Voila! Finally, the Chicago
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring
Catherine Zeta Jones, Richard Gere, Renee Zellweger, etc. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Chicago. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
5, 6, 7, 8…
Anybody seen
the Kelly Sisters?
You. You're up in five.
-Keep the change, Charlie.
-Thanks.
Velma, where you been?
And where's Veronica?
She's not herself tonight.
But they paid to see
a sister act!
Don't sweat it.
I can do it alone.
Shit!
Come on , Velma.
Move it, move it! Hurry up!
You're killing me, here!
Ladies and gentlemen . . .
the Onyx Club
is proud to present
Chicago's hottest dancing duo.
Two jazz babes moving as one.
The Kelly Sisters.
Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town
And all that jazz?
I'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car,
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz
Skiddoo
And all that jazz
Hotcha
Whoopee
And all that jazz
Slick your hair
and wear your buckle shoes
And all that jazz
I hear that Father Dip
is gonna blow the blues
And all that jazz
Hold on, hon,
we're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin
down at United Drug
In case you shake apart
and want a brand-new start
To do
That
Jazz
Let's go, babe.
But I didn't even meet
your friend . That manager guy.
Don't worry, Roxie.
It's all taken care of.
You told him about me?
Yeah , kid , it's all arranged .
Find a flask,
we're playing fast and loose
And all that jazz
Right up here
is where I store the juice
And all that jazz
Come on, babe,
we're gonna brush the sky
I betcha Lucky Lindy
never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere,
how could he lend an ear
To all
That
Jazz?
Oh, you're gonna see
your sheba shimmy-shake
And all that jazz
Oh, she's gonna shimmy
till her garters break
And all that jazz
Show her
where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood
will curdle
lf she'd hear
her baby's queer
For all
That
Jazz
Hello, Miss Borusewicz.
Mrs. Hart.
This is Fred .
He's my brother.
All
That
Jazz
Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town
And all that jazz?
And all that jazz
I'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Start the car,
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz
Say it again , Fred .
Oh , you're a star, kid .
My little shootin' star.
No, I'm no one's wife
But, oh, I love my life
And all
That
Jazz
That jazz
Oh , say it again , Fred .
Where's the fire, huh?
Amos ain't home till midnight.
Hey, I don't want you to feel
like I'm nagging at you ,
but don't you think it's time
I met your friend
down at the Onyx?
It's been a month
since you told him about me.
And I know
'cause that was the night
Velma Kelly plugged
her husband and her sister.
You know they say that she found
'em in the kip together?
Gosh , if I ever found Amos
slipping it to somebody else. . .
I'd throw him a great big
going-away party.
It's getting late.
I have been thinking a lot
about my act.
Whenever I get a good idea
I write it in my diary.
It occurred to me the other day
that all the really, really
knockout acts have
something a little different
going on .
Like a signature bit.
And I thought that my thing
could be aloof, you know?
Give 'em just enough
to get 'em good and hungry,
but always leave 'em
wantin' more.
Hey, once I get a name
for myself,
maybe we could open up a club
of our own .
You could run it,
and I could be the headliner.
What's the idea?
Wake up, kiddo. You ain't
never gonna have an act.
Says who?
Face it. You're a two-bit talent
with skinny legs.
I'm just a furniture salesman .
Yeah , but you got connections.
-That guy at the club.
-There is no guy.
That night. . .
It was the first time
I set foot in that joint.
I was collecting on a bet
from the trombone player.
So you never
told anyone about me?
Sugar, you were hot stuff.
I would have said anything
to get a piece of that.
And now? Now?
We had some laughs.
Let's just leave it at that.
You can't do this to me.
Would you get off?
You touch me again ,
I'll put your lights out!
-Wait.
-Your husband will be home soon .
Wash yourself before hitting
those sheets again .
You're a liar, Fred .
Yeah , yeah , so what?
You lied to me.
That's life, sweetheart.
That's life.
You son of a bitch !
You son of a bitch !
You're a son of a bitch !
Hotcha
Whoopee
Why you bothering , Sal?
This one's all wrapped up.
It's a new city record .
From killin' to confession
in an hour flat.
SGT. Where did you get
the murder weapon?
I keep a gun
in the underwear drawer.
Just in case of trouble.
That's just fine.
Sign right there, Mr. Hart.
Freely and gladly.
Don't say we beat it out of you
when you get on the stand .
No, I gave myself up.
Surrendered of my own free will .
Isn't he the cheerful murderer?
Shootin' a burglar ain't murder.
Just last week,
a jury thanked a man .
I'm grateful for citizens
who know the law.
Get in there.
You too.
Sit down .
Okay. From the top.
A man's got a right to protect
his home and loved ones, right?
Of course he has.
I come home from the garage,
and I see him climbing
through the window
with my wife, Roxie,
laying there,
sleeping like an angel .
That true, Mrs. Hart?
It's the God's honest truth .
My wife had nothing
to do with it.
She wouldn't hurt a worm ,
not even a worm .
It wasn't till I fired
the first shot
she even opened her eyes.
I always said she could sleep
through
the St. Paddy's Day Parade.
When I think of
what would have happened
if I went out for a beer
instead of coming home.
It makes you sick
even thinking about it.
For her first
number, Miss Roxie Hart
would like to sing a song
of love and devotion
dedicated
to her dear husband , Amos.
Sometimes I'm right
Sometimes I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm up
But he follows round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
After I shot him ,
he kept coming at me,
so I had to pull
the trigger again .
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
And Lord knows
he ain't got the smarts
But look at that soul
I tell you, that whole
Is a whole lot greater
than the sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
slandered my name?
Why, he'd be right there
taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny honey
Hubby of mine
Supposing , just supposing ,
he had violated her.
-You know what I mean?
-I know what you mean .
Think how terrible
that would have been .
It's a good thing I got home
from work on time.
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Name of deceased ,
Fred Casely.
Fred Casely?
How could he be a burglar?
My wife knows him .
He sold us our furniture.
He gave us % off.
Lord knows
he ain't got the smarts
You told me he was a burglar.
He was dead when you got home?
She had him covered in a sheet,
and she's telling me
some cock-and-bull story
and how I ought to say I did it
'cause I was sure to get off.
"Help me, Amos," she says.
"It's my goddamn hour of need ."
Now he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap
- Look at him go
-And I believed her.
- Rattin' on me
-That cheap little tramp.
She was two-timing me, huh?
I'm through protecting her now.
She can swing for all I care.
I'm down at the garage
working hours a day,
and she's up here
munching on bonbons
and tramping around
like some goddamn floozy!
Thought she could pull
the wool over my eyes.
- That scummy, crummy
-Well , I wasn't born yesterday.
- Dummy
-Some things a man can't take.
- Hubby of mine
-She pushed me too far.
That little chiseler.
Boy, what a sap I was!
You double-crosser!
You big blabbermouth !
You promised you'd stick.
You been stringin' me,
Roxanne!
You told me he was a burglar!
