Exit Wounds Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Exit Wounds script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Steven Seagal and DMX movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Exit Wounds. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Exit Wounds Script

Ladies and gentlemen...


...it's a pleasure for me to be here on such a beautiful day...


...in the great city of Detroit.


And l'd love to tell you all...


...to sit back, relax and enjoy yourselves.


l'd love to...


...but unfortunately, l can't do that.


There's a very serious issue spiraling out of control in this country.


lllegal handguns ending up in the hands of our children.


lnstead ofreading offstatistics that you might not already know...


...that last year, more preschoolers died from guns than police officers...


...or that gunshot wounds are the second leading cause of death...


...for all people in the U.S., ages    to   .


Hold it. Go on in.


While he lay bleeding to death for    minutes, waiting for help to come.


Darren was    years old.


That could've been any one of your children.


l hope you'll consider my four-year plan to get guns off the streets.


l need your help and your support.


Let's stop the pain and suffering Darren's family had to go through.


God bless you and thank you.


-He just loves pissing me off. -l'm sure he has his reasons.


Thanks a lot.


Thank you.




l'll talk to him.


Thank you, everybody.


How are you? Good to see you.


Mr. Vice President, sir?


Bobby, what the hell is this?


You believe this guy?


Sorry, the bridge is closed until the V.P. gets across.


You can't stay here. You have to move it out.


-Shit! -Get down, sir!


Get us out of here!


Excuse me.


Officers need help! On the bridge! Shots fired!


Warn the D.P., they are dressed as cops! Repeat: They are dressed as cops!


Alpha six to Bravo Air, keep cover--


-Stay down! -What the hell is going on?


No cops on the bridge. We can't tell who's who.


No Detroit P.D., Secret Service only.


Officers need help. Motorcade's under attack!


All units, stay off the bridge, as per Secret Service.


All units stay offbridge--


Goddamn it, l told you to clear the bridge!


Bring the truck in!


Goddamn it! Secret Service only!


Who the hell is that?


Get me out!


-Get me out of here! -Get in.


Who the hell are you? Off the bridge.


We're not moving till the transport arrives.


l'm not talking to you! Mr. Vice President, get in here!


We need help here now!


Alpha one to Alpha six.


Move it out! Everything's under control!




Take out the Alpha vehicle!


l'm sorry, sir. l got to do this.


Shit! l can't swim.


Don't move!




lt's okay. l'm on the job.


We got you, sir.


You're going to be all right, sir.


Why did you drive onto that bridge and start World War lll?


-l saved his life, Frank. -You were lucky, Orin.


Extremely lucky.


The Secret Service gave a direct order not to storm that bridge!


They were responsible for him. Not you!


-What if it went the other way? -l didn't vote for him.


This is funny to you?


-What's funny to me is-- -Cut it out.


Who were they?


Some Michigan militant group.


-Live by the sword, man. -Sit down.


Look, Orin. We've known each other a long time.


l am your friend, but also your boss.


As your friend, you don't follow orders. You're unmanageable.


You don't obey the law or think before you act.


And now, as your boss, you're fired.


-Just like that. -Hinges wants you out.


There's nothing l can do.


You want to talk to him yourself, be my guest.


Now handle it!


You are like a cockroach, Mr. Boyd.


Every time l try to get rid of you, you appeal to the union...


...and they send your ass right back here.


But not this time.


l've been talking to the Secret Service figuring out what to do with you.


They want you to suffer, Mr. Boyd.


They want you to suffer bad for that stupid stunt you pulled.


And l must say, l do not disagree.


You guys are unbelievable.


l saw a problem, l fixed it. Simple as that.


That's bullshit, Mr. Boyd.


Because of cops like you...


...police have a bad image everywhere.


You won't pin that on me. l stick my neck out every day.


You remind me of bureaucrats in the '  s sending kids to fight in Vietnam.


l'm not going to send you to Vietnam.


-l'm going to send you to the   th. -That shithole.


You'll fit right in.


Come on, get up.


l know my rights, man.


Knock off the shit!




Can l help you?


l'm looking for the ringleader of this circus.


Yes, sir. And you are?


-Boyd. The commander's expecting me. -Follow me.


Commander's got a grip on things.


l've seen mental wards saner than this place.


Can we start over?


Too late for first impressions. Sit.


This year alone, three complaints filed against you for excessive force.


This doesn't seem like a hero's welcome.


You want to be welcomed? Stay out of the headlines.


Around here, there's no such thing as heroes.


l've got community activists swearing we treat everybody like criminals...


...and criminals all swearing they're altar boys.


Maybe l was never an altar boy, but the point is--


The point is, cops don't uphold the law by breaking it.


Now, you got a problem in my house, you come see me.


None of this Lone Ranger stuff that l keep hearing about.


Are you listening?


lf l have a problem, l'll come and see the commander.


All that stuff with the Vice President? A little water never hurt anybody.


But l am worried about your discipline problem.


l was thinking about putting you on a desk.


-l can't type. -l have a better idea.


Something that will broaden your horizons.


And then her dog.


Her dog gets so freaked out...


...he takes this enormous shit...


...right in the middle of the living room.


l chased that little bastard everywhere...


...until l finally cornered him.


l warned her not to buy a frigging poodle.


l never could have thrown a German Shepherd out the window.




That's it. Let it out.


