Alice Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Alice script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie by Woody Allen starring Mia Farrow and Alec Baldwin.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Alice. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Alice Script



("Limehouse Blues" by Jackie Gleason)



- (man) Hey. Where are you now?

- Nowhere.



It's late. I have to go.



Oh, oh, oh.



- John and Susan confirmed for dinner.

- Yes.



Don't sit her by Ray Poole's wife. She'll

ask if he's moving to Kidder Peabody.



- I'll put her next to the Gimbels.

- Mrs Tait! We're ready for school.



We're all bundled up. Come on. Let's go.



There's Mommy.

Give her a big wave and a big hug.



- Do you have their library books?

- Yes. And their milk money. Come on.



- Wanna invite Lily to play?

- I'll be picking you up.



No, Monica?

I'd like to pick them up today.



- All right.

- OK.



- Seen my tennis racket?

- Bye! No.



- Let's go to the country this weekend.

- Oh.



Roger and I wanna play doubles

with his lawyer and a friend.



But it's the last weekend

for the antique show.



Come on. There'll be others.

I put in a clay court and I've yet to use it.



- They have no more free-range chickens.

- Then, no, Hilda.



There are too many chemicals

in the others. Bye-bye.



Order some papayas, Hilda.

They're high in fibre.



You want me to order

more skin lotion and shampoo?



No. Dr Kellar's putting me on new ones.

You can order my moisturiser.



- (doorbell)

- There's my trainer.



Hilda, would you call my masseuse

and see if I can come an hour earlier?



- My back is just killing me.

- Hi.



- Hi, Ethel. Hi, Bill.

- We met in the elevator.



I was out shopping for another client

and I found this.



- I was thinking of the Connecticut place.

- Yeah?



- It's a fin-de-siècle eel trap.

- An eel trap?



Maybe for a lamp base

or a dried flower arrangement?



- Interesting, yeah.

- Live with it for a while.



- They're hard to come by.

- Are they?



It's a steal at     .

I'll just be in the children's room.



- Ready to get off some cellulite?

- My back is killing me. I don't know why.



I've had it X-rayed, I've been to my

chiropractor, I've had a shiatsu massage...



- Acupuncture?

- No, I'm scared of needles.



- There's a Dr Yang. He's good.

- I wonder, if I had a Swede walk on it...



("Breezin'Along With The Breeze"

by Jackie Gleason)



- Oh. Did you hear about Nancy Brill?

- No. What?



She got promoted. Now she's in charge of

buying scripts for a big cable TV station.



- Really?

- She can get a project done if she likes it.



- Who would have thought?

- Everybody's running to her with scripts.



My! It's great when

a good friend makes it.



I hear she's having an affair

with Beth Winninger's husband.






- Nina?

- What?



Could you excuse us

for a couple of minutes?



- Sure.

- Just for a minute. Thank you.



- Nina, I have to talk to someone.

- About what?



- You must never tell. Promise.

- I promise.



I feel so ashamed. You know

I'm not the type to have an affair.



You know,    years

I've been married to Doug.



- It's not in me.

- I know. You're a good Catholic.



Now who are you sleeping with?



The other day Monica was sick,

so I brought the kids to school.



( "I Dream Too Much"

by Paul Weston & His Orchestra)



Excuse me. Miss?



- What?

- I think you dropped your...



- Oh, my book.

- Edna St Vincent Millay.



- Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you.

- Romantic stuff.



Come on.



- (Alice) I can't get him out of my mind.

- (Nina) And that's it? That's all?



- Yes.

- You said an affair.



- You know I could never...

- What's his name? Is he single?



I don't even... I don't know.



Isn't this foolish?



It isn't even that he's so handsome.



It's more... more the way

he looked at me, you know?



- Was he there when you went back?

- I couldn't bring myself to go back.



I had Hilda pick up the children.

But I'm gonna go today. I'm gonna go.



I don't know why.

You know, I'd never dare do anything.



- Start a conversation.

- Speak to him? Come on. You're joking.



I can't bring myself to look at him,

let alone speak to him.



I mean, I tried to speak to him the

other day, and I just... Nothing came out.



Are you and Doug OK?



Yeah. I always assumed

everything was fine.



I'm just so ashamed of the way I feel.



- You must never tell...

- Hi, Alice. Nina, hi.



- How is your back? Feeling any better?

- No, it's worse. It's much worse.



I have the perfect man for you to see. He's

an acupuncturist. His name is Dr Yang.



That's funny. My trainer

mentioned him this morning.



He's not just an acupuncturist. He's

a diagnostician. He gives these herbs.



The man's a genius.

He diagnoses you from your pulse.



He took Jean Lewis's pulse

and told her she would develop an ulcer.



No Western doctor could find it.

Six months later she fell over with pain.



- I heard Jean Lewis had a wattle-ectomy.

- A good one. All that turkey-neck is gone.



- Am I getting that?

- Oh, no.



Don't forget Dr Yang.

His herbs are marvellous.



They're not chemicals. They're all natural.



Helen Dukes had vaginal tumours.

Every Western doctor wanted to operate.



She went on Dr Yang's herbs. They went

into remission. It's been three years.



- Gosh!

- Don't you have to be someplace, Alice?



- I think, yes?

- I do. I have to run.






("I Dream Too Much"

by Paul Weston & His Orchestra)



Ah, Mrs Tait!



Kate and Dennis are doing great.



He's integrating beautifully.

I'm so pleased. Aren't you?



You can really see it

in his free-play period.



If you want, we can go talk for

a few minutes about a kindergarten...



...that would give him the best chances

of getting into an lvy League college.



What have you been thinking all night?

You seem so distant.



Nothing. I keep getting

these sharp pains in my back.



Oh, Lila called before. She said the name

of that acupuncturist was Dr Yang.



Dr Yang? Really? That's the third time

today I've heard his name.



You're not gonna let someone

stick needles into you?



- I think he mostly uses herbs.

- Well, what you need is to take it easy.



Don't exercise so much. Have breakfast

in bed. Watch Good Morning America.



("Limehouse Blues"

by Ambrose & His Orchestra)



Dr Yang, please.



Please sit.



(speaks Chinese dialect)



The doctor will see you now.



(Dr Yang) Come in.



Please sit down.



Take coat off.



What is trouble?



I feel... just achy and tired.

My back, particularly.



I've been to a number of doctors

and they can't find anything wrong.



Problem is not back.



Problem is here, here.



Really? Cos, you know,

it feels like my back.



My back stiffens sometimes

so that I can hardly bend it.



Stop talking about back.

Nothing wrong with back.



Well, do you think it could be

that I'm exercising too strenuously?



Maybe lifting the children wrongly?



Gee, what is that?

That's the strangest-looking thing.



- Please stare at centre of wheel.

- What are you trying to do with this?



Please stare at centre and breathe deeply.



Deeply. Very deeply.



If you're trying to hypnotise me, Doctor,

I hate to see you waste your time.



Please. Please, Mrs Tait.



Rest eyes upon centre of vortex.



Yeah, but, see, the thing is,

I'm a very poor subject.



Really. It's been proven. A stage

entertainer once tried, a very famous one.



And I went right up on stage.



There were, I guess, about    volunteers.



I was the one

who failed to go into a trance.



See the wheel spin.



- I'm sure you know, Doctor...

- Concentrate.



...there are two categories

of people, you know?






You know, not everyone

can be hypnotised.



I fall into the...



Now, tell me what you see.



- Penguins.

- Penguins?



What about penguins?



They mate for life.



Yes? You think penguins are Catholic?






The man... he kisses me.



Who is man?



I wanna know him better...



...but I don't dare.



Please explain.



