Explorers Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Explorers script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Joe Dante movie starring River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Explorers. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Explorers Script



Hey, you! You better get

out of here!



I'm looking for some

Pacific Tech professors.



There's nobody else

around here now!



- Hurry up, jump in!

- There was a girl with them.



- If I could find her!

- Come on, jump in, will you?



- She's kind of lost.

- You look kind of lost yourself.



I think I know where she'll be.



Come on! Come on! It's your last

chance to get out of here!






Wake up, Wolfgang, come on.



Wake up!









Jesus Christ.



Ben, it's  :   in the morning.

This had better be good.



I just had one of those

dreams again.



I was flying. It was so real. It was over

this giant circuit board or something.



You know, I had a dream

that I was naked at school.



I had to hide in the bathroom.



- It was terrible.

- So anyway,



I drew as much

as I could remember,



and I'd like you to take a look

at it tomorrow, OK?






Can I go back to bed, please?



My mom's coming anyway.

Over and out.



The Martians had no resistance

to the bacteria in our atmosphere



that we have long since

become immune to.



Once they had breathed our air,



the germs which no longer affect us

began to kill them.



The end came swiftly.



All over the world,

their machines began to...



- Yeah!

- Come on!



Get up. Get up.



Kick his ass, man!



Come on, Jackie, kill him!






- Get him!

- Heard you called me



something funny, Crandall.



- Come on, get him. Let's go!

- What's so funny?



I said you had elephantitis.



Crandall, why can't you talk

like everybody else?



- Kill him, Steve.

- Get off me.



I mean, I don't like people

calling me stuff



when I don't know what it is.






Elephantitis is when something gets

bloated and ugly, like your ass!



- Come on, you don't learn, do you?

- Cut it out, Jackson.



- Who's gonna make me? You?

- Sure, elephantitis head!



Kick his ass!



Kick his ass.



Let's go, come on!



You can't get away from us now,




Go! Go! Go!






Everything OK?



This damn carburetor.



Must have rebuilt this thing




I just wanted to say thanks for

with Jackson and everything today.



Steve Jackson's a jerk.



He tries it again, I'll kick his butt.



You wanna come over to my house?



I just got this new tape

of This Island Earth.



- It's got this great saucer landing...

- Sounds great.



And it's got, no, it's got this big mutant,

with this, like, two brains.



It's really cool. You'd like it.



Darren! Darren, wait up!



How come you didn't stop?



Look, why don't you

just take off, OK?



I did you a favor, but I didn't know

you're gonna bug me about it



- the rest of my life.

- It's OK. Here, forget it.



Oh, no. My dad's home.



Guess he didn't get that job.



What does he do?



Hauls junk.



Is that your mom?






That's my dad's girlfriend.



She's OK.



Think I will go over to your house.



OK. Well, leave your bike here,

and we'll take the creek.



- Your folks fight a lot?

- My mom died when I was a kid.



My dad's OK.



Just isn't very lucky.



He always breaks things,

or loses them.



Anyway, he taught me how to run.



He can't catch me anymore.



- Your mom and dad still together?

- Yeah. I guess they get along OK.



They just talk about

the stupidest junk all the time.



Where are we going?



Oh, I just wanna see

my friend Wolfgang.






Oh, it's not his fault.

His parents won't let him change it.



You'll probably think

he's weird anyway.






He's been playing sick,

working on a project.



I wanna see how it's going.



If I had a name like Wolfgang,

I think I'd kill myself.



- Benjamin! Come in. And this is?

- Darren.






You only have to tell me once.

I never forget anything.



Look, Mommy. This looks

like Uncle Fred.



So it does.



Ludwig, stop that right now.



Have a seat, boys.



Wolfgang is down in his lab.

I'll ring him.



He's feeling much better now.



- Wolfgang.

- Yes, Mother?



Benjamin is here

with his friend Derek.



- Have you seen the bug bomb?

- I think it's in the bedroom.



Well, can I offer you anything?

Some baklava?



- Oh, yeah, sure.

- What?



It's Greek pastry. Try some.



Geek pastry?



No, Greek. It's pretty good.



- Ben?

- Is the bug bomb in the basement?



- I don't know.

- Where is the bug bomb?



Oh, Ben.



- Who's he?

- Oh, he saved my life today.






- From Steve Jackson.

- OK.



- Finished it.

- You did?



- I sure did.

- Come on.



Oh, could you please shut the door?



- Thank you.

- Frieda! Frieda! Here's more.



It's crazy, but your diagram

actually translates



- into some kind of circuit board.

- It does?



- Help. Help.

- Down, Erhart, down!



- Thank you. Thank you.

- This is Heinlein.



- Hello, Heinlein.

- Hello. Hello.



I would like...




- There you go.



See, I put these sentences

into his voice synthesizer.



Sometimes they make sense.



- I would like...

- It smells down here.



- Not right now, Heinlein.

- Go to hell.



I'm busy, Heinlein. Don't bother me,

or I'll turn your voice down.



Oh, that's a good one.



All these are mine.

