't showing up
unless I get 60% of the proceeds.

You rich anyway, motherfucker.

I seen your little car wash
commercials on the TV.

I transferred all my business affairs
over to my nephew.

- I'm on a fixed income, man.
- So what?

So your drawers!

That's why that 20 damn
thousand dollars

- look good to me right now.
- 16!

That's your cut of a 60/40 split.

And those are my terms.

And they're non-negotiable.


Fatherfuck you, man.

You're gonna tell me 60/40.

You don't dictate to me!

I'm Floyd motherfucking Henderson.

You and Marc, I made you

and that motherfucker!

You can't sing, hum,
or motherfucking skip.

Ain't that a bitch?

Skip on these motherfucking nuts!

You and Marcus, may you rest in shit.

I'm Floyd fucking Henderson,

you Apostle-faced motherfucker!

This motherfucker slams this door
in my face one more time...

I'm tired of this motherfucker!

Always had a problem with this bitch.

He ain't nothing. He's ignorant!

Motherfucker's just a idiot.

Chihuahua-head motherfucker, man,
sitting up there,

always want to tell
somebody what to damn do.

He gonna sit there and talk the fool?

Ooh, my blood pressure's
high, motherfucker.


Don't let this motherfucker
get you like this.




First of all, I clearly want
to state this for the record.

And I find this arrangement we got,
man, despicable.

But I'm Floyd Henderson.
I'm a trouper.

And you know I'd do
any doggone thing, man,

to see this group get back on its feet,

'cause you know
that's the type of motherfucker I am.

But in the meantime,

I'm going back
to my $600-a-night hotel room,

and I'm gonna have me
a nice hot bubble bath

to wash some of this
filth and dirt and grime

from this black
fucking hole you live in.

Then I'm having me
a nice, juicy-ass steak, oh, yeah,

the size of your
motherfucking back.

Then I'm gonna take me
a shit shower and shave.

And I'll be here at 6 a.m.

to take you to the motherfucking

You got me? I don't fly.

And I get up at 8.

My cousin out the penitentiary,

I'm gonna have him kill
this motherfucker!

Man talk to me like
I'm a motherfucking kid.

I ain't no motherfucking kid.

Every time we... we start on the road,

he starts in saying the same shit.

Hey! Who's got my lunch?

Who are you?

I'm Phillip Newman, sir,

the new intern. You hired me,

like, 20 minutes ago.

Chuckles Newman's my uncle.

- He's the one that told you...
- Stop talking.

Very good. I already got a job for you.

Okay? Bing, bang, boom.
Look at that.

Yeah. Henderson and Hinds,
Marcus' old backup singers,

are being real dickheads
about this tribute thing...

Oh, my God! Henderson and Hinds!
The Real Deal.

They're the only band
that got to play three songs

on a sing episode of Soul Train.

Don Cornelius was there as a witness,
and I got it on VHS.

They don't do that here. All right?

- Yes, sir.
- This is a record label,

not a fan club.

I want those two old fucks
there on Saturday,

and I want you to make that happen.

Got it?

The Real Deal is back,
and they not gonna stop us now.


Ohh! Shit.


What the fuck is that, man?

This is a gun.

I never travel through Klan country
without one.

- You got a problem with that, pops?
- Yeah,

I got a problem with that, man.

The last time I saw that gun,

you were pointing at me,
and you were shooting it.

Listen here, Floyd.
We ain't two old friends

out for some Sunday drive

down Memory Lane. All right?

Fact is, I can hardly stand
the sight of your ass,

so you best not to provoke me.

Or what's gonna happen?

There's a lot of empty road

between here and where we trying to go.

Where a nigger could disappear

and where nobody'd
miss his black ass.

Well, let me see that gun.

Let me see it!

Be careful, fool.

You don't think I know
how to hold a gun, man?

I'm a member of the NRA, man.


where's... Now, what's... God damn it!

Oh! Shit!

- Damn!
- Ohh!

Drive! Drive!
God damn it it, drive!

- Ohh!
- Help me!


Grab the wheel, fool!

- Look out!
- Now, turn! Turn!


What the hell is wrong with you!

Don't shoot no gun in a car!

You said... The safety
wasn't on there.

Safety, my ass!

Safety wasn't...



Negro Retards' Association!

Dumb motherfucker.

What the fuck is that?


Been a long time
since we saw our name in lights.

What our name doing up in lights?

We're at the Apollo Theater
this weekend.

We ain't been on stage
in over 30 years.

Now, the last thing you want to do

is stink up the joint. Am I right?

And I got us free dinner to boot.

Man, we sure are lucky
I kept these threads.

Do we look good!

Better hope that button
don't pop off and kill nobody.

God damn, I wish these pants
weren't squeezing my nuts so tight.

Maybe it'll help you
hit those high notes.

I don't need help
hitting the high notes.

Yeah, right. We'll see. We'll see.

Ha ha! Busting out.

Ladies and gentlemen,

tonight, the Flagstaff Motor Inn

is proud to present
to you back onstage

for the first time
in nearly three decades

the unforgettable
sweet soul sounds of...

The Real Deal!


 Don't you ever 

 Be sad 

 Lean on me 

 When times are bad 

 When the day comes 

 And you are down 

 In a river of trouble 

 And are about to drown 

 Just hold on 

 I'm coming 

 Hold on 

 I'm coming 

 On my way 

 Your lover 

 When you be cold 

 I'll be your cover 

 Don't have to worry 

-  'Cause I'm here 
- Yeah.

 No need to summon me there 

 'Cause I'm here 


 Hold on 

 I'm coming 


 I'm coming 

 Just hold on 

 I'm coming 

 Just hold on 

 I'm coming 

Look here. Reach out to me

for some satisfaction.

You know, Floyd, all she got to do

 Is call my name 

 For quick reaction 

 Yeah, yeah, yeah 



Ooh! Aah!


Ooh! Ooh, ooh! Ooh!


Lou, Lou, you all right?
You all right?

I can't breathe!


Keep going. Keep going.

I can't breathe.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please forgive us

for this technical difficulty.



Fucking eye, man!

I'm sorry, man.
I got on these tight slacks!

Well, then, I'll sue your fat ass!

You sue these nuts.

- Go on, get on outta here.
- Jesus!

Take it from the top.

How are we gonna
take it from the top?

- I'm revved up to go, man,
- You can't hardly breathe.

- You may need a chest X-ray.
- I'm good!

Is there a doctor in the house?

I love you, Debbie.

Get off me, Ernest T!

Lou. Lou. Lou. Calm down, man.

Ain't but 12 motherfuckers out here, man.

It's still a audience!

I don't care if it's two or three.
It's a audience.

That's what I'm talking about.

Your attitude is f'd up.

Same thing that messed us up
back in the day.

No. You know what fucked our shit up
back in the day?

No. I don't know.

Oh, you know goddamn well

What fucked our shit up back in the day.

- Oh, I do, huh?
- Yes, you do!

What fucked our shit up
back in the day

was you sticking your johnson
in my woman!


Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm Floyd Henderson.

This fool is Louis Hinds.

We are The Real Deal,
and that's for real.

I want to thank you for being
a super audience here tonight.


I'm sorry I hit you, Debbie. Come back.

