10 Things I Hate About You Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the 10 Things I Hate About You script is here for all you fans of the Julia Stiles movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed by Gareth using the screenplay and/or viewings of 10 Things I Hate About You. If you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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10 Things I Hate About You Script


                               10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

          

                written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith

                transcription by GarethGarethGareth@yahoo.com

          

              based loosely on ďTaming of the Shrew", by William Shakespeare



          Well, here it is:  The complete transcription of 10 Things I Hate About You

          from the movie itself.  The original script available on the web is about

          as similar to the final movie as Rocky Balboa is to Rocky the Squirrel.

          So, by gum, somebody had to get it right.  Text found in [brackets]

          indicates moments where Iíve guessed what the characters are saying, due to 

          mumbling, or my own lack of hearing, or both.



          - Gareth



          

          

          EXT. PADUA HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

          

          Welcome to Padua High, your typical upper-middle-class high school in

          Seattle, Washington.



          EXT. PADUA HIGH SCHOOL, THE STREET OUTSIDE - DAY



          Two cookie-cutter-cute girls sing along in their car to a bit of popular

          fluff music.



          KAT STRATFORD, eighteen, pretty -- but trying hard not to be (and failing) 

          -- pulls her rundown car up next to theirs and scowls with indignation at

          their choice of music.



          

          EXT. PADUA HIGH SCHOOL, FRONT STEPS- DAY

          

          Kat hurries toward the front door of what appears to be the Wayne Manor version

          of an ordinary high school.  She approaches another cookie-cutter-cutie pasting

          an advert for prom on the wall, and tears it down in passing.



                              PROM POSTER GIRL

                    Hey!



          

          INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

          

          CAMERON JAMES, a clean-cut, easy-going new kid at school with an optimistic, 

          innocent face, sits facing MISS PERKY, a conservative spinster stereotype

          turned on its head. Sheís in the middle of composing some racy

          lines from her pulp romance-novel-in-progress on her laptop.

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    So, Cameron.  Here you go.  (reviews his transcript)

                    9 schools in 10 years, my my...  Army brat?



                              CAMERON

                    Yeah.  My dadís a...



                              MISS PERKY

                    Thatís enough.

                    I'm sure you won't find Padua any 

                    different than your old school.  Same 

                    little asswipe shit-for-brains 

                    everywhere.

          

                              CAMERON

                    Excuse me.  Did you just say...  Am I in

                    the right office?



                              MISS PERKY

                    Not anymore youíre not.  Iíve got deviants to see

                    and a novel to finish.  Now scoot.  Scoot!



                              CAMERON

                    Okay.  Thanks.

          

          Cameron rises to leave and passes PATRICK VERONA, a smug, longhaired

          Australian, whoís on his way in.

          

          Miss Perky looks down at her file and up at Patrick

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                           (continuing)

                    Patrick Verona.  I see we're making our 

                    visits a weekly ritual.

          

          She gives him a disapproving glance. He answers with a charming 

          smile.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Only so we can have these moments together.

                    Should I, uh, get the lights?



                              MISS PERKY

                    Oh very clever, kangaroo boy.  Says here you exposed yourself

                    in the cafeteria?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I was joking with the lunch lady.  It was a bratwurst.

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    Bratwurst?

                    (glances at his loins suspiciously)

                    Arenít we the optimist?  Next time keep it in your

                    pouch, okay?  Scoot!



          After he leaves, she goes back to writing her novel, adding the word 

          ďbratwurstĒ to the sentence she's working on.

          



          INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY



          MICHAEL ECKMAN, a typical, overachieving, brainy senior with a young

          republicanís sense of style, introduces himself to Cameron among the

          bustle of the hall.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Michael Eckman.  Iím supposed to show you around.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Oh hi.

                    (seems relieved)

                    Thank God!  You know, normally

                    they send down one of those audio/video geeks.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    (flustered)

                    You know, I do.  I know what you mean, yeah.



          An audio/video geek pushing a cart full of film equipment rolls along

          side them.



                              A/V GEEK

                    Hey Michael, where should I put those slides?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    (brushes off the A/V Geek)

                    Michael?!

                    (Turns back to Cameron)

                    So, uh,

                    (checks a piece of paper)

                    ...Cameron.  Hereís the breakdown:

          

          They begin to walk down the hallway.



                              MICHAEL

                    (Continuing)

                    Over there youíve got your basic beautiful people.

                    Now listen.  Unless they talk to you first, donít bother.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    But wait.  Is that your rule or theirs?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Watch.

                    (To an ironically not very good looking jock as they pass)

                    Hey there.



                              JOCK

                    Geek.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    (To Cameron)

                    See that?



          The Jock and his friends glare as if offended as the two walk away.





          EXT.  SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY



          Groups of students stand around.  Michael and Cameron continue their walk.

          



                                 MICHAEL

                    (Continuing)

                    To the left we have the coffee kids.



                              COFFEE KID 1

                    Whoa!

                    (spills his coffee)



                              COFFEE KID 2

                    That was Costa Rican, butthead!

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Very edgy.  Donít make any sudden moves around them.



          They step down and pass a table full of white boys with dreadlocks and

          prerequisite Jamaican berets.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    And these delusionals are the White Rasta.

                    Uh, theyíre big Marley fans.  They think they're black.  

                    Semi-political, but mostly...



                              CAMERON

                    Smoke a lot of weed?



                              MICHAEL

                    Yeah.



          They now approach a few kids dressed as urban cowboys.



                              MICHAEL

                    (continuing)

                    These guys...



                              CAMERON

                    Wait wait.  Let me guess.  Cowboys?          



                              MICHAEL

                    Yeah but, the closest theyíve come to a cow is

                    Macdonaldís.

                    (laughs at his own lame joke)

                    Hah hah...Macdonalds!

          

          They approach a group of studious-looking teens who are bent over

          textbooks at a table.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    These are your future MBAs-  We're all Ivy League accepted.

                    Yuppie greed is back, my friend.

                    (to the group)

                    Hey guys.  How ya doiní?



          One of them looks annoyed and mutters something about ďBogieĒ.  It is, in fact

          BOGIE LEVENSTEIN himself, leader of the academic geeks.  Why does he mutter his

          own name?  Maybe he just likes to speak in the third person...

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    (continuing as they walk away)

                    Yesterday I was their god.



                              CAMERON

                    What happened?



                              MICHAEL

                    Bogie Levenstein started a rumor that I...that I buy

                    my Izods at an outlet mall.



                              CAMERON

                    So they kicked you out?



                              MICHAEL

                    Hostile takeover.  But donít worry.  Theyíll pay.

                    Now over here...



                              CAMERON

                    (Suddenly distracted)

                    Oh my god!



          BIANCA, a young cream puff of a blonde girl, walks by in slow motion.

          Cameron is in deep smit.



                              CAMERON

                    (Continues)

                    What group is she in?



                              MICHAEL

                    The ďdonít even think about itĒ group.

                    Thatís Bianca Stratford.  A sophomore.



                              CAMERON

                    I burn!  I pine!  I perish!

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Of course you do.  You know, sheís beautiful and deep.  Pure.

          

          Bianca walks with her friend, CHASTITY, a cute and seemingly less loquacious

          version of herself.



                              BIANCA

                    Yup, see, thereís a difference between ďlikeĒ

                    and ďloveĒ.  Because I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada

                    backpack.



                              BIANCAíS FRIEND

                    But I love my Sketchers.



                              BIANCA

                    Thatís because you donít have a Prada backpack.



                              BIANCAíS FRIEND

                    (Enamored of Biancaís wisdom)

                    Ohhh!

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    (To Cameron)

                    Listen.  Forget her.  Incredibly uptight father,

                    and itís a widely known fact that the Stratford sisters arenít

                    allowed to date.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Uh huh...yeah.  [What if?]

         

          

          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

          

          A room full of bored seniors doodle and stare off into space.

          MR. MORGAN, an educated, no-nonsense man in his early thirties

          presides.

          

                                 MR. MORGAN

                    Okay then.  What did everyone think of The Sun Also Rises?

          

          A girl raises her hand and offers her appraisal.



                              ROMANTIC GIRL

                    I loved it.

                    (She sighs)

                    It was sooo romantic.



          Kat, the girl we saw as we entered the school, is wearing a camo top in

          preparation for her daily war against high school ignorance.

       

                                 KAT

                    (disgusted)

                    Romantic?  Hemingway?!  He was an abusive alcoholic

                    misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso

                    trying to nail his leftovers.

          

          The other students roll their eyes.

          

          JOEY DONNER, a slicked-back knock-off of Slater from Saved By The Bell

          makes fun of her from his row.

          

                                 JOEY

                    As opposed to a bitter self-righteous 

                    hag who has no friends?

          

          A few giggles.  Kat fumes from her seat without looking back.

          

                                 MR. MORGAN

                    Pipe down, Chachie.

          

                                 KAT

                    I guess in this society being male and an asshole

                    makes you worthy of our time.

                    What about Sylvia Platt or Charlotte Bronte or

                    Simone de Beauvoir?

          

          Patrick suddenly steps into the classroom, late.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Whatíd I miss?

          

                              KAT

                    The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education.



                              PATRICK

                    Good.

                    (immediately turns and leaves)



                              MR. MORGAN

                    (Shouting after him)

                    Hey, hey!



                              JOEY

                    Uh, Mr. Morgan.  Is there any chance we could get Kat to

                    take her Mydol before she comes to class?



          More snickers from the class.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Some day youíre gonna get bitch-slapped and Iím not gonna do

                    a thing to stop it.  And Kat.  I want to thank you for your

                    point of view.



          She smiles to herself, her social indignation justified.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    (continuing)

                    I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those

                    years of upper middle class suburban oppression.  It must be tough.



          She deflates and becomes bitter again.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    (continuing)

                    But the next time you storm around the PTA crusading for better

                    lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about,

                    ask them why they canít buy a book written by a black man!



          Two of the White Rasta kids from earlier take up his cry of inequality.



                              WHITE RASTA CHORUS

                    Thatís right mon!



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Donít even get me started on you two!



          They grumble apologetically and quickly shut up.

          Kat is fuming again.



                              KAT

                    Anything else?



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Yeah.  Go to the office.  Youíre pissing me off.



                              KAT

                    What?!  Mr. Morgan!



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Later!



          Kat gets up in a tiff and on her way out hits Joey in the face with her books.





          INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

          

          Miss Perky sits in front of her laptop, composing her sleazy novel.

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape...

                    ...excitable, stiff and...

                    (frustrated, calls to attendant)

                    Judith!

          

          Judith appears at the door.



                              MISS PERKY

                    Whatís another word for...engorged?



                              JUDITH

                    Iíll look it up.



                              MISS PERKY

                    Okay.

                    (returns to composing)



          Kat approaches the office and overhears Miss Perky searching for the

          right word.



                              MISS PERKY

                    (continuing)

                    ...swollen...turgid...



                              KAT

                    Tumescent?



                              MISS PERKY

                    Perfect!  So I hear you were terrorizing Mr. MorganĎs class.

                    Again.

          

                                 KAT

                    Expressing my opinion is not a 

                    terrorist action.

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway?

                    By the way, his testicle retrieval operation 

                    went quite well, in case you're 

                    interested.

          

                                 KAT

                    I still maintain that he kicked himself 

                    in the balls.

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    The point is Kat...



          She suddenly makes the connection between Katís name and the picture

          of a cat on her coffee mug.  She finds it amusing and points to the mug.



                              MISS PERKY

                    Cat!

                    (She giggles, then turns back to Kat)

                    People perceive you as somewhat ...

          

                                 KAT

                    Tempestuous?

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.

          

          Kat is unflattered.

          

                                 MISS PERKY

                    (continuing)

                    You might want to work on that.  Thank you.

          

          Kat rises from her chair.

          

                                 KAT

                    (sarcastic)

                    As always, thank you for your excellent 

                    guidance.  Iíll let you get back to Reginaldís 

                    quivering member.



          Kat leaves the office.



                              MISS PERKY

                    (to herself)

                    Quivering member... I like that.





          EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY



          Joey and his COHORT, a tough-looking kid, are standing around people

          watching.  His Cohort notices Bianca and Chastity entering the courtyard

          and calls Joeyís attention to Bianca.



                              COHORT

                    Virgin alert.  [Favorite].



          Joey turns to look at Bianca.  The girls pass by, noticing Joey.



                              JOEY

                    Looking good, ladies.



                              COHORT

                    Theyíre outta reach, even for you.



                              JOEY

                    No oneís out of reach for me.



                              COHORT

                    You wanna put money on that?



                              JOEY

                    Money Iíve got.  This Iím going to do for fun.



          Across the way, Cameron and Michael have been watching Bianca and Cameron

          notices Joeyís admiration.



                              CAMERON

                    Whoís that guy?



                              MICHAEL

                    Itís Joey Donner.  Heís a jerkoff.  And a model.



                              CAMERON

                    Heís a model?



