Finian's Rainbow Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Finian's Rainbow script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Francis Ford Coppola movie with Fred Astaire and Petula Clark.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Finian's Rainbow. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Finian's Rainbow Script


  

  

 

                   

On the day I was born



 

                   

Said me father, said he



 

                   

"I've an elegant legacy

Waiting for ye



 

                   

'Tis a rhyme for your lip

And a song for your heart



 

                   

To sing it whenever

The world falls apart"



 

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



 

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



 

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



 

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



  

                   

'Twas a sumptuous gift

To bequeath to a child



  

                   

For the lure of that song

Keeps me head runniní wild



  

                   

'Tis a rhyme for me lip

And a song for me heart



  

                   

And I sing it whenever

The world falls apart



  

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



  

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



  

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



  

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



  

                   

So I bundled me heart

And I roamed the world free



  

                   

To the East with the light

To the West with the sea



  

                   

And I searched all the earth

And I scanned all the skies



  

                   

But I found it at last

In my own true love's eyes



  

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



  

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



  

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



  

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



  

                   

Follow the fellow

Follow the fellow



  

                   

Follow the fellow



  

                   

Who follows a dream



  

                   

Eureka!



  

                   

- Sharon, come quickly.

- What is it now, Father?



  

                   

We're here. It's journey's end.

Our destination at last.



  

                   

Thank heaven. Now I can sit down.



  

                   

No, you can't sit you down.

It's the hill beyond yon hill.



  

                   

I've been hearing about the hill beyond

yon hill ever since we left Ireland.



  

                   

Keep your distance. Don't crowd around.

Clear the way.



  

                   

- Step aside.

- What's going on here?



  

                   

- They're gonna have an auction.

- A what?



  

                   

They're gonna have it today.



  

                   

You gonna get this auction

started now or ain't you?



  

                   

Hear ye! Hear ye!



  

                   

Now, wait a minute!



  

                   

You can't have an auction without first

talking to Susan Mahoney.



  

                   

- Why not?

- Henry, go get Susan.



  

                   

Because her brother owns this property,

that's why not.



  

                   

I beg your pardon.



  

                   

The law states this property belongs

to anybody who can pay the back taxes.



  

                   

- And that's me.

- You mean, Senator Rawkins has it.



  

                   

- You're just his stooge.

- And Woody don't like stooges.



  

                   

- Who's Woody?

- He's Susan's brother.



  

                   

He's nothing but a troublemaking

con man.



  

                   

He is not. Woody's president...



  

                   

...and general sales manager of the

Rainbow Valley Tobacco Cooperative.



  

                   

Incorporated.



  

                   

- What's that?

- Us!



  

                   

- They're sharecroppers.

- Sure are.



  

                   

That's how we'll all get rich together.



  

                   

Woody promised me personally.



  

                   

- Susan's trying to tell you something.

- I'm listening.



  

                   

- What she say, Henry?

- She says Woody's coming.



  

                   

- Woody.

- Woody?



  

                   

- I didn't hear her say anything.

- Naturally, she was born silent.



  

                   

One of the few women ever was.



  

                   

Sure, mister. She don't do "talk" talk.

She does foot talk.



  

                   

Foot talk? That's ridiculous.



  

                   

- What's she saying now?

- She says you gotta wait for Woody.



  

                   

He's bringing the money.



  

                   

Quiet!



  

                   

- Tax sale gonna start now.

- It's all right. Woody's coming.



  

                   

Woody's coming.



  

                   

Woody's coming. Woody's coming.

Woody's coming.



  

                   

It's my duty to protect the people

of Rainbow Valley.



  

                   

- Who from?

- From the people of Rainbow Valley.



  

                   

Hear ye, hear ye.



  

                   

We can't be bothered

with the mortgage man...



  

                   

This time of the year!



  

                   

You'll be sorry interfering

with the law.



  

                   

For spring donít care

About the mortgage man



  

                   

This time of the year



  

                   

I'm giving you your last chance

to get back your land.



  

                   

The dandelions in the dusky dell

Donít give a hoot in hell



  

                   

- They're gonna smell without collateral

- This time of the year



  

                   

- This time

- This time of the year



  

                   

- Sweet merry buds and elderberry buds

- Donít give a good ding-ding-dang



  

                   

Cornís shooting up

Fruit trees a-fruitiní up



  

                   

Go tell Rawkins to go hang-hang



  

                   

Donít mess around here



  

                   

This time of the year



  

                   

You'll get it in the rear



  

                   

This time of the year



  

                   

Magnoliaís are sentimental

Persimmons are queer



  

                   

Keep your distance, now.

Give way, there.



  

                   

You hear me? I said, keep your distance.



  

                   

Donít easily skeer



  

                   

They sprout without real-estaters

This time of the year



  

                   

That choo-chooís comin'

And it's mighty clear



  

                   

Woo, woo, Woody's here



  

                   

He's up there ridiní with the engineer

Yes, Woody's here



  

                   

Just look at that choo-choo puffiní

Let's give it a mighty cheer



  

                   

Just look at that engine huffin'

Dang blast it all, Woody's here



   

                   

Woody's here!



   

                   

Get a load of that whistle blowin'

That whistle is good to hear



   

                   

It's wantiní you to be knowin'

Dang blast it all, Woody's here



   

                   

Woody's here!



   

                   

Woody's here!



   

                   

And to think I let you whisk me

out of Ireland...



   

                   

...across an ocean

and down a continent...



   

                   

...in the sweet, green month of April.

And for what?



   

                   

For a beautiful new life

in a beautiful new land.



   

                   

- We came here to cure your arthritis.

- Aye, that too. That too.



   

                   

Well, it's me that's cured

of your arthritis.



   

                   

It's all mythical, and so is that cure place

for it called Rainbow Valley.



   

                   

Now you've gone just a bit too far.



   

                   

Here I have it on me map, witnessed

and endorsed by Rand and McNally.



   

                   

I don't know who Rand is,

but I could never trust a McNally.



   

                   

But you can always trust a McLonergan.



   

                   

Behold, that mythical land

called Rainbow Valley.



   

                   

Sharon, shake hands with a millionaire.



   

                   

- A millionaire?

- A multimillionaire.



   

                   

- Now what's happened to your arthritis?

- That's for the poor.



   

                   

I knew you were up to something. Now,

will you stand still and listen to me?



   

                   

I can't. I can't. Oh, no.



   

                   

Ever since I was  

you've been seeing leprechauns...



   

                   

...and rainbows over your whiskey jug.



   

                   

Now, what pixified fancy of yours

has really brought us to America, huh?



   

                   

You'll love it here. You'll have everything

you left behind in Glocca Morra.



   

                   

You hear that?



   

                   

What did I tell you? The same

skylark music we have back in Ireland.



   

                   

- Aye, a Glocca Morra skylark.

- Aye.



   

                   

I hear a bird



   

                   

A Glocca Morra bird



   

                   

It well may be he's bringiní me

A cheeriní word



   

                   

I hear a breeze



   

                   

A River Shannon breeze



   

                   

It well may be

It's followed me across the seas



   

                   

Then tell me please



   

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



   

                   

Is that little brook still leapiní there?



   

                   

Does it still run down to Donny Cove



   

                   

Through Killybegs, Kilkerry and Kildare?



   

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



   

                   

Is that willow tree still weepiní there?



   

                   

Does that laddie with the twinkliní eye

Come whistliní by



   

                   

And does he walk away

Sad and dreamy there



   

                   

Not to see me there?



   

                   

So I ask each weepiní willow



   

                   

And each brook along the way



   

                   

And each lad that comes a-whistliní



   

                   

"Too-ra-lay"



   

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra...



   

                   

... these fine days?



   

                   

Oh, now, Father, why are you crying?



   

                   

Oh, it's that cheap Irish music.



   

                   

Where is everybody?



   

                   

- Hello?

- Hello?



   

                   

Where are all the children?



   

                   

What the devil?



   

                   

He's up there ridiní with the engineer

Yes, Woody's here



   

                   

Someone's coming. You better get up

in that tree and take a look.



   

                   

Donít easily skeer

They'll sprout without real-estaters



   

                   

This time of the year



   

                   

It's only the folk who live here.



   

                   

America's full of gangsters, you know.



   

                   

You said it was full of millionaires.



   

                   

Don't argue.



   

                   

Canít be bothered

With the mortgage man



   

                   

This time of the year



   

                   

Here. Take this.



   

                   

The spring donít care

About the mortgage men



   

                   

This time of the year



   

                   

It's... It's gold.



   

                   

- Aye. It's a pot of gold.

- And you stole it.



   

                   

- I never stole it. I borrowed it.

- But...



   

                   

...who did you borrow it from?



   

                   

- Why do you want to know?

- So we can lend it back.



   

                   

- It's impossible.

- Why not?



   

                   

Because he's not mortal.



   

                   

- You killed him.

- Of course not.



   

                   

He never was mortal. He's a leprechaun.



   

                   

A leprechaun?



   

                   

Aye. Who else would have

gold in Ireland?



   

                   

They sprout without real-estaters

This time of the year



   

                   

Now that Woody's here



   

                   

Now that Woody's here



   

                   

Now that Woody's here



   

                   

Now, don't think that this is gonna

stop the auction.



   

                   

You gonna pay them off?



   

                   

Hey, Howard. You watch me.



   

                   

Hear ye! Hear ye!



   

                   

You ain't making

a burlesque of the law.



   

                   

Why not? That's where

the law spends most its time.



   

                   

Seen him in the front row

last Monday night, Woody.



   

                   

- Bet you did.

- Ain't true! Ain't true!



   

                   

Quiet! This is an unlawful assembly.



   

                   

Then this unlawful assembly

is gonna have to come to order.



   

                   

All right.



   

                   

Read it.



   

                   

Read it.



   

                   

"Rainbow Valley parcel lot seven...



   

                   

...is hereby up for auction

for default of back taxes...



   

                   

...in the amount of $    ."



   

                   

- $     going once!

- Yes!



   

                   

- $     going twice!

- Yes!



   

                   

- $     going three times!

- Yes!



   

                   

Sold! To the Rainbow Valley Tobacco

Cooperative Incorporated.



   

                   

Yeah. That's old Woody.



   

                   

This covers it, except:



   

                   

"Service charges, notary services...



   

                   

...penalty and penal points,

convertible debentures...



   

                   

...miscellaneous and sundry

add-on interest."



   

                   

Another $   .



   

                   

No, it never said nothing about this

in that bill you sent to my sister Susan.



   

                   

Well, that's how it is with interest.

Don't make a sound.



   

                   

- Just keeps compounding.

- Ain't you got the balance of the money?



