Anchorman Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Anchorman script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Christina Applegate, yadda yadda..  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Anchor Man. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Anchorman Script

There was a time,

a time before cable,

when the local anchorman

reigned supreme,

when people believed

everything they heard on TV.

This was an age when only men

were allowed to read the news.

And in San Diego, one anchorman

was more man than the rest.

His name was Ron Burgundy.

He was like a god

walking amongst mere mortals.

He had a voice that could

make a wolverine purr,

and suits so fine

they made Sinatra

look like a hobo.

In other words,

Ron Burgundy was the balls.

Mmm. I look good.

I mean, really good.

Hey, everyone!

Come and see how good I look!

Mm, ehh, mm.

Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.

That's why I'm doing this.

How now brown cow.

How now brown cow.

How now brown cow.

How are you?

You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm?

Maybe don't wear

a bra next time.

No, I was talking to you.

No, not her.

I don't know her name.

What is it?



Like sheep's wool?

Unique New York.

Unique New York.

Mm, I love Scotch.

I love Scotch.

Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.

Here it goes down.

Down into my belly.


The arsonist

has oddly shaped feet.

How much time?

?  seconds?

- You are on.

- I'm on right now?

I don't believe you.


Oh, come on. Audrey.

I look like hell.

I got bags under my eyes.

What's that?

If you were a man,

I'd punch you right

in the mouth.

That's bush.

Bush league.

The human torch was denied

a bank loan.

You hear me?

Audrey, look at me!

I'm sorry.

All right?

I'm sorry.

Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ho!

Ha ha ho.

Ha oh!

All right, we're on.

Ready, Phil.

We're on in five, four...

When the clock struck :

it meant one thing

for Ron Burgundy

and his news team:

Go time.

Channel  News,

Channel  News,

with five-time

Emmy award-winning anchor

Ron Burgundy.

Champ Kind, sports.

Ooh! Hoo-hoo!

Brick Tamland, weather.

And your reporter in the field,

Brian Fantana.

It's Channel  News

at :.

Good evening.

I'm Ron Burgundy,

and this is what's happening

in your world tonight.

A La Jolla man clings to life

at a university hospital

after being viciously attacked

by a pack of wild dogs

in an abandoned pool.

Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up!

Ron Burgundy's on!

Authorities are still

uncertain as to why the man

- was loitering...

- Ron Burgundy.

Oh, my gosh!

She said her first words!

Right now it's *

in our fair city,

and compare that to *

in the upper Northwest

and *

in the Middle East.

Off the coast

of Tampa Bay yesterday,

one lucky cameraman

happened to catch

an unusual

aquatic daredevil.

What you're about to see

is a Channel  News exclusive.

His name is

Nutty the Squirrel,

and he's three years old.

How 'bout that?

That squirrel

can water-ski.

- Man, that's hilarious.

- Yeah, that's good.

For all of us here

at News Center 

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy,

San Diego.

You stay classy, San Diego.

Listen up.

The ratings just came in for last month.

We are number one.

We just grabbed every key demographic.

- Super-duper, gang!

- Yeah! Yeah!


That's nice!

Way to go!

Neat-o, gang.

- Yes!

- Boy, Ed.

That is good news.

I gotta be honest.

- Congrats, congrats.

- That is good news!

- All right!

- Stick around.

Make sure these guys

don't party too much.

- They don't really ever listen to me.

- Just get it done.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I please have your attention?

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I please have your attention?

I've just been handed

an urgent

and horrifying news story.

I need all of you

to stop what you're doing

and listen.


Yes, these fellas were a real news team.

Burgundy, of course,

was the foundation, the rock.

But each member brought their own

special something to the equation.

People call me

the Bri-man.

I'm the stylish one

of the group.

I know what

you're asking yourself,

and the answer is yes,

I have a nickname for my penis.

It's called the Octagon.

But I also nicknamed

my testes.

My left one

is James Westfall,

and my right one is

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

You ladies play your cards right,

you might get to meet the whole gang.

Bang, boom, they were

showing lasers

every Friday night.

Champ here.

I'm all about havin' fun.

You know, get a couple

of cocktails in me,

start a fire

in someone's kitchen.

Maybe go to SeaWorld,

take my pants off.

Anyway, I've become

kind of famous

for my signature catchphrase,


As in, "Gene Tenace

at the plate...

and whammy!"


I'm Brick Tamland.

People seem to like me

because I am polite

and I'm rarely late.

I like to eat ice cream,

and I really enjoy

a nice pair of slacks.

Years later,

a doctor will tell me

that I have an IQ of 

and am what some people call

"mentally retarded."


- Whoo! Marco!

- Polo!

- Brian.

- You having a good time?

- I'm having a great time.

- That makes two of us.

You've gotta meet this girl.

She used to be a Charger cheerleader,

but she broke her pelvis.


meet Ron Burgundy.

- Hey, Ron.

- Hello.

- I've got a big story for you.

- Mm-hmm.

And it's right here.

Well, hello.

You pointed to your boobies.

Oh, my God, you did!

- Ron Burgundy?

- Yes?

I have had a crush on you

since I was a little girl.

Let's go somewhere.

I'm telling you, it don't

get no better than this.

We've been coming

to the same party for  years,

and in no way

is that depressing.


By the beard of Zeus!

Excuse me.

Ron, where you going?

What, are you crazy? Ron!

If you're coming down the baseline,

you gotta take home plate from me!

So there I go,

head first, boom!

I've lost her.




Hope I'm not disturbing

you, but, uh,

I saw you from across

the party, and, uh,

I don't usually do this, but I felt

compelled to tell you something.

You have...

an absolutely



I mean, that thing is good.

I want to be friends with it.

Well, you certainly know

how to compliment a woman.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Do you know who I am?

No, I can't say that I do.

I don't know how to put this,

but I'm kind of a big deal.


People know me.

I've very happy for you.

I'm very important.

I have...

many leather-bound books,

and my apartment

smells of rich mahogany.

I... I'm friends

with Merlin Olsen, too.

He comes over on occasion.

That's stupid.

No, no, that's...

very exciting.

Listen, can I...

can I start over again?


I wanna say something.

I'm gonna put it out there.

If you like it,

you can take it.

If you don't,

send it right back.


I wanna be on you.

Wait. Wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait.


I wanna be on you.



Papa's home.

There he is.

There's my little man.

You're okay?

Of course I met

a lady tonight.

This one was different.

I have to be honest.

Quite different.


I'm lonely?

I'm not lonely!

I'm beloved by everyone

in San Diego.


You know how to cut

to the core of me, Baxter.

You're so wise.

You're like

a miniature Buddha

covered in hair.

Come again?

You know I don't speak Spanish.

In English, please.


You pooped in the refrigerator?

And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?

How'd you do that?

I'm not even mad.

That's amazing.

I forgive you.

What do you say we get you

in your pj's and hit the hay?

Bedtime. Okay, come on.