My feelings are... too scary.



I never had these feelings before.









Once. There was a young man once.



- Not husband?

- No.



Feelings for my husband are different.



What are deepest feelings for husband?



I love him, but I...



But what, Mrs Tait?



Please tell husband.

Husband here in room.



You see him? Tell him.

But what, Mrs Tait?



I'm the wife, you know.

I take care of the kids...



...I host the dinner parties,

arrange the social schedule...



...try to look pretty

so your friends can admire your taste.



I've become one of those women

who shops all day and gets pedicures.



But I wanna be more. There's more to me.



- You have children to raise.

- I can still raise the children.



I wanna do something with my life

before it's too late.



- Do what?

- I don't know what. There's lots I can do.



Every time I ask you to be specific,

you become tongue-tied.



I had a career.

I gave up a career to marry you.



What career? You were

a small-town girl from a Catholic school...



- I was working.

- You were struggling...


            break into the fashion industry.

- I was struggling because I was young.



You were so pretty.



And we went for a drive

to that amusement park.



("Moonglow" by

Artie Shaw & His Orchestra)



- I can't stay out too late.

- Why not?



I have to help the costume designer

shop in the morning.



The show opens in six weeks.



- Is the costume designer your boyfriend?

- No. I don't exactly have a boyfriend.



If I did, I wouldn't be here.



You're very beautiful.



- And you're very rich.

- No, I'm not, actually.



My family is, but...



...I wanna make it on my own.



- And I will.

- I'm sure you will.



- And what are your plans?

- Oh, definitely something in fashion.



A designer for the theatre, or costume

designing, just regular clothing designer.



I don't know. It's still just a dream.



And if I said marry me,

and have my children...



...and stay by my side,

and be Mrs Douglas Tait?



(Alice laughs)



I'd say you were getting ahead

of yourself. After all, we just met.



But I'll confess you're very handsome.



And now, Mrs Tait?



Now I... spend hours...



...trying so hard to hold on to my youth.



And he doesn't notice.



Mrs Tait angry.



I'm at a crossroads.



I'm lost.



I'm lost.



Sleep. Sleep.



Deeper. Deeper.



At the count of three,

you will awaken and remember nothing.



You will have no memories

of these trance feelings. None.



You will not be upset by them.



One: You are coming out.



Two: You are nearly conscious.






Maybe I strained my back

playing tennis, you know?



My husband was trying to teach me,

but I'm not athletic.



Relax, Mrs Tait. Just relax.



We will start the treatment

with these herbs.



What is schedule for today?



Oh, well, I was gonna do a little shopping.



And then I was going to... to...





            pick up my children at school.



Or maybe not. No, I think

I'll let the baby-sitter do that.



Mrs Tait, Dr Yang would like you

to go through day as planned.



- Sudden changes too impulsive.

- Really?



Mrs Tait should take lunch

with no shellfish.



Then, at  .   she will take herbs, yes?



-  .  . All right.

- After, she can retrieve children.



- But these are not dangerous, are they?

- Very mild.



Will take effect quickly.

Will wear off quickly.






("La Cumparsita" by The Castilians)



Mrs Tait, you wanted some water.



Is it  .   already?



Just about.



Your eyes are really... on fire.



Thank you.



- Joe Rufallo.

- Joe Rufallo.






What do you do, Joe?



I'm a musician.






How did you know?



You look like you blow tenor to me.



Well, you hit it right on the head.



- Actually, I'm in rehearsal now.

- Rehearsal?



Yeah, for a tribute to Duke Ellington.



- The Duke? My favourite, Joe.

- Is he?



Oh! So...



What number reed do you use?



- Reed?

- Reed, Joe.



- Between the lips.

- Yeah. A three.



- Do you play tenor?

- No.



I just... love the sax.



Yeah. Well, it's a great horn.



- Oh, the best.

- Yeah.



I'm fooling around a little

with a soprano now, too.



Really? Soprano?



- Uh-huh.

- Joe.



That'll extend your range.

You know that, don't you?



- Yeah.

- So...



Tell me, Joe.



Your wife, a musician too?



- I'm not married.

- Not married?



- No.

- Joe.



And you love Edna Millay.



- Yeah. I...

- Yeah. My favourite.



- I know that.

- Yeah.



So... I was just thinking...



...we should get together

and talk about her, don't you think?



- I think so.

- Yes.






- When, Joe?

- Tomorrow.



What time?



You tell me.



Three o'clock. Inside the penguin house.



At the zoo.



- Great. Great.

- Super.



So, one last thing.



I remember the first time

I heard Coltrane on soprano.



Until then it had just been tenor,

of course, but...



It was such a moment, Joe.



Opened a whole new world

of harmonics for me.



- Really?

- Really.



I'll leave you with that, Joe.



I'll see you tomorrow at the zoo.



The penguin house. That's what I said.



- (Nina) In the zoo?

- Yes.



- You suggested this?

- Yes. I couldn't believe I said it.



- I thought somebody else was talking.

- That's great.



The words were just coming out.

I had no idea what I was saying.



I had no idea what anything even meant.

I was talking about reeds.



- Coltrane. Who's Coltrane?

- What is that?



- That's what I wanna know.

- You probably read it.



I was so forward, too. I can't believe it.



Completely obnoxious.



Yes, but he was responsive.



Yes, but I'm telling you,

it was like I was possessed.



Really. I'm saying "A whole new world

of harmonics opened up for me."



- Harmonics?

- Harmonics.



What do I know about harmonics?



Well, is he nice?

What did you find out about him?



- Well, he's not married.

- Good.



He's in rehearsal

at someplace called Park East.



- Uh-huh.

- Sound East.



And he's rehearsing something,

kind of a Duke Ellington tribute.



What have I done?

I can't meet a strange man at the zoo.



- Why not?

- I'm not like Jane.



- I'm not looking for a roll in the hay.

- What are you looking for?



Listen, not a word of this.

You mustn't breathe a word.



- Of course not. I promise.

- God, I have nothing to wear.



- I've gotten so fat. This is not for me.

- Oh, Mitzie.



- Hi, darling. We did the best we could.

- Thanks.



Oh, hello, sweetie. Look at her.



Come on, honey. Let's go home.



I love how you made

one purple ear and one green ear.



- What colour are you gonna do the tail?

- (Kate) I don't know. I guess red.



- That would be a good idea.

- I could make it orange.



- Hi.

- Hi.



Nancy Brill has been made

a big deal on a TV show.



She buys scripts now. I sent her flowers.



I'm happy for her cos she's a friend,

but I must admit I'm a little envious.



Oh. Alice, we discussed this.

I thought we agreed.



I know. How about if I took some kind

of a course or a class or something?



- You mean in school?

- Yeah.



- Like what?

- I don't know.



Now I regret I never went to college.



At Sacred Heart I was good at English.



Oh, speaking of Sacred Heart, we've

been invited to an evening next month...


            honour of Mother Teresa.



Really? Mother Teresa?

You think she'll be there in person?



I expect some of her cronies will show up.



I wanna bring the kids.

I talk so much about Mother Teresa.



- I don't know about that.

- Mother Teresa! She's my idol.



We have to bring them.

It'd be a great experience.



- We'll see.

- Yeah.



Want a cracker?



("La Cumparsita" by The Castilians)



I can't do it to my husband.



All this talk last night of Mother Teresa

just made me feel so guilty.



I believe in fidelity. It's my upbringing.



I'm not gonna commit adultery.

I just can't do it.



And who is this guy anyway, you know?

Some horn player? A divorcé?



He's a complete stranger.



I've been married    years, Dr Yang.



I can't just go out and commit adultery.



