Fast Times At Ridgemont High Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Fast Times At Ridgemont High script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason Leigh movie based on the Cameron Crowe book.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Fast Times At Ridgemont High. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Fast Times At Ridgemont High Script




 See the people

walking down the street



 Fall in line

just watching all their feet



 They don't know

where they want to go



 But they're walking in time



 They got the beat

They got the beat



 They got the beat, yeah

They got the beat



 All the kids

just gettin' out of school



 They can't wait

to hang out and be cool



 Hang around 'til quarter after   :  

That's when they fall in line



 They got the beat

They got the beat



 Kids got the beat, yeah

Kids got the beat



 Go-go music

really makes us dance



 Do the Pony

puts us in a trance



 Do the Watusi, just give us a chance

That's when we fall in line



 'Cause we got the beat

We got the beat



 We got the beat, yeah

We got it



 We got the beat



 We got the beat



 We got the beat

Everybody, get on your feet



 We got the beat

We know you can dance to the beat



 We got the beat

Jump back, get down



 'Round and 'round and 'round



 We got the beat



Linda, there's that guy

from the stereo store.



- Don't you think

he looks like Richard Gere?

- See his cute little butt?



- You guys, let's talk about

that fox that just walked in.

- We already were.



I'm gonna go over there

and change the shakers.



- Cool out. That's Stacy's section.

- He's too old.



She's not even

in high school yet.



Smoking's upstairs to your left.



Smoking's upstairs to your left.



Smoking's upstairs.



Rat, is Dolly Parton giving you

a percentage of the profit?



What can I do for you, gentlemen?



You the guy with

the Van Halen tickets?



That could be.



How much for something

in the first ten rows?



- Twenty bucks apiece.

- Those tickets were only $  .  .



So don't buy 'em.



All the other scalpers are sold out.




Did you call me a scalper?



Listen, gentlemen, I perform a service

here, and the service costs money.



Do you want the tickets or don't you?



Okay, we'll take 'em.



All right.

What'd I say, $  ?






All right.

Thank you.



Just made    bucks, Rat.

What's the matter? You look depressed.



I hate working the theater. All the

action's on the other side of the mall.



- How's it going?

- You want to take his table?



Go for it.

He's cute.



Just take his order,

look him in the eye.



If he says anything remotely funny,

laugh like you never heard anything

so funny.



And smile!



Go for it.



So, you working hard or hardly working?



 You look like you

could still be in high school.



I know.

Everybody says that.



- How old are you?

- Nineteen.



- How old are you?

- Twenty-six.



Do you think we could

still be friends?



So what can I get you?



How 'bout a meatball sandwich,



a medium Coke,

and your phone number?



- Hi.

- Hello.



Get outta here, Bradley.



- Dave.

- How you doin', Brad?






Daddy's home, boys.



 I shall serve no fries

before their time.



This one's on you, dude.

Who's got the beaucoup dolares today?



Uno dinero.



- What have you got, Mr. Buck Man?

- I got a cigarette.



I got uno "nickelette."



Hey! You guys had shirts on

when you came in here.



Somethin' happened to 'em, man.



Come on, Spicoli,

just put the shirts back on.



You see that sign?



"No shirts. No shoes. No dice."






Learn it.

Know it. Live it.



- Whoa.

- He's the full hot orator.



Linda, did I show you this?

He gave me his card.



"Ron Johnson, Audio Consultant."



Maybe we should get a frame for this,

and put it up on the wall.



Linda, you're the one who told me

I was gonna get a boyfriend at the mall.



- Do you think he'll call this week?

- Why don't you call him?



- I can't.

- You can. Guys love that sort of thing.



- Really?

- Yes!



Stacy, what are you waiting for?

You're    years old.



I did it when I was   .

It's no huge thing. It's just sex.



- He was hot, wasn't he?

- If I didn't have a fiance

in Chicago, I'd go for it.



Hey, how you doin'?

Welcome to Ridgemont.



Will it look okay?



Well, she was an American girl



 Raised on promises



- Do you know where U.S. History is?

- Down the hall and turn left.



 Somewhere else



 She was an American girl



Hi, Bradley.



Grown up.

Lookin' good.



Another year joined at the lips.



- Hi, Brad!

- Denise. I'd make you see God.






- Big Cruising Vessel!

- Bradley!



Thank you.



Six more payments, gentlemen,

and this beautiful...



blue, four-door, luxury sedan

is all mine!



 I'll give you

four tickets in the fifth row...



for the low price of $   .



See that car? Some alumni

gave Jefferson that car...



for playing football

when he was a sophomore.



- Helped him pick it out.

- Slick car.



We go way back, you know.



Hey, Charles, how you doin', buddy?

Car looks great. I mean really terrific.



You're really keeping it up




Don't fuck with it!




That's my man.






- Arnold! What's happening?

- Can I talk to you a minute?



Sure, man.



I really hate Bronco Burger.



Ever since they started with the chicken

nuggets, everything went downhill.



You have to fry all their greasy food,

and you have to polish things.



And the manager's an asshole.

I was just wondering...



Arnold, do you want to work

at All-American Burger?



Yeah, well, um...



I can probably get you in.

Just let me talk to Dennis Taylor.



- All right!

- Okay.






Did you hear the bell ring?



- What bell?

- We're here.








My name is Mr. Hand.



I have but one question for you.



Can you attend my class?



It is for your own good. And if you

can't make it, I can make you.



We have a   -question quiz every Friday.



Your grade is the average

of all your quizzes,



plus the midterm and final

which counts for one-third.



Got it?






There will be no eating. E-A-T-l-N-G.



No eating in this class!



You get used to doing

your own business on your own time.



That's one demand I make.



Just like you wouldn't want me

to come to your house...



- and discuss U.S. History

on your time, understand?

- Yes, sir.





This guy's been stoned

since the third grade.



- Yes?

- Yeah, I'm registered in this class.



- What class?

- This is U.S. History.



- I see the globe right there.

- Really?




May I come in?



