Voila! Finally, the Barbershop
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Ice Cube movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Barbershop. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
No, man. And now you've been
going around with Big Ass.
You talking about Linda from Parkview?
- Yes, Big Ass.
Hey, hey! Slow down right here.
She a ho, huh?
I said, she a ho!
Yo, Billy. Go.
- Stop! Stop! What the hell you doing?
Billy, stop this car, man!
What the helI's wrong with you man?
What the helI's wrong with you, fool?
I knew it.
- Get that flashlight out of my face!
Hey, what the helI's wrong with you?
I thought you said "go."
- I did not say "go"!
I remember the last thing we were
talking about was Linda from Parkview...
and you said she...
I said, Linda is a ho!
Get the goddamn chain! Come on, man!
Let's go! Come on. Move it!
Pull the chain, fool!
Take the moneybag, let's do it!
Come on. We're about to get paid, baby!
We're about to get paid!
- I'm gonna get this.
This ain't Christian, but it's gonna do.
Come on get in! Throw it up in there!
What the hell?
- Cars ain't made like they used to, man.
What did you tie it to?
Get out and get it!
- Why I got to get out to get it?
All right, here we go, baby!
- Here we go, baby! Here we go!
Come to Daddy!
The future's behind us, baby!
That is our future behind us.
Calvin, what are you doing?
- Hey, baby.
Trying to get this studio together
so we can finally make money off this stuff.
That's what you said about
the T-shirt company and Herbalife vitamins.
Why you gotta bring that up?
That's in the past.
This is a whole new venture for us, baby.
Look, let me show you something.
Can I show you something?
Let me show you.
- You've got a picture.
That right there is Oprah's guesthouse.
That's just the guesthouse.
So, if Stedman act up,
this is where he gotta sleep.
Why do you have this?
Because that's what I'm gonna buy
for my baby.
Both my babies.
As soon as I get somebody,
rent out the studio, make a platinum CD...
and we get paid.
You don't like strangers
coming in and out of the shop.
You want to have them coming
in and out of the house?
It's : . You gonna be late for work.
You better come on.
I got some eggs for you.
You better come on and get 'em.
That damn shop.
Boy, they sure know how
to kill a man's dreams.
Come on, Stedman.
What was that for?
Well, it has been a whole two years
since you took over the barbershop.
I mean, look at you.
You have hung in there.
Baby, you have no idea
how proud I am of you.
You know, your father would've been
proud of you, too. Come here.
- All right, I'm going.
Stay off your feet, okay?
My store! Look at my store!
It has been destroyed!
Get away from my shop! Get away!
No! No! No!
Get away from my store!
Hey, yo, brother!
- Get out!
Stay strong, brother!
Yeah, stay strong.
Get out of here! Go on!
It's always something on a Saturday,
What's up, Janelle?
You know Tanesha Jenkins' boy
got a drug problem.
You think he did that?
- Damn, girl, you gossiping already?
First get your shop open.
Then start the rumors.
I know you are not talking to me
about how to run my shop.
I don't tell you how to run your
business over there. Anyway....
Hey, did you hear...
That's why your nose so big.
You too damn nosy.
Hey! Did you hear about Clarinda?
Her husband caught her in a prime
hoochie-koochie with another man!
How you doing?
- Fine. How you doing?
I'm all right.
- Hey, what happened across the street?
You know this neighborhood.
It's getting worse every day.
- She getting big.
You know. Mean, too.
So, got some good news for me?
Calvin, I need a cut like Ronnie's last week.
Little off the top, long in back,
slope to the left like Gumby.
Munster front, Wyclef right.
Hook that up for me.
- You got any money, Lamar?
I'm gonna pay you back.
I got a Job interview.
When you get that job...
- Come on, Calvin, don't do me like that.
Just a little edge on there.
- I don't cut hair for free. Out the door!
Calvin, your father
would have hooked me up.
Go get hooked up.
Come on, dog!
Don't do me like that, Calvin!
See what I got to deal with every day?
- I know, but...
No. Get out of here. Go!
So, what did they say?
The bank's not gonna give you
We've already given you
a small-business loan...
and a grant that you used
on your other businesses.
Calvin, you know I want to help you.
But if you don't pay the property taxes,
the bank is gonna foreclose on the shop.
There's nobody you can talk to?
it's not gonna happen.
All right. Hey, what can you do?
I appreciate you coming by. I really do.
Don't worry about it.
How did you do this for years?
I gotta do my own thing.
Hey, how you doing, Mr. Wallace?
Yeah, this is Calvin.
You know, over at the shop?
I was wondering, was you still interested
in what we talked about the other day?
I'll see you then.
All right. Thank you, Mr. Wallace. Okay.
You got it?
We gonna get paid.
I never knew money could be so heavy.
Hey, slow down.
You all right?
- Yeah. Okay, I got it now.
Hell, no, man.
Hey, what's up, big guy?
- What's up, player?
Hey, this is my grandmama's
She can't breathe without it.
Let us through.
You see us carrying this thing.
Move out the way.
Come on, man. This thing heavy.
See, you do this all the time, man!
Billy, come on.
- No, man, he do this all the time!
My mama's trying to come back,
and he is doing that.
It don't make no sense.
That's cool. Just take it down.
Kevin, come open this door!
What's wrong? Why didn't you
answer the door? You knew it was me!
I worked a double last night.
I Just got home two hours ago.
Don't play with me, Kevin. Where is she?
Let's not do this again.
- Where is she?
Wait. You ain't finished.
Why don't you look under the bed?
I bet you I would hide a woman
under that bed.
If you gonna look....
do I look like I'm thinking
about somebody else?
I don't know.
You want to know how I really feel
Just think about that Babyface song.
there are a lot of Babyface songs.
- All of them, baby.
You know I do.
Come on. I got some time.
Come on, real quick.
- Well, real quick.
- Let me take my jacket off.
- Oh, yeah.
Well, let me take my jacket off.
What are you doing?
No, I'm just helping you
get your jacket off, baby.
Who is she?
I don't know.
When I'm finished with her, you'll remember!
I can't believe you got someone.
You gonna make me catch a case
before I go to work?
Where you going?
Get up! I dare you!
Honey, cover your face now.
Hey, how can I help you today?
I want a grande, triple non-fat, half-decaf...
soymilk, French roast,
Okay? Now, with just a splash...
just a splash of hazelnut.
And orange extract.
The extra foam in a separate cup.
I'll have to spoon it on myself
because y'all never get it right.
You understand? Thank you.
You have to find the guys, Officer.
We'll take you inside
and get your information.
We'll be right with you.
Look at my store!
Then I walked in like pah-dow!
Know what I'm saying?
Ass so big, it look like
two midgets in a sleeping bag!
Can we talk about something
other than big, fat, Juicy asses, please?
We could talk about something else.
- But why?
When does a woman
just have too much ass?
Ass is like money.
You can never have too much.
Hey, Ricky. Just the man I want to see.
Hey, Ricky, yo!
