Bend It Like Beckham Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Bend It Like Beckham script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Keira Knightley and Parminder Nagra soccer movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Bend It Like Beckham. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Bend It Like Beckham Script



David Beckham

gets the ball again for Manchester United.



He's taking responsibility

every time they have possession.



This reflects the way

he's been captaining England.



He's dominating proceedings,

hoping perhaps to get a bit more support



as he gathers the ball on this

right-hand touchline time after time.



And the Old Trafford crowd warming

to the way Beckham is taking over,



but the question is, where is

the goal going to come from



to break down Anderlecht?



Will it be Scholes? Could it be Ryan

Giggs? Would it be Beckham himself?



Because Anderlecht are playing

a very controlled game.



This is Radzinski,

testing the United defence,



and Sylvestre possibly with a chance

to break forward on the other flank.



And there's the ball

that Beckham really wants.



That looked like a body check,

but he shrugged off the defender.



It's a decent cross,

and there is Bhamra. It's a fine header,



and she's scored!



It's a goal by Jess Bhamra! A superb

header, beating the defender,



and planting the ball beyond the

goalkeeper's left hand. Jess Bhamra



makes a name for herself

at Old Trafford!



And have we discovered

a new star here, Gary Lineker?



That's right. Could Bhamra be the

answer to England's prayers? Alan?



Quick thinking, comfortable on the ball,

vision and awareness - magnificent.



I wish she was playing for Scotland!



John, have England found the player

to relive their '   World Cup glory?



Definitely, and the best thing is,

she's not even reached her peak yet.



We're joined now by Jess's mother.



- You must be proud of your daughter.

- Not at all!



She shouldn't be showing

her bare legs to       people!



She's bringing shame on the family.

Don't encourage her!



Jesminder, you get back home now!



Are you listening to me?



Have you gone mad? Football, shootball!



Your sister's getting engaged,

and you're watching this skinhead boy!



It's Beckham's corner!



Come downstairs.

Your sister's going crazy.



I've got to go!

Mum, where are my keys?



I'm sick of this wedding

and it hasn't even started!



That girl is a first-class bitch!



- Pinky, you've got so many others!

- I need another one!



- Get a move on!

- What the hell's going on?



Teet's bloody sister says she's

wearing baby pink now. Stupid cow!



I had matching accessories

and everything!



Mum, do I have to go shopping again?



My mother chose all my    dowry

suits herself. I never complained.



You are spoilt! Don't forget my dhania.

And more carrots. I'm making achar.



Oh, Mum, don't do pickle as well!



Am I asking you to make it?!



Hi, Pinks! Are you all right?



You haven't left everything

to the last minute, have you?



Yeah. One more day of freedom!



- Where did you get your contacts?

- Like 'em? They go with my hair.



My fiance don't like dyed hair.



Can't stand here all day. I got to

go to Ealing for my facial. Laters!



Bye, Pinks. Laters.



Stupid bitch! Why did she get

blue contacts? Now I can't wear mine!



I'd never wear that!



They're all the rage, poppet!



You blow 'em up, just like a lilo.



Look, this little pump comes free with it.



Pop it in the valve,

pump away, up it goes,



then slip it back in there...



..and boom! Cleavage! They're

perfect while you're still growing



'cause they lift you right there.



- Mum! God, you're so embarrassing!

- They make more of what you've got.



All the girls have bought one for

their daughters. The Fleur's pretty,



and the gel bra's a clever one -

no pumping, it's already in there.



Not the sports bras! They're

so plain! They don't enhance.



- No one's going to see them.

- It's not how they look,



it's how they make you feel.



I really like that lace lycra one.

Uh-oh, there's your mate.



I hope his mum wears a cardi

over her three stomachs tomorrow!



- Shut up! She's old.

- So?



All right, Jess? Hiya, Pinky.



May you have a long life,

my daughters!



- Getting ready for tomorrow?

- Yes, Massiji.



Mum's making samosas.



May God keep you and your husband

in endless happiness! And pray for me



that I get a lovely daughter-in-law

like you for my Tony.



Aw, thank you, Massiji! OK, bye!



- How was biology?

- Did you do the genetics one?



- Yes, she passed the gene to her son.

- I got that, too.



- Hope I get my grades for uni.

- Come on!



- Going to the park?

- I'll try.






I found it! Come on, Jess!



There you go! Over here!



Rubbish! Come on, boys!



You're such an idiot, man!



- Jess! Fancy a quick game?

- I can't. My mum's waiting,



- my dad's on earlies at Heathrow.

- We really need you! Come on!



Come on!



Who does she think she is?

Beckham or what?



Can we chest it like him?



- Give it some bounce!

- Go on! Chest it!



Did that hurt, pretty boy?



I nearly scored from    yards today.

Bent it and everything.



I could have played all night.



It's not fair that boys never have

to come home and help.



If I had an arranged marriage,

would he let me play football?



Who are you talking to?



No one, Dad.



OK, Biji and her grandson

are staying in here for the wedding.



Why don't you put a nice picture

of beautiful sceneries



- instead of this bald man?

- Dad!



I'm going to change.

Come and help me out, OK?



..a beautiful Rolls Royce, you know?



I'll get one for your wedding, too,

if you like.



It will be your turn soon, eh?



Do you want a clean-shaven boy

like your sister



or a proper Sikh

with a full beard and a turban?



It's only our men that have

a big engine and full MOT, eh?



Nah, man, the alternator's gone

on the Merc!



Just do the Nissan.

I told you not to bother me!



It's my engagement, man!



Switch it off.



- He is so tick, man!

- Innit, innit? I know!



He's taking his shirt off!



A body like that needs

an X certificate warning!



And a lifetime guarantee!



- Yeah, man! Call Jess!

- Jess!



- Who's that with the gorgeous bod?

- The one with the six-pack.



- If he looks at me, I'll faint!

- What? Taz?



- Is that his name?

