Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen script is here for all you fans of the Lindsay Lohan movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen. I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen Script



Goodbye, sweetheart!



Take good care of yourself.



Oh, Mummy, you forgot this.






I worry so

about you living alone.



Oh, Mother, it's adorable

of you to be so concerned,



but I'm perfectly capable

of taking care of myself, dear.



Come on, girls.



Goodbye, my chicken.



Yes, I'm free!



I can live in New York

on my own.



I can do whatever I want!









I was born and nurtured

in New York,



the center of the universe.



Unfortunately, my mother is

moving me to another planet.



New Jersey.



Is it any wonder

that I couldn't face reality?



Can anyone blame me

for dreaming



that she was leaving me behind

in my beloved city?






Mary, let's go!



Goodbye, childhood home.



Goodbye, intellectual

and spiritual stimulation.



Goodbye, Broadway.



Mary, please.



Don't be such a drama queen.






My name from

this day forward is Lola.



I've known since I was   years

old that my true name is Lola.



You were named Mary.



It is the name

on your birth certificate.



It is the name

that I am going to call you.



In my family, I am a flamingo

in a flock of pigeons.



Goodbye, New York.



Goodbye, any chance of becoming

a famous actress.



Your parents tell you

to have hopes and dreams.



And then they move you

to New Jersey.



It makes no sense.



Welcome to Deadwood.



Is she allowed to say that?



Come on.



Hurry, hurry.



Let's see the new house.



Come on.



Oh, Mom.



It's just grass.



But it's all over the place.



The sun porch is my bedroom.




isn't the only thing



I have to fight against

in my house.



Gross injustice is another.



The only person I can turn to

is Stu Wolff,



the greatest poet

since Shakespeare



and the lead singer

of Sidarthur.



He'd see me through

my dark suburban days.



In the city, I took two subways

and a bus to get to school.



It amazes me

that I can get to school



without it costing $ .  .



Dellwood High.



I shall be a bird in a cage

with a good school district.



However, there is absolutely

no point in being negative



about things

you just can't change.



I look upon my new town

as an empty stage



to which I'm allowed to bring

my own script.



In my heart, I feel that

a legend is about to be born.



That legend would be me.









I'm Lola Steppe.



I'm from New York, originally.



Ella Gerard.



I'm from right here, originally.



Well, hi.












Have you ever seen

Sidarthur in person?



No, but I think Stu Wolff



is the greatest poet

since Shakespeare.



I do, too.



I have every CD they ever made.



-You do?




And that's Stu Wolff dancing.



I've downloaded

some great shots of him.



Here he is at the Grammys.



This is where he lives.



This is the dress that I'm gonna

wear when we get married.



This is him getting

into his limo.



That black spot right there

is his head.



What a wonderful

black spot it is.






Carla Santini.






My father is Stu Wolff's lawyer.






Your dad must have been in the

same room as him and everything.



Many times.



Aren't you the girl who just

moved into the Swenska house?



Well, I'm Lola Steppe.



I didn't know our home

had a name.



Is that supposed to be that

famous New York sense of humor?



New Yorkers learn

to laugh at themselves



and everything else

when they're very young.



My parents took me to New York

for my birthday.



I thought it was beautiful.

The lights and everything.



I know why they call it

the greatest city in the world.



Ella Gerard, you are

the sister of my soul!



You should see Park Avenue

at Christmas.



It's like walking

through the Milky Way.



Except nobody gets mugged

in the Milky Way.



We'll take our seats now.



Miss Baggoli?






We have a new girl

from New York City.



We do.



Miss Steppe.



Miss Steppe.



Miss Baggoli, I know it must

show on your records



that my name is Mary,



but everyone has referred

to me as Lola



since I was a squealing infant

in my mother's arms.



I don't even know

who this Mary is.



I like that name.









This is Lola.



Lola, you should know



that you're sitting in my

favorite seat in history class.



I like to be dead center.



Me too, and I didn't think

we had anything in common.



I've earned the center seat.



Besides, if you want to fit in,



you probably shouldn't

draw attention to yourself.



In case you haven't noticed,

I like the attention.






Also, I wouldn't hang out

with Ella "Never Had a Fella."



She doesn't really have your

potential, now, does she?



Look at her.



She dresses like

a politician's wife



with the hair and the shoes.



She's so random.



And what about those glasses?

They are so    minutes ago.



But I'm gonna stop myself

before I get nasty.



I want to let you know

that if you're careful,



you could be chilling with us.



Chilling with you is what

I've always dreamed of.



Hey, Ella, wait up!

Do you mind if I sit with you?



Oh, no, that's fine.



This is great.



When you eat outside in

New York, your food gets dirty.



So what's with

the Great Santini?



She's beautiful.

She's popular.



She's rich.



In kindergarten, she used to

bite the heads off dolls.






Who's that guy smiling at us?



That's Sam.






Sam, Lola.



Lola, Sam.









It's your first day here, right?






Well, it's good to meet you.



You too.



I'll see you later.



I couldn't possibly have

a boyfriend.



I mean, I have to focus

on my acting career.



After three weeks,



I'm getting used to

the rich part of town.



Gated, dull, Armani-ridden.



You know, I'm the kind of

riffraff they try to keep out.



When Stu Wolff sings,



"There's something in me

that always wants more.



More moons and stars

and music in the wind,"



it's as though

he's just talking to me.



I like Steve.



I bet Stu is hard

to get along with.



You can tell he's sort of moody.






All true geniuses are haunted.



It's part of what they have to

suffer for their art.



Popovers, ladies.






This is just like eating

in a diner. Thank you.



Well, surely you have

popovers at home.