School these boys on your philosophy
about ass because they can't distinguish...
between a woman with a big ass
and a big-ass woman.
Hold tight. It's mathematics, cuz.
It's the ratio.
Now if you measure around
a woman's waist, right?
Measure around that ass,
you come up with a ratio about - .
Now that means that a -inch waist...
is gonna yield a -inch ass.
The mathematics is correct, right?
- That's good, right?
You with me?
So give me an example.
I mean, break it down.
Okay, all right.
Right? Woman with a big ass!
Now, on the other side, we got...
Hey, you have any idea
who poked that hole in Samir's store?
You sure about that?
Just playing with you, man. Relax.
Hey, how you doing, Detective?
What's going on across the street?
I'm on this convenience store thing,
so somebody's getting locked up.
- Yeah. Ricky here?
No, he'll be in a little later, though.
You don't think he had nothing
to do with that.
Ricky's been keeping his nose clean
ever since he's been working here.
Come in the back?
- That's my girl.
Yeah. She got big drawers.
That's all right, though.
Is this chair free?
I figured not. You mind
just trimming me up a little bit?
Why you come over here, dog?
Why you sweating me?
- Are you sweating, Richard?
You're a two-time felon.
One more, it's all over for you, brother.
Calvin went out on a limb
for you with this Job, man.
I mean, why you want to play him like that?
We got a surveillance tape from the camera
at the check-cashing place next door...
and by the end of the day,
I will know something.
- All right.
Yeah. Yo, I got to go, man.
All right, man?
I love you, boo.
See you later, baby.
What's up, man?
What you singing?
What are you singing at?
Mind your business.
Here come Jumbo Mutumbo!
Where I come from,
to have girth is a sign of opulence.
What the hell did he just say?
- He said in Africa, fat people got loot.
I heard they circumcise women, too.
- How you gonna do that?
Anything that's extra, they just clip it off.
- Come on.
All right, fellas, I'm free. Who's next?
- Not me.
I'm cool, man.
- Forget you.
Thought you had a Negro membership card?
Soaked up some BET,
memorized some Tupac.
Shut up, Jimmy.
Calvin wouldn't give me a chair
if I couldn't cut heads.
Three days, front chair, no customers.
Kill that noise. You know everyone
starts out in the first chair.
That's exactly where you started.
Listen up! I don't want no trouble!
Just give me your wallet and your Jewelry,
won't be no problem.
Hey, don't you make me....
What's wrong? You one of them rappers?
What's that? You got a Rolex
or a platinum chain?
Get your ass here. Leave the boys alone!
Sit your old ass down!
You read him?
That boy almost turned over the money!
You all right, brother! You all right!
Shaking, shaking a little bit!
He was shaking like booty meat!
Wasn't it good? I had him.
I had him shaking like Don Knotts
in a card game or something.
Remember, we're raising money
for Johnnie Brown's raggedy shoes.
Scout will be here!
I need $ .
Let's give it up. Come on.
You all right. We need some more money.
We need it right now.
You smell good, Terri. ls that Obsession?
What'd she say?
- Hey, man. Where you going?
You see that attitude?
She can't cut my hair. I'll be back later.
Don't be scared.
- I'm free. I'll cut your hair.
No, I'm straight, dog.
Who drank my apple juice?
Y'all don't hear me?
Who drank my goddamn apple juice?
Stop cussing! This ain't Def Comedy Jam.
I put a big-ass red...
- Terri! Stop cussing!
I put a big red sign saying:
"Do not drink me."
Maybe no one drank it.
Maybe it evaporated.
I'll slap you. Don't get on my bad side.
You've been here just a minute.
Girl, it's not like a bottle
of Hennessey or nothing!
It's just some funky-ass apple juice.
- This is my funky-ass apple juice.
I don't touch nobody else's stuff--
Jimmy drank your apple juice.
Hey, hold up...
- Why'd you touch my apple juice?
- I don't want your cooties.
Did you see me drink it?
- I didn't have to, you asked about it.
Do you have ocular proof? Did you see me?
- What'd I just say?
I said I didn't have to see you drink it...
- Oh, shit.
I don't have to see you...
- What'd you see?
Say you ain't drink it.
- Did you see...
Knock his college ass out!
Hey! Come on! Come on!
No, Calvin, let them go!
This ain't the projects.
This is a place of business.
Calvin, your father wouldn't put up
with this mess. You have to handle this.
just sit there and play checkers.
Do I look like my father?
Yes, you do.
- In the nose, right here.
Not today, man.
Whatever you want, man.
Got the new DMX, baby!
Just go on out, go.
Put somebody out. Always.
I'm never coming in this shop again.
lt's a possibility
that Jimmy drank your apple juice.
But nobody saw him. You didn't see him.
So all you can ask...
That's not fair, you're taking his side.
I'm not taking his side. Ask the man.
If he says yeah, kick his ass,
if he says no, then squash it.
Did you drink my apple juice?
Did you? lnquiring minds want to know.
Answered, done deal.
Come on, let me buy you some apple juice.
Well, one of y'all MFs drank it.
I'm tired of y'all, I swear!
Y'all better not touch my stuff no more!
Stop slamming them doors!
I know it wasn't me. I'm lactose intolerant.
- Hey, girl!
Man, she messed up
your whole arrangement.
How much them roses cost? $ or $ ?
I'm Crazy Howard.
Topping the news, Iast night someone stoIe
the new ATM machine....
'Cause people can't raise their kids....
I tell you, the first thing I'll do, Joe.
Player, you lock your door?
- Yeah, I ain't stupid. Come on.
Then why's your sister in the room, man?
- I'll tell Mama!
Close the door, dog!
This is just a big video game!
No, it ain't.
lt looks like a cash machine to me.
And this ain't no supermarket,
so I'm gonna tell Mama.
No! You can't tell nobody about this,
you hear me?
'Cause I said so. I mean, think about it.
Gabby, who'll take care of you?
- My mama.
She got you on that.
- What can I do to keep your mouth shut?
You gotta pay me.
- Pay you?
I'm getting a headache. I just paid you $ !
I don't care!
- Hey, dog, whup her ass.
You can't touch me.
I'll whup her ass.
- No, man, don't do that.
You better give me my cash back later...
- I'll give it back!
Take it, girl. That's all I got.
Go on, get out of the room there, girl!
That's how you lock a door, dog.
- It's your fault, man!
Now we've gotta take this someplace else.
I've gotta think how.
- The same way we stole it, the truck.
I said I'm not messing with my
crazy-ass cousin no more. He too violent.
He comes from a broken home.
He don't even know his mama.
And after last night...
I ain't messing with that fool no more.
We wouldn't be doing this if you'd locked...
- I did lock the door.
Your sister's a demon child.
- Whatever, man.
Your mama don't have real silverware,
so we could get in here?
Oh, come on, man. Let's just take it up.
Hey, Billy, take it down.
Wait a minute....
Take it down.
Come on, player. Come on, big man.
We'll get you this time.
Push it through.
This ain't gonna fit.
You got it?
- I don't have it.
This is good chicken, too.
