Daddy And Them Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Daddy And Them script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Billy Bob Thornton and Laura Dern movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Daddy And Them. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Daddy And Them Script





[Kids Laughing, Shouting]



[Woman Screams]



Come on!

Come here!



No! I'm gonna do it!

I swear I will!



Let me go!

Stop it!



Stop it!



- Stop it!

- I'm telling you!



- Give me that!

- Ow! Ow.



- Give it to... Ow!

- Drop it!



- You're gonna cut both of us!

- What do you care?



You said you was gonna

kill yourself anyway.



- Stop it. Ow!

- Give it to me!



Give me that glass of piece!

It's dangerous!



It's a piece of glass.

You said glass of piece.



- Well, give it to me.

I don't care what I said.

- Ow!



Come on.

And get up.



- Quit actin' silly.

- Ow!



If I can cut that thing

right off your arm...



then I might have

a reason to live.



You're the one that told me

to get it covered up.



Talk to that dopehead

that done it.



He's the one that told me

it was artistic to do it that way...



pointy, not blocky.



Well, it's still a rose.



Crossed out name or not,

   hours a day a rose.



And to top it off, you got that feather

or whatever down by your crotch.



I know it's just a cover-up job

that's hidin' your true feelings.



What if I had your brother's

name tattooed by my deal?



A sex reminder every time

you went to fool with me.



That's how I live every day

of my life, rain or shine.



Honey, a rose

is just a symbol...



that represents a flower

called a rose.



And you ought to be damn proud

that I covered her name up

with a feather that way...



'cause I done it for you

out of love.






I stayed on your ass is the only reason

you fixed any of it.



And the only reason you got

that one that means "God"...



is to take my attention

off of her being all over you!



I didn't necessarily say it meant "God."

That one guy in there

said it meant "God."



The other guy said it was a weed whacker

on a Communist flag or somethin'.



And they don't even

believe in God... orJesus.



Honey, I jus picked i off

a picure on he wall...



'cause i called ou

o me cosmic.



And you know I'd put your name

on me anytime, anywhere.



I don't want it!

You think I wanna be just like her?



Thanks, and no hanks.



Thanks, and no thanks!

Thanks, and no thanks!

Thanks, and no thanks!



Communists don't believe

in God orJesus?






I heard they're short

on toilet paper too.



How do you know that?



That guy I used to work with,

the one I told you about...



till this tractor run over him

and killed him?






He told me.



I'll be dogged.



I didn' know abou ha.



Come on, baby.

Let's go in the house.






Hey, look.



Does my belly look flat

as it did yesterday?



- Of course it does.

- Are you sure? Because it feels bloated.



Sugar, it's not.

Come on.



You'll have to promise me

that you won't leave me if I get fat.



[Kids Shouting]



Hand me them candy corn,

will you, sugar?



- Sure, baby.

- Thank you, baby.



Honey, it ain't that I don't

wanna go see your mama.



It's that we can't afford

to go to Nashville and back.

I done told you that.



I akes gas money

o go places.



You don't wanna go see my mama 'cause

you hate her. I bet if Rose wanted...



Oh, come on.

Don't start that shit with me again.



Well, what if I used to fuck your

brother? You wouldn't like that a bit.



I didn't used to fuck your sister.

She was my girlfriend.



- We didn't fuck.

- You didn't fuck her?



Of course I fucked her!

She's my girlfriend!



You know what I mean by that.



All your mama's gonna do is talk

about your damn old boyfriends.



- Here we go. Mm-hmm.

- How great they were.



I'm sick and tired of

hearin' them damn stories.



I've heard 'em a hundred times.

And they were idiots, every one of'em!



Oh, so I'm such a dumb-ass,

I went with idiots all the time?



- Hey, you said it, honey.

- You like to hurt

my feelings, don't you?



Okay, you're not a dumb-ass.

I'm sorry.



But they were fuckin' idiots.



Every las one of'em

was lile-dicked idios.!



Muscle men, half of'em,

which I know you like.



Fuck every one of'em.!



- You hate my whole family, don't you?

- I love your family.



Does that mean

I have to love yours?



Honey, you're gonna have to quit

actin' like you're gonna kill yourself.



It's embarrassin'.



- You know he neighbors

alk abou us, don' you?

- You fucked my sister!



You was    years old!



Did you want me

to get thrown in jail?



- I couldn't fuck you,

could I? Back then?

- [Telephone Ringing]



- It's on the washer. Where's my brush?

- [Ringing Coninues]






You're shittin' me.



- Is J.C. Livin'here now?

- [Clears Throat]



Okay. All righ.



We'll call you a   :  . Bye.



- [Replaces Receiver]

- Who was it?



Honey, it was my daddy.



Uncle Hazel's been thrown in jail

for armed robbery.



- What?

- Yeah.



We're gonna have to go to Little Rock.

His bail's pretty high.



- Uncle Hazel?

- Yeah.



Well, what's he doin' committin'

a crime like armed robbery?



I don't know, honey.



[Claude] Can you slice

ha bologna a lile hinner?



You know how Ruby is

abou hin mea for sandwiches.



Well, it's pretty thin.



Hey, Dewey,

is bologna pretty lean?



- I think so.

- I mean, fat content-wise?



Oh, it's good, it's good.






What do you say we just

put it on ticket, Dewey?



[Clears Throat]

Well, now, Claude...



you-your bill's pretty darn high

right now as it is...



and you ain't paid so much as a nickel

on it as long as I can remember.



Now if you'd, you know, just pay

a little somethin' on it every month...



so it looked like

you're tryin'...



is all.



That's easy

for you to say.



You're self-employed.



You don't have to work for the county

for five and a quarter an hour.



I have to feed a woman

that acts like...



there ain't gonna be no more food

and is skinny as a rail.



I don't get it. She ordered

a goddamn C.O.D. Elephant.



- A ceramic elephant. C.O.D.

- Now...



Her signature was right on it.

You don't know what it's like, man.



Claude, you oughtn't take

the Lord's name in vain...



when you're talkin' to

a deacon of the church, now.



You've just went to pot ever since

your folks moved up Little Rock.



- Your daddy paid his bills.

- I tell you what, then.



You just keep your damn

thick-ass bologna. Here.



- No-No... Claude.

- There you go. Keep it.



Keep it!

I don't give a shit!



You just sit here

in your air-conditioned store...



while I cut weeds

and fill potholes.



And your church

can kiss my ass.



The only reason y'all go to church

is to show off new clothes.



Don't think I don't know

about stuff like that.



And you don't give a shit




Jesus was a carpenter.

He was like me.



He worked for a livin',

buildin' chairs.



[Clears Throat]



Are you still

an alcoholic, Claude?



Can you slice me

another pound of bologna?



She'll have my ass if I don't bring it

home. We're goin' on a trip.



How come she's gotta come down here at

all? Ain't her people locked up in jail.



Honey, the whole family's

gonna be there.



Now, your daddy and them

is my family, and vice versa.



Other words,

Mama and Rose is your family.



My folks should be involved

in any big-time situations.



In other words,

a crisis situation.



But how come we have to wait for her

to come all the way from Nashville...



to ride    miles?



Why don't she just go to Little Rock?

We'll done be there and meet her.



Honey, it's what she wants.

She ain't gettin' any younger.



- You know all she'll talk about

is your damn ex-boyfriends.

- Here we go.



- Who wants to listen to

that shit in their right mind?

- You hate her, plain and simple.



It ain't gonna take her no hour anyway.

She's flyin' on an airplane.



Flyin' on an airplane?



Now, see there? She can afford

to fly down here on an airplane.



We can't even afford

some damn bologna...



- and candy... dreams

or whatever they are.

- Candy corn.



Wait a minute.

We ain't got no airport.






In Little Rock.



Well, yeah, in Little Rock.

That's my point.



She'll be flyin' into Little Rock.

It's the only place to fly into.



She'll done be there.



Honey, she's got somethin' she wants to

talk to us about on the ride up there.



She's gonna get a taxicab in Little Rock

to bring her out here.



