Everyone Says I Love You Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Everyone Says I Love You script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Woody Allen movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Everyone Says I Love You. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Everyone Says I Love You Script


 

                   

Just you...



 

                   

just me.



 

                   

Letís find

a cosy spot...



 

                   

where no one can see.



 

                   

Just us...



 

                   

just we.



 

                   

Weíve missed

an awful lot...



 

                   

what bliss itíll be!



 

                   

Oh gee!



  

                   

What are your charms for?



  

                   

What are

my arms for?



  

                   

Use your imagination!



  

                   

Just you...



  

                   

just me.



  

                   

Weíll tie a loverís knot...



  

                   

just say you love me.



  

                   

Just he...



  

                   

just she.



  

                   

And what a perfect plot...



  

                   

just say you love me.



  

                   

Oh gee!



  

                   

Oh my!



  

                   

Itís finally springtime...



  

                   

birds-on-the-wing time...



  

                   

and what a lovely

day for love.



  

                   

Just me...



  

                   

just you.



  

                   

Just you...



  

                   

just me.



  

                   

A bit of paradise...



  

                   

right here for us two.



  

                   

Just you...



  

                   

Just me.



  

                   

Letís find

a cosy spot...



  

                   

where no one can see.



  

                   

Just us...



  

                   

just the two of us...



  

                   

just we...



  

                   

mighty few of us.



  

                   

Weíve missed

an awful lot...



  

                   

what bliss itíll be!



  

                   

Just you...



  

                   

just me.



  

                   

Weíll tie a loverís knot...



  

                   

just say you love me.



  

                   

Thatís my sister Skylar and

her boyfriend Holden.



  

                   

And thatís me.



  

                   

Iím Djuna:

D-J-U-N-A.



  

                   

Everyone calls me DJ.



  

                   

Iím gonna level with you.



  

                   

Weíre not the typical family

from a musical comedy.



  

                   

For one thing,

we got dough.



  

                   

And we live on Park Avenue

in a penthouse apartment.



  

                   

Dadís a lawyer. I mean, I call him ĎDadí,

but really heís ĎStepdad.í



  

                   

Because thereís

original Dad, right...?



  

                   

who married Mom,

and they had me.



  

                   

And then thereís Stepdad, who

had   kids with his first wife...



  

                   

Okay, look, maybe this

is getting confusing for you.



  

                   

You see, thereís Lane and Laura.



  

                   

My half-sisters. Theyíre great.



  

                   

A little twitty at times, but...



  

                   

we love each other and have

a million laughs together.



  

                   

And my stepbrother Scott,

whoís very smart...



  

                   

but heís in trouble with the family

because heís a Republican...



  

                   

which made my stepfather have

a stroke, since weíre Democrats.



  

                   

How do you expect people on

welfare to develop initiative?



  

                   

You mean someone who canít

work should just be discarded?



  

                   

Welfare does not work. Itís

the same liberal fantasy world...



  

                   

as not allowing school prayer

and coddling criminals.



  

                   

I canít believe Iím having

this talk with my own son.



  

                   

Unless Republican pods

in the basement took over your body.



  

                   

Not pods, Dad.



  

                   

Ideas. Virile, modern ideas.



  

                   

A strong America. The

right to bear arms.



  

                   

Arms? Guns?



  

                   

Are you crazy? Whatís up with

you? I just donít understand you!



  

                   

Relax.



  

                   

Excuse me. Steffi, bring down

a copy of my will and an eraser.



  

                   

If Dadís a Liberal Democrat,

then Momís even more extreme.



  

                   

Sheís a guilty

Liberal Democrat.



  

                   

He grew up poor and knows

what itís like to work like a dog.



  

                   

Mom came from money and

luxury and...



  

                   

spends all her time doing

volunteer work for everybody.



  

                   

Sheís with the Civil Liberties

Union and Save the Whales...



  

                   

and raises dough for the Whitney

museum and the hospital...



  

                   

and sheís always

doing something...



  

                   

Iike throwing some chic soirťe

to help the N. Y. Philharmonic.



  

                   

Lane and Laura go to Nightingale,

a ritzy school on   nd street.



  

                   

White truffles are

so much better...



  

                   

Better than dark truffles.



  

                   

My God!



  

                   

My God, there he is!



  

                   

-Heís so gorgeous.

-Who is he?



  

                   

We donít know. We always

see him round here.



  

                   

Sheís in love from afar.



  

                   

Weíll find a way to get

her to meet him.



  

                   

Please, no

humiliating schemes.



  

                   

My mom is in with a patient.



  

                   

Claireís their best friend.

Her momís a shrink.



   

                   

Years ago, Claire drilled

a hole in the wall.



   

                   

We get our kicks after school

by tuning in on her clientele.



   

                   

Iíve been having

these fantasies about...



   

                   

other men and...



   

                   

it makes me feel...



   

                   

bad, and...



   

                   

guilty.



   

                   

I had that

elevator dream...



   

                   

again...



   

                   

and...



   

                   

Iím in the elevator and...



   

                   

it just keeps

going up and up...



   

                   

and up.



   

                   

Now you must

meet Grandpa.



   

                   

   years old.



   

                   

Found him at Grand Central.

He thought he was in the park.



   

                   

You must watch him.



   

                   

Last year he wandered

out in a towel...



   

                   

and got in line

in Times Square.



   

                   

We sent Frieda

to get him back.



   

                   

Sheís our maid. I think she was

Hitlerís maid at Berchtesgaden.



   

                   

But sheís the only one

who can handle Grandpa.



   

                   

I found your

arch supports...



   

                   

in the stew. How did

they get there?



   

                   

Finally, thereís my dad, who

lives in Paris, but visits a lot.



   

                   

He and my stepdad

are great friends.



   

                   

I think he still loves Mom, though

theyíve been divorced for years.



   

                   

Theyíre all friends, and they come

to each other with their problems.



   

                   

I canít believe it.

Giselle left me.



   

                   

Look at this face.



   

                   

She suddenly left me

with my best friend.



   

                   

No warning?



   

                   

Nothing. The two of them...

Did you ever see anyone so...?



   

                   

Iím so distraught, over

this, I canít tell you.



   

                   

Iíll kill myself.



   

                   

Iíll go back to Paris and jump

off the Eiffel Tower. Iíll be dead.



   

                   

If I get the Concorde, I could

be dead   hours earlier.



   

                   

Or, wait a minute...



   

                   

with the time change...



   

                   

I could be alive   hours in New

York, but dead   hours in Paris.



   

                   

I could get things done,

and also be dead.



   

                   

You didnít see the signs. She

must have given you some signs.



   

                   

You think Iím an idiot?



   

                   

What kind of signs? Finding his

photo in her underwear drawer?



   

                   

Or saying his name

as she climaxed?



   

                   

-I donít mean that.

-No, thatís what happened.



   

                   

I just couldnít put it together.



   

                   

Iím glad you didnít marry her.

I told you, ĎDonít do it.í



   

                   

Iíd have been happy to.



   

                   

Iím really glad. Want

some wine or something?



   

                   

Anything. I must

have a drink.



   

                   

You know whatís sad?



   

                   

I thought everything was

going well, that things were...



   

                   

You always pick

the wrong women.



   

                   

-I picked you.

-We got divorced.



   

                   

You were impossible to live with.



   

                   

I was impossible? I love this!



   

                   

You couldnít decide whether to be

a psychoanalyst or a writer.



   

                   

So I compromised. I became

a writer and a patient.



   

                   

Wail find you someone.

We know a lot of people.



   

                   

Iíve been trying since we got

divorced to find him someone.



   

                   

Someone to match

his personality.



   

                   

Honey, bring another glass!



   

                   

Iím wondering if the world

female population isnít too limited.



   

                   

-Youíve had rotten luck.

-No, he hasnít.



   

                   

He makes rotten choices.



   

                   

But does he want to spend his

golden years with someone?



   

                   

Why my golden years?



   

                   

You must think about those things.



   

                   

Men age different to women.   more

years, lilt look like your son.



   

                   

That was so mean!



   

                   

Donít you laugh.



   

                   

-Thatís not funny.

-Sheís got me in a home already.



   

                   

Look, what about

Madeline, after me?



   

                   

She was an archaeologist.

She was fabulous.



   

                   

She was a nymphomaniac.



   

                   

Okay, she had a

problem with fidelity.



   

                   

I didnít happen to see it.

But she was brilliant.



   

                   

What about Carol? What

was her last name?



   

                   

Carol was a poet and

a member of Mensa.



   

                   

She was a heroin addict.



   

                   

Yes, but I thought

it was insulin!



   

                   

You know what

the problem is? Listen.



   

                   

This is the problem!



   

                   

Heís still in love with you.

I always said this.



   

                   

Who can blame him?

Of course he is.



   

                   

-Thatís the problem.

-Come here, my two men.



   

                   

Iím pining after Giselle.



   

                   

Wail find someone.



   

                   

I donít know if we will.



   

                   

-We will. I know.

