Female Trouble Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Female Trouble script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the John Waters movie with Divine.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Female Trouble. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Female Trouble Script





I got lots



Of problems



Female trouble



Maybe I'm twisted



Female trouble



They say I'm a skank



But I don't care



Go ahead, put me



In your el-e-ectric chair



I got lots



Of problems



Female trouble



Maybe I'm twisted



Female trouble



Hey, spare me your morals



Look, everyone does



What pleases me



Is paradise



I got lots



Of problems



Female trouble



Maybe I'm twisted



Female trouble



Oink, oink



Oink, oink



I'm berserk



I like it






As long as I'm



Grabbing a headline



Ah ha ha, yeah



I got lots



Of problems



Good morning, Dawn.



-Hey, I like that skirt.




My old lady's supposed to

get me one for Christmas...



if she's not too dumb

to find it.



Oh, Concetta,

I know what you mean.



My parents better get me

them cha-cha heels I asked for.



That's all I can say.



Hey, hon,

you got any Spray Net?



My hair is fallin' right down

right off my head.



Sure, hon.



You do your Geography homework?



Fuck no. Fuck homework.

Who cares if we fail?



I wanna quit,

and I am right after I get...



my Christmas presents.
















Miss Friar,

are you hard-of-hearing?






Stand up, please.



What on earth are you wearing?



This is not Halloween.



It's just a skirt and sweater.



Button those buttons,

young lady.



I bet your mother didn't

see you dressed like that.



It's hot in here.



That will be all.

This is a classroom...



not a cocktail lounge,

Miss Friar.



Take this dress code

violation slip home...



and have it signed

by your parents.



And take that gum

out of your mouth!



For the   th time!



If I catch you with gum

in your mouth one more time...



you will be in detention

for a month.



Do you understand?



I understand, Mr. Weinberger.



You're late, young ladies!



And I'll now report you

on this late slip.



I had you marked absent.



Now, class...before letting you

go for the holiday season...



we're going to have

a pop quiz.



When called on, stand,

answer the question.



If you are correct,

it'll be duly recorded.



If you are wrong,

a small red "F"...



will be placed next to

your name in my roll book.



All right, let's begin.



Jude Fine, true or false?



Baltimore was once capital

of the United States.






True, true.

True, Miss Jude Fine.



You must have been

talking on the phone...



instead of doing

your homework last night.



It was the capital for   months

during the Revolutionary War.



That's two red Fs for you

in just one week.



It looks like you'll

be getting a deficiency.



What is it, Miss Holland?



Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport

is eating a meatball sandwich...



right out in class,

and she's been passing notes.



I was not eating.



I got a knife here

in my pocketbook...



and I'm gonna

cut you up after class.



Stop this, immediately!



Now they're threatening me,

these awful, cheap girls.



My mother told me

to report this kind of thing.



I'm trying to get an education.



All of you, stop it!



Dawn Davenport, stand up!



I'm trying to get

an education...



so I can get

into a good college!



It's not fair!



That will be all.



You were quite proper

in reporting this incident...



but that will be enough.



She was trying

to copy my homework.



That's untrue, and you know it.



Dawn Davenport,

you are a habitual liar...



and I'm quite

well-aware of it.



You will go to detention

for a month for this.



I won't go. I wasn't eating.



From your appearance,

Miss Davenport...



it looked like you

never stopped eating.



Get up here!



Now, write    times

on this blackboard...



"l will not eat in class."



'Cause I'm fat enough already.



Now, start writing and don't

stop until I tell you to.



I can tell you one thing,

Miss Davenport...



you can count on a failing grade

in Geography this term!



I'd like to set fire

to this dump.



Just 'cause we're pretty,

everybody's jealous.



It's like a prison here.



Even at Christmas,

it's like a prison.



Don't even mention

Christmas, Chicklette.



My parents are gonna

be real sore...



if I don't get

them cha-cha heels.



I asked, and I better get.



I never get enough

Christmas presents.



Everybody's so damn cheap.



I should be getting' a lot...



and I'm gonna take it all back

and get the money for it.



You can do that, you know.



We'll probably get caught

for hookin' this period...



but who cares?



Who cares if we fail?



It'd be fun to be expelled.



I hope I get arrested.

I hate this school...



and all these ignorant teachers

who don't know one thing.



I'm the one

who should be teachin'.



I hate my parents, too.



Jingle bells, jingle bells



Jingle all the way



Oh, what fun it is to ride



In a one-horse open sleigh



Dawn, come see what

Santa brought you!



Oh, Christ, I'm comin'.



Please, Howard, try to get

through this without a fight.



I can't stand another one,

not on Christmas.



I better get them

cha-cha heels.



How very sweet of you, dear.



Merry Christmas, honeybunch.



Hey, wonder what this could be.



A fishing rod?



Won't you join us in a carol

before we open our gifts?



Oh, mother!



Ah, come on, Dawn.

It adds to the spirit.



Silent night



Holy night



All is calm



All is bright



Sleep in heavenly peace



Sleep in heavenly peace



What are these?



Those are

your new shoes, Dawn.



Those aren't the right kind.



I told you cha-cha heels!



Black ones.



Nice girls don't

wear cha-cha heels.



Give me those presents.



I'll never wear

those ugly shoes.



I told you the kind I wanted.



You've ruined my Christmas.



Please, Dawn, not on Christmas!



Get off me, you ugly witch.



You devil! Come here!

You'll pay for this!



You devil, Dawn Davenport!



Look at your mother.



Leave me alone!



You're such a devil!



Don't touch me! Lay off me!



I hate you. Fuck you!



Fuck you both, you awful people.



You're not my parents!

I hate you.



I hate this house,

and I hate Christmas.



Not on Christmas.



Not on Christmas.



Get back in here,

Dawn Davenport!



You're going to

a home for girls!



That's where

we're gonna put you!



I'm calling the juvenile

authorities, right now!



Have a merry, merry,

merry, merry Christmas



Merry Christmas



Have a hap, hap, hap,

hap, happy holiday



Merry Christmas



Get yourself into a glow



Underneath the mistletoe



Get in, sugar dumplin'.



Come on, honey! Hurry up!



Come on!






Oh! I'm comin'!



Here it comes!

All right! Ready?



Oh, fuck me, baby!

Fuck me! That's it!



You like that, baby?

Oh, yeah!



Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!






Is Earl Peterson there?



This is Dawn Davenport.

Dawn Davenport.



You made love to me

Christmas morning.



Well, I just wanted

to tell you...



that I'm pregnant

and I want money.



You stole my wallet,

you fat bitch!



So what if I did?

I want money.



You'll never get

any money from me, cow.



Just 'cause you got

them big udders...



don't mean you're

somethin' special.



Get the hook.



Go fuck yourself

for all I care.



Yeah! Go fuck yourself!



My little Taffy...

my little baby.






Little Taffy.



Mabel, Mabel



Set the table



Don't forget the red



Hot peppers



Taffy, please stop it.



You're giving mother

a migraine.



I can jump rope

if I feel like it.



It's my house, too.



You can jump rope

in the bathroom.



You know it's not

big enough in there.



Taffy, I have told you




no jumping rope

within    feet of me.



Those same singsong rhymes

over and over...



are enough

to grate on my nerves.



Mabel, Mabel, set the table!



Taffy, did you

hear your mother?!



Do you want another whippin'

with that car aerial?



It's right in that closet,

don't forget.



Maybe I'll stop it,

and maybe I won't.



Why can't I go to school?



Why can't I have friends?



You can't go to school,

because I said so.



I won't have you

nagging me for lunch money...



and whining for help

on your homework.



There is no need to know

about the Presidents, wars...



numbers, or science.



Just listen to me,

and you'll learn.



And no little friends

over here repeating rhymes...



asking flippant questions...



and talking in those

nagging baby voices.



