First Wives Club Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the First Wives Club script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of First Wives Club. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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First Wives Club Script





Middlebury College, 1969    

the year of walking on the moon -



- "Yellow Submarine"

and Woodstock.



Also the year that Pope Paul the VI

eliminated     saints. Amen.



And l, along with my three best

friends, graduated from college.



Where's Cynthia? We've got

to get going. I mean, shouldn't we?



Calm down, Annie.

She said she had a surprise.



How is this?

Is this heaven?



Elise, you are so gorgeous. Really!

Oh, my. It's lovely.



- It's solid.

- Oh, girls.



- Cynthia.

- Here. Open. Put them on.



Oh, my God!



Oh, my God.

You shouldn't have done this.



- It's too much.

- I don't think so. It's just enough.



You'll all write me nice notes,

but now we need a toast.



- Got it.

- Pour, pour! It's picture time.



- Champagne!

- From my folks.



To Annie, Elise and Brenda.



And Cynthia,

I mean our valedictorian.



All right. We're all bound together

forever by friendship and love.



And jewelry!



And we're always going

to be there for each other.



- Oh, God! I'm gonna cry!

- Here! For the rest of our lives.



- One, two, three...

- Hows my hair?



It's good.



Mrs. Cynthia?






- I want you to have these.

- No, no, no.



- Yes, yes, yes.

- I cannot take...



- You just think of it as a raise, OK?

- Thank you.



Now, you take the rest of the day off.

Go on.



- Thank you.

- Would you mind mailing these?



Of the four of us, Cynthia was

certainly the most likely to succeed.



When she decided to do something -



- Shejust went ahead and did it.



Roachie. Come on, honey.

It's Mommy. Mommy's home.



Gosh, think we got any messages?



- What do you think, huh?

- Annie, dear, it's your mother.



It's  am. Please call me urgently.



Chris! ...Honey, I thought you

were going to campus yesterday.



My classes were cancelled.

I slept here. Where were you?!



I was... I was at a friend's.



You were with that man again.

Mother, I am so disappointed.



I'm sorry, but he is your father.



He's using you.

You shouldn't let him.



It's not that simple.

The truth is I love your father.



- I'm sure he loves me.

- You're a doormat!



What's the matter with you?

Why are you so crabby today?



Is it school? ...I know what it is.



- It's a boy.

- I'm a lesbian, mom.



I'm a lesbian.

But that's not the issue here.



- When you say "lesbian"...

- Don't tell Daddy.



I want to tell him myself when the time

is right. Like Father's Day.



- Or Christmas morning.

- Chris...



Thank God, you're all right.



Where were you?

Who saw you?



- Who saw me what?

- She was sleeping with Daddy.



Muffin, you've come

to your senses. I'm so happy.



Mother, I don't sleep with Aaron.

He has problems with his partners.



He's very conflicted, and he

needed somebody to talk to.



- Doormat!

- Lesbian.



Do it, Morris.

Do it to me now. I need it.



You're the only one who does it

the way I like it. You're the king.



Any more collagen, your lips will look

like they were stuck in a pool drain.



I haven't worked in    months.



I have a meeting with a director

for a part I would kill for.



- I have to look sexy.

- Elise, you are sexy!



Look at yourself. You're incredible.

You're my masterpiece.



- There's not one line on your face.

- Really? What do you call that?



- And these? What are these?

- You're   .



One more facelift,

you'll be able to blink your lips.



- Don't you want to play your age?

- My own age?!



You don't understand. There are only

three ages for women in Hollywood:



Babe, district attorney

and "Driving Miss Daisy".



And right now, I want to be young.

Science Fiction 'young"!



This is good. Maybe you should

also cut down on the booze.



I know you're upset about the divorce.



- Upset?

- You're upset about Bill's movie.



This isn't about him!

This is about my lips! Look at me.



I want Tina Turner. I want Jagger.



Fill 'em up.



Really? This is fabulous news.

Thank you. Bye... Jason!



Jason! Honey!



Yoo-hoo! "Burning Sensation"

just confirmed.






- What?

- "Burning Sensation" confirmed.



- I got the band you wanted.

- Cool!






Gimme that!



- What is this?

- Hebrew!



Your Bar Mitzvah's in   weeks...

the one thing your father will pay for.



- Learn it!

- Mom!



Don't "but, Mom" me! Learn it.

Don't shame me in the synagogue.



The separation from Aaron is absurd.



How will you fix things

if you're not together?



We're practically together.

We're seeing the same therapist.



- What?

- Her name is Dr. Leslie Rosen.



She's incredible. She helps

Aaron with commitment issues.



We're working on my self-esteem.



You're married with a daughter.

You're happy. Who needs self-esteem!






Dr. Rosen says that...



She says you're very controlling.



Me? Controlling?



That is ridiculous.



- Mother, I...

- Roach...






What if I found somebody else,

mother? It's possible.



You're   . You're more likely

to be slaughtered by a psycho.



Cynthia Swann Griffiin is dead. The

former wlfe of Wall Street wizard...



Didn't you go to school with her?



...jumped from her

fashionable penthouse apartment.



Mrs. Griffiin had recently divorced

her longtime husband -



- Gilbert Griffiin. The Wall Street

baron remarried only yesterday.



- Morning, Mohammed.

- Morning, Miss Eliot.






- Oh, God. What a tragedy!

- Poor Cynthia.



And your lips!



Elise arrived with

Gunilla Garson-Goldberg.



The queen of New York society.

Nobody gets anywhere -



- In this town without

Gunilla's say-so.



Hey, Elise!



She looks wonderful.

Has she had any work done?



Honey, she's a quilt.



Then came Cynthia's

former husband Gilbert Griffiin.



A man made rich by

his fiirst wlfe's connections and now -



- Made happy by his

second wlfe's youthful good looks.



The vampire Lestat. And Louis.



What a nerve!

He should be hanging his head.



You don't know

what he feels right now.



I knew you would be here.






- No, Annie.

- Annie!



It's so wonderful to see you.

You're wearing our pearls.






- Hi. It's Brenda. Brenda Morang.

- Brenda!



Annie. Remember me!



- You look wonderful.

- You do too. You look just...



- : : : uncanny:

- Thank you.



Dear, sweet, funny, yearning Brenda.






- She's such a bitch.

- I hate that guy.



This might sound horrible after

that but I would really...



- I'd love to...

- Lunch?



No, you're right. It's not right.



Why? We gotta eat. I have a car.



- A limo.

- Yeah.



It is so wonderful seeing you all.



- Elise.

- What?



You have not changed a bit in    years.



Not one little bit.



