The Cooler Script - Dialogue Transcript

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The Cooler Script

( woman laughing )


Man: Winner!

Man: You own this table!

Where's Bernie? They're killing us. We need him here right away.

- Yeah! - ( elevator signal rings )

(gamblers groan )

( groaning )

Woman: Come on, baby. Come on, come on!

Come on!

- ( loud groaning ) - Seven out.

Woman: Oh, man!

Man: Come to Papa-- Hey, what the hell?!

God damn it, that's supposed to be an $800 jackpot.

- Man: Afternoon, Doris. - Hey.

- Got any cream? - Sure.

- Oh, shit. - Oh, it doesn't matter.

Dewar's and--

Fuck! Dewar's and water, please.

Hi, Natalie.

- Hey... - Bernie.

Shit, motherfucker! Yeah, Bernie.

Yo, Doris, have you seen Shelly around?

He promised to position me at the tables tonight.

l've been on skid row all week.

You didn't settle up with me last night.

No? You sure? Fuck, l was way under.

lt's been like an AA convention around here.

l'll make it up to you tonight, l promise.

Where have l heard that before?

- lf l see Shelly, l'll tell him... - Thanks.

...that you're looking for him.

Hostess on P.A.: Conway, party of 11.

Please check your reservation in the Paradise Lounge.

Hey, Bernie, Shelly needs you on 11.

All right. Let's do the Chivas Regal.

And have that-- have Natalie bring it over,

the one working the nickel slots by the Paradise.

l spoke to Shelly earlier. He wants her out on the tables.

All right. l'll take care of it.

Great shot. How about that?

Natalie: Hi. lt's you, right?

Yeah, over here.

Joe said l should stick around.

You say something to Shelly?


Wow, that was fast. Thanks.

Don't mention it. lt's over here.

l'll win you a fortune on five and nine.

Did you order the Chivas Regal?

Hey, back off, will you, pal? Can't you see l got a roll here?

- 54, 54. - ( crowd groans )

- Seven out, line away. - That motherfucker.

- Stickman: Thanks for the bet, folks. - Yeah, yeah, l'm coming.

( cheering )

Oh! Shoot!

Better luck next time.

( fizzing )

- ( knocking on door) - Ah-hh.

- Shelly, they're here. - Relax, shorty.

Hey. Nicky, you didn't tell me you were coming.

l'm having a manicure here.

You think l don't wash up after going to the john, huh?

Forget about it. You look like a million bucks. How are you?

You should have called ahead. l would have sent the car.

- No, we figured we'd surprise you. - Anytime, Nicky, anytime.

l know that, partner.

Shelly, let me introduce you to our brightest VP here.

This is Larry Sokolov. His numbers guy, Marty Goldfarb.

- How do you do, Shelly? - Can l get you something to drink?

l'd love a vodka tonic, thanks.

...comes out of the confessional and she says, ''Move over, l have to gargle.''

( laughs )

So Nicky, what brings you to town?

Shelly, l've got a smart kid here.

He's got some good ideas about how to revitalize the Shangri-La.

Revitalize? What are you talking about? We did $35 million last year.

Nicky: Why don't you just hear the kid out, huh?

Shelly, l want you to know that l have nothing but the utmost respect for you.

You've done a tremendous job with the Shangri-La over the last 16 years.

l don't think anybody can dispute that.

Nicky: Yeah, nobody doubts that, Shell.

But the business has changed.

Just take a look at the Strip, you'll see what l'm talking about.

( chuckles ) What?

You mean that Disneyland mookfest out there? Huh?

Come on, you know what that is?

Huh? That's a fucking violation is what that is.

lt's something that used to be beautiful.

lt used to have class,

like a gorgeous high-priced hooker with an exclusive clientele.

Then along comes that Steve Wynn cocksucker

and knocks her up and puts her in a fucking family way.

Now, she's nothing but a cheap fat whore

hiding behind too much make-up. l look at her and see her stretch marks.

lt makes me want to cry, because l remember the way she used to be.

Am l right?

There's no arguing the bottom line. Those places are raking it in...

and the Shangri-La as she is now can't compete with that.

You think l'm trying to compete with that?

You think that's what we're about, trying to bring in the stroller crowd,

fresh off some ''E-ticket'' ride, trying to break the house on red and black?

Fremont has never been about that bullshit.

This is where old time and real money come to play.

The numbers don't back you up on that, Shelly. Don't get me wrong.

Nostalgia is great and we love nostalgia...

...but nostalgia belongs in a museum.

l think it comes a time to decide whether you're running a museum...

or you're running a casino.


''Mr. Cool.'' You got a minute?

- l was just heading over to 14. - lt can wait.

How's the knee?

l met this orthopedic surgeon

at Vegas Memorial. He tells me...

they can rebuild a man's entire kneecap out of titanium.

Oh, of course it costs a shitload of money,

but seeing as this gentleman is into us for 500 large, l thought maybe--

l told you, l'm not gonna be here after Sunday.

( dry chuckle )

Where are you gonna go, Bernie?

Where the fuck are you gonna go that's better than here?

l've got you covered in this town.

People know you work for me. That's currency in your pocket.

That's fucking respect, when you walk the floor.

Where are you gonna get that, anyplace else?

Seven days, Shelly... l'm out from under.

Excuse me, sweetheart. What's your name, darling? Never mind.

This is who l am.

Yeah, that's right. l like to know who's shopping it around in my neighborhood,

so what you do is be in my office first thing tomorrow morning,

ifyou want to continue to work here at the Shangri-La

and you and l will go over the rules together.

l also want you to bring me a clean bill of health. All right, my dear?

- Okay. - All right, thank you.

How'd you like to ''birdie'' that hole, huh?

Say the word and she's yours anytime. l'll keep a running tab for you.


What? What? She's not your type? Are you kidding me?

l've got to go.

Things are heating up on 14.

Woman: Let's do it in the room.

Kim, l think we got our laundry mixed up. l-- l'll talk to you later.

Come on, let's go back to the room.

$50 bucks only gets you 20 minutes, man. You're wasting your time.