                              MICHAEL

                    A model.  Mostly regional stuff.  But heís rumored to have

                    a tube sock ad coming out.



                              CAMERON

                    Really?



                              MICHAEL

                    Really.



          They have a laugh at Joeyís expense.  Cameron turns back to watching Bianca.



                              CAMERON

                    Man, look at her.



                              MICHAEL

                    (not impressed)

                    Is she always so...vapid?



                              CAMERON

                    How can you say that?  Sheís totally...



                              MICHAEL

                    Conceited?



                              CAMERON

                    What are you talking about?  Thereís more to her than you think.

                    I mean, look... look at the way she smiles.

                    And look at her eyes, man.  Sheís totally pure.  I mean,

                    youíre missing whatís there.



                              MICHAEL

                    (unconvinced)

                    No, Cameron.  No.

                    Whatís there is a snotty little Princess wearing a strategically

                    planned sun dress to make guys like us realize we can never touch

                    her, and guys like, uh...



          He looks around and notices Joey making his way toward the girls.



                              MICHAEL

                    (continuing)

                    ...Joey, realize they want to.

                    She, my friend, is what weíll spend the rest of our lives

                    not having.  Put her in the Spank Bank.  Move on.



                              CAMERON

                    No.



                              MICHAEL

                    Move on.



                              CAMERON

                    No!

                    Youíre wrong about her.  I mean, you know, uh,

                    not about the spanking part.  But the rest.  Youíre wrong.



                              MICHAEL

                    Alright.  Iím wrong?  You wanna take a shot?  Be my guest.

                    Sheís actually looking for a French tutor.



                              CAMERON

                    Are you serious?  Thatís perfect!



                              MICHAEL

                    Do you speak French?



                              CAMERON

                    Well no.  But I will.



          

          

          EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY

          

          Kat and MANDELLA, her best friend--beautiful and attired in quasi-Renaissance

          clothes--walk toward Kat's car.  Joey pulls up 

          beside them in his red sports car.

          

                                 JOEY

                    (referring to KatĎs camouflage top)

                    Hey.  Your little Rambo look is out, Kat.

                    Didnít you read last monthís Cosmo?

          

                                 KAT

                    (barely notices him)

                    Run along.



          She and Mandella continue walking.

          Further along, Bianca and Chastity are walking, embroiled in meaningful 

          conversation.



                              CHASTITY

                    I know you can be overwhelmed.

                    You can be underwhelmed.

                    But can you ever just be whelmed?



                              BIANCA

                    I think you can in Europe.



          Joey pulls up alongside them.



                              JOEY

                    Hi ladies.  Would you sweet young things

                    like a ride?



          They look at each other and immediately hop in, climbing over his

          upholstery.



                              JOEY

                    Careful on the leather.



          Across the lot, Kat and Mandella watch this display from inside Katís

          clunker.



                              MANDELLA

                    (sarcastic)

                    Thatís a charming new development.

          

                              KAT

                    Itís disgusting.



          Meanwhile, Michael has mounted an old motorcycle equipped with a plastic

          dork basket on the handles.  He jets a bit out of control and kills the engine

          in front of Katís car.  Pissed off, she shouts out the window.



                              KAT

                    Remove head from sphincter, then drive!



          Michael regains control and pulls out of the way to where Cameron has

          been watching.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    You all right?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Yeah, yeah.  Just a minor encounter with the 

                    shrew.  Your girlfriendís sister.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    What?  That's Bianca's sister?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Mmm hmm.  The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.

                    Stay cool, bro.



          He jets off once again, risks another near collision, and ends up

          flying right off the road and sliding halfway down a grassy hill.

          Recovering his composure, he realizes half the school is watching

          from the top of the hill.  He raises his hands in the air and

          gives a victory yell, drawing cheers from the crowd.





          INT.  STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY

                    

          WALTER STRATFORD, Kat and Biancaís overly-protective father--an

          obstetrician--enters through the front door rifling through the mail.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (to Kat)

                    Hello Katarina.  Make anyone cry today?

          

                                 KAT

                    Sadly, no.  But it's only four-thirty.



          Walter smiles proudly as Bianca walks in and kisses him on the cheek.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Hi Daddy.



                                 WALTER

                    Hello, precious.



                                 KAT

                    And where've you been?



                              BIANCA

                    (gives Kat a sour look)

                    Nowhere.

          

          Walter, who hasnít raised his eyes from the mail, is inspecting a letter.

          

                                 WALTER

                    What's this?  It says Sarah Lawrence?

          

          Kat snatches it away from him and runs across the room in a flurry of

          excitement, tearing it open and reading the contents silently.

          

                                 KAT

                    I got in! I got in!

                    

                                 WALTER

                    Uh, honey thatís great.  But isnít Sarah Lawrence on the

                    other side of the country?

          

                                 KAT

                    Thus the basis of its appeal.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Yeah.  I thought we decided you were gonna stay here and

                    go to U Dub like me.  Be a husky.



          He makes some inspiring growling noises.

          

                                 KAT

                    No, you decided.



                              WALTER

                    Oh okay.  So you just pick up and leave, is that it?



                                 BIANCA

                    (brimming at the idea)

                    Letís hope so.

          

          Kat gives Bianca a spiteful look then smiles sweetly.

          

                                 KAT

                    Ask Bianca who drove her home.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Kat, donít change the...drove?

                    (to Bianca)

                    Who drove you home?

          

          Bianca glares at Kat then turns to Walter

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Now don't get upset, daddy, but there's 

                    this boy... 



                              KAT

                    Whoís a flaming imbecile.



                              WALTER

                    Please...



                              BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    and I think he might ask me...

          

                                 WALTER

                    Please.  I think I know what heís going to ask you.

                    And I think I know the answer: No.  Itís always no.

                    What are the house rules?  #1: no dating till you graduate.

                    #2: no dating till you graduate.  Thatís it.



                              BIANCA

                    Daddy, thatís so unfair.



                              WALTER

                    Alright.  You wanna know whatís unfair?

                    (to Kat)

                    This is for you too.

                    (continues)

                    This morning I delivered a set of twins to

                    a 15 year old girl.  Do you know what she said to me?



                              BIANCA

                    Iím a crack-whore who should have made my sleazy

                    boyfriend wear a condom?



          Walter pauses and thinks for a moment.



                              WALTER

                    Close.  But no.  She said: I should have listened

                    to my father.



                              BIANCA

                    She did not.



                              WALTER

                    Well, thatís what she wouldíve said if she wasnít

                    so doped up.



                              BIANCA

                    Can we focus on me for a second please?  I am

                    the only girl in school whoís not dating.



                              WALTER

                    Oh no youíre not.  Your sister doesnít date.



                              KAT

                    And I donít intend to.



                              WALTER

                    And why is that again?



          Walter is pleased and points to Bianca, expecting Kat to justify him.



                              KAT

                    Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?



                              BIANCA

                    Where did you come from?  Planet Loser?



                              KAT

                    As opposed to planet ďlook at me!  look at me!Ē?



                              WALTER

                    Okay, hereís how we solve this one.  Old rule out.

                    New rule: Bianca can date...



          Bianca lights up and Kat looks upset.



                              WALTER

                    (continuing)

                    ...when she does.

                    (points at Kat)

          

                                 BIANCA

                    But she's a mutant!  What if she never dates?

          

                                 WALTER

                    (very pleased with his new rule)

                    Then youĎll never date.  Oh, I like that.  And I'll get to 

                    sleep at night.  The deep slumber of a father whoís 

                    daughters arenít out being impregnated.



          His beeper goes off and he heads for the door.  Kat heads for the

          stairs.



                              WALTER

                    (to Kat)

                    Weíll talk about Sarah Lawrence later.



                              KAT

                    Fine.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Wait!  Daddy!



                              WALTER

                    I gotta go.



          He leaves.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Canít you find [a sad enough] retard to take you

                    to the movies so I can have just one date?



                              KAT

                    Iím sorry.  Looks like youíll just have to miss out

                    on the witty repartee of Joey ďeat meĒ Donner.



                              BIANCA

                    You suck.



                              KAT

                    (imitating Bianca)

                    You suck.



          

          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY

          

          Cameron sits at a table prepping for the French lesson he has scheduled

          with Bianca.  Bianca arrives and plops down across from him.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Can we make this quick?  Roxanne,

                    Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an 

                    incredibly horrendous public break- up 

                    on the quad.  Again.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Oh, yeah, um, okay.  I thought we'd start with 

                    pronunciation, if that's alright with you.

          

                              BIANCA

                    Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part.  Please.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Well, there is an alternative. 

                    French food.  We could eat some together.  Saturday night?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    You're asking me out?  That's so cute.  

                    What's your name again?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Cameron.  Listen.  I know that your dad doesnít let you

                    date.  But I thought that if it was for French class it...

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Oh, wait a minute.  Curtis...

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Cameron.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    My dad just came up with a new rule.  I can date

                    when my sister does.



                              CAMERON

                    Youíre kidding!  Well let me ask you, do you like sailing?

                    ĎCause I read about this place that rents out boats...



                              BIANCA

                    A beaucoup problemo, Calvin.  In case you havenít heard,

                    my sisterís a particularly hideous breed of 

                    loser.   

       

                                 CAMERON

                    Yeah yeah.  I noticed sheís a little anti-social.

                    Why is that?



                                 BIANCA

                    Unsolved mystery.  She used to be 

                    really popular, and then it was like...she got 

                    sick of it.  Or something.  There is a [bet] as

                    to why, but Iím pretty sure sheís just incapable

                    of human interaction.  Plus, sheís a bitch.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Well yeah, but Iím sure, you know, that thereís lots of

                    guys who wouldnít mind going out with a...difficult woman.

                    I mean, you know, people jump out of airplanes, ski off

                    cliffs.  It would be like extreme dating.



                              BIANCA

                    You think you could find someone that extreme?



                              CAMERON

                    Yeah sure, why not?

          

          She reaches out and touches his arm

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Would you do that, for me?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Oh yes!  I mean, you know, I could look into it.

          



          EXT. A STAIRWELL ON CAMPUS - DAY



          Michael leads Cameron down a set of concrete steps to a secret gathering

          of dating candidates for Kat.



                              MICHAEL

                    Now, I have gathered a group of guys.  Couldnít be more

                    perfect.  Paduaís finest.



          They enter a dank room, wherein waits a very motly crew of the most

          unlikely specimens one would expect.  Cameron shoots Michael an

          unsatsfied grimace.



                              CAMERON

                    Hi.  How ya doiní?  Would any of you be interested

                    in dating Katarina Stratford?



          What follows is a truncated interview process, where each candidate

          in turn sits in the interview chair and gives his response.



                              CANDIDATE 1

                    (laughs histerically)



                              CANDIDATE 2

                    (stares blankly)



                              CANDIDATE 3

                    Ho, Iíve never been that ripped.



                              CANDIDATE 4

                    Maybe if we were the last 2 people alive, and

                    there were no sheep... Are there sheep?





          

          INT. BIOLOGY CLASS - DAY

          

          Several dissection charts of frog anatomy hang on the walls.

          The class is busy dissecting frogs.  Michael and Cameron, naturally,

          are lab partners.  Patrick and his punk rock friend, SCURVY, are

          hacking away at their own specimen behind them.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Did I, or did I not, tell you it was pointless?  No

                    one will go out with her.

          

          Patrick pulls out a butterfly knife and impales his frog violently

          with it.  Cameron has noticed the display.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Hey, what about him?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Him?  No no.  Donít look at him, okay?

                    He's a criminal.  I heard 

                    he lit a state trooper on fire.  He just 

                    did a year in San Quentin.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Yeah, well, then at least heís horny.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    I'm serious, man, he's whacked.  He 

                    sold his own liver on the black market 

                    for a new set of speakers.

          

          Patrick has taken out a cigarette, but just as he lights

          it on the Bunsen burner, Scurvy seizes it and snuffs it out.

          Frustrated, Patrick plays with the Bunsen burner instead.  



                                 CAMERON

                    Heís our guy.



          Patrick notices them watching him and they quickly turn away.



          

          

          INT. WOODSHOP - DAY

          

          Boys and a few stray girls nail their pieces of wood.  Cameron

          and Michael enter, and Cameron approaches Patrick optimistically.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Hi.  How ya doiní?  Listen, I...

          

          In response, Patrick brandishes a loud power tool and drills

          a hole in the middle of Cameronís beloved French book.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (continuing)

                    Okay... later then. 

          



          INT. A HALLWAY - DAY



          Michael is staring through the new window in Cameronís French book.



                              MICHAEL

                    How do we get him to date Kat?



                              CAMERON

                    I donít know.  I mean, uh, we could pay him.

                    But we donít have any money.



                              MICHAEL

                    Yeah, well, what we need is a backer.



                              CAMERON

                    Whatís that?



                              MICHAEL

                    Someone with money whoís stupid.



          They both look pensive.



