Voila! Finally, the Chasing Liberty
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Mandy
Moore This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Chasing Liberty. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Of course you can kiss me.
Of course you can kiss me.
Of course you can kiss me.
You can kiss me.
- Identification, please. - Hi. Grant Hillman.
- That's H-l... - Just the ID, please.
I'm here to pick up...
- Grant Hillman picking up Liberty. - He's clear.
It's not often you come here for a date. Maybe when Clinton was in office.
Would you please get out the car?
That was a joke.
Seriously, how many guns are pointed at me right now?
I'll need those flowers too.
Thank you, Mark.
These were for you. They would have impressed you.
No, no, no. They still do. They died for their country.
- Do you wanna get out of here? - More than you know.
Alone at last.
All agents are in position. If possible, can you walk me out a latte? Iced, soy.
I am so glad you finally asked me out. It wasn't that hard, was it?
Come on, I'm easy. I'm...
Okay, I'm not really easy, but...
I'll shut up, because I don't know what I'm saying.
I have wanted to ask you out for a long time.
- But I was a little intimidated. - Because of my father?
No, because you're easy. I'm just going off what you said.
Looks like Liberty found herself a good one this time.
I hate first dates. Too painful.
- For you or the girl? - All I want is to love and be loved, Morales.
- Hi. - Hi.
Would you like to take a picture?
- That would be great. - Okay. Come here.
- Go. - You can stand here.
We're visiting from Florida. I voted for your father.
My husband didn't, but we split up...
...but not because of that! There were other things too.
But I got the girls! Lilly, get over there.
Come here. Here we go. Stand here.
- Oh, that's great. Thank you. - You're so welcome.
- Girls. Come on. - Have fun. Enjoy Washington.
- Is that Anna Foster? - How can you stand to have people...
...staring at you all the time? - It's part of the job description.
After six years in the White House...
...and eight as the governor's daughter, I don't really know anything else.
I think you'd get all this attention if you weren't the first daughter.
You look good in that blouse. You should wear that more often.
Actually, it's a sweater.
Sweater, blouse, you wear it well. Take a compliment.
- Have you heard from Rhode Island? - I got in.
- Congratulations. I knew you would. - My parents are pushing premed.
I think parents want you to appreciate the good things in life, but not do them.
- They want you to see art... - We got something at : .
- But not make art. They want you to have love, find love and value love...
...but not make love, ever.
Thought I'd make this night more memorable.
He's reaching. Go!
- What are you guys doing? - Wait, these are my friends.
- You don't know what you're doing! - Get off me!
This street is off-limits.
It's only a camera.
Okay, folks, it's over. Clear the street.
- I'm so sorry. - I should wait for them.
No, come on, it's still early.
We could go catch a movie or something.
...you are really great.
But this is just way too out of control for me.
Of course you can kiss me.
Weiss to Control. Returning home with Liberty.
- Poor kid. - All right, well, at least she's home safe.
How about I get you home safe?
- How about I call you when I get there? - Sure.
- You're not gonna call me, are you? - No.
It's out of my way, anyway!
- How was the date? - I need to talk to him.
- I can't let you in there, Anna. - Anna, wait.
- Go on. - I'm not going.
Way to go. I can't believe you had that restaurant swarming...
...with your secret servants. You ruined my date!
And now I'm gonna die before I ever get to third base.
I mean second base.
- Talk to you about this later. - No. No, stay.
Pull up a chair. We're just discussing the G Summit in Prague.
How to persuade the EU to adopt our plan to give humanitarian aid...
...and medical technology to developing nations.
But you had a bad date...
...so we should probably focus on that. - No, I'm so sorry to have interrupted.
So third base is what again?
- I always thought it was below the waist. - I don't remember, sir.
Maybe that was just cheerleaders.
Glad I asked.
...I know that dating is a little more difficult for you.
And you know that the extra security is necessary.
They ruined her date. She really likes this boy.
A boy who ranks th in his class, plays Xbox two hours a day...
...and wants to go to art school. - Who told you that?
- Phil. - Okay, I don't want some guy...
...who wears his sunglasses inside at night... Sorry, Phil.
Listening in on my dinner dates. That is such a total abuse of power.
I am years old and I wanna go out on a date without guys in bad suits...
Sorry, Harper. Hiding behind every tree. Nothing is private.
Sweetie, I am just trying to protect you.
Dad, I'm not that -year-old girl who would only dance with you at your inaugural ball.
Excuse me, sir. It's the vice president on the phone.
He says it's urgent.
Dad. You can make it up to me when we're in Prague.
- Remember Gabrielle Le Clerc? - French ambassador's daughter.
She'll be in Prague and she's invited me to this concert. And I wanna go.
Yes, Gabrielle. Pierre's little girl. It's all right, I suppose.
Without the army. One agent.
Thank you, Mom. Yeah, one agent.
- Two. Weiss and Morales. Final offer. - Just Weiss and Morales, promise?
- Never ask a president to promise, honey. - I'm not. I'm asking my dad.
Later, maybe we can talk about me leaving Prague to go to the Berlin Love Parade.
- Forget it. - I've been reading about it...
...and it's basically one big peace rally. - No, it's basically an orgy.
Not if I keep my top on and I go like this a lot:
It's not going to happen, Anna.
