Spike Lee Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Spike Lee script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Paul Newman as Fast Eddie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Spike Lee. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Spike Lee Script





 Satire, one A.



 A literary work

  in which human vice or folly...



 is ridiculed

  or attacked scornfully.



 B--The branch of literature

  that composes such work.




  derision or caustic wit...



 used to attack or expose

  folly, vice, or stupidity.




  My name is Pierre Delacroix.



 I am a television writer.

  A creative person.



 I'm one of those people

  responsible for what you view...



 on your idiot box.



 The problem is,

  not enough of you...



 have been watching out there

  in television land.



 With the onslaught

  of the internet, video...



 and interactive games,

      channels to choose from...



 our valued audience

  has dramatically eroded.



 To put it

  in much simpler terms...



 Iike rats fleeing

  from a sinking ship.



 People are tuning out

  by the millions...



 which, needless to say,

  is bad for business.



 Let's get it.



 If you don't dance,

  we don't eat.



 You slow, we blow.

  You snooze, we lose.



 Come on, get up.



 Seriously, son, get up.



 He went to Juilliard,

  School of the Arts.



 I gave him his first break.

  He's my partner.



 Don't hurt 'em.



 Let me shine 'em up.



 Wind it up, baby.



 What? Now, before you go...



 don't forget to give us

  that cheese.



 That m-o-n-e...Why?

  Because we broke. What's up?



 Thank you very much.

  Bless you.



 Thank you, thank you.



 Hey, Sling blade,

  what's happening? Thank you.



 There you go.



 Bless you from the bottom

  of your heart, baby.



 Big Dela!



 It's the Dela man!



 There you go with the suits.

  I like that.



 Good morning, Womack.



 Looks like you going

  to an exorcism, man.



 I like the suit, though.

  It's pretty nice.



 Thank you.



 Why don't you help me

  and Manray out, man?



 We're trying to get some work.

  You work for the network.



 I'll work on something.



 Sloan says you're too talented

  to be dancing in the street.



 Word? Why don't you

  tell Sloan to come see me?



 I'll do that.

  Good day, gentlemen.



 "I'll do that."

  He a damn magician?



 You work for one of the biggest

  networks in the country!



 Somebody put a    up in here.

  Check it.



 Here we go.

  One for you, three for me.



 You the feet, I'm the brains.

  Told you, boy.



 Yeah, baby.



 You have a grand day.



 Good morning, Steve.



 Hello, Margaret.









 Hey, Jarma.



 ...   to   -year-old audience.



 Do you understand?

  It's pretty--



 Monsieur Delacroix.




  -Good morning.



 This very important

  staff meeting...



 commenced exactly

     minutes ago.



 My apologies around the room

  for my tardiness.



 Do you have any idea

  how much information...



 can be dispensed

  in one minute alone?



 Sir, had I been informed

  of this important meeting...



 I would have canceled

  my Pilates session this morning.



 I did not find out about it--



 You're telling me

  that everyone in the room...



 knew about this little

  get-together except for you.



 People, you can pull a Rodman

  like our friend Delacroix...



 but I guarantee you'll be sent

  packing just like him.



 These are the ratings, people.

  Read 'em and weep.



 As you can plainly see...



 the Continental Network System

  is languishing.



 Look at 'em, people.

  Look very closely.



 We are booty, caca.

  We are doo-doo.



 I don't like to be

  the laughingstock...



 of the entire broadcast




 I don't like these pricks

  who call themselves my bosses...



 breathing down my back.



 It makes me sweat.



 These numbers

  are totally unacceptable.



 These numbers have to go up.






 What do you want us to do?



 Dumb-ass question.



 I want you to write

  some material that is funny.



 Your material is about

  as funny as a dead baby.



 It's not dope. It's not new.

  It's not sexy.



 It sucks.



 Thank you, Fish. It sucks.



 This meeting is over.



 But I want you to think

  about what I just said...



 and how you can deliver.



 Otherwise, things are

  gonna get very grim around here.



 Monsieur Delacroix.



 Can I see you

  in my office now, please?






 Seeing that you're

  all stretched out and shit.



 Sloan, why didn't I know

  about this important meeting?



 Nobody sent me an e-mail.

  I didn't have a memo.



 What good are you if

  I don't know about these things?



 Well, it wasn't my fault.



 I was embarrassed.

  Hey, Chuckie.






 But if I don't know,

  how are you gonna know?



 That's unacceptable.

  It better never happen again.



 Do you know what CP Time is?



 CP Time.



 CP Time is

  Colored People's Time...



 the stereotypical belief

  that Negroes are always late...



 that Negroes

  have no sense of time...



 except when it comes

  to music or dance...



 then you can set

  your watch to them.



 I'm sorry about my blowup.



 It's OK. I understand.



 Listen, let's sit down.



 I know you're the most creative

  person I've got on staff.



 I mean, you're hip,

  you know what's happening.



 I've got a bunch of pasty-ass

  white boys and girls...



 writing for me,

  you know what I mean?



 I grew up around black people

  my whole life.



 If the truth be told, I probably

  know niggers better than you.



 Don't go getting offended

  by my use of the N-word.



 I have a black wife

  and two biracial kids...



 so I feel I have a right.



 I don't give a goddamn

  what that prick Spike Lee says.



 Tarantino was right.

  "Nigger" is just a word.



 If Old Dirty Bastard can use it,

  why can't l?



 I would prefer if you did not

  use that word in my presence.



 Oh, really?



 Nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger.



 Whitey, whitey, whitey, whitey!



 The material you've been writing

  is too white-bread.



 It's white people

  with black faces.



 The Huxtables, Cosby--

  a genius, revolutionary.



 Theo, Lisa Bonet--dope.



 But we can't go down

  that road again.



 I disagree.



 The Negro middle class

  does exist...



 and it's fertile ground for

  a dramatic series or a sitcom.



 Look at this stuff

  I'm having to read.



 A black family moves into

  a white suburban enclave.



 This is shit.



 A black girl is adopted

  by some chink American family?



 They were Polynesian.



 A black headmaster is hired...



 at some old-money, crusty,

  Eastern boarding school.



 Garbage. It's too clean,

  it's too antiseptic.



 -It's too--




 Delacroix, wake up, brother man.



 The reason why these shows

  didn't get picked up...



 is because nobody,




 niggers and crackers alike,

  wants to see that junk.



 People want to be entertained.



 It didn't get picked up

  because no one gave it a chance.



 Oh, really?

  No one gave them a chance?



 You got your head

  stuck so far up your ass...



 with your Harvard education

  and pretentious Buppy ways.



 Brother man,

  I'm blacker than you.



 I'm keeping it real.

  I'm 'bout it, 'bout it.



 I got the roll.



 You're just frontin'

  tryin' to be white.



 I'm an Aryan. A sellout.



 Because I don't aspire to do

  "Homeboys from Outer Space"...



 "The Secret Diary

  of Desmond Pfeiffer"...



 or, as you may put it,

  some nigger show?



 -ls that what you think?

  -Yes, exactly.



 You and I know black people

  set the trends and styles.



 This is a golden opportunity

  for CNS...



 but these idiots

  have to be led to the water.



 We could do this together.



 I want a show

  that will make headlines.



 I want millions and millions

  of viewers tuned and glued...



 to their fucking televisions

  every week saying,



 "Did you see what the fuck

  they did on CNS last night?"



 I want advertisers sucking

  my dick to buy on this show.



 And I'll squeeze it out of you

  if it kills you.



 Peep this. I'll give you

  a thousand dollars...



 if you can name who the fuck

  number    is right there.



 You think I don't know?



 Who is it?



 That would be...



 Yeah. Who is it?



 I'll tell you like this...



 One day soon, man...



 I'm trying to live

  in a phat crib...



 bills paid for...



 get a ride,

  throw some rims on there...



 with a system.



 Throw up some platinum

  on the body...



 you know what I'm saying?




 Ready to get some

  jewelry already, huh?



 That's the first thing

  we do, son.



 Get jewelry,

  we'll get some Hillnigger...



 and we get a ride.

  Throw some rims up there.



 Got to have some patience, man.



 I'm the brain of this outfit.



 And I'm the feet.



 Manny, I can't

  just snap my fingers...



 and presto-chango,

  you're an overnight sensation.



 Son, it don't work like that.



 What the fuck you think I am,




 I'm just tired of waitin', man.









 idiot box.



 Feed the idiot box.



 Idiot, feed the idiot box.






 We're backstage

  at the theater.



 This is where we tape

  "The Chris Rock Show."



 Ah, my first writing staff.



 They really wanted to get

  to know the black experience.



 So I fired 'em.



 I was never good

  at performing under the gun.



 Well, this wasn't a gun.



 It was a bazooka pressed

  point blank against my temple.



 Anytime Pierre's in a jam,

  I get the call.



 I could always count on

  my lamb--Sloan Hopkins.



 Get up. Get up.



 Yo, come on, come on.



 Come on, come on!



 Come on!



 Please evacuate.



 All of you are illegal residents

  of this condemned building.



 Leave immediately by order

  of the mayor of New York City...



 Rudolph Guiliani.




  -Oh, my God.



 Please evacuate.



 All of you are illegal residents

  of this condemned building.



 Leave immediately by order

  of the mayor of New York City...



 Rudolph Guiliani.






 I can't believe Manray was

  under our noses the entire time.



 I know.

  Do you know how you use him?



 Dunwitty wants a coon show...



 so that's what

  I intend to give him.



 The show will be so negative,

  so offensive and racist.



 Hence, I will prove my point.



 Which is what?



 The point being

  that him, the network...



 does not want to see

  Negroes on television...



 unless they are buffoons.



 They definitely do not want

  to see dignified black people.



 I mean, they proved that

  by canceling your show...



 "Brown Nose Jones,"

  which was briliant!



 After    episodes,

  they canceled it.



 They put it against "Seinfeld."

  It didn't have a chance!



 I don't know, Pierre.

  I really don't.



 It still sounds very risky.



 You are not getting cold feet?



 No. I'm down with you.



 Good. I'm going to need

  your undying support, lamb.



 Have you ever thought

  about just quitting?



 Quitters quit.



 Besides, I'll get sued.

  I have a contract.



 The only way I get out of that

  is if I get fired...



 and that is what I intend to do.



 You've seen my place

  down at the clock tower.



 I've got a mortgage.



 All right, well,

  I've got some work to do...



 so I will see you later.



 And you have a conference call.

  Don't forget.



  :   yes.



 Look, I know what I'm doing.

  Follow me.



 Good morning, fellas.



 We're looking

  for a Mr. Delapoint.