Not that I'm so sure he even wants me,

you know? I'm getting older.



And what would happen

if I fell in love with him? This is...



- I'm just so mixed up.

- Mrs Tait's feelings in titanic conflict.



But Dr Yang has prescription.



Oh, you know, yesterday's herbs

made me feel a little strange.



These herbs are different. Very valuable.



- Difficult to obtain.

- Are all these completely safe?



Best way to get to know strange man

is to observe.






It's bitter. What will this do?



Enable Mrs Tait to observe

without being observed.



What... what is this?



- Where am I going? I can't believe this.

- Do not worry.



- Invisibility will wear off shortly.

- I'm invisible!



I'm completely gone. I don't believe it.



I never saw anything like this.

Dr Yang, is this safe?



Mrs Tait knows where man can be found.



- It's crazy.

- If she wants to learn more about him...



...she has chance.



( "La Cumparsita" by The Castilians)



Joe, I have to go to Florida in a few weeks

and I wanna take Shana with me.



Just for a week. I know it's not

our arrangement, but I think she'll like it.



- I can show her Disneyworld.

- Sure.



Thanks. I'll make it up to you.



It's OK. She'll have fun.

I hope you're not going...



...with one of your more exotic escorts.

- Like who?



Like Peter Wilkes, who enjoys

taking my daughter racing in his Ferrari.



- That was perfectly safe and she loved it.

- But I didn't.



- You introduced her to sports cars.

- I feel better when I'm behind the wheel...



...not some advertising guy whose

glasses have lenses like Coke bottles.



Peter's fine. He's very paternal.



Now, listen, I wanna show you something.



These are some graphics I've been

working on for a couple of weeks.



I really trust your visual sense.

I think they're brilliant.



- Everybody here's a bit ambivalent.

- Sexy stuff.



- Yeah.

- Like you.



Sort of European. We did it in Paris.



- Sort of kinky.

- Kinky...



I like that kinky stuff.



Remember the times we used to lock

that door and make love on that couch?



- Joe, that was a long time ago.

- No, no. It was after we got divorced.



Nobody could fault you for your sex drive

which is a ten on the Richter scale.



Yeah, well, what did you fault me for?

Because I don't have a     IQ like you?



You lied a bit, you gambled.



- You flirted with all my friends.

- You know, you're still very sexy.



Joe, don't think I'm not tempted,

you know, but I've got a busy schedule.



- For old times' sake.

- Oh, Joe.



("Caravan" by Errol Garner)



Look, I don't...



...think this is...



...what we should be doing.



Oh, Joe.



Oh, Joe.



Oh, Joe.



(Alice) He's got this ex-wife

and they still have sex in the office...



...with people right in the next room.



And she's a genius and I'm nothing.



OK. OK, OK. Alice,

please don't get so upset.






How did you find out all this

if you didn't see him?



Oh, you know, I have my ways.

I'm glad I didn't show up.



I can't decide if I should get

a new Lincoln or try the Cadillac again.



What I'd really like is a Bentley.



You know, a vintage Rolls,

or that old Phantom V.



But with the kids,

I'd never be able to relax.



- I wonder if I could write.

- Huh?



I was thinking, now that Nancy Brill buys

scripts for TV, I have a good connection.



She was always on the ball.

Great head on that woman.



(Monica) Let's get up here, kids.

Come on. Come on. I'm gonna get you!



Do you know how high your IQ is?






It's high. It has to be. I just look around.



Do you think mine's high?



Sure. It's average, slightly above.



Sometimes I feel I could write, you know?






Especially, you know, some old TV script.



I'm as bright as Nancy Brill.



- Well...

- You don't think?



Yeah, sure. I don't know, you know?



You can't just decide

to be a writer and then write.



- Why not?

- You need background.



Well, I wrote when I was a kid.



I always loved poetry and drama.



- You kids should be getting to bed.

- Should I get them ready?



You get them ready.

I'll be in in two minutes.



- Come on, kiddos.

- Two minutes.



- Time to brush the teeth.

- Good night, guys.



Who's gonna get to the bathroom first?

Who's gonna get to the bathroom first?



- You never encourage me, you know?

- I'm trying to be... sensible.



You can't just say

you're gonna be a writer.



Well, that's all Nancy Brill did. She was an

assistant to somebody I introduced her to.



And she decided she wanted to write

and now she buys scripts.



- (phone rings)

- What can I say?



I'm trying to be practical.






Hello? I'm sorry to bother you.



It's Joe Rufallo.



I just wanted to make sure you were OK,

or that I didn't have the wrong day.



No, no. No, it was my fault. I'm sorry.






Something came up, and I didn't have

your... I didn't have your phone number.



No, I don't think so, no.

No, I don't think that's such a good idea.



Oh. I...



No, I understand.






(ghostly whisper) Alice...















Mrs Tait believes in ghosts.



- I don't know. I guess. What do I know?

- Don't all Catholics?






Ghosts. Catholics believe in ghosts.






In times of great stress

sometimes ghost appears.



What will these herbs do?



Nothing too radical, I hope?



You think these things

could be bad for my system?



These herbs not to eat.



Not? Well, what then?



Wait until midnight.

Then burn these herbs in teacup.



- Burn them in a teacup?

- You do have teacup?



Yes, yes.



Meanwhile, you are going

to pick up children from school?



No. I was gonna have the baby-sitter do it.

I have another appointment.



- It's good to see you.

- You, too.



- How's Doug?

- He's fine. I'm so happy for you, Nancy.



- Thank you.

- This is great.



- I got your flowers.

- Oh, good.



- It was very sweet.

- It was nothing.



Just a few months ago

we were on the beach in Southampton.



You were daydreaming about moving up.

And look, here you are. A big shot.



- Well...

- (phone rings)



Tell him I'll be in later.



I'm so jammed. Meetings with writers,

lunch at NBC, and screenings till eight.



- Goodness.

- Anyhow, Alice, what can I do for you?



OK. Well, over the years,

certain ideas have occurred to me.



I've always felt, if they were written up,

they might make good shows, or a series.



- Uh-huh.

- I wanted to get your opinion on the plot.



And if you think it's something

for your show, I'd like to write it.



- You write?

- I wrote a little when I was young.



- You know, nothing major, obviously.

- You kept it a secret if you wrote.



Well, I'd like to try. I'd like to try.



- I did work on some shows years ago.

- Wasn't that in the costume department?



Yeah, but, you know, at least

I did have some contact with the theatre.



Uh-huh. So what's your idea?

Because the truth is, I'm backed up today.



Oh. OK. Well, it's about two sisters

who were very close as kids.



And now that they're adults,

they've grown apart.



- Like you and your sister.

- Me?



Aren't you and Dorothy polite

but not so friendly?



Well, gee, I never even thought of that.



Let me stop you. We want

blood-and-guts stuff, not so subtle.



Oh, well. I have another about

a young girl who wanted to be a nun.



No nuns. They want sexy, unscrupulous,

rich, melodramatic, but no nuns.



Listen, anything like that

occurs to you, we'll talk.



Give me a jingle and we'll go to Le Cirque.



OK. All right. Well, thank you.



- (Doug) Is something burning in there?

- No.



No, it's OK.



- Come to sleep!

- Yeah. Soon.



("I Remember You" by Jackie Gleason)



- (ghostly whisper) Alice.

- Who's that?



Who's there? Who is it?



Don't you remember?






That voice...






Alice Jansen.



Eddie? Is it Eddie?



Hi, sweetheart.



Is it you?



God, you're even more beautiful now.



It's been almost    years.



Tell me I don't look so bad,

considering I'm dead.



No. Considering you're dead,

you look great.