   

                   

- I figure I'm good for it.

- Cash.



   

                   

All right, come on, sheriff.



   

                   

Wait a minute.



   

                   

Give me a chance to get

my money back on this guitar.



   

                   

It's too late for that.



   

                   

Money don't grow on trees, you know.



   

                   

It does for Woody.



   

                   

Hey, Buzz, say hello to Rawkins!



   

                   

Rawkins hears about this,

we'll both be looking for new jobs.



   

                   

Come on, sheriff!



   

                   

Well, now. What do we have here?



   

                   

- It's an angel.

- Shame on the frivolous likes of you.



   

                   

It's an Irish angel.



   

                   

Your kith and kin pinning

their hopes on you...



   

                   

...and you go squandering your money

on a music box.



   

                   

I did it for them.



   

                   

It's a community guitar.



   

                   

Aye, and I'm sure that's how

you'll use it...



   

                   

...on every girl in the community.



   

                   

Daughter, that's no way to be talking

to me future business partner.



   

                   

Partner?



   

                   

You accepted me money

for back taxes, didn't you?



   

                   

- I intend to pay you back.

- I don't want you to.



   

                   

I just want me property rights.



   

                   

How much land you think

you're entitled to?



   

                   

An acre or so. All I really need

is a parcel of land as big as me bag...



   

                   

...on the closest point to Fort Knox.



   

                   

We are in the vicinity of Fort Knox,

are we not?



   

                   

About two miles.



   

                   

In fact, on a warm night,

you can smell the gold.



   

                   

Have we a deal?



   

                   

- Yeah!

- Yeah!



   

                   

- It's a deal.

- Then give me your hand, son.



   

                   

- Welcome to Rainbow Valley...

- Hi.



   

                   

...home of the most prosperous

tobacco company...



   

                   

...in this state.

And I'll wager that.



   

                   

What's your name?



   

                   

Sharon McLonergan.



   

                   

- Mine's Woody Mahoney.

- Mahoney. It's fate.



   

                   

How'd you get so pretty...



   

                   

...and so rich?



   

                   

You see, back in Glocca Morra where

we come from, there's an old legend.



   

                   

And it says:



   

                   

You'll never grow old

And you'll never grow poor



   

                   

If you look to the rainbow

Beyond the next moor



   

                   

- That's a lovely legend.

- Aye.



   

                   

- Wonder who thought it up.

- Me father.



   

                   

Finian McLonergan.



   

                   

On the day she was born



   

                   

Said her father, said he



   

                   

"I've an elegant legacy waiting for ye



   

                   

'Tis a rhyme for your lip



   

                   

And a song for your heart



   

                   

To sing it whenever

The world falls apart



   

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



   

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



   

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



   

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream"



   

                   

So I bundled me heart

And I roamed the world free



   

                   

To the East with the lark

To the West with the sea



   

                   

And I searched all the earth

And I scanned all the skies



   

                   

But I found it at last

In my own true love's eyes



   

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



   

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



   

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



   

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



   

                   

Follow the fellow...



   

                   

Follow the fellow



   

                   

Follow the fellow



   

                   

Who follows a dream



   

                   

Bye.



   

                   

Father?



   

                   

Now, what would you be doing

up at this hour?



   

                   

I'm taking care of you.



   

                   

Any time the moon is full,

a McLonergan will be too.



   

                   

You go back to bed.



   

                   

Where are you going

with that bag and shovel?



   

                   

Now, will you leave me be

if I tell you?



   

                   

Aye.



   

                   

Then let me ask you this.



   

                   

What do you think makes America

different from Ireland?



   

                   

Has more Irishmen.



   

                   

It has more money.



   

                   

Everyone in America is rich.



   

                   

But, Father, are there

no poor in America?



   

                   

No ill-housed and no ill-clad?



   

                   

Of course. But they're the best ill-housed

and the best ill-clad in all the world.



   

                   

Why? Why, I ask.



   

                   

And there's no man with

wit enough to tell me.



   

                   

So I'll tell you. Quote me self, quote.



   

                   

Didn't the Americans rush to dig gold

from the ground in California in     ?



   

                   

So I've heard.



   

                   

And didn't they plant it in the soil

at Fort Knox later?



   

                   

- Granted.

- Well, that's it!



   

                   

You see, there's something about

the soil in and around Fort Knox...



   

                   

...that gives a magical quality to gold.



   

                   

- Father...

- The gold radiates a powerful influence...



   

                   

...throughout America.

It activates assembly lines in Detroit...



   

                   

...it makes skyscrapers sprout

from the gutters of New York...



   

                   

...and it produces a bumper crop

of millionaires. And that...



   

                   

...is the McLonergan theory

of economics.



   

                   

And that's why we came

to America?



   

                   

Aye. To bury me pot of gold.



   

                   

Now, you go back to bed.

It's a witching night.



   

                   

Aye. Very scary place.



   

                   

I'll... I'll... I'll...



   

                   

One, two...



   

                   

...four, five, six, seven, eight.



   

                   

Green is the colour of the shamrock



   

                   

And the grass on Blarney Hill



   

                   

Oh, the darliní green of Ireland



   

                   

And the good old dollar bill



   

                   

God be with you.



   

                   

God and Mary be with ye?



   

                   

God, Mary and St. Patrick be with ye.



   

                   

God, Mary, St. Patrick

and St. Ozymandias be with ye.



   

                   

- Ozymandias? I never heard of him.

- He was a special saint.



   

                   

He's the patron saint of

all the leprechauns of Glocca Morra.



   

                   

- My name is Og.

- Og from Glocca Morra?



   

                   

- Me native heath.

- Right.



   

                   

You're an impostor. You can't be

a leprechaun, you're too tall!



   

                   

I know, and I'm getting taller!



   

                   

I need your help, Mr. McLonergan.



   

                   

- Me help?

- Aye.



   

                   

That calls for a toast.



   

                   

I rise to welcome you to America.



   

                   

- How are things in Glocca Morra?

- Alas, alack and willy-wally.



   

                   

I weep for Glocca Morra

and all Ireland.



   

                   

You weep? Why, what's happened?



   

                   

A blight has fallen over Ireland.



   

                   

- The British are back.

- Never seen such a curse befall a folk...



   

                   

...in all me     years.



   

                   

Alas, poor Ireland.



   

                   

- Poor Ireland.

- Poor Ireland!



   

                   

- Suffering Ireland.

- Suffering Ireland!



   

                   

- The native land!

- Oh, me native land!



   

                   

A fine lot of fairyfolk you are,

letting all this happen.



   

                   

Why don't you wish it away.



   

                   

We lost the power.



   

                   

You mean you've gone and lost

the power to make wishes?



   

                   

- Aye.

- What has Ireland to live for now?



   

                   

- Answer me that.

- Doom and gloom!



   

                   

Doom and gloom!



   

                   

- Who's the author of this foul outrage?

- A monster.



   

                   

- A monster?

- Aye.



   

                   

You mean the old flame-breathing type,

with the head of a dragon?



   

                   

Oh, no. This is a tiny, wee monster.

He's about...



   

                   

...your size.

- Who is he?



   

                   

Who is this monster?



   

                   

Excuse me for pointing,

Mr. McLonergan, but it's you.



   

                   

- Me?

- You brought the blight on yourself...



   

                   

...when you stole our crock of gold!



   

                   

The little crock that gives us

all the power to wish.



   

                   

Don't be superstitious, it's bad luck!



   

                   

- Give it back, Mr. McLonergan.

- How do you know I've got it?



   

                   

Me magnetic feathers pointed you out

all the way from Ireland.



   

                   

Feathers, who's the culprit?



   

                   

Oh, me arthritis!



   

                   

Give it back, Mr. McLonergan,

before a great evil befalls you.



   

                   

Can't you postpone your wishing

a couple of months?



   

                   

Gold was never meant for mankind.



   

                   

It's a fairyland metal

that only fairyfolk can use.



   

                   

In the hands of a mortal,

it can only bring...



   

                   

...doom and gloom.



   

                   

Doom and gloom!



   

                   

Doom and gloom.

Stop your wailing, leprechaun.



   

                   

I've come to a decision.

I deny your existence.



   

                   

- You're a figment of me imagination.

- I am?



   

                   

To prove it, I'm going to walk

through you.



   

                   

Step aside. There, what did I tell you?



   

                   

This is dreadful.



   

                   

- I don't exist.

- Of course not.



   

                   

I'm always seeing things.

Ask me daughter.



   

                   

But if I don't exist, how is it

I'm gradually becoming mortal?



   

                   

- The saints preserve us. You are.

- Aye.



   

                   

So are all the other little leprechauns

ever since you stole our crock of gold.



   

                   

Look at me. Look!

It's crept past me ankles already.



   

                   

- Can't you hold out until the winter?

- I don't know.



   

                   

I got a peculiar human feeling

in me thighs lately.



   

                   

Your thighs? Don't let it

go any higher, man.



   

                   

- Mary and Joseph, Ireland's ruined.

- Father!



   

                   

- Someone's coming.

- Me daughter.



   

                   

And now that you're half mortal,

you're indecent. Here, here, take these.



   

                   

Now, you heard me, now.



   

                   

You take those clothes and...



   

                   

Father!



   

                   

Father!



   

                   

Sharon!



   

                   

Mr. McLonergan!



   

                   

- Father!

- Sharon!



   

                   

- Father!

- Sharon!



   

                   

Mr. McLonergan!



   

                   

- Father!

- What fools these mortals be.



   

                   

- Mr...

- Father...



   

                   

Father!



   

                   

Now, what's a nice girl like you

doing in a place like this?



   

                   

Oh, it's you, Mr. Mahoney.



   

                   

I was looking for me father.



   

                   

Not too long ago...



   

                   

...they find a girl in the forest

in the middle of the night...



   

                   

...they'd think that she was...



   

                   

...a witch.



   

                   

Is that so? Well...



   

                   

If you'll excuse me, l...

I'll be saying good evening to you.



   

                   

You're not afraid of the werewolves?



   

                   

Werewolves?



   

                   

Our valley has its legends too,

you know.



   

                   

Haven't you noticed how strange

the sky looks?



   

                   

It is a trifle strange.



   

                   

And look at the moon.



   

                   

It is a cold, full moon.



   

                   

The legend of the valley:



   

                   

When the sky is strange...



   

                   

...and the moon is full...



   

                   

...the werewolves prowl.



   

                   

- Unless...

- Unless?



   

                   

That's a complicated part,

and I know you're in a hurry.



   

                   

Oh, no, Mr. Mahoney. I'd like to know

the complicated part of the legend.



   

                   

It's how to make yourself immune

from the werewolf.