I just popped them

in the microwave.



My mother doesn't approve

of microwaves.



She has very strong opinions.



I've never heard

of anyone taking a stance



on an appliance before.



Why doesn't your mother like me?



She likes you.



She just thinks you're

a little strange.



I mean, you are, a little.






Lola, I'm sorry!



It's really your mother

she thinks is strange.



My mom saw your mother

in the supermarket



wearing dirty overalls

with chopsticks in her hair



and arguing with the butcher.



It's not important.



Not important?



She's the woman

who gave me life.



Whose milk fed my fragile body.



Whose blood flows

through my veins.



Of course it's important.



My parents are square.



Neither of them is too happy

about the fact



that your mother has three

children and no husband.



Single motherhood

is a transitory state.



Karen used to be married.



It could happen again.



But I thought you said

you were a love child.



Well, I was a love child.



Mom and Dad were married

and passionately in love.



My parents were mad for each

other as soon as their eyes met.



Dad was like a rock star.



Mom was a babe.



The rest was destiny.



They got married.



And then they camped in the

desert and counted the stars.



One million and three.



One million and four.



Jeez. My parents went

on a cruise to Bermuda,



but they were afraid

to get off the boat.



Mine were in love.



Deeply, movingly.



The only thing that could have

made their lives better



was having me.



Even as an infant



I aspired to have a relationship

just like theirs.



And then the twins

were conceived,



and we couldn't have been

more thrilled.



Upon hearing the news,



my father mounted

his really cool motorcycle



to buy the mother of his child

and future children



her favorite flowers.









They found him strewn

across  th Avenue.



And   th.



Lola, I'm so sorry.



I had no idea.



Ironic, isn't it?



Your parents think my mother



is the destroyer

of our social order.



She's merely a victim of fate.









I like the chopsticks

in your hair.



Because Carla Santini

thinks she's Julia Roberts



and the universe is interested

in everything she says,



you can't help overhearing her.



So I had this really long talk

with Miss Baggoli yesterday



about the drama club's

production of "Pygmalion."



I told her I think it's really

rigid to stick to the original.



Not stick to the original?



Not stick to the exquisite words

of Mr. George Bernard Shaw?



We're not English,

and this isn't the   th century,



so I think we should adapt the

classics to reflect our times.



They're classics

because they're classic.



Then I told her about my idea



to move the location

to present-day New York



and make Eliza a checkout girl.



You're gonna be playing Eliza?



Well, of course.



I've already got the part.



When I moved to Deadwood,



I really felt that a legend

was about to be born.



Was Carla Santini going to

stand in the way of that birth?



Miss Baggoli, Miss Baggoli!



I didn't know "Pygmalion"

had already been cast.



I would have loved to be

Eliza Doolittle.



Maybe if I could

just prove it to you now.



Oh, no, no, Lola.



I just put the notice up

on the board.



Auditions are not until Friday.



Thank you, Miss Baggoli.



George Bernard Shaw

is a great playwright.



And he's also a vegetarian.



You're just in time, Lola.






I'm telling all the others

about this idea that I have had



for our production

of "Pygmalion."



Now, as you know,

"Pygmalion" is a play



which takes place

in old-timey London.



My idea is that we will set

our production of "Pygmalion"



in modern-day New York.



And Eliza will be a checkout

girl at a supermarket,



And Professor Higgins will be

a professor at NYU.



That is such a brilliant idea.



That's gonna give

the play new resonance



and immediacy for today.



You mean it was your idea?



Yes, Lola, it's my idea.



I know I'm just a teacher,

but I am capable of thought.



Now, since we're going hip

and modern,



I have also added

contemporary songs.



And I am calling it

"Eliza Rocks"!



Now, each of you will be singing

a song for me of your choice,



and then you'll be reading

a scene for me.



But I haven't rehearsed

a song or anything.



I'm simply not prepared.



That's fine.



You can just wing it.



But acting is my chosen career.



I mean,

I intend to be in theater.



I don't want anyone remembering

a substandard audition.



Then how are we to proceed?



I guess I'll try, of course.



Perhaps you could try now.



You could go first.






Take a spot on the stage.



Anywhere you're comfortable.



Maybe if we're lucky,

she'll fall.



I'd like to sing a song

by my favorite band,






Self-doubt didn't kick in

until the morning



when I woke up with a heart as

cold and heavy as Mt. Everest.



It was the day

the cast list went up.



Why had I been so certain

I was going to get the lead?



Miss Baggoli didn't say

anything encouraging.



Carla smiled.



Well, look what the wind

blew in.



Look what the cat dragged in.






After you.




After me.









Well, once again,

I got the part that I wanted.







There are no small parts,

only small actors.



You can quote me.



I'm your new Eliza!









I didn't think I'd get it,

but I did.



I didn't think that,

because I knew you'd get it.



No, 'cause I was...



Actually, my part,

the one of Mrs. Higgins,



is much more interesting

than Eliza's in many ways.



I mean, even though

she's not the female lead,



it's a part with depth

and true contemporary resonance.



It's the one that I wanted.



Good, 'cause that's

the one you got.



I'll show you what it's like

to be in my school.



Is that a threat?






To "Eliza Rocks"!



To "Eliza Rocks"!



Oh, man.




-This is the best day.



I can't imagine that

Carla got beat out!



Hey, Sidarthur

fans, how about some big news?



You heard it here first.



The band is breaking up.




-Yep, Sidarthur is no more.



I repeat, no more.



Stu Wolff is moving on

and saying,



"Never, never, will I work

with them again."



So, in memory of the band,



Iet's hear a track

from "Always Morning."






It can't be!



It just can't be!



