Voila! Finally, the Get Shorty
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the John Travolta movie
based on the Elmore Leonard novel. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Get Shorty. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
It's fucking cold outside.
The guy on the radio said
it's gonna get down to .
It's 34. That's freezing, for Chrissakes.
What, are you spacing?
They're closing down the Granville,
that theatre down on Biscayne.
- The guy owes Momo a couple of Gs.
- I know.
I was thinking maybe Momo should buy it.
I could run it, show Cagney movies.
What's he gonna want with an old theatre
that shows movies no one wants to see?
Outside of maybe turning it
into some kind of a porno house.
- I'm gonna go talk to this Chili.
- Besides, you've got a job.
- Hey, Ray, how you doing?
- Good. You?
- OK. Hey, can you believe this weather?
It's Miami Beach, for Chrissakes.
It's chilly outside and it's Chili inside.
It's a regular fucking Chili-fest.
- How you doing, Ray?
- Obviously much better than you, Chili.
- That was a good one.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, when you're done staring out the
window, I'll meet you back at the office.
- Where's my coat?
- It's not one of these?
Do you see a black leather jacket
like the one Pacino wore in Serpico?
- If you don't, you owe me $ .
- But the sign...
I didn't come to Florida
to freeze my ass off, you got that?
So you either find my coat, or give me the
$ my ex-wife paid for it at Alexander's.
- Wait a minute. Ray Bones took my coat?
- No, he didn't take it. He borrow it.
Somebody took his coat, so Mr Barboni
tried this other coat and it fit pretty good.
- That was my coat.
- He was wearing it to go home.
- He's not gonna keep it.
- My car keys are in that coat.
Mr Barboni is a good customer.
He works for Jimmy Capp.
I know who he works for.
Where's your phone?
- Are you sure Ray Bones took the coat?
- That's what the man said.
I see on the TV weather tomorrow's
gonna be warm. You don't need the coat.
This is it.
Hey, Chili. Get the coat,
just don't piss the guy off, OK?
Then we're gonna have
to call Momo to straighten it out.
Momo's gonna be pissed off for
wastin' his time. We don't need that.
Don't worry. I'm not gonna say
any more than I have to, if that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a minute.
What are you, fucking nuts?
My nose. My nose!
Somebody call nine-fucking-one-one-one!
Somebody call nine-fucking-one-one-one!
What do you want me to do, Ray?
Go to war over a fucking coat?
You're lucky the guy didn't kill you.
The coat was a Christmas present,
Jimmy, you gotta do something
about this guy. He's running amok.
- And he's got no fucking respect for us.
- He's got no respect for you.
And I don't gotta do shit.
Chili Palmer don't work for me,
he works for Momo up in Brooklyn.
So as long as Momo's around,
nothing happens to Chili Palmer.
Do you understand?
We're here, Momo.
I hope you guys checked this place out
good, cos I'm goin' in alone,
and I don't want no fuckin' surprises.
I checked everything, Momo.- Yeah, who is it?
- It's Momo.
You're never gonna sleep again?
No, I said I'm never going to bed.
There's a difference.
This article says most people die in bed.
I figure if I stay out of bed, I'm safe.
What? That's the dumbest thing I ever
heard. Where are you gonna sleep?
In my recliner. You know,
the tan one in the TV room.
Or I'll go to the coffee shop,
slide into a booth, pull my hat down.
How many people you know
died in a coffee shop?
You cut straight hair in here,
or just fags?
That's quite a scar you got on your head.
Why don't you have these guys
fit you for a rug, cover it up?
You two geezers,
take your game to the park.
This man is the man. Understand
what I'm sayin', motherfucker?
He's Mr Bones.
- You speak to Mr Bones from now on.
- Come on, you can do better than him.
Not these days.
Not unless you speak Spanish.
You got a miss.
Leo Devoe is six weeks over.
- He's dead.
- How do you know? Did he tell you?
- Yeah, he told me that he was dead.
Yeah, Ray, he personally told me
he got killed in a jet crash last month.
Maybe he took out flight insurance.
Go check with his wife.
You check it out, it's your book now.
He owned some dry-cleaning store.
Let me explain something to you.
Momo is dead,
which means that everything he had now
belongs to Jimmy Capp, including you.
Which also means that I speak for Jimmy.
E.g., from now on, you start
showing me the proper fucking respect.
"E.g. " means "for example".
I think you mean "i. e."
- Bullshit. It's short for "ergo".
- Ask your man.
To the best of my knowledge,
"e. g." means "for example".
E.g., i. e., fuck you. The point is
that when I say jump, you say "OK", OK?
- Yeah, Ray, OK.
- All right.
Now, you owe me the dry-cleaner's
Gs plus the juice, which is another...
You get it from his wife or out
of your own pocket, I don't give a fuck,
but you never hand me
a book with a miss.
We'll see you, Ray.
Go see the dry-cleaner's wife.
You've got three days.
- I told you not to piss him off...
- Don't say another fucking word, OK?
I hate the dry-cleaning business.
I hate being inside all day
around all those machines.
- Must be hot.
- You have no idea how hot it is.
You know, Fay, I was wondering.
Did Leo have life insurance?
I don't know of any.
I trust you, Chili.
I think you're a decent type of man
even if you are a crook.
Thank you. Thank you, Fay.
I wish he really was dead.
He's a son of a bitch.
That's him. Called himself "Larry De
Mille". Hit on every showgirl in town.
He'd tell 'em he was the "Martinizing King
of Miami". What a moron.
Anyway, he's in LA. We put him on a plane
after he spanked a cocktail girl.
Leo spanked a cocktail girl?
He invites her to Santa Anita to play the
ponies, she tells him what to do with that,
he gives her one on the tush.
My guess, he's by his lonesome
at the track right now.
Chil, if you decide to go to LA, this guy
owes us $ some movie producer.
Movie producer? Really?
- Yeah, why not?
- I appreciate that, man.
You're gonna love this guy,
another fucking moron - Harry Zimm.
All right. Thanks a bunch.
- Where is it?
- Right there.
- What is that?
- It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.
- I ordered a Cadillac.
- That's the Cadillac of minivans.
Are you kidding me?
La Tijera Car Rental is right over there,
but I think all they've got
is Rabbit convertibles.
I guess I'll take the Cadillac of minivans.
Harry, goddammit. Wake up.
- What's wrong?
- Somebody's downstairs. Shh. Be quiet.
- I don't hear anything.
- Right there.
That's the television.
When I came upstairs, I told you to turn off
the television when you were through.
I also told you
you could sleep in the maid's room.
Yeah, I did that.
I turned the television off with the remote,
then I laid it on the floor.
You know what coulda happened?
The dog came in, stepped on it
and turned the television back on.
I don't have a dog, Harry.
What happened to Muffy?
Are you gonna go down there,
or do you want me to do it?
No, I'll go.
Anybody skimmin' the pool?
It needs it.
- I'm going, I'm going.
- I gotta go to the bathroom.
- Do you get cable?
- Yeah.Did you get one of those satellite dishes?Where I live... How many channels of TV
do you get where you live?Probably channels.Are you
on the information superhighway?Where I live - I get all the premium
services - I get different channels.- channels?
- . And if I wanted...
How ya doing?
I'm Chili Palmer.
Jesus. If I have a heart attack,
I hope you know what to do.
