Chicago Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Chicago script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Catherine Zeta Jones, Richard Gere, Renee Zellweger, etc.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Chicago. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Chicago Script


   

                   

5, 6, 7, 8



 

                   

Anybody seen

the Kelly Sisters?



 

                   

You. You're up in five.



 

                   

-Keep the change, Charlie.

-Thanks.



 

                   

Velma, where you been?



 

                   

And where's Veronica?



 

                   

She's not herself tonight.



 

                   

But they paid to see

a sister act!



 

                   

Don't sweat it.

I can do it alone.



  

                   

Shit!



  

                   

Come on , Velma.

Move it, move it! Hurry up!



  

                   

You're killing me, here!



  

                   

Ladies and gentlemen . . .



  

                   

the Onyx Club

is proud to present



  

                   

Chicago's hottest dancing duo.



  

                   

Two jazz babes moving as one.



  

                   

The Kelly Sisters.



  

                   

Come on, babe,

why don't we paint the town



  

                   

And all that jazz?



  

                   

I'm gonna rouge my knees

and roll my stockings down



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Start the car,

I know a whoopee spot



  

                   

Where the gin is cold,

but the piano's hot



  

                   

It's just a noisy hall

where there's a nightly brawl



  

                   

And all



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz



  

                   

Skiddoo



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Hotcha



  

                   

Whoopee



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Slick your hair

and wear your buckle shoes



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

I hear that Father Dip

is gonna blow the blues



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Hold on, hon,

we're gonna bunny hug



  

                   

I bought some aspirin

down at United Drug



  

                   

In case you shake apart

and want a brand-new start



  

                   

To do



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz



  

                   

Let's go, babe.



  

                   

But I didn't even meet

your friend . That manager guy.



  

                   

Don't worry, Roxie.

It's all taken care of.



  

                   

You told him about me?



  

                   

Yeah , kid , it's all arranged .



  

                   

Find a flask,

we're playing fast and loose



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Right up here

is where I store the juice



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Come on, babe,

we're gonna brush the sky



  

                   

I betcha Lucky Lindy

never flew so high



  

                   

'Cause in the stratosphere,

how could he lend an ear



  

                   

To all



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz?



  

                   

Oh, you're gonna see

your sheba shimmy-shake



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Oh, she's gonna shimmy

till her garters break



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Show her

where to park her girdle



  

                   

Oh, her mother's blood

will curdle



  

                   

lf she'd hear

her baby's queer



  

                   

For all



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz



  

                   

Hello, Miss Borusewicz.



  

                   

Mrs. Hart.



  

                   

This is Fred .



  

                   

He's my brother.



  

                   

All



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz



  

                   

Come on, babe,

why don't we paint the town



  

                   

And all that jazz?



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

I'm gonna rouge my knees

and roll my stockings down



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

And all that jazz



  

                   

Start the car,

I know a whoopee spot



  

                   

Where the gin is cold,

but the piano's hot



  

                   

It's just a noisy hall

where there's a nightly brawl



  

                   

And all



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz



  

                   

Say it again , Fred .



  

                   

Oh , you're a star, kid .



  

                   

My little shootin' star.



  

                   

No, I'm no one's wife



  

                   

But, oh, I love my life



  

                   

And all



  

                   

That



  

                   

Jazz



  

                   

That jazz



  

                   

Oh , say it again , Fred .



  

                   

Where's the fire, huh?



  

                   

Amos ain't home till midnight.



  

                   

Hey, I don't want you to feel

like I'm nagging at you ,



   

                   

but don't you think it's time



   

                   

I met your friend

down at the Onyx?



   

                   

It's been a month

since you told him about me.



   

                   

And I know

'cause that was the night



   

                   

Velma Kelly plugged

her husband and her sister.



   

                   

You know they say that she found

'em in the kip together?



   

                   

Gosh , if I ever found Amos

slipping it to somebody else. . .



   

                   

I'd throw him a great big

going-away party.



   

                   

It's getting late.



   

                   

I have been thinking a lot

about my act.



   

                   

Whenever I get a good idea

I write it in my diary.



   

                   

It occurred to me the other day



   

                   

that all the really, really

knockout acts have



   

                   

something a little different

going on .



   

                   

Like a signature bit.



   

                   

And I thought that my thing

could be aloof, you know?



   

                   

Give 'em just enough

to get 'em good and hungry,



   

                   

but always leave 'em

wantin' more.



   

                   

Hey, once I get a name

for myself,



   

                   

maybe we could open up a club

of our own .



   

                   

You could run it,

and I could be the headliner.



   

                   

What's the idea?



   

                   

Wake up, kiddo. You ain't

never gonna have an act.



   

                   

Says who?



   

                   

Face it. You're a two-bit talent

with skinny legs.



   

                   

I'm just a furniture salesman .



   

                   

Yeah , but you got connections.



   

                   

-That guy at the club.

-There is no guy.



   

                   

That night. . .



   

                   

It was the first time

I set foot in that joint.



   

                   

I was collecting on a bet

from the trombone player.



   

                   

So you never

told anyone about me?



   

                   

Sugar, you were hot stuff.



   

                   

I would have said anything

to get a piece of that.



   

                   

And now? Now?



   

                   

We had some laughs.

Let's just leave it at that.



   

                   

You can't do this to me.



   

                   

Would you get off?



   

                   

You touch me again ,

I'll put your lights out!



   

                   

-Wait.

-Your husband will be home soon .



   

                   

Wash yourself before hitting

those sheets again .



   

                   

You're a liar, Fred .



   

                   

Yeah , yeah , so what?



   

                   

You lied to me.



   

                   

That's life, sweetheart.

That's life.



   

                   

You son of a bitch !

You son of a bitch !



   

                   

You're a son of a bitch !



   

                   

Hotcha



   

                   

Whoopee



   

                   

Why you bothering , Sal?

This one's all wrapped up.



   

                   

It's a new city record .



   

                   

From killin' to confession

in an hour flat.



   

                   

SGT. Where did you get

the murder weapon?



   

                   

I keep a gun

in the underwear drawer.



   

                   

Just in case of trouble.



   

                   

That's just fine.

Sign right there, Mr. Hart.



   

                   

Freely and gladly.



   

                   

Don't say we beat it out of you

when you get on the stand .



   

                   

No, I gave myself up.

Surrendered of my own free will .



   

                   

Isn't he the cheerful murderer?



   

                   

Shootin' a burglar ain't murder.



   

                   

Just last week,

a jury thanked a man .



   

                   

I'm grateful for citizens

who know the law.



   

                   

Get in there.



   

                   

You too.



   

                   

Sit down .



   

                   

Okay. From the top.



   

                   

A man's got a right to protect

his home and loved ones, right?



   

                   

Of course he has.



   

                   

I come home from the garage,



   

                   

and I see him climbing

through the window



   

                   

with my wife, Roxie,

laying there,



   

                   

sleeping like an angel .



   

                   

That true, Mrs. Hart?



   

                   

It's the God's honest truth .



   

                   

My wife had nothing

to do with it.



   

                   

She wouldn't hurt a worm ,

not even a worm .



   

                   

It wasn't till I fired

the first shot



   

                   

she even opened her eyes.



   

                   

I always said she could sleep



   

                   

through

the St. Paddy's Day Parade.



   

                   

When I think of

what would have happened



   

                   

if I went out for a beer

instead of coming home.



   

                   

It makes you sick

even thinking about it.



   

                   

For her first

number, Miss Roxie Hart



   

                   

would like to sing a song

of love and devotion



   

                   

dedicated

to her dear husband , Amos.



   

                   

Sometimes I'm right



   

                   

Sometimes I'm wrong



   

                   

But he doesn't care



   

                   

He'll string along



   

                   

He loves me so



   

                   

That funny honey of mine



   

                   

Sometimes I'm down



   

                   

Sometimes I'm up



   

                   

But he follows round



   

                   

Like some droopy-eyed pup



   

                   

He loves me so



   

                   

That funny honey of mine



   

                   

After I shot him ,

he kept coming at me,



   

                   

so I had to pull

the trigger again .



   

                   

He ain't no sheik



   

                   

That's no great physique



   

                   

And Lord knows

he ain't got the smarts



   

                   

But look at that soul



   

                   

I tell you, that whole



   

                   

Is a whole lot greater

than the sum of his parts



   

                   

And if you knew him like me



   

                   

I know you'd agree



   

                   

What if the world

slandered my name?



   

                   

Why, he'd be right there

taking the blame



   

                   

He loves me so



   

                   

And it all suits me fine



   

                   

That funny, sunny honey



   

                   

Hubby of mine



   

                   

Supposing , just supposing ,

he had violated her.



   

                   

-You know what I mean?

-I know what you mean .



   

                   

Think how terrible

that would have been .



   

                   

It's a good thing I got home

from work on time.



   

                   

He loves me so



   

                   

That funny honey of mine



   

                   

Name of deceased ,

Fred Casely.



   

                   

Fred Casely?

How could he be a burglar?



   

                   

My wife knows him .

He sold us our furniture.



   

                   

He gave us    % off.



   

                   

Lord knows

he ain't got the smarts



   

                   

You told me he was a burglar.



   

                   

He was dead when you got home?



   

                   

She had him covered in a sheet,



   

                   

and she's telling me

some cock-and-bull story



   

                   

and how I ought to say I did it

'cause I was sure to get off.



   

                   

"Help me, Amos," she says.

"It's my goddamn hour of need ."



   

                   

Now he shot off his trap



   

                   

I can't stand that sap



   

                   

- Look at him go

-And I believed her.



   

                   

- Rattin' on me

-That cheap little tramp.



   

                   

She was two-timing me, huh?



   

                   

I'm through protecting her now.



   

                   

She can swing for all I care.



   

                   

I'm down at the garage

working     hours a day,



   

                   

and she's up here

munching on bonbons



   

                   

and tramping around

like some goddamn floozy!



   

                   

Thought she could pull

the wool over my eyes.



   

                   

- That scummy, crummy

-Well , I wasn't born yesterday.



   

                   

- Dummy

-Some things a man can't take.



   

                   

- Hubby of mine

-She pushed me too far.



   

                   

That little chiseler.



   

                   

Boy, what a sap I was!



   

                   

You double-crosser!