Oh, please!



I get so lonely when I hear

that third attendance bell ring...



and all my kids are not here.



Sorry, I'm late. It's just like

this new schedule's totally confusing.



I know that dude!



Mr. Spicoli.



That's the name they gave me.



- You're ripping my card!

- Yes.



Hey, bud, what's your problem?



No problem at all.



I think you know

where the front office is.



You dick!



I have taken the time

to print up a complete schedule...



of class quizzes

and the chapters they cover.



Please pass them

to the desk behind you.



Back, back, back.





Did you hear about this surfer guy

who pulled a knife on Mr. Hand

this morning?



Oh, no!

He just called him a dick.



A dick? Oh, God.

People exaggerate so much here.



Linda, that girl

looks just like Pat Benatar.



I know. Wait.

There are three girls at Ridgemont...



who have cultivated

the Pat Benatar look.



Chanel Semlar,



Mary Ann Zlotnick

in the red tights.



Do you think guys find that

more attractive?



Stacy, please, give me a break!

You are so much prettier!



Yeah, I know, but do you think

they'd be better in bed?



What do you mean?

You either do it or you don't.



No. There are like... variables

that I might not be good at.



- Like what variables?

- Like, you know, giving blow jobs.



What's the big deal?



- I never did it.

- You've never given a blow job?



Never? Stace, there's nothing to it.

It's so easy.



Check it out.



Relax your throat muscles.



Don't bite.



And slide it in.





Try it again.



Good. Push it slowly in and out.

You got it.






- Can I ask you something

and you promise not to laugh?

- Sure.



Okay. When a guy has an orgasm,

how much comes out?



A quart or so.



No, I'm just kidding.



Just practice.



 I'm not going to a morgue.

I'll get my mom to write a note.



Nobody's getting me into a room

with a bunch of dead guys.



You have to go.

I hear it's part of the final.



I hear it's really disgusting.

Do you know what they do?



- Have you heard?

- What?



The bodies are dissected

and Mr. Vargas...



pulls out parts of the dead body

and holds them up.



You mean, he reaches in

and pulls this stuff out?



- Like stomach and tumors or something?

- Yeah, stomach, tumors, entrails.



Good day, everyone.

My name is Mr. Vargas.




I'm a little slow today.



I just switched to Sanka,

so have a heart.



All right, now.



The World of Life. That is the name

of the textbook we will be using.



I'm in love.



See the mustache comin' in, Rat?



You can almost cross it out.



- I'm in love.

- You are a wuss. Part wimp, part pussy.



What do you mean wuss?

This girl is my... exact type.



- Where'd you see her?

- In my biology class.



- Did you get her number?

- No.



- Did you get her name?

- No! No! It's too soon.



It's never too soon, Rat.



A girl decides how far she's gonna

let you go in the first five minutes.



What am I supposed to do? Go up to

this strange girl in my biology class...



and say, "Hello. I'd like you to

take your clothes off and jump on me"?



I would.



I can see it all now. This is

gonna be just like last summer.



You fell in love

with that girl at the Fotomat.



You bought $   worth of fuckin' film,

and you never even talked to her.



You don't even own a camera!



You tell me, Mike.

What should I do?



This is what you do.



Start from the minute

you walk into biology.



I mean, don't just walk in.

Move across the room.



And you don't talk to her.



You use your face.

You use your body.



Use everything.



That's what I do.



I mean, I just send out

this vibe...



and I have personally found

that women do respond.



I mean, something happens.



Naturally something happens.



You put the vibe out to    million

chicks, something is gonna happen.



That's the idea, Rat.

That's the attitude.



- The attitude?

- Yeah.



The attitude dictates

that you don't care whether

she comes, stays, lays or prays.



Whatever happens,

your toes are still tappin'.



Now, when you got that...

then you have the attitude.



- Good night, Stacy.

- Good night, Mom.





 Just look at that girl with the lights

coming up in her eyes



 She's got to be somebody's baby



 She must be somebody's baby



- You look beautiful.

- Thanks. So do you.



Where do you feel like going?



I don't know.



- How 'bout The Point?

- Okay.



All right!

The Point it is.



 She's got to be somebody's baby



 She's so fine



 She's probably somebody's only light



 Gonna shine tonight



 Yeah, she's gonna be

somebody's baby tonight



 She's gonna be somebody's only light



 Gonna shine tonight



 Yeah, she's gonna be

somebody's baby tonight



That's a really nice jacket.




Thanks a lot.



- It's warm.

- Yeah, it is. It's really warm.



I wonder how long it will last.






am I gonna get to first base?



- Are you really   ?

- Yeah, yeah, I am. I'm really   .



 She's gonna be

somebody's baby tonight



 I try to shut my eyes

but I can't get her out of my sight



 I know I'm gonna know it

but I gotta get over my fright



 I'm just gonna walk up to her



 I'm gonna talk to her tonight



 Gonna shine tonight

Make her mine tonight?






 Gonna shine tonight

Make her mine tonight



So tell me, do you like Ron?



I like Ron, but it hurt so bad.



Don't worry. Keep doing it.

It gets a lot better. I swear.



It better.



 Raised on the radio



 Just an all-American boy



 I got my favorite toy



 I was

raised on the radio



 Yeah, I was raised on the radio



 Remembering when times were bad



 Love is all we need

and love was all we had



- Mom says to clean the pool.

- Why can't you do it?



Your friends use the pool.

Your friends messed it up.



- Your friends use the pool too.

- I take out the garbage!






- Brad, have Mom and Dad seen these?

- They're not home yet.



- Brad?

- What?



What would you say if

I asked you to put these...



in the trunk of the Cruising Vessel

and get rid of them?



- I'd say, "Who the hell is Ron Johnson?"

- Please.



Thank you very much.



- Lisa's great!

- Yeah.



I don't understand why you want

to break up with a girl like that.



Me and Lisa have been going together

for two years. I love her and all.



I mean, she's great in bed.



It's just that...

I'm a single, successful guy.



And this is my last year in school.