-This is the problem.



   

                   

Whatís all the secrecy?

Why Harry Winstonís?



   

                   

I want you to help me pick

an engagement ring for Skylar.



   

                   

Congratulations.



   

                   

You want an

engagement ring.



   

                   

Right, weíre getting married.

Or I am, not to her.



   

                   

I see. What size did

you have in mind?



   

                   

What size?



   

                   

Well, I know sheís not huge.



   

                   

Sheís not bony, either.



   

                   

-Something simple but elegant?

-Thatís it.



   

                   

Simple but elegant. Exactly.

I told you he was the guy.



   

                   

Like this one.



   

                   

God, thatís beautiful.



   

                   

Itís perfect.



   

                   

Itís the most beautiful

ring I ever saw.



   

                   

What would that cost? I like it.



   

                   

$     .



   

                   

$      you said?



   

                   

Let me take it off then,

because I donít think...



   

                   

Actually, as I look at it...



   

                   

itís not to Skylarís taste.

Itís tacky.



   

                   

Sheís not a Mafia bride.

Help me.



   

                   

Hereís a lovely one.



   

                   

That is pretty.



   

                   

Whatíll it cost me?

$  ,   ? $    ?



   

                   

$    .



   

                   

Itís more in the ballpark, in

the right neighbourhood.



   

                   

-Not my neighbourhood, but...

-Itís a better neighbourhood.



   

                   

What the hell, right?

Weíre getting married.



   

                   

Letís do it.



   

                   

I think itís an absolutely

exquisite ring.



   

                   

My baby donít

care for rings...



   

                   

or other expensive

things.



   

                   

My baby just cares for me.



   

                   

My baby donít go for...



   

                   

big Rolls-Royces.



   

                   

Thereís sometimes a doubt

about her choices.



   

                   

My baby donít care to own...



   

                   

some   -carat stone.



   

                   

Sheís sensible as can be.



   

                   

My baby donít

care who knows it.



   

                   

My baby just cares for me.



   

                   

Heís so happy since the day...



   

                   

he fell in love in a real big way.



   

                   

And the big surprise is

someone loves him too.



   

                   

Itís difficult for us to see...



   

                   

just what she could

possibly see in he.



   

                   

But it simply goes to

prove what love can do.



   

                   

His baby donít

care for shows.



   

                   

His baby donít

care for clothes.



   

                   

My baby just cares for me!



   

                   

Nobody else will do!



   

                   

His baby donít care

for furs and laces.



   

                   

His baby donít care for races...



   

                   

or high-toned places.



   

                   

-My babyís not much for sports...

-Gets out of sorts.



   

                   

Like running round tennis courts.



   

                   

I must say Iím glad that she...



   

                   

Heís glad to say that she...



   

                   

has made such a fine selection.



   

                   

My baby just cares for me!



   

                   

My baby just cares for me!



   

                   

His baby just cares for...



   

                   

My baby just cares for me!



   

                   

Mrs Holden Spence.



   

                   

Skylar Spence. I love it.



   

                   

Heís taking her

to Le Cirque tonight.



   

                   

-No kidding?

-I think heís going to propose.



   

                   

And I introduced them.



   

                   

Weíve heard it, Dad.



   

                   

I did. He came to work

at our law firm.



   

                   

The first day I said:



   

                   

ĎThis kidís great. His feet are on

the ground. Heís perfect for her.í



   

                   

Frieda, the pasta

has no sauce.



   

                   

Bavarian pasta

doesnít need sauce.



   

                   

Italian pasta needs sauce.

The italians were weak.



   

                   

Fine. Give me some pepper.



   

                   

Your solution to rampant crime

is just to let criminals go free?



   

                   

No. Charles Ferry

deserves a parole.



   

                   

You want someone like

this out on the streets?



   

                   

Armed robbery, assault,

attempted escape.



   

                   

-He was an abused child.

-Have some compassion.



   

                   

He went to prison for life because

of his horrible childhood.



   

                   

Something you know nothing about.



   

                   

-Then one mistake...

-Are you kidding?



   

                   

A bad trial,

corrupt judges...



   

                   

Calm down, both of you.



   

                   

-I donít want to discuss this.

-I canít listen to this.



   

                   

-I need my wallet.

-Whereíre you going?



   

                   

The Polo Grounds.

Giants and Cardinals are playing.



   

                   

You canít go out. If you want to

take a walk, go with Frieda.



   

                   

But theyíre playing

today, Labour Day.



   

                   

Itís June, Grandpa.



   

                   

The Polo Grounds

closed years ago.



   

                   

-Rained out?

-Take him for a short walk.



   

                   

No, Iím not going with Frieda.



   

                   

No, no, not with her. I donít

need a German Shepherd.



   

                   

Take a nice walk.



   

                   

You know what the kids say?



   

                   

They think Holdenís giving a

surprise to Skylar tonight.



   

                   

If you keep gossiping about

it, it wonít be a surprise.



   

                   

I told you not to tell.



   

                   

Iím going out. If Minnie calls,

tell her Iím at the Polo Grounds.



   

                   

Minnieís been dead    years.



   

                   

Iím not arguing that. But if

she calls, iíll be home later.



   

                   

   is too young to get married.



   

                   

If this was anyone but

Holden, iíd be against it.



   

                   

No way Iím getting

married till Iím   .



   

                   

Then Iíll probably

live with a woman.



   

                   

Why do you make these jokes?



   

                   

You like Holden, right?



   

                   

The problem is Skylar.

Sheís a romantic twit.



   

                   

Holdenís not romantic

enough for her.



   

                   

So what? Sheís going

to marry him, right?



   

                   

I hope so. I want her

room when she does.



   

                   

She should leap at this guy.



   

                   

Skylar suffers from

white knight syndrome.



   

                   

Since her hormones kicked in,

sheís hoped for some...



   

                   

charismatic guy to

sweep her off her feet.



   

                   

So Holden is that young

Lochinvar, all right?



   

                   

Heís a young schnook.



   

                   

Heís a schnook, but

heís a loveable schnook.



   

                   

What an endorsement! Iím

never bringing a guy home.



   

                   

In the first place,

heís not a schnook.



   

                   

Iím a dreamer...



   

                   

arenít we all?



   

                   

Just a dreamer...



   

                   

arenít we all?



   

                   

In my dreams, each

night it seems...



   

                   

my sweetheart comes to call.



   

                   

Heís so charming,

strong and tall.



   

                   

Itís alarming

howl fall.



   

                   

Heís ideal.



   

                   

But then he isnít

real and Iím a fool.



   

                   

But arenít we all?



   

                   

Can I tell you

how I see us?



   

                   

How?



   

                   

We get married and we live

by my parents in Sharon.



   

                   

I could never

leave New York.



   

                   

We leave my parents in Sharon,

right? We live in New York.



   

                   

Itís just that we may want

more space if we have   kids.



   

                   

I want two children.



   

                   

Two is perfect.



   

                   

Two is perfect for me...



   

                   

because four is...



   

                   

really a lot and...



   

                   

youíll stay at home...



   

                   

No, Iíll be working.



   

                   

When not working full-time.

Youíll have a career. Journalism.



   

                   

Architecture.



   

                   

Architecture? Since when?



   

                   

I donít know, just

some thoughts Iíve had.



   

                   

I mean, you majored

in journalism, but...



   

                   

The important thing is...



   

                   

that we agree on just about

everything, it seems.



   

                   

Shall I bring the dessert, sir?



   

                   

Itís time for

dessert? Yes, it is.



   

                   

Excuse me a second. Iíll

just tend to a small matter.



   

                   

Itís ready, just as you wished.



   

                   

Think itíll work?



   

                   

Thatís perfect, Umberto.



   

                   

Glad you like it, sir.



   

                   

Let me show you

my end of the deal.



   

                   

Thatís a honey, huh?



   

                   

Set me back a bit,

I donít mind saying.



   

                   

Iím sure. A brilliant

idea. Very romantic.



   

                   

Thatís the kind of guy I am.



   

                   

I can see that.



   

                   

Here we go. Iím just going

to lay that right there.



   

                   

Will that knock her socks off?



   

                   

Shall we?



   

                   

Go ahead. Iím relying on you.



   

                   

Good luck.



   

                   

Everything okay?



   

                   

No problem.



   

                   

-Shall we order dessert?

-I did.



   

                   

You did?



   

                   

You like take-charge guys, and

Iím coming through for you.



   

                   

Itís not like you.



   

                   

Anything for you. Umberto,

will you do the honours?



   

                   

My God, itís delicious!



   

                   

Peach, my

favourite flavour.



   

                   

-Itís delicious.

-What are you doing? Stop!



   

                   

-Whereís the rest of it?

-What?



   

                   

The cream and the cherry!



   

                   

-I ate them.

-You ate the ring?



   

                   

What?



   

                   

-I bought you a diamond ring.

-You did?



   

                   

At Harry Winstonís.



   

                   

Where is it?



   

                   

It was on the dessert.