Let's go. Come on.

Oh, that was one

crazy party.

I am hung over.

Tell me about it.

I woke up this morning

and I shit a squirrel.

I mean it.


Hell of it is,

damn thing's still alive.

So I got this

shit-covered squirrel

down there in the office.

Don't know what to name it.

I'm sorry, Champ.

I think I ate

your chocolate squirrel.

All right, guys.

Let's focus up.

Morning, everyone.

Here are the stories

we're going to be chasing today.

It looks like Ling Wong,

the rare panda

at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.

This is a big one.

This could be the big

story of the summer.

Network is gonna be wanting

plenty of coverage.

And speaking of network,

word on the street is

they're looking

for a new anchor.

- So, Ron...

- Huh? Network?

Are they here?

A lot of you have been hearing

the affiliates complaining

about a lack of diversity

on the news team.

What in the hell's diversity?

Well, I could be wrong,

but I believe diversity

is an old, old wooden ship

that was used

during the Civil War era.

I would be surprised

if the affiliates were concerned

about the lack

of an old wooden ship,

but nice try.

Diversity means

that times are changing,

and with that in mind...

- Ron, are you paying attention?

- Nope.

- This concerns all of us.

- Okay.

Keeping that in mind, I'd like

to introduce the latest addition

to the KVWN News Team,

directly from WYPN

in Asheville, North Carolina,

Ms. Veronica Corningstone.


Hello, everyone.

- Oh!

- I just want you all to know

that I look forward

to contributing

to this news station's

already sterling reputation.

I mean, come on, Ed!

It's bullcrap!

Don't get me wrong.

I love the ladies.

They rev my engine,

but they don't belong in the newsroom!

It is anchorman,

not anchorlady!

- And that is a scientific fact!

- Uh-huh.

I don't know

what we're yelling about!

Ron, what do you think?

She... sh...

it's terrible!

She has beautiful eyes,

and her hair smells like cinnamon!


Loud noises!

All right, everyone relax.

She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.

I read somewhere that

their periods attract bears.

Bears can smell

the menstruation.

Well, that's just great.

You hear that, Ed?

Bears. Now you're putting

the whole station in jeopardy.

I will say

one thing for her, Ed,

she does have a nice,

big old behind.

I'd like to put some

barbecue sauce on that butt

and just bite, bite, bite, bite,

munch, munch, munch!

- Ah-whoo!

- Stop it! Oh, Jeez.

Look at the full-moon butt!

Champ! Champ!

Champ, Champ!

Mr. Harken, I was just wondering

if you knew when my office

would be ready.

Well, that might

take some time.

For now, why don't you just

grab a desk in the bullpen?

You can use my office! Then afterwards

maybe we can go to lunch!

Lower your voice, Ron.


All right.

Thank you, Mr. Harken.

I'll go get

my desk set up.

Oh, she is a saucy mama!

I mean, I would...

Here we go again.

Every station

it's the same.

Women ask me

how I put up with it.

Well, the truth is,

I don't really have a choice.

This is definitely

a man's world.

But while they're laughing

and grab-assing,

I'm chasing down leads

and practicing

my nonregional diction.

Because the only way to win

is to be the best.

The very best.

Touchy situation.

I think the best thing

to do with this Corningstone,

to keep her in line,

is bed her quick.

Oh, that behind

is driving me loco!

I'm like a night wolf.

Guys, take it easy.

Just take it easy!

- She's got feelings, too.

- Oh, my God!

Listen to Burgundy.

He's gone soft on us,

like some schoolboy bitch.

You sound like a gay.

Hey! Come on!

It's me, Papa Burgundy,

all right?

As far as I'm concerned,

Corningstone's fair game.


Let the games begin!


There he is.

There he is.

I'm very aroused.

What's this?

Well, well, well.

Ron Burgundy and the Channel 

News Team.

Hello, Wes Mantooth.


Evening News Team.

Nice clothes, gentlemen.

I didn't know the Salvation Army

was having a sale.

Am I right?

Look at these guys.

Hey, where did you

get those clothes?

At the toilet store?

What are you doing

on our station's turf, Burgundy?

You're about to get

a serious beat-down.

I will smash your face

into a car windshield

and then take your mother,

Dorothy Mantooth,

out for a nice seafood dinner

and never call her again!

Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!

You understand me?

- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!

- Hey.

Leave the mothers

out of this, all right?

It's unnecessary.

Besides, I'm sure Wes here

is just upset over finishing

second in the ratings again.


That's completely

uncalled for, Burgundy.

You know those

rating systems are flawed.

They don't take into account

houses that have

more than two television sets

and other things of that nature.

I guess I have to take you

at your word,

Number Two.

You have

a great day, fellas.

We'll see you around the bend.

Son of a bitch!

Excusez-moi, Numero Two.

Hey, Burgundy.

You know those sample audiences

aren't big enough!

Stop hiding behind those phony numbers,

Burgundy! I'm coming after you!

I hate you, Ron Burgundy.

I hate you!

You can't say one word?

Even the guy who can't

think says something!

You guys just stand

there? Come on!

Right, but I think my son

is just going through a phase.

I have no idea where

he would have gotten ahold

of German pornography.

But you and I

are mature adults.

We've both seen our share

of pornographic materials.

Oh, you never have?

Of course you haven't,

how stupid of me. Neither have I.

I was just speaking

in generalities.

I'll stop by the school

a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.

Ed, she insisted

on coming in.

Mr. Harken, sir,

I will not have my first story

at this news station

be about a cat fashion show.

Miss Corningstone, ma'am,

you will do the stories

to which you are assigned.

Mr. Harken, I am

a damn good journalist,

and this cat show thing

is grade-A baloney.

It is not baloney.

Now, go do your job, missy!

It is baloney!

Hey, Ron,

I'm gonna take a run

at the new girl.

Let the games begin.

Oh, Champ, Champ,

we're not really gonna actually do that.

- We were just flapping our gums.

- Oh, yeah.

You kill me, Burgundy.

Let me just grab this.

Oh, sorry about that.

- Whammy.

- Hmm.

- Uh, Champ?

- Yeah.

You're trying to touch

my breasts, aren't you?

What can I say?

I like the way you're put together.

What do you say

we go out on a date?

Have some chicken,

maybe some sex.

You know,

see what happens?

Oh, let me get this

over here.


Oh, there it is.

I'll give this

little cookie an hour

before we're doing

the no-pants dance.

Time to musk up.


It never ceases to amaze me.

What cologne

you gonna go with?

London Gentleman, or...

wait. No, no, no.

Hold on.

Blackbeard's Delight.

No, she gets

a special cologne.

It's called Sex Panther

by Odeon.

It's illegal in nine countries.

Yep, it's made with bits

of real panther.

- So you know it's good.

- It's quite pungent.

Oh yeah.

It's a formidable scent.

It stings the nostrils.

- In a good way.

- Yep.