Can't you just sit there

and look out into the air?



Isn't that enough?



Do you always have to

badger me for attention?



Mabel, Mabel



God damn you, Taffy!



Now you're gonna get it.



Where's that thing? Come here!



What are you doing?



Now, I'm gonna kill you!



Can you help us?



We got a huge purse.



Sure, girls.

Put it in the closet.



Nobody saw you bring

that stuff in here, did they?



No. We got it

right down the street.



Nobody was home.



Oh, good. Sit down.



You're lucky

they came in here, Miss Taffy!



We oughta get    bucks each

just for the TV.



Hi, there, Taffy.



She's been a hideous

little girl today.



She was about to get

a good whippin'.



She looks so cute.



Who are you...ugly?



You know who they are.



I've never seen them before.



Oh, Taffy.



I just saw you yesterday, Taffy.



Come sit here with

your Aunt Chicklette.



Oh, my God! This kid's

bitin' me. Get off!



Taffy, I can't stand it.

You little brat!



She's getting' tied to her bed

for a week for this.



Oh, my God, listen to you!



You hideous little brat!



She'll never escape this time.



All right, come on.



Brat, shut your hole!



You're gonna pay for it.

Get on that bed.






Shut up, Taffy!



Shut up! Getting' on our nerves.



I don't know what I was thinkin'

about when I had her.



I don't know why you

take that shit from her.



I'll never have another one.



What a horrible little kid,

that goddamn little shit.



I don't know how you

take it anyway, Dawn.



She bit my arm.



That child's becoming a monster.



You can't imagine. Whining

and demanding attention...



and shrieking those same stupid

jump-rope chants day and night.



Give me that jump rope.

Where is it?



I'll get that rope.



Oh, thanks, honey.



-Give me those scissors.




I've about had it

with this jump rope.



That's the last time...



she's gonna jump

with this goddamn thing.



Ah! I hate it!



I'm glad I had an abortion.



Maybe she needs more punishment.



I've done everything

a mother can do.



I've locked her in her room.



I've beat her

with the car aerial.



Nothing changes her.



It's hard being a loving mother.



I give her free food,

a bed, clean underpants.



What does she expect?



I can't beat her little

baby butt all the time.



Just get your hair done




and you'll feel better.



That's what I always do

when I get depressed.



Maybe I will.



I'll tell ya, the Lipstick

Beauty Salon is the best.



They only let, well, you know,

special girls in.



You have to audition

to even get your hair done.



And there's this guy

that does hair there.



I'd suck the socks

off him in a minute.



Yeah, Gator's his name,

and you know what?



He lives right next-door.



Wonder what his story is.



Maybe he's a...



Shelly Chaser.



Aunt lda. Aunt lda.



You really like it?



Yeah. All right, Aunt lda.



Aunt lda! Aunt lda, all right.



Don't you look sweet.



Yeah! Aunt lda.



Yeah! All right, Aunt lda.

Don't you look hot today?



Why, thank ya, honey.



I feel more...



...more comfortable.



Pour me a drink, would ya?



Sure, Aunt lda.



What would you like?






Have you met

any nice boys in the salon?



They're all pretty nice.



I mean any nice queer boys.



Do you fool with any of 'em?



Aunt lda, you know I dig women.



Aw, don't tell me that.



Christ, let's not

go through this again.



All those beauticians, and you

don't have any boy dates?



I don't want any boy dates.



Oh, honey, I'd be so happy

if you'd turn nellie.



There ain't no way.

I'm straight.



I mean, I like

a lot of queers...



but I don't dig

their equipment, you know?



I like women.



But you could change.



Queers are just better.



I'd be so proud

if you was a fag...



and had a nice

beautician boyfriend.



I'd never have to worry.



There ain't nothin'

to worry about.



I worry that you'll work

in an office, have children...



celebrate wedding anniversaries.



The world of heterosexual

is a sick and boring life.



Sometimes I think

you're fuckin' crazy.



I'm real happy

just the way I am.



Aw, let me bleach your hair out.



Let's go down

to Wagon Wheel Bar.



I know there's some

nice boys there for you.



You are fuckin' nuts,

Aunt lda.



I gotta get to work.

Don't you worry about me.



Sex ain't no problem.



See you after

my last wash-and-set.



OK, honey.



Oh, God, I love hairdressers.






Good morning, staff, and hello

to all the lovely ladies...



of the Lipstick Beauty Salon.



What a beautiful couple.



Thanks, Butter.



That's a gorgeous outfit,

Mrs. Dasher.



-lt must be an original.

-lt is.



-Bet it cost a fortune.

-lt did.



Striking, aren't they?



-So chic.

-No kidding.



Good morning, Mr. Dasher.



You look breathtaking today,

Mrs. Dasher.



Thank you, Vikki.



There's some applicants

for appointments here.



Would you like to view them?



Anyone particularly appalling?



Well, yes, there is

a Dawn Davenport.



She seems especially cheap.

You may like her.



At ease! Back to work!



Yes, Mrs. Dasher.



All right, girls.

Come on. Line up.



Here's your big chance.



Here they are, Mr. Dasher.



Back over there

so we can see you.



Oh, my God! Look at that one!



She's just putrid!



You! Go on! Get out!



You heard her. Beat it.



Go on, doll. Get out.



Forgive me, Donald.

I couldn't help it.



There has to be a line

drawn somewhere.



You are quite right, Donna.



You see, we are

a private salon...



catering to

ravishing beauties only.



Even one average customer...



would be enough to plummet

our reputation forever...



so we must pick and choose

with great care.



Firstly, I'd like to know

your occupations.



I'm a stripper.



And I work for

the telephone company.




-Oh, I'm sorry.



May we suggest

Mr. Ray's Wig World?



What's the matter

with the telephone company?



I believe my husband

is asking the questions.



Go on! Get out!



Get out of my beauty salon!



Beat it, hon.



And you, Miss...






Dawn Davenport.



I'm a thief

and a shitkicker, and...



I'd like to be famous.



I see.



You're quite striking.



We are always curious

as to what drew you here...



to Les Lipstick.



Well, I heard all

the strippers come here...



and I got sick of my old salon.



And supposing

we become sick of you?



Well, I had hoped

that wouldn't happen.



Well, I think

it is happening.



It's hard to explain, but

when I look into your face...



I pick up a distinct feeling

of nausea.



Hey, wait a minute!






Raising your voice to my wife.



In this shop,

her wish is my command.



May I suggest

Mr. Ray's Wig World?



What is she, some kind

of princess or something?



Princess Perfect.



Hey, get the fuck out!



Oh, Mrs. Dasher,

I'm awfully sorry.



The Better Business Bureau

will hear from me!



Just get out!






Staff, this is

our new customer...



Miss Dawn Davenport.



This is Dribbles...









and Butterfly.



He's been here the longest.



I'd like to have Gator,

if it would be all right.






Gator, see to it

that Miss Davenport...



is well taken care of.



Ooh, Gator, I've heard

so much about you.



Could somebody run and get me...



a double egg salad

on white toast?



Certainly, Dawn.



Can't you put down

those damn magazines?



I like these damn magazines.



Better than me, I suppose?



No, just about

the same in my book.



Oh, can't we do it normal?



This is normal.



Get my tool kit.



Get it yourself.



You want the hammer today, Dawn?



Huh? Huh?



We can try the hack saw.



That would be

something different.



No! Not the hammer, Gator!



Use the needle-nose pliers!



Oh, you asked for it, baby.



Oh, my God! Look at you two,

caught right in the very act!



Isn't that a pretty sight?



Taffy, go to your room.



Hey, Taffy, baby, cool down.



Come on over here

with your daddy.



Don't you talk to her like that.



You're not my daddy,

you disgusting, hippie pig.