- The answer's no. - Sir, vice president. Still waiting.
President. Still president.
- Z-Y-G-O-T-E. - Very good.
Okay. In Prague, I will fulfill all my diplomatic obligations.
I'll go to the reception, the concert with Gabrielle...
...where I will be escorted by two agents, stay out as late as I want.
Next day, I'll have every moment accounted for again.
Two days later, I go to the Love Parade, meet you in Prague...
...go to college, love you, fantastic plan.
Take out the Love Parade, you got yourself a deal. H-A-T.
Hat. Eight points.
Dad, I'm and if you let me go to the Love Parade, maybe I'll vote for you.
- You are a very funny child. - Mom.
That is a triple-word score with a seven-letter bonus...
- Damn. - Damn.
It's been busy for America's first family in Prague...
...during this G Summit week.
First daughter Anna Foster took a carriage ride with the mayor of Prague and his wife.
After a press conference, a tour of the Air Force Museum...
...with the minister of culture, then a caricature on Charles Bridge...
...a photo op with high school students at Prague Castle...
...and even a few moments entertaining children at the Prague Marionette Theater.
It seems Anna Foster's diplomatic skills...
...are on the way to matching those of her father, President Foster.
The day ended with a presidential banquet at the National Museum.
- Gabrielle! How are you? - Good.
- Gabrielle? - I'm sorry I am late...
...but the guards outside took turns to search me.
- Gabrielle, you're all grown up. - It happens.
- What's that in your mouth, candy? - No, it's pierced.
- You like it? - No.
Remind me to commission a study and find out...
...why on Earth anyone wants to pierce their tongue.
I'll save your country's money. See, some guys think it makes for better...
Gabrielle, let's go mingle over here.
She's a nice girl.
- Wonder what else she has pierced. - Oh, relax, Jim.
- How should I relax? - Set up an embargo. You love those.
Have you been smoking?
I had a cigar with the prime minister. It's rude if you don't.
I love champagne.
Yes, and is okay in Europe, so...
I don't believe they're still following you. Go away, men with guns.
It's no good. I've tried. Even in English, they don't get it.
I don't know how you stand it. I got rid of my babysitters when I was, like, .
Yeah, I'm afraid it doesn't work like that in the "land of the free."
Thank God Gabrielle found another trashy friend to hang out with.
Yes. Your daughter.
Bye, Mom. And thank you so much again, Dad. Bye.
See? He loved the hair.
Little change in plans, Mr. President?
Oh, you two have been with me a long time.
We spend the day at the Love Parade and then we go to my friend's club.
It's the hottest place in the whole city.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
What a great idea, to change my hair. It's perfect.
- Yes, I told you. - No one knows who I am.
- You get jet lag, Morales? - No.
- Really? I get it awful. - I take herbs.
- Herbs? - Yep.
- Really? Why? - They help reset your clock.
I'd like to reset your clock.
I'm just saying.
- Gabby, I am so excited. I feel so free. - You're going to love it.
- Sorry. Sorry. - Excuse me.
- Anna, come on. - It's okay.
There's plenty more inside.
Gabby, you are so right. There are lots of cute guys here.
Oh, and wait till the Berlin Love Parade. cute guys.
- Sounds like so much fun. I can't wait. - It's gonna be crazy.
Here we are.
Hey, yo. Break it down.
Break it down for me.
Spread your wings, ladies and gentlemen.
You are now rocking with the best, hard-working, revolution sure-shot.
No! No way!
No way! He said just two of you.
- No, that's just security... - Don't worry about it. They're local guys.
Liberty's heading out to the bathroom.
I can't believe he did it again.
He completely broke his promise. Don't I deserve one night of freedom?
I'm not even talking freedom. Two agents.
Oh, my God, Anna. I have a great plan.
Don't look back. Don't look back.
- I'm saying... Anna? - Anna! Anna!
- Secure the perimeters. Liberty's AWOL. - Anna, run!
- Sir, excuse me. - You all right?
Could you please help me get out of here?
- Yeah, why not? - Thank you.
- Get them! - Go, go, go.
Oh, my God. I can't believe I just did that.
I'm on fire! I'm untouchable! I'm Anna. Who are you?
Ben Calder. Freelance getaway man.
Yeah, need the hand. Need the hand.
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, Mr. Ben.
You're welcome. I think. Depending on what crime I've just aided and abetted.
No. No, no crime. I don't think.
Thank you again, very much. Thanks.
Anna? Do you have a last name?
No, actually, it's just... It's Anna. Like Pink.
Thank you again.
Actually, I need another ride, if that's okay. Very fast. Like, right now.
Whatever you say, Mrs. Bond.
They're chasing us! They're chasing us!
Go, go, go, go, go.
Ben, I think we just lost them.
Oh, we lost them, did we?
- So why the wild ride, Anna? - Concert security.
I snuck in, they caught me. Chaos erupted.
Yeah, because they always give giant chase vehicles to bouncers.
Maybe there was a little bit more involved than just that.
- Almost always is, isn't there? - Yeah.
Well, I'm gonna go.
Thank you so much for the ride, Ben. I appreciate it.
So sorry. Thanks.
- You're sure you know where you're going? - Yes.