I'll be honest with you.

That smells like pure gasoline.

They've done studies,

you know.

That doesn't make sense.


let's go see if we can

make this little kitty purr.

Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite

I'd like to extend your way.

My God.

What is that smell?


That's the smell

of desire, milady.

God, no, it smells like...

like a used diaper

filled with Indian food.


Excuse me.

Desire smells like that

to some people.

What is that? Smells like a turd

covered in burnt hair!

It smells like

Bigfoot's dick!


Oh, hell, that's rank!

Oh, what's that smell?

This is worse than the time

the raccoon got in the copier.


It's very distracting.

- When we get to the pet shop...

- Cough!

Look over here.

Excuse me, Veronica.

Yes, what is it, Brick?

I would like

to extend to you

an invitation

to the pants party.

Excuse me?

The party.

The pants...

With the pants.

Party with pants?

Brick, are you saying

that there's a party in

your pants and I'm invited?

That's it.

Hmm. Did Brian tell you

to say this, Brick?


yes, he did.

Okay. No, I don't want to go

to a party in your pants.

Very well.


Would you like to go

to a party in my pants?

No, Brick.

All right. Let's go!

All right, now...

I'm telling you,

she is a real ball-buster.

A real ice queen.

Mm. I just

burned my tongue.

The only way

to bag a classy lady

is to give her two tickets

to the gun show...

and see if she likes

the goods.



- Uh, Mr. Burgundy?

- .

Helen said that you

needed to see me?

Oh, Miss Corningstone.

I wasn't expecting company.

Just doing my workout.

Tuesday's arms and back.

- You asked me to come by, sir.

- Oh, did I?


Oh, it's the deep burn!

Oh, it's so deep.

I can barely lift my right

arm 'cause I did so many.

I don't know if you heard me counting.

I did over .

You have your ubulus muscle

that connects

to the upper dorsinus.

It's boring,

but it's part of my life.

I'm just gonna grab this shirt,

if you don't mind.

Just watch out for the guns.

They'll get you.

You are pathetic.

This has to be

the feeblest

pickup attempt

that I have ever encountered.

I expected it from the rest of them,

Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.

Wait a minute!

I... pickup attempt?

I'm offended.

I have little time

to get to the gym,

so I have to sculpt

my guns at the office.

Oh, stop calling

your arms "guns."


My plan was to ask you

if I could squire you

about town

as one professional

helping another professional,

because I know what it's like

to be lonely in a new city.

- Really?

- Yes.

But now I am too hurt.

And shocked and offended

and... and hurt.

I could do that.


Well, yes.

As a journalist,

I should get to know

the city

that I'm covering.

- But this is not a date.

- No, of course not.

- Strictly professional.

- Wonderful.

- Hmm.

- Great.

Shall I pick you up


Mm, :.


Mr. Burgundy, you have

a massive erection.


Yes, I do.


I'm sorry, it's the...

- it's the pleats.

- Mm.

It's actually

an optical illusion.

It's the pattern

on the pants.

It's not flattering

in the crotchal region.

I'm actually

taking them back right now.

Taking them back

to the pants store.

Oh, this is awkward.

I'm gonna walk...

I'm gonna walk

this situation off

and I will see you later.

Nothing to look at.

Go back to work, everyone.

Don't act like

you're not impressed.

Don't look at me right now.

I'm walking around the office.

My new walk.

I have a situation right now

I'm trying to walk off.

Frame up two.

- Let's go to Brian Fantana live...

- Gimme a tighter one on two.

...with a Channel 

News exclusive.


Panda watch.

The mood is tense.

I have been on some

serious, serious reports,

but nothing like this.

I... I... Ching...

King is inside now.

I tried to get an interview,

but they said, "You can't.

He's a live bear. He will

literally rip your face off."

Hey! You're making me

look stupid!

Get out here!

Panda jerk!

Great story.

Compelling and rich.

That's gonna do it for all

of us at Channel  News.

You stay classy,

San Diego.

I'm Ron Burgundy?

Damn it! Who typed a question mark

on the Teleprompter?

For the last time, anything

you put on that prompter,

Burgundy will read.

Oh, God,

this is a mistake.

This is a mistake.

He's very cute. Very cute.

No, he's not. He's hairy.

There she is!


My little China doll.

I am full of it tonight.

Oh, silly. Hi.

You look ravishing.

It truly is beauty

and the beast.

I might add

a handsome beast at that.

Are you ready

for our rendezvous?

It's not a date.

No, strictly professional.

Doesn't mean

we can't have fun.

- Shall we?

- Yes.

San Diego.

Mm! Drink it in.

It always

goes down smooth.

What a beautiful view,

Mr. Burgundy.

I know. I love this city.

It's a...

it's a fact.

It's the greatest city

in the history of mankind.

Discovered by the Germans

in .

They named it San Diago,

which of course in German

means a whale's vagina.

N... no, there's

no way that's correct.

I'm sorry.

I was trying to impress you.


I don't know what it means.

I'll be honest. I don't think anyone

knows what it means anymore.

Scholars maintain that

the translation was lost

hundreds of years ago.

Doesn't it mean

Saint Diego?

No. No.

No, that's...

that's what it means.


Well, agree to disagree.

May I take your order?

Yes, I am going to have

three fingers of Glenlivet

with a little bit of pepper,

and, uh, some cheese.

Very good.

A Manhattan,

and kick the vermouth

in the side with a pair

of steel-toed boots.

- Certainly.

- Thank you, Scott.

Thank you.


Quite a drink order.

Oh, well, when in Rome.


Please, go on.

Uh, do as the Romans do?

It's an old expression.

Oh! I've never heard of it.

- Oh.

- It's wonderful, though.

Mr. Burgundy.

- Tino! How are you?

- So good to see you.

You're looking fantastic.

Tino, Veronica.


What a pretty girlfriend.

- Drinks are on Tino tonight.

- No, no, no.

We're work associates.

I work at the station.

- I'm a journalist.

- Oh, okay. This is a good guy.

Tino's the finest

club owner in the city.

- My best friend, right?

- Yes.

Yes, we have a saying

in my country about people like him.

"The coyote of the desert

always likes to eat

the heart of the young,

where the blood drips down to children

for breakfast, lunch and dinner,

- only the ribs will be broken in two."

- Tino.

Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy,

we will be honored

if you will play

"yazz" flute for us.

- I can't.

- Please.

You play jazz flute?

- I dabble.

- Oh.

Would everyone love to hear

Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?

- Get it goin', Ronnie!

- Yes! Please.

You, on stage now.

Okay, I guess I can play

a little ditty.

- Honestly, I'm...

- Come on.

- Give him a hand.

- I'm not prepared. Not at all.

- Yeah!

- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.

Guys, "East Harlem

Shakedown," E flat?

Keep the cymbals splashy,

and, Jay, let's take

the bass line for a walk.

Hold on.

I'm not hearing it right.

Hold on.