- Look at that kick!



He is so fly!



That is fine. That is so fine!



- Get your girlfriend!

- Jess!



Go on. Lover boy's calling you!



You know he's just my mate.

We're not all slags like you lot!



Bitch! Just 'cause she's still a V,

she thinks she's better than us!



At least she hasn't got off

with half of Hounslow like you two!



Who's that gori watching her?



Come on, Jess! It's all yours!



That was brilliant!

Do you play for any side?



Yeah, like whose?

Southall United Sari Squad?



I play for Hounslow Harriers Girls.

You should come and have a trial.



- A trial? Think I'm good enough?

- Yeah.



You're really good.

It's up to our coach,



but we could do with some new blood.



- That's brilliant!

- Do you swap shirts at the end?



And have a bath together?

Where's the soap?



Yeah, it does, doesn't it?



Let's play football.



- I'm Jules.

- Jess.






I want two groups of three.

Let's move!



- She better be serious.

- She's got balls.



- At least watch her.

- Hi.



- Where do you normally play?

- In the park.



I mean what position?



Sorry! I usually play all over,

but up front on the right is best.



- Get your boots on.

- I haven't got any.



Right, join in. Start warming up.



- Where shall I put this?

- Put it over here.






Pass it to Jules!






- How did it feel out there?

- Really great!



I've never seen an Indian girl

into football.



- I didn't know about the girls' team.

- It's her fault.



When I played for the men's club,



she whined that there was no team

for her to play on.



I wasn't whining!



There was nothing for us girls.

There was junior boys stuff,



but when he busted his knee,

he set up a girls' side,



and he's been on my case ever since!



They made me start at the bottom.

You can't get much lower than her!



You're so full of it!



Nah, we get just as many trophies

as the men's side do.



So, does she pass?



- Are your folks up for it?

- Yeah, they're cool.



Suppose you'd better come back, then.



I've got to go and open the bar.

Some real work!



- He likes you.

- You think so?



He asked you back, didn't he?



- How long have you been playing?

- For ages, but just in the park.



- Nothing as serious as this.

- This, serious? It'll do for now.



- I want to play professionally.

- Wow! Can you do that?



Not really here,

but you can in America.



They've got a pro league

with new stadiums and everything.






I can't believe it!



It's a proper pitch with lights,

corner flags, changing rooms...



The coach likes me.



He really knows his stuff.



Must be gutted he can't play

with his injury and all.



Jules is so lucky! Her mum and dad

must really support her



to let her go all the way

to America to play.



I don't even know how to tell my mum

and dad about Hounslow Harriers.



- Oops!

- Oh, will you both pack it in!



Look at the state of my fuchsias!



When are you gonna realise you have

a daughter with breasts, not a son?



- Paula!

- No boy's gonna go out with a girl



- who's got bigger muscles than him!

- Leave her alone.



- I'm not gonna give it up!

- I saw Kevin with a blonde girl



and they weren't talking

about Match of the bleedin' Day!



He can shag whoever he bloody wants!



Honey, all I'm saying is

there is a reason why Sporty Spice



is the only one of them without a fella.



- Sweetheart...

- Why don't you get off her flamin' back?



If she'd rather play football than chase

boys, I'm over the moon about that.



They're a bit tatty, but they'll do.

Here's a kit. You can get it dirty.



- Can't I wear my tracksuit bottoms?

- No.






Jess, get changed over here.



- You've met our captain, Mel.

- Yeah, nice to meet you.



Ready for a proper match?



Chiswick next. Best defensive

record in the division.



- They're due for a good stuffing.

- Absolutely!



We need some pace up front. Jules

could do with some decent service!



Welcome to the Harriers.



Painters and decorators are in.



Jules, take over the warm-up.



Come on, girls, keep going!



Heads up!



Jess, what's going on?



It looks awful.



- It's why I can't wear shorts ever.

- Jesus!



That's a stunner!



I thought I had a bad one on my knee

but yours is gorgeous.



Look, don't worry about it. No one's

gonna care once you're out there.



- What happened?

- You don't want to know.






Two operations later and it's still useless.



Does yours affect your game?



Nah, it just looks awful.



I was eight. My mum was working

overtime at Heathrow



and I was trying

to cook beans on toast.



When I jumped up to the grill to get

the toast, my trousers caught alight,



so my sister put me in the bath,



poured cold water over me and pulled

them off but half my skin came off, too.






I know.

Put me off beans on toast for life.



Come on. Mine stopped me

from playing outright, yours doesn't.



- No more dawdling.

- Sorry about your knee.



Yeah, yeah. I'm a right sob story,

aren't I? Come on!



I want to see some sweat on you!



Well, she's all you'd ever want



She's the kind they'd like to fllaunt

and take to dinner



And she always knows her place

She's got style, she's got grace



She's a winner



She's a lady!



Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa



She's a lady



I'm talking about my little lady



Oh, whoa, whoa, she's a lady! Lady!



Well, she's a lady!



- Hey, Tony!

- Are you here for fantasy football?



- You look like a pro!

- It's brilliant. They're a top team



- and the coach is ace.

- Excellent!



- What's that?

- Haven't you seen a burn before?



- That's disgusting, man!

- Back off, you wanker!



No, it's fine.



At least I can still skin you alive!



The skill, the skill!



The skill!



That's not fair!



He touched you all over!

Put his hands on your bare legs!



You're not a young girl any more!

And showing the world your scar!



Jessie, now that your sister's engaged,

it's different.



- You know how people talk.

- She's getting married, not me!



I was married at your age!

You won't even learn to cook dhal!



- I'm not playing with boys any more.

- Good! End of matter!



I'm in a girls' team, playing proper

matches. The coach said I could go far.



Go far? Go far to where?



We let you play all you wanted

when you were young, huh?



- You've played enough.

- That's not fair! He selected me!



He?! She said it was girls!



- The coach, Joe.