- Where you been, Harry?
- Have we met? I don't recall.
We just did.
I told you. My name's Chili Palmer.
You're in pictures, right? What
would happen if I had a heart attack?
- Look at me, Harry.
- I'm looking at you.
- Keep looking at me, right here.
- That's what I'm doing.
You know Dick Allen, Mesa's Casino?
That's what this is.
You're a collector for the fucking casino.
You come here in the middle
of the night...
I thought you were an actor auditioning,
for Chrissakes. We'll see about this.
Operator, let me have Las Vegas inform...
Let me give you some advice. Don't act
like a hard-on when you're in your undies.
What you wanna do is
sit down and talk to me.
- Harry, a marker is like a cheque...
- I know what a marker is.
They don't wanna deposit yours
and have it bounce. That annoys them.
Dick Allen's been leaving messages
and you haven't gotten back to him.
He asked me as a favour to look you up.
I follow you here, and I see you
in the window with a woman.
Looks a lot like Karen Flores,
the actress from Grotesque.
- You're not looking at me.
- Why do I have to keep looking?
- Because I want you to.
- So now you gonna get rough?
- I make good or you break my legs?
- Come on, Harry. Mesa's?
You tell Dick Allen I'll cover
those markers in days at the most.
If he doesn't like it,
that's his problem, the fucking prick.
So, you want me to call you a cab?
- So you make movies, huh?
- I produce feature motion pictures, no TV.
You mentioned Grotesque. Karen Flores
was actually in Grotesque Part II.She also starred in
three of my Slime Creatures releases.
- You may have seen them.
- I got an idea for a movie.
What this guy looked like... You
can't imagine what a pathetic little guy.Don't tell me.
Bermuda shorts and black socks?No, wait for this.
Leo would wear plaid wool hats
in Miami in the middle of the summer.
He doesn't want anyone to think he's bald,
so he wears a fucking cap.
Say hello to Chili Palmer.
Chili, this is Karen Flores.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- How'd you get in the house?
He just told me an idea for a movie.
It's not bad so far.
Sit down and have a drink.
Tell Karen. See what she thinks.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
- I came in the back door.
- You broke in?
It was open. It wasn't locked.
Huh! Well, what if it were?
You wanna hear this idea? A dry-cleaner
scams an airline out of grand.
- Tell her.
- It's simple.
Basically, this guy owes a shylock
$ . He's three weeks over on the vig.
- That's the interest.
- I know what vig is.
This dry-cleaner - let's call him Leo -
he's scared. He doesn't know any better.
He leaves town. Leo gets on a plane,
but it sits there, it doesn't move.They announce over the PA
there's some mechanical problem.They'll be there maybe an hour, but "Keep
your seats" in case they fix it sooner.
The guy's nervous and in no shape to sit
and sweat it out, so he gets off the plane,
goes into the cocktail lounge and starts
throwing them down, one after another.
He's still in the lounge
when the plane crashes on takeoff.When the guy finds out it was his flight,
he can't believe it.
If he'd stayed on the plane, he'd be dead.
He knows his luck has changed.
If everybody thinks he's dead, he won't
have to pay back the or the vig.
Leo's name is on the passenger list,
so his wife is brought to the airport,
where they're going through
Leo's bags were on the plane,
so she tells 'em what to look for,things that only she would know about.
Oh, my Leo! My Leo!
A couple of days go by, and people
from the airline go to see his wife,tell her how sorry they are
their plane exploded.They offer a settlement based on what
he would've earned the rest of his life.
- How much is the wife offered?
So they take it. Money in the hand, babe.
He gets his wife to cash the cheque,
and takes off for Vegas with the dough.
He's supposed to call her,
let her know when to come out.She never hears from him again, but he's
hot. He runs the up to .
It's driving him nuts, cos he's winning
and he can't tell anybody who he is.
So we show in a back story
his motivation, his desire to be famous.
He's got the dough to buy his way in,
mix with the celebs, and he can't resist.
Then he comes to LA.
I dunno about the mixing with celebrities.
That was something that was just added,
but, yeah, he comes to LA,
and I don't know what happens after that.
- That's it? That's your movie?
- I said I had an idea for a movie.
That's half a movie with holes in it.
There's maybe minutes of screen time.
You don't have a girl, a female lead,
and on top of that you don't have anybody
to sympathise with, a good guy.
- The shylock is a good guy.
- The shylock's barely mentioned.
And the wife would never
get a settlement that fast.
Harry doesn't realise it's a true story.
That Miami flight that went down? It was
on the news every day for about a week.
- That's where you got the idea?
- Part of it, yeah.
Wait a minute. You're not the guy,
are you? The dry-cleaner?
- No, you wouldn't be here if you were.
- No, I'm not the guy.
- But you do work for the casino?
- For God's sake. He's the shylock.
- Is that what you do for a living?
- That's what I did until recently.
But after I'm done here,
I don't know what I'll do next.
- Well, I got an early call.
- No problemo. Go on up to bed.
What I'm saying is I would like you and
your new buddy to get out of my house.
Oh, yeah. Well, sure.
It was absolutely a pleasure
to meet you, Karen.
I guess in your line of work
there's times you have to get kinda rough,
- if one of your customers don't pay.
- They always pay.
You pack a gun?
- Not really.
- You ever been arrested?
I've been picked up for loansharking
and racketeering, but never convicted.
I'm clean, Harry.
Covers a lot of ground, doesn't it?
Get to the point, Harry.
You want me to do something for you?
Don't say nothin' to me.
Sit down and act like you're waiting.
Nobody knows me here.
Give me the fuckin' money.
Now, be lookin'. Man over to your right
in the blue wool shirt, hangin' out.
The other way. Derecho.
That's a federal officer.
Most likely DEA.
He moves his leg, you look for the bulge.
You savvy "bulge"?
Good. That's his backup piece. Try it
without lookin' right at him if you can.
- What's your name?
- Yayo Portillo.
All right. Just forget about him.
I'm gonna get up,
as soon as I'm gone you sit in my seat.
What you feel under your ass is a key
to a locker where your half million is.
And some product we're returning. Been
stepped on so many times it's baby food.
- You need to give me the money yourself.
- Try to be cool, Yahoo.
I told you where it is. Do it just how
I told you, and have a safe trip home.
What d'you have for breakfast, baby?
How come you weigh so much?
You have a burrito?
Give it to the nice lady.
There you go.
You have chocolate all over you.
Say thank you.
Like fucking clockwork, huh, Bear?
- Hi, Bo.
- Are you ready to go for a ride, sweetie?
I told you to watch your mouth
round my daughter.
These guys, my investors,
they run a limo service.
They came to me originally,
put some money in a few of my pictures,
did OK, they're happy.
This was a few months ago
when I was planning my next picture.
About a travelling band of killer
circus freaks leaving bodies in their wake.
There's a lb fat lady
who has a way of seducing guys...
Look at me. You're trying to tell me
you fucked up without sounding stupid.
That's hard to do.
Let's talk about where you're at.
You blew grand of these limo guys'
money on a football game in Vegas,
and you didn't tell 'em. Why?
They wouldn't have taken it
with any understanding or restraint.
- First thing they'd do is break my legs.
- If you were so scared,
- why take it to Vegas to begin with?
- I needed half a million to buy a script.
- A movie script?
- A blockbuster, but quality.