Then she's gonna ride up to Little Rock

with us so she can talk to us.



See? Want some candy corn?



- That rash I get.

- Oh, yeah.



Y'all are wired different,

you and your mama.



- There's something off about you.

Your common sense is off.

- Honey...



Hey, baby, will you...



Will you rub my foot, while we're

waitin' for Mama and them, with Jergens?



Mama and them who?



Mama and them, Rose.

Rose is comin' too.



She is?



Don't act so damn happy

just 'cause you fucked her.



You're a sacrilegious person,

you know that?



I've explained

and explained to you.



If it's your girlfriend, you don't call

it fuckin'. Now, don't call it fuckin'.



You're hurtin' my foot.



So you don't mind ridin' up

to Little Rock all the way

in the car with me and Rose?



She is my sister,

and I love her!



I just don't like it

that you fucked her!



And I call it fucking,

'cause that's what you did!



Look what you did.



You wanna play

some cards or dominoes?



You know me and dominoes.



I sure do, baby.



- Y'all go to church today, honey?

- It's Saturday, Mom.



- Wha are you gonna do

abou work, Claude?

- What do you mean?



Well, what kind of work are you doing

now, Claude? You switch around so much.



How come Uncle Hazel

would rob a liquor store?



Ruby says that you are doin'

some kind of forestry work?



It wasn't a liquor store,

was it, honey?



I'm cuttin' weeds for the county.

No, honey, it was one

of them quick-stop marts.



- How come he married

a psychiatrist, reckon?

- I thought it was a foot doctor.



- Mm-mmm. Apsychiaris.

- She's from England

or something, I believe.



What's the difference between

a psychiatrist and a psychologist?



Well, one of'em can give you dope

and the other one can't.



That's what I heard.

Downers and uppers.



Claude, if you hadn't left

poor Rose...



you'd be with her right now

ridin' to Little Rock.



- Don' her hairdo look good?

- Mama.



I left him.

He didn't leave me.



- Tha ain' he way you old i before.

- Jewel...



in the name of God, please give me

some peace about that.



- I was en years ago.

- Poor thing's had ulcers ever since.



Hello! I'm here!

I happen to be his wife, Mama!



- Ain' you go any manners?

- I didn't mean anything by it, honey.



I was jus braggin'

on your siser's hair.



Would've gotten the color part done too,

except I had to buy these shoes.



What do you think, Claude?



Looks good. What's that? Some kind of

little strawberries or somethin' on it?



Ruby, who was that boy...



that you thought

got you pregnant at camp...



Goddamn it!



I am sick of that shit. Ain't you got

somethin' else better to talk about?



It turned out

she wasn't pregnant anyhow.






[Ice Claering]



[Pounding Icebox]



Y'all can have it.



I'm jus gonna

ge ou ofhere...



and y'all can drive

o Daddy and hem's...



or go to Nashville,

whatever you wanna do.



I'm gonna go to the bus station

at Arkadelphia and just go

on a bus the rest of the way.



Ain't you gonna

go after him?



Not when he's like that.

It won't do no good.



Gets them dead eyes.

You can't talk to him.



If he was mine,

I'd go get him.



- You kiss my ass.

- You gonna drive or you want me to?



If I don't go on a diet and lose

my rear end, I'm gonna kill myself.



[Insecs Buzzing]



- [Rock His Car]

- [Tires Screeching]






Oh, shit.



- Figured you'd be in here

this time of night.

- Hey.



- You and her have a fight?

- Yeah.



- Need a ride?

- Yeah.






How's it goin', Al?



Who is that?



That's that psychologist

Hazel married.






I wondered

what she looked like.



- I guess that's it, then.

- Mm-hmm.



Yeah, well,

I'm gonna go to bed.



Well, some of y'all wake me up

to eat in the mornin'.



She looks kind of English,

don't she?






Ruby's in there in my room

if you're lookin' for her.



How are you gettin' along,




Oh, I stay nervous

just about all the time.



Yeah, me too.






- Hi.

- Hi, sugar.



Hey, baby.



How come everybody else

is asleep and you're not?



Do you like this color

fingernail polish?



- I can't hardly see it, can you?

- Yeah.



You know, I feel as good

as I've felt in a long time.



That's good, honey.



Boy, Hazel's wife

sure looks English, don't she?



I took a bath

and washed my hair.



I like to sit with an open window

with my hair wet...



fiddle around with little things

like fingernail polish.



- It's like a little hobby, you know?

- Yeah.



I like to be clean,

don't you?



Oh, yeah, sure.

Well, you gotta be clean.






I like to be up when

there ain't nobody else up.



Feels like

the whole world's asleep.



Can't nothin' get you

or bother you, you know?



Well, it seems to me that's

when everything can get you.



That's when folks

get knocked in the head...



and shot and cut up

and everything... at night.



But I don't wanna think about

things like that right now.



So if you're gonna keep talkin'

about it, you're gonna have

to sleep on the couch.



I don't think so. Besides that,

that Englishwoman's on the couch.



Oh, yeah.



Ain't you gonna ask me

how I've been?



Well, I thought maybe

you'd ask me how I'd been.



Well, I've had a belly full of gas

all day. That's how I've been.



Oh. Yeah.



Boy, you got

a pretty foot, honey.



Thank you, baby.



You don't reckon we can find

someplace to fuck around here...



where there ain't

nobody layin', do you?



Well, it's a nice night

out tonight.



There's about six or eight car hoods

in the front yard.



- You're so fond of that.

- Yeah, I am.



Plus, I just love the way you look

in the light of the moon.



This ain't the time of the month

when it's easier for you to have

a little old baby, is it?



No, I don't think so.



Would you still love me

if I was gonna have a baby...



and got to be

a big fat lady?



Of course I would, baby.



I wouldn't care

what you looked like.



You're my baby.



Plus, it'd be like that

famous quotation, you know:



"There'd be more than

twice of you to love."



I believe Ben Franklin

or one of'em said it.



Some of them bunch that

signed the constitution.



I never heard that.



How you been, honey?



Fine. You?



It's been a long day.



[Snoring Continues]



- Claude.

- Oh, yeah. Well, I guess.



Mama made that little-bitty sausage

for breakfast. Y'all better come on.



It's funny you to bring up meat

right off the bat that way.



I was havin' a dream that there was

a recall on some meat somewhere.



I believe i mus've been California.

Everybody was blonde-headed.



It might've been Switzerland

or one of them places then.



Yeah. Yeah, maybe.



But the sun was out.



Well, it probably

was California then.



Or Florida.






- we'll be in in a minute.

- [Jewel] Oh, boy.



I slept so good

in that bed last night.



Well, I know one thing.

You slept on most of it.



You didn't leave me

but two foot to sleep on.



How'd you sleep

last night, O.T.?



Not worth a shit 'cause

of all that racket outside.



Don' hink I didn' know you ook

lile Rose o bed on op of my car.



Well, Daddy, what'd you expect me to do?

We had a full house.



Why don't you try to keep your horse

in the barn for a couple of nights...



till your Uncle Hazel gets out from

under all them charges he's up against.



Tha ain' no kind of respec.



So you know, O.T.,

that was me...



makin' love to my husband.



He quit Rose

quite a while back.



Why don't you

correct somebody for once?



Oh, Claude was just sayin'

last night...



Isn't Rose pretty?



Goddamn you, Mama.



Claude was just sayin'

last night, Julia...



that you sure look English.



I was, and you do.



- You just look English.

Don't she? She looks English.

- You do. She looks English.



How come none of us was invied

o you and Hazel's wedding, Julia?



Well, we just had a quick ceremony

down at the courthouse...



with witnesses,

not a proper religious ceremony.



- Your parents were there.

- [Woman] Well, wejus figured...



we'd be invited, you know,

being family and all.



I'm a massage therapist and a health

and fitness nut, you know.



Max here,

he works for the Gazee.



Gazee Democra now.

He's from Chicago.



I'm really sorry. We just did it

rather suddenly, you know.