Televangelist: Your soul is crippled. l'm gonna change that.

Pray with me now. Out, demon!

Let the crutches go!

Let the spirit into you!

( televangelist continues ) Run with me!

Kim: Fuck me harder! Harder! Oh!

Oh, yeah, baby. l like that. Come on.

- ( man moaning ) - Kim: Come on, come on.

- ( loud banging on wall ) - Kim: You're so big!

( Kim moans, screams, laughs )

Televangelist: You do? Hallelujah!

The Lord has shown his face once again.

Kim: You gonna come all over me? Oh, yeah, come all over me.

( banging faster, Kim screams, moans )

Let's do this, man.

- Eight, the hard way. - ( cheering )

- $900 for Mr. Pinkerton. - Seven and Seven.

- Thanks, dollface. - Jesus Christ!

- Shit, l'm sorry. - Don't worry about it.

l'm so sorry. l'm such a fucking klutz.

- No, this stuff happens. - Oh, my God.

l'm sorry. This guy-- fucking hands all over my ass.

You might want to stick around.

Pinkerton: l came to play.

Pinkerton: Come again, sister, in the name ofPinkie.

Take this. Hard eight, huh?

How you like that? Suck on that.

That's right. Give me them dice. Damn right.

One dollar, hard eight.

Pinkerton: All right, everybody, get in. Here we go.

We'll bet $10.

- Stickman: Out! Seven out. - Shit! God!

What the fuck are you smiling at, bitch?

Whoa, whoa... easy. Fellas?

- You think it's fucking funny? - Take it easy, man.

Think it's funny this place is stealing my-- fucking numb-nuts, let go of me.

l'll have you fired, you piece-of-shit bitch! Piece of fucking garbage!

# But now l couldn't do without my supply #

# l need you for my own #

# Oh, l can't break away l must have you every day #

# As regularly as coffee or tea #

# You got me in your clutches and l can't break free #

# You're getting to be a habit with me... #

Oh, Shelly. l love you, Shelly.

He's the man, he's the best man. Salut.

- No, no, no. - He hates that shit. He really does.

( music continues )

# l used to think your love... #

( distorted, slow ) # Was something that l... #

# Could take... #

# Or leave alone #

# But now l couldn't do without my supply... #

- There he is. - Hey.

Shelly, l was a fucking embarrassment out there, do you understand that?

You should never have talked me into going out there, Shelly.

l should have never let you. Frank is rolling over in his grave.

l've got strep, man. You understand that? l've got strep.

Listen to me, Pops, you were pure velvet out there. lt was just silk.

And also, looky-looky what was hanging on the doorknob. Huh?

Forget about your tonsils.

When the muff confetti stops coming, that's when you know you got trouble.

Did you get a receipt?

- Excuse me? - They're on sale in the lobby.

Charlayne's. This is ''Victoria's Secret Valentine Collection.''

What about that broad you got coming here later?

How much did she set you back? Nothing but the best for old Buddy, right?

Are you fucking kidding me? Gimme, you don't deserve this.

You got all those ladies going home with a nice breeze between their legs,

'cause you do it the way they like it

and you're saying l'm some Buddy Stafford ego pimp, huh?

Hey, fuck you and-- fuck you.

Come on, give it to me. Give it to me, man. Come on, come on!

Come on, don't be a prick. Come on, man.

Come on, give it to me! Come on, man.

( moaning ) Oh, fuck! Fuck!

( Buddy whimpers, moans )

Do you ever watch any of those nature shows?


You know, those nature shows. You watch them?

Yeah, l've seen a few nature shows.

Yeah? Well, this one l've seen about a dozen times.

lt's about... lions. lt's about...

the cycle of life of the lions... and the leader of the pack.

- Pride. With lions it's a pride. - Yeah.

This old king lion, right? He's getting on in years

and then sooner or later some young male comes along.

He challenges him... and he beats the fuck out of this old lion, right?

He just kicks the shit out of him.

And then... then they push him out ofthe pride...

and he has to go in the jungle and scavenge and he dies alone.

The nature's got some sense of humor, huh?

No shit.

See, but Shelly, it's tragic because...

he's past it, this old fucked lion...

and he doesn't know it and it would be so much easier for him,

if he could just... walk away.

And... he could avoid all the pain and the humiliation.


that would be like accepting that you were dead already, right?

l think l like it better nature's way, don't you?

Yeah, maybe you're right. ( weak chuckle )

( drowsily ) Yeah, that's it.

( murmurs )

Buy you a drink?


Marty: Shelly, you got a minute?

Shelly, this is Johnny Cappella.

- How you doing, Shelly? - l know you from some place, right?

Johnny's been opening for Danny Ganz at the Mirage.

Now Sony is talking about signing him to a three-album deal.

They're going to position him as the new Harry Connick.

And l should be interested in this... why?

Johnny's looking to headline. l thought we might be interested.

- We? - Did l come at a bad time?

Even if l was interested,

l got fresh ink with Buddy for the next five years.

l just renegotiated his contract.

Listen, you two need to be on the same page.

Larry, listen, if l don't hear from you by Thursday,

l'm taking the Stardust. All right? l'm going there.

- l understand. - Johnny Cappella, gone.

- We'll definitely be in touch, Johnny. - Capella: Assholes.

Your progressed Venus is in Gemini...

12.5 degrees...

and it's in direct motion, which means...'re a slow starter when it comes to romance.

Sorry. You know what? This is real unprofessional of me.

l shouldn't discuss your chart with you until l'm all done.

l can tell by the look on your face you think this is all a lot of B.S.

No, l just... l know what the outcome's gonna be.

There's not like one particular outcome.

A lot of things come into the picture, like...

- the planets, the moon phases-- - The outcome won't change with me.

- lt'll be all bad. - Oh, my God.

l have never met anyone who was so down on themselves.

Do you know what l do at the Shangri-La?

l asked around. You're a cooler.

- You turn winners into losers. - Do you know how l do that?

Listen, l know there's a lot of stuff that happens in casinos all the time.