It's utterly bizarre.



- Brenda!

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.



Ladies, would anyone like a drink?



- Yes, I would like a Virgin Mary.

- Bloody Mary.



- Vodka rocks, please.

- Now, I just want to...



...get this out of the way.

I'm the most terrible person.



I tried to stay in touch.

I should have written every month.



Annie you had a life to lead.



It must have been time-consuming,

churning out those newsletters.



It's a terrible excuse for a reunion -



- But here we all are.

How are you guys, huh?



Just fine. Couldn't be better.



- Things are rolling along for me.

- Same here. Knock wood.



knock wood.



- It's great to see you guys again.

- Cheers.



Why'd she do it? I don't understand.

Could I have helped her?



What would make her want to?



She gave Gil the best years

of her life. Sacrificed her youth...



Always put herself last to bolster

his ego, his drive, his ambition.



Just as her dignity hung by a thread,

he ran off with a pre-schooler.



- I'm guessing.

- Elise...



You too?



You... Brenda?



- Brenda?

- Morty was a big shot on TV.



He sold electronics. On our   th

wedding anniversary, it hits...



...mid-life crisis... Major! He starts

working out, grows a mustache.



He gets an earring. I said:

"Morty, what are you... a pirate?"



'What's next? A parrot?"



Suddenly, I'm a drag. I'm holding

him back because I won't rollerblade.



- What's her name?

- Shelly.



Shelly the barracuda. She's   .



Bren... Elise.



I am so sorry about

both of your marriages.



I wish I could have helped or

been there in some way.



- What about your marriage?

- Everything's just fine.



Aaron is so terrific...



Now, let's think... we've been

married for    years...



Chris is perfect. I mean,

lesbians are great... nowadays!



The marriage is going...

It's going to be really fine.



Aaron and I... we're...



...temporarily sort of...

We're separated!



- Separated.

- Separated?






OK, Elise, the time has come...



Spill! Those lips... what's in 'em?



- Are they wax?

- Excuse me?



What else did you have done?

You can tell me.



The cheeks, the jawline...

Have just a little or the full enchilada?



I work out daily, watch my diet.



- I haven't had plastic surgery!

- Good for you!



- You look terrific.

- Come on!



You're lying through your caps!



OK, I have been refreshed a little.



- Oh, God, does it hurt?

- No.



The stuff they take off...

Can you keep it?



Come on, it's the   s.



Plastic surgery is like good grooming.

It's like brushing your teeth.



Elise, you've been yanked, stitched,

stuffed and pulled. You're a turkey.



- And to please your ex-husband?

- No...


            please everybody.

To please everybody!



Men, women, studio executives.

Come on, youth and beauty.



Men, that's the ticket!



When men... No, when women

get to be a certain age...



...bye, bye love. Hello, poptarts.

- That's right, baby.



It's a holocaust.



God, I wish I had the courage

to give it all up. To say...



...who gives a rat's ass.

Just let myself go like you two did.



No offense.



- None taken.

- Speak for yourself, OK!



Elise, you're gifted,

talented and successful.



Brenda, you're wonderfully verbal.



And I am seeing

a very talented therapist.



We're in our prime! By the way,

my marriage is fine, thank you.



Annie, you have an amazing attitude.



You are... so cheerful.



- You are...

- Look at me.



You are genuinely happy.



- It's a beautiful thing.

- Thank you.






You'd have been proud of me, Leslie.

I was the only positive one there.



There were traces of the wonderful,

witty women I knew before -



- But they're just so angry. They're so

confused. When we were young...



...we had such spirit.

- Say it, honey.



- Work from love.

- OK, work from love.



- Grow from love.

- Grow from love.



Screw the world.



- I can't say that. I'm sorry.

- Annie, you are still doing it.



- I know.

- You have a problem with anger.



You're absolutely right.



It's my... I don't know what it is!

It's my mother. It's Connecticut.



- It's all these loud noises.

- And Aaron.



I know we're separated.

But I think this is really a rest period.



We're just getting our...



- Do it, Annie! Get angry.

- I couldn't. I know that I should...



- It's just...

- Hit me.



Stand up and hit me.



I can't. I'm so sorry. Maybe...



Let it out. I want you to hit me.

Trust me. It's OK.









A real tough guy.

Come on, Annie...



- Hit me!

- I love that.



- My God.

- That was better.



- I'm sorry. Please don't tell Aaron.

- Time's up.



- Time to go. Do you feel better?

- Thank you.



He hasn't the guts to tell me he wants

a divorce. I have to hear it on TV.



- Elise, be cool. Be calm.

- I am!



- I saw that show. It was interesting.

- I don't want to hear it.



My client's and Miss Eliot's marriage

resulted in many successful films -



- Including "Inner Urges",

"Human Instinct" -



- And "Animal Nature" in which she

played a sensuous veterinarian.



- Thank you.

- My idea!



- Was not.

- Was too.



My client produced these films

which enhanced Miss Eliot's career.



- Therefore, she is indebted to him.

- I produced these films!



You knew nothing when I met you.



I taught you everything! What?



Those were your best years, Elise.



Therefore, we request half of Miss

Eliot's assets and a monthly stipend.



He wants alimony?



As for the sculpture, art, Japanese

porcelain and objets d'art-



- Collected during the marriage,

my client thinks it fair for Miss Eliot -



- To dispose of the items

and divide the proceeds evenly.



They were anniversary presents -



- Xmas presents. I gave him

everything. Now he wants more?!



Now, Duarto, I ask you: who's this

for? An anorexic teen? A fetus?



It's a conspiracy. I know it is. I've

had enough. I'm leading a protest.



I'm not buying any more clothes until

designers come to their senses.



Brenda worked for a

man named Duarto Feliz -



- One of the ten worst

interior decorators in New York.



I think his real name

was Duane Hemelwitz.



- It's electric. Look at this hideous...

- I can't afford it.



You've got to have it. Try it on.

You could sell a broach, your son...






- Morty! Look at you.

- Brenda, don't embarrass me.



Don't embarrass me.

Don't make a scene.



You've got nerve.

know what's embarrassing?



Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky

because I'm behind in the rent.



That's embarrassing. Worrying about

how to pay for my kid's college.



You know what? You never listened.

   years and you never listened.



Here! Try this on in the fitting

room. It looks very nice.



I could use this. It's very

beautiful. I love the color...



But what can I use for money?

How am I gonna pay for it?



The company is expanding. Not me!

I'm a mere laborer.



- You're a liar and a fraud.

- I have no money. I'm not rich.



- Why don't you look in your purse?

- Very funny.



- They're stunning, Morton. I want 'em.