   

                   

Well, how would I be doing that?



   

                   

Well...



   

                   

...you have to stand very, very close

to the nicest, handsomest fellow around.



   

                   

That must be you.



   

                   

Must be.



   

                   

Then you make yourself comfortable

on the grass.



   

                   

Now, you blink your eyes twice...



   

                   

...and keep them closed.



   

                   

Now you say...



   

                   

..."petrified parsley" over and over,

real fast.



   

                   

Petrified parsley, petrified parsley,

petrified parsley...



   

                   

- Feel immune yet?

- No.



   

                   

Petrified parsley, petrified parsley,

petrified parsley...



   

                   

That's a lovely legend.



   

                   

Who made it up?



   

                   

I did.



   

                   

I look at you and suddenly



   

                   

Something in your eyes I see



   

                   

Soon begins bewitching me



   

                   

It's that old devil moon



   

                   

That you stole from the skies



   

                   

It's that old devil moon



   

                   

In your eyes



   

                   

You and your glance

Make this romance



   

                   

Too hot to handle



   

                   

Stars in the night

Blazing their light



   

                   

Canít hold a candle

To your razzle-dazzle



   

                   

You got me flyiní high and wide



   

                   

On a magic carpet ride



   

                   

Full of butterflies inside



   

                   

I wanna cry

Wanna croon



   

                   

Wanna laugh

Just like a loon



   

                   

It's that old devil moon



   

                   

In your eyes



   

                   

I look at you



   

                   

And glory be



   

                   

Something in your eyes I see



   

                   

Soon begins bewitching me



   

                   

It's that old devil moon



   

                   

That you stole from the skies



   

                   

It's that old devil moon

In your eyes



   

                   

You and your glance make this romance

Too hot to handle



   

                   

Stars in the night blaziní their light

Canít hold a candle



   

                   

To your razzle-dazzle



   

                   

You got me flyiní high and wide



   

                   

On a magic carpet ride



   

                   

Full of butterflies inside



   

                   

I wanna cry



   

                   

I wanna croon



   

                   

I want to laugh like a loon



   

                   

It's that old devil moon



   

                   

In your eyes



   

                   

Just when I think I'm



   

                   

Free as a dove



   

                   

Old devil moon

Deep in your eyes



   

                   

Blinds me with...



   

                   

...love

- Yeah



   

                   

- Howard, old buddy!

- Hey, Woody!



   

                   

How's the Luther Burbank

of the swamp?



   

                   

- Mr. Moneybags.

- How you doing?



   

                   

I've been waiting for you.

Where you been?



   

                   

Sharon, meet Howard.

Howard, this is Sharon.



   

                   

How do you do? Nice to meet you.



   

                   

Woody, I'm glad you're here.

I got the list all made out.



   

                   

Fifty feet of styrene tubing, quarter inch,

    pounds of nitrogen tripalminate...



   

                   

The voice you hear is the voice

of the greatest research botanist today.



   

                   

He's gonna change

our whole way of life...



   

                   

...and he's gonna do it

with these little flowers right here.



   

                   

- They're all his babies.

- We're doing it together.



   

                   

Woody thought it up,

and I'm growing them up.



   

                   

I ain't nothing but

a suede-shoe boy peddling tobacco.



   

                   

But Howard...

Howard is the first man in history...



   

                   

...to mate the mint plant with tobacco.

You realize what that means.



   

                   

No.



   

                   

You are looking at

the mentholated tobacco plant.



   

                   

Here, smell.



   

                   

Smell the mint-julep nicotine.



   

                   

That's nice. Really smells lovely.



   

                   

It's a whole new form of tobacco life.



   

                   

- It only has one drawback.

- What's that?



   

                   

Well, it doesn't burn.



   

                   

It doesn't burn?



   

                   

It's worse than asbestos.



   

                   

It actually puts fires out.

We're working on it.



   

                   

- Yeah.

- Yeah.



   

                   

Now that you're all back,

fat with cash...



   

                   

...gotta get to work.

Once I rig the styrene tubing...



   

                   

...I'll take the nitrogen tripalminate

in powdered form...



   

                   

That's what I've been meaning

to talk to you about.



   

                   

What's that? The styrene tubing or the

nitrogen tripalminate in powdered form?



   

                   

- The cash.

- Yeah, what about the cash?



   

                   

I got some great things going. I made

some contacts you wouldn't believe.



   

                   

Wait, wait. Contacts? No cash?



   

                   

Not a dime.



   

                   

Well, you didn't bring back any cash,

I'll go out and get some.



   

                   

How?



   

                   

I'll get a job. Yeah.



   

                   

But you've got a job, Howard.

That's to make it burn. Make it burn!



   

                   

Is that dedication?



   

                   

Mr. Mahoney?



   

                   

You're going to make plenty

of money for everyone?



   

                   

You bet.



   

                   

Without doing a stitch of work for it?



   

                   

Why not?



   

                   

And is that what you call

the "Mahoney theory of economics"?



   

                   

No, but that's a pretty good name for it.



   

                   

Why don't you grow ordinary tobacco

that does burn?



   

                   

Never get rich that way.



   

                   

See you soon, Sharon.

Hey, Howard, buddy!



   

                   

Don't take that personal. He's trained

to do that to anyone what ain't white.



   

                   

- You're the new boy from the agency.

- Yeah.



   

                   

Okay, Stonewall.



   

                   

Ain't I seen you somewhere?



   

                   

- You worked here as a butler, didn't you?

- Oh, no, no.



   

                   

No, sir.



   

                   

Well, you'll like working here, boy.



   

                   

I've hired all of the senator's butlers

for the past    years.



   

                   

Hundreds of them. Of course,

he's a little intolerant at times...



   

                   

...but that's his blood pressure.



   

                   

- What's your name?

- Howard.



   

                   

Let me see you serve that julep.



   

                   

Rawkins won't like that. That's no way

to serve a julep. It's too fast.



   

                   

Get some shuffle into it.



   

                   

You've seen some of the new movies,

like Birth of a Nation...



   

                   

...and Gone With the Wind, haven't you?



   

                   

- Here, George, like this.

- Howard.



   

                   

Yeah, okay, Jackson.



   

                   

Your julep, sir. Master Rawkins, sir.



   

                   

All frosted and minty...



   

                   

You see, George?



   

                   

Why do I have to shuffle?



   

                   

Now, I don't have to explain that to you.



   

                   

It makes for kindly feelings

between employer and employee.



   

                   

Once more, now. Try it again.

And not so fast this time.



   

                   

How did you do that again?



   

                   

I don't understand you, Jackson.



   

                   

I mean, you don't walk or talk

like you're supposed to.



   

                   

You don't know how to serve a julep

like you're supposed to.



   

                   

You educated or something?



   

                   

I'm working on my master's.



   

                   

Working on your master's what?



   

                   

It's a college degree.



   

                   

Now, don't mention the word "college"

around the senator. It upsets him.



   

                   

But that's beside the point.

Do you want a job here, or don't you?



   

                   

Yes, sir, I do.



   

                   

I needs the money.



   

                   

Well, that's all the more reason

for you to make good here.



   

                   

Then when you get your college degree,

why, you got a job here for life.



   

                   

- Buzz!

- Oh, I'll speak to you later.



   

                   

You go around back

and keep practicing, hear?



   

                   

- Buzz, where are you?

- I'm over here, senator.



   

                   

- I can't seem to see you.

- It's these columns, senator.



   

                   

- They sort of get in the way.

- Nonsense.



   

                   

Those columns haven't

moved an inch in a hundred years.



   

                   

Meet me down by the glider.



   

                   

Yep. Fine job you done yesterday, Buzz...



   

                   

...buying up all that land.

- Yes, sir. Bought up the whole valley.



   

                   

Except one little parcel.



   

                   

That'll teach them bureaucrats to stay

where they belong, in Washington.



   

                   

Cheap electric power.



   

                   

Why don't they build their dam

on the Potomac...



   

                   

...instead of desecrating

this heaven-given valley...



   

                   

...with a lot of copper wire.



   

                   

Electrocuting innocent bullfinches

and sparrows.



   

                   

Gentlemen...



   

                   

...the festering tides of radicalism

are upon us.



   

                   

But before I yield up

our glorious South...



   

                   

...and her sister commonwealth,

the U.S. Of A...



   

                   

...I will lay down my life.



   

                   

I will do more than that. I will filibuster.



   

                   

Back, you crackpots. Forward, America.



   

                   

Forward to the hallowed principles

of our forefathers.



   

                   

Forward to the sweet tranquillity

of the status quo.



   

                   

Forward to yesterday.



   

                   

Get this dog off... Get him off me.



   

                   

Caught him dead to rights, senator.

Spank on your property.



   

                   

Oh, damn it, sheriff, can't you arrest

a couple of chicken thieves...



   

                   

...without disturbing

the whole countryside?



   

                   

Worse than chicken thieves this time.

These are geologists from Washington.



   

                   

Geologists?



   

                   

Two?



   

                   

- I only see one.

- Senator.



   

                   

This is a geological survey of the soil

in this area in connection with the dam.



   

                   

I don't need nobody to tell me

what's on my land.



   

                   

Especially one of his kind.



   

                   

Look, I read the findings on this meter.



   

                   

It detected gold on your property

this afternoon.



   

                   

You found what on my property?



   

                   

It located an amazing

concentration of gold.



   

                   

The meter reacted so violently,

it broke the needle.



   

                   

We're sorry about that needle,

but we'll reimburse you. Now...



   

                   

Just where did this unfortunate

needle-breaking accident occur?



   

                   

Parcel lot number seven,

right outside Rainbow Valley.



   

                   

- Oh, my God.

- What are you mumbling about, Buzz?



   

                   

Invite these gentlemen

up on the veranda.



   

                   

It isn't every day we're honoured

with the presence...



   

                   

...of two distinguished scientists

from Washington, D.C.



   

                   

Sorry, senator,

we've got more ground to cover.



   

                   

Gentlemen, I wish you'd accept

my hospitality.



   

                   

Senator?



   

                   

That was the strip I told you about.



   

                   

- What strip?

- The one we couldn't buy.



   

                   

Well, gentlemen, I'm sorry

you gotta rush off like this...



   

                   

...but you hurry back

real soon, now, hear?



   

                   

We couldn't buy it? Who bought it?



   

                   

We found out it was a man

named Finian McLonergan.



   

                   

Yankee brain!

Why weren't you prepared for him?



   

                   

I never saw him before.

He's an immigrant.



   

                   

My family's been having trouble

with immigrants...



   

                   

...ever since they come to this country!

- Don't you get excited!



   

                   

You'll feel better when

you've had your julep.