Shut the fuck up,
or I'll knock your dick in the dirt.

Drunk son of a bitch.



Hey, Louis, are we gonna talk
about last night,

or we just gonna let it fester?

All right. Well, I was
a little rusty, okay?

That's a insult to rust, ain't it?

Well, what about you,

Last night, look like you were
stuck in cement.

I had a hip replacement, Louis.

Well, you should've paid
a hundred more dollars

and got the deluxe model
with some rhythm in it.

'Cause that motherfucker you got,

- it ain't working.
- Oh, that's fine, man.

But that's not what we talking about.

I'm talking about Odetta.


Louis, if I thought there was still

- gonna be a problem between us...
- You went

where you shouldn't have gone,


Now, there's some shit

that's just etched in stone.

First and foremost is

thou shall not dig for diamonds
in another brother's mine!

Bullshit, man. You gotta take
some responsibility here.

You think she didn't know, man,

about all of your smoking

and drinking and drugs

and other women? She knew.

She came running to me
telling, "My man

Louis did this. Louis did that.
Hold me, Floyd."

All right, well, getting the pussy
is one thing.

- You ain't had to marry her.
- What?

You'd have to be a zip-down fool

to let her slide
through your fingers, man.

All right, well, if I'm a fool,
then you are, too.

You think I don't know that?
She hurt my heart, too.

That's a poor motherfucking comfort.

But it's comfort, nonetheless.

 Every night I'm telling 


 Every time you're here, you're making 

-  Whoopie 
- Whoo!


Well, how many times did you say
you was married after Odetta?



I married this girl named Estelle
to get over Odetta.

Then I married Henrietta.

She wasn't no good for me.

Then I married Josephine.

She definitely wasn't no good for me
because she met Carl.

All right. That's three.

Who was lucky number four?

Her name was Consuelo.

She left me and went back to Cuba.

Ha ha ha!
People actually go back to Cuba?

She said she'd rather
spend the rest of her life

under that dictatorship
than spend another night with me.

How 'bout you?
How come you never got married?

I almost hooked up
with this girl down in the Philippines,

in Manila.

- Wow.
- But, uh, I couldn't learn to speak

Tagalog, and only English she knew

was, "Me love you
long time for two dollar."

Yeah, I wasn't no good
at relationships after Odetta.

You ever hear from her?

Who, Mai Mai?

No. Odetta.

Oh. No, man.

I heard from her, man.

It was sometime around Christmas.

You know, in that place
she was living in Tulsa. You know?

Fuck it.
Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.

What you doing?

- I saw a coyote.
- Whyn't you put that thing up

before somebody get hurt, man?

How come you think
I don't know how to handle

- no damn piece, man?
- Think?

I know.


Yeah, come fuck with me now, Louis.

Come on. You think I'm soft, huh?

I'll bust one in your ass.

Floyd, you keep fucking around,

I'm gonna stick that gun
so far up your ass,

you gonna taste gunpowder
every time you talk.

- Well, let me...
- Shit!

God damn it!

Louis, that was a accident. I swear.

I'm sweating. My hand's wet.

You all right?

You warm? You hot?

You dizzy? You light-headed?

Louis, I swear I would never want
to hurt you, man.

I thought about killing you,
but I'd never want to hurt you.

All right. In our continuing
tribute to Marcus Hooks,

we're reaching all the way back
in this next song.

Lou. That's us, man.

- Listen.
...Martin Hooks and The Real Deal.

Number 3 in 1969...
"I'm Your Puppet."

 Pull the string 

 And I'll wink at you 

 I'm your puppet 


 Mm-hmm, yeah 

 I'll do funny things 

 If you want me to 

 I'm your puppet 


Come on, Lou.


I'll say this for him...
that motherfucker could sing.

No doubt. No doubt.
Come on, help me... help me out.

- Second verse.
- Second?

"Pull my strings." Kiss.

...your puppet 

- What...
- You ready?

1, 2, 3.

Hit it.

 Pull another string 

... ing, and I'll kiss your lips 

 I'm your puppet 

 Ohh, ohh, ohh 

- Tap.
-  Yeah 

 Snap your fingers 

 And I'll turn 

 You some flips 

 I'm your puppet 

- Man, my hip hurt like anything.
- Drop step.

Drop step?
You know I can't do that right now.

Go, Lou.

- Owww!
- Man.

Oh, sweet. Do it, Louie. is wiggle... 

Oh! Oh! Oh!

 I'm your puppet 

-  Oh, yes, I am 
- One more time.

- There you go, Floyd.
-  I'm your puppet 

Oh! Come on now.

-  Mmm, yeah 
- Yeah, I got it now.

- I got it.
-  Yeah 

 I'm your puppet 

So where'd you book us next?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is it?

 Come on, children 

 And gather around 

 Want y'all to see 

 We're putting down 

 It's a thing 

 Everybody can do 

 So come on, children 

 Do the boogie, too 

 Boogie ain't nothing 

 But gettin' down 

 Boogie ain't nothing 

 But gettin' down 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 Floyd Henderson 

What is it?

-  Boogie on down 
- Whoo-hoo!

 Louis Hinds 

 Boogie on down 

 Listen to the band 

 We'll make it through 

 All we got 

 Is the boogie, too 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 


Hey, you, what you got, baby?
You got to boogie for me?

Come on, now.
 Oh, yeah 

Come on.


Come on, fiddler.

I knew you were
gonna try to take over.

Look at him.

Go on, Lou.

- Come on.
- Oww!

 Boogie ain't nothing 

 But gettin' down 

 Boogie ain't nothing 

 But gettin' down 

 Boogie ain't nothing
but getting down 


 Boogie ain't nothing 

 But getting down 

Come on.
 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got nothing but boogie 

-  Nothing but boogie for you 
-  Ooh 

-  I got nothing but boogie 
-  Yeah 

 Nothing but boogie for you 

-  Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie 
-  Oh, yeah 

 Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie 

-  Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie 
-  Oh, yeah 

 I got to boogie for you 


Share the love, baby.

All right, all right.

You know you pulled
the Al Green up there, right?

No, I didn't, Lou. Don't start that...

we barely got offstage

when you ran your ass
back out there.

Look, an encore
is at the audience's discretion.

You're supposed to wait
till they ask for it.

- You know they wanted it.
- I don't care what they wanted.

That shit was unprofessional.



I'm starting to remember
why I love the road so much.



If my instincts serve me right,

you're about to find
yourself another room tonight.

You know those little blue pills
make you go blind, right?

Mmm, mmm.

Don't call me when you get
that four-hour erection.

Hey, now, baby girl.

Yeah, yeah. Come on.

Oh. Aah!

Yeah, give it to me.

Those little pills, give me strength.

A little strength.


I'm going to fuck your brains out.

Oh! Oh, you're heavy.


what's wrong, baby?


I just, uh, you know, I...

I just never been with
someone like you before.

It's true what they say.
But let me tell you something.

Floyd Henderson gonna be
nice and gentle.

Your first taste of dark meat

gonna be smooth and sweet, trust me.

No, I didn't mean that.

It's just, uh, you know,

I've never been with someone so old.


You ain't no teen queen
your damn self.


Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, mama. Come here, baby.

Baby, baby. Look here.