- Morton?



- Oh, God, make it go away.

- Shelly, look at you.



- The bulimia has paid off.

- Don't start.



What's the matter, Morty?

Can't you buy her a whole dress?



Why don't you try these on

in your size?



- It was a delight running into you.

- You've read the script.



Yes, it is so original. It's so good.



You're so gifted, Brett.



And Monique..." Monique"...



She is a great character.



Thank you. Man, what a kick!



Elise Eliot in a Brett Artounian film.



So, tell me how do you see her?



Well, uh, I think we go for...




- What?



All the way. No make-up, overhead

lighting. Bring out every wrinkle...



Every crag.

With you in the part -



- Monique's mother won't be another

Jurassic fleshbag in a wheelchair.



She's epic.



Elise Eliot,

the crypt-keeper. Wow!



Mom, I'm spending the night

at Dad's. Don't worry, I'm studying.



Baruch atta adonoy...

Happy now?






I want another one.

They want me to play the mother.



- Sorry.

- The mother!



Let me ask you something.



- Is this the face of a mother?

- No, ma'am.



Certainly not mine.



So I thought.



Not to be critical,

but you've no feeling for noodles.



Thank you, Mom.






Aaron... Nothing...

Just having pasta with mother.



No, you say... Sure!



That would be good. Bye.



We're going to have dinner!

Can you believe that? Oh my God!



Do you know what this means?

It means he's re-prioritized.



He's worked through his

relationship phobias -



- His fear of intimacy, his thing about

my poisoning his food.



He's ready to recommit.



- Here we go.

- Thank you.



Excuse me, so sorry.



Una? By yourself?






- How are you?

- Hello. Allow me.



I'm not Monique's mother. Angela

Lansbury's Monique's mother.



- Shelley Winters is Unique's mother.

- Now, that's good.



- Sean Connery's Unique's mother.

- Perhaps some coffee now.



I take that back. Sean Connery

is Monique's boyfriend.



He's     years old,

but he's still a stud.



- I'm not happy, Maurice.

- I'm going to get you that coffee.



- Honey... I think I should go.

- I know.



Tomorrow, we could start moving

your things back in... if that's okay?



I hated seeing your side

of the closet all empty.



Dr. Rosen... she would be proud of us.

I wish she were here.



Not literally. I can't wait to tell her

how we worked it all out.



We should get therapy gold stars.






I love you.



Come here.






I love you.



I want a divorce.



- Stay calm.

- But we just made love!



You asked me out.



I asked you out to tell you,

but you looked so great.



I thought: "How romantic.

One last time."



- A goodbye kiss.

- But this wasn't just a kiss.



Don't be childish.

You know how you manipulate me.



- What?! Manipulate?

- Don't.



What? ...Oh my God.



- Is there someone else?

- No. This is about us.



It's really not you.






Oh my God!



- Oh my God!

- Oh my God.



- This is very awkward.

- No, Annie was just leaving.



- You told her?

- I was totally upfront.



What? Excuse me!



Annie, this is rough.

I know that.



Rough?! Wait a minute.

I don't understand. You're my therapist?



- I'm a woman.

- He is my husband.



We've been separated for months.

Let's not overdramatize, OK?



She's allowed to be angry.

- Annie, let's use this.



He's found someone new.

You're free! Closure!



I'm sorry,

but that isn't what this is.



You're not helping us out here.



- Now, I'm sorry.

- So am I!



Very sorry I ever met you!

Sorry I loved you for all those years!



I'm sorry I was there

for you every minute -



- Of every day and supported

you in your every move.



I'm sorry!



Oh, my God.



"I wish I had talent like Elise"-



- "Brenda's humor" -



- "or your strength, Annie."



"Most of all I wish

I still had our friendship."



"Perhaps Gil isn't the problem."

Oh, God...



"Perhaps Ioneliness is."



"Please take care of each other.

Love, Cynthia."



- And on such pretty stationery.

- I have to make some calls, Mom.



- God, poor Cynthia.

- If only she had called me.



If only I were listed.



You know what? She was right.

In college we were focused.



We were brave.

We couldn't wait.



It's all over. I'm alone.

I don't have anything.



I don't have anything!



You have a son who adores you.

I'm alone! I'm Monique's mother.



But Jason's off to college pretty

soon. I'll be even more alone.



Plus I'll be a lot older.



Any more plastic surgery,

I won't be able to sleep.



I'll have to work at McDonalds!



- I'll have to do ads for adult diapers.

- I'll have to wear them.



I just spent    years -



- With a self-absorbed man

who is marrying my therapist...



...who lectured me on self-esteem.

- You win!



I won't be that woman anymore.

It's unacceptable.



It is unacceptable! I made

all those stupid movies with Bill.



I gave him a career

and he stole mine.



I worked behind the cash register

at his first store... in his first    stores!



I gave Aaron a home

and a daughter.



- I washed and ironed his shorts.

- You did?



Well, I supervised.



What do we want? Revenge?



No! We are not talking about revenge.

I am talking about justice.



I'm going to give Aaron so much

justice he won't see straight...



...if he thinks partners are trouble.

- Bill's always had it easy.



That's right. Bill's had it easy

every inch of the way.



He's always had a woman

look after him.



What would happen one day

if he didn't?



What do you think, Brenda?



I love Morty. Very deeply.



- I wouldn't want to see him harmed.

- You don't?



I want him dumped!

By Little Miss Midriff.



By that Stairmastered

L'Orealed crotch jockey.



In front of

the whole Western Hemisphere.



On the   o'clock news. Okay!

After that I want world peace.



Let's get serious. We helped them rise.

We can help them fall.



How are we going to do that.



We're has-beens, hanging on

by a thread. We're discards.



We're not hanging on by a thread.

Look, by being together-us-unity.



If all the first wives of the world

got together...



...what else do we need?

- Just one amazing attorney.



All we need is us.

Three women who aren't afraid to fight.



Stand up for dignity and self-esteem!

Then we'll let 'em have it.



- See this?

- What?



- Wait, right here, OK?

- OK.



See this? Put it in there.



All right. First Wives Club,

come to order.



Starting the club was easy.



Figuring out what to do next

was much harder.



We each decided to gather

information about our husbands.



- Elise, Elise...

- Yeah...



I went in search of a spy.



Why can't we call Chris

and ask her to help us?



I want her to know I support

her lifestyle completely.



- I've never been to a gay bar!

- Here we go.



Hi, I think you're just terrific.



Look at this. My God!

Isn't this great? All these women.



Yeah, maybe we'll get lucky.



Elise Eliot, right?

You're from the movies.