And I wouldn't get near a bed...



that had been defiled

by the likes of you two.



I'd sooner

jump in a river of snot.



Well, go jump, then!



Go kill yourself

and do us all a favor!



Hey, Taffy, baby,

come suck your daddy's dick.



I wouldn't suck your lousy dick

if I was suffocating...



and there was oxygen

in your balls!



You pay some respect

to your mother, Miss Taffy.



And if I catch you spying

and nosing around here...



one more time, I'm going to put

you in the mental hospital.



She can't help it.

She's retarded.



I am not retarded!



Oh, yes, you are, Taffy.



I had you tested when you

were a little girl.



A staff of doctors examined you.



And maybe the reason

you don't remember...



is that they told me you

are most definitely retarded.



I never went to any hospital.

That is a rotten, filthy lie!



I'm afraid it's the truth.



I don't like it

any better than you do.



To think that my genes

were polluted by your birth...



is not a very pleasant thought.



Oh, how could

I call you my mother?



I wish I'd been an orphan!



You can tell she's retarded.

Look at her face.



She has the face

of an old woman.



Oh, it's true.

Look in the mirror, Taffy.



For    you don't look so good.



It's because you've been

such a brat all your life...



that now, all that brattishness

is showing in your face...



the face of a retarded brat.



Yes, sirree, that's a real time

warp of a face you got there.



What do you know

about anything?



Some of the faces I've seen you

with could stop a train.



Give me $  .



Awfully demanding, aren't you?



Give me $  

or I'm calling the police.



It's as simple as that.



And don't think I'd hesitate to

put you two slobs behind bars...



for the rest of your lives.



What would you do with $  ?



Writing a book, hippie?



Why don't you go listen

to some folk music...



and give me a break?!



Taffy Davenport!

Give her the money.






You heard me!

I said give her the $  .



You digging it, baby?



Real funny, Gator!



You should have seen your face.



I've had it with you!



Why don't you just get out?



Go back to your fat aunt

and leave me alone!



I got off on it.

I really got off on it.



Oh, did you?

Well, hip, hip, hooray...



for your cheap climax.



What about me, fuck face?!



Some pitiful excuse for

a husband you turned out to be.



Why don't you just go

take your fucking tool kit...



and go fuck a garage?



I'm gonna get my hair done.



I couldn't help it.



If you could have seen

the expression on your face.



I thought I'd piss myself when l

seen that carrot in your mouth.



It's a weird joint,

ain't it, Dawn?



You're cut off

for   weeks for this.



And don't--just don't even speak

to me at the salon, either.



Just pretend we don't

know one another.



That will be $    please.



For a wash-and-set?



Well, I don't know what

you're accustomed to...



in good grooming, but this

is the Lipstick Beauty Salon...



and not some bargain-basement

beauty school.



That's outrageous!



I won't pay that

for a wash-and-set.



Well, give us

the hairdo back, then.



What are you talking about?



Boys, she won't pay.

Take the hairdo back.



What do you mean

she won't pay?



Won't pay? Slut! Come here!



Don't take that.



Pay for the goddamn hair...



I ought to rip your face off!



Get out of my salon!



Don't ever set foot

in here again...



or I'll put your little

plastic surgery in reverse!



Now get out!



I'm sorry I made you wait.



We had some trouble

up at front.



What does she think this is?



Sorry for the interruption,




You're one

of my prettiest customers.



Oh, shut up, Dribbles.



The things a woman has to go

through to get some height.



How's your little girl?



Why don't you

bring her in more often?



Why, so you can undress her

again with your eyes?



Christ sake,

she's only   years old.



I know...but I just like

to play with her.



I wish I was a little girl.



Well, throw a goddamn penny

in a fountain...



and make a goddamn wish,

and maybe it'll come true.



So I told her, "You can keep

your fuckin' $  ."



I can steal $   faster

than they can make it.



What's the big deal

about money?



It's so easy to get, I can't

imagine why anybody works.



It boggles my imagination.



Well, maybe everybody's not

a common thief like you.



Butterfly, you tired thing,

we are anything but common.



I love the smell of shampoo.



We are upper-echelon

cat burglars...



and don't you forget it,

Mr. Butterfly.



Of course,

I think I like the smell...



of Clairol cream

conditioner better.



You know, when it's on

a freshly bleached head?



I don't know.

I like them both, but...



Shut up.



Don't pay them any mind, Wink.



They wouldn't know beauty

if they fell over it.



Oh, hi, Dawn.



Good morning, Vikki.



I'd like my hair done

quickly and quietly.



Why, sure, hon.

You want Gator?



Is he here today?

You want him to do it?



No, I don't, Vikki,

and if you must know...



I'm thinking of a divorce...



so please don't ever mention

his name to me again.



I'm sorry to hear that, Dawn.

Is he here today?



I'm really not

aware of his schedule.



Please! Really!



Oh, I'm sorry, honey.



I know what

you're going through.



I really do.

But they're all bastards!



Cheer up. You don't need him.



It's all right. It's OK.



Just get somebody

to set my hair, please.



Sure, hon.

Excuse me a minute, hon.






Why, yes, she's right here.



Why, certainly.



That was Mr. Dasher, Dawn.



He want to see you in private.



No one has ever

been back there before.



It must be something big.



Oh, and I look a mess.



Get fixed up, hon.



Oh...thanks a lot, Vikki.



Good luck.



Hi, Sally. Hi, Concetta.

Hey, Wink.



Hi. Well, good-bye.

I've got to go.



I can't talk to you now.

I've got to go see Mr. Dasher.



See you later.



Come in.



In here.



Good to see you, Dawn.



Hello, Mr. Dasher.



It's a privilege

to have you here.



A sip of soda?



Oh, thank you.



Hmm. But I don't

understand this honor.



You will in time,

Miss Davenport.



Have a seat, won't you?



Oh, thank you.



My wife and l--and please...



do call us Donald

and Donna from now on...



are wondering if you

wouldn't be interested...



in becoming involved

in show business.



Show business?!



Well, sort of show business.



You see, Dawn, we're planning

a little experiment...



a beauty experiment,

you could call it...



and we want you

to be our model.



Sort of a glamorous

guinea pig, you might say.



A beauty experiment?



You see, my husband and l...



enjoy taking pictures

a great deal.



We'd like you to pose

for some rather unusual shots.



Oh-ho, you mean pornography.



Certainly not!



Sex is not one

of our interests.



As a matter of fact...



one of the rules

you must always obey...



is to never mention

the sex act in front of us.



We find the subject

most repellent...



and we must ask you to observe

this rule at all times.



You should know that we view sex

as a violation of the spirit...



and we would certainly never

allow ourselves to be caught...



in one of those

ludicrous positions.



Oh, of course,

of course. I'm so sorry.



I really didn't know.



Are you still a thief, Dawn?



Yes, I am. Not as much

as I used to be...



but I still rob houses.



With those other two?



Yes, Chicklette and Concetta.



Would you allow us

to take some photos of you...



committing various crimes?



Crimes that tickled our fancy?



I--I guess so.



You see, our experiment involves

beauty and crime.



We feel them to be one.



We have a theory that crime

enhances one's beauty.



The worse the crime gets,

the more ravishing one becomes.



We want you to prove us right.



Say yes, Dawn.



Aren't you sick

of getting your hair done?



Don't you want

the throbbing excitement...



of a modeling career?



We'll give you a new look,

an interest in life...



and together,

we could overcome...



this boredom

that imprisons us all.



Well, I'd love to have

the two of you take my photos...



but I won't get arrested,

will l?



The police department

will not be involved.



And any special favors,

well, don't hesitate to ask.



Well, there is one thing.



Ask, and you shall receive.



Fire my husband.






Yes! I want a divorce!