My dad thinks I threw them away.



It's weird. Never could get

into this stuff.



Oh, but don't you wonder

what's out there?



I mean, up in the universe.

On other planets.



You believe everything you see

in the movies?



Not everything.



There's nobody out there.



- Here it is.

- Oh, great.



I tied into my father's computer

on the modem



and filled in some details

on your drawing.



It's mostly guesswork.



This is our circuit board,

which called for a terminal.



So I used my computer,

which is only a    K,



but that should be enough

to find out what it...



What it does, if it does

anything at all, which it...



Which it probably doesn't.

So you got it?



- Makes sense to me.

- Good.



There's no sense in waiting.

Are you ready?



Sure, I guess.



It'll probably just burn out

or something.



Oh, well.



This kind of stuff usually takes

years and years to develop



and work out the bugs.



What's...? What's it doing?



I don't get it.

It's programming itself.



I don't believe this.



It's asking for coordinates

on x-, y- and z-axes



to locate a point in space

relative to its terminal.



How did you dream this?



Guess I'm just that kind of guy.



Well, let's see what happens.






What was that?



I have no idea.



There's holes in all these!



I can see through there!



- This is from my dream?

- Calm down, Ben.



There has got to be a logical

explanation for this, a scientific reason.



This is a trick, right, you guys?



Listen, we have got

to swear to secrecy.



If someone finds out about this,

they're gonna try to take it away,



and they can't do that,

because you dreamt it,



I built it, and it's our secret.



- Right?

- Right.



You pull this on every other sucker

that comes in here?






Oh, it's my father.






...I was sure the bug bomb

was down here somewhere.



Insect byproducts...



Hello. Oh, so this is the new




- Yeah. Yeah.

- How's it going?



Oh, it's fine, fine.



Well, with all this equipment...



Is that my video sync generator?



- No, I seriously doubt it, Father.

- Hello.



- Hello, Heinlein.

- Go to hell.



Shut up, Heinlein.



Now that I come to think of it,

I did see some insect waste products



over in that corner, and there

could be some bug bomb.



- Bug bomb?

- Yeah, of course.



- Most definitely in that corner.

- Are you sure?



- Yeah. Yes.

- Good. I remember...



I have to get it running again anyway.

I'll call you tonight.



All right, don't forget.

Good night, Mr. Müller.



Ja. Ja.



Father, now that I come

to think of it, maybe it's...



It's not here.

Frieda, swat them with the broom!



Our speed is diminishing.



We're now in the atmosphere

of Earth.



Where are you going?



Our universe is vast.



Full of wonders.



I'll explore.



Perhaps find another Metaluna.



A place inhabited by beings

not unlike myself.



You see, I'm more adventurous

than you imagined me.



Exeter, you've used all your power

bringing us here.



Even if you had a place to go,

you couldn't make it.



Come with us.

We'll heal your wounds.



I'm afraid my wounds

can never be healed.



You've things to teach us.



Thank you.



We're over your Earth now.

It's time for you to go.












- Yeah?

- Hey, I got it working again.



Everybody's at the movies.

Get over here right now.



- Well, what is it?

- Jeez.



You know, Ben, you are such

an obsessive person,



and that drives me crazy.

Because you can't get emotional



if you're going to study

anything scientifically.



Now, what we have here,

as near as I can tell...



...is an electrically generated

point of force.






By typing in coordinates, I can make it

move anywhere in three dimensions.



Even as far as slamming it

through a few books or a brick wall.






- This is a vector graphic of the lab.

- You mean a drawing?



Well, yes. But in technical terms,

it's a vector graphic.






That's where it'll be

when it comes on.



- Where?

- Oh, you mean in physical form.



Oh, well, it's right there




I can't see it.



Sorry, I miscalculated.



I can't see it.



Oh, yeah, I'll fix that.



It's pretty neat, huh?



- Wow.

- Yeah.



Here. I waited for you to get here



so that we could make

the official document.



- Can I touch it?

- Go ahead.



- It's pretty solid.

- Yeah.



- How come we can see it now?

- Power modulation.



See, this variable changes

its diameter.



See, it's a perfect sphere.



- Wanna see it move?

- Yeah.



I'll move it from here to there.



Boy. This is pretty weird.



- Sure you know what you're doing?

- Ben, I'm a scientist.






Hey, look out!



Oh, my God!



Hey, what the hell's going on

in there?



Darren! Come on, get in here!



It's that thing we found.



It's going crazy.



- You guys weren't kidding.

- No.



Hey, it's destroying the neighborhood!

Get it back in here!



I've tried, OK? I've already tried.



- Can you see it?

- No, I don't see anything.



Come on, get it back in here.



Help. Help.



Watch it!






It's gone.



Well, so is most of the basement.



Look at this mess.



Oh, no.



- What now?

- It's my parents. They're back.



If my dad sees all this,

he's gonna stuff me in a test tube.



You guys, sneak out the back,



and we'll continue

testing tomorrow, OK?



This is crazy. I'm not coming home

with the house like this.



Bad kitty.