You ever had this chicken?
How can you sit there with all that chicken
and not offer us any?
I paid for this.
You give me a quarter,
I might give you a little mashed potatoes.
How come he can eat out front, while we...
- 'Cause Eddie's old, man.
You see that right there?
You know what that means?
That means I've got senroyity.
Don't you mean "seniority"?
That's nothing but gray hair poking up out
your follicle. lt means nothing.
Don't mean anything?
Let me tell you something, boy.
I was here in ' when they robbed
and burned down...
everything here but this barbershop.
I was here in '
when desegregation started...
and they bussing in white kids,
and bussing out little black kids like you.
Yeah, I remember that.
And then I was here in ' ...
when Walter Payton came in here...
the day after he had rushed
yards against Minnesota.
And I lined him up in this chair...
and I got the picture to prove it.
Eddie, how do we know
that's really Payton?
That's Walter. That's him.
The signature says "Sweetness" right there!
What more do you want?
I don't know, a real picture?
That's "Sweetness" all right.
What did you do? I got a patch in my head!
Patch the little boy's head up.
I told you to keep still...
- I got a patch on my head!
Shame, you put a patch on the boy's head.
Got him looking like DaImatians.
You heard of that movie?
Looks like a Dalmatian, that's !
Mind your business.
I didn't move my head! lt's not my fault!
Man, why do I gotta...
You look good.
- Take care of the thing.
Quit talking, more cut.
Wait till my mom gets here.
I've got it now.
Jimmy, what are you doing?
Got that little boy looking like a leopard.
He needs little spots all around.
Look at him!
Don't ignore me.
Don't ignore me like that.
Turn their heads....
How's everybody doing?
Clean you up or something?
How you doing, Mr. Wallace?
- How you doing?
Good to see you, thanks for coming.
- Yes, indeed.
Wanna go out back and talk?
Calvin, I'm glad you called me back.
I was beginning to think
you don't like Lester.
Heard you just bought Big CarI's Auto Shop.
Left everything the same.
I was hoping you'd do the same thing here.
I told you, I'm a man of my word.
You know, Calvin...
if you can't make the payments...
you're gonna lose the shop...
and have nothing.
Or, if you sell it to me...
you make sure that the sign outside
always says "barbershop."
I can live with that.
If you take this money,
that's as good as a contract.
I wouldn't want to have
any misappropriations going on up in here.
Yeah, me neither.
I made your father the same offer...
but he turned it down.
But you're a better businessman.
You got vision.
$ that's your buyout.
I'll manage bank payments, as discussed.
And I'll get the paperwork to you next week.
You're sure you're gonna keep
the barbershop open, right?
I'm a businessman, and a
barbershop ain't exactly a cash cow.
So I'll turn it into a gentlemen's club.
Wait a minute.
That's not what we discussed, Mr. Wallace.
You told me that the sign outside
would always say "barbershop."
It's gonna be called "The Barbershop."
I'll keep that same theme going.
The girls dressed like little barbers.
You can come in, and they'll give you a trim.
And you can get some trim.
Hold it, Mr. Wallace.
You have a nice day.
I just don't understand why someone
would drive into the store like that.
Now, see, I told Sitting Bull
across the street over there...
not to put no cash machine in his store...
'cause black people
don't know how to act.
Who're you telling?
That's why black people can't have nothing.
Apparently, neither can lndian folks.
Give me! Move!
Samir is not Indian, okay?
He's Pakistani. He's from Pakistan.
All I know is, he can pack and stand
his ass on that corner all he want to.
But if Geronimo keeps on, somebody's
liable to bust a cap in his ass, right?
Right, Eddie, he's gonna get it!
- He's gonna pah-yow!
Samir is not Native American, okay?
He's not Arab, he's not Mexican,
he's not Eskimo. He is from Pakistan.
Pakistan, yakistan, you-back-istan.
I don't care where he's from.
He ain't from here, I know that.
He ain't gonna win in the South Side, either.
Damn, speaking of Pakistan....
That's all right!
Boy, what's wrong with you?
He cut a patch in the back of my head.
I'm sorry, ma'am, it wasn't my fault.
He kept moving, so...
I did not, I did not keep moving.
You know you kept moving.
- What're you talking about?
It don't look that bad.
- Yes, it does.
Think of it as a new style.
Before you know it, everybody'll be
walking around with a patch in their head.
Why would people walk around
with a patch in their head?
So, that makes it free, right?
Ain't that right?
Jimmy will never touch your head again,
Hey, babe, me and her, mostly me, I tell you!
Come on, man, this thing heavy, dog.
I'll take it.
Damn, my phone's ringing.
Would you please back up?
Thank you. I couldn't breathe.
- Come on, man, get in there.
Open the door.
Is that that punk Jay?
- Jay! You all right?
Jay! Come here, you punk!
I'm gonna get your black ass.
What the hell are you doing, man?
Man, you just let him get away.
He owes me $ from a crap game.
I ain't paying your ass nothing!
Bring your ass back over here!
- Lucky I ain't got my Jordans on!
Come on, Billy,
bring your ass back over here.
You gonna cause a scene in public for $ ?
Man, he owes me money.
We've got $ back at the motel.
You're gonna cause a scene for $ ?
It ain't even about the money.
It's the principle.
- That's right, the principle.
He's supposed to pay.
This is Chi-Town's finest,
and I ain't going out like no sucker.
You ain't going out like no sucker?
You know what, player?
We're gonna get caught.
And you wanna know why?
There's a stupid nigger in every bunch,
who messes up everybody.
You know what?
You that dumb nigger.
You know what? I tell you this.
If he owed you money,
you'd be chasing him, too.
I would've whupped him last week.
- Why you think I was chasing him? What....
What? Keep it moving.
Ain't nothing to see here.
Come on, man. I lost my head.
But you understand, it wasn't just money.
- $ player?
I'm telling you, they got about
$ or $ in that ATM.
Those machines are worth
more than the money in them.
There may be a reward.
- For an ATM machine?
I wish the money in it was mine.
I'd use that money, I'd take my girl out
to a real nice dinner, like Red Lobster.
See, now that's upscale.
Red Lobster is the IHOP of shellfish.
That is not upscale.
I don't hate cheese toast
just 'cause I'm eating...
scampis and shrimps
and scallops and shit.
You are truly ignorant.
You don't know what a scallop is.
It ain't even a shellfish.
Did you know you get on my nerves?
Pampers if you're too late.
- What's with the dogs?
Get them dogs out of here.
- You like dogs.
Don't make me smack you.
- I told you once.
Y'all need some dogs
I got this one, if you buy this one...
you get this one half off.
- Don't come back, man.
Going home. I'm never coming
in this shop again. I work for me.
Calvin, what that boy name?
I've told you four times, that's Ricky.
- What do you think you doing?
I'm just trying to get him clean
like them Gillette commercials.
That's the problem with y'all today.
Y'all don't know nothing.
Sit up there, just watch too much TV
and listen to that Jigga Ray...
and all them folk up in there,
and don't know nothing.