 There's no one here

  by that name.



 Delapot, Delapoint,




 De La Soul's not here, either.

  Step outside.



 -Come on, Delacox.

  -Off the premises.



 You know this guy.

  We asking you a question.



 You can wash your ass

  and brush your teeth.



 Whoa, whoa!



 Please. Hi, guys. Listen.



 These are associates

  of Mr. Delacroix.



 So you know them?



 Yes, I do.

  I know them very well.



 You need an escort?



 No, I got it. Thank you.



 Fellas, thank you.



 Sorry. We thought

  they were from the street.



 You were just doing your job.



 Don't worry about a thing.

  Thank you.



 Come on, inside.



 Hello. Wait a minute.



 Amos want to talk, too.



 All right.



 Good-bye, sweet dumplin'.



 The boy with

  the egg-shaped head.



 I mean, wait a minute.



 Hello, honey.






 Pierre. Look who I found.




  I am so happy to see you cats.



 What's up, dude?



 Hey, what's up?



 You'd take no offense

  if we call you Dela for short?



 None taken at all,

  my friend.



 I have a concept

  for a television pilot.



 Now, there's no guarantee

  it will ever get made...



 but it is an opportunity for

  you gentlemen to make some cash.



 How much?



 First things first, my friend.



 I need to know that

  we are in sync creatively...



 and that Manray is up for this.



 Sure. What I got to do?



 You simply do what it is you do.



 And what you do best.



 Cool. Where do I sign?



 Whoa. "Where do I sign?"



 What kind of show is this?




  -How different?



 Impactful, cutting edge...



 and it will incorporate both

  of your very unique talents.



 Yes, and it's

  a hell of a lot better...



 than tap-dancing

  in the street for pennies.



 Trust us.



 I still have to pitch this

  to my superiors...



 but either way,

  we should know something soon.



 It sounds good to me.



 As long as I get to hoof,

  we'll be getting some loot...



 Good, yo.



 Because we're trying

  to get some income coming in.



 Money makes the wheels turn,

  my friend.



 What about the meantime,

  in-between time?



 I mean, you know, like...



 You're talking an advance.

  That's done.






 Now, there is one

  other slight thing.



 I would like for you

  to change your name...



 if you don't mind.



 Change my name to what?



 To what?






 All right. Mantan.

  It's cool.



 Like I told you,

  as long as I'm hoofin'...



 and gettin' some loot,

  I'm good, man.



 One thing.

  Can I get some new kicks?



 And some new tap shoes?



 Yes, you could use those.

  Sloan, new shoes.



 OK, new shoes.



 Let me get the whole

  Hillnigger hookup, huh?



 Some Hillnigger jeans?



 Definitely Mos Def.



 Some sweaters.



 Definitely some sweaters,

  nothing fancy.



 Some cashmere, wool,

  something like that.



 Cashmere, wool.



 Some underwear.



 Toothpaste. Toothbrush.




 We have deodorant.



 We might be able

  to use some more, though.



 I think I have this

  under control.



 Yes. OK.



 No. I understand completely.



 Yes, OK. Thank you, bye-bye.



 I've never had

  a real pair before.



 Really? Wow.



 You never had any formal

  training, either, have you?



 Not really.



 I picked up some steps

  from older cats. Slyde, Chaney.



 But, you know,

  most of the stuff, yeah.



 What's up with you and Dela?



 What do you mean,

  "What's up with me and Pierre?"



 Y'all together?



 Y'all knocking boots?



 Knocking boots?

  I don't think so.






 Never. Like I said...



 I was at NYU,

  I got an internship.



 Pierre was very impressed

  with my get-up-and-go...



 so he kept me as his assistant.



 I'm sure that was the only thing

  he was impressed with.






 -You look beautiful like that.

  -Thank you.



 Little sister.



 What are you doing here?



 I need bail money.







 What's going on?

  How you feeling?



 I'm doing good.



 It's good to see

  your little sister...



 working hard for the man

  on the plantation.



 Enough of the family reunion

  in the middle of the street.



 Julius, what can I do for you?



 Damn it, Sloan.



 Damn, man,

  you can't keep doing that.



 It's not fresh.

  No, I'm serious.



 It's not cute no more.



 You keep calling me by

  the slave name our government--



 It's just disrespectful, man.



 I hope you don't think

  I'll call you Big Black African.



 I do hope that.



 I would expect you call me

  whatever name I chose.



 I'm not doing that.



 Mommy and Daddy

  named you Julius...



 so that's what

  I'm gonna call you.



 It ain't like it's disrespect

  for Mommy and Daddy.



 It's about I got a name

  that I chose for my soul.



 They named Muhammad Ali

  Cassius Clay.



 You don't call him Cassius Clay.

  It's a dis.



 You don't call El-Hajj Malik

  Shabazz--Detroit Red.



 You don't call him

  Malcolm Little. It's Malcolm X.



 You show respect.

  Same thing with me, Sloan.



 It's easy.

  I was born with one name...



 but I chose for myself

  my own identity.



 Big Black Af.

  Big Black Africa.



 It's real simple.



 It ain't like

  I named myself...In Fufu.



 You want me to hook up

  you and the Mau Maus?



 Why would I hook up

  some black, red, green...







 First, you done messed up

  the colors first.



 What's the colors?




  it's red, black, and green.



 White people know

  it's red, black, and green.



 And secondly,

  why are we pseudo?



 If we was talking about some ice

  and fuckin' Cristal...



 and pushin' Bentleys

  and fuckin' pop mogul...



 then we would be the fly shit?



 You like that shit.

  Bling blinging.



 Who or what

  are you revolting against?



 What are you talking about

  in all them songs?



 Mau Mau songs?



 Yeah, in the songs.



 Shit. We talking about

  fuckin' revolution.



 We talkin' about

  people gettin' free...



 the fuckin' America.



 USA, KKK, all that shit.



 This is the shit

  we're revolting against.



 People's hearts

  is all fucked up.



 People is stupid in their mind.



 Please stop.



 Golly day, you sound stupid.




 I sound retarded, right?



 But fuckin' Master...



 That motherfucker

  is a fuckin' millionaire...



 gruntin' on records.

  That shit is crazy.



 If I had some platinum drawers,

  I'd be the nigger, right?



 Know what you should just do?

  Just introduce me.



 Word, him.

  You should just let me meet him.



 Why in the world would he write

  a show about the Mau Maus?






 You know how many fucking--



 Aw, man.

  The fuckin' Monkees had a show.



 The Partridge Family.



 Shit, if them motherfuckers

  could have a show--



 They had demographics.

  You don't.



 The Mau Maus?



 I'm telling you we got

  a underground following.



 It ain't big,

  but it's some small shit...



 that y'all could expand on

  and help blow that shit up.



 Let me put it to you like this.



 If I ever decide to do

  Brooklyn public television...



 I'll call you, but until then...



 I am not taking

  you to my new job...



 where I am on the rise...



 and have you and your crew

  blow up my spot.



 How is that

  blowin' up your shit?



 Y'all are embarrassing. Period.



 We're embarrassing?



 Y'all ignorant. Y'all ign'ant.



 Aw-ight, granted...



 I got a few niggers in my crew

  got problems...



 Hard Black, he--

  Niggers ain't perfect.



 You talkin' a hole in my head.



 I got stuff to do.

  Let's wrap it up.



 That's fucked up, man.

  It's embarrasin'.



 Black folks been doin'

  that shit to each other...



 for the last

      fucking years, man.



 This is like some house-nigger

  shit when you say that.



 Wait a minute.



 Don't go there.

  That ain't what I said.



 Hold up.



 Julius, are you calling

  your sister a house nigger?



 Sloan, that ain't what I said.



 I don't even know

  why you tryin' to go there.



 Why don't you take

  your field-nigger ass...



 up out my house-nigger house?



 You was just waitin'

  to throw me out anyway.



 All right, Martin.

  Just let me get some water.



 OK, get your water,

  and then you...OK



 Dela, my man, I'm glad

  you got your mind right.



 Well, it's right, tight,

  and ready to delight.



 I'm with this.



 Mr. Dunwitty, please sit back...



 and allow me

  to paint a picture.



 I'm all ears,

  and my nose is a close second.



 Now, I have been doing

  a lot of soul-searching.



 And, once again, you're right.



 My previous work has been

  all surface, superficial.



 It's a thing of the past.



 I've never really dug deep

  into my pain as a Negro.



 Hey, those things are

  hard to look at sometimes.



 Yes, yes, yes.



 And as Mark Twain

  so fully understood...



 satire is the way...



 if we are ever to live

  side by side...



 in peace and harmony.



 So, my show

  that I am pitching...



 is about

  promoting racial healing.



 Healing is great.

  I like this. Give me more.



 Now, I know you are

  familiar with minstrel shows.



 They came about in the     s.



 It was a variety show

  in which the talent...



 was singing, dancing,

  telling jokes, doing skits...



 Iike "ln Living Color."



 Right, that was dope.



 I ask you,

  when was the last time...



 there was a great variety show

  on the air? Carol Burnett?



 Carol was the bomb, yo.



 "Hee Haw?" "Kenan and Kel?"



 Yo, that's

  the stupidest shit on TV.



 So I say

  let's take this form...



 this very American tradition

  of entertainment...



 into the   st century,

  the new millennium.



 What's the name of this show?

  We need something to sell.



 "Mantan: The New Millennium

  Minstrel Show!"



 "Mantan: The New Millennium..."



 I really, really like this.

  I'm gettin' a boner.



 The Swanson Johnson

  is getting hard.



 You know what I'm saying?

  I'm feelin' this shit.



 I like this.

  No, give me more.



 It's gonna take a lot

  of courage and backbone...



 on the part of CNS

  to get this thing on the air.



 Don't worry about that.

  That's my job.



 You just be the creative genius

  you've proven you are.



 Now, who are we gonna

  get to star in the show?



 Because we need a star

  to carry the show.



 I mean, Whoopi--

  can she sing and dance anymore?



 Can she get jiggy?



 Ms. Goldberg is the wrong way

  to go with this thing.



 -Fuck her.

  -We want fresh faces.



 New talent.



 Young blood.



 Sloan, enter!



 -Hello, Sloan.





  please, have a seat.



 How you doin', guys?



 Are these my two little stars

  sitting in front of me? Mantan?



 That's me.

  I always wanted to be on TV.



 Now's your shot, kid.



 And that is Sleep'n Eat.



 -What's the name?

  -Sleep and Eat.



 Sleep and motherfuckin' Eat.



 Oh, shit.



 Oh, shit.



 Mantan, Sleep'n Eat.