This could be the best year of my life!



I just feel like I need

my freedom now, you know?



Okay, here's your preparation stuff.



You got your sliced tomatoes,

shredded lettuce, secret sauce.



- What's the secret sauce?

- Thousand Island dressing.



What's the secret sauce

at Bronco Burger?



- Ketchup and mayonnaise.

- Gotcha.



Order for you, Bradley.



- Were those flowers really for me?

- Of course!



- How much did they cost?

- Don't worry about it.



Want to go to The Point tonight?



What's there to do at The Point?



What do you mean? We've been

going out together for two years.



I don't want to have to use sex

as a tool, Brad.



Tool? Tool for what?

We've been going together for two years!



- I don't want to talk about it here.

- I wanna talk about it!



- Brad?

- Lisa!






You gotta flip 'em, or they'll burn.













"F." "F."



Three weeks we've been talking

about the Platt Amendment.



What are you people, on dope?



A piece of legislation was introduced

into Congress by Senator John Platt.



It was passed in     .



This amendment to our Constitution...



has a profound impact

upon all of our...



Where is Jeff Spicoli? I saw him earlier

today near the first floor bathrooms.



Is he still on campus?

Anyone? Yes, Desmond?



I saw him by the food machines.



- How long ago?

- Right before class.




Bring him in.



What is this fascination with truancy?



What is it that gets inside your heads?



There are some teachers in this school

who look the other way at truants.



It's a little game

that you both play.



They pretend they don't see you.

You pretend you don't ditch.



Now, who pays the price later?




Wait a minute.

There's no birthday party for me here!



Hola, Mr. Hand.



What's the reason for your truancy?



Just couldn't make it on time.



You mean,

you couldn't or you wouldn't?



It was like a full crowd scene

at the food lines.



Food will be eaten on your time.



Why are you continuously late

for this class, Mr. Spicoli?



Why do you shamelessly waste

my time like this?



- I don't know.




I like that.



"I don't know."

That's nice!



"Mr. Hand,

will I pass this class?"



"Gee, Mr. Spicoli,

I don't know!"



That's nice. I really like that.

You know what I'm gonna do?



I'm going to leave your words on this

board for all my classes to enjoy.



Giving you full credit,

of course, Mr. Spicoli!



All right.





 Sleigh bells ring

are you listening



- Mommy!

-  In the lane



- Oh, no!

-  Snow is glistening



 A beautiful sight

We're happy tonight



 Walking in a winter wonderland



How fucking long

do I have to wait?



Christmas sucks.

I hate it.



You gotta get used to working holidays.

People are always screaming.



I have to quit this job.

I'm gonna get so fat...



- no one's gonna want to take me out.

- Ron hasn't called, huh?



- Not since November.

- What does it matter?

He's a stereo salesman.



What'd you wanna do, marry him?

Have kids with him?



Have this guy come home

   years old and bald?



And have that little Pacific Stereo

sign on? Come on, Stace.



Hey, it's his loss.



Got any Blue Oyster Cult?



No, I don't have any

Blue Oyster Cult.



I ate    pairs last time.

Where were you?



I was that close to working

at  -Eleven, you know.






- All right! Play me?

- Totally.



You got quarters?



When are those Earth, Wind and Fire

tickets comin' in?



Earth, Wind and Fire?

Geez, I haven't heard anything.



The minute I do,

I'll let you know.



I'm plannin' on taking

my little brother over here.



Is that your little brother?

He's a good-lookin' kid.




Charles Jefferson...



for Earth, Wind and Fire

and little brother.



I'll let you know when

they come around, okay?





Wow! Does he really live here?

I thought he just flew in for games.



Shit! He knows where to come

when he wants some tickets.



Go on. Get outta here.

You're messing up my business.



Come on, Rat.

Let's go get you a woman.






You ready for

your moment of truth?



Damone, I noticed I was starting

to get a pimple this morning...



Rat, the shyness routine

is really starting to aggravate me.



I mean, who is she, anyway?

She's a waitress in a pizza parlor.



Look at her. Look at you.

A member of the Honor Roll.



Assistant to the assistant manager

of the movie theater.



Rat, if this girl

can't smell your qualifications,

then who needs her, right?



- Right.

- All right. How do you feel?



- I feel good.

- Do ya? All right.



Now stop fucking around

and go get her.



Hey, Rat, you gotta ace that jacket.



- Yeah?

- Yeah. All right, that's cool.



You look good. All right?

Go get her.



$ .   and you get five cents back.






- Hi! Don't I know you

from biology class?

- Yeah!



- What can I do for you?

- I had a couple of questions.

I was curious.



What do you do with the

jackets people leave here?



- We keep 'em.

- You keep 'em?



In case they come back.

You can look through it if you want.



No, that's cool. It would take

too long to look through all that.



I'll pick up a new one.



What was your other question?



Oh, my other question is...



can I have your phone number

so I can ask you out sometime?



- Do you have a pen?

This one's out of ink.

- Yeah.



Stacy. Nice to meet you, Stacy.

My name is Mark Ratner.



I've gotta go.



Lisa, I have something to tell you.



Look, I'm a senior now.



I'm a single, successful guy.



And I've got to be fair to myself.



Lisa... I think I need my freedom.



Oh, don't do that.



- Please, please don't do that.

- Brad!



- Can you cover me on register two?

- Okay.



- May I help you?

- Ah, yes.



This is not the best breakfast

I ever ate and...



- I'd like my money back.

- Okay. I believe

you have to fill out a form.



No. I'd like my money back now.



I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way.

I have to fill out a form.



Well, you ate most of it

already so...



See that sign?

It says "   % guaranteed."



You know what the meaning

of guarantee is?

Did they teach you that here?



Sir, if you'd just wait a minute.



Look. Just put your little hand

in the cash register...



and give me my $ .   back,

please, Brad.



Sir, if you'd just give me a minute.

I'll find the forms.

I'll take care of everything.



I don't have a minute.

You've made me late enough.