- See how she lies?



I don't want you running around

half naked in front of men, huh?



Look how dark you've become,

playing in the sun!



- But I'm really good!

- Who will want a daughter-in-law



who can kick a football all day



but can't make round chapattis?



Now exams are over, you'll learn

full Punjabi dinner, meat and vegetarian!



- But, Dad!

- No! This is where you spoil her!



This is how it started with your niece,



and she ran off to become

a model wearing small, small skirts!



- She's a fashion designer!

- She's divorced!



Cast off after three years of being

married to a white boy with blue hair!



Her poor mother hasn't been able

to set foot in that temple since.



I don't want the shame on my family.



That's it! No more football!



Jessie, your mother is right.



It's not nice. You must start

behaving like a proper woman. OK?



Anything I want

is just not Indian enough for 'em!



I never bunked off school. I don't

wear make-up or tight clothes.



- They don't see that!

- Parents never see the good things.



Anyone can cook aloo gobi,



- but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

- Just play and don't tell them.



Pinky's been sneaking off for years

to see Teets.



What your parents don't know

won't hurt.



Why should I have to lie? It's not like

I'm sleeping around with anyone!



Jess! Hello!



I thought you'd be here.



This is Tony.

This is Jules from the team.



Jess is well made up with your team.



We've got high hopes for her,

especially me.



My mum doesn't want me to play

any more.



That's bollocks!

My mum's never wanted me to play.



You can't take no for an answer.



Yeah, but my sister's getting married

so Mum and Dad are stressed out.



I won't be able to get

to training and matches.



Come on, Jess.

You can't leave me alone out there.



Joe has an American scout coming over.

Don't worry about your mum.



Just say you got a summer job.



I could put in a good word for you

at HMV with me. So...


            we've got that sorted,

show me what your fella can do!



- He's not my boyfriend!

- I'm not her boyfriend!



Jess, come on! Are you playing?



Jessie! Breakfast!



Nah, I'm in a hurry!



You can't go to work

on an empty stomach.



Where's my keys?



- Jessie!

- No, I'm late, Mum.






Hush now, child



And don't you cry



Your flolks might understand you



By and by



Just move on up



Towards your destination



Though you may flind



From time to time






Bite your lip



And take a trip



Though there may be

wet roads ahead



And you cannot slip



Just move on up



For peace you will flind



Into the steeple

ofl beautiflul people



Where there's only one kind



So hush now, child



And don't you cry



Your flolks might understand you



By and by



Move on up



And keep on wishing



Remember your dream

is your only scheme



So keep on pushing



Just move on up



Move on up!



Get off me, man!



No one can see us.









No, no, nothing,

I'm just at work, innit?



Yeah, I know Poli's

coming to do the suits.



So Jess can get the tube, innit?



Yeah, all right, I'll pick her up.



I've got to go, Mum,

someone's coming.



My mum and dad ain't got a clue.



- They don't know you've been playing?

- No.



- Where do they think you are?

- Working at HMV.



- That's not on.

- Indian girls don't play football!



It's not just an Indian thing.

How many people support us?



Are you promised to someone?



Nah. My sister's getting married.

It's a love match.



- What's that mean?

- It's not arranged.



- So, could you choose a white boy?

- White, no,



black, definitely not, a Muslim, eh-eh!



- You'll marry an Indian, then!

- Probably.



- How can you stand it?

- It's just culture.



Why sleep with boys

you aren't going to marry?



- That's the best bit!

- Yeah, you should know!



Are you ready to go?

See you slags later!



It's only me.



Mum, I'm starving. I worked

through my lunch hour today.



Where's Pinky?

She was supposed to pick you up



so you wouldn't be late for Poli.



Pinky, why didn't you pick

your sister up from work, huh?



I went but the manager said

I'd just missed her.



OK, Poli's on her way.



I'll make you girls some tea.



- Who is he, then?

- Who?



You must think I've got shit for brains,

lying about a job and that!



Don't tell Mum and Dad.

I kept Teet a secret for you.



- He's not a Muslim, is he?

- Ssh!



I've been playing football

for a women's team.



Huh? It's worse than I thought!



- It's a tournament with real matches!

- What is wrong with you, Jess?



At least lie for something good!



Don't you want a boyfriend

like everyone else?



You're quite pretty. Do your hair,

some make-up, you'd look all right.



Leave her alone. I never wore

make-up until after I was married.



Jessie's a good girl.

She helped me wash the net curtains



and she made lovely aloo gobi

last week.



Waist   ...under bust   ...



- Bust...

- Eh, that's too tight and rude!



No, Mum, I want my choli more fitted.

That's the style, innit?



-    and a half.

- No, tighter!



- OK,   !

- How are you going to breathe?



Mum, why do I have to wear

a sari? It will just fall down!



Your first sari

is when you become a woman.



Sari blouse and petticoat.



- So...bust...  ...

- That's too tight. I want it looser.



Dressed in a sack,

who's going to notice you, huh?



Don't worry. In one of our designs,



even these mosquito bites

will look like juicy mangoes!



Under the bust,   .



The waist,   .



I need to buy shoes

to go with the sari and the suits.



- Come again?

- She's coming into line now!



I can pay for one pair.

Can you pay for the other?



You need one black and one white

to go with everything.



I know I make mistakes



I will have to live and learn



Sometimes you play with flire



And sometimes you get burned



I have my dream to live



Following that star



It doesn 't matter how long it takes



It doesn 't matter how flar



No time flor make-believing



And it's too late to turn back now



Yeah, yeah, yeah



I've been dreaming about it



I can 't live without it



I've got to flind my own way



I'm not changing my mind now



Or looking behind now



This is my Independence






My Independence Day!



- Can you change the channel, please?

- It's nearly the end.



Mum, she's back!



You've been gone all day

for two pairs of shoes! Come here!



It's not that late.

I was looking at handbags, too.



- Let's see 'em!