  Two real coons.



 Keeping it real, baby.



 I know that this is out there,

  but it is satire.



 No, I want you

  to take it out there.



 Let's swing for the bleachers

  on this one.



 Every week, we follow

  the trials and tribulations...



 of Mantan, Sleep'n Eat--



 two real coons, the Dusty Duo!



 What are their character traits?









 Lazy. And unlucky!




  Exactly what I'm lookin' for.



 Mantan here

  is the uneducated Negro...



 but with educated feets...



 who by some stroke

  of unbelievable stupidity...



 always makes his best-laid plans

  go haywire.



 Sleep'n Eat

  is his comical sidekick?



 Yes. Who sings like Sammy.



 He can sing, too?

  This is gonna be big.



 This could be bigger than

  "Friends," "Ally McBeal"...



 even my boys "Amos 'n' Andy."



 Protests finally got

  "Amos 'n' Andy" off the air...



 and that could very well happen

  to a program like this one.



 Let 'em try.



 Black folks will be outraged.



 So what? We'll just give

  the NAACP a little donation.



 I've dealt with those guys

  before. Big deal.



 Where I come from, there's

  no such thing as bad publicity.



 This is not about the NAACP.



 The content of the show is...



 It's just politically incorrect.



 Who wants to be P.C.

  these days anyway?



 A couple of minutes,

  you'll go singing and dancing...



 shucking and jiving,

  good fun home entertainment.






 Let me ask you,

  who are the other characters?



 You got characters developed?

  It can't just be these two.



 We have

  three-dimensional characters.



 How about Honeycutt?



 Topsy? Rastus?



 Little Nigger Jim?



 And Sambo?



 And I would be remiss

  to not mention Aunt Jemima.



 Aunt Jemima's

  gonna rock the doo-rag, right?



 This is gonna be crazy shit.



 We're gonna hit 'em with

  the bomb-diggity on this one.



 Now, what's the setting?



 The projects.



 No. That's your first bad move.



 That's the problem

  with everything today.



 TVs, movies, hip-hop

  all takes place in the hood...



 and everybody wants to bust

  a cap in a motherfucker.



 That's not

  what we're gonna do here.



 No gold teeth,

  none of that shit.



 Check this out.



 "Mantan's New Millennium

  "Minstrel Show"...



 takes place on a plantation.



 Check this out.



 Every week, these two

  Alabama porch monkeys...



 they're gonna make us laugh,

  make us cry...



 they'll make us

  feel good to be Americans.



 You know what?



 The Alabama porch monkey

  plantation shit is wrong.



 OK, let's cut it.



 It should be

  a watermelon patch.






 I like watermelon.

  It's good for you, too.



 Have you lost your mind?



 Do you know

  how much mail we will get?



 Exactly! There will be nothing

  else like it on television!



 Now, let me ask you

  a question, Mantan.



 How do you feel about performing

  just a little blackface?



 Whoa. In what?



 It's makeup.

  It'll lend authenticity.



 It's cool, man.

  I'm black, right?



 As long as the hoofin' is real.



 Motherfucker, you light-skinned.

  You gonna listen--



 Sleep'n Eat,

  you're just keeping it real.



 My name is Womack.



 You want to show me

  a little something-something?



 Can I test out the waters here?



 -Yes, you may.

  -This is bizarre.



 Delacroix, my motherfucker,

  you dug deep.



 You dug deeper than deep,

  my man.



 To my loins.



 That's what I'm saying.



 -Here, take my seat.




 How you want it? Raw?



 Flash? You want rhythm?



 I want it raw dawg

  without a bag, baby.



 Let me see you do your thing.



 I mean, keep it real.

  Just keep it real.



 Bust a move. Hop on up there.



 Raw dawg without a bag.



 Be careful, man.



 This kid is off the hook!



 This kid is off the hinges, yo!



 That's what I'm talking about!




  Yo, we're gonna get paid!



 I'm about to go

  run upstairs with this.



 If CNS doesn't have the balls,

  somebody else will.



 My beautiful black princess.






 Yes, go do your little dirt.



 We in!






 I think he bought it.



 This is some bullshit.



 The name of this shit

  right here...



 What's that, dawg?



 "Black is Black."



 It's hot.



 Now, that's some thinking.



 That's some shit

  right there, dawg.



 Y'all like that shit?



 The name of the album

  is "The Black Album."



 You know what I'm sayin'?



 That's the motherfuckin' way.



 "Black is Black"

  on the fuckin' "Black Album."



 Yo, but for real, though,

  we ain't never conformed...



 to none of

  the white man's rules.



 Fuck them motherfuckers.



 Know what I'm saying?



 Later for that

  old slave owner Webster.



 So I'm sayin', Big Black,

  you know what I mean?



 I respectively submit,

  you know what I'm saying?



 That we from here on,

  henceforth and whatnot...



 should spell "Black" B-l-a-k...



 not b-l-a-c-k,

  you know what I'm sayin'?



 Respectfully now.



 I'm feeling that.



 That's why you got to keep

  the wisdoms around, man.



 B-l-a-k, man.

  Blak the opposite of white, man.



 Like a member

  of the African community.



 'Cause you know

  how them gray people...



 been tryin' to trick us

  with they slickery?



 Because of they trickery.



 Peep the connotations of that.



 It's, like, Blak...
























 Black cat is bad luck



 Bad guys wear black



 Must have been a white guy

  that started all that



 You know what I mean?



 Mau Mau Crew!



 I don't even know...



 why they put the "C"

  in there to begin with.



 Ain't even fuckin'

  pronounced in that shit.



 I love all

  of y'all niggas, man.



 Mau Mau Crew!



 To' up!



 This is Mantan Moreland.



 This is one of his most popular

  films--"The Lucky Ghost."



 It was from the     s.



 He was such a clown.



 A bit of a buffoon,

  but very funny.



 That ain't funny.



 Now, what is this?



 How does he

  make his eyes do that?



 He was gifted.



 Gentlemen, the show,

  our show is satirical.



 You know what that means?



 That means

  we are poking fun of this.



 Our aim is to destroy

  these stereotypes.



 I've put together

  these two portfolios...



 full of pictures and articles...



 everything you need to know

  about a minstrel show.



 Whoa, wait. Wait a minute.



 We gonna need

  a little more money for this.



 Come on. "Ten Little Niggers?"



 You get more money.



 Mantan in a chicken suit?






 Come on, Mantan.



 Let's study this material.



 Study hard, gentlemen.



 You look great

  in those Hillnigger jeans.



 That motherfucker crazy, man.



 The good Reverend

  Dr. Martin Luther King...



 did not enjoy seeing his people

  beaten on the  :   news.



 However, white America

  needed to see that...



 in order to move

  this country to change.



 They need to see this show

  for that exact same reason.



 I'm gonna trust you know

  what you're doing, Pierre.



 That's my little lamb.



 I'd like to begin

  this meeting...



 by saying I am a fair person.

  A straight shooter.



 I do not hold my tongue.



 So I must tell you this,

  that I had nothing to do...



 with any of you being hired.



 If I had my druthers...



 there'd be at least

  one Negro writer in this room...



 and that afro does not

  qualify you, my Jewish friend.



 Having said that, I would like

  to open the floor...



 to some of your questions

  and comments.



 Look, I agree with you.



 It would be better to have

  some African-American writers...



 but, for whatever reason,

  they're not here.



 Maybe they couldn't find

  any people with experience.



 Or they wouldn't work

  for the pay...



 or they refused

  to work on the show.



 Or put their crack pipes down

  long enough to apply.



 Pierre, I don't know--



 Mr. Delacroix.

  You don't know...



 Mr. Delacroix, I don't know...



 and I don't think

  anybody here does know...



 but what I do know is this

  will be a unique experience.



 I am a damn good writer

  and I'm ready to go to work.



 Thank you for rallying

  the troops, Peter.



 I've always loved the format

  of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-ln."



 "Sock it to me."



 Or Pigmeat Markham.



 "Here come the judge."



 We should look back

  at those Seventies shows...



 which were groundbreaking.



 I'm from lowa,

  as you all know...



 and my first experience

  of the black...



 people of col--Africa...



 is shows like "The Jeffersons."



 George and "Weezy!"



 Better than "The Jeffersons."

  "Good Times."



 "Kid Dy-no-mite!"



 The whole J.J. thing.



 I think--and Delacroix

  will agree with me...



 that the politics of

  this show have to be right.



 This show we are doing

  is a minstrel show...



 which is blackface, tap dancing,

  singing sketches.



 You're putting

  white actors in blackface?



 No, my dear.



 We are using black actors

  with blacker faces.



 Don't you think people

  will be offended by this?



 Yes, that's good.

  I want them to be offended.



 I want to wake America up.



 Even though the material

  will be somewhat offensive...



 there is definitely

  a social message...



 that we should focus on...



 when writing the material.



 We're gonna need some big stars.



 No, no, no.

  You're gonna have a hard time...



 getting a big star

  to wear blackface...



 because they become invisible.



 So, I mean, to ask Denzel...



 to put on blackface is foolish.



 You been took!



 You been hoodwinked.




 Now, I know that it may be hard

  for some of you...



 Iiberal-minded good white folks

  to write offensive material...



 yet I want you

  to tap into your white angst.



 I want you to go back

  to the O.J. Simpson verdict.



 I want you to deal

  with those emotions.



 How did you feel

  when the glove didn't fit?



 It was ridiculous.

  Cochran played the race card.



 The man is a murderer.



 If it had been a white man...



 The mission was accomplished.



 All of these people

  left the room thinking...



 they would have real input.



 I was writing this pilot alone,

  myself, me, moi.



 ...after the verdict.



 I want you

  to put yourself there...



 and this is your time to purge

  all those feelings.



 This is a family show?



 A family show that takes place

  in a watermelon patch.






 We're auditioning

  for a house band for the show.



 The name of the group

  is the Alabama Porch Monkeys.



 Do we have a problem,

  any concerns with that?



 No, sir.



 Please, let us hear

  some of your funk.



 Barefoot and pregnant



 Let me take it to the bridge



 Here we go



 You're barefoot



 Barefoot and pregnant



 Barefoot and pregnant



 She's barefoot and pregnant



 This was amazing.



 One small ad in "Backstage"...



 had Negroes lined up

  around the block.



 Were people really

  this desperate to get work?



 Apparently so.



 I'll be smackin' them hos



 I'll be smackin' my hos



 Everyone knows it goes,

  kick 'em to the floor



 Step on 'em hard,

  step on 'em hard



 Kick 'em to the floor,

  'cause l



 I be smackin' my hos



 I be smackin' my hos



 I be smackin' my hos



 -Thank you.