I am so tired of dealing

with incompetence.



It says    % guaranteed,

you moron!



Mister, if you don't shut up,

I'm gonna kick    % of your ass.



Ah, is there a problem here?

Can I help you, sir?



You bet you have a problem.

Your employee used profanity

and threatened me with violence.



I'm surprised. I eat here all the time

and usually have good service.



All I wanted was my money back on this

breakfast. It was a little under-cooked.



And he threatens me with violence.

I'm gonna call your super...



I can take care of it.



Mr. Hamilton, did you threaten this

customer or use profanity in any way?



Uh... he insulted me first.

He called me a moron, Dennis.



Answer me! Did you threaten

this customer or use profanity?



- Yes.

- You're fired.



I'm very sorry, sir.

I'll refund your money right now.



I hope you won't hold this against us.



You know how these young kids are

these days.



 Here we are.

Perhaps another breakfast?



I hope you had

a hell of a piss, Arnold!



 The world's finest

surfers showed up today to do battle...



with what's turned out to be the biggest

waves to hit this coast since     .



Hello. I'm Stu Nahan,

and I'd like you to meet this young man.



His name, Jeff Spicoli.

Jeff, congratulations.



Things looked rough out there today.



I'll tell you, Stu,

I did battle with some humongous waves.



Just like I told the guy on ABC,

"Danger is my business."



A lot of people

expected Mark "Cutback" Davis,

or Bob "Jungle Vet" Gerard...



- would take the honors this year.

- Those guys are fags!



Let me ask you. When you get out there,

do you ever fear for your life?



Stu, surfing's not a sport.

It's a way of life. It's no hobby.



It's a way of looking at that wave

and saying, "Hey, bud, let's party!"



Where'd you get this jacket?



From the network. Let me ask you,

what's next for Jeff Spicoli?



Headed over to the Australian

and then the Hawaiian Internationals.



Then me and Mick are gonna wing on over

to London and jam with the Stones.



You guys are invited too.



Jeff! Jeff!



Jeff, Dad says you have to get up.



- Leave me alone.

- Dad says you're gonna be late again,

you butthole!



- Leave me alone!

- Dad says you're gonna be late again,

you booger!



Dad, Jeff threw his snorkel at me!



We just want to say that

we're not Spirit Bunnies anymore.



We always hated that name.

It bugged the heck out of Dina and me.



- It's just such a put-down!

- Really!



We know you've got a lot of spirit,

everybody, right?



And we're gonna destroy Lincoln

next week! All right!



You know, it takes a lot

of courage to get up here...



and do something that

you know people will make fun of.



- Yeah.

- Man...



I'm never gonna talk

to those guys again.



I'm the one who got Arnold and Dave

their jobs there in the first place.



If you'd apologize to Dennis,

I'm sure he'd take you back.



Fuck Dennis Taylor!

I'm not gonna apologize to that wimp.



I'm just glad

we're still together...



because a lot's happened,

and I really need you this year.



Look, Brad, I've been trying

to think of a way to tell you this.



We're almost out of school.

It's our last year.



And I think we owe it

to ourselves to be free,



to go out with other people.



I still want to be friends.



What do I say to her

once we get in the car?



No problem, Rat. What you need

is my special five-point plan.



Come on, Damone, I need real help.



What'd you mean?

Men have died...



trying to obtain this

valuable information.



- But I'll give it to you for free.

- What's your five-point plan?



All right.

Now, pay attention.



First of all, you never let on

how much you like a girl.



Oh, Debbie... hi.




You always call the shots.



Kiss me, you won't regret it.



Three. Act like wherever you are,

that's the place to be.



Isn't this great?






When ordering food, find out what she

wants, then order for the both of you.



It's a classy move.



The lady will have

the linguine in a white clam sauce,



and a coke with no ice.



And five.



Now, this is most important, Rat.



When it comes down to makin' out,



whenever possible,



put on side one

of Led Zeppelin IV.





- This is a nice car.

- Yeah. It's my sister's.






Do you have Mrs. George

for English?



- Yeah. She's pretty good.

- Yeah, she is pretty good.



- Have you decided?

- Um, yeah.



I'll have the knockwurst.






You work at Cinema Four, right?



That must be great.

You get to see all those free movies.



You get free popcorn.



- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.



Would you mind if I excuse

myself for a moment?



Oh, no, go ahead.



Are you ready to order here?



She will have the knockwurst.



And you?



- I'll have the same.

- Anything to drink?



- Coke.

- Two Cokes.




Thank you.



- I'll be right back.

- Okay.





- Hello?

- Mike, it's Mark.



- What happened to your date?

- It's happening right now.

Everything's fine except...



I left my wallet at home.



Why don't you go home and get it?



No, I can't! I'm here.

The food's coming and everything.



Look, would you do me a favor?



Just borrow your mom's car, drive to my

house, get my wallet and bring it here.



Hello? Mike?






Geez, I'm really kinda busy, Rat.



Just do me this one favor.



I swear I won't ask you for anything

again in this lifetime or any other.



- But just please do this for me.

- You owe me for this one.



Okay, thanks.

Thanks a lot. Thanks.



-  Beaver, are you all right?

- What happened?



Are you sure there's nothing else

I can bring you?



Do you want another Coke?



Um... okay.



Two more Cokes.



Two more Cokes.



- Hey, Mark, is that you?

- Yeah, hi.



- You come here?

- Yeah. I come for the strudel.

It's great.



Hey, listen, I found your wallet

the other day. You want it back?



Oh, wow! Yeah.

I was looking for this.



Oh, Mike,

you don't know Stacy Hamilton.



- Stacy, this is Mike Damone.

- Hi.



- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.



See you later.



Right. Gotta be goin'.

See you later.



You wanna go?



Um... yeah.



- I had a really nice time tonight.

- Me too.



I'm real sorry someone broke in

and stole your tape deck.



I never thought it would've happened

at such a fancy place.



I know.

You want to come in for a sec?



- Okay, sure.

- Good.



- Where's your brother?

