Forces Of Nature Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Forces Of Nature script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Forces Of Nature. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Forces Of Nature Script





[ Woman Echoing ]

It's a great pleasure--



[ Echoing ]

It's a great pleasure--



It's a great pleasure

to have all of you here today.



l thought you all

might begin your tour here.



[ Shouting ]



[ Man ] I really didn't want

a bachelor party in the first place.



I'll tell you why. lt's not

that l'm against tradition.



There's just something bizarre about

having a strange, naked woman...



dance around me while

my friends yell out,



''Go for it, Ben.



Last night of freedom, Ben. "



Last night of freedom

for what ?



Which is what I told

my best friend Alan.



I didn't want any strippers.

I didn't wanna get lucky.



l was lucky enough

just getting married.



- All right. Quiet !

- [ Shouting ]



Guys !



All right. l'm not payin' tor that.

lt already was chipped.



We're here to, uh, wish Ben

good luck and good riddance...



as he heads down

that rocky path to matrimony.



And, uh, hey, you know what.



Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa Max

are here. Where are you guys ?



Those guys-- Watch out.

You guys gotta pace yourselves.



Knowing Ben, l'd have

to say that he's probably,



- uh, one of the most loyal guys

that l've ever met,

- [ Man ] Like a dog !



- [ Man Barks ]

- and, uh, monogamous.



And so this is probably

gonna be the last time...



that you're gonna spend

in a room with your friends...



and a n-n-naked woman...



other than your wife, man !



So you can close your eyes

if you want to. Close 'em !



But then you're gonna be missin'

Juanita, the bull tamer !



[ Shouting ]



You don't have to do this.



You really don't

have to do this.



[ Man Shouts ]



Very nice.



[ Crowd ]

Ole !



Pop ?



Pop ?



Pop ? Max ?



Call    .



[ Sighs ]

How did this happen ? Hmm ?



What's the ditterence

how it happened ?



- I wanna know how it happened.

- lt happened.



lt makes a difterence

to me.



All ot a sudden he has

a heart attack out of no place ?



Mom, can we please

not talk about this now ?



What is it you don't

want to talk about ?



Mrs. Holmes, it it's any consolation, l

think he was having a really good time.



- Alan, shut up.

- Okay.



- Come into the hall.

- What is in the hall ?



A vending machine.

Come on, butchki.



- Who's hungry ? l'm buying.

- All hours ot the night--



This is insane.



[ Richard ]

He probably just ate some spicy food.



lt was spicy, all right,

but it wasn't tood.



- Butchki !

- What ?



Richard, you are

the silliest old tart.



[ Sighs ]

Grandpa, what came over you ?



[ Breathing Heavily ]

Hmm ?



- Hey.

- Ben.



- You all right ?

- [ Chuckles ] Ben.



She was the most

beautitul woman l ever saw.



What about Nana ?



Did you ever take a good look

at your grandmother ?



Woman looked like Tolstoy.



l was never

attracted to her.



Oh, maybe in the beginning,



because she was the only woman

I'd ever been with.



Well, you know, that's great.

That's, uh-- That's loyalty.



Loyalty ? lt's fear.



Did you ever teel her arms, her--

[ Groans ]



Oh, Ben, I used to

dream about other women.



What it would be like

to hold them and to--



- Okay.

- Touch them and to--



- That's--

- Smell them.



Grandma smelled. She had

a very distinct smell. lt was a--



Ben. Ben.



Listen to me.



Don't tie yourselt down.



Even if you love

a woman, it tades.



Marriage is a prison.



- [ Siren Wails ]

- Ben !



Could l help you out ?

Here we go.



- You just passed my room.

- Sorry.



Feel better.



- [ Sighs ]

- Hi.



- Hi, sweetie.

- Honey.



Oh, why does everything feel

so much better now that you're here ?



- How's he doing ?

- He's stable.



- You know, physically, at least.

- Great.



What happened ?



What do you expect ? He's an   -year-old

man with high blood pressure...



and a naked balloon-popping toreador

is a rough combination.



- lt didn't pan out. lt's not funny.

- lt's not funny.



- Be serious.

- There's something l want to do.



- Okay. Why ?

- l wanna be able to remember

this moment in    or    years.



Think my next husband

will get a kick out of it.



Oh, that's nice.




lt's the night before I am flying down

to Savannah tor our wedding alone,



because Ben's grandtather, who we

will now reter to as Larry Flynt,



has partied himselt

into intensive care.



- What do you have to say ?

- Put the video camera away.



No, no, no, honey,

you're not going to get off that easy.



No, l'm saving it

for my vows.



l have already

finished my vows.



- What's in 'em ?

- [ Laughs ]



You know why ? Because

it's easy tor you. l'm a writer.



- Oh, really ?

- l can't just slap something

down on paper like you do.



Ben, listen.



You don't have

to be brilliant...



or witty or clever

or polite even.



Just have

to be honest.



Come on. Say something.

What are you feeling ?



Are you nervous ?

Are you happy ? Are you scared ?



Am l scared ?

What would I be scared ot ?



- l'm scared.

- You are ? Why ?

Now you're making me scared.



Because it's a big thing. lt's our

marriage. lt's the rest of our lives.



lt's-- lt's scary.



l know. l'm not scared.



- The only thing we have to tear--

- Yeah ?



- ls this video camera.

- Hey ! Come on ! Just say

a few words tor posterity.



[ Man ]

 What, what, what 



[ Man ]

 What, what, what 






- [ Horn Honking ]

-  What, what 



 Follow me to the scene




Really ? You think

l can rent shoes down there ?



l can't believe

l forgot my shoes.



l hear they have shoes in Savannah now.

The whole South has 'em.



All right.

Wedding dress. Check.



Check tor the minister.




Valium tor Bridget's

mother. Check.



- Ball and chain for you. Check.

- Not listening to you. Check.



- Here, look. Here you go.

- Thanks.



This is your present, okay ?

lt's a book ot quotes.



I crossed out the ones l'm gonna

use in my toast. Listen.



"To say that you can love

one person all your lite...



is like saying that one candle will

continue to burn as long as you live.""



- Think about that for a minute.

- l will. That's profound.



This is used.



l forgot the rings.



That's not tunny.

No, don't do that.



[ Laughs ]

I torgot the rings, so--



Come on, man ! No !



Relax. l'll catch

the next plane.



Son ot a bitch !



l'll see ya in Savannah.

Hey, l need to go to the city.



- New York ! New York City !

- No, l can't.



Don't take

the Van Wyck though.



[ Wheels Squeaking ]



[ Woman ] Hurricane Amanda

is headed for the Southeast coastline.



The eye ot the hurricane is

presently located     miles...



east of South Carolina

and Savannah, Georgia.



North, northwest--



[ Laughs ]



[ Clears Throat ]



Excuse me, folks.



Just the line's movin' forward.



No. Well, l love you.



I love you more.



No, l love you more.



No, you more.



No, l love you more.



Okay, l have to go, because

l just made another passenger nauseous.



Okay ?



[ Clears Throat ]

That's my tiancee.



Goin' down to get married,

so we're a little--



Oh ! Jack Bealy,

Snap-On Tools.



Ben Holmes,

scared of tlyin'.



- Yeah, l was married once.

- Yeah ?



To me marriage

is just one big lie.



You don't say.



ln the morning l had to say,

'Don't be silly, honey.



Your breath is fine.

You smell like a rose.""



Then l had to say, '"No, honey.



l never noticed

that   -year-old girl...



with the tantastic body and halter top

that delivers our newspaper.



She can't hold

a candle to you...



and the    pounds you've put on

since we stopped having sex.""



- [ Paper Rustles ]

- So when's the wedding day ?



May cancel it.

l may have to call back.



l didn't mean to throw a wet towel on ya

with my whole marital disaster tirade.



lt's all right. lt was a nice story

actually. lt was very touching.



- Nice girl ?

- Very nice.



As a matter ot fact, l just happen

to have a picture of her right here.



- Wow, what a knockout.

- Yeah, she's beautitul.



- Oh, baby, come to Daddy.

- Well, take it easy, Jack.



What l wouldn't give

for an ass like that.



- Huh ? Here we go.

- Hi.



- This is me.

- Really ?



Well, this is your

lucky day, sweetheart.



We got just about enough room

tor one ot you, darlin'.



Must be destiny, huh ?



- Careful.

- Okay.



- Excuse me.

- Yeah.



- [ Keyboard Keys Clattering ]

- [ Snickers ]



[ Keys Clattering ]



- Sorry.

- Hmm ?



l was reading what you were writing. My

eye just kind of wandered over. Sorry.



[ Clears Throat ]

Do you work for Hallmark ?



[ Gull Screeching ]



Even if l had seen you looking at it,

that wouldn't bother me.



Well, l don't care either.



l'm absolutely tascinated you

can't admit you saw me reading it.



lf l had seen you reading it,

l'd be perfectly happy to admit it.