The whole time,
you been up here jazzin' him .
You are a disloyal husband !
Look, it's true.
I shot him .
But it was self-defense.
He was trying to burgle me.
From what I hear,
he's been burgling you
three times a week
for the last month .
So what do you say, Missus?
That's him , all right.
Thank you .
Your story doesn't wash ,
Mrs. Hart. . .
so try this on for size.
Fred Casely was a good time
on the side
with Goofy here
as a meal ticket.
Meal ticket?
He couldn't buy my liquor.
Fred Casely could?
With a wife
and five little Caselys?
Or did he forget
to mention them?
What?
All his.
Oh , that bastard .
That bastard !
Yeah , I killed him .
I would kill him again .
Once was enough , dearie.
Take her downtown . Come on !
This is it. / .
Here they come.
This way, honey.
It's a shame to hide
such a beautiful face.
Why'd you shoot him?
Give us a profile with a smile
like the girl from
the toothpaste ad .
Enjoy it while you can .
Take this down .
Assistant District Attorney
Harrison
says this is a hanging case.
I'm ready to go
to the jury tomorrow.
What do you mean , hanging?
Not so tough anymore, are you?
Take her down
to the Cook County Jail .
We need a headline.
Why'd you shoot him?
Was he cruel? Did he beat you?
Hey, what do you mean ,
hanging?
Morphine, opium , cocaine?
-Arm length . inches.
-Arm length . inches.
Height. inches.
The Matron's on her way,
so don't get too cozy.
Put out that cigarette!
Ever had Morton before?
She's fine.
Long as you keep her happy.
And now, ladies and gentlemen . . .
the Keeper of the Keys,
the Countess of the Clink. . .
the Mistress of Murderess Row. . .
Matron Mama Morton !
Ask any of the chickies
in my pen
They'll tell you
I'm the biggest mother hen
I love them all,
and all of them love me
Because the system works
the system called
Reciprocity
On your feet.
Welcome, ladies.
Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
You might think I'm here
to make your life a living hell ,
but it's just not true.
There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you
I'd like to be your friend ,
if you let me.
So if there's something
that upsets you
or makes you unhappy
in any way. . .
don't shoot your fat-ass mouth
off to me
'cause I don't give a shit.
They say that life
is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So I deserve a lot of tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know
that this hand
Washes that one, too?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
Let's go.
You must be Hart.
Ain't you the pretty one.
Thank you , ma'am .
Oh , no, call me Mama.
I'm here to take care of you .
You'll be habitatin'
down in the east block.
Murderess Row, we call it.
Is that nicer?
I don't think I belong in here.
I didn't actually
do anything wrong .
No need to tell me.
I never heard
of a man getting killed
when he didn't get
just what was coming to him .
Hey, Mama!
Come here. Come here.
Velma Kelly.
You're the Velma Kelly.
I was there the night
that you got arrested .
Yeah .
You and half of Chicago.
Look at this, Mama.
An editorial denouncing me
in "Redbook" magazine.
"Not in memory do we recall
so fiendish and horrible
a double homicide."
You couldn't buy
that kind of publicity.
Couldn't buy it?
I guess I can keep this, then .
Nice try.
lf you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you
When they pass that basket
folks contribute to
You put in for Mama
She'll put out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones
the world adores
So boost me
up my ladder, kid
And I'll boost you up yours
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good
To you
Ah , yes!
Mama?
It's kind of freezing in here.
You don't think there's
something wrong with the heat?
Not that I'm complaining ,
mind you , but. . .
if you got a couple extra
blankets tucked away -
Lights out, ladies.
Okay.
Okay.
Pop
Six
Squish
Cicero
Lipschitz
And now,
the six merry murderesses
of the Cook County Jail
in their rendition of
the "Cell Block Tango."
Lipschitz
Pop
Six
Squish
Cicero
Lipschitz
Pop
Six
Squish
Cicero
Lipschitz
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
lf you'd have been there
lf you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have
done the same
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
- Pop
- Six
Squish
- Cicero
- Lipschitz
You know how people have these
little habits that get you down?
Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum .
No, not chew. Pop.
So I came home this one day,
and I'm really irritated . . .
and I'm looking
for a little bit of sympathy.
There's Bernie
lyin' on the couch . . .
drinkin' a beer and chewin' .
No, not chewin' . Poppin' !
So I said to him , "You pop
that gum one more time. . ."
And he did .
So I took the shotgun
off the wall . . .
and I fired two warning shots
into his head .
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
lf you'd have been there
lf you'd have heard it
I betcha you would have
done the same
I met Ezekial Young
from Salt Lake City
about two years ago,
and he told me he was single,
and we hit it off right away.
So we started living together.
He'd go to work.
He'd come home.
I'd fix him a drink.
We'd have dinner.
And then I found out.
Single, he told me?
Single, my ass.
Not only was he married . . .
Oh , no. . .
He had six wives.
One of those Mormons.
So that night
when he came home from work. . .
I fixed him his drink,
as usual .
You know, some guys
just can't hold their arsenic.
- He had it coming
- Pop, six, squish
- He had it coming
- Cicero, Lipschitz
He took a flower
in its prime
- And then he used it
- Pop
- And he abused it
- Six
It was a murder,
but not a crime
Cicero, Lipschitz
Now, I'm standing
in the kitchen
carving up the chicken
for dinner,
minding my own business.
In storms my husband , Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman ,"
he says.
He was crazy,
and he kept on screamin' ,
"You been screwin' the milkman !"
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife times.
lf you'd have been there
lf you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have
done the same
Yeah , but did you do it?
Not guilty.
My sister, Veronica, and I
had this double act.
And my husband , Charlie,
traveled around with us.
Now, for the last number
in our act. . .
we did these
acrobatic tricks in a row.
One, two, three, four, five. . .
splits, spread eagles,
backflips, flip-flops.
One right after the other.
One night before the show,
we're down at the Hotel Cicero.
The three of us boozin'
and havin' a few laughs.
We run out of ice,
so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door. . .
and there's Veronica and Charlie
doing number .
The spread eagle.
Well , I was in
such a state of shock. . .
I completely blacked out.
I can't remember a thing .
It wasn't until later
when I was washing the blood
off my hands
I even knew they were dead .
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
They had it coming all along
- I didn't do it
- She didn't do it
- But if I'd done it
- But if she'd done it
How could you tell me
that I was wrong?
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
They had it coming
all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me
that I was wrong?
I loved AI Lipschitz
more than I could possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy.
Sensitive. A painter.
But he was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking
for himself, and on the way. . .
he found Ruth , Gladys,
Rosemary, and Irving .
You could say we broke up
because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive. . .
and I saw him dead .
The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
- They had it coming
They had it coming all along
- And if they used us
- And if they used us
- Then they abused us
- Then they abused us
Could you tell us
that we were wrong?
- He had it coming
- He had it coming
- He had it coming
- He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
- lf you'd have been there
- lf you'd have been there
- lf you'd have seen it
- lf you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have
done the same
-Pop that gum one more time. . .