   

                   

Why?



   

                   

-I thought itíd be romantic!

-To put a ring on ice cream?



   

                   

It wasnít my idea,

it was DJís.



   

                   

She said it would give

it dramatic flair.



   

                   

I ate a diamond ring?



   

                   

I turn round for   seconds and

$     goes down your throat.



   

                   

Oh, my God!



   

                   

Stay calm.



   

                   

How big was it?



   

                   

It was a big rock.



   

                   

-I swallowed what, a carat?

-A karat-and-a-half.



   

                   

Youíd like two carrots?



   

                   

Iím dying!



   

                   

Youíre not.



   

                   

Something wrong, sir?



   

                   

Just swallowed a little

jewelry, itís all right.



   

                   

-How could you?

-Enjoy your dinner.



   

                   

How could l? Most people look at

their food before plunging into it.



   

                   

Let me check your mouth.



   

                   

This isnít much of a problem.



   

                   

Itís in an accessible place.



   

                   

Itís an absolutely

beautiful ring.



   

                   

A brilliant choice.



   

                   

Congratulations, girl.



   

                   

It is beautiful.



   

                   

Look, she got engaged.



   

                   

What is it, two karats?



   

                   

One-and-a-half.



   

                   

White gold?



   

                   

Solid platinum.



   

                   

Thatís good.



   

                   

-Harry Winstonís.

-How much?



   

                   

    .



   

                   

I can get the same ring for you

for   from my brother-in-law.



   

                   

Youíre paying for the name.



   

                   

Heís a wonderful man.



   

                   

Am I going to scar?



   

                   

Doctors look at X-rays

but they seldom grin.



   

                   

Iím always on the

outside...



   

                   

looking in.



   

                   

Maybe thatís why

I see the funny side...



   

                   

When I see a fallen

brother take a bride.



   

                   

Weddings make a

lot of people sad.



   

                   

But if you're not the groom...



   

                   

youíre not so bad.



   

                   

Another bride,

anothergroom...



   

                   

another sunny honeymoon.



   

                   

Another season...



   

                   

another reason...



   

                   

for making whoopee.



   

                   

A lot of shoes...



   

                   

a lot of rice...



   

                   

the groom is nervous...



   

                   

he answers twice.



   

                   

Itís really killing...



   

                   

thatís heís so willing...



   

                   

to make whoopee.



   

                   

Picture a little

love nest...



   

                   

down where the roses cling...



   

                   

picture the same

sweet love nest...



   

                   

think what a year can bring.



   

                   

Heís washing dishes...



   

                   

and baby clothes...



   

                   

heís so ambitious...



   

                   

he even sews.



   

                   

But donít forget folks...



   

                   

thatís what you get, folks...



   

                   

for making whoopee.



   

                   

Just for making whoopee.



   

                   

Heís washing dishes...



   

                   

and baby clothes...



   

                   

heís so ambitious...



   

                   

he even sews.



   

                   

But donít forget folks...



   

                   

thatís what you get, folks...



   

                   

Summer came, and Lane and

Laura got jobs at the Met...



   

                   

and spent weekends

at the beach.



   

                   

Mom organised a petition for

Charles Ferryís parole.



   

                   

Her new pet cause.



   

                   

She even visited the prison and

was appalled by the conditions.



   

                   

What we need are open prisons.



   

                   

Space where the damaged

human spirit can heal.



   

                   

Give them an opportunity to

decorate their own cells...



   

                   

with their own

personal decorators.



   

                   

And better cuisine.



   

                   

European menus.



   

                   

As for me, over the years I was

used to splitting summers up...



   

                   

July with Mom in New York,

and August with Dad in Europe.



   

                   

Usually it was Paris, but this

time he took me to Venice.



   

                   

I think he wanted to get over

memories of losing Giselle.



   

                   

All I can say is if weíre

talking about romantic cities...



   

                   

theyíve got the most

gorgeous guys there...



   

                   

and they canít keep their

hands off you. Itís great.



   

                   

The first week was just heaven

for me. Having a ball...



   

                   

sailing on gondolas.



   

                   

But Dad just seemed to

hang around the hotel.



   

                   

Giselle was still

haunting him.



   

                   

Iím through with love.



   

                   

Iíll never fall again.



   

                   

Said Ďadieuí to love.



   

                   

Donít ever call again.



   

                   

For I must have you or no-one.



   

                   

And so Iím through with love.



   

                   

Iíve locked my heart...



   

                   

Iíll keep my

feelings there.



   

                   

Iíve stocked my heart...



   

                   

with icy frigid air.



   

                   

And I mean to

fall for no-one...



   

                   

because Iím through with love.



   

                   

I feel so guilty.



   

                   

-You should have fun.

-I am.



   

                   

I still canít figure out what

went wrong with Giselle.



   

                   

I always thought she

was a little flighty.



   

                   

Want a drink?

Iíll have a beer.



   

                   

A Bellini.



   

                   

Let me give you this advice.



   

                   

When a relationship breaks

up, and I hope they donít...



   

                   

Better to be the leaver than the

leavee, Ďcause the leaver leaves.



   

                   

But the leavee is left.



   

                   

Itís terrible.



   

                   

The worst that happens to the

leaver is a little survivor guilt.



   

                   

Survivor guilt is the worst thing

that should ever happen to you.



   

                   

Tomorrow i'll spend with you.



   

                   

Itís not necessary, really.



   

                   

Donít turn round. That couple!



   

                   

-Donít turn round.

-Who?



   

                   

I told you about her. I saw

her check in the other day.



   

                   

Sheís lovely, but I

think sheís married.



   

                   

Isnít she?



   

                   

Oh, my God!



   

                   

Beautiful, right?



   

                   

I know who she is.



   

                   

Youíre kidding.



   

                   

Why didnít I think of it?

Sheís perfect for you.



   

                   

How can she be?

Sheís married.



   

                   

Not happily married.

Youíd love her.



   

                   

Who is she? Howíd

you know her?



   

                   

My friendís motherís her shrink.

I know everything about her.



   

                   

-Whatís her name?

-I donít know.



   

                   

What do you mean?



   

                   

Whatís wrong with you?

Stop teasing me.



   

                   

Sheís an art historian, and sheís

here to see the Tintorettos.



   

                   

Know what Iím thinking?



   

                   

Youíve got that

look on your face.



   

                   

She jogs every morning.

You can bump into her.



   

                   

No thanks. Sheís married.



   

                   

Iím telling you, not

happily married.



   

                   

Complete mismatch.

The guy is some actor.



   

                   

He wonít interfere tomorrow,

he sleeps late. No problem.



   

                   

You can meet her. Sheíll be

alone. I know it for a fact.



   

                   

Iím out of shape.

I canít jog.



   

                   

I havenít touched my

treadmill in weeks.



   

                   

    weeks, thatís    years.



   

                   

Stop looking at me

like that. I wonít do it.



   

                   

Weíre going to get you some

jogging clothes. Tomorrow...



   

                   

She is really something.



   

                   

Youíre going to jog.



   

                   

Sorry, are you okay?



   

                   

Yes, are you all right?



   

                   

Do you know where

the Hotel Gritti is?



   

                   

I think itís that way.



   

                   

Over there? Because I...

jogging in Venice is so...



   

                   

Labyrinthine.



   

                   

You okay?



   

                   

Yes, Iím fine. You must keep

in shape. I jog every day. You?



   

                   

I do.



   

                   

Youíre American?



   

                   

Itís a great country.



   

                   

The mountains and the prairies...



   

                   

the oceans, you know, white

foam and everything...



   

                   

Are you okay?



   

                   

-Sit down.

-No, Iím okay.



   

                   

Just a chest pain radiating

down my arm, but...



   

                   

Thatís your heart.



   

                   

No, itís stress. I get

it every other day.



   

                   

Whatís your name?



   

                   

Here you are.



   

                   

I was giving him directions.

You okay?



   

                   

You wanted to do   miles.



   

                   

You okay?



   

                   

-Yes, Iím fine.

-Just breathe. Breathe.



   

                   

I nearly died. Couldnít breathe.

Then her husband showed up.



   

                   

Her husband came?

Thatís rare.



   

                   

So is coronary thrombosis

in our family.



   

                   

Did you get her name?



   

                   

Von. Vonnie.



   

                   

Sheís passionate about Tintoretto.

Sheís writing a book about him.



   

                   

Sheís obviously here to visit the

Scuola Grande di San Rocco.



   

                   

I donít know what this means.

Why all these art books?



   

                   

Sheíll be at the Scuola. He wonít.

They have nothing in common.



   

                   

You bump into her. The groundworkís

been laid. You say...



   

                   

ĎDidnít we

meet jogging?í



   

                   

ĎThe guy with the stroke.í

Sheíll remember.



   

                   

Then you impress her with your

knowledge of her favourite painter.



   

                   

Youíre kidding.



   

                   

My art knowledge is limited

to Kirk Douglas as Van Gogh.



   

                   

What do I know about this?