No mutants or maniacs.
This is gonna be my Driving Miss Daisy.Murray Saffrin, who wrote it,
did all my Grotesque pictures.
Had it in his drawer for years,
shows it to me one day,
- says he's got a major star interested.
- Which star?
Two-time Academy Award nominee,
Martin Weir. He's the one who played
the mob guy turned snitch in Cyclone.
One of his best parts.
His best part was the crippled
gay guy who climbed Mt Whitney.
- Ride the Clouds. Good picture.
- The woman looks familiar.
She's a rock star. Every day, same time,
they come here and have breakfast.
He faces west, so he sees his billboard.
She faces east so she can wear shades.
Anyway, Murray's shrink happens to be
Martin's personal trainer's shrink.
Murray's shrink gives the script
to Martin's trainer, who reads it to Martin.
- Martin loves it. He flips.
- So what's the problem?
The problem is Murray. Heart attack.
Doris, Murray's widow,
finds out about this Martin Weir thing,
and because we didn't have a contract,
she wants half a million for the script.
So you want me to put you
next to my dry-cleaner
so he can invest in your movie.
That, or what if some tragic accident
were to befall the widow Saffrin?
- No, Harry. I'm not gonna pop her.
- It was just a thought.
I'll meet the limo guys, tell 'em to leave
you alone in a way they'll understand.
- You don't know these guys.
- I know 'em a lot better than you do.
I asked this literary agent
what kind of writing paid the best.
He said ransom notes.
Here it is: Mr Lovejoy.
"Lovejoy sits behind the wheel,
watching the bar across the street... "
- Is he following someone?
- Read it, it's a grabber.
- Harry, I think your investors are here.
- Oh, Jesus.
All right, this is the plan. I want
the limo guys to sit here on these chairs.
- You got that?
No, keep the blinds open.
I want the light in their eyes.
I'm gonna sit at the desk.
And don't introduce me, just start talking.
And stand behind them
as they sit down. Understand?
They'll be looking at you,
but they don't know who you are.
That's right. They'll be saying, "Who is
this guy?" But do not tell 'em who I am.
- I gotta say something.
- No, you don't.
Unless it's "Glad you assholes stopped
by, now I can straighten you out. "
- You're kidding, right?
- Just say the movie's been postponed.
And don't say anything
about Mr Lovejoy. You got that?
All right, let's go.
- Hey, Ronnie.
- Harry. Hi.
Wow. Have we entered a time warp?
I feel like I'm in Hollywood of yesteryear.
Have a seat right there.
This is my associate, Chili Palmer.
He'll be working with me.
Just so there's no misunderstanding,
despite any rumours you may have heard,
your investment in Freaks is just as solid
as the day you signed the agreement.
I can hear you, man,
but where the fuck are you?
What I've been wondering is,
where's he been?
Yeah, where you been, Harry?
We haven't heard from you lately.
New York. I was interviewing
actors, scouting locations.
The main thing is that Freaks
is gonna be put off for a couple of months.
Just a couple of months.
We need more, um... um...
Hey, Harry. Bullshit, man.
We have an agreement with you.
No, we're gonna do this picture.
We are going to do it.
I just have another project to do first,
one I promised this guy for years.
I wanna see your books.
Just show me where it is.
A two with five zeros after it,
in black and white.
I wanna see your books,
your fuckin' bank statements...
Look at me.
You have a piece of a movie, that's all.
Not a piece of Harry.
If he wants to do another movie this year,
that's how it's gonna be.
Excuse me, bro,
but who the fuck are you?
I'm the one telling you how it is.
- What is this other movie you're doing?
- Harry, let me answer this one.
First of all, who am I talking to?
Am I talking to him, or to you?
- You can talk to me.
- That's what I thought.
Let me put it this way: outside of Freaks,
it's none of your business what we do.Oh! Here it is, right here.
This is the project: Mr Lovejoy.
I don't want you to think
I'm trying to put something over on you.
- Mr Loveboy? What is it, a porno flick?
- It's fluff. You wouldn't be interested.
You think we watch your movies?
I've seen better film on teeth.
It makes no difference to me
which one our money's in.
So how 'bout you take our points out
of Freaks, and put 'em in Mr Loverboy?
No, I can't do that.
- You're positive about that?
- It's a different kind of deal.
OK. Then be good enough
to hand us our money back.
Or you think about us
coming in on this new deal.
- Let us know.
- By Friday, man,
or you're fucking dead as disco,
you hear me?
You take your time.
We're not animals, are we, Ronnie?
Maybe I wasn't clear, but I thought
I told you to keep your mouth shut.
I had to tell 'em something.
Never say anything unless you have to.
You asked me to get them off your back.
Then you say,
"Have a piece of Mr Lovejoy. "
I couldn't believe my fuckin' ears.
I told them I would think about it.
In this town, that means nothing.
That's the difference between you and me.
I say what I mean. If I want something
from someone, I ask him straight out.
If I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir.
I don't fuck around
with his trainer's shrink.
- Shrink's trainer.
- Take me back to my car.
- Tommo. Chili.Hey, where you been?
I been lookin' all over for you.Ray Bones is looking for you.
Where the hell are you?- I'm in LA now.
- What are you doin' out there?
I'm going into
the movie business - producing.
What do you know
about makin' movies?
- Producers don't have to know much.
- I think you're full of shit.
I gotta go. Call me when
you know more about Ray Bones.
- Hey, Karen. How you doin'?
- What are you doing here?
Listen. I wanted to come by and apologise
for breaking in the way I did last night.
Let me get this straight. You broke in
again to apologise for breaking in before?
Your patio door was open. You shouldn't
do that. You got nice things in this house.
Well, make sure you lock it
on the way out.
- You had a bad day, huh?
- I spent all day crawling out of a grave.
The director said I couldn't reach
the emotional core of the character.
Obviously he didn't see you
in Bride of the Mutant.
You saw that one?
When you turn to the camera,
and you say to the alien mother
that her time on earth is finished,
Joan Crawford on her best day
wished that she'd had, in her day,
the emotion, the intensity,
you had in that scene.
- It was a good scene, for a horror movie.
- No, for any movie.
I know I'm better
than what I've been doing,
walking around in fuck-me pumps,
waiting till it was time to scream.
- Yeah, but what a scream.
- Oh, yeah. It's a real gift.
All I'm saying is, it would be nice
to get the chance to say one great line.
Like Bette Davis in Cabin in the Cotton,
where she walks up to the guy
in the porch and says,
- "I'd kiss you... "
- "But I just washed my hair. " Great line.
How come you don't do movies
with Harry any more?
Because being married to the great
Martin Weir was a full-time job.
- Have you read Harry's new script?
- He says it's the best thing he's ever read.
- He must mean after Slime Creatures III.
Is that why Harry came over here, to ask
you to help him put Martin in a movie?
Harry's dreaming of a $ million
production he'll never get off the ground,
with a star he'll never sign
with or without my help.
- But he said Martin flipped over it.
- Martin's known for his flipping.
He flips over a script, then when
it's time to make a deal, he flips out.
Why don't I go to Harry's office, pick you
up a script, and you can read it yourself?
- Don't go out of your way.
- Nah, it's nothing.
Well, I better go have a talk
with Leo, my runaway dry-cleaner.
Right. See how your story ends.
That movie Touch Of Evil
is playing near my hotel.