Bernie: l do it by being myself.

People get next to me, their luck turns. lt's always been that way.

Well, that sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me.

There's a whole chapter of that in my book...

l only got six more days.

Well... really almost five.

l'm leaving town.

Only five more days?

Then we shouldn't waste any more time.

You want to go back to your place?

lf this is--

l'm not sure...

l'm not sure l can afford...

- l can't afford to-- - Christ.

Oh, God. l'm sorry. Wait, l didn't mean it.

( sniffling )

See, this is what l'm talking about. l've gone and cooled the damn table.

Shut up, Bernie, shut up.

You haven't gone and cooled anything.

Not by a long shot.

Oh, God.

You know...

once they're dead, they don't really grow back...

in case that's what you were waiting for.

Oh, my God, you got a cat?

So... you got any music?

( slow jazz playing )

( door slams, needle scratching )

( laughing )

- ( music resumes ) - Hey...

come here.


( laughing ) Relax, Bernie, relax.

l assure you...

at least one of us has done this before.

Bernie: This is not the first time l've ever--

Surprise me.

- ( uptempo music plays ) - l like this.

# Luck, be a lady tonight #

# Luck, be a lady tonight #

# Luck, ifyou've ever been a lady to begin with #

# Luck, be a lady tonight #

# Luck, let a gentleman see #

# How nice a girl you can be #

# l know the way you've treated other guys you've been with... #

- They're snaps. - Bernie: l think l can get it.

( laughing ) Ow! Wait. Pull down some.

- Okay. - Ouch!

- l'm sorry. - lt's okay. lt's okay.

# lt isn't fair...#

Bernie: Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, shit.

# A lady doesn't wander all over the room #

# And blow on some other guy's dice #

( moaning )

# So let's keep this party polite #

# Never get out ofmy sight #

# Stick with me, baby, l'm the fella you came in with #

# Luck, be a lady tonight... #

( moaning, gasping )

( Bernie screaming )

Bernie: Sorry.

# Luck, let a gentleman see... #

lt's okay, Bernie.

l've had worse.

Bernie: Oh, shit. Oh, God.

( mutters )

l know l'm gonna pay for this, l just--

l don't know who you are or what-- l don't...

This was good and l'm glad. l don't care.

You've got a great cock.


Thank you.

( muffled voices )

( door latch creaks )


want to go get some breakfast?

They've got these rules about casinos hiring felons,

so he got me a gig in telemarketing.

We were scamming pensioners out of their retirement money.

l lasted two weeks. ( chuckling )

- Waitress: Here you go. - Bernie: By that time...

l was really getting in deep.

l owed one ofthe casinos over a hundred grand.

l put Shelly in a really awkward position.

l don't blame him for what he did.


Your leg?

He did that to you?

- He shot you? - No. Baseball bat.

- l got off easy. - What do you mean you ''got off easy''?

- l was out of control. - He maimed you, for fuck's sake!

Listen to me. l'm grateful for what he did.

l am absolutely serious.

Anytime l get an urge to play off the clock

or so much as drop a quarter in a slot,

l just reach down and feel what's left of my cartilage.

- lt's an excellent reminder. - Jesus Christ.

l thought shit like that only happened in the movies.

Anyway, Shelly and l worked out a repayment plan.

Six years offthe books at the Shangri-La cooling tables

- and in five days... - Three.

( screaming ) Oh! Oh, shit.

Man: Oh, my God! Now? Are you sure?

l'm going into labor. Yeah, l'm going into labor.

( howls ) Ow-ww!

Deep breaths, deep breaths. Stay very calm.

Okay, everybody, we're having a baby, we're having a baby.

( screaming )

You fucking cocksucker!

Who puts their bag in the middle of the fucking thing

so a pregnant woman can trip over it?

( brief scream )

- Mikey? - Bernie.

Mikey: l guess you're gonna be a grandfather, Bernie.

Bernie: Huh. ls this you?

Hey, what the fuck, it runs.

Here, sit down.

- You all right? - Yeah.

- Anyway, we've got to get out of here. - Hey, Mikey.

How's your mom doing?

l'm gonna pretend like you give a shit

and tell you she's getting by as long as she's high.

Her name is Charlene, in case you were wondering.

Hey, when's the last time you saw a doctor?

About six months ago, back in Jersey.

l wasn't about to go back there after they treated me like cattle.

Just 'cause l had no insurance, you know?

All those places are crawling with TB from them spics.

Listen, Mikey, if you want to...

why don't you drop by the Bettor Life Motel,

give us a chance to... to catch up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe we'll do that.

Play catch up, for the kid's sake.

( car engine roars )

( loud rock music plays on stereo )

- Thanks. - Don't mention it.

Dealer: $100 minimum table, sir.

No offense, pal, but there's 20 other tables here.

What do you want to come sit on my head for?

l'm just gonna play one hand. l'm feeling lucky tonight.

l've got this voice in my head that says, ''This is the table.''

- lnsurance? - No.

Oh, yes! Yes, yes! ( laughing )

Busto! Mel, what's happening to you?

Player: Oh, yeah, welcome to Mel's house.

Player: Hey, where are you going? Stick around, pal.

You and me, we make a great team. Hey!

What was that?

l mean, what the fuck gives? ls it McGann?

The guy's been with me 12 years. He's as stand-up as my fucking dick.

Maybe he's having money problems. l'm gonna pull him.

- No, no, no. - Was he counting them?

- The mook with the streak? - ls there a problem?

No, there's no problem. Fella's on a streak, is all.

Let me guess, this is one of your ''coolers''?

Why don't you announce it to the whole fucking joint while you're at it?

They told me that you were a sticker for the old ways, but coolers?

What is this guy, really? A car mechanic? Some kind of shill?

'Cause he doesn't look too effective to me.

- He's the best. Take it from me. - All right. Sure. Whatever.

There are ways-- subtle ways--

that we can keep the odds in our favor.

l'm talking about more forward-thinking methods.

l'm sure you've got a whole prospectus on the subject, right?

Well, as a matter of fact, yeah, l do.