We got it now.

It's all right.

Fire up, Ronnie!

Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you.

Hope you got your griddles.

That's baby-makin' music,

that's what that is.

- Let's go!

Hey, Aqualung!

Thank you.

Thank you!

You were amazing.

Mm. Thank you.

Where did you learn

to play like that?

Well, jazz flute

has always been a small

passion of mine.

So what other passions

do you have, Mr. Burgundy?

Well, I have one

great passion that...

that lives deep

within my loins, like a...

like a flaming golden hawk:

To one day

become a network anchor.

Well, believe it or not,

we share the same dream.

I too want to be

an network anchor.

God, you are so beautiful.

We really

should be going.

I swore that I would never

get involved with a coworker.


What if, just for tonight,

we weren't coworkers?

We were co-people?

- I don't...

- Shh.

You be a woman.

I'll be a man.

That's all.


You continue to surprise

me, Mr. Burgundy.

Oh, I'm storming your castle

on my steed, milady.

Oh, mi corazón

es en fuego!

Julio, fuego,

fuego, fuego!

Wait, stop.

Stop talking like that.

- I can't understand you.

- Sorry.

Take me to Pleasure Town!

- Oh, we're going there!

- Oh!

I friggin' love you!

I friggin' love you back!

Look! The most glorious

rainbow ever!

Oh, do me on it!



Well done, sir.

Tip of the cap to you as well,

Miss Corningstone.

I'm having very strong feelings

for you, Mr. Burgundy.


But it's very important to me

that I be viewed as a professional.

- Right.

- Hmm.

When in Rome.


That, uh, expression

doesn't really apply

to what I'm talking about.

- Oh, I'm...

- What I was saying.

I still don't quite

understand what it means.

Oh, no.

You'll find it.

No, I was saying that,

if we continue

seeing each other,

that we should keep it

relatively quiet around the station.


my wild love tigress.

Tasteful discretion

is the name of the game.


Veronica Corningstone

and I had sex,

and now we are in love!

Did I say that loud?

Yeah, you pretty much

yelled it.

Well, I can't help it.

It's fantastic!

- What's it like, Ron?

- The intimate times?

Outta sight, my man!

No. The other thing.



What is that?

Well, it's tough to explain.

- I think I was in love once.

- Really, what was her name?

I don't remember.

That's not a good start,

but keep going.

She was Brazilian.

Or Chinese,

or something weird.

I met her in the bathroom

of a K-mart,

and we made out for hours.

Then we parted ways,

never to see each other again.

I'm pretty sure

that's not love.

Damn it!

I love...


I love desk.

Are you just looking at things

in the office and saying you love them?

I love lamp.

Do you really love the lamp,

or are you saying it because you saw it?

I love lamp!

I love lamp.

You really want to know

what love is?

- Yeah.

- Yes, tell us.

More than anything

in the world.

Well, it's really

quite simple.

It's kind of like...

- Whoop!

- You guys have it, I think.

I don't know, Ron.

That sounds kinda crazy.

Sounds like you have

mental problems, man.

- Yeah, you got mental problems, man.

- Yeah, he really does.


- Wanna make a phone call.

- Freshen this up.

Oh, look out.

Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.

He's ready to do battle

in the arena

against the tiniest lion

you've ever imagined.

I'm getting some great stuff,

Miss Corningstone.

Shut up.

Oh, I hate cats.

Let's just do my sign-off

and get outta here.

It was quite a show

down here at the Pet Shack.

Just for today, fashion curiosity

did not kill the cat.

I'm Veronica Corningstone

for Channel  News.

That was our newest reporter,

Veronica Corningstone.

She's really great.

I'd also like to share with you

that we are currently dating

and that she is quite

a handful in the bedroom.


That's gonna do it

for all of us here at :.

For the Channel  News Team,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy,

San Diego.

All clear.


I might be in trouble

on that one.

I can't believe that you said

that we were dating on the air.

Mmm! Mmm.

That is good fondue.

Don't you get it, Ron?

I wanna be an anchor.

That is never gonna happen

if everyone in San Diego

thinks that I'm

your bimbo gal pal.

I don't know what to say.

I just...

I got excited.

I just wanted to shout it

from on top of a mountain.

But I didn't have a mountain.

I had a newsroom and a camera.


I report the news.

That's what I do.

And today's top story,

in Ron Burgundy's world,

read something like this:

I love Veronica Corningstone.

Oh, Ron.

This is nice, gang, sittin' here.

- Oh, yeah.

- Brown baggin' it.

The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow

morning at : instead of :.

Oh! Almost forgot.

I won't be able

to make it, fellas.

Veronica and I are trying

this new fad called,

uh, jogging.

I believe it's jogging or yogging.

It might be a soft "J."

I'm not sure,

but apparently you just run

for an extended period

of time.

- It's supposed to be wild.

- So Ron's not coming?

No, Ron's coming.

It's the pancake breakfast.

We do it every month.

I realize that.

Sometimes you gotta look yourself

in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."

The bottom line is,

you've been spending

a lot of time with this lady.

You're a member of

the Channel  News Team.

- That's a given.

- We need you.

Hell, I need you.

I'm a mess without ya.

I miss you

so damn much.

I miss being with you.

I miss being near you.

I miss your laugh.

I miss...

I miss your scent.

I miss your musk.

When this all gets sorted out,

I think you and me should

get an apartment together.

Just take it easy, Champ.

Why don't you stop talking

for a while?

Maybe sit the next

couple of plays out.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm gonna quit

sayin' things

when they crop up

in the ol' skull, huh?

See what it's like

when you're not here?

You're our leader.

Look what you're doing to the group.

Champ's been a mess.

Brick can't sleep at night.

Here's the thing,

I don't trust this chick.

We need you around,

and she is just using you.

Everyone, just relax.

All right?

Believe me, if there's one thing

Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Okay, and Veronica Corningstone,

she's just...

she's just dying

to quit her job

so that she can take care

of me and have babies.

Hey, gang.

Papa's home.

Oh, honey.

I am so glad you're home.

My alabaster doll.


You look great.

No eye contact!

Oh, darling.

I've spent all day

cleaning your Emmys

and preparing dinner

in the nude.

Oh, let's make whoopie.

And then I'm going to go drinking

with the news team for two days.




Bite it!

Bite it!

- Oh, yes!

- Oh, yeah!

You are a bad boy.

I'm bad. I need to go

to the principal's office.

I love my life.

I don't know, Ron.

Guess what.

I do.

I know that one day, Veronica

and I are gonna get married

on top of a mountain.

And there's going

to be flutes playing

and trombones and flowers

and garlands of fresh herbs.

And we will dance

till the sun rises.

And then our children

will form a family band.

And we will tour

the countryside,

and you won't be invited!

I'm telling you, this lady has really

crawled into Ron's head.


Good one!

Oh, okay.

I understand.

You have a nice day,

sir. Bye.