Let's take our decades
of sexual experience

and combine them for one night

of exploration and bliss,
can we do that?

I won't disappoint you.

I won't disappoint you.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about.

I want to suck one of them titties.

Oh, yeah? Well, I got
something to show you.

- Ooh.
- Ooh, hoo.

I'm so hot, I'm about to fuck myself.

Bite my lip off.

Oh. Look!

Oh, shoot, I'm leaking, girl.

Tonight I ain't got no
control like that no more.

Now, I hope you don't
mind a little hair.

Baby, I found
my sexual awakening in the '60s.

Nothing I like better
than a big old fluffy...

Damn, girl.

That's a whole bunch of hair
you got down there.

Yeah, I call it the natural look.

You sick?

I know it's big.

You need a pick.

You want me to shave it?

We ain't got the time or
apparatus for that type of job.

Okay, disregard.


- Oh!
- Oh!

Look who's coming to dinner.

Right on time, ain't it?

They call me Mr. Tibbs.


You know what I'm
gonna do for you?

What you fixing to do?

You ever had a velveteen rub?

A velveteen rub.

Ain't no cheese involved, is there?

Because I'm lactose intolerant.

Oh, yeah.


You're choking my chicken!



That's quite a show you got going

under the big top there, Sparky.

I had to take another
one of them damn pills

in the middle of the night, man.

This woman insatiable, man.
I'm shooting dust.

Oh, Floyd.

I'm right here, baby.

You ready for some more?

Yeah, come here.

Come here.

Come here.


Think about that, boy.

There's my stallion.


- I missed you.
- Oh, you missed me?


Mmm. You need a little air
on this thing.


Oh, you bad boy.

God damn.

You like that, huh?

I'm your little kitty cat.




You little whore.

You're one to talk.

Oh, did you take out
your teeth for him?

You watch how you talk to your mama.

Please, you can't
talk to me like that.

You're not my daddy.

That's right, who's your daddy?

- You're my daddy.
- Your big daddy.

Rosalee, are you in there?

Actually, that's my daddy.


What are you thinking, Mama?

You ruined everything.

- I hate you.
- You little brat.

You're a dirty... all right, I love you.

- Mmm.
- Call me a lot of times.

Mama, what is wrong with you?

- I renounce you. You're a whore.
- Aah!

- I'm a whore?
- Yeah.

You just shamed the whole family,
you and the black man.


Whoo! That was fun.

 So come, take me by the hand 

 We'll leave this troubled land 

- Yeah.
-  I know we can 

 I know we can 

I'll be damned, man.

Them broads stole our money, man.

Whoo, yeah,

but they earned it.


Yeah, man.
It's Floyd Henderson, man.

We got a situation.

What's the problem?

Well, my ex-partner,

the degenerate that he is, man,

got some trailer trash hos,
man, rip us off.

Oh, wow, I'm sorry to hear that.

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, there's something
you can do. We need money.

If we don't get no money,

we ain't gonna make it to the Apollo.

I'm not sure what the procedure
for that would be.

I mean, there's just
a lot of red tape here.

You know, uh...

I'm going to have to get back to you.

- You do that. Get back with me now.
- Mr. Henderson...

we ain't gonna get very far
on ten gallons of gas,

I can tell you that.

I know where we can
get some money.

I know how to get some money.

 Ain't no love, ain't no love 

 Like my baby's love 

 Like my baby's love 

 Ain't no lonely days 

 Ain't no lonely 

Ooh, shit. What the hell is...

 'Cause I ain't never,
never found me a girl 

Oh, hell, no. You didn't.

Yes, I did.

-  To love me like 
-  I do 

 Oh, yeah 


Hey, hey, you're...
what is wrong with you?

Don't be grabbing on me like that now.

I will knock your ass out
before I let you go ring that doorbell.

Come on, get up
on me, man. Come on.

You really want this? Huh?

- Huh?
- Come on... Oh! God damn.

- Oh, man. Come on...
- What?

- Oh!
- What's wrong, what?

I got a pain in my chest, man.

Come on, man.
Stop fucking with me.

Look like I'm fucking with you, man?

Come on, man, do me a favor.

Get my heart medicine
out of my bag.

- You got some heart med...
- Oh! Come on, look.

Come on, man. Hurry up, man.

Hold on, man!

God damn, you got enough stuff in here
to start a drug store!

What it say on the bottle?

Sucker, motherfucker.

I'm gonna get your ass for this.

I'll leave the light on for you.

What up, dawg?


We're friends of, uh, Odetta's.

- Odetta?
- Yeah, is she in?

No, she ain't here, man.

Is she coming back?

Seriously doubt it.

Not unless we fitting to have
a zombie attack or some shit.


What's up, Fu Manchu?

- Cleo!
- Yeah?

Get your ass out here!

Two old niggers
looking for your mama.

Come on in, man.
You're letting the heat out.


Cold outside.

Your arthritis gonna kick up.

Who's that?

I don't know.


Uh, how you doing, ma'am?

My name is Floyd Henderson.
This is my...

I know who you are.

Guess you didn't hear
about the funeral.

Funeral? Odetta...

When did she pass?

Well, she got sick right after Christmas.

After that, it went pretty fast.

So why'd you come to see her?

What, she owe you
money or something?

- Oh, no.
- We just in the neighborhood.

Cleo, I can't find the bologna!

I'll be there in a minute!

Hurry up!

Well, if my mama wasn't dead,
I'd tell her you stopped by.


- Just hold on a second.
- C-L-E-O!

- What the hell you want?
- I'm sorry...

I told you this was
a bad idea to come here.

Come on, man. Don't go there.

Let's just go, okay?

How old you think she is?

27, 28?

I don't know how old she is,
and I don't care. Let's go.

Chillax, let me see something.

What are you doing?

Floyd, what the hell
are you looking for?

Damn it.

I'm just confirming a suspicion.

That's all I'm doing.

September 14, 1981. Bingo.

It kind of works itself out, don't it?

Put it back.


Odetta left me, man,

Thanksgiving Day, man, 1980.

- So?
- So you do the math, motherfucker.

Do the math? Nigga, please...

Oh, shit. You hear that?

Hear what?

Listen, that bass line, right there.


Son of a bitch.

 Oh, my name is Lester,
the Court Jester 

 All you other rap niggas
done messed up 

 I take you to school a semester 

 Take you to court and sequester 

- Yeah!
-  I'm judge and the jury 

Bruce Lee, Fists of Fury.

 You want to whip me,
the L-E-S-T-E-R 

 Grab my girl by the waist 

 Slap my girl in the face 

 When my mama died,
I moved inside her crib 

Hey, hey. Les, Les.

Hey, man, what you doing in here?

We're here trying to make some music.

That what y'all doing?

I don't see no musicians.

Listen, you know who played the base line

on that stuff you got running
under those so-called lyrics?

My man, right there.

Yeah, right, man.

He ain't no damn instrumentator.

Hey, yo, Big L, check it out, man.
It's them, man.

They ain't bullshitting.

Let me see this here.

The Real Deal, huh?

Hey, I mean, so what if we
jacked your shit, man? Huh?

Good artists borrow,

great artists steal, man.

- You know who said that?
- Pablo Picasso.

But literary scholars sometimes
like to attribute it to T.S. Eliot.