We just kind of got

our feelings hurt.



I mean, God, Hazel

is my uncle, after all.



I mean, he was always sayin' how pretty

and how sexy he thought I was.



Well, no in he gross way.




Speakin'of gross, Billy...



this woman is from England.



Do you want her to think all Americans

are whiny-assed little shits like you?



- Is that what you want?

- [Claps]



- [Chittering]

- Daddy And ThemDaddy And Them [Pop]



Reckon we can sop a

Pizza Boy after church?



I have to go see Uncle Hazel

in jail after church.



Sure like me some pizza.




Well, let's see, I guess...



I guess maybe

we'd better take two cars.



We're not Methodists.

Me and the girls, we can stay here.



And we'll meet up after church with ya.

Ruby can drive their car.



And you jus go on and you jus ake

Alvin and your mama and daddy.



- That's four of ya.

- And Bill and Max in theirs.

That works out.



- Jus go.

- Now, that's not right, little Rose.



You need to go to church

with Claude.



A woman needs o be

in church wih her husband.



I just wish everybody'd

get on the same page.




Thank you, Jesus.



We'd like to keep the Montgomery

family in our prayers...



as O.T.'s brother, Hazel...



was incarcerated recently...






I believe it was burglary,

wasn't it, O.T.?



- Armed robbery.

- Armed robbery, then.



You don't have to tell

the whole town, Daddy.



Brother Rush, would you

strike something up for us?



Then you tell him to get hisself

back out there and fix it.



- Well... Little...

- [Telephone Ringing]



- How'd he like to have his

ass whooped? Tell him that.

- [Metal Detector Beeping]



Y'all stay off

my hind end back there.



- I'm goin' as fast as I can.

- [Beeping]



Ain't nothin' for me to whoop

a plumber's ass, I guarantee ya.



- [Beeping Continues]

- Well, at least this is a clean jail.



I guarantee you...

Bring him back out there.



We'll have a squared-off place for him.

I'll just take care of him

right then and there.



Hey, listen...

Hey, y'all...



you can't just walk through here

like that, pretty as you please.



Get back over here.

I got to check you out.



- Hey, y'all.

- [All Chattering]



- Here's your wife.

- [Chuckling]



Uh, Hazel, are you gettin' along

all right in here?



- Yeah, it's all right.

- Can you... Can you sleep pretty good?



- Yeah, all right.

- Yeah?



That's a hell of a thing to watch

a big brother and a baby brother...



talkin' to one another

on the jailhouse phone.



- Huh?

- I said...



it's a hell of a thing to see

a big brother and a baby brother...



- talkin' to one another

on a jailhouse phone.

- Yeah.



I'm sorry that

everything's greasy.



- Take a towel or somethin'

and wipe it off.

- Yeah.



Somethin' about a jail

gets me kind of horny...



even in the movies.



What do you mean?



- You mean because there's men in here?

- No, baby.



- You mean 'cause there's men in here...

- No.



And they're built up and they're

muscle men, and you like that.



- I do not.

- That's exactly what you're

talking about, isn't it?



- So I guess I'd better

get built up more...

- [Sighs]



To keep you from runnin' off

with a goddamn criminal.



Claude and little Rose...



drove all he way

from Arkadelphia...



One of these days I'm gonna do it,

Claude. You watch and see.



Honey, you know Daddy's senile. He knows

damn well we don't live in Arkadelphia.






Good morning.






They usually don't come in

on a Sunday.



- Hello. Welcome, everyone.

- Hello.



- Come on in. Here we go. Hi.

- Come on in.



Hi. I'm Lawrence Bowen.

This is my wife, Elaine.




I'm actually a partner.



In the firm.

I'm not just his partner in life.



Yes, that's right. We're Mr...

We're Mr. Montgomery's attorneys.



Yes, and they would know that.



Sure they would.




Uh, obviously, Julie and I have gotten

to know one another quite well...



as this thing, you know,

has gone on.



- And I assume that, uh,

that the rest of us...

- I've gotten to know Julia too...



- get acquainted as time goes on.

- Because there are two of us.



- Great.

- You see, we... we just had brunch...



Lawrence and I.



Okay, well,

I thought that, uh...



we'd get started by just

getting to know one another...



and letting you know

where we are thus far...



Lawrence, perhaps...

they might like to sit down first.



Uh, you see,

Lawrence is from Chicago.



- So sometimes his manners slip a little.

- [Chuckling]



I'm Canadian.

Enough said.



- Please, sit down.

- Yeah.



- Please.

- Go on and have a seat.



[All Chattering]



- Why don't you sit in the middle?

- This seat, sir.



- That's fine right there.

- It's very comfortable.



- Are you going to sit down?

- Jewel, you sit over here.



Okay. What about

his wifeJulia?



- Well, she's been here before.

- No, I'm okay.



- It's perfectly all right.

- I love your hat.



I'm not very comfy.



- Thank you.

- Sure.



I'd like to start by, uh,

just saying that...



we have started

formulating our case.



I'm actually

the head of the firm.



I brought Lawrence in

when we married.



You see, when my father moved

to Little Rock from Toronto...



Elaine, I don't think they wanna hear

about all that right now.



- [Clears Throat] As a...

- Oh. Okay, Mr. Whatever.



Le's jus cu

o he brass acks, shall we?



Attempted murder.



It's a very serious charge,

and I'm afraid it looks very bad

for Mr. Hazel Montgomery.



It also looks like a basically

open-and-shut case

for the prosecution.



Well, I'm actually

quite sure...



  ...   % sure... that we can

have this reduced to assault.



Oh, bullshit! Oh, be straight

with these people, Lawrence.



I mean, my God,

look how many of them there are.



Attempted murder?



Well, I thought

it was armed robbery.



That's what y'all said.



I sugarcoated it.



Because of the nature

of my work as a psychologist...



I thought it would be

a great, um...



marital aid, so to speak, for Hazel

to learn more about what I do.




Marital aid?



- What?

- Marital aid.



- [Coninues, Indisinc]

- Oh. Marital...



Okay. Sure.



What does that have to do with?

Are y'all makin' fun of marriage?



Well, hell, no, honey.



We're not makin' fun

of marriage.



We're talkin' about

a marital aid.



- It's just a little old plug

with a string on it.

- [Laughing]



That's all right.




Yes, i was indeed very helpful

in undersanding wha

we each deal wih every day.



And Hazel...




Do you know he really started

to feel some real self-worth?



He was helping people, you know,

and not just "selling wood," as he put it.



Claude, you sold

a lile wood, hadn' you?



- [Rose Laughing]

- In my time.



Well, then this fellow

Tommy Christian started calling.



Acually, you gave i away,

didn' you?



[Laughing Coninues]



Goddamn you, Claude.

Can't you give me one night...



where you don't drive me crazy

and break my heart?



Well, don't give me shit about it.

Talk to your sister there.



Tommy was very disurbed.



And he started talking to Hazel

incessantly about thoughts of suicide.



Hazel practically

became his therapist.



A Russian

that wrote Lolia.



He took that word

and split it in two...



to where it came out

"the rapist."



[Julia] Bu wha happened is,

Hazel made he misake...



of meeing Tommy in person.



Tommy became obsessed

with Hazel, started calling him

in the middle of the night.



All the time. At home, at work,

always threatening suicide.



Hazel couldn't stand

the son of a bitch.



He was about to drive him crazy,

so he went over there and tried

to kill him with a doorstop.



Yes, well,

that's the short version.



- Around here that's better.

- Hazel maintains his innocence...



and I believe him.



I could go ino why,

bu, um, perhaps anoher ime.



We could all use some rest,

I'm sure.



Could I ask you a question?



Like, a businesslike question about

your psychology business you got?



Certainly, Claude, yes.



Now, are you the one that can

give out dope, or the one that can't?



So which one of you

used it on who?



- What?

- The plug deal!



- [Monkey Chiering]

- Daddy And Them[Pop]



Mama, please quit playin'

that monkey.