Um, I could come back

later, Mr. Harken.

No, no, no.

It's just parent stuff.

It seems that our youngest,

Chris, was

on something called acid

and was firing

a bow and arrow into a crowd.

- Mm.

- You know how kids are.

Oh. Right.

Anyhoo, what can

I do you for?

Well, Mr. Harken,

I feel like I have proven

myself as a journalist

and that I deserve

the opportunity

to take on more

challenging stories.

Well, ask

and you shall receive.

Ah, yes, this just

came across my desk.

Here is a story

of a -year-old woman

who claims to have a recipe

for the world's greatest meat loaf.

Ooh, now that's

a hot lead.

It was very hard for Veronica.

But she was a pro

and hung tough.

But soon, with a simple act

of littering,

everyone's life

would change forever.

This burrito is delicious,

but it is filling.


Antony and Cleopatra!

Goddamn son of...

What the hell, bro'?

Hello, neighbor.

Did you just throw a burrito

out your window?

I believe I did.

Are you high or something?

Did you see what happened?

I did. That was a terrific spill.

That's quite a raspberry.

That's my chopper

you just thrashed, Broseph.

Easy, compadre. I'm your

friend out here, all right?

I want you to fix my chopper

before I stomp your goofy ass!

If you want

to throw down, fine.

I've got Jack Johnson

and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.

You destroyed

the only thing I love.

All right? There it is.

What do you love?

I love poetry.

And a glass of Scotch.

And, of course,

my friend Baxter here.

Well, guess what.

Now this is happenin'.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

What are you doing?

That's how I roll.



- Where the hell is he?

- He'll be here.

- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.

- It's not like Ron.

I'd put Brick on, but unless he's

tracking a storm front, he's useless.

- Excuse me, gentlemen.

- Oh. Hello.

Just want you to know if Ron does not

show up, I am ready to go on.

You and I have had this discussion

a million times.

There's never been

a woman anchor.

Mr. Harken,

- this city needs its news.

- Oh.

You're gonna deprive them

of that because I have breasts?

Exquisite breasts?

I am gonna go on,

and if you want to stop me, bring it on.

Because I am good

at three things:

Fighting, screwing

and reading the news.

I've already done one of those today,

so what's the other one gonna be?



I will be in makeup.

Jesus, she's terrifying!


Ron, are you okay?

The man punted Baxter!

Calm down.

Breathe, Ron,


The man that loved

the motorcycle!

What did the bad man do?

The motorcycle on the bridge!

I hit him with a burrito!

- Ron!

- He took him!

He took him with his foot

and he kicked him!

That's what he did!

Someone punted him?

No, wait. Wait.

Let me say something.

Let me say something.


I... I don't... I didn't

understand one word you said.

Ron, are you okay?



Where are you?

I'm in a glass case

of emotion!

He's gonna put

Corningstone on.

He's gonna

put Corningstone on!

I've got to do the news!

You're not Ron.

We're on in .

Good luck, lady.

Ready the announce.

- Power.

- Roll in.



One slip,

and you're gone.


And your reporter in the field,

Brian Fantana.

It's Channel  News

at :.

Good evening.

Ron Burgundy is off tonight.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story:

- Okay, we're off and running.

- Three armed men

wearing ski masks made off with over

$ from an area bank

in a daring

early morning robbery.


And the winner of the frog-leaping

contest was Hoppy,

with a jump

of seven feet,  inches.


I used to date a guy named Hoppy down

in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.

That will do it

for us at :.

From all of us here

at Channel  News,

I'm Veronica Corningstone,

and thanks

for stopping by, San Diego.

All clear!

Yes! Yes!

Lady! Lady!

Not bad, Miss Corningstone.

Not bad at all.

Thank you, Mr. Harken.

That felt good.

- That felt really good.

- I liked your sign-off line, too.

You did? It just came through me.

It was so organic.

Thank you.

Oh, Ron! Ron!

Ron, darling!

I'm so glad you're

all right. Oh, God.

I have something

magnificent to tell you.

I'm here.

We can do the news now.

It's all right, everyone!

We can do the news.

Hold on. Why are we all standing around?

Let's go!

Ron, we did it.

Veronica filled in for you.


Sweetheart, we were

so worried about you,

and we waited as long

as we could, but...

Darling, I did the news,

and I nailed it. I nailed it.

Wait, wait! Veronica, please,

tell me this is some kind

of sick, tasteless joke.

You weren't here.

Why are you being this way?

Why can't you

be proud of me

as a peer and as

my gentleman lover?

Oh, Jeez.

I can't believe

you did this to me!

You read my news!

I told you that I wanted

to be an anchor.

I told you that.

I thought you were kidding!

I thought it was a joke!

I even wrote it down

in my diary!

"Veronica had

a very funny joke today."

I laughed at it

later that night!

I can't believe

that I cared for you.

Get out! Just go!

We are through!


Because of your actions,

you scorpion woman!

You have broken my heart,

Mr. Burgundy.

You have broken my heart.

From there on out,

things just got worse

for Ron Burgundy.

Corningstone was a star,

and everything started

to move awfully fast

- after her big break.

- Where's Ian? Ian!

All right, I got a call from network.

It looks like

our broadcast last night

received a two-point

ratings boost,

and the decision

has been passed down

to make Veronica

our co-anchor.

- What?

- No. No!


- No!

- No!

- No!

- This is wonderful.

Ed, come here,

you big silly man. You big silly man.

- We did it.

- What is this, amateur hour?

- That's great.

- Thank you.

Damn it!

What Brian didn't tell you

was that those

were not real pirates.

- They looked convincing, though.

- Oh, yes.

Well, for all of us here

at Channel  News,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy,

San Diego.

And thanks

for stopping by.

But mainly stay classy.

- Thanks for stopping by.

- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.

- Thanks for stopping by.

- Stay classy.

Ron Burgundy.

You are a real hooker,

and I'm gonna slap you in public.

You have way

too much pubic hair.

Actually, that's a point of pride.

I'm very proud of my mane

of pubic hair, so thank you.

You have man boobs.

You've got a dirty,

whorish mouth.

I'm gonna punch you

in the ovary.

- A straight shot.

- Ooh, ow.

Right to the baby-maker.

Ah, jazz flute

is for little fairy boys.

Okay, you know what?

That's uncalled for.

I can't work with this woman.

It's terrible.

It's ringing.

Veronica Corningstone.

Hello, Veronica,

this is Mike Rithjin

from the network.

You've just been promoted.

You're gonna need to move

to Moscow.

Start cleaning up your desk.

See you in the morning.

We'll pick you up in a van.

What did you say

your name was?

Mike Ritnitjun.

It's not important.

Start cleaning your desk,

and we'll pick you up

in the morning.

Tell her she might

want to get a coat.

Hold on. Veronica?

What was it?

Tell her to get a coat.

Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.

It's pretty cold.

You might want

to buy a coat.

