Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen script
is here for all you fans of the Lindsay Lohan movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen. I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Goodbye, sweetheart!
Take good care of yourself.
Oh, Mummy, you forgot this.
Angel!
I worry so
about you living alone.
Oh, Mother, it's adorable
of you to be so concerned,
but I'm perfectly capable
of taking care of myself, dear.
Come on, girls.
Goodbye, my chicken.
Yes, I'm free!
I can live in New York
on my own.
I can do whatever I want!
Yay!
Yes!
I was born and nurtured
in New York,the center of the universe.Unfortunately, my mother is
moving me to another planet.New Jersey.Is it any wonder
that I couldn't face reality?Can anyone blame me
for dreamingthat she was leaving me behind
in my beloved city?
Mary!
Mary, let's go!
Goodbye, childhood home.
Goodbye, intellectual
and spiritual stimulation.
Goodbye, Broadway.
Mary, please.
Don't be such a drama queen.
Lola!
My name from
this day forward is Lola.
I've known since I was years
old that my true name is Lola.
You were named Mary.
It is the name
on your birth certificate.
It is the name
that I am going to call you.
In my family, I am a flamingo
in a flock of pigeons.Goodbye, New York.Goodbye, any chance of becoming
a famous actress.Your parents tell you
to have hopes and dreams.And then they move you
to New Jersey.It makes no sense.
Welcome to Deadwood.
Is she allowed to say that?
Come on.
Hurry, hurry.
Let's see the new house.
Come on.
Oh, Mom.
It's just grass.
But it's all over the place.
The sun porch is my bedroom.Ordinariness
isn't the only thingI have to fight against
in my house.Gross injustice is another.The only person I can turn to
is Stu Wolff,the greatest poet
since Shakespeareand the lead singer
of Sidarthur.He'd see me through
my dark suburban days.In the city, I took two subways
and a bus to get to school.It amazes me
that I can get to schoolwithout it costing $ . .Dellwood High.I shall be a bird in a cage
with a good school district.However, there is absolutely
no point in being negativeabout things
you just can't change.I look upon my new town
as an empty stageto which I'm allowed to bring
my own script.In my heart, I feel that
a legend is about to be born.That legend would be me.
Hello.
Hey.
I'm Lola Steppe.
I'm from New York, originally.
Ella Gerard.
I'm from right here, originally.
Well, hi.
Hi.
Hi!
Hi.
Have you ever seen
Sidarthur in person?
No, but I think Stu Wolff
is the greatest poet
since Shakespeare.
I do, too.
I have every CD they ever made.
-You do?
-Yeah!
And that's Stu Wolff dancing.
I've downloaded
some great shots of him.
Here he is at the Grammys.
This is where he lives.
This is the dress that I'm gonna
wear when we get married.
This is him getting
into his limo.
That black spot right there
is his head.
What a wonderful
black spot it is.
Hi.
Carla Santini.
Sidarthur.
My father is Stu Wolff's lawyer.
Really?
Your dad must have been in the
same room as him and everything.
Many times.
Aren't you the girl who just
moved into the Swenska house?
Well, I'm Lola Steppe.
I didn't know our home
had a name.
Is that supposed to be that
famous New York sense of humor?
New Yorkers learn
to laugh at themselves
and everything else
when they're very young.
My parents took me to New York
for my birthday.
I thought it was beautiful.
The lights and everything.
I know why they call it
the greatest city in the world.
Ella Gerard, you are
the sister of my soul!
You should see Park Avenue
at Christmas.
It's like walking
through the Milky Way.
Except nobody gets mugged
in the Milky Way.
We'll take our seats now.
Miss Baggoli?
Yes?
We have a new girl
from New York City.
We do.
Miss Steppe.
Miss Steppe.
Miss Baggoli, I know it must
show on your records
that my name is Mary,
but everyone has referred
to me as Lola
since I was a squealing infant
in my mother's arms.
I don't even know
who this Mary is.
I like that name.
Lola.
Lola.
This is Lola.
Lola, you should know
that you're sitting in my
favorite seat in history class.
I like to be dead center.
Me too, and I didn't think
we had anything in common.
I've earned the center seat.
Besides, if you want to fit in,
you probably shouldn't
draw attention to yourself.
In case you haven't noticed,
I like the attention.
Chill.
Also, I wouldn't hang out
with Ella "Never Had a Fella."
She doesn't really have your
potential, now, does she?
Look at her.
She dresses like
a politician's wife
with the hair and the shoes.
She's so random.
And what about those glasses?
They are so minutes ago.
But I'm gonna stop myself
before I get nasty.
I want to let you know
that if you're careful,
you could be chilling with us.
Chilling with you is what
I've always dreamed of.
Hey, Ella, wait up!
Do you mind if I sit with you?
Oh, no, that's fine.
This is great.
When you eat outside in
New York, your food gets dirty.
So what's with
the Great Santini?
She's beautiful.
She's popular.
She's rich.
In kindergarten, she used to
bite the heads off dolls.
Ew.
Who's that guy smiling at us?
That's Sam.
Sam!
Sam, Lola.
Lola, Sam.
Hi.
Hey.
It's your first day here, right?
Yeah.
Well, it's good to meet you.
You too.
I'll see you later.
I couldn't possibly have
a boyfriend.I mean, I have to focus
on my acting career.After three weeks,I'm getting used to
the rich part of town.Gated, dull, Armani-ridden.You know, I'm the kind of
riffraff they try to keep out.
When Stu Wolff sings,
"There's something in me
that always wants more.
More moons and stars
and music in the wind,"
it's as though
he's just talking to me.
I like Steve.
I bet Stu is hard
to get along with.
You can tell he's sort of moody.
Haunted.
All true geniuses are haunted.
It's part of what they have to
suffer for their art.
Popovers, ladies.
Wow.