Hell, no. It wasn't no damn
Missy Elliot, man.

No, man, it was Bay Bay and them.

Bay Bay, yup.

That was Bay Bay,
for sure, hey, Bay Bay.

Look, man.

You know what? I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have sampled
your music without permission.

Why don't we all do a song together?

a song called "Fuck You
and Your Bass Line."

That's what I feel about it.

Here what I think
about your damn bassline.

Henderson and Hinds!

Take that shit with you.

Gold-faced motherfucker.

I made that shit gangster,
that's what I did.

Let me tell you something,
man, you...

Hey! Stop it!

Stop it!

Hey! This is my house.
You hear me?

I don't need this shit right now.

You gonna talk to me crazy
in front of my boys?

Why you still talking?
Shut the fuck up!

Pay-Pay and Zig-Zig,

let's dip, man.

Bye, old niggers.

Feel free to utilize
my facilities while you're here

to make yourself another hit.

I know you ain't had a hit
since Ike hit Tina.

Get out of here.

 Get the fuck 

 Out my grill 

 'Fore you get killed 

My name is Lester the Court Jester.

What a disrespectful son of a bitch.

- Just lay off.
- Just lay off?

I know your mama taught you better.

Odetta would've
whooped his damn ass.

The fuck you know about
what my mama would've done.

Were you here when she was
dying of that cancer?

I don't think so. I think Lester was.
The hell you know.

You're right. I don't know nothing.

That's right, he don't know shit.

No, he don't.

Now I'm going to go change
and get dinner started

because you guys
are staying, right?

Oh, no. We need to hit the road.

Yes, ma'am. We are staying.

Okay, then.

Hell, it's what Mama would've wanted.

Oh, yeah. That's Odetta's
child, all right.

Okay, I put some sheets on the bed
in the guest room for you guys.

Thank you.

That's Carla Thomas, right?

Sure is. Your mother's favorite.

So how come you guys only
put out that one album?

Well, when we wasn't
fighting over your mother,

we had a problem
in our record sales.

Yeah, as in we didn't sell any.


Well, you'd never know it wasn't a hit,

as much as Mama played it.

About 100 degrees, and you
got a leather jacket on.

Appreciate it, Sam.

She said,

being on the road with y'all

was some of the best times of her life.

Oh, good days. Good days.

I wish I could've seen that.

Say, why don't you
come to Memphis with us?

- Memphis?
- Yeah.

- What?
- We got a gig.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Floyd, Floyd.

The girl got a life.

She ain't got time to be ripping,

running up and down the road
with two old niggers.

Why not?

Memphis is fun.
We always have fun in Memphis.

You'll enjoy it. Trust me.

Fun? Look like I got time for fun?


Hey, Louis.

You know, Cleo was telling me

that Odetta never told her nothing
about her father,

not even his name.

But she did say
he was a musician.

You ain't said nothing stupid
to the girl, have you?

Like what?

Oh, like, uh,

Cleo, you know, I'm your daddy.

Well, I'm still
feeling out the situation.

What the fuck was that

that "You ought to come
to Memphis with us" shit?

Now that, right there,
that's a recipe for disaster.

Louis, Louis, I know
this ain't easy for you.

But I never thought I'd have a child.

Now I'm part of this big
old circle called life.

A piece of Floyd Henderson,
man, might be here to live on,

and maybe forever.

If you don't shut up
and go to sleep,

a big piece of Floyd Henderson ass
might not wake up in the morning.

Oh, Louis, Louis.

I respect the fact that you want

to cloak your pain with your anger.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, hey! What the fuck is that?

What's wrong?

You been taking
them dick pills again?

I though it was my cholesterol meds,
I swear I did.

You can't be spooning
with a motherfucker with that!

What's wrong with you?

- Uh, I...
- Nasty son of a bitch!

Give me some covers.
I'm gonna sleep on the floor.


Go on, then. Sleep on the floor.

Nobody wants you, Louis.

I don't like boy pussy no way.

I hope your back hurt
like a motherfucker.

Better my back than my asshole.

Nasty... I'll beat
your motherfucking...

All them years I spent in prison,

ain't nobody roll up on me like that.

I was going to ask you about that.

You ought to be ashamed
of your goddamn self,

nasty son of a bitch.

 Like I never had 

 When I'm feeling bad 

 Come on and comfort me 

 Oh, baby, you know the way 

 I showed you how to love me right 

 So comfort me tonight 

 Come on and comfort me, honey 

 You know the way, baby 

 'Cause I showed you right 

 I want it, I want it 

 Why don't you 

 Comfort me? 



Mr. Henderson. Mr. Henderson?

No, this is Louis.

Mr. Hinds.

It's Phillip Newman
of FC Management.

How are you, man? I'm a huge fan.



I think I've solved your
cash flow problems, my man.

I've withdrawn $10,
from my old parents' savings account

to tide you over until
things get sorted out.

Who'd you say you was again?


I wrote you letters
when the man had you

locked down in the pen, you know?

I know you're innocent.
Shit ain't right.

Okay, Phillip, um, look here.

We're on our way to Memphis.

Um, why don't you meet us

at, um, the fountain at Peabody Hotel,


Memphis. All right!

I'm hungrier than a mo...

There you are, girl.
You make up your mind?

You want to go to Memphis
with us, or not?

What you gonna do?

What happened?

Nothing. Nothing happened.

Nothing happened.

- No.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Let him get his whupping.

Why you hit her?

The hell you gonna
do about it, man?

I'm the nigger with the gun, man.

Oh, shit.

Damn! Ugh!

- Aah!
- Come on.

Get your albino
Ike Turner ass up, uh-huh.

Come on.

Aah! Okay! Oh, shit! Aah!

My follicles, man!

Look her in the eye and say
"I'm sorry I hit you,

and I'm never gonna put
my hands on you again."

- My bad, baby. I ain't...
- Say what I told you to say!

I'm sorry I hit you.
I ain't never gonna do it again.

Now, say you're sorry
for sampling my bass line

and for stomping
on my partner's record.

I'm sorry for sampling your bass line

- and stomping on your Real Deal record.
- Okay.

Now, we taking a road trip,
and we need some gas money.

I ain't got no money, man!

Can you help us?
I saw you out there selling that shit.

It's weed, it ain't crack man!
I ain't got...

- Give me the money!
- Okay, okay.

There's money in my shorts...

Ain't nobody reaching
in your drawers, get it out!

Okay, okay.

I got to reach around my meat, man.

- Here.
- Take it.

Take it.

Oh, damn. My hair hurts.

Take it, man! Aah!

Ow! You're breaking my arm!

Oh, hush.

That's just a little
Chinese submission hold.

This is what it feels like
when I break your arm.

- Shit!
- Break his arm.

Oh, bastard!

I know motherfuckers like you, Lester.

Used to see them
in the yard every day.

You'd better hope
you don't never go inside

because you,
you straight up bitch material.

What about my car, man?

What about your car?

Oh, shit.

I ain't got no clothes on.

This is bullshit.

So what? You run around
with your drawers

hanging off your ass anyway.

I wasn't really gonna shoot you!

Get the fuck out of here.

See, I'm the nigger
with the gun now.

You better hope my arm
don't get better.

