Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie based on the Helen Fielding book starring Renee Zellweger, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, etc.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason Script



[Bridget] Another year,

a brand new diary.



Once again l was summoned,

kicking and screaming,



to my mother's turkey curry buffet,



where l've had some of the most

shaming experiences of my life.



- [doorbell]

- Hello, darling.



- Lovely to see you.

- [Magic Moments plays]



lt was, as usual, crammed full



with some of the most dangerous perverts

in the UK,



disguised as close, personal friends

of my parents.



- Hello, Bridget.

- Hello, Una.



- Oh, no, thanks.

- Love the jumper.



- l prefer what's underneath it.

- Uncle Geoffrey!



- Hello, gorgeous.

- Hello.



- Hello, darling.

- Hello, Dad. How's it going?



l wish l was dead.



[Bridget] But this year,

there was one crucial difference.



- Nice jumper.

- My mother's taste never falters.









[Bridget hums along with song]



You always wonder how it's going

to work out at the end of the story.



Maria and Captain Von Trapp,



Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,



Mark Darcy and Bridget Jones.



l've found my happy ending at last.



And nothing in the world can spoil it.



Well, almost nothing.



[man] Bridget Jones,

what the fuck are you doing?



- l, l can't see anywhere soft to land.

- How about on your arse?



Bridget, unless you want to get sacked

at      feet,



you will be on your way

in exactly three seconds.



Three, two, one... cue Bridget.






a dangerous bane to the countryside

and emergency services,



or a safe and exhilarating hobby?



Well... let's see, shall we?



Go. Jump.



- For Christ's sakes, go!

- [screams]



[shrill scream]



- She's out. Unit Two, you got her?

- [man] We see her.



- Bridget, open the chute.

- [Bridget screams]



- Open it.

- [Bridget screams]



Open your fucking parachute!




Pull the thingy or you will diel









[Bridget] Honestly,

you forget just one teeny, weeny detail



and everyone treats you like an idiot.



  [Carly Simon] Nobody does it better



  Makes me feel sad for the rest



  Nobody does it



  Half as good as you



  Baby, baby



  Darling, you're the best



  Baby, you're the best...



[Bridget] Where was l?

Oh, yes... Mark Darcy.



The question is.: what happens

after you walk off into the sunset?



[director] Bridget?

Earth to Bridget Sodding Jones.



- [pigs snort]

- [Bridget screams]



[Bridget groans]



[Director] Bridget, you're on.

You're live.



Well, this is Bridget Jones

for Sit Up Britain,



reporting to you

from a big vat of excrement.



- [pigs snort]

- [Bridget yelps]



- [squelching]

- Give me a close-up of the porker.



[  Minnie Ripperton: Loving You]



[Bridget] Who cares about

the odd professional hiccup?



l've been in a functional relationship



with an adult male

for six wonderful weeks,



four fabulous days

and seven precious hours.



Or to put it another way,

    ecstatic shags.



He's given up being snooty,

and l've given up smoking.



-   Loving you...

- Well, he thinks l have anyway,



which is practically the same thing.



  ...a dream come true...



[Bridget] Mark Darcy is perfect.



Not a fuckwit, alcoholic, workaholic,

pervert or megalomaniac,



but total sex god

and human rights lawyer.



He is a miracle, really.



- Bridget, will you stop?

- [record scratches]



Stop staring at me.

Go and find something to do.






[song starts up again]

  La la la la la...



[Bridget] So, as you can see,

the incredible truth is



the wilderness years are over.



Bridget Jones is a love pariah no more.






Morning, Bridget. Late again.



[sighs] Yes. Sorry.



l was in bed with my boyfriend.



He's a human rights lawyer, you know.



Yes, we know.



l cannot believe how fantastic

shagging was last night.



Maybe l'll ring him.



No, no...



Obviously it's important to tell one's

boyfriend how nice he looks naked,



but l have crucial,

Pulitzer Prize winning journalism to do.



[speed dialling, ringing]



[Mark] Hello?



lt's me. Just wondered how you are.



l'm fine, thanks.

Everything all right with you?



[whispering] Fine, though, er,...



l've just had a rather graphic

shag flashback.



And you do have

a genuinely gorgeous bottom.



Thank you.



l'm with the Mexican ambassador,

the head of Amnesty lnternational



and the Undersecretary

for Trade and lndustry.



And you're on speakerphone.



Oh. Right, well...



l'm quite busy

with important stuff too...



Bridget, we're waiting for that tape

about Tom, the happy hamster.



- [Mark] l'll call when l've finished.

- Excellent.



And Richard wants to see you

about that crap skydiving report.



[whispers] Oh, fuck.



Oh, dear. ls this the end of my career?



No, it can't be.



l will fight this. l am a journalist of

the highest standards and integrity.



[tape whirs]



[on tape] This is Bridget Jones

reporting from a big vat of excrement.



Look, l never said l could skydive

and l'm terrified of heights,



- so it was really hard to concentrate.

- Be quiet. They loved it upstairs.



Loved it. And they want us to come up

with another regular spot for you.



[laughs] Oh, my God. That's...



- l won't let you down, Richard.

- Precisely.


            friends'motto was ''When in Rome,

do as many Romans as you can.''



But if your tastes are marginally

more highbrow, l also have tips.



Forget the Forum,

definitely forget the Coliseum,



no fun now they can't

slaughter Christians.



Forget the Sistine Chapel, first example

of a poof interior designer gone mad...



What is Daniel Cleaver

doing on the television?



lt's called The Smooth Guide.

''Making culture bearable''.



...equally serene and equally beautiful

Professore Giovana Dabrache.



who is about to show me her diptych.



Same old creep. [chuckles]



Oh. Shame.



He always speaks very warmly of you.



- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.



How about we go out

for a bite to eat tonight?



Oh. Can't.

l have to go out with my boyfriend.



- He's a human rights lawyer.

- l know.



l'm meeting him for a romantic supper.



- [mobile rings]

- Oh.



- Bridget Jones.

- Bridget, it's Mark.



Oh. l was just talking about you.



l'm running late.

Do you want me to cancel?



- Oh. No, that's fine.

- Are you sure?



Be as late as you like.



Chuck him, while you're not pregnant

with his unwanted child.



l only said he was working late.



ln one hour, he'll be coming

in his secretary's mouth



while he rings to say

what he wants for starters.



[Bridget] Friends spend years

finding you a boyfriend,



then instantly tell you to dump him.



Even if he isn't shagging her already,

he's thinking about it.



A man dating a woman with large breasts

will bed one with small breasts.



Rubbish. Mark's above all that nonsense.



Jellyfisher alert. Jellyfisher alert.



[Bridget] Janey Osborne.

Talking to her is like swimming in a sea



and being stung repeatedly

by an enormous jellyfish.



Bridget. How's it going

with that divine man of yours?



You must be so pleased

to have a boyfriend at last.



First jellyfish of the evening.



ls he taking you

to the Law Council Dinner?



Oh. Well, l'm sure he's just forgotten.



Better start slimming into that dress.



He's given you the night off

to cheer up your single friends. Sweet.



Actually, he's got a big case on, trying

to get everyone in Mexico out of prison.



We're meeting for a very late

romantic dinner.