- Not yet. I'll try them with the suits.






- Have you been smoking?

- No!






I needed the loo

so I went into a pub with my friend.



I had a coke. Smell my breath!



She might be right.



These don't have a heel!

How will they fall nicely with your sari?



I'll take them back.



Football shoes!



But you can't give 'em back.



- I need shoes for the wedding now.

- Come over to mine. I'll sort you out.



Come on, girls! Wake up!



God! My mum had a fit

when she saw the boots!



And I smelt like a bleedin' ashtray!



I had to clean all the big saucepans.



Yak, yak! Jess!



- Is everything all right?

- Yes, coach.



Am I interrupting your conversation?



- No, coach.

- Good. Five more laps round the pitch!



- Elbows to knees as you go!

- Joe, that is totally out of order!



Hey! I don't remember telling

the rest of you to stop!



Move it! You're doing very well.

Keep it up for another two minutes.



Good, Mackie! Good, Sally!



Excellent! Excellent!



Jess! You can stop now!



Stop! You're doing yourself an injury!



- I'm OK. I've just got one more lap.

- I said stop!



Let's have a look at you.



- It's nothing!

- Sit down. Let me decide if it's nothing.



Why didn't you tell me you'd twisted it?



I didn't want you to think

I'm not as strong as the others.



That's stupid, Jess.



Look, my dad was my coach. Scouts

told him that I was too slight to play,



so he kept pushing me.

That's how I screwed my knee.



Your dad made you?



I wanted to show him I wasn't soft,

so I tried to play injured.



- He was a bastard anyway.

- You shouldn't say that about your dad.



You don't know my dad.



All right. Come on.



Good. Now put your weight on me.



There you are.



Oh, my God!



Just give 'em back after the wedding.



My mum loves them.

She stuck the bows on herself.



- Thanks. You sure she won't miss 'em?

- Nah.




I hope Joe wasn't too hard on you.



Some of the girls think he's too strict.



No, he was really nice,

just really professional.



I love that picture. It was

after we beat Millwall last year.



You got to see this. It's wicked!



W.U.S.A. soccer!




- W.U.S.A.




We've nothing like that over here.



Goal! Mia Hamm,

world footballer of the year!



Milbrett makes a run.



She shoots! Goal!

Tiffany Milbrett scores again!



Lily strikes... Save!



Brandi Chastain!



Saved! Smith beats the keeper!



Goal for Kelly Smith,

the England international!



When are you going to tell

your parents about your game?



- I don't know.

- You can't keep lying. You're too good.



- Cooey!

- Hide the shoes!



- Sweetheart!

- Up here, Mum.



Oh, it's hot out there!



Oh! Got company!



- Hello, love.

- Mum, this is Jess.






Is that Indian?



It's really Jesminder,

but only my mum calls me that.



Oh, that's nice. Jesmin-dah.






Well, Jesmin-dah, I bet your room

at home doesn't look like this!



- Big butch women on the wall!

- Thanks, Mum, I'm not old like you!



Jess, I hope you can teach

my daughter a bit about your culture,



including respect

for elders and the like, eh?



Cheeky madam!



Well, Jess...



I expect your parents are fixing you up

with a handsome young doctor soon.



- Pretty girl like you...

- Mum! Stop embarrassing yourself!






Just being friendly!

You don't mind, do you, love?



Now, are you a friend

from school or work?



She's a footballer.

She's on the team with me.






Did you see her face, though?!



- Juliet!

- Jesmin-dah! What WAS that?



- Are you all right?

- Oh, Jesus!






You know Joe, do you like him?



Nah, he'd get sacked if he was

caught shagging one of his players.






I wish I could find a bloke like him.



Everyone I know's a prat. They think

girls can't play as well as them,



except Joe, of course.



Yeah, I hope I marry

an Indian boy like him, too.



- What?

- I'm sorry!



Shut up!



We're not trying to cause trouble.

We felt it our duty to tell you.



You know how hard it is

for our children here.



Sometimes they misjudge and start

behaving like the kids here.



All I know is that children

are a map of their parents.



- You stupid flippin' cow!

- You've ruined your sister's life!



- Happy now?

- The wedding's off 'cause of you!



- Me? Why?

- They saw you being filthy



with an English boy!



- I wasn't with any English boy!

- You were at a bus stop kissing him!



Why didn't you do it in secret

like everyone else?



Kissing? Me? A boy?!



- You're all bloody mad!

- Jesminder, don't swear!



I was at the     bus stop today

but with Juliet. My friend.



She's a girl, and we weren't kissing

or anything for God's sake!



- Swear by Babaji.

- I swear on Babaji's name.



Sometimes these English girls

have such short hair...



You just can't tell.



They must have made a mistake.



His parents are just making an excuse.



We were never good enough for them.



No, I bet she was with some dykey

girl from her football team!



She's still playing! She ain't

got no job! She's been lying!



Why have I two deceiving daughters?



- What did I do wrong in my past life?

- But she's ruined my life!



I knew you were sneaking out

with that good-for-nothing Teetu as well!



- Well, just talk to them, innit?

- I'll come and talk to your parents.



Jules, come here to me.



- Where's your mate?

- I don't know.



This is the second training session

in a row she's missed.



It's not like her.



Did she say she was unhappy

with anything?



Her parents didn't know she was

on the team. Maybe they found out.



What? She said her folks were up for it.



I've told her to tell them

but she won't listen to me.



I'll get it!



- Yeah?

- Hello.



Thanks, Jess.



I'm sorry to barge in on you like this,



but I wanted to talk to you in person.



I found out today that you didn't

know Jess was playing for us.



No, we didn't.



I apologise. If I'd known, I would

have encouraged Jess to tell you



because she's got tremendous potential.



We know better our daughter's potential.

Jess has no time for games.



- She'll start university soon.

- But playing for the team is an honour!



What bigger honour is there



- than respecting your elders?