You big blabbermouth !



   

                   

You promised you'd stick.



   

                   

You been stringin' me,

Roxanne!



   

                   

You told me he was a burglar!



   

                   

The whole time,

you been up here jazzin' him .



   

                   

You are a disloyal husband !



   

                   

Look, it's true.

I shot him .



   

                   

But it was self-defense.

He was trying to burgle me.



   

                   

From what I hear,

he's been burgling you



   

                   

three times a week

for the last month .



   

                   

So what do you say, Missus?



   

                   

That's him , all right.



   

                   

Thank you .



   

                   

Your story doesn't wash ,

Mrs. Hart. . .



   

                   

so try this on for size.



   

                   

Fred Casely was a good time

on the side



   

                   

with Goofy here

as a meal ticket.



   

                   

Meal ticket?

He couldn't buy my liquor.



   

                   

Fred Casely could?



   

                   

With a wife

and five little Caselys?



   

                   

Or did he forget

to mention them?



   

                   

What?



   

                   

All his.



   

                   

Oh , that bastard .



   

                   

That bastard !



   

                   

Yeah , I killed him .

I would kill him again .



   

                   

Once was enough , dearie.



   

                   

Take her downtown . Come on !



   

                   

This is it.       /  .



   

                   

Here they come.

This way, honey.



   

                   

It's a shame to hide

such a beautiful face.



   

                   

Why'd you shoot him?



   

                   

Give us a profile with a smile



   

                   

like the girl from

the toothpaste ad .



   

                   

Enjoy it while you can .

Take this down .



   

                   

Assistant District Attorney

Harrison



   

                   

says this is a hanging case.



   

                   

I'm ready to go

to the jury tomorrow.



   

                   

What do you mean , hanging?



   

                   

Not so tough anymore, are you?



   

                   

Take her down

to the Cook County Jail .



   

                   

We need a headline.

Why'd you shoot him?



   

                   

Was he cruel? Did he beat you?



   

                   

Hey, what do you mean ,

hanging?



   

                   

Morphine, opium , cocaine?



   

                   

-Arm length .    inches.

-Arm length .    inches.



   

                   

Height.    inches.



   

                   

The Matron's on her way,

so don't get too cozy.



   

                   

Put out that cigarette!



   

                   

Ever had Morton before?



   

                   

She's fine.

Long as you keep her happy.



   

                   

And now, ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

the Keeper of the Keys,

the Countess of the Clink. . .



   

                   

the Mistress of Murderess Row. . .



   

                   

Matron Mama Morton !



   

                   

Ask any of the chickies

in my pen



   

                   

They'll tell you

I'm the biggest mother hen



   

                   

I love them all,

and all of them love me



   

                   

Because the system works

the system called



   

                   

Reciprocity



   

                   

On your feet.



   

                   

Welcome, ladies.



   

                   

Got a little motto



   

                   

Always sees me through



   

                   

When you're good to Mama



   

                   

Mama's good to you



   

                   

You might think I'm here

to make your life a living hell ,



   

                   

but it's just not true.



   

                   

There's a lot of favors



   

                   

I'm prepared to do



   

                   

You do one for Mama



   

                   

She'll do one for you



   

                   

I'd like to be your friend ,

if you let me.



   

                   

So if there's something

that upsets you



   

                   

or makes you unhappy

in any way. . .



   

                   

don't shoot your fat-ass mouth

off to me



   

                   

'cause I don't give a shit.



   

                   

They say that life

is tit for tat



   

                   

And that's the way I live



   

                   

So I deserve a lot of tat



   

                   

For what I've got to give



   

                   

Don't you know

that this hand



   

                   

Washes that one, too?



   

                   

When you're good to Mama



   

                   

Mama's good to you



   

                   

Let's go.



   

                   

You must be Hart.



   

                   

Ain't you the pretty one.



   

                   

Thank you , ma'am .



   

                   

Oh , no, call me Mama.



   

                   

I'm here to take care of you .



   

                   

You'll be habitatin'

down in the east block.



   

                   

Murderess Row, we call it.



   

                   

Is that nicer?



   

                   

I don't think I belong in here.



   

                   

I didn't actually

do anything wrong .



   

                   

No need to tell me.



   

                   

I never heard

of a man getting killed



   

                   

when he didn't get

just what was coming to him .



   

                   

Hey, Mama!



   

                   

Come here. Come here.



   

                   

Velma Kelly.



   

                   

You're the Velma Kelly.



   

                   

I was there the night

that you got arrested .



   

                   

Yeah .

You and half of Chicago.



   

                   

Look at this, Mama.



   

                   

An editorial denouncing me

in "Redbook" magazine.



   

                   

"Not in memory do we recall



   

                   

so fiendish and horrible

a double homicide."



   

                   

You couldn't buy

that kind of publicity.



   

                   

Couldn't buy it?



   

                   

I guess I can keep this, then .



   

                   

Nice try.



   

                   

lf you want my gravy



   

                   

Pepper my ragout



   

                   

Spice it up for Mama



   

                   

She'll get hot for you



   

                   

When they pass that basket

folks contribute to



   

                   

You put in for Mama



   

                   

She'll put out for you



   

                   

The folks atop the ladder



   

                   

Are the ones

the world adores



   

                   

So boost me

up my ladder, kid



   

                   

And I'll boost you up yours



   

                   

Let's all stroke together



   

                   

Like the Princeton crew



   

                   

When you're strokin' Mama



   

                   

Mama's strokin' you



   

                   

So what's the one conclusion

I can bring this number to?



   

                   

When you're good to Mama



   

                   

Mama's good



   

                   

To you



   

                   

Ah , yes!



   

                   

Mama?



   

                   

It's kind of freezing in here.



   

                   

You don't think there's

something wrong with the heat?



   

                   

Not that I'm complaining ,

mind you , but. . .



   

                   

if you got a couple extra

blankets tucked away -



   

                   

Lights out, ladies.



   

                   

Okay.



   

                   

Okay.



   

                   

Pop



   

                   

Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

Cicero



   

                   

Lipschitz



   

                   

And now,

the six merry murderesses



   

                   

of the Cook County Jail



   

                   

in their rendition of

the "Cell Block Tango."



   

                   

Lipschitz



   

                   

Pop



   

                   

Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

Cicero



   

                   

Lipschitz



   

                   

Pop



   

                   

Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

Cicero



   

                   

Lipschitz



   

                   

- Pop

- Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

- Cicero

- Lipschitz



   

                   

- Pop

- Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

- Cicero

- Lipschitz



   

                   

He had it coming



   

                   

He had it coming



   

                   

He only had himself to blame



   

                   

lf you'd have been there



   

                   

lf you'd have seen it



   

                   

I betcha you would have

done the same



   

                   

- Pop

- Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

- Cicero

- Lipschitz



   

                   

- Pop

- Six



   

                   

Squish



   

                   

- Cicero

- Lipschitz



   

                   

You know how people have these

little habits that get you down?



   

                   

Like Bernie.

Bernie liked to chew gum .



   

                   

No, not chew. Pop.



   

                   

So I came home this one day,

and I'm really irritated . . .



   

                   

and I'm looking

for a little bit of sympathy.



   

                   

There's Bernie

lyin' on the couch . . .



   

                   

drinkin' a beer and chewin' .



   

                   

No, not chewin' . Poppin' !



   

                   

So I said to him , "You pop

that gum one more time. . ."



   

                   

And he did .



   

                   

So I took the shotgun

off the wall . . .



   

                   

and I fired two warning shots



   

                   

into his head .



   

                   

He had it coming



   

                   

He had it coming



   

                   

He only had himself to blame



   

                   

lf you'd have been there



   

                   

lf you'd have heard it



   

                   

I betcha you would have

done the same



   

                   

I met Ezekial Young

from Salt Lake City



   

                   

about two years ago,



   

                   

and he told me he was single,

and we hit it off right away.



   

                   

So we started living together.



   

                   

He'd go to work.

He'd come home.



   

                   

I'd fix him a drink.

We'd have dinner.



   

                   

And then I found out.



   

                   

Single, he told me?



   

                   

Single, my ass.



   

                   

Not only was he married . . .



   

                   

Oh , no. . .



   

                   

He had six wives.



   

                   

One of those Mormons.



   

                   

So that night

when he came home from work. . .



   

                   

I fixed him his drink,

as usual .



   

                   

You know, some guys

just can't hold their arsenic.



   

                   

- He had it coming

- Pop, six, squish



   

                   

- He had it coming

- Cicero, Lipschitz



   

                   

He took a flower

in its prime



   

                   

- And then he used it

- Pop



   

                   

- And he abused it

- Six



   

                   

It was a murder,

but not a crime



   

                   

Cicero, Lipschitz



   

                   

Now, I'm standing

in the kitchen



   

                   

carving up the chicken

for dinner,



   

                   

minding my own business.



   

                   

In storms my husband , Wilbur,

in a jealous rage.



   

                   

"You been screwin' the milkman ,"

he says.



   

                   

He was crazy,

and he kept on screamin' ,



   

                   

"You been screwin' the milkman !"



   

                   

And then he ran into my knife.



   

                   

He ran into my knife     times.



   

                   

lf you'd have been there



   

                   

lf you'd have seen it



   

                   

I betcha you would have

done the same



   

                   

Yeah , but did you do it?



   

                   

Not guilty.



   

                   

My sister, Veronica, and I

had this double act.



   

                   

And my husband , Charlie,

traveled around with us.



   

                   

Now, for the last number

in our act. . .



   

                   

we did these

   acrobatic tricks in a row.



   

                   

One, two, three, four, five. . .



   

                   

splits, spread eagles,

backflips, flip-flops.



   

                   

One right after the other.



   

                   

One night before the show,

we're down at the Hotel Cicero.



   

                   

The three of us boozin'

and havin' a few laughs.



   

                   

We run out of ice,

so I go out to get some.



   

                   

I come back, open the door. . .



   

                   

and there's Veronica and Charlie

doing number    .



   

                   

The spread eagle.



   

                   

Well , I was in

such a state of shock. . .



   

                   

I completely blacked out.



   

                   

I can't remember a thing .



   

                   

It wasn't until later



   

                   

when I was washing the blood

off my hands



   

                   

I even knew they were dead .



