Ferris Bueller's Day Off Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Ferris Bueller's Day Off script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the John Hughes movie with Matthew Broderick.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Ferris Bueller's Day Off Script





It is a beautiful day in Chicago.

Temperatures in the upper 70's.



Right now, 75 at the lakefront,

 74 at Midway, 73 at O'Hare.






- What's the matter?

- It's Ferris Look at him






He doesn't have a fever, but his

stomach hurts and he's seeing spots



- What's the matter, Ferris?

- Papa?



Feel his hands,

they're cold and clammy



- I'm fine I'll get up

- No!



- I have a test today

- No



I must take it I want to go to a good

college, so I can have a fruitful life



Honey, you're not

going to school like this



- What's his problem?

- He doesn't feel well



Dry that one out,

you can fertilise the lawn



Jeanie, is that you?



I can't see that far Jeanie?



Jeanie, I



- Bite the big one, junior

- Jeanie, you get to school



If I was bleeding out my eyes, you'd

make me go to school It's so unfair



Jeanie, don't be upset with me

You have your health, be thankful



That's it! I want out of this family



I'm okay I'll just sleep

I'll have an aspirin around noon



I'm showing some houses

to that family from Vermont today



My office will know just where I am

if you need me



- I'll check on you too, pal

- I have such loving, caring parents



You're both very special people



- You get better, pumpkin

- Okay, pumpkin



I'll be home at six sharp

If you need anything, call






- We love you, sweetie

- I love you, too



Call if you need us



They bought it



Incredible! A terrible performance,

and they never doubted it for a second



How could I be expected

to handle school on a day like this?



This is my ninth sick day It's tough

coming up with new illnesses



If I go for ten, I'll have to barf up a lung

So I'd better make this one count



The key to faking out the parents

is the clammy hands



It's a good non-specific symptom

I'm a big believer in it



A lot of people will tell you

to go for a phoney fever



But if you get a nervous mother, you

could wind up in a doctor's office



You fake a stomach cramp



When you're bent over wailing,

you lick your palms



It's childish and stupid,

but then, so is high school



Life moves pretty fast



If you don't stop and look around

once in a while, you could miss it



I do have a test today,

that wasn't bullshit



It's on European socialism

What's the point?



I'm not European, so who

gives a crap if they're socialists?



They could be fascist anarchists,

it still wouldn't buy me a car



I recall Central Park in fall



how you tore your dress

what a mess, I confess...



It's not that I condone fascism,

or any "ism"



A person should not believe in an

"ism", he should believe in himself



I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe

in Beatles I just believe in me"



A good point there

After all, he was the walrus



I could be the walrus,

I'd still have to bum rides off people







- Here

- Adamowlsky, Adamson



- Adler

- Here



- Anderson Anderson?

- Here









Bueller Bueller



He's sick My best friend's sister's

boyfriend's brother's girlfriend -



- saw Ferris pass out at    Flavours

last night I guess it's pretty serious



- Thank you, Simone

- No problem whatsoever






Frye Frye



- Hello?

- Cameron, what's happening?



- Very little

- How do you feel?



- Shredded

- Is your mother in the room?



She's in Decatur

Unfortunately she's not staying



- Where are you?

- I'm taking the day off, come on over



- I can't, stupid, I'm sick.

- That's all in your head



- Come on over.

- I feel like shit I can't go anywhere



I'm sorry to hear that

Now come on over and pick me up



I'm dying



You're not dying. Youjust

can't think of anything good to do.



Cameron really needs a day off



He has a lot of things to sort out

before he goes to college



When Cameron was in Egypt's land



let my Cameron go.



Cameron is so tight -



- that a lump of coal stuck up his ass

would turn into a diamond



- Katie Bueller

- Edward Rooney, Dean of Students.



I'm so sorry

I completely forgot to call



- You know your son isn't in school?

- Yes. Ferris is home sick.



I had a meeting this morning.

I forgot to call. I'm very sorry.



Are you also aware -



- that Ferris does not have

an exemplary attendance record.






He has missed an unacceptable

number of school days.



Ferris is not taking

his academic growth seriously.



I've spent my morning

examining his records



If Ferris thinks he can coast through

to graduation, he is sorely mistaken



I have no reservation whatsoever-



- about holding him back

another year



- This is all news to me

- It usually is



- He has been absent nine times

- Nine times?