- When I was a teenager in Nairobi,



I was the best fast bowler in our school.



Our team even won the East African Cup.



But when I came to this country, nothing.



I was not allowed to play in any team,



and the bloody goras in their

clubhouses made fun of my turban



and sent me off packing!



I'm sorry, Mr Bhamra...



-..but now it's...

- Now what?



Our boys aren't in the football leagues.



You think they will let our girls?



I don't want you to build up

Jesminder's hopes.



She will only end up

disappointed like me.



It's changing now. Nasser Hussein

is captain of the English cricket team



- and he's Asian.

- Muslim families are different.



Oh, Mum!



We've been invited to play

in Germany this Saturday.



- It's a shame you'll miss it.

- Wow! Germany!



I can see what you're up against, but

parents don't always know what's best.



They're all here.



They're all in, yeah?






- You know the score, yeah?

- Yeah, call them twice a day.



My sister's covering for me.



- We're supposed to be at my cousin's.

- I didn't hear that!



Uh-huh, make me tonight






Make it right



Uh-huh, make me tonight









Oh, oh-hoh, make it




Jess! Cross it, Jess!



Good luck.



Go on, Jess, you can do this!



Mum, we're fine. We're cooking...



- Pasta!

-..pasta! I'd better go...



Pinky's burning it!

OK, say hi to Dad, yeah?



OK. Bye, Mum.



Good. They sound happy.

Pinky will meet someone new



and Jessie will forget

all about this football nonsense.



The dinner's ready?



But let me wash up first.



Call her back in Croydon.

I want to speak to them.



- I said I want to speak to them!

- OK, baba.



I didn't bring anything for a club.



I didn't know they wanted to take us

clubbing. I bet it's to gloat!



Mel? We need some help.






Oh, wow! You look good!



- Does she look good?

- Yeah! You've done a good job!



Let's get a taxi.



Hello, darling!



- How's Jules?

- I'm fine. How are you?



- Are you gonna dance with me, then?

- No.



Come on! Dance with me!

Oh, you're such a wuss!



I'm sorry I missed that penalty, coach.



It's OK. Losing to the Jerries on penalties

comes natural to you English!



You're part of a tradition now.



Enough about football.

You're dancing with me!



- No!

- Go on!



I'm not taking no for an answer!



I turn to you



Like a fllower

leaning towards the sun



I turn to you



'Cause you're the only one



Who can turn me around



When I'm upside down



Down, down



I turn to you

I turn to you



When my insides are racked

with anxiety



You have the touch

that will quiet me



You lift my spirit

You melt the ice



The ice, the ice



When I need inspiration

when I need advice



I turn to you



Like a fllower

leaning towards the sun



I turn to you



'Cause you're the only one



Who can turn me around...






Whoa! Steady on there, young one!



Are you all right?



Are you sure?






I only had a couple of wines!



Oh, my head!



- It's too smoky in there.

- Yeah.



I wish I



Could right now



Wish that I could show you how...



That was so brilliant

the way you came to my house.



You were brave enough to face my mum!



Your dad can't be as mad as her!



Your mam's a barrel of laughs

compared to me dad!



I don't need to feel close

to my family, Jess.



I don't need you to feel sorry for me.



You bitch!



Shit! Jules.






You all right, Jess?



Is that your mum and dad?



What haven't we done

for these girls, huh?



We bought a car for Pinky.



Jessie wanted computer,



music centre, TV, video, huh?






How do you know Teets is the one?



I just know.



When you're in love with someone,

you'd do anything for that person.



Pinks, do you think Mum and Dad

would still speak to me



if I ever brought home a gora?



- Who?!

- No one. I'm just saying.



It's that coach! I knew something

was up when he turned up here!



- Nothing's happened.

- Well, make sure it doesn't, all right?



You can marry anyone you want.

It's fine at first when you're in love



but do you want to be stared at

at every family do



because you married the English bloke?



He's Irish.



Well, they look the bloody same to

them, innit? Why go to so much grief



when there's so many good-looking

Indian boys to marry?



They wear good clothes,



got flashy jobs and even know

how to cook and wash up.



Tony's been mad on you for ages!






Was that the club chairman?



Yeah. They told me

they're considering me



as assistant coach

for the men's side next year.



That's great! Congratulations.



Probably won't get it.

Better not to count on anything.



Well, you deserve it.



- I really wanted to say...

- I've already forgotten about it.



Yeah, good. Me, too.



Your parents didn't look too pleased

yesterday. Have you come to tell me



you're off the team for good?



It's not fair. I'm either going to

let the team down or piss them off,



and I don't want to upset anyone.



Why are they so frightened

to let you play?



They want to protect me.



From what?



This is taking me away

from everything they know.



Whose life are you living, Jess?

If you try pleasing 'em for ever,



you're gonna end up blaming 'em.



What, like you?



- I'm sorry.

- No, you're right.



I stopped talking to my dad because

we had nothing to talk about.



Spent a year getting pissed



trying to forget about the game,

but I couldn't.



Yeah, but I can't just stop talking

to them, like you.



I don't talk to my dad



because I know what he'd say.



He'd piss himself if he knew

I was coaching girls!



How do you know that he wouldn't be

proud that you didn't just give up?



You should be proud

of what you've given all of us.



Then why are you giving up?



- Jesmin-dah, isn't it?

- Jesminder.



Jesminder. I made

a lovely curry the other day!



Oh, you still not up?

Guess who's come to see you.



It's your Indian friend, from football.



Jules has been ever so down

since you lost in Germany.



Maybe you can cheer her up.

Want some tea? I've made cheese straws



with real Gruyere.



It's OK. Jess won't be staying long.






..just give us a shout downstairs



if there's anything

you two fancy, all right?



Look, I feel really bad

about what happened.



Yeah, well, you should.



I'm sorry. I don't want you

to be in a strop with me.



I'm not in a strop!