-Single, my ass.
times!
Number .
The spread eagle.
Artistic differences.
Pop.
Six.
Squish .
Cicero.
Lipschitz.
Who belongs to them?
What's it to you?
Nothing .
Heard they were Velma's.
The Hunyak does her laundry
for a buck a week.
Fresh towels for the can .
Make it quick.
I'm gonna take care of you now.
I know a couple of things.
Hear me out.
Billy Flynn's set
your trial for March th .
March th you'll be acquitted .
March th , Mama is gonna put you
on the vaudeville circuit.
Now you're an agent, too?
Until Ma Bell
installs a line in your cell . . .
all the calls
have gotta go through me.
What kind of dough
are we talking about?
It's a crazy world .
Babe Ruth is wearing rouge
and playing the Palace
for $ a week.
Yeah . What about someone
with real talent?
I been talking to the boys
over at William Morris.
Due to your recent
sensational activities. . .
they think
they can get you $ , .
$ , ?
Jeez, the most me
and Veronica made was $ .
That's what happens when you
have the right representation .
I always wanted to play
Big Jim Colosimo's.
Do you think
you can get me that?
-Big Jim's?
-Yeah .
I don't know. That's gonna
take another phone call .
How much is that gonna cost?
You know how I feel about you .
You're like family to me.
You're like one of my own .
-I'll do it for bucks.
- bucks for a phone call?
You must get a lot
of wrong numbers, Mama.
Oh , Miss Kelly,
got your personals.
Freshly pressed
by yours truly.
No, it's my pleasure.
Hey, listen ,
can I ask you something?
You know that Harrison guy?
He said that what I done
is a hanging case
and that he's prepared to ask
for the maximum penalty.
-Yeah , so?
-So I'm scared .
I sure would appreciate
some advice.
Especially from someone
I admire as much as you .
Since I can remember, I have
wanted to be on the stage.
What's your talent?
Washing and drying?
No. I danced in the chorus.
That was before
I met my husband , Amos.
Look, honey,
you want some advice?
Here it is.
Direct from me to you .
Keep your paws
off my underwear, okay?
Yeah , okay.
Thanks.
For nothin' .
She's something , ain't she?
No matter how big she gets,
she's still as common as ever.
I'd like to help you , dearie.
Take a load off.
So, what do you figure
on using for grounds?
Grounds?
What are you gonna tell
the jury?
I just figured
I'd tell them the truth .
-The truth?
-Yeah .
That's a one-way ticket
to the death house.
Holy Mother of God .
Oh , relax.
In this town , murder's
a form of entertainment.
Besides, in years,
Cook County ain't never hung
a woman yet.
So the odds are to one
that they won't hang you .
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph .
You're talking
to the wrong people.
What you need is Billy Flynn .
-Who?
-Billy Flynn .
He's only the best
criminal lawyer in Illinois.
What he don't know
about juries and women . . .
How do you get Billy Flynn?
Well , not by praying , dearie.
First, you give me $ .
Then I make a phone call .
$ ?
Well , you just. . .
I mean , it seems pretty steep
for a phone call .
He's worth every cent.
He's never lost a case
for a female client yet.
With a sweet little puss
like yours. . .
let's just say justice
ain't so blind in Chicago.
He's never lost a case?
Never.
Every girl in this place
would kill to have
Billy Flynn represent her.
Billy
We want Billy
B-l-Double-L-Y
We're all his
He's our kind of a guy
And, ooh, what luck
'Cause here he is
Ladies and gentlemen . . .
presenting the silver-tongued
prince of the courtroom .
The one, the only Billy Flynn .
I don't care
about expensive things
Cashmere coats,
diamond rings
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love
- That's what he's here for
- That's what I'm here for
I don't care
for wearing silk cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don't mean a thing
- All I care about is love
- All he cares about is love
Give me two eyes of blue
Softly saying
"I need you"
Let me see her
standing there
And honest, mister,
I'm a millionaire
I don't care
for any fine attire
Vanderbilt might admire
No, no, not me
- All I care about is love
- All he cares about is love
Good morning , ladies.
-Not guilty!
-You tell 'em , sweetheart.
That's what he's here for
Excuse me, gentlemen .
Miss Kelly, do you remember
anything about that night?
I passed out completely.
I can't remember a thing .
Only that I didn't do it.
Any idea who did , dear?
No, but my client is offering
a substantial reward
to anyone with information
about this crime.
How much is the reward ,
Miss Kelly?
I don't know. How much?
We'll work it out
after the trial .
If there are no more
questions. . .
Miss Kelly and I have
work to do.
What's this about a reward?
Awfully dumb, reporters.
They'll write it up wrong .
You deny the whole thing later.
Thank you .
All he cares about is love
Mr. Flynn , I'm Roxie Hart.
-Who?
-Mama talked to you about me.
Oh , yeah , right.
The cute one.
I was hoping
that you might represent me.
You got $ ?
Gee, that's a lot of money.
Mama didn't say anything
about $ .
Lookit, Mr. Flynn ,
I'm not very good at this. . .
but maybe we could
make some sort of
arrangement between us?
I can be an awfully good sport.
Good , you got that
out of your system .
You mean just one thing to me.
You call me
when you got $ .
All he cares about is love
Show me long raven hair
Flowin' down about to there
When I see her runnin' free
Keep your money,
that's enough for me
I don't care
for drivin' Packard cars
Or smoking long buck cigars
No, no, not me
All I care about
is doin' the guy in
Who's pickin' on you
Twistin' the wrist
that's turnin' the screw
- All he cares about
- All I care about
Is love
Oh , he'll see you now.
Well , hello, Andy.
My name is Amos.
That's right.
Take a seat.
You're a remarkable man .
Your wife two-times you . . .
plugs the guy,
then tries to pin it on you .
Most men would let
a dame like that swing .
But, no, you're sticking by her.
Makes you a hero in my eyes.
That's right.
I'm a hero.
Did you bring the money?
I didn't do as well as I hoped .
But I will , Mr. Flynn .
This is only a thousand .
Plus there's $ I borrowed
from the guys at the garage.
There's $ from
the building-and-loan fund .
$ , .
And that's all I got so far.
But I'll give you $
off my salary every week.
I'll give you notes with
interest. Double. Triple.
When you came to me yesterday. . .
I didn't ask if she was
guilty or innocent.
I didn't ask if she was
a drunk or a dope fiend . No.
I said , "Do you have $ ?"
You said yes.
But you don't have $ .
I figure you're a dirty liar.
I don't waste my time
with dirty liars.
Look. I'm real sorry,
Mr. Flynn .
On the other hand . . .
your devotion to your wife
is really very, very touching .
I took your wife's case,
and I'll keep it. . .
because I play square.
Now, look, Hart. . .
I don't like to blow
my own horn ,
but if Jesus Christ
had lived in Chicago today
and if he had $
and he'd come to me,
things would have
turned out differently.
All right, this is what
we're gonna do.
