The Cat's Meow Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the The Cat's Meow script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Kirsten Dunst movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of The Cat's Meow. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

The Cat's Meow Script





  I found my love in Avalon  



  Beside the bay  



  I left my love in Avalon  



  And I sailed away  



  I dream of her and Avalon  



  From dusk till dawn  



  So, I think  



  I'll travel on  



  To Avalon  



  Every morn

my memories stray  



  Across the sea where

flying fishes play  



  And as the night is falling  



  I find that I'm recalling  



  That blissful

all enthralling day  



  Beside the bay  



  And I sailed away  



  I dream of her and Avalon  



  From dusk till dawn  



  So I think  



  I'll travel on  



  To Avalon.  



Man  Stop pushing.



(crowd yelling)



Man  Stop pushing.




Please, calm down.



Woman's voice 

In November of     



during a weekend yacht party

bound for San Diego,



a mysterious death occurred

within the Hollywood community.



However, there was no coverage

in the press, no police action,



and of the     passengers

on board,



only one was ever questioned

by authorities.



Little evidence exists now,

or existed at the time,



to support any version

of those weekend events.



History has been written

in whispers.



This is the whisper

told most often.



The yacht, you see,



belonged to

William Randolph Hearst.



Only in a place like this

do reporters and autograph hounds



have absolutely no scruples about

stampeding mourners at a funeral.



Welcome to Hollywood,



a land just off the coast

of the planet earth.



(Hawaiian guitars playing

"Aloha Oe")



After we all leave,



the man in the box

will disappear.



Just his ashes

will remain.



After all, it's fire

that can hurt you, not ashes.



(music playing)



Radio announcer're listening to KFI.



And stay tuned

for our weekend music marathon,



with our own

KFI studio orchestra.



I fear this bizarre

yet fascinating town,



but I can't leave it.



You see, I'm never quite certain

if I'm visiting the zoo,



or if I'm one

of the animals in a cage.



Don't you dare!

I will not be seen arriving early.



Yes, ma'am.



Woman's voice  I want to avoid

the solution to this riddle



but the man in the box

forces us to confront it.



All of us were there

that weekend.






I am not here.



(engine roars)




The birthday boy is early.



He must be anxious.



My God, this thing

must be     feet.



-    .

- He owns that?



And the ocean it's sitting in

and the sky above.



What are you doing?!



The old boy should give you the ship

as a birthday present, Tom.



We could sell it and

get the studio out of hock.



Don't be melodramatic,

George, no one's in hock.



We're not far away.

I don't know about this new strategy.



It's like I told you,

people's tastes have changed.



They want to read more modern stories.

Contemporary, adult.



Tom  Like the kind you read

in Hearst's magazines.



Woman  Will it be like this

all the way to San Diego and back?



Besides, he has a lot

of other assets to offer.



Yeah, cash.



I still don't think it's

the right time. Too obvious.



Relax, George.

No one's going to be obvious.




Business. Business.



(horn blowing)



  Everybody loves my baby  



  But my baby

don't love nobody but me  



  Nobody but me  



  Everybody wants my baby  



  But my baby don't want

nobody but me...  



Yes, take that bag.



Kono, a starving man



eats the wooden planks

of his log cabin.



- Is that funny?

- No, Mr. Chaplin. Not funny.



Don't hold back.

Tell me what you really think.



Huh? Hmm?



Chaplin  Don't tell me

Elinor Glyn has arrived on time?



Good God,

perhaps even early?



Oh... all right then.



Hello, you little bastard.



The "little" I object to.



I see your young passion flame

is not accompanying you.



Lita? She's not here?

I seem to have forgotten her.



Let's keep it

that way, shall we?



Oh my God!






...they cost him a fortune.



Mr. Chaplin, it is an honor,



and I mean a true honor

to meet you, sir.



Louella Parsons.



I write for Mr. Hearst's paper

the New York American.



I've been there a whole year.



Louella Parsons of the East,

meet Elinor Glyn of the West.



Elinor is the finest and naughtiest

writer in the entire world.



Oh, you don't have to tell me that.



I wish I could be introduced

as being "of the West."



Whatever makes you happy, dear.




I'll leave you two alone.



I have something-or-other

to attend to.



Mr. Chaplin, did you happen

to notice the rave review



I gave your last picture,

"A Woman of Paris"?



Yes, I did.

Thank you, that was most kind.



So deserved, so deserved.



Itjust stinks

that nobody went to see it.



At least you won't lose your shirt

on the next picture too.



I hear at least you have

the good sense to be in this one.



"The Gold Rush."

I hear that's just a hint



as to how much

this picture is costing you.



Oh, there's the birthday boy!



- Marion, sweetheart.

- Happy birthday.



Thank you. It's not until

tomorrow but I always love it



when a beautiful girl kisses me.



- Wow, look at you!

- Thanks.



We should try to find

a naval picture for you,



so we can get

this look on film.



- What do you think, George?

- Absolutely.



- Drinks?

- A natural comic too.



- Thanks.

- So, where's our captain?



He'll be down

in a minute.



...if I'm truly

going to make a difference,



is a daily column

with my name on top,



marking the place

where both the people



in the audience

and on the screen



can come together

to read the truth,



notjust vicious gossip

and innuendo.



Keep after old WR,

I'm sure he'll come around.



I plan to, believe you me.



Take you, for example.

I want you to know that l, for one,



am so sorry about your difficulties

with your little co-star,



this little girl, Lita...



Oh! We're here.



- Allow me.

- Yes, it's... moving.



Oh! So, Mr. Chaplin,



if you ever need a sympathetic

person to confide in, I'm all ears.



After all, you'll need

someone on your side



when the shocking truth emerges.



- (chuckles)

- Thank you very much, Ms. Parsons.



- Lolly.

- Hmm?



Lolly. All my close friends

call me Lolly.



- Lolly.

- Um-hmm.



So, Mr. Chaplin...




son of a bitch!



If you kids'll

excuse me again for a sec.



- Tom  Charlie, how are you?

- Safe, for the moment.



You know George Thomas,

my business partner?



- George.

- Charlie.



This is Miss Margaret Livingston,

George's guest and a delightful actress.



- Charmed, I'm sure.

- Me too.



- And Mrs. Ince?

- Couldn't make it,



one of our boys

isn't feeling well.



- Sorry to hear that.

- Yeah...



Say, that "Woman of Paris"

was a terrific picture.



Pretty big risk you took

by not being in it.



You're a risk taker, Charlie,

just like me.



Just when you got everyone laughing

at your Little Tramp character,



you make some

weepy melodrama without him.



You can't fault the man

for taking a gamble.



And anyhow, failure is

a character builder. Right, Charlie?



I don't know, Tom,

you tell me.



Thanks a lot. You introduce me

and then you hog him to yourself.



Little prick.



Really? I hear he's got

a pretty big one.



Actors running a studio.



It's like the goddamn serfs

running the palace.



He lost his shirt

in that last picture.



He's so overbudget

on "The Gold Rush,"



his partners aren't even

returning his phone calls.



And his    -year-old leading lady

collapsed on the set... pregnant.



- No kidding?

- Uh-huh.



They learn about the birds and bees

so much younger these days.



The buzz is that

Chaplin did the pollinating.