Look, it was a mistake.

I didn't know what I was doing!



I can't believe you kissed him!



I didn't!



Yeah, right!



Jess, I know what I saw!

You knew he was off limits!



Don't pretend to be so innocent.

You knew exactly how I felt about him!



I didn't know

you were in love with him!



You don't know the meaning of love!

You've really hurt me, Jess!



That's all there is to it!

You've betrayed me!



So that's it?



Yeah, that's it. Bye!



Goodbye, Mrs Paxton.



What's going on?



That is why she's been

so depressed lately!



'Cause that Jess broke her heart!



She's in love!



With a girl!



You're jumping

to all the wrong conclusions.



But I heard her!



No wonder she never looked twice

at that Kevin or brought any boys home!



I tried to get her nice clothes.



You know, we've had some lovely

prints in this summer -



you know, in swimwear

and sarongs and that -



but she never wants

to go shopping with me!



It was terrible what they did

to that George Michael!



Going on about him and his

private business in the papers like that!



Oh, no!



George Michael is still a superstar

and you still listen to Wham!.



Do you fancy me, Tony?



- I like you, yeah...

- Maybe we can go out, then, yeah?



- Jess, what's going on?

- I think I need an Indian boyfriend.



What's going on?

You're acting all weird.






You know my coach, yeah?






I nearly kissed him in Germany.



Wow! And that's why you need

an Indian boyfriend?



Well, Jules likes him, too,

and now she hates me.



Look, Jess, you can't plan

who you fall for. It just happens.



- Look at Posh and Becks.

- Well, Beckham's the best.



- I like Beckham, too.

- Of course you do.



No one can cross a ball

or bend it like Beckham.



No, Jess.



I really like Beckham.



What, you mean...?



But you're Indian!



I haven't told anyone.



God, what's your mum gonna say?!



My sister thinks you're mad about me!



I am!



I just don't want to marry you.



What would those tossers

say if they knew?



Jess, you're not going to tell anyone?



'Course not. It's OK, Tony.

I mean, it's OK with me.



Yeah, well, you fancying

your gora coach is OK with me.






he's quite fit!



Be back by three.

I can't keep 'em at the temple all day.



I owe you big time!



- Go to bed.

- Bring me back some langar.



We're going to pray to God

to give you both some sense, not get food!



Red alert, red alert,

it's a catastrophe



But don't worry



Don't panic



Ain't nothing going on

but history...



Honestly, Dad, I'll go and get it.



And the music

keeps on playing on and on...



Jessie, it's only me.



And the music

keeps on playing on and on...



Jessie? Jessie?



Red alert, red alert,

it's a catastrophe



But don't worry...



They don't all look like lezzies,

do they?



Check out the boobs on the captain!



Jeez, man, they must get in the way!



She's lucky she ain't knocked

herself out with them!



Why can't you lot

just see them as footballers?






To the side! To the side!



Come on! Move it!



Down one-nil. Come on!



Over here! Over here! Come on!



Go on, Jess!



Jules! Over! Jules!



Come on, Harriers!



Over here, Jules!



Go on, Jess!



Go on! Go on!



- What you playing at?

- Piss off, Paki!



- Go away! Number   come here.

- What's the matter with you, ref?



- Violent conduct towards a player.

- No! You can't do that!



You haven't seen any of it,

have ya?



It's out of order!



She is so hard!



Oh, man! Unlucky, Tony, mate!



What the hell's wrong

with you, Bhamra?



I don't ever want to see anything

like that from you ever again!



We're lucky they're not suspending

players from this tournament!



Excellent! We've got QPR in

the final. Three cheers - hip, hip!



- Hurray!

- Hip, hip!



- Hurray!

- Hip, hip!



- Hurray!

- Brilliant!



Why did you yell at me like that?

You knew the ref was out of order!



- You could have cost us the tournament.

- But it wasn't my fault!



- You didn't have to shout at me!

- I'm your coach.



I have to treat you

the same as everyone else.



Look, Jess, I saw it.



She fouled you. She tugged your shirt.

You over-reacted, that's all.



That's not all! She called me a Paki,



but you wouldn't understand

what that feels like, would you?



Jess, I'm Irish.



Of course I'd understand

what that feels like.






Oh, here he is.



Tejinder's mother and father

have come to speak to us.



- Are you well?

- Thank you, yes.



What's happening?



Teet's mum and dad

have come to eat dirt.



Stupid cow! I don't know

who she thinks she is in that sari!



No mother can stand by

and watch her son go through this.



Well, our Pinky didn't come

out of her room for days.



- She was crying.

- Our Teetu also.



For days he ate and drank nothing!



All right. Thank you for coming.



Thanks, Dad!



I'm getting married!



We'll give them a wedding party

they'll never forget!



Find out when the hall is free.



Jessie, get the old wedding cards.

We'll change the dates by hand.



My name is Mohan Singh Bhamra.



..and paneer tikka. We'll show them

we're not poor people!



Will Sunday the   th be OK?



- The   th?

- There's a cancellation.



No, we need more time.



Hold on, please. The   th is

the only available date. After that,



nothing's available for five months.



I can't wait that long!



OK, let's do it

before something else goes wrong!



But, Dad, the   th...



No, that was not for you.



Oh, I'm so excited!



Your sister needs you.



Mel said you wanted to see me.



It's about Jess.



I don't want to talk about Germany, Joe.



- Listen...

- Whatever! I'm over it!



I don't know why I was surprised!

You only think about yourself!



Everyone knows

you're leaving us next season!



- Nothing's been decided.

- Bollocks!



You've already lied about the

American scout. He's not coming, is he?



You can't bear the idea of anyone

else making it because you can't!



He's coming to the final.






He saw you play in Germany.



I thought...



Don't worry about it.






We all missed you at training today.



Especially Joe.



He told me what happened

with your dad.



He did?






He's worried he's gotten you

into even more trouble.