So, what'd you tell them

about the basement?



I told them it was

a rocketry experiment.



I just mentioned Wernher von Braun,

and everything was OK.



That wouldn't have worked

at my house.



My brother and I used to come

up here all the time.



That was before he went

into his jerk phase.



Boy, you can see the whole town

from up here.



There's Lori's house!



Who's Lori?



She's this gorgeous blond.



- Where's she live?

- Never mind.



I made a rough sketch of the terrain

in graphics mode for referencing.



I'm gonna look for something

to experiment with.






...don't touch.



Mr. Professor.



It's my dream, and I can

touch it if I want.



Is he always like this?



Just about. I mean, it doesn't

make him so intelligent



just because he has a computer.



I can do it. I mean,

it's not that tough.



That's where it's gonna be

when it comes on.



Can you make it bigger?






How do you make it come on?



Like this.



Help! Ben!



- I didn't know it could get that big.

- Get me out!



- Me neither.

- Turn it off, man. Get him out of there.






- Come on!

- I'm trying!



It's... It's just not working!



Ben, get me out!






- Where's he going?

- Where's he going?



This is like Journey to the Center

of the Earth.



Are you crazy?

He's on his way to China!




Oh, God, man, I'm sorry!



Are you all right?



I mean, are you OK?



I didn't mean to turn it on.

It just came on.



I couldn't breathe in that thing.



- What was it like?

- Well...



...it was airtight.



I couldn't feel myself speed up

or slow down.



Do you know what this means?



Do you realize what it means?!







That's German for "no inertia".



- No...

- Inertia.



If we had something to sit in,



all three of us could

fly around in this thing.



We could look in top

of the girls' gym.



I have got a great idea.



Oh, no. Ben, no.



Are you serious?



A little higher.



That's it. I can almost see in.



Oh, my God.



There she is.



She won't be undressing this early.



She's talking on the phone,

and she's eating some...



It looks like...

It looks like Boston cream pie.



She's got some stuffed animals

on her bed,



and it looks like some

Thompson Twins records.



He's got it bad.






I can almost read her lips.

Get me closer!



Quick! She'll see me!

Get me down!



Here she comes.



Who is that?



Is that you, Ben?



Yeah. Yeah.



I guess so.



Well, what are you doing

down there?



I saw a cat in your tree,

so I thought I'd get it down.



She wants me. I know she does.



Once we get this built,

how fast will it go?



Well, imagine being in a car

and accelerating from zero to   



in less than a second.

You'd be instantly squished.



But in this force field,

you have no inertia.



No resistance to acceleration.



You can start, speed up,

stop without slowing down,



and, basically, you won't

get squished.



How fast?



Well, it depends on the amount

of power that you put into it.



Well, to give you an idea,

this is the amount of power



that I'm putting into it right now.



- Who's Roger?

- This old guy.



He won't notice

if we borrow anything.



Do you come here often?






Got my own key.



That's Bozo.



I always come over here at night

to get parts.



So I kept bringing things

to make friends with him.



Bones, meat... Nothing ever worked.



Finally, I found out what he likes.






He likes gum?



Don't you?



Well, yeah.



I guess.



Doesn't he swallow it?






Bozo's pretty weird.



Maybe someday I'll teach him

how to blow bubbles.



I used to hang out here

when things got bad at home.



Pretty neat, huh?



Oh, yeah.



- I could live here.

- Not me.



There's some old carnival rides

over there.



Bunch of rats live in them.



Well, I mean, we don't have

to go there. Right, Ben?



- Ben?

- Don't worry, he'll find us.



Oh, there you are.



Here's the thing

I thought we could use.



It's beautiful.



She needs a little work.



I think this used to be called

a Tilt-A-Whirl.



Oh, it's perfect!



We can all fit in here too.



Yeah, well...



...how are we gonna

get this thing home?



It's got wheels. We'll roll it.



Turn it around. Turn it around.



Come on.



That's my foot, you idiot.






That's enough. That's enough.



That's all right.



Oh, that's enough. That's enough.

No more. It's fine here.



- What time is it?

- I don't know.



- I got a test tomorrow.

- It's so late.



- So do I.

- Mrs. Doyle hates me.






So who would like to tell us something

about carbon dioxide?






Carbon dioxide.



That's what you breathe on Mars.



They have dust storms

for months there, you know.



- And...

- Stupid.



And the temperature's    below.



And that's what you'd breathe

on Mars.



- What a geek.

- What is he talking about?






- Trisha.

- What?



Carbon dioxide is formed



during respiration, combustion

and decomposition.



Are you crazy? I'm here!



Stop it.



Some of you have not brought in

your field-trip permission slips.



Let me just remind you,

they have to be in by Wednesday.



Now, yesterday we briefly covered

the field of physiology.



Would anyone like to review that

for us today?



Tonight, we launch.



All right.



Very good. Not so good. Very good.

Easy test. Very high curve.



Of course, there's always

an exception.



That's three strikes in a row, Woods.

What's the problem here?



- Very good. Very good.