Aah! Aah! Aah!




What's the matter?



I can't breathe.

Mom, I can't breathe.



I heard.



Thanks for being here

at a time like this.



I don't want to believe it.



I made these flyers to hand out

to fans urging them to protest.



As these balloons

go to the heavens,



so do the stars of our Sidarthur



mix among the stars

of our universe.



Symbolically, of course.



Can you believe this?



One of the most

catastrophic events



in the history of the universe

has occurred,



and everyone's acting

as if nothing has happened.






Me again, of course.



So, who's next?






Are you crazy?

Carla's the all-time champion.



So? There's gonna be

a new all-time champion.



I think you've peaked.



Hop on.



Round one.



My father, who, as you know,

is the lawyer for Sidarthur,



just called me to tell me what

he found out about the band.



Oh, really?



What he told me isn't available

to the public yet.



Sidarthur's having a farewell

concert in New York next month.



Daddy already has V.I.P. seats,

but that's not the best part.



I didn't think it would be.



There's gonna be a party

afterwards at Stu's loft



for all of Sidarthur's

closest friends.



So I've heard.



And guess who already

has an invitation?



It just so happens

that Ella and I do.



-Oh, really?

-Yeah, really.



How'd you manage that?



Same way you did.

Through parental connections.



What connections do you have

other than the phone?






Me again.






Game's not over yet.



Round two.



Actually, my mother

has the connections.



Marsh Warner bought a piece

from her last summer.



And Marshie, as I call him,

is their manager.



I know who he is.



He remembered I was crazy about

Sidarthur, so he got us invited.



Wow, your mom

must be some potter.






Me, Lola Steppe.



Remember that name.









Why did you tell Carla that

we were invited to his party?



You would have done the exact

same thing if you were me.



I wouldn't have lied.



I would have thought

before I spoke.



I can't even imagine being you.



Carla Santini drives me insane.



Don't even say that.



Two of her nannies

were institutionalized.



Not to worry.



You just handed her

exactly what she needs



to ridicule you

and humiliate you



for the rest of your life,

and me, too!



I guess it depends, doesn't it?



Depends on what?



Well, on whether we go.



To the concert?



In New York?



And the party.



We haven't exactly been invited.



You don't have to be invited

to a party like that.



There are people

in New York that don't go out



unless it's to crash

a celebrity bash.



My mother would never let me go.



We can work around

your mother, Ella.



Tell the truth.

Are you partially insane?



You know, we have to go.



It's a matter of pride.



Is there something wrong

with the salmon?



No, just not very hungry.



In too much pain.



I'm in pain, too.

My tooth's coming out.






It's not that kind of pain.



It's pain of the heart.



Sidarthur's broken up.



They're having one last concert

in New York.



That's it.

They're done.



Good night, sweet princes.



May choirs of rock angels

sing you to sleep.



I have no reason

to live without them.



Let me take a wild guess.



You want to go to the concert.



If I could just see them

play live.



I'd have the memory

to carry me through



the long, empty years that lie

ahead, like a road in Kansas.



Okay, I don't think

that kids and rock concerts



are a great mix.



How can you treat me like this?



I was your firstborn.



You leaned over my crib

to make sure I was breathing.



That's why I want to

keep you alive.



She wouldn't even stop for the

tiniest, most subatomic second



to consider

my fragile hopes and dreams.



What did Ella's mother say?



She didn't ask her.



She said her mom would

bite off a $   acrylic nail



if she even brought it up.



So I guess that's that.



No, I'm not exactly a

"que será, será" kind of person.






I like your necklace.






I've had it since I was  .



It's practically an antique.



I like your boots.






I like your smile.









Dinner, Mary, now.



I'm on a hunger strike,

like Gandhi,



driven to desperate measures



by the insensitivity

of the British government.



Not one morsel will pass my lips



until you say

I can go see Sidarthur.



You have got two minutes

to get to this table



or the insensitive

British government



is gonna take the door

off its hinges



and drag you out here.









Come in if you must.






The thing is, the drama queen

has been Gandhi for two days.



-I'll take her.

-Okay, I will try it.



Your dad wants to know if

he can take you to the concert.



Hi, Dad.



Thanks for the invitation, but

I couldn't go with my father.



I'd die of shame.




All right.



-Love you.

-Love you, too.






Hello? Yeah.










-I'll try it.



Okay, how about this?



Daddy drops you off at the

concert and picks you up after.



You mean like a little kid

being picked up from day-care?



Is there no end

to the humiliation



you want to heap upon me, Mom?



We're heaping humiliation.



Yeah. Okay.






All right,

tonight you are eating.



Is Mary going to die?



She's not gonna die.



But it smells like something

has died in here.



What is that smell?




That's it.



No allowance for one month,



and then you're gonna have

a parole hearing.



But I could really use

the money now, Mom.



Can't you take it away

next month or September?






It's so cool.



I have been looking

all over for you two.



I knew you'd want to see these.



See, they just came in the mail.



They've just been printed.



Please, you're blocking my view.



So, did you get yours yet?



Actually, mine came

in the mail yesterday,



but I'm nice enough

not to flaunt them.



Why don't you admit

you don't have tickets



or an invite

and get it over with?



I'm sure there's gonna be

a lot of photographers there.



Maybe we can even get

our pictures taken together.



That's a deal.



And you can be

in the shot, too, Ella.




I'll be there.






I guess.



I have enough for both of us.



I'm gonna pay you back



the second I get

my allowance reinstated.



As soon as I get

my first starring role,



I'm taking you to Europe.



You sure we have enough?



Oh, no.




Wow, look who's here.



I'd stay and chat, but l

don't want to stay and chat.