Okay? That's why we're here.


To talk through our problems, not to let it bottle up.




And the rest of you, l want you to dig down deep...


...and ask yourself the question:


Why are we mad and what are we mad at?


Good. Okay.


Who'd like to go next?


Hey, everyone.


How are you?


For those of you just tuning in, my name is Henry Wayne, and l'm a rageaholic.


You probably all recognize me from my show, Detroit A.M.


You're probably wondering what happened to my head here.


l know it's always something, and l shouldn't lose my cool.


l was at Krispy Kreme, picking up a twelve-pack.


-And this guy-- -Okay.


l'm so sorry to interrupt you but...


...l'm kind of looking for a fresh face next.


l've been sitting there....


We'll get back to you.


l'm a ticking time bomb, and l'm ready to implode.


Let's solve my problem.


Sit down!




So, who's it going to be?


Mr. Boyd? l believe that you were sent to us...


...because of work-related stress...


...aggression towards authority figures...


...and an all-around lack of discipline.


l'm fine. You can move on. Other people want to say something.


Mr. Boyd, denial is a classic symptom of unhealthy rage.


Okay? So why don't you just stand up...


...and tell us a little bit about yourself.


l'd like to make this clear: l don't have rage.


l'm a happy guy. You see this face?


This is a happy face. You all...


...would be lucky to be as happy as l am.


What am l, a shit magnet?


Junior, having a tough time?


You got to get in and out quick. l'm an expert at this.


l could do that in a blink of an eye.


-Why don't you show us? -Watch.


-Just like that. See? -You a magician?


You want me to show you how to pull a rabbit out of your ass?


Screw Linda. Come on back in.


Everybody's tearing the tops off their desks.


Who the hell are you?


Henry Wayne. Detroit A.M.


-This a friend of yours? -Yeah.


-Go back to class. -They're gonna kill me without you.


lf you stay here, they might kill you, too, so go back to class.


Jeez! Well, no! Well, shit!


l don't even know this guy.


Stay out of our class. We got people in there with real problems.


FYl, next week l'm doing a show on violent twins.


-Enough of this bullshit! -You're not twins?


Take the man's keys.


Give me your keys.


Stop it! Mr. Boyd, stop hitting that man!


Mr. Boyd! What're you doing? This is no way to deal with your anger.


Screw that, man! You kill those bastards! They tried to pop us!


Did you guys see that? Can you believe this shit?


Boyd is such a bad-ass. He could easily win a tough-men competition.


You guys just missed it, but l'm glad l got here when l did.


Boyd's a cop! He's a cop! He gets to do this shit all the time!


We're going to have great stories for group!


You see how happy l make others?


Hey, Boyd.


Good job, man.


We'll see you next week?


Come on, guys! That was great!


Now, was that cool, or what? Come on!


Who are you here to see?


Shaun Rollins.


-And you are? -A friend.


Photo l.D.


Sign in.


Back to the left.


How you holding up?


Not too well, man.


Straight losing it, dog.


l can only take so much of this shit.


-What's up with my lawyer? -l talked to him.


Slow motion. You know, the system.


No, l don't know, man.


l need to know how much time l'm looking at.


Nobody's telling me nothing.


l don't know.


Fuck, man.


This shit is bullshit.


Fuck do you mean, you don't know?


You got to see the Jeffrey Dahmer look-alikes in here, man.


lt's crazy.


lt's like l can't even turn my back to take a piss up in here, man.




You got to stay focused.


Do whatever you got to do to make sure that you safe in there.


l got everything on the street covered.


Nobody's forgotten about you.




Don't worry. l've got them.


They're my people, and if they're not buying, they're walking.


This is what l'm talking about.


Nice color.


lf you Puffy.


-Shit! -Good afternoon, homies.


l'm Alan Morris, and if there's anything l could help you with, l'm your dog.


Get the fuck out of here, man. ls that the new     Turbo?


Actually, that's the     Carrera.


Shit! lt got   cylinders? They kick out     horsepower, right?


That's   cylinders,     horsepower.




Would you mind not leaning on the--


Shit! l could get some ass from the twins in this, dog.


Hello, Mrs. Johnson. How are you?


Hell, yeah.


Mrs. Johnson got a fat ass.


l got something for you, Mrs. Johnson.


You're not allowed to play any music here.


Could you turn it off, please?


Could you turn the music off, please?


Turn the music off, please, brother.


Look, can you turn the music off, please!


Can you not hear me? Could you turn the music down, please?


Yeah! Hit it!


lt is not a toy.


Mrs. Johnson was shaking her ass.


Mrs. Johnson! Shake your ass, baby. Shake it!


Mrs. Johnson.


You think l could hit some corners in this?


Take it on a test drive.


l'm sorry. Our policy is no test drives.


How about hooking a brother up then?


Hooking a brother up.


The cheapest car we have here is $     .


That it?


-lt got a lot of head room. Get it? -Yo, bro.


This is it.


Oh, yeah.


See? My man got taste.


Yes, well, he's got something.




-You like it? -Yo, dog, this shit is hot, man.


How much? $      ?


Actually, $      .


lt better suck and fuck me for $       man.


Actually, there are only seven of these for sale in the U.S.


That many.


Pop the hood, man. l want to see what $       look like.


That's the hood.


That's the trunk.


That's okay.


Yo, start it up, dog.