- Just stupid, I guess.



Not so good. Very good.



Don't you feel, I don't know,

like something big is about to happen?



Well, maybe. But, I mean,

we really haven't been



- very scientific about this, you know.

- Wolfgang.



- Well, listen, it might be dangerous.

- Don't you believe in anything?



Have a little faith, will you?



Hey, come on!



- That's not funny.

- All right. Cool it.



I swiped some beer

so we can name it something.



It's good beer.

My dad drinks a lot of it.



Why don't we call it...



We'll call it the Jules Verne.



No, no. We can...



We could call it the Einstein.

Now, that's a great name.



Oh, come on.



Come on. What do you wanna call it,

the Lori Swenson?






- I have an idea.

- And what's that?



How about the Thunder Road?



- It's from a Bruce Springsteen song.

- It's not bad.



Not bad? It's perfect.



The Thunder Road.



I christen thee the Thunder Road.



The Thunder Road!



- Oh, now it breaks.

- Let's go.



I knew we should have put hinges

on this thing.



- Come on, you got it. Let's go.

- I'm going to take it very easy at first



because something might happen,

and we all could get killed.



Stop talking about getting killed

all the time. It's gonna be great.



Well, what if the ship falls apart, OK?



She won't, she's a good ship.



- Yeah, don't be so paranoid.

- All right, OK, fine.



- Ready?

- Yeah.






Systems check.



Air pressure.



OK. We're OK there.






Twelve-volt system.






- Exterior illumination.

- Check.






...drive system's response.



Oh, wow.



Here's my launch-area graphic.



See, since the Thunder Road's

inside the field now,



I'm going to plot our movement

relative to an outside stationary point,



which is the creek.



There we are.



- That makes sense.

- OK.



Harness strength.



- Oh, come on, check. Let's go!

- Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.



Supplies. We need supplies

before we go any...



- Look. Supplies, check. Supplies.

- Are you nuts?



- Everything.

- Oh, come on, come on.



- Let's go.

- You nut. Are you crazy?



- We need to go. Come on.

- All right. Fine.



- Exterior illumination, off.

- No, no! It'll be cooler if it's on.



Are you...? The whole world's

gonna see these lights. I mean...



All right. We'll turn them off

when we get out of the creek.



It'll be cooler.



OK. Fine. Your way. Fine.



- All right, masks on.

- Let's go. Masks on.



OK. We'll be able to talk briefly

after the field is on.



Make sure that you breathe through

these hoses most of the time, all right?



We're gonna run out of oxygen

pretty fast in this thing.



All right, everybody ready?



- Ready.

- Ready.



- Check, check, check.

- Will you stop checking? Let's go!



Let's boogie.



Field, on.






OK, let's go...



...down and to the right.



Hardly feels like we're moving at all.



Great suspension on this thing.



It feels like a dream, doesn't it?



I mean, it's all so perfect.



Funny. I never have dreams.



Oh, everybody has dreams.



I don't.






I wish I'd gone to the bathroom.



I can't believe this.



We must be going over

    miles an hour,



and I haven't even used

one-tenth of our power yet.






Where should we go?



Where's all the action

on Friday night?



The drive-in.



Bloodshed is my life.

Pain, my pleasure.



Now is the time for destruction.



You see them flying there?



That's what they call

a "traveling matte".



How do you know?



All these movies use them.

It's standard.



May the power be with us.

They attack again.



But they will not touch

my Carla.



Oh, Starkiller. This is great.



You mean, you've seen this?



Yeah, the blond guy is Starkiller,



and he spends the whole movie

blowing up aliens.






Explosions in space?

It's impossible!



Oh, what do you mean?

You can hardly see the strings.



He was like my father.



Do you see what I mean?



He was my father.






Oh, Starkiller.



- Wow, does she take her clothes off?

- Yeah, but she's got three navels.



Don't you think we're a little close?



That looks so fake.



We're right in front of the screen.

Get us out of here!






What's happening?!



- Not so fast! Not too low!

- It's not making any sense!



- Turn us around!

- You're gonna kill us, you idiot!



- Why don't you drive it. I'm trying!

- Turn us around.



- Hey, what's the deal? I gave you a   .

- It was not.



We're gonna hit that! Hold on!



What the...?



Starkiller, you are being

taken from behind.



Burn in hell, alien maggots!



You shall not possess our women,

slime-bred vermin!



Smooth move, Ex-Lax.



- Do you wanna drive?

- Well, yeah.



I heard they were gonna

tear it down anyway.



At least, I think I did.



Well, it's working OK now.

Now let's go back.



- Oh, come on!

- Come on, not yet!



Let's see some more.



Yeah, open her up.

Let's see what she can do.



- Are you serious?

- Yeah.



- Come on.

- I'd say she's done enough already.



- No, she hasn't...

- Oh, come on.



What's that?



OK, Charlie, what do we do now?



We order it down.



Unidentified craft,



you're in direct violation

of controlled airspace.



- What are they saying?

- Probably something like,



- "You're under arrest."

- I repeat,



you must land immediately.