I'm supposed to be meeting a friend of mine at this bar, Marquis de Sade.
- Do you have any idea where that is? - Hang on.
Mate, it's me. I've got a question for you. Marquis de Sade bar, what's the address?
The corner of Jakubska and Templova.
Okay, yeah. See you later, mate. Bye.
Ben, I know you probably think I'm this really rude...
- So you a big drinker? - I drink.
- You're not drinking? - You're getting pissed for the both of us.
So where are you headed?
I am kind of...
...backpacking through Europe on my way to Berlin for the Love Parade.
Oh, right. Where's your backpack?
- Backpacking is just an expression. - Oh, yeah.
Fine. Okay, fine. You caught me. I'm on vacation here with my parents...
...and it's this numbing series of five-star hotels and seven-course brunches.
- And I just can't take it anymore. - It's tough to take, I guess.
You know, chocolate mint on your silk pillow. Nightmare.
...what's your story?
I mean, like, why are you here all by your eyelashes?
- I mean, self. - Well, actually, I'm here on holiday.
Indulging in my passion for photography. Taking pictures of European architecture...
...and drunk teenage fugitives, of course. - Hey. I'm not some drunk...
I have to go. Oh, God, I have to go.
Why don't you duck into the loos and, kind of, kill two birds sort of thing.
You are great.
You. You stay here, you. Okay?
- What took you so long? - Why'd you leave, Agent Calder?
You should have stopped her at the concert.
And let the first daughter cause a scene with photographers hanging around?
She's yours. She's hiding in the loos and drunk, so I'm sure she'll go easy.
I'll check in with you later.
- He's tall. - What?
He's tall. Great.
- She ran off with a stranger. - You said he was Secret Service.
- It smells like wet cigars. - She does not know he's Secret Service.
I think the maid was smoking.
She's desperate for freedom, Jim.
You pushed her into this with your lack of trust.
You'd tell me if you started smoking again, right?
You want me to trust some person that would go off with a complete stranger?
- Of course I'd tell you. - I thought you said he was Secret Service.
- She does not know that. - The maid smokes cigars?
Wait. She doesn't know that.
How can a president with a percent approval rating...
...have absolutely no understanding of his teenage daughter?
She needs at least the illusion of independence.
That's exactly what I'm gonna give her.
- Yes, Mr. President. - Tell me about Ben Calder.
Very capable. Youngest agent in Europe.
Father was American. Respected CIA. Killed in the line of duty seven years ago.
Ben was raised in England by a British mother.
- Harper, get Ben Calder on the phone. - Sir.
- Phil, contact Weiss and Morales. - Sir.
- What are you doing? - Get Calder.
She wants freedom? Let freedom ring.
- I don't know if he can handle that. - What do you want now?
- Ben Calder. - Whatever you say.
- Mr. President, hello. - I want you to keep our daughter.
- Sir? - Make sure she has no idea who you are.
- But, Jim... - But, sir...
Weiss and Morales are being informed of this plan as we speak.
- James. - Mr. President, with all due respect...
All due respect would mean accepting this duty without protest, Calder.
- My apologies. - I know my daughter.
Without MTV and clean sheets she'll beg to come home.
What if she doesn't, sir?
The point is to get a little rebellion out of her system...
...without risk to her or revealing your identity. Ever.
And that's paramount, Calder. Ever.
It's all you, baby.
- I don't think we should be doing this. - I want Anna to be happy.
You think the only way is to give her freedom...
...so that's what I'm doing.
Only, I'm gonna be the one controlling that freedom.
Trust me. It's perfect diplomacy in action.
They just left?
Yeah, I guess you gave them the slip. Too smart for them, hey?
So I'm free.
Yes! I finally will get to experience the real Prague.
I wanna taste it. I wanna smell it.
Be sure to smell it before you taste it.
- Ben, I wanna find passion... - Awful.
- Sorry about that, we're just... - Yeah.
Looking for passion.
Tell you what. Second thoughts. Why don't we just forget the bike.
It's so beautiful.
- Okay, now you've seen it. Let's go. - Hold this.
- What are you doing? - I'm taking my clothes off.
- Can you please stop it? - I told you, I wanna experience freedom...
...at its utmost freest.
I wanna swim naked in the Danube!
Actually, it's the Vltava.
Who wants to swim naked in the Vltava? Nobody says that.
In English, Vltava means "unhealthy bacteria level."
- Yeah, right. - Why can't you be free...
...without being naked? - Can you help me unhook this?
- Oh, good Lord. - Never mind. I got it.
I'm a dead man. I am officially a dead man.
Anna, get here right now.
This is inappropriate behavior in a public place.
- I'm not coming in that water. - Like to buy that camera, please.
Why would I want to...?
- Okay. - Thank you. There.
Pleasure doing business with you.
Honey? You know, let's get a quick shot.
- Just one for the kids. Quick one. - Smile.
All right, what do you say? Schnitzel.
I tell you what.
I bet a nice, warm bubble bath back at the hotel would be fabulous about now.
- It would be my pleasure to escort you. - No. I've smelled the city...
...and now I wanna taste it. - God, I knew you were gonna say that.
You are no fun. You know that?
Oh, I'm sorry. I tend to lose my joi de vivre when I'm cold, wet...