Vikki, this is Mr. Dasher.



Uh, please fire Gator.



No reason. Yes.



Tell him no reason at all.



Look who's coming out now.



Hey, fatso, I want

to talk to you a second.



Just speak to my attorney.



Hey! Did you get me fired?



Maybe I did,

and maybe I didn't.



Shut up!



Look out!

Look out! Look out!



How many times

have I told you...



to play car accident




Oh! Oh, mother!

It was a horrible accident!



Look at my friend!



She was in the death seat...



and her head got caught

in the windshield!



Oh, the ambulance should

be here soon, I think.



I'm OK...I guess...



Oh! It wasn't my fault!



The other car

came out of nowhere...



and l--I slammed

on the brakes.



Look at this mess, Taffy!



Broken glass and ketchup

all over my fine furniture!



Call another ambulance!

Call anybody!



Help me...



Where did you

get this crap, Taffy?



I told you to spend that money

I gave you on a cute outfit.



But oh, no!

as soon as my back is turned...



you run right out

and spend it on props...



for your morbid little games.



Well, I want it

cleaned up, pronto!



We're having guests

for dinner...



and I want you

on tiptop behavior...



and looking as p-r-e-t-t-y

as humanly possible.



Who's coming to dinner?



Donald and Donna Dasher

are going to join us...



for a small, informal buffet.



And if you dare to embarrass me

in front of them...



If I have to eat with Gator,

I'll spit food!



I'm afraid I'm going

to have to be the one...



to break the news

to you, Taffy.



I've thrown Gator out

and started divorce proceedings.



I don't want to seem overly

bitter, but I'd appreciate it...



if you would destroy

all of his belongings.



Well, hallelujah.



I'd be happy to, mother.



I'm going to go

sink into a long...



hot beauty bath now and...



try to erase the stink

of a  -year marriage.



Someone at such a tender age

as you, Taffy...



might find it

difficult to understand...



what a long, hard, painful

decision this was on my part.



I'm a free woman now, and my

life is just ready to begin.



Oh, Ernie, have another pretzel,

for Christ's sake.



Wait till you meet

my little Gator.



You two are gonna

fall right in love.



My dear, I hope so.

Are you sure he's gay?



Well, I just use common sense.



I mean, if they're smart,

they're queer.



And if they're stupid,

they're straight.



Right, Ernie?



Are you sure you won't

have another pretzel?



I'm sure, Miss thing.

I'm sure.



Pretzels give you plaque.



Hello, Aunt lda.



Gator, what a coincidence.



There's somebody here

dying to meet you.



Ernie, this is Gator.

Gator, this is Ernie.



Hi, stud.



Get him out of here.



Gator Nelson,

you be polite to Ernie.



He wants a date with you.



Well, I don't want

a date with him.



I came to say

good-bye, Aunt lda.



I'm moving to Detroit.






I want to be near

the auto industry.



I'm sick of hairdressing.



And besides, Dawn had me fired.



I can get you a job

in the bath, Mary.



Look, fucker,

take a walk, all right?



Look, you better beat it before

I punch your fucking face...



out that window.



No gay knocks for me, lda.



At best,

all you've got is trade.



Oh, Gator, Ernie's your type.



Move back in with me...



and we'll get you a job

as a female impersonator.



His hands are too big, darling.



Bye, Gator. It was...

fab meeting you.



Fuck you!

You're worse than my wife.



You can't leave.



Well, I am.



Oh, Gator,

I'm sorry about Ernie.



I thought you'd be

cute together.



Anybody's better

than Dawn Slavenport.



It'll be all right, Aunt lda.



I'm just sick of

everything here.



I'm going to Detroit

and find happiness...



within the auto industry.



No, Gator, no!

I'll die if you leave!



All right, Aunt lda.







Hi, brat. Is your mother home?



I have a little

going-away present for her.



Ah, you...



Hey, mother!



There's a shit out here

to see you!



What are you doing on my porch?



I told you not to come

moping around here anymore.



Dawn, don't have

so many hard feelings.



I brought you a little present

to remember me by.



Yeah? What is it?



Oh, God. This

neighborhood's hideous.



I'm scared rats are gonna

come out and bite my new nylons.



True, it's not Beverly Hills...



but crime breeds

in these neighborhoods, Donna.



It's really

an oh-so-perfect place...



for our crime model to live.



I rather like it.



I'm glad I didn't wear

one of my designer originals.



The air is so sooty and damp,

our clothes will be ready...



for the Goodwill after this.



Stop being so prissy, Donna.



Excitement is not always clean.



You must get used

to this lowlife...



for here lies beauty.

Crime and beauty.



Oh, here it is. How perfect.



Hold on. I'll be right there.



Hi. Come on in.



Good evening, Dawn.



Did you have any trouble

finding the place?



Your directions

were pinpoint perfect.



And your street, well,

it's a street of charm.



Oh, thank you.






And I bet you cleaned

just for us.



Well, I did tidy up.



Uh, what happened

to your eye?



Oh, that.

I am so embarrassed.



I fell getting on the bus

and hit my eye on the fare box.



Well, I felt like a damn fool.



Oh, come on in.



May I take a photo of it?



Oh, certainly.






I love having my picture taken.



Oh, I'm sorry. Sit down.



I'm so excited about you all

coming here for dinner.



Stunning arrangement.



Oh, thank you.

You both look so nice.



Oh, thank you.



I'd like you to meet

my daughter Taffy.



Taffy, this is

Mr. and Mrs. Dasher.



They're going to put mother

into show business!



Is the circus in town?



She's so funny.



If you'll excuse me,

I'll go check on dinner.



Help yourself to the chips.



What's that camera for?



To take pictures

of your mother.






We happen to think

she is quite beautiful.



You must be cockeyed, then.



Hey, lady, have some chips?



Really, I couldn't.



Thanks, but, uh, no, thanks.



Do you want your spaghetti

with or without cheese?



I'll have two

chicken breasts, please.



Well, uh, we're not

having that.



We're having spaghetti.



Oh, I couldn't

possibly eat spaghetti.



Do I look ltalian?



We rarely eat

any form of noodle, Dawn...



but I'll take a tiny portion

to be polite.



With cheese, please.



I'll have an extremely large

glass of ice water.



I want mine

with lots of cheese.



I'm afraid there's not

enough for you, Taffy.



How about some toast?



What do you mean,

there's not enough?



You can feed

these two ham bones...



and you can't feed

your own daughter?



I told you things were gonna

start changing around here.



Taffy, don't make me lose

my temper in front of company.



Now, there's not enough

food for you to eat.



Perhaps if Mr. Dasher

leaves some on his plate...



you may have first pick.



But I cannot be running out

to the supermarket...



every minute just for you.



If I can't have any, nobody can!



You come out

of that kitchen!



Give it to me! They can't

have it, and I want it!



Put that food down,

you little brat!



They can't have it,

and I want it!



You horrible little brat!



You lay off that food!

I'm paying for that food!



Oh, my God!



Oh, my God,

I'm going to kill you!



Let me see--



Face forward.



This is so exciting!



Just think of all

the little horror stories...



that go on

in other peoples' lives.



Your dinner party has been

a smashing success.



Oh, I'm so sorry...



you had to be

a witness to this.



I didn't want to tell you...



but my daughter's retarded.



A child psychologist told me

to beat her unmercifully...



whenever she acted up.



But it's never

gone this far before.



I hope she's not dead!



Oh, these photographs

will be stunning.



How about a few more

quickie shots...



if you don't mind?



Oh, anything for you, Donald.



Oh, OK, uh...Iook rough!



Look happy.



I love those flashbulbs!



Look horrified

at what you've done...



to your daughter.



Oh, look like you've

just won a prize.



Dawn, you son of a bitch!



You're the one

who did it!



You! You drove Gator away!