          

          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

          

          Joey and his pals sit at a table while Joey draws a pair of boobs

          on a cafeteria tray with a magic marker.



                              JOEY

                    Oh yeah!

          

          Michael walks up and sits at the table, casual as can be.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Is that a peach Fruit Roll-Up?  ĎCause you

                    donít see many...



          Joeyís friend grabs his wrist as he reaches for the Roll-Up.



                              MICHAEL

                    (continues)

                    ...oh, okay.  Yeah, Alright.



          His wrist is released as he withdraws his hand.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Are you lost?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    No, actually, I just came by to chat.

          

                                 JOEY

                    We don't chat.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Well, actually, I thought that I'd run an 

                    idea by you.  Just to see if you're interested.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Iím not.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Well, hear me out.  Now...



          Joey grabs Michael by the side of the head and proceeds to 

          draw a penis on his cheek with the magic marker.   Michael 

          suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.

          

                              MICHAEL

                    (continues)

                    ...you want Bianca, right?

                    But she can't go out with you because 

                    her sister is this insane head case and 

                    no one will go out with her, right?

          

                                 JOEY

                    Does this conversation have a purpose?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    What I think you need to do is, you need to hire

                    a guy who'll go out with her.  Someone who 

                    doesnít scare so easy.

          

          Michael points to Patrick, who sits with Scurvy.  Patrick spits

          a stone from a piece of fruit at his tray.

          

                                 JOEY

          

                    That guy?  I heard he ate a live duck once.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Everything but the beak and the feet.

                    Clearly heís a solid investment.



          

          Joey turns to look at Michael.

          

                                 JOEY

          

                    What's in it for you?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Hey.  Iím walkiní down the hall and say hello

                    to you.  You say hello to me.



                              JOEY

                    Yeah yeah.  I get it.  Youíre cool by association.

                    Iíll think about it.



          Michael looks pleased and bobs his head as if grooving to music.



                              JOEY

                    (continuing)

                    Weíre done now.



                              MICHAEL

                    Yeah.



          He gets up and walks to the back of the room where Cameron waits

          anxiously.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (upset)

                    What are you doing getting him involved?



                              MICHAEL

                    Relax now, relax.  We let him pretend heís

                    calling the shots.  While heís setting things

                    up, you have time with Bianca.



                              CAMERON

                    That is a good idea.



          Cameron leaves.



          

          EXT. A HILL OVERLOOKING THE STADIUM - DAY



          Bogie Levenstein has gathered his club of future yuppies for

          a golf lesson.



                              BOGIE

                    Now remember guys.  Grip it, and rip it.



          He hits the golf ball down into the stadium field, where it is

          collected by a kid holding a basket of balls.

          The field is filled with students exercising.  The womenís soccer

          team is practicing.

          Joey makes his way toward Patrick, who is sitting with Scurvy and

          smoking.



                              JOEY

                    Hey, how ya doiní?



          Patrick ignores him completely.



                              JOEY

                    (tries to break the ice)

                    I had some great duck last night...



                              PATRICK

                    Do I know you?



                              JOEY

                    See that girl?



          He turns to see Kat playing soccer on the field.



                              PATRICK

                    Yeah.



                              JOEY

                    Thatís Kat Stratford.  I want you to go

                    out with her.



                              PATRICK

                    (sarcastic)

                    Yeah sure, Sparky.



          He and Scurvy laugh at the idea.



                              JOEY

                    Look.  I canít take out her sister until Kat

                    starts dating.  You see, their dadís whacked

                    out.  Heís got this rule where the girls...



                              PATRICK

                    Thatís a touching story.  It really is.

                    Not my problem.



                              JOEY

                    Would you be willing to make it your problem

                    if I provide generous compensation?



                              PATRICK

                    Youíre going to pay me to take out some chick?



                              JOEY

                    (pleased)

                    Mmm hmm.



                              PATRICK

                    How much?



                              JOEY

                    Twenty bucks.



          Patrick turns to have another look at Kat.  She violently body checks

          another girl and knocks her down.



                              JOEY

                    (continuing)

                    Fine.  30.



                              PATRICK

                    Well letís think about this.  We go to the movies.

                    Thatís, uh, 15 bucks.  We get popcorn.  Thatís, uh,

                    53.  And, uh, sheíll want Raisonettes, right?  So,

                    uh, weíre lookiní at 75 bucks.



                              JOEY

                    This ainít a negotiation.  Take it or leave it,

                    trailer park.



                              PATRICK

                    50 bucks and weíve got a deal, Fabio.



          Joey hands him 50 dollars.





          EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY

          

          Kat and the rest of the team complete their practice 

          session.  MR. CHAPIN, the coach, calls the girls in over his

          megaphone.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Great practice, everybody.

          

          Patrick snuffs out a cigarette and approaches Kat.



                                 PATRICK 

                    Hey there, girlie.  How ya doin'?

       

                                 KAT 

                    Sweating like a pig, actually.  And 

                    yourself?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh?

          

                                 KAT

                    My mission in life.

          

          She stands there undaunted, hand on hip.

          

                                 KAT 

                    (continuing)

                    But obviously I've struck your fancy. So, 

                    you see, it worked.  The world makes 

                    sense again.

          

          She walks away.  He follows.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    Pick you up Friday, then

          

                                 KAT

                    Oh, right.  Friday.  Uh huh.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    The night I take you to places you've 

                    never been before.

          

                                 KAT

                    Like where?  The 7-Eleven on Broadway?  

                    Do you even know my name, screwboy?

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    I know a lot more than you think.

          

                                 KAT 

                    Doubtful.  Very doubtful.

          

          She walks away quickly, leaving him standing alone.

          



          ACROSS THE FIELD Cameron and Michael watch.

          

                              CAMERON

                    We are screwed.



                                 MICHAEL 

                    Hey, no, hey.  I donít want to hear that defeatist

                    attitude.  I want to hear you upbeat.



                              CAMERON

                    We are screwed!



                              MICHAEL

                    There you go.



          As they watch, the coach gets hit with a golf ball and falls to the

          ground.  We cut back to Bogie and his group of MBA nerds.



                              MBA KID

                    Run Bogie!



          Bogie is motionless, a super-cheese smile glued to his face.







          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT

          

          Kat washes her face at the sink.  Bianca enters behind her.

                    

                                 BIANCA

                    Have you ever considered a new look? I 

                    mean, seriously, you could have some 

                    definite potential buried under all this 

                    hostility.

          

                                 KAT

                    Iím not hostile.  Iím annoyed.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Why donít you try being nice?  People wouldnít know

                    what to think.



                              KAT

                    You forget.  I donít care what people think.



                              BIANCA

                    Yes you do.



                              KAT

                    No I donít.  You donít always have to be who they want

                    you to be, you know.



                              BIANCA

                    I happen to like being adored, thank you.



                              KAT

                    Whereíd you get the pearls?



                              BIANCA

                    Theyíre momís



                              KAT

                    (upset)

                    And youíve been what?  Hiding them for 3 years?



                              BIANCA

                    No.  Daddy found them in a drawer last week.



                              KAT

                    So youíre just gonna start wearing them now?



                              BIANCA

                    Itís not like sheís coming back to claim them.

                    And besides, they look good on me.



                              KAT

                    Trust me.  They donít.

         





          EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY

          

          Kat emerges from a store.  Patrick is waiting for her,

          leaning casually against her front fender.



                                 PATRICK 

                    Nice ride. Vintage fenders.

       

                                 KAT 

                    Are you following me?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I was in the laundromat. I saw your 

                    car. I came over to say hi.

          

                                 KAT 

                    Hi.

          

          She moves to open the door, but he slides over and blocks her way.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Not a big talker, huh?

          

                                 KAT

                    Depends on the topic. My fenders don't 

                    really whip me into a verbal frenzy.



                              PATRICK

                    (seems genuinely intrigued by her resistance)

                    Youíre not afraid of me, are you?



                              KAT

                    Afraid of you?  Why would I be afraid of you?



                              PATRICK

                    Well, most people are.



                              KAT

                    Well, Iím not.



                              PATRICK

                    Well, maybe youíre not afraid of me.  But Iím

                    sure youíve thought about me naked, huh?



          He gives her a knowing wink.



                              KAT

                    (sarcastic)

                    Am I that transparent?  I want you, I need you,

                    Oh baby, oh baby.



          She opens the door and forces him out of the way.

          

          She starts to pull out and is blocked by Joey's sports car, 

          which pulls up perpendicular to her rear and parks.

          

          Joey emerges and heads for the stores.



                              KAT

                    What is it?  Asshole day?

                    (to Joey)

                    Hey!  Do you mind?

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Not at all.

          

          He continues on into the store.  Kat stares at him in 

          disbelief... then backs up fast.

          

          Her vintage fenders crash into the door of Joey's precious 

          ego-mobile.

          

          Patrick watches with a delighted grin as Joey races back to

          his car.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    You bitch!

          

          Kat watches with an innocent look of surprise.



                              KAT

                    (sarcastic)

                    Whoops.



          

          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT 

          

          Walter paces as Kat sits calmly on the couch.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Whoops?!  My insurance does not cover PMS.

          

                                 KAT

                    Well, then tell them I had a seizure.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Is this about Sarah Lawrence? Are you 

                    punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?

          

                                 KAT

                    Arenít you punishing me because mom left?

          

                                 WALTER

                    You think you could leave her out of this?

          

                                 KAT

                    Fine.  Then stop making my decisions for me.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Iím your father.  That's my right.

          

                                 KAT

                    So what I want doesn't matter?

          

                                 WALTER

                    You're eighteen.  You don't know what 

                    you want.  And you won't know what you want until you're 

                    forty-five.  And if you get it, youíll be too old to use it.

          

                                 KAT 

                    I want to go to an East Coast school! I 

                    want you to trust me to make my own 

                    choices.  And I want you to stop trying to control

                    my life just because you canít control yours.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Oh yeah?  Well you know what I want...



          Walter's BEEPER goes off.



                              WALTER

                    (continuing)

                    Weíll continue this later.



                              KAT

                    Canít wait.

          

          She heads out of the room and is intercepted by Bianca, whoís

          just off the phone.



                              BIANCA

                    (angry)

                    Did you just maim Joeyís car?



                              KAT

                    Yeah.  Looks like youíre gonna have to take the bus.



                              BIANCA

                    Has the fact that youíre completely psycho

                    managed to escape your attention?



          Kat walks away.



                              BIANCA

                    Daddy!





          

          INT. HALLWAY - DAY

          

          Patrick shuts his locker revealing 

          Joey's angry visage, glowering next to him.

          

                                 JOEY

                    When I shell out fifty, I expect 

                    results.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    Yeah, I'm on it.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Watching the bitch violate my car doesn't 

                    count as a date.



                              JOEY

                    If you donít get any, I donít get any.

                    Letís go get some.

          

          Joey starts to walk off

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    I just upped my price

          

                                 JOEY 

                    (turning)

                    What?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    A hundred bucks a date.  In advance.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Forget it.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Forget her sister, then.

          

          Joey thinks for a frustrated moment, then peels another

          fifty out of his wallet.

          

                                 JOEY

                    You better hope you're as smooth as you 

                    think you are, Verona.

          

          Patrick takes the money with a smile.







          INT. SHOP CLASS - DAY



          Michael and Cameron enter the class.  Scurvy brushes by them.



                              CAMERON

                    Go.



                              MICHAEL

                    No, you go.



                              CAMERON

                    I went before.



          Cameron makes his way to where Patrick is working at the buffer.



                              CAMERON

                    (to Patrick)

                    We know what youíre trying to do,

                    with Kat Stratford.



                              PATRICK

                    Is that right?  And what do you plan

                    to do about it?



                              CAMERON

                    Help you out.



                              PATRICK

                    Whyís that?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    The situation is, my man Cameron here 

                    has a major jones for Bianca Stratford.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    What is it with this chick?  She have 

                    beer flavored nipples?



                              CAMERON

                    Hey!

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    I think I speak correctly when I say 

                    that Cameron's love is pure.  Purer than 

                    say -- Joey Donner's.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Look.  I'm in on this for the cash.

                    Donner can plow whoever he wants.



                              CAMERON

                    Okay.  There will be no plowing!

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Patrick, uh, Pat.  Let me explain something

                    to you here.  We set this whole thing up so 

                    Cameron can get the girl.  Cameron.  Joey's just a pawn. 

          

                                 PATRICK

                    So you two are gonna help me tame the wild 

                    beast?

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    (grinning) 

                    Weíll do some research.  Weíll find out what she

                    likes.  We are your guys.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    And he means that in a strictly non- 

                    prison-movie type of way.



                              MICHAEL

                    Letís start here.  Now, Friday night.

                    Bogie Levenstein is having a party.  Itís the

                    perfect opportunity.



                              PATRICK

                    Opportunity for what?



                              MICHAEL

                    For you to take out Kat.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    IĎll think about it.

          

          He walks away, leaving Michael and Cameron grinning at each other.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    (continuing)

                    And for a little payback.  This is gonna be some party.