We can go check it out if you want.
Watch Charlton Heston be a Mexican.
That's all right.
See you around.
Yeah... See you.
My name is Ray.
I'm a friend of Chili Palmer's.
Have you spoken with Mr Palmer
since your husband blew up?
- Once or twice.
- And what was it you talked about?
This and that.
This and that?
Fay? Fay, honey?
I want us to be friends. I really do.
And we all know that friends
don't hit each other - unless they have to.
So what do you say
we start all over again,
and you tell me
exactly what the fuck is goin' on?
- Good evening, sir.
- And a very good evening to you, too, sir.
Look at me.
I'd have never thought you'd be so dumb.
Leaving over grand in a closet, under
an extra blanket. But I guess you are.
I didn't know where else to keep it.
Where would you?
- How about a bank?
- No. They'd report it to the IRS.
You don't open an account.
You put it in a safe deposit box.
- You dip into it whenever you want.
- How did you know that I was here?
Here's another tip: next time you write
to your wife, don't use hotel stationery.
It was Fay
who told you about the money.
Did she tell you my whole life history,
- Leo, I'm here to save your ass.
- How? By taking my money?
- No, the money you won today is yours.
- It's all mine.
Leo, sit down.
I don't know how you got this far,
you're so fuckin' dumb.
But you're through, and I'll explain why.
I hope you will understand.
Ray Bones is the man
you are dealing with now.
And when he finds out what you did,
he'll take everything,
including that sporty little hat.
Then most likely he'll shoot you,
so you won't tell on him.
Now, I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
You've got here. I'm taking the
you scammed from the airlines,
and the ten that's left over, I'll borrow
from you and pay back another time.
Wait. You take all my money,
but you're borrowing part of it?
At %. Don't ask another
fuckin' question. I'm leaving now.
But you won't know where I am.
I don't even know where I'll be.
I'll find you, Leo.
You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.
Hey, wait a minute.
What's this % a year shit?
You wanna borrow ten,
the vig is three bills a week.
That's for the vig, plus the ten,
that's big ones.
You go the whole year, buddy!
Hey, you hear me?
This is good, this Mr Lovejoy.
It needs a better ending, but yes,
I can see why Harry wants to do it.
You understand, I knew he was lyin',
sayin' this wasn't any good,
but holding on to it, like you'd have to
break his fingers to get it away from him.
That's funny. I was thinking what I'd have
to break of yours to get away from you.
I'm explaining why I'm here,
in case you thought I came to rob the
place or rip off any of this dusty old shit.
I wouldn't make you out
to be a burglar in that outfit.
Harry called you his associate.
What does that mean?
I mean, I never heard your name,
or read it in Variety or anyplace.
- That's what he said. I'm his associate.
- You must bring something heavy.
I do. Me.
It says here you're getting
Martin Weir to play Lovejoy.
- That's right. We're getting Martin.
- Come on. How you gonna do that?
I'm gonna take a gun,
put it to his head, and say,
"Sign the fuckin' papers, Martin,
or you're dead. " That's it.
I wonder, would that work? You know
who I see for the part of Al Roxy?
- Harvey Keitel could play it in his sleep.
- He was pretty good in Fingers.
I missed that one.
You know who else? Morgan Freeman.
Yeah, but he's a coloured guy, though.
So what? Where does it say in the script
the man's got to be white?
Colour's what the part needs. You need
somebody to do it with some style.
So what do you think of the script?
The first thing that's gotta go is the title.
The name "Murray Saffrin"
would be better than "Lovejoy".
I'm with you on that one.
You know what I'm thinkin'?
Why don't you and I, we sit down,
we write the script over where it needs it?
- You could write one of these?
- Nothin' to it.
All you do, you get an idea, you set down
what you wanna say on paper.
Then you hire somebody else to fill in
the commas and shit where they belong,
maybe fix up the spelling
where you have tricky words.
Although I've seen scripts,
I know words weren't spelt right.
There was hardly any commas in it at all.
So I don't think that's too important.
All right. You get to the end.
You write in "Fade out". You done.
That's all there is to it?
Then what the fuck
do I need you for?
Because I'm offering my services
on this one, man.
I tell you what. If I need a ride sometime,
I'll let you know.
How could you arrest me here?
This is my country.This is where you're going to die.That was no miss.
That was to turn you around.I don't want to shoot you in the back.
Unless you'd rather try to run for it.Is she there? Did you bring my wife?She's in the car.
I've got it all on tape.- You sure you got enough?
- Go play it back, you'll see.- How many did you frame?
- You'd better give me the gun.- "The second bullet I stopped for you. "
- The second bullet I stopped for you.
You're going down, Orson.
- Isn't somebody going to take him away?
- Yeah, in a few minutes.- You really liked him, didn't you?
- "The cop did. "- The cop did. The one who killed him.
- "He loved him. "- He loved him.
- Well, Hank was a great detective.- "But a lousy cop. "
- But a lousy cop.Is that all you have to say for him?He was some kind of a man.What does it matter
what you say about people?Goodbye, Tanya.- Adios.
- You've been here the whole time?
- No, I just caught the end.
You know, Welles didn't want to do this
movie. He couldn't get out of the contract.
But sometimes you do your best work
when you got a gun to your head.
- I brought you a copy of the script.
- I already read it.
- How did you like it?
- It's not horrible.
I don't like the title
or some of the characters.
- So you read it?
- Not yet. But I will.
- You and Harry make a great team.
- Is that right?
- I'll make a deal with you.
- Found a character you like?
I want to produce it,
especially if I help him get Martin.
- Well, hey, that's fair.
- So, what do you get out of it?
- Did you come here to ask me that?
I wanna know.
- Why would anyone wanna be in movies?
- Yesterday you were a loan shark.
I was never that into it, and especially
that bullshit about having respect.
It was bad enough treating these guys like
heroes, smiling at their stupid comments.
You think the movie business
is any different?
I like movies, and I figured
if I help Harry make a movie,
I'll find out what to do outside of
raising money and having an idea.
That doesn't sound so hard.
I was in the money business,
and I have a lot of ideas in my head.
I'm gonna talk to Martin
I told Harry I'd meet you and him
at the Abiquiu restaurant afterwards.
This might just work out.
You never know.
I spent eight hours at the airport
looking at people's bulges.
I don't like that.
This is not the way we do business.
You don't know who you're messing with.
I don't want no key. I want the money.
You gonna smoke, you get the hell off
my $ -a-square-yard carpet.
I told you where the money is.
All you gotta do is go and get it.
No. I'll tell you somethin'.
I go to the airport and they bust me, I tell
them I come to get something for you.
- That's all I know.
- That's all you know, huh?
You wait here, Yayo.
I'll be back directly.
Keep an eye on him for me.
That's the way you get things done.
- What the fuck you gonna do with that?
- I'm taking you out, Yahoo.
Did you see that?
The way the man just went right over?
Maybe we could get Chili Palmer up here.
You could fix my railing
to give way like they do in the movies.
I invite him up here to have a look
at my view, get him to lean over...
It's the dumbest idea I ever heard.
Here's the thing, Bear.
What's the point of living in LA
unless you're in the movie business?
And I mean high up in it.
That's the reason Harry's
going to produce Mr Lovejoy with me,
not Chili Palmer.
I can't believe this map is accurate.