- Yeah...

- I knew you were gay!



I said Elise Eliot is so hot!

You're like the most -



- Amazing babe on this planet.



God bless you!



- You wanna dance?

- Uh, yeah.



Hi, Sweetie.



Mom! Hi...



We wanted to have a little...



What's the matter?



I thought we could have a little chat

about our plans.






- You know you're in a gay bar.

- That's what's so great.



It's very women-identified and...

by the way...



I'm Chris' Mom.



Are you gay?






What's wrong?



My lover left mer after    years

for some teenager who weighs    Ib.



What am I going to do?



- God! That's just like me and Morty.

- Who?






She's butch.



Nail Daddy and those

other low-lifes?



I don't mean "nail 'em".

I mean, just teach and help them.



- Vaporize them!

- Yeah, sure.



Yes! Yes! Yes!



I'm in. I'm really in.






Elise, Chris is in!



Can you believe it? Mission

accomplished. We'd better go.



She's staying!



She's with me, babe!

Come on, honey, my place.



Brenda, you're so possessive!



Something I was just

thinking about... my resume.



Wouldn't interfere with school.

Something part-time until I graduate.



Come on, Dad.

How about a little nepotism?



I'll hire you.



I'm surprised. You've never

shown interest in advertising.



I know, Daddy.

I'm here to learn.



That's great.



Elise decided to pull the rug

out from under Bill... literally.



After all, his lawyer told her

to dispose of their common property.



Miss Eliot, you know

he hates interruptions.



Please let me

tell him you're here. Please...



Elise... what a kick!

But I'm on with the Coast.



All the good stuff goes.

The Lampico, the Ming vase.



Amari horsemen, Fabergé eggs, the

Wingback chair, the green Tiffany lamp.



Babe... what's going on?



As requested, I'm consolidating

the matrimonial assets for liquidation.



That includes these antiques

I bought for you.



- You are the best.

- Love tokens, anniversary gifts.



- Junk. Here, take that desk too.

- Elise, this hurts me.



I care about you... about us.

About the magic.



- What exactly is going on here?

- And this Japanese secretary.



- I want that to go.

- Back off, Jacko!



Elise, this isn't right. It's hormonal.

You can't do this.



- Watch me!

- But this is my stuff!



It's the   s, Bill. Downsize!



At Jason's Bar Mitzvah

  weeks later-



- First Wives Club

got its fiirst big break.



Thanks to Brenda's dear,

dear Sicilian uncle.



Uncle Carmine. My father's side.



Morty and I have planned for this day

since Jason was born.



- But Morty's going to be here.

- But next to me.



We're not a family anymore.



It's OK. I'll be fine.



Excuse me.



He brought her...


            my son's Bar Mitzvah!



Is she a gift?



- Brenda, can I speak freely?

- Sure. Annie's cool.



I speak for the entire family and your

late father-my beloved brother -



- When I say Morty is garbage.

I'd be honored to take him out.



No, don't you dare. Morty the

Garbage is my problem.



I'll work it out myself.

Thanks for the thought anyway.



My angel.



For Morty to treat you this way after

what your father did for him...



Where would he be?



The first year of his business,

all his merchandise -



- Fell off one of our trucks.



You're not serious?



We were happy

to help you newlyweds.



My Morty a crook?



Check his books.

They're fiction. Bestsellers!



- Ciao.

- Ciao. Grazie.



Really liked your uncle.



- Mother! Mother! Where are you?

- Over here, bitch.



Mother, I met a man. He's an angel.



He's a God. He's a doctor.



It's perfect.



- Do I really have the part?

- Baby, you know it.






- Oh my God!

- Elise!



- There's the Lichtenstein.

- What the hell are you doing?



- The Dine. Take that.

- This is so cool.



- All the gym equipment.

- I'm getting a restraining order.



No, Bill, this is great.

- Hi, I'm Phoebe.



I've seen all your movies

and I want to be just like you, only me!



Phoebe, some advice...

Be afraid. Be very afraid.



- Pheebs, she's bitter.

- And take the cappuccino machine!



Bill, I have a great idea.



Wouldn't she be great

to play opposite me?



Bill is producing this new,

incredible movie -



- With this young, hot director.

I'm the star of it.



- I'm Monique.

- What?



And you can be my Mom!



While Elise cleaned out Bill's offiice,

loft and house in the Hamptons -



Brenda and I looked for an offiice.

A base for the Club.



Come in.



Look at this.

It's early everything, huh.



Oh, my goodness.

Look at this.



You know what it says?

"I beat Meryl."



- It does not. Put that down.

- Is there chocolate inside?



- Put it down!

- OK, OK.



Put it gently down.

Look. Do you believe this stuff?



I don't know where to put it.

There's no room in my warehouse.



I could have put it in my

building downtown.



- You own a building?

- Yeah, I do.



I sublet it normally, but...


            it's... vacant.



There's a lot of work to be done.

You have to see it.



Look at this.



All right, this is perfect.



All right, girls!

This is fabulous.



While Brenda and I worked like crazy

gathering information -



- Elise spent most of her time

on the phone to her agent.



Dan Carlin, please.

Elise Eliot calling.



- Elise Eliot!

- And fiinally it came through for her.



- This is a great play!

- I told her she had to do it.



I don't want to do theater!

I haven't done theater in years!



Bill always said theater

was bad for my career...



...which actually I agree with.

- Excuse me, but this is a great role.



This is about a bitter, unloved,

emotionally barren woman.



- That's not me!

- It's you!



Thank you.



- Hello.

- It's Bill. Where's Elise?



- It's for you... Bill.

- Hello.



- Listen to me, you piece of garbage.

- I can't hear you.



I'll sue you. I'll break you.



You vindictive sack of silicone!



- That's my car, you piece of plastic!

- Oh, darn.



Bill... Lamborghini.



The Lamborghini.



He's mad. Whoo!



Elise, can I ask you a question?



Aren't you frustrated? You climb

and climb and go nowhere.



I love it! Burns off the booze.

You want to know something?



- I get my best ideas when I work out.

- You get ideas?!



It clears out my head. I think straight.

Everything makes sense.



Better start thinking because

we need Morty's books to prove fraud.



I know where they are!

Morty just bought Shelly a penthouse.



- Now, figure out how to get in.

- Duarto.



Shelly has a new apartment

that needs to be decorated.



Gunilla, I'd adore it.



Enchantée. Au revoir, jolie!



Gunilla Garson-Goldberg personally

invited me to her society luncheon.






Gunilla Goldberg was happy helping

us, she being a fiirst wlfe herself.



