Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen script is here for all you fans of the Michael Bay with Shia LaBeouf. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen Script

Earth, birthplace of the human race,

a species much like our own,

capable of great compassion

and great violence.

For in our quest to protect the humans,

a deeper revelation dawns.

Our worlds have met before.

- Newsflash from the BBC.
- Breaking news out of Shanghai.

There's been a major toxic spill
in the Shanghai factory district.

We're staying
on top of this developing story for you.

We will bring you
any new information as we get it.

NEST Seahawks approaching target.

Three minutes
until evacuation is complete, sir.

Chinese airspace has been locked
and sealed, one-mile radius.

All right, give NEST team the go.

Black Hawks, you're clear to land.

Come out and get your ice cream.

Any bad robot out there
better get ready for an ass-whupping.

For the last two years,
an advance team of new Autobots

has taken refuge here
under my command.

Arcees, get ready to launch.

We're locked and loaded.

Together, we form an alliance
with the humans,

a secret but brave squad of soldiers.

All right, listen up. China's cover story
on this one is "toxic spill."

They had to evac the area
for search and rescue.

This makes six enemy contacts
in eight months.

We gotta make sure this one does not
get out in the public eye, so keep it tight.

A classified strike team called NEST.

We hunt for what remains
of our Decepticon foes

hiding in different countries
around the globe.

Roll in Alpha through Echo now.

Move out! Let's go!

All right, Ironhide.
We got echoes. Vamos.

Steel stacks at 2 o'clock.

He's here. I smell him.

It's close. It's getting closer.

- Oh, no.
- What have you got?

Thermal ripple.

Right, everybody, be steady.
We're right on top of it.

Eagle niner!

I need an energy proton.

Panther 1, requesting fire mission now!

Gunships on station. Roll in hot!

Dog 1, now we are engaging.

We got a second Decepticon.

Arcee twins! Target coming your way!

I got him, I got him!

I screwed that up. I'm okay. I'm all right.

- This is combat, man.
- Total brain freeze, man.

What's wrong with you?

Bring in Sideswipe!

Clear a path!

Damn, I'm good!

Air support, we need Big Buddha
to deliver the drop now!

Cyclone 98, final attack hitting in 120.

Clear to drop in
five, four, three, two, one.

Autobots, I'm in pursuit!

Pull over!

Punk-ass Decepticon!

Any last words?

This is not your planet to rule!

The Fallen shall rise again.

That doesn't sound good.

Not today.

Come on, let's go! All hands on deck!

Frankie, Mojo, out!
Come on, kiddo, we're on a schedule.

Slow down, Dad. Why are you
in such a hurry to get rid of me?

- Did you rent the room out?
- No, I got other ideas for your room

and it rhymes with "home theater."

Look what I found.
It's your little baby booties.

- Ma.
- My little baby-bootie boy.

- You can't go.
- You see this, Dad? This is how

you're supposed to react
when the fruit of your loins

goes out into the cruel world
to fend for himself, okay?

Yeah, my heart bleeds for you, pal.
College, bummer!

You have to come home every holiday,
not just big ones.

You have to come home for Halloween.

Well, I can't
come home for Halloween, Mom.

- Well, then we'll come to you.
- You're not coming.

- No, we're not going anywhere.
- We'll dress up.

We'll be in costumes.
You'll never know it's us.

- You can't do that, Mom.
- Would you let the kid breathe,

for crying out loud? Come on. Go pack.

There's no way you're packed
for a month-long trip.

Come on, chop, chop!
Let's go. March, young lady.

- Dad.
- I love it when you call me "young lady,"

- you dirty old man.
- You ain't seen nothing yet.

- Dad, Dad, Dad, whoa!
- What?

I'm watching what you're doing, Dad.
It's not a rap video.

It's just like a coach thing.

That was
a really creepy move just now, Dad.

Look. You know, your mother and me
are really proud of you.

You're the first Witwicky
ever to go to college.

Now I'm crying again! This sucks!

You're gonna be okay, Ma.

You know, it's just going to be,

you know, hard for her to accept
that her boy's all grown up, you know,

going out to handle the world
on his own.

- You okay, Pop?
- Yeah.

Mojo, no dominating Frankie!

Get the hell off the couch,
you filthy beasts!

You'll see a lot of that in college, too.

- What are you talking about, Dad?
- There's gonna be a lot of women there.

Yeah, well,
I'm a one-woman kind of guy.

Look, Mikaela's the greatest,

but you gotta give each other
room to grow, okay?

You're no different
than any other couple your age.

Except we discovered
an alien race together.

How long you gonna be riding
that scooter?

Dad, listen, I know what the odds are.
We're the exception, okay?

Wait a second. Who could that be?

In two weeks, it could be Muffy.

Hey, beautiful.

- I'm breaking up with you, Sam.
- Really?

You sure?
I'm not hearing a lot of conviction.

Well, I am, okay? So, there's no reason
for me to come say good-bye to you.

Wow, you almost sounded serious
that time.

Guess what? I made you
a long-distance relationship kit.

Yeah, I got you a webcam,
so we can chat 24/7.

All Witwicky, all the time.

And I got you a couple souvenirs
from the event

that cannot be mentioned
on cell phones.

- Some mixes and candles and stuff.
- Sounds cute. I can't wait.

Hey! You want
the infamous D-Day shirt?

You kept your nasty, shredded clothes?

Yeah. Of course, I kept it, Mikaela.

It's like my Super Bowl jersey.
I bled in this thing.

- Wow. You're pretty confident, huh?
- No, it's not that.

It's just that my low self-esteem's
at an all-time high.

You think your little box of souvenirs
is gonna keep me from leaving you?

You really should come with me.

They got cheap apartments
near campus.

Well, that's not gonna happen
until I get my man-child father,

fresh out of prison, back on his feet.

I heard that.
Where'd you put the clutch covers?

- Next to the camshafts.
- I love it when you say "camshafts."

Whisper it to me.


Why can't I hate you?

It's my Witwicky charm.

Wait, hold on. Wait, hold on a second.

I guess we're not breaking up.
I'll be over in 20.

Mikaela, I think a sliver of the Cube
got stuck on my shirt.


There's a fire!

Dad, we got a fire!


Ron, did you know
it was gonna be this hard?

Can you just stop?

Yeah, okay, I'll stop. You carry this shit!

- Wow.
- Do you know what?

- What?
- I don't want to go anywhere with you.

I don't wanna go to France with you.

I don't wanna go
around the corner with you.

- I'm going back inside.
- All right, fine.

I'll call you from Paris.

What is all the racket?



- What was that?
- That's the whole kitchen!

- Bumblebee... Oh, my...
- Bumblebee!

- 911.
- Bumblebee!

- Get in the garage. Go!
- What the freak just happened?

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
Just go in the garage quietly, please.

Holy Mother!

- Oh, my God!
- Whatever.

Get in the garage now!

- Firemen! Fire fighters, over here!
- Dogs out! Get the dogs out!

This is it! Come on, you guys.
What are you waiting for?

My house is on fire!

...very important.
- What happened?

Come here. Listen, I need you to take
the Cube sliver and put it in your purse.

- What's going on?
- Just take it.

- Sam Witwicky? A word with you.
- Yes, Mom. Yeah.

- Hi, Mikaela. I have a bald spot.
- Hi.

- An old furnace, I think.
- From a waffle iron.

When you go, he goes. I cannot live
with a psychotic alien in my garage!

Judy... National security.

Look, if we stay quiet,
they're gonna take care of everything.

Just consider this
the official start of our remodel, okay?

Fine. If the government's paying,
I want a pool and a hot tub!

And I'm gonna skinny-dip
and you can't say shit about it!

- Yeah, you know you're in trouble.
- He still having voice problems?

He's playing it up.

Bee, I want to talk to you
about the college thing, okay?

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it

Hey, I'm not taking you with me.

I'm gonna wait outside, okay?

I meant to tell you about this earlier.

It's just that, you know...
Here's the thing.

Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars.

I know, and if it was up to me,
I'd take you with me, but it's not, Bee.

Look. You're an Autobot. You shouldn't
be living in my dad's garage.

I mean, you're suffocating in here.
You deserve better than this.

This is hard enough, man.
Don't make it harder.

Can you just look at me, please?

Come on, big guy.
Look, the guardian thing is done.

Okay? You did your job.
Look, I'm safe now.

You need to go be with
Optimus Prime and the others.

I just want to be normal, Bee.
That's why I'm going to college,

and I can't do that with you.

It's not the last time I'm gonna see you,
you know, Bee.

Come on, don't do that. Bee.
You're killing me, Bee.

But you'll always be my first car.

Love you, Bee.


Between State Farm and the taxpayers,
we're all taken care of.

- You got dirt all over you.
- Stop. Stop.

- What?
- Stop, I'm okay.


So, you think you can make it through
those East Coast winters without me?

You're the best thing
to ever happen to me.

- And?
- And I'll do anything for you.


- I think Sam's about to say the L-word.
- Let's go, kiddo!

Nice timing, Dad.

I adore you.

That's not the word that I want

- to hear right now.
- What are you talking about?

It's the same word as the other word.

- It's not the same word.
- Look, if I say the other word now

and you forced me to say it,
it won't mean anything, plus

you haven't said it either.
So, don't get mad at me for not saying it.