   

                   

Trust me. Before we leave Venice,

your lips will be pressed to hers.



   

                   

Unfortunately I left my

Chapstick in New York.



   

                   

What is this?



   

                   

ĎThe rapidity of

his brush strokes...í



   

                   

ĎChiaroscuro.í



   

                   

ĎOutbursts of colour.í



   

                   

I told Dad everything

I knew about Von.



   

                   

He studied his Tintoretto book.



   

                   

I told him her likes, her

dislikes, her deepest feelings...



   

                   

everything from her passion for

Bora-Bora and Mahlerís  th...



   

                   

to her favourite flower,

the African Daisy.



   

                   

I mean, everything.



   

                   

When he went to the

museum that day...



   

                   

he couldíve given a

course on the subject.



   

                   

Hello again.



   

                   

Goodness!



   

                   

You lived. How are you?

I was concerned.



   

                   

No, no, I was fine.

I went back to the hotel and...



   

                   

had the concierge oil my

pacemaker and, you know, l...



   

                   

Incidentally, my

nameís Joe Berlin.



   

                   

Vonnie Sydell.



   

                   

A funny coincidence. I see

you here, two New Yorkers...



   

                   

jogging in Venice and we

bump into each other.



   

                   

Howíd you know

I was a New Yorker?



   

                   

No, I didnít.

I just assumed...



   

                   

But youíre completely correct

to ask that question.



   

                   

Itís a good question. You

shouldnít be ashamed of it.



   

                   

I live on   th and Riverside.

Where in New York do you live?



   

                   

In Paris. I was a New Yorker

but I settled in Paris.



   

                   

But I come back to New York

all the time. I love it there.



   

                   

What brings you here?



   

                   

I wouldnít come to Venice

without checking out the Tintorettos.



   

                   

Because heís my favourite

master in the world.



   

                   

I just adore his work.

Iím crazy about it.



   

                   

He was a deep genius.



   

                   

The deepest.



   

                   

The rapidity of

his brush strokes...



   

                   

Chiaroscuro...



   

                   

Outbursts of colour...



   

                   

His capacity for

controlled gesture...



   

                   

Born in      only to

die again in     ...



   

                   

but thatís the way it

happens to most of us.



   

                   

You have a real appreciation

of his work.



   

                   

How could I not appreciate a

man who was short in stature...



   

                   

but with a proud

and obstinate nature...



   

                   

who painted outside the...



   

                   

the academic conventions

of   th century Venice?



   

                   

What do you do?



   

                   

Call me Joe.



   

                   

Iím a writer.

A novelist, mostly.



   

                   

Joe Berlin...



   

                   

I saw one of your books.



   

                   

I remember it had

a very sexy cover.



   

                   

It was at the stalls

on  th Avenue, the    cent bin.



   

                   

You know, probably the

get-acquainted price.



   

                   

Theyíll do that.



   

                   

In the United States Iím

considered controversial...



   

                   

but in Paris, where they

have an ear for literature...



   

                   

they were quick to

recognise the genius of...



   

                   

Poe and Faulkner

and myself.



   

                   

Basically, you see,

Iím a simple guy.



   

                   

My idea is just to live

in Paris and maybe...



   

                   

you know, fall in love and...



   

                   

take walks...



   

                   

in the rain and...



   

                   

Listen to music like...



   

                   

particularly maybe

Mahlerís  th.



   

                   

This could be me talking.



   

                   

Could it?



   

                   

Mahlerís  th, no question.



   

                   

See, Iím not a...



   

                   

what youíd call

a technology guy.



   

                   

I hate it.



   

                   

I know, I can tell.



   

                   

I still work on...



   

                   

one of those old-fashioned

portable typewriters...



   

                   

So you havenít succumbed

to the computer age?



   

                   

I like the simple life. I like to

sit at home in Paris and write...



   

                   

maybe visit New York a

certain amount, and in summer...



   

                   

maybe spend some time...



   

                   

someplace romantic,

like...



   

                   

Bora-Bora.



   

                   

I love Bora-Bora. Since I first

went, I still think about it.



   

                   

Naturally, itís beautiful.



   

                   

At night, the stars are so luminous

you can practically read by them.



   

                   

Read by them, yes.



   

                   

Are you okay?



   

                   

You got a...a little...



   

                   

mist appeared

in your eye then.



   

                   

I thought you were

going to cry, I swear.



   

                   

No, Iím okay.



   

                   

Is something wrong?



   

                   

Whatís wrong?



   

                   

Nothingís wrong. Somethingís

exactly so right.



   

                   

Wait here. Iíll

be right back.



   

                   

All my life...



   

                   

Iíve been waiting for you.



   

                   

My wonderful one.



   

                   

Iíve begun living.



   

                   

All my life...



   

                   

All my love...



   

                   

has been waiting for you.



   

                   

My life is sublime...



   

                   

now that Iím giving...



   

                   

All my love...



   

                   

I got you a present.



   

                   

An African Daisy.

My favourite.



   

                   

What are you

doing tonight?



   

                   

I think Greg

and I have plans.



   

                   

Howíd it go?



   

                   

She was great. Whatever you

told me was right on the money.



   

                   

I feel guilty.



   

                   

Why?



   

                   

Because I made her cry. She

said she felt close to me.



   

                   

So? Youíve established a beachhead.

Now win the battle.



   

                   

Remember to blow between

her shoulder blades. She goes crazy.



   

                   

I wonít do it. Whatís between her

and her shrink is private.



   

                   

Are you going to give me a

map of her erogenous zones?



   

                   

Are you seeing her tonight?



   

                   

No. Sheís married.



   

                   

Listen, I donít know Bora-

Bora from Walla-walla.



   

                   

What do I know about Tintoretto?



   

                   

I canít tell the difference between

chiaroscuro and spaghetti sauce.



   

                   

Remember to blow

between her shoulder blades.



   

                   

I wonít do it. Plus, I use a word

processor, not a typewriter.



   

                   

I hope you have something great

to wear. Thereís a party tonight.



   

                   

Party?



   

                   

I want to introduce you to someone.



   

                   

Dad...



   

                   

this is Alberto.



   

                   

Nice to meet you.



   

                   

Hello. Who are all

these people?



   

                   

Venetians. Friends,

guests in town.



   

                   

Enjoying your

stay in Venice?



   

                   

Itís the best.

Sheíll tell you.



   

                   

Dad, you should be

the first to know.



   

                   

Weíre getting married.



   

                   

Wonderful. Tell me what

century and iíll rent a tux.



   

                   

This January.



   

                   

Pardon me?



   

                   

This January.



   

                   

Youíre joking.



   

                   

Iím in love with Djuna.



   

                   

We all love her, because

sheís adorable, but you are...



   

                   

This is a jest.



   

                   

January   th, to be exact.



   

                   

Itís his

motherís birthday.



   

                   

A joke, am I right?



   

                   

Not at all.



   

                   

Excuse me a second.



   

                   

Come. I want to

talk a minute.



   

                   

What are you talking about?



   

                   

Sorry.



   

                   

Tell me itís a joke, or

thereíll be carnage.



   

                   

Weíre crazy about each other.



   

                   

How can you be...? You

met this guy   days ago.



   

                   

So?



   

                   

Are you having a breakdown?



   

                   

Why, because Iím in love?



   

                   

What do you mean, in love?

What does he do?



   

                   

Heís a gondolier.



   

                   

One of the guys with

a striped shirt and a hat?



   

                   

No hat.



   

                   

-What do you mean?

-He doesnít wear a hat.



   

                   

This is crazy! What

are you gonna...



   

                   

Talk to me. Youíre talking

about getting married?



   

                   

Thatís insanity!



   

                   

Why?



   

                   

ĎCause youíre going

to school, to Columbia.



   

                   

Youíre going to major in journalism

or law, not rowing.



   

                   

People have dropped out

of Columbia before.



   

                   

Youíre not going to run off

with a guy you just met...



   

                   

and whoís a gondolier.



   

                   

Heís a poet.



   

                   

A poet?



   

                   

Know what rhymes with

gondolier? No Lira. Okay?



   

                   

So forget it.



   

                   

Hello again. God, what

a coincidence.



   

                   

This is Joe, Greg.



   

                   

How are you?



   

                   

-The one with the heart attack?

-That was me.



   

                   

Is Bernardo Bertolucci here?



   

                   

-I wouldnít recognise him.

-I have to meet him.



   

                   

Mind if I go on?



   

                   

-Itís a madhouse.

-IíIl get you a drink.



   

                   

-Incredible.

-Is it?



   

                   

Have you seen this place?



   

                   

Itís unbelievable.



   

                   

The whole thing is

like an old palazzo.



   

                   

And itís really beautiful.

But itís frantic in there.



   

                   

You look great.



   

                   

Donít say that.



   

                   

Why?



   

                   

I canít take a compliment.



   

                   

Youíre terrific. Why

not? Iím sorry.



   

                   

No, itís my problem.



   

                   

Why? Does it make

you feel guilty?