Really? That's so odd,



'cause l saw him an hour ago going

into his house with Rebecca Gillies.



She's only   .

She's got legs up to here.



And Daddy owns half of Australia.



See ya, babes.



Who is Rebecca Gillies? What's she doing

going into my boyfriend's house?



Where he never asks me.

And with legs up to here?



- My legs only come up to there.

- [Jude] You have fine legs.



Climber's legs.



l say go over there and ask him,

straight out,



are you or are you not

sleeping with Rebecca Gillies?



- [Shazzer] lf he says...

- l won't dignify that with an answer...



Then you know he's shagging her.



  All that l have

is all that you've given...



[Bridget] lt's all about confidence and

trust. Mark would never betray me.



Everything will be lovely

and we'll have sex in the kitchen.



- Oh, God.

- [woman inside] l'm coming.



Oh, Godl What is that?



[woman] Two seconds,

l'll be straight down.



Who is that?



  ...l find you lied



  And l can't believe it's true



  Wrapped in her arms

l see you across the street



  l see you across the street



  And l can't help but wonder

lf she knows what's going on



  You talk of love

But don't know how it feels



  When you realise



  You're not the only one



[Mark] Let's get on with it.



  ...oh, you better stop



-   Stop

-   Before



  You tear me all apart



  You better stop



-   Stop...

- You are a very demanding man.



- go and break my heart...

- [Bridget yelps]



[chuckles] Bridget Jones.



No, l'm Bridget Jones.



- [chuckles] That's what l meant.

- You must be...



Rebecca Gillies. l've been

so looking forward to meeting you



- after everything Mark's told me.

- Why? What's he said?



- Where is Mark?

- Actually, er...



- [Mark] Becky, who is it?

- Becky?



- Right.

- Great.



- Right...

- Bridget.



Hello, Mark.



[laughs nervously] Hello...



lawyers who work with Mark.



[all] Good evening.



Everything under control, l see.



Um... Excellent graph.



- Lovely legs.

- Thank you.



[lawyers chat]



l am so sorry.



l thought...

Oh, l don't know what l thought.



Now you're really angry with me.



- No, l'm not.

- lt's OK, you can say if you are.



- lt's not the end of the world.

- l'll get you a glass of wine.



The thing is l ran into Janey Osborne,



who said she'd just seen you

with this girl, with really long legs,



and Shazzer and Jude said

l should get over here straightaway.



Following the orders of the dating

war command, you executed a raid.



- You are angry.

- l'm not, just disappointed.




Oh, God, that's worse than angry.



l'm just disappointed

l can't take you home this instant.



Oh. [chuckles]

What about all those lawyers?



Oh, plenty of time to butter them up

at the Law Council Dinner next Friday.



Don't want to go, do you?



l'd love to.



Oh, stupid Bridget, stupid friends.



Wonderful, loyal Mark Darcy...



...who loves mejust the way l am.






[Bridget pants]



- [Mark] What are you doing?

- Getting dressed.



Why are you dancing around in that tent?



[sighs] Because l don't want you to see

any of my wobbly bits.



That's pointless, because l have

a very high regard for your wobbly bits



in all circumstances.



- Really?

- Absolutely.



l think it's high time

we had another look.






  Are you digging on me?






  l'm digging on you, now, baby






  Do you want a little bit of my love?







He really is very, very, very nice.



  All the time l knew



  That you loved me



  And you promised me...



l miss you too.



  That you would be my only man






  Are you digging on me?



[Bridget] l've never been happier

in my entire life.



However, must not obsess or fantasise.



Bridget Darcy.



Mrs Darcy.



Mr and Mrs Darcy.



Lord and Lady Darcy.



Wonder what Mark Darcy

would be like as a father.



To his children, l mean, not to me.



That would be a weird,

Oedipus-like thought.



At last, life is on track.



Bridget Jones.: fiancée, wife...









[man] Ever fancied doing it in the dark

with a total stranger?



All right, perhaps not a total stranger.



Back off, Cleaver, or l'll report you

to a sexual harassment tribunal.



l'm a serious journalist.



ls that your most serious skirt, Jones?






Do you like it?



l thought you hated television.



l hate watching television.

Being on it is... Hello there.



...entirely different.



Daniel, thought the Madrid piece

was outstanding, really original.



Cheers, Jeremy. Appreciate that.

We had to work really hard on that one.



Tosser. Talking of which,

how is Mark Darcy?



- You still...?

- Yes, l am.



And l intend to be for a very long time.



Good. You know what a fan l am

of any woman married to Mark Darcy.



- That's not funny.

- Seriously, though, Jones,



speaking purely unselfishly,

l worry about you.



You do know that it's a fact that

most lawyer's wives die of boredom?



And what about you?

Still shagging anything that moves?



As a matter of fact, no.

No shagging whatsoever.



l'm in shag therapy.



lt turns out l have a problem. l go

to meetings, talk about my feelings.



Hug people who smell.



- l don't believe you.

- l'm trying...


            be a better man, Bridge,



so that the next time

a better woman comes along,



l won't make a pig's ear of it.



Daniel. Meeting?



Yeah, yeah. Thanks.



Very good hair, Jones.



By the way, um, you're not free

for dinner tonight, are you?



No, l'm not.

l'm going to the Law Council Dinner.



lt's a very important evening.



[  Kylie Minogue:

Can't Get You Out Of My Head]



l can't wear that.



Bridge, do you want to get married and

have babies before you become barren?



Trust me...



[Bridget] Magda.: my only grown-up

friend. Married to Mark's partner.



She actually got engaged

on the night of the Law Council Dinner.



Try it with the dress.



Oh, my God!



Remember, we are trying to reduce

your body size by    per cent.



You hold the front, l'll hold the back.

One, two, three...



[Bridget whimpers]



- [Bridget shrieks]

- What's going on in there?



Not too bad, actually.









Right, let us begin.



l am going to make you into a princess.






[Bridget] Nothing like being

in the hands of a total genius.









- [Jude on phone] Whatever you do...

- Bugger it.



...don't iron your hair.



[Jude] lt's a lot worse than l thought.



We could flatten it with Brylcreem.



What about a wig? Lawyers love wigs.



- l preferred you in the gold.

- No, whatever you do, not the gold.



Great. l'm late with mad hair and can

barely breathe in scary knickers.



  La la la

La la la la la...



[Bridget] Oh, God. l'm very worried.



What if someone says ''Bridget Jones,

get out of here, you are ridiculous''?



Stop it.



The most important thing, of course,

is to look absolutely wonderful



and make a magnificent entrance.



  l just can't get you out of my head...









Hi. Sorry l'm late.



- Hello.

- l think you should go to the ladies.



But l went before l left home.



Trust me on this one.



[gasps] Oh.



Not good.




All right, tiny make-up mistake,



but l always have wit and conversation

to fall back on.



Thank you.



- Bridget.

- Hello.



Derek, Horatio, Camilla.



- Horatio?

- Yes, Horatio.



Horatio was just saying

he's totally against charitable giving.






- What?

- Well, obviously you don't mean it.



Absolutely. Do you think it's helpful

to give a beggar fifty pence?



- Maybe he's just hungry.