- He's out tonight with some friends.



- Can I get you something to drink?

- No, that's... that's okay.



Oh. Well,

would you mind if I change?






Okay. Could you get this for me?

It always sticks.






Where are your parents?



My parents are out of town

for the weekend.



Brad and I are watching the house.



- This is a really nice picture of you.

- Thanks.



You can come in my room

if you want.



So, what do you want to do?



I don't know.



Um, you want to look

at a photo album?



I keep a lot of pictures

from when I grew up and stuff.



- It's kinda stupid, huh?

- Sure! Yeah.



Yeah? Great.






This is the one that Brad took.



It's like double-image type thing,

you know. It's like a mirror.



This is me being stupid.



And this is my dog Gypsy,

and my cat Tullio.



- They're dead now.

- Remember him? Mr. Degan?



You had Degan?



- He always wore the same suit!

- The same suit!



- He must've had     of those suits.

- He was terrible!



No, I think it was one.



 So you go out there

and you get one too



 Love rules



 Ohh, love rules



 Love rules



 Yeah, love rules



- You know, I just thought of something.

- What?



My sister is crazy

when it comes to her car.



- It's gotta be back by   :  .

- Want to call her?



No. Look, l... She gets crazy.



Her car is her baby.



- I better be going.

- Really?



I'll call you.

Well, I'll see you in class. Okay?






Love rules



- Mark Ratner doesn't like me.

- Mark Ratner doesn't like you?

You're crazy!



No, he shows absolutely

no interest in me.



Mark Ratner is definitely somebody

you'd have to make the first move with.



Linda, I did. I made the first move,

I made the second move.



I made a complete jerk out of myself,

is what I did.



What do you care about

Mark Ratner for?



He's a   -year-old usher

in the movie theater.



You have dated older guys. You work

at the best food stand in the mall.



And you are a close

personal friend of mine.



Yeah. But I was really

beginning to like him.



Yeah? If that's true,

you better find somebody else fast.



- Seen the new Playboy?

- Good?



- Bo Derek's tits!

- All right!



I like sex.





People on ludes

should not drive.





Hey, this is my brother's car!



- You said he was outta town.

- And he is.



All right.

Then don't hassle it.



Are you crazy, Spicoli?

That light was red!



- It was yellow a minute ago.

- You're gonna scratch my brother's car.



No, I'm not.



Look, I'm driving.

You navigate.



Where is this party?



Make a right, right here.

Here! Here! Here!



My brother's gonna kill us!

He's gonna kill us!



He's gonna kill you. He's gonna kill me.

He's gonna kill us!



Hey, man, just be glad

I had fast reflexes.



- My brother's gonna shit!

- Make up your mind, dude.



Is he gonna shit,

or is he gonna kill us?



First he's gonna shit,

then he's gonna kill us.



Relax, all right?

My old man is a television repairman.



He's got this ultimate set of tools.

I can fix it!



You can't fix this car, Spicoli!



- I can fix it.

- Ha.






- I'm giving you $  ...

- No, no, no!



That means if you win

I give you $  .



If I win, you give me $ .



- You can't lose.

- All right.



I'll put you down for $ .



Now, don't forget about

the   -point spread.



Fourteen-point sp...



 I don't believe those guys

at Lincoln did this to Jefferson's car!



They totalled it.

I can't believe it.



Jefferson's gonna really make

Lincoln pay for this.



That guy's gonna totally

destroy them.




You know what I mean?



Shit, he is pissed off.



 They may well mean

what they say about you



 You might wander back

to future friends







 Come too close

and take you by the hand



 'Cause now you see there's more

to life then what we lovers do



- Oh, shit!

- Hut. Hut.





 Brought down again

by    Charles Jefferson.



Hit by Jefferson.

Crushed by Jefferson.



Man! Jefferson. Jefferson.

Jefferson. Jefferson.











Again by Jefferson.



Five, four, three, two, one!





- There's nothing to eat here.

- What do you mean?



- Take a look. There's nothing I can eat.

- Get a trout dog.



Forget it. Do you have any fish here

that isn't breaded?



- It's all prepared the same way.

- Get a whaler.



Or a clamwich.



Ever hear the word blemish?

Want me to eat something fried?



- Let's get outta here.

- Let's go.



Thank you.

Come again, and have a nice day.



I sent a letter to Doug today.

Can't wait 'til he gets out here.



- What's Doug doing in Chicago?

- He works for the airline.

You'll meet him.



Oh, Linda, you have to do this.



- What?

- "Rate Your Mate."



- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.



- Let me test Doug.

- Okay.



"Most satisfactory

lovemaking occurs:



"A, when your mate climaxes first.



B, you climax first.

C, you and your mate climax together?"



Climax together.



This is gonna be great, Rat.



It's like the highlight of their day.



Maybe we oughta call first. I don't know

about dropping in like this.



Are you kiddin'?

We're gonna surprise 'em.



Just fix your collar, all right?



Relax. Just be cool.

Attitude, remember?



- Where'd you get that, the hamper?

- Hey, this is clean.



It's like riding a bike.

You fall off, you get right back on.



You mess up a date, do it again!



- Do you always climax with Doug?

- Yes.



I think so.

He's no high school boy.






Come over to help you

with your math homework.



Figured you could use it

on such a hot day.



Don't worry.

They're gonna let us in.






- Promise you're going to leave

as soon as my mother gets home.

- Okay.



- Linda, this is Mike and Mark.

- How you doin'?



The water looks great.

Check it out.



Looks fine.




Very funny!

Very funny!



-  Lin, come in!

-  I'll teach you to dive.



I used to be a champion, you know.







Does Mom know you have company?



It's just Mark and Mike from school.



- Hi.

-  How ya doin'?



- Hi, Linda.

- Hi, Brad.






Uh, could you keep it down?

I have work to do inside.






Who's his tailor?



God, he hardly even talks anymore.



Yeah, I know.

He hates wearing a uniform.



 Rat, show them

how you can stand up underwater.