   

                   

- They had it coming

- They had it coming



   

                   

- They had it coming

- They had it coming



   

                   

They had it coming all along



   

                   

- I didn't do it

- She didn't do it



   

                   

- But if I'd done it

- But if she'd done it



   

                   

How could you tell me

that I was wrong?



   

                   

- They had it coming

- They had it coming



   

                   

- They had it coming

- They had it coming



   

                   

They had it coming

all along



   

                   

I didn't do it



   

                   

But if I'd done it



   

                   

How could you tell me

that I was wrong?



   

                   

I loved AI Lipschitz

more than I could possibly say.



   

                   

He was a real artistic guy.



   

                   

Sensitive. A painter.



   

                   

But he was always trying

to find himself.



   

                   

He'd go out every night looking

for himself, and on the way. . .



   

                   

he found Ruth , Gladys,

Rosemary, and Irving .



   

                   

You could say we broke up

because of artistic differences.



   

                   

He saw himself as alive. . .



   

                   

and I saw him dead .



   

                   

The dirty bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum



   

                   

The dirty bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum



   

                   

- They had it coming

- They had it coming



   

                   

- They had it coming

- They had it coming



   

                   

They had it coming all along



   

                   

- And if they used us

- And if they used us



   

                   

- Then they abused us

- Then they abused us



   

                   

Could you tell us

that we were wrong?



   

                   

- He had it coming

- He had it coming



   

                   

- He had it coming

- He had it coming



   

                   

He only had himself to blame



   

                   

- lf you'd have been there

- lf you'd have been there



   

                   

- lf you'd have seen it

- lf you'd have seen it



   

                   

I betcha you would have

done the same



   

                   

-Pop that gum one more time. . .

-Single, my ass.



   

                   

    times!



   

                   

Number    .

The spread eagle.



   

                   

Artistic differences.



   

                   

Pop.



   

                   

Six.



   

                   

Squish .



   

                   

Cicero.



   

                   

Lipschitz.



   

                   

Who belongs to them?



   

                   

What's it to you?



   

                   

Nothing .



   

                   

Heard they were Velma's.



   

                   

The Hunyak does her laundry

for a buck a week.



   

                   

Fresh towels for the can .



   

                   

Make it quick.



   

                   

I'm gonna take care of you now.



   

                   

I know a couple of things.

Hear me out.



   

                   

Billy Flynn's set

your trial for March  th .



   

                   

March  th you'll be acquitted .



   

                   

March  th , Mama is gonna put you

on the vaudeville circuit.



   

                   

Now you're an agent, too?



   

                   

Until Ma Bell

installs a line in your cell . . .



   

                   

all the calls

have gotta go through me.



   

                   

What kind of dough

are we talking about?



   

                   

It's a crazy world .



   

                   

Babe Ruth is wearing rouge



   

                   

and playing the Palace

for $     a week.



   

                   

Yeah . What about someone

with real talent?



   

                   

I been talking to the boys

over at William Morris.



   

                   

Due to your recent

sensational activities. . .



   

                   

they think

they can get you $  ,   .



   

                   

$  ,   ?



   

                   

Jeez, the most me

and Veronica made was $   .



   

                   

That's what happens when you

have the right representation .



   

                   

I always wanted to play

Big Jim Colosimo's.



   

                   

Do you think

you can get me that?



   

                   

-Big Jim's?

-Yeah .



   

                   

I don't know. That's gonna

take another phone call .



   

                   

How much is that gonna cost?



   

                   

You know how I feel about you .



   

                   

You're like family to me.

You're like one of my own .



   

                   

-I'll do it for    bucks.

-   bucks for a phone call?



   

                   

You must get a lot

of wrong numbers, Mama.



   

                   

Oh , Miss Kelly,

got your personals.



   

                   

Freshly pressed

by yours truly.



   

                   

No, it's my pleasure.



   

                   

Hey, listen ,

can I ask you something?



   

                   

You know that Harrison guy?



   

                   

He said that what I done

is a hanging case



   

                   

and that he's prepared to ask

for the maximum penalty.



   

                   

-Yeah , so?

-So I'm scared .



   

                   

I sure would appreciate

some advice.



   

                   

Especially from someone

I admire as much as you .



   

                   

Since I can remember, I have

wanted to be on the stage.



   

                   

What's your talent?

Washing and drying?



   

                   

No. I danced in the chorus.



   

                   

That was before

I met my husband , Amos.



   

                   

Look, honey,

you want some advice?



   

                   

Here it is.

Direct from me to you .



   

                   

Keep your paws

off my underwear, okay?



   

                   

Yeah , okay.



   

                   

Thanks.



   

                   

For nothin' .



   

                   

She's something , ain't she?



   

                   

No matter how big she gets,

she's still as common as ever.



   

                   

I'd like to help you , dearie.



   

                   

Take a load off.



   

                   

So, what do you figure

on using for grounds?



   

                   

Grounds?



   

                   

What are you gonna tell

the jury?



   

                   

I just figured

I'd tell them the truth .



   

                   

-The truth?

-Yeah .



   

                   

That's a one-way ticket

to the death house.



   

                   

Holy Mother of God .



   

                   

Oh , relax.



   

                   

In this town , murder's

a form of entertainment.



   

                   

Besides, in    years,



   

                   

Cook County ain't never hung

a woman yet.



   

                   

So the odds are    to one

that they won't hang you .



   

                   

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph .



   

                   

You're talking

to the wrong people.



   

                   

What you need is Billy Flynn .



   

                   

-Who?

-Billy Flynn .



   

                   

He's only the best

criminal lawyer in Illinois.



   

                   

What he don't know

about juries and women . . .



   

                   

How do you get Billy Flynn?



   

                   

Well , not by praying , dearie.



   

                   

First, you give me $    .

Then I make a phone call .



   

                   

$    ?

Well , you just. . .



   

                   

I mean , it seems pretty steep

for a phone call .



   

                   

He's worth every cent.



   

                   

He's never lost a case

for a female client yet.



   

                   

With a sweet little puss

like yours. . .



   

                   

let's just say justice

ain't so blind in Chicago.



   

                   

He's never lost a case?



   

                   

Never.



   

                   

Every girl in this place



   

                   

would kill to have

Billy Flynn represent her.



   

                   

Billy



   

                   

We want Billy



   

                   

B-l-Double-L-Y



   

                   

We're all his



   

                   

He's our kind of a guy



   

                   

And, ooh, what luck



   

                   

'Cause here he is



   

                   

Ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

presenting the silver-tongued

prince of the courtroom .



   

                   

The one, the only Billy Flynn .



   

                   

I don't care

about expensive things



   

                   

Cashmere coats,

diamond rings



   

                   

Don't mean a thing



   

                   

All I care about is love



   

                   

- That's what he's here for

- That's what I'm here for



   

                   

I don't care

for wearing silk cravats



   

                   

Ruby studs, satin spats



   

                   

Don't mean a thing



   

                   

- All I care about is love

- All he cares about is love



   

                   

Give me two eyes of blue



   

                   

Softly saying



   

                   

"I need you"



   

                   

Let me see her

standing there



   

                   

And honest, mister,

I'm a millionaire



   

                   

I don't care

for any fine attire



   

                   

Vanderbilt might admire



   

                   

No, no, not me



   

                   

- All I care about is love

- All he cares about is love



   

                   

Good morning , ladies.



   

                   

-Not guilty!

-You tell 'em , sweetheart.



   

                   

That's what he's here for



   

                   

Excuse me, gentlemen .



   

                   

Miss Kelly, do you remember

anything about that night?



   

                   

I passed out completely.

I can't remember a thing .



   

                   

Only that I didn't do it.



   

                   

Any idea who did , dear?



   

                   

No, but my client is offering

a substantial reward



   

                   

to anyone with information

about this crime.



   

                   

How much is the reward ,

Miss Kelly?



   

                   

I don't know. How much?



   

                   

We'll work it out

after the trial .



   

                   

If there are no more

questions. . .



   

                   

Miss Kelly and I have

work to do.



   

                   

What's this about a reward?



   

                   

Awfully dumb, reporters.

They'll write it up wrong .



   

                   

You deny the whole thing later.

Thank you .



   

                   

All he cares about is love



   

                   

Mr. Flynn , I'm Roxie Hart.



   

                   

-Who?

-Mama talked to you about me.



   

                   

Oh , yeah , right.

The cute one.



   

                   

I was hoping

that you might represent me.



   

                   

You got $    ?



   

                   

Gee, that's a lot of money.



   

                   

Mama didn't say anything

about $    .



   

                   

Lookit, Mr. Flynn ,

I'm not very good at this. . .



   

                   

but maybe we could



   

                   

make some sort of

arrangement between us?



   

                   

I can be an awfully good sport.



   

                   

Good , you got that

out of your system .



   

                   

You mean just one thing to me.



   

                   

You call me

when you got $    .



   

                   

All he cares about is love



   

                   

Show me long raven hair



   

                   

Flowin' down about to there



   

                   

When I see her runnin' free



   

                   

Keep your money,

that's enough for me



   

                   

I don't care

for drivin' Packard cars



   

                   

Or smoking long buck cigars



   

                   

No, no, not me



   

                   

All I care about

is doin' the guy in



   

                   

Who's pickin' on you



   

                   

Twistin' the wrist

that's turnin' the screw



   

                   

- All he cares about

- All I care about



   

                   

Is love



   

                   

Oh , he'll see you now.



   

                   

Well , hello, Andy.



   

                   

My name is Amos.



   

                   

That's right.

Take a seat.



   

                   

You're a remarkable man .



   

                   

Your wife two-times you . . .



   

                   

plugs the guy,

then tries to pin it on you .



   

                   

Most men would let

a dame like that swing .



   

                   

But, no, you're sticking by her.



   

                   

Makes you a hero in my eyes.



   

                   

That's right.

I'm a hero.



   

                   

Did you bring the money?



   

                   

I didn't do as well as I hoped .



   

                   

But I will , Mr. Flynn .



   

                   

This is only a thousand .



   

                   

Plus there's $    I borrowed

from the guys at the garage.



   

                   

There's $    from

the building-and-loan fund .



   

                   

$  ,   .



   

                   

And that's all I got so far.



   

                   

But I'll give you $  

off my salary every week.