- Nine times

- He hasn't been sick nine times



That's probably because he

wasn't sick, he was skipping school



Wake up and smell the coffee



It's a fool's paradise He's leading

you down the primrose path



- I can't believe it.

- It's right here in front of me



He has missed nine days



I asked for a car I got a computer

How's that for being born unlucky?






Mr Rooney, Ferris is home

and he is very ill



- I debated even leaving him.

- Grace!



At this time of year, children

are prone to taking the day off



But I can assure you

that Ferris is a very sick boy



Never had one lesson



In      the House of Representatives,

in an effort to alleviate the effects of






The Great Depression

Passed the anyone?



The Holly-Smoot Tariff Act



Which raised or lowered?



Raised tariffs in an effort to collect

more government revenue



Did it work?

Anyone know the effects?



It did not work and the United States

sank deeper into the Depression



Today, we have a similar debate

over this Anyone know what this is?



Anyone seen this before?



The Laffer curve

Anyone know what this says?



It says that at this point

on the revenue curve -



- you will get exactly the same

amount of revenue as at this point



Does anyone know

what Bush called this in     ?



Anyone? Something-doo economics

Voodoo economics



Jeanie, I'm really sorry

about your brother



What are you sorry for?

I have to live with him



- I heard he's really sick

- Who said he's sick?



A bunch of people

say he's close to death



I heard that if Ferris dies, he's

giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder



He's such a sweetie Got to go



- Hi, Jeanie

- Shut up



How desperate is the situation?



Did you see "Alien"?



When the creature

was in that guy's stomach?



It feels like that




- Are you kidding?

- Do I sound like I'm kidding?



- It's Ferris Bueller

- He got me out of summer school



We appreciate you letting us

know how you're doing.



I hope he doesn't die

I can't handle summer school



- Give me somebody else

- Sure, hold on



- Did you see "Alien"?

- Yeah, why?



Hello? Hi, Ferris, how's your bod?



You're dying?



- Is it serious?

- I hope not



- I may need a kidney transplant

- Shit! Are you upset?



- Excuse me

- Will you be alive this weekend?



- Yeah, I'd say so

- Great Maybe I'll see you



I don't trust this kid

any further than I can throw him



With your bad knee, Ed,

you shouldn't throw anybody It's true



What is so dangerous about him

is that he gives good kids bad ideas



The last thing I need is      Bueller

disciples running around these halls



He jeopardises my ability

to govern this student body



- He makes you look like an ass

- Thank you, but you're wrong



He's very popular



Sportoes, motorheads, geeks,

sluts, bloods, wasteoids, -



- dweebies, dickheads,

they all adore him



That is why I have got to catch him



To show these kids that his example

is a first-class ticket to nowhere



Ed! You sounded

like Dirty Harry just then






Thanks, Grace



- You can't make me wait like this

- Let me rot in peace.



It's my ninth sick day If I get caught,

I won't graduate I'm doing this for you



- Do you know what my diastolic is?

- Take some Pepto Bismal



- Get dressed and come on over

- Shut up



Hold your water for a second

I've got another call Hello?



- Ferris. You sound terrible.

- Darn, I thought I was improving.



- Were you sleeping?

- Dad, can you hang on for a second?



- Sure, pal

- Hang on



- Cameron, it's my dad

- Great Keep me out of it



If you're not over here in    minutes,

you can find a new best friend



Dad, all this talking has made me

kind of light-headed



- I think I ought to lie down

- Wrap a hot towel round your head



- Wrap a hot towel round my head?

- Make some soup, then get a nap



- Ferris, I love you, pal

- I love you, too



I bet Cameron is sitting in his car

debating whether or not to go out



He'll keep calling me until I come over



He'll make me feel guilty



This is ridiculous I'll go I'll go



I'll go Shit!






Forget it That's it



In what way



does the author's

use of the prison






the protagonist's struggle?



And how does this relate -



- to our discussion

of the uses of irony?



Mr Nolan, may I interrupt, please?



Sloane Peterson,

may I have a word with you, dear?



I'm afraid that I am the bearer

of bad tidings



Your father called

Your grandmother has just passed



- No

- Oh, darling! Honey



- Dead grandmother?

- That's what Mr Peterson said



I had Florence Sparrow

notify the poor little lamb



- Who is this girl going out with?