   

                   

Maybe. I donít know.

Youíve got all the answers.



   

                   

I think it makes

you feel guilty.



   

                   

You must have fantasies of...



   

                   

maybe someone

coming along that...



   

                   

You probably have

dreams about boats...



   

                   

or ships maybe, or even...



   

                   

an elevator that...



   

                   

Youíre on an elevator that goes

higher and higher to the top floor.



   

                   

And then it doesnít

stop, it just goes...



   

                   

through the roof and...



   

                   

it sort of flies

you over the ocean...



   

                   

I think Iím going to faint.



   

                   

I do.



   

                   

Are you okay?



   

                   

Iím a little overwhelmed and...



   

                   

Iím glad youíre

leaving tomorrow.



   

                   

Next morning,

we left Venice.



   

                   

Dad flew to Paris,

I went to New York.



   

                   

I couldnít wait to tell Mom

about marrying Alberto.



   

                   

He was so beautiful,

so sensitive.



   

                   

My plan was to leave Columbia

and go to Italy after the fall.



   

                   

Excuse me, thatís mine.



   

                   

Iím sorry.



   

                   

Iím sorry. Itís not mine.



   

                   

We both shop at

ĎHunting World.í



   

                   

Thatís where I got it.



   

                   

Now I know itís mine.



   

                   

Iíll give you a hand.



   

                   

Bra, underwear.



   

                   

Petrarch's sonnets.



   

                   

What do you do?



   

                   

Depends on the guy.



   

                   

No, just kidding.



   

                   

I work for the Columbian

drug cartel.



   

                   

I gift-wrap

the cocaine.



   

                   

Why am I so nervous?

I study at Columbia.



   

                   

Is that right? My uncle

teaches there.



   

                   

Math department.

Iím Ken Grisley.



   

                   

Djuna Berlin.



   

                   

Do I want to spend my life

making pasta and riding in gondolas?



   

                   

The truth is, those canals

are awfully polluted.



   

                   

Alberto was cute,

but Ken was...



   

                   

hot.



   

                   

Cuddle up...



   

                   

a little closer.



   

                   

Lovely mine.



   

                   

Cuddle up...



   

                   

and be my little

clinging vine.



   

                   

Like to feel your

cheeks so rosy.



   

                   

Like to make

you comfy-cosy.



   

                   

ĎCause I love you

from head to toesy.



   

                   

Lovely mine.



   

                   

While i'd been away,

an awful lot had happened.



   

                   

Mom bought Skylar a

drop-dead wedding dress.



   

                   

Holdenís father and

my father made friends.



   

                   

They discovered a common

interest - horse racing.



   

                   

So they chipped in and

bought a thoroughbred.



   

                   

And Lane and Laura had a

great summer at the beach.



   

                   

But one hot weekend, with

everyone else out of New York...



   

                   

they found

themselves in town.



   

                   

Weíre probably the

only ones in the city.



   

                   

We usually go to Southampton,

but we have tickets to a show.



   

                   

I love the city

when itís empty.



   

                   

Me too.



   

                   

Me too.



   

                   

To make a long story short,

theyíve all become close.



   

                   

His name, if you can believe

it, is Jeffrey Vandermost.



   

                   

Heís heir to the

Vandermost millions.



   

                   

They both love him and one of

them'll have a broken heart.



   

                   

Fall was especially

beautiful this year.



   

                   

I like it better

than spring.



   

                   

And with October

comes Momís birthday.



   

                   

This year we invited Holdenís

parents to celebrate.



   

                   

But just before they arrived

we had an unexpected visitor.



   

                   

Happy birthday!



   

                   

These are from my biological

father, all the way from Paris.



   

                   

-Look, everybody!

-Know what it is? Caviar!



   

                   

Could you put

this on ice, Frieda?



   

                   

-Are you expecting a Mr Ferry?

-I am, yes.



   

                   

You are?



   

                   

He just got out of prison.

He has no family...



   

                   

but we can be his friends.



   

                   

Youíre letting a

criminal in our house?



   

                   

Heís paid his

debt to society.



   

                   

-He has not paid...

-Donít start.



   

                   

Society forgave him his debt,

he didnít pay his debt to society.



   

                   

Howíd I get a kid on the other end

of the political scale? I failed.



   

                   

You didnít fail.



   

                   

If I was you, iíd

hide the silverware.



   

                   

Donít be rude. Heís

coming for just a drink.



   

                   

You guys have everything.



   

                   

Mr Ferry, hi. Iím Bob Dandridge.

This is my wife, Steffi.



   

                   

Hello, Mr Ferry. Welcome

to our home.



   

                   

Iíd like you to meet

my daughter, Skylar.



   

                   

This is Skylar,

and her fiancť, Holden.



   

                   

-Iím the fiancť.

-Can I get you something?



   

                   

Nobody gets behind me.



   

                   

Right, sure. Can I

get you a drink?



   

                   

Vodka.



   

                   

Right, well, maybe

on the...? Or just...?



   

                   

Straight up.



   

                   

Honey, Mr Perr...Ferry. Sorry,

heís lived among vicious killers.



   

                   

-You said it.

-No wonder heís skittish.



   

                   

A lot of times a guy'll come

up behind you and swish.



   

                   

You must get your blade out

quick. Stick him or youíre dead.



   

                   

God! Have you stuck a

lot of inmates, Mr Ferry?



   

                   

Enough.



   

                   

The doorbell.



   

                   

Excuse me, I need to

get in front of you here.



   

                   

Would you like another?



   

                   

Hi. Hello.

How are you?



   

                   

Happy birthday, Steffi.



   

                   

Thank you, Lynn. Thanks for coming.



   

                   

I have someone I want

you to meet, Mr Ferry.



   

                   

This is my good friend, Lynn.



   

                   

And Arnold. This is my friend.



   

                   

Mr Ferry is

just out of prison.



   

                   

Parole came through, but

iíd have got out anyway.



   

                   

-Really?

-What do you mean?



   

                   

Ice the guard.

No pictures, sister.



   

                   

What do you mean?



   

                   

Ice him, and get out

through the air shaft.



   

                   

Get behind him with a box

cutter, rip out his carotid artery.



   

                   

May I have a glass

of white wine?



   

                   

We have some inside.



   

                   

You must be careful though.



   

                   

Guy on Cell Block   tried it and

didnít have the angles figured.



   

                   

Got his tit caught in the wringer.



   

                   

-Take him on the terrace.

-I need to sit down.



   

                   

Yes, the terrace. Big,

wide-open spaces.



   

                   

You sure this guy

is rehabilitated?



   

                   

He was in prison,

not a finishing school.



   

                   

You know my sentiments,

but very happy birthday.



   

                   

A birthday song

for Steffi.



   

                   

Looking at you while

troubles are fleeing...



   

                   

Iím admiring the view...



   

                   

ĎCause itís you that Iím seeing.



   

                   

And the sweet honeydew

of well-being...



   

                   

settles on me.



   

                   

What is this light that

shines when you enter...



   

                   

Iike a star

in the night?



   

                   

And whatís to prevent her

from destroying my sight...



   

                   

if you centre it all on me?



   

                   

Looking at you, Iím

filled with the essence of...



   

                   

the quintessence of joy.



   

                   

Looking at you, I

hear poets tellin' of...



   

                   

Lovely Helen of Troy.



   

                   

Darling, life

seemed so grey...



   

                   

Iíve wanted to end it.



   

                   

Till that marvellous day...



   

                   

you started to mend it.



   

                   

And if you'll only stay...



   

                   

then iíll spend it with you.



   

                   

Sweetie.



   

                   

Iím gonna get some drinks.

Want anything?



   

                   

No thanks, but can you get

Steffi's present from the car?



   

                   

Here.



   

                   

Enjoying the view?



   

                   

I like any view after years

in that stinking rat hole.



   

                   

Very vividly put.

Sweetly honest.



   

                   

You know what solitaryís like?



   

                   

No, I canít say I do.



   

                   

I went to NYU. I

didnít live in the dorm.



   

                   

Been a long time

since I smelled perfume.



   

                   

Do I have too much on?



   

                   

You smell like what I think

heaven would smell like.



   

                   

Well, thank you. Very nice.



   

                   

When you shook my hand...



   

                   

I thought my heart would stop.



   

                   

Oh, thatís sweet.



   

                   

But remember, youíve been

deprived of female contact.



   

                   

I used to lie in my cell and

dream of someone like you.



   

                   

I took a Criminology course

at college. Very insightful.



   

                   

You got very sensual lips.



   

                   

Itís a part of me

I rarely think of.



   

                   

Can I smell your hair?



   

                   

Smell my hair? Okay.



   

                   

You know what? it'll be gone soon.

Iím thinking of cutting it.



   

                   

Holden might like that.



   

                   

If you were my girl...



   

                   

Itís a little chilly outside.



   

                   

Iíd make love to you

in every room in the house.



   

                   

On every bed.



   

                   

On every rug.



   

                   

On every tabletop.