- Don't be so naive.



The people you see outside the tube

every day are there by choice.



- End of story.

- Oh, no, it's not.



Some people

have terrible personal problems,



and other people might have lost their

family in some tragic ferry disaster.



And some people are just plain hopeless.



Honestly, this is the sort of rubbish

you'd expect from fat, balding



Tory, Home Counties,

upper-middle-class twits.



[music stops]



- [chatter resumes]

- [laughs uneasily]



[violins, chatter]



How did l do?



You seem to have made

quite an impression.



l've put you next to Giles Benwick.



- Oh, l'm not sitting next to you?

- No. He's terribly nice,



but his wife's just run off

with one of the partners.



He probably won't mention it,

but you should know.



l always knew she was out of my league.



You see, there's the high-fliers,

like Annabel and Mark Darcy



and there's the gorgeous girls,

like Rebecca there



and there's the rest of us.



Like you and me, you mean?






l mean, look at the state of us.



You and me stumbled into the VlP room

by mistake



and it's only a matter of moments

before they show us the door.






My lords, ladies and gentlemen,

let the quiz begin.



[laughs] Oh, goody. l love quizzes.



All those years of playing

Trivial Pursuits are about to pay off.



Now l want to see your hands

poised over those bells. Ready?



Here we go. What are something

called ''customary freeholds''?



- [bell]

- [man] Superior copyhold.



[speaker] Yes.



What is the correct grace

used in the lnner Temple



for the second mooting night

of Michaelmas term?



- [bell]

- [man] Amas bibendo... fructis.



Jolly good.

What is an overreaching conveyance?



What is rack-rent?

When was breach of promise abolished?



Define ''damnum sentit dominus''.



Translate ''reddendo singula singulis''

into Ancient Greek.



l believe this is the answer.






Hippodamoi credemnon louestai.



- [speaker] Absolutely correct.

- [applause]



[speaker] Now, for our final

and deciding round,



the category is contemporary culture.






Who did the design

for Princess Diana's wedding dress?



- [bell]

- The Emmanuels.



- Correct.

- Excellent, Bridget.



Name the character in Footballers' Wives



who, in one memorable episode,

set fire to her own breasts.



- [bell]

- Chardonnay.



- [speaker] Correct.

- [applause]



At this point,

there are only two tables in contention



and only one question left.



What was the name of Madonna's

first UK single?



- [bell]

- [Bridget quietly] Lucky Star.



- [speaker] Sorry, l didn't quite hear.

- Are you sure?



- Wasn't it Holiday?

- No, everyone thinks it is,



but it's not.



My entire life has been leading up

to this very moment.



Take that knife, slice off my head

and boil it if l'm wrong.



The correct answer is Lucky Star.



- No.

- [groans of disappointment]



- The correct answer is...

- ls it Holiday?



- [speaker] Holiday, indeed, yes.

- [applause]



[speaker] The winners of

the   nd Annual Law Council Quiz are...



the Legal Eagles.






- Lovely to see you, Bridget.

- Oh, thanks, Rebecca.



Good night.







Why didn't you speak to me all night?




That's the point of those dinners.



But you talked to Rebecca.

And you talked to Horatio.



l'll never fit in with your friends.



Not if you go on calling everyone

''balding, upper-middle-class twits''.



Well, they were balding,

upper-middle-class twits.



Except for the ones who had hair.



l suppose you agree with them

that poor people deserve to be poor?



Don't be ridiculous.



- So now l'm ridiculous?

- Yes, tonight you were a little.



Well, tonight you were an arrogant arse.



l think l may have

made a mistake inviting you



and your folding underpants

into my life.



Good night.



lf you had asked me tonight,



l'd have said no, anyway.



Asked you what?



- Bridget?

- [sirens nearby]



Asked you what?



[Bridget] Oh, God, l've done it.



l've gone and done it.



One minute, you're closer to someone

than anyone in the whole world,



next minute,

you're never going to see them again.









[Mark] lf you have a message for

Mark Darcy, please speak after the tone.






Hello, it's me.

l'm really, really sorry...






Sorry, it's the door.



Don't go away, l have something

really, really important to say.






- Yes, who is it?

- [Mark] lt's me.



- Mark.

- Oh, right.



Er, just a moment.



l'm on the phone.






[laughs] You're outside.



Look, er,...



l'll ring you later.



Unless you've come to chuck me

once and for all.



ln which case,



bye and thank you,

and... sorry.






Oh, God, please don't chuck me.



lf you have chucked me,

please change your mind,



l'll behave much better in future.



- [buzzer]

- On the other hand, if you haven't,



please behave better

next time we go out. Stuck-up snob.






What do you want?



l'd like to come up.

You are, after all, my girlfriend.



Even though l shouted at you

and called you an arrogant arse?



Unfortunately, yes.

You see, the problematic thing is...



l love you.






- l said l love you.

- l'm sorry, l missed that again.



l said l love you, for God's sake!



[all jeer]



All right, no need to shout.



l'll come down and let you in.



[all cheer]



You might be needing this in the future.



He said he loves me.



- [Tom] He said he loves you?

- He said he loves me.



- Right, where is he now?

- [whispers] He's in the bedroom.



Go back in there, Bridge,



and whatever you do,

act completely nonchalant.



Bridget, you're staring at me again.






Listen, l know this evening

didn't go exactly as planned,



but there was a very important question

l wanted to ask you tonight.



- Oh, really?

- Yes.



[takes deep breath]



l've actually been meaning

to ask this for quite some time.



l've just never really found

the right way to put it.



Darling Bridget...



...would you...


            to go on a skiing mini-break?






  What the world...



[Bridget] This is not just a mini-break.



This is a holiday in heaven.



Told a tiny lie about being

an extremely experienced skier.



But, honestly, how hard can it be?



- Ah.

- Shall we?




l know l'm going to like skiing a lot.



Very romantic, very relaxing.



- Bar going up.

- No. What? Why?



[Bridget whimpers]









Oh. Oh, God.






Oh, God. Oh.















Rebecca. What are you doing here?



- Didn't Mark tell you we were coming?

- No, he didn't.



lt was me who recommended the place.



- l've been coming since l was     .

- Really?



[thinks] Three whole years.



Come on, up you get.



Come on.



- There you go.

- Are you all right?



Yes, fine, thanks.



- You sure?

- Why is Rebecca here?



Oh, God. Well, l mentioned

that we were coming



and she said why didn't they come too,

and l couldn't say no, could l?



Come on, you two, let's crack on,

shall we?



Actually, l mightjust sit this one out.

You head on.



- See you down there.

- You sure?



Absolutely. l'll be fine in a minute.



Right, l'll see you at base camp, then.



[thinks] Bastard.

l can't believe he's left me.









[thinks] So, romantic getaway

has turned into lawyer's reunion.






l can't believe

we're already into group holidays



after only eight weeks

of total, undisturbed sex.



Wait a minute...



No. Eight weeks?



lt couldn't be, could it?



Totally undisturbed...



Oh, God. l'm pregnant.









And going to diel









[screams] Oh, my God!



l can't see!



[screams] Big bump!



Get out of the way!






Who's this? An eccentric

but exhilarating performance



from a total unknown,



who's now solidly in position

for the bronze.