For instance, l can tell you right off the bat

the wallpaper's not gonna cut it. lt's too uplifting.

l would suggest going with some more muted tones.

- Wallpaper? - Yeah. And personally,

l think the cocktail waitresses could pop another button or two.

Myself, l wouldn't hire anything less than a ''C'' cup.

- You know what that is? - No.

lt's music to be sure. lt's pleasant, not intrusive,

but recorded at a subsonic level is a mantra.

''Lose... lose... lose.''

We're just skimming the surface, Shelly.

We really need to talk.


You better come quick.

Contact his daughter and assist with the arrangements.

The Shangri-La will cover all expenses.

- What about the Paradise? - She's going dark tonight.

Er, that won't be necessary.

- # Can l steal a little love? # - ( applause, screaming )

# Can l steal a little love? #

# Cool me honey, l'm on fire #

# To steal your love is my desire #

# Hug me, squeeze me, till l'm red #

# Till my eyes bug out my head #

# Coo me, woo me, turtledove #

# Can l steal a little love? #

# Please tell me, why are you driving me crazy? #

# Why do l dig you like l do? #

# lfl should steal a little kiss, and you can prove that it was wrong #

# Then l'll give it back to you #

# Honey, baby with a smile #

# l can walk you down the aisle #

# l won't even need a shove #

# Can l steal a little love? #

Young lady, over here. You want to give it a shot?

- Yeah. Come here. - Five for $1.

- Thanks, Bernie. - Good luck.

Are you ready?


All right, double fisted. ( laughing )

- Damn! - Too bad. Better luck next time.

- You want to try again? - Yes.

- No, no, no. Thank you. - Thanks.

- What? - Nothing.

- What? - You're an easy mark, is all.

- l'm an easy mark? - You know where that comes from?


Years ago, Shelly and me were working Coney lsland for the summer

and when l'd see a guy who had a full wallet and was willing to open it up,

l'd mark him with chalk.

l'd put it on my hand and go something like,

''Hey, man, good work.'' ''Hey, buddy, how you doing?''

What the guy didn't realize

was that when he walked down the way...

Shelly could spot him a mile off. An easy mark.

Thanks a lot, Bernie.

l've got to sit.

( softly ) Hi.

( chuckles )

- You okay? - Yeah.

Did you notice, last night, that tattoo on my butt?

- Little Joe? - Yeah.

Yeah, two 2's. ''Little Joe.''

l had a son.

His name was Joe.

l was his mother for one year.

- You don't have to tell me this. - No, l want to, Bernie.

l gave my son up for adoption.

l just wanted my life back.

l was 17 going on 18

and l was so fucking selfish.

My family didn't want nothing to do with me after that,

so l hitched a ride out here

and thought l'd make it as a showgirl.

10 years later...

l'd like to think that if it happened when l was older,

with a guy that l cared about,

that it would have been different, you know?

l think about my little Joe sometimes and l do know l did the right thing.

l'm convinced of that.

( gasping )


l think...

l think l could kick your ass at the dime toss.

( lightly sobbing )

( gasping )

# You may not be an angel #

# 'Cause angels are so few #

# But until the day that one comes along... #

- Would you do something for me? - # l'll string along with you... #

- ( banging ) - Bernie: Yeah!

(yells ) Yeah! Yeah!

- Natalie: Bernie! - Yes!

(groaning, banging on wall )

Natalie: Oh, yeah.

- ( slapping ) - Bernie: Ow! Ow! Jesus, ow.

- Natalie: Oh, yeah! - ( Bernie groaning )

- Bernie, let's do it up the ass. - Okay.

- Please, please? - Okay, okay.

- No, my ass! - Oh!

# And until the day that one comes along... #

- ( Natalie laughing ) - Yes!

( Bernie groans )

Man: Shut the fuck up in there!

( banging ) Did we wake you?

# For every little fault that you have #

# See, l've got three or four #

# The human little faults you do have #

# Just make me love you more... #

l have to pee. l'm always peeing.


How did you get in here?

l told the desk clerk Bernie was my old man.

He let us wait inside. ls that cool with you?

Bernie is out looking for a parking space.

l must have taken the last one.

- l didn't get your name. - Natalie, Mikey.

Tell me something, Natalie, is he paying you?

Excuse me?

My old man, is he renting your ass?

Because, otherwise, l just don't get it.

l mean, a loser like my pops

in the company of some primo tits and ass?

lt don't compute.

ls this enough to get me a little taste?

Family discount?

- Are you kidding me? - No, baby.

- Mikey! - Hey, Bernie.

l told you we was gonna stop by.

l thought you'd call ahead first. We were at breakfast.

Hey. Hey.

You missed some.

Hey, that's nice.

- Hi. - Hi.

You see, Bernie, the thing is...

we're kind of strapped.

l mean, Charly here is expecting like yesterday.

And we don't have the dough to make with the right nutrition for her and all.

So l was wondering if you would like to invest a little...

maybe in your grandchild's future, his well-being.

lt's almost three grand. That's all l got.

That's-- that's very generous.

Bless you, Bernie. You want to feel it?

You know, l really-- l don't think...

Oh-- l just felt a kick. Come on, Bernie, give me your hand.

- You feel that? - l don't know. l think so.

- Hey, we'll catch you later, Bernie. - Okay.


Take care, Dad.

New Shangri-La Hotel and Casino. We break ground on her in six months.

She's perfect. Three floors of gaming,

lmax theater, entertainment center,

boutiques, restaurants, roller coaster. You name it, we've got it.

She pays for herself in three years. After that, it's easy money.

lsn't she great, Shell?

ln ''Lost Horizon, '' these people, their plane crashes in the Himalayas

and they get rescued,

Taken to this utopia in the mountains, Shangri-La.

lt's beautiful.

Totally isolated, untouched by the outside world.

No war, no greed, no bullshit.

Time has slowed down.

You never age. lt's paradise.

You see, that's what Shangri-La is. lt's paradise.

Yeah, we've seen the movie, Shelly. What's your point?