   

                   

We also have some lovely

Early-American chandeliers.



   

                   

Letís go

for a drive.



   

                   

I donít think itís

such a good idea.



   

                   

I havenít seen the ocean or been

to Harlem or Chinatown in years.



   

                   

No, itís out of the question.



   

                   

Okay, but you canít

blame me for trying.



   

                   

No, I think we should

go inside before...



   

                   

Before what?



   

                   

Before you break

your parole.



   

                   

If I took you in my arms and kissed

you, would you dime on me?



   

                   

Dime?



   

                   

Turn me in.



   

                   

Letís not find out.



   

                   

How was it?



   

                   

Very interesting.



   

                   

Iíve never been kissed

by a sociopath before.



   

                   

I kissed you the best I could. The

only practice I had in    years...



   

                   

is with Vincent ĎThe

Thumbí Adatto.



   

                   

Vincent ĎThe Thumbí doesnít

know what heís missing.



   

                   

Can I see you again?



   

                   

You know Iím getting married.



   

                   

I could show the

world how to smile.



   

                   

I could be glad...



   

                   

all of the while.



   

                   

I could change the

grey skies to blue.



   

                   

If i had you.



   

                   

I could leave the

old days behind...



   

                   

Leave all my pals,

iíd never mind.



   

                   

I could start

my life all anew.



   

                   

If i had you..



   

                   

I could climb the

snow-capped mountains...



   

                   

sail the mighty ocean wide.



   

                   

I could cross the

burning desert.



   

                   

If i had you by my side.



   

                   

I could be a king, uncrowned...



   

                   

Humble, poor, rich, renowned.



   

                   

There is nothing I couldnít do.



   

                   

If i had you.



   

                   

Heís en route to New York

now, and heís wonderful.



    

                   

Itís been like...



    

                   

a chance meeting after all these

years with a true soul mate.



    

                   

He senses my every need. Like

he knows what Iím thinking.



    

                   

Itís your fantasy come true.



    

                   

It is. I still

canít believe it.



    

                   

You know, itís not that heís tall...



    

                   

or handsome, but heís...



    

                   

Heís magical.



    

                   

And he feels me in a way no

man ever has done before.



    

                   

Heís romantic and sexy and...



    

                   

I had this dream...



    

                   

that I was in bed with him...



    

                   

and he was kissing my earlobes...



    

                   

and then he started stroking

my shoulder blades.



    

                   

And I nearly had an orgasm.



    

                   

I had a lot of neat

stuff to tell Dad.



    

                   

Heíd really made a

big score with Von.



    

                   

But now i've got to

stop for a minute...



    

                   

because no matter how we humans

like to think we control things...



    

                   

thatís not how it works.



    

                   

Suddenly, with no warning...



    

                   

Grandpa died.



    

                   

It was in his sleep, peaceful,

with no suffering...



    

                   

but it made

philosophers of us all.



    

                   

When your number is up,

your number is up.



    

                   

Thatís why itís important that...



    

                   

we cherish each

moment of our lives.



    

                   

And not smoke.



    

                   

Smoke?



    

                   

Pop smoked for   

years, you know?



    

                   

He never exercised. He ate

cholesterol and fatty foods.



    

                   

He died at a healthy,

ripe old age.



    

                   

I havenít had steak

for so long. I love steak.



    

                   

Thatís disgusting.



    

                   

Iíd kill for some

marbleised meat.



    

                   

Now they say  

cups of coffee a day...



    

                   

prevents colon

cancer.



    

                   

Last week it was

bad for you.



    

                   

Whatís it all about?

I mean, what...?



    

                   

What are we doing?

Weíre rushing!



    

                   

Thatís right.



    

                   

Where are we going?



    

                   

Into the void.



    

                   

-The void.

-Thatís it.



    

                   

-I never believed in God.

-Oh, come.



    

                   

No, I didnít, even as a kid.

I remember I used to think...



    

                   

ĎEven if He exists, Heís

done such a terrible job...í



    

                   

Ďitís a wonder people donít file

a class action suit against Him.í



    

                   

You shouldnít say that.



    

                   

Weíre not here just because

of the new physics.



    

                   

You must believe in something.



    

                   

The dignity of man.



    

                   

The flat tax, the right to bear

arms and school prayer.



    

                   

If nobodyís out there,

whoíre they praying to?



    

                   

Donít start arguing in

front of Grandpa now.



    

                   

I canít believe you.



    

                   

One moment. He wasnít an atheist

or a Republican, or a Democrat.



    

                   

He mustíve been something.



    

                   

He was a foot fetishist.



    

                   

The only group I

remember he belonged to.



    

                   

-Thatís true.

-It drove your mother crazy.



    

                   

Pop, is that you?



    

                   

I have one message for you.



    

                   

You work and work

for years and years...



    

                   

always on the go.



    

                   

You never take a minute off...



    

                   

too busy making dough.



    

                   

Someday, you say,

youíll have your fun...



    

                   

when youíre a millionaire.

Imagine all the fun youíll have...



    

                   

in your old rocking chair.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself...



    

                   

itís later than you think.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself...



    

                   

while youíre still in the pink.



    

                   

The years go by...



    

                   

as quickly as a wink.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself...



    

                   

itís later than you think.



    

                   

Another birthdayís here and

gone, youíve turned another page.



    

                   

Suddenly you realise...



    

                   

that youíve reached middle age.



    

                   

Think of all the fun youíve

missed, makes you kind of sad...



    

                   

Itís better to have had your

wish than to have wished you had.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself...



    

                   

itís later than you think.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself...



    

                   

while youíre still in the pink.



    

                   

The years go by...



    

                   

as quickly as a wink.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself...



    

                   

itís later than you think.



    

                   

That was ...



    

                   

unbelievable.



    

                   

Just every...



    

                   

thing you did...



    

                   

and all the...



    

                   

things you did.



    

                   

Absolutely perfect.



    

                   

Actually, it wasnít perfect.



    

                   

At one point I stroked when

I should have hick eyed...



    

                   

but you know, I apologise.



    

                   

I feel limp.



    

                   

You know, Iíd really love you

to come to Paris with me.



    

                   

Iím serious.



    

                   

Paris?



    

                   

And then Bora-Bora?



    

                   

Well, yes. Bora-Bora, but

Paris first and then...



    

                   

weíd work our way down

to at least one of the Boras.



    

                   

We can live in

your garret.



    

                   

Technically,

when I say garret...



    

                   

it is a garret, yet...



    

                   

And drink wine and eat snails

till the dawn comes up.



    

                   

Snails?



    

                   

Remember? You said you also

loved waking up in the night...



    

                   

drinking wine and eating snails.



    

                   

I said it was such a coincidence.



    

                   

Well, theyíre molluscs.



    

                   

I love a good mollusc.



    

                   

What? The weddingís off?



    

                   

Exactly. I gave back his ring.



    

                   

Why?



    

                   

Thereís someone else

I canít get out of my mind.



    

                   

But youíre in love with Holden.



    

                   

No. At least, Iím not sure.



    

                   

And I canít cheat on

him while I decide.



    

                   

Cheat? Heís going to

be your husband!



    

                   

In November. Iíll show you

the receipts from the caterers.



    

                   

Calm your

denial mechanism.



    

                   

Holden is wonderful, but

someone else came into my life.



    

                   

I must see where it goes. It'd

be unfair to Holden if not.



    

                   

Now weíve bought the

wedding dress...



    

                   

tell us who this new Prince

Charming is.



    

                   

You donít know him. Well,

you do, but not like I do.



    

                   

Iím sick.



    

                   

My oesophagus is in spasms.



    

                   

Go have a drink of water.



    

                   

Look what youíre

doing to your father.



    

                   

Who has come between

you and Holden?



    

                   

Well, heís bright and charming.



    

                   

Rough on the outside,

but that can change.



    

                   

Who is it? Will you tell us,

or is this like a game show?



    

                   

You remember Charles Ferry?



    

                   

Pardon me?



    

                   

For a minute I thought

she said Charles Ferry.



    

                   

Now my oesophagus

is starting to move.



    

                   

The escaped convict?



    

                   

Ex-convict. He has

a college degree.



    

                   

This is a psychotic episode.



    

                   

You need shock treatment, or

industrial-strength Prozac.



    

                   

Mom, you understand.



    

                   

Heís incredibly animalistic.



    

                   

So we turn him

over to the zoo.



    

                   

And yet, heís a child.



    

                   

Okay, weíll make

it the childrenís zoo.



    

                   

Heís a criminal!



    

                   

Iím shocked. Youíve been

singing his praises for months.



    

                   

As a social symbol, not as

a person to be with my child...



    

                   

How are you going to

go out with this man?



    

                   

You canít get behind him.

He wonít let you.



    

                   

You scratch his back,

heíll knife you.



    

                   

Under all that veneer is a

very soulful young attorney.



    

                   

I was hoping youíd find a

place for him in your firm.



    

                   

Sure, as treasurer.

With Holden.