Jesus! Did you see that?



I don't know what I saw, Charlie.



Gordon, there was something inside.

Didn't you see it?!



I swallowed my gum.



- That guy saw us for sure.

- Oh, that's just great!



What if he reports us, and the police

come to our house and arrest us?



- Then we'll have a criminal record.

- Big deal.



Even if he did report us,

who's gonna believe him anyway?



It's doing it again!



- What?

- I don't know.



I never programmed

anything like this.



I mean, look at it.

It's complete nonsense.



- Well, then where's it coming from?

- I don't know!



- I have no idea!

- Great, the computer's crazy.



We're going straight up!



Is it thinking for itself

or taking over the ship, or what?



It has to be receiving this stuff from

somewhere else outside the sphere.



- Tell it to turn us around!

- I'm trying to, OK?!



See, "no access".



I don't know what this is

or where it's coming from.



Well, you can still read it, can't you?



You guys ready for some

more good news?



We're out of air.



We are!



OK, nobody panic.



We have to trick the computer.



I'm going to reverse our x-axis diode.

Hold your ears.



I'm turning off the field,

and air's gonna rush in for a second.



- Aren't we still going up?

- No, this is great!



Not only do we have new fresh air,

but I tricked the computer



so it thinks it's going

in the opposite direction



than it actually is. It's great.



- Well, then we're going straight down.

- Well, yeah...



- We're going straight down.

- OK, OK.



Oh, we made it.



Oh, we made... Oh, OK.



- Twelve-volt system, off.

- Wait, Wolfgang.



- We're not on the ground.

- And last but not least.



- I've been waiting for this.

- We're not on the ground.



Of course we are!

We're home, we're home!



- Field, off.

- Don't do it!



You idiot!



You broke my Walkman,

you're dead.



Yeah, well, I got us

back down, didn't I?



You sure did.



Wow. It took us right back home.



What's so funny?



That was great!

That was incredible!



Next time...

Next time, we'll bring more air,



- Next time?

- And we'll go higher,



and we'll explore.



Listen, Ben, I'm not going to get in

that thing again until we find out



exactly where those programs

were coming from.



- And we need to run tests. Yes.

- Wolfgang, come on.



We have to run hundreds

upon hundreds of serious tests.



You know, it could take years.



What are you talking about?



That was the most important thing

that ever happened!



Couldn't you feel it?

That feeling way inside.



- We were flying!

- Come on, Ben, make some sense.



- We almost didn't come back.

- But we did come back.



Here we are!



What do you think?



We should trust the dream, right?



Sorry, man. I wanna live.



But we have our own spaceship.



You coming?






I wanna take another look around.



OK. Catch you later.






Johann, keep your projectiles

to yourself.



There was quite a lot of activity

in this town last night.



There were numerous

UFO sightings.



Many of them at the drive-in,



where the police are trying

to investigate



to discover who destroyed

the concession stand.



- Wolfgang!

- What?



Your color is not good.



You should not be making

experiments so late.



Oh, by the way,

I found the bug bomb.



- Where was it?

- Where was it?



In the bathroom.



Hey, man, I waited a lifetime

for something like this to happen.



I wanna find out what the hell it was

we saw up there.



OK, well, I saw something

down in the creek, and I...



I don't know, I can't help it.

Can't you understand that?



All I know is,

this is driving me crazy.






Look, man, I've been having

dreams about this lately, and...



Yes, really.



The weird thing is...



...I haven't had dreams like this

since I was a kid.



Lori, it's a dream!









Is this what your first dream

was like?



- Wolfgang, this is a private dream.

- Not anymore.



You too?

I thought you never dreamed.



Yeah, so did I.



But wait a minute. Don't you see?

We're all here.



There must be a reason for this.



There's always a reason

when you dream.



What are these, drive-ins?



See, there's the diagram!



And there's a missing part

in the center.



We have to remember it



and then figure it out

when we go up again.






I just had a dream

weirder than yours.



Did you get the diagram?



Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.



What's going on here?



We both had the same dream.



See, it's a smaller circuit board

that fits onto the original circuit board.



Like this...



- Turn it on.

- OK.



What is that stuff?



It's... It's oxygen!



- It's our oxygen!

- Well, turn it off, stupid.



I had it turned up a little too high.



But that's OK. We can still go.






You feel it too.






It's ever since the dream last night.



Let's face it, somebody's calling us.



They've been calling us

since the beginning.



But from where?



I don't know,

but it's somewhere up there.



Well, I guess we have

to find out, right?



Well, they got us this far.



It's like we're supposed to go.






...let's go.



Before my dad sees his work shed.



Ben, are you using my tweezers again

on one of your models?



- No.

- Honey, what are you doing?



I'm writing a letter to Grandma.



Well, good.



- Mom.

- Yeah?



You remember that stuff

you were telling me



about your dreams

and doing what you wanna do?



Well, if I really want to be an astronaut

and go out in space



and really do that,

it'd be OK, right?



Sure, honey, if that's

what you really wanna do.