I bought it for $ from a kid on Sunset.
- We were meeting at the restaurant.
- I know, but look.
Martin Weir lives across the street
from George Hamilton.
- Jesus! It is you. It's Nicki now.
I don't believe this!
- I know her.
- Hm. Hi, Nicki.
Karen. Shit, I didn't see you there.
How are you?
Come in, baby! You gotta come in.
You gotta meet Martin.
Where have you been?
What have you been doing?
Chili was the only one at Momo's
who didn't try to hit on me.
- What a gentleman.
- Do you like my hair black?
especially under the arms.
Martin won't let me shave.
I guess I fill some need.
It takes him back
to the ' s or something.
Speak of the devil.
- Karen, look at you.
- Hi, Martin.
You smell so good.
She always smells so good.
Neat. Martin, this is Chili Palmer.
- Chili, is it?
- Nice to meet you, Martin.
Chili's a gangster. Ran a club I used to
play at for another gangster in Miami.
- How is Momo these days, anyway?
I'll let you get to your movie talk.
Chili, do not leave
without saying goodbye to me.
You know how beautiful you are?
You really are beautiful.
I'm sitting here...
looking at you and having flashbacks,
memories of us.
- Yeah, and I'm wondering...
How did it go wrong?
How did it all slip away?
It didn't slip away, Martin. You did when
you fucked Nicki at my birthday party.
- Yeah. That was a good party.
- Marty, you were so good in The Cyclone.
Yeah, it was a beautiful role.
All I had to do
was find the character's centre.
The stem I used to wind him up
and he'd just play.
But you had that down cold.
If I didn't know better,
I'd have thought you was a made guy. No
acting there, right? And the fink part...
Jesus Christ. I never met a fink
and I hope to God I never do,
but the way you played a fink,
that's how it's gotta be, right?
Two weeks before shooting, I went back
to Bensonhurst just to hear you guys talk.
I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana.
So I wanted to get the rhythms
of your speech.
- We speak differently?
- It's more your attitude, your tone.
Your speech patterns demonstrate
confidence in your opinions,
to conventional views.
- Like we don't give a shit?
- Yeah, kinda. Yeah.
Anyway, once I get the authentic sounds
of speech, the rhythms, the patois,
I can actually get into their heads,
think the way those guys do.
- Get inside.
I'm one of those guys.
What am I thinking?
Well... Don't get me wrong,
an actual metamorphosis doesn't
take place, that wouldn't be acting.
- So you don't know what I'm thinking?
- No, I don't. But I'm curious.
- Do you want to know what I'm thinking?
- Yeah, if you want to tell me.
- I'm thinking about a movie.
- One of mine?
- No. One that we're producing.
- With what? Wise-guy money?
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
I'm not connected to that any more, not
since I left that loansharking operation.
- The pressure got too much for you?
- I'm the one who applied the pressure.
Martin, can I ask you a question?
You're an actor.
- Actors like to pretend, right?
- We've been known to make-believe.
Pretend this. You're a shylock.
A guy owes you grand.
He skips town, he takes off.
What do you do?
Martin, for Christ's sake.
Just, you know...
I'm doing Shylock instead of a shylock.
All right. What's my motivation?
The acquisition of money,
to collect, to inflict pain if I have to.
Guy splits with large of my money?
I go after him, what d'you think I'd do?
- Martin, look at me.
- I am looking at you.
Look at me the way I'm looking at you.
Put it in your eyes.
"You're mine, asshole", without saying it.
How 'bout this?
What are you telling me,
that you're sleepy, you want to go to bed?
All right, wait, wait.
Now you're squinting
like you need glasses.
- What do you...?
- Look at me.
What I'm thinking is
"You're mine. I fuckin' own you. "
But what I'm not doing is
feeling one way or another about it.
You see, you're not a person to me.
You're an entry in my book.
You're just a guy who owes me money.
All right. How about this?
Ooh! Wow. Not bad. Not bad.
- No wonder you're Martin Weir.
- Oh, yeah.
That's what I think of you, asshole.
I believe it. I believe it.
So, I turn this on
when I confront the guy?
You haven't found him yet,
because he split for Las Vegas.
- How do I know that?
- Because his wife told you.
His wife told me. OK.
- Harry, how you doing?
- Oh, hi. Great.
I'm expecting some people.
You must be doing big deals,
doing lunch in a place like this.
Yeah, I'm working on a few things.
I hear you bagged Martin Weir
for Mr Lovejoy.
This town. Word gets around, doesn't it?
Chili Palmer told me last night, when he
called me to your office to talk about it.
- Chili Palmer showed you my script?
- Yeah, I was wondering why he'd do that.
So the wife sues the airline?
This is some gutsy babe.
- Good-looking, too, like Karen.
- So when do I give the husband the look?
That's not so simple. There's a mob guy,
a real hard-on. You owe him money.
He's after you, wants to take you out,
because you broke his nose and shot him.
OK. Go ahead. Keep going.
At this point, basically,
that's gotta be it.
That's all you're gonna tell me?
The reason we came by
was to talk about Mr Lovejoy.
We understand that you read the script,
you loved it, you flipped.
Refresh my memory.
Listen, Harry. How'd you like
to get your hands on $ ?
You pay me back at your convenience,
with no interest.
Are you serious?
All I want in return
is to work on this movie with you.
In fact, I've already got some
strong ideas on how to fix it up.
Gentlemen, can I get you anything else?
Let's get another one for Mr Zimm.
You're just gonna give me this grand?
We'll talk about that, but first I gotta know,
how'd you hook up with Chili Palmer?
Yeah, Mr Lovejoy was good.
I'll call Buddy and set up a meeting.
- Who's Buddy?
- His agent.
- Karen knows him.
- But you are interested?
Take another look at The Cyclone.
The visual fabric is maintained while
the metaphor plays on different levels.
- Hey, Chili, is this your ride?
- I like to sit high, check everything out.
It is the Cadillac of mini-vans.
Check this out.
Wow. You mind if I take it for a spin?
He was watching Letterman, huh?
Sneaky, that Chili Palmer.
Did he ever find that dry-cleaner
with all that money?
Leo? I don't know.
I bet he did, and he ain't giving you
one penny of it to help you out,
not the way I am.
Assuming I go along with this,
when could I have the grand?
Whenever you want.
The money's in one of those jog bags
in -dollar bills in a locker at the airport.
At the airport?
It was waiting out there on a deal
that didn't go through, Harry.
One you don't want to know about.
I don't know...
All right. It's not the kind of thing you'd do,
so why not send your boy Chili Palmer?
If he gets busted, hit on the head,
you aren't out a thing, Harry.
I'm positive it was Susan Hayward.
No, it was Rita Hayworth and Glenn Ford.
Excuse me, Harry.
I'd like you to meet
my associate, Bear.
Movie stunt man, champion weightlifter,
as you might have noticed.
Throws things out I don't want.
- I think you ought to go back to Miami.
- You're a stunt man, huh?
- Are you any good?
- Am I any good?
That's not bad for a guy his size.
I'll make you a deal. If you can get out
of here before I take my coat off,
I won't clean up the floor with you
and mess up your pretty little costume.
You don't know me.
You only think you do.
- That guy is a stunt man.
- Yeah, he was in Creatures II.
Rough business, this movie business.
I may have to go back to loansharking
just to take a rest.