No, l'm sorry. lt's our policy. You can't start up the car.


lt's policy. Sorry.


What in the--


Hey, you!


Turn off the engine!


-Would you turn off the engine, please? -Yeah, yeah!


Could you turn off the motherfucking engine?


You don't have to yell.


All you had to do was ask. You'd get much better results.


-Will you please just leave? -No.


l want this.


Unless you decide you'd like to live in this, l suggest that you--


l suggest you get started on the paperwork.


What do these people think?


Oh, my God.


There's $       in there.


Make sure he gets the commission.


He get....


Keep the change.


Maybe l made a mistake.


You know?


We're both homies. All of us here. Why don't you....


Homies! l'm your man!


Faster, dog! Yeah! Faster!


Okay, dog, go right.


Sit down, man. Can't afford to get pulled over.


We got a big night tonight.


Doesn't anybody sleep anymore?


Yeah. Bring you the goods, baby.




-What are you looking at? -Oh, shit, man!


You always walk up on somebody like that? Could've given me a coronary.


You mind if l take a look?


-Bird watching? -No, man.


Just checking on my old lady. Keeping tabs on her.


Women. You can't trust them.


Not as far as l can throw her ass. And she a big bitch.


l don't see anything. Where is she?


Up in the corner over there, man.


No luck.


l think maybe you should go home and call her tomorrow.


Cool. Just give me my shit, bro.


l'm sorry.


Sure enough! Five-O.




Come on, man.


Shit! Come on, man. Quit treating me like l'm Tupac. lt's my hand!


What are you doing?


-l'm a cop. lt's all right. -Since when do cops make things okay?


Yeah, man! Since when do cops make--


Man, this shit hurts!


l'm a political prisoner here, man!


Yeah, he's Geronimo Fat. Now get out of here.


Hey, no, don't go! Don't leave!


He's going to try to put a plunger in my ass! What you doing, man?


Don't go anywhere.


Let's see if you have this shit when you get back out here!




How much?


How about   ? With a cut here, a cut there...


...it'll double your money easily. Quickest quarter mil you'll ever make.


l need major weight. l need it yesterday.


l really don't want to see any more of this.


-Give me a ballpark figure. -Anywhere in the seven figures.


Yo, it's Five-O! lt's a setup! Get out!


Well, l guess the grill was optional.


You have the right to remain silent, asshole.


Take a look in my back pocket, cop.


You think you can buy your way out of this?


You just ruined three months of undercover work.


Think of the promotion you're gonna get.


Come on, let's go. Move.


-What are you doing? -l'm already in the intersection!


Next time you see a cop blow a whistle, pay attention.


Blow this.


What, are you blind?


Come on!


Where's a cop when you need one?


Fresh meat!




Do me at   .




Oh, yeah!


Hey, you, Boyd.


No, thanks.


Hey, Serpico.


Afraid of a little pain?


No, l'm just trying to quit.


Maybe you're just hiding a wire under your shirt.


-Think l'm a plant after the other night? -Maybe that was your cover.


Who knows? l.A.'s tried everything else to slip a mole in here.


Go for it.


Go easy on the first time.


Give him twenty-five.


Twenty-five, my ass!


The bad guys are out there. Not in here.


Give me my money!


See you making friends fast.


Just take some deep breaths, in and out. How do you feel?




Yeah, you'll be all right. lt's just a hazing thing.


Everybody goes through it. Welcome to the one-five.


-Orin Boyd? -Yeah.


-You're from the two-one, right? -Yeah.


They said you're coming. l'm George Clark.


Nice to meet you, George.


l mean, you know, you're like a legend, man.


l used to read about you in some new caper every week.


-Don't believe everything you read. -l don't.


But there was one l was curious about.


You really beat a suspect unconscious with a dead cat?




Cat wasn't dead.


All right. That's funny.


Cop who came in to break it up, who was that?


Strutt. Sergeant Lewis Strutt.


He's a good man, a fair man.


Listen, don't worry about Montini. Shit happens.


Who was Montini trying to set up?


That would be Latrell Walker.


Why you ask? You going after him?


Hey, how you doing?


What do you need?


l need to see the log book for the last couple of nights.


-Here. -Thanks.


Who or what are you looking for?


Just some shit bird who thinks he got away clean.


Can you run a check for it? All l have is a name, Latrell. Black male.


This isn't the Hall of Records. Check records downtown.


Thanks a lot.


Happy to help you.


l'm the janitor. My daughter, Maria, is in the office.


Stay down.


l'm one of the good guys. Come here.


Freeze! Don't move!


l'm a cop.


Bruce, get it out of the way.


Can l get you guys in this area over here?


Keep it back. Sorry, people, you'll have to stand back.


Officer Boyd.


What have you got?


Take a look at this.


This was taken a few minutes ago at the police evidence locker.


They keep large quantities of narcotics here at Piper Tech's main vault.


Yeah, there were six guys. They wore masks, and their voices were altered.


How much did they take?


About    kilos of heroin.


Wait. Can you rewind that bit?


-Freeze on that guy. -You got it.


Now, can you zoom in right there?


What do you think this is? Monday Night Football?.


Best l can do is    percent.


What do you think?


-Rolex? -lt's a TAG.


Height, l'd say about  '  ''?


l'd say so.


And he's black.


Hey, guys.


Hey, look who's here.