By the end of the week,
I'm gonna have Roxie's name
on the front page
of every newspaper in town .
"Sweetest little jazz killer
ever to hit Chicago."
That's the angle I'm after.
You make an announcement
we're gonna have an auction .
We got to raise money
for her defense.
They'll buy everything
she's ever touched .
Your shoes, your dresses,
your perfume, your underwear.
And Victrola records.
Like the one I was playing
when I shot the bastard .
I didn't hear that.
Not that I didn't have grounds.
-Hey, what are they?
-That's for trial .
Nobody's gonna care a lick
what your defense is
unless they care about you .
The first thing we do is work up
sympathy from the press.
They're not all pushovers
like Mary Sunshine.
But there's one thing
that they can never resist. . .
and that is a reformed sinner.
So, what was your
favorite subject in school?
Oh , I was a real dummy.
There must have been something
you were really good at.
I got high marks
on courtesy and hygiene.
Perfect.
You wanted to be a nun .
A nun?
Where were you born?
On a chicken farm
outside of Lubbock.
Southern home filled with
every luxury and refinement.
Where are your parents?
Probably on the front porch
in their rocking chairs.
Parents dead .
Family fortune swept away.
You were educated
at the Sacred Heart.
Then you fell
into a runaway marriage.
Left you miserable,
alone, unhappy.
You got all swept up
in the mad whirl of the city.
Jazz, cabarets, liquor.
You were drawn
like a moth to the flame.
Now the mad whirl has ceased .
You are a butterfly
crushed on the wheel .
Which is it? Is it the moth
or the butterfly?
You have sinned ,
and you are sorry.
God , that's beautiful .
Cut out God .
Stay where
you're better acquainted .
Kid , when I'm through with you ,
not only will you be acquitted ,
every man on that jury
will want to take you home
to meet his mother.
I was born
on a beautiful Southern convent.
What?
Oh , holy shit!
I'm never gonna get
this straight.
Pipe down on the swearing .
From here on , you say nothing
rougher than "Oh , dear."
Try again .
I was born on a. . .
I came up with more to do
on the witness stand .
I thought I'd get all teary-eyed
and ask to borrow
your handkerchief.
Then I thought I'd take a peek
at the jury like this.
Flash 'em a bit of thigh , huh?
What do you think?
Sounds great.
Don't you want
to hear the rest?
Tomorrow, kiddo.
You're at the top of my list.
Well , well , well .
Sorry to be late, Mr. Flynn .
Hope you weren't too bored .
I like it.
I like it.
Hey, Pollyanna. . .
I heard your press conference
is tomorrow.
Yeah , what's it to you?
Well , you wanted
my advice, right?
Well , here it is.
Don't forget
Billy Flynn's number-one client
is Billy Flynn .
Meaning what?
Meaning don't let him
hog the spotlight.
You're the one
they pay to see.
We can only sell them
one idea at a time.
I can still see him coming at me
with that awful look
in his eyes.
And?
And we both reached
for the gun .
That's right.
You both reached for the gun .
Ready?
Yeah .
-Miss Hart!
-Miss Hart!
Good day, gentlemen .
Gentlemen , Miss Sunshine.
My client has just entered
a plea of not guilty.
We look forward to a trial
at the earliest possible date.
Are there any questions?
Miss Sunshine.
As you know, my paper is dry.
Do you have any advice
for young girls
seeking to avoid
a life of jazz and drink?
Absolutely, yes.
Mrs. Hart feels that
it was the tragic combination
of liquor and jazz
which led to her downfall .
Next question , please.
Ladies and gentlemen . . .
I would like to say
how flattered I am
that y'all came to see me.
Mrs. Hart is very pleased -
I was a moth
crushed on the wheel .
You know, a butterfly
drawn to the. . .
I bet you want to know
why I shot the bastard .
Shut up, dummy.
Mr. Billy Flynn
in "The Press Conference Rag ."
Notice how his mouth
never moves.
Almost.
Where'd you come from?
Mississippi
And your parents?
Very wealthy
Where are they now?
Six feet under
But she was granted
one more start
The Convent
of the Sacred Heart
When'd you get here?
How old were you?
Don't remember
Then what happened?
I met Amos
And he stole my heart away
Convinced me
to elope one day
Poor dear! I can't believe
what you've been through !
A convent girl .
A runaway marriage.
Tell us, Roxie. . .
Who's Fred Casely?
My ex-boyfriend
Why'd you shoot him?
I was leavin'
Was he angry?
Like a madman
Still I said,
"Fred, move along"
She knew that
she was doing wrong
Then describe it
He came toward me
With the pistol?
From my bureau
Did you fight him?
Like a tiger
He had strength,
and she had none
And yet we both
reached for the gun
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, we both
Oh, yes, we both, oh, yes,
we both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, we both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Understandable
Understandable
Yes, it's perfectly
understandable
Comprehensible
Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible
How you feelin'?
Very frightened
Are you sorry?
Are you kidding?
That's your statement?
All I'd say is
Though my choo-choo
jumped the track
I'd give my life
to bring him back
- And?
- Stay away from
- What?
- Jazz and liquor
- And?
- And the men who
- What?
- Play for fun
- And what?
- That's the thought that
- Yeah?
- Came upon me
When?
When we both
reached for the gun
Understandable
Understandable
Yes, it's perfectly
understandable
Comprehensible
Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
Let me hear it.
The gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
A little louder
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Now you got it
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun
Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both
Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun
Both reached for the
Gun
Both reached for the gun
Move over, AI Capone.
The Windy City has taken
a new criminal to its heart.
The name on everybody's lips
is Roxie Hart.
The sweetest little lady ever
accused of murder in Chicago.
Women want to look like her.
Fellas want to go out with her.
Some little girls
even want to take her home.
Don't get any ideas,
little lady.
On the other side of town . . .
the assistant D.A. promises
the game little sharpshooter
will swing
before the year is up.
Who knows?
If he lives up to his word ,
Assistant D.A. Harrison
might become
Governor Harrison someday.
Back at the scene
of the crime. . .
everybody wants
a little piece of Roxie Hart.
This jar of cold cream
set her husband back $ .
Maybe this pretty little lady
will get some
of that famous Roxie style.
It seems everybody these days
is rooting for Roxie Hart.
Take those wilting flowers
to the orphanage
and make sure they know
who sent them .
So, kiddo, given any thought
to what you want to do
after Billy gets you off?
I think I'd like to go
on the stage.
I figured as much .
I already called
the Morris office.
Really?
How much is that
gonna cost me?
My standard deal .
% of all your takings.
Yeah , well , we'll see, Mama.
Besides, I don't even have
an act yet.
Killing Fred Casely
was your act.
Those stiffs in the audience
want to say they saw
somebody famous.
That's a freak act.
And besides,
I am better than that.
Well , of course you are,
cupcake.
You can be as big as
Sophie Tucker.
You really think so?
Bigger than Cantor
and Jolson combined .
I always wanted to have my name
in all the papers.