? Da-um-da-um-da-um?



What are you doing?



- Watch out, Rat!

- Leave me alone!



 All right, Damone,

you're gonna get it.



Hi, Brad.



You know how cute

I always thought you were.



Stacy, do you have Q-tips?

I've got water in my ears.



I don't know.

Check in the house.



Wait. Just a minute.



Doesn't anybody

fucking knock anymore?







In      Spain owned Cuba outright.



Think about it.



Cuba owned by a disorganized

parliament      miles away.



Cubans were in a constant...



Cubans were in

a constant state of revolt.



In     ...



the United States decided

to throw weight around...



- Who is it?

- Mr. Pizza Guy.



- Again?

- Mr. Pizza Guy, sir.





- Who ordered

the double cheese and sausage?

- Right here, dude.



For you, dude.



Am I hallucinating? What in the hell

do you think you're doing?



Learning about Cuba,

and having some food.



Mr. Spicoli,

you're on dangerous ground.



You're causing a major disturbance

on my time.



I've been thinking about this,

Mr. Hand.



If I'm here and you're here,

doesn't that make it "our" time?



There's nothing wrong

with a feast on "our" time.



You're absolutely right.

It is our time.



Yours, mine and everyone else's

in this room.



But it is my class.

Hamilton, Brandt, Cornfeld, up front!



Mr. Spicoli has been kind enough

to bring us a snack.



Be my guest.

Help yourselves.



Get a good one.



- Mike? Mike? Hi.

- Hi.



- How you doing?

- Good. How are you?



I hate walking. I have to walk

every day. It's such a drag.



Why don't you get a ride

with somebody?



Sometimes I ride with my brother,

but he works mornings.



- Then he drives himself to school.

- What a guy!



Listen, Mark Ratner

really likes you.



- Do you like him?

- Mark is really nice.



But I think I like you.



Well, uh... this is me.



- Do you have any iced tea?

- Yeah, sure.



Come on in.



The annuals are coming out

pretty soon.



- You gonna get one?

- I don't know.



Oh, come on. Aren't you curious

to see how your picture turned out?



- I know what I look like.

- I know.



But it's nice to have pictures

of your friends and stuff.



I don't know. Maybe.

It's no big deal.



I probably will.



Must be nice having a pool.



- You want to go swimming?

- Yeah, sure.



- I'm going to go change, okay?

- Yeah.



Okay, great.



This is great iced tea.



- Come on.

- Huh?



Brad keeps his stuff

in the change room.



- This is nice.

- Yeah?



- Yeah.

- These'll fit you.



- You're really a good kisser.

- Yeah?



So are you.



You want to take off

your clothes, Mike?



You first.



Both of us at the same time.






 She's gonna be

somebody's only light



 Gonna shine tonight



 Yeah, she's gonna be

somebody's baby tonight



 I try to shut my eyes

but I can't get her out of my sight



 I know I'm gonna know it

but I gotta get over my fright



- Wait.

-  I'm just gonna walk up to her



-  I'm gonna talk to her tonight

- M-Mike! Mike!





Are you okay?






I think I came.

Didn't you feel it?



Yeah. I guess I did.



I gotta go, Stacy.



I've really gotta go.



- See ya.

- Bye.



Linda, how long does Doug take?



- Doug takes forever.

- Come on.



He takes, uh...    to    minutes.



I thought you said

he took    to    minutes.



That's right. I'm sorry.

I meant    to    minutes.



How long did Damone take?



Damone took, uh...

   to    minutes.



That's not bad for a high school boy.



 Raised on the radio



 Yeah, I was raised on the radio



 Just like an all-American boy



- Mike! Hi!

- Hi.



- God, I haven't seen you for a while.

- Yeah.



- In a hurry. Got stuff I gotta do.

- I'm in a hurry too.



- I just thought I'd say hi to you.

- Hi.



Hamilton, I'll take over

the fryer for a while.



Those boys at I.B.M. Ordered a stack

of those Catch-of-the-Day boxes.



- I told them you would personally

deliver them within the hour.

- Aye, aye, sir.



Hamilton, come over here.



- What are you doing?

- I'm changing.



You took off your Captain Hook uniform.



I thought I'd put street clothes on

for the drive to I.B.M.



The uniform's uncomfortable.



You're going there as a representative

of Captain Hook Fish and Chips.



Part of our image, part of our appeal

is that uniform. You know that.



You want me to put

the stuff back on?



Yes, I do. Show a little pride.



Aye, aye, sir.



 Talk on the phone

Call up the coast



 Call it collect

Dial direct



 Reverse the charges

If they accept, they're home



 Or you can go overseas

Speak Japanese



 Buy a new Sony

They make great TVs



 Do the Watusi

Watch I Love Lucy too



 But don't let nobody



 Tell ya that

there's nothin' to do



 Well, well, well, well

Don't let nobody



 Tell ya that

there's nothin' to do



Dina, can you honestly tell me

that you forgot?



Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander

or the charisma of Rick Nielsen?



- That's kid stuff.

- Kid stuff?



How 'bout the tunes?

 I want you to want me



 The dream police




 Your mama's all right

Your daddy's all right



-  They just seem a little bit weird

- Mike? Mike?



Can I talk to you for a sec?



Stacy, I'm doing business.

Call me tonight, all right?



No. I've gotta talk to you now.




Don't go away.



Look at 'em.



I hope this is important

because I could be blowin' a big deal.



Mike, I just...



I just want you to know

that I'm pregnant.



How do you know it's mine?

We only did it once.



I haven't been with anybody else.

I know it's yours.




It was your idea.



You wanted to do it.

You wanted it more than I did.




Take that back.



All right.

I take it back.



Look, we gotta do somethin' about it.



I mean, uh,

we gotta get an abortion.



My brother Art got his girlfriend

one once. It's simple.



- It's no big deal.

- Yeah. I got that planned.



It's going to cost $   

at the Free Clinic.



Doesn't sound free to me.



I suppose you want me

to pay for it.



Half, okay?