- It's so hard to tell these days



I do see her with Ferris Bueller

quite a bit



Would you get me

Mr Peterson's daytime number?



- Ed Rooney's Office

- This is George Peterson.



Please hold

What do you know, it's Mr Peterson



Do you still want

his daytime number?



- Ed Rooney

- Ed, this is George Peterson.



- How are you today, sir?

- Well, we've had a bit of bad luck.



Yeah, I heard I'm all broken up

Boy, what a blow



Yeah, it's been a tough morning.



We've got a lot of family business.



If you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane,

I'd appreciate it.



Sure, I'd be happy to



You just produce a corpse,

and I'll release Sloane



I want to see this dead grandmother




It's all right, it's Ferris Bueller

I'm setting a trap for him



Ed, I'm sorry, did you say

you wanted to see a body?



Yeah, roll her old bones over here

and I'll dig up your daughter



That's school policy

Was this your mother?



No, my wife's mother.



- Ed Rooney's Office

- This is Ferris Bueller for Mr Rooney






I'll tell you what, dipshit,

if you don't like my policies, -



- you can come down here

and smooch my big old white butt



- Pucker up, Buttercup What?

- Ferris Bueller is on line two



Mr Rooney,

I'm not feeling very well today.



Could my sister bring home

any assignments from my classes?



Have a nice day.



Mr Peterson

I think I owe you an apology



- I should say you do

- I



I think you should be sorry,

for Christ's sake



A family member dies and you

insult me! What's wrong with you?



Well I really don't know



I didn't think I was talking to you.



You know that I would never

deliberately insult you like that



Pardon my French,

but you're an asshole! Asshole!



You're absolutely right, sir

Find out where she is



- This isn't over yet Do you read me?

- Loud and clear, Mr Peterson



- Call me sir, goddammit!

- Yes, sir



That's better.



You mind your P's and Q's,

and remember who you're dealing with



Bueller Ferris Bueller



I'm scared

What if he recognises my voice?



Impossible You're doing great




Rooney, calm down



- Just a moment

- Just a little office difficulty



I don't have all day to bark at you,

so I'm going to make this short



I want my daughter out

in front of the school by herself



- What?

- That's too suspicious



- Talk

- You!



- Talk!

- Rooney! Pay attention



I want you out there with her

I want a few words with you



We don't have time to talk right now

We'll get together over lunch



- What's wrong with you?

- Wait!



- Where's your brain?

- Why did you kick me?



How can we pick up Sloane

if Rooney is there with her?



I said for her to be there alone

and you freaked



I didn't hit you

I lightly slapped you



You hit me



Don't ask me to participate in your crap

if you don't like the way I do it



You make me get out of bed

and come here



You make me make a phoney call

to Edward Rooney



The man could squash my nuts



- And you deliberately hurt my feelings

- No



I did not deliberately

hurt your feelings I didn't



- What are you doing?

- See you later I'm going home



- Have a nice life

- Cameron, wait a minute



I didn't mean to lose my temper

I'm sorry, it was uncalled for



- Seriously?

- Yeah



- Here you go

- Thank you



You did screw up though, right?



- Not that it was completely your fault

- Why?



To fix the situation, I'm going

to have to ask you for a favour



The      Ferrari     GT California



Less than a hundred were made



My father spent

three years restoring this car



It is his love It is his passion



It is his fault

he didn't lock the garage



Ferris, what are you talking about?



My father loves this car more than life



A man with such priorities

doesn't deserve this fine automobile






Apparently you don't understand



He never drives it

He just rubs it with a diaper



Remember how insane he went

when I broke my retainer?



That was a piece of plastic

This is a Ferrari



We can't pick up Sloane in your car



Mr Rooney would never believe

Mr Peterson drives that piece of shit



- It's not a piece of shit

- It is



Don't worry I don't even have

a piece of shit I have to envy yours



I'm sorry

There's nothing else we can do



- He knows the mileage

- He doesn't trust you?



- Never has, never will

- This is real simple



Whatever miles we put on,

we'll take off



- We'll drive home backwards

- No



No, Ferris, forget it

I'm putting my foot down



How about we rent a nice Cadillac?