She was so mean

to Callie Stevens,



and her family had to move

to Cleveland.



Catch you at the concert Friday.



That would be a good line

if we were going.



I don't think something as small

as tickets should stop us.



Scalpers, Ella.



Part of the fun

in going to New York



is dealing with

the slimeball scalpers.



If we go, I just know

something is gonna go wrong.



I'm gonna die, and my parents

are gonna find out.



And then Mrs. Higgins says,



"And what will you do now,







Hey, Mom.



There's gonna be a cast party



at Carla "The Bad" Santini's

house after the show.



Everyone's gonna be

really dressed up.



It's my big night.



I want to look

absolutely perfect.



Well, the car broke down today.



That cost me $   .



Plus I have to buy a new kiln.



So, do you think you could look

absolutely perfect



in something

that you already own?



Sure, I'll try

and find something.






Can you believe

   hours from now



we'll be within

touching distance



from the man

who wrote so many great songs,



and I still haven't found

something to wear?



What I needed for the concert

was a drop-dead-gorgeous dress



that made me look   

and sophisticated enough



to have a perfume

named after me.



This had to be really,

really special.



It had to be glamorous,

and it had to make a statement.



If I wanted Stu Wolff

to notice me, that is.



Might as well just wear this

to see Stu.



Nothing else to wear anyway.



I'm gonna be the dowdy redhead

who doesn't know how to dress.



Don't worry, Ella,

I'll find something to wear.



I mean, accessories

are good, too.



They'll help me.



Don't cry.



I can't lie!



I can't say I'm sleeping over

at your house when I'm not.



I can't go into New York

behind my parents' backs.



I can't do it.



We're not really

going behind their backs.



They're gonna be in the city,

just not in the same venue.



I'm not going.



I'm not going.



I'm not going.



We're supposed to do

things like this.



  -year-olds in other cultures

are grandmothers.



No one gave them

permission to do that.



It's not our fault

that the people



who brought us into this world



don't understand that we must

fly away from the nest.



Nature is telling us to go.



And our parents are good people.



They love us.



Yeah, they love us, right?



They really love us.



I'm sure they'd hate

if anything happened to us.



Wait here one second, okay?



Don't cry.

It's gonna work out.



We'll go, and it'll be fun.



I can't lie!



Mom, it's amazing how sometimes

I come to your conclusions.



Ella and I could use,

as you say, adult supervision.




-So here's the plan.



You drive us to the train

in broad, broad daylight.



Ella's parents are

going to be in New York.



They'd be happy to pick us up

at Grand Central Station.



They'll drop us off

at the concert.



We'll stay overnight

at their hotel.



Sounds so safe, I know.



I can't believe

it came out of my head.



Okay, I'm gonna have to talk

with Ella's mom and dad.



Of course, and when you do it,

do it gently.



-They know nothing about this.




And try and remember,

we're in suburbia.



Yeah, yeah, I know.



It wouldn't hurt if you threw in

that microwaves aren't that bad.



Well, see, Mary feels

she really must see the concert.



Is that how you feel, sweetie?



You must see

these Sidarthur people?



It's their last performance.



Well, why didn't

you just ask, pumpkin?



I didn't know I could.



All right, your mother and l

are going into the city



on Thursday for a long weekend.



We'll pick them up.



They can stay with us

at the Hilton.



Which is down the street

from the concert.



Well, that would be great.



Oh, it's as if the heavens

wanted this.



Miss Baggoli,

someone broke the heel.



No! Oh!



Girls. Everybody.

Listen up.



General announcement, everyone.



Costumes are sacred.



Costumes are sacred.






I mean, what does one wear

to Stu Wolff's party?



There's gonna be

so many famous people there.



I don't know.

I just want to look hot.



One wears what one usually wears

to these soirees.



Oh! Lola!



Lola, please!



Lola! Lola!



Oh, my gosh!




Crime has never appealed to me

as a way of life.



But a girl's gotta do

what a girl's gotta do.



I needed Eliza's dress.



You don't have to

do this for me.



I know you said

you'd do me a favor.



But this one may be too big.



Don't worry.



I'll be in and out

of the drama room in seconds.






I know it's not like me

to be unprofessional,



but how can I concentrate when

Sam is risking his life for me?



When in    hours' time I'll be

standing in front of Stu Wolff?






Wait a minute.

No, no.



Okay, everybody, that's enough!



Excuse me, please!



I'm sorry.



Maybe you're messing up so much



because you're so excited

about the concert tonight.



No, I'm used to those things.



Lola and Carla,

do you have to talk?



Opening night is in one week.



I would think

that we could just have



one decent rehearsal by now!



All right.



What I think we'll do now

is we'll just breathe.



Breathe deep, and try and relax.



And another one.



Shake it, shake it, shake it,

shake it, shake it.



And you all just keep shaking

and relaxing.



I'm gonna get something I need

out of the drama room.



No, Miss Baggoli.

I'll get it for you.



That's all right, Lola.



What I need is locked up

in the drama room.



But on page    of the script



is where I want to

look down demurely.



Lola, get out of my way!



Can't we just go back

onto the stage?



Miss Baggoli, please.



Please, just get out of --



Lola, would you please

get out of my way?



That's odd.



Why isn't this locked?



Oh, my goodness.






But I always lock this door.



You probably did lock it.

We have the same lock at home.



Sometimes it works.

Sometimes it doesn't.



You never know

what's gonna happen.



Oh, oh.



Okay, nothing

seems to be missing.



Why would anything

be missing here?



Well, I have no idea, do l?



You know, I just want to

talk to you about my lines.



I don't know them that well.