And a ride to the clinic.



Seventy-five dollars and a ride.






Okay. Thanks.



Thank you.






Rick, I need that $   you owe me.



- Don't have it.

- I know times are tight,

but I really need it.



- Don't have it now.

- When you needed the tickets,

I got 'em for you.



So close to stage

you probably scared the band.



I'm not the Bank of America.



I know you're not the Bank of America,

but I need my $  .



- How about Thursday?

- Thursday's too late.

I need it tonight.



Can't give you what I don't have.



Just forget about it.

I'll get it from you Thursday, okay?



All right.

See ya.








 And the vine



 Take me



 Sleeping angel



 Catch me when you can



 Feel love better



 Heavy steps for a woman



 And a man



Is Mike there?

This is Stacy.



Hold on, please.



Stacy, he says he's helping

his father in the garage.



He'll call you later.






Wait a second.



- Yeah, this is it.

We're just going bowling.

- Okay.



- Thanks a lot.

- See you later.






- How we doing in here?

Debbie, you ready to leave?

- Yes. Thank you.



Stacy, I can't let you go

unless you have a ride home.



- Oh. I told my boyfriend

to meet me downstairs.

- Okay.









Since when do you

go bowling anyway?



Okay, Brad.

Please don't tell Mom and Dad.



Come on!

Who did it?



You're not gonna tell me, are you?




It'll just be your secret.






- You all right?

- Yeah.



Come on.



- You hungry?

- Yeah.



I told you to tell Mike to pay for it.

Why didn't you tell him?



Linda, he didn't show up.



That little prick!



I called his house.



His mother told me he was

in the garage helping his father.



Mike Damone's

a no-brain little prick, Stacy.



I'm not gonna let him

get away with this.



Linda, please don't do anything.

I don't even like the guy.



Stacy, he's not a guy.

He's a little prick!



 I can't explain the way I feel



 Each time I get behind the wheel



 A rush of blood

comes after power surges



 And my right foot urges

the car to push



Hi, Mikey!



Hi, Damone.



Damone, what went on

between you and Stacy?



Let me tell you something.

Sometimes girls go haywire.



It happened a month ago.

I've been trying to think

of a way to tell you ever since.



We were out... messin' around,

and something happened.



It's over.

It's no big deal.



I never even called her again.



If you ask me,

she's a very aggressive girl.



- Do you understand?

- No, I don't understand.



- She never really was your girlfriend.

- Fuck you, Damone.



There are a lot of girls out there,

and you have to mess around with Stacy?



What do you gotta prove, anyway?



I'm sorry.



I always stick up for you.



Whenever people say, "That Damone, he's

a loudmouth," and they say that a lot,



I always say,

"Hey, you just don't know Damone."



When they call you an idiot,

I say, "Damone's not an idiot.

You just don't know him."



Well, you know something, man?

Maybe they do know you pretty good.



Maybe I'm just finding out now.



Get lost.



You want to do something about it, Rat?



You want to do something about it?

Come on.



- Come on, you wuss!

- Okay. Let's go, man.



- I'll break your fuckin' head off.

- Do something, man.



- A big talker, man!

- Knock this crap off!



Take it somewhere else.



Not in my gym, buddy.






Woke up in a great mood.

I don't know what the hell happened.



Come on. Hurry up.

Hurry up.



Today we're going to explore

how this hospital preserves human life.



We'll be visiting every floor

where these fine doctors and nurses...



take care of us in life...

and in death.





Over    children

are delivered here each day.



Dr. Kramer to the nurses' station.



- Good morning, Doctor.

- Hi.



Class, this is Dr. Miller.



He'll be joining us

for the last part of our tour today.



If you guys will follow me, please.



I'd like to ask you one last time.



Conduct yourselves

with the utmost maturity.



- You in my class?

- I am today.



-  Yes, Greg?

- Who are these guys?



Most of them are derelicts.



They sold their bodies

to medicine for money.



- About $   I think?

- Twenty-five.



Righteous bucks!



This gentleman here is named Arthur.



Arthur was good enough

to die last week of heart failure.



We are fortunate today

to view his body...



in its pristine state.



Here an incision has been made.



The ribs have been sawed off,



allowing us to remove

the breastplate...



and really observe the human organs

as they exist in their natural state.



Here we have the human lungs.



And here is the human heart

which, you can see,



is actually located

in the center of your chest.



Ohh! Gnarly!





Are you okay?




I'm fine.



- I just made a jerk out of myself.

- No, you didn't.



Can't go back in there.



Sure. We'll wait until they come out,

and then we'll blend in.



Here they come.



You're so nice.





 I don't know, I don't know

which way I should go



 I don't know



 I don't know



 I don't know, I don't know

if I'm high or I'm low



 I don't know



 I don't know, I don't know

if I'm high or I'm low



 I don't know



 I don't know



 I don't know



You should be comin' on pretty soon,

dude. How much did you smoke?



This'll be

a little demonstration of that.



Listen up.



- What was that?

- That was my skull.




- I'm so wasted!



Oh, man!



What is this stuff?



Doesn't that stuff

cause brain damage?



- Only if you take it

every day for a month.

- Bitchin'! 



- Dude, I'll pick you up in

the van and go to the dance.

- Later.



Jeff, you have company.



Get out of here, Curtis.

I don't hear you unless you knock.



That's better. Entre.



Mr. Hand!



Well, were you going somewhere

tonight, Jeff?




The graduation dance.



It's the last school fiesta

of the year.



Hmm. I'm afraid we've got

some business to discuss here.



Did I do something wrong, Mr. Hand?



According to my calculations,

Mr. Spicoli,



you wasted a total of, uh,

eight hours of my time this year.



And rest assured,

that is a kind estimate.



Now I have the unique pleasure

of squaring our account.



Tonight you and I are going to talk in

great detail about the Davis Agreement,



all the associated treaties, and

the American Revolution in particular.



If you can turn to page   

of Land of Truth and Liberty.



Oh, I left that book in my locker,

Mr. Hand.