My point is, you don't fuck with paradise.

Come on. Jesus, Shelly. Hey, we're not trying to fuck with it.

- We're trying to make it better. - How?

How you gonna make it better? lt's perfect just the way it is.

lt's the last of its kind. lt's pure.

This-- this is a fucking mockery.

How is it a mockery, Shelly? lt's right out of the movie.

Who's talking about a movie?

This is not a movie. This is my fucking life.

Let me ask you one question, where are you gonna be

when they decide to change it back?

When people want the real Vegas again, before all this ''Epcot Center'' bullshit?

Who's gonna give it to them? You? l don't think so.

You know who? The same fucks who started this in the first place.

You know what's gonna happen? lt's gonna come around full circle

and bite you on the fucking ass, take my words for it.

Shelly, you make some good points, huh?

Maybe we'll swing back the other way someday. Who the hell knows?

But for now, this moment, l suggest we shoot the dice.

My friend, l think you should take some time

just to think things through.

l know this is a lot to digest, l know that.

Wait up a second. What do you say?

l thought we were gonna go eat.

Why don't you try this table over here? lt's a little less crowded.

No, let's play here. lt's my lucky table. l always play here.

Come on, it's more private over here.

Shelly, l'm a big guy. l know how to take care of myself.

Go ahead. l know how to find you. Go ahead. Go eat.

Here we go. Come on.

- ( laughing ) - Stickman: Out! Seven, line away.

- What the fuck? - Come on, ''Pops.'' What the hell?

l could have paid my mortgage with the money l just lost.

File a grievance, all right? Shithead.

Come on, give me two hot ones.

Stickman: Come on, new shooter.

Nicky: Give me 100 on right, 100 big yellow...

Woman: All right, shooter. Come on.

Hey, hurry up, Gramps! Come on, your soup's getting cold, huh?

- Stickman: Four, hard four. - Give me $25 yellow.

Hey, ''Uncle Palsy''...

come on, throw them before you fucking keel over and die, old man.

( laughing )

Be there!

Stickman: Seven, out. Line away. Thanks for the bets, folks.

Don't take it so hard, Pops. Everybody craps out.

( laughs )

Now go fucking change your Depends.

( laughing )

( laughing )

That's good.

Who's laughing now? Crack wise now,

you fucking ''Ken doll,''

no-dick, suburbanite, fucking scum.

Huh? Now how's that for a game?

- Nicky, Nicky. Hey, it's all right. - Get the fuck out of here!

- Disrespectful cocksucker! - ( Bernie whistles )

Nicky: How do you like the game so far?

Nicky, Nicky, take it easy.

Come on. Come on, come on! That ain't right!

The guy fucked up my whole game. Who the fuck does he think he is?

You're right. Forget about him, he's just a piece of shit.

- Let me see your hand. - My hand is all right.

l got news for you. l thought this joint had more fucking class, okay?

lt used to be we didn't let a bum like that in this fucking place.

Come on.

This town...

this town, you know,

all-- all l want to do...

is go some place where l can tell night from day,

where they've got clocks on the walls. l can't breathe here anymore.

Four days and l'm gone. l don't even know if l can hold out that long.

So where does that leave us, Bernie?

A week ago,

l couldn't even remember what it was like to have a woman's hands on me.

l still pinch myself. l'm afraid l'm gonna wake up--

Come with me. Natalie, l want you to come with me.

- God, Bernie. - l'm sorry.

l didn't mean to spring it on you.

l-- l've been working on this compatibility chart, okay?

And it looks good, really it does.

- So, what's the problem? - The problem is it's only good here.

But that's just for now, for the immediate future.

You know, when the planets realign... maybe next year...

A year!? Natalie, l can't wait another year.

l can't--

l can't go, Bernie.

- Hi, Doris. - Hey.

Oh, shit. Just a second.

Hostess on P.A.: Chang, party of 15, your table is ready.

Chang, party of 15.

(group cheering )

- Woman: All right. - Man: Come on, papa-to-be!

Come on, y'all. l want to send my baby to college.

Six and a three, five and a four. Let's go.

(group cheers )

This is for our baby's future. Don't ''blow '' it.

- This is for you. - ( laughing )

This one's on the line for the guys with bowties,

- with shoes. - Charlene: Oh, yeah.

Dealer's got shoes. The point's nine.

Let's get that. A six and a three, a five and a four,

Let's do it. Can we get it? Can we get it? Come on.

- We got a shooter. - ( cheering )

Hi, Bernie.

Man: Fucking rock star!

( Mikey chuckles ) Give me them dice back.

Okay, pay me, moron, pay me. Come on!

- Mikey: $9,000, $9,000. - Give him $9,000.

Mikey: We're on a streak here. Move it, move it, move it.

Charlene: God bless you all.

Mikey: Point is nine. Point is nine.

Let me get all the hard ways for ''Team Moron'' here, okay? All right.

- Charlene: This is great! - Mikey: For you guys, all right?

- Here we go. - Charlene: Come on.

- Six and three. Five and four. - Charlene: This is for the baby.

Mikey: Come on.

( all cheering )

Charlene: Oh, oh, careful!

Come on, guys, with the cigarettes. We've got a pregnant woman here.

Put them out. l'm winning you guys money. Come on!

Come on. All right.

What gives?

He's up 18,000 since l stepped up to the table.

Sorry, Shelly. l'm kind of hit-or-miss these days.

- $9,000, $9,000. Oh, baby. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. l can feel a kick.

( Shelly thinking ) Fucking amateurs.

Charlene: Let's get it. Let's get it!

- ( group moans ) - Stickman: Nope. That's it. Line away.

Guys, l thank you. My pregnant wife thanks you.

My unborn child thanks you very much, okay?

Color me up, will you?

And keep one of these little blue ones for yourself.

Thank you very much.

That's quite a run you had there, champ.

( laughing ) Oh, yeah, lucky!

- Lucky night, l guess, huh? - lt's so exciting to watch, too.

lf you don't mind, l'd like to settle this in my office.

l don't like to lay out that kind of cash on the floor.