See? Even if you had married me,

you'd have still been a widow.



Eddie, I felt terrible

when I heard about the crash.



But I wasn't surprised.

I always said you drove recklessly.






You thought I did everything recklessly,

including making love.



Eddie... there were times

when I had real guilt feelings.



Oh, hey. I'm a big boy.



I'd been turned down before.

Not that I wasn't saddened.



But, I'll tell you,

that car crash was a total accident.



Boom! Not for a second

did I see that moving van.



I thought of you the other day.



I met an interesting man

who kind of reminded me of you.



Oh, no. Do I sense trouble in paradise?



No, no, no. Everything's fine here.

I'm very happy.



So tell me all about this guy

who reminds you of me.



Well, he's like you.

He's... irresponsible and temperamental.



- Yeah.

- But he...



He's cute, you know?



"Thou shalt not commit adultery."

That's not my line. I read it.



I'm not. I just met him.



A Steuben glass hippo.



I always wondered

who bought those things.



God, it's so good to see you, Alice.



- Whatever happened to your career?

- Oh, I don't know.



Now I was thinking I'd like to write.

You think I have that in me?



- Who are you talking to?

- Oh, I was...



I just saw you there

having a conversation.



- I was probably just thinking out loud.

- At this hour?



- Bottoms and no top. I could've called it.

- Quiet!



- Are you OK?

- I'm fine. I just had this idea for a story.



So I guess I was acting out all the parts.



- Alice, that's crazy.

- It's crazy.



I'm gonna get some sleep.

I'm gonna go to bed.



Me too. I got a long day. I'm gonna be

home late. It's my backgammon night.



- Is tonight backgammon?

- Sweetheart?



- Will you try to relax?

- I will. I'll try.



- You've been awful tense lately.

- Have I?



I know how to relax you, Alice.



I know all the good spots

and there are plenty of 'em.



(Eddie laughs)



("I Remember You" by Jackie Gleason)



(Alice) See, there he is, right there.

I'd love to know what you think of him.



(Eddie) After all these years,

now she wants my opinion?



- Hi.

- Hi.



I... I'm sorry if I bothered you

by calling you at home.



- I was concerned.

- No, I'm... It's fine.



I must've seemed a little abrupt. I was

having a conversation with my husband.



It's OK. I understand.



I was disappointed when

you didn't show up at the zoo.



They have this very beautiful white bear

I wanted to show you.



With these great ice-blue eyes

the exact colour of yours.



That is a good line. When was the last

time your husband used a line like that?



- Well, I...

- Give him some encouragement.



I... I'm... I'm sorry I didn't make it.



I would like a rain check.



Well, the Big Apple Circus is in town.



I'm gonna take my daughter tomorrow.

Come and bring your kids.



- I'm sure they'll love it.

- Oh, I think I...



You can't go to hell

for taking your kids to the circus.



But I guess I could shift things around.



Great. I'll look forward to it.



(Alice) Come on, you guys, go to sleep.



I read you three stories already.



Katie, you stay in bed now. Good night.



See you in the morning. Good night.



Good night, now.



Stay in bed.



Sweet dreams.



What am I doing?



You gotta see this thing through to find

out who he is, to find out who you are.



What am I getting myself into?



Alice, cheer up.



You know, I'm not gonna be

around this place for very much longer.



What do you say we go out

and have one last good time?



- I can't.

- He's playing backgammon tonight.



I was there when he said so.



Let the nanny take care of the kids and

you and I'll go to the Moonlight Casino.



The Moonlight Casino

burned down ten years ago.



- Get your coat, Alice.

- Anyway, it's way out at the beach.



Get your coat and meet me on the terrace.



Mrs Tait?



Mrs Tait, are you gonna need me

for about an hour?



Mrs Tait?



Mrs Tait, did you go out?



Mrs Tait?



("Moonlight Becomes You"

by Jackie Gleason)



Remember that night?

Our last night together.



You told me it was all over.



I was just a kid.



The thought of life with you

seemed scary.



You do have some regrets?



I don't know.



Would you do it all the same way

if you had a second chance?



I don't know.



That's why it's important that

you find out how you feel about Joe.



I think of you often.



("Moonlight Becomes You"

by Jackie Gleason)



(Eddie) Sweetheart, I'm home.

I sold a picture.



(Alice) That's great. Which one?



- The nude of you.

- Oh, really?



Stop looking so grim.

You're beautiful without clothes.



How many women

have you made love to?



Enough. But you're the only one who

ever seriously thought of being a nun.



- (Alice) I can't help it!

- (coughing)



I never cooked a duck before.



- The whole place is black with smoke.

- I'm so sorry.



(Eddie) You know, I really love you.



- (Alice) You insulted my mother!

- She was a third-rate actress,...



...and she should keep

her infantile ideas on politics to herself.



She could've been a big star.



And she's smart. And she was right

not to understand your paintings.



And she was right about

you being a communist.



(Eddie) Let's have a child.

Even if you don't wanna get married.



Yeah, what would we live on?

You can't pay your bills now.



- (Eddie) Kiss me.

- I'm getting paint all over my dress.






What's wrong?



I feel funny.



I feel very, very strange.



My God.



It's the oddest sensation.

I feel like I'm fading.



I am fading.



It's happening. Here it goes.



It was great seeing you again.



You're still wonderful.



Did you get a prize?



- So how's the rehearsal coming?

- Oh, fine.



- Great arrangement on "The Mooche".

- The Mooche?



- "Mooche." The Ellington number.

- Oh. "The Mooche." Yes.



I figured you'd know it.

You seem so knowledgeable about jazz.



I'm not really, but I'd like to learn.






So... you're nothing really

like you were the other day.



- (Alice laughs)

- You were coming on so strong.



I know. I was just... I was so obnoxious.



I'm so embarrassed. I...



I guess it was to counteract my shyness

or something. I don't know.



So this is me. Do you feel...

Are you disappointed?



- No, no.

- No?



- Actually, you scared me a little.

- Really?



No, well... But I sensed it wasn't you.






Look, can I ask you a question?









Are you happily married?

Or is that tactless?



No. Yes. Yes, I...



Gosh, I've been married

almost    years now.






Oh. Well, that... that's great.






No, really.



- Well, a good marriage, it's a rare thing.

- Yeah.



Why did you get divorced?



Well, my wife and I,

we were both too opinionated.



She's... very brilliant.



Uh-huh. And attractive?






- And very sexy.

- Uh-huh.



And when you're with her, do you...


            you still have the urge to be with her?



- No.

- No?



No? You never have the urge to...

to grab her?



Like, you know, if the two of you

are in her office or something?



Or, I don't know, you know, just... throw

her down on the couch or something?



For old times' sake?



God, you are interesting.



("The Way You Look Tonight"

by Erroll Garner)



(Alice) Here's the story. A woman who's

never done a dishonest thing in her life...



...finds herself falling

into a love affair with a musician.



- It's a little vague, Alice.

- Well... Really? You think?



Look, be honest. What do you know

about that kind of woman?



- Well, I...

- Who's the woman?



Who's the man?

Who's the poor husband?



Where does it go?

What makes it interesting?



Is it lurid? Is it sexual? Perverse?



Is she a whore?



What's the matter? You look pale.



(Alice) I know I can write.

I'm just blocked, you know?



(Joe) You just need to relax and not press.

If there's something in you, it'll come out.



Yeah. Yeah, I know you're right.



- It's not so...

- It's like me.



- I wanted to be a classical musician.

- Yeah?



But it wasn't in me.

So I make my living doing studio work.



Shows, commercials.



But I do have a pretty good feel for jazz.



And is that where you...

where you met your wife?



- In commercials?