   

                   

To hell with my julep!

Get me a Bromo, quick.



   

                   

Howard!



   

                   

Howard! Bring the senator

a Bromo-Seltzer, quick!



   

                   

And call my lawyer.

Tell him to find a loophole.



   

                   

Where's that Bromo?



   

                   

- Where's that Bromo, Howard?

- My loophole's choking me.



   

                   

Where's that Bromo?



   

                   

Coming, master. Coming.



   

                   

I'm coming all in there, yes, sir.

Yeah, I'm coming.



   

                   

Will you hurry up on that Bromo?!



   

                   

You're gonna enjoy it

once I get to you.



   

                   

- Get him his Bromo!

- Coming in there fast as I can.



   

                   

- Will you hurry up with it?!

- Coming right there, fix your head good.



   

                   

Mercy, sure gonna make you

feel like you flying.



   

                   

- Please, please hurry up with the...

- Come on, Howard!



   

                   

Come on!



   

                   

Howard, come on!



   

                   

- Please bring me my...

- Howard!



   

                   

Oh, Lord, I'm coming in.



   

                   

Howard! Come on, bring that!

Get over here!



   

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



   

                   

Is that willow tree

Still weepiní there?



   

                   

Does that laddie

With the twinkliní eye



   

                   

Come whistliní by



   

                   

And does he walk away



   

                   

Sad and dreamy there



   

                   

- Sharon!

- Aye?



   

                   

- Haven't you laundered my shirt yet?

- It's coming, it's coming.



   

                   

Not to see me there?



   

                   

Not so hard. You'll be wringing

the Irish out of the linen.



   

                   

It is the neck of the Mahoney

I'm wringing.



   

                   

Oh, good, good, good. Lover's quarrel.

Healthy sign.



   

                   

Are you sure?



   

                   

I know true devotion when I see it.



   

                   

I know a fine, upstanding darling

of a man when I see one.



   

                   

He's leaving for parts unknown

this morning.



   

                   

He's what? He's running out on you?



   

                   

He's off to sell tobacco

that doesn't burn. He's a schemer.



   

                   

- You're well rid of him.

- An impractical dreamer.



   

                   

- It's deplorable.

- Total no-good bounder.



   

                   

Get the wretch out of your mind.



   

                   

- He's just like you.

- Aye, a darling of a man.



   

                   

Now, look. Now, just a minute.

Now, don't you be crying.



   

                   

A special rose...



   

                   

...for your hair.



   

                   

It has magical properties.



   

                   

Beautiful bride you'll be.



   

                   

All by myself, or is there a man involved?



   

                   

Aye, there is.



   

                   

He doesn't know it,

but before sundown...



   

                   

...Mr. Woody Mahoney will find

himself betroth-ted to you.



   

                   

"Betrothed."



   

                   

Betroth-ted!



   

                   

How are things



   

                   

In Glocca Morra



   

                   

This...



   

                   

... fine...



   

                   

Well, this is a pretty bucket of fish.



   

                   

How would you explain

these shenanigans?



   

                   

- Lf you won't speak, back into the well.

- Oh, no! No!



   

                   

So you've found your tongue.

Speak up for yourself.



   

                   

- Why were you hiding in that well?

- I wasn't hiding.



   

                   

Someone set me on fire,

and I had to put myself out.



   

                   

Oh, I see. Who was it

put the torch to you?



   

                   

A sunbeam.



   

                   

- A sunbeam?

- Sunbeam disguised as a fairy queen.



   

                   

But you can't fool me.

I know a sunbeam when I see one.



   

                   

Thank you.



   

                   

- You're very poetical.

- Don't come too close!



   

                   

I'll have to jump again!



   

                   

I'm beginning to understand.



   

                   

I've known that feeling myself.



   

                   

- You have?

- Well, only recently.



   

                   

Came over me this morning, as you

were sunning your hair by the brook.



   

                   

Is it a warmish...



   

                   

...kind of glowish,

kind of peculiarish sensation?



   

                   

Oh, no, it's sort of a shiverish, kind of

quiverish, flibbertigibberish sensation.



   

                   

- Do you feel hummingbirds in your heart?

- Butterflies in my feet.



   

                   

- Bees in your bonnet?

- Stars in my britches.



   

                   

Does it make you want to dance?



   

                   

- I hadn't noticed.

- And sing?



   

                   

Oh, it does, it does.



   

                   

Something sweet



   

                   

Something sort of grandish

Sweeps my soul



   

                   

When thou art near



   

                   

My heart feels

So sugar-candish



   

                   

My head feels

So ginger beer



   

                   

Something so darish

So "I donít car-ish"



   

                   

Stirs me from limb to limb



   

                   

It's so terrifish

Magnifish, delish



   

                   

To have such an amourish

Glamorish dish



   

                   

We could be

Oh, so bride-and-groomish



   

                   

Skies could be

So bluish blue



   

                   

Life could be

So love-in-bloom-ish



   

                   

If my ish-es

Could come true



   

                   

Thou art sweet

Thou art sort of grandish



   

                   

Thou outlandish cavalier



   

                   

From now on

We're hand-in-handish



   

                   

- Romeo

- And Guinevere



   

                   

Thou art so adorish

Toujour l'amourish



   

                   

I'm so cherchez la femme



   

                   

Why should I vanquish

Relinquish, resish?



   

                   

When I simply relish

This hellish condish



   

                   

I might be mannish or mouse-ish



   

                   

I might be a fowl or fish



   

                   

But with thee I'm Eisenhows-ish



   

                   

Please accept my proposish



   

                   

You're under my skin-ish

So please be give in-ish



   

                   

Or it's the begin-ish

Of the finish of me



   

                   

What was that splash?



   

                   

'Twas me, singing a duet.



   

                   

A duet? By yourself?



   

                   

Well, it could be, you know.



   

                   

After all, I'm a witch, remember?



   

                   

Train's pulling out soon.



   

                   

I wanted to say goodbye.



   

                   

Well, goodbye.



   

                   

- What kind of a goodbye is that?

- The best kind. Short, sweet and final.



   

                   

How come I feel

you're losing interest in me?



   

                   

- Losing? Losing?

- I'm going away so I can come back...



   

                   

...and make everybody rich!

- Lost!



   

                   

Sharon.



   

                   

We're having a party

We're having a party



   

                   

Oh, Finianís party we're having today



   

                   

We're having a party

We're having a party...



   

                   

Hey, what's going on?



   

                   

- What's the occasion, Mr. McLonergan?

- What? Haven't you heard the gossip?



   

                   

Me daughter Sharon's

getting betroth-ted today.



   

                   

Singing a duet with herself!



   

                   

Sharonís getting betroth-ted

Sharon is getting betroth-ted today



   

                   

Sharon is getting betroth-ted...



   

                   

I hope you won't be taking it

too hard, son.



   

                   

- But then you'll be leaving town anyhow.

- I got a deal cooking, Mr. McLonergan...



   

                   

I understand when a man's got

a deal cooking.



   

                   

He's got to cook it,

or it won't get cooked.



   

                   

On the other hand, many deals

are cooked at home in your own pot...



   

                   

...of gold.



   

                   

- Gold?

- But then again...



   

                   

...what is the cold, hard metal compared

to the golden hair of the girl you love?



   

                   

- Nothing.

- You're right.



   

                   

Then tell me, why are you

gallivanting all over the countryside...



   

                   

...promoting and cooking deals when the

lady you fancy is to be betroth-ted?



   

                   

Well, who's she gonna marry?



   

                   

I hope you won't be after

taking it too hard.



   

                   

Why should I? It's only love.



   

                   

- That's a sensible attitude.

- Right.



   

                   

Wait a minute! Who's the guy?

Now, who is he?



   

                   

Now, if I tell you,

you won't be making any trouble?



   

                   

I promise.



   

                   

Very well.



   

                   

It was last night she met him

in the forest...



   

                   

...and they sang about the moon.



   

                   

Mr. McLonergan, that was me.



   

                   

- Well, was it, now?

- Yeah.



   

                   

Are you sure?



   

                   

Of course! It was me all along.



   

                   

Well, that's a blessed relief.



   

                   

Therefore, it's you

that's getting betroth-ted today.



   

                   

- "Betrothed."

- Oh, yes, betrothed.



   

                   

Finian McLonergan.



   

                   

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!



   

                   

Susan's trying to tell us something.



   

                   

- What's she saying?

- I can't tell. It's a secret.



   

                   

- Woody, you tell them.

- Okay.



   

                   

A secret, a secret

She says she's got a secret



   

                   

A secret, a secret

A secret kind of secret



   

                   

She's achiní for to shout it

To every daffodil



   

                   

And tell the world about it

In fact, she says she will



   

                   

- She says

- She says



   

                   

If this isnít love

The whole world is crazy



   

                   

If this isnít love

I'm daft as a daisy



   

                   

With moons all around

And cows jumpiní over



   

                   

There's something amiss

And I'll eat my hat if this isnít love



   

                   

I'm feeling like the apple

On top of William Tell



   

                   

With this I cannot grapple



   

                   

- Because

- Because



   

                   

You're so adora-bell



   

                   

If this isnít love

Then winter is summer



   

                   

Give in to summer



   

                   

- lf this isnít love

- lf this isnít love



   

                   

- My heart needs a plumber

- It needs a plumber



   

                   

I'm swinging on stars

And ridiní on rainbows



   

                   

I'm bustiní with bliss

And I'll kiss your hand if this isnít love



   

                   

If this isnít love

There's no Glocca Morra



   

                   

If this isnít love

I'm Zsa Zsa Gabor-a



   

                   

If this is a dream

And if I should wake up



   

                   

Will you hear a hiss

Will my face be red if this isnít love



   

                   

I'm gettiní tired of waitiní

And stickiní to the rules



   

                   

This feeliní calls for matiní

Like birds and bees and other animules



   

                   

If this isnít love

We're all seeiní double



   

                   

If this isnít love

We're really in trouble



   

                   

- lf she's not the girl

- And he's not the hero



   

                   

A kiss ainít a kiss

It's a crisis, man, if this isnít love



   

                   

If this isnít love



   

                   

He's happy to shout

And to tell the world about it



   

                   

And I'll kiss your hand

If this isnít love



   

                   

McLonergan!



   

                   

How dare you come back here? Didn't I

tell you you're an optical delusion?



   

                   

I was ready to believe you yesterday,

but not today.



   

                   

- Today I've got proof.

- What proof?



   

                   

Does an optical illusion feel such a

hungry yearning, burning inside of him?



   

                   

Does an optical illusion feel

the beat of the tom-tom...



   

                   

...in the roaring traffic's

boom in his lonely room?