We'll go up there, relax a bit, have a drink, name your poison,

a little apple juice for the mother-to-be here.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

- Should l take this stuff with me? - No.

( softly ) Yeah...

Okay, that is not how l propose we handle this.

We turn this matter over to the authorities.

They'll be blacklisted, their credit ruined--

Then, l suppose l should stick a fucking lollipop in their mouths

for the ride home, huh?

Let me tell you something, ''Harvard,'' come upstairs with me in my office,

watch and learn how to protect your investments the old-school way.


Mikey: Ow, ow, ow... ow!

Shelly: All right. Here we go everybody. Let's go.

Shelly? Shelly! Shelly, wait a second.

Charlene: Get offme! No!

Shelly, wait. Wait! Don't, don't. Don't do this.

Stay out ofthis, Bernie. lt's got nothing to do with you.

lt's got everything to do with me. He's my son.

Him? This little prick is your son?

- Pop, you've got to help me out here. - Shut up!

What are you talking about? Wait, wait. Are you in on this?

- Huh? - What!?

l asked you a fucking question. You come clean with me now.

No! For God's sake, what's the matter with you?

l didn't know nothing about this!

Shithead here is your son?

( Charlene moans )

Let me ask you a question.

How much you think their two lives are worth?

Myself, l don't think they're worth piss, but hey, he ain't my kid.

This shithead was up 150 G's down there.

That's 150 grand that somebody's got to account for.

What do you say you cover them both, 75 apiece, huh?

Come on, Shelly. They didn't get away with the money.

- You haven't lost nothing. - Go to work.

- Mikey: Pop! Pop! - No, wait! Come on!

- Jesus! - Wait.

Bernie: All right, all right. God damn it. All right.

All right, all right. l'm good for it. $150 G's.

- l'm good for it. - ( Charlene moaning )

- Natalie: lt's all right, honey. - Oh, my God, the contractions.

- l need to go to the hospital. - Come on, Shelly.

Oh, for God's sake, Shelly. Will you help her out?

- That's my grandkid. - ( screams )

Oh, my God, that's right. That's Bernie's grandchild in there.

You all right, sweetheart? You need to go to the hospital, huh?

- Uh-huh. - l'll bet you do.

( screaming )

- Jesus! - Charlene!

( ripping, screams )

Hey, everybody look, lt's a boy!

Oh, can you believe this? Bernie, you have a grandson!

( laughter)

Shelly: Bernie's got a little grandson!

lsn't he cute? lsn't he cute? l think he looks like you, Bernie.

- What do you think? - ( laughter continues )

A nice healthy grandson. Want to hold your grandson, Bernie? Huh?

Break out the champagne, everybody. Bernie's a grandfather.

You still want to make good on this?

lf you want to change your mind, l don't blame you.

l'll make it up to you, Pop. l swear.

l'm good for it.

- All right, up on the table, right now! - Mikey: Whoa, whoa whoa--

Wait a second. Shelly, we had a deal!

$150 G's buys their lives.

This is a little slap on the wrist to remember me by.

- Mikey: Wait, wait. - Bernie: No, no!

- ( screams ) - Jesus, Shelly, no!

- Come on. - ( screaming )

( howls, cries )

Fuck! l brought this on myself.

l planted the seeds.

When Angela had run off with Mikey, l didn't--

l never made--

l never made an effort to get back in his life.

l figured...

the kid don't need a fucking loser for a father.

And now it's come full circle.

l give him the money, l open the door to all this.

This-- l got this coming to me. This is-- this is payback.

( slow piano jazz music plays )

Are you done beating yourself up, Bernie?

# My funny Valentine #

# Sweet comic Valentine #

# You... #

# Make me smile with my heart #

# Your looks are laughable #

# Unphotographable #

# Yet... #

# You're my favorite work ofart... #

Bernie... are you awake?

( brief grunt )

l think that...

l love you.


l don't think.

l'm pretty sure of it.

You blindsided me, Bernie Lootz.

l never saw it coming.

You shouldn't do that to a girl.

There's so many things you don't know,

that you should know.

Oh, fuck, l don't want to ruin this.

lt-- it don't matter.

lt don't matter what you come clean about,

it's not gonna change the way l feel about you.

lt's not.

Natalie, l...

- l'd say it, but... - Say it, just say it.

No, with my rotten luck--

Don't-- fuck rotten luck, Bernie. That's over.

l love you, Natalie.

l really, really love you.

( meowing )

( meowing continues )


You came back?

( Trixie meows )

( uptempo music plays )

# What a day this has been #

# What a rare mood l'm in #

# Why, it's almost like being in love #

( whistling )

# There's a smile on my face #

# For the whole human race #

# l would swear l am falling in love... #

Tell Bernie to go to table six.

# All the music oflife seems to be #

# Like a bell that is ringing for me #

# And from the way that l feel #

# When the bells start to peal #

# l would swear l am falling #

# l can swear that l'm falling #

# Well, it's almost like being in love... #

( laughing )

Hostess on P.A.: Lovett, party ofsix, your table is ready.

Duty calls.


Yes! ( laughing )

(people cheering, bells ringing )

( woman squeals )

# All the music oflife seems to be #

# Like a bell that is ringing for me #

# And from the way that l feel #

# When the bells start to peal #

# l would swear l am falling #

# l can swear that l'm falling #

# Well, it's almost like being... #

# Well, it's almost like being in love. #

Hey, Shelly, check it out. The new ''Mega Million.''

l call her ''Marnie.''

You know, 'cause she's one frigid broad.

You want to tell me what's going on out there?

- l don't know. - What do you mean you don't know?

We're down almost a mil out there. Doesn't that seem strange to you?

l guess l'm having an off day.

No, no, no. You don't have off days, Lootz.

You're shitty luck incarnate. What's wrong?

You coming down with something? You have this look about you.

No, no, l'm fine. As a matter of fact, l've never been better.

- Give it a shot. - What's that supposed to mean?

She loves me, Shelly. She told me last night. Natalie.