...and starting to chafe.
It's your own fault. Who swims fully clothed in the Danube?
We've been over this.
Where's that music coming from?
Oh, my God.
I wanna see it from up there.
See, what you don't understand is, like, this is historic for me.
No one ever lets me do anything remotely dangerous, and I'm never alone.
Anyway, it's not like this is that dangerous or anything.
Well, not unless you grab the pipe.
All right, it's probably best if you hold your horses and let me go first...
...because this looks to me like it could be a little bit...
- We almost died. That was incredible. - Not too dramatic, are you?
Come and have a look at this.
This is incredible.
You see that woman? She thinks that she's just having a dream.
But she's not, and he's deceiving her.
Yeah? Well, how else can Paris get Helen to show him how she truly feels?
It's the perfect deception.
So it's all right to deceive with good reason?
Here's my theory.
Telling the truth isn't always good, but lying isn't always bad.
If telling the truth makes someone feel bad, lying can be good.
Good things can come from lying, bad things from the truth...
...although sometimes telling part of the truth is the same thing as telling a lie.
- And that's good or bad? - I don't know.
That part of the theory is kind of new for me.
Isn't this romantic?
Almost like we're on a date, isn't it, Morales?
Yeah, right. You on a last-name basis with most of your girlfriends?
- Cynthia. - Please, don't. Just don't.
I know. I know, it didn't feel right. Sorry.
Offenbach is okay, but I much prefer the Italian operas.
You know, tragic and romantic.
I'm terribly sorry, milady.
All those rooftops were booked this evening, so deal with it.
Rigoletto is my favorite.
I can totally relate to Gilda, you know, cloistered and love-starved in the nunnery.
Trips to Europe. Tickets to the opera. Your life can't possibly be that bad.
I never said it was bad. It's just...
And the funny thing is I am never, ever alone.
Beer is good, isn't it?
I've always thought so.
Oh, my God.
What time is it? I need to call my parents.
- I thought you wanted to be liberated. - Liberated, yes. Grounded, no.
- Can I use your cell phone, please? - Dead, I'm afraid.
Drenched with your Danube.
- Are these correct? - Approximations.
- I want exact numbers. How long? - Approximately?
- Just get them. - Yes, sir.
- Home base. Go. - Hi. It's Anna. Can I speak to my mom?
Honey, are you okay?
Yes, Mom, I'm fine. I'm totally fine, okay? Don't worry about me.
- Anna? - Dad? Listen to me.
You were wrong. You broke your promise. I needed your trust.
When I saw you sent all those agents, I went crazy, which I know wasn't right.
This is your fault, so I'll give you the chance to apologize.
You're right, sweetie.
I shouldn't be making promises I don't intend to keep.
Maybe I can learn to lighten up a bit.
Dad, thank you very much for not being mad about this.
I was your age once too. I'm just glad you're safe.
I don't know.
You know what? I'm gonna say it. You guys have officially turned into cool parents.
- Maybe you're starting to... - Anna Catherine Foster...
...you get yourself back here right now.
- Your little adventure is over with. - What?
See what your daughter's been up to? I want her here now.
- What about "let freedom ring"? - Where is she?
- Train station. - Listen to me.
You do not, you hear me, do not get on a train!
Are you kidding? You traced my call?
I'm your father. And the president. I'll trace whatever I wanna trace.
Know what? I'll meet you on the plane on Sunday. Trace this.
Get her brought in. Get Calder on the phone.
- Ben. It's time for me to go now. - So where are they picking you up?
They're not. I'm not going back. I'm going to Berlin for the Love Parade.
- You're not going back with your parents? - No, they turned cool.
They told me to fly like the wind or something. Are you gonna come?
- I'm not gonna chase you through Europe. - I can go by myself.
- Well, you can't. - Why not?
- Because. - Because why?
Because European railway travel can be very dangerous.
I mean, it's the preferred method of travel for delinquents and lunatics...
...perverts, thieves, the odd slasher now and again. They're not properly maintained.
- The trains. The slashers are world-class. - Yeah. Nice try, Ben. Thanks.
- Anna, just stop and think, will you? - I don't wanna think. I wanna live.
I am so tired of knowing where I'm gonna be every second of every day.
Prisoners have more freedom than I do. I just...
I want real life, where real things happen.
Real life is overrated. It's a lot of odd smells and disappointment.
- Besides, you don't even have any money. - I have enough.
When I researched the Love Parade, I read about this girl from Cleveland...
...who made it on bucks. She sold her poetry along the way.
By the time she got there, she made $ .
- Bollocks. - I read it on the Internet.
On the Internet, Elvis is the conductor on the Orient Express.
- I have this theory. - Great, another theory. Hit me.
If something's meant to happen, it will.
- That's a short one. - No time. Thank you.
- Bye. - You're killing me.
All right, we got them.
The tracks are this way.
Hurry. Hurry. Which one is it?
- Probably the green one. - Thank you.
Sir? Excuse me. Can you tell me which train goes to Berlin?
- That one. - Thank you.
Berlin, over there.
- What? - Nothing.
- Why is it I find that highly unlikely? - You have a little thing for me.
I'll stop you there. I do not have a thing for you. Little or otherwise.
Why did you get on the train with me to Berlin, then?