   

                   

I'll give you notes with

interest. Double. Triple.



   

                   

When you came to me yesterday. . .



   

                   

I didn't ask if she was

guilty or innocent.



   

                   

I didn't ask if she was

a drunk or a dope fiend . No.



   

                   

I said , "Do you have $    ?"

You said yes.



   

                   

But you don't have $    .



   

                   

I figure you're a dirty liar.



   

                   

I don't waste my time

with dirty liars.



   

                   

Look. I'm real sorry,

Mr. Flynn .



   

                   

On the other hand . . .



   

                   

your devotion to your wife

is really very, very touching .



   

                   

I took your wife's case,

and I'll keep it. . .



   

                   

because I play square.



   

                   

Now, look, Hart. . .



   

                   

I don't like to blow

my own horn ,



   

                   

but if Jesus Christ

had lived in Chicago today



   

                   

and if he had $    

and he'd come to me,



   

                   

things would have

turned out differently.



   

                   

All right, this is what

we're gonna do.



   

                   

By the end of the week,

I'm gonna have Roxie's name



   

                   

on the front page

of every newspaper in town .



   

                   

"Sweetest little jazz killer

ever to hit Chicago."



   

                   

That's the angle I'm after.



   

                   

You make an announcement

we're gonna have an auction .



   

                   

We got to raise money

for her defense.



   

                   

They'll buy everything

she's ever touched .



   

                   

Your shoes, your dresses,

your perfume, your underwear.



   

                   

And Victrola records.



   

                   

Like the one I was playing

when I shot the bastard .



   

                   

I didn't hear that.



   

                   

Not that I didn't have grounds.



   

                   

-Hey, what are they?

-That's for trial .



   

                   

Nobody's gonna care a lick



   

                   

what your defense is

unless they care about you .



   

                   

The first thing we do is work up

sympathy from the press.



   

                   

They're not all pushovers

like Mary Sunshine.



   

                   

But there's one thing

that they can never resist. . .



   

                   

and that is a reformed sinner.



   

                   

So, what was your

favorite subject in school?



   

                   

Oh , I was a real dummy.



   

                   

There must have been something

you were really good at.



   

                   

I got high marks

on courtesy and hygiene.



   

                   

Perfect.

You wanted to be a nun .



   

                   

A nun?



   

                   

Where were you born?



   

                   

On a chicken farm

outside of Lubbock.



   

                   

Southern home filled with

every luxury and refinement.



   

                   

Where are your parents?



   

                   

Probably on the front porch

in their rocking chairs.



   

                   

Parents dead .



   

                   

Family fortune swept away.



   

                   

You were educated

at the Sacred Heart.



   

                   

Then you fell

into a runaway marriage.



   

                   

Left you miserable,

alone, unhappy.



   

                   

You got all swept up

in the mad whirl of the city.



   

                   

Jazz, cabarets, liquor.



   

                   

You were drawn

like a moth to the flame.



   

                   

Now the mad whirl has ceased .



   

                   

You are a butterfly

crushed on the wheel .



   

                   

Which is it? Is it the moth

or the butterfly?



   

                   

You have sinned ,

and you are sorry.



   

                   

God , that's beautiful .



   

                   

Cut out God .



   

                   

Stay where

you're better acquainted .



   

                   

Kid , when I'm through with you ,

not only will you be acquitted ,



   

                   

every man on that jury



   

                   

will want to take you home

to meet his mother.



   

                   

I was born

on a beautiful Southern convent.



   

                   

What?



   

                   

Oh , holy shit!



   

                   

I'm never gonna get

this straight.



   

                   

Pipe down on the swearing .



   

                   

From here on , you say nothing

rougher than "Oh , dear."



   

                   

Try again .



   

                   

I was born on a. . .



   

                   

I came up with more to do

on the witness stand .



   

                   

I thought I'd get all teary-eyed



   

                   

and ask to borrow

your handkerchief.



   

                   

Then I thought I'd take a peek

at the jury like this.



   

                   

Flash 'em a bit of thigh , huh?

What do you think?



   

                   

Sounds great.



   

                   

Don't you want

to hear the rest?



   

                   

Tomorrow, kiddo.

You're at the top of my list.



   

                   

Well , well , well .



   

                   

Sorry to be late, Mr. Flynn .



   

                   

Hope you weren't too bored .



   

                   

I like it.



   

                   

I like it.



   

                   

Hey, Pollyanna. . .



   

                   

I heard your press conference

is tomorrow.



   

                   

Yeah , what's it to you?



   

                   

Well , you wanted

my advice, right?



   

                   

Well , here it is.



   

                   

Don't forget

Billy Flynn's number-one client



   

                   

is Billy Flynn .



   

                   

Meaning what?



   

                   

Meaning don't let him

hog the spotlight.



   

                   

You're the one

they pay to see.



   

                   

We can only sell them

one idea at a time.



   

                   

I can still see him coming at me



   

                   

with that awful look

in his eyes.



   

                   

And?



   

                   

And we both reached

for the gun .



   

                   

That's right.

You both reached for the gun .



   

                   

Ready?



   

                   

Yeah .



   

                   

-Miss Hart!

-Miss Hart!



   

                   

Good day, gentlemen .



   

                   

Gentlemen , Miss Sunshine.



   

                   

My client has just entered

a plea of not guilty.



   

                   

We look forward to a trial

at the earliest possible date.



   

                   

Are there any questions?



   

                   

Miss Sunshine.



   

                   

As you know, my paper is dry.



   

                   

Do you have any advice

for young girls



   

                   

seeking to avoid

a life of jazz and drink?



   

                   

Absolutely, yes.



   

                   

Mrs. Hart feels that

it was the tragic combination



   

                   

of liquor and jazz

which led to her downfall .



   

                   

Next question , please.



   

                   

Ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

I would like to say

how flattered I am



   

                   

that y'all came to see me.



   

                   

Mrs. Hart is very pleased -



   

                   

I was a moth

crushed on the wheel .



   

                   

You know, a butterfly

drawn to the. . .



   

                   

I bet you want to know

why I shot the bastard .



   

                   

Shut up, dummy.



   

                   

Mr. Billy Flynn

in "The Press Conference Rag ."



   

                   

Notice how his mouth

never moves.



   

                   

Almost.



   

                   

Where'd you come from?



   

                   

Mississippi



   

                   

And your parents?



   

                   

Very wealthy



   

                   

Where are they now?



   

                   

Six feet under



   

                   

But she was granted

one more start



   

                   

The Convent

of the Sacred Heart



   

                   

When'd you get here?



   

                   

How old were you?



   

                   

Don't remember



   

                   

Then what happened?



   

                   

I met Amos



   

                   

And he stole my heart away



   

                   

Convinced me

to elope one day



   

                   

Poor dear! I can't believe

what you've been through !



   

                   

A convent girl .

A runaway marriage.



   

                   

Tell us, Roxie. . .



   

                   

Who's Fred Casely?



   

                   

My ex-boyfriend



   

                   

Why'd you shoot him?



   

                   

I was leavin'



   

                   

Was he angry?



   

                   

Like a madman



   

                   

Still I said,

"Fred, move along"



   

                   

She knew that

she was doing wrong



   

                   

Then describe it



   

                   

He came toward me



   

                   

With the pistol?



   

                   

From my bureau



   

                   

Did you fight him?



   

                   

Like a tiger



   

                   

He had strength,

and she had none



   

                   

And yet we both

reached for the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, oh, yes,

oh, yes, we both



   

                   

Oh, yes, we both, oh, yes,

we both reached for



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, we both reached

for the gun, for the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, oh, yes,

oh, yes, they both



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,

they both reached for



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both reached

for the gun, for the gun



   

                   

Understandable



   

                   

Understandable



   

                   

Yes, it's perfectly

understandable



   

                   

Comprehensible



   

                   

Comprehensible



   

                   

Not a bit reprehensible



   

                   

It's so defensible



   

                   

How you feelin'?



   

                   

Very frightened



   

                   

Are you sorry?



   

                   

Are you kidding?



   

                   

That's your statement?



   

                   

All I'd say is



   

                   

Though my choo-choo

jumped the track



   

                   

I'd give my life

to bring him back



   

                   

- And?

- Stay away from



   

                   

- What?

- Jazz and liquor



   

                   

- And?

- And the men who



   

                   

- What?

- Play for fun



   

                   

- And what?

- That's the thought that



   

                   

- Yeah?

- Came upon me



   

                   

When?



   

                   

When we both

reached for the gun



   

                   

Understandable



   

                   

Understandable



   

                   

Yes, it's perfectly

understandable



   

                   

Comprehensible



   

                   

Comprehensible



   

                   

Not a bit reprehensible



   

                   

It's so defensible



   

                   

Oh, yes, oh, yes,

oh, yes, they both



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,

they both reached for



   

                   

Let me hear it.



   

                   

The gun, the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both reached

for the gun, for the gun



   

                   

A little louder



   

                   

Oh, yes, oh, yes,

oh, yes, they both



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,

they both reached for



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both reached

for the gun, for the gun



   

                   

Now you got it



   

                   

Oh, yes, oh, yes,

oh, yes, they both



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,

they both reached for



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both reached

for the gun, for the gun



   

                   

Oh, yes, oh, yes,

oh, yes, they both



   

                   

Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,

they both reached for



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

The gun, the gun,

the gun, the gun



   

                   

Both reached for the



   

                   

Gun



   

                   

Both reached for the gun



   

                   

Move over, AI Capone.



   

                   

The Windy City has taken

a new criminal to its heart.



   

                   

The name on everybody's lips

is Roxie Hart.



   

                   

The sweetest little lady ever

accused of murder in Chicago.



   

                   

Women want to look like her.

Fellas want to go out with her.



   

                   

Some little girls

even want to take her home.



   

                   

Don't get any ideas,

little lady.



   

                   

On the other side of town . . .



   

                   

the assistant D.A. promises

the game little sharpshooter



   

                   

will swing

before the year is up.



   

                   

Who knows?



   

                   

If he lives up to his word ,

Assistant D.A. Harrison



   

                   

might become

Governor Harrison someday.



   

                   

Back at the scene

of the crime. . .



   

                   

everybody wants

a little piece of Roxie Hart.



   

                   

This jar of cold cream

set her husband back $  .