- [screams]

- [bell clangs]






l would like a pregnancy test, please.



A pregnancy test.



lch bien, er, possibly...



mit baby.






Kinderl l am on back...



and he, er,...



maken ze lieben.

Er, with me.



[German] She's pregnant!



Oh, no! No, no, not pregnant.



[German] She's bloated.



- Condom?

- Nein. Nein, nein.



Maybe like this, but maybe like this.




l think her problem is psychological.



[German] There is nothing

a pill can do to help her.



l'm a girl and l met a boy.



Fraulein, and l met frau... boy.



And possibly now mit baby, uh-huh?



Right, moment of truth awaits.



What if l am pregnant?



l must try not to get hopes up too high.



Boyfriend and baby seems just too lucky.



Bridget? l have been looking

everywhere for you.



l thought you'd broken a leg

or something... Oh, God.



- You're not...?

- l might be.



- What if l were?

- Well, l suppose l'd...



To be quite frank,

it'd be bloody fantastic.



l mean, if a little ahead of schedule.



- Are you really pregnant?

- Well, give it three minutes.



- What do you fancy? Boy or a girl?

- l dunno, it doesn't matter.



Although, l suppose l've always had

the fantasy of a son.



- Another Mark Darcy.

- Or maybe something like Huck.



Or River. Or some fabulous

Hebrew name like Noah.



Anyway, l could teach him

to play cricket and rugby



and visit him at Eton

on St Andrew's Day.






Yes. The Darcy men have been going

to Eton for five generations.



Well, my son's not going to be

sent away from home.



Especially to some fascist institution

where they stick a poker up your arse



that you're never allowed

to remove again.



l see.



- l didn't mean you.

- No, of course not.



So what's the alternative?

Sleeping in his parents' bed,



breastfeeding until he's a teenager



and some progressive school, where the

day is spent singing Yellow Submarine?



Oh, you're absolutely right.



lt's madness to allow a child to enjoy

his education or live with his parents.



What is madness is to have a child

if his parents can't have a discussion



without one shouting at the other.



lt's negative.



- That's too bad.

- Yes, very sad.



Perhaps we should go out for lunch

tomorrow. Get out of the grump.



That's a good idea in theory,

but you made a family arrangement.



Oh, God.









l've had the fabulous idea

of inviting your parents.



[Bridget] Another one

of Mother's culinary triumphs.



- Everything in miniature.

- Mini treacle tart, Admiral Darcy?



No, no, thank you. The mini spotted dick

rather finished me off.



[polite laughter]



So, Mark, Bridget, when are you

two lovebirds going to name the day?



Bridget, you must want to hear

those ding-dong bells.



Well, we're certainly not thinking

about that yet. Are we, Bridget?



No. God, no.



Of course not.



[Mr Jones] Good.

Well, that's that sorted.



So, Admiral, out on the high seas.

How was it?



- Did you mean that thing you said?

- What thing?



- You know what thing.

- No, l don't know what thing.



The thing thing.



Now, let's see, there are any number

of things, um...



in an afternoon full

of all sorts of things,



so l, um,...



The thing where you said

you're not, um,...



That you're not,

not even thinking about, um...



What's the matter?



Let's get a drink.



l'm going to go to the loo,

then l'm going to come back.



And then we're going to be civilised.






lf you have a message for Mark Darcy,

speak after the tone.






Mark, it's Rebecca. Are you there?



Obviously not.

Probably still out with Bridget.



Um... Anyway, l hope lunch

with the parents went well.



l'm sure you were dutiful

and very polite, as usual.



Er... Whatever. Anyway, look, maybe

give me a ring when you get back.



l thought l might pop round

for a nightcap.



But l suppose that's a silly idea.

Bridget's probably there.



- Sleep tight.

- [beep]



Oh, Christ, what now?



Are you or are you not having an affair

with Rebecca Gillies?



l won't dignify that question

with an answer.






All l did was go to the loo.









That's not your coat.



Oh, right.



Oh, Bridget, what are you doing?



l read you should never date someone if

you can think of three reasons not to.



- Can you think of three?

- Yes.



- Which are?

- Well, first off, l embarrass you.



l can't ski, l can't ride,

l can't speak Latin.



My legs only come up to here and yes,

l will always be a little bit fat.



And you, you fold your underpants

before you go to bed.



- Now, hang on, that can't be a reason.

- No, it's not a reason.



But you're not perfect either.



You look down your nose

at absolutely everyone,



and you're incapable of doing anything

spontaneous or potentially affectionate.



lt feels like you're waiting

to find someone in the VlP room



who's, who's so fantastic...



just the way she is,



that you don't need to fix her.



Bridget, this is mad.



Perhaps you've already found her.



Do you want to marry me?



Look, l...



You see, you can never

muster the strength...



to fight for me.



[Bridget] l can't believe l did that.



  What do l gotta do

to make you love me?



  What do l gotta do to make you care?



[dog barks]



  What do l gotta do

when lightning strikes me






  And l wake to find

that you're not there?



  What do l gotta do

to make you want me?






  What do l gotta do to be heard?






  And what do l say

when it's all over, babe?






  And sorry seems to be the hardest word



  lt's sad

So sad



  Why can't we talk it over, babe?



  Always seems to me



  When sorry seems to be



  The hardest word  



[Bridget] Five weeks later.



Weight.:      pounds.



Am enjoying a relationship with two men




The first is called Ben,

the other, Jerry.



Number of current boyfriends.: zero.



Number of calls from ex-boyfriend.:



[electronic voice]

You have absolutely no messages.



Not a single one.

Not even from your mother.






- Hello?

- Hello, darling.



- You haven't forgotten our lunch date?

- [Bridget] Of course l have.



- l'm suicidally depressed.

- Don't be silly, Bridget.



Meet me at Debenhams at twelve o'clock.



Mum... l thought we were going

to have something to eat.



[Mum] Patience, please. l've got

a big surprise for you, darling.



- What?

- Don't say ''what'', say ''pardon''.



[shrill] Tra-la!



- What do you think?

- Oh, my God.



Daddy and l are getting married.



- You're already married.

- We're doing it again.



Reaffirming our vows.

You are going to be a bridesmaid,



and absolutely everything

is going to be lavender.



And when l say everything, l mean...









Oh, God, l'm never going to get married



and my sodding mum and dad

are doing it twice.



  No more candlelight

No more romance



-   No more small talk...

- [Bridget] Bloody know-it-all.



New York.: the Big, Juicy Apple.



The city that never sleeps

with the same person two nights running.



My favourite place in America, where Sex

And The City isn't just a programme,



it's a promise.






- [phone rings]

- [man] Morning, Rach.






Oh, cheer up, misery guts.

l have good news for you.



[chuckles] Sure, right.



What's the angle?

l interview some rocket scientist



while he looks through my skirt

with X-ray glasses?






Although that is a bloody good idea.



No. The fact is The Smooth Guide

is doing very well with women,



but the network want us to cast

a wider net and use a Smooth Guide-ess.



Me? With Daniel Cleaver?



lt's the next logical step.

l think Thailand is first on the list.



No. l won't do it.



Not now.

Not in a million years from now.



- Excuse me?