Okay, you know what? You're right.
I'm attracted to exhibitionist runaways. It's an addiction.
I was in a program where we had to spend time with fully clothed homebodies...
...but I've relapsed again.
Nobody forced you to come with me. I don't need a babysitter.
What is that smile for? You don't think I can take care of myself?
Just because we spent the last hours together and I've rescued you times...
...which, for the record, works out at once an hour...
...how could I think you couldn't take care of yourself? That's ridiculous.
Would you get over yourself? I don't need you. I'm sorry.
If that's what you think of me, why don't you just leave.
Seriously. Go. Bye-bye. I don't need you.
Why aren't you leaving?
We're on a moving train.
Fine. Then don't talk to me.
Not on this train. Great.
This is a Mickey Mouse assignment. I resent it. Do you?
- No. - I do.
- I just do what I'm told. - Oh, yeah? Strip naked.
Oh, gosh. Let me ask you something, Weiss. Do you actually get women like this?
I was really curious if there were actually women out there in the world...
...who walk by the construction lunch break which is your very personality and say:
"Oh, yeah, please. Baby, give it to me.
Give me some of that hard hat, right here, right now."
There are actually women like that?
Toblerone? It's got almonds.
Oh, gosh. No, thanks.
I'm not really a nut person.
- Don't I know you? - No, I don't think so.
- I guess not. Scotty McGruff. - Hi. I'm Anna.
- Oh, right. - That's Ben.
Hello. So are you two...?
Yeah, Ben here accidentally got on this train when he meant to get on...
...the knight-in-shining-armor express.
- So you're not together? - Definitely not.
So, Anna, ever made slow love on a high-speed train?
Sorry, Romeo. Sun's in my eyes.
Mellow yellow, mate. I was just making conversation.
No one's looking to snag your travel buddy. In fact, I prefer to float along alone.
- Just me, my tunes and my knapsack. - And your sandals.
- You sassing my Air Jesus? - Don't listen to Ben.
- He's full of himself. - Something you need to talk about?
Oh, no. Ben's issues are not my problem.
He doesn't know me, because I'm not the selfish brat he thinks I am.
- I never said you were selfish. - You know nothing about my life. Nothing.
- No, I suppose I don't. - Whatever.
It doesn't matter, because when this train stops we'll go our separate directions.
Chilly willy, squabblers. Take a few of these on your solo travels, then.
What are these? Six Million Dollar Man stickers.
These stickers are my contribution to the global community.
Everyone I meet gets a handful. Your job, post them up.
Pound one on a door, slap one on a kiosk, place one on a postbox...
...wherever your life may lead you.
- And then what? - Then, nothing.
You forget about the sticker. You move on. One day, maybe you're down in the dregs.
And all of a sudden, there it is.
In the corner of a window, the door of a subway, the side of a telephone booth.
One of the stickers. It puts a smile on your face because you know...
...you are not alone in the world. We're all connected.
Hey, listen. I'm sorry I treated you like a child.
I was just feeling a little bit overprotective.
Thank you. That's very nice of you, but I already have a father.
God, get off me.
Rock on, mate.
Oh, my new friends.
Who knows when the fickle finger of fate will bring us together?
I propose a moment of silent bonding before we reach Venice.
Before we get where?
Okay. So we got on the wrong train. So what?
- Let's just make the best of our misfortune. - Our misfortune will last until tomorrow...
...because the next train to Berlin is in the morning.
So it's just a bit of a diversion. Come on, enjoy. Take a picture.
This could be one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
Be with you in two shakes. I'm gonna make a call.
No worries. I'll look after her.
Sir, I got Agent Calder.
They're putting him through.
- For God's sake. Anna? - Calder? Calder?
- We lost him. - Great.
- The call came from Venice. - Weiss and Morales are halfway to Berlin.
- We can get them to Venice in a few hours. - We can have agents in the city in minutes.
I do not want to cause a scene. Just get them to Venice and keep calling Calder.
Come on. Venice awaits. Where have you been?
Just having a mild heart attack.
Look at this!
Check it out.
Check it out.
- You're so gullible. - Yeah.
Can I have one of those?
Marry her, Steve.
I say we hit all the tourist spots. Anna will want to see the sights.
Whatever you say.
- Knock it off. - What? I'm not doing anything.
- What's the problem? - No problem.
Here in the construction lunch break that is my very personality...
...I'm adding on a sensitivity wing.
- I didn't really mean any of that. - Yeah, you did.
Well, mostly I did, yeah.
- It looks good to me. - No gelato.
I need to refuel my belly with some tasty yumminess.
- I'll get it to go and meet you back here. - Okay.
So nice to make new friends. Group hug.
- Sweetness. - Ben.
- Come on. - Come on. Join in the hug, Ben.
- We've got a chickie buffer here. - I'm a chickie buffer.
Chickie buffer negates the potential for man-touching-man discomfort.
Ben, hug us. Please, please, please.
Quickly. Very quickly.
I wonder where McGruff is.
Probably off taking a bath in canal water.
Please. Come on, can you just admit for once that you've had a little bit of fun?
Maybe a little bit of fun.
- Very attractive. - Very funny.
Wonderful. Smile. Darling. Smile.
Come on. Don't be shy. There we go.