Yeah, but I haven't said it because guys
always run when you say it first.

Yeah, well, so do girls.
Especially girls like you, with options.

So, this is all part of your elaborate plan
to keep me interested?

- It can be.
- I hate that it's working.

Can I have a kiss?

We're going to make it work, I promise.

Soundwave acknowledges. Pursue her.

Retrieve it.

Autobot twins, report to Hangar Three.

Bad-ass ice-cream truck
coming through.

- Excuse me! Excuse me! Hello!
- No, I don't...

- Hold up.
- Those are nice.

Yeah, baby, it's upgrade time.

Yes, sir. Yeah!
Look here, it's my booty call right here!

- Time to get my sexy on with the green.
- Green? No, green is mine!

I call green!

- I got the green.
- That hurt, man.

It's supposed to hurt. It's an ass-kicking.

Present arms!

Director Galloway, what an honor.
I'd love to show you around,

but you gotta be
on the classified access list.

I am now. Presidential order, Major.

I got a message
for your classified space buddies!

You guys made a mess of Shanghai.

All right, so this is where
we communicate with the JCS

and this area serves
as the Autobots' hangar.

Secure link to JCS is up, Major.

Secure line to
the Pentagon is now open.

- General?
- Will, I saw the Shanghai op.

- We had a rough day out there.
- Yes, sir.

We have intel that I believe
warrants an immediate debrief.

Now with your permission,
I can't let you see him,

but I would like you to hear
from the leader of the Autobots.


You gotta wonder,

if God made us in his image,
who made him?

General, our alliance
has countermanded

six Decepticon incursions this year,

each on a different continent.

They're clearly searching
around the world for something,

but last night's encounter
came with a warning.

"The Fallen shall rise again."

"The Fallen." Meaning what?

Origin unknown.
The only recorded history of our race

was contained within the AllSpark
and lost with its destruction.

Excuse me!

With this so-called AllSpark
now destroyed,

why hasn't the enemy left the planet
like you thought they would?

Director Galloway,
our National Security Advisor.

The President just appointed him liaison.

Well, I guess I didn't get that memo.

Forgive the interruption, General.
Excuse me. Coming through.

Excuse me. Excuse me, soldier.

After all the damage in Shanghai,

the President is hard-pressed
to say the job's getting done.

Now, under the classified Alien/Autobot
Cooperation Act,

you agreed to share your intel with us,
but not your advancements in weaponry.

We've witnessed
your human capacity for war.

It would absolutely bring
more harm than good.

But who are you to judge
what's best for us?

With all due respect,
we've been fighting side by side

in the field for two years.

We've shed blood,
sweat and precious metal together.

Soldier, you're paid to shoot, not talk.

Don't tempt me.

And the newest members of your team.

- Easy.
- I understand they arrived here

after you sent a message into space,

an open invitation to come to Earth,
vetted by no one at the White House.

Let me stop you right there,
Mr. Galloway. It was vetted right here.

And in my experience, the judgment
of both Major Lennox and his team

has always been above reproach.

Well, be that as it may, General,
it is the position of the President

that when our national security is
at stake, no one is above reproach.

Now, what do we know so far?

We know that the enemy leader,
classified NBE One, aka Megatron,

is rusting in peace at the bottom
of the Laurentian Abyssal,

is rusting in peace at the bottom
of the Laurentian Abyssal,

surrounded by SOSUS detection nets
and a full-time submarine surveillance.

We also know that the only remaining
piece of your alien AllSpark

is locked in an electromagnetic vault

here on one of the most secure
naval bases in the world.

Decepticons, we have located the shard.

And since no one can seem to tell me
what the enemy is now after,

well, there's only one clear conclusion!

You! The Autobots!

They're here to hunt you!

What's there to hunt for on Earth
besides that?

"The Fallen shall rise again"?

It sounds to me
like something's coming.

So, let me ask, if we ultimately conclude
that our national security is best served

by denying you further asylum
on our planet,

will you leave peacefully?

Freedom is your right. If you make
that request, we will honor it.

But before your President decides,
please ask him this.

What if we leave and you're wrong?

That's a good question.

Oh, my gosh! Look at this place!

I feel smarter already.

- Ron, can you smell it?
- Yeah, smells like $40,000 a year.

- Hey, cheapo!
- Hey, go ahead. We'll get your stuff.

Just go ahead and check out your room.

Yeah, go.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You must be Sam, right? I'm Leo.
- Hey.

So, I already set up the crib a bit.
You want this side or that side?

- That side.
- I already chose that side.

You know what this is?
This is the awkward moment.

Yeah, see,
you're trying to see if I'm a normal guy.

I'm trying to see if you're a normal guy.

Balanced, unmedicated,
nothing under the crawl space.

Good personal hygiene,
won't stab me in my sleep.

No criminal record, won't steal anything.

- Including girlfriends.
- Especially girlfriends.

- You got a girlfriend?
- I do. You?

No, not a chance. You a techie?

Sweet! Sharsky,
Fassbinder, where we at?

- Server's almost online, Leo.
- Network's up and running.

Beautiful, that's what I like to hear.

That's Sharsky, that's Fassbinder,
my IT gurus.

Welcome to my empire, bro,
TheRealEffingDeal. com.

That's me, I'm sure you've heard of it.

- No, I haven't.
- Well, that sucks.

- What is all this for?
- See where I'm going, bro.

Look, call me gross,
I want to be a baby billionaire.

Kitten calendars.
That's where I started. Look at me now.

Got to have dreams, bro.

Leo! We got
some brand-new Shanghai vid!

Post it, baby! Go, go, go! FTJ! FTJ!

- What's "FTJ"?
- "Fuel the Jet."

Fuel the Jet, bro.

FTJ. FTJ, legit!

Did you see that? Did you see that?

Look at this. Half of Shanghai gets
wrecked and China says "gas leak."

Don't believe the hype, bro.

Just like the alien robots in LA
two years ago that everyone covered up.

Yeah, I saw these robots,
and they did this, like, firing thing

and they came down and toasted
this woman, and she was like...

- It looks fake to me.
- Dude, it's not fake.

The Internet is pure truth.
Video doesn't lie.

- It looks fake.
- No, man, I've seen them.

- They're, like, these robots...
- Look, look, it's fake.

Anybody could do it
on any computer, okay?

And I wasn't there,

- so I can't comment or speculate.
- No.

"Comment or speculate"?
And we're supposed to cohabitate?

No, listen, okay?
Don't be sucking the sack, bro!

- Which sack?
- The ball sack.

Dude, what kind of tool are you?

Mainstream media sack.
They're lying to us, all right?

- It's aliens, man.
- Okay, okay.

Follow me.

Leo, bad news!

We just got scooped.
The video's already up on GFR.


Robo-Warrior, the guy's our main
competition on conspiracy stuff.

"Effing" was my F-ing idea
and he stole it!

He's been linking to my site
and thieving hits forever.

By the way, I read your file.
I'm poor, you're poor.

We're gonna fix that, all right?
You work for me now.

I work for you now? That's incredible.

It's first day of college,
I got a career in a dinky Internet firm

with a boss who is made up
of just pure champion stuff.

Are you mocking
my life's work, Samuel?

That's your one warning patrolling,
dude. Don't make me

have Fassbinder hack your financial aid,
'cause I'll do it!

Hey, RA. Listen, it's getting a little
intense in my room. Can I switch out?

Sad face, 312. No switching, no trading.
Let's turn that frown upside down, okay?

- Oh, here we go.
- We made it. Hi.

It's just like Hogwarts.

- Hi.
- Is this co-ed?

This is a co-ed dorm.

- You guys want to meet my roommates?
- Yeah.

Some real swell guys.

- Here's Leo.
- We're the Witwickys.

- I'm Leo.
- I'm Judy.

Hey, you have a great son, you really do.

- Well, aren't you the sweetest thing?
- Yeah, he's real sweet, Ma.

What is that in your hand, by the way?

I got this at the bake sale for the
environment that those boys are having.

You know, you don't often see
white boys with the dreadlocks.

- Mom?
- Yeah, it's 100% pure,

Hawaiian green for the environment.

- How many of these have you eaten?
- Drop it.

- What is this?
- Yeah, they baked it with reefer in it.

- No, it's...
- Please, give me...

Hey! It's my cheat day.
I can eat what I want.

I'm going to freak out.
Please do something right now, Dad.

Please do something right now.

I can eat all the fricking brownies I want!

Come on, let's go.

I'm sorry and you're welcome.

We call it the "Hot Freshman 55."

Sharsky hacked Campus Housing and
stacked the dorm with pretty Betties.

Is... Is so nice...

Oh, my God. That's her. She's coming.
She sees me, she sees me.

She's tied for number one
on my to-do list.

Do not bird-dog my quail, you hear me?

Pretty girls! Hey, you.
My son lives in this dorm.

You should go make friends with him.
He's Sam.

Glad she ain't my mama!

And he recently had his cherry popped!

He didn't know I was in the house!
I heard it all!

- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Here he is!

He would get in my closet
and dress up as Boy Spice!

- Hey, and his car is a talking robot!
- No, like the GPS. OnStar!

- OnStar.
- Frisbee!

No, Dad! Dad, you just gonna
let her run around the school?

- Give it! Mine, mine, mine!
- Hey! Crazy!

- You want it?
- I want it.