          

          Close-Up on a party invitation Michael holds up.  It advertises

          a ďwine and cheeseĒ party.  Transition.  The words ďwine and cheeseĒ

          are replaced by ďfree beerĒ.  ďDonít callĒ and ďjust show upĒ are

          printed at the bottom next to Bogieís address in Seattle.



                                 MICHAEL

                    Letís do this.



          Slow motion shot of them dumping a pile of fliers down the school

          stairwell.  Studentsí hands reach out and grab them as they fall.





          

          INT. HALLWAY - DAY

          

          Joey stands at his open locker with Bianca.



          

                                 JOEY 

                    Okay now, this is important.

                    Which do you like better?

          

          He holds up two identical glamour model photos. In one, he's 

          wearing a white shirt.  In the other, he's in a black shirt.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Um, I think I like the white shirt better.

          

          Joey nods thoughtfully.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Yeah.  It's more...

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Pensive?

          

          

                                 JOEY

                    Damn.  I was going for thoughtful.

                    So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's 

                    thing on Friday night?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Yeah.  I might.

          

          He gives her his best flirtatious smile

          

                                 JOEY

                    Good, 'cause, you know, I'm not gonna bother if 

                    you won't be there.

          

          The class bell rings.



                              JOEY

                    See you there.



                              BIANCA

                    Okay.



                              JOEY

                    Bye.



          She walks away.  He turns to a mirror hanging in his locker

          and winks at himself, then unhappily adjusts an out-of-place hair.

          

          

          EXT. UNDER A BRIDGE - DAY

 

          Bianca and Cameron are on a nice walk together.  No one else is around.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    So have you heard about Bogey Lowenstein's 

                    party?



                                 BIANCA

                    (pouting)

                    Yes.  And I really, really, really wanna go, but 

                    I can't.  Not unless my sister goes.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Yeah I know.  I'm workin' on that. But so far sheís

                    not goiní for my guy.

          

          He fishes for information.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (continuing) 

                    She's not a...

          

                                 BIANCA

                    KD Lang fan?  No. I found a picture of 

                    Jared Leto in her drawer once, so I'm 

                    pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex 

                    tendencies.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Okay.  So that's the kind of guy she likes? 

                    Pretty guys?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    I donít know.  All I've ever heard her say 

                    is that she'd die before dating a guy 

                    that smokes.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Okay.  All right.  What else?



                              BIANCA

                    Youíre asking me to investigate the inner workings

                    of my sisterís twisted mind?  I donít think so.



                              CAMERON

                    Well nothing else has worked.  I mean, we need to

                    go behind enemy lines here.



          

          INT. KATíS BEDROOM - DAY



          Bianca rifles through Katís drawers while Cameron watches with

          notable interest.



                              BIANCA

                    Okay, here we go.



          As she names off pertinent discoveries, she hands them to Cameron.



                              BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    Class schedule, reading list, date book,

                    coffee tickets, um, concert tickets.

                    Ah ha!  Black panties!



                              CAMERON

                    What does that tell us?



                              BIANCA

                    She wants to have sex some day, thatís what.



                              CAMERON

                    (flustered by this intimate detail)

                    She could just like the color...



                              BIANCA

                    You donít buy black lingerie unless you want

                    someone to see it.



                              CAMERON

                    (perhaps encouraged by this development)

                    Oh.  So, uh, can I see your room?



                              BIANCA

                    No.  A girlís room is very personal.



                              CAMERON

                    Oh.



          

          EXT. BIKER BAR - NIGHT 



          Michael and Cameron arrive on Michaelís dumpy motorbike and

          park next to a hard-looking cat on a heavy bike.



                              BIKER

                    Nice bike.



                              MICHAEL

                    Yeah?  You think so?



          The biker roars off without answering.





          INT. BIKER BAR - NIGHT



          Michael and Cameron make their way through the surly denizens

          of the saloon, who watch them in wonder.



                              CAMERON

                    Wow.  Is this what a bar looks like?



                              MICHAEL

                    Donít touch anything.  You may get hepatitis.



          They head toward Patrick, who plays pool by himself.  As they

          pass another table, Michael picks up the eight ball, ruining the

          game-winning shot a tough guy is making, and tosses it back onto

          the table without realizing what heís done.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    So what've you got for me?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    A little insight into a very complicated girl.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    (to Patrick)

                    Just one question before we start: should you be

                    drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    What?!

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Nothing.  Nothing.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    First thing: Kat hates smokers



          Cameron plucks the cigarette out of Patrickís fingers and drops

          it on the floor.  Patrick isnít pleased.



                                 PATRICK

                    Youíre telling me I'm a - 

                    (spits the word out)

                    "non-smoker"?

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Yeah.  But just for now.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    And thereís another problem.  Bianca said that

                    Kat likes -- pretty guys.

          

          This is met with silence.  Then:

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Are you telling me Iím not a pretty guy?

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    He's very pretty!  Heís a gorgeous guy.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    I wasn't sure.  I didnít know.

          

          Cameron pulls out a list of information.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (continuing)

                    Alright.  Okay -- Likes:  Thai food, feminist 

                    prose, and "angry, girl music of 

                    the indie-rock persuasion".  Hereís a list of

                    CDs that she has in her room.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    So I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a 

                    book and sit around listening to chicks 

                    who can't play their instruments, right?

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Have you ever been to Club Skunk?

          

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Her favorite band is playing there tomorrow 

                    night.



                                 PATRICK

                    I canít be seen at Club Skunk, alright?



                              CAMERON

                    But sheíll be there.  Sheís got tickets.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Just assail your ears for one night.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    She has a pair of black underwear, if that helps.



                              MICHAEL

                    (with a wink-wink-nudge-nudge voice)

                    Couldnít hurt, right?

          

          

          INT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT

          

          Patrick walks down the hallway toward the stage and is eyed 

          suspiciously by various girls in the hall.  He enters, searches

          the crowd, and finds Kat dancing with Mandella.  He sits at the bar.



                              BARTENDER

                    Verona!  What are you doing here tonight?



          Kat stops dancing and shouts at her friends.



                              KAT

                    I need agua!



          She heads for the bar.



                              KAT

                    (to the bartender)

                    Two waters.



          She spots Patrick ignoring her and looks disgusted.



                              KAT

                    (to Patrick)

                    If youíre planning on asking me out again, you

                    might as well just get it over with.



                              PATRICK

                    (pretending to be absorbed by the music)

                    Would you mind?  Youíre kind of ruining this for me.



                              KAT

                    Youíre not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.



                              PATRICK

                    I know.  I quit.  Apparently theyíre bad for you.



                              KAT

                    (too surprised to be sarcastic)

                    You did?



                              PATRICK

                    You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill or Raincoats,

                    but theyíre not bad.



          He stands and heads into the crowd.  Stunned for a moment, Kat

          rushes after him.



                              KAT

                    You know who the Raincoats are?



                              PATRICK

                    Why?  Donít you?  I was watching you out there before...



          The song ends and there is a moment of silence in the club as he

          continues to use his loud-club-volume voice.



                              PATRICK

                    (continuing)

                    Iíve never seen you look so sexy.



          The crowd hears him clearly and laughs.  He grins with embarrassment.



                              PATRICK

                    (continuing)

                    Come to Bogieís party with me.



                              KAT

                    You never give up, do you?



          She begins to walk away through the crowd.



                              PATRICK

                    Was that a yes?



                              KAT

                    (shouting over her shoulder)

                    No.



                              PATRICK

                    Well, was that a no?



                              KAT

                    No.



                              PATRICK

                    (shouting after her)

                    Iíll see you at 9:30 then.





          

          INT. STRATFORD LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

          

          Bianca and Chastity are dolled-up in party clothes and are

          attempting to sneak down the stairs and out the door.

          Walter is reading the paper, facing the opposite direction.



                              WALTER

                    You should have used the window.

          

          She pretends everything is normal.



                                 BIANCA

                    Hi Daddy.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Hi. Where are we going?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Well, if you must know, a small study

                    group of friends.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Otherwise known as an orgy?



                              CHASTITY

                    Mr. Stratford, itís just a party.



                              WALTER

                    And Hell is just a sauna.

          

          Kat comes walking down the stairs, oblivious of whatís going on.

          Walter directs his attention toward Kat.

          

                                 WALTER

                    You know about any party?

          

          Kat shrugs and shakes her head.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    People expect me to be there!

          

                                 WALTER

                    If Kat's not going, you're not going.

          

          Bianca turns to Kat.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Why canít you be normal?

          

                                 KAT 

                    Define normal.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal.





                                 WALTER

                    What's a Bogey Lowenstein?



                              KAT

                    Bogieís party is just a lame excuse for all the

                    idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up

                    against each other in hopes of distracting

                    themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their...



          Chastity and Bianca are familiar with this old rant and chime in

          to finish her sentence for her.



                              BIANCA/CHASTITY

                    ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives.



          Kat stops short.  Surprised sheís become so predictable.



                              BIANCA

                    Can you, for just one night, forget that youíre

                    completely wretched and be my sister?  Please?

                    Please?!  Címon, Kat, please do this for me.



          Sheís very sincere.  Kat is swayed.



                              KAT

                    Fine.  Iíll make an appearance.

          

          Bianca and Chastity look at each other, thrilled, and burst 

          into gleeful screams, hugging Kat from either side.

          

                                 WALTER

                    It's starting.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    It's just a party. Daddy.

          

          Walter looks dazed.

          

                                 WALTER

                    I want you to wear the belly.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Daddy, no!

          

                                 WALTER

                    Not all night.  Just around the living room

                    for a minute so you can understand the full

                    weight of your decisions.

          

          He rushes to a cupboard and pulls out a padded faux-

          pregnancy jacket.  Bianca limply holds out her arms in defeat.     

          He hangs it on her.



                              BIANCA

                    I am perfectly aware... 



                              WALTER

                    Listen to me.  Every time you even think about

                    kissing a boy, I want you to picture wearing

                    this under your halter top.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    You are so completely unbalanced.



                              WALTER

                    Uh huh.

          

                                 KAT 

                    Weíre going now.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (to Kat)

                    Alright, wait a minute. No drinking.  No drugs. No kissing.

                    No tattoos. No piercings.  No ritual animal slaughter of

                    any kind.

                    (to himself)

                    Oh god, Iím giving them ideas...

          

          Kat opens the door, and there stands Patrick.



                              KAT

                    What are you doing here?

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    Nine-thirty right?

          

          Kat's in shock

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (continuing)

                    I'm early.

          

                                 KAT 

                    Whatever.  I'm driving.

          

          He peeks in behind her.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    Who knocked up your sister?

          







          INT. MICHAELíS HOUSE - NIGHT 

          Cameron and Michael are preparing to go to the party.  Michael

          employs a variety of questionable beautification techniques.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    So, then Bianca says that I was right.  That

                    she didn't wear the Kenneth Coles with that 

                    dress because she thought it was 

                    mixing genres. Right?  And the fact 

                    that I noticed -- and this is a direct quote -

                    "really meant something."

          

          Cameron looks At Michael expectantly

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    You told me that part already.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    I've been thinking about it all the time...



                                 MICHAEL 

                    Stop being so self-involved for one minute.

                    How do I look?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    You look like my great uncle, Milton.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    You think I should lose the tie?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (obviously)

                    Yeah.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Maybe youíre right.

                    (very flustered and nervous)

                    Iím just so nervous.  You know?  And Iím also very

                    excited.  Iím nervous and Iím excited.  Itís all

                    very mixed up.  I donít know...



                              CAMERON

                    Okay, alright.  Just calm down.  Alright.



                              MICHAEL

                    The last party I went to was at Chuck-E-Cheeze. You

                    wanna talk about some fun?

                    (he snorts happily)

                    Thatís a good time.







          EXT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT



          A huge pack of party-goers, carrying kegs and ready to have some

          fun, charge through the night like hungry wolves, descending on

          Bogeyís well-lit, upscale, suburban home.











          INT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          

          BOGEY, the leader of the Future MBAís, plays the host to some stiff-looking

          kids arranged on some flowery sofas in a very expensive-looking den.

          He hands out cigars proudly.

          

                                 BOGEY

                    Now remember guys.  Donít touch anything.



          He spots one of his guests fondling a crystal vase and seizes it.



                              BOGEY

                    (continuing)

                    Oh...what did I tell you?



          He puts it back where it came from as the doorbell rings.  He

          lights up and heads for the door.



                              BOGEY

                    That must be Nigel with the Brie.

          

          Before he gets to the door, the room is stampeded with partiers.

          Within second the house is filled to capacity.  A DJ is suddenly

          spinning and booze is everywhere.

          



          INT. UPSTAIRS BALCONY, BOGIEíS - NIGHT

          

          Michael drifts through an archway with a beer in his hand and

          bee-lines for a busty blonde.



                              MICHAEL

                    (to girl)

                    You know, Iím thinking about getting a Tercel.