- Sleep tight.

- Yeah, good night.



Bye, Mom.



Hiya, kid.



- So you're the spaceman.

- What?



Hey, listen.



- Is this your jacket?

- Where'd you get that?



You were in that UFO, weren't you?



Weren't you?



Hey, weren't you in there?!



We gotta get out of here!

Some guy knows about it!



What? Who?



Some guy, he tried to grab me

outside my house.



He's probably on his way

over here right now.



So we'll kick his butt.



OK, let's get out of here.



OK. I have to regulate

the air pressure first, OK?



Can't you do that

when we're up there?



No, I can't, Ben. Now,

you're getting on my nerves.



What's that?



Something my dad gave me,

do you mind?



No, it's fine. Fine.

Just put it out of the way.



Nice going, kid.



All right!



- So, what happens now?

- I'll take us up higher and...



And then they'll contact us, I guess.



I can't stop thinking

about what's up there.



I mean, what kind of life?



You mean, will it be some

kind of slimy blob?



It could be anything.



I mean, it could be pure energy,

or it could be thought waves.



I mean, I don't know.



It could be something

we can't even imagine.



How about a planet full

of Amazon women



who wanna breed a new race?



- You pervert.

- Oh, come on, you guys.



You'll see. It'll be great.



It'll be the greatest thing ever.



They're here.



See, they're taking over.



- Wow, what was that?

- What happened?



- Where are we?

- Oh, my God.



Eaten alive.



- What if we wanna go back?

- Go back?



Now you say this?



Why don't you look around,

it's a little too late!



Will you shut up?



It'll be all right. Just don't spoil it.



We are going where no man

has gone before,



to unlock the secrets

of the universe.



It's pretty incredible.



Think about it.



The field's off.



Well, guys, we're on our own now.



Don't worry.



It's all part of the plan.



Look at this place.



Ride's over.



- I guess we should get out now, huh?

- Are you crazy?



We can't just sit here.

They're expecting us.



Exactly. I'm staying right here.



If they give us any trouble,

we'll kick their butt.



What...? What the hell's this?



- Let's go.

- We really have to get out.



Let's get out of here.






We're all radioactive now.



Our DNA's all... screwed up,



and our kids will have tentacles.



Dark in here.



Maybe they don't have eyes.



Think we'll enjoy living here?



I wonder what they're waiting for.



I mean, they must've been preparing

for this for thousands of years.



Maybe they're not hungry yet.



- Where's Darren?

- Look out!






Where is he?






There must be some

kind of mistake.



Mistake, my foot!



They're testing us

like mice in a maze.



- Don't be such a downer.

- I'm serious!



Ben? Hey, Ben. Ben, wait up!






Ben, what was that sound?



I don't know.















Are you OK?



That was weird.



You were in a trance or something.



- Where's Wolfgang?

- I don't know.



I lost him. I...

This thing came...



Well, then let's go find him

and get out of here.



I don't know how it works,



but it puts pictures in your head.



I saw that dream we had and

a whole bunch of other weird stuff.



That sounds just like

in Forbidden Planet.



They had this brain-booster machine.



Maybe that's how they got

into my dreams.



It smells in here.



I hate to say this,



but this isn't the way

I thought it would be at all.



It smells in here.



You just said that.



No, I didn't.






- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!



Where'd he go?



We scared him!



Scared him?



Yeah. To him, we're the aliens.



To him, we might...

We might be horrible.



Horrible? Us?



Come on. He couldn't

have gotten far.






Don't be scared!



Ben, wait a minute.



We gotta find him.



I've waited all my life to say this.



Be my guest.



We come in peace.



Great. Now try, "How do we

get back to our ship?"



No, no, just give him a minute.



He's probably just translating

in his head.



See, if we can communicate,



he can give us the answers

to anything.



He's about to say something.



Eh, what's up, doc?






OK, but let's face it.



This energy field of yours,

it's quite extraordinary,



but it still needs a lot of work.



Talk about bumpy rides.



You'd think that

a technology this advanced



could stabilize

such a simple computer.



I never tire of looking

at the stars, do you?



Did you know that the light

that we see now



actually began eons ago?



They always make me feel

so romantic.



Do you have...



...a girlfriend...



...on Earth?



A girlfriend?



Well, I mean, of course

I've got a girlfriend.



No one special.



I'm not tied down,

if that's what you mean.



It's... It's probably...

Probably not English.



It's just an alien language

that sounds like English.



Remember this one?



Oh, a horse is a horse

Of course, of course



And no one can talk

To a horse, of course



That is, of course

Unless the horse



Is the famous Mister Ed




Right to the source



And ask the horse...



Nobody's singing.






Hi, guys.



- Where you been?

- Looking for you.



We were worried about you!



Do you have any consideration

for your friends?



This is Neek.



And... And, Neek,

that's Darren and Ben.









Hi, yourself.



We've been looking

all over for you.



And now you're just lounging

around with some alien, and...



And communicating.






She's incredibly intelligent.






...I think she kind of likes me.












- Quack? Wa...?