Oh, my God.
Ben, I have stickers. I have no wallet. I think McGruff stole from me.
- Calm down, don't make a scene. - No, I have stickers, no money.
I have... Stickers.
- Isn't that Anna Foster? - Damn it.
- I have to go. - I'll talk to the manager...
I can't explain now, but thank you for everything you've done.
I have to go. I'll see you later. Thank you.
Here we go again.
- There she is. - Anna!
Pull it over.
- Yes. - No.
My first customer.
The other gondolieri, they put me here, but nobody visit.
I tell them, "Nobody come to my bridge." They say, "Somebody will, Eugenio."
And now you are here.
We don't have any money.
- Well, then, I'm sorry. - But, sir, we're newlyweds.
- Right? Right, honey? - That's right, sweetums.
Precious, I just love it when you call me that.
Your love, it's beautiful.
- No money, no ride. - Sir, please.
We were married against my parents' wishes.
- We tried to stay apart, but it was no good. - Exactly, because I would rather die...
...than live another day without my lover man.
We have nothing but we have everything.
We've come so far on only the currency of young love.
If sweet stories could buy pasta, you'd be very fat by now.
All right. Yes.
For you, the canals are free tonight. My first cliente.
- Mama will be so proud! - On second thought...
After you, darling.
Let me remember. Where does this go?
My first joke with my first customer.
We did good, huh?
I was a little worried when you went to "the currency of young love."
But apart from that, you were fairly magnificent.
- Thank you. - Pleasure.
You know, I just married you, but I know nothing about you.
There's not much to know.
Okay. Ben Calder, years old.
Born in Wales and then moved to London with my mother when she left my father.
...was always at work. Never at home.
My mother wanted him to make the big gesture.
What's the big gesture?
You know, "I'll quit for you.
I'll stay home for you, darling."
But he didn't.
Because... Well, people don't really do that, do they?
I don't know what people do.
Thank you, Ben.
I couldn't have done any of this without you.
Seems to me you'd have been just fine on your own.
Amore, such a beautiful thing.
Take you back to your hotel now?
Actually, we don't have a hotel.
Newlyweds. First no money and now no place to...
You stay at my home.
You can meet my mama. She will be so happy.
- Mama, please be nice. - Why I let you buy that crazy boat?
You were good accountant. Now you killing me.
- Mama, they're newlyweds. - Newlyweds!
- Eugenio, this is so kind of you. - You're welcome.
Tonight you are family. You must stay and celebrate.
You will sleep in Eugenio's room. It will bring him luck.
Oh, no, that's...
Change the sheets.
I want you to try some of my grappa.
Tell me your names.
Well, I'm Ben. And this is...
Make no mistake. America is committed to backing leaders and nations...
...that are paving the hard but rewarding path toward political and economic reform.
Okay. Let's just check with the local police.
To answer your question, no. I don't get women that way.
Haven't actually had a girlfriend since...
Let's just say that women stopped beating down my door...
...about the same time the bangs stopped covering the receding hair line.
Stop overcompensating. You're a good-Iooking...
You look fine. Some girls like a bald head.
- I'm not bald yet. - I'm just saying. You should embrace it.
Maybe you could cut it really short. Some girls like that. They think it's sexy.
I'm gonna sleep on the floor...
...which means that you can have the bed to yourself.
You don't have to do that. There's plenty of room here for both...
No, no. It's fine. I prefer the floor...
...because it's just a bit...
...Iower. Which I like. You know, so...
Oh, come on. Don't be shy. It's our wedding night.
- Ben? - Night, now.
- Where are you going? - Anna, go to bed.
I'm trying to.
But, Ben, we...
- We kissed... - I understand that.
And I liked it. I like you. Will you stop walking away from me?
- Anna! - You don't need to protect me.
- I know what I'm doing. - No, you don't...
Can you please stop taking your clothes off around me?
- What's wrong with you? - Anna...
...what happened on the gondola was me trying to hide you, nothing else.
- That was a real kiss. - No, it wasn't.
- I don't believe you. - It's the truth.
I told you. We're just two people traveling in the same direction.
So you didn't...
No. I didn't feel anything.
So can you please just get into bed?
Naked virgin safely in bed.
Yes, sir. I understand, Mr. President.
Don't worry, we're gonna find her.
Did I mention what a ridiculous idea this was to begin with, sir?
One of your stupidest.
He hung up before any of that.
You look at this view?
Is Anna in it?
Let's keep moving.
I'm not leaving this spot till you take a moment to appreciate this.
You know, it's not enough just to be a beauty, Morales.
You have to be able to appreciate beauty too.
Nice to have you back, Weiss.
I'd like to take a moment to give thanks to Anna...
...who ran from her parents, jumped a train to Venice instead of Berlin...
...thus giving us the opportunity to witness this phenomenal sight.
- Amen. - Finished?
Oh, come on.
It's hip-hop Hebrew.
You had a good night?
Yes, great. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your hospitality.
But you were very quiet. The walls is like paper, but I hear nothing.
That's just because he's repelled by me.
But it's not true.
Tell her she's a beautiful woman.
You're a beautiful woman.
And kiss her.
Come on. You want a happy marriage, you gotta kiss her every day.
It's okay. We'll work it out.