You don't know your lines?



At this time, I don't even

want to discuss this.



No, I'm not even gonna

discuss this right now.



Lola, you're just making me

so nervous.



Well, I need to show you

something on the stage.



You know what I think?



I think that you've just been

working so hard,



entirely too hard,



and that you should

just really try



and take the weekend off

and relax, okay?



I've never

really relaxed before.



There's no reason I can't try.



I think you should.



I just think you should.



Oh, my gosh.

I was so terrified.



I know.



I was about to grab the dress

when Miss Baggoli came in.



Thanks for trying.






Take a look under the hood.



Are you kidding me?



Hurry, I don't

want to miss the train.



Wait for me!



I don't believe it.



I don't believe

you stole Eliza's dress.



I didn't steal it.

I borrowed it.






You mean you asked

if it was okay?



Well, not exactly.

I mean, Sam --



You got Sam to steal it for you?



Borrowed it.

Sam borrowed it.



It'll be back by Monday morning.



Oh. Yeah.

I'm getting off.



I can't go through with this.



Ella, don't back out now.



Please just let me have

one night of pure joy



if I'm gonna have to spend the

rest of my youth behind bars.



This better be

one great concert.



That's a given.



I don't want to

get near a scalper.



You take the money, okay?






Wow, you look beautiful.



You too, Lola.






Yes, you do.



Both of you.



Now, the hotel is just

a few blocks from the theater.



I know.

I know my New York.



We'll be back

in the hotel room at   :  .



You have your tickets

and your money?



We have the money.



We'll buy the tickets.



Oh, here.



Thank you.



We'll drop you off.



I can assure you,

everything is gonna be fine.



It's just a quiet

little concert.



Okay, Ella, heads up.

March forward.



-Get ready to rock 'n' roll.

-Girls, please.



-Our tickets are at the door.




Look for someone

who's selling tickets.



Isn't there a stall

or something?



No. They're just ordinary people

doing ordinary scalping.



Watch this. You have to be

strict with these people.



You have to bargain and deal.



How much?



$    in orchestra.

Can't get any better than that.



We'll take them.



$    doesn't leave us

very much for incidentals.



When you get to see Stu Wolff,

you don't need incidentals.



It's in your makeup bag.



Oh, right.



What's wrong?



Ella, it's not here.



My makeup bag's not here.



It must be.



It has to be.



When did you last see it?



In the train.



I left it behind the sink.



Oh, no.




Maybe it's karma.



All we have to do is go in

with a large group of people.




You mean sneak in?



Sneaking would be beneath us,



but I can't think of a better

word for what we're about to do.



I have never snuck ever.



I can't do it.



I'm terrified just being here.



Stage fright.

It'll pass.



This is a little tricky,

so just follow my lead, okay?



I wonder what song they'll do.



I hope they do "Love Loser."



Oh, I'm so excited!



I feel like I've been waiting

for this forever.



Just a minute.



Can I have another look

at your ticket, please?




My ticket. Sure.



You know, it's not here.



I must have dropped it

or something.



No ticket, no concert.



I demand to see your supervisor.




You can see him outside.



Come to the door.



Come to the door.



Okay, go see Stu.



Go see Stu.



Go see Stu!



Okay, stay there.



Don't move.

I'm coming in.



I just have to be

with my cousin.



She has this rare disease

that makes you gag



and you can't breathe

and then you die.



She shouldn't be left alone.



She's alone, the one who's

gagging and not breathing.



I have to be with her

at all times.






Good plan.



Maybe we should just go

to the hotel.




And miss the concert?



Yeah, I don't think so.



We're not actually

at the concert.



We're close.



Stu Wolff's only

a few yards away from us.



And then he'll be

at the after-party with us.



Your belief system amazes me.



Ella, where are you going?



Don't leave me!



Come back!




Ella, what are you doing?



I'm going back to the hotel.



So you're just gonna give up?



What if everyone gave up, Ella?



There'd be no America,

no electricity, no TiVo.



We'd all have to watch our shows

at their scheduled times.



We'd never get to see

the work of Renée Zellweger



or Christina Aguilera.



If everyone gave up,



we'd all be sitting in mud huts

in Europe eating weeds.



I didn't say stop progress.



I just said,

"Go back to the hotel."



Don't you want to see

the look on Carla's face



when we show up at that party?



Yeah, I do.




Then let's go to Soho.



Where in Soho?



We don't even know

where Stu lives.



Sure, we do.

I have this.



A picture of a door?



It's not just a door.



It's a black door with windows.



Have some faith, Ella.



Soho is New York's

artistic soul.



It's just around the corner.



   blocks is around the corner?













There's a man following us.



Don't be silly, Ella.



The crime rate in New York

is going down.



Come on.

Let's go.



There's a man

and a dog following us.



Okay. Stay here.

I'll handle this.



New Yorkers

know how to handle trouble.



Watch this.



Hey! Hey!



-Dad, what are you doing here?

-Your mom called.



Asked me to keep an eye on you.



She got nervous.



Mom was born nervous.



So, where are you going?



To a party.



Not like that.

You're all wet.



Daddy, nothing can rain

on my parade.



I like parties.



Please, Dad, if you show up,



then Stu Wolff

will never think I'm cool.



Can't you wait outside

or something?



Right outside.



But if I see something even

slightly wrong, I'm coming in.



You know, I really like parties.



Thanks, Dad.



And could you lay low?



You're scaring my friend.






But I'll be watching.



Well, he won't be

bothering us anymore.



So, are you ready to have fun?



I hope so.



Okay. Good.






That was the Santini car.



Hi! Lola Steppe.

Ella Gerard.