Oh, yeah?



Oh, Zoe. Can you get me

some more of these? Thank you.



Did you hear that hack

lecture me?



Hack? The man built

three movie studios all by himself.



Just 'cause he builds a paint shop

doesn't make him Van Gogh.



Why haven't...



Come here.



Why haven't you returned any

of my phone calls, you little shit?



'Cause I hate telephones.



Maybe I was calling to tell you

to stay away this weekend.



That would pretty much ensure

that I turn out, wouldn't it?



Willie's heard about us.



He's even had

private detectives around.



He only invited you

so he could watch us.



Nothing can happen

this weekend.



What are you doing

next weekend?



Jesus, Charlie! You didn't get me

into bed and you're not going to.



- Says who? You or Captain Willie?

- Says me.



I've got to go help

little Miss Lolly...



I mean it!



You start anything, I'll throw you

and your smirk overboard.






Do you believe

I would've stayed away?






But you should really believe

that I wanted you to.



I won't have anybody

walk on this boat



without being

introduced to everybody.



Lolly, this is everybody.

Everybody, this is Lolly.



- Tom  Hi.

- Marion  Louella Parsons.



This is one of Willie's

insightful movie reviewers.



Especially because of the wonderful

things she writes about me.



- (chuckles)

- And...



I wrote them before I knew

you were Mr. Hearst's...



You know, before you

and the boss... I knew that...






Gosh, this thing

is big, isn't it?



Yes, dear, but does he know

how to use it?






Well, that's that.



I'll get the captain

so we can shove off.



Did you hear that, Pops?

I'm coming up.



Very convincing.



- Oh, is anyone here yet?

- Everyone's here and you know it.



Are you gonna come down

from Mount Olympus or what?



There's no need

for sarcasm, Marion.



You're the one up here in

radio central spying on everyone.



- Those who have nothing to fear...

- Save the Bible quotes.



- It's not from the Bible.

- Whoever then.



Fine, go right ahead

and keep spying



'cause there's nothing to see.



There have been whispers.



Stop listening to whispers

and listen to me.



There's nothing going on

between me and Charlie.






I bought you something...

in New York.



- Willie...

- (chuckling)



It's beautiful.



But you already gave me

a butterfly brooch.



Oh no! That's diamonds and rubies.

This is diamonds and jade.



You don't have

one of these.



There are a lot of things

I don't have.



- If you love someone...

- You can't buy me all of them.



you try to get them

what they don't get themselves.



I love you so much.



Don't ever stop.



And I'll always be here,



don't you know that?



Thank you.



Every time you thank me...

what do I say?



"Shut up and keep me happy, Pops."






Ah, Dr. Goodman.



I didn't see you come on board.



You know me, Joe.

Elusive as ever.



- How's the chief today?

- A little edgy, Dan.



- Marion?

- Why else?



No, I mean, how is Marion?



Oh. The usual.



- Spunky.

- Uh-huh.



Permission to come aboard!



Here we go.



- Frank, how are you?

- Joseph!



- Not late, are we?

- Not at all, not at all.



- Who's he?

- Boring Frank Barham,



the pill of the

Hearst publishing world.



They are invited to remind WR

that for every one of us



- There are two of them.

- What's the wife called?



Who knows?



Oh my word!

What a big boat!



Correction, who cares?



Marion! Marion, honey.



Do you trust Tom Ince?



Do you trust him?



Well, he doesn't drink

during the day.



- Can't trust him.

- Hmm? Oh...



And I better not catch you two

talking business.



- Or what?

- Or you'll get yours.



Marion  Aww...



Marion  Well, here he is.









Such a remarkable

economy of words



for one who controls

more print than Jesus Christ.



Take that back, or I'll have

to dishonor your good name.



I hope someone does.

I'm feeling rather frisky.



Lolly, Madam Glyn

would like a word.






Mrs. Glyn, I've read every one

of your wonderful,



wonderful books.



How lovely for you, dear,



but do forgive me,

I have to go to write another one.



Chief, it's nearly noon.

We should try to keep on schedule.



Woman  Stop!



Raise the gangplank!



- No!

- Oh my God!



- Wait!

- Stop!



Woman  Oh, thank God.



He always does this to us!

Every time!



I'm sweating like a pig.



How am I gonna land anyone

with sweat dripping down my nose?



Don't bitch, Didi,

I'm not in the mood.



Both  Hi! Hello!



I think this is going to be

a most enjoyable boat ride.



Yeah... the cat's meow.



That's it everybody!

Out to sea!



(horn blows)



(clears throat)









Jesus Christ, Tom!



- You want everyone to hear you?

- Yes!



- Be sensible, please.

- God!



You said this time

was going to be different,



that I was going to come off

George's arm and onto yours.



You will.

We've gotta be delicate.



We've got to find

the right moment.



No one cares

if you're having an affair.



Look at Hearst and Marion,

for Christ's sake!



Mrs. Hearst knows about Marion.



She doesn't approve of divorce,

but she approved the arrangement.



She wants to stay

a very rich woman



with the last name of Hearst.

Who can blame her?



Now it's your innocent,

vulnerable wife who's the excuse.



I'm trying to make

a deal with the guy.



So not getting

on his morally objectionable side...



The man's whole life

is morally objectionable!



You're getting loud!



Sorry. You just...

get me crazy sometimes.



No, you're right.

I'm sorry. It's my fault.



I'm not giving you a chance

to strut your stuff.



- I don't want to strut my stuff...

- See, there you go...



- You're selling yourself short.

- I just want to strut with you.



You're a fabulous actress



and you should be

given a chance to shine.



We can't be pushy is all I'm saying.



Let me work some of my magic

on the old man...



and we'll get you noticed.



As an actress

or on your arm?



The lady places a tall order,

but maybe we can do both.



- Yeah?

- Hmm...









"Flames of Youth"?



Dear God!






you're early for dinner.



I always like to come out

just before sundown.



The best time

to watch for seagulls.



What? Oh, yeah.

Beautiful creatures.



You know, Tom,

I just love movies.



I always thought the press



was the most powerful thing

for a communicator



- But that's not true these days.

- You're absolutely right.



Words don't always translate well

across seven continents.



But through those fabulous,

fabulous moving pictures...



Well, it's a universal language,

and morality and politics...



and any other goddamn thing

I can put into someone's head.



- (gunshot)

- Son of a bitch!



Your days are numbered,

you little bastard!



You gotta keep your gun low

or else they see it.



Yeah, yeah... I see.



- Can I be frank with you, WR?

- You can be whoever you like, Tom.



I think your eye for movies

is right on target.



- You do?

- But you have to face facts.



There's some things

even you can't control.



- Like what?

- Your whole empire,



your family,

is based on the east coast.



- The movies are in California.

- I'm aware of that.



You should also be aware

that movie producers



can't send orders over the telephone

and they can't have yes men



represent them

when real decisions...



You're being

almost inexcusably frank.



- (gunshot)

- God damn it!



There's a lot of money

in movies, WR.



Yeah, mine!



I've made millions

from this business and...



we both know that despite

the quality of your pictures



you've never made back a dime...



All right, suppose I believe

your frank observations,



are you implying that Thomas H. Ince

can make a difference?



I'm not implying,

I'm stating.