- [Chiering Coninues]

- Daddy And Them[Coninues]



Claude Montgomery,

political science.






Listen, I don't know.

I could explain it to you better, maybe.



Listen, y'all stay off

them cars tonight.



I wanna get me some sleep.



Well, I don't think you gotta

worry about it, Daddy.



I mean, Ruby's

mad as hell at me tonight.



What's that got

to do with anything?



Well, l-l-I tell you

the truth...



I'm just...

I'm just wore plumb out.



Rose looks like

she's mended up a little.



She ain't finally carryin' me

a little grandbaby, is she?



Daddy, I wouldn't have a clue

what Rose is carryin'.



Well, good night.

Y'all say a little prayer for Hazel.



- Yeah, we will.

- I had an awful dream about him...



gettin' cornholed

down at the jailhouse...



by a gang of white guys.



Hey, sweetheart.

How ya doin'?



Yeah, that's right.



I don't know.

Whatever you wanna do.



See there?






What do you say, puddin'?

What you doin', playin'?



You better start talkin'.

I want it all.



Don' you le anoher minue go by

wihou elling me...



every little nasty-ass

bit of it.



It's my right to know

what I'm dealin' with here.



'Cause if you used that contraption

on her, whatever it is...



tuggin' in and out of my sister

or you tuggin' in and out of her,

I have the right to know.



You mean her tuggin'

in and out of me.



You said me tuggin' it out of her,

and then you started to say

me tuggin' it out of her again.



You know what I mean,

you son of a bitch. Just start talkin'!



I wanna know where I stand,

fantasizin' and all.



'Cause if you like that shit... doodads,

little diddle sticks and stuff...



I swear to God I'll go to the hardware

store tomorrow mornin'...



and buy a carload of shit

to run in and out of us

that will cripple us both for life!



Honey, I'm always

straight with you.



I mean, you know, maybe it hurts,

but I don't bullshit ya.



I'll tell you everything.

I'll tell you every little detail...



about everything

you wanna know.



- You know that.

- Every little detail.

I bet you'd like that.



You like talkin' about it

and killin' me.



What are you talkin' about?

You told me to tell you.



I thought you wanted to know everything.

What about you?



- God knows wha you've done.

You probablyjus lie abou i.

- Oh, here we go.



Am I the best? God knows.

Who the hell would know?



- You've probably been ou

wih guys before hajus...

- Oh!



Don't even say it to me.

Don't tell me.



You talk about killin' somebody.

Oh, you could kill me, and you know it.



- I've told you a million times

you are the best.

- But you're lyin' about it.



It always turns into your shit!

I'm the one we're talkin' about now!



My feelin's are hurt!

Can we talk about me now?



It's not you! Now, what the hell happened

with that thing? What exactly is it?



It's just a toy.

It's just a little old bitty toy.



And it was a million years ago,

honey, back when me and Rose

here was two consentin' adults.



You keep your voice down! You want her

to hear us? Add that to injury.



Listen, sweetheart, a...



- a man's got a past.

- [Sighs]



I wish it wasn't that way but, you know,

that's the way the world goes around.



Yeah. Well,

a woman's got a past too...



and you keep bent out of shape

about it all the time.



- I do not!

- Oh, my God. [Chuckling]



Ruby, do you remember

that time...



- that you run off with that Efford boy?

- Oh, God.



And y'all didn't show back up

for three days, and it turned out

y'all was in jail...



for, um, sealin'

a whole bunch of Pe milk...



and, wha, frozen pizzas?



- Popovers, Mama.

- Yes, ha's righ.



It was popovers.



Why'd you wait so long

to call me?



I had the most

awful nightmare about that...



that you and this boy was takin' poison

instead of stayin' in jail...



like Romeo and Juliet

and them done.




I's okay, Mama.



[Claude's Voice] You was

in jail for three days with a guy.



- Jus go back o sleep.

- You never told me that.



You was in jail for three days

with a guy. You never told me that.



Yeah, three days.



I'm gonna go outside and pray

for Uncle Hazel right now.



He needs our prayers.



He's laid up in that jailhouse probably

gettin' cornholed as we speak.



Now, there's you

some tuggin' in and out.






You see that?

Now, look at you.



I always did say

one thing you can do is shoot.



Now just do the same thing

and get me a grandson.



Little girl, aren't you

proud of your husband?



Which one of us

are you talkin' about?



- See that, Jewel?

- Good shootin', O.T.



Yeah, there may be snow on the roof,

but there's still fire in the fireplace.



Or whaever ha deal is ha hey say.




I'm sure there is.



- Claude, can I shoot your gun?

- [Gunsho]



In a minute.

I'm usin' it now.




"Claude, can I shoot your gun"?



- What's wrong with you, Miss Priss?

- Ooh!



- Can't you ever just have fun?

- Elbe, what in the world are you doin'?



I'm over here shooin

and Jewel and...



one of the girls

is watchin'.



I just got it in me

to pick something pretty.




what are you doin'?



Kiss my ass.!



Well, I don't know

what them lawyers want...



but out of all of this they ought

to find somethin' they like.



We got the list.

We know what to do. Let's go.



[Man] A lone cowpoke wen ridin'ou

one dark and windy day



Daddy And Them Upon a ridge he resed

as he wen upon his way



Daddy And ThemAnd all a once, a mighy herd

of red-eyed cows he saw



Daddy And Them Comin'hrough

he ragged sky



Daddy And ThemAnd up he cloudy draw



Daddy And Them Yippee yi-ya



Daddy And Them Yippee yi-yo



Daddy And Them Ghos riders in he sky



Daddy And Them The riders looked on by 'im

he heard one call his name



Daddy And ThemIf you wanna save your soul

from hell a-riding on his range



Daddy And Them Then cowboy change your way oday

or wih us you will ride



Daddy And Them Trying o cach

he devil's herd



- Daddy And ThemAcross hese endless skies

- Everclear.



Daddy And Them Yippee yi-ya



Daddy And Them Yippee yi-yo



Daddy And Them Ghos riders in he sky



Daddy And Them Yippee yi-ya



Daddy And Them Yippee yi-yo



[O. T] Problem is,

everything Elbe cooked is raw...



and everything

Billy here cooked is burn.



I should've knew better than

to let them try to barbecue anything.



But I got foot trouble.



Is Hazel goin' to the pen?



Well, if he would agree

to plead guilty to a lesser charge...



maybe we could work

something out.



However, he insists

on pleading not guilty.



I thought that's good,

isn't it?



It's real good

if you're not guilty.



Mr. Montgomery's

our client, Elaine.



We don't represent people

that we feel are guilty.



I know that, Lawrence.



But I also know

when a case looks tough.



I mean,

hey have an eyewiness.



Don't forget, I've been around

a little longer than you.



Nobody's arguing

with that, sweetheart.



Look, do I have to remind you

again and again and again...



No, you don't have to remind me every

time you get a fuckin' hot flash, okay?



How much more fuckin' often

could that be? Huh?



I mean, wha are you

reminding me of after all?



Your daddy's rich

and he bought you a career.



I don't know how fuckin' impressive

you think that is.



- Go to hell.

- Listen.



Don't you think

the important thing right now...



- You know, I think I finally realized...

- is Hazel's defense?



The cuteness...



wears off really fast.



And besides,

with a   -year-old...



you think you would expect more

than a four-minute erection.



I mean,

it is the point, isn't it?



So you just take your

mail-order law degree...



and you shove it

up your ass.



'Cause it's over.






I, um, think maybe we're not

the best attorneys for Mr. Montgomery.



Well, Claude,

are you happy now?



Hazel ain't got

no fuckin' lawyers.



[Man] The Couny Superior Court

is now in session.



The Honorable Mr. Dorn presiding.

All rise.



All down.



[O. T.] Yeah, I go in

a lo of rouble in France.



I did most of my fightin'

in Belgium, military-wise...



but I kicked up my heels

in France a time or two.



What war did you lose

your legs in?



I ain't old enough to be in no war,

except the Gulf.



Oh, that wasn't no war.