 Thank you. Thank you.



 That was great. Please...



 That was great. Fantastic.



 Thank you.



 What is your background?



 I'm a actor. You know, I act.



 What is the last thing

  I might have seen you in?



 I act on my job all the time.



 Can you give me

  a little performance?



 I do all sorts

  of kind of things, man.



 Whatever you need me to do.



 I even do Shakespeare shit.



 Do some Shakespeare.



 To be or not to be, you know?



 That's the motherfuckin'




 You know, that is

  the motherfuckin' question.



 And, well, you know,

  like in "Hamlet"...



 there's a scene

  where this brother was--



 Laertes was asking the king...



 that he wanted

  to go to Paris and shit.



 The king asked his daddy,

  and his daddy say...



 "He hath, my lord, wrung from me

  by laboursome petition..."



 Was there any more to it,

  or that was pretty much...



 Basically he was saying

  let that motherfucker go.



 Let him go, you know.



 I was working on this piece,

  'cause I was sitting there...



 I realize that

  when I was looking at it...



 Niggas is a beautiful thing.

  You know?



 Write that down.



 And so it came to me.



 It just came to me, you know?



 Waste away your life and linger



 Sittin' at home

  watchin' Jerry Springer



 You do blackface

  and a monkeyshine



 And cut a "G" at the same time



 'Cause niggas

  is a beautiful thang



 Niggas is a beautiful thang,

  hit me



 Niggas is a beautiful thang



 Then the audience would be

  gettin' in with that.



 I'm digging that.

  I am so digging that.



 "Niggas is a beautiful thing."



 I got it here.



 Then it get into a gospel thing.



 Stand up



 If you a nigga



 'Cause, you know,

  it's about keeping it real.



 I'm feeling you.



 We are ready if you are ready



 Mau Mau 'bout

  to set shit off, say



 We are ready if you are ready



 Mau Mau 'bout

  to break shit off, say



 We are ready if you are ready



 Mau Mau, break it down,

  a roll call



 -Who are you?

  -Hard Blak



 Smooth Blak



 Mo Blak



 Your baby daddy



 Double Blak



  /  th



 I'm Big Blak,

  and I just lay back



 Now, who are we?



 Mau Mau, M-a-u, M-a-u



 Drop inside



 Born to roll






 It be about fuckin' freedom



 Reparation and apology



 The Africa to America odyssey



 Guerilla-type tactics on it



 Socialistic fallacies



 It be about the devastation

  of thought



 To keep a brown man down, sport



 The one you keep buying,

  that wretched set



 You're lucky

  I ain't read wretched yet



 It's fucked up



 It's Big Blak,

  Mr. Chairman of the Mau Mau



 I hear it well

  in all-black surround sound



 Barricaded till you

  can't move around now



 Doin' the super Klan,

  it ain't around now



 Buried six feet deep

  beneath the ground now



 Pull out, bow down



 Foot lies in the ground now



 Shake it down



 M-a-u, M-a-u on fire



 Black is back



 What's black?



 Black move to increase

  the black cause



 What's black?



 Shade of the universe



 Mau Mau got the time,

  born to roll



 Hard Blak, born to roll



 Mo Blak, born to roll



 Mau Mau, born to roll



 Back from

  the motherfuckin' forest



 Born to roll



 Born to roll



 Aw-ight, cut that off.



 Cut that off.



 Cut that off, cut that off!



 Yo, cut that shit off

  before I come up there!



 Cut the fuckin' sound off!



 Needless to say...



 the Mau Maus did not fit

  into our plans.



 As I told Sloan...



 "There's a black sheep

  in every family."



 -It's frightening.

  -lt should be.



 I don't want anything

  to do with anything black...



 for at least a week.



 For the love of Mary and Joseph!



 I will not be held responsible

  for these revisions.



 These changes are not the way

  I want to go with this show.



 This is an outrage,

  a sham, a violation...



 a debacle, a mockery.



 Will you just calm down, please?



 In Finland, we get upset--



 I don't give a good goddamn

  what they do in Finland...



 Sweden, Norway,

  or wherever the hell...



 your young, dumb,

  blond white ass is from.



 We just punched it up.

  Made it funnier.



 Funnier to whom?

  And at whose expense?



 Mr. Dunwitty,

  when the Negroes run amok...



 and the boycotts commence...



 I'm going to personally give

  the Reverend Al Sharpton...



 your home address.



 I seriously doubt

  that will ever happen.



 I know your people

  better than you.



 Look at all

  the brothers on the wall.



 And if Reverend Al "Do" Sharpton

  shows up at my door...



 I'll invite him in,

  and we'll have a sit-down...



 and discuss it

  like civil human beings.






 Now, can you not interrupt me

  while I'm discussing...



 the visual style and tone

  of the show, please?



 What were you saying, Jukka?



 How y'all doin'?



 Let me hear you!



 Thank you! Thank you!



 I love you so much.



 Whoa, I like this.



 My name is Honeycutt.

  Can you say that?



 Whenever you see me,

  I'm gonna give you my greetin'.



 And you say...



 Hello, Jukka.



 Just wanted to wish you

  good luck.



 -Thank you very much.

  -Do a good show.



 I always try to do my best.



 As usual, I did my research.



 We should blacken up

  like they did back in the day.



 Keep the ritual the same.



 So, pour some alcohol

  on the corks and light it.



 Let them burn to a crisp,

  and when burnt out...



 mash them to a powder.



 Add water.



 Mix to a thick paste.



 And voila,

  you have your blackface.



 But please put cocoa butter

  on your face and hands...



 to protect your skin.



 And the final detail...



 are the lips.



 The redder the lipstick,

  the better.



 So, I suggest fire-truck red.






 This here's my best friend

  Sleep'n Eat.



 This here's

  my best friend Mantan.



 And we are two real coons.



 We left the hustle and bustle

  of uptown Harlem.



 The Big Apple.



 New York! New York!

  Skyscrapers and everything.



 To return to our roots.



 Our Alabammy home.

  That's right.



 We is countrified.

  We is sho nuff Bamas.



 Here come the Bamas.



 No more city slickers.



 Can't you smell

  that sweet aroma...



 of high cotton...



 and ripe watermelon?



 Nigga, now don't you

  get me to sniffin'.



 Why don't you show us

  some of them educated feets?



 Cousins, first, second,

  third, and distant...



 why don't you let Mantan

  take you back to a simpler time?



 A time when men was men...



 and women was women...



 and nigras knew they place.



 Cousins, I want you all

  to go to your windows.



 Open 'em up.



 Go to your windows

  and yell out...



 "I'm tired of the drugs.



 "I'm tired of the crack babies

  born out of wedlock...



 "to crackhead

  AlD-infested parents.



 "I'm tired of

  the inflated welfare rolls...



 "while good

  wholesome Americans...



 "bring less and less

  of their paycheck home...



 "every two weeks."



 That's a long time, too.



 I'm tired. You're tired.

  We're all tired...



 of all these so-called,




 Swing down, sweet low






 G.P., are you with me?




  professional athletes.



 You's a fine motherfucker, baby,

  back that ass up.



 Cousins, I want you

  to go to your windows...



 yell out, scream with all

  the life you can muster up...



 inside your bruised, battered,

  assaulted bodies...



 "I'm sick and tired

  of niggers...



 "and I'm not gonna

  take it anymore!"



 That boy something else.

  Once he get to talkin'--



 Lord, have mercy.

  He done did it again.



 Let me get him on up.

  I got something for him.



 Watch this.

  Like a mad streak.



 Got to do my watermelon patch.

  Running Man.



 Got to do the running slave.

  Watch this.



 Doctor don't know nothing

  about these.



 Here I go.






 Come on, now. Come on.



 I'm rubbing the genie's lamp.



 It's an emergency situation.




 Dem nigger apples

  work every goddamn time!



 Come on, boy!



 Let's do this here.



 You lucky

  we ain't in the jailhouse.



 I'll be like Captain Kirk

  of the "Enterprise"...



 going into the big black hole.



 Give me one. Hut-one!






 Man, shit, just hut.



 Here we go now.

  I'm running, too.



 Any pretty niggas in the house?



 Come on out.



 Take it home.



 All right.






 I just got the news

  from the CNS brass...



 that was at the taping.



 They loved the pilot.



 We're a midseason replacement.

  They ordered twelve shows.



 We're going to be

  on the air in three weeks.



 Did you hear what I just said?



 They didn't even view

  a rough cut.



 They looked at some scenes

  we quickly put together.



 They were sweating us, man.



 There must be

  some sort of mistake.



 Only mistake is I didn't believe

  in your genius from jump street.



 Dela, you are the man, bro.



 Please, hold a second.

  I have to take this call.






 Hi, Mom.

  Could you hold the line?



 I have to get rid

  of this other...



 Mr. Dunwitty, it's my mom.

  I really have to take this.



 Your mama?

  I want to meet her someday.



 Tell the great news.

  I'm out like Vanilla lce.



 Peerless, your daddy called.



 He wants you

  to come and see him.



 They got all this controversy in

  Hollywood about black films...



 and all this stuff

  about black folks--



 Are there enough of them on TV?



 But we know we on the news.

  We all over the news.



 My favorite black show

  is "Cops."



 You know we on that, too.



 I can't watch all that stuff--

  that WB--We Be Black.



 Little nigger frog

  look like Quincy Jones.



 I can't watch all that.



 UPN--You Pick a Nigger--

  any nigger you want.



 But I have to confess,

  I love "Jerry Springer."



 It's the all-American show.



 Where else can you see

  three white women...



 fight over a nigger

  with one tooth?



 And no job.



 And speaks fluent Ebonics.




  how come you got three women?"



 "They like dick, Jerry."



 "Your mama like dick?"



 I wrote a movie

  and sold it to the studio.



 I'm real excited about it.



 "Last White Man on Earth."



 Don't look for a sequel.

  We catch him.



 Starring Diana Ross

  and Whoopi Goldberg.



 We beat them

  for about five minutes.



 "Where is he?

  We saw you with him."



 Have you noticed that everybody

  white want to be black?



 White folks

  want to be black folks.



 I went to school

  with white people.



 Their lips weren't that big.



 They get stuff in their lips.

  They take it out their behind.



 They do anything

  to get big nigger lips.



 Black people been killed

  on the highway.



 They come by. "I'll take these."



 The lips so big,

  the little kids look adopted.



 Everybody want to be black,

  but nobody want to be black.



 It confuses me.



 They all act black, sound black.



 I hope they start

  hanging niggers again.