- l am a top television journalist,



not some boorish bint in a bikini.



Really? Strong words from somebody

who doesn't know where Germany is.



- [sniggering]

- Who told you that?



Cleaver. He said he couldn't be expected

to go out with someone



who thought lran was David Bowie's wife,

and who didn't know where Germany was.



Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful, sexist,

disgusting specimen of humanity,



that l wouldn't share a lift with,

let alone a job.



Come on, Jones, there must have been

something you liked about me.



Come on, Jones, there must have been

something you liked about me.



Well,... you have a nice car.



And quite nice manners.

Outside the bedroom.



But that's about it.



And by the way,

l know exactly where Germany is.



The question is do you know the location

of your arsehole?



As a matter of fact, l do know the

exact location of my arsehole. And hers.



Oh, come on, Jones,

it was just a silly joke.



Not a very funny one.



- Go on, then.

- What?



Where is it? Where is Germany?



- Next to France.

- And?



And also Belgium,...



Poland. And it has a sea coast.



Which sea?



Oh, sod it. Now, look,



l think we should talk

about Finch's suggestion.



l am going to Thailand, Jones.



Wouldn't you like to be

my little Girl Guide?






- You'll shag before you leave Heathrow.

- l'll be perfectly fine.



l'm eschewing all men.



And cigarettes. And carbohydrates.



- We can't possibly let you go.

- On your own.



Oh, stop it, all of you.



l am a mature, sophisticated,

professional woman



and l'm going to Thailand

entirely on my own, thank you very much.



- [Shazzer] Fuck!

- Sorry.



- Fuckity fuck.

- Sorry.



[pilot] And now our final passengers

havejoined us, we can get underway.



Someone's gotta be last.



- [crunching]

- [Bridget] Are we not sitting together?



Oh, fuck.



l don't think we're really

in a position to, um,...



...make a fuss.

Sorry. Hi.



- Sorry.

- [man chuckles]



[woman] What's our film?



What's your name? Mine's Clive.



- Er, Bridget.

- [Clive chuckles]



[pilot] Good afternoon again,

ladies and gentlemen.



We're about to offer a wide range

of duty-free items.



Details can be found

in your in-flight magazine.



[baby cries]



Wonderful people, the Thais.

Particularly the young ladies.



lf you know what l mean, eh?



- Oh, for heaven's sake.

- Come with me.



Come with me now.



- Where are we going?

- Just through here.



Thank you. This is worse than school.



lt really wasn't my fault.



lt's a fizzy drink, you know, itjust...



ltjust sort of fizzied over.



Couldn't bear to think of you back there

in slum class, Jones.



Graham, thank you. You are the best

air steward l've ever come across.



And if l may say so, the smartest.



Thank you, sir.



l thought you were there already,

doing research.



Fuck, no. l make it up as l go along.



lt's    hours for this trip.

l need some in-flight entertainment.



Why don't you tell me, in detail,

about your school netball tour,



particularly the unsavoury incident

in the communal showers.



l didn't play netball.

Or go to a girls' school.



- Or have showers.

- Now that's just not true, is it?



- Let me start you off.

- No.



lf you're gonna be dull, l'm going

to plunge back into Mrs Dalloway,



and you know how she loves that.

Dirty, dirty bitch.



- [elephant trumpets]

-   Here's a new thing



  That's gonna please ya



  Just a little town down in lndonesia






[Bridget] Arrived Bangkok. Very hot.



Relieved at last to throw myself

into serious journalistic work.



Thailand has long called travellers

from around the globe



to take spiritual succour

and karmic rest.



For centuries, Western visitors

have been inevitably drawn



to some of Bangkok's oldest sanctuaries.



So true, Bridget. Even l,

fight it as l may, am no exception.



The moment l arrive here,

l almost feel an irresistible pull...


            this. The Temple of Tranquillity.



lndeed, nothing symbolises Thailand's

extraordinary fusion of East and West,



of tradition and innovation,

better than this.



Fully body-to-body massage.



- Sawatdee kha?

- Sawatdee khrab?



An incredible thing about Thailand

is the amazing traditional cuisine.



l'm going to taste kapaluk,

the ultimate delicacy.



Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!



Oh, my God. My God.



Um... Er... Mmm.



How about a lovely locust?



l can't. No, no, l can't.



- They're delicious.

- [crunching]






[Daniel] Now that is Ko Panyi, which is

the setting for a very famous Thai poem,



which l think you'd like very much,




lt's all about a badly-behaved prince

who finds true love with a beautiful,



and as it happens,

very slightly overweight princess.



- You're teasing me.

- l never tease about poetry.



''Oh, Suvarnamali

Why can you not see that l adore you?''



''Why do you avoid and scorn me?''



''lf you cast me off and leave me



How should l live another day?''



And you thought all l knew of Thailand

was pussies and ping-pong balls.



- You wouldn't sleep with him?

- No, of course not.



Absolutely not.



But he is clever.



- Yes?

- And handsome.



He's also a dysfunctional,

fucked-up, middle-aged, lost boy.



Well, no-one's perfect.






l didn't realise you were busy.



- He's young enough to be your grandson.

- l know. lsn't that great?



- [man yells]

- [ladies shriek]



Come on, guys, l've got a very special

treat lined up for lunch.




l'm getting rather fond of Jed,



and l must say he has a genuine interest

in Thai cuisine.



[Bridget] l wouldn't have thought

omelette would be big in Thailand.



- Or mushrooms, for that matter.

- [Jed] lt's magic.



lt is a magic mushroom omelette,

isn't it?



Well, that's awful.

There is nothing funny in this at all.



Although, thank God,



the mushrooms don't actually

seem to be working.



[  Primal Scream: Loaded]



  Just what is it

that you want to do?



Such lovely colours! [gasps]



  We wanna get loaded

And we wanna have a good time...



Beautiful Bridget! Beautiful Bridget!

Beautiful Bridget!



Bridget Jones!



[Daniel's voice, distorted]

Bridget Jones!



But, wait...



- [Daniel, distorted] Bridget Jones?

- What sound is that?



lt is Daniel Cleaver. [echoes]




How unutterably beautiful he is.



Jones, what the hell are you doing?



[Bridget] You are lovely colours.



-   l don't wanna lose your love...

- Here.



Here l am.



l think you're completely off your face.



- Hey.

- [Bridget groans]



- Bloody hell.

- [Bridget groans and sighs]



Oh... Oh, l'm an angel.



Oh. How lovely.



Glorious sand.






l want to be naked.



- Naked as a baby.

- Come on, then, angel. Up you get.



[Daniel strains]



- All right?

- Mmm.



- [Daniel] How are you feeling?

- Completely embarrassed.



Don't be. You're charming on drugs.

ln future, just say yes.



Do you know, l never really understood

why you wanted to go out with me.



- lt seemed so unlikely.

- Come on. For God's sake.



You're sexy. You make me laugh.



At you, of course, not with you.



And you were,...






...the best shag...



...l ever had.



The best?



Aside from Simon Reade

in the fifth-form locker room, yeah.



Suppose l said you were pretty good too?



Pretty good?



Was l better than Mark Darcy?



By the way, is it true he always says

''l'm sorry, l think l'm going to come''?