Just a bunch of missile shootin'.



My ex-wife

shot me in the back.



Didn't even shoot 'em by hand.

They used computers.



One of'em was broadcasted

on the news from up and under a bed.



They say a lot of'em over there

got poisoned with somethin'.



I guess nobody told 'em a bed

wouldn't stop a nuclear rocket.



- No.

- Yeah.



Shot you just like that?



Drunk a half a bottle of Uncle Somethin'

or another's bourbon, then shot me.



I ain't heard

from her since.






That middle boy of mine's

a crack shot with a rifle.



All right,

will the defendant please rise?



Mr. Mongomery,

do you undersand...



he naure of he charges

agains you, sir?



[Hazel] To ell you he ruh, Judge,

I don' undersand any of his mess.



- Say "Your Honor."

- Huh?



Not "Judge."

"Your Honor."



Well, Your Honor, I didn't do

anything to get myself here...



that you wouldn't have done

or anybody else...



who had to go through

what I went through with

that little shit right there.



Oh, my God!

You head-knockin'...



- redneck son of a bich.!

- All-All... All right! [Pounding Gavel]



You are crazy as a loon!

And, Judge, let me tell you somethin'!



- You don't know the devil

that this man turns into!

- All right!



Your Honor!

That's what they told me to say.



All righ, I have order, boh of ya,

righ now.! Do you undersand?



- We understand the charges, Your Honor.

- No, we don't.



- Yes, we do.

- You're damn right you do!



- You hit me in the head with

a doorstop made of solid iron!

- Kiss my ass!



What you doin' here?



Oh, my baby brother is being arraigned

on some serious charges.



He didn't do it, though.

There's somethin' off somewhere.

He's a good boy.



Married an Englishwoman.



I didn't even know

she was mad at me.



She ain't spoke two words to me

since Teddy turned three...



six months ago

or somethin'.



Well, see there?

Children. That's somethin'.



J.C. Is screwin' everything

that ain't nailed down,

and ain't come up with no babies.



I think he uses

them darn "condrums."



And Alvin, he's got his nose

in a dag-burned book all the time.



And Claude, for all his car-hoodin'

and God knows what all

with that little girl...



must be shootin' blanks,

or she's got female troubles.



Them your boys?




a whole lot easier...



to live with than real kids

is what I heard.



My boys is all I got.



Teddy and Jack, three and four, over at

their granddaddy and grandmama's house.



Well, see there?




Ain't you goin' in

to watch your brother?



I can't watch.



He lost his lawyers.



They had a "May and December"




They give him a government lawyer

who seems nervous and ignorant.



All right, we're gonna try this again.

Mr. Montgomery...



- how do you plead, sir?

- Not guilty.



Not guilty?

Not guilty!



All right, sir, let...




- Mr. Caldwell, can you get

control of your client?

- In cold blood!



- A nu he size of a damn loon.!

- You lie like a rug!



[Pounding Gavel]

Order.! Order.! All of ya.! Everybody.!



- I'll kill you,

you psychotic little bastard!

- [Shouting, Indistinct]



- [All Yelling, Shouing]

- Order! Order!



You in court?



My cousin Russell,

all over    dollars.



He was a hyperactive child

and still is, I guess.



Folks is messed up

these days.



Life's easier, and folks

is more messed up.






- Must be awful not to have

the use of your legs.

- Yeah, i is.



At least I can hug my boys.



I was thinkin' the other day

about somebody bein' paralyzed

all the way up...



turnin' their wheelchair

with blowin' in a straw.



Imagine that.



Not even bein' able

to shake a man's hand.



But your kids.



Imagine that.



Just havin' to sit there

and stare at 'em.



- They wouldn't understand.

- [Billy] Daddy.!



You're never gonna

believe this!






A man from the newspaper

wants to take our picture.



Lauren Walsh. I know him.

Good guy and good shooter.










Well, how come of'em to make

that court date so far away that way?



I mean, why don't we just do it

and get it over with?



Oh, courts are notorious

for that.



Supposedly they

have a backlog of cases.



- Suppose it's true?

- [O.T.] That boy back there...



got his legs shot out from under him

by his crazy wife.



[Jewel] Y'all gonna be takin' us

to the airport after a while.



- Okay, Ruby?

- [Ruby] That'd make you happy.



[Claude] They can stay the rest

of the year if they want to.



- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

- My God!



Ruby, there's the bags.



Goodness gracious, girl!



You got a rear end

just like your mama.



- [Chuckles]

- Oh. See there?



That's it. That's it. I'm either gonna

kill myself or get dumped by you...



for some tight-ass

insurance woman or somethin'.



- Real estate woman. Let's go!

- I didn't say it.



Here, honey, I'm gonna

put it back here.



- You sure do make good ham hock.

- [Rose] Come see us someime.




ain't that far away.



You know, I miss seeing

your sorry ass.




Well, I miss you oo.



[Rose] Well, you ake care

ofher, okay? I really love her...



even though we got

our problems and stuff.



- I love her too.

- And I'm sorry if I was the cause

of any of your problems.



- Well, no, that's just family, you know.

- Yeah.



- It'll all work out.

We'll come see y'all.

- Yeah. Okay.



- Okay. You look real good, Claude.

- Thanks.



Oh, my God! I give up,

you sorry bastard! You sorry bastard!



Why don't you just throw her down

on the couch in front of everybody!



Goddamn you! Get it over with,

why don't you, Claude!



Go on in the house

and beat off!



- Hon, that's nasty talk.

- Ruby, come on, honey.



You know ha boy

Gerald Plummer?



He's workin' down

at the airport now on airplanes.



- Cheer up. We might see him.

- Great. That's just great.



Yeah, tell her that, why don't you.

That's all we need here.



Honey, why don't you go see

Gerald Plummer at the airport

and watch him fix airplanes.



- Would you like to do that?

- I never touched him.

I never touched him!



- Well, he must've had leprosy!

- God.! I give up.!



- [Rose] I wasn' doin'nohin'

- Don't you start with me!



[All Yelling, Shouting]



Rose, you stay out of it!

You stay out of it, Rose!



- Go away!

- [Shouting Continues]



If you didn't start this shit,

it wouldn't happen anyway.



- Get in the fuckin' car.

- You watch to see if

I don't go to a nightclub!



Oh, good! Maybe you can meet

somebody pretty!



You get in that car...

Get in and shut your mouth!

Get in that damn car now!



[Car Engine Sarts]



[Car Departing]



How come y'all

be cryin' like that, Mama?



Sometimes, it just gets

cluttered up in my head, hon...



and l...

and it causes me to cry.






I don't know how come

her to be cryin' though.



Can I see that book?



Can I see that book?



That's a psychology book.



You mind if I read it?



Of course not.



My God,J.C.

You look like a cat burglar.



I heard the whole thing, bud.

Let's go to a nightclub.



[Claude's Voice]

I'm no sure wha i is. I'm no

sure wha i is I'm supposed o do.



I wish you could help me.




Oh, my God.



[Wailing Siren




[Door Opening]




What a horrible night for somebody.



God bless 'em.



[Man Speaking Over

Police Radio, Indisinc]



[E.M.S. Technician]

Sir, you've been in a wreck.

You need o be real sill, okay?



- All right.

- All right. Don't look around.

You know where you're at?



- You know what happened?

- I don't know exactly where I'm at.



All right. We're gonna get you

to the hospital. Be still. Don't move.



- Say righ here.

- [Woman] Nancy, no.



[Indisinc Chaering]



[E.M.S. Technician] Well, you may have

inernal injuries we don' know abou.



Wih he bleeding on your head,

you could've hi he seering

wheel or he windshield.



Don't move around. Do you know

how much you had to drink tonight?



- Well, I had a   -pack. You'd have

to tell how many's left over there.

- All right.



[Chattering Continues]



- [Officer] Hold up.

- Oh, my God, it's...

[Continues, Indistinct]



- What are you doing?