Before I met Amos. . .
I used to date this
well-to-do ugly bootlegger.
He used to like to take me out
and show me off.
Ugly guys like to do that.
Once it said in the paper:
"Gangland's AI Capelli
seen at Chez Vito
with cute blond chorine."
That was me.
I clipped it, and I saved it.
You know, all my life,
I wanted to have my own act.
But, no. No, no.
They always turned me down .
One big world full of "no."
And then Amos came along .
Safe, sweet Amos. . .
. . .who never says no.
I've never done this before.
But, you know,
it is such a special night.
You are such a great audience!
And I really feel like I can
talk to you , you know?
So forget what
you've read in the papers.
Forget what you've heard
on the radio, because. . .
I'm gonna tell you the truth .
Not that
the truth really matters.
But I'm gonna tell you anyway.
In the bed department. . .
Amos was zero.
When he made love to me. . .
it was like he was fixing
a carburetor or something .
"I love ya, honey. I love ya."
Anyway,
I started fooling around .
Then I started
screwing around ,
which is fooling around
without dinner.
Then I met Fred Casely. . .
who said that he could get me
into vaudeville. . .
. . .but that didn't quite
work out like I planned .
I guess it didn't really work
out too great for Fred , either.
So I gave up
on the whole vaudeville idea
because you kinda figure
after all those years. . .
. . .opportunity's just
passed you by.
But it ain't
Oh, no, no, no, no,
but it ain't
And now?
Well , if this Flynn guy
gets me off. . .
with all this publicity. . .
I got me a world full of "yes!"
The name
on everybody's lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady
rakin' in the chips
Is gonna be Roxie
I'm gonna be a celebrity
That means
somebody everyone knows
They're gonna recognize
my eyes
My hair, my teeth,
my boobs, my nose
From just some
dumb mechanic's wife
I'm gonna be Roxie
Who says that murder's
not an art?
And who,
in case she doesn't hang
Can say she started
with a bang?
Roxie Hart
Boys
They're gonna wait outside
in line
To get to see
- Roxie
- Roxie
Think of those autographs
I'll sign
"Good luck to you"
Roxie
And I'll appear
in a lavaliere
That goes all the way
down to my waist
Here a ring, there a ring,
everywhere a ring-a-ling
But always
in the best of taste
I'm a star.
And the audience loves me,
and I love them .
And they love me
for loving them .
And I love them for loving me.
And we love each other.
And that's 'cause none of us got
enough love in our childhoods.
And that's show biz. . .
. . .kid .
She's givin' up
her humdrum life
- I'm gonna be - Sing it
- Roxie
She made a scandal
and a start
And Sophie Tucker
will sit, I know
To see her name
get billed below
Roxie Hart
I can't take it anymore.
You can't go anywhere without
hearing about that dumb tomato!
Oh , no, Mama, not you , too.
I have some bad news.
The tour has been canceled .
What?
Your name's been
out of the papers too long .
All you read about today
is that Hart kid .
She's hot.
And what am I
supposed to do, huh?
Suck up to her
like everybody else?
It couldn't hurt.
Over my dead body.
Mind if I join you?
Lights out. minutes.
Smoke?
Look what
some Johnny sent me.
Triple-cream caramels
all the way from San Francisco.
I'm watching my figure.
You know, the trial .
Hey, great mention of you
in the Trib today, huh?
You know,
there have been so many.
I just can't keep track.
Did I tell you , you are exactly
the same size as my sister?
You'd fit into her costumes
perfectly.
Really?
Yeah . I was thinking
with all the publicity
that's piled up between us,
and when Billy gets us off,
we'd be a natural
to do an act together.
You think so, huh?
Ladies and gentlemen . . .
Miss Velma Kelly
in an act of desperation .
My sister and I had an act
that couldn't flop
My sister and I were headed
straight for the top
My sister and I earned
a thou a week at least
Oh, yeah
But my sister
is now unfortunately deceased
I know it's sad, of course
But a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains
is the remains
Of a perfect
Double
Act
Watch this.
You have to imagine it
with two people.
It's swell with two people.
First I'd
Then she'd
Then we'd
But I can't do it alone
Then she'd
Then I'd
Then we'd
But I can't do it alone
She'd say,
"What's your sister like?"
I'd say, "Men"
She'd say,
"You're the cat's meow"
Then we'd
wow the crowd again
When she'd go
I'd go
We'd go
Then those dingdong daddies
started to roar
Whistled, stomped,
stamped on the floor
Yelling, screaming,
begging for more
And we'd say, "Okay, fellas,
keep your socks up
'Cause you ain't seen
nothin' yet"
But I simply cannot do it
Alone
So, what do you think, huh?
Come on , you can say.
I know. You're right.
The first part's shit.
But the second part. . .
is really nifty.
Okay.
She'd go
I'd go
We'd go
And then those two-bit
Johnnies did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction
in town
They nearly tore
the balcony down
And we'd say, "Okay, boys,
we're going home
But before we go, here's
a few more partin' shots"
And this we did
in perfect unison
Now you've seen me
going through it
You may think
there's nothing to it
But I simply cannot do it
Alone
So, where was the part
where you blew her brains out?
Okay, Roxie,
I'll level with you .
Oh , no, no, no.
Don't bother.
You think you're fooling me?
You're all washed up,
and it's me they want now.
And I'm a big star.
Single.
Oh , I almost forgot.
You were in the paper
today, too. . .
in the back,
with the obituaries.
"Velma Kelly's trial has been
postponed indefinitely."
Seven words. Wow.
Oh . Here's a little piece
of advice.
Direct from me to you .
Lay off the caramels.
And now, for all you
Chicago stay-up-laters.
You night owls who only
come alive after dark.
We dedicate this tune.
"Chicago After Midnight."
This all took place
on Lakeshore Drive.
Incredible. Incredible.
All right. Yeah .
Thanks, Tom .
They just arrested this woman
for a triple homicide.
Really?
Get this.
She's an heiress.
What?
All the family's in . . .
pineapples, grapefruits,
some kind of fruit.
So anyhow, this dame,
Kitty what's-her-name. . .
she's playing house
on the North Side
in an apartment
with a guy named Harry.
What Harry does for a living ,
no one's quite sure,
but it doesn't matter
because she's footing the bills.
Anyhow,
Kitty comes home tonight.
Harry's in bed ,
which is par for the course.
She goes to change.
When she returns, she notices
something rather odd .
Extremely odd .
Kitty disappears for a second .
Cool as a cucumber.
When she returns,
she gently wakes up Harry.
Harry says, "What? I'm alone."
She says, "Alone?
You got two other women
in bed with you ."
So, get this.
Harry says, "Come on , doll .
You gonna believe what you see
or what I tell you?"
Good night, folks.
Give us the line!
Give us the line!
Miss Sunshine.
From the Evening Star.
I wonder if you wouldn't mind
saying a word or two?
Sure, I'll say three.
Go to hell !
Please direct your questions
to her counsel .