Then why did you

close your computer ?



l'm known to do that

trom time to time.



l'm a rebel. l'll open it,

then l'll close it again just like that.



Don't get next to my fire,

because you'll get burned.



- [ Metal Clinking ]

- This is not working properly.



Stewardess, this isn't--

Miss ? Thank you.



You're a little jumpy

tor a rebel, aren't ya ?



My seat belt's

not functioning properly.



He's a scared flier.

Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.



Sarah Lewis.

And you are ?



Ben Holmes. Really,

l'm not that scared.



- Jack's--

- l can assure you absolutely

nothing is going to happen.



l speak from experience.

l was a tlight attendant. There you go.



Oh, yeah ?

ln one ot those little uniforms ?



[ Gulls Screeching ]



- [ Squawks ]

- [ Thudding ]



[ Gasping ]



[ Alarm Blaring ]



- [ Gasping ]

- [ Screaming ]



[ Woman ]

Please stay calm !



- [ Groans ]

- [ Woman ] Oh, my God !



Hold on !



[ Sirens Wailing ]



Oh, my God !

This is a disaster.



- Daddy.

- Oh, for heaven sake.



- Let's go live--

- On the other hand,



you can never have

too many ot these.



- lt's tabulously colorful.

- Give you that.



How tar do you think

I could throw it ?



Don't you dare, young--

Give me that now.



[ Woman On TV ]

To the hospital for minor injuries.



Ceramic clown trom the ?



- Brewsters.

- My God ! That's Ben !



There's no official word

on the cause of the crash.



There may have been

a foreign object--



Let's get some help !



She hit her head.



[ Man ]

Everyone's pretty shook up.



We had a couple ot passengers go to

a local hospitaI with concussions.



[ Bridget ]

Oh, my God. There he is again.



Call me !

Oh, Ben ! l love you.



Call me ! No. Go back.



There you have it.

The latest information--



[ Phone Rings ]



Hello ? Ah, Ben !



Hi, honey. Yeah, l'm fine.

No, l'm okay.



l'm a little trazzled.



l mean, l was

in a plane crash.



This place is a nightmare.



People are running around.

l guess they lost everything.



l don't care about any ot that.

l'm just so happy you're okay.



l-l-l just wish that--



- Ben ! Ben, listen.

- TelI him, um--



- What happened ?

- You just get yourself

down here sate and sound.



The thing is, l'm a little bit scared

to fly before l was in a plane crash,



so l don't teel

much like getting--



- Jesus !

- You are a god.



- You are a god amongst all men.

Do you realize that ?

- l'm on the phone.



- Sorry.

- Do you mind ?



- What in the hell ?

- Just one ot the passengers.



- He saved my lite !

- She's kidding.



lt's a joke.



l'm gonna get a rental car

and drive down there, okay ?



l'll call you w-w-when

I have a finalized plan.



Okay, great.

Thank you, sir.



[ Phone Line Buzzing ]



Sorry. I couldn't

contain myself.



lt's amazing when you think about it.

We almost died today. Dead.



lsn't there a rent-a-car this way ?

Are we goin' the right way ?



It l died, how

many people would care ?



l mean, really care.

You'd have your shares of ""What a shame.



What a waste.

She was so young.""



- But no real crying.

- lt might be in that terminal.



No eating disorders,

no attempted suicides.




Absolutely depressed.



You know what ?

l'm thoroughly depressed.



l just need to shake it otf.

[ Muttering ]



So what were you thinking ?



l was thinking how it would attect

our trequent flier miles.



What do you do

tor a living ?



l'm a, uh,

jacket copywriter.



Huh. What does that mean ?



- Means l write jackets

to books basically.

- Oh.



Do mostly fiction,

but l do some nontiction.



You do blurbs. You're a blurb writer.

You're a ""blurbologist.''



l'm a jacket copywriter.



[ Woman On P.A. ]

As you can imagine,



- due to today's minor incident--

- Oh, sh--



[ Chattering ]



Nada cars. Non cars.

Cars nyet.



Nada cars. Non cars.

Cars nyet.



You should have called

as soon as you got otf the plane.



Why didn't l think of that

when l was unconscious...



and bleeding trom the head ?



So, cars nyet. We can check

the other airports though.



No, that's all right.

You can go ahead.



l'm not that big a fan ot the idea

of getting on another plane today...



or tomorrow or ever,

it that soon.



But you go ahead.

l think l'm gonna be a ground

transportation kind ot guy trom now on.



l'll be right back.



How ya doin' ?

Did ya get a car ?



-This is Vic. He's gonna give us a ride.

-All the way to Georgia ?



Sure. We split the cost

ot the car, the gas, whatever.



- Great.

- Good. Let's go.



- Okay.

- Wait, wait, wait.

We don't even know this guy.



- He's Vic.

- Oh, he's Vic.



Great, he's Vic.

He chops us up, Ieaves us in the woods.



That's why I asked that you

come along to protect me.



How do you know

that l'm not dangerous ?



[ Laughing Continues ]



[ Man ]  l said, hallelujah

to the    royal fins 



 You're gettin' down

on your knees 



 And it's time for

your sickness again 



 Come on and

tell me what you need now 



 Tell me what is

making ya bleed 



 We got two more minutes sayin' we're

gonna cut you what you need 



What's your story, Ben ?

What's down in Savannah ?



- My wedding, Vic.

- No kiddin'. That's great.



- lsn't that great ?

- Yeah, it's a blessing.



- First marriage ?

- That l know of, yeah.



Yeah, l was married once.



One day l walk into the house

and l hear the shower runnin'.



l had Chinese tood with me, figurin'

it wouId be a nice romantic surprise.



She starts singin'

in the shower.



What's that song ?

""Up in the sky'' ? ""Up with the eagles'' ?



- '"Wind Beneath My Wings.''

Very touching song.

- ""Wind Beneath My Wings.''



Suddenly there's another

voice in the shower with her.



- Oh, no.

- A baritone.






Now it's a treakin' duet.



So l walk in the bathroom and

there she is... with my brother.



- Oh !

- l grab my brother and throw

him through the window naked.



He broke his leg

in two difterent places.



Dare we ask what,

uh, became of your wife ?



l put the wind beneath her ass

and sent her packin'. Divorced her.



She never got a penny,

the lyin', whorin', adulteratin' pig.



What about you, sweetheart ?

What's your story ?



l'm going down to visit my brother

and hang out with my nephew.



That's nice. Kids.



- Yep. Got any ?

- Nah. But l see 'em all over.



 Come on, come on  



So what else have you

jacket copywritten ?



What else did l do ?

The low point of my career was...



l did the blurb

tor a thriller...



about a woman--

an archaeologist--



who tinds love

in the pyramids.



lt was called

Me And My Pharaoh.



- l have that book.

- No, you don't.



Yes, l do. ""A scintillating tale

ot erotic mummitication.''



l wrote that line.



Oh, my God ! That's

why I bought the book.



Anybody who could tind embalming

either scintillating or erotic...



had to be read.



- It was brilliant.

- Well, you know, l mean,

it's all about adjectives.



l was gonna go with ""engaging tale

ot erotic mummitication'' tirst.



- But then l said, no, scintillating.

- Right on the money.



lt's still selling now,

but at least l get to write.



What do you do ?



l haven't settled down

to one particular thing yet.



Worked at galleries, sold cars,

tried out tor ""Aladdin On lce.''



Um, wedding videographer.



l got fired, though, because

apparently nobody wants a crash zoom...



to the priest

during the ceremony.



l was a exotic dancer,

hostess at the New York auto show.



- That's a gift.

- Yeah.



Let's see. What else ?



- ls there anything else ?

- l don't think so.



- Kids, we should get goin'.

- You got it, Vic.



Two wayward travelers stuck

in a Geo with a guy named Vic.



[ Chattering ]



Don't you think this is

just a little bit over the top ?



Oh, so what it it is ?



Knock, knock.



- Steve ! How are you ?

- l'm good, real good.



- Virginia, nice to see ya.

- Well, hi, Steve.






Yes. l mean, hi. Hi.



Steve ? How are you ?



- lt's been a long time.

- Yeah.



You look wondertul.



Thank you.

So do you.



- So, how are you ?

- How is he ?



Just the most successful lawyer

in Savannah. That's how.



Youngest member at his tirm.

Handles all my work.



Which l appreciate, 'cause

there's not a contractor who

gets sued more than your daddy.



And what's so tunny

about that, Hadley ?



God, you are

an unpleasant woman.



[ Woman ] Gale torce winds it the

hurricane stays on course for Savannah.



[ Woman ] Gale torce winds it the

hurricane stays on course for Savannah.



Anybody want some weed ?



[ Man On Radio ] The experiment was a

complete failure. The U.F.O. landed--



lt's sinsemilla.

lt'Il take your head right off.



That's great, Vic. You think you should

have your head taken otf while driving ?