This is just like eating
in a diner. Thank you.
Well, surely you have
popovers at home.
I just popped them
in the microwave.
My mother doesn't approve
of microwaves.
She has very strong opinions.
I've never heard
of anyone taking a stance
on an appliance before.
Why doesn't your mother like me?
She likes you.
She just thinks you're
a little strange.
I mean, you are, a little.
Lola!
Lola, I'm sorry!
It's really your mother
she thinks is strange.
My mom saw your mother
in the supermarket
wearing dirty overalls
with chopsticks in her hair
and arguing with the butcher.
It's not important.
Not important?
She's the woman
who gave me life.
Whose milk fed my fragile body.
Whose blood flows
through my veins.
Of course it's important.
My parents are square.
Neither of them is too happy
about the fact
that your mother has three
children and no husband.
Single motherhood
is a transitory state.
Karen used to be married.
It could happen again.
But I thought you said
you were a love child.
Well, I was a love child.
Mom and Dad were married
and passionately in love.
My parents were mad for each
other as soon as their eyes met.
Dad was like a rock star.
Mom was a babe.
The rest was destiny.
They got married.
And then they camped in the
desert and counted the stars.
One million and three.
One million and four.
Jeez. My parents went
on a cruise to Bermuda,
but they were afraid
to get off the boat.
Mine were in love.
Deeply, movingly.
The only thing that could have
made their lives better
was having me.
Even as an infant
I aspired to have a relationship
just like theirs.
And then the twins
were conceived,
and we couldn't have been
more thrilled.
Upon hearing the news,
my father mounted
his really cool motorcycle
to buy the mother of his child
and future children
her favorite flowers.
Suddenly...
Aah!
They found him strewn
across th Avenue.
And th.
Lola, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea.
Ironic, isn't it?
Your parents think my mother
is the destroyer
of our social order.
She's merely a victim of fate.
What?
Nothing.
I like the chopsticks
in your hair.
Because Carla Santini
thinks she's Julia Robertsand the universe is interested
in everything she says,you can't help overhearing her.
So I had this really long talk
with Miss Baggoli yesterday
about the drama club's
production of "Pygmalion."
I told her I think it's really
rigid to stick to the original.
Not stick to the original?
Not stick to the exquisite words
of Mr. George Bernard Shaw?
We're not English,
and this isn't the th century,
so I think we should adapt the
classics to reflect our times.
They're classics
because they're classic.
Then I told her about my idea
to move the location
to present-day New York
and make Eliza a checkout girl.
You're gonna be playing Eliza?
Well, of course.
I've already got the part.
When I moved to Deadwood,I really felt that a legend
was about to be born.Was Carla Santini going to
stand in the way of that birth?
Miss Baggoli, Miss Baggoli!
I didn't know "Pygmalion"
had already been cast.
I would have loved to be
Eliza Doolittle.
Maybe if I could
just prove it to you now.
Oh, no, no, Lola.
I just put the notice up
on the board.
Auditions are not until Friday.
Thank you, Miss Baggoli.
George Bernard Shaw
is a great playwright.
And he's also a vegetarian.
You're just in time, Lola.
Quickly.
I'm telling all the others
about this idea that I have had
for our production
of "Pygmalion."
Now, as you know,
"Pygmalion" is a play
which takes place
in old-timey London.
My idea is that we will set
our production of "Pygmalion"
in modern-day New York.
And Eliza will be a checkout
girl at a supermarket,
And Professor Higgins will be
a professor at NYU.
That is such a brilliant idea.
That's gonna give
the play new resonance
and immediacy for today.
You mean it was your idea?
Yes, Lola, it's my idea.
I know I'm just a teacher,
but I am capable of thought.
Now, since we're going hip
and modern,
I have also added
contemporary songs.
And I am calling it
"Eliza Rocks"!
Now, each of you will be singing
a song for me of your choice,
and then you'll be reading
a scene for me.
But I haven't rehearsed
a song or anything.
I'm simply not prepared.
That's fine.
You can just wing it.
But acting is my chosen career.
I mean,
I intend to be in theater.
I don't want anyone remembering
a substandard audition.
Then how are we to proceed?
I guess I'll try, of course.
Perhaps you could try now.
You could go first.
Okay.
Take a spot on the stage.
Anywhere you're comfortable.
Maybe if we're lucky,
she'll fall.
I'd like to sing a song
by my favorite band,
Sidarthur.
Self-doubt didn't kick in
until the morningwhen I woke up with a heart as
cold and heavy as Mt. Everest.It was the day
the cast list went up.Why had I been so certain
I was going to get the lead?Miss Baggoli didn't say
anything encouraging.Carla smiled.
Well, look what the wind
blew in.
Look what the cat dragged in.
Ladies.
After you.
Right.
After me.
Unh!
Ow.
Well, once again,
I got the part that I wanted.
-Oh!
-Oh!
There are no small parts,
only small actors.
You can quote me.
I'm your new Eliza!
Aah!
Amazing!
I didn't think I'd get it,
but I did.
I didn't think that,
because I knew you'd get it.
No, 'cause I was...
Actually, my part,
the one of Mrs. Higgins,
is much more interesting
than Eliza's in many ways.
I mean, even though
she's not the female lead,
it's a part with depth
and true contemporary resonance.
It's the one that I wanted.
Good, 'cause that's
the one you got.
I'll show you what it's like
to be in my school.
Is that a threat?
Absolutely.
To "Eliza Rocks"!
To "Eliza Rocks"!
Oh, man.
-Congratulations.
-This is the best day.
I can't imagine that
Carla got beat out!
Hey, Sidarthur
fans, how about some big news?
You heard it here first.
The band is breaking up.
-What?
-Yep, Sidarthur is no more.
I repeat, no more.
Stu Wolff is moving on
and saying,
"Never, never, will I work
with them again."