I'm talking about personally

overseeing Cosmopolitan Pictures.



- Marion's career in particular.

- How personally?






consulting with you on which scripts

and directors are right for her.



- Making sure her productions...

- What's in it for you?



The stories in Cosmopolitan

and other magazines, for starters.






It's not that I doubt your

background in the business, Tom.



On the contrary... that's just where

it's been lately, in the background.



You have to admit, you're not

the force you were five years ago.



That maybe true

of both of us, WR.



But I think we both have

different strengths



to help

the other's weaknesses.



No offense, Tom...



But if I'm in trouble I don't need

a cripple to help me up.



(seagull squawks)






Ha! Gotcha!



Look at him fall.






That's the one that tried

to get away before. Stupid bird!



You've ever eaten a seagull, Tom?



- No.

- They taste awful.



Just like eating a crow.



Are you gonna let me in?



I'll kick the door in.



I'll kick your teeth in.



- Come to my room then.

- Your room?



I mean it. I have a love letter

that needs proofreading.



Why don't you have Lita

proofread it?



- She's not old enough to read.

- How could I forget?



Admit it. You're in love

with me, aren't you?



Not as much as you are

with you, Charlie.



  Every morning, every evening,

ain't we got fun?  



  Not much money, oh but honey,

ain't we got fun?  



  The rent's unpaid, dear,

but we have a car...  



Oh, Doctor. There's something

I wanted to ask you.



Lolly  Every time I eat grapes

I get extreme palpitations.



Dr. Goodman 

I wouldn't worry about it.



Lolly  My heart starts pounding

and then I break out in a rash.



Everything all right, Chief?



Everything's just fine.



I can't believe he still

only let us have one drink.



Well, Didi, it is illegal.



Yeah, but not for us.

You had yours?



I'm saving it for later

when I'll really need it.



"I don't need a cripple."

He actually said that to you?



Nice way to treat

the guest of honor, huh?



If I had the same mean streak,

I'd throw that fling



Marion and Chaplin are having

right on his face.



- Marion and Chaplin?

- Saw them holding hands on deck.



Notice they're the only ones

we're still waiting for.



I advise you

to keep it to yourself.



- I know, I'm a decent man.

- I need my escort, if you don't mind.



I hope you were not waiting for me

to eat your appetizers.



Elinor  Since you've decided

to grace us with your presence,



perhaps you'd have the decency

to tell us where to sit.



If Willie had it his way,

he'd talk business all night.



So you, Mr. Birthday Boy,

will sit at my end of the table.



And Willie, why don't we have

Charlie sit by you



- To keep you laughing all night?

- Or is that vice versa?



Now, Charlie,

hold your tongue.



And your seat.



(everyone laughs)



You got me, WR.



I've done it to many people,

but never had it done to me.



How does it feel?






Get over here, Lolly.

Sit down.



That was hysterical, Mr. Hearst.



 ... Still we have fun  



  There's nothing surer  



  The rich get rich

and the poor get poorer...  



Good band, huh?




the saxophone player, eh?



Yeah, isn't he...

ooh, you caught me.



So, Big Joe, what have you

been up to since I saw you last?



Well, I saw you

in "Lady of the Harem."



Ohh, you did, huh?



And what did your mama

think about that?



Well, Mama was sitting

on my lap.




You're a dirty, dirty boy.



I should forget about him

if I were you.



Pardon me?



Married moguls and mistresses

don't mix, Margaret.



Oh, it's rather good.

I must use that in a novel.



- Have you got a pen?

- Yes.



Marion, not even a teensy weensy

bit of business talk?



What is it, Tom?



I'm trying to negotiate

a deal with WR,



and you gotta tell me the secret.

How do you get through to him?



- You want to know my secret?

- Uh-huh.



I don't have to do

a goddamn thing.



I don't follow you.



People have funny ideas

about me and Willie.



- The whole gold-digger thing.

- No, no, no! I didn't mean...



The truth is,

Willie did the pursuing.



He used to buy two seats every night

when I was in the Follies.



One for him

and one for his hat.



I never once asked him

to put me in a picture.



It would take more to get him

to stop putting me in his pictures.



That's my secret, Tom.

With Willie, I don't have to dig.



So, your husband

is Mr. Frank Barham?



- Yes, he certainly is.

- Barham  Hello, darling.



- Who's that?

- That's Mr. Barham.



Oh, I thought maybe

your lover was on board. Too bad.



- Dan, don't be modest.

- Oh, no.



Mr. Hearst takes full responsibility

for Cosmopolitan Pictures.



Everyone knows you're one

of his top executives.



I'm actually a physician by trade.



- Oh, you're a doctor?

- Semi-retired.



Oh nice. Very...






Hearst  Maybe I should ask you.

What do you think, Charlie,



about Marion's pictures,

how we've been handling her?



I don't think you've recognized

that she's a wonderful comedienne.



I mean, her eyes, her smile,

her laugh. She's a delight.



Comedy... I don't want people

laughing at Marion.



Well, she doesn't need

any more stodgy period dramas.



Excuse me, but Marion belongs

in serious, important pictures,



certainly not running around

in baggy pants comedy.



No offense, Charlie.



Excuse me, you're not doing

what's right for Marion.



- No offense, WR.

- (glass clinks)



I'd like to make a toast.



It's usually Willie's job,

but as you know,



a few weeks ago, us gals,

we got to vote for president again.



So I figured I can do

whatever the hell I darn well please.



Here's to our birthday boy.



Not only did Tom

invent the cowboy picture,



but he helped build this town.



He figured out how to run

a studio that could make



-     movies at the same time.

- And took credit for all of them!






Oh, Willie!



- To Tom!

- All  To Tom!



Thank you.



That was very sweet.



Mr. Hearst,

I just want to say,



it's so wonderful

to be here.



The more I see

the lovely people of California



the more I'm reminded

of the need for a columnist...



You know, Lolly, the first rule

of California living



is never to mix

business with pleasure.



Now, what were you saying?



Oh, uh...



I was just saying it's so...



wonderful to see

all these fascinating people



assembled in one place.



You see, Charlie?

That's why I've hired her.



Even with a gun

to her head



she still gives me

unconditionally rave reviews.



As long as nobody

pulls the trigger...



What are you laughing about

down there?



It was the funniest thing ever!



it was all about...

there was a gun at my head



and somebody

pulled the trigger!



Guns and triggers, such violence!



All in line with Madame Elinor's

California Curse.



California Curse?

What's that?



Not that nasty thing.

Not now.



Yes, Elinor,

do educate our visitor.



Elinor  The California Curse

strikes you like a disease



the minute you set foot in Hollywood,

so pay close attention.



Oh, I am, I am.



You see,

this place you've arrived in,



this place we call home,



isn't a place at all,

but a living creature.



A living creature?!



More precisely, an evil wizard.



Like in the old stories.



- And you all live on him?

- Like fleas on the belly of a mutt.



Elinor  Exactly.



But unlike the helpless dog,

this wizard is able to banish



the true personalities

of those he bewitches,



forcing them against their will

to carry out his command,



to forget

the land of their birth,



the purpose of theirjourney,



and whatever principles

they once held dear.



Don't forget about the symptoms,

that's my favorite part.