My God.






Ida Nelson, you get

out of my house!



You made Gator leave!



I got something for

your face, motherfucker!



Acid! Acid!



It's eating her face!



Move, Donna!



These will be the most

exquisite shots yet!



Hold still while I focus.

Move your hand.



Help me.



Operation Excitement...



is off to a flying start!



Just one more shot, Dawn.

You are beautiful.



Thank you, Mr. Dasher.



Come on.



These visiting hours stink.



So, what you're saying,




is that even though

there's no hope...



for the scar tissue

to develop...



makeup in itself

would not be painful...



to the patient.



Well, no, I suppose not.



But I find it most peculiar...



you would even discuss makeup.



What she needs is

a good plastic surgeon.



Utter nonsense, doctor.



With proper makeup treatments...



her scars will be

mere beauty marks.



The medical profession

has always shown...



its extreme ignorance

in the beauty field.



What you don't realize,




and really, how could you...



is that Miss Davenport

will now be more beautiful...



than if she had had

a million-dollar face-lift.



What I find most distasteful...



is the fact you've chosen

to bring a camera.



Her face has been

hideously disfigured.



Certainly this is

no time for photographs.



Why not let us worry

about proper timing?



Yes, why don't you

mind your own business?



In all of my years...



in the medical profession...



never have I encountered

such a morally bankrupt...



group of people.



Why, not only are you

selfish and vicious...



but you have no feeling...



for the cares

of your loved one.



And my bill will

reflect your attitude...



in this hospital.






Why, you--



Watch it, doc.

I sue and bruise easily.



Miss Davenport

is ready for her guests.



See you

in malpractice court.



Get the presents.



Dawn, your friends are here.



Oh, hello, everyone.



Hello, Miss Beautiful.



We're all here

for the unveiling.



It's like a holiday for us.



This is so exciting.

Let's all say hi.



Hi, Dawn.

It's me, Chicklette.



I can't wait

to see your new face.



I hear it's stunning.



It's Concetta, Dawn.

I'm so jealous.



Everybody tells me

you're the prettiest now.



Dribbles here. I hope

that fart of a doctor...



hasn't been giving you

any trouble.



It's Wink. I can't wait...



to do your hair, doll.



Oh, thank you, honey.

Thanks to everyone.



It's Butter, baby.

You'll be a goddess...



with this new face,

a goddess of order...



to protect all

your children in crime.



I want to see it. Nurse! Nurse!



Remove my bandages.



She asked me to remind you...



that she is, of course,

without makeup.



Oh, that's all right.



We understand, Dawn.



Don't worry about makeup.



Ooh, slowly, nurse. Slowly.



I want perfect focus.



I can smell flesh.



God, I could faint,

I'm so excited.



It's just like

an art opening.



Christ, I wish

it'd happen to me.



Just think of how it

would look with my hair.



I'm getting a hard-on.



Beauty always

gives me a hard-on.



Aim it the other way, then,




You know how

I detest organs.



Beauty has

absolutely nothing...



to do with that word...



that thing you have there...



hanging like

an obscene pickle.



Spare me your anatomy.



There it is.



One hell of a rotten face.






It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.



Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!



Makes the Mona Lisa...



Iook like a number painting.



Acid does

what Eterna    cannot.



I'll say.



Your face,

for the world to see.



Breathtakingly beautiful.



Give her a mirror.



Let her see the miracle.



Beauty, beauty, look at you.



I wish to God I had it, too.



Pretty pretty?



Look what we've bought you.



Oh, it's--Donald,

it's beautiful!



And look at all this makeup

we have for you.



You're so stunning...



I could cry

in the face of beauty.



You really like it?



Oh, yes.



I guess I kind of do, too.



Would you put

my makeup on for me?



Oh, I'd love to, Dawn.



Nothing is too good

for our crime model.



Oh, thank you, Donald.






How do you like it, Dawn?



Oh! Oh, Donna,

it's beautiful!



All the time you

were in the hospital...



recovering, we were busy...



busy trying

to make you happy.



Here's $    too.



And here's something else

for you to treasure.



Oh! What is it?



Oh! A portrait!



You are both so good to me!



Ever since I met you...



my life's been like a vacation!



Look! A little stage!



Specially built,

Dawn, all for you.



All for the model of the year.



We've been hoping

for a rather insane...



camera session.



Come on. I'm ready.



I'm just in the mood...



for a red-hot camera session!



Slowly, Dawn, slowly.

You'll give me a heart attack.



Let me give you

some medicine.



What kind, Donald?



Is it a beauty treatment?



Yes, Dawn, exactly.



It's eyeliner--

liquid eyeliner.



We cooked it down this morning.



It won't hurt. Nothing hurts.



Have you ever mainlined?



No, but I will.



Keep taking those pictures...



and I'll do it.



Come on! Shoot me!



Feel it in your blood?



Caressing your corpuscles,

the wonders of liquid eyeliner.



Say it! Say, "Liquid eyeliner!"



Liquid eyeliner!



Model! Model!



Give us something twisted.



Give us something warm.



I'm glad I met you!



I love crime, too...



especially the excitement

of getting away with it!



These photos will be art!



Hard-core art.



You ain't seen nothing yet.



I'll model for eternity for you.



Just let me hear

the click of that camera.



Just think of it,

house robbing, new gowns...



murder, scars, fingerprints...






You're missing the best part.



Wake up.



She hasn't received

all of her gifts, yet.



Beauty, eyeliner--



Oh, forgive me, Donald.



It was really

just too much for me.



What presents?



Get me another present!



Over here.



Here's your

biggest surprise yet.



Open it, for God sakes.

Open it.



Oh, it's as big as a house.



Oh, my Christ! It's her!



Freshly kidnapped

for your amusement.



With no ransom, of course.



She's so beautiful...



we figured you'd

want to keep her here caged...



Iike a rare bird.






You mean she has to live

here in my own home?



Only for a temporary period...



until we've gotten

all the photos we need...



for our experiment.



But she disfigured me.



Think about it, Dawn.

She did you a favor...



and now you can

return this favor.



Cut off the hand

that threw the acid.



Whatever you say, Donald.

I had enough...



and I'm going to chop off

your scrawny little paw.



Hold it! Act--Look excited.






How was that

for a beauty photo...



Mr. Donald Dasher?



Get those cameras rolling!



What's going on here?



Why--why, hello, Taffy.



Did you miss mommy?



I'm home from the hospital.



I'm all right.



I was hoping

the next time I'd see you...



would be at your funeral.



You sure look ugly.



Not everyone seems

to feel that way.



I think it's time

we were going, Donna.



It's been a long day,

and I'm feeling a bit damp.



Ditto, Donald.



I really should be changing

my outfit anyway.



I've had it on

nearly   hours.



I want to thank you both

again for everything.



Our pleasure.



Would you care to join us

for dinner tonight?



Oh, I'd love to.



See you at  :  .

Light dinner.



You may want to eat

before you come.



Am I invited?



"N." Good afternoon.



Thanks again.



Why didn't you send money

while you were away?



How was I supposed to eat?



Come, come, Taffy.



It doesn't look like you starved

to death, does it?!



I want to leave here!



Well, good riddance

to bad rubbish.



What are you

trying to do to me?



Why are you always

with those people?



Why is she in a cage?



I'm modeling for

the Dashers, that's all.



And lda, well,

she's our new pet.



You always wanted a pet,




I thought you'd be pleased.



You're trying to drive me

crazy, aren't you?



Well, I can't

stand it anymore.



Mother, please tell me

who is my real father?



I've told you never

to ask me about that.



If it was up to him,



you'd be rotting

in some foster home.



I don't care!

I've got to know!



Tell me, mother,

who is my father?!



Oh, very well. Go see him.



See what it gets you.