So, in memory of the band,
Iet's hear a track
from "Always Morning."
No!
It can't be!
It just can't be!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
What?
What's the matter?
I can't breathe.
Mom, I can't breathe.
I heard.
Thanks for being here
at a time like this.
I don't want to believe it.
I made these flyers to hand out
to fans urging them to protest.
As these balloons
go to the heavens,
so do the stars of our Sidarthur
mix among the stars
of our universe.
Symbolically, of course.
Can you believe this?
One of the most
catastrophic events
in the history of the universe
has occurred,
and everyone's acting
as if nothing has happened.
Great.
Me again, of course.
So, who's next?
Me.
Are you crazy?
Carla's the all-time champion.
So? There's gonna be
a new all-time champion.
I think you've peaked.
Hop on.
Round one.
My father, who, as you know,
is the lawyer for Sidarthur,
just called me to tell me what
he found out about the band.
Oh, really?
What he told me isn't available
to the public yet.
Sidarthur's having a farewell
concert in New York next month.
Daddy already has V.I.P. seats,
but that's not the best part.
I didn't think it would be.
There's gonna be a party
afterwards at Stu's loft
for all of Sidarthur's
closest friends.
So I've heard.
And guess who already
has an invitation?
It just so happens
that Ella and I do.
-Oh, really?
-Yeah, really.
How'd you manage that?
Same way you did.
Through parental connections.
What connections do you have
other than the phone?
Winner.
Me again.
Loser.
Game's not over yet.
Round two.
Actually, my mother
has the connections.
Marsh Warner bought a piece
from her last summer.
And Marshie, as I call him,
is their manager.
I know who he is.
He remembered I was crazy about
Sidarthur, so he got us invited.
Wow, your mom
must be some potter.
Winner.
Me, Lola Steppe.
Remember that name.
Loser.
Awesome!
Why did you tell Carla that
we were invited to his party?
You would have done the exact
same thing if you were me.
I wouldn't have lied.
I would have thought
before I spoke.
I can't even imagine being you.
Carla Santini drives me insane.
Don't even say that.
Two of her nannies
were institutionalized.
Not to worry.
You just handed her
exactly what she needs
to ridicule you
and humiliate you
for the rest of your life,
and me, too!
I guess it depends, doesn't it?
Depends on what?
Well, on whether we go.
To the concert?
In New York?
And the party.
We haven't exactly been invited.
You don't have to be invited
to a party like that.
There are people
in New York that don't go out
unless it's to crash
a celebrity bash.
My mother would never let me go.
We can work around
your mother, Ella.
Tell the truth.
Are you partially insane?
You know, we have to go.
It's a matter of pride.
Is there something wrong
with the salmon?
No, just not very hungry.
In too much pain.
I'm in pain, too.
My tooth's coming out.
Oh!
It's not that kind of pain.
It's pain of the heart.
Sidarthur's broken up.
They're having one last concert
in New York.
That's it.
They're done.
Good night, sweet princes.
May choirs of rock angels
sing you to sleep.
I have no reason
to live without them.
Let me take a wild guess.
You want to go to the concert.
If I could just see them
play live.
I'd have the memory
to carry me through
the long, empty years that lie
ahead, like a road in Kansas.
Okay, I don't think
that kids and rock concerts
are a great mix.
How can you treat me like this?
I was your firstborn.
You leaned over my crib
to make sure I was breathing.
That's why I want to
keep you alive.
She wouldn't even stop for the
tiniest, most subatomic second
to consider
my fragile hopes and dreams.
What did Ella's mother say?
She didn't ask her.
She said her mom would
bite off a $ acrylic nail
if she even brought it up.
So I guess that's that.
No, I'm not exactly a
"que será, será" kind of person.
Right.
I like your necklace.
Thanks.
I've had it since I was .
It's practically an antique.
I like your boots.
Thanks.
I like your smile.
Om.
Om.
Dinner, Mary, now.
I'm on a hunger strike,
like Gandhi,
driven to desperate measures
by the insensitivity
of the British government.
Not one morsel will pass my lips
until you say
I can go see Sidarthur.
You have got two minutes
to get to this table
or the insensitive
British government
is gonna take the door
off its hinges
and drag you out here.
Hello?
Om.
Come in if you must.
Yeah.
The thing is, the drama queen
has been Gandhi for two days.
-I'll take her.
-Okay, I will try it.
Your dad wants to know if
he can take you to the concert.
Hi, Dad.
Thanks for the invitation, but
I couldn't go with my father.
I'd die of shame.
Okay.
All right.
-Love you.
-Love you, too.
Bye.
Hello? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
-Om.
-I'll try it.
Okay, how about this?
Daddy drops you off at the
concert and picks you up after.
You mean like a little kid
being picked up from day-care?
Is there no end
to the humiliation
you want to heap upon me, Mom?
We're heaping humiliation.
Yeah. Okay.
Bye.
All right,
tonight you are eating.
Is Mary going to die?
She's not gonna die.
But it smells like something
has died in here.
What is that smell?
Okay.
That's it.
No allowance for one month,
and then you're gonna have
a parole hearing.
But I could really use
the money now, Mom.
Can't you take it away
next month or September?
No.
It's so cool.
I have been looking
all over for you two.
I knew you'd want to see these.
See, they just came in the mail.
They've just been printed.
Please, you're blocking my view.
So, did you get yours yet?
Actually, mine came
in the mail yesterday,
but I'm nice enough
not to flaunt them.
Why don't you admit
you don't have tickets
or an invite
and get it over with?
I'm sure there's gonna be
a lot of photographers there.
Maybe we can even get
our pictures taken together.
That's a deal.
And you can be
in the shot, too, Ella.
Absolutely.
I'll be there.
Really?
I guess.
I have enough for both of us.