- Can I have some ?

- Atta girl.



You sure you

don't want, Ben ?



No, that's okay. l had some peyote

for lunch, so l'm all set.



He's getting married. Don't forget.

He has to be responsible.



Not necessarily.

You know, look at the Fitzgeralds.



F. Scott and Zelda,

crazy, married couple.



They drove a--



Had to know about that.



- Whoa ! Hey !

- Sorry. Sorry.



- [ Tires Screeching ]

- Oh, shit !



[ All Chattering ]



- [ Siren Wailing ]

- Uh, what's that ?



- Do you hear that ?

- What's what ?



[ Siren Wailing ]



Hi, honey. How are the bridesmaids'

dresses comin' out ?



Good. No, everything's tine.

l just got a little bit delayed.



Car trouble,

in a manner of speaking.



But l'm fine.

Everything's gonna be okay.



Yes, l know.

WelI, l love you too.



Well, hoo-hoochie,

l love you so much.



Baby, no, because l love you more.

l love you more--



- [ Fence Rattles ]

- Honey, l can't do this right now.



[ Door Closes ]



- l'm gonna miss my wedding.

- Oh, relax, Benjie.



lt's a simple drug bust.

lt's not like we kiIled anybody.



This may be an everyday event in your

life, but speaking as a non-felon--



l'm on a bit of

a time crunch here, too, okay ?



lf l don't make it down to Savannah by

Saturday morning, l lose       bucks.



Are you on Dig For Dollars ?

You told me you were going to

visit your brother and nephew.



- Yeah, l know.

- [ Key Jingling ]



Okay, kids.

Here's the situation.



Vic DeFranco was driving

with an expired license.



Plus he's got three priors

tor possession and selling.



And there was ten ounces in the vehicle

that he admits is his.



Did anybody else know

there were drugs in the car ?



-No, sir. ln fact, l just met this man--

-You can't--



You can't ask us these questions

without an attorney present.



You haven't advised us

of our rights.



l believe that's called--



Oh-- Ah !

A Miranda violation. That's it.



This is a

very simple procedure.



You tell me you didn't do

anything illegal. you sign a

statement. And you go quietly.



Sir, l'd like to be considered

separate from her, sir.



- Hmm. What part of quiet

didn't you understand ?

- What are you doing ?



[ Man ]

Why me ?



[ Sighs ]

Well, l think that went well.



- l'm not that happy with how that went.

- No ?



No, not really.



l haven't known you that long, but

l think something may be wrong with you.



- [ Train Horn Blowing ]

- [ Ben ] May we have two tickets

to Savannah, please ?



You want these seats

together ?



lt's totally up to you.



- Just give me one second.

Can l talk to you ?

- Yeah.



l just, uh--

l don't want to be rude or anything,



but in situations like this,

l think about...



what l would want Bridget to do

it the situation were reversed.



l wouldn't necessarily be

that comtortable with her...



riding down on a train

together with some guy...



who she had a,

you know, kind ot a connection...



or a chemistry or spark,



whatever, some kind

of a thing like that.



You know, and--



The look on your tace

is telIing me you have no--



You're not feeling

or you're not sensing--



- You have no idea what l'm--

- Oh, no, no, not really.



Fascinating. Okay.



Maybe we just shouldn't

ride down together,



because at this point l really

made kind of a chump out of myselt.



- Okay.

- [ Laughs ]



- Have a nice nuptial.

- Thank you.



Other than the drug bust

and the plane crash, it was, uh, tun.



So long, Sarah.



- FarewelI, Ben.

- Okay.



'Oscar Wilde:

One should always be in love.



This is the reason

one should never marry.""



Well, what did he know ?



[ Beeps ]



What you writing there,

mister ?



My wedding vows actually.

My fiancee and l are writing our own.



Oh, that's sweet.

Isn't that sweet, Emma ?



- lt's sweet as pie.

- We didn't write our own vows.



lt's kind ot a new thing.

lt's nontraditionalist.



We were so nervous. lt was hard enough

to do what the preacher told us.



l didn't really think about it at all.

lt just seemed natural,

the order ot things.



[ Man ]

l had doubts. l'll be honest.



- You did ? You never told me that.

- l don't tell you everything.



You better, you old geezer.



lt seems like it worked out

pretty well tor both ot you.



Oh, we're not married.

We're having an atfair.



I'm happy for

the first time in    years.



- I don't believe this.

- [ Man ] l don't have any regrets.



My children are long gone,

and l gave my wite    taithtul years.



Until l met Ned,

I aIways was convinced...



that sex was some horrible obligation

God put on women...



like cramps or high heels.



For all those years,

she never experienced a genuine orgasm.




Could you watch my stutf ?



l'm gonna go pull

the emergency cord.



- Hi. How are you ?

- Hi.



- Truck.

- What do you have ?



A truck ? Can l see ?

Hey, hey, let me see your truck.



- Grab my nose. Oh !

- Grab nose.



- [ Giggles ]

- What are you doin' ?



What are you doin' ?

Slap me five. Slap me five.



- Five !

- Slap me tive.



Something's wrong.

He should have called by now.



He can take care ot himselt.

He's a grown man, isn't he ?



Daddy, what is it exactly

that you don't like about Ben,



besides the tact that he's from

New York and he voted tor Clinton ?



- That's not enough ?

- l voted for Clinton.



All the best presidents

sleep around.



- Help.

- [ Phone Rings ]



Hello ? Oh, hi, Steve.



- Ooh.

- [ Snaps Fingers ]



Oh, nothing, just, uh, you know,

staving oft a nervous break down.



Oh, well, thank you,

but l can't.



No. No, no, it does.

lt does sound like fun.



But quite trankly, a series ot

rabies shots sounds like tun...



compared to another evening

with these two.



Bridget, come watch the biography

of Newt with me. He's amazing !



He is not.

He's an imbecile.



- No, he's not. He's a damn genius.

- Well, then, you're an imbecile.



Maybe l can come by

for just a little while.



[ Train Horn Blows ]



[ Wheels Screeching ]



[ Man On P.A. ]

The train will be underway momentarily.



We apologize

for the inconvenience.



[ Sarah ]

Hello !



[ Echoing ]



Can you hear me ?

[ Echoing ]



ls anybody out there ?



No, but leave a message,

and we'll call you back !









l wasn't

expecting an answer.



l wasn't expecting to tind

some crazy woman on the roof.



Wanna come up ?



No, not really.

l think probably that the top ot

the train might be otf-limits.



l know. How many times in your life you

gonna see a view like this ? Come on.



Seize the moment,

Benjie. Come on.



l am. I'm eye level

with the sunset here,



so l have a better view

because l'm--



Come up.



- [ Weak Shout ]

- [ Echoing ]



Okay, buddy, this time, we're gonna

do it with a little more teeling.



- Okay.

- We're just gonna--



- Echo !

- [ Echoing ]



- l am alive !

- [ Echoing ]



Just a little-- Open.

Just push out.



Push out. No one can hear you.

Just throw it out there.



l am somebody !



[ Ben Shouting ]



- [ Shrieks, Laughs ] l think--

- Oh, God.



l think He heard me.

Excuse me. l'm fine.



Let me show you how l do it.

Okay, ready ?



[ Clears Throat ]



All right, here we go.



[ lmitating Tarzan Yell ]



[ Echoing ]



- [ lmitating Tarzan Yell ]

- [ Echoing ]



- Oh, God !

- [ Echoing ]



Stella !



[ Echoing ]



Well, that was nice.

You know, l mean, as sunsets go.



This is interesting.

l don't remember the rooster car.



- Do you remember seeing roosters ?

- No, l'm a vegetarian.



[ Rooster Crowing ]



Oh, no, not again.

Didn't you two hear the announcement ?



When we stop

outside Youngsville,



no one on the Savannah-bound train is

supposed to board the last three cars.



-We uncouple there, and then we reroute.

-What does that mean ?



That means this train's

going to Chicago.



Aah !



l got you. l got you.



You try to seize the moment,

you end up getting yourself killed.



- Will you jump ?

lt's not going that fast.

- lt's too tast !



l got you. l got you.

There you go.



There's another one coming

tomorrow afternoon, or there's

a bus station in town.



Okay, thanks !



l'm starting to get the teeling

that there's maybe a hint

that l'm not getting here.



- Just spell it out tor me !

- [ Thunderclap ]



- That pretty much spell it out for ya ?

- l'd say it does.



Whoo ! Yeah !

Whoo !



Hey ! Come on !

What are you doing ?



- Oh ! Come on !

- Oh !



- [ Laughs ]

- [ Groans ]



- Whee !

- [ Groans ]



- [ Groaning ]

- Oh, come on !



- Ah ! lt kills. lt kills. Ah !

- [ Laughing ]



[ Groans ]

Ow !



[ Both Groaning ]



- Not exactly a hub city, I guess.

- No !



But we'll come back

in the morning.