 I'm going to find out

  who's black.



 Tell you some street jokes.

  I love them.



 Ain't they the funniest?



 A nigger escaped

  from the crazy house.



 That's already scary.



 And ran to where the nuns live.



 There was Sister Mary,

  Sister Jane, and Mother Theresa.



 He went in there buck naked...



 and had the biggest, thickest,

  longest penis you ever seen.



 He was all skin.



 So, Sister Mary wanted

  to protect Mother Theresa.



 She grabbed a butcher knife.



 "Mother Theresa, where do you

  want me to start cutting?"



 Mother Theresa said,

  "Here and here."



 You know that shit is funny.



 Who is it?






 That's my son at the door.



 How are you doing?



 Looking good. Good to see you.



 Looking good, son.



 You look dandy

  in that orange ensemble.



 Have a seat, son.



 -You were hilarious.

  -Thank you.



 Absolutely hilarious.



 It was a good show.



 Dot, get my son a drink.



 Sure thing, baby.



 I always enjoy

  seeing you perform.



 Good, good. I try.



 You do more than try.



 You succeed.



 I hope this is all right.



 -It's perfect. Thank you.

  -You're welcome.






 Guess I'd better leave

  y'all two alone, all right?



 That was a good show tonight.

  Give me some sugar.



 -I love you, baby.

  -I love you, too.



 I'm so proud of you.



 All right.



 Be back.



 That's a good woman.



 How did you end up here?



 I got too much pride,

  too much dignity...






 I can't do

  that Hollywood stuff, man.



 I can't say that stuff

  they want me to say.



 There's got to be

  something more than that.



 Reality, I mean.



 Maybe you weren't funny enough.



 You must be crazy, man.



 Didn't you hear

  that audience tonight?



 They were with me.



 They were laughing with me.

  They got me.



 I'm funny as hell, OK?

  What you up to?



 Trying to get my stuff

  on the air.



 Where do you go from here?



 South Carolina,

  another little nigger club.



 No, I meant in life.

  Where do you go?



 In life?



 I'm happy.



 Got me a pretty woman.



 Got a little money in my pocket.



 Got me some tonic.



 I'm above ground.

  I'm ahead of the game.



 And you know what

  I always taught you.



 Every nigger is an entertainer.



 The question is...



 What are you going to do,




 And one more thing.



 Nigger, where the fuck

  did you get that accent?



 Why do you always use

  that word "nigger" so much?



 I say "nigger"

  a hundred times every morning.



 Keeps my teeth white.



 Come on, Junebug.



 My father.



 I'm not mad at him--

  not at all.



 Or the stock market crash--

  Black Monday.



 Junebug was the reason...



 I had gotten into this business

  in the first place.



 You hear white folks

  all the time--



 "lt was the darkest day

  of my life."



 When they faint--"l blacked out.

  I don't remember anything."



 And I thank him for that.



 However, it did me no good

  seeing him in that state.



 Father was a broken man.



 ...broke or lose our money--



 "lt was the whitest day

  of my life."



 He had been a strong man...



 with conviction,

  integrity, principles...



 and look

  where it had gotten him.



 Even the cartoons are racist.



 Have you noticed that?



 Why do they treat us like that?



 I had to ask myself--



 Did I want to end up

  where he was?



 Laughing and grinning...



 Hell, emphatically, no.



 Broke and the happiest people

  on the planet.



 That was the last time

  I ever saw Junebug.



 A damn shame.



 Remember, son...



 always keep 'em laughing.



 Keep 'em laughing.



 Everybody say, "Ho!"



 Say, "Ho, ho!"



 Say, "Ho, ho, ho!"



 We're going to do something

  a little different tonight.



 Can you help a brother out?



 Can you do this, folks?



 We're going to start a chant,

  and I'll start it off.



 The chant goes like this.

  "Let's go, niggers."



 Let's welcome to the stage

  two real coons...



 the Dusty Duo--






 and his sepia sidekick...



 Sleep'n Eat!






 -Go on now.

  -OK, come on.



 -Slow down, boy.

  -He ain't here.



 Come on.



 We gonna get us

  some of these here chickies.



 Oh, boy,

  I can taste me a wing now.



 Look at that there.



 Corn bread, biscuits,

  red beans, and rice.



 -What you talking about, man?

  -My wish list.



 Man, our massa's

  gonna wish our ass.



 You know my lady Lucindy?



 -You mean the one with the big--

  -No, not her.



 -The one with the little...

  -Oh, her.



 Yes. You see,

  tomorrow's her birthday...



 and I want to get her something

  really nice, like one of those--



 No. Don't get her one of those.



 What you need to do

  is get her one of them--



 No. She hates them.



 That's too bad.



 Why don't you get her a dress?



 You mean one of those sexy,

  slinky, foxy ones with the--



 They're too short.



 And too tight. You need

  to get her one of them--



 Now, that's too big.



 You know,

  the in-between kind--



 not too loose, not too tight.



 That's perfect, there.



 You know that dress

  is going to cost you around--



 That's too much money.

  I can't afford it.



 I needs me a dress

  that's going to cost--



 Can't get it that cheap.



 I'll get a less expensive dress.



 Save some money,

  take her out to dinner.



 Boy, you getting fancy now!



 Why don't I come over,

  we get a double date?



 No, man.

  I heard your lady is wild.



 No. That was her second cousin,

  the one married to Lil' Bit.



 Because you know

  on our first date...



 she let me...



 That bitch didn't.



 Oh, yes, she did.



 I heard differently.



 I heard your monkey ass

  went up in there--



 No. Not that time.



 What time you going to see her?



 -Let's say around--

  -That's too early.



 -How's about--

  -That's too late.



 Why don't you

  pick us up around--



 Now, that's perfect.



 See, that's why we get along.



 Like sweet and peas.



 Now, let's go get us

  some of them little chickies.



 Hey, who goes in there?



 Good God in the goose fat,

  we better hide.



 Ooh, gosh.



 It's that mean, evil overseer

  Master Charlie.



 I say!



 I say, who goes in there?



 Ain't nobody in here

  except us chickens!



 Let's go now!



 Let's go now!



 Hey, you!



 Come back here right now!



 Well, maybe it is...amusing.



 It was the day of reckoning.



 After a massive advertising

  and publicity campaign...



 the public would finally

  get a chance to view "Mantan."



 I was feeling

  a little like Dr. Frankenstein.



 What would their reaction be?



 I hadn't the foggiest.



 It's getting ready to come on.



 I wish I was

  in the land of cotton



 Old times

  there are not forgotten



 Look away, look away



 Look away, Dixieland



 In Dixieland, where I was born



 Early on one frosty morning



 Look away, look away



 Why they got to make

  my nose so big?



 What's up with my lips?



 No. This wasn't

  supposed to be like this.



 Where do you guys work,

  in the lobby of the damn place?



 Man, listen,

  I don't know what to tell you.



 You have every right

  to be upset.



 But first,

  a word from our proud sponsors.



 Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby



 It makes you get your freak on



 Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby



 It makes you get your freak on



 Da Bomb, yo.



    % pure pleasure malt liquor.



 It's Da Bomb, baby.



 It's Da Bomb, dawg.



 Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby



 It makes you get your freak on



 Chemical testing has found...



 that Viagra doesn't work

  on black johnsons.



 That's why our scientist

  has developed Da Bomb for you.



 It makes you feel

  like a man, yo...



 and it makes them bitches

  feel like natural women.



 I mean hos.



 It makes my nature rise.



 I want to get funked up.



 Da Bomb makes me want

  to get my freak on.



 Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby



 Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby.



 It makes you get your swerve on.






 Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi






 Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi






 Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi






 Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi






 My name be Timmi Hillnigger.



 I was born and raised

  up in Strong lsland...



 so you know I know

  all about my peeps...



 my niggas in the gheetto.



 I design and own

  Timmi Hillnigger...



    % authentic gheetto




 Hillnigger keeps it real.



 Timmi's gots

  all the latest gear.



 If you want

  to keep it really real...



 never get out of the gheetto...



 stay broke,

  and continue to add...



 to my multibillion dollar




 keep buying all my gear--



 the Timmi Hillnigger




 We keep it so real,

  we give you the bullet holes.



 Go, Timmi, go, Timmi!



 All my niggas

  wear Timmi Hillnigger...



 or they don't wear

  a damn thing at all!



 It's ghetto fabulous!



 I was sunk, dead.



 My goose was cooked.



 The cat was in the bag,

  and the bag was in the river.



 I like this.



 You guys have both seen

  the overnight ratings.



 They're through the roof.



 Mazel tov.

  But in this business...



 we have to be

  one, two, three steps ahead.



 That's why I brought in

  Myrna Goldfarb.



 She's the best media consultant

  in the biz.



 She's going to help us out.



 First, I would like to say

  I love your show.



 It's very courageous.



 My parents marched

  in Selma, Alabama with Dr. King.



 -Why are you here?

  -Good question.



 Straight to the point.

  I like your style.



 Because of the content

  of the show...



 we're going to expect

  some very spirited reactions.



 Myrna's here to plan

  our strategy, just in case.




  The best defense is offense.



 Really? I thought it was

  the other way around.




  I think we're on the same page.



 I've mapped out strategies

  to help bolster our position.



 -Which is?

  -Lighten up, man, right?



 This is about fun, right?



 Nice, wholesome fun.



 Myrna, break it down for them.



 The Mantan Manifesto.

  Catchy, ain't it?



 So is syphilis.



 Number one--



 we gainfully employ




 in front of

  and behind the camera.



 You got to cover yourselves,

  people--very important.



 I need a black grip,

  a black gaffer, a black P.A.



 Have them there.



 Number two--

  Let the audience decide.



 Three--who put these critics

  in charge anyway, right?



 These so-called cultural police.




  Who determines what is black?



 What is black?



 Sleep'n Eat and Mantan

  are lazy and unemployed...



 but we are certainly

  not saying anything...



 about the entire

  African-American community.



 They're slackers.



 I took a couple of years

  after graduate school...



 and walked around

  the European countryside.



 It's not the biggest deal

  in the world.



 Five--Mantan is a satire.



 Six--lf they can't take a joke,

  you know what? "F" 'em.



 Yeah. "F" 'em.



 I think that if we stick

  to this kind of strategy...



 it's clean sailing from here.



 No disrespect,

  but this is some bullshit.



 Well, I've done my research.



 These are Negroes

  we are talking about...



 not some lab mice in a cage.



 We are not one monolithic group

  of people.



 We do not all think, look,

  and act alike, Ms. Goldfarb.



 Mr. Delacroix,

  let me assure you--



 I got my Ph.D. in African-

  American studies from Yale.