What are you still doing with those guys?
He happens to be loaning me
$ . No strings.
I can write any kind of agreement I want.
- Cash or cheque?
It happens to be at the airport
in a locker at this moment.
A locker at the airport. Jesus Christ!
Tell me you're not really that stupid.
You're being set up. You pulled him
out of Freaks. He's paying you back.
Is that right? He's setting me up?
Why is it that Catlett said
I should send you to pick it up,
since you haven't done a thing for me,
except show Bo Catlett my script?
You're not the one being set up.
- At least Bo's invested in my movies.
- We spoke with Martin.
- Mm-hm. Chili and me.
He asked us to call Buddy,
set up a meeting.
- A meeting. You and Karen?
Guy's been in town two days, and he
thinks he's David O fucking Selznick.
OK, Mr Selznick.
Shall I make my deal with Bo,
or are you finally going to talk
with your dry-cleaner?
- I found him, but forget about his money.
- Do you have it?
If I gave you Leo's money,
you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass,
- and that's a whole new kind of trouble.
Ray Barboni. He lives in Miami.
He owns Leo now that Momo's dead.
Who the fuck is Momo? Jesus Christ.
Where do you get these names?
I'll tell you what I'll do for you.
I'll go to the airport tomorrow.
If there's no problem,
I'll get you your money.
But I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Maybe I should call this Ray Barboni and
see if he wants to invest in my movie.
Don't waste your time. He's not
a movie fan. Now give me the key.
Tell him he's got to be out there
by five in the morning.
Because the actor'll only work one night.
I gotta go. Yeah.
- Who is it?
I heard that.
- Hello, Doris.
- Harry Zimm.
You look like a wet kiss.
Yum. Well, aren't you gonna offer me
whatever it is you taste like?
Come in, Doris.
My favourite colour. Putty.
I like it.
What do you want, Doris?
- I miss Murray, Harry.
- I miss him, too.
Hell of a good writer. I should know,
I discovered him. made him what he was.
What he was was a hack. He couldn't
get a job writing for anybody but you.
I'm being honest. He was a lousy writer,
but he was a good husband.
- I just didn't know till it was too late.
- Yeah, well, - hindsight and all that.
I hate being alone.
The house is so quiet, so lonely.
a man's touch.
Nice necklace, Doris.
- I don't know how I feel about this.
- Mmm... You seem to feel fine about it.
I mean morally.
Murray was a friend.
Does this mean that you're going to
reconsider our deal on Mr Lovejoy?
No, but I did talk to a gorgeous
young executive over at Paramount
who just happened
to get his hands on the script.
What'd he say?
He said if Martin's interested,
I can get half a million for it easy.
Don't worry, Harry.
I'm still gonna give you till Friday.
How honourable of you.
You want me to go... just say so.
What the hell.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Ray Barboni?- Who is this?
- Is this the guy they call Ray Bones?- It depends. Who is this?
- Who is this?
This is the one telling you
the way it is. OK, asshole?
- You want your grand or don't you?
- What grand are you talking about?
The grand a guy named Leo Devoe
scammed off an airline.
The grand that Chili Palmer
now has in his possession.
Hello? Are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
I just don't like this anonymous crap.
It means you're either a chickenshit
or you're not for real.
Trust me, I am very for real.
- OK, then. So who are you?
- I happen to work for Harry Zimm.
- Harry Zimm, a major Hollywood player.
- I never heard of him.
- You should leave fucking Miami, dipshit.
Maybe you ought to get on a plane, come
out to LA, take a meeting with Mr Zimm.
OK. So, this Zimm guy. What is he
asking for, a finder's fee or something?
Hey, Zimm don't ask for dick.
Zimm tells you the way it is, or else.
- Or else what?
- Or else Use your fucking imagination.
Excuse me, could you help me?
I got a surprise gift in here for my wife.
I was wondering if you could you put it
in locker C for me.
- Ten bucks. Take you two minutes.
- Yeah, OK.
And you'll need some of this.
Better make it quick, though.
She's in the john.
Let's go, boys.
Excuse me, sir.
Agent Curtis, Drug Enforcement.
These are Agents Dunbar and Morgan.
Would you come with us, please?
- What's going on?
- Let's just behave ourselves.
Mr Barbone? Welcome to LA. I'm Bobby,
your driver. Did you have a good flight?
I hope you drive better
than you fucking spell.
The name is Barboni, not Barbone, OK?
- Want to go to the hotel first, Mr Escobar?
- I want to get my fucking money.
You live in Miami?
What are you doing in Los Angeles?
I'm in the movie business.
I'm a producer.
- You have a card in this?
- Not yet. I just got started.
What is this all about?
I got a search warrant
says I could strip-search you.
- Pat him down.
- Put your hands on the wall.
- Spread your legs.
- What are you doing at the airport?
I was meant to pick up my wife,
but she wasn't on the plane.
You live in Miami.
Why is she coming in from Newark?
We had a fight, and she left me,
went back to Brooklyn.
I called her. "Come out West. A change
of scenery might get us back together. "
She said OK, but evidently
she changed her mind.
- Your wife a Lakers fan?
- I am. I'm a fan of everything that's LA.
- I love it out here.
- He's clean.
You can go.
What are you looking for, anyway?
A bomb or something?
- Something that shouldn't be here.
- Is that right?
Why not get an attendant
to open all the lockers?
- I'll think about it.
- I'd do that.
Then I'd get the right guy next time.
Mr Barbone, if you ever wanna go to
the beach, this is the freeway you take.
On the weekend, there's no traffic.
I'm from Miami fucking Beach
and you wanna show me the ocean.
Does the sun ever shine here,
or is this smog around all the time?
They say the smog's the reason
we have such beautiful sunsets.
That's what they say, huh?
What a bunch of fucking bullshit.
Gee, I don't know
how I missed you in that shirt.
It's the same as the other one,
except a different-coloured hibiscus.
- What, you didn't have the key on you?
- You think I'd be here?
If you're gonna set someone up and you
want it to work, it's gotta be a surprise.
You spotted 'em, huh?
What, did you see it work
in some movie you got beat up in?
- I gotta ask you for that key back.
- Wait a minute. The setup didn't work,
and you want the key back?
Bo said if you didn't
open the locker, the deal's off.
This is how you guys do business?
I'm surprised you're not dead.
There's no fucking way you're getting
that key unless you put a gun to my head.
- Now move away from the fucking car.
- I don't need a gun for you.
All right, all right.
All right, slow down.
Breathe through your mouth, slow.
Bear, look at me.
You tell your boss I don't ever wanna see
him again. A deal's a deal. You got that?
What are you hanging around
a guy like that for, anyway?
You were in the movies.
You're a stunt man, right?
What's he ever done
that he can talk about?
- You OK?
- Not too bad.
How about when you fell
down the stairs?
I pulled my quadriceps.
- So, how many movies you been in?
- About .
What were some of them?
- You'd have seen none of 'em.
- What were some of them?
- You wouldn't know.
- I know movies.
Who is it?
I'm the dipshit
who's never been out of Miami.
Mr Barboni, what a nice surprise.
Have a seat. Right here, right here.
Ray Bones... Barboni, sorry.
They say the fucking smog is the reason
you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.
- What do you mean, he faked them out?
- He knew it was a setup.- So where's the money?
- I guess it's still in the locker.- You mean you don't know?