Judy, Judy, just... Just put it down.

- You gotta control your mother.
- I don't know who this woman is.

Hey, Professor, I'd do anything for an A.

All right, Grace Slick. We got
some snacks in the car. Let's go.

- Did you get the booties? All right.
- Yes, Dad, I got the booties!

I'm upside down!

Black Lion X-Ray,
this is Black Lion Tango.

We have activation of motion sensors
on the western perimeter fence.

Breach at B-14.

Go, go, go, go!

The shard's gone.


Take it down!

- Which way?
- Shoot left!

Knock it down!

First frat party's the game changer.
Boys, we're hunting in the wild now.

So, get your game faces on.

I can't stay long.
I have a webcam date with my girlfriend.

- That's so cool!
- No, it's not.

While he's making out
with his MacBook,

I'm gonna be getting
my Spitzy freaky freak on.

- Let's roll.
- She's hot.

Bro, we're hunting!

- See you, darling.
- Bye, Dad.


This is our first live chat date.
I've never done it before.

I'm kind of nervous.

- Are you okay?
- No.

I was getting a napkin for my drink.

Thanks. Cheers.

- It's Sam, right?
- Yeah.

- I wanna dance.
- What, like... Like dancing?

Like a pairing? Like a duo?
Like a coupling?

'Cause I'm in a permanently semi...
I'm in a relationship, kind of...

- Relax. I just want to have some fun.
- Wanna have some fun?

Yeah, okay. Let's play some checkers.
You can sit over there and...

Oh, my...

So, how about tonight
you pretend I'm your girlfriend

and I pretend that you're my boyfriend?

Hey! Who drove
the freaking yellow Camaro?

There is a car on the lawn!

What are you doing?

Houston, we have a problem.

- What is it?
- Freshman!

- Yeah?
- Is that your car in our bushes?

No, there's a friend of mine,
he just went to get you a tighter shirt.

There isn't a tighter shirt! We checked.

Now how about
I park my foot in your ass?

- What size shoe do you wear?
- Yeah?

- Hold on.
- You wanna try?

- I'll back it up right now.
- Get him out of here.

You have a ride?
Bro, why are you holding out on us?

I've only known you 17 hours.

This is gonna really change our lives.
You have no idea.

- I love Camaros.
- I can't do this right now, okay?

- Don't be a wimp.
- Oh, God!

- My first car was my dad's '92 Z28.
- Yeah?

The roar of the engine, it just tickles me.

We shouldn't stare...

I mean, share stories
with each other at all.

Come on, Sam. Just one ride.

Your cheatin' heart

Don't. Don't!

She's a super freak, super freak
She's super freaky

- Is your radio broken?
- No, my concentration is.

We're not cheating.

Not yet.

Is something wrong here?

God! You okay?

She's mighty, mighty

I really don't know what to tell you.
This car has a lot of problems. A lot...

Oh, God! It's in my mouth!

Are you okay? I got Wetnaps.

I got Wetnaps for your face! Hold on!

I... I'm so sorry!

What are you doing?

You won't give me a day, huh?

- You won't give me one day in college?
- I'm sorry, Sam,

but the last fragment of the AllSpark
was stolen.

Like what? Like Decepticons stole it?

We placed it under human protection
at your government's request,

but I'm here for your help, Sam,

because your leaders believe we
brought vengeance upon your planet.

Perhaps they are right.

That is why they must be reminded by
another human of the trust we share.

- This isn't my war.
- Not yet,

but I fear it soon will be.

Your world must not share
the same fate as Cybertron.

Whole generations lost.

I know, and I want to help you, I do,

but I am not some alien ambassador,
you know?

I'm a normal kid with normal problems.

I am where I'm supposed to be.

I'm sorry. I...

I really am.

Sam, fate rarely calls upon us
at a moment of our choosing.

You're Optimus Prime.
You don't need me.

We do, more than you know.

Conn, Sonar. Gained new contact,
bearing 214, and possible hostile,

confirmed for
Project Deep Six Drop Point.

- What do you got?
- SU pulled five contacts at 5,000 feet,

diving fast.

Never seen anything
dive that deep that fast.

- Man battle stations.
- Chief of the watch, man battle stations!

Helm, left full rudder,
all ahead two-thirds.

- Left full rudder, two-thirds.
- Dive, go deep.

The nets protecting NBE One
are screaming, sir.

That is 9,300 fathoms down.
And no confirmed DSRVs on site?

- None, sir.
- Then, people, we've got a problem!

Need parts! Kill the little one!

The shard make Energon!

Conn, Sonar. Now hold six contacts,
and they're coming up fast!

- Sound collision alarm.
- Left hard rudder.

Five hundred feet.

Angel Six,
we got six hostiles coming up.

- Collision imminent port side.
- One hundred feet.

Brace for impact.

Starscream, I'm home.

Lord Megatron, I was so relieved
to hear of your resurrection.

You left me to die
on that pathetic insect planet.

Only to help spawn our new army.
The Fallen decrees it!

After all, in your absence,
someone had to take command.

- So disappointing.
- Hatchlings! Hatchlings! Careful, fragile!

Even in death,
there is no command but mine.

My master, I failed you on Earth.

The AllSpark is destroyed
and without it, our race will perish.

You have much to learn, my disciple.
The Cube was merely a vessel.

Its power, its knowledge,
can never be destroyed.

- It can only transform.
- How is that possible?

It has been absorbed
by the human child.

The key to saving our race
now lies within his mind.

Well, then, let me strip
the very flesh from his body!

And you will, my apprentice, in time.

For millennia, I have dreamed
of my return to that wretched planet

where I, too, was once betrayed
by the Primes I called my brothers.

Only a Prime can defeat me,
and now, only one remains.

Optimus! He protects the boy.

Then the boy will lead us to him

- and revenge will be ours.
- Yes.

The boy will not escape us.
We have him in our sights.

Without more Energon,
the hatchlings will keep dying.

Space. Time. Gravity.

- Thank you.
- Finish that for me.

We're going on a journey together,
you and I, today.

All you eager, nubile, young minds
on the very cusp of adulthood.

And I shall be your consort, your guide,

your chaperone,
into the heart of darkness.

Welcome to Astronomy 101.

For what do we know about the stars?

Virgo, the virgin.

Orion, the great hunter.

These are no mere twinkling diamonds
for lovely maidens to wish upon.

No, they are dynamos

filled with a throbbing,
savage and pent-up energy!

Behold the work of Albert Einstein,
a professor once, like moi.

- Energy equals mass...
- What you doing?

Put your hand down.
Put your hand down.

Young man, there are no questions

until I've reached
the climax of my lecture.

I just finished your book and there's
only one problem. Einstein's wrong.

Energy does equal
mass times the velocity

of light squared in this dimension,

but what about the other 17? We haven't
even talked about the other 17.

Clear example.

Break down the elemental components
of Energon,

assume a constant decay rate
and extrapolate for each of the...

Fourteen galactic convergences it took

the Sentinel Prime expedition
to receive an... Echo on its signal,

you wind up with a formula
for inter-dimensional energy increase

that mass and light alone
can't possibly explain.

Come on, guys, I can't be
the only one in the class who...

Young man, I will not be
punk'd in front of the dean.

No, this is my universe here.

Do you understand?
I am the alpha and the omega.

- Get out of my class!
- Yes, sir.

Anyone else care to have
some sort of mental breakdown?

Hi, Bones! Hi. Hi.
You're such a good boy.

What a good boy, you are.

Hey, Bones. Are you hungry?

Come on, check that out.

There you go.

- Yes, Samuel?
- Hello? Mikaela?

I can't believe you're gonna stand me up
on our first web chat date.

- Something just happened to me, okay?
- What, you finally hit puberty?

No, no, no. Stop laughing.
This is serious. Okay.

Remember I was telling you
about my great-great-grandfather,

Archibald Witwicky? Remember?

Watch it, watch it, watch... No!
Okay, remember how I was telling you...

Okay. Can you stop?
Watch the foot! Watch your foot!

Mikaela, okay,

my great-great-grandfather
went on this Arctic mission, right?

And he saw Megatron.
Megatron zapped him,

and he started seeing
these crazy symbols. Okay.

Well, now I'm seeing them, too.
Excuse me.

I just read a 903-page astronomy book
in 32.6 seconds.

I had a meltdown
in the middle of my class.

I am seeing symbols ever since I...

- Since what?
- Ever since I touched the Cube splinter.

- Do you have it?
- Yeah, I have it.

- It's in the shop safe. It's fine.
- Mikaela, do not touch it, okay?

- Don't touch it.
- I'm not gonna touch it.

Sam, it's fine. It's locked away.

- No one knows where it is.
- I do!

You're hot, but you ain't too bright.

There we go. Yeah, that'll work.

Damn it! Son of a bitch!

What are you looking at, slobber puss?

What the... This place is
a freaking house of horrors!

Pain... It hurts...

Hold on.

Right to five, then...

Is that the best you got, huh?
Is that the best you can do?

What are you doing here,
you little freak?

That's my eye, you crazy bitch!

- You gonna talk now?
- I seek knowledge from the Cube.

- The Fallen demands me!
- What knowledge?

You got the shard, I need the shard.
Give me the shard. I need the shard.

They're gonna whack me!
I'm gonna be dead without that shard!

Easy, warrior goddess,
I'm just a little salvage-scrap drone!