- Who told you that?

- lt's common knowledge, isn't it?



Come on, Jones. Who gave who the hoof?



And why?



Let's just say



that we suffered

from a fatal incompatibility.



l have missed you, Jones.



l don't suppose

there's any circumstances



in which you would ever consider



thinking about trusting me again?



Absolutely not.



Well, l suppose l'll be getting back

to my little hut now.



Thank you very much, Daniel.

l had a nice time.



ls that the Big Dipper

or the little one?



l can never tell them apart.



Definitely the big one.



You can't see the little one

this close to the equator.



Oh, please.

You don't know about astronomy.



l most certainly do.

l'm passionate about it.



You know, Jones, if stargazing

is something that interests you,



then it has to be said that the view

from my balcony is quite outstanding.



Perhaps you'd like to come up

and have a little look?



l don't think so.



See over there? Along my arm.



That's it, over there.



That is Orion's Belt.



And next to that is a very sexy little

constellation called Ursa's Maiden.






She's being very naughty

and trying to undo Orion's belt.



All right, what about...

that one?



Yes, well that is

a very, very famous star.



Um, right next to, of course, um...






l don't know, some other fucking star

that's been there for years and years.



Seen one star, you've seen the lot,

that's what l say, Jones.



Different with girls, though.



Some girls...



...are special.



Are they?



l think so.



[    cc: l'm Not ln Love]



What is this special power

you hold over me, Jones?



And what about your therapy?



l think you might be it.



  l'm not in love



  So don't forget it



  lt's just a silly phase



  l'm going through



  And just because



  l call you up



  Don't get me wrong



  Don't think you've got it made



  l'm not in love...



God, l hope you're wearing

those giant panties.







Please be wearing the giant panties.



Please. [gasps]



Oh, my old friends.



Oh, Daddy's home.



Did you miss me?

Because Daddy missed you. Yes, he did.









Can l just have a minute?



Just a minute.



[thinks] Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.



  Big boys don't cry

Big boys don't cry



  Big boys don't cry

Big boys don't cry...






- Everything all right?

- Yeah, sure.



Just a bit... nervous. [chuckles]



l mean, you see,

if l stay with you tonight,



well, it's definitely

the end of something...



important with someone.



Um, which has probably ended already,



- but perhaps...

- Bridge, Bridge Bridge, Bridge.



Doesn't everyone

deserve a second chance?






Except Hitler.



Well, he was very, very, very naughty.









Nothing. Er, come back later, please.

Thank you very much.






Bridge, it's nothing.

Leave it. Leave it.



You made order for   .  .



Order for what?






  .  .



You know, l've had it up to here

with this hotel.



- lt's been cock-ups like this all week.

- [Thai girl] You Mr Cleaver?



Yesterday, you with Maria.

She say you big tipper.






l mean, l'm up for it if you are.



Actually, no, that was stupid.

lt's just one little slip.



Don't let it ruin what was gonna be

a fantastic weekend shagathon.



- l don't want a shagathon.

- No, nor do l. Nor do l.



- You're right.

- You're looking for a weekend of sex,



- l'm looking...

- For more. l feel l can change.



- l absolutely can change.

- l need to change.



l can't believe l fell for it again.



Daniel, l really do think



that you should go and fuck yourself.



Or her. But definitely not me.



-   Think

-   Think



  Think about

what you're trying to do to me



-   Think

-   Think think



  Let your mind go...



l can't believe he made up

the sex therapy thing.



Doesn't matter.

l finally learnt my lesson,



and it's an excellent lesson

to have nailed.



- Fuck!

- What?



No fucking room in the fucking suitcase.



There's room in mine. Give me something.






- What the hell is this?

- lt is a fertility-snake bowl.



- Ooh.

- Jed gave it to me.



-   Think think

-   Let your mind go...



How romantic.






The way l look at it, in everyone's

life, there's a certain amount of shit.



- That's true.

- ln the last year,



things have turned out pretty shitty.



So logically, mathematically, even,



it's got to be time

for something not shit.



- [Shazzer] Like what?

- Maybe Mark will have chucked Rebecca.



And he'll run to my door,



fall to his knees,

possibly wearing a wet white shirt,



and beg me to come back.



-   Think

-   Think



  Think about

what you're tryin' to do to me...



Yes, l very confidently expect

very, very good times ahead.



[PA] Final call

for all passengers to London...



lsn't he cute? Hello.



Hello. Oh...



Seems to be getting a bit excited.










- [Shazzer] Bridget!

- lt's just a misunderstanding.



Hold the plane.



Hold the plane.



[Shazzer] Excuse me! Excuse me!



[PA] All remaining passengers

please report to Gate    immediately.






lt's not mine.



- These yours?

- Yes.



l mean, they're not my favourite pair.






[brakes screech]



You can't do this. l'm English.



And an award-winning journalist.



Well, maybe not award-winning, but l

have been to lots of award ceremonies.



[door rattles and clangs]






Hello. Bridget Jones.



Lovely to meet all of you.



[Bridget] Oh, my bloody God and fuck.



l hope they've told

the British ambassador.



Surely Shazzer

would have raised the alert.



Maybe they got Shazzer as well.



[woman speaks Thai]



Oh, God,    hours.



How much longer?



[man] Jones.

Bridget Jones, you come now.






Charlie Parker-Knowles,

Assistant Consul.



Thank God you're here.



Um, shall we...



l really had absolutely

nothing to do with it.



Jed planned the whole thing.



That's why he snogged Shazzer,

who's much older than him



and slightly past her peak.



Yes, he sounds the most frightful shit.






The bore is everyone who gets caught

has exactly the same story,



so unless we find this, this Jed fellow

and get a full confession,



you're on a bit of a sticky wicket.



Well, how sticky?



Something like    to    years.



- [whispers]    years?

- Or maybe ten if we're lucky.



Ten years!



ln here?



[Bridget] Very black.



All my life l've had the feeling

something terrible was about to happen.



Now it has.



Bijjit, right?



Bridget, actually.



My name Phrao.



You're my friend?



- Steady on!

- Superbra!



You lend me. One day, two cigarette.



Oh. [laughs]



Well, l'll think about it.



Actually, l was thinking of giving up,



but that was before l was arrested

and thrown into a Thai prison



for ten to    years. [laughs]



Circumstances change.



No, it really, really is ''touched''.



''Like a vir-gin,

touched for the very first time''.



- No, you wrong.

- No.



  Like a wersion



- Vir-gin.

-   Fucked for the very first time



- Touched.

-   Like a wersion



[Bridget] Ten years of this?l



Stop! Enough. Enough.



lf you're going to do it,

you really ought to do it properly.



After all, Madonna is nothing

if not a perfectionist.



Five, six, seven, eight and one...



  Like a virgin



  Touched for the very first time



  Like a virgin



  When your heart beats



  Next to mine...






[Bridget] Dear Mum and Dad,



l'm missing you a lot.



Please write as soon as you can.



l'm feeling pretty low.



[man] Bijjit Jone.



[inmates shout]



ln there. You have five minutes.



Just five.



[door creaks and clangs]






You all right?



Oh... [laughs] Fine.






And... scared shitless.