Indeed, Gunilla was a  st,  nd,  rd -



- And  th wlfe, which accounted for

her very comfortable surroundings.



This is delicious!

Usually I bring my own dressing.



That fat-free ranch stuff,

but this is restaurant quality.



- Thank you.

- Can I tell you something?



When I first got your call,

I said to Morty...



'This just feels so right."

Me and Gunilla.



I used to work for Morty

as his executive assistant.



He was married to that

nightmare then... Brenda -



- A completely class-free

dumpster woman.



I said to him: "Morty, you' ve got to

move on and move up."



Now, here I am! Taste Central.



The moment I saw you... my first

impression was she's someone...



See, that's what I told him.

But he doesn't get it.



- He doesn't get a lot of things.

- Are you finished?



- Yeah, I'm done.

- Take the fork.






All you need to enter society

is some advice and a guiding hand.



Like what?



The correct florist

and the utterly ideal chef.



Of course, a decorator... of death.



Your house is your calling card.

It has to be perfected -



- Photographed, published.



Can you really help me?

I would kill for that.



That's unnecessary.

Just two words: Duarto Feliz.



He is a genius. A gem!



Of course, he's impossible to get.

He works all the time.



Oh, my God!



There she is! Princess Pelvis.



- Gunilla says she went for it.

- Fabulous!



Johnny, let's go.



So, Duarto makes his move

and Shelly falls for it.



- Let's synchronize our watches.

- Just like "Mission Impossible".



- These people are always late.

- Shut up, Morty, and stay shut up.



- Take it easy.

- What if he doesn't like us?



- What are you worried about?

Go on, answer the bell.



- Okay!

- Fine.




Please, do come in.



It's an honor and beyond.



Gunilla Garson-Goldberg informs me

you are my new best friend.



- I hope!

- Duarto Feliz... And may I?









Interesting little touches everywhere.



- What?

- That chair is agony.



- Morty, do something!

- What?



- Just cover it up. Get rid of it!

- Take it easy.



It's his chair.

I didn't want that chair.



- It's covered.

- Thanks ever so much.



Now, then...



I feel...



You feel...






- Get out.

- What?!



I need to be alone

in this space for an hour, at least.



It is very delicate.

I must bond.



- We understand.

- I must have total access.



- What is upstairs?

- That's just the office.



Le offiice.



Stay out of le offiice!



- Leave me one hour.

- We understand.



One hour!

Thank you.



Bye bye.



Girls... Girls!

Come on, hurry.



- Ow, my knee, damn it.

- We don't have much time.



- Where are we going?

- Honey, don't worry about it.



Let's go in here.



Here we go!

In here.






There's an office upstairs.



There's an office upstairs!



- Let's go upstairs.

- Good girl!



I feel dizzy.



Annie, check the computer.

I'll check the files.



I need the key.

Where's the key?



- Hello!

- Ready.



Come on, tax returns.



What is this stuff?



Got 'em!



Come on, hustle, Morty.



Social climbers on the rise.



Oh, God!



- They're back! They're back!

- Stall them.



- With what?

- Make something up. Improvise.



- What's the matter with you?

- I can't improvise.



I'm putting

the files right in here.



Keep them away from the front door.



- I'm clean. I'm clean. I'm clean.

- Slap her. Slap her.






I know you said an hour, but it's cold

today and I couldn't stay away.



- Tell me everything!

- How much?



I'll tell you what. We're going to

look out the living room windows.



Why? Because I'll tell you why.



Windows are the eyes of a room.



- So?

- Oh, Duarto.



The valance...

The valance is our eyebrows.



- The drapes are...

- I gotta pee.



You can't, you can't!



Where was I?

Oh, the drapes... are the eyelashes.



You said windows were eyelashes.



What do we do?

Where do we go?



The window. Come on.



What do we do now?



We'll get into this window

washing thing and ride it down.



- Annie...

- You gotta go down, honey.



- It's the only way out!

- I have a fear of everything.



- Come on, you're the new Annie.

- Annie, watch!



I'm going in first.

I do all my own stunts.



Gimme the controls!



I can't do this!

I can't stand this!



Gotham's my inspiration.



The white of the snow

pelting the trees of Central Park.



The yellow of the taxis.

The blue...



But who cares about blue?

No one feels blue with my design.



- Forget about that.

- What about those drapes?



The window meeting is over.

It's time to consider the stairs.



- What about that dumb fountain?

- I rather like it.



I'd rather look at the window.



Oh, my God!



- Is that Elise Eliot?

- Elise, you look great!



You look great!!



You want to go again?



- Oh, my God!

- I've never been so petrified.



No, really, really... except for

that one time.



- I'm not going to tell you.

- Why not? We won't judge you.



We're your buddies. We cherish you.



We would never ever make fun of you.

Ever! Would we, hon?



- No, no.

- OK.



All right. You remember

Cynthia's   st birthday?



Her parents rented that big hall.



We wanted to do

something special for her.



Elise thought we should be

the entertainment.



We were supposed

to sing to her like a girl group.



We sang that Leslie Gore song.

Remember? We were a big hit.



I hated it. I can't sing.

I was terrified before all those people.



I'd ratherjump off that building.



- You were wonderful.

- But it was for Cynthia.



I remember that.

We were a group.



We are a group!

We should do it and sing again.



- Let's do it again. I wanna sing.

- Why?



Why not? We'll blend.

We'll sing with you.



- We'll blend!

- All of us altogether, real loud, OK?



You're gonna sing with me, all right?



To Cynthia.

Happy birthday wherever you are.



All right, I'm ready.



- Go!

- Pick a note!



You don't own me!



I'm not just one of your many toys



You don't own me!

Don't say I can't go with other boys



And don't tell me what to do!



And don't tell me what to say!



I sound horrible.

I hate you for this.



Hi, Mom, it's your little spy

at the ad agency.



I can't talk now,

but have I got news for you!



I think it's time you got back

into the ad business. Call me.



Bren? It's Annie. Listen to this.

Aaron's partners want to sell-



- Their share of the ad agency.

I could buy it If I had the money.



Can you imagine?

God, Aaron would die.



It's Brenda. Annie needs a

down payment for an ad agency.



Any idea where

she can get the money?



So, Elise sold me Bill's things

at a very reasonable price.



And I put it all up for auction.



Your sale has generated

a great deal of excitement.



I want to raise funds

for my organization.



However, some lots

may fail to sell.



I wouldn't worry about that.



At $      

for the Lichtenstein.



$       selling then.

Fair warning of $      .



Paddle  - - .



$       for that?



Lot    is the Louis chaise canape

showing here on my left...



And I have $     

on the telephone.