Nice to see you again.



I have to see your invitations.



Strange you should ask.



We left them at the concert.



Our names should be on the list.



There they are.



Dr. And Mrs. Lawrence?






My mom and my dad.

They couldn't make it.



My mom has a rash,

and my dad's in surgery.



I thought your name was Steppe.



Could I just use your phone?

I have to call my parents.



This is a private residence,

not Grand Central Station.



Use a public phone.



Whoa, whoa!



Stu, this is your own party!



It's your own party.



You don't tell me

what to do anymore, Steve.



Don't you remember?

It's over.



Come inside before you

embarrass yourself.



You touch me...



Yeah, remember?



He's been trouble

all over the world.



Thank God he's not

our problem anymore.



Steve! Steve!



I love you.



Wait, let me just talk to you

for one minute.



Except for the garbage

and the cars,



it's like following Heathcliff

on the moors.



-Maybe we shouldn't.

-Would you please relax?



I'd rather lose him

than lose my life.



-Where do you think he's going?

-Someplace great.



This for you is great?



I'm getting really scared being

out here all alone, Lola.



We're not alone.



We're with an adult.



Aside from the fact

that he isn't actually with us,



he isn't actually an adult.



He's a rock star.



Mr. Wolff?






Come with me.



Come on.

Help me get him out.



Oh. Oh.



He smells like

a backed-up drain.



Ella, Ella, Ella.

I mean, see the beauty.



Oh, my God.

He's crying.



Do you believe how lucky we are?



I almost hear them praying

that we don't sit near them.



Quickly get him into a booth

before anyone smells him.









Everybody wants something

from me.



You think I'm a regular guy.



I'm not a regular guy.



Do you think anybody

really knows who I am?



I don't even know who I am.



Once we get some coffee in him,



he'll become the man

of truth, passion,



and unflagging courage

I know him to be.



So, what will it be?



Do you think I have

any real friends?



We'll just have coffee.



Not me.



I'll have a deluxe hamburger

platter, well-done,



and a large side of onion rings.



You could just give him coffee.



He's not really up to a meal

right now.



I want

a deluxe hamburger platter.



Is that too difficult?



You two better keep him in line.



The boss won't stand

for any nonsense.



What do you want?







A record deal?



Hey, there, girls,

do you want something from me?



This is a poet

who lit your darkest days?



Didn't I tell you

he was a tortured soul?



Stu, do you have

any cash on you?



We sort of left ours

on the train.



I knew you wanted money.









That's not onion rings.



Can you believe this?



We're actually having coffee

with Stu Wolff.



I have so much to ask you

about your work.



It's impossible

to talk to someone



who's had that much to drink.



You know, you just don't

understand the artistic soul.



He drinks so much to numb

the intensity of his feelings.



All geniuses do, Ella.



I want onion rings.



This is a donut!



I want onion rings.






What is wrong with

the service around here?



Are we together?



Who are you?



The fates have sort of

brought us together.



-This is Ella.

-Ella what?



Ella Gerard.



   Birch Hollow Road,

Dellwood, New Jersey.



   -   -    .



My parents are staying

at the New York Hilton.



I don't want to worry them

by being incarcerated.



It's my mother's birthday.



I bought her a rug.



Be quiet, Mr. Wolff.






Lola Steppe.



My father's name

is Calum Steppe.



Address is     Bleecker Street.



   -   -    .



All right, the three of you,



sit over there

while I make some calls.



What's wrong with you?



Why did you lie like that

to the police?



They're gonna find out

that your father is dead.



What's going on?



-Who are you two?

-What's wrong with you?



You're not afraid of what

your parents are gonna say?



I'm resigned

to what life may bring,



but why did you give

a false address?



You know, Ella, I think

your true soul and spirit



are finally beginning to emerge.



Why did you lie?



I didn't lie.



My father does live

on Bleecker Street.



And he has a rent-controlled

apartment and a dog named Negus.



You told me your father died

in a motorcycle accident.



So I exaggerated a little.



A little?



Exaggerating a little is saying

you're a little taller.



Saying your father is dead

when he's not



is lying beyond comprehension.



Can we talk about this later?



We should tell Stu

what happened first.



You should tell me

what happened.



Why did you say

your father was dead?



He died?






I had a reason.



And what was that?



The truth?



No, a lie will do.



Yes, the truth!



You do remember what that is,

don't you?



Were we in a diner?



I have an image of "Merry Xmas."



Just give me a moment.

I'd be happy to explain.



Right now I'm talking to her.



All right.

The total truth.



I lied because I wanted to make

myself seem more interesting.



More interesting?



We are      miles from home

in a New York police station



with a drunken rock star waiting

for your dead father to show up.



You want to be more interesting?

More interesting than what?



You know,

you just don't understand.



It was a new town

and a new school.



I understand.



And I lied for my mom.



I had to protect her

against suburbia.



Your parents didn't get her.



So you killed your father?






I would appreciate it

if you would just stop talking.



Ella, come on.



What's going on?



Arrest that man!



He's a stalker.



Ella, Dad.

Dad, Ella.




I'm Calum Steppe, her father.



What happened?



That's what I've been asking.



As the night continued

to fall on the dark,



heartless streets

around the precinct,



the six of us gathered

around the sergeant,



and I told our tale.



We were desperate to get

into this man's concert



because I consider him to be the

greatest poet since Shakespeare.



We lost our money,

and we couldn't pay a scalper.



Then we tried to crash his party



rather than have our dreams

forever denied.



When he stormed out of his loft,



we followed him to make sure

he didn't come into any harm.



I'm having memory flashes.



I was passed out

amongst the rubbish.



I believe they helped me.