Let me. Sir, you mind?
Rick, get that off there, and lean him back.
Roots, get me a hot towel.
Dinka, Eddie. Dinka.
These young boys don't know nothing.
Let me get you lathered up here.
Put that towel on his face.
Get your foam nice and lathery.
Y'all come over here and learn something.
You finish that up. Put that on there.
Put that on the side over there.
See, in my day,
a barber was more than just somebody...
who sit around in a FUBU shirt
with his drawers hanging all out.
In my day, a barber was a counselor.
He was a fashion expert.
A style coach. Pimp.
Just general, all-around hustler.
But the problem with y'all cats today...
you got no skill.
No sense of history.
And then, with a straight face...
got the nerve to want to be somebody.
Want somebody to respect you.
But it takes respect to get respect.
See, I'm old.
But, Lord willing...
I'd be spared the sight
of seeing everything that we worked for...
flushed down the drain...
by someone who don't know no better...
- Hey, baby.
Can we talk in the back?
That's coming right on off there.
See, that's smooth.
When he get through, his face gonna
be real smooth, like Gary Coleman.
Calvin, baby, what's going on?
What you mean?
Janelle called me and said that
she saw Lester Wallace in here.
Why Janelle won't stay out
my business? God.
When did you start doing business
with a loan shark like him?
Lester Wallace is not a loan shark.
He's just a businessman from the street.
Okay, but wait. Why was he here?
To get a haircut.
Calvin, Lester Wallace wears a hairpiece.
He had to get that faded a little bit.
So, I just....
No? All right. Come here.
Let me show you something.
I'll show you something
that's gonna make you much happier.
Check it out.
What did you do?
I sold the barbershop.
You sold your father's barbershop
to Lester Wallace?
Don't, "shh" me.
We're trying to get
our recording studio started.
Recording studio? Have you forgotten?
electrocuted yourself this morning.
What matters is, I made this move for us.
This is for us.
Tell me something.
Why is it you make all these
and then we got to get us out of it?
I had to do something to get the monkey
off our back. That's what I did.
Your grandfather opened this shop.
He handed it down to your father,
who left it to you.
And all he did was give away free haircuts.
Now they want freebies.
He let all those barbers in there
use their station whenever they wanted to...
pay rent whenever they wanted to,
and we're in debt because of that.
It's because of him.
I'm not gonna work my ass off for that.
Dinka. What're they saying?
Something about a monkey coming back.
But his ass has too much pressure.
You deserve more than this.
I'm trying to give you the world.
You know what? I don't need the world.
I don't need Oprah's house.
It's not Oprah's house.
It's Stedman's guesthouse...
and it's a five-bedroom,
with a Jacuzzi, pool...
This shop had very little debt until...
you started spending all the money
on those get-rich-quick schemes.
It's my fault?
Let me hear you say it. It's my fault?
Well, yeah, it's your fault.
How is it my fault,
and I'm just trying to better myself?
Wait a minute, I see what this is about.
This is about you.
You know what? I mean, think about it.
How could you sell this place?
I met you here.
My father used to come here every Saturday.
He loved this place.
You used to love it, too. What happened?
You know what?
This is a little too much for me right now.
You gonna mess around
and send me into premature labor.
I can't believe you sold your father's shop.
Still couldn't hear nothing.
Can you help me with this shoe?
From the heel, dog. Let the toe go.
Pull this sock off for me, too.
- Are these socks clean?
They're my mama's socks, man.
You know we wear the same size shoe?
Damn. You need a Band-Aid, man.
I'm going to go get that for you.
Oh, no. Hey. I'll go get the Band-Aid.
'Cause you can't seem to do nothing right.
You just stay here, work on the ATM.
Damn. I mean, man, your foot's Jacked up.
lt isn't nothing but some dead skin.
All I need is some cocoa butter.
I can get that. Excuse me, player.
Excuse me, dog.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, God!
Okay, man, are we straight or what?
- Hold on, man.
- All right.
Here's a little something extra
for Johnnie's shoe fund. Take care.
Hold on, player.
Hey, hook me up, Cal.
See, I was next.
- No, I was here earlier.
You got any money?
-Man, I got your money--
-See, I got money too.
I'll do you next.
Sit over there, fish. I'll do you next.
Either that or go see Eddie.
- I don't want to see Eddie.
That's right. Come on. Take care.
You know I got stuff to do, man.
Get these nose hairs for me.
You ain't got my money,
I'm going to get them ass hairs for you.
I hear that Evander Holyfield
gonna put a Red Lobster in a church.
How is he gonna call himself a man of God?
You know what? You're right.
When he down there in Georgia,
slinging his thing through half the state.
I bet that you all didn't even know
Jesus wasn't a Christian.
He was a Jew.
Why you always throwing out random trivia,
like you know everything?
I don't think I know everything,
I'm saying that being educated...
guarantees I won't spend
my life behind bars.
That's what this is about?
Me being in the pen?
I'm just saying...
- Who you talking about?
I'm just saying, being educated means
you have opportunities.
And the rest of us are doing what?
Biding our time?
Can you guys stop arguing for once?
You're like a bunch of little kids.
Back and forth. I'm getting a headache.
That's cool. I'm not gonna get worked up.
This isn't the end of the line
for Jimmy James.
You could do a lot worse
than being a barber.
And a lot better.
And don't hate me 'cause I'm
trying to make something of myself.
Black Picasso of the ghetto!
- Barber's a respectable occupation.
I'll have my own mural, my own shop.
I might even take over this shop
if Calvin don't give it to his son.
Let me tell you something.
You will never own a black barbershop.
I will if I want to.
- If Tony Roma can make ribs better...
than black people,
Isaac can own a black barbershop.
Ribs better than black people?
You want some good ribs?
You should go over to C&K on th.
Tony Roma boils his ribs.
That is not authentic.
No. Tony Roma's is delicious.
You know, I don't see white or black.
I just see red sauce on everything.
Well, you're new here.
He don't boil his ribs.
- I like them.
Know what? Jimmy got a point.
Because nobody in here
want to be a barber...
for the rest of their life.
Thank you. That's all I'm saying.
I like cutting hair.
Wait a minute. A barber is a craftsman.
I mean, it's respectable.
And I must admit I like it.
So I guess I agree with Terri.
You agree with everything Terri say.
Watch it, Jimmy.
- You a hater.
No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
Run, nigger. Look at him go.
Be right back.
Don't bring your skinny ass back.
See that? That's why you can't have
no business in the ghetto.
You must not know me.
Well, I'm Chi-Town's finest.
I'll whup into you like that, boy.
Now, I'm gonna have to poke you.
Oh, I think I got it.
Just give us the money.
What's my mama's code?
Thank you, cutie.
You're welcome, my beautiful black sister.
What's up, little man?
I got an announcement to make.
I bought some more apple juice.
And I want nobody in here to drink it.
Have some respect and decency
for other people's stuff.
What you looking at me for?
- Because I know you drank it.
Did you see me drink it?
-I don't care.
I'm being real nice right now.