- What do we do tor the next    hours ?

- Come on.



- l have an instinct about these things.

- No ! lt's hailing ! No !



[ Gasps ]

How are you ?



lt's so good to see you !



[ Chattering ]



- You gotta see Linda. Remember Linda ?

- Hi !



Hey, you guys, look who came.

Bridget's getting married this weekend.



[ Women Squealing ]



[ Man ]

 Hey, hey, hey, hey 



- Ouch ! lt kills ! lt kills !

-  Hey, hey, hey, hey 



Oh ! Oh, man !



- lt's open    hours.

- What are you doing ? No, no, hey.



Benjie, they

cannot kick us out.



- Please, get up.

- Oh, God !



l love this place so much.



- Oh ! Oh !

- This is dry.

lt's the best thing l can say.



Oh, my God,

this is heaven.



[ Man ]  Baby has an old witch doll

My baby rang his bell 



 l didn't have the time to tell

my baby fare you well 



 Hey, hey, hey, hey  



[ Yells ]



Takes him down.



[ Both Laughing ]



l just wish we'd

stayed in touch.



- l regret not keeping

the friendship going.

- We're triends.



Steve, triends.



l regret that too.



 How can l just

let you walk away 



 Let you leave

without a trace 



 When l stand here

taking every breath 



 With you

Ooh, ooh 



 You're the only one who

really knew me at all 



 So take a look at me now 



 There's just

an empty space 



 There's nothing lett here

to remind me 



 Just the memory

ot your tace 



 Take a look at me now  



- Do you remember that song ?

- Yeah.



l thought you would.



All l'm saying is that l don't

understand the idea of living...



with just one person

tor the rest ot my life.



How do you make

a choice like that ?



That's like choosing what

you're gonna wear in    years.



lt things worked that way, everyone

would still be wearing hot pants.



- Ya dig ?

- l never wore hot pants,

so there goes your whole argument.



Hey, life is supposed

to be a ride, right ?



You want to be on your deathbed

saying, "l played by all

the rules,'' or "l lived'' ?



'Cause l lived. l loved.

l tought. l broke hearts.



l screamed. l bled.



l guess thinking like that can explain

your hostility toward marriage.



l don't have hostility toward marriage.

l just have hostility

towards my husband.



You're married ?



Yep. Twice, actually.



you saw him. I was

kissing him at the airport.



My husband Carl was a hustler

from the first day l met him.



Who am l to talk ?

l was a dog walker.



He convinced me l should invest

in a bagel store down in Savannah,



because he thought they couldn't

make good bagels.



That's why they lost

the Civil War.



Of course, we had

to invest all my money,



because Carl's was tied up

in some phony tax shelter.



- ls that your $     

you were talking about ?

- Yep.



l am going to sell the place,

get the last in a string of divorces.



Ot course, he doesn't

know about it, or the divorce.



Wow. What a story.



So do you think it's

a terrible thing l'm doing ?



You know,

deceiving my husband ?



No, l--

lt's none of my business.



Well, l do.



[ Man ]  Beg you listen me, don't be

kissin' me till l'm done 



 l'm some champion of reason

like seasoning 



 Pepper your thoughts with spice

and entice you to a space 



 Where bass players

or layers are leaps 



 Think what I think

with my prayers, it's nice 



 My world is everything

I've become contained 



 In the hum

between voice and drum 



 l'm comin' from the same place

l'm still runnin' from 



 Even sittin' in the garden

l can still get stung  



[ Moans ]



- Hi.

- Hello.



l'm gonna go outside

and take a walk.



Will you watch

my stutt tor me ?



- Yeah, sure.

- Okay.



[ Clears Throat ]



[ Woman ]

 My Jesus 



  [ Continues, lndistinct ]



Mr. Spiro, hi.

lt's Sarah Lewis.



Yeah, listen, l'm on my way down to sell

the bagel shop. l should be there--



What ?



[ Sighs ]




Mr. Spiro, l think

that's a misunderstanding,



'cause the man who called couldn't

possibly have been my husband.






[ Chattering ]



No, Mr. Spiro, actually,

my husband-- He's coming

with me to sell the property.



- Hi.

- No, no, no, no.

l have these. How ya doin' ?



- lt's okay. l can pay for them.

- lt's the least l can do.



- Two tor the  :   to Savannah, please.

- Thank you.



[ Man ] Residents of Savannah,

Georgia, are at risk...



for the hurricane to make landfall

by tomorrow afternoon.



Where's my wallet ?



- [ Chattering ]

- [ Blows Raspberries ]



- [ Chattering ]

- [ Sarah ] Fun in the sun.



You've already won.

We're taking you to Miami.



Hey, Ben,

you know what this is ?



This is one ot those real estate things

where they give you prizes.



You look at one ot their condos. l used

to do phone solicitation for these guys.



l was wonderin' why you hadn't

mentioned phone solicitation.



They'll take you anywhere it they think

there's a chance of you buyin' a condo.



l'm sure you've done this before,

but it's not my speed.



Benjie, make you

a deal, okay ?



l will get you on the bus. l'll get you

down to Savannah for your wedding,



if once we're down there

just for a couple ot minutes,

you pretend you're my husband.



What do l have to do ? Treat you badly

and get you to make bad investments ?



No. We have no other option.

What options do we have ? Zero. None.



Yet still somehow, they seem

more appealing than this one.



l'm going another way.

Wait, Sarah.



- l don't wanna be your husband.

- Ben. Ben.



- Do you think l like these ?

- l don't know. Everybody's ditterent.



No, Ben, this is not tor me.

This is tor a little person.



- l know, your nephew.

- No, not my nephew, my son.



- You have a son ?

- Yes, l have a son.



l have a ten-year-old boy who lives

in Savannah with my tirst ex-husband.



And, um, l haven't seen him

in, like, two years.



l wanted to take the money trom the

store, and l wanted to give it to him...



for college or school

or whatever he wanted.



It didn't matter to me,

but l can't go in there empty-handed.



[ Sighs ]

So, please ?



Hey, everybody.

l want your attention for one second.



Hey, everybody.

l want your attention for one second.



l'm like to introduce

two new sun seekers.



Okay, Ben and Sarah.



- HoImes and Lewis.

- Just married.



Yes, l'm keeping my name.

What am l ? His slave ?



They missed their bus, so

l thought we'd give them a ride.



Actually, as it turns out,

they are looking for a place to live.



We were gonna stay with his

parents, but l can take that tor

a week betore l poke out my eye.



No otfense, honey,

but realIy, they're not human.



And guess what, everybody.

You're gonna love this. Ben is a doctor.



[ Applause ]



We came to the right bus.



Tell 'em what

your specialty is.



What's your

speciality, pooky ?






He's a surgeon. Yeah.



- Going to be.

- Going.



He's shy.

Brain surgeon.



That's why we're

relocating down to Miami.



Let's tace tacts. lt's like

one big emergency room down there.



No oftense. No otfense.



[ Man ]

 Every day l get in the queue 



 Too much, magic bus 



 Get on the bus

It takes me to you 



 l'm so nervous

l just sit down and smile  



Okay, one hour fiesta. A little taste

of Mexico, and you can drink the water.



Ben Holmes. [ Laughs ]

Sorry about the collect call.



l'll reimburse you when l get--

Okay. ls Bridget around ?



Uh-huh. She's out to lunch.

Okay. Who's Steve ?



- Come on.

- Yes.



Hyah, hyah, hyah.



Hyah, hyah,

hyah, hyah.






[ Spanish Accent ] You wanna go on

the spinning sombrero ride ?



- No, not really.

- Oh, come on.



Bunch of   -year-olds

are going. Come on.



Sarah, there's two kinds

of people in lite.



The kind that look at the spinning

sombrero ride and think...



that there's maybe some

amusement to be had there...



and the kind that look at it and think,

"Where will l throw up atter ?''



You really should get some thrills in

your lite before you die.



- Nausea is not a thrill.

- Shh !



[ Woman ]

I've noticed you around.



Everybody, say,

""Come on, Ben.''



[ Group ]

Come on, Ben !



[ Man ]

All right.



[ Sarah ]

Whoo !



[ Shouting ]



Don't throw up on me, Tony.



Let it out, baby !



[ Screaming ]



Murray !



[ Man ]

Hey ! Stop the ride !



Stop the ride !



[ Murmuring ]



Give him some room.



Where's Dr. Holmes ?

Anybody see Dr. Holmes ? Dr. Holmes !



Dr. Holmes, l think we, uh--

I think we need you.



Step back. Let the doctor

do some work, huh ?



- Uh, all right. Call    .

- Somebody call     !



We're gonna get

your head back here.



Okay. Listen for breath,

check tor a pulse.



Hey, you know what.

Step back, guys.



Let him breathe

a little bit, huh ? Step back.



[ Siren Wailing ]



Excuse me, guys.

Excuse me.



Dr. Keller,

this is Dr. Holmes.