[Continues, Indistinct]

- [Screams]



[Officer Placating Ruby]



- [Ruby Sobbing]

- [E.M.S. Technician]

Do you know who the president is?



- Huh?

- Yeah. Bill.



Okay. You know

where you're at?



- Now, come on.

- [Wailing]






Hey, sugar britches, you just

gettin' back from the airport?




Oh, baby. Oh, my baby.



Oh, my baby. You mean,

you're not hurt too bad or dead?



You should've seen it. We whacked

the shit out of that Dually over there.



- [Chuckles]

- Big old cowboy's eyes

got as big as a pie plate.



I seen him just before we hit him.

Man, oh, man.



- You mean, you're okay?

- They were all drunk.



There doesn't seem to be anything at all

wrong with him except a bruise or two.



- Oh, God.

- See there? We was drunk.



Thank God

y'all was drunk.



- Thank God.

- Oh, baby. I've go so much

apologizin'o do o God.



Oh, baby.

Honey. Honey, please.



Please, let's never go nowhere

that we're apart, okay?



- Okay? Okay.

- Okay, honey.



If we can.

What's wrong, baby? I'm fine.



I just got knocked around a little bit.

That's all right.



Honey, wh... Wait a minute.

Where's J.C.?



He's over there in the truck.

He's stuck in there.



- They're trying to prize him out.

- Is anything wrong with him?



- Well, yeah. He can't get out.

- But physical?



He's fine.

He was he drunkes one of'em.



Anyhow, we're gonna take him

to the hospital for observation.



We're gonna do chest X rays.

We're gonna check for internal injuries.



And if you wanna follow us,

you can.



- [Woman Speaking Over

Police Radio, Indisinc]

- Well, who... that?



Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

This is Tamara.



Tamara, this is my wife, Ruby. Ever

since we got here, she's been so nice.



She just practically saved my life,

even though there wasn't anything wrong.



Well, it's nice to meet you.



Nice to meet you.



- Tamara is your name?

- Mm-hmm.



You think it would be all right

if I talk to my husband

for a minute before you took him?



I know you have to take him.

Just for one moment? Private?



- One minute.

- Okay.



I'll see you

in a minute, Tammy.



She's so nice.



Did you have your shirt and

your britches undone and open...



or was it Tammy

who did that for you, honey?



She done it, honey.

She had to check me.



You heard what she said...

internal injuries possible.



I bet you liked that. Pretty-lookin'

checker you picked out for yourself.



- Ineresing you picked her, isn' i?

- Shit, I didn't pick her out.



- She just come over here.

She's the ambulance driver.

- You didn't pick her out?



- One woman and a bunch of men,

and you didn't pick her? Okay.

- I didn' pick her ou.



I can't even have

a head-on collision in peace.

I could've been tore to pieces here.



- Have fun at your nightclub?

- Shit. We didn't get to the nightclub.



We ain't but a mile from the house.

We was headed that way...



and J.C. Bent over to pick up

his Molly Hatchet tape,

and we been here ever since.



- Is that right? Uh-huh.

- Well, yeah, it's right.



Well, then,

let me ask you something...



if you're so smart,

Mr. Nightclub, okay?



'Cause you're busted. How come the truck

is pointed towards the house, huh?



You ever hear of a little thing

called female intuition?



Well, yeah. It was pointed

in the other direction till

we hit that line dancer there.



- Did you ever hear of centrifugal force?

- Sorry your night got spoiled...



but it's so great,

'cause you're fine now, baby.



Everything's okay. So as soon as they

prize Hugh Hefner out of the truck...



you can go back to your little nightclub

you missed in the first place.



- [J.C.] Hey, Ruby.

- Hey,J.C.



- They're tryin' to prize me out.

- Huh?



They're tryin'

to prize me out.



I hadn't wanted

to get into this.



I wanted to keep my opinions

out of the way of the family.



But in view of

what's happened tonight...



and in the light of hard times

ahead of us, with Hazel's trial,

I thought I should.



Frankly, I thought it would

be irresponsible of me not

to have this little talk with you.






I really love Hazel...



as unlikely a pair

as we are.



I mean, who's to say how love

comes about? Hmm?



I've heard him

pour out his heart...



seen him cry,

laugh and play...



and get angry.



And he reason

he was drawn o me, I believe...



is because he wanted

someone stable in his life...



some order,

some communication.



He's gotten to the point where

he can't stand to be around you!



And he loves you all.

But for God's sake...



I mean,

think about it!



I should sart seeing you all regularly,

on a one-o-one basis.



I can't really do that...

that wouldn't be ethical...



but there are other people

like me you can talk to.



Haven' you noiced you're

fucked up, oally fucked up?



You're so negative!



You don't ever communicate

to each other, and you never

ever resolve anything.



Plus, you're all alcoholics.

You drink constantly...



and two of you were nearly killed

tonight because of it.



- Killed?

- J.C. Claude.



In a car crash tonight.



And hey were drunk.



My husband can't stand

to be around his own family.



He didn't realize that,

poor love...



until somebody... me...

pointed it out to him.



Help me. I mean,

why do you jus si here, hmm?



You're not going to die.

You're going to fade away.



Talk to each other,

not at each other.



Connect, connect,




You talk. You listen.

You respond.



You respond to the response.

You see, that's how it works.



You see,

you never ever connect.



- Do you drink?

- Yes!



From time to time,

like normal people!



Now, if I'm not mistaken,

the English invented whiskey.



I'm not an alcoholic!

I'm not like you people!



Well, I tried.



Yes, Julia, you tried.



Maybe I'll see you when

my husband comes up...



before the supreme high judge.






- [Door Closes]

- Well, she got a bee

up her ass, don't she?



Hmm. Yeah.



Hmm. Yeah.



- [Groaning]

- My goodness.


















Watch this.

[Continues, Indistinct]






- [Monkey Chiering]

- Daddy And Them[Pop]



- I'm sorry.

- For what?



Hazelnut hittin' you in the head

with that iron deal.



Well, that's how come me...

to come on over here.



- Oh, that's old business.

- Well, I lied.



Okay? And I need somebody

to talk about it.



All right.

Let's get away from this music.



- Okay.

- Here. Have a seat

on the steps over there.



- Set yourself down.

- Okay.






Now, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted

to kill me, but it's been eatin' at me.



The truth, that is.



See, I've been workin' on myself

a little bit at a time.



Well, I been seein' a therapist and

eatin' fresh fruits and raw vegetables...



and all kinds of things,

and it ain't helped me none...



other than the fact that I'm regular

and I don't eat as many antacid tablets.



Anyhow, when I was talkin'

to your uncle on the hot line...



See, I was drinkin', which I've quit,

other than smokin' reefer...



which I do every now and then

with my next-door neighbor,

who's eat up with glaucoma.



Anyhow, I was just bitchin'

and complainin' and moanin'...



and just blamin' everybody

for everything, and he was

just so nice to me...



that l...

well, I just kept it up.



And we became friends.

And I'm always shitty to my friends,

especially the nice ones.



- You know how that is. Anyhow...

- Mm-hmm.



Oh, I guess I was just

bein' terrible to him.



I mean, to the point where I was

just huntin' him down just

to tell him how much I hated him...



for not making my life right.



Anyhow... Well, I guess he became

some disgruntled office worker...



'cause he comes over to the house

and starts screamin' and yellin'...



and just spillin' his guts

about how much I'm ruinin' his life...



and how much I remind him

of his family.



And that's when I told him

to kiss my ass. Well, see,

I shouldn't have done that.



'Cause then he comes into the house.

And he's angry. And he starts screamin'...



and throwin' things around,

and I tried to stop him before

he got into my shoe closet.



You see, I'm a shoe nut.

And then he throws me off of him.

I go flyin' through the air...



and I hit my head

against that big old doorstop...



which they would've found out

ain't made out of iron anyhow

once we got into the courtroom.



Then my neighbor, the witness...

Well, he was high on pot and

all eat up with that glaucoma.



So I had him say

that he saw Hazel hit me.




Hazel can't stand y'all.



Not near one of ya.