He hates you, anyway.



Where does he live,

and what's his name?



If you must know,

his name is Earl Peterson.



I haven't seen him

in a decade, Taffy.



I may have his address

stored on a piece of paper...



in an old shoe

in my bureau.



I really can't remember.



Daddy! Daddy!



Daddy, it's me, Taffy!



Open the door!



I don't know

nobody named Taffy.



I'm busy right now.



Oh, please, let me in,




Open the door!



Oh, fucking shut up!



All right, already.



What do you want?



Oh, daddy!

Daddy, it's me Taffy...



your long-lost little girl.



Hey, get off.

I ain't your daddy.



I ain't even married.



Oh, I know that,

but you're my daddy, all right.



My mother told me.



My mother is Dawn Davenport.



I don't know nobody

named Dawn Dawnenport.



Oh, but you must!

Mother told me.



Oh, please,

let me stay with you a while.



Yeah, you can stay here

for a while.



You want a drink?



No! You don't even

believe me, do you?



Yeah. Yeah, hey,

I'll be your sugar daddy.



How about that?



Oh, I'm feeling

a little drunk...



so don't mind me.



Shitface, you're my father.



Doesn't that mean

anything to you?



Who'd you say

your mother was?



Dawn Davenport.

You know her.



What's she look like?



Fat, very fat.



Yeah. Yeah, I maybe remember.



Oh, daddy, I knew you would.



Mother's been awful to me.



For years, I've suffered.



Please let me stay

with you for a while.



I won't be any trouble.



I can--I'll help you clean...



and we can go out together...



and maybe you could buy me

some regular clothes.



Can you fuck as good

as your mother?



Pig! You goddamn, slimy pig!



Hey, little Taffy, do you

have breasts like Taffy?



Fuck you!



Hey! You spilled my drink!



Daddy Earl's got a little

present for you here.



Oops, I'm sorry.



I've been drinking.



Boom boom



Boom boom boom boom



D-i-g means "Look"



D-i-g means "Stare"



D-i-g means "See"



D-i-g means "Glare"



D-i-g means to use your eyes



So dig, dig, dig,

you crazy guys



Dig, dig, digarooni



Dig, dig, digarooni



Dig, dig, dig, digarooni



Dig, dig, dig, digarooni



Dig, dig, dig, dig



Dig, you crazy guys



I like this one the best.



It has little Taffy in it.



Mm-hmm. I bet the police...



would love to get their hands

on these photos.



Come right on in, Dawn.






Don't you look pretty.



Ooh, thank you.



Subtle, isn't it?



Oh, it's beautiful.



And, God, my walk over here

was fabulous.



Everyone was staring

and gawking at me...



Iike I was a princess!



Well, naturally.

Sit down, Dawn.



We all know

you're beautiful.



It just takes

the stupid little world...



a little longer

to catch on. Always has.



And don't forget

the influence...



of that medicine

we gave you.



Eyeliner taken internally...



heightens one's

beauty awareness.



Oh, believe me,

I realize that now.



Why, I had never

felt complete...



until I experienced

an eyeliner rush.



We've been on the stuff

for months.



Doctors and other simpletons

may frown upon it...



but we beauty czars know

what is good for the blood.



Would you like

to shoot some more?



I had some orally earlier.



Oh, no, thanks, Donna.



I'm still up on it now.



Would you care

for an hors d'oeuvre, then?



Eat one.

They're really quite tasty.



Ooh, little mascara brushes!



Yummy, huh?



Yes, delicious,

but where's your camera?



Oh, it's here.

Don't worry about that.



We have lots of important...



business matters

to discuss tonight.



We've decided

that the time is right...



for you to blast off

into show business.



Oh, I'm ready, Mr. Dasher!



You little bitch, let me out

of this goddamn birdcage.



Little bitch?!

Is that all the thanks I get?



I got you a hook, didn't l?



Mother will kill me

as it is.



Who cares about

your stinkin' mother?



She stole my Gator away.



But she ain't gonna get me...



and I'll thank you

for this fucking hook...



after I rip

her eyes out with it.



Give me something to eat.



There's no food here.



Mother doesn't buy

food for me.



You want an egg?



There might be a couple

of old eggs in the kitchen.



No, I don't want

no goddamn eggs!



I want meat and potatoes.



Please don't yell at me.



I've had a horrible

experience today.



I can't help

what's happened to you...



any more than I can help

what I did today.



Don't you think

I hate mother...



as much as you do?



Let me out of this cage,

little Taffy...



and I'll give you a cookie.



I can't let you out yet.



I promise I will,

but I need time to think.



I don't have anyplace to go.



Maybe I could go live...



with those

Hare Krishna people.



They're always nice to me

when I see them downtown.




I could help them out.



I just want something nice

to happen in my life.



If only I could go live with

the Hare Krishna people.



They'd help me.



What are you doing here?!



I thought you went to live

with your father.



He moved. He wasn't

at that address.



Pity, pity.

Who ungagged this maggot?



You told me she was my pet.



I was just playing with her.



You let me out of here,

Dawn Pig-pork...



or you'll be sorry.



Now, now, now, lda.



You're supposed to be

singing a sweet little song.



Are you hungry?



The Dashers sent

some crackers for you.



Ida want a cracker?



Fuck off!



Who gave you that hook?



Was it you, Taffy?



No! I swear!



Oh, yes, it was...



you sneaking, conniving,

little abortion!



She was in pain.



You're a pain, too, Taffy...



a pain in my big asshole.



I'll see you fry

in the electric chair for this.



I'll personally see that you fry

in the goddamn chair for this.



I'll shut you up.



Where's that gag?!



Fucker! Pig fucker!



Was that a mating call?



Ouch! I'll shut

that big flytrap!



Hetero! Filthy hetero!

Stink shit!



Oh, you'll never

get out of here now!



And I won't clean

your cage for a week!



Ow! God damn it,

you broke my nail.






You're insane!



My own mother is insane.



And you stop

that fake blubbering...



and don't go getting

any crocodile tears...



on my new furniture,




Look at you. You're a freak.



Oh, God, what's happened

to your hair?



Haven't you ever heard

of style, Taffy?



I'm going to live with

the Hare Krishna people.



What did you say?



The Krishna's

all love, mother.



Oh, God, I would have

killed you at birth...



had I thought you would even

entertain such an idea.



Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna



Stop that bullshit!



Where did you meet

those awful people?



Are they trying

to brainwash you?!



Can't you see how pretty

your mother is?



Don't you envy me?



Do you want to walk

around the street...



dressed in rags

the rest of your life...



selling stink sticks?!



Incense, mother. Incense.



Hare Rama



Stop those chants!



You're just trying

to get on my nerves now.



I would die of embarrassment...



if you ever dare link my name

with that pack of fools.



Think of my career.



Why, I'd sooner

you be a secretary.



Rama, Hare Rama



Oh! I'm warning you

right now, Taffy.



If I'm ever downtown...



and see you dressed in one

of those ridiculous outfits...



bothering shoppers,

and dancing around...



Iike some sort of a fool...



I'll kill you,

and I mean business.



You can't kill love, mother.



You can't kill Krishna...



because Krishna

is consciousness.



-Hare Rama

-Oh, God!



I'll show you consciousness...



while I knock you




Now, Taffy, I have

a very busy week ahead of me.



I have hours

of studying to do...



plus a lot of rehearsal

for my new nightclub act.



If you feel

you must stay here...



I ask you

to constantly remember...



that you are

in the presence of a star.






Jesus Christ almighty!



Step right up,

ladies and gentlemen.



Step right this way.



Free makeup in the lobby.



See the most

beautiful woman alive.



Just wait till

you see the show.



You'll get

the surprise of your lives.



Step right up.



Step right this way.



This is a show you

will not believe.