- Yeah, exactly.



We were doing a spot for some detergent.



- Detergent...

- It was love at first sight.



Christ, within half an hour

we were making love in the ladies' room.



- Oh, excuse me.

- No, that's fine.



You have a very charming way

of telling things.



Listen, do you think you can

get away tomorrow evening?



An evening?



A friend is making a record.

It might be fun for you to hear him.



- He's a terrific cellist.

- Well, an evening...



Tomorrow evening

is Doug's backgammon night, so...



- What time would this be?

- Eight, eight-thirty.



- Eight?

- Yeah. If you like...



Well, I can meet you.

How about in front of the school?



In front of the school. An evening.



Yeah, I guess I could do that.



That sounds like fun.



OK. OK. It's a deal.



(Doug) Lou Gimbel's wife

has been on at him about her working too.



So, finally,

he rented a store on Lexington Avenue.



He's gonna bankroll her

and she's opening a boutique.



- Oh, really?

- Or a sweater shop, and...



And I thought to myself, that's something.



Possibly, on a part-time basis,

you could help out.



You have a nice personality

and you know sweaters.



It's not really what I had in mind,

you know.



Well, think about it.



Gosh. Shouldn't you be getting ready

for your backgammon game?



- I should.

- Yeah.



- Well, have fun tonight. Have a good time.

- I won't be too late.



- What are you gonna do?

- I don't know. The usual. Nothing much.



(phone rings)



Gee, it's after  .  .

Gosh. You don't wanna be late.



- I'm not gonna be late.

- I'll probably just watch TV.



- Mr Tait, telephone.

- OK, Hilda. Thank you.



That was a good dinner.



("La Cumparsita" by The Castilians)



My game was called off.



- What?

- Yeah. Ken is sick.



He's sick? Isn't there anyone else

you can play with?



Jay's stuck in Boston.

His flight was cancelled.



- Doug?

- Yeah?



I'm gonna go out for a little while, OK?



- Where?

- I was just talking to my sister.



- She wants to see me. She's upset.

- Dorothy? She's upset? What about?



Oh, you know. You remember we had

that little problem a while ago, and...



She feels bad,

so I'm just gonna go over there.



- What does she want?

- I don't know. To talk.



- Do you have to go now?

- Yeah. Yeah.



- Can't you talk about it on the phone?

- You know Dorothy. She's a lawyer.



They love to have meetings.

So I'm just gonna go. I'll see you soon.



Yeah. Be sure the doorman

gets you a cab each way, OK?



- OK. No problem.

- Don't be too late.



- OK.

- I worry about you.



George, could you

get me a cab, please? OK.



I'm gonna leave this bag here.

I'll pick it up on my way back.



- Hi.

- Hi.



I was gonna go.

I thought you weren't coming.



- Maybe I shouldn't have.

- What's the matter?



I can't do this, OK? I just can't do this.

I can't lie like this.



Look, I... I didn't mean

to put you in such a tough position.



Well, you did put me in a tough position.



- You know?

- Gee...



- You always turn on the charm with me.

- Alice...



I can't do this.






- I didn't mean to cause trouble for you.

- I have a trusting husband.



I found myself looking him right in the eye

and making up this stupid story.






Maybe what you're upset about is the

discovery that you're capable of doing it.



Hey, look, don't try to psychoanalyse me.



I'm upset because I did a lousy thing.






Should I take you home?



- No, that's OK. I'll get a cab.

- No. Alice, I'll take you home.



- Listen, Alice, it's raining out. I'll take...

- That's OK.



("Limehouse Blues"

by Ambrose & His Orchestra)



Excuse me?



Dr Yang?



Dr Yang?



It's Alice Tait, Dr Yang.



Dr Yang? It's Alice Tait.



- Mrs Tait. Come in.

- But I didn't realise...



- I can come back another time if...

- Is all right.



I heard your house and your office were

the same. I thought I might find you...



- Mrs Tait seems tense.

- Yes, I am. I am a bit tense.



What I need is a tranquilliser. I was

hoping you could give me something.



I don't believe in putting

foreign substances into my body, so...



- No, thank you. I don't smoke.

- Please. Is natural substance.



Of course, I did smoke when I was young.



Filtered, cork-tipped,

mentholated cigarettes only.



Please. Mrs Tait among friends.









It's harsh.



I can't stay long.

I'm supposed to be visiting my sister.



- Aha. Intrigue?

- No, no, you know. I just...



It's a dumb lie, because

my sister and I aren't close at all.



I'd like to be. She and her husband

moved here recently from Philadelphia.



She's a very fine attorney.



Would you mind holding that

a little closer, please?



Oh, this is relaxing.



Oh, I... I was very surly with

a gentleman friend earlier, you know.



I behaved like a real bitch.

Excuse my French.



Mrs Tait feel more calm?



As a matter of fact, I do. I do.



This is...



Everything... seems to be floating.



I think I'll just lie down for a moment,

if you don't mind.



("Alice Blue Gown"

by Wayne King & His Orchestra)



Gee. Dorothy,

what happened to our house?



It's so run-down.



I understand you used me as an alibi

tonight to get out of the house.



(Alice) What went wrong?

We used to be so close.



- We chose different paths.

- Yeah. And you think mine is trivial.



Anybody who spends that much

on stuffed animals for their children...



I know how you feel.

You made it very clear last time.



People are starving and you fill

the nursery with every conceivable toy.



Isn't there any way I...

that you could respect me?



You're just like Mom.



Yeah. You know, I've been thinking

about Mom and Dad a lot lately.



Remember how Dad used to cut

our birthday cakes with his sword?



- (Dorothy) You bought all that junk?

- He was a naval hero.



Come on.

He was a bore and Mom was a drunk.



Come on. Don't say that.



So, who are you cheating with?



I'm not cheating. Not physically.



You know, not yet, anyway.



You probably still believe

what the nuns told us at Sacred Heart.



My days as a Catholic ended

when I was about   .



My days as a Catholic ended

when Mom found my diaphragm.



But the music was beautiful, wasn't it?

And the rituals.



Go on.

Have one more confession. It's free.



(Alice) My sister's been right

about so many things.



I am too much like Mom.



Sometimes I think I'm not raising

my children with the right values.



That I'm spoiling them.



Not exposing them

to the things that matter most.



When I was young, I wanted to be a saint.



I used to pray with my arms outstretched

because it was more painful...



...and I could feel closer to God.



I wanted to spend my life

helping people,...



...taking care of the sick

and the old people.



I was never happier than when

I got a chance to help out that way.



What happened?



Where did that part of me go?



And now, even my marriage.



I'm so mixed up about it.



And I feel guilty about Joe.



God, I'm exhausted.



- You have curls.

- I only have one. You have so many.



You know, I'm crazy about these.

These are just absolutely...



- Oh, Alice. Hi.

- Hi.



- This is Joanne, this is Kimberly.

- Hi. Hi.



See you later. How are Dennis

and Kate doing? Have they adjusted?



- They're doing real well.

- I am having terrible problems with Perry.



Every time I leave, he cries.

Especially if Sesame Street isn't on.



- He needs more sessions on the couch.

- That could be.



You were gonna call me

about Jessica's party.



- Of course they'll come.

- They'll have a magician. I have an idea.



I want Kate to have a play-date

next weekend with Perry.



I'll have my chauffeur

pick them up directly from school.



- Gee. Can I call you about that?

- Please. They're so looking forward to it.



- Hi. How are you?

- Great.



Perry would like to invite Shana to

the movies in his dad's screening room.



- They're showing The Little Mermaid.

- Sure.



He's really sorry for the last time.

He didn't mean to vomit on her collage.