-Hey, Montini. -What's up?


Just giving Officer Boyd here a preview of the playback from security.


Boyd. What are you doing here? Whose case did you screw up this time?


You guys mind giving us a moment to ourselves?


We have some catching up to do.


l'm just fucking with you. No hard feelings about the other night.


Straight up, l would have done the same thing.


-So what happened here? -Property vault was hit.


Fifty kilos of heroin stolen.


Shit, someone's having a big party tonight.


-What, professional hit? -l don't think pros would be so sloppy.


Probably right. l'm going to head up. You get wind of anything, let me know.


All right.


What the hell were you doing at Piper Tech?


Last time l checked, this was the men's locker room.


Answer the question, Boyd.


l was driving by and l heard the call.


l told you, l don't tolerate lone wolf behavior.


You got a problem, you come to me.


lt's my only problem.


All right. l'll tell you what. You're back.


But you're walking the beat. And l'm not letting you out without a leash.


Hey, George.


Stop robbing the vending machine. Come over here.


And l want to know every move you make out there...


...or l will have you typing out reports till your retirement.


That damn machine ate my quarters again.


-Fifth time. -Whatever.


George, meet your new partner here.


New partner? You mean the two of us?


You make a nice couple.


lt's me, George.


-Okay? -What are you doing here?


Making a mistake picking you up for work.


Nice place you got here.


Good morning, everyone, and welcome to Detroit A.M.


l'm your host...


-...Henry Wayne. -l love this guy.


Today, we'll face your worst fears.


-What really ticks you off?. -Henry!


When l'm on the freeway, stuck behind some idiot going    in the fast lane.


-He gets a little carried away. -What did l do?


Did l casually flip him the bird?


Or did l fantasize about running them off the road...


...and cutting their freaking head off?.


So we got a twelve-block stretch.


l like to cruise once or twice, let the people know we're out here.


Then we can walk it on foot.


l grew up in this area, man. Now look at it.


Thugs turned it into shit.


Slowly getting a handle on it though.


Might turn this place around after all.


-You married, George? -Five years next month.


Beautiful woman. Stuck by me through a lot of shit.


Got a   -month-old boy.


What about you?


Same old cliche. l guess she got tired of all those sleepless nights.


Tell me about Montini.


He's a bully. Been in four shootings.


He's still standing. Figure that out.


Hangs out with that mountain man, Useldinger.


What's the story with him?


Strong as an ox. Got the l.Q. of a handball.


He was a police officer down south, spent a year undercover in the KKK.


Wound up taking down a cell all by himself. That guy's an animal.


Good thing Strutt came in...


...because he knows we're all on the same team.


-What's the story with Strutt? -He knows everyone.


Need some extra cash, he can get you a security gig.


Tickets to the Red Wings, he can make it happen.


Anything you want. He's the ultimate concierge. A tough bastard, too.


Sometimes, on duty, he doesn't wear his gun.


Once pulled a rabid Doberman off this boy and killed it with his bare hands.


So, you got a thing for Mulcahy, or what?


-l saw the way she was eyeing you. -How long has she been your commander?


About a year now. And she did a stint over at l.A.


Cleaned up a lot of precincts, too.


Left l.A. to come over to the   th.


What do you see?


That yellow Hummer.


l know.


l'm barely making ends meet and that's that fool's fifth car.


-Who? -His name's T.K.


He owns a club called The Static.




l need to see a little bit more green than that, baby. Come on, put it on.


l like color.


Yeah. Put it on.


That's it. Squeeze it on.


There you go. Hey, baby.


Put them on the glass.


Them some titties. Them titties for you all!


That's for you.


What's going on, Joe? Everything cool? All right.


How's the crowd tonight, man? All right. See you upstairs.


Yo, what's up, dog. All right, man.


He's here. Bring the truck around back.


-Why you looking for him? -Because l want my grill back.


Yeah, tell them keep shaking that ass!


Look at Rockefeller here. What is it?


Too rich to count the money the old-fashioned way?


Close the door, man.


Sitting behind my desk in my office at my club...


...and you want me to close my door?


You paid for it.


-Look like you need a drink. -Yeah!


You think this deal won't go through?


T, come on, man.


All right.


l'll get that drink for you.




T, come here for a minute.


What's up, dog?


Where would l be without you, dog?


All by your motherfucking self.


You right.


Now, get my drink, bitch!


Nigger, l got your bitch.


We have an open mike tonight. Come downstairs and tell some of them jokes.


l said, l want to see asses shaking! Damn!


Baby, can l have a Hennessy Paradis?


Sure, T. We still on for tonight?


Sorry. l can't make that tonight.


But l promise. l'll make it up to you.


Why'd you even make plans with me?


l just need a couple more days to work some shit out.


After that, l'm yours.


Shit. By the end of the night, you just might....


Fuck me!


Dang! Now you talking.




What's up, man? What's up?


What's the matter? You couldn't get in the VlP room?


Have a drink, motherfucker.


Say hello to my sumo Negro.


He about to turn your ass into sashimi.


You in trouble now, sucker.


You aren't doing shit. Get his ass!


There you go, Joe! Kick his ass.




Get out of my way! Move!


Freeze! Police!


Put the briefcase down.


Hands in the air.


Up against the wall.


Keep them against the wall.


Got anything in your pocket?


What's this? Don't move.