Don't touch my apple juice,
or there will be repercussions.
You know what? Repercussion, my nuts.
- Grow some.
You hear that?
Terri, it's Kevin.
I'm not here.
- I'm not here.
I know you heard that.
Let's kill all this applause, now,
because we all know...
that she's gonna go right back to him
just like she always do.
Don't make me run these
clippers up your ass.
Might need some help with that.
- She told you.
Terri, you all right?
I should thank you.
I made such a spectacle of myself.
But your words were kind.
I believe they were, "Stay strong, brother."
Something like that.
How much I owe you for this?
For one brief, embarrassing moment,
I chose to give up.
But your words
were just the reminder I needed.
Perhaps insignificant to you...
but sometimes I think...
we are unaware of how the little
things for us can be so huge for others.
- This is just too much. Hi.
It's okay. Take your time. Oh, my boo.
Anyway, I do find it amusing
that the people...
who stole my ATM
will not get any money out of it.
Oh, yeah. You can't break into those things.
'Cause there is no money in it.
It is brand new.
It had not even been loaded yet.
There's no money in it?
That's a trip.
How much I owe you for this?
- No. Put your money away.
You take this. This is for you.
So, what you gonna do?
I fix the store, and I stay right here.
The fight must go on.
Either that, or I go back to India.
India? I thought you were from Pakistan.
Who would tell you such a thing?
No, India. PunJab State.
Northwest side, close to Pakistan, though.
Thanks, man, I appreciate this.
Your words were payment enough.
What else can I have...
- No, that's all you get.
What about those...
Thanks for the juice, man.
- You're welcome. I'll see you soon.
Fellows, what's up?
Got the shoes.
- You got them?
You got the shoes.
I'll show you how to play.
I'll show you how to play some hardball!
Y'all, look at this lady.
Give it up!
- Now you're talking!
Come over here. You got to see this.
You're missing it!
Somebody out there doing somebody's car?
She wanna be real, crack that windshield!
That's what I'd do!
I'll get you good!
I'm gonna get you real good!
Man, what kind of car is it?
- Toyota Camry.
Wait, that's a good car.
I got one of them. I just bought one.
What color is it?
That's a good color.
It got a chrome rocker panel?
That's my car!
What the hell you doing? That's my car!
Stop hitting on my car!
This is Malcolm Brown's car.
Put the bat down!
I don't know Bobby Brown!
Leave my car alone! Stop hitting my car!
Stop it! Put the bat down!
This ain't Malcolm Brown car?
- This ain't no Malcolm Brown.
I just bought it!
It look like Malcolm Brown car.
Lady, I don't care what it look like!
It's my car.
Wait a minute. This ain't Malcolm's car?
Fuck! Who the hell is Malcolm Brown?
Damn. Well, my bad.
Your what? What you say?
I hope I never make a woman that angry.
I'm feeling to go get some fish.
what advice can you offer a guy like me
on the art of wooing women?
You know, getting the hookup...
the digits, the skins, ill nana,
snappy nappy, oochie wallie?
Yo, just be yourself.
I'm big-boned, Rick, hefty, rotund.
There's too much of myself to go around.
Hold it. There's plenty of fat brothers
pulling good ass.
Look at Biggie, Heavy D.
They were world-famous rappers.
I, on the other hand,
am an overweight barber from West Africa...
with a fondness for poetry.
Attitude will put you on. Confidence.
She got to know that, at a moment's notice,
you know, you will not hesitate...
to put the pimp hand down
on Jesus himself...
if he ever made the mistake of
How you think Captain Kirk
got all that booty?
Thank you, brother!
Put me down.
- What's up man?
Got them shoes!
I was just looking at these!
How are you doing, Mr. Wallace?
This is Calvin.
You think it'd be all right
if I come through there and talk to you?
First thing I'm gonna do, get a tattoo.
Say, "Thug Nasty, Nasty Thug."
Matter of fact, I'm going to get myself
a Bentley with some s on it.
That's what I'm going to do. Thanks to you.
I'm going to get some s.
And you the reason why.
That's what I'm going to do.
You wanna act like you ain't giving it up,
but I'm going to get that, just like I got you.
And you better have my money.
Somebody help me!
Damn! Open this door!
Who is it?
- It's the manager! Open this door!
What's going on up in there?
What you mean, nothing?
What the hell is that smell?
I got diarrhea.
- Diarrhea? If you done messed up...
How come you up here like you the police?
If you done messed up this room...
- Ain't nobody messed up your room.
You better open up this door!
Diarrhea, my ass.
I ain't got to worry about you.
Why are your keys Jingling out there?
Come in this room and see what happens.
I'm calling the cops!
Call the cops, then.
- You better...
See how you like it when the cops come.
Wait a minute. I take that back!
Don't do that. Come back!
I'm calling the cops on you two!
What the hell?
Put it down.
Watch your toes.
All right, this is what we going to do.
I'm going to take this
to my grandmama's house.
And I want you to see
what the word on the street is.
Just hang out at the barbershop.
You sure you can handle that?
Do I have to draw you a picture?
But can I go change my drawers first?
Because they sticking to me.
- Thank you.
But when you're at the barbershop,
you keep your mouth shut.
I want you to be inconspicuous.
you got to give it up to them...
Martin Luther King, Jesse Jackson...
and you got to give it up
to Rosa Parks, period.
Because they was deep,
and they was on the front line in the ' s.
Who the hell is Rosa Parks?
- Who's Rosa Parks?
She's only the founder of
the modern civil rights movement.
'Cause she sat her ass down on the bus?
- Come on, you know who she is.
Man, she was tired.
That's what you do when you tired.
You sit your ass down.
I sat on a bus and got thrown in Jail,
and ain't hear from nobody in a whole week.
Laptops, computers, ceiling cleaners.
I done told you twice.
- Come on.
You know what?
He need to hear this. You sit down.
You sit down. You need to hear this, too.
Sit down, Rayford.
I probably wouldn't say this
in front of white folk.
But in front of y'all, I'll speak my mind.
Rosa Parks ain't do nothing...
but sit her black ass down.
No, Eddie, you're wrong.
Hold on, now, Seinfeld.
You might learn something now.
I'm gonna give her just due
for what she did.
Her act led to the movement
but she damn sure ain't special.
It was a whole lot of black folk
sat down on buses...
and they got thrown in Jail,
and they did it way before Rosa did!
Only difference between them and her...
is that she was a secretary
at the NAACCP...
and she know Martin Luther King,
and they got a lot of publicity.
To me it sound like you got
a little haterism in your game.
Like hell! This ain't no hateration,
or no holleration in this dancery, okay?
What I'm saying is,
is that black people need to stop lying.
There's three things that
black people need to tell the truth about.
One, Rodney King
should have got his ass beat...
for driving drunk
and being pulled over in a Hyundai.
Two, O.J. did it.
O.J. did it? Oh, man!
And three, Rosa Parks ain't do nothing
but sit her black ass down.
That's right! I said it!
I'm going to back you up on that,
'cause he was on the bus back in the day.