In that case, I'm glad I remembered to

bring an extra copy... just for you.





 He was a hardheaded man

He was brutally handsome



 And she was terminally pretty



 She held him up

and he held her for ransom



 In the heart

of the cold, cold city



 He had a nasty reputation

as a cruel dude



 Look, Mark.



I want to apologize for

everything that's happened.



I'm really sorry.



A guy just doesn't do that to a buddy.



I understand.

You can't help it.



You're just lewd,

crude and obnoxious.



- I can deal with that.

- Excuse me.



Are we still friends?



- Huh?

- Okay.



All right.



 What Jefferson

was saying was, "Hey!



"We left this England place

'cause it was bogus.



"So if we don't get some cool rules

ourselves... pronto,



we'll just be bogus too."



Very close, Jeff.



I think I've made my point with you




Do you have a guy like me

in class every year?



You know,

a guy who you make an example of?



- You'll find out next year.

- No way!



As soon as I cruise history, I'm not

coming near your side of the building.



- "Cruise history"?

- Soon as I pass your class.



Ooh. If you pass.



You're gonna flunk me?



Don't worry, Spicoli.

You'll probably squeak by.



Yeah! Aloha, Mr. Hand.



Aloha, Spicoli.




these are my two star students.



Boys, I'd like you to meet

my wife, Mrs. Vargas.















I wrote him a letter.



Tell me what you think.

"Dear Doug.



"I received your message that

you weren't coming to my graduation.



"Doug, this is not the kind of thing

that occurs between adults.



"Maybe you've found someone new,

someone more mature.



"But if you ask me, Doug,

you're the one being childish.



"Anyhow, if you think I'm gonna

sit around and wait for you, forget it.



- Sincerely, Linda." What do you think?

- Uh...



I have another version

where I call him an asshole.



No, that one's better.

It's more...



- Mature?

- Yeah.



- I don't have to sink to his level.

- Yeah.



- I can go out with anyone I want,


- That's right.




Thanks for cheering me up.



Come on.



Hey, dude!

I know that song.



Hey, I'm not.

I'm not.



 Mattie told Hattie



 About the things you do



Hey, come on down

from there.



 To wooly bully with you



-  Wooly bully

- Whaa!



 Wooly bully



 Wooly bully

Wooly bully



 Wooly bully



 Wooly bully, wooly bully

Wooly bully



 Wooly bully

Wooly bully



 Wooly bully





Linda, I finally figured it out.



I don't want sex.

Anyone can have sex.



- What do you want?

- I want a relationship.



- I want romance.

- You want romance?



In Ridgemont? We can't even get

cable TV here, and you want romance.



Another summer at Perry's.

I can't. I swear.



It's not that bad.

Keep your eyes open.



There's lots of men around here.



 As we strolled by the sea






 Under stars twinkling

high above



 So in love are we two



 No one else but me and you



-  So in love

-  Two so in love



-  So much in love

-  Two so in love



-  So in love

-  Two so in love



-  Are you and I

-  Two, you and I



-  So in love?

- Hi.



- How you doin'?

- Fine.



I'm glad you came over...



'cause I have this picture of me

that I wanted to give to you...



so that you'll remember

to call me over the summer.



I don't know. I'm going to be traveling

a lot this summer and I'm not sure...



I'll give you a call sometime.



- That'd be great.

-  Stacy!



- You worked at All-American Burger!

- Seven months ago.




I knew it.



Why don't you get a job,




- What for?

- You need money.



All I need are some tasty waves,



a cool buzz, and I'm fine.




Can I use your bathroom?



Yeah, go ahead.



- It's the first door on the left.

- Like up this ramp?



First door on the left.



Money, and I want it now.




- Okay. Okay. Um...

- Now!



What are you doin'?



The safe!

Behind the doughnuts.



I've been watchin' this place.

I know what I'm doin'.



- Open it up. Open it up!

- Okay.



C'mon! C'mon!



I just started here. They just

taught me the procedure and l...



Let me figure it out.



- Come on, shit head. Let's go.

- Get off my case, motherfucker!



Hey, no towels, man.





- I got you, you son of a bitch.

- Oh, motherfucker!



There goes your ride home.



Awesome! Totally awesome!



All right, Hamilton.



 Oh, I know something



 About the ways of loving



 But I could tell you baby



 That something's wrong



 Look to the sky above

and the mud below



 Something's driving me crazy



 Got to got to get away



 Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye



 Without a doubt



 I'm telling you

I'm burnt out



 My tank is running on empty



 For far too long

I need fuel



 'Cause I'm getting so low



 Something drives me crazy



 So bad



 Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye



 I need fuel



 Not the kind you give me



 Makes me feel so bad



 Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye





 Goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye






 Goodbye, goodbye,




 Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye



-  I can't believe

-  I can't believe



-  I'm still around

-  Still around



-  It's getting kinda late

-  It's getting kinda late



-  I'm gonna leave

-  Gonna leave



-  For a change of scenery

-  For a change of scenery



-  I'm going crazy

-  Going crazy



-  It's not the same

-  It's not the same



-  Since you've been around

-  Since you've been around



-  I'm crazy

-  I'm crazy



-  So crazy

-  So crazy



 You treat me like a dirty clown



 You're always kickin' my dog around



 I never get nothin'

but constant abuse from you



 You couldn't care less

what I think or my point of view



 You're always puttin' the make on

my friends, always giving them eyes



 The dirty lies about me and you, well

I'm through, it's the end of the line



 Here's a ticket one way, Cincinatti

I'm sendin' you home

to your ma and your daddy



 So don't try to call me

You'll only be wastin' your time



 Oh, I know something



 About the ways of loving



 And I tell you baby



 That something's wrong



 Look to the sky above

and the mud below



 Something drives me crazy



 Got to got to get away



 I need you but



 Not your time

Look at me



 Bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye



 Goodbye, goodbye





 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye




 Goodbye, goodbye






 Goodbye, goodbye



Special help by SergeiK