Got a permit for this?


Come on! Grab the gun! Let's roll!


Oh, shit!


Shit! l'm fucking up my Versace shit!


Come on, dog. Pull me through. Shit!


What are we doing, Boyd?


What are we fucking doing, man?


Either we call backup, or get out of here.


What backup? We ain't here.


Would you answer my question? l almost fucking died tonight.


Sit down before you fall down.


How are you doing? Come sit down.


-And you are? -Officer Boyd. l've a few questions for you.


Before you even get into all that...


...you shouldn't be asking me. l don't know nothing.


Let's start with something simple, like who is Latrell Walker?


Never heard of him.


Says in here he visited you a number of times.


ls he a friend of yours?


Said l'd never heard of him.


Are you deaf or something?


No, l'm persistent. l ran a check on this guy.


Came up empty. Guy's clean, like a little too clean.


No warrants, no accidents, no parking tickets.


lt's like the guy was born yesterday, and that makes me nervous.


Your point is?


l want to know what your relationship is with him.


Did he take over your business when you went away?


l don't know what you talking about.


ls it meth? ls it coke? What is it?


lt was heroin. Thought you knew that.


l know it say it right there. Come on, man.


The cops swear you all know everything, man.


Know what, man?


You didn't learn nothing in juvie, did you?


Supposed to teach you not to piss your life away...


...but you keep running back.


That's real clever. You know?


You ain't got a clue what's going on.


Your eyes is glued the fuck shut.




You wanna do    years in here? That's your business.


lf l were you, l'd be grabbing for every lifeline tossed out.


Know what l'm saying?


You can't help me, man.


Can't help me at all.


You cannot put Tiger Woods in the same league as Michael Jordan.


You don't have to be in shape to play golf.


You walk everywhere for Christ's sakes.


But Woods bench presses damn near     pounds.


Well, unless he bench presses my dick...


...l'm really not impressed, to tell you the truth.


-l'd say Wayne Gretzky's the best. -You freaking Canadians.


You worship the guy. You'd crucify the mother, ay?


Whatever, Dinger.


l got one. Babe Ruth.


-Baseball? -Who?


Fall asleep during the action.


Don't knock baseball. That's un-American.


Wake me up when it's over.


Come on, guys. Come on.


The greatest athlete without a doubt was Muhammad Ali.


He could defeat you with his mind.


He would never have to put a finger on you, and have you psyched out.


-To The Greatest. -To The Greatest.




How's your head?


Head is fine. lt's my pride that's still hurting.


Question for you.


Six months ago, there was a bust. A kid named Shaun Rollins. Remember?


-Yeah, vaguely. Why? -Anything suspicious about that arrest?


Far as l can remember, it was clean.


Montini always pays attention to detail when he types those things up.


-Montini was the arresting officer? -Yeah. Why?


Where could l find him? To put two and two together...


...even things up.




-What the fuck you doing? -Shut up. Hands down.


-What are you doing? -Why you pressing me?


-Who's pressing you? -You got a cop on my ass.


Same guy from the other night.


He's a Neanderthal. He keeps popping up all over the place.


He's not one of ours.


l'll take care of him. But what were you thinking, showing up here?


l should just shoot you in case--


Look, if l wanted to bust you, man...


...l'd have brought you in a long time ago. This is business.


l just got a shitload of product for our next deal.


-Forget it. -How much?


Around $  million.


Yeah, right.


You wanted seven figures, that's what l brought, right?


lf not, then we do have a big problem.


$  million? lt'll get me locked up until l'm eligible for social security.


l don't need social security, asshole. l need police security.


So before we do any more business...


...you let me know you got shit under control.


All right.


Would it ease your worries if l showed you our operation?


Fucking right.




We'll call you when we're ready. You just have the money together.




Really, Henry. Right after group and everything.


Boyd? Shit!


l just came in to use the phone.


Relax, man. l just need a favor.


Ladies, would you let me talk to my friend for a minute?


Anything. You need me to go undercover? l'm like a chameleon.


lt also looks like you're kicking a lot of big ass there. How many guys?


Two, but they were huge. They were meat packers.


l could've used some of your moves. Maybe you could teach me.


Later. You know that expose you did on the Mob a few years ago?


How'd you get that intel?


l can be resourceful. Plus, l work with the l Team, a group of former Pl's...


...who owe us their licenses due to various felony convictions.


l need you to find out whatever you can about a guy called Latrell Walker.


His identity seems to be a total scam.


And also what his connection is with a guy called Shaun Rollins. Can you?


l'll see what l can dig up. Why'd you come to me?


l don't want to attract any attention.


And l think your peculiar methods might work for me.


-What's this all about? -lt might be nothing.


lt might be something. lf it's big, it's really big.


l just got to see how high up this shit goes.


Don't screw this one up.


l won't, because l've seen you when you're angry.


All right, ladies?


Come to papa.


-You want in on this? -No.


l just want to make a toast.


This is to us finally getting together for dinner.


But l just have one request.


l'm listening.


No police talk.


No mentioning the latest homicide or gang shooting.


Tonight, just happy thoughts. Agreed?


Agreed. To happy thoughts.


Good evening, Commander.


What're you doing here, Boyd?


-You wanted to see me. -ln my office, not here.


But l'm here now. So let's talk.


l'm sorry, but we were actually right in the middle.