He suffered an acute

myocardial infarction...



that was complicated

by ventricular fibrillation.






But he's going to be fine.

You saved his lite. Good work, Doctor.



- [ Group Murmuring ]

- Good work.



Hey, everyone, l think

out of respect for Florence,



we're gonna stay

here in town tonight, okay ?



l made arrangements

at a local moteI.



We really have to get on the road,

so we're gonna part ways here.



- l absolutely insist. See ya outside.

- No, no, no, we're--



Wow. What a passion pit.



lt's the honeymoon suite. lmagine

what the wedding must have been like.






[ Sighs,

Clears Throat ]



l think l'm gonna

take a bath.



- [ Clears Throat ]

- [ Door Thudding, Handle Squeaking ]



- [ Squeaking Continues ]

- [ Clattering ]



- Hi.

- Door won't close.



Need some help ?



- Thank you.

- [ Clears Throat ]



[ Bones Cracking ]



[ Water Running ]



[ Sighs, Mutters ]



Oh, yeah. Oh.



 lf l call

three times a day 



 Come and drive

my blues away 



- [ Groans ]

-  Be ready to play 



 Do your, do your 



 lf you want

to have some luck 



 Give your baby

your last buck 



 And it you can't be 



 With the one

you love, honey 



 Love the one you're with 



 Love the one

you're with  



- [ Radio Off ]

-  l heard you said

you didn't love me 



[ Vocalizing ]



 If l need attention 



 Call, l'll call you

on the phone 



- [ Tapping Quietly ]

- l'm gonna head down to the gitt shop.



- lt's Ben.

- Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.



 lf my radiator

gets too hot  



Yeah, Dad, uh, wire

the money to, uh,



Cash-O-Gram otfice

in Orin, South Carolina.



Yeah, Ben, Orin, South Carolina,

but what are you do--



- What is he doing in South Carolina ?

- l'm handling this.



What are you doing

in South Carolina ?



What's going on ? Are you coming

through the Bermuda Triangle ?



Could l talk to

you guys a second ?



- Certainly.

- Yeah, sure.



l was wondering--

l mean, l-- Are you happy ?



- You're asking if we're happy ?

- Yeah.



- We're very proud ot you.

- That's not what he asked.



- He asked if we're happy.

- I heard what he said.



- Why shouldn't we be happy ?

- l mean, uh--



With your lives together,

with your marriage.



- What kind ot questions are these ?

- What's this about ?



Well, on the way down here,

l met this woman.



- Oh, Ben, you idiot !

- Would you let him talk ?



What woman, you idiot ?



She's just--

lt's not like that.



lt's just that she's completely

ditferent than anyone l've ever met.



Please ! They always are !



This is not good timing.



- You're supposed to be getting married.

- l know, Mom.



l want to know how, when you got

married, how you knew you were

the right ones for one another.



[ Whispers ]

l understand. Listen to me.



Ben, when l met your father, l had

an opportunity to marry Sam Wellman.



- Sam Wellman ?

- Shh ! Will you please ?



- Who is now a very

prominent businessman--

- He sells pooIs.



They're not even built-in.

They're the kind you blow up.



- Some are built-in.

- Even they leak.



lt's okay. You know what ?

lt's tine.



l was just curious,

but it's--



Dad, l appreciate it

it you could wire the money.



- l'll be down there

as soon as l can, okay ?

- Okay, kid. Take care, huh ?



Yeah. Bye-bye.






[ Sighs ]



- [ Water Bubbling ]

- Whoo ! Okay.

Okay, now, we're honeymooning.



All right.



But, l mean, it seems like

what you're saying, though,



is that marriage

itself is good.



Oh, you know, yeah-- You gotta remember

your parents were young once.



They went out dancing.



They made love

in the back seats of cars.



Then they got married and had kids,

and the kids, they slowly...



sucked the life

right out of them,



until all their passion,

all their visions of a life...



of great adventure are reduced

to hoping to be able...



to sit on a goddamned toilet

in peace !



Well, l'm gonna get

something to eat, Joe, so l--



Well, l'm gonna get

something to eat, Joe, so l--



- [ Alan ] l can't believe it !

- [ Debbie ] How weird !



- Ben ! Oh my God !

- Hey !



- What's going on ? Hey, Debbie.

- Hi !



- How are ya ?

- I'm good.



- What are you doing here ?

- What are you doing here ?



Uh, it's-- You would not believe

what happened to me.



Tell me about it. When they closed

La Guardia, l couldn't get a flight...



out ot Newark or J.F.K.,

but, uh, luckily, uh,



Debbie here

had a vehicIe.



Uh, well, there's a certain symmetry

there. Best man, maid ot honor.



- You know.

- Well, not really.



- This is Joe.

- Hi. Farrell.



Head ot the Sunshine Seekers

Real Estate Company.



Joe, uh--

Joe gave me a ride down here.



And it was a pleasure.

Quite a couple.



- So, you guys staying here ?

- No, no, it's like

the only place for miles.



You know, we thought we'd stop,

get a bite to eat, pee.



- Yeah, so come on.

We'll give you a litt.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.



- You're not taking the good

doctor away trom us now.

- The good doctor ?



So, maybe you guys

should just eat,



and I'Il just come back down

and meet you in say, you know--



- Fifteen minutes ? ls that good ?

- Great.



- Let me grab the stuft out ot my room.

- You got a-- You got a room ?



- Yeah, the honeymoon suite.

A Iittle ba-da-bing.

- [ Chuckles ]



That's right.

Rehearsing tor tomorrow night.



- What's tomorrow night ?

- Hey, this kid's gettin' married.



- Yeah.

- [ Chuckles ]



That's-- that's funny.

He's already married.



[ Laughs ]



That's true,

you know,



but, uh, in my heart

l'm already there.



But we all have lives to lead,

so let's move on with that,

and l'll see you guys in a bit.



Nice talking to ya, Joe.

Okay, guys.



 You gotta have heart  



[ Man ] Please, ma'am,

l need your signature, ma'am.



[ Virginia ]

Signature ? For what ?



Look at this.

lt says "'damaged. " Do you see ?



- Can you read, young man ?

D-A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged.

- Damaged.



We're very proud ot Ben.



lf he's late, believe you me,

he has a good reason.



What l don't understand is how,

in this day and age...



ot A.T.M.'s and cell phones

and the lnternet...



and Voyager Two,



could it take two days--

two days--



to get from New York

to Savannah.



Oh, don't drink

out of the bottle, darling.



Thank you.



We are really

very proud ot him.



This is ridiculous.



l'll put an end to this

right now.



Pretending to be a doctor, listening to

my parents' advice on my personal lite.



Sarah ? Sarah ?



[ Bridget ] And where's my lousy

maid of honor ? Where's Debbie ?



Huh ?

Can l not at least have that ?



Who's supposed to be pouring me

drinks while l'm being stood up

by the so-called groom ?



Answer me that.

Thank you.



Honey, he'll be here.

lt's all gonna work out.



lt's true, Bridge.

Husband and wife, that is something.



lt must be nice to see your parents

back together, though.



Yeah, talk about

a match made in hell.



What do you mean,

""back together ?''



What do you mean

you're separated ?



Oh, honey, baby,

sugar lump,



it means your tather

has an apartment he stays in...



- when you're not here.

- l'm never here.



l stay there a lot.



When were you

going to tell me ?



Honey, we didn't want to

spoil your wedding.



This is your special time.

WelI, it would have been.









Get me outta here.



  [ SaIsa ]



Whoo !



- [ Man ] Look who's here. Hey, Ben.

- [ Woman ] There's Ben.



l want to buy this man--

[ Continues, lndistinct ]



Whoo !



Whoo !



- [ Applause ]

- Whoo ! [ Chuckles ]



  [ Piano ]



[ Woman ]

Get out there.



How can you

resist it ?



[ Laughing, Chattering ]



- [ Grunts ]

- [ Chuckles ]



You look like you should be

writing to your congressman

to protest cuts in Medicare.



Really ? That's exactly

the look l was going tor,



compliments ot

Sun Seeker Phyllis.



Listen, Sarah,

l just ran into, uh--



Shh. You can't do

two things at one time.



- Well, the plans that we sort ot--

- Okay.



You obviously didn't win your

tiancee over on the dance tloor

either, did you ?



How did you

and Bridget meet ?



- Uh, at a party.

- And ?



- lt was a surprise party.

- Oh, what a beautitul story.



lt must have been

a magical night.



No wonder you can't

write your vows.



No ottense, but l'm not sure l should be

taking romantic advice from you.



- You think ?

- Failure's a fantastic teacher.



You could learn from my mistakes.

l could tell you...



everything l hated about my husbands and

my boytriends so you don't do the same.



- Should l get a pad ?

- Get a scroll.



- A scroll ? [ Chuckles ]

- Aw, okay.



Never forget her birthday. Make

a really, really big deaI out of it.