He hates every single one of ya,

but he's too afraid to tell ya.



Now, I'm gonna go down,

and I'm gonna drop the charges

and tell the law I lied.



And all the good eatin' in the world

or therapy or nothin' did one thing.



And my therapist told me to go to a spa

and get some rest, and I did. I went...



and I got massaged

and I meditated.



I ate oat bran, and nothin'...

not one thing... did one thing.



But then I got a facial.

And I don't mean a deep-cleansing,

but a relaxing facial.



And I fell asleep. And I started

to dream, and I dreamed these boys...



they come along,

and they threatened to cut me open...



fill my belly full of saltwater

and then sew me back up...



if I didn't start tellin' the truth

and acting grown-up.



So your uncle's

gonna be a free man...



even if I go to jail

for "abstraction" of justice.



[Sighing] And, oh, God,

I just thought you might wanna know.



I'm gonna go buy you

a record player, Mama...



so you can listen

to some different music.



Boy, that'd be something,

wouldn't it, hon?



- Daddy?

- Huh? Oh, oh.! I ain'...



I ain't ready yet, Lord. Please. I can't

go now. I ain't got no grandkids yet.



It's me. It's me,

Daddy. It's me.



Alvin, what in the shit are you doing?

You scared me half to death.



I was havin' a nightmare.

I got ganged up on by a bunch of boys.



You might wanna tell somebody

about those nightmares sometime.



If you'd talk

to Mama sometimes...



she might quit

playin' that damn monkey.



Alvin, you're one of my boys

and everything...



but you are the oddest

poor son of a bitch there is.



- Daddy And Them[Sereo: "When Johnny

Comes Marching Home"]

- Ruby?






Oh, hey, Alvin.



Is something wrong, hon?



If Claude still wanted to be with Rose

or anybody else for that matter...



he'd still be with her.



Your fear of losin' him

makes you want to blame him...



for stuff you don't do.



Lord knows he's

got his problems.



Y'all both want to mess things up

before the other one does.



He told me one time...



you look like

an old-time movie star...



so pretty,

you're not even real to him.



Actually, he didn't tell me.

He told it to you.



I just heard it.



He talks to you

while you're sleepin'.



He's just crazy

about you.



'Night, Ruby.



- Daddy And Them[Sereo: "When Johnny

Comes Marching Home"]

- Goddamn it.



What you doin', Alvin? Ain't you

got somethin' to read or somethin'?



Brothers ain't supposed

to see brothers on the shitter.



- I don't even let Ruby

watch me take a shit.

- Maybe you ought to sometime.






What, for God's sake, Alvin?



Ruby wouldn't hurt you for anything

in the world. She's crazy about you.



Any man in he world

ougha be happy as hell...



o have somebody

care abou hem ha much.



She's had a lo ofboyfriends.

Women ha's daddy's run off...



they do that sometimes.



They're lookin' for something.



She found it.

You're a lucky man.



Sure wished I was buil like you,

lean and everything.



Someimes I hink Ruby'd be crazy

abou you if you was as fa as a hog.



- You think so?

- Mm-hmm.




I don't think she's bluffin'.



Don't ever

let it be too late.






[Ruby's Voice]

Wake up.



- [Claude's Voice] I'm awake.

- No. Wake up.



[Claude] So wha am I supposed o do?

Pick a color and a number?




One or he oher.



- [Claude]

All righ. I'll pick a yellow.

- Y- E-L-L-O-W.



- And one on he inside, righ?

- Mm-hmm.



- Ours.

- O-U-R-S.



I'm so glad

you're eatin' cheese.



What are you talkin' about?



You know, you're supposed

to pick a word now, but I forgot

to write anything on the inside.






- You know what I was thinkin' about?

- Hmm?



That one of these days when we

get rich, I'm gonna build us a house.



- I like our house.

- I like our house, oo, honey...



but this is gonna

be a special house.



I'm gonna build a tunnel from the back

door to plumb out in the woods...



and at the end of the tunnel

there's gonna be a toilet.



That way, can't nobody

bust in on ya, ya know?



- Uh-huh.

- And hen righ nex o i,

here's gonna be a lile room...



wih a weigh machine in i so I can

keep my muscles good, my belly fla.



'Cause if my belly ain't flatter

than all your ex-boyfriends',

you can't stay with me.



I'd have to leave you, honey.



I gotta be better than them,

all of'em, in every way.



You are.

I told you a million times.



But I mean in every way.



I hate them bastards, honey.

I hate 'em as bad as you hate Rose.



- I don't hate Rose.

- Then quit eatin' my ass out

about her, honey.



- It ain't my fault. I don't do nothin'.

- Why don't you tell her...



to leave you alone

and stop flirtin' with ya?



And then

I don't have to do it.



If you don' love her

and you do love me, hen ac like i.



It's embarrassin' to me. You don't

do nothin' strong or hard enough.



I can't believe

you said that to me.



That's the very thing that kills me,

and you just sat right there...



and looked me in the eye

and said that to me.



You wanna get one of your

ex-muscle men, is that what you want?



Then you can have all

the strong, hard shit you want.



You make me feel

like a gna.



I don't mean that kind of hard.

I don't mean fuckin'-wise.



Don't say that word when

we're talkin' about muscle men.



I mean, look me in the eyes

and tell me you want me...



not her

or the ambulance driver.



Make me feel safe

once and for all.



That's all I want.



You are he flaes belly

and he sronges and he bes.



And it ain't fair for you to keep sayin'

you ain't gonna be with me.



You can't ever

say that again!



I ain't ever even been

with a muscle guy.



- I just let that on to make you jealous.

- Jealous?



- To make me jealous?

- Yeah. I did.



You're funny as hell.

I don't even wanna hear that shit.



I can't believe

you'd say that either.



- [Chuckles]

- Honey, I'm the most jealous

son of a bitch in the world.



- I know.

- My God.



I don't need any help.

Don't be doin' me no favors.

Besides, I've seen your pictures.



I've seen that one big old guy,

that Chuck, or whatever his name is.



He was fat.



And I didn't

screw him anyway.



I didn't screw half of'em

I told you about.



- Are you serious?

- Yes, I am.



Just half? I was kind

of hopin' it'd be less.



You know what I mean.

Not exact arithmetic.



Just a few.



- A few? Like what?

- It don't matter.

You're the strongest...



and the handsomest and

the most beautiful and the funniest.



- But how about the biggest?

- Yes, but it don't matter,

'cause I love you!



But I am, right?



I ain't sayin' it again!

I said it for the last time!






What, honey?



I don't care how many muscles

anybody else has got...



or how pretty they are or how rich

they are or how poor they are...



or how smart they are or how ignorant

they are or... They ain't you.



You see this?

You see this?



You see this?

You see this?



There ain't but one of them things

in the whole world, and they're on you!



I don't want nothin' or nobody

in this whole world but you!



You're the only one that thinks

about my old boyfriends... not me!



And I don't lie to you,

so have some faith in me.



I love you,

and I'm good to you.



And that's all you get.

And that's all I want from you.



That, and tell Rose to fuck off, and

maybe I'll stay off your ass about her.



You are my friend.



Don't you know that?



You're my friend.



I know that.



[Crying Softly,




Alvin busted in on me in the toilet

tonight while I was doin' lumber.



I'm sorry, sugar.



I guess it's okay.

He's my brother.



- He didn't mean no harm.

- [Mumbles]



You know what I've been thinkin' about

ever since I met Hazel's wife?



What's that?



About packin' up the car and takin' you

on a vacation over to England and France.



We ain't never been

nowhere further than St. Louis.



It's about time.



And that wasn't for you.



That was for the Cardinals.



I wanna do something for you

that girls like.






Something romantic.



Take you over there

and see all them castles...



where all your kings

and queens lived.



See all them places where

folks got their heads cut off.



That kind of thing.



Sometimes, when you threaten

to kill yourself, it scares me...



'cause sometimes I'm afraid

that you're really gonna do it.



I couldn't make it

without you.