The curse is taking hold of you

if you experience the following 



you see yourself as the most

important person in any room;



you accept money

as the strongest force in nature;



and finally,

your morality vanishes...



without a trace.



Well, thank God none of us

have been infected, eh, WR?



Umm... yes.



Thank God for that.



Charleston, everybody!



- (cheering)

- (music plays)



Come on, Pops,

let's show 'em how it's done!



Hearst  You bet!



Mrs. Barham 

What are you looking at?



Oh, I'm tired.

Let's sit down.



Sit? I want to pound my feet so hard

the devil will complain.



(Hearst laughs)



Come on, Jay,

take us to the moon!






(tenor singing opera)



Hearst  They've just shot all this

a couple of days ago.



I haven't seen

any of it yet.



Hearst  Shh!



It's wonderful...



Hearst  There!

You see that throne?



That throne

is from the    th century.



That's King Lewis II.

I brought that over from Hungary.



Honey, you're wonderful.

Just wonderful.



(snoring loudly)












- Marion  Get in there!

- Chaplin  Ow!






- (music playing)

- Wow, Marion, look at you!



Yeah, but that movie

sure went in the shithouse.



Okay, Willie's at the wheel

for two hours so who's first?



- Chaplin  I am!

- Didi  Hands off, you little tramp!



Marion, you always have

the best moonshine.



That's because every hour,

bottles arrive from her many admirers.



Well, this one sure's got

sex appeal. Who gave it to you?



Who do you think?



Didi  Hmm, I see...



Well, it's mine now.



Ahoy there.



Tom, how are you?






That was some banquet.



Wait until tomorrow. Marion's

prepared quite a birthday feast.



- Marion is a special woman.

- Yep, she is.



It's so hard to love someone

in our business.



There's so many men

who prey on beauty.



And not sincerely either, but

in cruel ways, just for the conquest.



Take a character

like Chaplin for example.



He's absolutely notorious.



I'm sure you've heard about Lita,

his leading actress.






Apparently she's pregnant

with his child...



she's only    

for Christ sakes!



That's why I keep my Nell

far away from show people.



Women aren't as strong as we are.

They're easily fooled,



their hearts

are easily corrupted.



Yeah, yeah, it is a concern.



It must be, especially...



considering the amount of time you're

forced to spend      miles apart.



This might be something else

I can help you with.



- What do you mean?

- Well...



if we were to merge

our motion picture interests,



along with

all the other benefits,



I could keep an eye

on her for you.






What makes you think

she needs to be watched?



- Well, she certainly has...

- Barham  Is four a crowd?



Not at all. Join us.

You were saying, Tom?



We can talk later.



- Such a charming cabin!

- Good night, everyone.



What a nice man.



Yes. Very nice.



- Here I am with surprises!

- Jay  Charlie!



- Didi  Let's see what you got, Celia.

- It's dope, Didi.



You had that

the whole car ride?



If I'd told you in the car

that box would be empty right now.



Is it true what they say

about a Jazz man and his instrument?



- Every word, sister.

- Oh!



You're with me.

Come on.






You're not gonna be a flat tire

about our playtime, are you?



You do as you like,

Marion, dear.



Just don't expect me tojoin you

in such infantile nonsense.



Frank, I admire your marriage.



So simple... clean.



- Thank you, WR.

- Nothing complicating things.



Frankly I feel uninteresting

compared with the...



colorful lifestyles

of your other guests.



Lord knows what

they're all up to at this hour.




I won't hear such talk.



The codes of decency are something

to be held in high regard.



We should feel no shame for not being

as liberal-minded as the rest.



Darling, please.



No disrespect, but you know what

one of those actress persons



- Said to me at dinner?

- What?



She had the gumption

to ask if Frank was my lover!



- No!

- Yes!



What did you tell her?!



I said, "Mr. Barham is my husband,

deary, we're not lovers."



- You set her straight.

- The thought of such a thing!



(music playing)






Among the finest

I've ever tasted, Celia.



The absolute finest.



- Who is it?

- Tom  It's me.



If you say,

"It's Tom Ince



to see Ms. Margaret Livingston

alone in her cabin



on a Saturday night,"

you'll get a big surprise.



It's uh...



Tom Ince to see

Miss Margaret Livingston



alone in her cabin

on a Saturday night.



I suppose that's the best

I'll get out of you.




...He said it was a sausage!



All right, everyone,

time for charades!




We call them "sha-raids."



These are the subjects

I've prepared.



Chaplin  Well...



We will be one team.



Very well.



Didi and Celia

will be team two.



- What a gyp.

- Shut up!



Come on, Marion. Choose.






Two medical students

I once knew.



- Celia  Let them get started.

- Elinor  Noo...



"Indian Love Call,"

by Harback and Hammerstein!



- Didi  Guppies!

- Elinor  No, no.



King and Queen Tut!



There was no Mrs. Tut!



- Celia  Oh oh oh!

- Jay  Oh, he's getting her now.



Didi  Concubines!



All  Oohh!



Didi  I know! Sex!



This charade

is being misread.



Marion, come outside

so I can explain it to you.



Now, Marion,

what's going on?



I promised myself

this wouldn't happen.



You had to promise yourself?!



I don't know,

l... can't think straight.



Have you slept with him?



- No.

- Have you?!



- No!

- Thank God.



You're not

in love with him?



He thinks

he's in love with me.



Charles is only capable

of a monogamous relationship



with his own movies.



But I want

to trust him before l...



Before you what?!



Listen to what you're saying!



You know, Willie's the first man

who ever had faith in me.



And I'm all he's got

keeping him a human being.



I think he'd... he'd...



he'd die if I left him.



I think he would.



And you think Charles Chaplin

would die if you left him?



Charlie might cry

at my grave



and recite

some lousy poem he wrote.



But give him a day or two

and he'd be back in the market.



A day or two?

Charles would copulate



with a reasonably attractive




What is it, baby?



I'm sorry.



No. Don't be sorry.



- It's just that...

- Talk to me.



- It's just what?

- Everything.



- I feel like it's all slipping away.

- What is?



Everything. Me.



Tonight Hearst called me

a cripple in the picture business.



- That's a lousy thing to say.

- Do people see me as a cripple?



- No.

- Or a credit hog?



- No, honey.

- Oh God...



I used to be a force

in this town.



- You are a force.

- Not too long ago.



I used to make    pictures a year.



Now I'm lucky if I

can get one off the ground.



- God, I need him so badly.

- You'll get him.



- You think so?

- I know so.



- Do you?

- Yeah, I know it.



You're a force.



- I am, aren't I?

- You are.






Marion must think

you're a lousy kisser



or else she'd be back by now.



Hey, Charlie,



you look just like

Adolphe Menjou in this ad.



Chaplin  That's 'cause

it is Adolphe Menjou.



No wonder I never heard

of the picture. Who wants to see



a Charlie Chaplin production

without Charlie Chaplin?



(Chaplin coughs)




Not... not many people,




I demand that someone kiss

my magnificent breasts!



Jay  Okay.



- What, again?

- Chaplin  Me, please.



Type it up, will you?






Just be strong

and keep telling him no.



- Understand?

- Yeah.



Four people on the bed

and Chaplin's the only one asleep.



Elinor  That's something

you don't see every day.









A wire's come through

from the New York office.