Atter sex, hold her

for a little while.



- You know, talk to her

like a human being.

- Ah.



Uh, oh, and do not

wear your socks to bed.



- Why ?

- No socks to bed,



because you might not be

all that attractive to begin with.



[ Chuckles ]

No. Keep going.



Always, always side with her

in an argument with your mother.



Um, listen to her

like you mean it.



Supportiveness is

a really, reaIly sexy turn-on.



- Never, ever hit.

- No.




And, um,



-no matter what annoying habits she has,




just realize that she's

dealing with a huge mountain

ot imperfections every day.



So you might just

want to let it go.



- That's it.

- That's it ?






- Hey, can l sit there ?

- Hey.



[ No Audio ]



- Hey-- Aaah ! Ohhh !

- Oh !



Uh, let's get some air.



- Why ?

- l'm just-- l'm hot. [ Mumbling ]



Grilled prawns

or something ?



One second.



- What's the matter with you ?

- Hmm ?



- What's the matter with you ?

- Nothing's the matter with me. Do, uh--



- Do you know how to swim ?

- Of course l know how to swim.



[ Laughing ]



Aaah !



[ Debbie ] l'm tellin' you,

l saw him come out here.



That-- That's him down there.

That's him.



- l don't see anything.

- There's a body

at the bottom ot the pool.



No, l think that's

just a big drain.



-[ Chuckles ]

-l don't know what you're talking about.



- Oh, and P.S.-- you're a moron.

- [ Grunts ]



HelIo ? Excuse me ?

Hi. Hi.



- Do you know Ben Holmes ?

- [ Coughs ] l'm sorry. Know who ?



Ben Holmes. ls that Ben

at the bottom of the pool ?



l don't know, but l could

go ask tor you.



[ Alan ] It's not Ben, okay ?

He's afraid of the water.



He goes to the beach in a suit and tie.

Come on, let's go.



I found it !

l got it, l got it.



- What ?

- Goldarn contact lenses.



- [ Chuckles ]

- You oughta just stick with glasses.



Oh, hey, guys ?

What's going on ? What's happening ?



- Hi.

- Hey, Alan.



This is Sarah.

Sarah, Alan.



- This is my best man at my wedding.

- Hey. How are you ?




This is the maid of honor.



- Hi, Debbie.

- Hi.



So, how'd you two

hook up ?



Uh, l wouIdn't say

that we're hooked up, really.



l sort ot barely

know this person, but--



You were on the bus, right ?

Yeah, we rode down on the bus together.



There's a whole group of folks.

Rode down together.



Okay, and the whole

pool thing ?



She tell in the pool,

and uh,



didn't look like

she was a strong swimmer.



She was kind of

flailing around, so l--



There's no lifeguard on duty

if you see the sign there,



So I jumped in,

and you know, hauled her out.



Then, in the course ot that,

the contact lens tell out.



Here you go, miss. You oughta be caretul

with these, because they're--



Here you go.

lt's your contact lens.



That's a great story.



Bridget's really lucky

to be marrying such a great swimmer.



- Whoa ! What happened here ?

- [ Chuckles ]



Well, perhaps after you dry off,

you'll come back in for another dance ?



- You got it, Herman.

- Dr. Holmes, you don't mind...



if l dance with your wite,

do you ?



Yeah. You don't mind,

do you sweetie ?



- All right, all right.

Well, l'll see you in there.

- [ Sarah ] Okay.



l'm pretty disappointed

in you, Ben.



You know, everybody's always

telling Bridget she's so lucky...



because you're such

a nice guy.



Debbie, l am a nice guy, all right ?

This is not what you think.



Okay. [ Chuckles ]

Whatever, Dr. Holmes.



Okay ?



- Alan ?

- Ben, you don't need to explain, okay ?



Remember, l'm the guy

who begged you...



to sleep with more women

before you got married.



l am not sleeping

with her, man !



Okay ?

There's nothing going on !



Why-- Why won't you

listen to me ?



- Maybe because l'm

getting married tomorrow ?

- All right, look, Ben.



lt you're not gonna

take advantage ot a night...



that's gonna get you through many sad,

pathetic, lonely years, then--



[ Chuckles ]

My God.



l'll see you in the lobby

in five minutes.



[ Sighs ]



l hate to remind you,

but we had a deal, remember ?



You were supposed to be my husband if l

got you a ride. Do you remember that ?



Yes, l remember

that arrangement.



l did not, however,

presuppose the tact that Debbie...



is now on her way down to tell

my tiancee that l am holed up...



in a hotel room in South Carolina

somewhere with a woman...



claiming to be the wife

ot the good Dr. Ben Holmes !



What was l supposed to do ?

The Sunshine people think we're married.



They would have stoned us.

As it is, l already feel bad

enough about not buying a condo.



Why don't you just

tell Bridget the truth ?



What kind ot marriage do you have

if she doesn't believe you ?



- Just explain why you're with me--

- Sarah, l'm not with you !



We're not together !

This is not a relationship !



l just happen to be traveling

alongside a natural disaster !



- You know what ?

l realIy feel sorry for you.

- [ Sarcastic Chuckle ]



'Cause at least when l was getting

married, l could admit l was scared.



- WelI, save me your pity,

because l am not scared.

- You know what ?



You have such a problem

with honesty, Ben, you know that ?



- Oh.

- You can't tell your tiancee

what's going on.



You can't explain something absolutely

simple and innocent to your best man,



and you are

with me, Ben !



You could have left a hundred times,

but you didn't !



- I tried to !

- Then why are you still here ?



l'm leaving !

All right, tine !



You wanna talk about honesty ?

Let's talk about honesty.



- Bring it on.

- You complain about your lite,

nonstop, all the time.



[ Mimicking Sarah ]

lt's all your tault.



You are a beautiful, incredible woman.

You could have any guy you wanted,



but you keep picking

these losers.



And the only thing l can think ot

is that you choose these guys...



who are intellectually inferior to you

so that you can control them,



but still teel conveniently wounded

when the relationship ends.



You're the one that's afraid

of commitment. You back out

of every job you ever have !



You run away from anyone

and anything,



and you think it's so

unconventional and liberating,



when in tact, it's just

cowardice and juvenile...



and unable to face

the real world !



Ha ! Okay, you want honesty,

l'll give you honesty.



Do you know why you can't

write your marriage vows ?



Because you are absolutely territied

that you have nothing to say.



And why would you, Ben ?

Because you run around so scared...



that lite is gonna throw you this

curveball that'll completely shatter...



this crystal clear, pertect

existence that you've created

for yourselt in your Day Timer,



that you blurb your way out of teeling

anything emotional, anything real.



You have no emotions, and that's

what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.



You know what ?

At least l don't sit around obsessing...



that no one's going to

come to my tuneral,



because l have relationships

that last longer than a week.



- My funeral is gonna be packed !

- You know what, Ben ?



That is just great.

And l know your eulogy...



is gonna look so nice

on the back of a book cover.



l just think you are

an immature, seltish person.



WelI, l'm

obviously wrong.



Have a fabulous time in Westchester.

l do hope you enjoy the minivan.



God ! How great it must be to be

so cool and above everyone, huh ?



lt must be great !

Let me ask you somethin'.



How cool is it

to abandon your kid ?



l was     years old, okay ? Fuck you.

You don't know anything about it.



- All right, weIl, try     Sarah,

- Nothing.



because seventeen's not

working anymore.



Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift

Notes and have a nice wedding, okay ?



- Have a nice divorce.

- Okay.



Four, three, two, one.



- Okay, l'm leaving.

- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.



Five minutes. There he is.

l think he's-- Come on !



No, no, no,




- Well, that was smooth.

- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.



What's your point ?



Well, you see, if I'm

gonna turn my life around,



l can't very well

break up your marriage.



l'll have bad luck tor the rest of

my lite, karmically speaking, and I--



l am getting

married tomorrow,



l have nonretundable

tickets to Hawaii,



and l cannot make myself

leave this room.



Well, l like you too, Ben.






I can't go through

with a marriage like that. l can't.



Ben, relax.

We didn't even get to second base.



Have you seen Dr. Holmes

and his wife ?



We're doing the raftle.



He's not Dr. Holmes,

and she's not his wite.



Okey dokey ?

Okey dokey ?



[ Sighs ]



l'm gonna tell her.



l think at the very least

she deserves that.



lf l can teel this way

about someone else--



Hey !

Come on !



- Why does this have to get dangerous ?

- Get in, you treak !



- God !

- [ Tires Screeching ]



ls that your ride ?




Yeah, it was.



Now what are you

gonna do ?



l don't know. Let's go get

the money my tather wired.



That should get us

a cab at least.



This is actually the pertect car

for this trip.



lt's already been wrecked, totaled

and destroyed. What else can go wrong ?



[ Clamoring, Shouting ]



Well, you asked.

[ Chuckles ]



- RealIy. That's interesting.