My treat



We could call a limo

A stretch job with a TV and a bar



Come on, live a little



Let me tell you how deeply saddened

I am by your loss



I had a grandmother once

Two, actually



"Man hath but a short time to live

and is full of misery"



"He cometh up

and is cut down like a flower"



"He fleeth as if it were a shadow -



- and never continueth in one stay"



Oh, dear



Between grief and nothing,

I'll take grief






Sloane, dear, hurry along now



I guess that's my dad

I've got to go



Mr Rooney Ed



- You're a beautiful man

- Thank you



I want to thank you

for your warmth and compassion






- Do you have a kiss for Daddy?

- Are you kidding?



So that's how it is in their family



- Hi, Cameron, are you comfortable?

- Hi, Sloane No



- What are we going to do?

- What aren't we going to do?



Don't say

we're not going to take the car home



If you had access to a car like this,

would you take it back right away?



Neither would I



Ferris, don't go so fast



Save Ferris

God bless you You're very generous



Save Ferris Bueller



- Save Ferris?

- What?



We're collecting money

to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney



- Go piss up a flagpole

- I'm sorry?



- You should be

- Hey!



What if you need a favour someday

from Ferris Bueller?



Peterson home on line one

Watch your mouth this time



Go suck your hat



We can't come to the phone now.

We've had a death in the family.



Ferris Bueller is behind this,

there is no doubt in my mind



- Now Sloane Peterson is involved

- Her grandmother, too



You pinhead



If you need to reach us,

we'll be at the following number.



I did not achieve my position by having

a punk leave my cheese in the wind



You have reached

the Carlton Brothers Mortuary.



If you leave your name and number,

we'll get back to you.



Something is going on,

and I'm going to find out what it is



I'm going to catch this kid

and put a dent in his future



   years from now, when he looks back

on the ruin his life has become, -



- he will remember Edward Rooney



- Wrong

- What?



Not here

We're not leaving the car here



- Why not?

- I want the car home where it belongs



- Let's go

- What can happen in a garage?



It could get wrecked, stolen,

scratched, breathed on wrong



- A pigeon could shit on it

- Calm down



I'll give the guy a fiver to watch it



What guy?



Hey, how are you doing?

You speak English?



What country do you think this is?



Okay, I want you to take

extra special care of this vehicle



No problem Trust me



- Sir

- Come on






You have nothing to worry about

I'm a professional



A professional what?



See what a finski

can do to a guy's attitude?



Come on



Bless his little heart



Nine times.



- You think the car's all right?

- Sure



- This is the world's tallest building

- I don't feel too good



Here, climb up on this



Come on, everybody Cameron



Okay, lean forward

against the glass like this



- Oh, my God!

- Isn't that great?



The city looks so peaceful

from up here



Anything is peaceful from      feet



- I think I see my dad

- We've got a lot to do Let's go



Shit! The son of a bitch

is down there somewhere



- You want to get married?

- Sure



Today? I'm serious



- I'm not getting married

- Why not?



- Think about it

- Besides being too young



Having no place to live



You being the only cheerleader

with a husband



- Give me one good reason why not?

- Look at my mother and father



- They hate each other

- So what?



It's like that car

He loves the car, he hates his wife



Thank you



Can we please get out of here?

This place gives me the creeps



Why didn't you tell me?



- Hello, may I help you?

- You can sure as hell try



I'm Abe Froman, party of three for   



- Is there a problem?

- You're Abe Froman?



- The sausage king of Chicago?

- Yeah, that's me



I'm very busy Why don't you kids

go back to the clubhouse?



Are you suggesting

I'm not who I say I am?



I'm suggesting that you leave

before I have to get snooty



- Okay, Abe, let's go

- I'm not going anywhere



- No, we'd like to be seated

- I'm going to have to call the police



- You're going to call the police?

- Yes



- Fine! I'll call them myself

- Yes



Call the police This'll be a hoot



Give me the phone

I have another call



You touch me, I yell rat

Find another phone






I weep for the future



- Ferris, let it go

- Please, you've gone too far



You're going to get busted



You can never go too far,

and I won't be busted by a guy like that



- Come on, Abe!

- Ask for Abe Froman



- Chez Quis?

- May I speak to Abe Froman?



- The sausage king of Chicago

- Let me check the restaurant



- Could you describe him for me?

- Leatherjacket



White T-shirt, sweater vest.



Devastatingly handsome



- Hold on one moment.

- Thank you



Froman, this is Sergeant Peterson,

Chicago Police.