- It's gorgeous.

- Fabulous.



Absolutely sublime.



It doesn't look very comfy.

Morty likes his recliner.


            place now at $      .

$      at the desk now.



$     ... $     .

The lady's bid up front now.



My God, did you see who bid?

That's Elise Eliot.



She has impeccable

taste... for an actress.



Fair warning then at $     .



- It's a fabulous chaise.

- I don't know.



That sofa? Architectural Digest.

The cover!



- Really?

- You? Guaranteed!



$      this side!

New bidder now at $     .



Lot is yours, madam, at $     .



You, madam, $     .



- I got a chaise.

- Beautiful!



Lot    the fine Yung Che charger

showing here and $      to start.



$      is bid. Thank you, sir.

$     ... $      !



New bidder now, $      .

The lady's bid here now.



$      . Thank you, sir.

$      .



- It's cute.

- It's sublime.



- Essential!

- Oxygen!



$      .

The lady's bid now at    .



Need a new face now.

$       up front.



- $      . New bidder up front.

- Elise Eliot must be very rich.



- Show business.

- Teach her a lesson. Come on.



At $      .    ...

$       at the back!



New bidder now.

$      .



$      .

Lady's bid at the back.



- Who is she? She looks familiar.

- Just someone glamorous.



Some Euro-trash. Shelly, you

can't let that plate leave the US.



- It's Japanese.

- Don't they have enough?



$      . The bidder's here

at the back at $      .



Lady's bid at the back at $      .



It's yours now at $      



Bidder's here at the back.



- Go ahead!

- Aber gehen Sie!



Jackie O had one just like it.



$       up front now.

$      ...



...against you at the back, madam.



$      ... $      .



For you, madam, paddle    .



Thank you, thank you.



Shelly, what happened here?

$       for a plate?



$      for a carpet?

A used carpet?



$       for a Lamborghini?

Are you crazy?



I bought the car for you.

It was only     grand. It was a gift.



With my money you bought it!

I bought me the gift!



Jesus, I want a lifestyle!



With some ambiance and some

classic, eternal good taste.



But not for $       Shelly!



I can leave if you like.



It's not like you've

asked me to marry you.



Would you...



...unzip me?



Thank you.



Shel, I lost my temper. I'm sorry.

The Lamborghini is a very good deal.



- Hi, Jase. How was the game?

- Knicks lose again.



Every player on that team is

a millionaire. They can't really lose.



- What do you think?

- That's not new, is it?



It's better than new.

It's the first time it's fit me in   years.



Look at me!

I have a waist, legs... Who knew?



Hows your father?

Did you have fun?



- Yeah, but don't let that bother you.

- What a thing to say!



Jason, look. I remember how great

it was when we were a family.



Even though we're not together now,

you still have both of us.



You guys can't even pick out

my birthday card without a lawyer.



Jason, I know you worry

about your father.



He's a very good man.



He's a very good,

very confused man.



But you don't have to

worry about me -



- Because I'm going to be fine.

I'm lightening up, literally.



And you know what?

Your father and I love you to pieces.



- There, did I embarrass you?

- Almost.



You want to go to a movie?

Me and you?



- Together... in public?

- Mom, I'm sorry.



I was a little freaked out

by Dad getting engaged to Shelly.



Oh, well... I can see how

that would rip your heart out.



Thanks, Mom.



We gotta nail Bill.



We gotta... slaughter him.



Right off the face of the planet.



Him and that tramp. That infant.



- I need a drink.

- Holy moly, she's loaded.



I know. I'm really worried.

She had me look at Bill's records -



- And the guy's a saint.

He's clean.



- He's a saint with a great lawyer.

- What?



Are you saying

you can't find anything on him?



- I'm really sorry. I'll look again.

- This isn't fair.



Aaron's going to be massacred.

Morty's won't know what hit him -



- And Bill's just gonna walk away.

With alimony!



We'll keep trying, Elise.



You'd better keep trying because

this is my life and my money!



What do you know?

You don't get it. You're civilians.



You're just housewives.



- That's it!

- No, wait.



You'll never understand.



Gimme that.

Excuse me. Give that back.



I say this with love compassion

and true sisterhood.



You are full of shit!






OK, alimony sucks.



OK, you didn't get to play

a policewoman in a Wonderbra.



But you grew up gorgeous.



Thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts,

you still haven't hit puberty.



Once you were a terrific actress.



You even got an Oscar to prove it.



You spent your whole life

with people sucking up to you.



I'm sure Annie agrees with me that

your perception of life is a bit altered.



- Annie, do you agree with her?

- Come on!



Brenda, she's very upset.



- Two pinheads!

- Wait a minute.



You've got some nerve.



I drink because I'm a sensitive

and highly strung person.



No! That's why your co-stars drink!



I am not a drunk!




Let's examine the evidence.



Look, all bottles!



And gallon jugs.



- I had guests.

- Who? Guns 'N' Roses?



Come on, you two.



The enemy's out there, not in here,

and we are best friends!



After all those years,

you never called me.



- You were unlisted!

- You always gossip behind my back.



- You deserve it!

- You didn't invite me...


            your son's Bar Mitzvah.

- You wouldn't have come.



- Yeah, it was in Hebrew.

- Oh, shut up!



You think a movie star

doesn't have feelings.



You're wrong!

I do have feelings.



I'm an actress!

I have all of them.



I wouldn't understand. I'm just a

housewife and a child to raise.



You were always jealous of me 'cause

I was blonde, beautiful and talented.



- And I could have any guy I wanted.

- And did! Every guy!



Most of the senior class

and half the faculty.



It was the     s.



Look at this place.

Is this where your fan club meets?



Do you have ritual sacrifices?



Put that down!



- I won that!

- I remember.



- Your first "talkie".

- What did you ever win?



A pie-eating contest?

Best Ingestion.



Oh, no...






This is a Golden Globe.



It's sacred!



It's... trademarked!



- Are you crazy?

- Stop it. Both of you!



Annie. You choose!

Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?



For once, make a decision.

Who's your buddy?



Some Beverly Hills science project...



...or a woman with her own aisle

at the supermarket.



I'm sorry,

but I'm not getting involved with this.



You both have severe

psychological problems.



I'm... I'm the nice one here.

I'm not like this.



- What?

- Yes.



- The nice one?

- Well, I mean I...



- You mean the rag mop, don't ya?

- Excuse me!



The one who can't manage

a simple declarative sentence!



The wimp! The wuss!



Well... I changed.

I'm much stronger than I used to be.



You are self-righteous!

You pipsqueek.



Shut up, you arthritic sex kitten.