    

                   

Speaking as a woman, Holden

can be very animal, too.



    

                   

Yes, Mom, but itís of

the gerbil family.



    

                   

As your father, I forbid you

to see this man Charles Ferry!



    

                   

You will marry Holden!



    

                   

As head of this house, I

command it! I decree it!



    

                   

Thou shalt wed thy intended!



    

                   

Okay, letís get a drink.



    

                   

You sound tiresomely Biblical.



    

                   

ĎTiresomely BiblicaIí? is this

Noel Coward with hockey?



    

                   

-I wonít let her waste her life.

-Sheís a grown woman.



    

                   

You!



    

                   

You got him out of jail!



    

                   

This is my fault now?



    

                   

Honey, whatís wrong?



    

                   

Jeffrey Vandermost

asked Lane out, not me.



    

                   

My God! How will I face

Arnold and Lynn Spence?



    

                   

Is that all youíre thinking about?



    

                   

We bought a racehorse together.

Heíll want to cut it in half!



    

                   

We both liked him, and today...



    

                   

he asked if we could talk

alone so I got all excited.



    

                   

Then he asked me if I thought

Lane would go out with him...



    

                   

to a dance in Connecticut.



    

                   

He has a mad crush on her.



    

                   

These things happen.



    

                   

Feelings are feeling

and sometimes...



    

                   

Iím through with love.



    

                   

Iíll never fall again.



    

                   

What are you saying?

Youíre   ! Youíll fall again.



    

                   

Look, guys, Iím sorry.



    

                   

I thought youíd be happy for me.

I hope in time you understand.



    

                   

Iím through with love.

Iíll never fall again.



    

                   

What are you singing about?

Youíre not in love with Holden!



    

                   

Iím through with love.



    

                   

Iíll never fall again.



    

                   

said Ďadieuí to love...



    

                   

ĎDonít ever call again.í



    

                   

Incidentally, while Skylar was

breaking up with Holden...



    

                   

I broke up with Ken, the one

I met at the airport.



    

                   

Because I met this rap singer.



    

                   

This guy is just so talented

and sexy and...



    

                   

he just says it all.



    

                   

Iím through with love and through

with all you motherfuckers.



    

                   

Feeling mad shitty?

Burn down the city!



    

                   

Take it over for the brothers.



    

                   

Burn it up! Come

on! Blow it up!



    

                   

Your eyes of blue...



    

                   

your kisses too.



    

                   

I never knew what

they could do.



    

                   

I canít believe...



    

                   

that youíre in love with me.



    

                   

I love the country.

The air smells so fresh.



    

                   

Charles...



    

                   

where did you get the money

for everything, and the car?



    

                   

You know. Loans.



    

                   

Itís a great idea to take

a walk here. Itís beautiful.



    

                   

Yeah. What time is it?



    

                   

Four o'clock.



    

                   

Oh, good.



    

                   

Just thought youíd want to walk

around and see the fall leaves.



    

                   

They are stunning.



    

                   

Amazing what you miss in the

joint. No seasons. A grey nothing.



    

                   

What are your plans? Not to

work in the restaurant forever.



    

                   

Youíre right. Work all day for a

few lousy bucks? I got big plans.



    

                   

Like pursuing a law career?



    

                   

What?



    

                   

A lawyer?



    

                   

Yeah, yeah, sure.



    

                   

You hear something?



    

                   

A bird?



    

                   

Here they come. Timingís perfect.



    

                   

Iím running as fast as I can.



    

                   

Move it!



    

                   

Gotta get out of here!



    

                   

Iím going!



    

                   

Back in action!



    

                   

-Way to go, Ferry!

-Got anything lined up?



    

                   

Whoís she?



    

                   

Sheís a friend.



    

                   

Whyíd you shoot? He

was emptying the register.



    

                   

Take it easy! I got nervous!



    

                   

Just let me out at the

corner of Park and   rd.



    

                   

Let me out! I want

out of this car!



    

                   

Shut up!



    

                   

Iíll be quiet!

Just let me out!



    

                   

Shut her up, or I shut her up.



    

                   

Get out!



    

                   

By October, Von had gotten

up the nerve to leave Greg.



    

                   

She got a ticket on Air France

and took the first plane to Paris.



    

                   

Dad had given up his

flat on the Left Bank...



    

                   

moving into a place he knew

would be Von's Parisian fantasy.



    

                   

He began guitar lessons...



    

                   

and even exchanged his word processor

for an old typewriter.



    

                   

Iím so happy to see you.



    

                   

God, look at your place!



    

                   

This is out of a movie. Or a...

This is like my dream.



    

                   

This is my dream apartment.

My dream view, right here.



    

                   

Back in New York, it was Halloween.



    

                   

Thatís my favourite holiday.



    

                   

All the kids in the building

come trick-or-treating and...



    

                   

they all just look so great.



    

                   

What a little moonlight can do.



    

                   

What a little moonlight

can do to you!



    

                   

Chinatown, my Chinatown...



    

                   

where the lights are low.



    

                   

In some secluded rendevouz...



    

                   

Iím Chiquita Banana

and Iíve come to say...



    

                   

bananas have to ripen

in a certain way.



    

                   

When theyíre flecked with brown

and have a golden hue...



    

                   

bananas taste the best

and are the best for you.



    

                   

You can put them in a salad.



    

                   

You can put them

in a pie...yie-yie!



    

                   

Any way you want to eat them.



    

                   

Itís impossible to beat them!



    

                   

But bananas like the climate...



    

                   

of the very tropical equator.



    

                   

So you should never put...



    

                   

bananas in the refrigerator.



    

                   

No, no, no, no!



    

                   

That was great. Terrific.



    

                   

Would you like some candy?



    

                   

What a banana!



    

                   

Iím so happy to see you!



    

                   

I wasnít sure. I was worried.



    

                   

Holden, Iím so sorry.



    

                   

It doesnít matter.



    

                   

-I behaved terribly.

-It was me, too.



    

                   

-No, it was me.

-I missed you.



    

                   

Me too.



    

                   

I brought you some Cracker Jack.



    

                   

He was so in love

with my sister...



    

                   

that it didnít matter that

Sheíd given him a hard time.



    

                   

And Mom and Dad were so

glad to see them reunited.



    

                   

He gave her back the ring,

but he wanted to be romantic.



    

                   

So he put it in the CrackerJacks

and she swallowed it again.



    

                   

The rest of fall was normal...



    

                   

for us.



    

                   

The only glitch was

on Thanksgiving.



    

                   

Just after dinner...



    

                   

Scott suddenly collapsed.



    

                   

Everybody panicked.



    

                   

Thereís no cause for alarm.



    

                   

There was a blockage in the

artery, but itís been dissolved.



    

                   

Thereís no problem?



    

                   

No, heís fine.    % .



    

                   

Our scan indicated that the

condition began some time ago...



    

                   

so if heís shown any kind of

strange or weird behaviour...



    

                   

Itís because his brain wasnít

getting enough oxygen.



    

                   

But as soon as his brain

started functioning properly...



    

                   

Scott resigned from the

Conservative Republican Club...



    

                   

and started espousing left-wing

Democratic philosophy.



    

                   

Dad was overjoyed.

Just as proud as can be.



    

                   

Remember I said New York

was most beautiful in fall?



    

                   

I meant the winter.



    

                   

At least, when it snows. Because

Under a blanket of snow...



    

                   

New York is truly

gorgeous and...



    

                   

surprisingly peaceful.



    

                   

But when Christmas comes...



    

                   

weíre not the kind of family

that sings carols...



    

                   

and we donít have a

goose or anything.



    

                   

What we do is head for Paris,

to spend Christmas at the Ritz.



    

                   

Put your finger here.



    

                   

He has a fever...itís a cold.



    

                   

Should have put on dry clothes

after you fell in the fountain.



    

                   

Iím okay. Go without me.

Iíll be all right.



    

                   

We donít want to go without you.

You love the Marx brothers.



    

                   

I just need some sleep.

Iíll be fine.



    

                   

Iím so excited.



    

                   

Iím meeting this guy named Guy...

or this guy named Guy.



    

                   

I brought you some tea.



    

                   

It wonít keep me

awake, will it?



    

                   

No, itís herbal.

Itís peppermint.



    

                   

Iíd say hello, but Iím sick and

you always catch everything.



    

                   

-What happened?

-Whatís wrong?



    

                   

Iím not going tonight.



    

                   

I knew it!



    

                   

-Nobodyís going?

-Von left me.



    

                   

-What happened?



    

                   

I have no idea, but sheís on

her way back to New York.



    

                   

When she first came,

everything was perfect.



    

                   

She said it was like a dream

had come true for her.



    

                   

And then, suddenly...



    

                   

this morning...



    

                   

I want to go back home...



    

                   

to Greg.



    

                   

Really?



    

                   

I donít know whatís up with me.



    

                   

Since when?



    

                   

I donít know.



    

                   

Why?



    

                   

I donít know how

to explain it exactly.



    

                   

Just tell me.