You're not my counsel ,
and I want my money back.
It's not your money.
It's your mother's money.
Are you sorry, dear?
Sure, I'm sorry.
Sorry I got caught.
-Oh , Miss Sunshine?
-Not now, Roxie.
I got a letter from a guy.
He says he's going on a hunger
strike until I'm freed .
That's nice, dear.
Miss Baxter?
Did you know
these two ladies personally?
Did I know these two ladies?
Was that your question?
Yeah , that's my -
She's very high-spirited ,
isn't she?
Miss Baxter?
Oh , hey, Mr. Flynn !
Mr. Flynn !
-Yeah , hi , Trixie.
-It's Roxie.
Yeah , sure,
I was just kidding .
Did you get my trial date yet?
Listen , kid . . .
I'm at the top
of your list, right?
Go to hell !
Boy, what a hellion , huh?
She's a socialite, too.
Her mother owns
all the pineapples in Hawaii .
What the hell do I care
about pineapples?
-All right.
-Listen !
Miss Baxter will answer
all of your questions.
Afterwards, I'll be happy to
give you an interview myself.
How's it feel , kid?
J . Edgar Hoover couldn't find
your name in the papers.
Mr. Flynn !
Someone open this door
immediately!
Oh , my God !
Roxie! What is it, dear?
Oh ! Oh , no.
Don't worry about me.
Oh , I only hope
the fall didn't hurt the baby.
Baby?
Shit!
Roxie, when did
this happen , darling?
Well , Doc,
is she or isn't she?
She is.
Would you swear
to that statement in court?
Yes.
Good .
Button your fly.
I would just like to
say that. . .
my own life
doesn't matter now. . .
just that of my unborn child .
You poor dear, to have
your baby born in jail .
My readers won't stand for it.
I can assure you
that won't happen .
She'll come to trial
at the earliest moment.
I think it's sweet.
First time we ever had
one of our girls knocked up.
When is the baby due, Roxie?
I just heard the good news.
I'm the father!
I'm the father!
Roxie, who's the father?
That question
is completely out of line.
How dare you insult
this brave, young woman .
That's enough .
Roxie, honey!
It's me! Daddy!
It's Daddy!
Roxie, I came
as soon as I could !
lf someone stood up
in a crowd
And raised his voice up
way out loud
And waved his arm
and shook his leg
You'd notice him
lf someone in the movie show
Yelled,
"Fire in the second row!
This whole place
is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him
And even without clucking
like a hen
Everyone gets noticed
now and then
Unless, of course,
that personage should be
Invisible
Inconsequential
Me
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Oh . I didn't see you .
Sit down . Sit down .
Look, Andy, I'm afraid
I got to hit you hard .
And I can only hope
that you'll be big about it.
Amos. My name is Amos.
Who said it wasn't?
Oh , it was the kid's name
I was thinking about, yeah .
You know when she's due?
September.
Oh , but pass out
those cigars, anyway.
I don't want you
to give a damn when people. . .
People what?
Laugh .
Laugh?
Why would they laugh?
'Cause they can count.
Can you count?
September.
Here's a copy
of Roxie's first statement
from the D.A.'s office.
It says she hadn't copulated
with you
for four months
prior to the incident.
Well , she would know.
Yeah , I guess we hadn't done
no copulating since. . .
Wait a minute.
That don't figure out right.
I couldn't be the father.
Forget about that now.
My client needs your support.
You mean she needs
a meal ticket.
That's all I ever been .
This time she's gone too far.
What are you gonna do?
Divorce her?
You're damn right!
I'll divorce her!
She probably won't even notice.
Yeah?
Yeah , put him through .
A human being's made
of more than air
With all that bulk,
you're bound to see him there
Unless that human being
next to you
Is unimpressive
Undistinguished
You
Know
Who
You still here, Andy?
Yeah , I'm still here.
I think.
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look
right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even
Know
I'm there
I hope I didn't take up
too much of your time.
I've been waiting minutes.
Don't do that again .
This dress makes me look like
a Woolworth's lampshade.
I'm not wearing this.
You're wearing it
because I tell you to wear it.
When Andy's on the stand ,
I want you to be knitting .
Knitting?
Oh , for Christ sakes.
-A baby garment.
-I don't know how to knit!
Then learn .
That is no way
to win a jury's sympathy.
Oh , you don't need advice
anymore.
Lookit here, Mr. Mouthpiece. . .
it seems to me
that I am the one
who's coming up
with the good ideas.
I am sick of everybody
telling me what to do.
You treat me like dirt.
You treat me like I'm some
dumb common criminal .
But you are.
Well , it's better than being
a greasy Mick lawyer.
Who happens to be
saving your ass!
Who's out for all he can steal !
Maybe you'd like
to appear in court without me.
Well , maybe I could .
Have you read
the morning papers?
They love me!
Wise up! They'd love you
a lot more if you were hanged .
You know why?
'Cause they'd sell more papers.
You're fired .
I quit.
Any lawyer in this town
would die to have my case.
You are a phony celebrity.
You're a flash in the pan .
In a couple of weeks, no one's
gonna give a shit about you .
That's Chicago.
What happened?
It's the Hunyak.
She lost her last appeal .
So what's that mean?
Well , that means that next week,
she's gonna. . .
This is Mary Sunshine coming to
you from the Cook County Jail . . .
where history
will be made today.
Katalin Helinski
will become the first woman
in the state of Illinois
to be executed .
And so, ladies and gentlemen . . .
And now,
ladies and gentlemen . . .
for your pleasure
and your entertainment. . .
we proudly present
Katalin Helinski
and her famous
Hungarian disappearing act.
You know,
it's really not that bad .
You clear about everything
we agreed on?
Yep. I've been up all night
rehearsing .
What do you do when Harrison
starts coming after you?
I sit still
and look straight ahead . . .
never at the jury.
-And?
-And I look modest.
-And?
-And . . .
-And say nothing .
-That's right.
-That was the deal , right?
-Right.
You asked me back.
I do all the talking this time.
Absolutely, Billy.
Whatever you say.
Mr. Flynn .
His Honor's here.
Thank you .
You ready?
Yeah .
I'm scared .
Ah , don't be.
I've been around a long time.
Believe me. You got
nothing to worry about.
It's all a circus.
A three-ring circus.
These trials, the whole world .
It's all show business.
But, kid . . .
You're working with a star.
Give 'em
the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act
with lots of flash in it
And the reaction
will be passionate
Give 'em
the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see
with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges
all are rusting?
What if, in fact,
you're just disgusting?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll never catch wise
Give 'em
the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em a show
that's so splendiferous
Row after row
will grow vociferous
Give 'em
the old flimflam flummox
Fool and fracture 'em
How can they hear the truth
above the roar?
Throw 'em a fake
and a finagle
They'll never know
you're just a bagel
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg you for more
-I object!
-Sustained .
Your Honor, I haven't even
asked the question yet.