- And I'm your worst nightmare.
- Hey, hey, hey!

- What the hell was that?
- I'll tell you later,

just not on an open phone line, okay?

I'm gonna get on a plane right now

and I'll be there later this afternoon.
Just be careful, Sam.

And have any strangers given you
anything suspicious to carry on today?

Yeah, a live bomb!

- No.
- Good.

Major, incoming SOS from Autobots!

Multiple Decepticon contacts in motion.
Vicinity, eastern United States, sir!

- As in how many?
- Unclear, sir.

Well, get clear.

The Autobots are on the move,
splitting into two teams, sir.

They're not answering our calls

and they're heading to
New York and Philadelphia.

All right, full weapons deployment.
Wheels up in 20 minutes!

Move it!

Let's go!

Flight 57, welcome to Philadelphia.

Alicia, mi amor, can I interest you
in an 18-inch Zookeeper's special?

Extra-large, triple cheese,
with every known animal as a topping.

Basically, I've got,
like, 18 inches of meat.

Unless you're vegetarian.
All right. It's cool. I am, too.

- Sam home?
- Sam? I think he died,

but why don't we check?

- Here we are.
- Hey!

You ever have a song stuck
in your head? It's like

the worst song ever,
but you can't help to whistle it or sing it

'cause it, like, repeats itself, repeats
itself, repeats itself, repeats itself?

Kitten calendar,
kitten calendar, kitten calendar,

- kitten calendar...
- Dude, what the eff?

I know you're freaking out.
Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

Easy fix. Puzzle code in my head.

Now it's on the walls.
Everything is good.

This is the part that...

Okay, what were you saying?

Alice, I'm horrified you had to see this.
Let's go.

Get out.

Wait, wait, wait!
Can I just sit and watch?

I'll... I'll eat my pizza quietly.

Sam, I knew there was
something special about you.


And I know you know what happens

when two people in the know
get together.

They're genuinely amazing in bed.

Thank you.

All right, listen, hold on! Boundaries.

- Flag on the play. Okay. I'm very ticklish.
- We have needs, Sam. Relax.


What about this economy?
It's crazy, isn't it?

- You are very aggressive.
- Just relax.

You want some turkey meatloaf?


- Mikaela!
- Is that your girlfriend?


Mikaela! Wait!

I can explain...

Sam, your bed buddy, Alice...

All right, come on.

- She's coming!
- She's an alien robot! You gotta move.

- Is this real?
- Just run!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I can't believe
I almost had sex with her in my dream!

I can tell
that you really missed me a lot, Sam!

- Look, it's not my fault, okay?
- It's not your fault?

Listen! Listen, I'm a victim!

- You were a victim? Of what?
- Yeah.

- Of what, a little 80-pound girl?
- Of... Of molestation.

It was like getting humped
in the neck by a mountain ox!

You didn't have to put your tongue
in her mouth!

- I didn't! Look!
- You did!

You ever had your stomach tongued by
a mountain ox with a five-foot tongue?

It's not fun for me, okay, Mikaela?
And it smelled like... Like diesel!

- Like a diesel-y tinge to it!
- You're such a little girl!

We're gonna have
10 seconds of silence right now.

I'm not talking to you for 10 seconds.

You can't give me the silent treatment!
You know what?

I'm not talking to you for 10 seconds.
You have three seconds left.

You know what?
You can give me the silent treatment

all you want,
but you can't keep me from talking.

- What were you gonna say?
- I hope you had a lot of fun,

because this, this is over.

She violated your orifice
with her nasty alien probe?

She did it? She went in there?
All her little embryo alien babies

are gestating and hatching inside of you.
They're growing right now, probably!

You need to vomit it right now.
Yak it! Yak it right now!

Who are you?

I'm Leonardo Ponce De Leon Spitz.
Okay? I'm the key to this.

The aliens,
they want me 'cause of my site.

Whoa, guys, right there!



Come on! We gotta move!

It's a bomb!

You've got to get that box!

- This way.
- What? Hey! Let me out, let me out!

Oh, my God, you know how to
hot-wire a car? That's so hot!

Drive, drive, drive!
She's right there! She's right there!

Come on, come on, come on.

Go! Go! Go! Back up the car!



Oh, my God!

Kiss this, bitch!

Drive, drive, drive.

Okay, so what else
don't I know, all right?

Since you guys forgot to mention
some minor details.

That thing you saw back there,
that was the little baby...

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Sam!


- Sam!
- Hold on!

- Pull me up!
- Hold on!

Sam, get back in!

I don't want to die!
We're gonna die! Oh, my God!

Jesus! Jesus!

Come here, boy.


- Oh, my God.
- Okay.

You remember me, don't you?

I did what you said, okay?
Just don't hurt us.

Shut up!


Yeah! Yes, yes.

It feels good to grab your flesh!

I am going to kill you slowly, painfully,

but first, we have
some delicate work to do.

How I could snap your limbs off!

Doctor, examine this alien specimen.

I'll scan you.
Let's take a look at your face.

I'm the doctor. The odd job. Information!


Beseeching my shard!

Easy or tough way?

- There they are.
- That's what I'm seeing in my head.

These symbols can lead us
to the Energon source.

We must have the brain on the table!

- Chop, chop!
- Brain?

What does he mean by my brain?

Well, you have something on your mind,
something I need.

Hold on. I know you're pissed.
I know you're pissed

because I tried to kill you
and it's completely understandable.

If somebody tried to kill me,
I'd be upset, too.

I think that we have an opportunity here

to start anew
and develop our relationship

and see where it leads us, okay?

So, you just call Doctor Inspector off
and let's just talk for five seconds!

Wait, wait, wait!

- Come on! Go, go!
- Sam!

Go, go, go!



Go, go, go, go!

Here he comes!

Hide, Sam!


Puny! Waste of metal!

Junkyard crap!


Come here, boy.

There is another source of
Energon hidden on this planet.

The boy could lead us to it.


Is the future of our race not worth
a single human life?

- Up! Get up!
- You'll never stop at one!

I'll take you all on!

Piece of tin!

Sam! Where are you?


You're so weak!

The last Prime is dead!

Sam, run. Run.

Autobots, attack!

Bumblebee, get them out of here!

This is Lennox.

- That went well.
- We've lost the boy, Master.

The Autobots
must be shielding their signals.

I can't even rely on you
to swat a simple insect?

- One insect among seven billion!
- Shut up!

He could be anywhere.

Then we will force them
to find him for us!

It's time for the world
to know of our presence.

No more disguises. No mercy!

The time has come
for my master's arrival.

Decepticons, mobilize. It is time.

Speaking French is so exciting!

Oh, God, who is this?

Hello? I mean, bonsoir!

- What? Who is this?
- Where is the boy?

For Pete's sakes. I'm not impressed
with your perverted mouth-breathing.


You are invading my space.
I'm gonna have to drop you.

Would you get out of here?

I didn't come all the way across
the ocean to eat a plate of snails.

I want to try new things.

Looks like Canadian goose poop.

It's nasty.

Revenge is mine.


...definitely not a plane...

Look, carriers don't just sink.

...a horrible accident or a terrorist
attack or worse...

Negative. NORAD confirmed,

projectile came from beyond our
atmosphere, inbound at 30,000 knots.

Citizens of the human hive,

your leaders have withheld the truth.

You are not alone in this universe.

We have lived among you, hidden,

but no more.

As you've seen,
we can destroy your cities at will,

unless you turn over this boy.

If you resist us, we will destroy
the world as you know it.

What we're hearing
from the German government

is that the world broadcast
was a satellite hacking.

The military has just told us they have
assumed Condition Delta,

which is the highest level
we have been at since 9/11.

President Obama
is being flown to a bunker

somewhere in the middle
of the United States

in the face of the worst simultaneous
attacks ever around the globe.

The aircraft carrier USS Roosevelt goes
down off the East Coast, all hands lost.

Worldwide casualties
are in the neighborhood of 7,000,

but that number could climb.

It's still too early to tell.

What we need to ask now is,
"Who and why?"

The FBI is still trying to locate
the boy, Sam Witwicky.

We believe they have information
about the attacks.

The FBI, CIA and Interpol

are all seeking the cooperation
of worldwide law enforcement.

You need to listen to this, man.
You gotta check this out.

- They have a traffic-camera spotting...
- They have a picture of me, man.

We're dead, bro.
FBI, CIA, we are wanted fugitives now!

I just need you to focus

- for one minute, man.
- Just stop.

This thing has blown up
to a whole other level, all right?

You know what? Give me this thing.
They can track us.

- Do you see this?
- What?

They can track us?
Like, satellite track us?

Okay, I'm not even with you guys!

Technically, I'm like a hostage.
This is kidnapping...

- Enough is...
- Yo, Leo!

This thing's gonna
give me a heart attack, I swear.

- That's 'cause you is a wuss.
- You guys forced me into that car, right?

I think he's scared.

Hey, Mudflap, what are we gonna do
with this shrimp taco?

Let's pop a cap in his ass,
throw him in the trunk

and then nobody gonna know nothing,
know what I mean?

- Not in my trunk.
- Yo, bumper cars? I'm hearing you.

Okay? I'm right here and I can hear you!

No one's popping any caps
in any asses, okay?

I've had a hell of a day!

Why don't you get a haircut
with your bitch ass?