- Wak!



Wak's your name!

That's... That's your name.



- I'm Ben. Me, Ben.

- Me, Tarzan.



What do I have to do,

eat a banana?



- You get it, don't you?

- No, I...



Come on, jump in!



They know all about us.

It's from watching this stuff.






You see. Look.






They get TV up here?



Just waves in space.

They're crazy about it.



Yes, folks, there is life

in outer space!



And here he comes,

the life of outer space himself.



Let's make him feel at home,

here's Wak.



Do you know me?



Often, when I enter a hotel

or restaurant,



people fail to recognize me.



Thank you, thank you,

you're great.



Let's start tonight's show

with a medley of your favorites.



Remember this one?



The amazing Kitchen Companion!



It slices, dices, minces, quinces.



Even makes french fries,

shoestring or crinkle-cut.



But wait, that's not all!



Make hundreds of julienne carrots

in just seconds.



One tomato lasts a month!



No more tears cutting onions!



How much would you expect to pay

for this unbelievable kitchen miracle



that makes all previous forms

of kitchen appliances



completely obsolete?



Fifty dollars?



One hundred dollars?



- One thousand dollars?

- What do you think?



Well, it's great...



But... Well...



- I mean, is it just me, or...?

- What? What's the matter?



They don't make any sense.



That's the way they think

that we talk.



Order now, get the set

of stainless-steel steak knives



and the miracle paring knife,

absolutely free!



Anyway, my wife gave me a new car.



It's called a Rolls Canhardly.



That's right, rolls down one hill,

can hardly get up the next.



A Rolls Canhardly, get it?



The train, the train!



Now, for the first time

on our show...



...the Flying Serrento Brothers.



Now, as you know,

the Flying Serrento Brothers



were supposed to be

on last week's show.



Unfortunately, four of them

are in critical condition.



So this evening,

we are proud to present



the Flying Serrento Brother.



But first, before that,

I'd like to introduce



four lads from Liverpool.



The Beatles, but before The Beatles...



You must be proud to be

from such a wonderful place.



You mean Earth?



No, no more, no more.

Please, please.



My heart, my heart.



- No, no, please.

- Earth, huh?



All right, all right.



OK, now, I'd like a little

assistance from the audience.



If someone would like

to come up and help me.



Anyone? You, son. Yes.



Great. Could you come on-stage

for just a minute, please?



That's right.



Right up here next to me.

What's your name, son?



- Ben.

- Ben. Ben. Where you from?



- Earth.

- Earth. Anybody here from Earth?



Earth, see?

You got all friends here today.



I'd like you to do me a little favor,

if you will. Would you do that?



- Sure.

- I'd like to improve my reception,



so would you raise

my antenna for me?



Not that one, Ben.

Not that one, thank you.



- These?

- Yeah, that's right.



All right, move it a little to the right



and out a little further.



Feels good.



Better, Ben.



OK, that's pretty good.



Oh, great. Thank you very much.



Well, get away, son.

You bother me.



- Excuse me?

- Get away, boy. Off. Off.






Kids all over the world,

they only understand one thing.



All around the world



Rock 'n' roll is all they play



All around the world



Rock 'n' roll is all they play



All the flat-topped cats

With their rock 'n' roll queens



Just a-rocking and a-rolling



In their red and blue jeans



All around the world



Rock 'n' roll is here to stay



Then hear those jukebox jumping



All night and all through the day



Ain't never no time for romance



They only wanna dance



The people all holler

When they hit the floor



Go, cat, go



All around the world



Rock 'n' roll is here to stay



You can hear those jukebox jumping



All night and all through the day



They do the bop



The Texas Hop



Shim, sham, shimmy



And they never, never stop



All around the world



Rock 'n' roll is here to stay



You can hear those jukebox jumping



All night and all through the day



Thank you. Thank you.

You're beautiful.



You're wonderful.

You're wonderful. Thank you.



I get it.



Your people have been

visiting our planet for...



Well, since ancient times.



And now you've come back

to check up on us.



And... And explain everything, right?



It's a very interesting story.

It doesn't make any sense at all.



Are you aware of that?



Actually, they've never been

down there in person.



- There's too many germs.

- Germs!






Germs that can cause colds,

bad breath, diarrhea.



Germs that can flourish

in your family bathroom.



See, they had to disinfect us when

we got here just to get this close.



Besides, we know what they do

to people like us down there.



But... But this is just the movies.



This isn't the way we really are.



- Don't you know that?

- You expect me to believe that?



Look at this, your people

just like to blow things up.



Look... Look, we...



We sent out those signals

because we wanted to meet.



But it had to be someone special.






So... So you could explain.



You're not like the rest of them.

You knew we could be friends...



...if we only got the chance.



Look, I know I must look weird to you,

but how do you think you look to me?



Listen, I watched

four episodes of Lassie



before I figured out why

the little hairy kid never spoke!



I mean, he rolled over.

Sure, he did that fine,



but I didn't think he deserved

a series for that.



But, see, this isn't real.



And... And we don't really kill people.