- Shut up, Morty's girl.

- Monique's mom!



Stop it!

You're both selfish assholes.



- Oh, my face! Oh, my God.

- That is enough.



Have we forgotten

what we're doing here?



What has happened to us?



We're supposed to help each other,

not rip each other to shreds.



She's right.



You know, I gotta say

I always wondered -



- How drunk Cynthia was

when she decided -



- To do a jackknife onto Park Ave.



- Mom.

- What's wrong? I came right over.



Things are not working out

the way I planned.



And you called me?



Oh, my God!



I don't know.

It's just completely falling apart.



We're at each other's throats.



It's like it's all my fault.

I'm just useless.



- You are not!

- Honey, I am.



The past few weeks you've been

a totally different person.



You've stopped apologizing

for yourself all the time.



I know. I'm sorry, honey.



This First Wives Club thing

can't work and it never could.



You make it work. It can.

You can make it work.



Call Brenda and Elise.



I can't call them.

What will I say to them?



This is just...

I should have seen this.



I should've seen this coming.



I know.

Why not write each of them a note!



Or maybe send a hanging plant.



Just a suggestion.



No, Mom.



No, it's over. It's over.






I don't want to be like Cynthia.



- I'm sorry.

- It's OK.



Come on in.



- I've never been to your apartment.

- I know.



- Annie!

- Annie!



Annie, what are you doing?



Elise, it's your loft.



I'm storing some things

or I'll burn them if you want.



- But why?

- Why? Are you kidding?



We've completely

embarrassed ourselves.



We've become exactly what

the world thinks we are.



And our ex-husbands!

We are 'The Three Witches".




Well, I'll tell you something!



- Witches have powers.

- What?



They do!

They've powers for good and evil.



Brenda and I are OK now.



We've figured out what

we think we know what we want.



I know what went wrong.

The whole crackpot idea went wrong.



Revenge and egos...

Thinking we could fix our silly lives.



- Exactly! We were thinking too small.

- What are you talking about?



We were trying to get back

at our ex's, which is a start -



- But it isn't enough.

It's so petty and limited!



No wonder

we're snarling at each other.



No wonder we're

at each other's throats. Listen!



We have to take our plan

and expand it.



First thing, we take care of

our own guys -



- Because they really

have it coming. Then... we go global!






Are you interested

because I'll tell you.



I don't know if I'm interested.



What if we erupt again?



Or Elise, what if you start drinking,

and, Brenda, you start sniping?



- Been there!

- Done that!



- It's not enough for me.

- Annie...



Take a good look at Elise.

Look at her!



I'm sober.

And I'm going to do the play.



- Really?

- I'll be there front row opening night.



Our friendship is everything.

Don't leave.



We can't fall apart now.



But even if we want to,

we don't have enough information.



Of course, we do have stuff

on Aaron and Morty.



But what about Bill?

We're still on square one.



No, not exactly.

I admit all he's done so far is legal...


            far as he knows.



- What do you mean?

- It's all a question of angles.



- Are you in?

- Are you back?



- Talk.

- Well... After you.



I'm seriously thinking of taking

the role of Monique's Mom.



And I've been thinking

about who she is -



- What she's about. I'm sure you're

doing the same thing with Monique.



Sure. I've been thinking like,




...just around my face.






And what a beautiful face.



Anyway, the reason I called is

if we're going to work together -



- I think we should get to

know one another.



It's important.



Bill is so wrong.



- You are not Satan.

- Oh, stop!



Do you need a TV or a VCR

or a personal computer?



Who's the first name in top quality -



- Low-cost appliances?



Let's ask this beautiful

young lady here.



- Excuse me, ma'am.

- Why, hello!



- Hello.

- Hi.



I'm in the market for a

low-quality, top-cost appliance.



- Cut!

- Shelly.



Top-quality, low-cost.



- Morton Cushman.

- Yeah, why?



You have the right to remain silent.



What's going on here?

I'm shooting a commercial.



Federal Marshals

acting on behalf of the IRS.



Bobby, call my lawyer.



On November   th,

at exactly      hours -



- Operation Hell's Fury

swung into action.



- Morning.

- Hi.



- Hows my day shaping up?

- Poor Daddy, it's going to be hell.



Your   o'clock's waiting

in the conference room.






So, where do I stand here now?



We'll also bill the expenses

including but not limited to...



What is this?



Miss Eliot. Please...



- I'm begging you. Please.

- Brett, we love the new draft...



Phoebe's crazy about it.

She's going to read it.



Elise, I'm trying

to make a movie here.



- Hold your calls.

- That was an important phonecall.



- Where's my first check?

- Just sit down and shut up! OK?



Now, let's take a meeting.



- Hello, Sunshine!

- Welcome.



This is kidnaping.



I will crucify you.



You want to talk crucifixion?



Happy Easter, Morty.



- Big deal!

- Letters from Brenda's father...



...about stocking your stores

with stolen merchandise.



- What do they call it in the tabloids?

- "Hot stuff'.



Criminal activity.

You should be ashamed.



Wake up and smell the audit.



Aaron, I just had

a little talk with Erik and Marc.



It seems the business

is very dysfunctional.



Sort of like our marriage.






I bought them out.






- Yeah, I think we ought to go.

- That's a good idea.



- Goodbye, Erik.

- Good luck to you.



- Annie

- Oh, Marc.



- Love ya.

- I do love that suit.



You couldn't possibly pull off

something like this.



Where did you get

this kind of money?



As agreed, I sold our assets

to a friend of mine.



Here's your half.



Fifty cents?



Considering our history together,

I thought a dollar was very fair.



Oh, all right!

Take it all.



- What do you want? Money?

- Every cent.



You're out of your mind.



You can hand it over and live

happily ever after.



You can give it to the government

and get    to   .



Maybe Duarto can do your cell.



I see... bars.



You can't do this to me.



- But I have done it.

- You wouldn't.



You... couldn't.



It seems I could and I did.



You know what, Aaron?

I forgot how much fun work can be.



If you take my agency from me,

I'll walk.



- I'll take my clients with me.

- Be my guest.



I'm not kidding!

I will take every single account.



This place without me...



- It would be worthless.

- I don't think so, babe.



Not after the new

$         account I just landed.



New account?

What account?



Morty's Electronics will be

under my control.



Advertising, marketing strategy...




You will stay on as President,

because after all... you are Morty.



You will receive a salary which will

keep you in the lifestyle -



- To which I think you should

become accustomed.



I don't see what else you can do.

It's this orjail.



So I dumped you for another woman.

Get over it!



Lift something. Wax something.

Have something peeled.