- I've gotta run. Call me.

- I'll call you.






Listen, I'm really sorry about last night.



No, it's OK.

Can we talk in private for a minute?



Yeah. Yeah.



I was thinking, maybe I should

just back off for a little while.



- Really?

- Well...



- I can't bear to be the source of trouble.

- Oh, no. It's not you at all.



No, it's me. It's... it's just who I am,

who I've been.



I'm just trying to figure out who that is.



That's why I don't wanna be an obstacle.



Really? So you think...

you think we shouldn't meet any more?



Maybe it's for the best.



Gee, I was gonna take you

to a neat restaurant for lunch tomorrow.



- You were?

- Not if... not if...



Listen, we better get the kids.



- Hi. Hi.

- Alice, hi. God. Come on in.



- I didn't get you away from anything?

- I was working on a brief, but...



...l'm so happy to be taken away from it.

- I was a couple of blocks away, so...



Dorothy, I just, you know... I just wanted

to tell you that I feel bad about this.



- I've been thinking about it and I'm sorry.

- Oh, honey. I know, I know.



Listen, I'm the big sister.

I'm... I should be kind, and I'm sorry.



- Do you want some tea?

- Um... No, no thank you.



- I didn't handle it well. I apologise.

- You were right.



- Who am I to be judgmental of your life?

- Listen, be quiet for just a second.



I was... I was wrong. You know, I was...



There's something disgusting about all

the stuff I buy the kids and I buy myself.



- All of that. You were right.

- But it's your life, you know? Who am I?



You're my sister,

and I care about what you think.



- Yeah?

- And I miss being closer, you know?



When you guys moved to the city,

I was hoping that would happen.



I was hoping that too, you know?



I'm sorry, but I was really surprised

to see how you've changed.



- I didn't know how to handle it.

- You knew Doug was very wealthy.



Yeah, of course I knew that,

but when I walked in, you know, that...



Oh, God, your closet. Clothes,

and a hundred shoes and all that stuff.



- It was hard for me. I'm sorry.

- Yeah.



You know, you're just very...



You're different. You have different ideas

than when we were kids.



I know that. I know that.

I know that. You're right.



But don't you think I wanna be close?



I do.






(Bach's Violin Concerto No.   in A minor)



It's about her working in Calcutta, you

know. It's just so incredibly tragic there.



All these bigwigs are sitting there

with tears running down their faces.



It was just incredibly moving. She was

just so... so simple and unassuming.



You know? It was amazing.

I was... I was weeping.



The kids were cute though. Dennis,

I think, was just thrilled to be up so late.



But I really think Katie had a feel

for what was going on, you know?



- Why are you so nervous?

- I'm not. Why do you say nervous?



You keep talking.

I've heard this three times.



Really? Well, you know,

this is a big step for me.



I just feel... Shouldn't it happen

more gradually or something?



- It hasn't exactly been rushed.

- Rushed? I don't know.



It feels rushed. It feels rushed.

I've been married    years.



Probably I'm just out of practice.



It's not like juggling.

You don't have to practise.



I mean, Doug and I do have sex, but...

but not the way we used to.



Which is probably my fault. Somewhere

along the line I just lost interest.



Then he seemed to.

But probably because I did.



But I don't know why I did.

Anyway, we rarely seem to do it.



- Maybe he lost interest first.

- Sh. Sh.



- What?

- Relax.



What's relaxed? It's not even dark.

God, I prefer it when it's dark.



- Then you can't see anything.

- See?



I am going to be going on a diet.



("Darn That Dream"

by Thelonious Monk)



(Alice) Was I terrible?



You were the best.



Was I OK?






Dialogue in fiction has two functions.



In the novel, to be read

to oneself as voices in the mind.



And in scripts and in plays,

to be read out loud.



So that what we're really

talking about here is...



...the two aspects

of the consciousness of words.



Internal and meditative in the novel...



...and external and expressive

in the drama and in film.



Creative energy all comes

from nerve in back of neck.



Mrs Tait has trouble writing

because nerve is pinched.



Now, circulation very, very low.



Must drink lots of

Dr Yang's special herbal tea.



Creative spirit will come.



Drink tea next time

Mrs Tait sits down to write.



("Darn That Dream"

by Thelonious Monk)



- Who are you?

- I'm your muse.



My muse?



Yeah. You look surprised.

I'm your muse. I'm here to help you.



- You're having trouble writing.

- I am having trouble, as a matter of fact.



I feel I should be able

to handle some silly little TV script.



- Well, writing's hard.

- Especially with a friend buying.



- You don't think Nancy's a friend?

- Sure. We go back years.



I introduced her to her boss

and the man she lives with.



You're not psychological at all.

How can you be a writer?



- What do you mean?

- What do I mean?



What I mean is,

don't ever count on Nancy Brill.



- She's not gonna give you a break.

- No.



You represent where

she pulled herself out of.



- She's past you.

- Nancy?



Haven't you noticed she keeps checking

her watch when she talks to you?



- It can't be. I introduced her to...

- I know. To her lover and her boss.



More reason to give you the brush.



People that made it

don't want people from the past.



- What are you trying to write?

- That's a script.



- I'm also taking a course.

- That's technique.



The important part can't be taught:

Inspiration. That's where I come in.



I think the professor

thinks I have some promise.



- He's very encouraging.

- I know Professor Davis.



- He's trying to get you into the sack.

- No.



It's the reason he teaches.

Female pupils.



No. He's very deep. He's not like that.



Yeah. Very deep is exactly

where he wants to put it.



- Now, what about your mother?

- What, Mom?



Your mother. She was a movie actress for

a while. Her story might be a good plot.



She was just in the movies

for a very, very short time.



And she never made it.

Losers are much more interesting.



- Mom's not a loser.

- Look how defensive you are.



It's a good story. I know you idolised her,

but be realistic. This is important.



She was in the movies. She made two

or three movies, and then she met Dad.



And... Dad persuaded her to retire.



No, Alice.

I was never more than a pretty face.



And when it began to wrinkle,

the studio stopped calling.



No, there was much more to you

than your looks.



- You could have done more with your life.

- You flatter me.



After the studio didn't want me,

I was lucky your father came along.



I was so used to having

someone look after me.



I would have killed myself

if it wasn't for him.



That's why it's so important

to marry a substantial man...



...not some struggling

left-wing artist in Greenwich Village.



But then when Dad died, you drank

yourself to death with margaritas.



I couldn't help it, darling.



You know I could never resist

the taste of salt around the rim of a glass.



Oh, Mom.



You were so charming.



But so misguided.



Why didn't I see it?



When it came to me and your dad,

you had stars in your eyes.



Can't say the same for your sister.



("Southern Comfort"

by The Firehouse Five Plus Two)



(Alice) Gee, this wine is really great.



(Joe) Well, it's Chambertin     .






You know so much about wine, too.



I know nothing.



I ordered the most expensive one

and figured it must be the best.



These past few weeks have...

have been really fun for me.



You were so relaxed this morning,

back at my place.



Very uninhibited.

Nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.



Yeah. I have something

I wanna share with you.



I must be drunk,

or I wouldn't be doing this.



Drugs? Am I seeing correctly?



I... I gotta take these with water.

You can't take it with wine.



These are not drugs. These are herbs.

They're very rare. You can't get any more.



- What kind of herbs?

- They make you invisible.



You're right. You are a little drunk.



Oh, my God. Oh, my God!



Alice? Where the hell are you?



- I'm here. I'm right in front of you.

- Alice, this isn't funny!






Oh, my God! I've got goose bumps

on my goose bumps.



Come on. Have a sip.



- What is this?

- Go on. I don't know. Just come on.