Why don't you take a walk?


lt's okay. Just give us five minutes.


l had to go to the men's room anyway.


-How'd you find me? -What are you doing with this guy?


That is none of your business.


-He doesn't look right for you. -And you do?


What did you want to talk to me about?


Why'd you visit Shaun Rollins?


-The walls have ears. -l know everything, Boyd.


So, why am l here?


l don't have time for games. What are you up to?


-You used to work for lnternal Affairs. -Yeah.


Out of all the people around you, how'd you know who you could trust?


Why? What have you got?


l can't say yet. Not till l have more proof. What have you got?


Let's just say my instincts tell me something's not quite right.


Bring me something solid.


l have something solid.


More solid.


-Then l'll know what to do with it. -You'll know what to do with it?


-Carmine? -Good.


Not bad. l'll see you on campus.


Watch your back.


Hey, Clark. What's going on?


Six. Nothing much.


l hear you're working with Supercop now.


What's that like?


Hey, George. Which one are you? Starsky or Hutch?


Don't mind him.


l don't.


Heard about that scuffle.


What were you doing at The Static anyway?


Orin wanted to question the owner, T.K.


About what?


They never spoke.


Boyd's trying to steal my bust, George.


He's a glory hound. We've seen this kind before.


What else did you find out?


Nothing. We searched his office, came up empty.


l wish you would have called the point detective.


l would've found something.


We did find a visitor's pass from County. Don't worry, Montini.


We'll let you know what we come up with.


You guys done with the bench?


Yeah, go ahead.


Hey, you know, Montini?


lf all you come down here to do is work out your mouth...


...maybe you should move on. Breaks our concentration.


Find out who they visited up at County.


Yeah, don't worry about that, l'm on it.


You come with me.


Be back in an hour.


Ready to meet the wizard?


Put it on.


You don't need to know where we're going.


Welcome to the inner sanctum, Mr. Walker.


l always wanted to do that.


l wish l had a cat.


Heard a lot about you.


Wish l could say the same.


Like the saying goes:


''The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convince the world he didn't exist.''


Let me show you around.


l don't get it. T-shirts?


Amazing what you can do with the right chemicals.


Your connections are all over the country, this is our plan...


...to get the heroin out of state.


No risky exposure, no trail back to us.


These T-shirts are dipped in a heroin solution...


...and dried under these lamps.


They're folded and sealed in shrink-wrap.


Dogs can't even smell it.


You can send them anywhere you want.


Extract the heroin later.


You in?


Yeah, l'm in.


Pick you up at midnight.


Me and the l Team came up with some fascinating intel.


Latrell Walker's whole l.D.'s fake. He's a shell.


He paid a lot too. He's got everything.


Driver's license, birth certificate, credit cards.


He's even got a voter's registration card.


Normal investigation wouldn't have uncovered this...


...but one of our dudes worked for the lRS, and can computer-dissect anybody.


Who is he, then?


He's Shaun Rollins' brother.


Listen to this.


About six months ago, Latrell's little brother, Shaun, gets popped.


He claims the heroin was planted, but the cops made the charges stick.


Next thing you know, Latrell's back in town.


That's why he was visiting him.


My sources ran a check on Shaun also, and he's set for life financially.


How? From who?


He has a trust fund set up in his name for millions...


...but he can't touch it until he's   .


-Who set it up for him? -l'm getting to that.


Shaun also has another brother, Leon. Or so l thought.


Now, Leon Rollins and Latrell Walker are the same person.


You're shitting me.


Leon's also a gazillionaire.


How can a guy with no record make so much money dealing heroin?


No, no. The guy's a computer wiz.


Started up a dot com out of Virginia called $ .   Dot Com.


''Anything you want under $  . ''


And he did great. Lucky bastard cashed out just before the bubble burst.


Maybe Latrell's buying heroin, and seeking distributors on the lnternet.


Welcome to the Computer Age, my friend.


No street involvement, no watching out for cops, no risk.


lt's brilliant, isn't it?


lt still doesn't add up unless they have some big debts.


Well, here's all the paperwork. l got lPO statements, tax returns.


l got his address from a crooked car dealer we investigated.


l don't know if it will help, but l did my job.


You did good, man.


Thanks, partner.


Let's go. Smash it!


Let's move it!


Montini, Useldinger...


...what a surprise.


This to make me talk?


No, it's to make you die.


lt's from Latrell. He made us an offer we couldn't refuse.


Look out!


Shoot him!


You don't have the balls to kill me yourself.


You don't know what you're talking about.


-l know everything about you. -About time.


But why would l want you dead?


Because l'm that close to locking you up with your brother.


You want to see what's really going on?


Come on.


lt's all right, it's all right. Chill.


This is my operation.


-What's up, man? -Yeah, it's all right.


l believe you two have already met.


What the hell're you doing here?


You want another ass-whupping?


l'm joking. l got your grill downstairs.


l can send somebody to get it if you want.


Come, l want to show you something.


All right.




Good memory.


This is Trish, my guardian angel.


-She's helping out with the project. -What project?


See, a lot of people talk about police corruption, but no one ever sees it.


l figured l'd be the one to show it to them, over the lnternet.


Have a seat.


-How much? -How about   ?


With a cut here, a cut there...


...it'll double your money easily. Quickest quarter mil you'll ever make.


l need major weight. l need it yesterday.