( siren wails, bell rings )

Should l get her flowers or candy?

What is happening to you?

l think flowers.

Sweet Jesus! You popped her cherries!

Shut the fuck up!

- Man: l'll stay. - Natalie: Scotch on the rocks.

- Here you go, babe. - Thanks.

Hi, Tone.

( knocking )

Hi, Shell.

Do you believe those fucking kids yesterday?

Don't worry about them, because you and l have other problems now.

You have really fucked things up big time, let me tell you.

l hired you to be his ''cooze'' companion,

not the true love of his fucking life.

But no,

you have to go and get all profound on the poor schmuck.

''l love you, Bernie.''

What the hell were you thinking? Those four words of endearment

have cost this casino one million and counting today.

l don't understand what that means.

Lady Luck.

You've heard of ''Lady Luck,'' haven't you?

- Yeah. - That's what's going on out there.

Lootz is Kryptonite on a stick.

He should have them throwing ice cubes right now,

but instead l've got a meltdown on my hands.

So here's the situation: you are out ofhis life, before he even gets home.

Don't even tell him to his face. Leave him a note.

l'm gonna make some calls and you're gonna be situated at anotherjoint.

l don't think l can do that, Shell.

Excuse me?

( louder ) l said...

l don't think l can do that, Shell.

lt wasn't an act.

l meant it.

- You love him? - Yeah.

l love the schmuck.

What the fuck is there to love?

He's a loser. Always has been, always will be.

l thought you were a smart cookie when l picked you out.

You do not want to fuck with me.

Because if you do, your next john

is going to be a fucking rattlesnake in the fucking desert.

- Do you understand me? - Yeah.

Get out of here.

( sobbing softly )

Hey, Natalie.

lt doesn't matter.

Man: Look. A six-card 21?

- ( players moan ) - Man: Please!

(players moan )

# Can l steal a little love? #

# Yeah, let me raid a little love. #

( applause, screams )

Thank you, thank you. You guys are too kind.

This next song l'd like to do for you is dedicated to a friend over there.

Brianna, this one's for you.

l want you to tell me the truth, Shelly.

Did you say something to Natalie? Did you muscle her?

Jesus, Bernie. ls that what you think? That l would fuck with your happiness?

That hurts me.

( mutters ) l don't know.

( Capella singing ballad )

This guy is all flash. No soul.

l miss Buddy. lt's just not the same around here.

Buddy was tired.

l gave him the easy way out. Things could have been so much worse.

''Gave him the easy way out''? What are you talking about? He--

Buddy never would have taken the buyout.

He would have stuck to his guns right to the end.

They would have ended up hurting him. l could not allow that to happen.

Jesus. You--

you sit here and you justify it like you're Dr. Kevorkian or something?

Hey, listen to me.

l loved that son of a bitch, but his time was up.

What was l supposed to do, leave him to those corporate fucking scumbags?

What l did was a humanitarian thing, that l have no doubt about.

And afterwards l held him in my arms and l cried like a fucking baby.


What is this fucking look you're giving me now? What is that, huh?

Televangelist: There are the sins ofthe flesh.

There are the sins ofthe gambling halls...

- be it dice or in some cases, - ( knocking on door)

''the devil's thumbpapers. ''

Let's take off tonight.

l can't do that. l have an obligation to Shelly. He--

Fuck Shelly.

He doesn't give a shit about you, Bernie.

Let's just climb in your car

and drive the hell out of here tonight.

l can't do that, Natalie.

He'd come after me,

because you're with me.

l can't have that on me.

( softly ) Okay.


- Stickman: Winner! - ( cheering )

( cheering )

( screaming )

( screaming ) Shelly! Shelly!

You have no fucking right!

Shelly, you got no fucking right!

Shelly, l tried. l couldn't do it.

Shelly-- Shelly--

l can't leave, Shell.

Shell, l love him. Doesn't that mean anything to you?

You heartless fuck.

l thought--

Bastard! l thought he was your friend.

Who do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?

( screaming ) You're nobody!

l could make you disappear like that

and not one fucking person would miss you.

- Not one fucking person! - Bernie would!

He loves me.

He loves me...

and that kills you, doesn't it, Shell?

That kills you! That kills you, doesn't it?

He was your only friend

and you crippled him.

You crippled him

and he still stood by you, but no more, Shell.

The only friends you've got now are the fucking guys on your payroll.

You don't own me anymore, Shelly, and you don't own Bernie.

We're leaving here tonight. l am taking him

and there is not a fucking thing that you can do about it!

- And you will be all alone! - ls that right?

( screaming )

( screaming )

( sobbing )

l love him.


Don't turn the light on. l got a headache.

Did you take something? l've got aspirin, l've got--

Yeah, l already took something.


Oh, shit.

Natalie, what-- what happened to the mirror?

- Natalie? - ( Natalie moans )

No, Bernie, don't. Oh, shit-- Bernie!

Jesus Christ.

Natalie, who did this to you? We've got to call the police.

- l thought, ''Easy money.'' - What are you talking about?


He paid me to get close to you,

to keep you around.


Yeah. Shelly.

You were right that first night.

l was for sale.

Bought and paid for.

You were the ''easy mark,'' Bernie.

At first l thought that you were

just another way to make a quick buck, you know?

And then l started to take a closer look.

And for the first time,

you were somebody who wasn't trying to hustle me,

somebody who wasn't trying to pretend he was someone he wasn't.

Just a decent guy, trying to get back on track.

And it didn't hurt any that you put me up on a pedestal.

lt sure puts the gutter in perspective.

Shelly paid you?

Shelly wants me gone.

He says l bring you luck.

''Lady Luck. ''

l stayed to tell you to your face...

and l knew you wouldn't want me no more and l could just go.

We've got to get you to the hospital. We'll talk about this later.

Tell me again, Bernie. Tell me everything's gonna be okay.

Everything's gonna be fine.

This is our time. This is you and me and we're going for it.

Oh, my God.


You look in the mirror, you don't like what you see, don't believe it.

Look in my eyes.

l am the only mirror you're ever gonna need.