- I mean I don't care, Bo. I really don't.
Bear, I'm gonna call you later.
Mr Escobar, what a surprise.
Welcome to LA.
- Where's my nephew?
- Your who?
Yayo. Where is he?
I haven't seen Yayo.
He's my sister's kid. No father.
Personally, I think he's a retard.
I gave him the job as a favour
to my sister. You understand?
- Family. I know how that goes.
- He comes up here with our product.
He's supposed to come back home
with the $ . He never shows up.
Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy,
calling me all the time.
Me, I just wanna know
what happened to my fucking money.
I don't know. I gave the man his money,
I sent him on his way.
You gave him the money?
I gave him the key to a locker
that had the money in it.
Why would you put
the money in a locker?
There were a zillion DEA guys
hanging around the terminal.
A zillion? That's a lot, huh?
Maybe your nephew
panicked and took off.
Why are you talking to me this bullshit?
I think maybe I have Ramon and Cesar
staple your tongue to your chin.
- What do you think?
- I think you speak very good English.
We're gonna spend the weekend
at the Universal Sheraton.
Take the tour, see the shark. Check out
that Miami Vice action spectacular.
After, we're gonna come back here,
get my money.
And Yayo, too.
- His fucking nephew?
- You go straight to the bank.Raid the limo account.
We got dick in the bank.
We dumped it all into Harry's movie.
I'm talking about you, Ray Barboni,
owning a piece of a major motion picture.
How much of a piece is entirely up to you.
What I'm saying is,
you could invest part of the grand
that Palmer owes you, or all of it.
It's entirely up to you.
Where's Chili Palmer?
Where's Leo Devoe?
- Where's my fucking money?
- Ray, look at me.
- Look at me, Ray.
- Did you just say look at you?
- Look at me, Ray.
I'll tell you what, Harry.
Why don't you take a fucking look at this?
And have a peek at this.
You know, Harry, this is
the exact fucking thing I needed.
A little fucking exercise...
after that long fucking...
You got a big problem, Harry.
Come on, Harry, don't pass out on me.
Look at me, Harry.
Where's my money? Where's my money?
Harry, I'm gonna ask you one more time,
then I gotta shoot you
if you don't tell me what I wanna know.
Where's my money?
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Ray Barboni from Miami.
What's that supposed to mean?
That man belongs to me and my partner.
- This piece of shit owes me money.
- Get in line.
- I don't like waiting in lines.
- Tough shit. This ain't Miami.
You want something,
you gotta talk to me.
No, no, no, no. Fuck you, fuckball.
LA is an open city, and I don't have to
get permission from nobody for nothing.
Well, I just closed it.
You must be what they call
one of those quick-draw artists,
the way you got your gun
stuck way down in your belt.
What have you got there?
Fucking Fiat of guns. Always jamming
on you at the wrong time.
Don't you puke on my shoes, Harry.
I want you to do me a favour.
I want you to take this gun and
put a pill in the bro over there.
I know what you're thinking.
"Why shoot him? He's already dead. "
But, you see, the police have tests
to tell whether or not a guy fired a gun.
And I was never here.
Do you understand that, Harry?
I was never here.
If you say I was, I'm gonna come back
and throw you outta that fucking window.
All right, knock it off.
We haven't got a lot of time.
That's it. That's it.
- Not a worry in the world.
- Your pool needs skimming.
That was Martin.
He wants to have lunch tomorrow.
- It depends on who's paying.
- Definitely not Martin.
Movie stars never pick up the bill.
They have no idea what things cost.
Most of them don't know
their phone number or their zip code.
I just can't get used to the idea
that the two of you were together.
- You don't like Martin much, do you?
- No, I do. I do. I think he's...
I think he's short.
I know he's a good actor, but what
was it exactly that you saw in him?
Martin was different then.
He wasn't a movie star.
Anyway, what about your story?
You thought of a title yet?- Yeah. How about Get Shorty?
- How about Chili's Hollywood Adventure?
Ah, that's a different story.
I'm still working on that one.
I'm still getting the visual fabric together.
But I have added to it.
- Yeah. There's a girl in it now.
Mm-hm. She looks a lot like you.
I think you could be an actor.
You act sometimes, but you don't show it.
You thought I was faking?
No, not then.
I mean in general.
What, you don't mean a movie star?
More like a character actor?
I can see myself in the parts
that Robert De Niro plays,
or maybe an Al Pacino movie,
playing a real hard-on.
I couldn't see myself in a movie where
like the three guys get left with a baby,
they don't know how to take care of it,
so they act like assholes...
Chili, look at me.
Leave a message.Karen, it's Doris.
You might wanna come by Cedars tonightand visit Harry in the emergency room.
I stopped by his office to see if he wanted
to take me to Le Dôme for dinner.
I see Harry and some other man
lying on the floor.
- Harry, my God.
- He can't talk. He's full of Demerol.
- What happened?
According to Todd - Sergeant Randall -
a man named Ronnie came by
Harry's office to collect on a debt.
- He got rough and Harry shot him.
- You shot Ronnie?
Hello, hello. OK, here we go.
Looks like Mr Zimm here
has a broken jaw and some neck trauma
to go with these fractured hands.
Excuse us, folks.
Harry, Martin wanted to meet us for lunch
tomorrow at the Ivy, and I cancelled,
but he's going to Cannes next week,
so I think Chili and I should still go.
OK. Who wants to take a crack
at wiring Mr Zimm's jaw?
- Son of a bitch.
- Hi, Bo.
Little honey bunny.
- You wipe your feet before you come in?
That's my girl.
Keep Uncle Bo's carpet nice and white.
- I've been calling you. Where you been?
- See the paper?
Yeah, I seen it. I don't believe it.
It says Harry shot Ronnie five times: four
through the chest, one through his foot.
His foot. Jesus...
Tonight I got one for you
that doesn't involve no heavy work.
Go take a look around
Chili Palmer's hotel room.
No, I can't. I can't.
I gotta take Farrah
over to her mother's in Costa Mesa...
And that don't matter, cos I quit.
I don't work for you no more.
I came to tell you to your face,
so we got no misunderstanding.
Bear, the Colombians are in LA,
all upset about their money,
and it turns out as a bonus
that Yoyo was Escobar's nephew.
That's your problem.
You went and shot the guy.
Farrah? Hey, honey bunny.
Come here, Farrah Come here,
honey bunny. Come and see Uncle Bo.
Yeah! You know Uncle Bo
hates being alone.
He hates it so much, if he takes a fall,
he's not gonna fall by himself.
He's gonna plea-deal his way out,
give up his ace stunt man,
now one of the West Coast's dope kings,
if they go easy on the Cat.
In federal joints, you get an extra five
minutes with your daddy on Father's Day.
Just let her go, Bo.
After this one, I'm out. You understand?
This is the last time we talk to each other.
Remember Harry's story
about the dry-cleaner
who stole grand from the airline?
What about him?
Look for it in Palmer's hotel room
while I check out Karen Flores's place,
see if he hasn't stashed it somewhere.
And you meet me back here at midnight.
So what kind of food
they got at this Ivy place?
It's Continental, but Martin
won't order from the menu anyway.
Movie stars can never
order from the menu.
They have to think of something
they have to have that isn't on the menu.
Harry, what are you doing here?
You should be in the hospital.