                    Yeah, thatís a Toyota.



          She winces and she and her friend start to walk away.



                              MICHAEL

                    (shouting after her)

                    It has dual-side airbags and a spacious back seat.



          Across the way, Kat and Patrick come up the stairs to the

          balcony.  Patrick encounters a very drunk and happy girl.



                              DRUNK GIRL

                    (to Patrick)

                    Kiss me!



          She embraces him and he turns her around and nudges her into

          the arms of a lonely guy on a chair.



                              PATRICK

                    Kiss him.



          She immediately falls upon the lucky guyís lips.  He manages

          to tear himself away for a moment as Patrick passes.



                              LUCKY GUY

                    (to Patrick)

                    Hey, thanks man!



          In doing so, he forgets about the girl and drops her on the ground.

          Meanwhile, Kat has made her way into the next room, where she is

          met by Joey.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Sweet!  Lookin' fresh tonight, Pussy-Kat.

          

          Kat gives him a dark look and then stops and points at his 

          forehead.

          

                                 KAT

                    Wait -- was that?-- Did your hairline 

                    just recede?

          

          Heís flustered for a moment.  When he recovers she's already walking away.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Hey, where ya goin?

          

                                 KAT

                    Away.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Your sister here?

          

                                 KAT 

                    Stay away from my sister.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    (smirking) 

                    Oh Iíll stay away from your sister.  But

                    I canít guarantee sheíll stay away from me.

          

          A ruckus sounds from the next room and a jock jumps in next to them.

          

                                 JOCK 

                    Fight!



                              JOEY

                    Ooo!  Fight!

          

          He and the Jock run off to watch.  Two guys are slugging it out in the den.

          Bogie watches in horror.



                              BOGIE

                    You guys, please!  Take it outside!



          They wrestle and crash through the bay window onto the grass outside.



                              BOGIE

                    Thank you.

          

          Kat pushes through the gathered crowd to get away and encounters Joey

          with Bianca on his arm.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Hey Kat.  Look who found me.



          Joey and Bianca walk away.  She ignores Kat.



                                 KAT 

                    Bianca, wait!

          

                              BIANCA

                    (annoyed)

                    Please donít address me in public.



                              KAT

                    No wait.  Thereís something I need to tell you.



                              BIANCA

                    Look.  I am busy enjoying my adolescence, so

                    scamper off and do the same.



                              JOEY

                    (loving this)

                    Bye bye.

          

          They leave a dejected Kat behind.  A guy with a tray of shots

          sidles up next to Kat.



                              SHOTS GUY

                    Want one?



          Patrick appears behind her as she snatches a shot and downs it with

          a grimace of intense discomfort.



                              PATRICK

                    Whatís this?



                              SHOTS GUY

                    Right on, sister!

          

                                 PATRICK

                    (to Kat)

                    Iíve been looking all over the place for you.

          

                                 KAT 

                    (mocking)

                    "I'm getting trashed, man." Isn't that 

                    what you're supposed to do at a party?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I dunno.  I say, do what you wanna do.

          

                                 KAT

                    Funny, you're the only one.  Later.

          

          She pushes away into the crowd.



          

          INT. BOGEY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

          

          Michael spots another pair of girls and tries his luck again.

          He does a weak impression of an Irish jig.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Lord of the Dance.  Hi Heather.



                              HEATHER

                    Bite me.



          She walks away.



                              MICHAEL

                    (undaunted and still quite cheery)

                    Should have kept the tie.



          Cameron comes up behind him.

          

                              CAMERON

                    Hey.  Have you seen her around anywhere?

          

          Michael spots Bianca and Chastity coming down the stairs 

          and points Cameron in her direction.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Relax.  Relax.  Iím telling you,

                    follow the love, man.

          

          Cameron walks over to the girls.



                              CAMERON

                    Hi Bianca.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Oh, hi Cameron.



                                 BIANCA

                    Um, you know Chastity?



          A bit uncomfortable, she pushes Chastity between them.



                                 CAMERON

                    (to Chastity)

                    Yeah.  I think we have art together, right?

          

                                 CHASTITY 

                    (not amused)

                    Great.



                                 CAMERON

                    (to Bianca)

                    So, uh, you really look amazing.



          Chastity shows pitiable disdain at his obvious pass.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (uncomfortable)

                    Thanks.

          

          Joey comes down the stairs and has overheard Cameronís

          compliment.  Chastity looks him up and down approvingly.



                              JOEY

                    We all know I look amazing.



          The girls both giggle.



                              JOEY

                    Bianca, letís go.  Weíre all congregating

                    around Mr. Cuervo.



                              BIANCA

                    (to Cameron)

                    Um, Iíll see you around, okay?

          

          Joey and the girls walk away as Cameron stares in disbelief.

          Joey looks back just long enough to flash him a thumbís up.

          Cameron is crushed.

          

          

          INT. A ROOM, BOGEY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

          



          Bianca walks next to Joey as he blathers about modeling.

          

                                 JOEY

                    So I've got the Sears catalog 

                    thing going -- and the tube sock gig. 

                    That is gonna be huge!



          He pauses as someone screams and falls off the roof outside

          the window.



                              JOEY

                    (continuing)

                    And Iím up for a hemorrhoid cream ad next week. 

          

          Bianca looks truly offended.

          

                                 JOEY

                    (continuing)

                    I know it sounds kind of bogus, but...I get getta

                    do some acting.

          

          He pauses again, this time to place his empty can of Budweiser

          atop a large beer-can pyramid.  He then strikes a pose.  Bianca

          isnít watching.



                              JOEY

                    You see what I did there?



                              BIANCA

                    Um... uh huh.

          

                                 JOEY

                    That was underwear.  Iíll show you the bathing suit

                    one next.



          Itís exactly the same.



                              JOEY

                    (continuing)

                    You see the difference?

          

          She turns away looking disgusted again.  He notices her lack of

          interest and takes it in stride, turning immediately to someone

          behind him.



                              JOEY

                    (to other person)

                    Okay, Iíll show you.



          Bianca uses the opportunity to slip away.



          

          INT. BOGEY'S DEN - NIGHT





          A cowboy sits with another kid chewing tobacco.  He unloads a mouthful

          of it into a nice crystal vase.  Bogie takes the vase from them and

          moans woefully.



          Bianca passes, searching the crowd, and spots Joey through an archway

          striking poses for a crowd.  She turns away and faces Cameron, who is

          obviously not happy with the eveningís turn of events.



          Bianca decided to avoid the inevitable conflict and pulls Chastity in

          the opposite direction.



                              BIANCA

                    (to Chastity)

                    Is it just me, or does this party all of a

                    sudden suck?



          They walk away.  Cameron looks sour.





          

          INT. BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

 

          Patrick is searching for Kat.  He passes the Drunk Girl and Lucky

          Guy from earlier, and the guy grabs his shirt.



                              LUCKY GUY

                    Really.  Really!  Thank you!



          Patrick gives him a pat on the shoulder and moves on.  He spots Kat,

          who is already very drunk, standing with a fresh shot in her hand.

          Patrick tries to remove a shot glass from Kat's hand.

          

                                 PATRICK

          

                    Hey hey hey!  Why donít you let me have this one, huh?

          

          Kat is fierce in her refusal and pulls the shot away.

          

                                 KAT

                    No!  This oneís mine.



          She rushes off.

          Joey enters, grabbing Patrick by the shoulder, distracting 

          him from following Kat.

          

                                 JOEY

                    My man!  How did you get her to do it?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Do what?

          

                                 JOEY

                    Act like a human.

          

          They both notice Kat has climbed up on a table in the next

          room and is dancing.  Joey is very pleased and rushes to watch.



                              JOEY

                    Yeah!  Alright!

          

          Others form a crowd, clapping and cheering her on.  Bianca

          sees her from the balcony and rushes off.  Kat completes her

          dance by falling off the table. Patrick catches her.



          

                                 PATRICK

                    Are you okay?

          

                                 KAT

                    I'm fine.

          

          She tries to sit up, but falls back again.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    You're not fine.  Címon.



          He helps her to walk away from the table and down the hall.

          

                                 KAT

                    I just need to lie down somewhere.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to 

                    sleep

          

                                 KAT

                    Sleep is good.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Yeah.  Not if you have a concussion.





          

          EXT. BOGIEíS HOUSE - NIGHT



          A few partygoers stand around as Patrick guides her toward a

          stone bench.



                                 PATRICK

                    C'mon.  Here, sit down.  Sit.

          

          As Patrick sits Kat down, Cameron comes up next to him.

          



                              CAMERON

                    (to Patrick)

                    Hey, hey.  We need to talk.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I'm a little busy right now.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Can you give me a second?



          Patrick steps aside with him.



                              CAMERON

                    (continuing)

                    It's off, okay?  The whole thingís off.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Whatíre you talking about?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    She never wanted me.  She wanted Joey the

                    whole time.



          Patrick doesn't have time for this.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Cameron -- do you like the girl?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Yeah.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (impatient)

                    Yeah.  And is she worth all this trouble?



                              CAMERON

                    Well, I thought she was.  But, you know, I...



                              PATRICK

                    Well she is or she isnít.  See, first of all, Joey

                    is not half the man you are.  Secondly, donít let

                    anyone ever make you feel like you donít deserve

                    what you want.  Go for it!



          Kat begins to fall off the bench and Patrick catches her again.

          He stands her up and they walk away.



                              PATRICK

                    (to Kat)

                    Címon.

 

          Patrick continues walking an oblivious Kat away from the party.

          Cameron stands there, unsure how to make use of this advice.

          





          EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE BOGIEíS HOUSE - NIGHT 

          

          Patrick marches Kat down the street, holding her up.  They head

          up a hill.

          

                                 KAT

                    (annoyed at being held up)

                    Youíre so patronizing.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Leave it to you to use big words when 

                    you're smashed.



          She pushes his arm off and tries to walk on her own.



                              KAT

                    I donít think so.



          She falls down and stands back up again.



                              PATRICK

                    Okay...

          

                                 KAT

                    Why are you doing this?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I told you.  You may have a concussion.

          

                                 KAT

                    You don't care if I never wake up.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    (he grins)

                    Sure, I do.

          

                                 KAT

                    Why?

          

          They reach a set of two swings hedged by ivy and stop.



                                 PATRICK

                    Well then, because then I'd have to start taking 

                    out girls who actually like me.

          

                                 KAT

                    Like you could find one.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    See that, there?  Who needs affection when 

                    I have blind hatred?

          

                                 KAT

                    Let me sit down for a while.

          

          She walks over to the swings and plops down,

          moving her hands to hang onto the ropes.



          She sits and looks at him for a moment with a smile. Then 

          falls over backward, just in time to be caught--again.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    Jesus.

          

          Patrick sits on the other swing.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (continuing)

                    So why'd you let him get to you?

          

                                 KAT

                    Who? 

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Joey.

          

                                 KAT

                    I hate him.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Well, youíve chosen the perfect revenge:

                    mainlining tequila.



          They both laugh.

          

                                 KAT

                    Well, you know what they say...

          

          He stops the swing

          

                                 PATRICK

                    No. What do they say?

          

          Kat is asleep, her head resting against the swing's rope.  Heís

          concerned about her falling asleep with a possible concussion.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (continuing)

                    No no no no!  Kat!  Címon, wake up!  Look at me!

                    Listen to me, Kat.  Open your eyes!

          

          He slaps her and she slowly opens her eyes.



                                 KAT

                    (waking)

                    Hey.  Youíre eyes have a little green in them.

          

          He sighs with relief and smiles.  They make meaningful eye

          contact, and she then vomits at his feet.





          

          EXT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

          

          Kids loiter outside.  Bianca and Chastity are waiting.



                              BIANCA

                    I donít know if we should go...



          Joey comes up to them.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Hey.  A bunch of us are going to Jaret's 

                    house.  Ready?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Uh, I have to be home in twenty minutes.

          

                                 CHASTITY 

                    (eagerly, to Joey)

                    You know, I don't have to be home 'til two. So...

          

                                 JOEY 

                    (to Bianca)

                    One more chance...



                              BIANCA

                    (not interested)

                    Oh, man.  I canít.  Damn.



                              CHASTITY

                    Thatís a shame.

                    (to Joey)

                    Well?



                              JOEY

                    (to Chastity)

                    You wanna go?



                              CHASTITY

                    Sure.



                              BIANCA

                    Chastity!



                              CHASTITY

                    Hey, you passed.



          Chastity leaves with Joey.



                              BIANCA

                    (to herself)

                    Bitch.

          

          Cameron exits the party and stops when he sees Bianca 

          standing alone.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (slightly accusatory)

                    Hey.  Have fun tonight?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (unenthused)

                    Tons.

          

          He starts to walk on.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    Cameron?

          

          He stops. She gives him a helpless smile.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    Do you think you could give me a ride home?



          He stops, facing away from her.  He looks very put-out.





          

          INT. KAT'S CAR - NIGHT

          

          Patrick drives as Kat sits in the passenger seat.  She listens

          to the stereo.