But, you know, perky.



l can't believe

you've come all this way.



l haven't. l was out here

handling a Foreign Office case



when l heard about your situation.



l haven't done anything wrong.



l promise you, it's all a big mistake.



Yes, well, l'm sure it is.



l've got all the papers here

and l'm sure we can sort it out.



l think about you all the time.

And l'm so sorry,



l really, really am,

for everything that happened between us.



Yes, well... [clears throat]



We don't have much time and l need you

to identify someone for me.



ls this the man with whom you were

seen taking hallucinogenic mushrooms



before you spent the night

with Daniel Cleaver?



Yes, that's him,

but l think you should know...



The same man who gave you

the snake containing the drugs?



Yes, that's him, that's Jed.



But it was Shazzer's snake, not mine,



and as far as Daniel Cleaver goes...



Your sex life doesn't concern me at all.



Has there been any ill treatment here?



No, no. Well, l mean...



...the toilet facilities

are well below par, but...



Good, that makes things simpler.



Listen, they're prepared

to drop all charges against you



which is extremely lenient,

given the circumstances.



You're going to be out within a week.


















Thank you.



You're welcome. l'm just the messenger.

The order came from above.



Well, good luck.

Glad l could be of help.



So, Bijjit, what happen?



Well, um...



Bijjit! How this can happen?



This is terrible! You are innocent!



- They're always cheating us.

- No, no, no. That's all fine.



They've dropped the charges

and they're letting me go.



But that good news.



What is wrong?



Mark Darcy definitely...



...doesn't love me anymore.



[all] Ohhh.



You see the trouble is

it was me who chucked him.



[Phrao] He treat you bad?



Yeah, actually, he did.



My boyfriend treat me bad too.



- Me too.

- [girl] Mine as well.



[girl] Me too.



Then you know all about it.

You think you've found the right man,



but then there's so much wrong with him



and he finds there's so much wrong

with you and it all just falls apart.



Don't tell me. My boyfriend,



he seem really nice.



Then he start to hit me.

Make me work on street.



My boyfriend, he say he love me.



But he do no work,

and make me work    hour a day.



Then he make me take heroin drug.



What about you, Bijjit?

What your bad boyfriend do?



Well, er,...



...he really didn't stick up for me

at this lawyers' supper,...



and, um, then he would fold his...




Oh, same sort of thing, really.



Hitting me and making me take drugs.

Stealing all my money and stuff.



[Bridget] Oh, God.

l've been the world's biggest fool.



[gate slams]






Just a few tiny leaving presents.

No luxuries.



[all gasp]



  [Madonna] Living in a material world



  And l am a material girl



  You know that we are living

in a material world



  And l am a material girl



  Living in a material world



  And l am a material girl  



lf you want something smooth

on your wall,



you could do worse than John Currin.



He is about the only

contemporary painter who can paint.



There's usually something

interesting and allegorical,



plus of course,

there is a very high perv quotient.



- [Mark] Did you see her?

- Cut. Cut it.



Sorry, everyone, sorry. lt's my stalker.



Fuck off, Darcy,

some people have jobs to do.



Did you see her surrounded by police,

dogs, handcuffs?



Come on, she's a big girl,

she can take care of herself.



l'm only going to ask you one more time.

Did you see her?



You're only gonna ask me one more time?



- You haven't got your wig on now, dear.

- l'll take that as a yes.



Yes, l did see her.



l thought she was smuggling seashells,

or mangoes.






Right, good.

Will you step outside, please?



Oh, no, it's not possible.



Darcy, do you have any idea

what century we actually live in?



Are you gonna step outside

or am l gonna have to drag you?



l think you're gonna have to drag me.



[birds cry]



[  The Darkness:

l Believe ln A Thing Called Love]



- [Daniel] You're insane!

- And you're a disgrace, Cleaver.



[Daniel] You're pulling my hair!



l'm not going in the sodding water.



  Touching you

'Cause you're touching me



  l believe in a thing called love



  Just listen to the rhythm of my heart



  There's a chance we can make it now



  We'll be rockin'

till the sun goes down



  l believe in a thing called love



  Oooh-ooh ooh...



- Fuck off!

- No, you're going in, Cleaver!



lf l'm going in, you're coming with me.



You smug bastard.






- [Daniel] Oh, my God.

- Get up.



[child laughs]



Well, what are you gonna do now?



Drown me in    inches of water?



Yes, good idea.



Fuck! Stop, stop.



Listen, listen, listen...



OK, l left her at the airport.

l shouldn't have done that.



But she bumped into Jed herself



and l didn't fucking well seduce her,

all right?



- You didn't?

- There's something wrong with her.



She's gone all frigid.



l spent the night

with a gorgeous Thai girl.



Who in fact turned out to be

a gorgeous Thai boy.









Thank you.



You know what, mate?



lf you're so obsessed with Bridget

Jones, why don't you just marry her?



'Cause then she'd definitely shag me.



  l believe in a thing called love



  Just listen to the rhythm of my heart



  l believe in a thing called love  



- [man] Bridget!

- [second man] Bridget! Over here!



[reporters shout]



- What was it like?

- How did you survive?



Any girl who's been single in London

knows how to handle herself.



- Darling!

- [man] Will you be going back?



Sorry l didn't write.

l've just been so busy.



Hello, darling. You look lovely.



- Skinny, but lovely.

- Oh, thank you.



- [reporters shout]

- Oh, it's good to be home.



- [Mr Jones] Ciggy?

- No, no, thanks.



- l've given up again.

- Shame. l find them very useful.



l take great comfort in the fact they

might kill me before things get worse.



The Darcys rang to say how pleased

they were you were out.



l rather thought Mark might be here

to meet you.



Yes, but you must remember we split up.



So no hope there?



No hope there.



Believe me,

next time l will not fuck it up, Mum.



- Language, darling.

- Sorry.



Next time, l will not fuck it up...



- ...Mother.

- [Mr Jones laughs]



[  Robbie Williams: Misunderstood]



  Trying to be misunderstood



  But it doesn't do me any good



  Love the way they smiled at me



  Hold that face for eternity



  Now let them all fly off



  When it comes down



  lt all comes down



  And you will not be found



  When it's over



  lt's all over



  Even if l make a sound...






- Hello.

- Hello.



- [Tom] Oh, darling.

- Hiya.






l'm so sorry.



lt's all right.



Well, thank God for Mark Darcy.

l mean, he might be a boring arse,



but he performed a miracle.



That's a bit of an overstatement.



He actually seems

to be the villain of this piece.



He's a top human rights lawyer and he

left it to someone else to get me out.



He was just a messenger.



- [Tom] Who told you that?

- He did.



Straight from the horse's mouth.



The horse wasn't quite

telling you the truth.



l called Mark

the minute l landed in London.



We went to his office

and within half an hour,



he'd woken two Cabinet ministers

and half of Ml .



But none of them could locate Jed,

so Mark flew over to lnterpol.



Which is in Lyon.

They located Jed in Dubai,



but they don't normally

extradite people,



so Mark rang the Home Secretary

who rang our ambassador...



ln Riyadh. Then Mark flew to Dubai

where he identified Jed,



who was impounded and pushed out into...



Saudi Arabia, where Mark was waiting

with the police.