I'm really in the shit.



Dad hasn't talked to me since.



He'll never let me go back

to join the team.



But you can't miss the final.



Jess, there's gonna be

an American scout there.



I can't. It's the same day

as my sister's wedding.



Oh, shit!



Well, can't you get away for a bit?



- You don't understand.

- If you give up football now,



- what will you have to give up next?

- Don't rub it in!



You came here because you need me

if that bloody scout shows up.



Look... I came here

'cause Joe was worried about you.



I'll tell him he's wasting his bloody time!



The teriyaki sauce is the goalkeeper.



The posh French mustard is the defender.



- The salt is the attacker.

- The sea salt?



The sea salt is the attacker.



Now, when the ball's played forward,



the sea salt has to be level

with the mustard. Hello, darling.



Now concentrate. Offside, onside.



- Offside, onside.

- What are you doing?



Well, if the mountain

won't come to Mohammed...






I'm trying to teach

your mother the offside rule.



I've decided that I've got to take

an interest or I'm going to lose you.



This way we can all enjoy football

as a family.



Right. So, don't tell me.

The offside rule is...






..the French mustard...



has to be between the teriyaki

sauce and the sea salt.



- She's got it.

- Got it!



- Wonderful!

- Have you read all these as well?



Yeah. Oh, and do you know what?



One of those England girls' players

is a maths teacher as well,



and she's happily married with a baby!



..A-level results...



..A-level results...



Hurry up, Mum!






Thank you! Thank you!



Jesminder Kaur Bhamra,






you can become a fine,

top-class solicitor now.



Clean and serene






Dream the dream






And serene






Dream the dream






And serene






Dream the dream.



She's not coming, Joe.



- Her sister's wedding's on Sunday.

- Shit!



Guess I'm on my own, then.



You'll impress the scout. No worries.



- How was she?

- A right stroppy cow, actually.



She's really pissed off she can't make it



and she doesn't know what to do.



Go on! Kick the ball, kick the ball!



Three players behind you, hunting you!






I'm sorry to bother you like this.



- I have nothing to say to you.

- I appreciate it



and I won't keep you long,

but I wanted you to know



that a scout's coming to our match tomorrow.






So, it's the opportunity of a lifetime

for Jess. Please, Mr Bhamra,



- don't let her talent go to waste.

- Thank you.



What did he say, Dad?



Don't play with your future, putar.






I'm sorry about the final.



No, I'M sorry, Jess.



I got my results. I'm starting university soon.



I won't have time to train and stuff.



Now that's a shame. I could have

seen you play for England some day.



- Jules still has a shot.

- She told me about the scout.



- Sorry I'm letting her down.

- That scout's coming for you, too.



- He's interested in both of you.

- Me?!



Why are you doing this to me, Joe?



Every time I talk myself out of it,

you make it sound so easy.



I guess I don't want to give up on you.



So, are you promised

to one of those blokes in there?



Don't be silly!

I'm not promised to anyone.



You're have a family

that cares that much about you.



I can understand

you don't want to mess with it.






And I don't fancy being busted by

your dad again. You'd better get back.



I hope all goes well for you tomorrow,

and good luck with your studies.



Come and see us some time.



Let's hope she fits

in the car with that hat on.



We're going to a football match

not Ascot! You look lovely.






Eyes down! Look sad!



Don't smile! Indian brides never smile.



You'll ruin the bloody video!



She looks like a jar

of bloody Ragu, innit?



Where's the flippin' Rolls?

Can't anything happen without me?!



One, two, three, flour...



You gave me something like loving



And took me in so soon



You took my fleelings flrom nothing



Came back at noon



Just meet me, I'm ready



To show myselfl to you



So ifl I lose my patience



You must try to understand



Try to understand



Ifl I lose my patience



Oh, yeah



'Cause you make me fleel



Yeah, yeah



'Cause you make me fleel wild

(yeah, yeah)



You touch my inner smile



Yeah, yeah



You got me in the mood

(yeah, yeah)



So come on, make your rule

and flree me...



What are you doing?!



We'll make the second half if we go now.



My mum and dad will go spare!

I've got to put them first today.



- They won't even notice.

- I can't! Look how happy they are.



I don't want to ruin it for them.



- Ruin what?

- Nothing.



It's the final of the football tournament.



- We'll drive there. It won't take long.

- Stop it, Tony.



It doesn't matter. I don't want

to spoil the day for you and Mum.



Pinky is so happy and you look

as if you're at my funeral.



I'm sorry, Dad.



If this means I'll see you smiling on your

sister's wedding day, then go now,



but when you come back, I want

to see you happy on the video.



Play well and make us proud.






What's happening?



Start warming up.

We're one-nil down, half an hour to go.



Come on, ref!






Form a wall! Form a wall!



Well done!



Have any of you seen Jesminder?









Go on, Jules!






Where does this bit go?

You're doing it wrong. Round that way.



Tuck it in. Tuck it in.



You've got your shorts on.



Where does that bit go?



Lift your leg up.



- Paxton, Bhamra, are you decent?

- Yes!



Oh, is that the coach?



- Who's that?

- Dunno. He looks important.



- Yeah.

- I haven't seen him before.



- Look how happy she is.

- I know.



I can't believe it! It was amazing!

My eyes just glazed over!



What a game for him to see!

It's incredible! Santa Clara!



It's in California! It's one of the top teams!



He said he'd give us a full

scholarship so you'll pay nothing!



Oh, it's so amazing! Me and Jess

there together, the pair of us!



Come on, Paula.



I'm not blaming you but it is the football.



It is!



Come on, darling. Come on.



I'm off, then!



Sweetheart, where are you going

in your best trousers?



- Out.

- Where? Who with?



I'm meeting Jess at her

sister's wedding to celebrate.



- Wait! I'll take you.

- Oh, thanks, Mum!



God, it's so colourful.

Everyone looks brilliant! Look at the car!