You should see the crowds

out there, Dawn.



It's packed.



God, you'll be

a household word overnight.



Oh, just think--

flashbulbs popping...



your picture in the paper...



writers in the audience...



artists just begging

to paint you...



just like you

were president.



Tonight she'll be

even more important...



than the president.



Oh, I just can't wait

to get out there.



I can feel exhibitionism

throbbing in my veins.



Where have you been, Taffy?



I thought

you left me here to rot.



I'm living with...



the Hare Krishna people

now, lda.



I've finally found

my inner peace.



I'm going

to set you free now.



Oh, thank Christ, Taffy.



Quick, honey, let me out.



My ass hurts

from this stool.



If you let me out right away...



I'll buy $ .   worth

of incense from you.



Ida, all this time

you've been in this cage...



you could have been




Why, you're practically...



in the lotus position

right now.



Come on.



Thank you.






Oh, thank you.



Thank you, Taffy.



I want you to go

immediately to the police.



Tell them that my mother,



the enemy of spirituality,



is at Superstar Nightclub,



and I want her arrested tonight.



Tell the police everything.



I'll go right to the

police station, Miss Taffy...



and I'll report it all...



and remember my offer.

It still stands.



If you get tired

of being a Hare Krishner...



you come live with me

and be a lesbian.



Fly away!



Fly away quickly

like a little bird.



Quickly to the police.



Tell them his divine grace,



Zabatividanti Swami Puupupata

has spoken.



Thank you, Taffy. Thank you.



I will. I will.



You look violent.



Oh, Richard Speck,

guide me through this night.



Help me to be brave

on this night of glamour.



Hare Krishna, mother.



Oh, you've finally

done it, haven't you?



Embarrassed me

on my night of fame!



No reporter saw you,

did they?



Ooh, look at you.

I could vomit.



I thought I'd come

and see you one last time...



before your karma

caught up with you.



Mother, it's not too late.



Come to the temple with me.



The exact opposite of beauty.



Remember Alice Crimin?



All of you, can't you

see what you're doing?



Worshipping the flesh

and ignoring the spiritual.



Oh, if only

you could see the light.



Discovering my consciousness...



was like finding a million

dollars in the street.



I'm glowing with happiness.



Well, glow on, then, Taffy...



because the sight of you

makes my flesh crawl.



I'm sick of listening

to you babble commandments...



and spout gibberish.



It's turning my stomach.

Do you hear?!



And in just a few seconds...



I'm going to put you

out of your happiness.



Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna



Shut up! Shut up!



Hare Hare



She's finally dead!



Oh, I think I'm

ready to go on now.






Ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to introduce



the most beautiful woman

in the world,



the fabulous Dawn Davenport.



Thank you. I love you.

Thank you.



Thank you from the bottom

of my black little heart.



You came here

for some excitement tonight...



and that's just

what you're going to get.



Take a good look at me...



because I'm going to be

on the front...



of every newspaper

in this country tomorrow.



You're looking

at crime personified...



and don't you forget it.



I framed Leslie Bacon.



I called the heroin hot line

on Abbie Hoffman.



I bought the gun that Bremmer

used to shoot Wallace.



I had an affair

with Juan Corona.



I blew Richard Speck.



And I'm so fucking beautiful

I can't stand it myself.



Now, everybody, freeze.



Who wants to be famous?



Who wants to die for art?!



I do!



Freeze before I blow the

bleached blonde head off of you!



We're innocent. We surrender.



She went berserk.

She was on drugs.



Don't shoot us, please!



We're clean.

Please don't shoot me!



Oh, my God!



Come on out, Davenport!



We've got you!



Can't get away, Davenport.

Come on.



We got you now.



We've got you.



We've got you this time.



There's no way out.



Come on out, Davenport.



You haven't got a chance.



We got you, Davenport.



Come on out.

We've got you, Davenport.



You haven't got a chance.



Come on out.

We've got you surrounded.



You go that way.

I'll go this way.



Don't move, Davenport.



Freeze, Davenport.



Put your hands

behind your back.



I didn't do one thing!



You're gonna get it

for this.



Get off!






Court is now in session.



Mr. Wilroy.



Thank you, Your Honor.



Your Honor,

defense counsel...



Iadies and gentlemen

of the jury...



the case we have before us...



is one of the most savage

crimes ever perpetrated...



by one individual in the history

of the state of Maryland.



The evidence will prove

beyond a reasonable doubt...



that the defendant

Dawn Davenport is guilty...



of not only kidnapping,

but first-degree murder.



Her victims came

from all walks of life...



young people, an elderly woman,

police officers...



and even the defendant's

own daughter.



It is a sordid

and sickening case...



that can end

in only one just verdict...






I ask you

to show the defendant...



the same mercy

she showed her victims.



Sentence her to die

in the electric chair.



Let's go to the night

of April   .



Do you remember that night?



Yes, I do.



I was at home

having some sherry...



and listening to records,



and Dawn Davenport

came to my door...



and pulled a gun on me.



That's a lie. I done nothing.



Order. Order in this courtroom.



It's the truth, pig-pork...



and you know it.



She forced me at gunpoint...



into her crummy little house...



stripped me of my clothes...



and made me exhibit myself

in front of her.



You liar! Liar!



She made me put on

a feather dress...



Iocked me in a birdcage...



and cut off my arm with an ax.



I object, Your Honor...



on the grounds that this

witness is not competent...



and that she is senile.






I call to the stand

Donna Dasher.



She'll tell the truth.



Hi, Donna.



We know all about

excitement, don't we?



The press is all here,

and I'm looking real pretty...



but these   witches...



won't give me

my fashion accessories.



Order in the courtroom.



Now, Mrs. Dasher...



you understand you have

been granted total immunity...



for your testimony?



Yes. Thank you, Your Honor.



It is total immunity?



Yes, Mrs. Dasher. Total.



You became involved taking

pictures of the defendant.



Is that correct, Mrs. Dasher?



Yes. Fashion photographs.



Could you tell us a little...



about these

photography sessions?



Well, they never

really amounted...



to much, Mr. Wilroy.



We soon learned...



that Dawn's

modeling abilities...



were rather limited.



She would pose and

strut all the time...



as if she thought

we'd enjoy the sight...



of such sickening exhibitionism.



She even scarred

her own face...



in order to attract attention.



She would talk of

nothing but crime...



and criminal behavior...



and she even seemed

to idolize Richard Speck.



Anything else, Mrs. Dasher?



One time, she--



Go on. Go on.



She used a needle

in front of me.



I was shocked silly

but said nothing...



hoping that maybe

she was diabetic...



and hadn't told me.



Then, all by accident...



we discovered she kidnapped

the woman next-door.



You lying bitch!



You're the one that gave me

those beauty treatments!



You're the one

that kidnapped lda...



you lying,

bleached-blonde bitch!



Liar! Liar!



Could you tell us about

the evening of May  ?



Yes. That is the night...



we went to what

Miss Davenport...



refers to as

her nightclub act.



We were backstage.



Dawn was wild-eyed

and pacing up and down...



ranting and raving

about her beauty...



when, in reality,

she looked quite hideous.



Her daughter Taffy came in...



and they had a big fight

over religious freedom.



Donna and I were terrified...



but stood by helplessly.



The fighting continued...



and Dawn strangled

her daughter to death...



right in front of us.



What happened then?



She ran on stage

to begin her so-called act...



a pitiful display...



based solely on

how disgusting she could be.



She seemed to work

herself up into a frenzy...



shouting ridiculous claims...



of criminal conduct...



grimacing wildly

into the audience.



And then, before

we could realize it...



she pulled a gun...



and began shooting

into the crowd.



I can't describe the horror.



It was nothing

but screams and panic.



I lived through hell

that night.