It's an item

that will be published



in tomorrow's

New York Daily News.



- Grace Kingsley.

- Oh God!



Which one of my pictures

is she bashing now?



- I'll leave it here for you.

- No, no, go ahead and read it.



"Charlie Chaplin

continues to pay



ardent attention

to Marion Davies.



He's spent the evening

at Montmartre dining and dancing



with the fair Marion

the other night.



There was a lovely young dancer

entertaining that evening.



And Charlie applauded

but with his back turned.



He never took his eyes off

Marion's blonde beauty.



Miss Davies looked

very fetching indeed."






Studio close-ups

of each of them.



- Placed side by side?

- Yeah.






"They're still seen around

with each other."



I'll leave it here for you.



Fine, fine.

You can go now.



- Shall I make a call?

- Get out!!



- Good morning.

- Good morning.




Two men starving to death



decide to eat their hair

like spaghetti. Is that funny?



Elinor  Hmm... well,



it depends whether by "funny,"

you want to make people laugh.



Chaplin  Sarcasm doesn't

suit your hat, Elinor.



(Elinor chuckles)



Hearst  I want to show you

something absolutely fantastic.



Bring the cannon out here!



Ladies, don't be frightened.

Mr. Cannonball!



Bring it up here, boys.

How is it going?




Get back, boys.



Get out of the way.



Put those down there.



- Ready, Mr. Cannonball?

- I'm ready.



All right. Get back,

you'll get blown up.



Only us brave performers

are gonna stay up here.



- Ready, Mr. Cannonball?

- I'm ready!



(crowd screams)



- (all cheer)

- Hearst  Amazing!



Amazing, amazing!



Every single time! By jingles!



I don't know how many times

I've seen you do that



but it never

ceases to amaze me.



I believe I saw you before

on Catalina last summer.



Yep. Catalina,

up and down the coast from Frisco



clear on down to Ensenada.



Wherever you see a cannonball

hit a man's stomach



and you see that same man

walk away on both legs,



you're seeing me.



Didn't I tell you?



- Tom, that was good.

- Wonderful.



Hearst  You've seen it




How many more times

do you suppose it'll take



before the cannonball explodes

through the poor man's back?



I don't know, but Hearst will be there

with a match in his hand.



That is what

he's waiting to see.






You know, Margaret,



there's a certain

unspoken bond



between single women who

are trapped on a yacht together.



What Didi wants to know is,



is it true

you're Tom Ince's lover?



- I beg your pardon?

- I think he's very attractive.



Not to mention influential.



He's a little short,

but then every man in this town



is much smaller

than you'd like him to be.



Excuse me.



Have you lost your mind?!



I've tried your approach.

It doesn't work.



I have to show him I can handle

his private life too.



- Marion only affects him.

- By proving Marion's unfaithful?!



Which will make him

hate you forever.



I know you're looking

for some harpoon,



but this one

is dangerously double-edged.



- Tom, we need to talk.

- Not now, Margaret.






Hi, everyone!

Did I miss it?






- He can do it again.

- Shut up.



Oh, you just missed it!

         But Marion could never|leave the castle

         'cause if she did she'd realize|she'd never really lived.

         - Why are you doing this to me?|- Because we're meant to be.

         - Just words...|- No, passion!

         I don't mean|passion for... yachts

         or gin or dope

         or the goddamn Charleston!

         I'm talking about...

         I'm talking about...

         Tom  Now that,

         boy, that is|a thing of beauty, WR.

         I tell you,|I may be married to Nell,

         but boating is my secret love.

         What? Oh, yes.|Secret love.

         And this boat...

         has always|made me happy. Calm.

         My God,|it practically purrs!

         When I come down here,|this sound calms me.

         You're a civilized man, WR.

         Why does that surprise you?

         Tom  Because, you have the power|to act uncivilized.

         You could overstep the rules,|but you don't.

         Before I'd call you|a rich or a powerful man,

         I'd simply call you decent.

         - Thank you, Tom.|- I'm notjust saying that.

         It's amazing to me|how civilized

         you've been|behaving all weekend.

         - I mean... considering.|- Considering what?

         Well, it's clear...

         Chaplin has designs on Marion.

         I mean...

         the nerve of him|flirting so blatantly.

         After you.

         Everyone knows|what he's up to.

         It must be so infuriating.

         Yes, I have everything|under control.

         - What do you mean "everyone"?|- What?

         You just said "everyone" knows.|Who's everyone?


         everyone on this boat|for example.

         If someone|was coming after my Nell,

         I don't know that|I'd be able to exercise such...

         impressive restraint.

         You always|have to keep control.

         Otherwise you're|just like everybody else.

         Dr. Goodman  Excuse me...

         - Could I get into the library?|- Damn! I locked it!

         Sorry about that, Dan.|I'll see you up top, Tom.

         "Up Top, Tom," try to say|that three times fast.


         Thanks for the weekend.


         - Lolly  Thanks for playing with me.|- Don't mention it.

         It really is|rather dull, isn't it?

         - What is?|- Ping-pong.

         - I thought you wanted to play.|- I did. I want to get better.

         Anybody who's anybody|plays ping-pong.

         It is rather dull. I only play|'cause I can beat Tom.

         - Tom Ince?|- That's right.

         Why should it matter|if you can beat Tom Ince?

         Because Tom Ince is my lover.

         That is fascinating.

         I mean,|that is truly fascinating.

         We only just met,

         and yet you instinctively|feel like you can trust me.

         You know something,|Margaret,

         that's happened to me|all my life.

         People feel|that they can confide

         their deepest|darkest secrets in me.

         Like you just did.

         I hate to burst your bubble,|I would have told whoever

         was on the other side|of that ping-pong table.

         Yes, but how fortunate

         that I just learned how|to play ping-pong

         or else you might have told|the wrong person.

         There are wrong people,|you know.

         Yes, I know.

         Don't worry,|your secret is safe with me.

         My serve?

          ... I'm just wild about Tommy  

           And Tommy's wild about me...  

         (cork pops)

         Marion! Marion!

         Bring it in!

         Happy birthday, Tom!

         (crowd cheering)

         Make a wish!

         All right, here it goes.

         (applause and cheering)

         Would you take it to be cut?|Thank you.

         All right, hold it down back there.|Hold it down.

         I want to propose|a birthday toast

         to my good friend|and cowboy creator,

         - Thomas Harper Ince,|- (cheering)

         one of the giants|of the motion picture industry.

         Tojust give you an idea|of how big he is,

         he's just made a proposal|that we merge our holdings

         in the motion picture industry.

         We haven't come|to an agreement yet,

         but I can say, that he's one of|the most insightful and...

         observant men|I've ever known.

         Perhaps now's the time...

         I hereby call this meeting|of the board of directors

         - Officially over!|- Hearst  All right, all right.

         Music, music!|Here's to Tom!

         (music plays)

         Thank you, WR.

         You're too generous.

         Now the real thing on everyone's|mind is whether or not

         Willie will let us have|another glass of champagne?

         Is that what's on everybody's mind?|A second glass of champagne?

         Well, it's on my mind,|I can tell you that.

         I do not ask much.

         But the little I do ask I...

         must be respected.

         Hearst  I don't say this...

         as a threat,

         It's just a wish|I have as a man.