Give 'em
the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy 'em
Back since the days
of old Methuselah
Everyone loves
the big bamboozler
Give 'em
the old three-ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble,
go into your dance
Though you are stiffer
than a girder
They'll let you get away
with murder
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you got a romance
Hello, Amos.
Amos.
That's right, Mr. Flynn .
Amos.
Amos, when did you file suit
for divorce?
A month ago.
Was there any reason
at this time?
I'll say.
The newspapers said Roxie
was expecting a little stranger.
That's hardly grounds
for divorce, is it?
A little too much
of a stranger.
You mean you doubted
the paternity of the child .
Well , sure.
Tell me, Amos.
You share a bed with your wife?
Yes, sir, every night.
And you expect
this jury to believe
that you slept
next to this woman every night
without exercising your rights
as a husband?
Well , I could've
if I wanted to.
-Oh , but you didn't.
-No, I did .
-Did what?
-Want to.
-But you didn't.
-Didn't what?
-What you wanted .
-Wait. I'm getting confused .
Did you ever question
Roxie herself?
Did you ask her if you were
the father of her child?
No, sir.
But if you became convinced
that you were wrong . . .
you'd be man enough to admit it.
You'd take her back
if Roxie swore
that you were the father.
-Which she does.
-She does?
She does! She does!
No more questions!
You can step down now.
Well done, Andy.
Oh , Roxie, I'm so sorry.
Aw!
Give 'em
the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first-rate
sorcerer you are
Long as you keep 'em
way off balance
How can they spot
you got no talents?
Razzle dazzle 'em
This is the moment
we've been waiting for.
Roxie Hart
finally takes the stand
in her own defense.
And they'll make you
a star
Order! Order!
Proceed , Mr. Flynn .
Roxie,
I have here a statement
in which you admit to having
illicit relations
with the deceased ,
Fred Casely.
Is this true or false?
I'm afraid that's true.
You're an honest girl , Roxie.
When did you first meet
Fred Casely?
When he sold Amos and me
our furniture.
Your personal relationship
with him -
could you tell the jury
when that began?
When I permitted him
to escort me home one night.
I don't think
I would've gone with him
if Mr. Hart and me hadn't
quarrelled that very morning .
-Quarrelled?
-Yes, sir.
Well , I suppose
it was his fault.
Oh , no, sir.
It was my fault.
I suppose I just couldn't stop
pestering him .
Pestering him?
About what?
I didn't like him working
those long hours at the garage.
I wanted him home with me. . .
to darn his socks
and iron his shirts.
I wanted a real home
and a child .
So you drifted
into this illicit relationship
because you were unhappy
at home.
Yes. I was most unhappy.
Roxie Hart!
The state has accused you
of the murder of Fred Casely!
Are you guilty or not guilty?
I'm not guilty.
I'm not guilty.
I killed him .
I did , but I'm not a criminal .
I'm not a criminal !
Do you recall
the night of January th?
Could you tell the jury,
in your own words,
the happenings of that night?
Well , when Fred came over,
I told him my good news.
And what was that?
That me and Amos
were gonna have a baby.
And that it was all over
between us.
What happened then?
Well , then . . .
Then . . .
Did he threaten you , Roxie?
Objection , Your Honor.
Counsel is leading the witness!
Sustained .
What did Casely say
when you told him the news?
"I'll kill you before I'll see
you have another man's child !"
Could you tell the audience -
the jury - what happened next?
Well , in his passion ,
he tore off my robe. . .
and he threw me on the bed .
And Mr. Hart's pistol
was lying there between us.
And then?
We both reached for the gun ,
but I got it first.
Then he came toward me with
this funny look in his eyes.
He was angry and wild !
-Wild !
-Wild !
Did you think
he meant to kill you?
Oh , yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
So it was his life or yours?
And not just mine.
I closed my eyes, and I shot!
In defense of your life!
To save my husband's
innocent, unborn child !
-Roxie!
-Order!
What a bull's-eye, huh?
Order in this court!
I'll clear this court
if necessary.
There's pandemonium
here in the courtroom .
Order! Bailiff!
Mrs. Hart's behavior
throughout this ordeal
has been truly extraordinary.
Yeah , I bet it has.
Opening her eyes,
she fans herself
with her attorney's
handkerchief.
-Handkerchief?
-Poor child has had no relief.
She looks around bewildered ,
seeming to want something .
Oh , it's a glass of water.
Oh , Mama, that was my bit!
I told Billy I was gonna
do that at my trial !
But now her eyes
flutter wildly, and she -
Mrs. Hart has fainted again .
Oh , jeez.
She slumps over, her chiffon
dress up around her knees,
revealing a glimpse of a blue
garter with a rhinestone buckle.
Oh , Mama, she stole my garter.
-She stole my garter!
-Don't break my radio!
First, the slob
steals my publicity.
Then she steals my lawyer,
my trial date.
Now my goddamn garter!
What do you expect?
These days
you get a little success. . .
and it's good riddance
to the people who put you there.
There ain't no justice
in the world .
And there ain't nothing
you can do about it.
Nerts to that.
You think I got you up here just
so you can listen to my radio?
People write some
pretty interesting things
when they think
no one's looking .
Oh , Mama.
The state
calls a rebuttal witness.
Left hand on the Bible,
raise your right hand .
You swear to tell the truth ,
so help you God?
And then some.
Have a seat.
Would you state your name
for the record , please?
Velma Kelly.
Miss Kelly,
will you please tell the court
if the object I am holding
is the one
you happened to come upon
in the defendant's jail cell?
Yes, it is.
I submit this as Exhibit "X."
Roxie Hart's diary.
I object!
My client has never kept
a diary.
And even if she did , this
would be invasion of privacy
in violation
of the Fourth Amendment
and illegal search
without a warrant.
Yeah .
And she broke the lock.
Order! Order!
Well , that settles that.
I'll allow it.
What's the big deal?
It's just a bunch of doodlings.
If you would read
for us, please.
I haven't worked in a while.
"What a laugh ,
plugging Fred Casely.
The big baboon had it coming .
I'm just sorry
I only got to kill him once."
I never wrote that!
You . . .
Hey, she made that up!
-Order! Order!
-She made that up!
Please, Mr. Flynn ,
get control of your client.
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
It won't happen again .
Sit down . Shut up.
It's only making it worse.
I have no more questions.
Your witness, Mr. Flynn .
Ladies and gentlemen ,
a tap dance.
Miss Kelly, did you make a deal
with Mr. Harrison?
Maybe to drop
all charges against you
in exchange for testifying?
Well , sure.
I'm not a complete idiot.
Good . Good .
Since you gave
such an impressive performance
for Mr. Harrison , maybe
you'd do me the same honor.
-I'd be delighted .
-Thank you .
"Fred Casely assured me
he'd get me an audition
down at the Onyx.
Then he reneged on his pledge,
and that was my motive
for attacking him ."
Pretty fancy way of saying
"He's a big fat liar
who welshed on a deal ,
so I shot him ."
"Amos accused me
of having an affair. . .
so I told him that the charge
was erroneous."