 So you fucked

  a Negro in college.



 Excuse me.

  Let's keep this above the belt.



 Show a little respect

  for this woman.



 Yes. Continue,

  O Great Niggerologist.



 -Enlighten us.

  -I'm sorry, Myrna.



 The biggest thing

  in public relations...



 is, of course,

  to always smile.



 Show dem pearly whites.



 Wear Kente cloth.



 Invoke the spirit

  of Dr. Martin Luther King.



 Use the word "community" often

  when talking about "Mantan."



 And, finally, our biggest asset

  is you, Pierre Delacroix.




  -Yes, you.






 This show was created

  and conceived by you, right?



 A nonthreatening

  African-American male.



 So the show can't be racist

  because you're black.



 That's where you're wrong.



 He's not black.

  No, see, he's a Negro.



 You have your small victory.



 Pierre, yassa man!



 A small victory, is it?



 -Right on, man.

  -Great show.



 That's small when

  you've been used to losing.



 Hey, Delacroix.

  Funny show, man.



 And what is this?



 It's a gift.



 For what, pray tell?



 Despite how I may feel

  about the show personally...



 you did come up with something,

  let's say, unique.






 Why don't you open it?



 Watch this.



 And what do we call this thing?



 It is called

  a "Jolly Nigger Bank."



 Ain't that something?



 And it's not a repro.



 It's circa turn of the century.



 Thank you, I guess.



 I thought it was appropriate.



 And is that good or bad?



 Well, got a brand-new

  successful show...



 so you'll be going to the bank.




  I love these black collectibles.



 Really? How so?



 It reminds me of a time

  in our history...



 in this country when

  we were considered inferior...




  and we should never forget.



 Why don't you try, Pierre?



 Why don't I give it a whirl?



 It's something, ain't it?



 It's something, all right.



 When American people

  want something...



 they want it now

  and want it big.



 They wanted the hula hoop

  and their yo-yos.



 Who could ever forget

  those lovable Pet Rocks...



 Beanie Babies, Pokemon?



 Now the latest, hottest,

  newest sensation...



 across the nation was Blackface!



 Trick or treat!






 Trick or treat!



 Welcome back to

  "lmhotep Gary Byrd's GBE"...



 from       Talk Radio,

  WLlB in New York City.



 Our special guest today

  is Pierre Delacroix.



 He is the creator of the highly

  controversial TV show "Mantan."



 Pierre, we welcome you

  to the "Experience."



 It's good to experience

  the "Experience," Gary.



 Your show has created a strong

  impression in the community.



 You have been called a traitor,

  an Uncle Tom, a sell-out.



 Even been called the

  Clarence Thomas of television.



 It's nice to be hyphenated.



 Why does your show cause

  such an emotional reaction?



 Well, I think it's race.



 Race has always been a very

  sensitive issue in this country.



 I have no problem with people

  disagreeing with my show.



 That's fine.



 But when they trample

  my inherent right...



 as an artist, I catch afire.



 Why is every hit

  Negro show criticized?



 Like crabs in a barrel,

  they pull each other down.



 No one, in any way, shape,

  or form, should be censored.



 Do you believe

  that that's true...



 regardless of whether

  the material is racist...



 or sexist,

  or even homophobic?



 I say yes.



 Because who is to judge?



 Who is to stand and say

  this is right or this is not?



 I mean, I'm not Mayor Guiliani.



 I cannot look at that painting

  and say that is sacrilegious.



 It's art, and that is

  what it should be called.



 So is "Mantan."



 There are many people

  who at this point...



 are sick and tired

  of the TV industry.



 And there are many

  in the community...



 who say what they're doing

  has got to stop now.



 What do you say

  about the fact...



 that the line

  has to be drawn here?



 Those people need to wake up.



 Wake up to what?



 Slavery has been over

      years ago!



 We need to stop

  thinking that way.



 Stop crying over,

  "the white man this or that."



 This is the new millennium...



 and we must join it.



 Slavery did not end

      years ago.



 Slavery ended in     .

  Do the math.



 Your great-grandmother...



 who raised your mother's mother,

  was a slave...



 and here you are,

  in this studio...



 trying to excuse

  our own holocaust?



 You're talking numbers, Gary.



     years,     years,

  it doesn't matter.



 What matters, Gary,

  is slave mentality...



 and that is what must be broken.



 I had an aunt.

  We called her "Sister."



 Aunt Sister went to her grave...



 believing that man

  had not walked on the moon.



 I would argue

  with this dear old woman.



 I'd say,

  "It's on television..."



 and she'd say, "l don't care

  what's on that idiot box.



 "No man is on the moon."



 Gary, there are millions

  of Negroes in this country...



 with that same mentality.



 They think like my Aunt Sister,

  and they must change.



 We must adapt to the times.




  we will be left behind.



 No more mess, CNS!



 Ban "Mantan"!



 We've come to put you on notice!



 There will be no desecrating

  of our people!



 There will be none of this

  in the new century!



 We will not allow

  no minstrel shows...



 in the   st century!



 We're gonna close you down!



 We're gonna close down

  the advertising!



 You wouldn't drop the bomb

  on your children!



 That's right, Rev!



 Look at how they disgrace us!



 This is what we're protesting!



 Painted face!

  A disgrace to the race!



 Painted face,

  disgrace to the race!



 Yo, man, why is

  the Reverend Al Sharpton...



 and Johnnie Cochran down there?






 They love to see themselves

  on television.



 You sound like the media.



 This is nothing.



 Tomorrow it'll all be over.



 Besides, as Mr. Dunwitty says...



 there's no such thing

  as bad publicity.



 Here. That's for you.



 It's a token of appreciation

  for all your hard work.



 All right.

  Good-lookin', man.



 Those are the last pair

  of tap shoes...



 worn by Mr. Bill

  "Bojangles" Robinson.






 He died with those on his feet.






 No joke. I'm serious.



 I hope I don't go out like that.



 It's a nice sound.



 Wood on wood.



 Here come Blak.






 Those fuckin' Tom Sambos.



 Handkerchief-head-wearing ass.



 Dancin' monkey.



 Benedict Arnold!



 Those motherfuckers

  fuckin' it up...



 for the whole fuckin'--

  fuckin' everybody!



 They gonna dis us...



 and keep them two fuckin'

  smilin', happy...




  coon motherfuckers...



 Mantan and goddamn

  Sleep'n Eat?!



 You know what I'm sayin'?



 They's foul, know what I mean?



 -Know what I mean?

  -Know what I'm sayin'?



 We know, man!



 Brothers, sister...



 Yo, we can't let

  this injustice go by.



 Not this time, man.



 Them two coons is ill, man.



 Word up, man.

  What we do on this level...



 this shit gotta be

  fuckin' big, y'all.



 It's gotta be some

  global blowout shit.



 This shit gotta have some

  symbolism to it! Sustenance.



 This shit gotta be like fuckin'

  John Carlos and Tommie Smith...



 at the '   Olympics,

  you know what I'm saying?



 Put the fists up!

  Some big shit!



 This is nice.



 This is real nice.



 This must have cost you

  a pretty penny.



 Me, I got it like that now.



 Oh, you do.



 I mean,

  a little somethin' somethin'.



 A little somethin' somethin'

  is right.



 I hope you saving

  a little somethin' somethin'.



 I ain't tryin' to end up broke.



 Well, that's good.



 See you got your pictures up.



 I was just reading

  the other day...



 at the beginning

  of the   th Century...



 how African-Americans

  had to perform in blackface.



 You know that entertainer

  Bert Williams?



 He was brilliant.

  You know Bert?



 Not really.

  Maybe before my time.



 Do you read?



 I mean, not really.

  Sort of hurts my head.



 Hurts your head.

  You should start reading.



 Maybe I should start

  doing a lot of things.



 Well, as I was saying...



 Bert Williams and the rest...



 they had to blacken up

  'cause they had no choice.



 And of course,

  during that time...



 we were considered

   /  of a human being.



 Did you know that was

  actually written...



 in the Constitution

  of the United States?



 Sloan, why you flippin' on me

  right now?



 I mean,

  this whole blackface thing.



 Don't try to front

  like you wasn't down.



 It was all part of a deal,

  you know?



 You was down from the get-go.



 You're down with Dela, right?



 Yes. I'm down with Dela.



 I just thought

  you might be interested...



 in the origins of blackface.



 Look, my man Womack, myself...



 we can definitely

  handle this business.



 I mean, for sure, I know

  I can handle my business.



 Well, OK.



 I'm gonna check this view out

  'cause it's real nice.



 I'm diggin' this whole thing

  right here.



 This is a nice vibe.



 I'm liking this.



 Sleep'n Eat.



 I seen a lot of troubles lately.



 Oh? Well, how be dat?



 I don't know who I is.



 Well, I'll be a Alabama

  porch monkey's uncle.



 At least you know who you is.



 Years ago, I married a widow

  who had a grown-up daughter.



 My daddy visited us often,

  fell in love, and married her.




  he became my son-in-law...



 and my step-daughter

  became my mother...



 because she was

  my father's wife.



 That's right.



 After that, my father's wife

  gave birth to a son...



 which became my brother

  and my grandchild.



 Because he was the son

  of my daughter.



 -What? You jivin'!

  -I ain't!



 Now, accordingly,

  my wife was my grandmother...



 because she was

  my mother's mother.



 Mantan, I was my wife's

  husband and grandchild...



 at one and the same time.



 And lo and behold...



 as the husband of a person's

  grandmother is a grandfather...



 That's right.



 I became my goddamn

  own grandfather!



 Holy mackerel!



 Sleep'n Eat,

  that sho is a whopper!



 You said it, cousin.



 Or is we?



 Feets...do your stuff.



 Watch out now!



 You ain't never seen no niggers



 Standin' here with a fiddle



 You ain't never seen no niggers



 A-standin' here

  playin' on no fiddle



 You ain't seen no niggers

  like this



 Standin' here

  playin' on a fiddle



 You ain't seen

  no niggers like this



 Gettin' down on the fiddle,

  watch this now



 You couldn't hold out

  any longer, could you?



 I ain't worried about

  money in the middle



 'Cause I got my funky fiddle



 I ain't worried about money

  in the middle



 'Cause I got my funky fiddle,

  watch this now



 What's so funny, man?



 Fuckin' shit is funny to me.



 You funny to me.



 Watch him now.



 No, man.



 Fuck that, man.



 I'm ready to merc somebody.



 Pull some big fuckin'

  Clint Eastwood shit...



 and blow that nigger's

  fuckin' cavities back.