Jed was arrested and extradited back

to Britain. Then Mark flew to Bangkok,



to make damn sure they'd let you go.






He was just angry about Daniel Cleaver.



- He must still love me.

- He fucking must.






Yes, please.



[all shriek]



Get in the cab!



[all shout]






Oh. l forgot about you.



Er, l, l, l just wanted to, um,...



say something to Mark.



He's at the office.

Do you want to come in?



Oh, no. No, no, l don't think l will.



l really hope

that you'll be happy together.



- Sorry?

- You and Mark.



l really hope that you'll be

very happy together.



No, no, no, Bridget, listen...



you've got it completely wrong.



l'm not in love with him.



How could l be when l'm...



seriously heartbroken

and smitten with someone else?



Someone else?



- You, Bridget.

- Me?



Ever since l saw you here

with your hair messed that night



and bits of garden stuck to you.

You must have noticed.



l try to hide it,

but every time l see you, l light up.



l thought you were just, you know,...






Was every look l ever gave you a lie?



l've been looking forward to this.



Lovely to see you, Bridget.



- [Rebecca sighs]

- Thank you very much.



That was lovely.



Really lovely.



But l'm afraid it's still men

in general,



and Mark Darcy in particular,

that l love.






lf, er, if l ever do decide to, um,...



you know, bat for the other side,...



...well, there's no-one else.



Only you.



[  Jamie Cullum: Everlasting Love]



- Hello, Giles.

- Hello, Bridget.



  Open up your eyes



  Then you'll realise



  Here l stand with my



  Everlasting love



  Need you by my side



  Girl, to be my bride



  You'll never be denied...



lnns of Court, please. Fast as you can.



What do you think of this jacket?



- Yeah, very nice indeed.

- No, be honest.



What do you think of the whole

jacket/trouser combination?



- Disaster.

- Actually, can we take a tiny detour?



l'll be back in literally two seconds.



  Where life really flows



  No-one really knows



  Till someone's there to show



  The way to lasting love



  Need a love to last forever



  Need a love to last forever...






[  Barry White:

You're My First, My Last, My Everything]



  You're the first



  The last



  My everything



  And the answer to



  All my dreams



  You're my sun



  My moon



  My guiding star



  My kind of wonderful



  That's what you are...



- You look gorgeous.

- Thank you.



Very important at this moment.



  There's no way



-   They could have made two...

- [shrieks]



Doesn't matter. lt's not about looks.






-   Your love l'll keep for evermore

- As l was saying.



  You're the first...



Excuse me, l'm looking for Mr Darcy.



Down there, right along the corridor,

and just to the left.



Thank you very much.



[  Beyoncè: Crazy ln Love]



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no...



l love you.

l always have and l always will.



Oh, um...



l don't love you,

and l never have, and...



...l never will. Sorry.



Come in.



Hello, Bridget.



Hello, Mark.






l'm sorry, l'm disturbing you.



- Well, yes, a bit.

- l'll just...



sit outside while you finish.



No, no, no, please,

say what you have to say, young lady.



Mr Santiago

is the Peruvian Secretary for Trade.



And Mr Hernàndez is his number two.



Hello. [chuckles]






Hello, hello, hello. [laughs]



How can we help you, young lady?



Well, er,...



Er... [Bridget laughs]



l just wanted to tell Mr Darcy here



that l heard what magnificent work



he actually did

releasing me from prison.






Tiny, tiny misunderstanding to do

with an enormous stash of cocaine.



And l also wanted to say,



since having found out that his

girlfriend is actually a lesbian,...



[man coughs]



...that l love him.



Always have. Always will.



And that l'm...





...available for dates...



...if he should feel so inclined.



So, er, your girlfriend is a lesbian.



Look, if you'll all just excuse us

for a second...



l think we should...



Bridget, that was not the most romantic

proposition l've ever heard.



Well, maybe it is romantic



because it's not. l mean...



l know there's no music playing,

and it's not snowing,



but that doesn't mean that it,

that it can't really be something.



You're right.



ln fact, there's a question

l've been meaning to ask you.



All right. As long as it's not

''Will you marry me?''



Oh, God.

lt is ''Will you marry me?''



Well, l'm not gonna say it now.



- ls it ''Will you marry me?''

- The moment's gone.



No. No, no, no. No, wait.






- Bridget.

- Start again.



- No.

- Start again.



l'm not gonna... lt's...



We've just stepped out

into the corridor,



you say ''l've got a question to ask you''



and l don't say anything.



And... And...



You say...



Bridget Jones, will you marry me?



[vicar] Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here this day



to unite this couple.



Do you affirm your love,

one to the other?



l do. Again.



And Colin?



l do. Again.



As well. Of course.



[  Marvin Gaye: Let's Get lt On]



  l've been really tryin', baby...




December   st, year-end summary.



Prison stays, one.



Lesbian kisses, one.



Pounds lost, minus one.



Boyfriends lost but then regained

following major diplomatic incident,






Marriage proposals, one.



An excellent year's progress.



Bridget Jones has cocked things up

for the very last time.






  [Will Young] Your love is king



  Crown you in my heart



  Your love is king



  Never need to part



  Your kisses ring



  Round and round and round my head



  Touching the very part of me



  lt's making my soul sing



  Tearing the very heart of me



  l'm crying out for more



  Your love is king



  Crown you in my heart



  Your love is king...



[Bridget] So, as you can see,

l have found my happy ending at last.



And l truly believe

that happiness is possible.



Even when you're    and have a bottom

the size of two bowling balls.



  Your love is real  



[  Beyoncè: Crazy ln Love]



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  l look and stare so deep in your eyes



  Touch on you more and more every time



  When you leave

l'm begging you not to go



  Call your name

two, three times in a row



  Such a funny thing for me

to try to explain



  How l'm feeling

and my pride is the one to blame



  'Cause l know l don't understand



  Just how your love can do

what no-one else can



  Got me lookin'so crazy right now



  Your love's got me lookin'so crazy

right now



  Your love's

Got me lookin'so crazy right now



  Your touch got me lookin'so crazy

right now



  Your love's

Got me hopin'you'll page me right now



  Your kiss got me hoping

you'll save me right now



  Lookin'so crazy

Your love's got me lookin'



  Got me lookin'so crazy in love



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no



  Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh no no...



[  Jamie Cullum: Everlasting Love]



  Hearts gone astray



  Deep in her when they go



  l went away



  Just when you needed me so



  You won't regret



  l'll come back begging you






  Won't you forget



  Welcome love we once knew



  Open up your eyes

Then you'll realise



  Here l stand with my everlasting love



  l need you by my side

Girl to be my pride



  You'll never be denied

everlasting love



  Hearts gone astray



  Deep in her when they go



  l went away



  Just when you needed me so



  You won't regret



  l'll come back begging you



  Won't you forget



  Welcome love we once knew



  Open up your eyes

Then you'll realise



  Here l stand with my everlasting love



  Need you by my side

Girl to be my pride



  You'll never be denied

everlasting love



  From the very start

Open up your heart



  Feel that you fall in everlasting love



  Need a love to last forever



  Need a love to last forever



  Need a love to last forever



  Need a love to last forever  


Special help by SergeiK