Objection , Your Honor!
Mr. Flynn is twisting
this evidence
to draw conclusions
that are specious and . . .
-Erroneous?
-Exactly!
Order! Order!
Miss Kelly, do you know
the meaning of the word perjury?
-Yes, I do.
-Do you know it's a crime?
Yes.
If it turns out that you knew
that this diary was a fake. . .
I'd hate to think of you rotting
in prison for the next years.
Since you won your freedom .
Look, all I know
is what I was told .
Oh , so, all right.
So you didn't find
this diary in Roxie's cell?
No.
Mama - Miss Morton
gave it to me.
She said someone sent it to her.
Someone? Any idea who this
mysterious benefactor might be?
No. She didn't know.
All right, let's see
if we can work this out.
Someone who writes
about reneging on pledges
and erroneous charges.
Call me crazy. Doesn't that
sound like a lawyer?
A lawyer who had a sample
of my client's handwriting .
Mr. Harrison ,
didn't you ask Roxie
to write out a confession?
Yes. You're not suggesting
I tampered with evidence?
No. I wouldn't.
Don't be ridiculous.
No. That's thoroughly
and utterly absurd .
Now that you mention it. . .
Your Honor,
this is outrageous!
I know. I agree.
To even suggest
that the prosecutor
would make a thieves' bargain
with Velma Kelly. . .
then fabricate the very evidence
that set her free!
Just so you can win
another case
and move one step closer
to the Governor's Mansion !
Why, it's simply beyond
all imagining !
I'll hold you in contempt!
No, it is not even conceivable!
But if it were,
wouldn't it be time to say:
"Come clean , Mr. Harrison"?
Even in Chicago, this kind
of corruption cannot stand !
Will not stand !
That's enough , Mr. Flynn !
I agree, Your Honor!
It is enough !
The defense rests.
Ladies and gentlemen ,
this is Mary Sunshine. . .
reporting live from
the Cook County Courthouse.
The city of Chicago has come
to a complete standstill . . .
as the trial of the century
finally draws to a close.
Mrs. Hart sits quietly
at the defense table.
Hands folded .
Wondering what fate
has in store for her.
And now a hush
falls over the courtroom . . .
as the men of the jury file
slowly back to their seats.
Gentlemen of the jury,
have you reached a verdict?
We have, Your Honor.
The jury has reached
a verdict.
Will the defendant please rise?
What is your verdict?
We, the jury,
find the defendant. . .
Roxie Hart is innocent!
She's innocent!
Get your paper!
Roxie Hart is free!
She's free!
Come on ! Move it!
First she shoots the husband ,
then she plugs the lawyer.
Don't you want
to take my picture?
I'm the famous Roxie Hart.
Hey, what happened?
Billy, what the hell happened?
This is Chicago, kid .
You can't beat fresh blood
on the walls.
But my publicity, Billy.
My name in the papers.
I was counting on that.
Your gratitude
is overwhelming , kid .
I just saved your life.
Yeah , and you got $ .
And what do I get?
I get nothing?
It's $
once I collect from Velma.
I get nothing?
Oh , don't forget
your blessed diary.
Hope you don't mind .
I added a few erroneous phrases.
Sorry I couldn't tell you .
Couldn't take a chance.
I never lost a case.
You're a free woman ,
Roxie Hart.
And God save Illinois.
What do you want?
I want you to come home.
You said you still wanted to.
And the baby.
Baby? What baby?
Oh , Jesus.
What do you take me for?
There ain't no baby.
There ain't no baby?
They didn't even want
my picture.
I can't understand that.
Why didn't they even want
my picture?
It's good
Isn't it grand?
Isn't it great?
Isn't it swell?
Isn't it fun?
Isn't it?
Nowadays
Ladies and gentlemen . . .
Miss Roxie Hart says
"Good night."
There's men everywhere
Jazz everywhere
Booze everywhere
Life everywhere
Joy everywhere
Nowadays
You can like
the life you're livin'
You can live
the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that's good
Isn't it grand?
Isn't it great?
Isn't it swell?
Isn't it fun?
Isn't it?
But nothing
Stays
You can like
the life you're living
You can live
the life you like
Didn't she kill a guy
awhile back?
Ah , who can keep them
straight anymore?
But mess around with Ike
And that's good
Isn't it grand?
Isn't it great?
That's great!
We'll be in touch .
I'm not quite finished yet.
Wait, wait, wait.
One more.
I could . . .
Just a second .
I'm not -
God damn it!
Thank you !
Here's the music, hon .
Thanks.
God damn it.
You know,
you're really pretty good .
Yeah , that and a dime.
What are you doing here?
I heard you been
making the rounds.
if it was up to you ,
I'd be swinging by now.
I always knew
Billy would get you off.
You should learn how
to put things behind you .
Oh , thank you .
I'll put that
at the top of my list.
Right after finding a job
and an apartment with a john .
Shut up and listen to me!
You really are something .
Coming in here
like some goddamn queen bee.
All full of advice
for a poor slob like me.
Let me tell you something ,
Miss Velma Kelly.
I got a new life now.
One of the best things about it
is it don't include you .
I thought we could help
each other.
You thought wrong , didn't you?
Listen to me.
I talked to this guy downtown .
He said one jazz killer
is nothing these days. . .
but two. . .
We could make
a couple of hundred a week.
Think about it, Roxie.
Our faces back in the papers.
Our names on the marquee.
Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart.
Shouldn't it be alphabetical?
That could work.
Couple hundred?
Maybe we could ask for a thou .
We're worth it.
Forget it.
It'll never work.
Why not?
'Cause I hate you .
There's only one business
in the world
where that's no problem
at all .
Ladies and gentlemen . . .
the Chicago Theater
is proud to announce a first.
The first time anywhere there's
been an act of this nature.
Not only one little lady.
But two.
You've read about them
in the papers.
And now here they are.
Chicago's own killer-dillers.
Those scintillating sinners.
Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly!
You can like
the life you're livin'
You can live
the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that's good
Isn't it grand?
Isn't it great?
Isn't it swell?
Isn't it fun?
Isn't it?
But nothing stays
In years or so
It's gonna change, you know
But, oh, it's heaven
Nowadays
Okay, you babes of jazz,
let's pick up the pace.
Let's make the parties longer,
the skirts shorter.
Let's all go to hell
in a fast car and keep it hot!
Me and Roxie, we'd just like
to say thank you !
Thank you !
Believe us, we could not
have done it without you !
And all
That
Jazz
That jazz
. . .
While truckin' down
the road of life
Although all hope
seems gone
I just move on
When I can't find
a single star
To hang my wish upon
I just move on
I move on
I run so fast
A shotgun blast
Can hurt me not one bit
I'm on my toes
'Cause heaven knows
A moving target's
hard to hit
So as we play an ice ballet
We're not the dying swan
We just move on
We move on
Just when it seems
We're out of dreams
And things
have got us down
We don't despair
We don't go there
We hang our bonnets
out of town