I wouldn't even know

what to do.



Plus, every time I'd be making out

with whoever I ended up with...



I'd just be thinking

about you.



'Course, I wouldn't

end up with anybody else anyway...



not ever.



I'd probably

become a preacher...



one of them kind

that "abstracts" from sex, you know?



[Exhales Deeply]



You look like an angel to me

when you're sleeping.



I love you so much.



You'll never know.



[Claude's Voice]

Mama. Mama, ell me wha o do.



Daddy And Them[Counry Insrumenal]



[No Audible Dialogue]



- [Claude, Whispering] Daddy.

- Daddy And Them[Fades]



[Claude] I had he weirdes

dream las nigh, Daddy.



I dreamed you and Mama

was out in the backyard dancin'.



Gettin' around pretty good, too,

to be as stove-up as you are.



Whole bunch of us

was wachin'y'all.



- Ruby wasn't even mad

at the ambulance driver.

- Why not?



Oh, and, you know, I heard Chet Atkins

play guitar, too, but I didn't see him.



- That was it?

- Yeah.



That was just it? There wasn't nothin'

chasin' you or nothin'?



No much of a nighmare.



I said it was a dream,

Daddy, not a nightmare.



Daddy, I read o escape.



How come you started

talkin' so much lately?



Sorry about your car,




It's all right.



I'm just glad you didn't

get hurt any worse.



Besides that, I had a dream

somebody bought me a hot rod...

I believe it was Willie Nelson.



McGwire hit   . Y'all are going

to have to get a TV, you know it?



I know.



I know.



- All right. I'll see y'all.

- All right.



- I'll see you.

- Bye-bye. We'll see y'all soon.



- Bye.

- [Chuckling]



- All right. Y'all come see us sometime.

- All right.



You come back.

Remember what I said.



I will, Daddy.



- Hang on to that thing.

- Hang on to what thing?



- That truck.

- [Chuckles] All right.



- [Engine Starts]

- We'll see you, then.



- Bye, Mama.

- See y'all soon.



You know, honey, we really should get

Mama and them to come up and visit us.



- You said "Mama and them."

- Yeah.



You know, Alvin said

he was gonna start drinkin' pop

instead of beer, just like that.



Yeah. He told me that.J.C.'s the one

that needs to start drinkin' pop.



That boy goes through

a whole bunch of vehicles.



He gets uncoordinated

when he drinks, you know.



- Cross-eyed, just about.

- Yeah.



Do you ever get tired

of things?



- Like what?

- Like the way you are.



Yeah. I even get tired

of the way you are.



Well, I meant both of us,

yeah. Everybody else too.



English are smart,

it seems like.



They even talk pretty

when they're mad.



When we had

that head-on collision...



I didn't really see

that cowboy's eyes get big as plates.



That's just a old sayin'.



I seen you.



Just for a second.

Kind of like in my mind, you know?



- What was I doin'?

- Just holdin' your hand out.



Sometimes things seem magic,

know what I mean?



I sure do, baby.



I had fun, too, this week, you know,

besides all the horrible things.



It's kind of good seein' everybody

in the same spot.



And we got that dream started

about us a honeymoon.



It's kind of like that book

they had us read one time in school.



It started out sayin', "It was

the best time I ever had, and it

was the worst time I ever had."



- I believe it was by Dick somebody.

- I'll be dogged.



Hey, boys.! Wai a minue.!

Hey.! Come back.! Come here.






We forgot something, didn't we?

What'd we forget?



- To tell us we love you.

- That's right.



- I love you.

- I love you.



- I love you.

- I love you.



- [Both] I love you.

- We said it at the same time, didn't we?



- Mm-hmm.

- That's cool, huh?



All right. Y'all's mama is gonna

pick you up this afternoon

after school, okay?



- Okay.

- Daddy's gotta go back to work.

Y'all go play. Be careful.






Don't throw any rocks

at anybody.



All right. Come here.

I know what you want.



You want a hug,

don't you?



Have a good day.

See you girls later.



- [Ruby's Voice] You're so safe.

- [Claude's Voice] I know ha.



Miss Montgomery,

can we borrow y'all's hose?



Sure, hon.




What's goin' on, honey?



Little Ricky

borrowed the hose.



Huh? What?



Little Ricky

borrowed the hose.



- Playin', sprayin' one another.

- Oh.



- Morning.

- Good morning, baby.



[Exhales, Groans]



I had a dream that

we got a station wagon.



I had a dream

I stopped usin' protection.






You know, my deal.

My diaphragm.



I didn't know you used one

of them things, hon.



I thought I should.



- Don't they stop babies from happenin'?

- Of course. That's the point.






So I've been puttin' up with

all that shit from Daddy

all these years about grandbabies...



and I've been shootin'

at a steel door?



It just didn't seem

like it was okay to have one.



Now it seems okay.



Babies know when

they're supposed to get here.



That's what I think.



They sure do, honey.



There was a carload

of'em in that dream.



- How many of'em?

- Two or hree of'em.



Will you look at me in the eyes

next time we do it?



I sure will, baby.



I promise you.



It's gonna be okay, baby.



It seems like there's a lot more air

today than there usually is, don't it?



Yeah. It does seem like it,

don't it?



Some clouds comin' in.



- Maybe here's a sorm comin'

- No.



Them ain't storm clouds.



[Children Shrieking,




Daddy And Them[Guiar]




Daddy And ThemShe don' like her eggs all runny



Daddy And ThemShe hinks crossin'her legs

is funny



Daddy And ThemShe looks down her nose

a money



Daddy And ThemShe ges i on

like he Easer bunny



Daddy And ThemShe's my baby

I'm her honey



Daddy And ThemI'm never gonna

le her go



[Woman] He ain' go laid

in a monh of Sundays



Daddy And Them Caugh him once and he was

sniffin'my undies



Daddy And ThemHe ain' oo sharp

bu he ges hings done



Daddy And ThemDrinks his beer

like i's oxygen



Daddy And ThemHe's my baby

and I'm his honey



Daddy And ThemNever gonna le him go




Daddy And ThemIn spie of ourselves



Daddy And Them We'll end up

siin'on a rainbow



Daddy And ThemAgains all odds, honey

we're he big door prize



Daddy And Them We're gonna spie



Daddy And Them Our noses righ off

of our faces



Daddy And Them There won' be nohin'

bu big ol'hearts



Daddy And ThemDancin'in our eyes




Daddy And ThemShe hinks all myjokes are corny



Daddy And Them Convic movies

make her horny



Daddy And ThemShe likes kechup

on her scrambled eggs



Daddy And ThemSwears like a sailor

when she shaves her legs



Daddy And ThemShe akes a lickin'

and keeps on ickin'



Daddy And ThemI'm never gonna le her go



[Woman] He's go more balls

han a big brass monkey



Daddy And ThemHe's a whacked-ou weirdo

and a Love Bug junkie



Daddy And ThemHe's sly as a fox

crazy as a loon



Daddy And ThemPayday comes

and he's a-howlin'a he moon



Daddy And ThemHe's my baby

I don' mean maybe



Daddy And ThemNever gonna le him go




Daddy And ThemIn spie of ourselves



Daddy And Them We'll end up

a- siin'on a rainbow



Daddy And ThemAgains all odds, honey

we're he big door prize



Daddy And Them We're gonna spie



Daddy And Them Our noses righ off

of our faces



Daddy And Them There won' be nohin'

bu big ol'hearts



Daddy And ThemDancin'in our eyes



Daddy And ThemIn spie of ourselves



Daddy And Them We'll end up

a- siin'on a rainbow



Daddy And ThemAgains all odds



Daddy And ThemHoney

we're he big door prize



Daddy And Them We're gonna spie



Daddy And Them Our noses righ off

of our faces



Daddy And Them There won' be nohin'

bu big old hearts



Daddy And ThemDancin'in our eyes



Daddy And Them There won' be nohin'

bu big ol'hearts



Daddy And ThemDancin'in our eyes




In spite of ourselves.

Special help by SergeiK