I know I should be furious,

but it's too late for fury.



I'm just thankful

nothing worse happened.



He looks like the dog

in "The Dog Years."



He is the dog

in "The Dog Years."



He's the dog in "The Dog Years"?



My niece loves those books.



-You're famous!

-He's not as famous as you.



Molly's not gonna believe

I've actually met you.



Negus, right?



And Calum Steppe, right?






We checked your story,

and you're free to go.



-Excuse me, Mr. Wolff?




Can I have your autograph?



Oh, yeah, sure.






To Sergeant Rose.



Stu Wolff.



Right, well,

now that that's settled,



would anyone like to come

to a party with me?



I would.



You can't stay mad

at me forever.



Forgive me, please?



I am in no way ready

to forgive you.



This is the party

of the century.



Don't you want to enjoy it?



I'm not really

in a partying mood.



Look, I'm sorry.



I really am.

I'm sorry.



You're just saying that

to save the evening.



No, I'm not.



I honestly don't know

what I'd do without you.



What's going on?

Why are you still out here?



We just don't feel like

going in right now.



Well, then.



Let me get you

back to the hotel.



Maybe we can just go in

for a little while.






There you are!

All right.



Listen, how about we get

you guys something dry to wear?



I'll have those dresses cleaned

and sent over to your dad's,



who is brilliant, by the way.



I think he and l

are gonna be pals.



Yeah, I bought all his books.



Just upstairs.



I don't see her, do you?






Can you believe this?



We're in his clothes.



And in his bedroom.



Come on, Ella.

Celebrate with me, please.



I want everything

to be okay between us.



And I do, too.



You have to promise that

you'll never lie to me again.



I do.

I promise.



I swear, Ella.

I do.



You promise?



I do.






Okay, then.



Come on, we're in his room.



What do you want to do?



I don't know.



That is so gross.






Hey, Carla!



We've been looking for you.



Did you see her face?



She looks really angry.



I know that look.



You know, life can be

so randomly beautiful.



Come on, girls!



Oh, my God!



My saviors.



Oh, my God.



Oh, it's Steve.



-It's Steve!

-Hang on.



Stu, I know you're really busy.



I was wondering

if I could talk to you.



Why not?

Be my guest.



I can't believe I met you.



I mean, I can't believe

I'm sitting here with the man



who wrote all those songs

that made my spirit soar.



What were you thinking

when you wrote



"behind some doors people

are waiting to sparkle"?



I have no idea.



But you wrote it.



Life's a little foggy,

a little soggy.



You know, that really

said something to me.



I'm sure to a hundred million

other girls,



but especially to me.



I'm happy to oblige a fan.




I'm not just a fan.



I mean, I sat at your feet,




When I listen to

"Always Morning,"



I wore a gray jacket because you

wore a gray jacket on the CD.



You wore gray

because it was ambiguous.



Am I right?






I'm right.



You look disappointed.



Well, I am.



In me.






I mean, I still think



you're the greatest thing

since Shakespeare.



It's just too bad



I'll never be able to discuss

your poetry with you.






Because, Mr. Wolff,

you're a drunk.



I hope getting this thing back

is easier than getting it out.



Guess what!



I've been grounded.



Me too!

I'm so proud of you!



This is the day

I've been waiting for



since my first summer camp

when Carla told all the kids



that if they played with me,

they'd die.



She's smiling.



Oh, she's bluffing.



Well, look,

I gotta get to class.



Tell me how it goes.



Come on.

Let's watch her sink.






Yeah, this one.

Look at this one.



Hey, Carla.



Did you have fun?



Well, if it isn't

the great pretender.



Come to hear what

the Sidarthur party was like?



Why would we want to hear

what you have to say?



Ella and I were there.



Did you hear that?

She said they were there.



You know,

lying's not gonna help you.



Everybody already knows

that you didn't go.



Don't pretend you didn't see us.



I know you did.



It just so happens Ella

and I got in



because of Stu Wolff himself



after we practically

saved his life.



Tell them, Ella.



I don't have anything to prove,

nor do you.



Ella, this is no time

for your newfound personality.



Maybe you'd like to see some

pictures from the party, Lola.



I know how fond you are

of Stu Wolff,



and I got some great shots

of him.



We spent the whole night

with Stu.



On the night of his biggest

party, he left to be with you.



You're not gonna get away

with this.



We were at that party.

My dad was there.



He and Stu are gonna

get together.



What dad?



You don't have a dad.



You said he died

before you moved here.



I mean, what do you do?



Do you just make all this up

as you go along?



Do you think because we're not

from New York that we're stupid?



You saw us there.



No, I didn't, liar.



You know, that's what you are.

You're a liar.



Your name isn't even Lola, Mary.



Ella's right.



I don't have to prove anything

to you people.



You know we were there.



Oh, no!

She's crying.



Look at the baby.






Yo, you got no right to write

down what I'm saying.



Those are my --



I'm sorry, Miss Baggoli,

I can't go on.



There's something I have to say.



Well, quickly, Lola.




I have a confession to make.



I borrowed Eliza's dress

for the weekend.



I'm really sorry, but I felt

I had no other choice.



No choice?






I had to wear it

to the Sidarthur party.



When are you gonna

give it up, Mary?



No, you didn't.



You couldn't

have taken that dress



because I keep that dress locked

up safe in the drama room.



There are ways, Miss Baggoli.

There are ways.



Where is it now?



It's right back.

It's safe and sound.



It looks exactly the same,

but somehow different.



Can you believe her?



I mean, first,

she takes the dress.



Then, she puts it back.



And then she goes to this party

where no one saw her.



It's true!