          

                                 KAT 

                    I should do this.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Do what?

          

                                 KAT

                    This.

          

          She points to the radio.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Start a band?

          

                                 KAT 

                    (sarcastically)

                    No, install car stereos.  Yeah, start a band.

                    My father would love that.



          Patrick pulls up to her house and stops the car.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    You don't strike me as the type that 

                    would ask your fatherís permission.

          

          She turns to look at him.

          

                                 KAT

                    Oh, so now you think you know me?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I'm gettin' there

          

          Her voice loses it's venom

          

                                 KAT

                    The only thing people know about me is 

                    that I'm "scary".

          

                                 PATRICK       

                    Yeah, well, I'm no picnic myself.

          

          They eye each other, sharing a moment of connection.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (avoiding the tension)

                    So what ' s up with your dad?  Is he a 

                    pain in the ass?

          

                                 KAT

                    No.  He just wants me to be someone I'm not.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Who?

          

                                 KAT

                    Bianca.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Ah... Bianca.  No offense or anything, I mean,

                    I know everyone digs you're sister.  But, um... 

                    Sheís without.

          

          Kat stares at him with new admiration.

          

                                 KAT

                    You know, you're not as vile as I 

                    thought you were.

          

          She leans drunkenly toward him.

          

          Their faces grow closer as if they're about to kiss And then 

          Patrick pulls away.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Maybe we should do this another time.

          

          Kat stares at him, pissed.  Then gets out of the car 

          and stomps off.

          



          CAMERON'S CAR - NIGHT

          

          Bianca and Cameron ride in silence.            

          He pulls up in front of her house and finally breaks it.



                                 CAMERON

                    You never wanted to go sailing with me, 

                    did you?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (lying to be nice)

                    Yes I did.



                              CAMERON

                    No.  You didnít.



                              BIANCA

                    Well, okay.  No.  Not actually.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (upset and disappointed)

                    Well, then that's all you had to say.

                    You always been this selfish?

          

          BIANCA thinks for a few seconds.



                              BIANCA

                    (meekly)

                    Yes.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    You know, just because you're beautiful, doesn't 

                    mean you can treat people like they don't matter.

                    I mean, I really like you.  Okay?  I defended you

                    when people called you conceited.  I helped you

                    when you asked me to.  I learned French for you!

                    And then you just blow me off...

          

          She looks at him for a moment, then grabs his face and 

          gives him a kiss on the lips.  He is stunned.  She smiles, then

          gets out of the car without another word.

          

          Cameron looks as though heís just been told heís inherited a

          billion dollars as she turns, smiles, and walks away.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (regaining his composure)

                    And I'm back in the game!





          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

          

          Kat enters the class.  DEREK, a White Rasta, pokes fun at her for

          dancing at the party the night before.

          

                                 DEREK

                    Kat, me lady, you sway to the rhythm of 

                    me heart.



          CLEM, a cowboy, chimes in as she makes her way to her seat.

          

                                 CLEM

                    Dance for me, cowgirl.

    

                                 JOEY

                    Kat, babe, what do we owe you for the table dance?

          

                                 MR. MORGAN

                    (to the class)

                    Allright, not that I care, but how was everybodyís

                    weekend?

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Oh, I donít know.

                    Maybe we should ask Kat.

          

                                 MR. MORGAN

                    Unless she kicked the crap out of your dumb butt,

                    I donít wanna hear about it.  Okay, letís open up

                    our books to page 73, sonnet 141.  And listen up:



          He quotes from Shakespeareís sonnet with a modern rapper lilt.

          

                              MR. MORGAN

                    (reciting)

                    ďIn faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes.

                     For they and thee a thousand errors note.

                     But Ďtis my heart loves what they despise,

                     who in despite of view is pleasíd to dote.Ē

                    (continuing as normal)

                    Now, I know Shakespeareís a dead white guy.

                    But he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.

                    I want you all to write your own 

                    version of this Sonnet.



          The class groans in disapproval.

          Kat raises her hand.  Mr. Morgan is unpleased.  Heís obviously

          accustomed to her opposition.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Yes, Miss I-have-an-opinion-about-everything?



                              KAT

                    Do you want this in iambic pentameter?



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Youíre not going to fight me on this?



                              KAT

                    No.  I think itís a really good assignment.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    (laughs)

                    Youíre just messiní with me, arenít you?



                              KAT

                    No.  Iím really looking forward to writing it.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    (thinks sheís mocking him)

                    Get out of my class.



                              KAT

                    What?



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Out.  Get out!



          She looks confused, slowly rises and leaves.



                              JOEY

                    Thanks Mr. Morgan.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    Shut up.





          

          INT. HALLWAY - DAY

          

          Mandella is at her locker.  Drawings of William Shakespeare 

          adorn the door.  Michael walks up.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Hey.  Thatís a cool picture.  Whatís the collar for?

                    Is it to keep him from licking his stitches?



          He laughs at his own joke, then notices her lack of amusement.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    (continuing)

                    Kidding.  No, because I know youíre a fan of Shakespeare.

          

                                 MANDELLA

                    More than a fan.  Weíre involved.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Okay.

          

          She continues to ignore him.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    (quoting from Shakespeare)

                    ďWho could refrain that had a heart to 

                    love and in that heart...ď



                              MANDELLA

                    (finishing the quote for him)

                    ...courage to make love known?

          

          Michael thinks for a minute.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Macbeth, right?

          

                                 MANDELLA 

                    (happily stunned)

                    Right.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    So, listen... I have this friend...





          

          EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY

          

          Cameron sits next to Patrick on the bleachers as they watch 

          the girls practice.

          

          

                                 CAMERON

                    What'd you do to her?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I didnít do anything. 

                    Wouldíve been too drunk to remember.



                              CAMERON

                    But the plan was working.



                              PATRICK

                    What do you care?  I thought you wanted out.



                              CAMERON

                    Yeah, well I did, but, uh, that was until she

                    kissed me.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (grins)

                    Where?

                              

                              CAMERON

                    In the car.



          Michael is jogging up to them from across the jogging track.  As he

          crosses it, he is nearly run over by two joggers.



                              MICHAEL

                    Sorry.



                              JOGGERS

                    Dweeb!  Putz!



                              MICHAEL

                    Iím Sorry!



          He sits with Cameron and Patrick.



                              MICHAEL

                    Alright.  I talked to her.  I got the scoop.



                              CAMERON

                    What did she say?



                                 MICHAEL

                    Hates him with the fire of a 

                    thousand suns.  That's a direct quote.



                              PATRICK

                    Thanks, Malcolm.  Thatís very comforting of you.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    We donít know.  She could just need a day to cool

                    off.

          

          A soccer ball flies past them from the field, narrowly missing their 

          heads.  Kat stands menacingly glaring at them.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (continuing)

                    Maybe two.



          

          INT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY 

          

          Kat and Mandella walk.  Kat sees a prom flyer and tears it down as the

          flier posting girl watches.

          

                              PROM POSTER GIRL

                    Hey!



          Kat doesnít hear her and just keeps walking.



                                 KAT

                    Can you imagine who would go to that antiquated

                    mating ritual?

          

                                 MANDELLA

                    (raises her hand)

                    I would.  But I donít have a date.

          

                                 KAT

                    Do you really want to get all dressed up so

                    some Drakkar Noir-wearing Dexter with a boner

                    can feel you up while youíre forced to listen

                    to a band that by definition sucks?

          

                                 MANDELLA 

                    Alright, alright.  We won't go.  It's not like 

                    Iíve got a dress anyway.



          

                                 KAT

                    You ' re looking at this from entirely the wrong 

                    perspective.  We're making a statement.

          

                                 MANDELLA 

                    (unconvinced and sarcastic)

                    Oh, goody.  Something new and different 

                    for us.



          

          EXT. ARCHERY FIELD - DAY 

          

          Mr. Chapin instructs as boys and girls shoot arrows at targets.

          Joey swaggers up to Bianca, who is taking careful aim.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Hey there, Cupid.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (not looking at him)

                    Hi, Joey.

          

                                 JOEY

                    You're concentrating awfully hard 

                    considering it's gym class.

          

          She turns to look at him and releases the arrow at an angle.  A cry

          is heard off-camera.  Bianca clearly isnít interested in talking to Joey.



                              BIANCA

                    Can I help you?

          

                                 JOEY 

                    I want to talk to you about prom.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Look, you know the deal.  I can't go if Kat 

                    doesn't go.

          

          In the background, Mr. Chapin crumples to the ground with an arrow

          sticking out of his rear end.  Chastity scurries over to help him.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Your sister is going.

          

          Bianca looks at him, surprised

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Since when?

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Oh, letís just say I'm taking care of it.

          

          Joey takes an arrow and hands it to her as he walks away.







          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 

          

          Joey hands 2 $100 bills to Patrick.



                                 JOEY

                    Here.  This should take care of the flowers, the limo,

                    the tux, everything.  Just make sure she gets to the prom.

          

          Patrickís conscience seems to be bothering him.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    You know what?  Iím sick of playing your little game.

          

          He hands back the cash.  Joey reaches into his pocket again and looks around.



                              JOEY

                    You sick of, letís say, 300?



          Patrick looks a bit tortured, but eventually takes the money.





          INT. GUITAR STORE - DAY



          Kat is playing a guitar with headphones on.  Patrick comes up behind her,

          then decides to leave her alone.





          INT. BOOK STORE - DAY

          

          Patrick scans the store for Kat, sees her, and follows her from the next

          row of books.  When the reach the end of the aisle, he confronts her.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine 

                    Mystique?  Iíve lost my copy.

          

                                 KAT 

                    (not pleased)

                    What are you doing here?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I heard there was a poetry reading.

          

                                 KAT

                    You're so...

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Charming?

          

          She turns and begins to walk away.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (continuing)

                    Wholesome.

          

                                 KAT

                    (turning back)

                    Unwelcome.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Youíre not as mean as you think you are, you know that?



                              KAT

                    And youíre not as badass as you think you are.



                              PATRICK

                    Ooo, someone still has their panties in a twist.

          

                                 KAT

                    Don't for one minute think that you had 

                    any effect whatsoever on my panties.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Then what did I have an effect on ?

          

                                 KAT

                    Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing.

          

          She heads for the door, handing him a copy of The Feminine Mystique as

          she leaves.



          

          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

          

          Cameron  and Michael flank Patrick as he piles food onto his tray.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Youíre right. She's still pissed.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Sweet love, renew thy force!

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Hey, man!  Don't say shit like that to  me. 

                    People can hear you.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Look.  You embarrassed the girl. Sacrifice  

                    yourself on the altar of dignity and  

                    even the score.



          Patrick scowls and walks away.

          

                                 MICHAEL

                    Listen.  Donít say shit like that to him.  People

                    can hear you.

          



          INT. HALLWAY - DAY



          Patrick hands a wad of cash to a pudgy kid and smiles.





          

          INT. FIELD ANNOUNCERíS BOOTH - DAY



          A pair of hands are scanning the controls for the school stadiumís audio

          setup.  One hand holds a cordless microphone, the other turns up the volume

          on a switch labeled ďField Mic AnnounceĒ.





          EXT. THE BLEACHERS - DAY



          Looking down on the field where the girls are practicing soccer, Patrick

          stands atop the bleachers with the microphone in his hand and begins to

          sing an old love song to Kat.



          He completes the first verse, as everyone watches, then gives a

          signal to the pudgy kid he met in the hall earlier.  The kid is the leader

          of the school marching band, which then chimes in and begins playing the

          music for the song.  Kat is thrilled.



          Patrick continues singing and dancing around on the bleachers, until two

          cops arrive.  They grab him as the soccer team applauds his performance.



          He breaks free and continues hamming about, spanks an officerís bum as he

          passes, then runs away.  Kat is obviously flattered.



          

                    

          INT. DETENTION HALL - DAY

          

          Patrick and several other miscreants sit quietly, mulling 

          over their misfortune as Mr. Chapin presides.  Mr. Chapin tries to sit

          on the edge of the desk, grimaces in pain from his arrow wound, and

          someone in the classroom giggles.

          

                                 MR. CHAPIN 

                    (to a stoner kid)

                    You look pretty nervous.



                              STONER KID

                    Yes sir.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Youíre sweating like a pig.



                              STONER KID

                    Yes sir.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Your eyes are all...bloodshot.



                              STONER KID

                    Yes sir.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Youíve got pot, donít you?



          Stoner Kid hands him a bag of weed.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Iím confiscating this.



          He turns around and sees a bag of Cheetos on another kidís desk, which

          he also takes, revealing possible future plans for his contraband...



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    This too.



          Kat suddenly enters the room and approaches Mr. Chapin.  Patrick looks

          up and sees her.



                                 KAT

                    Um, sir?  I have some ideas on how we can improve

                    the girlís soccer team.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Great!  Letís talk about it later.

          

          He turns away and she uses the opportunity to motion to Patrick.