         I'm a man|asking for people to...

         behave according to my wishes...

         on my boat.

         Why is that|so difficult to understand?

         Charleston! Charleston!



         Excuse me for one moment.

         I'll be right back.

         - Everything all right, Tom?|- Yeah. Damn ulcer. It'll pass.

         Didi  Watch it, Charlie,

         we're doing the tramp now.

         I'm proud of you.

         Proud of what?|I'm observant, I'm insightful

         but I still|don't have a deal yet.

         - Tom, for God's sake...|- You don't understand.

         I need a firm decision from him|or this whole weekend is worthless.

         - Let's dance, Georgie-Porgie.|- Certainly.

         Ladies and gentlemen,

         I give you Marion Davies,

         The New Tramp.


         Hello, Tom.

         I have to thank you again|for making this birthday so memorable.

         Don't mention it.

         Tom  I also want to thank you|for your kind words

         about my business proposition.

         I really think|we'd make a great team.

         Yes, Tom.

         Partnerships of any kind|are based on two things,


         and sharing.

         If you had information to share|with me I'd trust you to do so.

         That's why I think it best that|I bring something to your attention.

         While you've been busy|being such a gracious host,

         I've been keeping an eye|on another situation.

         Thank you, Tom.

         I needed to know.

         Now I'll...

         I'll handle this matter.

         Lolly |You see what I want,

         I want Mr. Hearst to listen to me|but I don't want to be rude.

         You'll get nowhere with WR|by behaving politely.


         Good manners are|for waiters and doormen.

         Writers and artists are exonerated|from such impractical behavior.


         Best to avert your eyes, dear.

         But what about the baby, Charlie?

         Willie'll turn the lead|into the biggest scandal.

         The press knows already.|There hasn't been a scandal yet.

         It'll be a scandal|if you don't marry her.

         Or worse, if you run off|with some gorgeous blonde.

         They'll rip you to pieces.

         You'll look so pretty|while you're digging my grave.


         - (knocking)|- Come in.

         I did it.

         I got to Hearst.


         You didn't get him just yet.

         I've taken care of any worries|the old man might have.

         I'm glad someone's worries|have been taken care of.

         Oh, come on, honey.|I mean...

         I'm feeling good right now.

         Don't spoil it for me, okay?

         I wouldn't want|to spoil anything.

         I'm having the best time,

         playing ping-pong|with Lolly Parsons

         and hanging around for those|moments you want to screw!

         I'm sorry that in the middle of|trying to save my professional life

         I wasn't able to give|your acting career a boost.

         Margaret  This isn't about|my acting career, God damn you!

         This is about us!

         I... really don't have|time for this.

         I want out.

         Not again.

         - No, not again. This is it.|- I'm liable to take you seriously.

         Really?|That would be the first time.

         All right.

         I can see that you're in no mood|to discuss this rationally so,

         I'll take a walk on deck,|let you calm down.

         But, if you still want out,

         please have the decency|to be discreet.

         Why, I'm the very flower|of decency.

         Here's your|goddamn birthday present!

         (music box plays faintly)

         Shut the hell up!


         We've got to say the hell|with the press and Lita and Willie

         - 'cause we believe in us.|- Charlie...

         I know, I know.|Time, time...

         My mother always said,|"Romantic love fades.

         Marry for sympathy|and friendship."

         But you're not married.



         Maybe Marion's awake.

         I loved Willie...|or I still love him.

         - You gotta think about us now.|- Hey, have faith in me, okay?

         I have faith.|What do you think about this?

         "The Gold Rush," starring|Charlie Chaplin and Marion Davies.

         - What?!|- I gotta replace Lita.

         - So, I'm your second choice?|- You would've been my first if...

         If I had slept with you sooner.

         Both  Yeah.

         We were good tonight.

         Well, I was good.

         I was better.

         Oh my God!

         Tom  Marion?

         - Tom. It's you.|- Who were you expecting?

         No one.|I... had a chill for a moment.

         Can I be frank with you?

         If I'm going to be|overseeing your pictures,

         I need for us to come to terms|about a few things.

         Things that are...

         troubling WR.


         Like you and...


         And I'd be the first to admit|that I had my share of indiscretions.

         But I need|to know the truth

         in order to balance|your needs with...

         with those of WR.

         (footsteps approach)


         He will find out, you know.

         And when he does, I'd rather be|someone who can help you.

         How do I look?|Silly, right?

         Charlie had certain feelings for me.

         But I've convinced him|that it's useless to pursue me.

         Marion |He says he loves me.

         But there was never any love.

         At least not from my side|there wasn't.

         I don't love him.|I never have.

         So... that's it.

         That's really all there is.

         Noo! Nooo!!

         What? Be quiet!!

         Oh my God, Willie,|what the hell did you do?

         (telephone rings)


         I'll be right there.



         - What?!|- Marion  Hurry! Please!

         Oh, Christ's sake!

         I didn't mean to do it.

         It was an accident.


         Oh, for God's sake!

         Dr. Goodman  Joe.

         Shut her up.

         - Is he dead?|- Dr. Goodman  No.

         It's okay, Lolly.|It's all right.


         Shh... it's okay.

         Come on,|let's get you to your room.

         We've got to get him|to some real facilities.

         Where's the closest port?

         Chief?|Where's the closest port?

         It must be San Diego.

         Come on, Pops,|let's stand up.

         Marion |Here, let's go this way.


         - That was Tom.|- Willie.

         That was Tom.

         Look at me.

         - Huh? What?|- You've got to be strong.


         Why did you say...

         there was never any love?

         That wasn't about you.

         Who then?


         I was talking about Charlie.

         Is that true?

         Yes! That's who|I was talking about.

         You see,

         you are my...

         my whole...|whole world!

         Is he gonna die?

         - Maybe.|- God help us.

         - God is who we work for.|- Then God's in trouble.

         Come on, who do you think|got Coolidge elected President?

         It's just Tom Ince|lying here, right?

         - Who knows Tom Ince?|- Just a guy, I guess.

         Less than that.

         Hearst  lf...

         if we move him,|what are his chances?

         It's hard to say, WR,

         there doesn't seem|to be an exit wound.

         The bullet's in his brain|and he's still alive?

         It's not uncommon.|Lincoln didn't die right away.

         If they'd known more about bullets|and brains he might've survived.

         - We know any surgeons in San Diego?|- Nobody we can trust.

         I'd rather get a private ambulance|from Los Angeles and treat him up there.

         Then get cars for the others|two hours later. No sooner, Joe.

         Hearst |Lincoln was overrated.

         Let's move Tom now so we can|get him off the boat fast.

         - Your cabin would be best.|- All right.

         I think he's trying|to say something.


         why don't you take Marion|to her cabin and...

         you give her these.

         It'll help her sleep.

         You can handle that?

         Of course I can.|I'm not a child!

         Tom's gonna be all right.|Aren't you, Tom?

         Is everything all right?|I thought I heard noises.

         Everything's fine, George.|Go to sleep.

         l... I'm sorry...

         I just...

         Poor Tom...

         I feel so...

         He's gonna live.

         I know it.

         Hearst |Dr. Goodman told me.

         He said that...

         Abraham Lincoln was...|never mind that.


         You have to take these.

         - Grab him!|- I got him.