I'm gonna learn karate
and kick your ass!

Fuck you!

It was a good thing you stepped in

when you did what you did, partner,

because if I'd have
got a piece of him,

I'd have fucked his shit up
entirely, and you know that.

Come on.

I'm too old to be tussling
with the motherf...

I'd have shot him. I'd have popped...

I'm six, seven years older.
I'd have, like, tussled...


Welcome back to the Soul Patrol.

I'm Isaac Hayes.

I want to give a shout-out

to Floyd Henderson
and Louis Hinds, The Real Deal.

They're back in Memphis tonight

performing at the House of Soul.

 Train number 1 is gone 

Welcome back home, fellas.

 Train number 2 is gone 

 Train number 3 is been gone 

 How long must I wait for you 

Look out with it.

 Whoo, hey, yeah 

 It's the Memphis train 

The Orpheum Theatre!

Our show's up in there.

 How long must I wait for you? 

 Yeah, yeah 

 Ooh, wee 

 The Memphis train 

 Let me try it one more time 

 Say, ooh, ooh, ooh, wee 

Oh, my God.

Mr. Henderson, Mr. Hinds,

let me just start off by saying...

Thank you.

What's up?

Phillip, tonight we're
playing at the House of Soul.

Make sure you be there, baby.

Right on.

Hello. welcome to the Peabody.
How can I help you?

You can help me by giving me

three of your best
doggone suites, baby.

Well, it'll be my pleasure
to assist you today.

May I see some identification, please?


Right there.

Go to hell, Louis.

Mr. Henderson?

It is I.

Will you excuse me
for just a minute, please?



Ahh, I-I'm sorry,
Mr. Henderson, Henderson.

We're unable to accommodate you.

Perhaps we could
recommend another hotel.

For what, man? I'm in Memphis.

I want to stay at the Peabody.

Yes, sir, I understand
you've stayed with us before,

and apparently,
that's the problem.

It seems that the last time
you stayed here...

March 12, 1978, to be exact...

you hosted a party,
during which the room

and several other areas of the hotel

- sustained extensive damage.
- Uh-oh.

I don't recollect nothing like that.

I think that's the night
Sly and Bootsy

came by with the fire-eater.

Is that the one with the snake?

- That's the one.
- Hmm.

Perhaps you could put those rooms
in the name of Louis Hinds.

Yeah, perhaps.

Louis Hinds, we'll try that.

I'm sorry you had
to see that, Linda.

What's on there?
Let me see that shit.

I want to see what's on there.

I need four rooms, Don.

Your best available.

Oh, hey, guys.

Your tailor gave me
several choices for tonight.

He said he's going
to stop by around 7:30.

What the fuck?

Did you catch the sale
over at the Build-A-Pimp?

You like that? It's fly, huh?

It's a get-down, get-down.
It's live. It's funky.

And I think I'm going
to get some poonanny.

To be honest with you,

I haven't been laid
since Friends was on television.

So this is my night.

You sure that ain't
one of your children?

You gonna sing real nice tonight.

Who's the girl singer?

Oh, my goodness!
Look at here! Oh, man.

Hello, Louis. Good to see you.

You good, man?

Hey, good-looking.

How you doing, girl?

I know you still ain't upset

about what happened
in Baltimore that...

Oh! What's wrong
with you, woman?

You going straight to hell,
Floyd Henderson.

What you laughing at?

- You want some, too?
- No.

Fuck you.


 Fuck you, fuck you 

Now we have no girl singer.

We just got to find
a replacement, that's all.

It's too late.


You know all our songs, right?

Ho ho ho. No offense, man,

but I'm not playing
with no rank amateur.

Come on, Wolfman,
this ain't no rank amateur, man.

This Odetta Whitfield's daughter, man.

Ain't got to recognize.

Shit. Let's roll, then, baby.


She can sing, can't she?



Oh, oh!

Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

 If music makes you move 

 You can really groove 

 Groove on 

 Groove on 

 If you feel like
you want to make love 

 Under the stars above 

 Love on 

 Love on 

 If there's something
that you wanna say 

 And talking is the hard way 

 Rap on 

 Rap on 

 'Cause whatever 

 You want to do 

-  Ow 
-  You got to do your thing 

 If you feel like
you want to scream 

 If that's your way you let off steam 

 Scream on 

 Scream on 

 If you feel like you want to sing 

 'Cause singing is your thing 

 Sing on 

 Sing on 

 If you want to make love all night 

 'Cause you feel it's right 

-  Right on 
- Oh, yeah, girl.

 Right on 

 'Cause whatever 

 You want to do 

 You got to do your thing 

I'm with the band.
Yeah, it's a dream.

Yeah, it's a... it's a total dream.


I play the harmuffica.

 Wa, wa 

 Wa, wa 

I'll save you a seat.

 'Cause whatever 

 You want to do 

 Yeah, baby, oh 

 You got to do your thing 



This is the most insane
night of my life.

You know Isaac wants
to put me in his studio?

He says he's got a song
that'd be perfect for me.

Oh, he does, does he?

Uh... Come on, now. It ain't like that.

Oh, it's always like that,

like movies.

Well, I'll be careful.

Just trying to look out
for you, that's all.

Thanks, guys, for everything.

 You got to do your thing, hey 

See you later.

 If you feel like making love 

 'Cause that's your thing 

 Right on 

Man, ain't that the Real Deal car?

Sure is, homie. You a fan?

Hell, yeah. I'm a big fan.

You know where they at?

'Cause I need to holler at 'em.

Actually, I'm their manager.

Really? Their manager?

Hold on a minute.

- Oh, hi, Floyd.
- Hey.

Come on in.
Check this place out.

I could get used to this.

I'll bet you could.

Let me get you a drink.

Yeah, I'll take one.

But hold on, before you do that,

there's something
I want to say to you.

It's been a blast connecting with you.

I want you to know that.

That's sweet of you.

And if you need anything,

like money or something like that,

don't you hesitate to call me now.

Not that money gonna make up
for the lost time between us

or nothing like that.

Lost time?

You have to understand,

Odetta never told me
nothing about you.

Had I known about you
from the beginning,

- I'd have been here from the start.
- Whoa, whoa.

- Floyd...
- She never said nothing to me about you.

You're not my father, Floyd.

You're not listening.

See, the thing you...
what's that? Say what?

You're not my father.

I-I'm not?


How do you know?

Because he knows who I am

Or he did.

I mean, for all I know,

he could be dead.

I get a little money from him
every once in a while.

It's a blind trust he set up years ago.

Something to do
with his music royalties.

Music royalties?


You knocked up my wife, motherfucker.

Ooh. You stole her from me first.

What is wrong with you?


You lost your...

You didn't tell Cleo, did you?

No, I didn't tell her.

I should've told her, though.

I'll bet you laughing
your ass off, wasn't you?

Going around, talking
about I'm the girl's daddy

and big round circle of life,
all that bullshit.

Giggle, giggle, motherfucker.

Well, just a little bit.


Look, Floyd...

Floyd, put it down. Put it down!

Dawg, come on!

You need to quit before you get hurt.

Oh! Oh! Whoa! Oh!


Look, Floyd,

I didn't mean for it
to happen, all right?

You know how she was.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, man. Stop acting a fool.