Hey, Harry, you look like you ought to be
in one of your own horror movies.
- What'd he say?
- "My project. "
Right this way.
You're a celebrity. You shoulda
shot someone a long time ago.
Excuse me. How you doin'?
How you doin'?
- Hey, Chili.
- Good to see you. Great to see you.
Oh, my goodness.
- Hi, Martin.
- Sweet face.
Honey, you look great.
You smell good, too.
I hear you had quite an experience.
Well, anyway, I'm glad you're OK.
I'm also glad
you rejected me ten years ago,
when I auditioned for the part
of Eddie Solomon, the paedophile clown.
If I'd have gotten that part,
I might have been typecast.
Have you guys ordered?
I have something after this. Can we order?
Excuse me. Could you...?
- Hi, what's your name?
I feel like an omelette.
Can you make an egg-white omelette
with slightly brown shallots and no salt?
Why don't you bring one for the table?
We'll all pick on it.
How about having strawberry frappés,
the drinks with little strawberries in 'em?
And bring two straws for Harry.
Anyway, I think the romance angle
in your story is critically important.
This shouldn't be just a hop in the sack.
These two should fall in love.
Then, later, when their lives are
in danger and the mob guy's chasing 'em,
it heightens the tension and adds
a wistful element to their romance.
As the mob guy, it's another
man's wife I'm sleeping with, so...
- And, after all, you have such morals.
- Mob guy?
Look, I have to run,
but what I would like to see
is that they begin to have misgivings
about wanting the money.
This becomes a moral dilemma
for the two of them.
They rationalise taking it,
but in the end, they can't.
- What money?
- large. What other money is there?
I know I should read the script first, but
I have a such a good feeling about this.
I am that shylock.
Look at me, Harry.
You're really getting it down.
It scares me how well I know this guy.
I could do this tomorrow,
no further preparation.
Doll face. You really should think
about getting back into acting.
- We could do something together.
- I'll give it some heavy thought.
Take care of yourself.
Here, let me help you out.
Chili, wake up.
- It's Harry.
- How do you know?
He's doing what you did to him,
playing Letterman on TV.
That's not Dave, that's a movie. Hm.
- You gonna go down?
- I don't know.
- You don't know?
- I know, I'm going.
Karen, you got a gun?
Any kinda gun'll do.
Sounds like Rio Bravo.Guess I'll take that drink now, Charlie.I thought you would.You want that gun, pick it up.I wish you would.
- I need the money.
- What money?
The grand that you got
from a dry-cleaner named Leo.
Let me get this straight.
You break into Karen Flores's house,
and ask for grand
that doesn't belong to you?
Just give me the money.
I can't believe how you guys do business,
how fucked up your organisation is.
How about I count to three
and organise your brain all over the wall?
- You're gonna shoot me now, huh?
- I can't believe this...
She can't talk right now.
They oughta give you more work.
I'll get you the money.
But it's not here. I gotta go get it.
Fine. In the meantime,
I'll hold on to her for safekeeping.
- You know Laurel Canyon?
- I'll find it.
I'm at Wonderland Avenue,
right off Laurel.
I'll be there, Karen.
- You get the money?
- No. What is this?
You make yourself comfortable.
- Karen Flores is plan B?
- That's what I said.
- She's a movie star!
- I don't care.
- Oh, for Christ's sake.
- I'm gonna make a little trade.
- For money.
- You get life for kidnapping.
- Calm down.
- You're talkin' about life in prison!
- Don't fade on me now.
- You gonna shoot me now?
- Go ahead. Put me out of my misery.
- I said, calm the hell down.
Unless you wanna spend your life holding
Farrah on your lap in a roomful of felons.
So, this is one of them houses you see
hanging off the side of the cliff.
- Where's Karen?
- In my bathroom.
Where's the money?
- Let me see her.
- Go ahead.
Are you OK?
He's got a fucking pink toilet,
for Christ's sake.
Give me the money.
First, I'm gonna settle something between
you and me. I've been shot at before.
Once by accident, twice on purpose,
and I'm still here.
I'm gonna be here as long as I want.
That means you gotta be somewhere else.
Nowhere near me, Karen or Harry.
Here's your money.
Take it, and leave the movie business to
the rest of us who know what we're doing.
Come on, Karen.
You broke in my house,
and I have a witness to it.
Only it ain't John Wayne or Dean Martin
shooting bad guys in El Dorado.That was Rio Bravo. Robert Mitchum
played the drunk in El Dorado.Dean Martin played the drunk
in Rio Bravo. Basically the same part.
John Wayne did the same on both.
He played John Wayne.
- Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.
- Are you gonna let him talk to me...?
That's for the stairs,
and that's for the airport.
Bear, get him off my carpet
before he starts to bleed.
You wanna take this guy out?
You come out here, make it look like he
came at us. You shoot him: self-defence.
Shouldn't he have a weapon,
a knife or something?
- I'll get it later.
- Right, Bear, that's enough.
Enough! He's gonna look like somebody
beat him up and then shot him.
No, he ain't.
We gotta get the fuck outta here!
- What the hell are you doin'?
- Karen, what the fuck are you doing?
- Oh, shit.
- She's shooting at us.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
How do you think that happened?
Beats the shit outta me.
- Were you scared up there?
- You bet.
- You don't act like it.
- I was scared then, not now.
How long do you want me to be scared?
I'll be right back.
- How'd you get in here?
- It was easy. I told them I was you.
- I acted real stupid and they believed me.
- What brings you to LA, Bones?
Please, don't insult me,
just turn around. Turn around!
Do you know that
you're the dumbest fuck I ever met?
Let me take a look in these pockets.
You shoulda told me about Leo Devoe.
Why would I do that?
Because the guy is a customer of mine,
that's why, dummy. He belongs to me.
Well, well, well, well, well.
What have we here?
I wonder what this could be.
A locker key?
- But where's the locker?
- I checked the bag at the airport.
- Which terminal?
You found Leo, huh? You found him,
You took the poor bastard's money,
you put it in a locker all ready to go.
- Why haven't you left?
- I like it out here.
You know, I've been thinking.
There's no reason
why you and I shouldn't get along.
Forget about that stuff before. I don't
even remember how all this started.
You took a swing at me
for some fuckin' thing. I say fuck it.
I say you owe me money. I say fuck that.
I say you owe me the juice on the money.
I say fuck that, too.
I say live and let die.
But this... this is
strictly between you and I.
You say nothing to nobody
about this. Understood?
- Whatever you say, Ray.
- I think it's only fair, don't you?
Then it's all settled.
I'll see you around.
The fucking airport.
Bingo, boys. Let's go.
Hey, Bones. Look at me.
Fuck you, fuckball.
- I am pushing the right button.
- You're not pushing the right button.
Every take I'm pushing the right button.
- Bear, show him how to do it.
- All right. I don't really know.
- What do you wanna do, Harry?
- We'll get it fixed.
It's a wrap.
Come back tomorrow. Fuck.
You should've gone into overtime
to get that shot.
This is only the second day,
we're already two weeks behind.
And do me a favour.
- Martin already told me that he loves it.
- Buddy, I don't think Martin is right.
- Why the hell not?
- Because he's too short.
- Why does he keep pushing Martin?
You can't make a Martin Weir
into a Mel Gibson.
Where do you wanna go?
Morton's or Dan Tana's?