I'm gonna pay you back
the second I get
my allowance reinstated.
As soon as I get
my first starring role,
I'm taking you to Europe.
You sure we have enough?
Oh, no.
Company.
Wow, look who's here.
I'd stay and chat, but l
don't want to stay and chat.
She was so mean
to Callie Stevens,
and her family had to move
to Cleveland.
Catch you at the concert Friday.
That would be a good line
if we were going.
I don't think something as small
as tickets should stop us.
Scalpers, Ella.
Part of the fun
in going to New York
is dealing with
the slimeball scalpers.
If we go, I just know
something is gonna go wrong.
I'm gonna die, and my parents
are gonna find out.
And then Mrs. Higgins says,
"And what will you do now,
dear?"
Hi.
Hey, Mom.
There's gonna be a cast party
at Carla "The Bad" Santini's
house after the show.
Everyone's gonna be
really dressed up.
It's my big night.
I want to look
absolutely perfect.
Well, the car broke down today.
That cost me $ .
Plus I have to buy a new kiln.
So, do you think you could look
absolutely perfect
in something
that you already own?
Sure, I'll try
and find something.
Yeah.
Can you believe
hours from now
we'll be within
touching distance
from the man
who wrote so many great songs,
and I still haven't found
something to wear?
What I needed for the concert
was a drop-dead-gorgeous dressthat made me look
and sophisticated enoughto have a perfume
named after me.This had to be really,
really special.It had to be glamorous,
and it had to make a statement.If I wanted Stu Wolff
to notice me, that is.
Might as well just wear this
to see Stu.
Nothing else to wear anyway.
I'm gonna be the dowdy redhead
who doesn't know how to dress.
Don't worry, Ella,
I'll find something to wear.
I mean, accessories
are good, too.
They'll help me.
Don't cry.
I can't lie!
I can't say I'm sleeping over
at your house when I'm not.
I can't go into New York
behind my parents' backs.
I can't do it.
We're not really
going behind their backs.
They're gonna be in the city,
just not in the same venue.
I'm not going.
I'm not going.
I'm not going.
We're supposed to do
things like this.
-year-olds in other cultures
are grandmothers.
No one gave them
permission to do that.
It's not our fault
that the people
who brought us into this world
don't understand that we must
fly away from the nest.
Nature is telling us to go.
And our parents are good people.
They love us.
Yeah, they love us, right?
They really love us.
I'm sure they'd hate
if anything happened to us.
Wait here one second, okay?
Don't cry.
It's gonna work out.
We'll go, and it'll be fun.
I can't lie!
Mom, it's amazing how sometimes
I come to your conclusions.
Ella and I could use,
as you say, adult supervision.
-Uh-huh.
-So here's the plan.
You drive us to the train
in broad, broad daylight.
Ella's parents are
going to be in New York.
They'd be happy to pick us up
at Grand Central Station.
They'll drop us off
at the concert.
We'll stay overnight
at their hotel.
Sounds so safe, I know.
I can't believe
it came out of my head.
Okay, I'm gonna have to talk
with Ella's mom and dad.
Of course, and when you do it,
do it gently.
-They know nothing about this.
-Mary!
And try and remember,
we're in suburbia.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
It wouldn't hurt if you threw in
that microwaves aren't that bad.
Well, see, Mary feels
she really must see the concert.
Is that how you feel, sweetie?
You must see
these Sidarthur people?
It's their last performance.
Well, why didn't
you just ask, pumpkin?
I didn't know I could.
All right, your mother and l
are going into the city
on Thursday for a long weekend.
We'll pick them up.
They can stay with us
at the Hilton.
Which is down the street
from the concert.
Well, that would be great.
Oh, it's as if the heavens
wanted this.
Miss Baggoli,
someone broke the heel.
No! Oh!
Girls. Everybody.
Listen up.
General announcement, everyone.
Costumes are sacred.
Costumes are sacred.
Please.
I mean, what does one wear
to Stu Wolff's party?
There's gonna be
so many famous people there.
I don't know.
I just want to look hot.
One wears what one usually wears
to these soirees.
Oh! Lola!
Lola, please!
Lola! Lola!
Oh, my gosh!
Lola!
Crime has never appealed to me
as a way of life.But a girl's gotta do
what a girl's gotta do.I needed Eliza's dress.
You don't have to
do this for me.
I know you said
you'd do me a favor.
But this one may be too big.
Don't worry.
I'll be in and out
of the drama room in seconds.
.
I know it's not like me
to be unprofessional,but how can I concentrate when
Sam is risking his life for me?When in hours' time I'll be
standing in front of Stu Wolff?
Oof.
Wait a minute.
No, no.
Okay, everybody, that's enough!
Excuse me, please!
I'm sorry.
Maybe you're messing up so much
because you're so excited
about the concert tonight.
No, I'm used to those things.
Lola and Carla,
do you have to talk?
Opening night is in one week.
I would think
that we could just have
one decent rehearsal by now!
All right.
What I think we'll do now
is we'll just breathe.
Breathe deep, and try and relax.
And another one.
Shake it, shake it, shake it,
shake it, shake it.
And you all just keep shaking
and relaxing.
I'm gonna get something I need
out of the drama room.
No, Miss Baggoli.
I'll get it for you.
That's all right, Lola.
What I need is locked up
in the drama room.
But on page of the script
is where I want to
look down demurely.
Lola, get out of my way!
Can't we just go back
onto the stage?
Miss Baggoli, please.
Please, just get out of --
Lola, would you please
get out of my way?
That's odd.
Why isn't this locked?
Oh, my goodness.
Hmm.
But I always lock this door.
You probably did lock it.
We have the same lock at home.
Sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn't.
You never know
what's gonna happen.
Oh, oh.
Okay, nothing
seems to be missing.
Why would anything
be missing here?
Well, I have no idea, do l?