You all right?

Aw, shit. Quit acting a fool!

Fucking dad!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Time out.

Time out.


Still got a little pop
in your punch there, partner.

Pop this, motherfucker!



Shit. Ugh.

You dirty motherfucker,

hitting me in the nuts.

Ooh! Shit.

Louis, you just can't
keep whooping on my ass.

I'm a motherfucking man, baby.

I'm a motherfucking man.

Louis, how come you won't
see your own daughter?

Oh, motherfucker,
I wanted to see her,

but, you know...

It's time... After a while,

you know, it's just...
it's just too much.

Why didn't O tell her?

Why didn't Odetta tell her, man?

What was she going to tell her, huh?

That her daddy was
a alcoholic dopehead convict

that fucked up everything
he touched, hmm?

No, no.

She was better off without me.

Oh, shit.

Anyhow, it's too late now.


It was a mistake
getting to know her.

- Lou...
- What?

What is wrong with you?
You having a seizure?

What? What?


Oh. Cleo.

- Cleo, wait. Ow!
- Excuse me.

God damn it. Wait!

Let me talk to... ow!

Move, God damn it!

Come here, Cleo!

Call the police.

Hey, yo, white boy.

You really
in the music business?

Why, do you have a mix tape?

Shut the fuck up, white boy!

And stop sweating
so goddamn much.

You smell like bacon.

And I'm a Muslim on Saturdays.

Fucking wrong with you, huh?

How you white and got a afro?

That ain't cool.

Damn, my head hurt!

Hey, there go Cleo.
There go Cleo.


There go my baby, right there.

Where she going?

Where to, honey?


Oh, hell, yeah.

There go that old
Snoop Dogg-looking motherfucker.

Real Deal,

they fitting to be real dead!

I'm coming for you, old man!

Hey, yo, Les, let them old
motherfuckers have it, man.

- I'm going for it.
- Go for it, nigger.

Get them motherfuckers.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on, now. You know I'm the
only who drive the Mothership, man.

Watch this shit with Lester

about to kill
on these motherfuckers.

That's how we live,
we do it like that.


I'm back!



Oh, shit! Motherfucking
Lester got fucked up!

God damn!

I'm out of this motherfucker...

- What about Lester, man?
- Fuck Lester.

Yeah, fuck Lester!

You don't even know Lester, man.

Why you run over me, man!

You old dirty bastard!

Old Jim Brown, Fred Williamson,

two-the-hard-way motherfuckers!

I'll kill you, I swear...

Aah! Shit!

Let me kill you one time at least, man!

You done fucked up the Mothership.

I ought to stab you in your throat.

Fuck you! Aah!

You hear that?

Shoot that motherfucker, Louis.

Get your hands up!

I can't, nigger. My arm's in a brace.

Drop the weapon now!
Come on!

This is my first time ever being in here.

Quiet, please.

This filthy-ass motherfucking place,

man, got me itching.

Yo, turnkey!

Come on and let me out
of this motherfucker!

You might want to wrap
your mind around the fact

that we're gonna miss that show.

Fuck you talking about, man?

We gotta be in New York
tomorrow night.

Uh-uh. Not me.

I've had enough. I'm done.

What, you're walking
out on me, Louis?

Look, Floyd,
I was doing just fine

before you showed up at my door.

That's the thanks I get

for pulling you out
of that fucking rat hole.

You was just sitting up in there,

just sitting there waiting to die.

Negro, please.

You ain't no different from me,

Especially since your nephew
put your senile ass out to pasture

and stole your business.

Fuck you, Louis.

Crawl back under that damn rock
you've been living.

I don't need you.

I'll do this shit by my damn self.

Yo! Turnkey!

Come on and let me
out of this motherfucker.

I've had enough, man.
I want my lawyer.

Relax, relax.

You ain't gonna need no lawyer.

Witnesses say
your story checks out,

so you, sir, are good to go.


Whoa. Hold on there, Chuck Berry.

You're gonna need a lawyer.

Seems crossing state lines
is in violation of his parole,

Not to mention
possession of firearms

and driving without a license.

No license?

Step back for a minute.

I hope your ass rot up in here,

you criminal-bound
motherfucker, you.

As Lao-Tzu says,
"Let things flow forward as they may."

And I'm gonna let it flow, too, baby.

And I got some Blackanese
philosophical shit for your ass, pal.

You get by, Lou,
but you don't get away.

You sit in shit,
you start to smell like it,

so check the crack of your ass.

Here's something else for you.

Here go her number.

Call her... Daddy.

Fuck him, man!

Let's get on
out of this motherfucker.

He ain't worth
two damn flies smashed.



Hey. Yo!

Can I make a phone call?

You walking out on me, Louis?

I've had enough. I'm done.

You all right, man?

Um, yeah, yeah. I'm all right.

You're not all right.
You can't hardly breathe.

You need a chest X-ray.

I ain't trying to
make no comeback.

I'm gone, and I want to stay gone.

That's the thanks I get

for pulling you out
of that rat hole,

just sitting there waiting to die...

sitting there waiting to die...

- die, die...
- It's too late.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Keep it short.

- Hey...
- Hello.

It's Cleo. Please leave a message.

Cleo... um, this is, uh, Louis.

Louis Hinds.

Your father.

Wow, um,
feels funny saying that.

I've, um, I've never said it before.



I didn't mean what I said.

I was...

Odetta was the love of my life.

The worst thing
that ever happened to me

was losing her and you.

But you turned out great.

She did a wonderful job with you.

You know your mother
was an amazing woman.

And I just want you to know

I'm really, really glad I met you.

And I wish I...


All right.

What the fuck do you
think you're doing?


Busting your ass out of jail.

What the fuck does it
look like I'm doing?

Back up, Red. Get your keys out.

Open that cell, okay?

Deputy, don't listen to him.

He will not shoot you.
Not on purpose anyway.

Don't let him get you fucked up, Red.

I'll kill you disco-dead.

Now open that doggone cell, man.

Stop shaking. If you shake,
I'm gonna start shaking.

Next thing you know, kapow!

Go on in.

Now hand him the keys.

Hand them to him.

- Okay?
- Floyd.

You sure you want to do this?

Does everything gotta be
a fucking argument with you?

God damn! Come on out of there!

Close the door, Lou. Lock it up.

I'm a hostage.

You're gonna be a dead hostage

if you don't shut the fuck up.

Now look here, Red.

I like you, almost.

You call anybody outside
your mama, kapow.


Let's get out of here.

Anybody following us, man?

Not yet.

But you can bet your ass they will be.

Lou, we gotta dump
the Mothership, man.

We gotta dump it.

You'd abandon the Mothership?

We're fugitives from the law.

We gotta start thinking like it.

We're not fugitives, O.J.

You're a fugitive. I'm a hostage.

That's my story,
and I'm sticking to it.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold, hold, hold, hold, hold, hold.

Look at that right there, man.

Ain't that Lester's car?


We're hungry, man. Come up with some
baked chicken or something.

They're at it again.

Oh, shit! Lester's car!

- You hear that?
- What?


Oh, my God!
Oh, God, no! Oh, God...

Mr. Hinds. Mr. Henderson.

It's so good to see you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it was so hot in there.
You have no idea.