Are you and Champ

having a good time, Ron?

Are we what?

I can see you, Ron.


I can see you.

Okay. Bye-bye.

- What happened?

- She knew it was me.

You're watching Channel  News

with five-time

Emmy award-winning anchor

Ron Burgundy

and Tits McGee.

Good evening, San Diego.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tits McGee is on vacation.

And I'm Tits...

I'm Ron Burgundy.

- Veronica Corningstone.

- This is your doctor.

I have your pregnancy

report here, and guess what.

You got knocked up.

You should probably get out of news.

- Who is this?

- This is Dr. Chim.

- Dr. Chim Richalds.

- Ron, is this you?

I'm a professional doctor.

You saw me.

You don't remember.

We... you should move.

- Get out of the business.

- This is pathetic.

You're pathetic.

What'd she say?

She... I don't...

I think she bought it.

She's looking this way.

- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa!

- Here she comes.

I'll tell you what,

it's just not working.

She's making us look like

a bunch of fools.

Ellen, where's the party?

Children, grow up.

Son of a bee sting.

She's turning

the entire office against us.

- This is grim. Real grim.

- What are we gonna do?

There's only one thing

a man can do

when he's suffering from a spiritual

and existential funk.

Go to the zoo,

flip off the monkeys?

No. Buy new suits.


Where's the suit store?

We've been walking for  minutes.

Where's the suit store?

We've been walking for  minutes.

Brick, I thought you said

this was a shortcut.


- Is it a shortcut or not?

- Okay.




Here comes trouble.

Burgundy and the ladies

went out for a stroll, huh?

You boys walkin' around

and talkin' things through?

Keep a tight perimeter.

Yes, sirree.

Well, well, well.

Ron Burgundy

and the Channel 

News Team.

Where's your mommy?

You back off,

Evening News Team.

You know,

I understand that, uh,

they had to bring

a female in.

Change your diapers.

Wipe the dribble away

from your bubblin' lips.

Rub Vaseline

all over your heinie

and tell you that it's special

and different from everyone else's.

He said "heinie"!

Brick, get back over here!


Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?

Give you a little kiss

on your forehead?

Tell you everything's

gonna be okay?

I've had enough

of you, Mantooth.

This is gonna end

right here, right now.

Let's dance, dickweed.

You wanna dance, Ronnie?

I wanna polka.

Come get a taste.

Brick, where'd you get

a hand grenade?

I don't know.

All right.

Let's do this!


If you're gonna have a fight,

then don't forget

Channel  News with me,

lead anchor Frank Vitchard.

You dirtbags have been

in third place for five years.

Yeah? Well, you're about

to be in dead place.

Not so fast, you ingrates!

Public News Team is taking

a break from its pledge drive

to kick some ass.

No commercials!

No mercy!

Cómo están, pinches!

Spanish Language News is here.

Tonight's top story:

The sewers run red

with Burgundy's blood.

Hyah! Hyah!

Well looks like we got

ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.

Now, before we do this,

let's go over the ground rules.

Rule number one:

No touching

of the hair or face.

Of course.

And that's it!

Now let's do this!


I'm gonna straight-up

murder your ass!

- Blade!

- Here you go, mate!

Ahh! God!

Oh! I did not

see that coming!

Oh! Aaah!

- Now I'll be number one.

- No, you won't!


Boy, that escalated quickly.

I mean, that really

got out of hand fast.

- It jumped up a notch.

- It did, didn't it?

Yeah, I stabbed

a man in the heart.

I saw that.

Brick killed a guy.

- Did you throw a trident?

- Yeah.

There were horses and a man on fire

and I killed a guy with a trident.

I've been meaning

to talk to you about that.

Find yourself a safe house

or a relative close by.

Lay low for a while, because you're

probably wanted for murder.

I'm proud of you fellas.

You kept your head

on a swivel.

That's what you gotta do when

you're in a vicious cockfight.

Can you believe Mantooth and

the Channel  Evening News Team?

"Where's your mommy?

Someone's gotta change your diapers."

This Corningstone business

is really hurting our rep.

I know exactly

what you mean, Brian.

Every newsman in this city's

laughing at us.

- And I don't like it.

- I don't like the put-downs.

We're gonna do

something about it.

It is time to put

an end to this!

Last time I looked, my name's Ron

Burgundy. What's your name?

- Brian Fantana.

- Champ Kind.

- Brian Fantana.

- No, you're Brick.

- Brian.

- I'm Brian.


And I've shown you, old man!

Garth, I need to look at these tapes

for a potential lead.

Ron's using the machine

to play his local Emmy

acceptance speech from last year.

I tried to ask her

out on a date.

Turn the music off!

I'm still talking!

- This is ridiculous!

- I don't remember doing it.

- Excuse me.

- What are you doing?

I need this machine so I can

watch a tape for a story.

I'm using the tape.

I'm showing Jeffrey

my Emmy tape.

We are watching history.

Mr. Burgundy,

I'm a professional,

and I would like

to be able to do my job.

Big deal!

I am very professional!

Mr. Burgundy,

you are acting like a baby.

I'm not a baby, I am a man.

I am an anchorman!

You are not a man.

You are a big fat joke!

I'm a man

who discovered the wheel

and built the Eiffel Tower

out of metal and brawn.

That's what

kind of man I am.

You're just a woman

with a small brain.

With a brain a third the size of us.

It's science.

I will have you know

that I have more talent

and more intelligence

in my little finger

than you do

in your entire body, sir!

You are a smelly

pirate hooker!

You look like a blueberry.

Why don't you go back

to your home on Whore Island?

Well, you have bad hair.

What did you say?

I said

your hair

looks stupid.

- Let 'em work it out!

- It's between the two of them!

They're just talking.

Just talking.

- I hate you!

- I hate you more!


Shut up! Shut up!

All right, stop!

Stop what you're doing

right now!

I will not have

my newsroom be divided.

Ah! Knights of Columbus,

that hurts!

I was like, "Who is that guy?"

I just can't believe

what Ron did to you.

It is so awful.


Have you ever thought

about fighting fire

with fire?

What do you mean?

I have some information

that you can choose to use or not use.

Up to you.

Ron Burgundy

will read anything

that is put on that Teleprompter.

And when I say anything,

I mean an-y-thing.

Arnold, cue one.

After the FotoMat

was destroyed,

the bear scampered

back into the woods.

Apparently he wasn't too happy

with his color prints.


From the entire

Channel  News Team,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

Go fuck yourself,

San Diego.

What in the name...


Nobody talks about

my city that way!

Ron Burgundy's ass

is grass!

Nice work, everyone.

Sharp broadcast.

Really good.

Everyone on the floor as well.

Really a lot of hustle.

I liked it.

Dump out! Dump out!

Hello, Edward.

- Ron, I've got to fire you.

- I've got to fire you.

Bing, bong, bong.

You're fired, Ed.

Do you even know

what you just said?

Great Odin's raven!