                              KAT

                    (whispering to Patrick)

                    The window.

                    (he doesnít get it)

                    Window!



          Mr. Chapin turns back around and she laughs.



                              KAT

                    (continuing to Mr. Chapin)

                    As you know, we have a really big game with Hillcrest High...

          

          Patrick runs for the side of the room as she distracts Mr. Chapin.

          Mr. Chapin begins to turn, but she grabs his arm to stop him.



                              KAT

                    (gasps)

                    Youíre bicep is huge!  Oh my god.  The other

                    oneís even bigger.  You donít take steroids, do you?

                    Because Iíve heard steroids can severely disintegrate

                    your...package.



          The classroom murmers, including an inexplicable older, balding guy in the

          back row, who seems to be a badly cast extra.



                              KAT

                    (continuing)

                    Thatís not the point.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Letís hope not.



          He hears Patrick make a creaking noise and tries to turn.  She stops him.    



                                 KAT

                    The point is, they kick our butts every year.  I was

                    thinking.  I devised a plan that will enable us to

                    finally defeat them.

          

                                 MR. CHAPIN 

                    Which is?

          

          Patrick is sneaking toward the window behind him, next to

          a big sign that reads: ďAllís Quiet on the Western FrontĒ.



                              KAT

                    (continuing)

                    That thing you taught us.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    What thing?



                              KAT

                    Misdirection.



                              MR. CHAPIN

                    I taught you that?



                              KAT

                    Yeah.  You, or Siegfried, or Roy.  Anyway,

                    thatís not important.  The...

          

          He tries to turn again and she grabs his chin to stop him.



                              KAT

                    Think about it!  Um, theyíre looking left, and

                    weíre running right.  Bang!  We score.  We win.

          

          Kat starts to panic, as Patrick has yet to make it out the window.

          

                              MR. CHAPIN

                    Okay.  But how do we get Ďem to look left?



                                 KAT

                    (in desperation)

                    Um, like this.

          

          She lifts her shirt just long enough for Patrick to escape.

          

          The miscreants cheer, for both the daring escape and the 

          flash of skin.



                              KAT

                    Okay.  Well, now that youíve seen...The Plan,

                    Iím gonna go and show The Plan to someone else.  Okay.



          She walks away as the classroom applauds.

          



          

          EXT. IN THE BAY - DAY 

          

          Patrick and Kat peddle a small, rented leisure boat.  They are 

          laughing together.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I canít thank you enough for helping me sneak out of

                    detention.  Very cool.

          

                                 KAT

                    No problem.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing

                    out that window, I tell ya.  So how did you keep

                    him distracted?

         

                                 KAT

                    I dazzled him with my... wits.



                                 PATRICK 

                    (after a pause)

                    So what's your excuse?



                              KAT

                    For?



                                 PATRICK

                    Acting the way we do.

          

                                 KAT

                    I don't like to do what people expect.  

                    Why should I live up to other peopleís

                    expectations instead of my own?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    So you disappoint them from the 

                    start and then you're covered, right?

          

                                 KAT

                    Something like that

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Then you screwed up

          

                                 KAT

                    How?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    You never disappointed me.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (after a romantic pause)

                    Are you up for it?

          

                                 KAT

                    Up for what?

          

          He motions to the SIGN for a paint-ball game.

          



          EXT. PAINTBALL PARK - DAY



          They chase each other around and get covered in paint,

          having a good time of it.  Eventually, they end up

          falling down and literally rolling in the hay, caught

          in an embrace and a short bit of lip action before the

          game continues.

                  

  

          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY

          

          Patrick pulls up outside Kat's house and they get out.  Paint still

          streaks their hair.



                              PATRICK

                    No.  None of that stuff is true.

          

                                 KAT

                    State trooper?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Fallacy.  Uh, dead guy in the parking lot?

          

                                 KAT

                    Rumor.  The duck?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Hearsay.  Bobby Ridgewayís balls?

          

                                 KAT

                    Fact.  But he deserved it.  He tried to grope me

                    in the lunch line.



                              PATRICK

                    Fair enough.



                              KAT

                    The accident?



                              PATRICK

                    Itís real.  I lived in Australia until I was 10.



                              KAT

                    With the Pygmies?



                              PATRICK

                    Close.  With my mom.



                              KAT

                    Where were you last year?

                    I know the porn career's a lie.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Do you?

          

          They pause for a moment, then laugh.

          

                                 KAT

                    Tell me something true.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Something true?  I hate peas.

          

                                 KAT

                    No.  Something real.  Something no one 

                    else knows.

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (in-between kissing her neck)

                    Okay.  You're sweet.  And sexy.  And 

                    completely hot for me.

          

                                 KAT

                    You're amazingly self-assured. Has 

                    anyone ever told you that?

          

                              PATRICK

                    I tell myself that every day, actually.



          He kisses her.



                                 PATRICK

                    Go to the prom with me



                                 KAT

                    Is that a request or a command?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Címon, go with me.

          

                                 KAT

                    No.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    No?  Why not?

          

                                 KAT

                    No, I won't go with you

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Why not?

          

                                 KAT

                    Because I don't want to. It's a stupid 

                    tradition.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Címon.  People won't expect you to go.

          

          Kat turns to him, getting angry.

          

                                 KAT

                    Why are you pushing this?

                    What's in it for you?

          

          He plays the role of the guilty, accused husband, answering with

          an accusatory question.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Oh, so I need to have a motive to want to be

                    with you?

          

                                 KAT

                    You tell me.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    You need therapy, you know that?  Has anyone ever told 

                    you that?

          

                                 KAT 

                    (suspicious and a little hurt)

                    Answer the question, Patrick

          

                                 PATRICK 

                    (angry)

                    Nothing!  There is nothing in it for me.  

                    Just the pleasure of your company, okay?

          

          He takes out a cigarette.  She throws it away before she 

          storms off and SLAMS the door to the house.



                    

          INT. STUDY HALL - DAY

          

          Cameron and Bianca sit together at a table.  She stares at him.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (speaking in French)

                    May I offer you a parsnip?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (in French)

                    No, you may not.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (in French)

                    Where is my uncleís pencil?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (in French, impatient)

                    I donít know.  Perhaps itís up your ass?

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (flustered, in English)

                    Wait.  Wait a minute.  That, thatís not on this page.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (in French, angry)

                    Let me ask you a question, Cameron.  When

                    are you going to ask me out?



          She gets up and storms off.  Cameron, perplexed at this development, 

          obviously didnít understand what she said.  He flips through his

          French book for an explanation and evidently finds one.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    (in French)

                    Shit.

                    

          

          INT. HALLWAY - DAY

          

          Mandella opens her locker. Hanging inside is a beautiful period-style

          green dress with a note.  Mandella holds the dress up to read the note.

          

          The note reads: "0 Fair One.  Join me at the prom.  I will be

          waiting.  Love, William S."

          

          Mandella seems pleased.



          

          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE/PATIO - DAY

          

          Walter does crunches on an abdominal machine.  He is struggling

          magnificently.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (grunting)

                    Seven!

                    (He stops and catches his breath)

                    Good.

          

          He stands up as Bianca enters.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Daddy?



                              WALTER

                    Hi, honey.



                              BIANCA

                    Um, I want to discuss tomorrow night. As you know,

                    it's the prom...



          He has been using a stretchy arm workout device, and it suddenly

          flies away off the balcony.

          

                                 WALTER

                    The prom?  Kat has a date?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Well, no.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Donít think youíre fooling me for a second.

                    I know who you want to bend the rules for.

                    It's that hot rod Joey.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Whatís a "hot rod"?

          

                                 WALTER

                    Itís a... If your sisterís not going, you're not going.

                    End of story.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Okay, letís review.  Kat: not interested.

                    Me: dying to go.

          

                                 WALTER

                    You know what happens at proms?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Yes, daddy.  We'll dance, we'll kiss, we'll 

                    come home.  Itís not quite the crisis situation

                    you imagine.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Kissing, huh?  Thatís what you think 

                    happens?  Got news for you.  Kissing isn't what keeps

                    me up to my elbows in placenta all day long.



                              BIANCA

                    Can we for 2 seconds ignore the fact that youíre

                    severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night

                    of teenage normalcy?



                              WALTER

                    Whatís normal?  Those damn Dawsonís River kids

                    sleeping in each otherís beds and whatnot?



                              BIANCA

                    Daddy, that is so not...



                              WALTER

                    Got news for ya.  Iím down.  Iíve got the 411.

                    And you are not going out and getting jiggy

                    with some boy.  I donít care how dope his ride is.



          She groans and leaves.



                              WALTER

                    (to himself)

                    My mama didnít raise no fool.



          The stretchy arm device now comes flying back onto the patio and lands

          in the hot tub.



                              WALTER

                    (shouting)

                    Thanks, Bill.



          

          INT. BIANCA'S ROOM - DAY 

          

          Bianca lies on her bed watching The Real World Seattle.  A knock sounds.

          

                              BIANCA

                    (annoyed)

                    Come in.

          

          Kat enters.

          

                                 KAT 

                    (kindly)

                    Listen I know...



          Bianca isnít listening.  Kat turns off the TV.



                              KAT

                    (continuing)

                    Listen, I know you hate having to sit at

                    home because I'm not Susie High School.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Like you care.

          

                                 KAT

                    I do care. But I'm a firm believer in 

                    doing something for your own reasons, and

                    not someone else's.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Well, I wish I had that luxury. You know, I'm the only 

                    sophomore that got asked to the prom and 

                    I can't go, because you donít feel like it.

          

                                 KAT

                    Joey never told you that we went out, did 

                    he?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (doesnít believe her)

                    Yeah, okay.

          

                                 KAT

                    In 9th.  For a month

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (can tell sheís serious and is confused)

                    Why?

          

                                 KAT 

                    (self-mocking)

                    Because he was, like, such a babe.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    But you hate Joey

          

                                 KAT

                    Now I do.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    So what happened?

          

          Kat indicates with a nod and a raised eyebrow that they 

          went all the way.



                              BIANCA

                    Oh!  Please tell me youíre joking.

          

                                 KAT 

                    Just once, right after mom left.  Everyone was doing

                    it, so... I did it.  Afterwards, I told him I 

                    didn't want to anymore because I wasn't ready

                    and he got pissed and dumped me.

          

          Bianca stares at her, dumbfounded

          

                                 KAT

                    (continuing)

                    After that I swore I'd never do 

                    anything just because "everyone else" 

                    was doing it.  And I haven't since. 

                    With the exception of Bogey's party and my 

                    stunning digestive pyrotechnics.

          

                              BIANCA

                    (stunned)

                    How is it possible that I did not know about this?



                              KAT

                    I warned him that if he told anyone, the cheerleading

                    squad would find out how small his dick is.



                                 BIANCA

                    Okay.  So why didn't you tell me?

          

                                 KAT

                    I wanted to let you make up your own 

                    mind about him.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (angry)

                    Then why did you help Daddy hold me hostage?

          

          Bianca stands up slowly

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    Itís not like I'm stupid enough to repeat your 

                    mistakes.

          

                                 KAT

                    I guess I thought I was protecting you.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    By not letting me experience anything for myself?

          

                                 KAT

                    Not all experiences are good, Bianca. 

                    You can't always trust the people you 

                    want to.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Well, I guess I'll never know, will I?

          

          She rises and holds the door open for Kat, then slams it 

          behind her.



          

          INT. KAT'S ROOM - DAY

          

          Kat lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.  She rolls over and 

          looks out the window.  Bianca is looking pitiful in a tire swing.



          

          INT.  LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

          

          Walter sits on the couch, transfixed by an ad for an aerosol product

          that covers baldness.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Interesting...



          Kat descends the stairs in an elegant blue prom dress and heads for the door.



                                 KAT

                    Bye, dad. I'm going to the prom.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (without looking up, thinks sheĎs joking)

                    Funny, sweetie.



          Kat shuts the door behind her.

          

          Bianca walks into the living room.  She's wearing a prom 

          dress.  Walter sees and immediately crosses to where she stands.



                                 WALTER

                    Whatís that?



                                 BIANCA

                    A prom dress.

          

                                 WALTER

                    I seem to be hearing that word a lot lately.

          

          The doorbell rings and Bianca opens it.  There stands 

          Cameron in a tuxedo.  He takes in Bianca's outfit.



                                 BIANCA

                    Hi.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Wow.  I, um... wow.



                              BIANCA



                    Bye, daddy.



                              WALTER

                    Stop.  Turn.  Explain.



                              BIANCA

                    Okay.  Remember how you said I could date if Kat

                    dated?  Well, she found this guy whoís actually

                    kind of perfect for her.  Which is actually kind

                    of perfect for me, because Cameron asked me to go

                    to the prom, and I really really really wanna go.

                    And since Kat went, I guess Iím allowed to, based

                    on the aforementioned rule, and itís previous

                    stipulations, of course.