You know, I just want to
talk to you about my lines.
I don't know them that well.
You don't know your lines?
At this time, I don't even
want to discuss this.
No, I'm not even gonna
discuss this right now.
Lola, you're just making me
so nervous.
Well, I need to show you
something on the stage.
You know what I think?
I think that you've just been
working so hard,
entirely too hard,
and that you should
just really try
and take the weekend off
and relax, okay?
I've never
really relaxed before.
There's no reason I can't try.
I think you should.
I just think you should.
Oh, my gosh.
I was so terrified.
I know.
I was about to grab the dress
when Miss Baggoli came in.
Thanks for trying.
Trying?
Take a look under the hood.
Are you kidding me?
Hurry, I don't
want to miss the train.
Wait for me!
I don't believe it.
I don't believe
you stole Eliza's dress.
I didn't steal it.
I borrowed it.
Borrowed?
You mean you asked
if it was okay?
Well, not exactly.
I mean, Sam --
You got Sam to steal it for you?
Borrowed it.
Sam borrowed it.
It'll be back by Monday morning.
Oh. Yeah.
I'm getting off.
I can't go through with this.
Ella, don't back out now.
Please just let me have
one night of pure joy
if I'm gonna have to spend the
rest of my youth behind bars.
This better be
one great concert.
That's a given.
I don't want to
get near a scalper.
You take the money, okay?
Okay.
Wow, you look beautiful.
You too, Lola.
Thanks.
Yes, you do.
Both of you.
Now, the hotel is just
a few blocks from the theater.
I know.
I know my New York.
We'll be back
in the hotel room at : .
You have your tickets
and your money?
We have the money.
We'll buy the tickets.
Oh, here.
Thank you.
We'll drop you off.
I can assure you,
everything is gonna be fine.
It's just a quiet
little concert.
Okay, Ella, heads up.
March forward.
-Get ready to rock 'n' roll.
-Girls, please.
-Our tickets are at the door.
-Okay.
Look for someone
who's selling tickets.
Isn't there a stall
or something?
No. They're just ordinary people
doing ordinary scalping.
Watch this. You have to be
strict with these people.
You have to bargain and deal.
How much?
$ in orchestra.
Can't get any better than that.
We'll take them.
$ doesn't leave us
very much for incidentals.
When you get to see Stu Wolff,
you don't need incidentals.
It's in your makeup bag.
Oh, right.
What's wrong?
Ella, it's not here.
My makeup bag's not here.
It must be.
It has to be.
When did you last see it?
In the train.
I left it behind the sink.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Maybe it's karma.
All we have to do is go in
with a large group of people.
What?
You mean sneak in?
Sneaking would be beneath us,
but I can't think of a better
word for what we're about to do.
I have never snuck ever.
I can't do it.
I'm terrified just being here.
Stage fright.
It'll pass.
This is a little tricky,
so just follow my lead, okay?
I wonder what song they'll do.
I hope they do "Love Loser."
Oh, I'm so excited!
I feel like I've been waiting
for this forever.
Just a minute.
Can I have another look
at your ticket, please?
Right.
My ticket. Sure.
You know, it's not here.
I must have dropped it
or something.
No ticket, no concert.
I demand to see your supervisor.
Yeah?
You can see him outside.
Come to the door.
Come to the door.
Okay, go see Stu.
Go see Stu.
Go see Stu!
Okay, stay there.
Don't move.
I'm coming in.
I just have to be
with my cousin.
She has this rare disease
that makes you gag
and you can't breathe
and then you die.
She shouldn't be left alone.
She's alone, the one who's
gagging and not breathing.
I have to be with her
at all times.
Okay.
Good plan.
Maybe we should just go
to the hotel.
What?
And miss the concert?
Yeah, I don't think so.
We're not actually
at the concert.
We're close.
Stu Wolff's only
a few yards away from us.
And then he'll be
at the after-party with us.
Your belief system amazes me.
Ella, where are you going?
Don't leave me!
Come back!
Ella!
Ella, what are you doing?
I'm going back to the hotel.
So you're just gonna give up?
What if everyone gave up, Ella?
There'd be no America,
no electricity, no TiVo.
We'd all have to watch our shows
at their scheduled times.
We'd never get to see
the work of Renée Zellweger
or Christina Aguilera.
If everyone gave up,
we'd all be sitting in mud huts
in Europe eating weeds.
I didn't say stop progress.
I just said,
"Go back to the hotel."
Don't you want to see
the look on Carla's face
when we show up at that party?
Yeah, I do.
Great!
Then let's go to Soho.
Where in Soho?
We don't even know
where Stu lives.
Sure, we do.
I have this.
A picture of a door?
It's not just a door.
It's a black door with windows.
Have some faith, Ella.
Soho is New York's
artistic soul.
It's just around the corner.
blocks is around the corner?
-Ready?
-Yeah.
Ready?
Ohh.
There's a man following us.
Don't be silly, Ella.
The crime rate in New York
is going down.
Come on.
Let's go.
There's a man
and a dog following us.
Okay. Stay here.
I'll handle this.
New Yorkers
know how to handle trouble.
Watch this.
Hey! Hey!
-Dad, what are you doing here?
-Your mom called.
Asked me to keep an eye on you.
She got nervous.
Mom was born nervous.
So, where are you going?
To a party.
Not like that.
You're all wet.
Daddy, nothing can rain
on my parade.
I like parties.
Please, Dad, if you show up,
then Stu Wolff
will never think I'm cool.
Can't you wait outside
or something?
Right outside.
But if I see something even
slightly wrong, I'm coming in.
You know, I really like parties.
Thanks, Dad.
And could you lay low?
You're scaring my friend.
Right.
But I'll be watching.
Well, he won't be
bothering us anymore.
So, are you ready to have fun?
I hope so.
Okay. Good.