Your Honor, Mr. Wilroy,



Iadies and gentlemen

of the jury,



we have heard a lot of

witnesses condemn my client.



We have heard some

incredibly bizarre testimony...



and we have seen some

damaging physical evidence...



but my client is innocent...



innocent by

reason of insanity.



Listen to her testimony.



Listen to the whisperings

of a madwoman...



and decide for yourselves...



if she is not insane, who is?



I do not ask you

to forgive her.



I do not ask you

to set her free.



I ask you to have

the courage to help her.



Find her insane...



so that she can be put away

in a mental hospital...



for the rest

of her natural life.



Dawn, how did you

become acquainted...



with Donald and Donna Dasher?



I went to their beauty parlor...



and they discovered me.



I was so beautiful.



I still am the top model

in the country.



I don't want my trial

to be held here.



I want it to be downtown...



in a large, large

theater where I belong.



You're a terrible

press agent.



They won't even

let cameras in here.



I'm your attorney, Dawn,

not your press agent.



Well, get me some

of my loungewear, then.



I can't be

on Walter Cronkite...



Iooking like this.



Did you kidnap lda Nelson?



No. The Dashers did it,

but they lied.



They're just jealous of me...



because I'm more famous

than they are.



The Dashers are liars!



Well, then, did you

strangle your daughter?



Yes, I did,

and I'm proud of it.



If only the Dashers...



hadn't destroyed

the photographs.



They were art.



You believe the death

of your daughter was art?



Of course!



Can't you stupid people see?



I'm a huge star.



Just pick up the papers,

and you'll see...



my picture on the front page.



I'm only charged

in this matter...



because I'm so photogenic.



Why, I should be

on television...



right this minute!



What about

your nightclub act, Dawn?



Ooh, it was

a spectacular success,



a wild,

fast-moving stage show...



with a finale

to top all finales.



They loved it!



Even the people

that died loved it!



How could they

not love dying...



if they're going to

become famous for it?



Oh, the jury

must realize.



Look at me!



I'm the most famous person

you've ever seen.



Take notes while

you have a chance.



Quote me! Look at me!



Look at my legs!

Look at 'em!






remove the defendant

from the witness stand.



Disgusting display.






The death penalty!






Mr. Foreman, has the jury

reached a decision?



Yes, we have, Your Honor.



We find the defendant

guilty as charged...



and sentence her to die

in the electric chair.






How am I supposed to sleep...



with these goddamn

bugs in here?



Where is that hog?



Matron, did you hear me?



I come to the garden alone



While the dew is

still on the roses



And the voice I hear

ringing in my ear



The son of God discloses



I'm gonna miss

my little Dawn.



It ain't right they can

put you in that chair.



Oh, Earnestine,

I'm thrilled about it.



Today is my big day.



I feel lucky to receive

the death penalty.



Why, it's the biggest award

I could get in my field.



But I don't even have...



my acceptance speech ready.



I've got to practice it.



I know every word I say...



will be

in the newspapers tomorrow.



Does it excite you

to make love...



to someone so famous?



You excite me, Dawn,

not your fame.



It's you I love.



I don't love publicity.



But I still am

the star prisoner,



right, Earnestine?



Even the warden told me...



he had a problem

with the press...



trying to get my picture.



Will you save my clippings?



I'll save 'em, Dawn.



I'll cry when I read 'em.



Will you write

a book about me?



You know everything.



I trust you

to write my story.



Oh, describe

my makeup and hairdo.



Include sketches...



of every outfit I ever wore.



Oh, why won't they

let me wear...



a gown and makeup today?



Today, of all days.



My big moment

in the electric chair.



Oh, you still think

you're in a show, baby.



You gotta realize

it's your life!



But my life is a show.



Why is it so hard for

people to understand?



My fans want me to die

in the electric chair.



It'll be

my final curtain call...



the most theatrical

moment of my life.



I have to always try...



to be page one, Earnestine.



Life imprisonment

would have been...



such a second-rate news story.



This way, my legend

will have to live on.



I'm not going to die...



only for my fans of today...



but for their children

and grandchildren.



Oh, you're so fucked up, baby.



Give mama a big, sloppy kiss.



Ok, "Lesbeans,"



I caught ya.



Bumping pussies is

a violation of jail rules.



I'm gonna write this up...



and give it to

the warden, Earnestine.



You'll get the adjustment

center for this.



It's her last day,

for Christ's sake.



Can't we spend it together?



Get back to your cell

before I beat you up.



Eh, for Christ sake,

it's her last day!



I know it's her last day.



Ha ha! You all ready

for the hot seat, fatso?



I'm supposed to ask you...



what you want

for your last meal.



I'll have   veal cutlets.



Well, I'll get 'em...



but you better eat 'em quick...



'cause the electric chair...



don't wait for nobody...



not even big stars like you.



You're gonna be

one fried lady today!



Dawn, I came to say

good-bye to you.



We're going to miss you.



Oh, don't look so sad.



I'm happy, happy, happy.



The only thing I ask

is that you remember me



and talk about me

the rest of your life.



Oh, we will!



And tell everyone

they have my permission...



to sell their memories

of me to the media.



Oh, Dawn, can l

have your autograph?



Why, certainly, Shirl.



Sit down.



"To Shirl, the prettiest

girl on cellblock  .



"Love always,



"The beautiful

and fabulous...



Dawn Davenport."



Oh, I'll treasure it.



Would you like to see

some modeling?



I bet you would.



And I don't mind.



I'd love to see you perform!



Oh, good! Ready?



Oh, go! Go, Dawn!



Get back to your cell, Shirl.



The show's over

for Dawn Davenport.



Good-bye, Dawn.



Good-bye, Shirl.



Come on. Get out

of here, Shirl.



Here's your food, pork chop.



Eat up. Ain't got much time.



I've changed my mind.



I'm really not hungry anymore.



Let's not dawdle.



I'm all ready for

my big news event.



I'd like to go right now

if it would be all right.



Suit yourself, pizza face.



Let's put your jewelry on

for ya.



Here comes the chaplain now.



Come on, Miss Star.



Your time's up.



Are you ready, Dawn?



Yes, I'm ready, Father.



The legend's all ready...



for her little appointment

in the green room.



I've been looking forward

to this, you know.



"The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want.



"He makes me lie down

in green pastures."



Good-bye, Shirl.



"He leads me

beside still waters..."



Dawn, I love you!



-Good-bye, Dawn!

-Good-bye, Earnestine!



Dawn! Good-bye Dawn!



Good-bye, then!



Bye, Dawn!



"O, Lord, who shall

sojourn in thy tent?



"Who shall dwell

in my home?"



Hop in!



Oh, cute and comfortable, too.



Try to resist.



She deserves worse than this

for what she did.



Yeah, better

strap 'em in good,



'cause you don't want me

to get out of here.






I hate you.



Shut up, Davenport.



Ugly, ugly, ugly!



I'd like to thank all

the wonderful people...



that made this great moment

in my life come true.



My daughter Taffy, who died...



in order

to further my career.



My friends Chicklette

and Concetta...



who should be here

with me today.



All the fans

who died so fashionably...



and gallantly

at my nightclub act.



And especially

all those wonderful people...



who were kind enough...



to read about me

in the newspapers...



and watch me

on the television news shows.



Without all of you...



my career could never

have gotten this far.



It was you that I burn for...



and it is you

that I will die for.



Please remember...



I love every

fucking one of you.



I got lots



Of problems



Female trouble



Maybe I'm twisted



Female trouble



They say I'm a skank



But I don't care



Go ahead, put me



In your el-e-ectric chair



I got lots



Of problems



Female trouble



Maybe I'm twisted



Female trouble



Hey, spare me your morals



Look, everyone does



What pleases me



Is paradise



I got lots



Of problems



Female trouble



Maybe I'm twisted...


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