- I appreciate your understanding

- Don't think twice



Understanding allows people like us

to tolerate a person like yourself



- Thank you

- Don't mention it



Enjoy your luncheon



Darling, you were wonderful



Cameron, you thought we wouldn't

have any fun Shame on you



Maybe I'm overreacting.

Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy.



After all, I got a car.

He got a computer.



Still, why should he get

to do whatever he wants?



Why should everything

work out for him?



What makes him

so goddam special?



Screw him



I used to think that my family was

the only one with weirdness in it



Then I saw Cameron's family

His home life is really twisted



That's why he's sick all the time

It really bothers him



He feels better when he's sick



If I had to live in that house,

I'd pray for a disease, too



The place is like a museum

It's very beautiful and very cold



You're not allowed to touch anything



Can you appreciate what it must

have been like to be there as a baby?



I'm amazed that I got the car out

I caught Cameron digging the ride



It's good for him

It teaches him to deal with his fear



Plus, I must be honest here



I love driving it It is so choice



If you have the means,

I highly recommend picking one up



- Thank you

- Yes, sir



Jeanie, who's bothering you now?



- Is Mr Rooney in?

- No, can I help you?



- I doubt it When is he back?

- I don't know



- He's out on personal business

- What's that supposed to mean?



I suppose it means

it's none of your business, young lady



Nice attitude



- Is Mrs Hagel expecting you in class?

- Probably



What an asshole



- Raise your advertising budget

- We don't have the money



If you want to sell, you have

to spend It's as simple as that



     restaurants in the area

I pick the one my father goes to



We're pinched for sure



Only the meek get pinched

The bold survive Let's go



- Let's surrender

- Never



Dave, I'm telling you

that it's not the case



- We don't have the money

- Dave, you know what it takes



We're going to go heavy on TV

We'll lighten up on radio and print



Come on back to my office



We know you've got the money

We just have to spend it bonehead!






Lesjeux sont faits.

Translation: The game is up



Your ass is mine



Runner at first base, nobody out.



The first hit since the fifth inning,

only the fourth hit in the game.



  and   the count. There's a drive.

Left field.



Twisting into foul territory.



I'm really surprised

they didn't go for it in that inning.



- What's the score?

- Nothing-nothing



- Who's winning?

- The Bears



- I think I broke my thumb

- Hey, batter, batter Swing, batter



Do you realise that if we played by

the rules, right now we'd be in gym?



Come on, boys, let's go



We'll never get out of here Move!



I hate him



Who is it?



It's Ed Rooney, Ferris

I'd like to have a word with you



I'm sorry, I can't come to the door

right now. In my weakened condition -



- I could take a spill down the stairs

and suffer further school absences.



- Save it, Ferris Come down here

- You can reach my parents at work.



Thank you for stopping by.

I appreciate your concern.



- Come down here and talk to me

- Have a nice day.



You're in big trouble









- Who is it?

- You know damn well who it is



I'm sorry, I can't come to the door

right now. In my weakened condition -



- I could take a spill down the stairs

and suffer further school absences.



You can reach my parents at work.



Thank you for stopping by.

I appreciate your concern.



Have a nice day.






Son of a bitch!



My shoe



Hi, doggy



Stay, boy










Sit! Heel! Stay!



- We'd better go and get the car

- We have until six



I know you don't care,

but it does mean my ass



That hurts, Cameron



- What have you seen today?

- Nothing good




What do you mean, nothing good?



We've seen everything good,

we've seen the whole city



We went to a museum

and saw priceless works of art



What? What's wrong?



Look over there



- What's he doing?

- He's making obscene gestures






- He didn't leave

- It really busts my hump



- He didn't ditch us

- He might be back at school



- He would not go back to school

- He'd do it just to make me sweat



Ladies and gentlemen,

we'd like to play a little tune for you.



I dedicate it to a man who doesn't think

he's seen anything good today.



Cameron Frye, this one is for you.



- Get off the float!

- What are you doing?



As long as I've known him,

everything works for him



There's nothing he can't handle

I can't handle anything



School, parents, the future

Ferris can do anything



- I don't know what I'm going to do

- College



Yeah, but to do what?



What are you interested in?






Me neither



You're crazy!



What do you think

Ferris is going to do?



He's going to be a fry cook






Look what Uncle Ed has for you,

you little fucker






Sleep tight, pooch



I knew it!



Well, where is she?

This is her daughter



Do you know where she is?

Do you know when she'll be back?