Take some.



- What will it do? I'm a father.

- Look, trust me.



- I... I don't feel any different.

- Wait a second.



- Do you see anything?

- Just give it a minute.



Oh. Oh, my God.



Oh, my God! I can't believe this.



- Isn't it great?

- I can't... Where did you get this?



(Alice) Do you wanna go for a walk

or something, just for fun?



("Southern Comfort"

by The Firehouse Five Plus Two)



(Joe) Jeez! Nothing shocks

New York cab drivers.



- Are you feeling more comfortable now?

- Yeah. I feel great.



- Isn't this a different way to spend a day?

- It's like a dream come true.



(Joe) How many times I wished for this!

Especially when I lived next to the YWCA.



(Alice) Here we are, strolling on

Madison Avenue, and no one can see us!



- Come here. Give me a kiss.

- Joe, not here.



(Joe) We're invisible.

Let's make love against this mailbox.



- Stop it!

- Come on, come on.



(Alice) There's Nina and Jane Taylor.



I'll bet anything they're going into

Ralph Lauren's. I have to follow them.



This is so wicked.

I just... I'm dying to eavesdrop.



I'll definitely go straight to hell.



(Joe) Come on. If you want to, do it.

You only live once.



Ooh. Look at this.



- (Alice) Ooh, this is pretty.

- (Joe) Don't do that. You'll cause a riot.



There they are. I feel like a monster,

taking advantage like this, but...



(Joe) Oh, my God!



That... that's that famous model.

I've seen her.



She's been in a million magazines.

Look at that body. I can't believe it.



- Calm yourself.

- Is she goin' in the changing room?



- I don't know.

- Change clothes?



Go ahead. Enjoy yourself, OK?

I'm gonna go check out Jane and Nina.



I find it hard to believe myself,

but it's true. She's having an affair.



Alice Tait? Our Alice Tait?



Miss Prissy Catholic-School

Mother Superior?



I ran into her the other day.

She was buying classical records.



He's a sax player. She turned beet red.



It adds up, because Anny Phyfe said she

saw her with a man - not her husband -



at the Whitney, and she was blissful.



I love these pants. Can you picture her

sleeping with another man?



I'm sure all the lights are out.



It was bound to happen. Doug has been

such a run-around for years.



You say that, but I don't know anyone

who's had an affair with him.



He's careful, but I've heard the stories.

He's a good-looking, rich, athletic man.



You think he's gonna be

satisfied with Miss Mouse?



Actually, Jane, now that you mention it,

I think I do remember someone.



I hear he's always got

something going on the outside.



Excuse me. There's some heavy

breathing in the dressing room.



I may be home late tomorrow. They're

throwing a Christmas party at the office.



- Shall I join?

- Oh, no, no.



It's not for wives.

You know, just the office crowd.



You know, this January

we'll be married    years.



Wow, that's a long time.



When you look around, I mean.



Have you ever been unfaithful to me?



- What kind of a question is that?

- You know. Every wife speculates.



- No.

- OK. It was just a casual question.



Have you?



- No.

- I was just kidding.



Dorothy, I need some sisterly advice.



I think Doug is having an affair.



- Why?

- I overheard these people talking.



- Did they say he was?

- Yeah. And it might not be the first time.



(Dorothy sighs)



- (Dorothy) What do you think?

- I don't know.



I asked him if he'd ever been unfaithful

and, of course, he denied it.



- Of course.

- But I keep recalling these incidents.



Look, if they make sense,

I would believe them.



I guess I've just been so trusting,

it never even occurred to me.



There's a difference between being

trusting and wearing blinders.



- I know. Well...

- Are you all right?



I suppose I don't really have a right to

complain, since I'm having an affair too.



- What?

- Yeah.



I better sit down.

This is really starting to get interesting.



He's a saxophone player,

and I like him a lot.



I've even had fantasies

of maybe leaving Doug for him.



- Oh, my God.

- Yeah.



Well... Oh, Jesus.



Doug, come on.

The party's started on four.



- I'll be right up. I have a little business.

- Let's go, cheater.



- Merry Christmas, Doug.

- Merry Christmas.



Did you see Howard's face

when you snubbed him?



- Mm-hm.

- Mm-hm. Crestfallen.



- How've you been?

- Excellent.



- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.



- I saw you walk under the mistletoe.

- Too bad you weren't with me.



I am with you.



- Can you get away again Friday?

- This Friday?



I was going to tell Alice that the market

was in crisis and I had to work very late.



I have that board meeting

again on Friday. Philadelphia.



- I don't know if I'll be back in time.

- Oh, come on. Try and make it.



We can use Jay Teller's apartment again.



I still have such hot memories.



- You're wicked.

- Yes.



Friday is perfect.



Are you wearing

that underwear I bought you?



I keep having the feeling

that we're not alone.



We're alone, honey.

And no one will miss us.



(screams) Oh, my...



Did you also have an affair

with Veronica Reynolds?



And Cynthia Scott, maybe?

They both look just like her.



- What are you doing here?

- The question is, why did you marry me?



How did you get in here? Alice? Alice?



Alice? Listen, Alice, this is nothing.

We both had a few drinks.



How did you get inside the office?

Alice? Alice!



(soft piano music)



(Alice) Joe?



(band plays "Mack The Knife")



- Hi.

- Hi.



OK, listen. Here's the thing.



I'm leaving my husband.



It's been on my mind for a long time.



Anyway, I've... I've really decided.



- So, I just thought you'd wanna know.

- Um... Alice...






When you phoned...



...I was pacing up and down in front

of the mirror, rehearsing a speech.



Because I wanted to talk to you.



- Yes?

- The other day...


            know, when we split up

on Madison Avenue...



...after we both got invisible.



I guess I was a little drunk, and I...



...I did something

I've always wanted to do.



I went to   th Street.



And at four o'clock I entered the office

of Dr Lerner, Vicki's psychoanalyst.



Well, I listened to her private thoughts

for nearly an hour.



And it turns out that, down deep,

she's still in love with me.



And she regrets

having instigated our break.



The point I'm getting at is...



...I think I should take

that chance with her.



We were together for six years.



And we have a child whom we both love.



I don't know what else to say except...



...that, under everything...

I still care for her.



(Alice sighs)












(Dr Yang) Mrs Tait, come in.

Please excuse appearance.



- Dr Yang leaving.

- You're going away?



Yes. Must go to Tibet for a period of time.



Ancient scrolls discovered.

New remedies.



Dr Yang must always continue education.



Good for my patients,

and keeps Dr Yang young.



But tell Doctor, what is problem?



Well, I've experienced a double blow.



A husband who loved me once,

I know that he no longer does.



And a man I met recently

and developed strong feelings for...


            doesn't seem to want me.



Love. Love is most complex emotion.



Human beings unpredictable.



No logic to emotions.



Where there is no logic,

there is no rational thought.



Where there is no rational thought,

there can be much romance...



...but much suffering.



Gee, I... I feel like I'm adrift,

like I've been cut loose.



A while ago I had a routine life,

with feelings I understood.



A husband, a home.



Mrs Tait had illusion of happiness.



Upon closer observation, not very honest

husband, not very honest with self.



- I'm frightened.

- Freedom is frightening feeling.



Can you help me before you go?



Here, Mrs Tait.



Special herbs, very special herbs.



Found only in Himalayas.



- What will these do?

- Is strong love potion.



Dissolve into drink.

He who drinks will lose heart to Mrs Tait.



So... so these will

make Joe love me again?



Or your husband love you again

as he once did.



- Really?

- Herb is potent. Choice is yours.



Use wisely.






I think Mrs Tait has better idea of who

she is than before she came to Dr Yang.