Go whine to your boyfriend!

Listen, Sam, I know what I'm gonna do,
man. Look, I'm just going to go

to the authorities and tell them the truth.

Like, I had nothing to do with this.

- So, I'm not an accomplice.
- Hey, you wanted this, right?

You wanted the real deal?
Well, that's what this is.

Wake up! You're in the middle of it!

You want to run? Go ahead!
No one's stopping you.

Stop complaining.

What is the meaning of this?

You dare point a gun at me?

You want a piece of me?
I will tear you apart!

Drop your weapons! Drop your weapons!

- Tell them to lower their weapons!
- Tell them first.

Tell them to lower their weapons.

Major, there's nothing I can do.
Talk to him.

Your NEST team is deactivated, Major.

You are to cease
anti-Decepticon operations

and return to Diego Garcia
pending further orders.

No, we take our orders directly
from Chairman Morshower, sir.

Well, I'll see your Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

and I will raise you
a President of the United States.

I have operational command now.

An alien blood feud
has been brought to our shores

for which our soldiers
are paying the price.

The secret is out!

This is our war now and we will win it
as we always have,

with a coordinated military strategy.

This fool is terribly misinformed.

You're gonna need every asset
that you've got.

What we need is to draw up battle plans

while we explore
every possible diplomatic solution.

Like what, handing over the kid?

All options are being considered.

Whatever the Decepticons are after,
this is just the start.

- There is no negotiating with them.
- I'm ordering you to stand down.

You won't be needing this anymore.
Get your assets back to base!

And take that pile of scrap metal back
to Diego Garcia.

Let's go!

I really don't like that dude.
He's an asshole.

Autobots, report to hangar for transport.

- Ironhide, we should leave this planet.
- That's not what Optimus would want.

There's nothing
that you could have done.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Bee, if you hate me, I understand.

I messed up. I'm sorry.

Young fella, you are the person
I care about most in my life.

If there's anything you need,
I won't be far away.

He's dead because of me. He came
here to protect me and he's dead.

There's some things
you just can't change.

So, his sacrifice for us would
not have been in vain. Hallelujah!

I'm gonna make it right.
I'm going to turn myself in.

We... We've got to stick together.

- You're not going to do that.
- Yes, I am.

Everything we worked for
will be wiped out in one day!

- You two...
- Huh?

Hey, you know the glyphs?

These? The symbols that have been
rattling around in my head?

That's old school, yo.
That's, like... That's Cybertronian.

That's some serious stuff, right there.

They gotta mean something,
like a message or like a map.

Like a map to an Energon source!

- Can you read this?
- Read?

No. We don't really do much reading.
Not so much.

If you can't read it,
we gotta find somebody who can.

Look who came sashaying back!

Hair growing like a Chia Pet.
Look at him.

I had a bit
of a mild panic attack earlier, right?

That's 'cause you're a pussy.

I think I'm allowed that,
considering what I've been through.

I heard you have a problem.

- I think I know someone who can help.
- Who?


This guy, Robo-Warrior,

everything about anything alien,
he's supposed to know.

One time we revenge-hacked his site

and maybe I saw some
of your alien drawings or whatever.

This is it. Yep.

Deli. Good front!

All right, wait here.
I'll give you the go/no go. All right?

Number 42, we got your kishka, knish,

and kreplach combo right here.

Cash only. Who's next?

I told you to cure the lox in the brine
and then smoke it.

Ma, you want me
to cut my hand off, or what?

You... You ruined
a beautiful piece of fish, you retard!

I'm like a ninja with a blade.
It's an art form.

Give me your money. Get out of here!

Hey, Sal! Watch your reach, huh?
Take a number, young man.


- Know him?
- I never heard of him.

You never heard of
TheRealEffingDeal. com?

You must be talking about that
amateur-hour blog operation

- with Game Boy-level security.
- Robo-Warrior.

It's him! It's him!
That's the guy right there! That's him!


- You got to be kidding me.
- All right, meat store's closed!

- Everybody out! Out, right now!
- When he says to go,

- you go.
- That means you, lady, right now.

- Wait a minute. You know this guy?
- We're old friends.

Old friends? You're the case
that shut down Sector Seven,

got the kibosh, disbanded.

No more security clearance,
no retirement, no nothing.

All 'cause of you
and your little criminal girlfriend.

- Look at her now, so mature.
- Moron! Where's the whitefish?

Hey! Don't touch me with the pig.

- Yakov!
- What?

You don't get
Christmas bonuses standing around!

You want those new teeth
you saw on SkyMall?

- It's my dream.
- Help her out.

You live with your mama?

No, my mama lives with me.
It's a big difference.

They got your face all over the news,
alien boy.

- Yeah, I know.
- And NBE One's still kicking, huh?

How did that happen? Don't answer.

I don't know what you're hiding,
but I don't want anything to do with it.

So, good-bye. You never saw me.
I got bagels to schmear. Vanish.

Can you give me five seconds?
Look, hold on, I need your help.

Really? You need my help?

I need...
Look, I am slowly losing my mind.

Okay, I had a little crab-bot,

plunged a device deep into
the soft tissues of my brain

and started projecting little alien
symbols like a freaking home movie!

And on top of that, I'm a wanted fugitive.
So, you think you got it rough?

You said it projected images
off your brain?

- Right.
- Meat locker, now!

Dead pigs.

What you're about to see is top secret.

Do not tell my mother.

- Swine flu. Not good.
- Now you know.

Next time you eat a goat or a pig,
there's a story behind it.

Sad little story.

An entire city flat.
How do you explain that?

Are you saying you believe
in aliens now?

Okay, files, files.
We're talking about symbols.

Hey, still radioactive. Hands off.

Okay, Cube-brain.

Any of these look
like the symbols you saw?

Where'd you get these?

Before I got fired,
I poached S-7's crown jewel,

over 75 years of alien research,
which points to one inescapable fact.

The Transformers,
they've been here a long, long time.

How do I know?

Archeologists found
these unexplained markings

in ancient ruins all over the world.

China. Egypt. Greece.

Shot in 1932.

These the symbols
you're seeing in your head?

- Yeah.
- Same ones over here, right?

So, tell me, how did they end up
all drawing the same things?

Aliens. And I think some of them stayed.

Check this out. Project Black Knife.

Robots in disguise,
hiding here all along.

We detected radioactive signatures
all across the country.

I pleaded on my knees with S-to investigate it,

but they said the readings
were infinitesimal,

that I was obsessed.

Me. Can you imagine that?

Yeah. Megatron said that there
was another Energon source here.

- On Earth. Another source?
- On Earth.

Okay? And that these symbols,
maps in my head, would lead him there.

You talk to your Autobot friends
about this?

No, no, no, the source is before them.

Whatever the Energon source is,
it predates them.

It's before them.

- So, it comes before them.
- Correct.

Well, then we're porked,
unless we can talk to a Decepticon.

I mean,
I'm not on speaking terms with them.

Actually, I am.

Let me out!

- This is going to be a little bit sad.
- Open it.

I will have so many Decepticons
on your butt!

Hey, behave!

- What is it, a Decepticon?
- Yeah.

- And you're training him?
- I'm trying to.

I spent my whole adult life combing
the planet for aliens,

and you're carrying around one
in your purse like a little Chihuahua.

Do you want a throwdown,
you pubic 'fro-head?

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry about your eye, you know,

but, if you're a good boy,
then I'm not gonna torch your other eye.

Okay? I'm not gonna torch it.

Just tell me
what these symbols are, please.

All right.

I know that.
That's the language of the Primes.

I don't read it, but these guys...

Where the frick did you find photos
of these guys?

- Is this they?
- Yeah. Seekers, pal. Oldest of the old.

They've been here thousands of years,
looking for something. I don't know what.

Nobody tells me nothing, but they'll
translate those symbols for you.

- And I know where to find them.
- Show us.


The closest one's in Washington.

Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.
Land of dreams in there.

All I ever wanted to be was an astronaut.

- Hold those.
- What is that?

What? I wear them when I'm in a funk.

So does Giambi, Jeter.
It's a baseball thing. Okay.

Watches synchronized,
sharp mind and empty bladder.

You get caught, demand an attorney
and don't ever say my name.

Okay, take one of these pills.
Slip it under your tongue.

It's the high-concentrate polymer
they put in Oreo cookies.

Tricks the polygraph every time.

Okay. Now, let's get this show
on the road.

No, listen, I can't do this.

I'm not some alien bounty hunter, guys.
I'm not gonna do this.

- Guards have guns. I don't want to die.
- Kid, kid, kid.

You compromise this mission,
you are dead to me.

Now look into my eyes
and tighten up that sphincter.

The museum is now closing.

Yo, baba! Bad news, bro!
Ran out of toilet paper!

You got any out here?
Please tell me you do.

Sir! I suggest you get in there.
The museum is closed!

Listen, man, I understand that,
but as you can see, this is important.

All right? Thumper dumper.
I got to go. All right.

Sir, you are a grown,
naked man around children.

- Pull your pants up and exit the building.
- I'm not going anywhere.

- You got that paper, right, sir?
- You should be embarrassed.

This is a family museum, sir.

What is going on here?

How many times can you get tased
in the nuts before you can't have kids?

You are an amateur, man,
a rank amateur.

We just downed five guards.
Five guards.