And he on the bus now.
Not only is what you're saying not true...
it's wrong and disrespectful
for you to discuss Rosa Parks in that way.
Wait. Hold on here.
Is this a barbershop?
- Yes, it is.
I mean, if we can't talk
straight in a barbershop...
then where can we talk straight?
You know, this ain't nothing but
healthy conversation. That's all.
Tearing Rosa Parks down?
There ain't nobody exempt in a barbershop!
You know that.
You can talk about whoever and whatever,
whenever you want to in a barbershop.
You know you wrong, keep on walking.
You're walking by yourself.
I ain't with you. I'll tell you one thing.
You better not never let Jesse Jackson
hear you talking like that.
Man, fuck Jesse Jackson!
Jesse, Randy, Tito, Freddie, Action,
I'll take them all on!
That's what I got to say!
Man, I love this place.
To make that paper,
you see what I'm saying?
Man, you got to have it with you.
What's up, man? Where you going?
You can't just walk past me
like you don't see me.
I'm talking to you, dog!
You can't just walk past me like that.
What, you Magic Juan or something?
Is Mr. Wallace in there?
- He here.
I lead. You follow.
Two steps, motherfucker, two steps.
You know, Calvin...
I have never come across anybody
just wanting to give me my money back.
The whole thing, frankly...
vexes me, to be honest.
I swear to God, I'm not trying to vex you.
I don't even know what that mean.
All I'm saying is,
I done had a change of heart.
I had all day to think about it.
If I'm going to lose my shop,
I just don't want to lose it this way.
Which way is that?
My money ain't good enough for you?
I'm just some old street doo-doo, is that it?
You walk your black ass
into some white man's bank...
and you'll find out
that I'm the only friend you got.
On the subJect of the money
I gave you this morning...
the money is yours, the shop is mine.
But I'd be willing to call off the whole deal...
if you were to get me my money by, say...
No problem. I could do better than that.
Give it to you right now.
But you only gave me $ .
You expect me to pay you double by : ?
Come on, Mr. Wallace.
Get out of my office.
Here go your money back.
I'm putting it right here on the table for you.
I'm sorry about any misunderstanding, or...
if I led you on in any kind of way,
but I can't sell my shop to you.
You forgot something.
- That's not mine.
What you mean?
- I don't want it. You keep it.
You going to take this money.
How you gonna renege?
You keep it!
No, man, you keep it!
You forgot something!
Take this money!
- I don't want it!
Do I look like Barry Sanders?
Do I look like Lawrence Taylor?
I don't want it!
- Shut up! I got a Job to do!
And you ain't allowing me to do it.
Come on. Hold on.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Got me running all over the goddamn place.
This money's yours. You hear me?
My grandmama home.
Girl, you got a great future behind you.
What the fuck?
What the hell am I gonna do?
- - ....
we've got a - at st and Corrigan.
That's us, man. Come on, we got to go.
Forget about the cash.
You got to buy lunch.
I don't have any money.
The machine broke, y'all!
I said, the machine broke!
Wait, I'm sorry I messed up
your flowers and everything.
They were real pretty.
You talking to me?
You the only one standing here, right?
Yes, this is true.
And the card...
what it said, it was pretty, too.
You wrote that yourself?
Actually, that's a love poem...
by a man named Pablo Neruda.
He knows what to say.
Got me feeling all gentle.
I know you have a boyfriend and everything.
But, you know...
I was wondering...
maybe we could, you...
Hey, baby. Excuse me, brother.
These are for you.
We need to talk.
Hold on a second, baby.
you wanna get up off my neck?
Hold on a second, baby.
What, you don't understand English?
Be gone, Mandingo.
I'm talking to my lady.
Can you believe Shaka-Zulu?
I need to say something.
All right, I don't know exactly
what I'm trying to say, but...
I love you.
You know that.
Everybody up in here knows this.
So look, why don't we just go outside...
talk about this?
I can't do this no more.
- Do what?
This. Us. This game.
I ain't playing games, baby.
Let's just move on.
So, what, you just gonna break up with me?
You're breaking up with me?
I mean, come on, baby. Look at you.
You ain't even all that fine.
You just average.
I didn't mind 'cause you was good in bed.
You do that thing. But I can find better.
I didn't mean that. See, I want you.
You're so sorry.
Leave. Get out.
Don't put your finger in my...
I do want...
- Out! Clown!
Gonna get my blade.
Cut me somebody up in here.
That's a safari punch!
Get him on out of here.
I'm gonna call your mom
and tell her what happened!
Dinka, boma ye!
Fool almost messed up my part.
- It's me.
They said you was working in the street.
I didn't know you was cleaning them!
What you got?
Do you and nothing need a ride?
Bring that nothing on. Come on.
Can you see all right?
I'll watch out on this side.
Just right around the corner.
- Okay, you take care, now.
Good to have you here in Chicago.
Welcome to the Bulls.
See you on Sports Center.
- See y'all soon.
If he can't be the best,
he can go to hell, too.
They're going be good.
What the hell is you looking at?
I'm curious, man.
I've been getting my hair cut here
since I was a kid.
And I ain't never seen nobody in your chair.
I got plenty of customers.
You just come on the wrong day.
That's Monday to Saturday,
except Sunday, when we're closed.
Don't worry, Booker T.
You think you could hook me up
like lverson? 'Cause that's my dog.
Fade away, boo-yah!
What you laughing at?
- Don't hate on me 'cause you a sellout.
I didn't hear that.
- You heard me, "Bourgie" Banton.
You got the black girlfriend,
the ride, and I'm a sell-out?
You're nothing but a minstrel show
turned on its ear.
Al Jolson in a FUBU hat.
Blackface for the new millennium.
You think you could hook me up with
your black girlfriend, white girlfriends...
With your higher education,
how come you only talk about me?
'Cause you don't belong here.
The white barbershop is uptown.
You know what l think?
You wish you were me.
You wish you had my fly-ass girlfriend
and my pimped-out ride.
Man, you even wish you had my clothes,
my style, my walk.
Why you think my fly-ass girl ain't with you?
'Cause your little bitch ass can't compete.
I got news for you, white boy.
You're not black.
I'm blacker than you, and in your best day,
you could never be me.
-You gonna take that?
-Turn it up like this.
Come on! What you got on me?
Come on, what you gonna give me for it?
Man, that piece of Junk barely run.
It's the hottest thing on the street.
All the youngsters asking me about it.
All it need is a little paint and a tune-up,
'cause it backfires just about that much.
A little? Man, every time you go home,
I think I'm in a drive-by.
I can't put that on my lot, man.
I got a reputation to think about.
No, I don't understand.
I got that plate number.
Also, there were a bunch of people lined up
at an ATM outside Poppy's Liquor Mart.
It just showed up, and then it was gone.
Let's go. Come on.
I heard, on BET,
we supposed to make some money.
Black people supposed to be
getting some money called reparations.
would love to get a handout.
lf they handing it out,
I won't turn down nothing but my collar.
Not everybody think
reparations is a good idea, dog.