We've been tracking their activity for months.


l'm compiling the video on our digital editing system.


You come with me.


Be back in an hour.


When we have enough evidence, we'll show it to the authorities.


lf that doesn't work, we'll post the video on our website.


Why you pressing me?


Look, ifl wanted to bust you, man, l'd have brought you in a long time ago.


This is business. l just got a shitload ofproduct for our next deal.


lncriminating shit.


They think l'm a buyer from the West Coast looking to score major weight.


They raised it, too.


l don't know how, but they managed to get $  million worth of shit.


Piper Tech.


Run number  .


-You sure? -Yeah.


Welcome to the inner sanctum, Mr. Walker.


l always wanted to do that.


You didn't know he was in on it?


''The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convince the world he didn't exist. ''


Where'd you guys get this stuff?.


From everywhere. Check it out.


This is our stuff. We have cameras hidden in everything.


Watches, batteries, purses. You name it.


This is a little camera that can be hidden everywhere and can see everything.


And you're the star of a few of these as well.


Come on, let me go.


Shit, man!


Come on!


Lucky move.


Unlucky face.


T, get us something to drink.


Just because l own a bar don't mean l'm lsaac from The Love Boat.


A Hennessy Paradis, please.


Yes, master. Should l get some for Mr. Charlie, too?


What do you think?


l think we need to take them down now.


Not yet. l want to catch all these guys at once. Stick it to them.


l won't wait. They tried to kill me.


l won't let you ruin this. My brother's ass is on the line.


What's he got to do with it?


Your buddies wanted their own drug dealer on the street.


Rather than lose him, they framed Shaun. l got to get him out of jail.


l made my father a promise before he died.


That l'd always be my brother's keeper.


l keep my promises.


Where'd you promise to meet these boys?


Frederick's Cleaners.


After midnight.


l'll need a car.


Give him the keys.


T, the keys.


Come on, man. My mama don't even drive my car.


Give him the keys.


You scratch it, you buy it.


Nice inconspicuous car you got there.


Thank you.


What'd you find out?


Piper Tech was hit by cops.


-Cops? -Yeah.


Come on, Boyd.


Strutt, Useldinger, Montini, they're all dirty.


Are you positive? What proof do you have?


Start the car.


Get the car! Let's go!


-ls that proof enough? -Yeah.


Now move.


Step on it. We got him.


Come on!


-There he is. -Pop him now!




Hold on!


-l always said women are bad drivers. -l agree.


-There he is! -Yeah.


Get up on them!




Shit! Goddamn!


Get out of the way!


Get out of the way!


-Go right. -Going left.


Get up to him!


Shoot him!




Hey, my bike!


l got a date tonight!




Get out of the way!


Go around!


Oh, shit!


Push it through!




Look out!


Just get it off! Just get it off!




Get the fuck off....


-This better be good. -Frank, l'm in hell.


What happened? There's an APB out on you.


Mulcahy's dead, you fled the scene. They're pinning Piper Tech on you.


Strutt and Montini. They're behind everything.


-How do you know that? -Because they tried to kill me.


-Look-- -Frank, you've known me for a long time.


Have l ever lied to you?


What do you want me to do?


You said l never think before l act.


Well, l'm thinking now.


l need backup.


There's a deal to go down in an hour.


Strutt's selling the heroin he stole from Piper Tech.


l'll get some men.


Strutt? What the hell are you talking about?


l understand if you don't believe me. You said you wanted to clean up the streets.


Here's your chance.


Give me the baby, honey.


You take over.


Let's do it.


Right on time.


Punctuality is the soul of good business.


l like that.


Check it out if you want.




Christ, Orin.


Did you bring anybody?


l don't know who we can trust.


l want you to put this on. You'll need all the protection you can get.


Let me hold that for you.


l haven't worn one of these in years.


Tastes like candy.


As you can see, we kept our end.


Now it's your turn.


ls that the money?




$ .  million.


Deal wasn't for half.


l'm just covering my ass.


You'll get the rest as soon as we leave in one piece.


You have my word.


Your word is not good enough.


Looks like we have a problem.


You'll get your money.


You got to be sensitive to my situation.


Half's better than nothing.


Hold up. Now, listen. Nobody's trying to fuck anybody here.


l think you are, Leon.


-What? -What was you thinking?


Where are you going with this?


l thought you was smarter than this.


So did l, Strutt.




lf it isn't Hou-motherfucking-dini.


Escaped so many traps, should be wearing a cape.


l thought you said you had this animal on a leash.


You assholes couldn't keep your shit together.


l guess l picked the wrong precinct.


Look around you. You picked the right.


Then finish the job.


Nice friends you got, Boyd.


Don't give me that look. l've been on the force too long.


Laying my life on the line, and for what?


A lousy $      a year?


The hell with that!


You have single-handedly screwed up my operation.


lt's our operation.


Let's get it straight. l run this show!


Not you! Not him! None of you!


Prove it.


Kill him.




Shit! l'm hit.


This is your big fucking plan?




l'll get Strutt. Take care of Montini.


l got that motherfucker.


Don't leave me here!


l got you covered.


You okay, chief?.


Hell, no!


Boyd, you okay?


-l don't know. -l'll check your vest.


-Didn't go through. -Good news.


Damn it!






Where you going?


You're fired!


This is Strutt, ready for pickup.