- [ Laughs ]



That's not really

that funny, actually.



[ Continues Laughing ]



l think we should just sit here

and wait tor the locusts to come !



[ Both Laughing ]



- Oh, my God.

- [ Laughs ]



- Oh.

- Oh.



- Yeah. All righty.

- Yeah.



She's on tire, Ben.

[ Chuckles ]




l guess we should, uh--




We should--



- [ Grunts ]

- l am slipping !



[ Both Laughing ]



This is so wrong.



But it teels so right to me.

[ Moans ]



[ Thud ]



[ Both Grunting ]



- Oh, good evening.

- [ Laughing ]



Good evening.

Good evening.



- Hi, Joe.

- lt is a good evening, isn't it ?



- [ Group Murmuring ]

- Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.



We made a call. There's no

Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.



Unless you're

a veterinary brain surgeon.



Well, all God's creatures

are welcome in my otfice.



But the way you two carry on,

you oughta be ashamed of yourselves !



- You tell 'em.

- There is the matter of your bill.



[ Mumbling ]



Thank you very much.



- l'm really sorry.

- [ Sighs ]



- Let's look at this bill here.

- Seems a little excessive.



No, if you add the two and the two,

that's tour, and then, uh--



Run !

Jesus ! Jesus !



How long do you think

before they call the police ?



- Oh, about tive minutes ago.

- All right.



Yesterday l was just trying

to get married, today l'm a fugitive.



- Okay, l get it now.

-  [ Dance Music ]



This is a sign.

This whole thing is a sign.



l am not supposed to get married.

Loud and clear.



We have to be in Savannah

in the morning.



The tuzz

are atter us.



Hey, Ben, how much was that car

we saw back in the lot ?



The disaster car ?

lt was $   .



'Cause l'm thinking

that if, uh--



lt somebody went

into this place right here...



and did, you know, a little

bump and grind tor the good

old boys, they could, uh--



they could probably walk

out ot there with that amount

ot money in their pocket.



Strip dancing ?



You're saying you'd just go in

and strip dance ? l'm talking

about something serious.



Ben, let's weigh out

our alternatives here.



On one hand, what do we have ?

We have a little harmless dancing...



that gets us to Savannah

where l have $      waiting tor me,



and you have what,     ot your closest

family and friends waiting for you.



And on the other hand,

we have-- oh, look, we have nothing.



Oh, there's nothing there.

So, we have dancing, going

to Savannah. Oh, nothing !



- l see where you're going with this.

- You know l'm right.



[ Police Siren ]



- [ Police Radio, lndistinct ]

- The tuzz.



AIl right. Am l being

too prudish about this ?



ls that what it is ? Maybe l am.

l just gotta open my mind.



You go in there, you take your

clothes otf, you have the power.



Post-feminist. lt's aggressive.

You have the power and control.



l know what l'm doing.

Watch my back.



Watch your back ?

What, are we on Mod Squad now ?



- Hiya. How ya doin' ?

- Good.



l was wondering if y'all

had any entertainment.



- We got a pool table out back.

- What would you say

to somebody dancing on it...



tor a set price of,

l don't know, $    ?



I could guarantee you

a really good show.



- $    seems like a lot of money.

- What ? Look at her.



l am looking at her.

l'm not interested.



How much tor you

to dance ?



- Excuse me ?

- Ben,



l think this is

one of these places...



where everyone would much rather

see you dance than see me dance.



- You mean--

-  Get your hands off of my man 



 Get your hands off of my man 



 Get your hands off of my man 



lt's not tunny anymore,

because l don't even like...



to be naked at home

in my shower by myself.



- So, it was okay tor me a minute ago ?

- Well, it's on your resume.



lf you want me to blurb you

a novel, l could do that.



So much for power and control,

big guy. Get up there.



- All right, l'm sorry.

- There you go.



-   [ Techno ]

- [ Crowd Cheering ]



 Oh, watch me ride 



 l'm a sexual animal

Eat you like a cannibal 



 Prime for the energy 



 I'm inflammable 



 Yeah, l finished my beer

So come here 



 And get nice while I

Lick your ear 



 Put your legs over there 



 And kinda swing on a chair 



 l swear you look wicked 



 When your hand

is in your hair 



 Eyes half closed

Cute little nose 



 And like a pound

of self raising 



 I roll and roll 



-  Step out of my clothes 

- [ Cheering Wildly ]



 Like l'm doing

the right thing 



 It was pumping

and she was frightening 



 Yeah, lightning flashed

and thunder roared 



They're really cheering tor you.

You're doing a great job.



Nope. Everyone in here

is looking at your ass.



 This is where

l'm lost all night 



 lf loving you is wrong

l don't want to be right 



 If loving you is wrong 



 l don't wanna be right 



 Don't wanna be right 



 lf l come first

Well, that's not worse 



[ Crowd Cheering Wildly ]



 One take like an earthquake 



 l'll take a delight in making

the bedsprings sing all night 



 If loving you is wrong

l don't want to be right  



- Whoo ! Ha ha ! Can do !

Let's check it out.

- Come on.



Whoo-hoo-hoo !

Look at that !



- Convertible style.

- [ Metal Grinding ]



[ Ben ]

 l'm a sexual animal 



 Eat you like a cannibal 



[ Chuckles ]

Well, l didn't have...



the g-string and the cowboy

boots, but, uh, l think it

was a good showing nonetheless.



Don't be too proud ot yourself.

You weren't that good, Ben.



Don't be jealous.



lt's amazing, because

the things you find so exotic

and interesting right now...



are gonna be the same things that

you're gonna hate me for in the end.



Why am l hating you

in this scenario ? What's--



Okay ?

Trust me.



A lot ot stutf's happened really tast.

You're just not registering it.



lt's registering, okay ?

l'm a gay dancer and l'm proud.



l'm a gay, gay strip dancer

and l love it.



Registered. Cha-ching ! Change !

[ Chuckles ]



The password is ""denial,'' okay ?

You've known me two days.



Two days. Now we're on our way down

to go break up your marriage.



That has

nothing to do with you.



l don't believe you.



l don't either.



[ Television Reporter ]

Amanda is beginning to gather

strength as it continues...



its journey in the Atlantic.



It's currently

a category two hurricane.



The hurricane is continuing

its push towards the northwest,



and that means the coastlines

of Georgia and South Carolina--

[ Continues, lndistinct ]



He'll make it.



[ Thunder Rumbling ]



That's it right there.




- Oh, my God, that's Carl.

- Carl ?



My husband.



Surprise, sweetheart.

Who's this ?



l know it's not the guy you're

trying to sell the place to,

'cause l got an injunction.






[ Scofts ]

This is so fake.



You can't even get

an injunction that tast, all right ?



- What are you doing this to me for ?

- Carl.



- l have to get back pretty soon, so--

- This is my place, okay ?



- l bought it with my money.

- Your place ?



- Yeah.

- For chrissakes, Sarah, we're married.



You wanna sell the place ?

That's fine, we'll sell the place.



You can send the money down to your kid

it that's what your worried about.



Now, come on.



Come on, angel.

You got no place else to go.



l'm not going, Carl.



You ungratetul bitch.



- What ?

- Hey. Hold on.



- Nobody's talking to you, my friend.

- Okay. Just cool it.



- Sarah, get in the car.

- l'm not going, Carl.

Forget it. Not going.



- l said get in the car, now !

- No, l'm not getting in the car !



[ Carl ] Goddamn you.

Hey, what's your problem ?



You sleep with her and you

think that means something ?



- You don't know

what you're talking about.

- Don't you tell me--



- [ Grunts ] Ohh !

- You all right ? You okay ?



- Did you find my thumb ?

- Get outta here, Carl.



- Go ! Go !

- You know, l got news tor you, buddy.



- You're just the next

number on the list.

- Just go home, man.



You know what happened with her kid ?

What did she tell you ?



Carl, don't.

CarI, don't.



- She let the dad raise him ?

Well, that's bullshit !

- Shut up.



The kid

chose the tather.



She was never

even around.



But even a six-year-old

could see.



You can't trust her.



Enjoy the ride, pal.



[ Engine Starting,

Tires Screeching ]



- Hey, are you okay ?

- Yeah.



[ Sobs ] Oh, Jesus.

Now l can't even go see him.



Who ?

Your little boy ?



[ Sobs ]






- Why ? Because of $      ?

- Yeah.



Aw, Sarah.



l don't know anything

about raising kids,



but l don't think $     

is gonna win him over.



- l think he wants to see you.

- [ Whimpers ]



[ Sniftles ]



Can't win him over. He obviously

doesn't want what l have to ofter.



[ Sighs ]



Sarah, you have the most

incredible ability...



to make people

absolutely crazy about you.



No, l have the ability

to make people crazy.



That's what l can do.

Really well.



- [ Sighs ]

- Sarah, everybody loves you.



- [ Chuckles ]

- You just--



You just think

they're all wrong.