I'm surprised to hear that.
I figured you'd make a case
for how slavery got y'all oppressed...
how the white man
got his foot on your neck.
Giving out money wouldn't do nothing.
Look at Hammer.
That boy ain't doing nothing
but infomercials for bad credit.
Slavery, it ruined my whole life.
I don't know what y'all say,
I ain't taking reparations.
As a black man,
I got my pride and my dignity.
That's bull. You know why?
Because you got bills.
Your brothers ain't letting no money get by.
Next, you'll talk about
how Jews got money...
Jews didn't get money,
the Holocaust survivors got the money.
Look, we had welfare and affirmative action.
Is that not respirations?
Is that respirations?
That is respiration.
Well I think every black person should
at least get $ .
What do you think that's gonna do?
That won't do nothing but make Cadillac
number-one dealership in the country.
Everywhere you look, there's opportunity.
You know what I mean?
I had this opportunity to get
this Job last month.
This crack-ass cracker
going to tell me I need a diploma.
Now, right there, that's racism,
that's classism, that's eroticism.
Man, come on,
I'm talking 'bout "isms" up and...
We don't need reparations.
All right? We need restraint.
Don't go out and buy a Range Rover
when you living with your mama.
And pay your mama some rent.
And can we please try and teach our kids
something other than a Chronic album?
And, please, black people, be on time...
for something other than
"free before : " at the club.
Drink to that, baby.
You know what? That was a passionate
and surprisingly well-articulated argument.
You mocking me?
- Not at all, sir.
I'm actually.... I applaud your virtuosity.
You know what, schoolboy?
For your information...
a scallop is a shellfish.
No, I'm afraid it isn't.
No, I'm afraid it is.
Because it's a mollusk.
Before it comes to your dinner plate...
it got two shells wrapped around it,
just like a clam.
It's me, J.D.
Thelma's son. Your grandson!
Nigga never come to see me.
Grandma, did you say something?
- Grandma don't see or hear too good.
- You want something to eat, baby?
No, that's okay, Grandma.
I'm going be out back at the tool shed.
All right. I'll see you in.
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
Get this phone from me, two for one.
- The last one didn't work.
Listen to me, baby, check it out.
- Ray! What you doing?
Selling my phones, man.
How many times I told you
not to come in here soliciting?
Come on, man, Cal,
I'm just selling my phones, man.
What's wrong with you? Are you retarded?
- What's up man?
Are you stupid, simple or slow?
None of that.
You come back in here.
I'm going to call the police.
Hold up. What you mean, call the police?
How you going do that to me?
I been coming here for years.
Everything you needed I got for you.
When the air conditioner broke,
who brought the Freon? Me.
What about when Eddie had tax problems?
I got him a new social.
Not you. Me.
I'm part of this shop, too, man.
I don't want to hear that.
- What's up, man?
Get out of here, man.
- You ain't right, Calvin, you ain't right, man.
I don't want him back in the shop no more.
Don't buy nothing from him.
What was that thing all about in there?
You know that boy don't want no trouble.
He ain't going to cause
no problem around here.
I messed up, Eddie.
I messed up bad.
What did you do?
Can't get it up?
The Viagra ain't working for you?
I lost the shop.
I actually sold it to Lester Wallace.
I just realized today
that this was something worth saving.
This ain't no goddamn
school of the blind, Calvin.
This is the barbershop!
The place where
a black man means something!
Cornerstone of neighborhood!
Our own country club!
I mean, can't you see that?
that's the problem
with your whole generation.
You know, you all,
you don't believe in nothing.
But your father,
he believed in something, Cal.
He believed and understood...
that something as simple
as a little haircut...
could change the way
a man felt on the inside.
My father died broke...
trying to help everybody
in this damn neighborhood.
Your daddy may not have had
a whole lot of money...
but he was rich...
'cause he invested in people.
Well, what you think?
You think I'm the only one he gave a Job to?
No! That man opened up the doors...
to anybody and any knucklehead
round here in the city of Chicago...
that wanted to come down here
and make something out they self.
Gave them the opportunity to be somebody!
A licensed, professional barber.
Now, me, myself personally...
I wouldn't have gave
half these bail-Jumpers the opportunity.
But it just hard enough,
you sitting there trying to cut some head...
and gotta worry 'bout this fool
trying to shank you.
But let me tell you something.
At the end of the day....
At the end of the day, I was glad I was here.
And now you.
Well, you gonna have to tell them.
Don't look at me.
You got some nerve bringing your ass
back around here.
I got the Job.
Now I can put my little girl in real day care.
My sister-in-law was keeping her.
She's a crackhead and I can't have that.
Keep the change.
- No, no.
No, Calvin, you keep that, man.
I know you need it.
Congratulations on your new Job, man.
Looking good for a change.
Take it easy.
- Thanks, Cal.
Come on. Your drop.
I'm only saying he's a cripple.
He's not crippled.
He's cute. Tell his mama to set me up.
Hey, yo, listen up, everybody.
- All right.
Hold on, listen. Yo, Fred.
I just want to say
from the bottom of my heart, that...
I appreciate everybody in here.
We appreciate you having us, Calvin.
- I'm serious.
Now hold up, I'm serious.
- Give us a raise now.
I appreciate everything
you guys do for the shop.
I know some of the customers
don't leave tips like they supposed to.
And if I had the money,
I'd tip you guys myself.
Big C, what's wrong, dude?
We're gonna be closing up the shop today.
- Why, Calvin?
You mean closing early?
- What you mean by "today"?
We only got about a hour.
You guys are not hearing me.
When I took this shop over two years ago,
I didn't know what I had.
I was young. I didn't know.
Hold tight, man. What you trying to say?
Eddie, what you doing, man?
What's going on?
I sold the shop.
You sold the shop?
- You don't own the shop no more?
I don't understand.
- He said he sold the shop, Dinka.
This is your shop, man.
Your family built this shop.
Can't nobody run this shop like you, boy.
- For real, man.
Why you ain't tell us?
Who are we gonna be working for?
Like I was saying, that...
when I close the shop tonight...
it's closing for good.
Calvin, please. Calvin, don't do this.
Eddie, can I talk to you, man? Eddie?
I still don't understand.
Go home! Just go home. It's over.
I didn't mean that, man. Just pack up.
No warning? That's it?
Let's just be out, man. Let's just be out.
- That's foul, Joe. I'm outta here.
Cal, you could have told us.
I don't believe this.
Get him up and get him out.
Hold on, man!
Wait a minute! Shut up!
You just stay right there!
What did he do?
- Hey, Rick!
I ain't do nothing!
Hey, that ain't even necessary right there!
Williams, can I talk to you?
That shit ain't necessary!
Don't worry, I'll get back at you.
Let me get him squared away.
Rick! Call me soon as
they let you use a phone.
Hey, what's up, J.D.?
Where the hell you been, man?
At the barbershop.
- All day?
You got a cut.
Yeah, man, I wanted to get braided,
but you know Terri, she be tripping.
Right, who lined you up?
- It was Jimmy who did....