   

                   

Maybe this pretty little lady



   

                   

will get some

of that famous Roxie style.



   

                   

It seems everybody these days

is rooting for Roxie Hart.



   

                   

Take those wilting flowers

to the orphanage



   

                   

and make sure they know

who sent them .



   

                   

So, kiddo, given any thought

to what you want to do



   

                   

after Billy gets you off?



   

                   

I think I'd like to go

on the stage.



   

                   

I figured as much .



   

                   

I already called

the Morris office.



   

                   

Really?



   

                   

How much is that

gonna cost me?



   

                   

My standard deal .

   % of all your takings.



   

                   

Yeah , well , we'll see, Mama.



   

                   

Besides, I don't even have

an act yet.



   

                   

Killing Fred Casely

was your act.



   

                   

Those stiffs in the audience



   

                   

want to say they saw

somebody famous.



   

                   

That's a freak act.



   

                   

And besides,

I am better than that.



   

                   

Well , of course you are,

cupcake.



   

                   

You can be as big as

Sophie Tucker.



   

                   

You really think so?



   

                   

Bigger than Cantor

and Jolson combined .



   

                   

I always wanted to have my name

in all the papers.



   

                   

Before I met Amos. . .



   

                   

I used to date this

well-to-do ugly bootlegger.



   

                   

He used to like to take me out

and show me off.



    

                   

Ugly guys like to do that.



    

                   

Once it said in the paper:



    

                   

"Gangland's AI Capelli

seen at Chez Vito



    

                   

with cute blond chorine."



    

                   

That was me.



    

                   

I clipped it, and I saved it.



    

                   

You know, all my life,

I wanted to have my own act.



    

                   

But, no. No, no.



    

                   

They always turned me down .



    

                   

One big world full of "no."



    

                   

And then Amos came along .



    

                   

Safe, sweet Amos. . .



    

                   

. . .who never says no.



    

                   

I've never done this before.



    

                   

But, you know,

it is such a special night.



    

                   

You are such a great audience!



    

                   

And I really feel like I can

talk to you , you know?



    

                   

So forget what

you've read in the papers.



    

                   

Forget what you've heard

on the radio, because. . .



    

                   

I'm gonna tell you the truth .



    

                   

Not that

the truth really matters.



    

                   

But I'm gonna tell you anyway.



    

                   

In the bed department. . .



    

                   

Amos was zero.



    

                   

When he made love to me. . .



    

                   

it was like he was fixing

a carburetor or something .



    

                   

"I love ya, honey. I love ya."



    

                   

Anyway,

I started fooling around .



    

                   

Then I started

screwing around ,



    

                   

which is fooling around

without dinner.



    

                   

Then I met Fred Casely. . .



    

                   

who said that he could get me

into vaudeville. . .



    

                   

. . .but that didn't quite

work out like I planned .



    

                   

I guess it didn't really work

out too great for Fred , either.



    

                   

So I gave up

on the whole vaudeville idea



    

                   

because you kinda figure

after all those years. . .



    

                   

. . .opportunity's just

passed you by.



    

                   

But it ain't



    

                   

Oh, no, no, no, no,

but it ain't



    

                   

And now?





 

                   

Well , if this Flynn guy

gets me off. . .



 

                   

with all this publicity. . .



 

                   

I got me a world full of "yes!"



 

                   

The name

on everybody's lips



 

                   

Is gonna be Roxie



 

                   

The lady

rakin' in the chips



 

                   

Is gonna be Roxie



 

                   

I'm gonna be a celebrity



 

                   

That means

somebody everyone knows



  

                   

They're gonna recognize

my eyes



  

                   

My hair, my teeth,

my boobs, my nose



  

                   

From just some

dumb mechanic's wife



  

                   

I'm gonna be Roxie



  

                   

Who says that murder's

not an art?



  

                   

And who,

in case she doesn't hang



  

                   

Can say she started

with a bang?



  

                   

Roxie Hart



  

                   

Boys



  

                   

They're gonna wait outside

in line



  

                   

To get to see



  

                   

- Roxie

- Roxie



  

                   

Think of those autographs

I'll sign



  

                   

"Good luck to you"



  

                   

Roxie



  

                   

And I'll appear

in a lavaliere



  

                   

That goes all the way

down to my waist



  

                   

Here a ring, there a ring,

everywhere a ring-a-ling



  

                   

But always

in the best of taste



  

                   

I'm a star.



  

                   

And the audience loves me,

and I love them .



  

                   

And they love me

for loving them .



  

                   

And I love them for loving me.



  

                   

And we love each other.



  

                   

And that's 'cause none of us got

enough love in our childhoods.



  

                   

And that's show biz. . .



  

                   

. . .kid .



  

                   

She's givin' up

her humdrum life



  

                   

- I'm gonna be - Sing it

- Roxie



  

                   

She made a scandal

and a start



  

                   

And Sophie Tucker

will sit, I know



  

                   

To see her name

get billed below



  

                   

Roxie Hart



  

                   

I can't take it anymore.



  

                   

You can't go anywhere without

hearing about that dumb tomato!



  

                   

Oh , no, Mama, not you , too.



  

                   

I have some bad news.

The tour has been canceled .



  

                   

What?



  

                   

Your name's been

out of the papers too long .



  

                   

All you read about today

is that Hart kid .



  

                   

She's hot.



  

                   

And what am I

supposed to do, huh?



  

                   

Suck up to her

like everybody else?



  

                   

It couldn't hurt.



  

                   

Over my dead body.



  

                   

Mind if I join you?



  

                   

Lights out.     minutes.



  

                   

Smoke?



  

                   

Look what

some Johnny sent me.



  

                   

Triple-cream caramels

all the way from San Francisco.



  

                   

I'm watching my figure.



  

                   

You know, the trial .



  

                   

Hey, great mention of you

in the Trib today, huh?



  

                   

You know,

there have been so many.



  

                   

I just can't keep track.



  

                   

Did I tell you , you are exactly

the same size as my sister?



  

                   

You'd fit into her costumes

perfectly.



  

                   

Really?



  

                   

Yeah . I was thinking

with all the publicity



  

                   

that's piled up between us,

and when Billy gets us off,



  

                   

we'd be a natural

to do an act together.



  

                   

You think so, huh?



  

                   

Ladies and gentlemen . . .



  

                   

Miss Velma Kelly

in an act of desperation .



  

                   

My sister and I had an act

that couldn't flop



  

                   

My sister and I were headed

straight for the top



  

                   

My sister and I earned

a thou a week at least



  

                   

Oh, yeah



  

                   

But my sister

is now unfortunately deceased



  

                   

I know it's sad, of course



  

                   

But a fact is still a fact



  

                   

And now all that remains

is the remains



  

                   

Of a perfect



  

                   

Double



  

                   

Act



  

                   

Watch this.



  

                   

You have to imagine it

with two people.



  

                   

It's swell with two people.



  

                   

First I'd



  

                   

Then she'd



  

                   

Then we'd



  

                   

But I can't do it alone



  

                   

Then she'd



  

                   

Then I'd



  

                   

Then we'd



  

                   

But I can't do it alone



  

                   

She'd say,

"What's your sister like?"



  

                   

I'd say, "Men"



  

                   

She'd say,

"You're the cat's meow"



  

                   

Then we'd

wow the crowd again



   

                   

When she'd go



   

                   

I'd go



   

                   

We'd go



   

                   

Then those dingdong daddies

started to roar



   

                   

Whistled, stomped,

stamped on the floor



   

                   

Yelling, screaming,

begging for more



   

                   

And we'd say, "Okay, fellas,

keep your socks up



   

                   

'Cause you ain't seen

nothin' yet"



   

                   

But I simply cannot do it



   

                   

Alone



   

                   

So, what do you think, huh?



   

                   

Come on , you can say.



   

                   

I know. You're right.

The first part's shit.



   

                   

But the second part. . .



   

                   

is really nifty.



   

                   

Okay.



   

                   

She'd go



   

                   

I'd go



   

                   

We'd go



   

                   

And then those two-bit

Johnnies did it up brown



   

                   

To cheer the best attraction

in town



   

                   

They nearly tore

the balcony down



   

                   

And we'd say, "Okay, boys,

we're going home



   

                   

But before we go, here's

a few more partin' shots"



   

                   

And this we did

in perfect unison



   

                   

Now you've seen me

going through it



   

                   

You may think

there's nothing to it



   

                   

But I simply cannot do it



   

                   

Alone



   

                   

So, where was the part

where you blew her brains out?



   

                   

Okay, Roxie,

I'll level with you .



   

                   

Oh , no, no, no.

Don't bother.



   

                   

You think you're fooling me?



   

                   

You're all washed up,

and it's me they want now.



   

                   

And I'm a big star.



   

                   

Single.



   

                   

Oh , I almost forgot.



   

                   

You were in the paper

today, too. . .



   

                   

in the back,

with the obituaries.



   

                   

"Velma Kelly's trial has been

postponed indefinitely."



   

                   

Seven words. Wow.



   

                   

Oh . Here's a little piece

of advice.



   

                   

Direct from me to you .



   

                   

Lay off the caramels.



   

                   

And now, for all you

Chicago stay-up-laters.



   

                   

You night owls who only

come alive after dark.



   

                   

We dedicate this tune.



   

                   

"Chicago After Midnight."



   

                   

This all took place

on Lakeshore Drive.



   

                   

Incredible. Incredible.



   

                   

All right. Yeah .

Thanks, Tom .



   

                   

They just arrested this woman

for a triple homicide.



   

                   

Really?



   

                   

Get this.

She's an heiress.



   

                   

What?



   

                   

All the family's in . . .



   

                   

pineapples, grapefruits,

some kind of fruit.



   

                   

So anyhow, this dame,

Kitty what's-her-name. . .



   

                   

she's playing house

on the North Side



   

                   

in an apartment

with a guy named Harry.



   

                   

What Harry does for a living ,

no one's quite sure,



   

                   

but it doesn't matter

because she's footing the bills.



   

                   

Anyhow,

Kitty comes home tonight.



   

                   

Harry's in bed ,

which is par for the course.



   

                   

She goes to change.



   

                   

When she returns, she notices

something rather odd .



   

                   

Extremely odd .



   

                   

Kitty disappears for a second .