Mama, where are the car keys?
You driving with Eugenio? Better kiss her now.
- The bike, the bike, the bike! - Idiot!
Thank you, darling.
Eugenio, thank you so much for everything. I wish I had something else to offer you.
Six Million Dollar Man. It's a wonderful gift.
A beautiful couple. Take care of each other.
- Hey. - Don't touch me.
English, por favor.
That's Spanish, Weiss.
Allora, about Eugenio.
He was a good accountant. Why he buy the stupid boat...?
He was last seen with these two people.
I say we don't tell him until we have something really good to go with it.
We find her and say, "Here's your daughter. Sorry, Mr. President. She's married."
God, this is bad. It was bad before, but now it's beyond bad.
Yep. This is pretty much as bad as it gets.
Now you touch me?
- They just crossed the Austrian border. - Weiss and Morales are en route.
No contact with Calder since yesterday.
Enough. I want a full contingent at that Love Parade.
- Jim, how could you let this happen? - I don't know. It happened.
Sir? There's one more thing.
We think they're married.
So, what is it? Do you have a girlfriend? I mean, is that who you called yesterday?
No, no girlfriend.
Okay, well, if you didn't like girls, you could've just said something to me.
Hey, listen, I like girls.
Oh, okay. So you're just not attracted to this one.
No, that's okay. This whole time I felt alone because I never had any opportunities...
...because I never had privacy, but thanks for proving me wrong. I needed that.
Anna, believe me, this is not about you.
Romance is simply not...
...a feasible option for me right now.
Oh, God. Kill me now. I can't even attract some guy who says stupid things like:
"Romance is not a feasible option"?
You know what? The joke is on you, my friend.
I was just kidding last night. I would never go through with it.
Of course you wouldn't.
Oh, come on.
Hi, I just... Guten tag. That's the extent of my German. I really need the bike.
He's gonna jump. No, no, no! Somebody stop him!
No, don't do it!
Very good. Very good.
You found us on the Internet? Jumpinggermans. Com?
- McGruff? - To life!
- Look. My reasons were noble. - I trusted you.
I needed the scratch. What can I say? Please forgive.
- Three, two, one, bungee! - Bungee!
Need to put this tighter.
Oh, no, wait, wait, wait!
Are you crazy? What are you doing?
Get away from me. I'm jumping, and you can't stop me.
If you're scared, why do it?
Because the things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile. Just a theory.
You know what? Actually, my dad taught me that.
- God! - Oh, my Lord.
Hello. Here we go.
I can't believe we just did that.
Check that out.
Yeah, you'd better stay out there.
You know, we needed that money.
You guys got it all wrong.
I gave most of it back. Besides, that money was for love.
I've been traipsing over this stinking continent looking for a girl I've never met.
We made goo-goo eyes from, like, meters.
But our eyes locked. We connected, which is next to impossible in this world.
You know that. You can't let a feeling like that pass you by.
You'd hug him all over again, wouldn't you?
I'm all right. I'm all right.
Just so you know, that's incredibly hot.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, hi, Gus Gus.
Gus Gus. So much of you they had to name you twice.
I thought you might need this.
- Thanks. - So...
For a girl who claims to be terminally alone, you sure do get a lot of offers.
You know what? I'm tired of living my life just in theory.
- I think I'm gonna go talk to Gus Gus. - Oh, come on.
You can't seriously be attracted to that walking...
I don't know.
I can see myself in the mountains, raising children...
...little Hans Hans and Gunther Gunther.
- Why not? - Because I don't trust him.
- I don't think he's good enough for you. - Yeah, right.
Because up until the last three days I was perfectly content with my life...
...of solitary adventure and then you came along...
Well, you came along and those two things seemed mutually exclusive.
Can you ever just say what you really feel?
Okay, all right.
...I'm jealous as hell.
I'd hate to see you with Gus Gus. I'd hate to see you with another man.
Not only did I adore kissing you in Venice...
...but also because...
...I'm so un-bloody-hinged just being near you.
I guess you fixed it, huh?
- Where the hell have you been? - Listen, Weiss. She's here and she's safe.
We've been trying to reach you. Your orders changed.
What're you talking about?
Your assignment has been over since you jumped on that train to Venice.
- What? - Ben?
I'll be right there.
I've gotta go, mate.
Bring her in immediately. We have a plan.
I promised I'd take her to the parade.
- Calder, listen to me. Listen. - I've got really bad reception here. I gotta...
Who was that?
Just some friends from Prague wondering where I am.
- He's gonna take her to the parade. - Well, I guess we're going to the parade.
You did this for me, right?
- This? No, I didn't do it for you. What? - Really?
No, it was... I got tired of styling it, you know.
Because it's kind of sexy.
- I'm sorry. Saw an opening, so I went for it. - Sorry. Yeah.
When we get Anna, I'm gonna put you in that tower.
You've been a very bad super-secret agent.
You've got cute morning hair.
You've got cute everything.
Wanna go to the Love Parade, see if mystery girl's there?
Sir. We just heard from Weiss.
Anna and Calder are going to the Berlin Love Parade.
- Get to Berlin. - Yes, sir.
Hey! Oh, my God! Gabrielle, I never thought I'd find you.
You made it. I was so worried. Where were you?