 That's what I say, right?

  Blow his cavities back.



 To my astonishment...



 not only did the people

  in television land love us...



 but also the critics.



 "Mantan" was being hailed

  as groundbreaking...




  also earth-shaking.



 I looked forward to my awards.



 Just vindication

  for all my hard work...



 all my talent that had

  previously been overlooked.



 Pierre Delacroix for "Mantan"!



 Mira, I love you!



 You don't know this...



 but we both took Mandarin

  together at Harvard.



 You didn't notice me,

  I sat in the back of the class.



 You are like the light

  reflected off an angel!



 That routine

  would go over like gangbusters.



 I would be a dancing fool.



 Hollywood's new favorite Negro.



 Move over,

  Danny, Morgan, Samuel L.!



 Out of my way,

  Eddie and Wesley!



 Make room for me, Will Smith!



 Here comes Delacroix!



 Show me the money!



 ...Best New

  Situational Comedy is...



 Pierre Delacroix...



 for "Mantan: The New

  Millennium Minstrel Show."



 I want to thank

  the Academy truly...



 for this award.



 Right now, words escape me.



 Which is odd for a writer,

  of course.



 Mr. Modine, would you please

  join me at the podium?



 Now, I have never met this man

  in my life before.






 am his greatest fan.



 I've seen all your work.



 I've seen you in "Rumble Fish"

  and "Flamingo Kid"...



 and "Something About Mary"

  and "Wild Things."



 I've just watched that

  over and over--



 Matt Dillon?



 I'm sure if you

  were in those movies...



 you would have been

  just as brilliant...



 so I want to thank you

  from the bowels of my heart...



 and I want you

  to have this Emmy, please.



 I do not deserve it.



 I can't accept this, Pierre.



 That's very generous of you

  and very kind.



 Give it to the garbageman!



 This is for "Mantan"--



 Give this man his Emmy!



 If I did that,

  I'd be assured of work forever.




  the grateful Negro.



 All right, we're takin' it

  from the same spot.



 Toehill, don't rush.



 One, two, three, and...



 Don't rush!



 Come on, get down there!



 Pivots toe.



 Come on now, what was that?



 Let me hear you,

  Lil'nigger Jim.



 Let me hear you once again, man.



 Wrong! How old are you, man?




  -You want to live to see eleven?



 What's going on, man?



 Y'all need a break or something?



 Let's take a break.



 Take a ten-minute break.



 Take a break.

  Y'all take a break, man!



 Yo, what's up, man?



 I don't know, man. Sorry.



 Surprised at you, man.









 Since when do you start

  talking to people like that?



 Tell me, when that start?



 When you start that?



 You see what they're doin'

  to my 'ography, man?



 They're messin' it up, man.



 Trippin', man.

  I'm not drinkin' the Kool-Aid.



 You ain't drinkin'?

  What you mean?



 Like Jim Jones.

  I'm not drinkin' the Kool-Aid.



 What you talkin' about, man?



 This pickaninny,

  watermelon bullshit!



 I'm out! I'm raisin' up!

  The fuck outta here.



 You out?



 Know what, man?

  Good. Be out.



 'Cause I got a broken back...



 from carrying you around

  all these years anyway.



 So that's what you been doing?



 Stand up. Stand up, OK?



 That what you been doing?



 You been carrying me?



 We were on the streets

  you weren't talking that shit.



 When you was hungry...



 you wasn't taking that shit,

  was you?



 What you been

  doing push-ups now?



 Know you coppin' a diesel now?



 Don't sit down, Manny.



 -I don't know--

  -You gonna jump?



 What's up? Do you remember me?



 Do you remember me?



 Do you?



 You remember me?



 That what I thought.



 Just what I thought right there.



 Go ahead, man.



 Do what you want right now.



 I'm handling mines, man.



 Got a roof over my head.



 Fuckin' with you,

  we'd still be on the street.



 You calling me a cling-on?



 You been draggin' me?

  I been dead weight to you?



 Is that what I been?



 New millennium, huh?



 It's the same bullshit!



 Just done over.



 Same bullshit.



 Yassa, l...



 What you want me to do, massa?



 Anything for you, sir.



 I sang for you.



 I tap-dance for you, massa.



 I coon for you.



 Anything just

  to make you laugh, massa.






 You should call him.



 I'm not really thinking

  about Womack right now...



 you know what I mean?



 What am I callin' him for?



 He left.

  He should be callin' me.



 You gotta be the bigger person.



 Don't take it on the ego thing,

  'cause it's not about that.



 He comes in...



 All right, it may have been

  a bad time or whatever...



 but he came at me, like...



 Iike he was my boss

  or somethin' like...



 "What am I doing talkin'

  to the kids like that?"



 Talkin' like that 'cause

  they not gettin' the 'ography.



 He just gotta go into some...



 "Do you remember" daze...



 jumpin' at me like

  he gonna knock my head off...



 beat me up in the studio.



 I'm just like...



 "No, I'm not feelin' you

  right now, Womack.



 "Straight up."



 You want me to call him?



 I'm not callin' no Womack.



 Man, he calls me.



 So how long have you

  and Hambone been hanging out?



 We're friends.



 Really? That's not what

  your brother seems to think.



 He's playing

  that big brother role...



 so whatever.



 So, are you getting "jiggy"

  with him?



 Pierre, I don't really think

  that's any of your business.



 So why am I here?



 Well, Mr. Dunwitty and l...



 feel that you're getting

  too close to him...



 and that his mind

  is being messed up.



 He's unfocused.

  I demand you stop seeing him.



 Work-related or otherwise?



 Otherwise, and I trust

  you know the difference.



 If he asks me something,

  I can't lie to him.



 I have to tell him the truth.



 Do you have to be

  so damn forthright?



 You should try it sometime.



 When are you gonna

  come into the light?



 -The light?

  -The light!



 Don't you give me none of

  this mumbo-jumbo bullshit...



 because your hands

  are just as bloody as mine.



 I know where I made

  my big mistake.



 I should have never gotten

  romantically involved...



 with the help.



 What did you just say?



 Nigger, did you just

  call me your help?



 Is that what you think of me?



 Let me tell you a thing

  or two about help...



 Peerless Dothan...



 if you weren't so busy fucking

  Maryann, Sue, and Beth...



 maybe you would have a little

  more stroke in your back.



 Now help that shit out.



 Get out.



 Get the fuck out!



 You know what?



 You are fucked up.



 Look at that shit.



 That could help

  your sorry ass one day.



 I trust you can

  help yourself out.



 What you did was dead wrong.



 Wrong. Capital "W" wrong.



 Buddy boy, in this business...



 if you do not produce,

  you get fired.



 It's that simple.



 Sloan is the hardest

  working person I ever met.



 You're a bright young man.



 How do you think she got

  the gig in the first place?



 I hate to burst your bubble,

  Mantan the Marvelous...



 but Sloan is an opportunist.



 Naw, man.

  You don't believe that.



 I don't believe that.



 Do I have

  to spell it out for you?



 In fact, why don't you

  go ask her yourself?



 Ask her. Say, "Sloan,

  how did you get this gig?"



 How did you get this gig?



 I had an internship

  and I worked like a dog...



 to get in the position

  that I'm in today.



 You leaving something out?



 Like I said...



 I had an internship...



 Dela liked how I worked...



 and he hired me

  as his assistant.






 And what?



 Don't play me right now, Sloan.



 Manray, if you have something

  to ask me, ask it.



 You just want me to say it?



 Say what?



 Did you ever sleep with Dela?



 Yes, I did.



 I knew it.



 Listen, it doesn't

  have anything to do...



 with how I got my job.



 It was a mistake, OK?



 It happened

  a very long time ago...



 and it doesn't have anything

  to do with me and you.



 You know what?



 I think you was probably

  gonna play me...



 try to use me

  just like you used Dela...



 to work your way to the top.



 It's funny how people

  in this business...



 can just flip on you like lHOP.



 I'm glad he fired your ass.






 You know what?



 Let me tell you what's funny.



 It's funny how a man

  always has to perceive...



 an attractive young lady...



 as having to fuck

  or suck somebody...



 in order to get to the top.



 It doesn't have anything

  to do with the fact...



 that I'm intelligent maybe?



 Or have anything to do

  with the fact that I have drive?



 That doesn't matter!



 No, I fucked him.



 Yes, I fucked him.

  How about that?



 The question is--

  Are you a puppet for Dela?



 Don't try to change the subject.



 I'm not changing anything.



 I'm asking you a question.



 Are you a puppet for Dela?



 No. I'm lookin'

  at Dela's puppet.



 Then the real question is...



 Whose puppet are you?



 Hello, Mommy. How are you?



 I'm just fine, honey.



 I've just been here

  reading about your show.



 It's everywhere.



 I only saw it once.



 I thought you told me

  there would be no buffoonery.



 Are you going to attack me, too?



 The show is a hit.

  Why can't you be happy for me?



 Of course I'm happy for you,




 but a coon is a coon.









 You work so hard

  for your success, honey.



 Yes, I have--very hard.



 Has my father called?



 Not at all?



 Well, honey,

  you know your daddy.



 If and when he does call...



 please don't forget to ask him

  if he's seen "Mantan."



 I will, honey.



 You disappoint me.



 Yes, well, I have to go now.



 What the hell

  are you smiling at?



 Jolly nigger bank.



 When I thought or imagined...



 that my favorite

  jolly nigger bank--



 an inanimate object,

  a piece of cold cast iron...



 was moving by itself,

  I knew I was getting paranoid.



 Did I really see what I saw?



 Or was I hallucinating?



 What's up, my millennium people?



 My name is...



 Honest Abe Honeycutt.



 And I just have

  one thing to say.




  -What is it?



 Sounds so good

  I got to do it again.



 And four score...



 and seven years ago...



 they was kicking

  our black asses.



 Boy, I mean they had a whip...



 and they was kicking

  our black asses...



 from can't see in the morning...



 until can't see at night.



 But this is the new millennium!



 How's everybody doing?



 Grandma Bull, is you a nigger?



 Yes, sirree, bob.



 Darn tootin' I'm a nigger.



 Give her applause.

  Give her some applause.



 I love you.



 My boy, is you a nigger?



 Honeycutt, you be a nigger.



 Let's be niggers together!



 Boom, boom, Honeycutt!



 Boom, boom, Honeycutt!



 Are you a nigger?



 Yes. I'm from the Bronx, man.



 Home of the world champions!

  New York Yankees!



 Where you from, my sister?



 Puerto Rico.



 That's right, baby,

  so I'm not just a nigger.



 I'm a nigger, OK?