You look into my eyes, Natalie.

Bernie, Bernie, wait, wait.

Your chart that first night--

l wasn't being straight with you. lt is the worst chart l've ever seen.

There's nothing in the cards for you, l'm telling you.

No, don't you see? That was before.

That was before you opened up your heart to me.

Everything's different now. l got Lady Luck on my side.

Nothing's gonna happen to me.


Here. Look, l got $3,000 he paid me.

Maybe Shelly will take it as a down payment,

and we can pay in installments, when we get settled, okay?

- l don't think $3,000-- - Come on, take it, Bernie!

( Shelly talking )

...street vendors in your face. l walk up there, l'd want to shoot myself.

l suppose you'd like that freak show, huh, Harvard?

Marty: Yeah, l do.

lt brings people downtown into the casino. That is good for business.

- Oof! - Hey!

You lay another finger on her, l swear to God, l'll kill you.

Are you listening to me? l will fucking kill you.

Why, Shelly?

How could you do that to her?

Because l never let go of a good thing, Bernie,

and you are a very, very good thing.

The best cooler there ever was and l need him back.

He ain't never coming back.

That is a dead man talking.


l'm done with this joint, Natalie and me.

We are out of here. l'll get a job out in the world.

l'll send you half my paycheck every month.

- l'll make good on my commitment. - Bernie, if you bail on me,

they're gonna throw your fucking ass off the roof of this building

snatch the broad, and throw her right the fuck on top of you.

l don't think so, 'cause if you whack me,

then Bernie Lootz ain't the biggest loser in the world no more.

That honor is gonna rest upon you, Shelly.

- And maybe you had it all along. - l'm the loser?

What do you got, other than this joint?

- What more do l need? - You got nothing.

This place-- your legacy, it's a mirage.

You turn your back, it don't even exist.

There's no night, there's no day,

it's just one big fucking blur and it don't count for nothing.

- You believe this fucking guy? - ( thugs laughing )

l feel sorry for you, Shelly.

You're the worst kind of gambler there is,

too scared to throw his chips on the table.

Too scared to extend any real kind of friendship.

Always scared he's gonna end up out in the desert.

Well, sweet fucking dreams, pal. l'm out.

lf that's where it ends,

that's where it ends.

Jesus Christ, that's such a fucking touching speech, Bernie.

All that Jimmy Stewart bullshit,

l got such a lump in my throat, l can't tell you.

But it doesn't change a thing.

lf you don't make good on my 150 G's, l'm gonna close the books on you.

You and the broad.

You leave me no choice.

Change only.

Dealer: Change.


Yo, 11, pay the line.

Winner, seven.

Stickman: Six easy. Easy way six.

( crowd murmuring )

- Stickman: Winner. Front line. - (applause )

Hey, Shelly, take a look at number four.

- ( applause ) - Winner.

Stickman: Okay, folks, we're coming out now.

Hold bets, curb checks, C&E is 11.

Man: Come on, man, make me some money.

Winner, seven.

What the fuck is going on here? Where have you been?

- Not now. - Bullshit. Shut him down right now.

- Shut him down or l will. - Not here.

Come take a walk with me.

What is your interest in this, Shelly? Because you know what l see?

l see your guy taking us to the fucking cleaners, and l'll tell you one thing.

He's not leaving here with a fucking dime.

( screaming )

Now listen to me, you little Harvard turd.

Lootz is all right,

so he's walking out of here with everything he's got coming to him.

lf you so much as touch one fucking hair on his fucking head,

l'm gonna fucking wallpaper this fucking bathroom with your fucking ass,

do you understand me? Muted tones, isn't that what you said?

Huh? l can't hear you.

Wait, wait a minute. There it is.

- ( gags ) - Blended in, at a subsonic level,

like some kind of mantra,

''Pain, pain, pain.''

- ( bone snaps ) - ( screaming )


( applause )

Man #1 : Come on, come on.

Man #2: Big roll. Big roll, buddy.

Man: Here we go, here we go.

Man: He must be up over 100 grand!

- Gray craps, line away. - ( crowd gasps )

Stickman: Here we go.

Stickman: Okay.

Man: Hit it again. Come on.

( crowd clapping )

Man: Come on now. Come on.

- 12 craps. Line away. 12 craps. - ( crowd gasps )

- ( crowd murmuring ) - Man: What the fuck? Not all ofit!

Bernie: $80,000.

On the field? ls he fucking crazy?

- Woman: Don't do it. - ( crowd clapping )

Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God.

lt's all right, right?

You guys worked it out and he took the money? lt's okay, right?

( ringing )

( ringing continues )

( ringing continues, knocking )

You want me to get that, Shelly?

( ringing continues )

( ringing continues )

Bernie? Can you tell me what happened?

( deep sigh )

Yeah. Yeah.

( panting )

Why-- why are we stopping, Bernie?

l think-- l think-- Oh, God damn.

What the fuck happened in there?

What? What?

- What! - Look. Look.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Natalie, l won. l won. - Oh, my God!

- How much!? How much!? - A lot.

Bahamas, here we come.

( laughing, siren blurts )

( tapping ) Step out of the car, please.

- What's the problem, Officer? - Step out of the car, both of you.

Officer, my driving, it--

l'm sorry if we were driving a little fast, we're a bit excited.

We won a shitload of money at the Shangri-La.

You didn't win nothing.

Now both of you, turn around. Get down on your knees.


Jesus Christ, Bern, Jesus Christ.

The kid just wants you should know, Shelly,

he's just protecting our investment...

...the old-school way.

l'll see you around, my friend.

l knew it was too good to be true.

Who were we kidding?

(gun hammer clicks )

( loud crash, dull thump )

lt's a drunk driver.

This is just-- this is just freaky luck.

lt was freaky accident.

Gentlemen, l want to thank you for your vote ofconfidence.

As the new director of casino operations,

l want to make a personal guarantee to each and every one of you

that your investment in the Golden Shangri-La will be well looked after.

The future looks very bright, gentlemen.

Very, very bright.

Donated by SergeiK