Are you happy, Ron?


She put that in the Teleprompter.

You're probably right,

but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.

My hands are tied. I...

I gotta fire you.

Ed, let's hold on.

Let's count to .

That's a rash decision.

Is this about something else?

Ed, there's 

very angry San Diego-ites.

San Diego-ins.

San Diego-uns.

- San Dieg-ons.

- San Diegans.

San Diegans out

in front of the station.

They want Ron's blood.

They want to hurt you.

Why did you say that? Why?

Why, Ron? Why?

You're my hero, Ron.

Garth, I...

And you come out

with stink like that poop!

You poop mouth!

Get all the poop out of your mouth!

If I were to give you money out

of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

I hate you, Ron Burgundy!

I hate you!

Ron? Ron! I never

wanted it to be like this.

I can't believe you did this to me!

Are you happy?

No, Ron, I'm not!

It was supposed to be a joke.

I mean, it's still kind of funny.

But it's not.

I have nothing left!


I've been reduced to rubble!

Don't you know I would

never say the word fuck?

I would never fucking

ever fucking say that!


Let's go. These people

are about to pull you apart.

I'm sorry. Get your hands

off him, you bastards!

Don't you know I would

never say fuck?

- Fuck!

- Move.

No! No!

Mr. Burgundy, you should

be ashamed of yourself.

- Please, I...

- You're an awful man!

You are truly a disappointment

to us all, Mr. Burgundy!

Bob Dylan once wrote,

"The times,

they are a-changin'."

Ron Burgundy

had never heard that song.

So when he fell, he fell hard.

It's Channel  News at :!

Good evening, San Diego.

I'm lead anchor

Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story:

An ultrasound of Ling Wong,

the most famous panda

in the world,

shows that her baby

is doing quite well.


Ron Burgundy, stay classy.

Hello, this is Ron.


Who's there?

I'm talking. Hello.

Who is this?

Baxter, is that you?


Bark twice

if you're in Milwaukee.

Is this Wilt Chamberlain?

Have the courage

to say something. Hello!


Oh, Tino, thank you

for letting me come in here.

I'm glad I can still

get a good meal.

Yeah sure. Here you are,

the chef made this special for you.

You eat that for the way

you talk about my city.

I will not eat that.

You're going to eat

that cat poo.

I will not eat cat poop.

- You will eat cat poo.

- Ron Burgundy says no!

You make a fool of me

and everyone here.

You put that cat poo

in your mouth.

- No!

- Yes!

- No!

- Sí!

- I will not eat cat poop.

- You will do it immediately!

- No!

- You will!

- Fine, I'll try to eat one...

- Get in there.

If I take one bite will

you get me a steak?

If I take one bite of shit

will you bring me a steak?

I'll think about it.

Yeah, get in there.

- Yeah, start with the end.

- I am so hungry.

- There.

- Oh God!

A steak. A big steak

for him, please.


I had one bite.

- That's not enough.

- Son of a bitch.

You like this?

Oh, don't cry.

Don't cry.

He's not crying.

He's not crying.

- Don't cry in my...

- I'll eat the shit. I don't care.

I'll eat the entire

hunk of shit.

Okay, just finish it up.

Don't you feel

better now?

Hey, you watch

yourself, mister.

Hey, lady in

the red hat. Yeah.

You smell.


Guys, it's me, Ron.


Harken said he'd fire us

if we talked to you.

- What?

- I'm sorry.

I... Brian!

- It's Ronnie!

- Ron!

- Champ!

- Ron!

Champ, come on.

Come on!

Go, Brick.

My sweet Brick.

Brick, come hug me.

I know you want to.

I am completely

miserable, San Diego!

It's so damn hot!

Milk was a bad choice!

Yes, yes.

Chris, listen to me.

Put down the gun

and let the marching band go.

We'll play it off as a prank.

We'll straighten it out later.

I'm getting another call.

Ed Harken.


Oh, my God!

Listen, everybody, Ling Wong

the panda is giving birth!

Get Corningstone

over there right away!

The network

is picking up the feed.

I want a shot

of that panda being born!

This is Ted Nightingale,

Channel  News Los Angeles,

reporting from

the San Diego Zoo.

And this is the moment

the entire world

has been waiting for.

I can only speculate

as to the sex of the panda,

but if I had to guess,

I'd say female.

- Excuse me. Press.

- Hey, lady, watch it.

Excuse me, I'm press.

Thank you. What do you got?

Nothing. All I can see

is a blue curtain.

Oh, damn it.

Go over there and see

if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.

Hey, lady, why don't you

go fetch me a sandwich?

Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.

Then I'll show you the ratings where

you're number two to a woman.

Ouch. Don't lose

any more hair over it.

- Whatever.

- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.

Good afternoon,

San Diego.

We're here today to celebrate

the birth of a panda.

Hey, nut job!

Quit the singin'!

Creeping out

all the regulars.

I'm expressing my inner anguish

through the majesty of song!

Look, drunkie, you been

coming in here every day,

stinking up the joint

with your craziness.

Now, what the hell

is wrong with you?

I got no heart!

Because a she-devil stole it!

You know what the worst

part about it is?

She's better than me!

She's better than me.

You know, times are changing.

Ladies can do stuff now.

You're gonna have to learn

how to deal with that.


Were you saying something?

Look, I don't

speak Spanish.



Scotty, I have the shot.

Scotty. Scotty!

Hey, uh,

that is some fantastic

shot you got there.

The kind of shot that gets you

to the top of network news.

- Oh, well, we hope.

- We at public television,

we're really down

with the woman's lib thing.

That is so refreshing to me.

Because the struggle I've...

Howie, we have the shot.

Up a little.

Up, up.


You son of a bitch!


Don't want to wake up

your friends.


- Simply vanished.

- How do you lose your lead anchor?

- I can't find Corningstone.

- Where the hell is she?

- No one's seen her.

- I can't believe this.

Every news outlet in the world

is looking for coverage on this.

I've got no damn lead anchor!

Damn it! Get me a phone.

I can't believe

I'm about to do this.


bar, grill, fine dining.

- Is there an anchorman there?

- Hold on.

This is killing me.

I'd rather slit my throat.

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Is this Ron?

- Who is this?

- It's me. Ed.

- Who?

- Ed Harken.

- I don't know a Ned.

- Ed Harken!

- Ed!

- Ed, hello.

- Listen, Ron.

Corningstone disappeared in the midst

of the biggest story of the year.

We need you down here

right away.

Wait, Ed.

Does this mean you're asking me

to report the news again?

- Yes.

- Ed!

That's wonderful!

Thank you!

Ed, hold on.

I want to say a few words.

- You have always been a good friend!

- Right.

- Always!

- Right.

Get down here

as quickly as you can.

Ed, I'll be down there.

And I'm going to look good.

Good evening.

I'm Ron Burgundy.


That dude cleans up good!

If I'm gonna do this, I'll need

my news team at my side.