You know, just...



    

                   

Itís not that I donít

think youíre great.



    

                   

I think youíre great.



    

                   

Just for years i've

been married to Greg.



    

                   

And he can be difficult,

and weíve had...



    

                   

our ups and downs...



    

                   

certainly.



    

                   

Since when...?



    

                   

Look, I donít know. Itís just...



    

                   

Iíve always had

this fantasy...



    

                   

that one day iíd meet

the perfect man...



    

                   

and heíd fulfil my dreams

and I would have...



    

                   

a perfect life.



    

                   

And that fantasy...



    

                   

I think, always sort of...



    

                   

was part of this dissatisfaction

I had with Greg...



    

                   

and my life.



    

                   

And then you came along...



    

                   

and you seemed to know every

secret thing about me.



    

                   

Let me put it this way...



    

                   

I have seen my

dream come true...



    

                   

and my fantasy...



    

                   

no longer tortures me.



    

                   

I can deal with it.



    

                   

But thatís so neurotic.



    

                   

I know.



    

                   

Iím crazy.



    

                   

But suppose I said to you that...



    

                   

none of this was really

true, that this is all...



    

                   

a faÁade iíve

been putting on.



    

                   

That somehow I had access to...



    

                   

your deepest feelings, needs

and thoughts...



    

                   

and that I've been playing

this character just to...



    

                   

win you over, to get you to

like me, make you happy?



    

                   

If thatís what you told me...



    

                   

then I'd say you were crazy.



    

                   

So thatís exactly why

Iím not going tonight.



    

                   

I plan to go to Napoleonís tomb.

To lie down next to him.



    

                   

-Thatíll be my Christmas Eve.

-Thatís so sad!



    

                   

The women you pick!



    

                   

No, youíre going out.

Someoneís got to take Mom.



    

                   

Youíre too sick?



    

                   

-He looks terrible.

-Iím fine if I donít move my eyes.



    

                   

He has a     temperature.

Youíre not going anywhere.



    

                   

Iím not in a Groucho mood.



    

                   

Itís Christmas Eve, itís Paris.

Thereís a ball...



    

                   

that you helped organise.



    

                   

Iíll go for a couple hours.



    

                   

Enjoy yourself.



    

                   

I must stay here, but thereís

no reason you donít go.



    

                   

Itís later than you think.



    

                   

Remember our first

Christmas in Paris...



    

                   

the month before we married?



    

                   

I do, because that was when...



    

                   

I knew that someday I

would have to live there.



    

                   

I remember it like

it was yesterday.



    

                   

I donít want to panic you, but

that was decades ago. Decades.



    

                   

I know. I know

it was decades ago.



    

                   

Remember that cafť

we used to go to?



    

                   

Cafť TerŤse or whatever,

with the cats. Remember?



    

                   

Now iíll tell you the truth.



    

                   

I hated that cat.



    

                   

Maybe thatís why you were

scratching yourself all night.



    

                   

Was I scratching myself?



    

                   

-Thatís what you noticed?

-I certainly did.



    

                   

I hated that cat.



    

                   

I couldnít stand it...



    

                   

but now that cafť is round

the corner from my home.



    

                   

Youíre joking!



    

                   

Why would I joke about

something like that?



    

                   

You want to have

a drink there?



    

                   

-Why not?

-Because weíre drinking here.



    

                   

Why would I want to go?



    

                   

We can take our moustaches off.



    

                   

Youíre having a nostalgic...?



    

                   

Iím having a thing. Sue me.

I just thought it'd be fun.



    

                   

We canít...



    

                   

Come on, weíll take our

moustaches off, no problem.



    

                   

-That Iíd like to do.

-Me too.



    

                   

Never thought Iíd hear you

say, ĎTake my moustache off.í



    

                   

Please.



    

                   

Wail go.



    

                   

I feel good.

Iíve had   glasses of champagne.



    

                   

Letís go see this place.



    

                   

You want to sneak out?



    

                   

I do. We snuck out

before, remember?



    

                   

Remember that boring party we

went to with the Wainwrights?



    

                   

Yes, I remember, because...



    

                   

we left through

the toilet window.



    

                   

A guy was singing,

ĎClimb Every Mountain.í



    

                   

And you knocked over the punch

bowl, if I remember correctly.



    

                   

Yes, but you let out the

shriek that got us caught.



    

                   

Remember how we made love?

Do you remember?



    

                   

-You dropped your cigar.

-I know.



    

                   

I dropped the cigar and l...



    

                   

Youíre so drunk.



    

                   

I remember us making love.



    

                   

Remember the candles?



    

                   

I remember the candles,

the hotel, but not you.



    

                   

Unless you were

the one under me.



    

                   

-Now youíre in character.

-I donít know where I am.



    

                   

-Iím lost.

-Come on. Letís go.



    

                   

-Our coats are in the car.

-Forget it.



    

                   

Itís a warm night. Come

on. Pretend youíre young.



    

                   

I could do for you.



    

                   

Youíre better off without her.



    

                   

How do you know?

You never met her.



    

                   

I know you.



    

                   

So what does that mean?



    

                   

A good psychiatrist...



    

                   

that listened to you...



    

                   

would think every time Iím with

a woman, you get jealous.



    

                   

Why are you laughing?



    

                   

I just wish youíd pick someone

whoíd make you happy.



    

                   

Like who?



    

                   

I made you happy.



    

                   

-I didnít say you didnít.

-I made you very happy.



    

                   

When we werenít at

each otherís throats.



    

                   

Does this ring a bell? This

is why I took you here.



    

                   

Does this mean anything?



    

                   

Is this where we...?



    

                   

This is it, yes. Thatís why I

dragged you all over town.



    

                   

My God!



    

                   

-You remember this?

-We stayed up all night here.



    

                   

I know. I held you in my

arms till the light came up.



    

                   

Remember the song?



    

                   

-I do.

-I still sing that song.



    

                   

I learned it from you. That was

the first time. Remember?



    

                   

Iím through with love...



    

                   

Iíll never fall again.



    

                   

Said Ďadieuí to love...



    

                   

ĎDonít ever call again.í



    

                   

For I must have you...



    

                   

or no one.



    

                   

And so Iím through with love.



    

                   

Iíve locked my heart.



    

                   

Iíll keep my feelings there.



    

                   

I have stocked my heart...



    

                   

with icy frigidaire.



    

                   

And I mean to care for no one...



    

                   

because Iím through with love.



    

                   

Why did you lead me to think...



    

                   

you could care?



    

                   

You didnít need me...



    

                   

for you had your share...



    

                   

of friends around you...



    

                   

to hound you and swear...



    

                   

with deep emotion...



    

                   

devotion to you.



    

                   

Goodbye to spring...



    

                   

and all it meant to me.



    

                   

It can never bring...



    

                   

the things that used to be.



    

                   

For I must have you...



    

                   

or no one.



    

                   

And so Iím through with love.



    

                   

I wonder what wouldíve

happened if weíd stayed together.



    

                   

Thatís something

weíll never know.



    

                   

Weíve managed to produce...



    

                   

a fabulous daughter.



    

                   

She is unbelievable.



    

                   

Sheís got your looks,

fortunately...



    

                   

and my magic personality.



    

                   

She is wonderful.



    

                   

And youíve been very happy

with Bob, so thatís good.



    

                   

Heís wonderful.



    

                   

-You couldnít have done better.

-No.



    

                   

There have been a few

times, youíll admit...



    

                   

you did call me in an emergency

and I had to come bail you out.



    

                   

I know.



    

                   

Two major fights

with Bob, and...



    

                   

one disgusting lump that turned

out to be benign...



    

                   

though you were in a panic.



    

                   

You were there for me.



    

                   

And you for me.



    

                   

And I appreciate it.



    

                   

I think weíve been

better friends...



    

                   

than husband and wife.



    

                   

Yeah, we probably have.



    

                   

But nobody made me

laugh the way you did.



    

                   

I love Bob with all my

heart, it isnít that.



    

                   

Itís just that you could always

push that button in me.



    

                   

So why is that so important?



    

                   

I donít know.



    

                   

Maybe weíre crazy.



    

                   

That girl that dumped you

today, did she make you laugh?



    

                   

I donít know.



    

                   

I have to put that...



    

                   

behind.



    

                   

Funny how life goes.



    

                   

Itís amazing. Amazing.



    

                   

Letís go. Itís late.



    

                   

Itís definitely late.



    

                   

Christmas Eve, and late.



    

                   

Letís go.



    

                   

Everyone says ĎI love you...í



    

                   

the cop on the corner

and the burglar too.



    

                   

Christmas Eve in Paris.



    

                   

What a year!



    

                   

And that sort of brings us

to the end of our story.



    

                   

I told Skylar someone should

write it up as a movie.



    

                   

She said ĎBetter be a musical,

or no one will believe it.í



    

                   

By the way...



    

                   

that night

I met a terrific guy.



    

                   

I mean, talk about sexy!







  

  

  

 
Special help by SergeiK