You're right!

I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous.



Miss Lavelle is absolutely gorgeous.

She's a bright new star.



Interested, Elise?

Want to drink her blood?



How old is she, Bill?   ?   ?



-   .

- Yeah.



In about five years!

She's   .



- What?

- Two years ago...



...she left high school

in Newkirk, Idaho.



Should've done your homework, Bill.

I did.



- A copy of her birth certificate.

- Oh, God. I didn't know.



My God!

What are you going to do?



What am I going to do?



Right now, I'm just using the "f' word.




I think we should continue

this discussion in my office.



In your office?

Is that all you can do?



Think of yourself, yourself, yourself!



If you go through with this,

I'll have nothing.



Everyone in town is looking

for the new guy.



How can I compete?



Who else is going to want me?

I'm    years old.



I'd have to start from scratch.



I know just how you feel.



Oh, Aaron...



Grow from love.



Annie McDuggan




I don't hate you. I wish I could.

But you're still kind of cute -



- For a overbearing, cradle-robbing

Spandex-sucking criminal.



So, I'm not going to take

all your money.



Don't misunderstand.

I'm going to take plenty.



And I'm going to hang onto these

because I have a favor to ask.



Be there in two hours!



While we were married,

I helped you.



Now it's your turn to help others.



- Where are you going?

- To see Barbara Walters.



- Oh, my God!

- Scared?



You won't talk about this,

will you?



That depends on you.



Be there at that address

in two hours, babe!



What Brenda meant by

thinking globally-



- Was that it wasn't enough

to make our ex-husbands suffer.



To do the truly charitable,

unselfiish thing -



- We'd have to make them

suffer over and over again.



- So, what are you guys in for?

- Gentlemen!



And Daddy.



Honey... what's going on?

I can't handle more surprises today.



Oh, Daddy...



I'm a lesbian...



A big one.



Gentlemen, we've brought you

here today for a specific reason.



This is not about

retaliation or negotiation -



- And this is not about

men versus women:



What is it then?

I'm sick of this, OK.



- Please don't make her mad.

- No, no, this is not a revenge thing.



This is about justice.



Halfway through this operation

we realized -



- The only people who'd be

helped by revenge would be us.



- We'd be no better than you.

- Happier but no better.



Exhilarated but no better!

Ecstatic but no better!



So we thought again.



A very dear friend of ours

died from neglect.



You're going to help us make

sure that never happens again.



- Like hell we are.

- Can't make us.



No... but Vito can. Joey can.



And Uncle Carmine can.



- What do we have to do?

- You have to pay.



The funny thing was when we fiinally

had our ex'sjust where we wanted -



- Revenge didn't seem so important.



So, we came up

with something better.



It's an important day here

in New York City for all women -



- At the opening of the Cynthia Griffin

Crisis Center for Women.



It's an amazing facility and I'm

here talking to three amazing women.



Please tell me about your facility.



This center is dedicated in memory

to our very dear friend Cynthia Swann.



We plan on offering counseling -



- Family therapy and, of course,

abuse intervention for all.



So many women are

in need here in Manhattan.



Can I ask whether it's true that the

idea for this center started because -



- Each of you had a husband

that left you for a younger woman?



Yes, yes.



They really are amazing women.

Good for you!



Congratulations for all the great work.

New York thanks you.



I'm asking you as a favor.

Come in for one minute with me.



- We have to talk about the wedding.

- What are you talking about?



- You won't even set a date.

- Exactly.



Because this isn't working.

I am not feeling special.



I am not feeling loved.

And now this place.



Morty, I am not Brenda.



- No, you're not!

- Duh!






I want to thank you

for coming so much.



- You're an angel.

- Of course, Elise.



Thank you so much again.



Ladies, you have to be strong

and independent.



- And remember?

- What?



Don't get mad.

Get everything!



- Mrs. Goldberg?

- Yes.



Carmine Morelli...

Brenda's uncle.



- Yes, of course.

- Nice to meet you.



What a wonderful occasion!

Helping people through a buffet!



- Mom, it's a great party.

- Thank you, sweetie.



You know, Annie,

this place is terrific.



I think you did the right thing,

divorcing Aaron.



I salute you.



I have something to add.



Annie, you're not

getting any younger. Or thinner.



- You know what I think you need?

- No.



Absolutely nothing!







Come on, Jason.

Just one time around the floor.



- Come on. Get real.

- I'm your mother. I command you.



You gotta have something

to tell your shrink.



Look at this.

Isn't this fantastic? I'm so proud.



- Hi, kids.

- Hi, Morty.



Dad, save me.

She's trying to dance with me.



Leave him alone.

He's a good kid.



- I know that.

- Not like his Dad.



- What?

- I'm getting out of the line of fire.



- You look good, Bren.

- You too.



- Thank you.

- Where's Shel?



- In the car.

- Glove compartment?






Let me ask you a question.



Was I this old

when we were married?



Yes. But I liked you this old.



Me too.



- Wanna?

- Sure.



It was clear that Brenda and Morty

were headed for a reconciliation.



Elise was dating an actor

in her hit play.



As for me,

Aaron and Dr. Rosen split up.



He wants to come home again

and he feels emotionally ready-



- To recommit to an equitable

and caring relationship.



I told him to drop dead.



- Excuse me, got a light?

- Sure.



- Nice car. Used to have one myself.

- Thanks.



So, what's going on in there? Is it just

lot of battered women dancing?



Yeah, sort of.

Not really my scene.



Me, neither.



So, you here with anybody?



- Not really.

- How old are you?



Look at this place.

It's just a total mess.



- But a gorgeous mess.

- You know, I can't believe it.



We actually did it.

We accomplished it together.



I know. We did it.



Oh, God,

I wish Cynthia was here.



She is...

She is in a way.



OK, we're     s women.

What is it we really, really need?



- You are never going to change.

- And I hope not.



I hope we never change

and we always stay the same...



Tired and happy.



- Maybe a little bit brave.

- Brave?



- You mean, "brave".

- What do you mean?



- You don't own me

- You're not funny!



No way. I'm out.



Stop it! No, I'm not gonna...



- You don't own me

- Leave me alone.



Don't say I can't go

with other boys



And don't tell me what to do



And don't tell me what to say



And when I go out with you



Don't put me on display



- Pretty good!

- You remembered!



You don't own me!

Don't try to change me in any way



You don't own me



Don't tie me down

'cause I'll never stay



I don't tell you what to say



I don't tell you what to do



So just let me be myself



That's all I ask of you



I'm young and I love to be young



I'm free and I love to be free



To live my life the way that I want



To say and do whatever I please


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