Yeah!
That was the Santini car.
Hi! Lola Steppe.
Ella Gerard.
Nice to see you again.
I have to see your invitations.
Strange you should ask.
We left them at the concert.
Our names should be on the list.
There they are.
Dr. And Mrs. Lawrence?
Yeah.
My mom and my dad.
They couldn't make it.
My mom has a rash,
and my dad's in surgery.
I thought your name was Steppe.
Could I just use your phone?
I have to call my parents.
This is a private residence,
not Grand Central Station.
Use a public phone.
Whoa, whoa!
Stu, this is your own party!
It's your own party.
You don't tell me
what to do anymore, Steve.
Don't you remember?
It's over.
Come inside before you
embarrass yourself.
You touch me...
Yeah, remember?
He's been trouble
all over the world.
Thank God he's not
our problem anymore.
Steve! Steve!
I love you.
Wait, let me just talk to you
for one minute.
Except for the garbage
and the cars,
it's like following Heathcliff
on the moors.
-Maybe we shouldn't.
-Would you please relax?
I'd rather lose him
than lose my life.
-Where do you think he's going?
-Someplace great.
This for you is great?
I'm getting really scared being
out here all alone, Lola.
We're not alone.
We're with an adult.
Aside from the fact
that he isn't actually with us,
he isn't actually an adult.
He's a rock star.
Mr. Wolff?
What?
Come with me.
Come on.
Help me get him out.
Oh. Oh.
He smells like
a backed-up drain.
Ella, Ella, Ella.
I mean, see the beauty.
Oh, my God.
He's crying.
Do you believe how lucky we are?
I almost hear them praying
that we don't sit near them.
Quickly get him into a booth
before anyone smells him.
Ah.
Ohh.
Everybody wants something
from me.
You think I'm a regular guy.
I'm not a regular guy.
Do you think anybody
really knows who I am?
I don't even know who I am.
Once we get some coffee in him,
he'll become the man
of truth, passion,
and unflagging courage
I know him to be.
So, what will it be?
Do you think I have
any real friends?
We'll just have coffee.
Not me.
I'll have a deluxe hamburger
platter, well-done,
and a large side of onion rings.
You could just give him coffee.
He's not really up to a meal
right now.
I want
a deluxe hamburger platter.
Is that too difficult?
You two better keep him in line.
The boss won't stand
for any nonsense.
What do you want?
Autographs?
Money?
A record deal?
Hey, there, girls,
do you want something from me?
This is a poet
who lit your darkest days?
Didn't I tell you
he was a tortured soul?
Stu, do you have
any cash on you?
We sort of left ours
on the train.
I knew you wanted money.
Look.
Nothing.
That's not onion rings.
Can you believe this?
We're actually having coffee
with Stu Wolff.
I have so much to ask you
about your work.
It's impossible
to talk to someone
who's had that much to drink.
You know, you just don't
understand the artistic soul.
He drinks so much to numb
the intensity of his feelings.
All geniuses do, Ella.
I want onion rings.
This is a donut!
I want onion rings.
Now.
What is wrong with
the service around here?
Are we together?
Who are you?
The fates have sort of
brought us together.
-This is Ella.
-Ella what?
Ella Gerard.
Birch Hollow Road,
Dellwood, New Jersey.
- - .
My parents are staying
at the New York Hilton.
I don't want to worry them
by being incarcerated.
It's my mother's birthday.
I bought her a rug.
Be quiet, Mr. Wolff.
You?
Lola Steppe.
My father's name
is Calum Steppe.
Address is Bleecker Street.
- - .
All right, the three of you,
sit over there
while I make some calls.
What's wrong with you?
Why did you lie like that
to the police?
They're gonna find out
that your father is dead.
What's going on?
-Who are you two?
-What's wrong with you?
You're not afraid of what
your parents are gonna say?
I'm resigned
to what life may bring,
but why did you give
a false address?
You know, Ella, I think
your true soul and spirit
are finally beginning to emerge.
Why did you lie?
I didn't lie.
My father does live
on Bleecker Street.
And he has a rent-controlled
apartment and a dog named Negus.
You told me your father died
in a motorcycle accident.
So I exaggerated a little.
A little?
Exaggerating a little is saying
you're a little taller.
Saying your father is dead
when he's not
is lying beyond comprehension.
Can we talk about this later?
We should tell Stu
what happened first.
You should tell me
what happened.
Why did you say
your father was dead?
He died?
When?
I had a reason.
And what was that?
The truth?
No, a lie will do.
Yes, the truth!
You do remember what that is,
don't you?
Were we in a diner?
I have an image of "Merry Xmas."
Just give me a moment.
I'd be happy to explain.
Right now I'm talking to her.
All right.
The total truth.
I lied because I wanted to make
myself seem more interesting.
More interesting?
We are miles from home
in a New York police station
with a drunken rock star waiting
for your dead father to show up.
You want to be more interesting?
More interesting than what?
You know,
you just don't understand.
It was a new town
and a new school.
I understand.
And I lied for my mom.
I had to protect her
against suburbia.
Your parents didn't get her.
So you killed your father?
Ella!
I would appreciate it
if you would just stop talking.
Ella, come on.
What's going on?
Arrest that man!
He's a stalker.
Ella, Dad.
Dad, Ella.
Hi.
I'm Calum Steppe, her father.
What happened?
That's what I've been asking.
As the night continued
to fall on the dark,heartless streets
around the precinct,the six of us gathered
around the sergeant,and I told our tale.
We were desperate to get
into this man's concert
because I consider him to be the
greatest poet since Shakespeare.
We lost our money,
and we couldn't pay a scalper.
Then we tried to crash his party
rather than have our dreams
forever denied.
When he stormed out of his loft,
we followed him to make sure
he didn't come into any harm.
I'm having memory flashes.