                              CAMERON

                    (extends his hand to Walter)

                    Nice to meet you.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (intercepting his hand)

                    Let's go.

          

          They dash away down the walk.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (shouting after them)

                    I know every cop in town, bucko!

                    (to himself)

                    This is not good.

          

          

          INT. PROM/DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT



          A band that does not exactly suck by definition plays to a very

          responsive crowd.





          INT. PROM/BALCONY - NIGHT

          

          Kat ascends the grand staircase and stops.  Patrick notices and

          comes up behind her.



                              PATRICK

                    Wow.



                              KAT

                    You too.



          He hands her a rose.

          

                                 KAT

                    Where'd you get a tux at the last minute?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Oh, just something I had.  You know, lying around.



                              KAT

                    Oh...



                              PATRICK

                    Where'd you get the dress?

          

                                 KAT

                    Oh, just something I had.  You know, lying around.



          He smiles.

          

                                 KAT

                    Listen. I'm really sorry that I 

                    questioned your motives.  I was wrong.

          

          Patrick sighs.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Youíre forgiven.

          

                                 KAT

                    Okay.  Ready for the prom?



                              PATRICK

                    Yes, maíam.





          INT. STRATFORD DOORWAY - NIGHT



          Joey arrives in a tux and knocks on the door. Walter opens it.

          

                                 JOEY 

                    Hi, Mr. Stratford.  Iím Joey.

                    I'm here to pick up Bianca.

          

          Walter gives him an icy glare in silence and then slams the door

          in his face without saying a word.





          

          INT.  PROM/DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT

          

          Patrick and Kat enter.

          Kat steps forward, looking around and spots Cameron and 

          Bianca dancing cheek to cheek.

          

          ACROSS THE ROOM

          

          Mandella enters nervously, in the long Elizabethan gown, 

          hair piled on top of her head.  She spots Kat and hurries 

          over, distressed.

          

                                 MANDELLA

                    Have you seen him?

          

                                 KAT

                    Who?

          

                                 MANDELLA

                    William - he asked me to meet him here.

          

                                 KAT

                    Oh, Mandella.  Tell me you haven't

                    progressed to full-on hallucinations.

          

          Patrick looks toward the stage and nods.  Mandella turns to look.

          

          Michael - in Shakespearean-like attire bows in their direction.

          Mandella beams.

          

          Michael makes his way through the crowd over to her.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Milady.

          

                              MANDELLA

                    Good sir.

          

          Michael kisses her hand in courtly manner.





          INT. PROM/DANCE FLOOR - SHORTLY AFTER

          

          Kat and Patrick clap as the band finishes a song.  A new

          song begins and Kat recognizes it.  Itís by her favorite band.



                              KAT

                    Oh me god!  Itís...



                              PATRICK

                    I called in a favor.

          

          Kat stares in honest appreciation as the lead singer of her favorite

          band appears on stage and makes her way to the crowd to sing directly

          to Kat.  She turns back toward the stage and Patrick kisses Kat.  The

          music plays.



          

          INT. PROM/LADIES ROOM - NIGHT

          

          Bianca is at the mirror. Chastity emerges from a stall.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (surprised)

                    What are you doing here?

          

          Chastity is aloof.

          

                                 CHASTITY 

                    Oh, I know you didnít think you were the only sophomore 

                    at the prom?  Joey just picked me up.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Well congratulations.  Heís all yours.

          

          Chastity maintains her snooty tone.

          

                                 CHASTITY 

                    Very generous, princess.

                    And just so you know, Joey only liked you for

                    one reason.  He even had a bet going with his

                    friends.  He was gonna nail you tonight.

          

          Bianca, very disturbed, runs away.



          

          INT.  PROM/DANCE FLOOR - IMMEDIATELY AFTER

          

          Patrick and Kat continue to slow dance in good spirits.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Milwaukee.

          

                                 KAT

                    What?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    That's where I was last year.  I wasn't in

                    jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I 

                    didnít sleep with a Spice Girl--I donít think.

                    You see, my grandpa, he was ill, so

                    I spent most of the year on his 

                    couch watching Wheel of Fortune and making

                    Spaghettios.  End of story.

          

                                 KAT

                    (laughs)

                    No way!

          

          He's interrupted by Joey pulling him aside.

          

                                 JOEY

                    (angry)

                    Hey!  What's Bianca doing here with that 

                    cheese dick?  I didn't pay you to take out Kat

                    so that some little punk could snake me with Bianca.



          Kat has heard everything.  Patrick looks at her pleadingly.



                              KAT

                    Nothing in it for you, huh?



          She leaves.  Patrick follows.

          

          ACROSS THE ROOM

          

          Michael spots the altercation and dances Mandella over to 

          Cameron and Bianca.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    (to Cameron)

                    The shit has hiteth the fan...eth.

          

          Michael and Cameron leave Mandella and Bianca and head for Joey.

          

          ACROSS THE ROOM

          

          Michael and Cameron approach Joey quickly.

          

                                 MICHAEL 

                    Joey, pal, compadre.  Listen...

          

          Joey pushes him roughly to the ground.  Cameron passes Joey to help

          Michael.

          

                              JOEY

                    You messed with the wrong guy, and

                    now youíre gonna pay.  You, and

                    that little bitch.

          

          Cameron doesnít like the sound of that.  He turns and faces Joey.

          

                                 CAMERON

                    Alright, thatís enough!  Okay?

                    You crossed the line.

          

          Joey punches Cameron in the face, knocking him to the ground.

          

                                 JOEY

                    Oh come on!  Get up, you little punk!

          

          He turns around, just in time to catch one in the nose from a

          very pissed off Bianca.



                                 JOEY 

                    Shit, Bianca!  Iím shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!

          

                                 BIANCA

                    That's for making my date bleed...

          

          She belts him again.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    That's for my sister...

          

          And again.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    (continuing)

                    And that's for me.



          She pushes him onto the ground with Michael and Cameron.  She

          and Mandella help their dates off the floor.



                              BIANCA

                    (to Cameron)

                    Are you okay?



                              CAMERON

                    (smiling big)

                    Never been better.



          She kisses him and they begin to dance.  Everyone slow dances as

          Joey groans on the floor and holds his crotch.



          

          INT. HOTEL STAIRWAY- NIGHT 

          

          KAT heads for the stairs and Patrick catches up to her as they reach

          the top.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Would you give me a chance...

          

                                 KAT

                    You were paid to take me out!  By

                    the one person I truly hate.  I knew this

                    was a set-up!

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Kat, it wasn't like that, okay?

          

                                 KAT

                    Really?  What was it like?  A down 

                    payment now and then a bonus for sleeping 

                    with me?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    No, I didn't care about the money, okay?

                    I cared... I cared about you.

          

          She turns to face him with a countenance of both sadness and anger.

          

                                 KAT

                    You are so not who I thought you were.

          

          In desperation, he grabs her and kisses her.  After a second, 

          she jerks away and flees down the stairs and out of sight.

          

          Bianca comes running from behind Patrick, sees what has happened,

          and stops.  She seems guilty now for dragging Kat to the prom and

          into this mess.



                    

          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY

          

          Kat is sitting on the balcony railing with a sketchbook in hand.

          Bianca breezes in, bearing a cup of tea, and offers it to Kat.



                              BIANCA

                    You want?



          Kat takes the tea.



                              KAT

                    Thanks.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    So, you sure you don't want to go sailing 

                    with us?  It'll be fun.

          

                                 KAT

                    No, I'm fine.

          

                                 BIANCA

                    Look.  I donít know if I ever thanked you for going

                    last night, but it really meant a lot to me.

          

                                 KAT

                    Iím glad.

          

          Cameron comes jogging up the steps to the balcony, looking very

          chipper indeed.  He notices the seriousness of the situation.

          

                              CAMERON

                    (to Bianca, quietly)

                    Hey.



                              BIANCA

                    (quietly)

                    Hey.



                              CAMERON

                    You ready?



                              BIANCA

                    Mm hmm.



                              CAMERON

                    (to Kat)

                    See you later.



                              KAT

                    (waves)

                    Bye.



          Bianca and Cameron walk away from Kat.



                                 CAMERON

                    (to Bianca, quietly)

                    Is she okay?

          

                                 BIANCA

                    I hope so.

          

          They leave and moments later Walter enters the balcony from the house.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Whereís your sister going?

          

                                 KAT

                    (sarcastic, as usual)

                    Sheís meeting some bikers. Big 

                    ones.  Full of sperm.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (not amused)

                    Funny.  So tell me about this dance.

                    Was it.. hoppinĎ?

          

          She smirks at his attempted use of hip, young lingo.



                                 KAT

                    Parts of it.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Which parts?

          

                                 KAT

                    The part where Bianca beat the hell out 

                    of some guy.

          

                                 WALTER

                    Bianca did what?

          

                                 KAT

                    What's the matter?  Upset that I rubbed 

                    off on her?

          

                                 WALTER

                    No.  Impressed.

          

          Kat looks up, surprised at her fatherĎs approval.

          

                                 WALTER

                    (continuing)

                    You know, fathers don't like to admit it

                    when their daughters are capable of 

                    running their own lives.  It means we've 

                    become spectators.  Bianca still lets me 

                    play a few innings.  You've had me on 

                    the bench for years.  And when you go to 

                    Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to 

                    watch the game.

          

                                 KAT 

                    (hopeful)

                    When I go?

          

                                 WALTER

                    Oh, boy.  Don't tell me you've 

                    changed your mind.  I already sent 'em a 

                    check.

          

          Kat, overjoyed, reaches over and gives him a hug.



          

          ENGLISH CLASS - DAY 

          

          Mr. Morgan stands at a podium and faces the class with an open book

          in front of him.

          

                                 MR. MORGAN

                    All right.  I assume everyone has found 

                    time to complete their poem. Except for 

                    Mr. Donner...



          He begins to laugh, very pleased.  Joey sulks at his desk behind

          a pair of sunglasses.



                              MR. MORGAN

                    ...who has an excuse.

                    (to Joey)

                    Shaft, lose the glasses.



          Joey reluctantly removes his shades to reveal severe damage.  The

          class snickers.

          

          

                                 MR. MORGAN 

                    (continuing)

                    Alright.  Anyone brave enough to read theirs aloud?

          

          No one moves.  Then Kat slowly raises her hand.

          

                                 KAT

                    I will.

          

          Patrick looks up.

          

                                 MR. MORGAN 

                    (anticipating the worst)

                    Lord.  Here we go.

          

          Kat stands and walks to face the class.  She clears her throat 

          before reading from her notebook.

          

                                 KAT

                    I hate the way you talk to me

                    And the way you cut your hair.

                    I hate the way you drive my car.

                    I hate it when you stare.

                    I hate your big dumb combat boots

                    And the way you read my mind.

                    I hate you so much it makes me sick.

                    It even makes me rhyme.



          She pauses, then continues.



          

                                 KAT 

                    (continuing)

                    I hate it...

                    I hate the way you're always right.

                    I hate it when you lie.

                    I hate it when you make me laugh;

                    Even worse when you make me cry.



          She begins to cry as she continues to read.

          

                                 KAT 

                    (continuing)

                    I hate it when you're not around

                    And the fact that you didn't call,

                    But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;

                    Not even close;

                    Not even a little bit;

                    Not even at all.

          

          She looks directly at Patrick.  He looks back this time, morose,

          thoughtful.

          

          Then she walks out of the room The rest of the class remains 

          in stunned silence.



          

          EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTER SCHOOL

          

          Students are leaving school. Kat walks to her car alone. When she

          opens the door, she's greeted with the same Fender Stratocaster guitar

          that Patrick saw her playing in the store before, reclining in the 

          front seat.

          

          She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail, as Patrick leans in

          behind her.



                              PATRICK

                    Nice, huh?

          

                                 KAT

                    A Fender Strat? Is this for me?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Yeah.  I thought you could use it.

                    You know, when you start your band.

                    Besides, I had some extra cash, you know.

                    Some asshole paid me to take out a really 

                    great girl.

          

                                 KAT

                    (smiling)

                    Is that right?

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um...

                    I fell for her.

          

          He blushes and looks down.

          

                              KAT

                    Really?



                                 PATRICK 

                    It's not every day you find 

                    a girl who'll flash someone to get you 

                    out of detention.

          

          Kat is surprised and embarrassed that he found out about the flashing.



                              KAT

                    Oh, god...



          She laughs.  He takes this as a sign to kiss her and he does.

          She lets him this time, then breaks it off suddenly.

          

                                 KAT

                    You can't just buy me a guitar every 

                    time you screw up, you know.

          

          He winces.

          

                                 PATRICK

                    Yeah, I know.  But then, you know, thereís always

                    drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.

          

          He gives her another kiss, which she breaks off again.

          

                                 KAT

                    And don't just think you can...

          

          He kisses her to shut her up, not letting her end it this time.



          As the music plays, we pan out of the parking lot, across to the

          school building, and up to where the band is playing on the roof.

          The music plays, the credits roll.

          



                                        THE END