Come on, man! What you doing?
Braiding your hair, sucker!
Stop. You better stop playing.
What you learn at the barbershop?
Man, I learned a lot, man.
- What about the police, man?
Man, they know what's up.
They came up in there, like,
deep, man! boom!
"Get up against the wall!"
- Hold up, man, my foot!
Man, I'm tellin' you, it was like SWAT.
Yeah, man. I wouldn't have made it alive
if I hadn't done the shake move...
and, you know, I crept up outta there.
Hey, I got ask you a question.
- Who this?
Ricky, fat ass, and guess where I'm at.
What's up, dog?
- It's the last place I'm gonna be for life.
What you talking about, player?
I'm taIking about that smash-and-grab
with that ATM the other night.
The same night you borrowed my truck.
I been calling you all day about the bumper.
Now they got photos of the plate.
And they traced it back to me.
A two-time loser.
Ricky, did you just say "two-time loser"?
As in, your third strike?
You're going to Jail for life, player!
And when you do get out,
I'm going to be long gone!
Hey, don't drop the soap!
Come on, player.
- What'd he say, man?
What we gonna do?
We going crack this piggy bank
and get paid.
Man, let me tell you something.
Just 'cause you go to some fancy college
don't make you better than me.
Don't make you better than no one.
I probably won't ever even go to school,
but I'm gonna do something with my life.
I'm gonna have me a business.
I'm opening up a shop.
And despite what you may think...
I ain't pretending
to be someone I saw on TV.
This is who I am.
And whether you like it or not,
I'm gonna be like this tomorrow.
All right, man, let's see it.
You're saying this is who you are.
This is who you'll be, right?
So, prove it.
Hook me up.
That's not bad.
Actually, it's pretty good.
Hey, man, I shouldn't have disrespected
you like that, in front of everybody.
Nah, it's cool, man. I'm actually kind of
glad you came to your senses.
Why is that?
- 'Cause I was running outta insults.
- You're welcome.
So, I guess you can invest
in that studio now.
I'll support you. You know that.
If it's a studio, fine.
You want to sell used hubcaps,
or I don't know...
thong underwear, whatever, I'm with you.
You know that.
Whatever it is you do...
make it mean something to you.
And, if it doesn't work out, you know,
you can always just go work for my uncle.
You know I can't stand your uncle.
And he can't stand you,
but he'll give you a Job as a favor to me.
Where are you going?
- Be right back.
Thanks for bringing my coat.
I didn't do it.
If I thought you did it,
I would have never bailed you out.
And I damn sure wouldn't be
out here freezing my balls off.
Let's go, man.
Why'd Williams come get you, man?
- My cousin did this to me.
- J.D. did this to me.
Man, that dude is crazy.
Don't worry about him no more.
People like that always get theirs in the end.
That's right. You know what?
I'm gonna make sure that he get his.
Don't go there with that.
What you talking about?
I ain't going let a fool roll over me.
You've come too far,
did too many things with your life...
to let him pull you back.
- I ain't having this conversation.
Just drop me off at th.
You know what? Look.
Here. ls that what you want?
That's what I'm talking 'bout.
Yeah, it came out your....
It dropped out your locker.
There you go, man.
Go and throw your life away.
And throw away the bail money,
all the money I put up for you.
You know what, Cal? Just pull over.
- Okay. I'm gonna pull over.
Now you're using your head.
Yeah, whatever, man. Where we going?
We going to see Lester Wallace.
I'm gonna get my barbershop back.
You wait till I throw out my gun,
and tell me we going to see Lester?
Man, we ain't even supposed to be in here.
I told you I used to work here, player.
- That's "used to," J.D.
That means I still know
what the hell I'm doing.
All right? Let me look at this.
Now, that's a fire!
- Give me that, let me!
Come on, I got it, dog.
It just went out. I can start it again.
These used to be my tools, dog.
This used to be my station.
You can't even click it right.
- Clap your hands and stomp your feet.
Clap them. Stomp them!
Look at that!
Give it to me. Let me.
Come on! Billy! Give it to me! Billy, get.
What's your problem?
Why you always gotta
push somebody, man?
I'm sick of this!
- You want some of this?
I don't see Lester's car.
That look like my grandmama truck
Wait a minute. Don't open the door.
ls it hers?
Hey, yo, Rick, hold up!
Gotta call some backup for us.
No, hey, Rick! No, man!
Hey! Get back!
Pretty Ricky! What's up baby?
How you like your chicken, Ricky?
Original, or extra crispy?
What are you doing in my shop?
What's going on up in here?
- I'm on your team!
What's going on?
What are you doing in my shop?
I don't know what they doing here.
But you know what I'm here for.
I want my shop back.
You got my money?
I had to use it help my man Ricky
get out of Jail.
But I promise you
that I'll get you all your money back.
Wait, let me get this right.
You come in here demanding to get back
a barbershop that you don't have anymore.
You don't have $ to buy it back...
and you don't even have
the $ I gave you this morning?
Monk, this man is crazy.
Must be crazy, Mr. Wallace.
I told you, I'll get you your money back,
but only $ .
If you got a problem with that...
I think Chicago PD might have
a problem with this ATM machine...
sitting in the middle of your floor,
'cause they been lookin' for it all day.
What the hell is this?
Hold tight, Lester,
you got bigger problems than that, dog.
Like them stolen car parts over there.
Somebody might mistake
this place for a chop shop.
Courage? What you going do?
You gonna have to use that on me, big boy.
It's like I said, I ain't going nowhere.
I got too much to lose.
Can't leave here without it.
Simple and plain.
It's been in my family too long.
I can't just let you take it
and turn it into some strip club.
What you wanna do?
Put your hands up! Put them up!
Calvin? Are you all right?
Am I all right?
I'm all right.
- You sure?
There go the thugs you want over there.
- These dudes are fine.
Come on man. We found that!
Don't you ever do that shit again man.
- Are you crazy?
How did we get out of that?
He wasn't going shoot nobody.
He had on leather pants.
Yo, peep this out.
- Yo, what's up?
You get a reward if you turn this in.
Did you know that?
Yo! Detective Williams.
Remember who found this!
Ain't gonna be around here that long.
A couple more years, I'm gonna retire,
and I'm gonna move to Arizona.
It's nice down there.
Black folks ought to boycott Arizona...
'cause they didn't
recognize King's birthday.
Hold up, now, Fred.
Fred, do not get this fool started
on Martin Luther King!
No, Calvin, let me tell it.
Now, Martin Luther King was a hoe!
No, he was a freak. Yeah.
He freaking everything and everybody!
So come King's birthday, I want everybody
to take the day off and get your freak on.
Watch your mouth, Eddie!
Look, there are little kids over there.
Let me see them report cards.
Calvin, you got that candy?
I want a Now and Later!
No, let me see. Here you go.
That's you. And that's for you.
Okay? Watch out.
Look what I've got.
- Excuse me!
- Who drank my goddamn apple juice?
Don't "oh" me! Jimmy, I knew it was you!
That's why I spit in it.