Shake him off!


You and your brother can rot in jail together.




You all right?


You'll be cleaning up the street soon.


Then l'll be reading about you.


l don't know about that.


Tell them l'm your partner. They won't let me through!


Yeah, let him in.


What happened here? After all we been through?


We risk our lives, and l hear about this on the strippers' scanner.




Smack my mama on her ass! That's Henry Wayne!


Can you do a story on me?


l was in there. The cops shot me. l got shot    times.


Does that hurt?


Yeah! l'm not faking this shit!


-Could we film your surgery for the show? -Yeah, you can film my stuff.


l'm going to be on TV.


-Can my mama come to the studio? -You know it.


Cool. When you want to do it? We're going to the hospital now.


-l'll meet you there. -Okay.


-Mr. Boyd. Some good work in there. -Thank you.


Faster you get rid of dirty cops, the better for all of us.


Thanks for making a difference.


You want your old job back, at two-one...


...it's all yours.


No, l think l'll stay here. Right, pard?




-You know where to reach me. -Yes, sir.


By the way, Mr. Boyd...


...l fought in Vietnam.


That don't surprise me.


-Your buddies are on there. -Heard about your brother Shaun.


Hopefully, that'll get him out.


Think those tapes'll make a difference?


Courts don't give a shit about this.


So l had your brother pulled from County.


Just in case.


Thank you.


See you around, partner.


Thanks a lot.


You're welcome.


lt's been    days since l've been pinched, punched, scalded or stabbed.


Well, that's something.


l'm not gonna pay strippers to beat me up anymore.


l'm living in a safe house on Southgate, if anyone wants to reach me.


Linda, l'm a changed man with a lot of problems...


...so we'll see a lot of each other.


l've signed up for your shame and impotence class.


And these are for you.


Thank you.


That's super, Henry.


So l'd like to proudly acknowledge our very own hero, Orin Boyd.


Hey, guys. You need some love. Come on.


Come on. Group hug.


Get in here. Come on, everybody.


We're proud of this man.


Feels good, don't it?


Where are we going? You guys got to stay here.


Ladies and gentlemen, l'm honored to introduce my new co-host.


How about a big hand for T.K. Johnson.


What's up, White Chocolate?


-Good to see you too. -All right.


We got together when we filmed your surgery...


...and l've got to tell you something.


You had the gown on, and it slipped up, and l'll tell you...


...it's not true what they say.


Do you like to be called a black man?


Do you like to be called an African-American?


l like to be called T.K., baby.


Don't label me.


l mean, what, do you prefer ofay...


...or do you prefer cracker?


Redneck? Which one do you like?


-Cracker's good. -Hi, Mama.


-She's out there? -l love you.


-Your dad watching? -Yeah, but he got glaucoma.


He probably home, smoking a joint. He can hear me.


-Good. -Daddy. Save some for me.


Save some for me. Remember, puff, puff, pass.


Puff, puff, pass. He like to hold on to the weed sometimes. Because he's old.


-How old is he? -He's   .


ls Tawana backstage?


-My nipples are sensitive. Yours? -Yeah. And huge.


l always tell women this:


''lf you want it to be over, lick my nipples. ''


l like my nipple to be nibbled on and bit and pulled. l like a little pain.


l like it too. Very little.


But they get out of control and you don't say, ''That hurts. ''


-But they are. -l sort oflike it.


Because l'm black, you say l got to do a B and E?


No, no, but....


l pulled your record before l came over here, too.


l know what you used to do.


And l still do.


-You been with a big woman? -l have.


How was that?


lt was fine.


But l will say this, they're not jolly.


-They can be cranky. -Feed them.


-Now, you like big women? -l love big women.


lf you want to feel the heat, you got to have the meat.


Yeah, baby.


A big woman good in the summer and winter.


Good for shade in summer and good for warmth in winter.


You're not masturbating enough.


-l masturbate two, three times a day. -Do you?


l like to do it at the tanning salon.


-Cause, you are in there-- -At the tanning salon.


You probably aren't in there.


But you got to be careful, because when you're doing it...


...you can't wear the goggles, you got to watch the door.


So you can go blind masturbating actually, like the old saying.


Every night, same routine. l get a towel...


...half damp. On one side, warm water. Half dry on the other.


Astroglide. Lesbian porn.


Second only to nature.


No dicks allowed, number    or   .


l don't get in trouble. Clean up, everything's nice.


Although you can get that on the remote control.


When you do a number two, do you use a handy wipe?


l wipe, then l take a lot of toilet paper and dip it in water....


-ln the bowl? -ln a clean bowl.


-That's what l do. -And then l wipe my ass.


We're too old to have shit stains in our drawers.


Can't be cool when you got a big-ass shit stain.


l've not peed the bed since l quit drinking.


l won a chugging contest before l quit.


And l not only peed the bed, l shit the bed.


l was in college. l woke and thought: ''What did my roommate do?''


And then l went: ''Wait a minute. What did l do?''


lf you have a real problem, get Viagra.


You don't need a problem for that. You just go and get it.


They need to get that for women.


Well, they would call it Niagara then.


-You watch Oprah? -Big or small Oprah?


l never liked small Oprah because her head is too big.


Her head too big for that little body. Then the eye started to droop.


Looked like E. T.


-Oprah, stay big. -Oprah's great.




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