- Get your stuff and get out of here.
- Give me a second here.

I got to get the tracker, all right.

- Be good.
- I'm claustrophobic.

Look, look. Follow him. Follow him.
He knows where he's going.

- He knows something.
- What?

He knows something.

You got what I got?

- Yeah.
- Blackbird.

There he is.

This guy's a legend,
like the Chairman of the Board!

Yo, freshman, point the shard
and watch the magic happen.

Shit. It's a Decepticon!

- Decepticon?
- Decepticon?

Behind the MiG now!

What sort of hideous
mausoleum is this?

Answer me, pawns and knaves!

Show yourselves
or suffer my infinite wrath!

You little spinal-cord-based organisms!

Bugger it!

Behold the eternal glory of Jetfire!

Prepare for remote systems override!

- I tell you, this guy did not age well.
- I don't think he's gonna hurt us.

I command these doors to open.

Fire! I said, fire!


- Damn these worthless parts.
- Wait a second!

ltchy, wretched rust in my arse!

The museum is going to be very angry.
Very angry.

We gotta catch that plane.

- Right. I'm on a mission.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!

- What do you want?
- Look, we just want to talk!

I have no time to talk. I'm on a mission.

I'm a mercenary doom-bringer.
What planet am I on?

- Earth.
- Earth?

Terrible name for a planet.
Might as well call it "Dirt." Planet "Dirt."

Tell me,
is that robot civil war still going on?

- Who's winning?
- The Decepticons.

- Well, I changed sides to the Autobots.
- What do you mean, changed sides?

It's a choice.
It's an intensely personal decision.

So much negativity.
Who wants to live a life filled with hate?

You mean you don't have to work

for those miserable,
freaking Decepticons?

If Decepticons had their way,
they'd destroy the whole universe.

I'm changing sides. I'm changing sides,
too, warrior goddess.

- Who's your little Autobot?
- You're cute.

Name's Wheelie. Yeah.
Say my name, say my name.

What are you allowing
to happen to your foot just now?

At least he's faithful, Sam.

Yeah, well, he's faithful and he's nude
and he's perverted.

Can you just... Can you stop?

- Hey, what are you doing?
- It's just something

to think about. I won't argue with...
What were you saying?

I told you my name was Jetfire,
so stop judging me.

- Somebody shit the bed this morning.
- I have issues of my own.

And it started with my mother!

My ancestors
have been here for centuries.

My father, he was a wheel,
the first wheel.

- Do you know what he transformed into?
- No.


But he did so with honor,
dignity, damn it!


My boosters are fried.

I think we can help each other.

You know things I don't know.
I know things you don't know, I do.

I don't think he knows anything.
Honestly, I don't.

I could do this all day.
It comes in waves, these vivid symbols.

They're symbols, but they're in my mind.
You see, all this is in my mind

and Megatron wants what's in my mind.

- Him and someone called the Fallen.
- The Fallen? I know him.

He left me here to rust.
The original Decepticon.

He's terrible to work for.
It's always apocalypse, chaos, crisis.

These transcriptions,
they were part of my mission,

the Fallen's search.

I remember now,
for the Dagger's Tip, and the key.

Slow down. The Dagger's Tip? The key?
What are you talking about?

No time to explain. Hold on, everybody!
Stay still or you'll die!

Well, that wasn't so bad.

I just hope we're still on the right planet.

Hey, that freaking hurt!

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God, what a beautiful face.

This would be a perfect moment,
except you landed on my testicles.

Please, get off.

God, my balls.


- Where are we? Simmons!
- Hey! Yeah!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What is this? It's Vegas.

- You guys okay?
- Yeah.

Hey, I think we're in Vegas!

That really, really hurt.
You're just lucky that I didn't get hurt!

People could have gotten killed, okay?
And if I would have gotten hurt,

- you would have heard...
- Shut up.

I told you I was opening a space bridge.
It's the fastest way to travel to Egypt.

When did you... When did you tell us?
You didn't tell us anything.

You didn't tell us anything.
Why are we in Egypt?

Don't you get snippy with me, fleshling!
You were duly informed!

Can you just stop for a second?
Can you focus?

Can you tell us why we're in Egypt

so we can all have a little bit of
semblance of peace of mind?

This planet was visited
by our race once before,

by our earliest ancestors, millennia ago.

They were on an exploratory mission
to harvest Energon,

the lifeblood of our race.

Without it, we'll all perish, oxidize
and rust, like my wretched self!

Do you have any idea what it's like
to slowly fall apart and die?

Let's not get episodic, okay, old-timer?

Beginning, middle, end.
Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.

Somewhere buried in this desert,
our ancestors built a great machine.

It harvests Energon by destroying suns.

- Destroy suns?
- You mean blow them up?

Yes. You see, in the beginning,

there were seven Primes,
our original leaders.

And they set out into the universe,
seeking distant suns to harvest.

The Primes set out with one rule,
never destroy a planet with life,

until one of them tried to defy this rule.

And his name forevermore
was the Fallen.

He despised the human race

and he wanted to kill you all
by turning on that machine.

The only way to activate it
is with a legendary key

called the Matrix of Leadership.

A great battle took place over
possession of the Matrix.

The Fallen was stronger than
his brothers,

so they had no choice
but to steal and hide it from him.

In the ultimate sacrifice, they gave
their lives to seal the Matrix away

in a tomb made of
their very own bodies,

a tomb we cannot find.

Somewhere, buried in this desert,
that deadly machine remains.

The Fallen knows where it is

and if he finds the tomb of the Primes,
your world will be no more.

Okay, so how do we stop him?

Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen.

Optimus Prime?

So, you've met a Prime?

Why, you must have met
a great descendant.

Is he alive, here on this planet?

He sacrificed himself to save me.

So, he's dead.

Without a Prime, it's impossible.
No one else could stop the Fallen.

So, the same energy that's gonna be
used to reactivate the machine,

could that energy somehow be used
to reactivate Optimus

and bring him back to life?

It was never designed for that purpose,
but it's an energy like no other.

So, then how do you get us to the Matrix
before the Decepticons get to me?

Follow your mind, your map,
your symbols.

What you carved in the sand,
it's your clue.

When dawn alights the Dagger's Tip,
Three Kings will reveal the doorway!

Find the doorway!

Go now! Go!

That was my mission.
It's your mission now.

Go before the Decepticons find me
and find you.

Okay, here's what my CIA contact says.

Ancient Sumerians used to call
the Gulf of Aqaba the "Dagger's Tip."

- That's the Dagger's Tip.
- It's part of the Red Sea.

It divides Egypt and Jordan
like the tip of a blade.

29.5 degrees north, 35 east. Here it is.

First thing we've got to do
is get Optimus to the Dagger's Tip.

How are you gonna get him
halfway around the world?

I'm gonna make a call.

We got cops!

I can't go to prison, guys.

Sam, we got to get off this road
and lay low.

Man, stupid cops!

This is what's called
blending in like a ninja.

- Shut up or I'll blend my fist in your face.
- They're gone.

Okay, we're running out of time.
I gotta make the call to Lennox...

You're on the Worldwide Wanted List.

Try calling one base,
they'll track you here in seconds.

- CIA is all over this place!
- You're gonna call.

- Okay. That's a good idea.
- All right.

I mean, I just had my mind
on other things,

like winding up in an Egyptian prison.

NEST departure, 2100 hours.

So, we're shipping him back to base.
This is such a mistake.

Major Lennox, phone call.

Lennox, I'm with the kid. The kid. You
know, the one with the attitude, right?

We need the truck. The truck.

We got a possible resurrection
going on over here.

You're not gonna believe where we are.
Code Tut, as in King Tutankhamen.

Back of a $1 bill.

Coordinates for airdrop, 29.5 north,
34.88 east. Write it down. Write it.

Oh, my God. I got to go. Okay.
Heat comes.

Wait, who are you?

Wait. It's me. Leo. Me. Leo. Leo. Leo.

Cops are coming right now.
We need to go!

Move, move, move, move.

Coordinates, 29.5 north, 34.88 east.

Tip of the Red Sea.
Gulf of Aqaba.

Egypt? Are you serious?


Even if we could figure out a way
to get big man over there,

how is this little kid supposed
to bring him back to life?

Look, I don't know,
but we got to trust him.

Okay, let's go over it again.

When the dawn alights
the Dagger's Tip,

- the Three Kings...
- Will reveal the doorway.

That's what he said.
You know what it means?

- No, what does it mean?
- I have no idea.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Checkpoint. Checkpoint.

I don't have my passport.


They got cameras at the top.

All right, chill. This is espionage now.
I can handle it.

These are my people.
I'm one-thirty-sixth Arab.

Great, a fricking Munchkin.

Little people are mean.
Tell him he's tall.

The Dagger's Tip? Right?

Egypt, Jordan. We want to go there.

Me and my family. This is my family.
This is my son,

my other son, my daughter.
We're tourists, from New York.

- New York?
- Yes. Yes.

Fifty kilometers.

You look like the guy that runs
my falafel stand. Thank you very much.

- I know. I know you from somewhere.
- Go, Yankees!

Put it on the wire to the CIA.

Decepticons, boy's location detected.

Undercover, yo. You got to blend in
with your surroundings.

You know, you got to be part
of the landscape.

Awesome! I think aliens built that.

Yeah, yeah.

Come on. Move it! Move it!