Who her friends are, or are not.



Who is husband, lover, sister, mother.



What are her needs, her limits, her gifts.



What are her innermost feelings.



May not know all answers,

but has better idea. No?



Yes. Yes, it's true.



Now must decide

which road her life will take.



Whoa! Sorry.



Alice. I didn't think you could make it.



- Uh-oh. What's wrong?

- I'll come back.



Don't be silly. Come in.

There are a lot of people you know here.



- Is that Alice?

- Hi.



- Where's Doug?

- He's... he's busy.



- Merry Christmas.

- Thank you. Merry Christmas.



- I'm a little shaken up.

- Yeah, I see that. Let's go into the kitchen.



What is it? What?



OK. I have to make a decision

between Doug and Joe.



Oh, God. Well...



- All right. What are your feelings?

- I don't know.



I have feelings for both of them.



Alice, is it that simple?

You just pick the one you want?



It's a long story, but yes, yes, I can.



- You're the one to make this decision.

- Come on, you two. Join the party.



It's prime time.

People are gonna begin leaving soon.



("Will You Still Be Mine"

by Erroll Garner)



That's great. Look at these people go.



- We're not gonna have anything left.

- The party's a big hit. So's the eggnog.



Cocktail franks and bicarbonate of soda.



What's... what's with Alice?

She looked so upset when she came in.



- I'm gonna go get some more cake.

- Come on, tell me.






Excuse me. Alice?

Could I have a word with you?



- Yes. Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Excuse us.



Thanks. He was getting a little repetitious.



What is this?



I'm so glad you and Dorothy

are seeing more of each other.



Thank you. I'm glad, too.



- I've always liked you.

- Thank you. I've always liked...



Have I got something there?

I'm glad you guys moved to New York.



No, I mean, I really like you.



Thank you. I really like you, too.



- Now I know I made a mistake.

- What's that? A mistake?



Yeah. Marrying Dorothy. You're the one

I love. Always have, always will.



What are you saying?

What, are you kidding?



I don't know. Maybe I'm drunk.



Maybe you're drunk. I don't think

you should be saying things like that.



- Oh, Alice, darling.

- Ken, come on.



Come on, Ken.



Good to see you. Who's that?



It doesn't matter, anyway.



- Hello. Hi.

- Hello.



- We haven't met. I'm Sid Moscowitz.

- Excuse me. I'm Alice Tait.



You'll think I'm very forward, but you're

the loveliest creature I've ever seen.



Thank you.

That's very sweet. Thank you.



- Don't be offended.

- This is my night. I'm not at all offended.



- I've been staring at you for half an hour.

- Have you really?



- God!

- Excuse me. Hi, Sid. How are you?



- I'm fine.

- Everyone's having too much eggnog!



I want you to know I...



- You mean a lot to me.

- You don't even know me.



I know enough to know

that I would be lost without you.



- You'd be lost without me?

- Suddenly, really...



- You're my world, Alice.

- I was just looking for my sister Dorothy.



- Excuse me.

- I need to say this.



- Who are you?

- My name is Alice Tait.



- Excuse me.

- Dorothy's sister. I was looking for her.



- You are the most devastating...

- Alice.



- What is everyone on?

- Alice? I just... I love you.



- That's a beautiful name.

- Excuse me.



- The herbs. The herbs.

- (both) Alice. Excuse me.



The herbs. A bag,

did you see a brown bag around here?



- The nutmeg. I put that in the eggnog.

- Nutmeg? Oh, no. Isn't there any left?



- It was a small bag.

- It's not nutmeg. Get the eggnog, please.



- I thought it was.

- Tip the whole thing out.



- I'm Nat. I've been staring at you...

- There's been a mistake.



- Give me that. Don't drink any more.

- You're so lovely.



- Ken, let me talk to you tomorrow.

- I love you.



Excuse me. You're gonna think this is

very sudden. I love you. Let's get married.



- I think we should. I have a lot of money.

- Alice. My God.



- There's been an accident.

- Joseph Banks. Can you feel it?



- Alice?

- Can you feel? Can you?



Why don't you back off a second, OK?

Let me talk to her. Give me one second.



("O Tannenbaum" by Liberace)



- Claire had so much liposuction done.

- Yes?



I ran into her in Palm Beach

and again at the kinesiologist's.



I think she wants to have an affair

with her dog-walker.



- (man) Taxi!

- Is it five or six Pekingese she has?



- Six, I think. Is he cute?

- Mm... Mezzo, mezzo.



- Is that you?

- Yeah.



- We have to talk.

- Yeah. I think we do need to talk.



All right. I've fooled around a little

over the years. I'm not perfect.



- Neither am I.

- No, you are.



No, Doug. I've lied. I've cheated.



- I've done things I didn't think I had in me.

- You have?



I have, I have. We haven't had

a real marriage in so long, if ever.



In what way did you lie and cheat?



All I know is, I don't like the way I feel

about it. I think it's time to change that.



Look, I don't wanna blow this

out of proportion, OK? What's past is past.



Nothing has to be different. We can

get things back to the way they were.



I know I can. I know I can.



- But I'm not going to.

- What does that mean?



Lt... Would you excuse us, please, Hilda?

Just for a moment, please.



I'll tell you what it means. I'm tired

of all this. I'm tired of pedicures...



...and face-lifts, and shopping

and gossip about who's in bed with who.



- I'm tired of the whole thing.

- There's more than that. The children.



Yes, exactly. I want them growing up

with deeper values, with something else.



- Don't give me a lecture.

- That is something I don't need any more.



- What is it?

- For your own interest.



You wanted to take a writing course.

I said OK.



Did you also have an affair with

Nancy Brill? I wouldn't be surprised.



- I don't like you this way.

- I can't write. And if I could...



- It's good to know that.

...l'm incapable of more than a TV plot.



- We need to go to the Bahamas.

- It's pathetic.



- Unwind, sunbathe, unload this.

- I'm going further than the Bahamas.



- OK. What? Where are you going?

- I'm going to Calcutta.



- You're going where?

- Calcutta.



- To try and work with Mother Teresa.

- Do you have your ticket?



I want the children

to have a different kind of life.



- To know something different.

- Mother Teresa? Are you serious?



- I'm serious.

- You're serious about this?



- When did this amazing thought pop up?

- It doesn't matter when.



It does to me.



One minute without your charge plates

and masseuse and you would be lost.



Yeah, I know. You're probably right.



- But it's not gonna be that way any more.

- Really? What's it gonna be? Calcutta?



You're going off to Calcutta?



Do you know they have

      unlisted diseases in Calcutta?



I don't believe... What are you saying?



The second you see

an ad for a diamond earring...



...or get a craving for a caviar blini,

you'll be back, if indeed you go.



You're not going with my children.



(Nina) Did you hear about Alice Tait?

She left her husband.



- (Penny) No!

- (Sue) That's old news.



- What do you mean?

- The big news is, she went to India.



- Really?

- It's incredible. She met Mother Teresa.



But now she's back and I heard

she's doing some kind of volunteer work.



- She always had that Catholic streak.

- True.



She not only left her husband, she left

her cook, her chauffeur and her maid.



She's living downtown with the kids.



You're not gonna believe this.

She does everything herself.



Penny Gates said she spends all her free

time with her kids, and she looks great.



No cook or maid?

Did she have a mental breakdown?



- That's my thought.

- Someone said she's a changed woman.



Speaking of changed women,

Gloria Phillips had face work.



She's having an affair

with her astrologer, isn't she?



But she's a changed woman

because you can't tell it's Gloria.






("Alice Blue Gown"

by Wayne King & His Orchestra)

Special help by SergeiK