Do you know anything?



- Ferris

- Bueller



You're psychotic

You're out of your mind



I can't believe you went

on a goddam parade float!



Okay, wait



"Yeah, this tune

is one of my personal favourites"



- A lot of people saw you

- You are nailed



Who'd believe I was in a parade?



Anybody who would nail me

wouldn't go to a parade



That was so quick



- This looks okay to me, Cameron

- It looks great Let's roll



Here you go Thank you



You're a very generous individual

Come back anytime



- Watch the seat

- Sorry



See you later



We've got to do this again



This is not a phoney call

There is an intruder, -



- male Caucasian,

possibly armed, in my kitchen



My name's Bueller



You hope my brother's feeling better?

I'm in danger!



I am very protective of my body

I do not want it violated or killed



I need help!



Speak any English? Dickhead



Excuse me, if you're still in the

house, I'vejust called the police.



If you have any brains whatsoever,

you'll get out real quick.



I also have my father's gun

and a scorching case of herpes.



Wait, that's my car!

I'll move it



He got my keys



You shithead!



I feel pretty good I feel real good



Those guys at the garage were nice

I was a little worried about them



It turned out good






- Cameron

- Yeah?



How many miles did you say

this thing had on it when we left?



    and halfway

between three and four tenths



Why? How many miles are on it now?



Here's where Cameron goes berserk



Cameron, are you okay?



Cut that out



Who is it?



I'm sorry, I can't come to the door

right now. In my weakened condition -



- I could take a spill

down the stairs...



God bless the police

I'm saved Thank you, God



- Thank...

- I heard that you were feeling ill



headache, fever and a chill



I came to help restore your pluck



'cause I'm the nurse who likes to...



This may very well be for real



He might have blown

a microchip or two



He's always been a little keyed up

I just wanted to give him a good day



We're going to graduate soon



We'll have the summer

He'll work and I'll work



We'll see each other at night

and on the weekends



Then he'll go to one school

and I'll go to another



Basically that will be it



Sloane's as big a problem



She has another year of high school

How do I deal with that?



I was serious

when I said I'd marry her I would






Can you hear me?



Cameron, blink if you understand me



Cameron has never been in love

Well, nobody has been in love with him



If things don't change for him, he's

going to marry the first girl he lays



And she's going to treat him like shit,

because she will have given him -



- what he has built up in his mind as

the end all, be all of our existence



She won't respect him



You can't respect somebody who

kisses your ass It just doesn't work



Ferris, we'd better try something else

This isn't working



Are you feeling better, Cameron?



Why don't you come in here?

It's really nice



Cameron, I can flip out real easy, too

It's okay



Sooner or later,

everybody goes to the zoo



Maybe he's really sick

Maybe he isn't just torturing himself



Hey! Hey, Cameron!



Cameron, wake up



Come on, Cameron Wake up!



- What is that?

- Ferris Bueller, you're my hero



- That was pretty impressive, man

- You son of a bitch



It's not funny






Thank you, no I'm straight



I meant, are you in here for drugs?



- Why are you here?

- Drugs



- I don't know why I'm here

- Why don't you go home?



Why don't you

put your thumb up your butt?



You wear too much eye make-up



My sister wears too much

People think she's a whore



- You don't want to talk about it?

- With you? Are you serious?



- I'm serious

- Blow yourself



All right,

you want to know what's wrong?



I know what's wrong

I just want to hear you say it



In a nutshell, I hate my brother

How's that?



That's cool Did you

blow him away or something?



No, not yet



He was ditching school When I went

home to check, some guy was there



The cops picked me up

for making a phoney call



What do you care

if your brother ditches school?



- Everybody else has to go

- You could ditch



- I'd get caught

- Yes



You're pissed off because he ditches

and doesn't get caught, is that it?



- Basically

- Basically



- Your problem is you

- Excuse me?



Worry about yourself,

not about what your brother does



- That's just an opinion

- What are you, a psychiatrist?



Keep your opinions to yourself



There's somebody you should talk to



If you say Ferris Bueller,

you lose a testicle



Oh, you know him



That whole time

I was just thinking things over



I was like meditating



Then I sort of watched myself

from inside



I realised it was ridiculous

being afraid



Worrying about everything

Wishing I was dead



All that shit I'm tired of it



It was the best day of my life



I'm going to miss you guys next year



Cameron, can I ask you a question?