Guard us. Low profile.
Don't make a scene, okay?

Yeah, some of us got work to do!
Dumb Autobots.

Being my girlfriend is hazardous
to your health.

Yeah, well, girls like dangerous boys.

- Do they?
- Yeah.

You might as well just say it.

Ladies first.

Okay, so tonight you're going to be
a gentleman.

- You're really chivalrous.
- Why are you mad at me?

You know what?
Baby, I'm not... I'm not mad.

Do you realize that I just flew 3,miles to keep you from getting killed?

I know.

Who else could be your girlfriend, Sam?

Look at the things I go through with you.

And now we're underneath the moon
and the stars

and the three most beautiful pyramids
on the planet

and you still can't even tell me that
you love me.


What? Why do boys always

- change the subject?
- Pyramids and stars.

- Sam?
- Come with me really quick.

Simmons! Leo! Wake up!

Listen, astronomy class, page 47.
Remember the class?

No. I was only in college for two days.
Remember that?

- Here. Get up. Up, up.
- What is he talking about?

Okay, you see those three stars?

You see
how the last one touches the horizon?

That's Orion's belt,
but it's also called the Three Kings.

And the reason for that
is the three Egyptian kings

who built the pyramids of Giza
built them to mirror those stars,

so it's like an arrow staring us
straight in the face.

They all point due east, towards Jordan.
The mountains of Petra.

We've had an engine malfunction.

We're gonna have to divert

Flight master, let's lighten the load
and prepare for bailout.

Bailout? Bailout? Bailout? Bailout?

- All right, team, grab your chutes!
- Bailout like bailout?

- You familiar with the standard MC-4?
- Of course not!

I've never jumped out of
a perfectly good airplane before!

Wait a minute, is this really happening?

- Yeah.
- All right, here we go.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You're behind this, aren't you?

What are you talking about?
You heard the pilot.

These guys don't mess around.
This is just standard procedure.

I'm just following orders to the letter.
Isn't that what you said?

You just signed a death warrant
on your career, Major.

What was that? What was that?

That's not good. Come on.

- Right this way!
- I can't jump out of an airplane!

- I have an ulcer! No, no.
- Come on. It's okay.

I really can't do this.
What are you doing...

Come here! Come here.

- Why aren't you wearing your chute?
- Because I have to secure the VIPs first.

Okay, I want you to listen very carefully
and memorize everything that I say.

Each chute has a GPS tracker so you
can be found by Search and Rescue.

Right next to that's a fabric webbing
called a bridle,

which holds the pin
that keeps the main container closed.

- Okay, are you listening?
- I can't hear what...

- Stop that!
- All right. All right.

All right,
when the pilot chute inflates into the air,

it pulls the pin
and opens the main.

Red's your backup, blue's your primary.

I want you to pull the blue.
I need you to pull it really hard!

Not now, we're on the plane,
you dumb-ass!

- He say good-bye?
- No, he didn't even say good-bye.

General, we're loaded and ready.

You give us the go, and we'll be ready
to press in five minutes.

- Excellent.
- Sir, you need to see this now.

- Have we checked these coordinates?
- Egypt, sir.

- They're airdropping in.
- You've got to be kidding me.

He knows something.

We need to be ready to back him up
if this thing goes hot.

Copy that.

CIA just got a hit on the boy,

100 miles from the location
on that little note there.

It's getting hotter.

It's gotta be around here somewhere.

You see the size of this?

- You see this?
- Spectacular.

Amazing. Look at that.

- It's here somewhere, guys.
- Yeah, why?

'Cause we're trusting Grandpa Blackbird

who doesn't even know
what planet he's on?

In his defense, this is the biggest
doorway I've ever seen in my entire life.

Okay. Well, that's great.
Let me do a quick search, all right?

Nope. Ever cross your mind, guys,

that archeologists
have been here before?

There's nothing here.

Real life is heartbreak, despair, kid.

Sometimes you get to
the end of the rainbow

and the leprechauns went
and booby-trapped it!

I'm listening to you?
You live with your mother!

- It's not over.
- It is over. It's done.

Why are we still listening to you,
little punk-ass?

I mean, what you ever done for us
except ding my rim?

Killed Megatron. How about that?

Well, he didn't get the job done,

you know what I mean,
'cause he's back now...

- Are you scared?
- Scared? Scared of your ugly face!

I'm ugly?
Well, we're twins, you stupid genius!

Bring it, then! Get off me!

- I'll change your face around!
- I'll get all up in that ass!

Bring it!


- You like the way that feels?
- That didn't hurt.

You like that, don't you?

- Come on, Bumblebee!
- Bumblebee, listen.

Now, that's rude.

Oh, my God. The symbols.

Bee! Shoot it.

- Check this out.
- Look at it.


These are the bodies
Jetfire was talking about.

The tomb of the Primes.



The Matrix.



Thousands of years, turned to dust.

This isn't how it's supposed to end.

Hear that?

US Air Force! C-17 s!

- What's a C-17?
- You can't bring him back, Sam.

- There's nothing left.
- Look! Look around you.

We didn't just go through everything
we went through for no reason at all,

to just have it end like this.

There is a reason that we are here.

The voices and the symbols in my head
led us here for a purpose.

Everyone's after me
because of what I know,

and what I know is that
this is going to work.

- How do you know it's gonna work?
- Because I believe it.

You best let me out of this plane.

Dropping the big boy. Sam!

You think you can bring him back to life
with that pixie dust?

Absolutely. Let's go.


Let's move it.
Remember, they're friendlies.

Cover Optimus!

Secure the village.
Get those cases down here.

I need snipers and Stingers up high.

So, we just dropped off 10 tons of
dead robot in the middle of nowhere.

I hope this little kid know
what he's doing.

Yeah, me too.

Got a visual! Yellow team! Four clicks!

Pop flare!

- That's them, right there. See the flare?
- Right over there! See it?


Oh, God. Please, God! Please.

Leo, stop freaking out. Stop freaking out.

Shut this guy up, huh?

- Please, just let me live, just let me live!
- Shut up and let him drive!

- Just stop screaming...
- All right, that's it!

I can't take that guy anymore.

Hide in the dust! Use the dust!

We've got to split up.
Bumblebee, you're the decoy.

You lead the Decepticons away,
all right? I'm gonna get Optimus.

I'll help draw their fire
with Huey and Dewey there.

You get to those soldiers.

- I hope that dust works, kid.
- Thank you.

He's turning around. He's coming back.
He's coming back.

It's up to me.

One man, alone,
betrayed by the country he loves,

now its last hope
in their final hour of need.

Prepare to be driven like never before,
by the maestro.

- Hey, hey! Don't go nowhere! Drive.
- You'll never make it, kid.

- I'm coming with you.
- Bravery will only get you so far.

You tased me, okay? You owe me!
I'm going.

Okay, okay. That was a test.
You passed. All right?

That thing's got alien tattoos all over it.
That ain't Air Force.

- What the hell was that?
- Anyone copy?

- Anyone there? Who's up?
- Copy?

- Radio's down.
- It's dead. Comms are down.

EMP burst.

I see how this day is going
in this godforsaken desert.

Yes, sir?

- Major Lennox told me to pull the cord.
- I know, sir.

Well, what country am I in right now?

United States.

No, not the United States.
I'm from the United States.

I'm in the middle of nowhere
surrounded by donkeys.

Well, that was our good friend,
Galloway. He's less than pleased.

How is it that we can't reach our men,

but he can reach me,
from some random Egyptian desert?


Right, go burn an SOS. Let the eye in
the sky know we need some help.

- Yes, sir.
- Okay, boys, old school time!

Pop some more flares
so the kid can find us.

Look. There it is.
We got a couple of miles.

Lennox's team has the latest
in quantum crypto gear.

Can somebody tell me why we can't
establish simple radio contact?

We're hailing them on every frequency
and mode in the book, sir.

Our satellites in the area have
gone blind. We're working it, sir.

Damn it. Something's not right.
It doesn't add up.

Contact the Jordanians, see
what air assets they've got in the area,

and get Egypt's General Salam.

Ask him to clear some USV overflights
in Egyptian airspace.

We need an assist
in confirming visuals now.

Scramble Predators now.

V-1, rotate.

We still have a mile that way.

Come on.

This way. This way.

- One man, alone...
- Stop saying that!

...betrayed by the country he loves!

Oh, my goodness.
I'm in the car, okay? You're not alone.

Just relax. You're with the maestro.

I don't think he's still following us.

I don't think he's still following us.

That's what you think.

Master, sorry to be the bearer
of bad news,

but the soldiers brought
the body of Prime.

The boy must have the Matrix.

We cannot let him reach Optimus.

Decepticons, begin our assault!

We've got incoming!

We got a whole lot of fight
coming our way.

- How many?
- About 13 of them.

This ain't good. This ain't good.

We're about to get our asses whupped.

Bravo-Charlie, kneel!

All right, those Decepticons
are searching for Sam.

Whatever he has, he thinks
it'll bring Optimus back to life,

so our mission is to find him
and get him to Optimus.

All right, we're gonna draw fire
from the left flank. I need a scout team.

I'm leading.

Go up through the middle
with Arcee and Ironhide!

All right, when you see
the precious cargo,

I want you to pop green smoke and
come back through those pillars.

We'll have the ambush set. All right.
Let's go. Move out!