 Send something

  to our other sisters out there.



 If you not a nigger,

  be a nigger!



 Is you a nigger?



 I'm a Sicilian nigger...



 which means I'm more of a nigger

  than any nigger in here.



 Because you know what

  they say about Sicilians.



 We're darker than most niggers.



 We're bigger than most niggers.



 And we rap better

  than most niggers.



 I'm white, not black,

  but not all the time



 I'm in blackface,

  and I'm feelin' fine



 No matter what color,

  no matter what race



 You know you're cold chillin'

  when you're in blackface



 Can I find somebody?

  Wait a minute.



 Lord have mercy.



 Is you a nigger?



 Honeycutt, I don't know about

  all the other people in here...



 but I'm keepin' it real.

  You know what I'm sayin'?



 I'm keepin' it real



 I got one more thing to say.



 I am a really real negress.

  Thank you.



 A real negress!



 A negress!



 Y'all ain't going

  to waste no time, huh?












 We are all God's niggers!



 Even the lost souls who

  don't know that they niggers.



 They niggers, too.



 -Do you know why?




 'Cause niggers

  is a beautiful thing.



 Niggers is a beautiful thing!



 Sorry I'm late.

  Tough time catching a cab.



 Perhaps they thought

  you were Danny Glover.



 -Delacroix here.

  -This is Bunning.



 I have Mantan up there,

  and he's not getting dressed...



 and he's not in makeup.

  What am I supposed to do?



 -He's not in blackface.

  -I'll be right there.



 You want to check

  on the little delay?



 That's where I'm going.



 I'm just keepin' it real.



 Where is he?



 Mantan, what's going on here?

  We have a show to tape.



 My name is Manray,

  God damn it.



 God damn it, Manray,

  we've got a show to tape.






 Go to your room, put on

  your costume, and blacken up.



 Look, man,

  I'm not playing myself no more.



 Come again?



 I'm done, man.



 This whole blackface buck shit,

  I'm done, man.



 I know what you're

  going through right now.



 I mean, first,

  Womack and then Sloan.



 Oh, my God.

  It broke my heart...



 to have to be the one

  to pull your coattails...



 as to her sexual exploits.




  we must remain professional.



 The show must go on.



 I will always be professional...



 but as far

  as this buck dancing...



 this blackface shit,

  I'm not doing it.



 No costume, no blackface?



 Hell, no blackface.






 It's going to be your funeral.



 We want Mantan!



 Ladies and gentlemen,

  thank you very much.



 We apologize for the holdup.



 So, without any further delay,

  ladies and gentlemen...



 give it up for Mantan!



 What's going on?



 What do you mean,

  you don't know?






 I want you all

  to go to your windows.



 Go to your windows and yell out.



 Scream with all the life

  that you can muster up...



 inside your bruised...




  and battered bodies.



 I am sick and tired

  of being a nigger...



 and I am not going

  to take it anymore!



 Sick and tired

  of being a nigger?






 I don't think he's getting up.



 -What is this?

  -lt must be a dance.



 What the fuck is going on here?



 Stop the tape!



 Stop the goddamn tape!



 Stop! Cut it!



 Cut! Cut!



 What are you doing?



 Stop dancing!



 Get him out of the building!



 -Stop dancing!

  -Get off me!



 Stop dancing!



 Yo, what you doing?



 We apologize,

  ladies and gentlemen.



 Just relax. We'll be right back

  with a good show.



 Hold that.



 Get him out of here!

  Get him out.



 Ladies and gentlemen...



 Mantan has come down

  with a case of coon-itis.



 We'll take him out back

  and whip it right out of him.



 I will have him out here even

  if I have to cut off a foot.



 He'll dance like...



 You just relax.



 Get him out.



 Come on, man! I wasn't

  finished doing my dancing!



 But you are finished.

  You're done.



 Niggers like you

  are a dime-a-dozen.



 You think you're special?



 I'm going to slide Honeycutt

  right into your spot...



 you fake-ass tap dance kid.



 Get him out of the building.



 Ungrateful mother...



 -Let's go, Honeycutt.

  -Yes, sir.



 I'll deal with you next.



 Don't ever come back no more!



 This is bullshit.



 You a dead motherfucker.



 What did I do, man?



 The cryin' motherfucker

  wanna know what he did.



 That's your goddamn problem.



 You know exactly

  what the fuck you did.



 Negro, you will be executed.



 For what?



 For singing and dancing?



 I was just hoofin', man.



 Just hoofin', man.



 You're going to be done

  in front of the whole world.






 The whole world

  is going to be watching this.



 The Mau Maus had come up with

  a brilliant, sadistic plan...



 to broadcast

  Mantan's execution live.



 No way we gonna be found out.

  You ain't even here.




  you in cyberspace, man.



 This is gonna really

  boost your ratings.



 Beat the mass, Mau Maus

  be about land and freedom



 Reparation and apologies



 For African to America odysseys



 Guerrilla-type tactics

  on them socialistic fallacies



 It be about the devastation



 Of the social Darwinistic




 Keep a brown man down, sport



 They wanna keep an eye

  on the fetch and set nigger



 The way fresh, and I'll put it



 They lucky

  I ain't red wretched yet



 Yo, you fucked up

  in the game now



 The Mau Maus sent anonymous

  e-mail proclamations...



 to the web sites

  of CNN, ABC, NBC, and CBS.



 It was an invite

  to witness the dance of death--



 Ten p.m. prime time,

  tomorrow night.



 Bow down, there's four lives

  in the ground now



 Shake 'em down



 Black monk like that Thelonious



 The government

  got the black phobia




  My name is Thomas Dunwitty.



 I'm the senior V.P...



 of the entertainment division

  here at CNS.



 I come to you

  with a heavy heart.



 This abduction is a cowardly...



 vile, sinful,

  and dastardly act...



 and I promise that these creeps

  will be prosecuted...



 to the fullest extent

  of the law.



 This is a total, complete attack

  on our American way of life.



 We here at CNS...



 are offering

  a $  million cash reward...



 for any information that leads

  to the safe return home...



 of our dear friend

  and homey Mantan.




  our prayers are with you...



 and may God bless America.



 It was   :  ...



 and the Dance of Death

  was about to commence.



 Since a lot of people

  still don't have computers...



 the networks sought a

  court order to carry it live...



 taking it off the feed.



 It was granted.



 A live snuff broadcast...



 right into the comfort

  of your living room.



 Yo, we're live in five, four...



 three, two...



 We are now live in cyberspace.



 Whereas Mantan is a Tom.



 Whereas Mantan is a disgrace.



 Whereas Mantan

  is a head-scratchin'...



 foot-shufflin' Negro!



 Let me go, man!



 Be strong, boy. Be strong.



 ...Dancing fool

  is condemned to death.



 I's a good Negro.



 See that bitch's dancing feet?



 Let's show you

  some real educated feets.



 Show us some of them

  fancy moves.



 Get your ass up.

  Get that nigger up.



 Let him do some dancing for us.



 Get up on your feet, man.



 Show us them feet.

  Don't be ashamed.



 -Dance for us!




 You fucked up in the game now.



 Stop it! Stop it!



 Stop it!



 Stop it, I say!



 Leave me alone!



 Spear chuckers!



 Get rid of these porch monkeys!



 Jungle bunny!



 Yo, dawg.



 Yo, I'm fucked up, dawg.



 Yo, you need a light?



 Yo, man, I got some fire.



 Yo, who got the fire?



 Who got the flame?



 Shit. Hey!



 Why didn't you kill me?



 I'm black!



 Why didn't you kill me?



 I'm black! I'm black!



 All it takes is

  one fucking drop of black blood!



 Everyone thinks he's black!



 Mau Maus!



 You should've killed me.



 You should've fucking killed me!



 All it takes is one fucking drop

  of black blood, motherfucker!



 You're black!



 Get the fuck off me!



 Hi, Peerless.



 You done fucked up now.



 You didn't think

  I had one of these, did you?



 My brother gave me this.



 Oh, I see..



 you brought my tape.



 Get up and put it in.



 Get up and put it in!



 That's right.

  You'll listen to me tonight.



 All this time, you didn't listen

  to what I had to say...



 but you going to listen

  to me tonight.



 This is "Listen to Sloan Day."



 It's my night.



 I want you

  to look at this shit.



 Look to what you contributed to.



 Because of you,

  my brother's dead.



 Manray. You done

  fucked up everything!



 -Think they're cannibals?

  -You see this shit?



 They wouldn't dare do that

  to white people.



 Maybe they want

  some dark meat.



 What do you have to say

  for yourself?



 What do you have to say

  for yourself?



 Sloan, give me the gun.







 Don't, Peerless.

  Don't make me. No.



 Don't come over here.






 I'm sorry.



 It's OK.



 You never listened to me.

  You made me do that.



 As I bled to death...



 as my very life

  oozed out of me...



 all I could think of

  was something...



 the great Negro

  James Baldwin had written.



 "People pay for what they do,

  and still more...



 "for what they have allowed

  themselves to become...



 "and they pay for it very simply

  by the lives they lead."



 Now it was time for me

  to buy the farm...



 to meet my maker.



 Good-bye, cousins.



 Please tune in next week

  for the best of...



 "Mantan: The New Millennium

  Minstrel show."



 Gonna to put your shoes on?



 No, sir. Savin' them

  in case my feet wear out.



 Well, Mr. Bones,

  how are you this evening?






 I's the personification

  of health, Mr. Christie.



 Good. Who was that lady

  I saw you with this afternoon?



 That was no lady.

  That was my wife.



 I'll bust your head.



 Good gracious me.



 Who is that?



 What gives?



 What's the matter with you, boy?



 My mam...Mammy.



 -What was that?

  -How'd I know?



 Are you ready, Liza?



 I's ready, Uncle Tom.



 Is you ready, Simon Legree?



 I'm always ready.



 I broke in as a bootblack,

  you know.



 Here we go.



 For a month and a half,

  I've been dreaming...



 how pretty

  I was going to look tonight.



 Here's my punishment

  for thinking so well of myself.



 This is tough

  to put on and take off.



 You know, you're lucky.



 Cut them monkeyshines.



 Chicken house?

  What am I waiting for?



 I don't know.



 Me, either. Tally ho.



 Yes, sir.



 Yes, sir, mister.



 Yes, sir.



 -Yes, ma'am.

  -Yes, Miss Bellmer.



 Yes, Miss Maggie.



 Brothers, it's certainly going

  to be a lesson to me.



 Maybe Baldwin was right,

  maybe he was wrong...



 but as my father

  often told me...



 "Always keep 'em laughing."


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