Cool as a cucumber.



   

                   

When she returns,

she gently wakes up Harry.



   

                   

Harry says, "What? I'm alone."



   

                   

She says, "Alone?



   

                   

You got two other women

in bed with you ."



   

                   

So, get this.

Harry says, "Come on , doll .



   

                   

You gonna believe what you see

or what I tell you?"



   

                   

Good night, folks.



   

                   

Give us the line!



   

                   

Give us the line!



   

                   

Miss Sunshine.

From the Evening Star.



   

                   

I wonder if you wouldn't mind

saying a word or two?



   

                   

Sure, I'll say three.

Go to hell !



   

                   

Please direct your questions

to her counsel .



   

                   

You're not my counsel ,

and I want my money back.



   

                   

It's not your money.

It's your mother's money.



   

                   

Are you sorry, dear?



   

                   

Sure, I'm sorry.



   

                   

Sorry I got caught.



   

                   

-Oh , Miss Sunshine?

-Not now, Roxie.



   

                   

I got a letter from a guy.



   

                   

He says he's going on a hunger

strike until I'm freed .



   

                   

That's nice, dear.



   

                   

Miss Baxter?



   

                   

Did you know

these two ladies personally?



   

                   

Did I know these two ladies?

Was that your question?



   

                   

Yeah , that's my -



   

                   

She's very high-spirited ,

isn't she?



   

                   

Miss Baxter?



   

                   

Oh , hey, Mr. Flynn !



   

                   

Mr. Flynn !



   

                   

-Yeah , hi , Trixie.

-It's Roxie.



   

                   

Yeah , sure,

I was just kidding .



   

                   

Did you get my trial date yet?



   

                   

Listen , kid . . .



   

                   

I'm at the top

of your list, right?



   

                   

Go to hell !



   

                   

Boy, what a hellion , huh?



   

                   

She's a socialite, too.



   

                   

Her mother owns

all the pineapples in Hawaii .



   

                   

What the hell do I care

about pineapples?



   

                   

-All right.

-Listen !



   

                   

Miss Baxter will answer

all of your questions.



   

                   

Afterwards, I'll be happy to

give you an interview myself.



   

                   

How's it feel , kid?



   

                   

J . Edgar Hoover couldn't find

your name in the papers.



   

                   

Mr. Flynn !



   

                   

Someone open this door

immediately!



   

                   

Oh , my God !

Roxie! What is it, dear?



   

                   

Oh ! Oh , no.

Don't worry about me.



   

                   

Oh , I only hope

the fall didn't hurt the baby.



   

                   

Baby?



   

                   

Shit!



   

                   

Roxie, when did

this happen , darling?



   

                   

Well , Doc,

is she or isn't she?



   

                   

She is.



   

                   

Would you swear

to that statement in court?



   

                   

Yes.



   

                   

Good .



   

                   

Button your fly.



   

                   

I would just like to

say that. . .



   

                   

my own life

doesn't matter now. . .



   

                   

just that of my unborn child .



   

                   

You poor dear, to have

your baby born in jail .



   

                   

My readers won't stand for it.



   

                   

I can assure you

that won't happen .



   

                   

She'll come to trial

at the earliest moment.



   

                   

I think it's sweet.



   

                   

First time we ever had

one of our girls knocked up.



   

                   

When is the baby due, Roxie?



   

                   

I just heard the good news.



   

                   

I'm the father!

I'm the father!



   

                   

Roxie, who's the father?



   

                   

That question

is completely out of line.



   

                   

How dare you insult

this brave, young woman .



   

                   

That's enough .



   

                   

Roxie, honey!



   

                   

It's me! Daddy!



   

                   

It's Daddy!



   

                   

Roxie, I came

as soon as I could !



   

                   

lf someone stood up

in a crowd



   

                   

And raised his voice up

way out loud



   

                   

And waved his arm

and shook his leg



   

                   

You'd notice him



   

                   

lf someone in the movie show



   

                   

Yelled,

"Fire in the second row!



   

                   

This whole place

is a powder keg!"



   

                   

You'd notice him



   

                   

And even without clucking

like a hen



   

                   

Everyone gets noticed

now and then



   

                   

Unless, of course,

that personage should be



   

                   

Invisible



   

                   

Inconsequential



   

                   

Me



   

                   

Cellophane



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

Shoulda been my name



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

'Cause you can look

right through me



   

                   

Walk right by me



   

                   

And never know I'm there



   

                   

I tell ya



   

                   

Cellophane



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

Shoulda been my name



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

'Cause you can look

right through me



   

                   

Walk right by me



   

                   

And never know I'm there



   

                   

Oh . I didn't see you .



   

                   

Sit down . Sit down .



   

                   

Look, Andy, I'm afraid

I got to hit you hard .



   

                   

And I can only hope

that you'll be big about it.



   

                   

Amos. My name is Amos.



   

                   

Who said it wasn't?



   

                   

Oh , it was the kid's name

I was thinking about, yeah .



   

                   

You know when she's due?



   

                   

September.



   

                   

Oh , but pass out

those cigars, anyway.



   

                   

I don't want you

to give a damn when people. . .



   

                   

People what?



   

                   

Laugh .



   

                   

Laugh?

Why would they laugh?



   

                   

'Cause they can count.



   

                   

Can you count?



   

                   

September.



   

                   

Here's a copy

of Roxie's first statement



   

                   

from the D.A.'s office.



   

                   

It says she hadn't copulated

with you



   

                   

for four months

prior to the incident.



   

                   

Well , she would know.



   

                   

Yeah , I guess we hadn't done

no copulating since. . .



   

                   

Wait a minute.

That don't figure out right.



   

                   

I couldn't be the father.



   

                   

Forget about that now.

My client needs your support.



   

                   

You mean she needs

a meal ticket.



   

                   

That's all I ever been .



   

                   

This time she's gone too far.



   

                   

What are you gonna do?

Divorce her?



   

                   

You're damn right!



   

                   

I'll divorce her!



   

                   

She probably won't even notice.



   

                   

Yeah?

Yeah , put him through .



   

                   

A human being's made

of more than air



   

                   

With all that bulk,

you're bound to see him there



   

                   

Unless that human being

next to you



   

                   

Is unimpressive



   

                   

Undistinguished



   

                   

You



   

                   

Know



   

                   

Who



   

                   

You still here, Andy?



   

                   

Yeah , I'm still here.



   

                   

I think.



   

                   

Shoulda been my name



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

'Cause you can look

right through me



   

                   

Walk right by me



   

                   

And never know I'm there



   

                   

I tell ya



   

                   

Cellophane



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

Shoulda been my name



   

                   

Mister Cellophane



   

                   

'Cause you can look

right through me



   

                   

Walk right by me



   

                   

And never know I'm there



   

                   

Never even



   

                   

Know



   

                   

I'm there



   

                   

I hope I didn't take up

too much of your time.



   

                   

I've been waiting     minutes.

Don't do that again .



   

                   

This dress makes me look like

a Woolworth's lampshade.



   

                   

I'm not wearing this.



   

                   

You're wearing it

because I tell you to wear it.



   

                   

When Andy's on the stand ,

I want you to be knitting .



   

                   

Knitting?

Oh , for Christ sakes.



   

                   

-A baby garment.

-I don't know how to knit!



   

                   

Then learn .



   

                   

That is no way

to win a jury's sympathy.



   

                   

Oh , you don't need advice

anymore.



   

                   

Lookit here, Mr. Mouthpiece. . .



   

                   

it seems to me

that I am the one



   

                   

who's coming up

with the good ideas.



   

                   

I am sick of everybody

telling me what to do.



   

                   

You treat me like dirt.



   

                   

You treat me like I'm some

dumb common criminal .



   

                   

But you are.



   

                   

Well , it's better than being

a greasy Mick lawyer.



   

                   

Who happens to be

saving your ass!



   

                   

Who's out for all he can steal !



   

                   

Maybe you'd like

to appear in court without me.



   

                   

Well , maybe I could .



   

                   

Have you read

the morning papers?



   

                   

They love me!



   

                   

Wise up! They'd love you

a lot more if you were hanged .



   

                   

You know why?

'Cause they'd sell more papers.



   

                   

You're fired .



   

                   

I quit.



   

                   

Any lawyer in this town

would die to have my case.



   

                   

You are a phony celebrity.

You're a flash in the pan .



   

                   

In a couple of weeks, no one's

gonna give a shit about you .



   

                   

That's Chicago.



   

                   

What happened?



   

                   

It's the Hunyak.



   

                   

She lost her last appeal .



   

                   

So what's that mean?



   

                   

Well , that means that next week,

she's gonna. . .



   

                   

This is Mary Sunshine coming to

you from the Cook County Jail . . .



   

                   

where history

will be made today.



   

                   

Katalin Helinski

will become the first woman



   

                   

in the state of Illinois

to be executed .



   

                   

And so, ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

And now,

ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

for your pleasure

and your entertainment. . .



   

                   

we proudly present

Katalin Helinski



   

                   

and her famous

Hungarian disappearing act.



   

                   

You know,

it's really not that bad .



   

                   

You clear about everything

we agreed on?



   

                   

Yep. I've been up all night

rehearsing .



   

                   

What do you do when Harrison

starts coming after you?



   

                   

I sit still

and look straight ahead . . .



   

                   

never at the jury.



   

                   

-And?

-And I look modest.



   

                   

-And?

-And . . .



   

                   

-And say nothing .

-That's right.



   

                   

-That was the deal , right?

-Right.



   

                   

You asked me back.

I do all the talking this time.



   

                   

Absolutely, Billy.

Whatever you say.



   

                   

Mr. Flynn .

His Honor's here.



   

                   

Thank you .



   

                   

You ready?



   

                   

Yeah .



   

                   

I'm scared .



   

                   

Ah , don't be.



   

                   

I've been around a long time.



   

                   

Believe me. You got

nothing to worry about.



   

                   

It's all a circus.

A three-ring circus.



   

                   

These trials, the whole world .



   

                   

It's all show business.



   

                   

But, kid . . .



   

                   

You're working with a star.



   

                   

Give 'em

the old razzle dazzle



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

Give 'em an act

with lots of flash in it



   

                   

And the reaction

will be passionate



   

                   

Give 'em

the old hocus pocus



   

                   

Bead and feather 'em



   

                   

How can they see

with sequins in their eyes?