   

                   

You flying high and wide on a

magic-carpet ride...



   

                   

...full of butterflies inside?



   

                   

Aye, and what's worse,

smoke keeps coming out of me eyes.



   

                   

You go round

like an elevator lost in the tide?



   

                   

That's the feeling!

Day and night, night and day!



   

                   

Give me your daughter.



   

                   

- What's she got to do with it?

- She's the one under my skin.



   

                   

- Leprechaun, you're playing with fire.

- I know, and the fire's winning!



   

                   

I don't wanna be human.

I don't wanna be human.



   

                   

- It's too inhuman.

- You're neurotic.



   

                   

- Who's forcing you to be human?

- You are, by keeping my crock of gold!



   

                   

I'm only lend-leasing it. Give me a few

weeks and I'll return it with interest.



   

                   

Five and a quarter little crocks.



   

                   

I hope you're not using it

to make wishes.



   

                   

In the hands of a mortal it's only good

for three, and after it becomes dross.



   

                   

The way you talk, anyone would think

I never had a pot to wish on.



   

                   

I'm sorry, Mr. McLonergan.

I'm being a nuisance.



   

                   

You're damn right you are!

You're worse than that!



   

                   

You're the nemesis on me premises.

You're endangering me whole project.



   

                   

- Where's your passport?

- What's that?



   

                   

I thought so. How dare you come into

a free country without a passport?



   

                   

I'm legal, all right.

I came in as a Christmas tree.



   

                   

But I'm not leaving

till I see me crock!



   

                   

And I'm seeing me congressman,

Senator Rawkins...



   

                   

...and I'm having you deported!



   

                   

You're a member

of a subversive, underground group...



   

                   

...taking its orders from Dublin!



   

                   

Woody's gettiní betroth-ted

Woody is gettiní betroth-ted today



   

                   

Hey, mister, did you see our rooster?



   

                   

I got enough troubles

of me own, thank you.



   

                   

What kind of a rooster was he?



   

                   

- He had pink...

- Green feet...



   

                   

- And a yellow...

- Wait a minute. Wait!



   

                   

- How many roosters did you lose?

- One!



   

                   

- One rooster, all those colours?

- Yeah!



   

                   

Well, now, let me see, now.



   

                   

- Would this be it?

- Yeah!



   

                   

- He must be magic!

- That's right! You get the prize.



   

                   

- Do you do other magical things too?

- I do, but we'll have to act very quickly.



   

                   

- I need your help. Will you help me?

- Yeah!



   

                   

Now, listen. Somewhere hidden

in the ground around here...



   

                   

...is a little yellow crock.



   

                   

If any of you find it for me,

you can pick anything you like...



   

                   

...here in me little magic book.



   

                   

That's nothing!

We all have one of those.



   

                   

Yes, but the difference is, from mine

you can have anything you choose.



   

                   

- Can I have a banjo?

- Can I get a fishing rod?



   

                   

- Can I have an elephant?

- You can have anything you like...



   

                   

...that's made in fairyland.

- Without money?



   

                   

There'll be things

Plenty-ish for all-ish



   

                   

Wonderish toys

And magic tricks



   

                   

Electrish trains

And basketball-ish



   

                   

Mintish drops

And liquorish sticks



   

                   

Life will be keen-ish

All Halloween-ish



   

                   

And jelly bean-ish too



   

                   

With ice cream and cake-ish

And soda to sup



   

                   

And no bellyache-ish

To wakish you up



   

                   

There will be

Such delicious dishes



   

                   

And we'll end

This daffish plot



   

                   

For we'll go

From rags to rishes



   

                   

When we find

That goldish pot



   

                   

There'll be chocolate custish

With hot dogs and mustish



   

                   

But Shears and Robustish

Must firstish come through



   

                   

You folks belong here?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

You mean you all live here

on this property together?



   

                   

- Yeah.

- This is my property, Your Honour.



   

                   

McLonergan.



   

                   

Now, Mr. Lonergan,

I understand you got stuck...



   

                   

...with this here arid, gopher-infested

property a couple of days ago.



   

                   

How would you like to unload it for,

say, a profit of    percent?



   

                   

- It's the McLonergan theory giving birth.

- What do you say?



   

                   

I couldn't consider any propositions

for six months.



   

                   

You see, I'm conducting

certain experiments.



   

                   

Now, let me ask you, sir,

just what kind of experiments?



   

                   

Well, you see, Father is a mineralogist

from the old country.



   

                   

He can make gold sprout

out of the ground.



   

                   

Gold? There ain't no gold in Ireland.



   

                   

I myself discovered a vein our

countrymen have been searching for...



   

                   

...since the reign

of Alfred the Thoughtless.



   

                   

Who?



   

                   

You never heard

of Alfred the Thoughtless?



   

                   

Well, he was King of Erin, following

his father, Thomas the Temporary...



   

                   

...who in turn was the only son

of the virgin queen, Serena the Spotless.



   

                   

Are you willing to sell this land

or ain't you?



   

                   

I'm willing and I'm wanting,

but I'm waiting.



   

                   

I'm sorry you said that.

It'll put me to the trouble...



   

                   

...of issuing a writ of seizure

on all this land.



   

                   

- Here's the writ, senator.

- Now, don't be crude, Buzz.



   

                   

I hate to do this to you...



   

                   

...but you've been violating the law.

- Since when?



   

                   

This afternoon.

I just finished drafting this.



   

                   

"Local ordinance number     .



   

                   

Be it known that in the county

of Rainbow Valley...



   

                   

...it is a felony for members of the

Caucasian and Negro races..."



   

                   

It would seem to me that this law

could not be a legal law.



   

                   

Of course it's legal! I don't know where

you immigrants get these foreign ideas.



   

                   

From a book

the immigration officer gave us.



   

                   

- Called the United States Constitution.

- Haven't you read it?



   

                   

I don't have time to read it,

I'm too busy defending it!



   

                   

I rest me case.



   

                   

I wish you folks would understand

our traditions. I wish...



   

                   

Now, don't get in the habit of

making wishes on me property!



   

                   

It's not your property.

I'll thank you to get off it.



   

                   

And take your black friends with you.



   

                   

- I don't wanna go!

- Shush, Henry.



   

                   

You're saying you're taking this land

from these people because they're black?



   

                   

- Don't let them chase us!

- Shut this kid up.



   

                   

He's making me look like a bully.

Sheriff, get them out of here!



   

                   

You heard the senator. You folks

better start packing your things.



   

                   

Is Henry the wrong colour?



   

                   

No, of course not.

He's the right colour.



   

                   

But there's something wrong

with the world.



   

                   

- I wish...

- Sharon! Sharon!



   

                   

There's something wrong with the world

you've made for people like Henry!



   

                   

I wish you could know

what that world is like.



   

                   

I wish to God you were black!



   

                   

I'm a son of a biscuit.



   

                   

Oh, my God! What happened?



   

                   

- Stonewall!

- Somebody get a doctor!



   

                   

Father, what have I done?



   

                   

You shouldn't go around me property

making wishes.



   

                   

Hey, sorry, buddy,

but it's that great come-and-get-it day!



   

                   

- What's going on?

- The senator tried to take our land away.



   

                   

Then I lost me temper with him,

and I shouted at him...



   

                   

...and he turned black!



   

                   

Don't worry. That happens every time

he meets somebody he disagrees with.



   

                   

He sees red, turns purple with rage

and yells himself black in the face.



   

                   

But we don't need to

worry about him anymore.



   

                   

We don't have to worry about

anything anymore. We got good news!



   

                   

- A telegram for Finian.

- For me?



   

                   

- Let me see it!

- Oh, no.



   

                   

This is a singing telegram.



   

                   

"Dear sir, after investigating your

standing in the community...



   

                   

...and finding you to be a citizen

of high character...



   

                   

...we have taken the liberty of opening

an unlimited charge account...



   

                   

...for you and your associates."



   

                   

Signed, "Shears Robust Company."



   

                   

It says, "P.S. We hear gold...



   

                   

...has been discovered

on your property. Congratulations!"



   

                   

Gold?



   

                   

- Must be a mistake here!

- Mistake?



   

                   

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, what about this here?



   

                   

Hey, come on, hurry up!



   

                   

Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Didn't you hear the telegram?



   

                   

We got credit! Wait!



   

                   

Credit! Hold it,

you're gonna dig up this whole valley.



   

                   

I've waited all my life

for a break like this.



   

                   

Yeah, but...



   

                   

Don't you see,

don't you know what credit means?



   

                   

Credit means we can buy

ourselves a tractor.



   

                   

We can get ourselves a new

planting machine, some tools...



   

                   

...we can get laboratory equipment

for Howard.



    

                   

We can get our

mentholated tobacco burning.



    

                   

We're gonna make more money than

you could get from digging up gold!



    

                   

- He's right, you know.

- All right, Woody, when?



    

                   

We want it now, Woody!

We want it right now.



    

                   

Yeah. When?



    

                   

When, Woody? When?



    

                   

- When?

- Yeah, Woody. When?



    

                   

On that great

Come-and-get-it-day



    

                   

Great day



    

                   

Wonít it be fun

When worry is done



    

                   

- And money is hay

- Money is hay



    

                   

That's the time



    

                   

Things will come your way



    

                   

- Cominí our way

- On that great, great come-and-get-it day



    

                   

Come-and-get-it day



    

                   

I'll get my gal



    

                   

That calico gal



    

                   

I'll get my mule



    

                   

That acre of ground



    

                   

'Cause the word has come



    

                   

From Gabriel's horn



    

                   

The earth beneath your plough

Is buddiní and now it's your



    

                   

Glory, glory!



    

                   

Glory time's

Cominí for to stay



    

                   

- On that great, great come-and-get-it day

- Come and get it, come and get it



    

                   

Come and get it

Come and get it



    

                   

Says here



    

                   

Says it in the Good Book, it says



    

                   

A mighty morniní is nigh



    

                   

- Universal Fourth of July

- Hallelujah



    

                   

Gonna get your freedom



    

                   

And pie



    

                   

What a day for banjos ringiní

What a day for people in overalls



    

                   

Canít you hear all the angels singiní



    

                   

Come and get your gravy

And your two meatballs



    

                   

Says here



    

                   

Bells will ring in every steeple



    

                   

Come and get your test

On the movie screen



    

                   

Come you free and

You equal people



    

                   

Come and get your beer

And your Benzedrines



    

                   

Says here



    

                   

Come and get it

Come and get it



    

                   

- Come

- There's gonna be a world shakiní



    

                   

- Bread breakiní day

- Breakiní



    

                   

Can I have a waffle iron?



    

                   

It's cominí to ya



    

                   

Breakiní



    

                   

Does that mean I get

a new washing machine?