If there's anything
I can get you,

like a latte, I'm here for you guys.

But first I really have to pee,

so I'm just gonna hop on out.

If you could give me
a hand out of here.

I've been locked in there,

and they've had the
woofers going all day.

Oh, my God.

I just have to pee real bad,
so if you don't mind.

It's so good to see you.

Oh, Mr. Hinds...


The body of Marcus Hooks

arrived at Kennedy Airport
earlier this morning,

and in a processional befitting a king,

will make its way
to the Apollo Theatre,

where it will lie in state...

I'm watching it right now.

...appropriately enough,

in a piano-shaped coffin

for the thousands
of mourners gathered

to pay tribute
to the beloved soul pioneer.

Meanwhile, in related news,

authorities continue the search

for Floyd Henderson and Louis Hinds,

following a daring jailbreak
early this morning.

The two backup singers
were on their way

to New York City

to perform at tonight's tribute

honoring their one-time partner.

Fucking A!

Local economy is getting
a big boost from...

Yeah. No, no. I... I understand.

Uh, that's my other line.

I'll call you back. This is Danny.

Hello, Mr. Epstein.

Phillip Newman.
I broke your stapler last week.

- Are you kidding me?
- Hello?

Where the hell are you?

Listen, I called
because I just wanted to let you know

that everything's cool,
and we're still on target.


You're with Henderson and Hinds?

Yes, sir.

They say "motherfucker" a lot,

but they're really good guys.

All right, well, good.

You can give them this message.

The network just called,
and they're off the show.

But they can't do that!

Oh, really? It's VH1.

Have you seen Flava of Love?

They can pretty much do
whatever they want.

And another thing, you're fired.

Motherfucker! What the fuck?

What'd he say?

Uh, he said I'm fired,

and... and, uh,
and you're off the show.

Are... Are you serious, man?

I'm so sorry.

Nnn! Nnn! Nnn!

You know, uh,
according to the map,

that road leads to the turnpike.

I think we've still got time to make it.

Make what, Louis?

You heard what the motherfucker said!

It's over!

Fuck that.

This shit ain't over till we
say it's over, all right?

Things have changed,

and I have achieved
a state of mental clarity.

Ain't that a bitch?

You hear what this motherfucker said?

Ever since I knocked
on your door, man,

you've been beating my balls
at every fucking turn.

Now all of a sudden, you've
got a state of clarity.

Where was your clarity in L.A., Lou?

You can't just dial that shit up

like you calling for a pizza,

You got to go inside, do the work.

I have a confession.

Floyd, you were right about me.

I have given up on a lot
of things in my life.

But I ain't giving up on this. All right?

Come on, man, we've been through
enough shit the last few days.

We can do this.

And I dare anybody
to try to stop us.

Let's go, motherfucker.


Get your ass in the backseat.

 Ain't no stoppin' us now 

 We're on the move 

 There's been so many
things that's held us down 

 But now it looks 

 Like things are finally coming around 

 Don't you let nothing, nothing 

 Stand in your way 

 I want y'all to listen, listen 

 To every word I say,
every word I say 

 Ain't no stopping us now 

 No, no, no 

 We're on the move 

 The movin' groovin' 

 Ain't no stopping us now 

Full sound and switch on all
the floor monitors, all right?

Look at that.
That's nice and subtle.

I'm on it, then. Sound check.

Okay. Thanks.

- Mr. Epstein.
- Yeah?

Hey, thank God you're here.

Oh, God, this isn't happening.

What are you doing here?
I thought I fired you.

I just wanted to tell you
I'm not alone.

You guys are insane!

Good to see you, too, Little Ep.

Yeah, this is never going to happen.

You'll be arrested
the moment the cops spot you.

We don't care anything about that.

We just want to do our song.

Oh, one other thing.
You got a few minutes?

Yeah, I got all the time
in the world.

I'm just producing a television show

with dozens of huge musical acts

that goes live in 171/2 minutes,

but you know, let's grab some coffee
and have a little chit-chat.

Wow. How long's he got?

We don't know.

All right.

I'll see what I can do. Okay?

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen,

please take your seats.

The ceremony will begin shortly.

I'll get it.


The Black Moses.

How's it going, man?

Hey, what's happening?

what's up, baby?

Hey, fellas.

Hey, what's happening?

- The man.
- My man.

Okay, all right.

Heard you were here.
Just wanted to wish you luck.

Oh, by the way,

brought somebody by to see you.

Oh, is that right?


Okay, everybody,
let's move on out of here.

Come on.

All right, you heard what Mr. Henderson said.

After you, young man.


I'm sorry I ran out the way I did.

I'm the one who ran out.

There's no need for you to apologize.

Can I help you with your tie?

Yeah, sure.

You know what you're doing?

Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

Here you go.

Mm! Ohh!

You all right?

Yeah. Just some water, please.


All cameras are on point.

We just added two mics.

Mr. Epstein!
You better come quick.

Come on, I'm serious.
Come on! It's important!

All right. Take care of those.

15 minutes, Danny.

He just collapsed.

I think he's in a lot of pain.

Open your hand.
Open your hand.

Right there, right there.

Okay, okay.

Be strong, brother.
Hang on in there.

It ain't time for you to check out now.

Check out? What?

Come on, man.
Everybody knows, man.

My aunt was taking the same
doggone pills, man.

Took her about a week
before she wasted away to nothing,

just kicking and screaming.

I don't know what killed her ass,

but if she was taking those,
she had a bladder infection.

Say what?

Look, Doctor Dumbshit,
I got a kidney stone.

Hurts like a motherfucker
when I pee,

but it ain't gonna kill me.

So you're not dying?

From the first slap and cry,
we all start to die.

But I ain't on no accelerated program,
hell, no.

Ain't that about a bitch?

All that damn hard work,
busting your ass out of jail,

and you ain't even dying.

I was kinda looking forward
to seeing you go.

Excuse me, Danny.
They're on in two.

All right. Where we at, guys?

Okay, I'm good.

The Apollo, the mecca.

This brings back memories, man.

how many times you think
we've performed here?

Ooh, uh...

ooh, five-oh.

50, really?

- Five-oh.
- Oh!

Come on. Move, move.

That's them! Hold it! Hold it!

All units report, all units report.

Suspects have been spotted.

All units, apprehend them quietly
and by the book.

Hey, Lou, do you think
they're gone, man?

I don't have X-ray vision, motherfucker!

How would I know?

Lower your voice, Lou.
Doggone it, man.

It's so dark in here you can't see shit.

Hold up.

Let me see if I can reach my lighter.

Don't light no lighter
up in here, man.

We'll blow up like a barbecue.

Hold on one minute.


Marcus motherfucking Hooks.

Long way from Linwood Street, huh,

Fuck Linwood Street and him.

He used both of us, and you know it.

Come on, man. He just thought
he'd be a bigger star going solo.

He was right.

No he wasn't.

He didn't want to split
the money three ways.

Just look at him, sitting there

with that old shit-eating
grin on his face.

You think you're all that, motherfucker,
don't you?

I have to admit, every time
I think about you,

I could just choke the shit out of you!

Stop it, stop it!

Floyd, he ain't
thinking shit. He's dead.

Say, ain't that my watch?