         Yes?|Is someone there?

         It's just Dr. Goodman...

         (music playing)|(faint chatter)

         Dr. Goodman |...sorry to wake you.

         That's all right.

         (door closes)

         - All right.|- Joseph  Okay.

         I'll get things started.

         - WR?|- Hmm?

         Hearst |Joe, yes, yes.

         Dr. Goodman  Be careful,|just lift him very gently.

         That's it.

         Be careful.|Watch his head.

         Hearst  What the hell?!

         I thought we said the cars|wouldn't be here for two hours.

         I don't know|what he's doing here so soon.

         - Hearst  He's not one of mine.|- Joseph  I called Chaplin's driver.

         - God damn it, Joe!|- He always insists on his own man.

         I didn't want to arouse|any more suspicion than necessary.

         Hearst  Oh no.|No suspicion at all!

         Woman's voice |Hello? Hello?

         Nell? WR Hearst here.

         Nell |Mr. Hearst, how are you?

         - I'm fine, Nell.|- I'm glad to hear it.

         Unfortunately, Tom's had|an accident. A bad one.

         Nell |Oh dear God! What happened?

         - Nell,|- Yes?

         I don't know to tell you this,|except to start by saying that

         Tom's been very depressed|about his business lately.

         Nell  I know.

         Well, I hate to be|the one to tell you,

         - He's been unfaithful.|- What do you mean?!

         Just let me get there,|will you?

         He uh...

         he's taken to her|very strongly,

         and to the best of my knowledge...|she tried to end it.

         Nell  Please, tell me|what's happened to Tom.

         Now, Nell...

         well, God-save-'im,|he shot himself.

         Huh? Shot himself?

         Nell, he's alive,

         and he's getting|the best of care.

         Our Dr. Goodman|is escorting him to your home

         by private ambulance.


         Nell  I'm here.

         Give me the name of his|private physician. Can you do that?

         Nell |Yes. It's Dr. Glasgow...

         Ira Glasgow in...

         Hearst |That's fine.

         By God, Nell, I'll make sure|none of this gets in the papers.

         - Nell  Oh my God, you have to!|- I just said I would, Nell.


         you've got to remain strong|and silent,

         and wait for Dr. Glasgow.

         We'll have him there|any time now.

         Nell  I'll wait for the doctor...|bless you, Mr. Hearst.

         No one will ever find out.

         I value Tom's friendship|too much for that.

         - Sorry, what did you say?|- His friendship, Nell!!

         - Of course...|- We...

         we're telling everyone|that it's his stomach.

         - His ulcers.|- Ulcers, yes.

         I know this is hard,

         but I've got to hang up now|and call Dr. Glasgow.

         - You just sit and wait.|- Just sit and wait...

         - Goodbye, Nell.|- Tom. Poor Tom...

         (Nell sobs)


         (light knocking)


         Good morning, Chief.

         You seem well rested.

         Yes, well...

         whatever Dr. Goodman gave me

         put me right to sleep,|thank goodness.

         I'm so glad.

         It was a tragic accident,|Mr. Hearst.

         Yes, Lolly?


         these things do happen,|as they say.

         It's nobody's fault, really,|when you consider all sides.

         You're very good at that,|considering all sides.

         You meet so few people|capable of considering all sides.

         It's a goddamn gift.

         Mr. Hearst,

         I must confess, and...

         I know I've been|a bit obvious but l...

         you have a second to talk?

         I have two|and one half minutes.


         Well, I was gonna break one of|your golden rules this weekend

         by mixing|business with pleasure.

         I was going to ask you|about expanding my syndication

         with a more prominent by-line.

         Why didn't you say something?|I'm sure we can arrange...

         I was going to say something|but then I started thinking,

         and the only way I can have|a real effect on the readers

         and the community that|I'm covering,

         is if I have time.

         Lots of time,


         I agree with you,     %.

         I'll have the office draw up...|an eight-year contract.

         Eight years?

         WR, now really.

         Eight years won't do|either of us any good.

         We're at the point|in our careers

         where we need security.


         Security from whom?

         The wrong people.

         There are wrong people,|you know.

         I know.

         I'm willing to devote my life|to Hearst newspapers.

         But I need to know|here and now

         that you're willing|to grant me the life I want.

         You give me my security...

         and I'll give you yours, WR.

         For a lifetime.

         Lifetime contract...

         Is that a question

         or an answer, WR?


         I swear I heard a shot.

         Celia  Some people|will say anything to get attention.

         I did!

         I heard noises all night.|But not a gunshot.

         The only shot Didi was close to|had whiskey in it.


         Be quiet,|I know what I heard.

         - George  I heard noises too.|- Margaret  Have you seen Tom?

         George  No.

         Barham  Why have we stopped?|Where are we?

         Waiter |We're in San Diego, sir.

         But I don't know the plan.|We weren't scheduled to stop here.

         Barham  I'm aware of that.

         Elinor  Perhaps he's|taken up shooting fish.


         (door opens)

         It's just me.

         - I love you.|- Is he all right?

         He's gonna be fine.|Everything is.

         Now you go back to sleep.


         What brings you to San Diego?

         They told me change in plans.

         - Who told you?|- Mr. Hearst's office.

         - Has anybody left yet?|- Just the doctor and the injured man.

         - Injured?|- There were bandages on his head.

         - There was blood.|- What man?

         I don't know. For a minute|I thought he was you.

         - Was he conscious?|- Not to my eyes.

         Goddamn Jap!

         ...Or WR shot an albatross|for our breakfast!

         Hearst  You know it's bad luck|to shoot an albatross.

         - Good morning, Charlie.|- Good morning.

         - All  Good morning.|- Unfortunately, I have bad news.

         Tom Ince took ill last night|and decided to leave early.

         - What was wrong with him?|- He said his ulcers were acting up.

         - Why didn't anyone call me?|- Hell, we wanted to,

         but Tom said|not to bother you.

         He's fine.|Dr. Goodman is taking him home.

         Where's Marion and Lolly?

         Ah... they looked after Tom|during his difficulties.

         You know,|Lolly has an ulcer herself.

         They were up half the night.|They're both still resting.


         given the delay,

         means that we have to cut|ourjourney short here in San Diego.

         - You're kidding.|- All  Oh, no.

         Don't worry,|I've already got cars for everyone.

         Didi  We must go up|and visit the birthday boy.

         Hearst  That's a splendid idea.

         However, there is one thing|I want to ask you,

         and I can't say this|with enough seriousness.

         To our eyes,|Tom Ince left this boat

         with a bout of angry ulcers.

         But I can't begin to imagine|what the press is going to make up.

         Wild birthday party,|illegal alcohol, orgies...

         Reputations are...|so fragile.

         Just terrible.

         They'll link|Tom's innocent ulcers

         to every secret|everyone of us ever kept.

         And drag us all down.


         I'm asking you tojoin me

         in uh...

         in an oath of silence.

         Just a little one.

         You were asleep,|you left early,

         any excuse you like.

         But you do not know

         what happened to Tom Ince|aboard this boat.

         I would love|to take an oath... any oath.

         Me too!|Let's make it in blood.


         Rather dramatic, WR,|but I'll take an oath to that.

         - Barham  Of course, why not?|- Hearst  Good. Thank you all.