You ever see that film
Gunfight at the O.K. Corral?

- With Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas?
- No, why?

- Looks like we're right in the middle of it.
- Is that good?

A lot of people died.


- Vámonos, amigos!
- Oh, my God!

- Hit the deck!
- Oh, my God!

Sam, Sam.

I don't think they saw us.

Get down. Get down. Get down.

Okay. Listen.

Once it's clear, we run for Optimus
as fast as we can, okay?

What if it doesn't work?

It's gonna work.

- What if it doesn't?
- It's gonna work. It'll work.

Up, up, up!

Get ready to jump!

We got a half-mile. I don't think
the soldiers know we're here.

Fall back!

Fall back!

- Ironhide, up the middle!
- Ironhide, move it!

Let's go! Go, go!


We're trapped! There's nowhere to go.
We're gonna die.

If we're going out, we're going out
like men, understand?

Look at this mother...

Mean robots suck!

Hang on! Hang on, okay?

- Simmons!
- Don't let go!

Hang in there, I got you! Just hang in.

I don't want to die!

Kung fu grip, boy. Kung fu grip!

You ain't getting me!

He dead. He got so ate.

- Who's your daddy now, huh?
- He got all ate up.

The only safe place is right under it.

- Run at it. Run for its feet! Move it!
- Yeah.

You should've never eaten me!
I'm gonna bust your face up!

Oh, my God!

Nobody mess with me! In your face!

Keep fighting, Mudflap!

Oh, my God!

Nobody messes with the twins.

I got you... My bad!

Man! You shot me in the face!

- Stay under it!
- Yeah, stay under it!

Come on.


- Sam! Sam!
- What?

Sam! Sam!


- Sam!
- Dad!

Wait, wait!

Please listen to me!
I want you to run! Run!

Dad, just stop!
They don't want you, they want me!

- Oh, God!
- Wait!

Sam Witwicky.

Don't hurt them. This is what you want.
You don't want them.

- Go! Go!
- Please, stop!

- Stop!
- Listen to your father!

Just get out of here!

Just don't hurt them.
I know what you want.

Just go! Just go!

And I know that you need me
because I know about the Matrix.

- Don't do it, Sam...
- Please, Dad.

- They're going to kill us all anyway!
- Here's what you want, right here.


Kill him, Bee. Kill him.

- Stay tight, Ma.
- Come on. Get in here.

- Bee?
- Yeah.

- Hey!
- I don't know

what's going on, but we've got to move!

There's got to be a way out of here!

Judy, get back, get back, get back.

Against the wall! Against the wall!
Against the wall. Against the wall.

Bee! Bumblebee!

You get them somewhere safe,
all right?

You've got to get in the car
and get to safety.

No, this isn't up for discussion!

- You're my son! You're my son!
- I know.

- Dad...
- We all go together!

- Listen...
- We're all going together!

Dad, stop, okay? Get in the car.
He's gonna get you to safety.

You know, you run.
You don't stop, you don't hide, you run.

You hear what I'm saying, okay?
I'll find you when you're safe.

- No.
- You've got to let me go, Dad.

- You have to let me go. You have to.
- Ron.

Ron. Ron, let him go.

You come back! Come on.

Ron! Mikaela! Mikaela!

- Go with my parents.
- I'm not gonna go without you.

Move to cover!

We got Jordanians!

We got help!


You okay, soldier?

We're gonna help you, soldier. Let's
get these wounded clear of the bird.

Stay still. Stay still. Don't move.

You all right, young man?
You have a radio?

Hey, kid, it's been nice knowing you.
Remember what I did for my country.

This is my moment.

You're crazy!

ETA to station, two minutes.

- Put it on the main screen.
- Sir. Yes, sir.

Predator 01.

Shit, it's a trick.

Commence Operation Firestorm.
Send everyone.

- Get those Marines on the ground.
- Roll in strike packages...

- Get those Marines on the ground.
- Roll in strike packages...

Task Force Ripper, execute Lightning.

- Spotted Sam!
- Sam!


Follow us to the pillars.
We'll take you to Optimus.

Get out, Sam! Get to the pillars!

Let's go.

Oh, God. This is it. The pyramid's built
right over the machine.

If they turn that machine on,
no more sun.

Not on my watch.

Not on my watch.

USS Stennis. Identify.

Where the hell are you?
Watching the Weather Channel?

I Dream of Jeannie or something?

We got 300 satellites up there.
Where the hell are all our men?

Identify yourself.

What is your name, sailor?

Wilder, Captain of the
USS John C. Stennis aircraft carrier.

Okay, Captain Wilder.

This is Agent Seymour Simmons
of Sector Seven.

There is the mother
of all non-biologicals

getting ready to blow up our sun.

Do you want to have a throwdown
about my lack of clearance

or do you want to help save
a gazillion lives?

All right, Agent Simmons. I'm listening.

Five clicks west of the Gulf,

Five clicks west of the Gulf,

we got ourselves an alien
remodeling a pyramid.

Our one hope is a prototype weapon
called a rail gun,

- shoots a steel projectile at Mach 7.
- That's classified.

Don't talk to me about classified,
all right?

Now, if you've got a battleship
in the Gulf, which I know you do,

you tell them to ready that weapon!

Contact destroyer USS KIDD.

Alpha Team, flank left!

This way! Move it!

- Where do you need us, sir?
- Protect those in the line of fire.

Let's go! Go!

Give me your Comms. Come on. Epps!

Right now, we need air support, ASAP!

Have troops in contact 20 miles
northwest. Radar contact.

Proceed to 88 Alpha Sierra...

B-1, snap 090.

You are approved to drop your
2,000-pound JDAMs.

- What you got?
- I couldn't get to them, sir.

They're 600 meters away
and they're heading right for the pillars.

All right. Precious cargo's coming!


Curse you!

Sam! Spotted Sam!

- Come on!
- 2-2 covering fire.

Two civilians, 12 o'clock!

Cover for us!

Hold the air strike!
We're rescuing civilians!

Keep firing!

Come on! Mikaela!

Come on! Get in here!

Look who showed up.

You better have a good reason for us
to be here.

- Where's Optimus?
- He's right over there,

across the courtyard.

- I got to get to him right now.
- Not with an air strike coming.

I have to get to him right now.

Go. Back, back, back, back.

- Go.
- Listen up...



Stick the landing.

Behold the glory of Jetfire!

Now let me show you how we brought
the pain in my day!

I'm too old for this crap.

Keep going, man, 15 rounds of fighting.

I am directly below
the enemy's scrotum.

25.7 meters above sea level,
29.32 north.

- Kill track, 5205...
- Target acquired.

- Killing track.
- Two, one...


Yeah! Yeah!

B-1's time on target, 30 seconds.
2,000-pound JDAMs inbound.

We're gonna make a break through
the B's on my command, okay?

You guys stick with me, you
understand? You stay on my ass.

- 1-1 tally orange smoke.
- I hope these F-16s got good aim.

- Yeah? Why is that?
- I told them to hit the orange smoke.

You mean that orange smoke?

It wasn't my best toss, okay?

- Viper, thunder.
- Run!


Come on!





Hold your fire!


Stay back! Mikaela, stay back!

Fucking do something!

- Sam! Sam!
- Sam! Sam! Sam! Sammy! Sam!

- Let me go!
- Come on, you got to move.

- You got to move, come on.
- We got no pulse.

Starting CPR.

- I have to see my kid! I got a son...
- Sammy!


- Clear.
- Ready to shock.

- Clear!
- Ready to shock. One, two, three.

Do it again!


Okay, listen to my voice.
I love you and I need you.

Please. Please, come back to me.
Sam, please!

I love you.

Where am I? Where am I?
Am I dead? Am I dead?

We have been watching you
a long, long time.

You have fought for Optimus,
our last descendant,

with courage and with sacrifice,
the virtues of a leader,

a leader worthy of our secret.

The Matrix of Leadership is not found,
it is earned.

Return now to Optimus.

Merge the Matrix with his spark.

It is, and always has been, your destiny.


I love you. I love you.

Boy, you returned for me.

A living Prime.

I don't believe it!

My Matrix!

Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!

Get up, Prime!

Oh, no.

He's turning on the machine!
You got to stop him! Get up!


Fallen, my master.

My brothers could not stop me from this.

Yes, now I claim your sun.

- Move!
- Enemy target, top of pyramid. Engage!

Engage! Engage!

In moments, we'll be at firing strength.

All my Decepticon life, I never did
a thing worth doing until now.

Optimus, take my parts

and you will have a power
you've never known.

Fulfill your destiny.

Jolt! Electrify!

Transplant those afterburners.

Let's roll.

Fire mission on the pyramids.

This planet will be dark forever.

Die, like your brothers!

They were your brothers, too.


You picked the wrong planet.

Give me your face.

I rise.

You fall.

No, no.

Not to call you a coward, Master,

but sometimes cowards do survive.

This isn't over.

It took all this for you to tell me that
you love me.

You said it first.

Thank you, Sam, for saving my life.


Thank you for believing in me.

Our races united by a history
long forgotten

and a future we shall face together.

I am Optimus Prime,

and I send this message so that our
pasts will always be remembered,

for in those memories, we live on.

So glad you could join us,
Professor Einstein.

Yeah, I was kind of busy.


Special thanks to SergeiK.