    

                   

With your initials



    

                   

Breakiní



    

                   

Hey, Woody, can we have a jukebox?



    

                   

Says here.



    

                   

Hey, Woody, how about a helicopter?



    

                   

A helicopter?



    

                   

Hallelujah!



    

                   

- On that great come-and-get-it day

- Come-and-get-it day



    

                   

Wonít it be fun when worry is done

And money is hay



    

                   

That's the time

Thing's will come your way



    

                   

- On that great, great come-and-get-it day

- Come-and-get-it day



    

                   

My gown will be

A calico gown



    

                   

My feet will dance

All over the town



    

                   

'Cause word has come

From Gabriel's horn



    

                   

The earth beneath your plough is a buddiní

And now it's yourn



    

                   

Glory times

Cominí for to stay



    

                   

- On that great, great come-and-get-it

- Come and get it



    

                   

- Yeah!

- Keep it!



    

                   

- Come and get it

- Yeah! Share it!



    

                   

Come-and-get-it day



    

                   

When the idle poor

Become the idle rich



    

                   

You'll never know just who is who

Or who is which



    

                   

Wonít it be rich



    

                   

When everyone's poor relative

Becomes a Rockefellertive



    

                   

And palms no longer itch?



    

                   

What a switch!



    

                   

When we all have ermine

And plastic teeth



    

                   

How will we determine

Whoís who underneath?



    

                   

And when all your neighbours

Are upper class



    

                   

You wonít know your Joneses

From your... Astors



    

                   

Let's toast the day

The day we drink that drinkie up



    

                   

But with the little pinkie up



    

                   

The day on which



    

                   

The idle poor

Become the idle rich



    

                   

When a rich man

Doesnít want to work



    

                   

He's a bon vivant

Yes, he's a bon vivant



    

                   

But when a poor man

Doesnít want to work



    

                   

He's a loafer, he's a lounger

He's a lazy good-for-nothing



    

                   

He's a jerk



    

                   

When a rich man

Loses on a horse



    

                   

Isnít he the sport, ho-ho!

Isnít he the sport?



    

                   

But when a poor man

Loses on a horse



    

                   

He's a gambler, he's a spender

He's a low-life, he's a reason for divorce



    

                   

When a rich man chases after dames

He's a man about town



    

                   

Oh, yes, a man about town



    

                   

But when a poor man

Chases after dames



    

                   

He's a bounder, he's rounder

He's a rotter and a lot of dirty names



    

                   

When the idle poor

Become the idle rich



    

                   

You'll never know just who is who

Or who is which



    

                   

No one will see



    

                   

The Irish or the Slav in you

For when you're on Park Avenue



    

                   

Cornelius and Mike



    

                   

Look alike



    

                   

When poor Tweedledum

Is rich Tweedledee



    

                   

This discrimination

Will no longer be



    

                   

When we're in the dough

And off of the nut



    

                   

You wonít know your banker

From your... butler



    

                   

Come on, Finian!



    

                   

- Yay, Finian!

- Yeah, Finian!



    

                   

Go, Finian!



    

                   

Let's make the switch



    

                   

With just a few annuities

We'll hide those incongruities



    

                   

In cloaks from Abercrombie Fitch



    

                   

- When the idle poor

- When the idle poor



    

                   

- Become the idle rich

- Become the idle rich



    

                   

When the idle poor



    

                   

Become the idle...



    

                   

... rich



    

                   

What a mess!



    

                   

Well, I'm busy.



    

                   

You gotta clean this place up, man.

It's a firetrap.



    

                   

I wish...



    

                   

Do you see that?



    

                   

You think this...?



    

                   

- Are you sure?

- I think...



    

                   

Are you sure?!



    

                   

- No.

- Let's try it, come on.



    

                   

I gotta admit something to you, Howard.



    

                   

I never really thought

this day would come, you know.



    

                   

Come on.



    

                   

It burns!



    

                   

It burns!



    

                   

You did it, Howard.

You did it! You did it!



    

                   

It burns! It burns!



    

                   

- It's gone out. Here.

- No, no, no. Still burning.



    

                   

It burns, Howard...



    

                   

...but it doesn't smoke.



    

                   

You're kidding me.



    

                   

Woody, quick!

The sheriff is down by the brook!



    

                   

Come on, you got lead in your pants?



    

                   

Doesn't smoke?



    

                   

What's going on here?



    

                   

This is the DA, Woody.



    

                   

You better talk respectful.



    

                   

How does this concern you?



    

                   

- This is my fiancťe.

- Well, how nice.



    

                   

I'll ask you. What do you know about

the whereabouts of Senator Rawkins?



    

                   

Nothing, and neither does she.



    

                   

There's    witnesses

saw her do her mumbo jumbo.



    

                   

And the split second she did,

Rawkins turned black, disappeared.



    

                   

- That's crazy talk!

- Folks around here are getting nervous.



    

                   

Could be dangerous.



    

                   

You're supposed to keep law and order

around here, not this white suit.



    

                   

That's why we're conducting

this preliminary investigation...



    

                   

...on charge of witchcraft.



    

                   

Witchcraft?



    

                   

- You gotta be kidding.

- Concludes Tuesday.



    

                   

By which day, Rawkins

had better be produced in the flesh.



    

                   

I'm sorry, but we're gonna

be busy on Tuesday.



    

                   

- We're getting married.

- Don't count on that...



    

                   

...or anything else if Rawkins isn't back.



    

                   

Bye!



    

                   

Oh, Woody, you're grandish.



    

                   

You've made me deliriously happy.



    

                   

Happy?



    

                   

Trouble makes you happy? Come on.



    

                   

No, you make me happy.



    

                   

- You don't know why, do you?

- No, why?



    

                   

Because you said it.

And you said it all by yourself.



    

                   

You volunteered it without me,

without magic, without me father...



    

                   

...twisting and tricking you into it.

- What'd I say?



    

                   

That I'm your fiancťe,

which is to say...



    

                   

...I'm your love.



    

                   

It is grandish!



    

                   

And we're gonna get married

on Tuesday. It's grandish.



    

                   

Didn't know what I was saying.



    

                   

Something came over me,

like a spell come over me.



    

                   

Hey, wait a minute, now.



    

                   

It ain't true, is it?



    

                   

Ain't what true?



    

                   

About you being a witch.



    

                   

Of course it's true.



    

                   

Me and my glance



    

                   

Make this romance

Too hot to handle



    

                   

Stars in the night

Blazing their light



    

                   

Canít hold a candle

To my razzle-dazzle



    

                   

- Oh, you got me flyiní high and wide

- Yeah



    

                   

On a magic carpet ride



    

                   

Full of butterflies inside



    

                   

I wanna cry, wanna croon



    

                   

I wanna laugh like a loon



    

                   

It's that old devil moon

In your eyes



    

                   

Kiss me.



    

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



    

                   

Is that little stream

Still a-rippliní there?



    

                   

Does the lassie

With the twinkliní eye



    

                   

Go whistliní by



    

                   

And does she walk away

Sad and dreamy there



    

                   

Not to see me there?



    

                   

So I ask

Each weepiní willow



    

                   

And each brook...



    

                   

Give me that, boy!



    

                   

You don't have to grab, mister.

There's plenty of apples around.



    

                   

- Well, I don't see any.

- Because you're mortal!



    

                   

You're mortal! Mortals can never see

all the apples there are to be had.



    

                   

An apple here. An apple there.



    

                   

Little red apples everywhere.



    

                   

You must be very hungry.

Would you like a sandwich?



    

                   

Yeah.



    

                   

Nice Virginia ham.



    

                   

This is cheese! I ordered ham!



    

                   

Forced to eat cheese.



    

                   

- Forced to hide out like a hunted possum.

- Who are you hiding from?



    

                   

My associates, my people, my dog...



    

                   

...my whole way of life.



    

                   

- I can't show myself like this.

- What's wrong with you?



    

                   

Are you blind, boy?



    

                   

Can't you see I'm black?



    

                   

I think it's very becoming.



    

                   

Well, it isn't!



    

                   

I'm a white man, damn it!

I'm a white man!



    

                   

At least I was until

a couple of days ago.



    

                   

Well, that's a coincidence.



    

                   

I was green a couple of weeks ago!



    

                   

Don't you find the change

of colour interesting?



    

                   

No, I don't!



    

                   

And they won't get away with it.

They won't get away with it!



    

                   

Don't have to get so excited.



    

                   

I think it's just ridiculous making

such a fuss about a person's colour.



    

                   

Well, you don't realize what it's like

being black here.



    

                   

But you're human!



    

                   

A rose is a rose is a rose



    

                   

Despite the colour of your nose



    

                   

You don't understand, boy.



    

                   

- You're nothing when you're black!

- Nothing? Who says so?



    

                   

- The law says.

- Well, it's a silly law.



    

                   

But is it a legal law?



    

                   

Of course it's legal. I wrote it myself!



    

                   

- Change it back.

- How am I gonna do that?



    

                   

- You said you had it changed days ago.

- I said no such thing.



    

                   

- Some witch wished it on me.

- A witch! A witch!



    

                   

- I can help you. What sort of a witch?

- I didn't look her up in Whoís Who!



    

                   

She's bound to be in Which Is Witch.

It lists their curses and cures...



    

                   

Boy, go away, will you!



    

                   

I see your trouble now, mister.



    

                   

You're too unfriendly.



    

                   

I'm in no condition for friendship!



    

                   

That witch's fault!



    

                   

She gave you a new outside...



    

                   

...and she should've given you

a new inside.



    

                   

- That's very incompetent.

- Will you go away!



    

                   

This will give witchcraft a bad name.



    

                   

It'll set the entire profession

back     years.



    

                   

I'll have to do something about it.



    

                   

Me reputation's at stake.



    

                   

I'll have to alter your personality.

Stand up, please.



    

                   

- Why don't you leave me alone.

- This won't be too hard.



    

                   

All we have to do is to broaden out

that narrow mind a little...



    

                   

...reduce some of that bigotry...



    

                   

...and your pomposity

won't show through at all.



    

                   

Wait till they see you

in your new spring psyche.



    

                   

People will say you're in love.



    

                   

Now...



    

                   

Fiddle, fuddle



    

                   

Foil and fiddle



    

                   

Cure this fuddled individual



    

                   

Whirl, ye waters, and unwind



    

                   

This tangled, medieval mind



    

                   

Breath of bee and bluebird's wing



    

                   

Make this scowling spirit sing



    

                   

Balm of briar, sandalwood



    

                   

Season him with brotherhood



    

                   

Magic vapours, make this person



    

                   

A better person



    

                   

Not a worse one



    

                   

He sleeps!