         Oh, Charlie...

         Are you all right?

         What the hell|is going on here?

         I'm sure I speak for Tom when I say|thank you all for coming

         and making his birthday|such a memorable event.

         Why don't we all pack|and meet on deck in an hour?

         George  WR!

         Did all this happen|before or after I saw you?

         Saw me? When?

         Last night, in the corridor.

         You didn't see me, Tom.

         It's George, and...

         All you have to do is get|in that limousine and go home.

         But he doesn't|even look like me!

         He... he... put on your hat,|it was dark...



         Excuse me, Mr. Hearst.|Are you sure Tom's all right?

         He's just fine.

         Everybody is talking about noises...

         sounds, gunshots...

         I haven't had the chance to tell you|you're quite a fine actress.

         Thank you, but if Tom|wasn't feeling well...

         Please, don't worry,|he's getting the best of care.

         We need to meet at the studio.|God, you're good!

         I saw that picture that you did|and you played the... uh...

         the lovely young woman,|what was it called?

         Oh, I can't remember the title,|but you were splendid.

         What about next week?|Friday? How's that?

         Oh...|Friday. Uhm...

         I... I want you to know

         that Tom spoke|very lovingly about you

         and he wanted you|to know that

         he's very sorry|about what happened.

         Why wasn't I awakened?|Didn't he want me to accompany him?

         Accompany him?

         Child, you're his mistress.

         You can't accompany him home

         to greet his wife and children.

         I'll see you Friday.

         What are you waiting for?|Let's get off this bloody boat!

         (door opens)

         - You have things to do.|- I just bet he does.

         Okay, WR, here I am.

         Easier to hit than a seagull.

         You left this in his room.

         There's something|for your scrapbook, Charlie.

         I sure as hell didn't get|Tom Ince's blood on it!

         You two are the reason|for that blood!

         Charlie  Haven't you|any sense of responsibility?

         Did I pull the trigger|or shoot him in the head?!

         That version of events|can be arranged, Charlie.

         I can produce three witnesses|on this boat alone.

         You see?|It's better for everyone

         if Tom Ince|had an ulcerous attack.

         And you, Marion?|Better for you?

         Hearst  Only Marion|knows what's best for her.

         As long as it agrees|with her master's voice.

         Hearst  No.

         All I want|is to see Marion happy.

         That's what I devoted my life to|for the past seven years.

         And all the years|I've got left.

         Can you promise that, Charlie?

         If he can, Marion,

         and if you can believe him...

         then go.


         Good luck to both of you.

         Come on.

         For how long?

         For now, forever,|for as long as you want!

         For as long as you want.

         You're not telling me|that this...

         attempted murder has|rekindled your love for Willie?

         Just leave, Charlie.

         Leave with me.

         I love you.

         Old goat's really got you,|hasn't he?


         I've got me.

         I am not here.

         Driver  Ma'am?

         Elinor's voice  Like others with|tiny bullets hiding in their skulls,

         Thomas Ince held on|unconscious for two days

         before dying in his own bed.

         There was plenty of misinformation|in the days following his death,

         much of it coming straight|from the Hearst press machine,

         which inexplicably reported|that Ince was "stricken unconscious"

         while visiting Hearst|at his upstate ranch!

         Three weeks later,|the San Diego District Attorney

         conducted an obligatory|investigation and was,

         "satisfied that the death|of Thomas H. Ince

         was caused by heart failure|as a result of acute indigestion."

         He did not examine the body because|Ince had been cremated immediately,

         and except for Dr. Goodman,

         no member of the boating party|was ever questioned,

         including Hearst.

         The San Diego DA suggested

         that the Los Angeles office|continue the investigation.

         They politely declined.

         (crowd calling, "Charlie!")



         Charlie, what are you doing,|you dope?

         Don't you have a ride?

         I just...

         I wanted to see you.

         Here I am.


         dead, Charlie.

         I know.

         I know.

         I move to Mexico|in a couple of days.


         Another try|at the old marriage game.

         How bad can it be?

         Come on, Charlie.

         Get in.

         And go where?

         I've got arrangements to make,

         avoiding the press|and that kind of fun stuff.

         Come on, I'm not as pathetic|as all that, am I?

         Goodbye, Charlie.

         I'll send you a postcard.

         "Love and Kisses|from me and the missus."

         Elinor's voice  To this day,

         no two accounts of that|weekend cruise are the same,

         including who, in fact,|was on the boat.

         There are no logs, you see,|no records or photographs of any kind.

         And not a single person involved|wrote or spoke about that weekend...

         that is... until significantly|after the old man's death,

         and even then only in riddles.

         Soon after Tom's death,|Margaret Livingston's salary

         inexplicably jumped from $   |to $     dollars a week.

         Eventually, she retired to manage|her husband, Paul Whiteman,

         the bandleader who popularized|the Charleston.

         Lolly got her lifetime contract,

         and for the next    years,

         became the most powerful and feared|gossip columnist in America.

         Three days after Tom's funeral,|Charlie married Lita Grey in Mexico.

         It lasted two years.

         He did, however,|recast her role in "The Gold Rush,"

         and re-shoot all her scenes.

         Despite costing a small fortune,|the picture was a smashing success.

         It took three more years for WR|to let Marion do a full-fledged comedy.

         As Charlie predicted,|she triumphed.

         She retired in      |but stayed by Hearst's side

         until his death|at the age of   .

         I've had|a recurring dream recently...

         I'm back on the Oneida,

         having a glorious time.

         But I'm watching how ridiculous|everyone else looks

         and I wonder why|they don't realize it.

         Then I see that, in fact,|I too look like a fool.

         Yet, it's so much fun...

         that none of us can stop.

         If we stopped...

         we'd have nothing.

         Come on, everybody!

         (all cheer)

           After you've gone  

           And left me crying  

           After you've gone  

           There's no denying  

           You'll feel blue  

           You'll feel sad  

           You'll miss the dearest pal|you've ever had  

           There'll come a time  

           Now, don't forget it  

           There'll come a time  

           When you'll regret it  

           Some day when you grow lonely  

           Your heart will break like mine|and you'll want me only  

           After you've gone  

           After you've gone away  

           After you've gone  

           And left me crying  

           After you've gone  

           There's no denying  

           You'll feel blue  

           You'll feel sad  

           You'll miss the dearest pal|you've ever had  

           There'll come a time  

           Now, don't forget it  

           There'll come a time  

           When you'll regret it  

           Some day when you grow lonely  

           Your heart will break like mine|and you'll want me only  

           After you've gone  

           After you've gone  



           Here I come  

           Right back where  

           I started from  

           Where bowers of flowers  

           Bloom in the spring  

           Each morning at dawning  

           Birdies sing and everything  

           A sunkist miss said  

           Don't be late  

           That's why I can hardly wait  

           Open up that Golden Gate  


           Here I come  


           Here I come, yeah!  

           Right back where  

           I started from  

           Where bowers of flowers  

           Bloom in the spring  

           Each morning at dawning  

           Birdies sing and everything  

           A sunkist miss said  

           Don't be late, ah!  

           That's why I can hardly wait  

           Come on! Come on!  

           Open up, open up, open up!  

           That Golden Gate  


           Here I...  




Special help by SergeiK