News team!


News team, assemble!

Hey, Ron.

What's up?



Didn't see you there.

We've been here literally

the entire time you have.

I'm a little embarrassed.


I just got the call from Harken.

He wants me back.

But I can't do this

without my news team.

I don't know, Ron.

That was half a lifetime ago.

We're different people now.

When you left,

the hurt was so deep.

I don't know if I can

go through that again.

Think about

what you're asking.



there was a time

when you called me

your lead anchor.

Will you follow me again?

I'm gettin' too old

for this shit.

To the news van!

- To the news van!

- Okay!


Well, I'll be.

Ron Burgundy.

He's back!

Gentlemen, let's try

to get in a good position for the story.

- How does the hair look?

- Magnificent.

You have hair like an angel.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Network talent scout.

- This is a hot one.

- I'm actually nervous.

Let's go get 'em.

Wait! Did you

just hear something?


- Ron, help!

- Veronica!

- Are you okay?

- Shh!

How did you

get down there?

Just go get someone.


Hold on.

Hold on!

We've got to do something.

Whoa, Ron, I don't want

to sound cruel, but...

There's a network

talent scout over there.

This is a tough decision.

So much to think about.

Basically the biggest story

of my career,

launching me to a level

I've never known before,

or saving the woman

I used to have

familiar relations with.

This is hard!

I am in a pickle!

Ron, I know

it sounds harsh,

but God does not

want her to live.

No. Hold on.

It's clear now.

We go into the bear pit.

Ron, don't.


I immediately

regret this decision.

What are you doing?

Why didn't you get help?

These bears are massive!

They looked

a lot smaller from up there.

Fan out.

Let's go find Harken.

Stay calm.

It's all right. I think it's all right,

my sweet chinchilla.

- Oh, Ron.

- Yes, yes.

In case we die here today,

there's something

that you should know.

That dirty trick

with the Teleprompter, it wasn't...

Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!

It wasn't you, was it?

It was Wes Mantooth.

- Oh, I should have known.

- No, no.

- No, I did it.

- You bitch!


You woke the bears.

Why did you do that?

There's somebody

in the bear pit!

It took

my impending death

for me to realize

how much I need you.

Oh, Ron.

Those bears

are gonna hurt them!

News team, let's hunt.

News team!

Bear fight!

Come on.

Come on!


Hit 'em in the uvula!

Hey, Ron!

I'm riding a furry tractor!

The bears have descended

on the news team

and it's not going well.

Clearly, after today,

I will no longer...

Come on!

Oh, God!

It's getting to be


Oh, no.

We woke up the mama.

Oh, God!

I don't wanna die.


Look! They're following their mother!

It's instinct.

Oh, Baxter!

Oh! Oh, Baxter,

you're still alive!

Oh, I'm so happy!

I'm so happy!

You are alive!

I'm so happy!

I will lick you!

I will lick you in front

of everyone to show my joy.

Oh. Ohhh!

Boy, he really

likes that dog.



Burgundy! Burgundy!



Hi, Ron.

It's always a long fall

from the top, isn't it?

Easy, Wes.

I've been waiting

to say this to you for a long time.

- All right.

- Deep down in my stomach,

with every inch of me,

I pure, straight

hate you!

But, God damn it,

do I respect you!

Thank you,




Today we spell redemption




Ron, you're my hero!

Ron, I think you've got

a story to report.

Are you sure, Ed?

Do it.

It's the story

you were born to tell.

San Diego's waiting.

Go get 'em.

Make way!

Ron Burgundy's about

to report on pandas!

Count me down.


You're live, Mr. Burgundy.

This is Ron Burgundy,

proudly reporting once again

for Channel  News.

Today's story is one

of the more remarkable things

ever to happen

to San Diago

or even the world.

But in order

to properly retell it,

I'm going to need

some help

from my co-anchor,

Miss Veronica Corningstone.

- High-pressure system...

- No, no, no, no, Brick.

- High-pressure system...

- Go stand over there.

Oh, Ron.

Ron, there are literally

thousands of men

that I should

be with instead,

Yes, redemption

was sweet for Ron Burgundy.



- As for the news team:

- Stop it! Ron!

Champ Kind went on to become

a commentator for the NFL,

but was later fired

after being accused

of sexual harassment

by Terry Bradshaw.

Excuse me.

Is that Sex Panther

you're wearing?

Brian Fantana went on

to have great success

as the host of the hit

reality TV show

"Intercourse Island"

on the Fox Network.

Anyone seen Brick?

- Brick?

- Don't! That tickles!

No, that tickles me!

Come on!

Brick Tamland

is married with  children

and is one of the top

political advisors

to the Bush White House.

I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna get you!

And Ron and Veronica

didn't stay in San Diego long.

I chose them

as my replacement,

and they became the first

mixed-gender network news team,

and they're still

doing it today.

From all of us here

at the World News Center,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, planet Earth.


Great Odin's raven!


By the hammer of Thor!


Saint Damien's beard!

Sweet grandmother's spatula!

Oh! Hot pot of coffee!

Uncle Jonathan's

corncob pipe!

I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun

when you're not looking.

In the back of the head.

I'm sorry.

You're not very bright.

You know that, right?

You're actually

quite a dullard.

Everyone here knows it.

If I'm a dullard,

you're the, uh, the dull...

Oh! Can't think of

anything to say, can you?

Yes, I can. I can think

of a lot of things to say.

Like, you're a dirty bitch.

Well, Ron, I'm gonna

put poison...

Oh, my God!

I drank a lava lamp.

It wasn't lava.

I ate a whole bunch

of fiberglass insulation.

It wasn't cotton candy

like that guy said.

My stomach's itchy.

I pooped a hammer.

I pooped

a tape recorder.

I pooped

a Cornish game hen.



You do not take

a tone with me,

'cause I will give you a rap right

on the Jack Johnson!

- Okay.

- Yes.

Now this

is happenin'.

What are

you doing?

- Hah!

- What are you doing?

What are you...


We'll go back to doing

what I do best...

I guess we'll go back to doing

what I do best, show off.

When do we

get started?

When do we get started?

- That's my line.

- When do we get started?

You say,

"Whenever you like."

Whenever you like.

Keep it rollin'.

This is good stuff. area bank

in a daring...

Probably not the same one.

Probably not the same guy.

Brick, before I let you go,

are you still having your celebrity

golf tournament this summer?

No, too many people

died last year.

So we're not gonna do...

Sorry. Sorry.

They named it

San Diego.

Which in German means,

"a whale's vagina."

This is the most

ridiculous thing ever.

Way to handle him.

That was nice.

It sure is good

to be number one.

It sure beats the hell

out of number two.

We are laughing!

And we are

very good friends.

Good buddies sharing

a special moment.

Don't say anything, Ron.

Just let it happen.

We're laughing,

enjoying our friendship.

And someday we'll look back

on this with much fondness.



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