   

                   

What if your hinges

all are rusting?



   

                   

What if, in fact,

you're just disgusting?



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

And they'll never catch wise



   

                   

Give 'em

the old razzle dazzle



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

Give 'em a show

that's so splendiferous



   

                   

Row after row

will grow vociferous



   

                   

Give 'em

the old flimflam flummox



   

                   

Fool and fracture 'em



   

                   

How can they hear the truth

above the roar?



   

                   

Throw 'em a fake

and a finagle



   

                   

They'll never know

you're just a bagel



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

And they'll beg you for more



   

                   

-I object!

-Sustained .



   

                   

Your Honor, I haven't even

asked the question yet.



   

                   

Give 'em

the old double whammy



   

                   

Daze and dizzy 'em



   

                   

Back since the days

of old Methuselah



   

                   

Everyone loves

the big bamboozler



   

                   

Give 'em

the old three-ring circus



   

                   

Stun and stagger 'em



   

                   

When you're in trouble,

go into your dance



   

                   

Though you are stiffer

than a girder



   

                   

They'll let you get away

with murder



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

And you got a romance



   

                   

Hello, Amos.



   

                   

Amos.



   

                   

That's right, Mr. Flynn .

Amos.



   

                   

Amos, when did you file suit

for divorce?



   

                   

A month ago.



   

                   

Was there any reason

at this time?



   

                   

I'll say.



   

                   

The newspapers said Roxie

was expecting a little stranger.



   

                   

That's hardly grounds

for divorce, is it?



   

                   

A little too much

of a stranger.



   

                   

You mean you doubted

the paternity of the child .



   

                   

Well , sure.



   

                   

Tell me, Amos.

You share a bed with your wife?



   

                   

Yes, sir, every night.



   

                   

And you expect

this jury to believe



   

                   

that you slept

next to this woman every night



   

                   

without exercising your rights

as a husband?



   

                   

Well , I could've

if I wanted to.



   

                   

-Oh , but you didn't.

-No, I did .



   

                   

-Did what?

-Want to.



   

                   

-But you didn't.

-Didn't what?



   

                   

-What you wanted .

-Wait. I'm getting confused .



   

                   

Did you ever question

Roxie herself?



   

                   

Did you ask her if you were

the father of her child?



   

                   

No, sir.



   

                   

But if you became convinced

that you were wrong . . .



   

                   

you'd be man enough to admit it.



   

                   

You'd take her back

if Roxie swore



   

                   

that you were the father.



   

                   

-Which she does.

-She does?



   

                   

She does! She does!



   

                   

No more questions!



   

                   

You can step down now.



   

                   

Well done, Andy.



   

                   

Oh , Roxie, I'm so sorry.



   

                   

Aw!



   

                   

Give 'em

the old razzle dazzle



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

Show 'em the first-rate

sorcerer you are



   

                   

Long as you keep 'em

way off balance



   

                   

How can they spot

you got no talents?



   

                   

Razzle dazzle 'em



   

                   

This is the moment

we've been waiting for.



   

                   

Roxie Hart

finally takes the stand



   

                   

in her own defense.



   

                   

And they'll make you

a star



   

                   

Order! Order!



   

                   

Proceed , Mr. Flynn .



   

                   

Roxie,

I have here a statement



   

                   

in which you admit to having

illicit relations



   

                   

with the deceased ,

Fred Casely.



   

                   

Is this true or false?



   

                   

I'm afraid that's true.



   

                   

You're an honest girl , Roxie.



   

                   

When did you first meet

Fred Casely?



   

                   

When he sold Amos and me

our furniture.



   

                   

Your personal relationship

with him -



   

                   

could you tell the jury

when that began?



   

                   

When I permitted him

to escort me home one night.



   

                   

I don't think

I would've gone with him



   

                   

if Mr. Hart and me hadn't

quarrelled that very morning .



   

                   

-Quarrelled?

-Yes, sir.



   

                   

Well , I suppose

it was his fault.



   

                   

Oh , no, sir.

It was my fault.



   

                   

I suppose I just couldn't stop

pestering him .



   

                   

Pestering him?

About what?



   

                   

I didn't like him working

those long hours at the garage.



   

                   

I wanted him home with me. . .



   

                   

to darn his socks

and iron his shirts.



   

                   

I wanted a real home

and a child .



   

                   

So you drifted

into this illicit relationship



   

                   

because you were unhappy

at home.



   

                   

Yes. I was most unhappy.



   

                   

Roxie Hart!



   

                   

The state has accused you

of the murder of Fred Casely!



   

                   

Are you guilty or not guilty?



   

                   

I'm not guilty.

I'm not guilty.



   

                   

I killed him .

I did , but I'm not a criminal .



   

                   

I'm not a criminal !



   

                   

Do you recall

the night of January    th?



   

                   

Could you tell the jury,

in your own words,



   

                   

the happenings of that night?



   

                   

Well , when Fred came over,

I told him my good news.



   

                   

And what was that?



   

                   

That me and Amos

were gonna have a baby.



   

                   

And that it was all over

between us.



   

                   

What happened then?



   

                   

Well , then . . .



   

                   

Then . . .



   

                   

Did he threaten you , Roxie?



   

                   

Objection , Your Honor.

Counsel is leading the witness!



   

                   

Sustained .



   

                   

What did Casely say

when you told him the news?



   

                   

"I'll kill you before I'll see

you have another man's child !"



   

                   

Could you tell the audience -

the jury - what happened next?



   

                   

Well , in his passion ,

he tore off my robe. . .



   

                   

and he threw me on the bed .



   

                   

And Mr. Hart's pistol

was lying there between us.



   

                   

And then?



   

                   

We both reached for the gun ,

but I got it first.



   

                   

Then he came toward me with

this funny look in his eyes.



   

                   

He was angry and wild !



   

                   

-Wild !

-Wild !



   

                   

Did you think

he meant to kill you?



   

                   

Oh , yes, sir.

Yes, sir.



   

                   

So it was his life or yours?



   

                   

And not just mine.



   

                   

I closed my eyes, and I shot!



   

                   

In defense of your life!



   

                   

To save my husband's

innocent, unborn child !



   

                   

-Roxie!

-Order!



   

                   

What a bull's-eye, huh?



   

                   

Order in this court!



   

                   

I'll clear this court

if necessary.



   

                   

There's pandemonium

here in the courtroom .



   

                   

Order! Bailiff!



   

                   

Mrs. Hart's behavior

throughout this ordeal



   

                   

has been truly extraordinary.



   

                   

Yeah , I bet it has.



   

                   

Opening her eyes,

she fans herself



   

                   

with her attorney's

handkerchief.



   

                   

-Handkerchief?

-Poor child has had no relief.



   

                   

She looks around bewildered ,

seeming to want something .



   

                   

Oh , it's a glass of water.



   

                   

Oh , Mama, that was my bit!



   

                   

I told Billy I was gonna

do that at my trial !



   

                   

But now her eyes

flutter wildly, and she -



   

                   

Mrs. Hart has fainted again .



   

                   

Oh , jeez.



   

                   

She slumps over, her chiffon

dress up around her knees,



   

                   

revealing a glimpse of a blue

garter with a rhinestone buckle.



   

                   

Oh , Mama, she stole my garter.



   

                   

-She stole my garter!

-Don't break my radio!



   

                   

First, the slob

steals my publicity.



   

                   

Then she steals my lawyer,

my trial date.



   

                   

Now my goddamn garter!



   

                   

What do you expect?



   

                   

These days

you get a little success. . .



   

                   

and it's good riddance

to the people who put you there.



   

                   

There ain't no justice

in the world .



   

                   

And there ain't nothing

you can do about it.



   

                   

Nerts to that.



   

                   

You think I got you up here just

so you can listen to my radio?



   

                   

People write some

pretty interesting things



   

                   

when they think

no one's looking .



   

                   

Oh , Mama.



   

                   

The state

calls a rebuttal witness.



   

                   

Left hand on the Bible,

raise your right hand .



   

                   

You swear to tell the truth ,

so help you God?



   

                   

And then some.



   

                   

Have a seat.



   

                   

Would you state your name

for the record , please?



   

                   

Velma Kelly.



   

                   

Miss Kelly,

will you please tell the court



   

                   

if the object I am holding

is the one



   

                   

you happened to come upon

in the defendant's jail cell?



   

                   

Yes, it is.



   

                   

I submit this as Exhibit "X."



   

                   

Roxie Hart's diary.



   

                   

I object!



   

                   

My client has never kept

a diary.



   

                   

And even if she did , this

would be invasion of privacy



   

                   

in violation

of the Fourth Amendment



   

                   

and illegal search

without a warrant.



   

                   

Yeah .

And she broke the lock.



   

                   

Order! Order!



   

                   

Well , that settles that.

I'll allow it.



   

                   

What's the big deal?

It's just a bunch of doodlings.



   

                   

If you would read

for us, please.



   

                   

I haven't worked in a while.



   

                   

"What a laugh ,

plugging Fred Casely.



   

                   

The big baboon had it coming .



   

                   

I'm just sorry

I only got to kill him once."



   

                   

I never wrote that!



   

                   

You . . .



   

                   

Hey, she made that up!



   

                   

-Order! Order!

-She made that up!



   

                   

Please, Mr. Flynn ,

get control of your client.



   

                   

I'm sorry, Your Honor.

It won't happen again .



   

                   

Sit down . Shut up.

It's only making it worse.



   

                   

I have no more questions.



   

                   

Your witness, Mr. Flynn .



   

                   

Ladies and gentlemen ,

a tap dance.



   

                   

Miss Kelly, did you make a deal

with Mr. Harrison?



   

                   

Maybe to drop

all charges against you



   

                   

in exchange for testifying?



   

                   

Well , sure.

I'm not a complete idiot.



   

                   

Good . Good .



   

                   

Since you gave

such an impressive performance



   

                   

for Mr. Harrison , maybe

you'd do me the same honor.



   

                   

-I'd be delighted .

-Thank you .



   

                   

"Fred Casely assured me



   

                   

he'd get me an audition

down at the Onyx.



   

                   

Then he reneged on his pledge,



   

                   

and that was my motive

for attacking him ."