    

                   

The cure is beginning to work!



    

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



    

                   

Oh, dem golden slippers!

Oh, dem golden slippers!



    

                   

Golden slippers I laid away

Canít touchíem till my wedding day



    

                   

Oh, dem golden slippers!

Oh, dem golden slippers!



    

                   

Golden slippers I laid away

Until my wedding day, oh!



    

                   

Oh, dem golden slippers!

Oh...



    

                   

Brother!



    

                   

Brother, you're the voice

in the wilderness.



    

                   

Allow me the honour

of shaking your hand.



    

                   

Well, thank you, friend. It's nice

to be able to talk to somebody again.



    

                   

Just whom, may I ask, do we have the

unexpected pleasure of meeting up with?



    

                   

Just call me Bill.

You folks from around here?



    

                   

- We're from around everywhere.

- Yeah. We travel and we sing.



    

                   

Haven't you ever heard of

the Passion Pilgrim Gospeleers?



    

                   

I've been out of touch

with the gospel recently.



    

                   

We're the prize-winningest,

Gospel-singingest quartet...



    

                   

...east of the Rockies!



    

                   

Quartet? Why, there's only three of you.



    

                   

Well, you see, brother, we suffered

a casualty last night.



    

                   

Yes, there was our number-four man,

Russ, suddenly taken with temptation.



    

                   

And in desperation, he cries out:



    

                   

- "Get thee behind me, Satan!"

- And Satan got...



    

                   

- Satan pushed...

- He pushed him...



    

                   

Right into the arms of a bouncing

Babylonian Jezebel...



    

                   

...from Biloxi, Mississippi.

- Oh, the soul was strong...



    

                   

...but the flesh was weak.



    

                   

And that's why divine providence

led us to you.



    

                   

You may be Bill...



    

                   

...but that voice inside you is Russ.



    

                   

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

I had a lot of shuffling around lately.



    

                   

Well, your shuffling days are over.



    

                   

With your voice, we can go right on

being a prize-winning quartet.



    

                   

- I can make a living singing with you?

- There's a handful of ways.



    

                   

Either tote that barge.



    

                   

- Lift that bale.

- Shine that shoe.



    

                   

- Or sing.

- We sing.



    

                   

But before we do, somebody's either

gotta get buried or get married.



    

                   

Over in Rainbow Valley, there's a couple

just aching to be spliced.



    

                   

And a $   bill just aching to be split.



    

                   

Will you join us?



    

                   

Brothers, you are now a quartet!



    

                   

Well, good!



    

                   

Now, in preparation for this ceremony...



    

                   

...we take our text from Genesis,

wherein it says:



    

                   

Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel.



    

                   

From thence on, the history of the world

is just the history of who begat who.



    

                   

- Well, what do I sing in that?

- You carry the big theme of this song.



    

                   

You stress the word "begat"

and keep stressing it.



    

                   

Can you remember that?



    

                   

I got it!



    

                   

- I got it

- I got it



    

                   

I got it



    

                   

We got it



    

                   

The Lord made Adam

The Lord made Eve



    

                   

He made them both

A little bit naive



    

                   

They lived as free as a summer breeze

Without pyjamas and without chemise



    

                   

Until they stumbled on the apple trees



    

                   

Then she looked at him



    

                   

And he looked at her



    

                   

And they knew immediately

What the world was fer



    

                   

He said, "Give me my cane"



    

                   

He said, "Give me my hat"



    

                   

The time has come

To begin the begat



    

                   

The begat

The begat



    

                   

So they begat Cain

And they begat Abel



    

                   

Who begat the rabble

At the tower of Babel



    

                   

- They begat the Cohens

- They begat O'Rourkes



    

                   

And they begat the people

Who believed in storks



    

                   

Lordy, Lordy

How they did begat



    

                   

- How they be-be-begat

- Even more than that



    

                   

When the begat

Got to gettiní under par



    

                   

They begat the daughters

Of the D.A. R



    

                   

They begat the Babbitts

Of the bourgeoisie



    

                   

Who begat the misbegotten VIPs



    

                   

They begat

They begat



    

                   

It was pleasiní to Jezebel

Pleasiní to Ruth



    

                   

It pleased

the League of Women Shoppers In Duluth



    

                   

Though the movie censors

Tried the facts to hide



    

                   

The moviegoers up and multiplied



    

                   

Lordy, Lordy

How they multiplied!



    

                   

- How they multiplied

- How they multiplied



    

                   

- Soon it swept the world

- Every land and lingo



    

                   

- It became the rage

- It was bigger than bingo



    

                   

The white begat, the red begat



    

                   

The folks

Who shoulda stood in bed begat



    

                   

The Greeks begat

The Swedes begat



    

                   

Why, even Britishers in tweed begat



    

                   

And Lordy, Lordy

What the seeds begat!



    

                   

- The Lats and Lithuanians

- Begat



    

                   

- Scranton, Pennsylvanians

- Begat



    

                   

- Strict vegetarians

- Begat



    

                   

- Honorary Aryans

- Begat



    

                   

- Startiní from Genesis

- We begat



    

                   

- Heroes and menaces

- Begat



    

                   

- Fat filibusterers

- Begat



    

                   

- Income tax adjusterers

- Begat



    

                   

- 'Twas naturaler and naturaler

- To begat



    

                   

- And sometimes the bachelor

- He begat



    

                   

It didnít matter which-a-ways

They begat



    

                   

Sons of habituťs

Begat



    

                   

- So begats them all

- So bless them all!



    

                   

- Who go to bat

- Who go to bat



    

                   

And heed the call



    

                   

Of the begat



    

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



    

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



    

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



    

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



    

                   

Follow the fellow

Follow the fellow



    

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



    

                   

'Twas a sumptuous gift

To bequeath to a child



    

                   

For the lure of that song

Keeps my head runniní wild



    

                   

So I searched all the earth

And I scanned all the skies



    

                   

And I found it at last

In my own true love's eyes



    

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



    

                   

Follow it over

The hill and stream



    

                   

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today...



    

                   

Stand back, everybody!



    

                   

- Don't want any trouble.

- Just what do you want?



    

                   

Miss Sharon McLonergan.



    

                   

Mrs. Sharon Mahoney in a few minutes,

if you don't mind.



    

                   

Dearly beloved...



    

                   

...we are gathered here today

to join this man and this woman...



    

                   

No, no, no, no, no, no!



    

                   

- I got a warrant for your arrest.

- On what charge?



    

                   

The People v. Miss Sharon McLonergan.



    

                   

- The charge is demoting!

- "Demoting"?



    

                   

Demoting a member of the white race,

Senator Rawkins...



    

                   

...down to a member of the Negro race.

- By means of witchcraft.



    

                   

There's a law against witchcraft

in this state.



    

                   

Yes, I know. It was passed in     !



    

                   

I think it's about time

we repealed that law. Right now!



    

                   

Yeah!



    

                   

Hold it! Hold it, I said!



    

                   

Arrest that witch.



    

                   

All right, Bill.



    

                   

- Do your duty.

- Sure thing.



    

                   

All right, come and get me, then!



    

                   

Arrest her, Sam! Arrest her!



    

                   

- Arrest her, Sam.

- Well, I'm only a second deputy.



    

                   

- You're the first.

- Sheriff, quit stalling. Arrest her!



    

                   

Turn them into pumpkins, Sharon.



    

                   

- Yeah!

- Yeah!



    

                   

Don't you try any hocus-pocus.



    

                   

You can't goofer us now.



    

                   

That there's lizard dust.



    

                   

Lizard dust?



    

                   

Witchcraft?



    

                   

- You don't really believe I'm a witch?

- Arrest her!



    

                   

Wait a minute, now.



    

                   

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

don't let her bedevil you.



    

                   

A witch she is, and a witch

she's always been.



    

                   

Finian...



    

                   

- He doesn't know what he's saying.

- Oh, yes, I do.



    

                   

By the age of    she'd already

developed her uncanny powers...



    

                   

...and was changing me good whiskey

into milk.



    

                   

It was a crisis!



    

                   

From then on,

one change led to another...



    

                   

...and now you're witnesses

to this unhappy climax.



    

                   

- She's changed a white man into a black.

- Let me talk to you.



    

                   

Leave me alone.

I'm doing the right thing.



    

                   

All right, let's go.



    

                   

Wait a minute!



    

                   

You know, being a witch, she can also

change a black man into a white.



    

                   

She can make Rawkins white again?



    

                   

- Or any colour that Your Honour pleases.

- All right!



    

                   

Turn him into a white man now.



    

                   

- Just a minute! I got something to say.

- By God!



    

                   

- Senator Rawkins.

- Calm yourself, senator.



    

                   

You're in no position to have opinions

right now.



    

                   

Who's in a better position? Boy, can

I see both sides of this question!



    

                   

How much time will she need?



    

                   

Well, for a bit of a thing like that,

I would say until the crack of dawn.



    

                   

I will not be used as evidence...



    

                   

...in any witchcraft trial!

- Yeah!



    

                   

Take him, boys! He's Exhibit A!



    

                   

Her too!



    

                   

Now, now, now...



    

                   

...for your own safety's sake...



    

                   

...if I were you, I wouldn't be trying

to move her or him.



    

                   

All right.



    

                   

The crack of dawn...



    

                   

...or it'll be the crack of doom,

you hear?



    

                   

Sheriff, move them all out

but these two.



    

                   

Clear everybody out!



    

                   

Come on! Move!



    

                   

Sit down!



    

                   

Wait a minute!



    

                   

Wait a minute! Wait a...



    

                   

- Sit down.

- Get out of here, boy!



    

                   

Get that boy out of here!



    

                   

The crock's in the ground,

and all's well with the world.



    

                   

It's gone!



    

                   

It's gone. It's not here.



    

                   

Leprechaun! Og!



    

                   

Nemesis! Og!



    

                   

Og!



    

                   

Sharon!



    

                   

Sharon McLonergan!



    

                   

Sharon?



    

                   

Sharon.



    

                   

Look at me, Sharon.



    

                   

I'm    percent mortal now.



    

                   

And     percent miserable.



    

                   

It's a frenzy, a frenzy.



    

                   

And the only cure for it is you.



    

                   

Sharon?



    

                   

I feel better already

just being near you.



    

                   

The scent of your hair...



    

                   

...the touch of your hand.



    

                   

Oh, the miracle of it, the miracle of it,

the sweet, sweet miracle of it.



    

                   

She loves me.



    

                   

Her hand fits me cheek.



    

                   

Oh, Sharon, you're the only one,

the only one!



    

                   

You're not Sharon at all.