The dress got all wet.



Stu Wolff made me change

into something dry.



He said it was important

that I felt comfortable.



Because on the night

of his farewell concert,



Stu Wolff had nothing better

to do than see Mary Steppe dry.



Girls, please!



He sent it back to my dad in a

limousine as big as this stage.



A dress in a limousine.



Can you picture it?



He's also a big fan

of my dad and my dad's dog.



Then your dog gave him

his autograph, right?



But I did take the dress!



See, Stu Wolff gave me this




It's his T-shirt from his tour.

Where would I have gotten it?



In a junk store

where you get everything else.



But this is the tissue I used

to wipe his tears.



Maybe we should send it off

for DNA testing.



I left my bottle-cap necklace

at his house.



He told my dad

he's gonna Fed-Ex it back.



A dress riding in a limousine.



I guess that's a good thing



because otherwise it would

have had to catch a cab.



You're funny, Lola.

You could be a comedienne.



But can we please

go back to work now?



We have so much to do

before Wednesday night.



You believe me, don't you?



Carla's the one who's lying.



We've worked so hard

for this production, Lola.



And I am not gonna let you

ruin it for me.



We have all had enough.



Have you?



Have you finally had enough?



I sunk into a depression that

only Hamlet would recognize.



The one story I'd told that was

both probable and possible



was the one that was true.



And yet no one believed me.



Maybe you can never win



against the Carla Santinis

of this world.



I'd never felt

so totally defeated.



I felt more like a pigeon

than a flamingo.




Ella's here.



Go ahead.



I want to talk to you.



I don't really feel too well.



You can cut the crap.



I know what you're doing.



What happened to the most polite

girl in all of New Jersey?



What does it matter anymore?

We know we went to the party.



We know who we met

and what we did.



Get up!



I can't.



I just can't.



Has anyone seen Lola Steppe?



Has anyone seen Lola Steppe?




You know, I really am sick.



I mean, ask my mom.



I'm not buying it.



You're bailing out of the play.



You know, here I am, so sick

this could turn into pneumonia,



and then I'll be on my deathbed,

and you're being accusatory.



You can't do this, Lola.



Everyone is depending on you.



What about your parents and Sam?



Sam has never been to

a school function in his life.



He's only going because of you.






Lola Steppe, my Eliza.



Get out of my way.



One hour till curtain.



What about me?



I was miserable

until you came to Dellwood.



I thought everyone's life

was like mine.



Doing everything

you're supposed to do



when you're supposed to do it.



Never questioning anything.



The only thing I could expect

when I grew up



was a life like my parents'.



And then I met you.



You gave me courage, Lola.



Because of you, I'm brave enough

to be different.



Don't touch me!



You're a sham!



The one thing Carla

can't do anything about



is you being Eliza Doolittle.



You're just gonna

hand it to her.



Mary, I left word with your dad.



Should I call Miss Baggoli?






I've had a miraculous recovery.



I need to be sure.



Are you up to this?



Up to it? Miss Baggoli,

I was born to play Eliza.



Get into costume

for the opening.



Knock 'em dead!



Knock 'em dead!



It even amazes me that I get

everything that I want.



Get out of my dress.



-As of right now, I'm Eliza.

-Get out of my dress!



-Enjoy the show.

-Thanks. I will.



Oh, and get out

of my first costume!



Five minutes till curtain,




Five minutes.



Get out of my dress.






Get out of my dress!




-Get out of that dress!






Sorry, Miss Baggoli.



I'm so glad to see you.



Do you want an ice cream?






You're gonna be great.



I'm scared.

I'll admit it.



But I'm excited, too.



Don't be afraid.



You're gonna be wonderful, Lola.



You called me Lola.



You are a Lola.



Good luck!



Press your bars, children.



Yo, you gots no rights

to write down what I'm saying.



Those are my personal words.



Now say "New York."



New Yolk.



New York.



With an "R."



New Rolk.



You can't talk.



Let's see if you can walk.






They all accepted her

because of me.



All because of you?



I was there, too!



I worked hard to make you

look good!



Well, what will you

do now, dear?



I will be a teacher



because being a teacher

is the most worthy thing



a person can be.






Stu Wolff?



I don't believe this.



Did my father invite you here?






May I come in anyway?






Yeah, sure, of course.



I don't believe this.

This is crazy.



Lola's father said

she would be here.



You're here in my house

because of Lola?



You know what?

Why don't you stay here?



You stay.

And I'm gonna go get her.



And I'm gonna go get her.



You stay.



So I can't come in?



Look who came to see me.



Hey, guys.



Look who's here.



Is that Stu Wolff?



Look who came to my house.



Hey, Ella.

I just wanted to say --






You left this at my place.



I had pictured this moment

in my craziest, wildest dreams.



I guess if you don't dream

crazy and wild,



people like Stu Wolff don't

return your jewelry personally.






Come on.

It's just a hand.



Thanks for showing up.



So, how have you been?






I'm in recovery.






Someone very sweet told me I was

a drunk, and I didn't like it.



Sounds kind of harsh.



But it woke me up.



So, maybe sometime soon we can

talk about your amazing music.



Just say when.



I can say when?



Within reason.



Would you like to dance?






Here's what I learned.



When you're happy,

the whole world's New York.



And that dreams are important.



Someday, when you're not

even looking, they find you.



And then there's Sam.



He'd been there all along,



but when I opened my heart

to him, I thought,



now that my career is launched,

maybe I could have a boyfriend.



It was the first time

I realized



that absolute reality could be

so much more fun than fantasy.



And can you believe

all of this happened



in Dellwood, New Jersey,

of all places?

Special help by SergeiK