- How are you?

- You look gorgeous!



- Mum...

- Hello, Mrs Paxton.



How could you be such a hypocrite?



How could you be all respectful here

with your lot



when you've been kissing

my daughter in broad daylight?!






Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!



Lesbian? Her birthday's in March.

I thought she was a Pisces.



She no Lebanese. She Punjabi!



Do you mind? This is my wedding!



- Sorry.

- How could you do this, sweetheart?



What is wrong with you?!



What's that gora

going on about you being a lezbo?



- I thought you fancied your coach!

- I don't know what she was saying!



Don't you want all of this? This is

the best day of your life, innit?



I want more than this. They've offered

us a scholarship to go to America.



Dad won't let you live abroad

without getting married first.



- What were you thinking?!

- I saw you with my own eyes!



You were kissing after your match!

I'm not stupid, you know!



And anyway, look at the clothes you wear!



Mother, just because

I wear trackies and play sport



does not make me a lesbian!



Me and Jess were fighting because

we both fancied our coach - Joe!



- What, a man, Joe?

- Yeah, as in male - Joe!



Joe, our coach! Joe, man, Joe!



Anyway, being a lesbian is not that big a deal.



Oh, no, sweetheart, of course it isn't.



No! I mean, I've got nothing against it.



I was cheering for Martina Navratilova

as much as the next person.



What was that English woman saying?



- Why was she talking about kissing?

- She got confused like Teetu's parents.



It's so hard when young girls

have such short hair.



Maybe we were making too much noise.



English people are always complaining

when we're having functions.



Why did she take Jesminder's shoes?



How am I going to tell 'em, Tony?



I'll have to now or I'll end up a solicitor,

bored out of my mind.



Come with me.



Mum, Uncle, Auntie...



We've got something we want to tell you.



Why is he holding her hand?



We've been good friends for a long time now.



We'd like to ask for your blessings.



We'd like to get engaged.



But there's one condition -

Jesminder goes to college first,



anywhere that she wants.



Of course, putar!



Well, we have relatives all the way

in Glasgow, in Portsmouth...



Mum, Dad...



Tony's lying.



We're not getting married.



Tony only said that to help me,

but I'm not lying any more.



I played in the final today, and we won!



- When?

- I wasn't going to go but Dad let me.



And it was brilliant.



I played the best ever!



And I was happy because I wasn't

sneaking off and lying to you!



I didn't ask to be good at football.



Guru Nanak must have blessed me.



There was a scout from America there today,



and he's offered me a place at a top university



with a free scholarship and a chance

to play football professionally,



and I really want to go,

and if I can't tell you what I want now,



then I'll never be happy, whatever I do.



You let her leave her sister's wedding

to go to a football match?!



Maybe you could handle

her long face, I could not.



I didn't have the heart to stop her.



And that's why she's ready to go

all the way to America now!



She's dead, man!



It's all right, Mum, just leave it.



When those bloody English cricket players



threw me out of their club like a dog...



..I never complained.



On the contrary, I vowed

that I will never play again.



Who suffered?






But I don't want Jessie to suffer.



I don't want her to make the same

mistakes that her father made



of accepting life, accepting situations.



I want her to fight.



And I want her to win...



..because I've seen her play.

She is brilliant!



I don't think anybody

has the right of stopping her.



Two daughters made happy in one day.



What else can a father ask for?



At least I've taught her full Indian dinner.

The rest is up to God.






I'm going!



They said I could go!



Sorry. I forgot.



It's OK now. I'm not your coach any more.



We can do what we want.



- Joe...

- Your dad's not here, is he?



I'm sorry, Joe. I can't.



I thought you wanted...



Letting me go is a really big step

for my mum and dad.



I don't know how they'd survive

if I told them about you, too.



I guess there's not much point

with you going to America anyway, is there?



- It's not perfume, is it?

- No. It's not what you think.



It was your mum's idea.



Oh! Thank you so much!



Keep this by your bed. Call Papu Uncle

in Canada as soon as you land.



At least there's some family close by.



It's getting really late.

You'd better board the plane.






Don't worry. That's her coach.



What are you doing here?



They offered me the job,

coaching the men's side.



- No more pulling pints.

- That's great, Joe!



I turned them down.



- Why did you...?

- I'm going to coach the girls' side.



They want us to turn pro next year.



Can't keep losing my best players

to the Yanks, can I?



That's brilliant!

You should tell your dad, you know.



I already did.



Are we doing the right thing?



Whatever God has written for her

will happen.



- Maybe I'll sign you if I can afford you!

- Yeah, you wish!






- I can't let you go without knowing.

- What?



That even with the distance

and the concerns of your family,



we might still have something.



What do you think?



Oh, my God, it's Beckham! It's a sign!



Jess, it's Becks!



'Cause you make me fleel



(Yeah, yeah)

'Cause you make me fleel...



I'm back at Christmas.

We'll tackle my mum and dad then.



I'd better go.



- Take care of yourself.

- See ya, mate.



- Have a good time.

- Yeah, and you.



Come on, you two,

you're gonna miss this plane. Ticket. Go!



See you later.



Come on!



Bye, sweetheart!



Just move on up...



Oh, thank you.



Hello. Nice to meet you.



Come on. Let's have a look.






Look at that!



Just move on up!



Move on up!



Move on up...



Well, move on up!



Move on up!






No, no, no.



Oh, yes, yes!



Feeling hot, hot, hot!



Feeling hot, hot, hot!



Feeling hot, hot, hot!



- How ya feeling?

- Hot, hot, hot!



- How ya feeling?

- Hot, hot, hot!



- How ya feeling?

- Hot, hot, hot!



- How ya feeling?

- Hot, hot, hot!



I've totally forgotten the line!



Feeling hot, hot, hot!



Feeling hot, hot, hot!



Feeling hot, hot, hot!



Feeling hot, hot, hot...



Excellent! Thank you!







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