I was passed out
amongst the rubbish.
I believe they helped me.
I know I should be furious,
but it's too late for fury.
I'm just thankful
nothing worse happened.
He looks like the dog
in "The Dog Years."
He is the dog
in "The Dog Years."
He's the dog in "The Dog Years"?
My niece loves those books.
-You're famous!
-He's not as famous as you.
Molly's not gonna believe
I've actually met you.
Negus, right?
And Calum Steppe, right?
Right.
We checked your story,
and you're free to go.
-Excuse me, Mr. Wolff?
-Mm-hmm.
Can I have your autograph?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Sure.
To Sergeant Rose.
Stu Wolff.
Right, well,
now that that's settled,
would anyone like to come
to a party with me?
I would.
You can't stay mad
at me forever.
Forgive me, please?
I am in no way ready
to forgive you.
This is the party
of the century.
Don't you want to enjoy it?
I'm not really
in a partying mood.
Look, I'm sorry.
I really am.
I'm sorry.
You're just saying that
to save the evening.
No, I'm not.
I honestly don't know
what I'd do without you.
What's going on?
Why are you still out here?
We just don't feel like
going in right now.
Well, then.
Let me get you
back to the hotel.
Maybe we can just go in
for a little while.
Hi!
There you are!
All right.
Listen, how about we get
you guys something dry to wear?
I'll have those dresses cleaned
and sent over to your dad's,
who is brilliant, by the way.
I think he and l
are gonna be pals.
Yeah, I bought all his books.
Just upstairs.
I don't see her, do you?
No.
Can you believe this?
We're in his clothes.
And in his bedroom.
Come on, Ella.
Celebrate with me, please.
I want everything
to be okay between us.
And I do, too.
You have to promise that
you'll never lie to me again.
I do.
I promise.
I swear, Ella.
I do.
You promise?
I do.
Okay.
Okay, then.
Come on, we're in his room.
What do you want to do?
I don't know.
That is so gross.
Carla!
Hey, Carla!
We've been looking for you.
Did you see her face?
She looks really angry.
I know that look.
You know, life can be
so randomly beautiful.
Come on, girls!
Oh, my God!
My saviors.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's Steve.
-It's Steve!
-Hang on.
Stu, I know you're really busy.
I was wondering
if I could talk to you.
Why not?
Be my guest.
I can't believe I met you.
I mean, I can't believe
I'm sitting here with the man
who wrote all those songs
that made my spirit soar.
What were you thinking
when you wrote
"behind some doors people
are waiting to sparkle"?
I have no idea.
But you wrote it.
Life's a little foggy,
a little soggy.
You know, that really
said something to me.
I'm sure to a hundred million
other girls,
but especially to me.
I'm happy to oblige a fan.
No.
I'm not just a fan.
I mean, I sat at your feet,
metaphorically.
When I listen to
"Always Morning,"
I wore a gray jacket because you
wore a gray jacket on the CD.
You wore gray
because it was ambiguous.
Am I right?
No.
I'm right.
You look disappointed.
Well, I am.
In me.
Yeah.
I mean, I still think
you're the greatest thing
since Shakespeare.
It's just too bad
I'll never be able to discuss
your poetry with you.
Why?
Because, Mr. Wolff,
you're a drunk.
I hope getting this thing back
is easier than getting it out.
Guess what!
I've been grounded.
Me too!
I'm so proud of you!
This is the day
I've been waiting for
since my first summer camp
when Carla told all the kids
that if they played with me,
they'd die.
She's smiling.
Oh, she's bluffing.
Well, look,
I gotta get to class.
Tell me how it goes.
Come on.
Let's watch her sink.
Yeah.
Yeah, this one.
Look at this one.
Hey, Carla.
Did you have fun?
Well, if it isn't
the great pretender.
Come to hear what
the Sidarthur party was like?
Why would we want to hear
what you have to say?
Ella and I were there.
Did you hear that?
She said they were there.
You know,
lying's not gonna help you.
Everybody already knows
that you didn't go.
Don't pretend you didn't see us.
I know you did.
It just so happens Ella
and I got in
because of Stu Wolff himself
after we practically
saved his life.
Tell them, Ella.
I don't have anything to prove,
nor do you.
Ella, this is no time
for your newfound personality.
Maybe you'd like to see some
pictures from the party, Lola.
I know how fond you are
of Stu Wolff,
and I got some great shots
of him.
We spent the whole night
with Stu.
On the night of his biggest
party, he left to be with you.
You're not gonna get away
with this.
We were at that party.
My dad was there.
He and Stu are gonna
get together.
What dad?
You don't have a dad.
You said he died
before you moved here.
I mean, what do you do?
Do you just make all this up
as you go along?
Do you think because we're not
from New York that we're stupid?
You saw us there.
No, I didn't, liar.
You know, that's what you are.
You're a liar.
Your name isn't even Lola, Mary.
Ella's right.
I don't have to prove anything
to you people.
You know we were there.
Oh, no!
She's crying.
Look at the baby.
Oh.
Yo, you got no right to write
down what I'm saying.
Those are my --
I'm sorry, Miss Baggoli,
I can't go on.
There's something I have to say.
Well, quickly, Lola.
Quickly.
I have a confession to make.
I borrowed Eliza's dress
for the weekend.
I'm really sorry, but I felt
I had no other choice.
No choice?
Why?
I had to wear it
to the Sidarthur party.
When are you gonna
give it up, Mary?
No, you didn't.
You couldn't
have taken that dress
because I keep that dress locked
up safe in the drama room.
There are ways, Miss Baggoli.
There are ways.
Where is it now?
It's right back.
It's safe and sound.
It looks exactly the same,
but somehow different.
Can you believe her?
I mean, first,
she takes the dress.
Then, she puts it back.
And then she goes to this party
where no one saw her.