You have no idea what it took us to get here.
- Do I know you? - My name is Scott Thomas McGruff.
I know how to make a woman feel like she's wearing laundry fresh out the dryer.
Gabrielle Le Clerc.
- He okay? - Yeah, yeah. Just hold on to your wallet.
Nice to meet you.
- McGruff, what about your mystery girl? - What girl?
- Okay, you are glowing. Sex? - No.
Weiss, I'll need at least an hour before you move in.
The president is not waiting an hour for his daughter.
- It's important to her. - I don't care.
I do, damn it. So stick to the plan.
I'll have her by the Victory Column in one hour.
Then this whole thing will be over and she'll be all yours.
What is going on? Who the hell...?
No, Anna. Just...
You see a Victory Column somewhere around here?
- Let me explain. - Get away from me.
- I'm Secret Service. - That is such bullshit.
I was outside the consulate when you ran.
I was in contact with Weiss and Morales the whole time.
- Oh, my God. - Your father gave you controlled freedom.
So I was his safety net.
- You lied to me? - I know. I'm sorry. Jesus, I'm sorry.
- But something happened along the way. - No kidding, you asshole.
- You gotta believe me. - How can I believe anything at this point?
That's what I'm telling you. I didn't plan for it to happen, but it did.
I fell in love with you.
You can go to hell. You and my father both.
This is Harper. We're flying over the Love Parade now.
My grandmother throws better than you.
Sprechen sie English, punk? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Hey, where are you guys going?
Hey, watch it.
Hey, hey, hey. Look who that is.
- No. No way. - It's Anna Foster.
- It's Anna Foster, guys. - Hey.
- No. No, I'm not Anna, okay? - Where you going?
- Come on, Anna. Come on, precious. - Excuse me. You've got the wrong person.
You're a bit far from the White House.
- What you doing here? - I need to go.
- How about a date, babe? - Don't touch me!
- Wanna party? You're far from home. - Leave me alone. Just stop!
- Come on, Anna. - Good God.
- Hey, that's enough. Let's go. - Come on. Get out of my way. Who're you?
- Anna, let me help you get out of here. - Thank you so much.
Hey, you want some real fun? Come with us, sexy.
- Get away from me. - Come with us. She's a princess.
Anna, it's okay.
- You all right? - Come on, Anna. Let's go home.
Together we've been able to move this humanitarian effort forward.
This has taken the cooperation of all our allies.
But we are still confident that these programs will benefit...
How's your heart?
...a little bit broken.
Something about a college campus. Isn't there, Morales? You know?
- What do you mean? - I mean, you know, the falling leaves...
...the promise of youth, the smell of curricula.
I'm thinking we probably gotta get new partners.
- I'm thinking I'm okay with that. - Yeah?
- That so? - Yeah.
- As long as your partner's an old fat guy. - I love old fat guys.
- You do too. You do. - I do.
- What? - You're so silly.
You guys are in love, huh?
- Yeah, I guess so. - It's amazing. I'm at this great school...
...and there's not one course on love.
You can't learn about love in a classroom. The dorms, maybe.
What? You can't learn about it in a classroom.
Love is not always that easy, Anna.
Nothing worth getting ever is.
Have you tried to get chili fries on this campus?
They sell chili. Oh, yes, and they sell the fries. But they cannot put the two together.
You got a building with engineering students...
...but they... - Just kiss me.
Anna. Welcome home.
- Thank you. Happy holidays. - Thanks. And you.
Hey, Phil. Is he busy?
Not for you.
- New shades? - Yeah.
- Nice. Hey, Harper. New suit? - No.
Hey, Buddy! Hi, Buddy. How have you been? Hey.
- Hey, sweetie. - Hey, Daddy.
You look collegiate.
- How's school? - It's good. Yeah.
- Good. Am I in any textbooks yet? - No, not yet.
I hope you're taking some time to have some fun.
- You do? - Yeah.
- Anna. - No, Dad. You know what?
I know why you were so protective. You didn't want me to get hurt...
...and you were right. I needed protection because people can't be trusted.
I have learned my lesson.
I didn't want you to learn that lesson.
I love this house at Christmas.
We miss you around here, Anna.
So have you given any more thought to that exchange study program at Oxford?
No, not really. Why?
Just always thought it was a great opportunity.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay, well, I'll leave you to it and I will see you at dinner.
- Do I smell cigar smoke? Dad. - No.
- Come on. - I don't think so.
- That's the story you're sticking with? - Don't tell your mother.
You remember Agent Calder?
- Dad. - He's not an agent anymore. He quit.
- Really? - Yeah, he's living in London now.
Maybe he found something he's more passionate about.
Just a theory.
Thought you'd wanna know.
Charlie, kill dimmer four and light one.
Hey, did you see who just walked in?
Have you seen who just walked in? That's the president's daughter.
There's Anna Foster.
What are you doing here?
I'm a big Puccini groupie.
I'm studying for a semester at Oxford.
I came to find you.
- You did? - Yeah.
I'm making the big gesture.
How did you know I was here?
I have connections.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
- So you got a little thing for me, huh? - No.
- Lf I kiss you, do you think they'll shoot me? - No.
But I will if you don't.
- Please, can you help me get out of here? - Yeah, why not?