See? You thought
I stole that mother...

I told you this motherfucker
was a klepto!

Shit, look at that.

That's nice.

Probably stole that, too.

Motherfucker always had
good taste, though.

I'm gonna keep this.

Hey, Louis.

You think if, you know...

if he wouldn't have, you know, died,

you think we would have
got back together?

Oh, hell, no.

But you know what?

We are together,

and I've been thinking
about our little arrangement.

I'm gonna go ahead

and break you off 50/50, all right?

Wow, Lou, that's...

that's real black of you, man.

Because there ain't no money.

Say what?

Well, you said it yourself.

It's a funeral.

Nobody pays you to sing, man.

You lied about the money?

- Yeah.
- You motherfucker.

Hey, you can't say
it wasn't worth it.

Well, I could say it.

But I'd be lying.

I love you, Lou.

My nigger.

But this motherfucker,
you know, I can't help it.

Every time,
I could just kill this motherfucker!

That's why he left, because
you was always picking on him.

Stop fucking with him.

He fucked with my happiness.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm Isaac Hayes.

Where the fuck are they, Danny?

My good friends, please join me

in saying farewell
to brother Marcus Hooks.

It's Louis and Floyd!

It's the Real Deal!


Marcus Hooks and the Real Deal,

back together again.

Give them a hand.

Give them a hand.

Reunited, y'all.

They got their shit together.

Yes! Let's go!

Stand by.
Move in on my command.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Come on, Officer
detective person.

Please, just, you know, come on.

Let them sing one song.
One little song.

It's not gonna hurt anybody.

The Real Deal!

All right. One song.

But it better be good.

One song. The good one.

How's that hip?

Locked and loaded, baby.

Let's do this.


Let's take a walk in the park.

1, 2, 3, 4!

 Oh, yeah 

 When the river gets to rollin' 

 And then you add
a bowlful of soul in 

 And then I tried
to let it all go then 

 Oh, yeah 

 Oh, it's easy to me 

 You see, the way
I ride the rhythm 

 You see, the truth
is all I can give 'em 

 And the lyrics can
come from livin' 

 Oh, yeah, oh, it's easy to me 

 Oh, yeah 

 Music comes out of my heart 

 Something like a walking the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 Oh, yeah 

 And no one else in here, I heard it 

 I don't know what I've
done to deserve it 

 You don't question it
while you serve it 

 Oh, yeah 

 Oh, it was given to me 

 I got something you inherit 

 I don't know that you
was born to share it 

 And if you shoot,
be sure you wear it 

 Oh, yeah 

 Oh, it comes naturally to me 


 Music comes out of my heart 


 Something like a walk in the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 Oh, yeah 

 Oh, yeah 

Oh, yeah!

Y'all having a good time
out here tonight?

This is what I'm talking about!

You know about that
walk in the park, man?

Sure I know about
that walk in the park.

You do? I'll tell you what.

- Show them.
- Got to get down.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's give a big Apollo welcome

to the stage for the first time,

my daughter, Miss Cleo Whitfield!

 To make something out of nothin' 

 That's what we all
got in common 

 So just hold on tight, I'm comin' 

 Oh, yeah, yeah 

 Said to me 

 I'll give you something
you can believe in 

 And then enjoy yourself
this evenin' 

 And don't you dare
think about leavin' 

 Oh, yeah 

 Sing along with me 

 Music comes out of my heart 

 Something like a walk
in the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah 

 Oh, yeah 

 Music comes out of my heart 

 Something like a walk
in the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 Oh, yeah 

 Music comes out of my heart 

One song.

 Something like a walk in the park 

 A walk in the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 A walk in the park 

 Oh, yeah 

 Music comes out of my heart 

I'm their manager!

 Something like a walk in the park 

 Walk in the park 

 It's just a walk in the park 

 Just like a walk in the park 

 Oh, yeah 


 Yeah, ooh, yeah 

 Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo 


You're gonna sing real nice tonight.

All right, y'all.

 Got that funky time 

 I can feel it 

 I can feel it 

 I can feel it 

Any time the camera
or the mic comes on,

I don't cheat myself.

That was rule number I was taught as a kid.

And I definitely can't
cheat the audience.

So I give 150%

every single time that I do anything.

Even the way I live my life.

I just cherish
each doggone moment.

A black preacher's
something else, ain't it?

You can't pay your rent
after you come from church.

And if you ask the preacher
for the $5.00,

he'll be like, "Fuck you
in the name of Jesus."

My comedy is not fictitious.

My comedy has
to come from my heart.

- Charlie Chan was a hell of a man.
- All right, let's rehearse.

He went through China
with his shit in his hand.

Had five women against the wall.

I betcha five dollars
that he fucked them all.

He fucked them hard.

He fucked them long.

He fucked them till his shit got sore.

He went to the doctor,
and the doctor said,

"Sorry, Charlie, your dick is dead."

He said, "Doctor, Doctor,
that can't be true."

"Yes, sir, Charlie,
your balls are too!"

I've been performing all my life.

So being in front of an audience

has never been a problem for me.

It's time to go?

Well, go on, then.

You want to leave a lasting impression
on your audience.

You know, and that's something
I was taught, too,

when I first started.

Always make them remember you,

or remember something
about you and the film.

I'm going back to my
$600-a-night hotel room,

have me a nice-ass, uh,
piece of pussy and shit.


Cut it.

Okay, just breathe. Breathe.

I'm not even in yet.

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got to boogie for you 

 I got nothin' but boogie 

 Nothin' but boogie for you 

 I got nothin' but boogie 

 Nothin' but boogie for you 

 Boogie, boogie 

 Boogie, boogie 

 Boogie, boogie 

 Boogie, boogie 

 Boogie, boogie 

 Boogie, boogie 

I want to say thanks to you all

because you all made me... yeah.

I wouldn't have
no TV show or movies.

You all was coming to see me,

and you all made me...

Chattanooga, Louisiana, Mississippi.

So thank you.

I think if I had a few free passes

like a lot of people,

I don't think I would be
as successful as I have.

My task here on Earth

is I have to work harder
than the average bear.

It look easy, don't it?

But it's not.

Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you.

 I never can say goodbye 

 No, no, no, I 

 I never can say goodbye 

 No, no, no, 

 Even though the pain
and heartaches 

 Seem to follow me wherever I go 

 Though I try and try
to hide my feelings 

 They always seem to show 

 Then you try to say
you're leaving me 

 And I always have to say no 

 Tell me why 

 Is it so 

 I never can say goodbye 

 No, no, no, no 

 I never can say goodbye 

 I keep thinkin' that our problems 

 Soon are gonna all work out 

 But there's that same unhappy feeling 

 That makes that anguish
twist that doubt 

 It's that same old dizzy hangup 

 Can't live with you or without 

 Tell me why 

 Is it so 

 I don't wanna let you go 

 I never can say goodbye 

 I, I'll never 

 Say goodbye 

 I won't say goodbye 

 I won't try 

 I won't let you go 

 Won't say goodbye 

 I can't say goodbye 


 I won't 

 Oh, yeah 

 I won't say goodbye 

 I won't try 

 Can't say goodbye 

 Won't say goodbye 

 I can't say goodbye 


 I want you all the time 


Special thanks to SergeiK.