It's true!
The dress got all wet.
Stu Wolff made me change
into something dry.
He said it was important
that I felt comfortable.
Because on the night
of his farewell concert,
Stu Wolff had nothing better
to do than see Mary Steppe dry.
Girls, please!
He sent it back to my dad in a
limousine as big as this stage.
A dress in a limousine.
Can you picture it?
He's also a big fan
of my dad and my dad's dog.
Then your dog gave him
his autograph, right?
But I did take the dress!
See, Stu Wolff gave me this
himself.
It's his T-shirt from his tour.
Where would I have gotten it?
In a junk store
where you get everything else.
But this is the tissue I used
to wipe his tears.
Maybe we should send it off
for DNA testing.
I left my bottle-cap necklace
at his house.
He told my dad
he's gonna Fed-Ex it back.
A dress riding in a limousine.
I guess that's a good thing
because otherwise it would
have had to catch a cab.
You're funny, Lola.
You could be a comedienne.
But can we please
go back to work now?
We have so much to do
before Wednesday night.
You believe me, don't you?
Carla's the one who's lying.
We've worked so hard
for this production, Lola.
And I am not gonna let you
ruin it for me.
We have all had enough.
Have you?
Have you finally had enough?
I sunk into a depression that
only Hamlet would recognize.The one story I'd told that was
both probable and possiblewas the one that was true.And yet no one believed me.Maybe you can never winagainst the Carla Santinis
of this world.I'd never felt
so totally defeated.I felt more like a pigeon
than a flamingo.
Mary?
Ella's here.
Go ahead.
I want to talk to you.
I don't really feel too well.
You can cut the crap.
I know what you're doing.
What happened to the most polite
girl in all of New Jersey?
What does it matter anymore?
We know we went to the party.
We know who we met
and what we did.
Get up!
I can't.
I just can't.
Has anyone seen Lola Steppe?
Has anyone seen Lola Steppe?
Lola?
You know, I really am sick.
I mean, ask my mom.
I'm not buying it.
You're bailing out of the play.
You know, here I am, so sick
this could turn into pneumonia,
and then I'll be on my deathbed,
and you're being accusatory.
You can't do this, Lola.
Everyone is depending on you.
What about your parents and Sam?
Sam has never been to
a school function in his life.
He's only going because of you.
Lola!
Lola Steppe, my Eliza.
Get out of my way.
One hour till curtain.
What about me?
I was miserable
until you came to Dellwood.
I thought everyone's life
was like mine.
Doing everything
you're supposed to do
when you're supposed to do it.
Never questioning anything.
The only thing I could expect
when I grew up
was a life like my parents'.
And then I met you.
You gave me courage, Lola.
Because of you, I'm brave enough
to be different.
Don't touch me!
You're a sham!
The one thing Carla
can't do anything about
is you being Eliza Doolittle.
You're just gonna
hand it to her.
Mary, I left word with your dad.
Should I call Miss Baggoli?
No.
I've had a miraculous recovery.
I need to be sure.
Are you up to this?
Up to it? Miss Baggoli,
I was born to play Eliza.
Get into costume
for the opening.
Knock 'em dead!
Knock 'em dead!
It even amazes me that I get
everything that I want.
Get out of my dress.
-As of right now, I'm Eliza.
-Get out of my dress!
-Enjoy the show.
-Thanks. I will.
Oh, and get out
of my first costume!
Five minutes till curtain,
people.
Five minutes.
Get out of my dress.
No!
Get out of my dress!
-No!
-Get out of that dress!
Ohh!
Sorry, Miss Baggoli.
I'm so glad to see you.
Do you want an ice cream?
Hey.
You're gonna be great.
I'm scared.
I'll admit it.
But I'm excited, too.
Don't be afraid.
You're gonna be wonderful, Lola.
You called me Lola.
You are a Lola.
Good luck!
Press your bars, children.
Yo, you gots no rights
to write down what I'm saying.
Those are my personal words.
Now say "New York."
New Yolk.
New York.
With an "R."
New Rolk.
You can't talk.
Let's see if you can walk.
Ugh!
They all accepted her
because of me.
All because of you?
I was there, too!
I worked hard to make you
look good!
Well, what will you
do now, dear?
I will be a teacher
because being a teacher
is the most worthy thing
a person can be.
Bravo!
Stu Wolff?
I don't believe this.
Did my father invite you here?
No.
May I come in anyway?
Yes!
Yeah, sure, of course.
I don't believe this.
This is crazy.
Lola's father said
she would be here.
You're here in my house
because of Lola?
You know what?
Why don't you stay here?
You stay.
And I'm gonna go get her.
And I'm gonna go get her.
You stay.
So I can't come in?
Look who came to see me.
Hey, guys.
Look who's here.
Is that Stu Wolff?
Look who came to my house.
Hey, Ella.
I just wanted to say --
Lola!
You left this at my place.
I had pictured this moment
in my craziest, wildest dreams.I guess if you don't dream
crazy and wild,people like Stu Wolff don't
return your jewelry personally.
Aah!
Come on.
It's just a hand.
Thanks for showing up.
So, how have you been?
Sober.
I'm in recovery.
Again.
Someone very sweet told me I was
a drunk, and I didn't like it.
Sounds kind of harsh.
But it woke me up.
So, maybe sometime soon we can
talk about your amazing music.
Just say when.
I can say when?
Within reason.
Would you like to dance?
Absolutely.
Here's what I learned.When you're happy,
the whole world's New York.And that dreams are important.Someday, when you're not
even looking, they find you.And then there's Sam.He'd been there all along,but when I opened my heart
to him, I thought,now that my career is launched,
maybe I could have a boyfriend.It was the first time
I realizedthat absolute reality could be
so much more fun than fantasy.And can you believe
all of this happenedin Dellwood, New Jersey,
of all places?