Did you see me change

out of my clothes by the jacuzzi?



Did you?



You saw me?

I thought you were catatonic



That's okay I'm not embarrassed



I better check on the car



Hey, Ferris!






The miles aren't coming off

going in reverse




I thought that might be a problem



We have to open the odometer,

roll it back by hand



No, forget it



Forget it



I've got to take a stand



I'm bullshit



I put up with everything



My old man pushes me around



I never say anything



He's not the problem

I'm the problem



I've got to take a stand



I've got to take a stand against him



I am not going to sit on my ass -



- as the events that affect me unfold

to determine the course of my life



I'm going to take a stand and defend it



Right or wrong,

I'm going to defend it



I'm so sick of this shit



I can't stand him

and I hate this goddam car



Who do you love? You love a car



You son of a bitch






I dented the shit out of it






My father will see what I did

I can't hide this



He'll come home

and he'll have to deal with me



I don't care I really don't



I'm just tired of being afraid



The hell with him



I can't wait to see the look

on his face



What did I do?



- What did I do?

- You killed the car






Holy shit!



It's my fault

I'll take the heat for it



When he comes home, we'll tell him

that I did it He hates me anyway



No, I'll take it



- I'll take it

- No, you don't want this much heat



If I didn't want it,

I wouldn't have let you take the car



- I made you take that car

- I could have stopped you



I want it

I'm going to take it, that's it



When Morris comes home,

he and I will just have a little chat



It's cool

No, it's going to be good



Thanks anyway



This is a shock to me

I don't know why she left school



And why would she come up

with a story about an intruder?



For whatever reason she did it,

she's had a scare



I appreciate you calling We'll have

a long talk with her at home



Thank you



- I hope your son is feeling better

- Pardon?



Tell him all the guys at the station

are pulling for him






- Hi

- Don't "hi" me, young lady



I want to get out of here now




Okay Fine!



- She's a little hyper

- Yeah



Let's not ruin this

with a lot of talk, okay?



- You didn't tell me your name

- It's Jean



But a lot of guys call me Shauna



- Okay, Jean

- Cool



That's great



I'll see you, okay?



Jeanie, now!



- Now!

- Okay



- I had a great time today

- Yeah, it was pretty cool



Will Cameron be okay?



Yeah, sure,

for the first time in his life



He's going to be just fine



You knew what you were doing

when you woke up this morning



Me? No



Oh, shit!



I have to go



- I'll call you tonight

- Okay



- I love you

- I love you, too



He's going to marry me



Do you know what it's like to pick up

your daughter at the police station?



I was about to close the deal

with the Vermont people



I was going to take my commission

and buy Ferris a car



What the hell are you doing?

Are you trying to kill us?



Look at this mess I'll never

get these papers back in order



- Slow down

- I can't drive with you yelling at me!



Hi, I'm Ferris Bueller



No, don't get up

That smells delicious



- Dinner's ready

- What? Who was that?



What's wrong?



Everything I just picked up Jeanie

at the police station



She got a speeding ticket and I lost

the Vermont deal because of her



Looking for this?



I got you, Ferris



How's Ferris?

Let's go in and check on him



I have dreamed about this

And this time



you little bastard,

I've got you right where I want you



Ferris, we're home



How would you feel

about another year at high school?



Under my close,

personal supervision?






Thank God you're all right

We've been worried sick about you



Thank you, Mr Rooney,

for driving him home



Go upstairs and get in bed






Can you imagine someone that sick

trying to walk home from hospital?






By the way, you left your wallet

on the kitchen floor






- He's still awfully warm

- How do you feel?



   % better, thank you



Don't make me stay home again

I want to go to school



I have to graduate in June,

and I



Ferris, you're sick Don't push it

and make yourself worse



- Maybe you're right, Dad

- I know I'm right, pal



- How did you get to be so sweet?

- From years of practice






Get well



I'm going to get myself settled,

then I'll bring you a hot cup of soup



I've said it before and I'll say

it again: Life moves pretty fast



If you don't stop and look around

once in a while, you could miss it



Four years I've been chasing this kid



Four years he's been

making a fool of me



Hey, Mr Rooney, what's going on?



Did you get in a fight?



Do you want a lift?



I bet you never smelled

a real school bus before



Gummi bear?



They've been in my pocket

They're real warm and soft



You're still here?



It's over



Go home





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