[ Sniftles ]

When does your wedding start ?



[ Chattering ]



[ Thunder Rumbling ]



[ Lightning Striking ]






- Seventeen minutes late.

- [ Thunder Rumbling ]



Ben's usually

very prompt.



You must be

so very proud of him.



[ Knock On Door ]



l hate to interrupt,

but l think the hurricane...



may arrive

betore the groom.



Good Lord.



[ Sighs ]



Ben, where are you ?



[ Both Screaming ]



[ Panting ]



Look, we'll--



l just wanna get my bearings

here for a second.



- Okay.

- [ Exhales ]



- [ Exhales ] Well.

- All right.



Two strangers arrive at a wedding.

One invited, one is not.



And as the guests arrive

and the appetizers are served,



the true drama untolds just minutes

trom the altar. [ Chuckles ]



l don't think I'm gonna be able

to blurb my way out of this one.




Probably not.



Okay. AIl right.



l'm just gonna

run in there...



just put a quick stop

to this whole wedding thing, you know.



Maybe grab a tew

gifts on the way out.



- You need anything ? Bread maker ?

- Um--



- Cuisinart ?

- No, no, l think l'm good.






You will be here

when l come back, won't you ?



Oh, well, you know me.

[ Chuckles ]



l would not presume.



[ Exhales ]

All right. Wish me luck.



Ben, do me a favor and just

forget about luck, okay ?



Forget about loyalty,

forget about...



being nice, torget about

polite, okay ?



Because this is the rest ot your lite

and possibly somebody else's too.



- Yeah.

- You know ?






Just be honest.



lf her tather happens

to shoot me on my way out,



l guess I'll see you in heaven.

[ Chuckles ]




l don't think l deserve heaven.



Ah, Sarah.



You deserve so much more

than you think.



You deserve to be

with somebody...



who will be really, really depressed

if your plane goes down.



[ Chuckles ]



[ Groans ]



[ Sniftles ]



[ Chattering ]



- Hey, Ben.

- Hey, man, what happened to you ?



- [ Chattering ]

- What, did you go swimming ?



- Ben ! Honey, honey, come on.

- l have to talk to you !



- Dad, l can't right now.

- We just want to talk to you

for a minute.



- l can't right now !

- Benjamin !

- Get in there !



- All right, Benjamin.

- Barbara, please.



l want you to

listen to your father.



- Ben ? We were thinking about...

- Yes.



what you were telling us

on the phone,



and the thing is,

nobody knows if it's gonna work out.



lt's all

a leap ot taith.



lt just so happened

that in my case, I was lucky.



My heart told me

to do something, l did it,



and    years later,

here l am.



Don't speak.

You'll ruin the moment.



[ Guests Shouting ]



You have got

a lot ot nerve !



Now, maybe this is how

they treat women back in New York,



but here in Savannah,

we have a little more respect...



tor the sanctity

ot marriage.



- Oh, do you hear yourself ?

- l am not talking to you, Virginia !



- Where's Bridget ? l want to marry her.

- Who the hell are you ?



- Someone who gets

to a wedding on time !

- Hi, we haven't met. l'm Ben.



Steve Montgomery. l used to go out with

Bridget and l'm still in love with her.



- Can l see your invitation ?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey !



Excuse me ! Somebody should be asking

for your invitation, all right ?



P.S.-- you shouldn't even

be having a wedding !



- l saw him in the hotel

last night with some woman !

- Whoa ! Hey, untrue !



They are just travel friends.

And she's ugly !



[ Chatter, Shouting ]



Why do you New Yorkers

have to be so unpleasant ?



- l like New York.

- Put 'em up !



[ Shouting Continues ]



- Ben ?

- Yeah ?



Um, in about tive minutes, we're

supposed to be joined tor eternity,



and l was wondering...



- if you were gonna get dressed.

- [ Thunder Rumbling ]



- WelI, it it's eternity,

it can wait. [ Chuckles ]

- [ Chuckles ]



No, no, l think technically

eternity starts immediately,



especially when there's

ice sculpture involved.



- Well, Bridge.

- Yeah.



[ Thunder Rumbling ]



The truth is--



[ Sobs ]

l'm sorry.



This always happens at weddings,

you know ? [ Snitfles ]



l'm sorry l took so long

to get down here. Something happened.



lt's okay.

l know.



Debbie told me, and l told her that

it didn't matter because l trusted you,



and I knew you wouldn't

cheat on me.



And then l threw up. But, um--

Everything else was going wrong.



Everything was going wrong,

and my parents are separated,



and then this guy Steve,




Bridge, you know what ?



l always thought that there

was this one perfect person

tor everybody in the world.



And when you tound

that person,



like the rest of the world

just kind ot magically taded away...



and the two ot you would just

be inside this kind ot...



protective bubble,

but there is no bubble.



l mean, or if there is,

we have to make it.



l just think that life is more

than a series of moments, you know ?



We can make choices, and we can choose

to protect the people we love,



and that's what makes us who we are,

and those are the real miracles.



Stop me when it just becomes glaringly

obvious that l have no idea...



- what l'm talking about.

- No, l know what you're talking about.



l do. l know exactIy

what you're taIking about.



Farewell, Ben.



l tell in love with you

the moment l saw you.



And when l saw you up there

on the balcony, l tell in Iove

with you all over again.



None ot the plane crashes

and the hurricanes...



and the other people

will ever change that.



Because when l'm on my deathbed,

l'm gonna know...



that l married the only woman

l ever really loved.



l think you just

wrote your vows.



[ Chuckles ]



l love you so much.



[ Chuckles ]



[ Shouting, Clamoring ]



- [ Virginia ] Get her out of the rain !

- Guys, hold on.



- [ Shouting ]

- You guys, it's only rain.



AIl right, all right.



l'm okay.

l'll be right back.



- lt's okay.

- Bridge ! Bridget !



You wanna get married

like this ?



Let's go get married...

under a waterfall in Hawaii !



- Okay.

- Okay. Let's go.



 Morning smiles 



 Like the face 



 Of a newborn child 



 Better said unknowing 






 From the sight

of a long lost friend 



 Speaks to me of course 



 But l feel 



 I have nothing to give 



 l have so much to lose here 



 ln this lonely place 



 Tangled up in our embrace 



 lt's nothing I'm not

feeling how to fall 



 Wind in tow 



 Grapes the flow

trembling on the vine 



-  Nothing needs to shelter 

- Don't hit my house, bad lightning.



You're gonna

burn us down !



- [ Both Laughing ]

-  But l feel 



 l have nothing to give 



[ Ben ] Well, there's one quote

that pretty much sums it up.



-lt's from a bishop in the   th century.

-[ Laughing ]



He said,

"Marriage has less beauty...



but more safety

than the single life.



lt's full of sorrows

and full of joys.



lt lies under more burdens,



but it is supported

by all the strengths of love.



And those burdens

are delightful. "



 I have nothing to give 



Sometimes the people we meet

change us forever.



l've never forgotten Sarah,

and l'm pretty sure l never will.



Wherever she is,

l really hope she's happy.



ln the end, all you can do is

commit to the people you love,



hope for a little luck...



and some good weather.



 Hearts gone astray 



 Keeping hurt when they go 



 l went away 



 Just when you needed me so 



 You won't regret 



 l'll come back begging you 



 Don't you forget 



 Welcome love we once knew 






 Where life's river flows

No one really knows 



 You're someone left to show

the way to lasting love 



 Like the sun it shines

Endlessly it shines 



 You always will be my

eternal love 



 Whenever love went wrong

Ours would still be strong 



 We'd have our own

Everlasting love 



 This love will last forever 



 This love will last forever 



 Open up your eyes

Then you'll realize 



 You've always been my

everlasting love 



 Need you by my side

Come and be my bride 



 Never be denied

Everlasting love 



 From the very start

Open up your heart 



 Feel the love you got

Everlasting love 



 Everlasting love 



  [ Funk ]



 lf you're dumb and confused 



 And you don't remember 



 Who you're talking to 






 Just seems to fade 



 'Cause your baby

is too far away 



 There's a rose

in a fisted glove 



 And the eagle flies

with the dove 



 And if you can't be

with the one you love 



 Honey, love the one

you're with 



 Don't be angry 



 Don't be sad 



 Don't sit quiet 



 Good times you had 



 'Cause there's a girl 



 Right next to you 



 She's just waiting 



 For something to do 



 There's a rose

in a fisted glove 



 And the eagle flies

with the dove 



 And if you can't be

with the one you love 



 Honey, love the one

you're with 















 Turn your heartache 



 Right into stone 



 'Cause she's a girl 



 A girl alone 



 So get it together 



 And you can fight 



 You're not gonna need

any more goodbye 



 There's a rose

in a fisted glove 



 And the eagle flies

with the dove 



 And if you can't be

with the one you love 



 Honey, love the one

you're with 


Special help by SergeiK