    

                   

You're Susan the Silent.



    

                   

Yet I still feel the same frenzy for you.



    

                   

Is this what it's like to be mortal?



    

                   

Is every girl the only girl?



    

                   

I'm beginning to like it.



    

                   

Oh, my heart is beating wildly



    

                   

And it's all because you're here



    

                   

When I'm not near

The girl I love



    

                   

I love the girl I'm near



    

                   

Every femme that flutters by me



    

                   

Is a flame that must be fanned



    

                   

When I canít fondle

The hand I'm fond of



    

                   

I fondle the hand at hand



    

                   

My heart's in a pickle



    

                   

It's constantly fickle



    

                   

And not too "partickle," I fear



    

                   

When I'm not near

The girl I love



    

                   

I love the girl I'm near



    

                   

Sharon!



    

                   

I mean, Susan.



    

                   

Susan!



    

                   

What if they're tall and tender?



    

                   

What if they're small and slender?



    

                   

Long as they've got that gender

I surrender



    

                   

Always I canít refuse 'em



    

                   

Always my feet pursues 'em



    

                   

Long as they got a bosom

I woos 'em



    

                   

I love the girl I'm near



    

                   

When I'm not near



    

                   

The girl I love



    

                   

I love the girl I'm near



    

                   

I'm confessiní a confession



    

                   

And I hope I'm not verbose



    

                   

When I'm not close to

The kiss that I cling to



    

                   

I cling to the kiss that's close



    

                   

As I'm more and more a mortal



    

                   

I am more and more a case



    

                   

When I'm not facing

The face that I fancy



    

                   

I fancy the face I face



    

                   

For Sharon I'm cariní



    

                   

But Susan I'm choosiní



    

                   

I'm faithful to whos'n is here



    

                   

When I'm not near



    

                   

The girl I love



    

                   

I love the girl...



    

                   

... I'm near



    

                   

So there you are!



    

                   

The wrath of Ozymandias on you!



    

                   

From dusk to sunup,

I've searched forest and hill...



    

                   

...and I find you philandering

with a woman in your arms.



    

                   

What's wrong with that?



    

                   

What's wrong!

At a moment like this?



    

                   

- Have you forgotten me daughter?

- I have not!



    

                   

She's the woman I love...



    

                   

...present company excepted.



    

                   

The shamrock of her eyes, and her voice

like the bells of St. Mary's...



    

                   

- Has anything happened?

- Indeed, it has.



    

                   

This is her last sunrise.



    

                   

Twenty minutes from now, at dawn...



    

                   

... the glory that was Sharon...



    

                   

...and the boy that was her beloved

will perish in smoke and flame.



    

                   

I told you the gold brings

doom and gloom.



    

                   

Gloom and doom!



    

                   

Don't blame the gold!

You're the culprit!



    

                   

- I?

- Aye. If you weren't a leprechaun...



    

                   

...you'd have had no gold.



    

                   

If you had none,

I wouldn't have borrowed it.



    

                   

I wouldn't have come, and me daughter

wouldn't be burned for witchcraft!



    

                   

It's my fault.



    

                   

It's all my fault.



    

                   

Oh, the merciful saints forgive me.



    

                   

Her broken father will forgive you too,

if you'd just spare a little magic for her.



    

                   

Oh, anything, Mr. McLonergan.

I'd do anything!



    

                   

Turn the senator white again

and save Sharonís life!



    

                   

Og, we've only    minutes!



    

                   

Well, Sambo.



    

                   

You don't look like

you lightened up a smidgen.



    

                   

I could do it in a minute

and have    left.



    

                   

Thank heavens.

I knew you wouldn't fail me.



    

                   

Why not wait    minutes...



    

                   

...and leave it all to the last minute.

It's more dramatic.



    

                   

Now, Og, now!



    

                   

- It's a matter of life and death!

- Very well, Mr. McLonergan.



    

                   

- I just need one thing from you.

- What is it?



    

                   

- Speak up, man. What do you need?

- A crock of gold.



    

                   

Give me strength to resist me

own strength to keep from choking him!



    

                   

You stand there and pretend

you haven't got it?



    

                   

- But I haven't got it!

- Then why can't I find it?



    

                   

I dug more holes this weary night

than all the gophers in Christendom!



    

                   

Think back to when you buried it.

What were you doing?



    

                   

I don't know! How would I know? I...



    

                   

I had a jug of whiskey in one hand

and the crock of gold in the other...



    

                   

You might've buried the jug

and swallowed the crock.



    

                   

You Machiavellian, half-pint pirate,

stealing me property! I want it back.



    

                   

- Please, Mr. McLonergan, I wish I had it.

- Where is it?



    

                   

- I haven't got it.

- I'll throttle it out of you! I want it back!



    

                   

Where is it? Where is it?



    

                   

You perfidious little wretch...



    

                   

- I'll throttle it out of you.

- I don't know where it is!



    

                   

Where is it?



    

                   

I wish I...



    

                   

- Where is it?

- I wish I...



    

                   

It's almost dawn.



    

                   

They canít do it to her.



    

                   

It'll be one of me or     of them!



    

                   

Og...



    

                   

...if you have a mite of merciful magic

left, help me save me daughter's life.



    

                   

Will you, now?



    

                   

Oh, Susan, it's a crisis.



    

                   

A crisis.



    

                   

They're gonna burn Sharon

for a witch.



    

                   

She's not a witch.



    

                   

She must've been standing by the crock

when she made the wish.



    

                   

Susan...



    

                   

...you must've been there.



    

                   

Where was Sharon standing?



    

                   

Where was she...?



    

                   

Oh, it's no good asking you.

You can't hear me.



    

                   

I'll have to ask somebody else.



    

                   

There's no time.



    

                   

Susan, come here.



    

                   

Sit down. Look...



    

                   

...I'll dance you the questions,

and you dance me the answers, you see?



    

                   

Questions, answers, right?



    

                   

I'll put it another way.



    

                   

Susan, Susan, Susan...



    

                   

You're a darling girl...



    

                   

...and I love you very much...



    

                   

...but I just wish to God you could talk.



    

                   

I love you.



    

                   

I love you.



    

                   

Beautiful new words.



    

                   

Will you say them again?



    

                   

I love you.



    

                   

She loves me.



    

                   

She loves me!



    

                   

You're talking, Susan!

Where was Sharon standing?



    

                   

- I love you!

- Oh, I know that.



    

                   

But you're talking.



    

                   

That means I must've wished you into it.



    

                   

Which means I must've been standing

over the crock.



    

                   

The crock, the crock...



    

                   

It looks like you are

permanently a black man.



    

                   

Oh, my heavens.



    

                   

What have I done?



    

                   

The crock.



    

                   

There's only one wish left.



    

                   

The last one.



    

                   

If I use it to wish the senator white...



    

                   

...I'd never be a leprechaun again.



    

                   

- We gotta sound the alarm.

- Yes.



    

                   

Mr. Rodgers, sound the alarm.



    

                   

Fire.



    

                   

Fire.



    

                   

Fire.



    

                   

But I don't wanna be mortal.



    

                   

I wanna go back to fairyland.



    

                   

Fairyland was never like this.



    

                   

Where is she?



    

                   

Rawkins, you blackguard,

I wish you white!



    

                   

- She turned him white.

- He's done it!



    

                   

Thank you, Og.



    

                   

Release those prisoners!



    

                   

Come on! Keep that water

coming in here!



    

                   

- Keep the water coming!

- Keep the water coming.



    

                   

- Keep the water coming!

- Keep the water coming!



    

                   

- Keep the water coming!

- Susan is talking!



    

                   

- Susan's talking!

- Susan's talking!



    

                   

- Susan's talking.

- Susan's talking.



    

                   

- Susan's talking.

- Susan's talking.



    

                   

Susan...



    

                   

Susan's talking?



    

                   

Woody!



    

                   

- Susan's talking!

- What?



    

                   

- Susan's talking!

- Is it true?



    

                   

Well, say something, will you?

I've been waiting    years!



    

                   

Isn't it grandish, Woody?



    

                   

You used the crock to wish back

Susan's tongue.



    

                   

- Aye.

- And you used up the last wish.



    

                   

And now the crock has turned

to worthless dross.



    

                   

Aye. Right, Mr. McLonergan.

Dross, worthless dross.



    

                   

Hey, Woody! Over here!

The lab's going!



    

                   

Four years of sweat and work,

and it's all going up in smoke.



    

                   

It's all right, Howard. We'll put it out.



    

                   

No! No! It's smoking!



    

                   

Homegrown mentholated smoke!



    

                   

I searched all the earth

And I scanned all the skies



    

                   

And I found it at last

In my own true love's eyes



    

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



    

                   

Follow it over the hill and stream



    

                   

Look, look

Look to the rainbow



    

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



    

                   

Follow the fellow



    

                   

Follow the fellow



    

                   

Follow the fellow

Who follows a dream



    

                   

I now pronounce you...



    

                   

...man and wife.



    

                   

Father...



    

                   

...are you leaving us?



    

                   

Aye.



    

                   

I've had Fort Knox.



    

                   

I see.



    

                   

Things are indeed hopeless.



    

                   

Hopeless...



    

                   

...but they're not serious.



    

                   

But where are you going?



    

                   

To find me a rainbow...



    

                   

...Finian's Rainbow.



    

                   

It never fails to come up

when a McLonergan is down.



    

                   

Sure, there may not be a pot of gold

at the end of it...



    

                   

...but there's a beautiful

new world under it.



    

                   

Make it shine on Sharon.



    

                   

Goodbye, me darling.



    

                   

Goodbye, me friends.

I'll see you all in Glocca Morra.



    

                   

Sharon, where is Glocca Morra?



    

                   

Well, you see,

it's always somewhere...



    

                   

...over there.



    

                   

So to every weepiní willow



    

                   

To each brook along the way



    

                   

To each lad who comes a-whistliní

"Too-ra-lay"



    

                   

May we meet in Glocca Morra



    

                   

Some fine day



    

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



    

                   

Is that little brook

Still leaping there?



    

                   

Does it still run down to Donny Cove



    

                   

Through Killybegs,

Kilkerry and Kildaire?



    

                   

How are things in Glocca Morra?



    

                   

Is that willow tree

Still weeping there?



    

                   

Does that laddie

With the twinkling eye



    

                   

Come whistling by



    

                   

And does he walk away

Sad and dreamy there



    

                   

Not to see me there?



    

                   

So I'll ask each weeping willow



    

                   

And each brook along the way



    

                   

And each lad

That comes a-whistliní



    

                   

"Too-ra-lay"



    

                   

"How are things in Glocca Morra...



    

                   

... this fine day?"















  

 
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