   

                   

Pretty fancy way of saying

"He's a big fat liar



   

                   

who welshed on a deal ,

so I shot him ."



   

                   

"Amos accused me

of having an affair. . .



   

                   

so I told him that the charge

was erroneous."



   

                   

Objection , Your Honor!



   

                   

Mr. Flynn is twisting

this evidence



   

                   

to draw conclusions

that are specious and . . .



   

                   

-Erroneous?

-Exactly!



   

                   

Order! Order!



   

                   

Miss Kelly, do you know

the meaning of the word perjury?



   

                   

-Yes, I do.

-Do you know it's a crime?



   

                   

Yes.



   

                   

If it turns out that you knew

that this diary was a fake. . .



   

                   

I'd hate to think of you rotting

in prison for the next     years.



   

                   

Since you won your freedom .



   

                   

Look, all I know

is what I was told .



   

                   

Oh , so, all right.



   

                   

So you didn't find

this diary in Roxie's cell?



   

                   

No.



   

                   

Mama - Miss Morton

gave it to me.



   

                   

She said someone sent it to her.



   

                   

Someone? Any idea who this

mysterious benefactor might be?



   

                   

No. She didn't know.



   

                   

All right, let's see

if we can work this out.



   

                   

Someone who writes

about reneging on pledges



   

                   

and erroneous charges.



   

                   

Call me crazy. Doesn't that

sound like a lawyer?



   

                   

A lawyer who had a sample

of my client's handwriting .



   

                   

Mr. Harrison ,

didn't you ask Roxie



   

                   

to write out a confession?



   

                   

Yes. You're not suggesting

I tampered with evidence?



   

                   

No. I wouldn't.

Don't be ridiculous.



   

                   

No. That's thoroughly

and utterly absurd .



   

                   

Now that you mention it. . .



   

                   

Your Honor,

this is outrageous!



   

                   

I know. I agree.



   

                   

To even suggest

that the prosecutor



   

                   

would make a thieves' bargain

with Velma Kelly. . .



   

                   

then fabricate the very evidence

that set her free!



   

                   

Just so you can win

another case



   

                   

and move one step closer

to the Governor's Mansion !



   

                   

Why, it's simply beyond

all imagining !



   

                   

I'll hold you in contempt!



   

                   

No, it is not even conceivable!



   

                   

But if it were,

wouldn't it be time to say:



   

                   

"Come clean , Mr. Harrison"?



   

                   

Even in Chicago, this kind

of corruption cannot stand !



   

                   

Will not stand !



   

                   

That's enough , Mr. Flynn !



   

                   

I agree, Your Honor!



   

                   

It is enough !



   

                   

The defense rests.



   

                   

Ladies and gentlemen ,

this is Mary Sunshine. . .



   

                   

reporting live from

the Cook County Courthouse.



   

                   

The city of Chicago has come

to a complete standstill . . .



   

                   

as the trial of the century

finally draws to a close.



   

                   

Mrs. Hart sits quietly

at the defense table.



   

                   

Hands folded .



   

                   

Wondering what fate

has in store for her.



   

                   

And now a hush

falls over the courtroom . . .



   

                   

as the     men of the jury file

slowly back to their seats.



   

                   

Gentlemen of the jury,

have you reached a verdict?



   

                   

We have, Your Honor.



   

                   

The jury has reached

a verdict.



   

                   

Will the defendant please rise?



   

                   

What is your verdict?



   

                   

We, the jury,

find the defendant. . .



   

                   

Roxie Hart is innocent!

She's innocent!



   

                   

Get your paper!



   

                   

Roxie Hart is free!

She's free!



   

                   

Come on ! Move it!



   

                   

First she shoots the husband ,

then she plugs the lawyer.



   

                   

Don't you want

to take my picture?



   

                   

I'm the famous Roxie Hart.



   

                   

Hey, what happened?



   

                   

Billy, what the hell happened?



   

                   

This is Chicago, kid .



   

                   

You can't beat fresh blood

on the walls.



   

                   

But my publicity, Billy.

My name in the papers.



   

                   

I was counting on that.



   

                   

Your gratitude

is overwhelming , kid .



   

                   

I just saved your life.



   

                   

Yeah , and you got $    .



   

                   

And what do I get?

I get nothing?



   

                   

It's $      

once I collect from Velma.



   

                   

I get nothing?



   

                   

Oh , don't forget

your blessed diary.



   

                   

Hope you don't mind .

I added a few erroneous phrases.



   

                   

Sorry I couldn't tell you .



   

                   

Couldn't take a chance.



   

                   

I never lost a case.



   

                   

You're a free woman ,

Roxie Hart.



   

                   

And God save Illinois.



   

                   

What do you want?



   

                   

I want you to come home.



   

                   

You said you still wanted to.

And the baby.



   

                   

Baby? What baby?



   

                   

Oh , Jesus.



   

                   

What do you take me for?



   

                   

There ain't no baby.



   

                   

There ain't no baby?



   

                   

They didn't even want

my picture.



   

                   

I can't understand that.



   

                   

Why didn't they even want

my picture?



   

                   

It's good



   

                   

Isn't it grand?



   

                   

Isn't it great?



   

                   

Isn't it swell?



   

                   

Isn't it fun?



   

                   

Isn't it?



   

                   

Nowadays



   

                   

Ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

Miss Roxie Hart says

"Good night."



   

                   

There's men everywhere



   

                   

Jazz everywhere



   

                   

Booze everywhere



   

                   

Life everywhere



   

                   

Joy everywhere



   

                   

Nowadays



   

                   

You can like

the life you're livin'



   

                   

You can live

the life you like



   

                   

You can even marry Harry



   

                   

But mess around with Ike



   

                   

And that's good



   

                   

Isn't it grand?



   

                   

Isn't it great?



   

                   

Isn't it swell?



   

                   

Isn't it fun?



   

                   

Isn't it?



   

                   

But nothing



   

                   

Stays



   

                   

You can like

the life you're living



   

                   

You can live

the life you like



   

                   

Didn't she kill a guy

awhile back?



   

                   

Ah , who can keep them

straight anymore?



   

                   

But mess around with Ike



   

                   

And that's good



   

                   

Isn't it grand?



   

                   

Isn't it great?



   

                   

That's great!



   

                   

We'll be in touch .



   

                   

I'm not quite finished yet.



   

                   

Wait, wait, wait.

One more.



   

                   

I could . . .



   

                   

Just a second .

I'm not -



   

                   

God damn it!



   

                   

Thank you !



   

                   

Here's the music, hon .



   

                   

Thanks.



   

                   

God damn it.



   

                   

You know,

you're really pretty good .



   

                   

Yeah , that and a dime.



   

                   

What are you doing here?



   

                   

I heard you been

making the rounds.



   

                   

if it was up to you ,

I'd be swinging by now.



   

                   

I always knew

Billy would get you off.



   

                   

You should learn how

to put things behind you .



   

                   

Oh , thank you .



   

                   

I'll put that

at the top of my list.



   

                   

Right after finding a job

and an apartment with a john .



   

                   

Shut up and listen to me!



   

                   

You really are something .



   

                   

Coming in here

like some goddamn queen bee.



   

                   

All full of advice

for a poor slob like me.



   

                   

Let me tell you something ,

Miss Velma Kelly.



   

                   

I got a new life now.



   

                   

One of the best things about it

is it don't include you .



   

                   

I thought we could help

each other.



   

                   

You thought wrong , didn't you?



   

                   

Listen to me.



   

                   

I talked to this guy downtown .



   

                   

He said one jazz killer

is nothing these days. . .



   

                   

but two. . .



   

                   

We could make

a couple of hundred a week.



   

                   

Think about it, Roxie.



   

                   

Our faces back in the papers.

Our names on the marquee.



   

                   

Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart.



   

                   

Shouldn't it be alphabetical?



   

                   

That could work.



   

                   

Couple hundred?



   

                   

Maybe we could ask for a thou .



   

                   

We're worth it.



   

                   

Forget it.



   

                   

It'll never work.



   

                   

Why not?



   

                   

'Cause I hate you .



   

                   

There's only one business

in the world



   

                   

where that's no problem

at all .



   

                   

Ladies and gentlemen . . .



   

                   

the Chicago Theater

is proud to announce a first.



   

                   

The first time anywhere there's

been an act of this nature.



   

                   

Not only one little lady.

But two.



   

                   

You've read about them

in the papers.



   

                   

And now here they are.



   

                   

Chicago's own killer-dillers.

Those scintillating sinners.



   

                   

Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!



   

                   

You can like

the life you're livin'



   

                   

You can live

the life you like



   

                   

You can even marry Harry



   

                   

But mess around with Ike



   

                   

And that's good



   

                   

Isn't it grand?



   

                   

Isn't it great?



   

                   

Isn't it swell?



   

                   

Isn't it fun?



   

                   

Isn't it?



   

                   

But nothing stays



   

                   

In    years or so



   

                   

It's gonna change, you know



   

                   

But, oh, it's heaven



   

                   

Nowadays



   

                   

Okay, you babes of jazz,

let's pick up the pace.



   

                   

Let's make the parties longer,

the skirts shorter.



   

                   

Let's all go to hell

in a fast car and keep it hot!



   

                   

Me and Roxie, we'd just like

to say thank you !



   

                   

Thank you !



   

                   

Believe us, we could not

have done it without you !



   

                   

And all



   

                   

That



   

                   

Jazz



   

                   

That jazz



   

                   

       . . .



   

                   

While truckin' down

the road of life



   

                   

Although all hope

seems gone



   

                   

I just move on



   

                   

When I can't find

a single star



   

                   

To hang my wish upon



   

                   

I just move on



   

                   

I move on



   

                   

I run so fast



   

                   

A shotgun blast



   

                   

Can hurt me not one bit



   

                   

I'm on my toes



   

                   

'Cause heaven knows



   

                   

A moving target's

hard to hit



   

                   

So as we play an ice ballet



   

                   

We're not the dying swan



   

                   

We just move on



   

                   

We move on



   

                   

Just when it seems



   

                   

We're out of dreams



   

                   

And things

have got us down



   

                   

We don't despair



   

                   

We don't go there



   

                   

We hang our bonnets

out of town









 
Special help by SergeiK