Well, we do, but... But not aliens,

because we haven't met any.



What's that?



Space pirates.



Space pirates?



Space pirates.



- Scourge of the universe.

- We can fight them off!



- Vicious! Merciless!

- We'll stand together.



- We'll use your advanced weaponry!

- They crush all who defy them.



Coming to a theater near you.

Rated R.



Good night, everybody.



- Thanks for the memories...

- There she is.



Go home?



We can't go home.

We just got here.



And we're sorry you have

to run along so soon.



Aren't they great?

Let's give them a big sendoff.



I tell you, I love this guy.

I really do. I mean that sincerely.



Now, remember, you can see him

at Tahoe the week of the   th



and Atlantic City on Easter weekend.

Isn't that right?



Let's all try to be there.






- What's the hurry?

- Now, look, honey,



let's not have a scene.



I don't understand.

See, we came all this way,



- and we haven't learned anything.

- Perhaps next time.



Next time?



Yes, next time, you get to compete

for our grand prize:



A fabulous, new Pontiac Firebird!



It's a brand-new car!



We're not afraid of space pirates.



I don't understand

why we have to go.



We can take it.



- I really like it here.

- We get beat up all the time at home.



Y'all come back now, hear?



But you can't just send us away.



What is it?

Did we do something wrong?



Is that it? I mean,

we laughed at all your jokes.



I mean, even the really dumb ones.



I... I don't know.



What is it you want?



Looks like my baby picture.



It's '  s music. It's cool.









Oh, Wak.



Is that a space pirate?






No. Not exactly.



It's their father.






I'm telling you, it's their father.

They're kids.



No way.



Well, look at him.



Just a couple of kids?



And you didn't tell us?



You dreamed about meeting us.



You wanted this to be so great.



We were afraid you'd be,

you know, disappointed.



And wouldn't wanna

come back again.



- Really?

- It's true.



It really is his vehicle.



And we're not even

supposed to touch it.



- What a bummer.

- You stole your dad's car?



Well, he said we could

get away with it!



- But we did.

- But we didn't!



- We practically did!

- Well, we didn't!



Well, you're such a wimp anyway.



Boy. He's really pissed.



That's why you have to go.



He'd never understand.



Especially about us, Wolfgang.



Well, I...



I think it's time for you guys

to get going.



Do we have to?



Yeah. And we didn't even get to tell

you the secrets of the universe.






This is for you.



- What is it?

- The...



...stuff that dreams are made of.



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



I must have something

to give you.



- Pretty cute, huh?

- Hubba-hubba.



Boy, I'd like to get my cups on her.



Someday she'll be my girlfriend.



Maybe sooner than you think.



What's this?



It's... It's a harmonica.



You put it in your mouth.



Yeah, and see, you blow...






No, you can't play it

very well like that.



Way to go, stupid.



- It's OK.

- Doesn't even offer me any.



We'll always have Paris.



Paris? Paris?






Boy, and I thought

my dad was tough.



I've waited all my life to say this.



What do I have to do,

eat a banana?



And... And, Neek,

that's Darren and Ben.






A Rolls Canhardly!



All around the world



- What's that?

- Space pirates.



I'm telling you, it's their father.

They're kids.



- Pretty cute, huh?

- Hubba-hubba.



I think it's time for you guys

to get going.



Do we have to?



And we're sorry you have

to run along so soon.



Go home?



We can't go home.

We just got here.



Y'all come back now, hear?



We were flying!



So you're the spaceman.



This is for you.



- What is it?

- The...



... stuff that dreams are made of.



- Oh, there's the drive-in.

- What's left of it.



Oh, yeah.



- Oh, there's the Safeway.

- Oh, yeah.



There's my house.



My dad's up.

Wonder what he's doing.



It's taking us back

to our point of origin.



No, it's not.



Field's off.



Well, then what's holding us up?



Come on.



She was a good ship.






It's weird.



They should've called us by now.



What if we never hear

from them again?



I know.



We gotta get back there somehow.



But we don't have our ship.



No power.



It's just so frustrating.



No one on Earth is ever

gonna top Neek.



Gee, I thought they really liked us.



I wonder what they're doing

right now.



Come on, let's go.



They've probably been grounded

for   million years.



...so mostly it's used to coat

other metals that rust,



or mixed with other metals

to form alloys.



Who was the scientist that discovered

nickel as an element?









- Thomas Jefferson?

- What a bonehead.



- Trisha.

- Baron Axel Frederik Cronstedt



- in     .

- Very good, Trisha.



Nickel is one of...



All right. They're sending again.



- I knew they would.

- Whoa, dude.



Wow. This one looks

really complicated.






If this is all a dream,



then what happens

when we wake up?



I don't know,

but I can't wait to find out.



A guy goes to a psychiatrist,

has a complete examination.



Afterwards the shrink says,



"Well, I've examined you thoroughly.

I've come to my conclusion.



"I think you're crazy!"



And the guys says,

"Well, I want a second opinion."



And the shrink says,

"All right. I think you're ugly too."




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