Voila! Finally, the Ghoulies 2
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the 1987 movie sequel. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Ghoulies 2. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Moon's fuller than usual tonight.
Either it's full or it ain't, Ned.
A full moon cannot get any fuller.
You wanna be a magician, nephew...
you got to pay attention to the moon.
You gotta pay attention to the truck.
lt's overheating again.
This is Satan's Den
calling Aladdin's Ham. Over.
This is Aladdin Ham, Satan's Den.Dixie on the horn.Want me to tell you alla bedtime story? Over.
l think the radiator's had it.
We have to find some kind of garage
somewhere, somehow. Over.
Good luck. Just don't be lategetting to Greenville.Big day tomorrow. Over.
You're wrong, sweetheart.
lt's a small day tomorrow...
when the accountants take over the carnival.
A small day indeed.
Over and out.
Just keep an eye out
for an open garage, all right?
lt's the fullest moon l've ever seen.
lt's a magic moon, nephew.
A magic moon.
Behind the door.
Take a look around.
He's gotta be close somewhere.
Thank you, Lord.
By the Lord God Almighty,
maker of Heaven and Earth...
l denounce thee,
spawn of Satan, seed of the Devil!
deliver us from the Devil-worshippers
who have summoned these demons from
Hell, and loosed their evil on the world.
ls anybody here?
We could use some help.
Have they got any sealer in there?
We're gonna have to carry
some extra water with us.
l hope we make it to Greenville.
You better get some sleep, Unc.
-Are you with the carnival?
-Sir Nigel Penneyweight at your service.
l'm one of the denizens of Satan's Den.
Right over there, you see?
A den of death and transfiguration.
-This is supposed to be scary, right?
-lndeed it is.
And yours truly
is the chief author of those terrors.
Do me a favor, Mr. Nigel.
That's Sir Nigel.
Sir Nigel, yes.
Tell everybody that Philip Hardin...
would like to see them at the Ten and One
in half an hour. Thanks.
Mr. Hardin, we've been expecting you.
''They know not how their wits to wear...
''their manners are so apish.''
-Tough night. We had trouble with the truck.
-You mean he's bombed?
You better get him up! Hardin is here...
and he wants to see us all in minutes
at the Ten and One.
All right. l'm just getting up.
Here, old boy. Coffee.
An evil drug, caffeine. lt wakes you up.
l checked the lab and the tomb.
The place is almost ready.
Ready for what? Extinction?
When the accountant gets here...
you might just as well
throw the switch on this thing.
Don't say that.
-Because he's here.
Then we must greet the bugger.
Glad to see you made it, son. How's the rig?
-Can you fix a radiator leak?
-No, but l can do body work.
After this is over,
you wanna go into town and check it out?
We're putting in a new number,
l've gotta rehearse.
l guess everybody's glitzing up their act?
l'm Philip Hardin.
At present l'm head of accounting
at Hardin Enterprises.
You mean your father.
The company has asked for a complete audit
of all Hardin Enterprises holdings...
including this carnival.
l've also been empowered,
by the company...
to address any debit or shortfall
with commensurate action.
What means ''address debit''?
He means that if he thinks,
in his ageless wisdom...
that your act isn't making enough money,
you have to hit the road.
He's absolutely correct.
Let's get down to the bottom line.
lf some of the attractions don't show a profit
by the time we leave Greenville...
they'll be closed down.
You can't just draw a bottom line
in the dirt...
and dare people to cross over it.
This carnival is our life, all our lives.
This carnival is a business,
and it'll be run like a business.
A carnival runs on magic.
A company runs on profit,
and a company owns this carnival.
Satan's Den's been losing money
You're dead space on the midway,
and that costs us.
You have till the end of the weekend
to turn it around.
Satan's Den's been part of this outfit
l'm concerned with the future.
You pull your weight,
or you get out of the way.
Come on, Uncle Ned.
We gotta set up the Den.
Excuse me, Mr. Hardin.
This carnival would be nothing
without Satan's Den.
lt's practically nothing now, Sir Nigel.
But don't worry, there's always room for you
at the freak show.
l'm an actor, sir, not a freak.
l played the Fool in King Lear at the Old Vic.
Then you could be useful
at the attraction we've contracted...
to take the place of the spook house.
And what attraction is that?
He plans to replace Satan's Den...
with a ladies' mud wrestling tent.
And he wanted me to be the referee.
l'm an actor, not a mudslinger.
We won't be replaced.
We're gonna make money this weekend.
How do you expect to do that?
The new sophisticated carnival audience...
doesn't seem to find our horrors
horrible enough any more.
Then l'll do what you said.
l'll give them real magic.
Of course, a little abracadabra...
and up pops ghastly demons from Hell.
That'll really scare people. Not like Nigel...
who wears a stifling suit
for six hours every night...
running around trying to frighten children
who laugh at beheadings...
and the newest fashions in mutilations
every week at the local cinema.
We'll add a magic show
right after the torture chamber.
You can put up a spotlight and do
your old act: the Great Fausto returns.
The Great Fausto has been dead
for over years.
l should never have let your parents
send you here.
You can still do it.
You taught me magic all summer.
That's why l came here.
-To learn from the master.
-The master? That's great.
He can do anything.
He can even make this bottle disappear.
Patty, l need you for the late shift.
l can't. l have a date. An old flame.
You got more flames than Hell.
This one gave me the little gold coin.
The sailor in Ohio gave you a little anklet,
and that putz in Texas gave you a little boot.
You go to dinner, l don't see you
for three days. Look, you're already packed.
So l'm popular.
-You're fired if you don't show.
Damn cat, where are you?
-Hi, Patty. Where are you going?
-l'm leaving this dump.
-Did you see my little Muffy?
l mean my kitten, musclehead.
Think l saw him by the Satan's Den.
Are you in there?
You silly little thing. Where are you?
l know you're in here.
Come on, l have Mr. Mouse.
Are you in there?
Come on out.
''Come forth, all ye imps and sprites...
''and demons of the spirit world.
''The Great Fausto commands you!''
l don't need any demons.
l got my own private ones.
one of the worst goddamn tricks...
in the history of phony baloney magic.
He will pull a rabbit...
out of his hat.
Oh, my God!
l've got the DTs.
l'm seeing things.
l'm hearing things.
The magic, it works.
l called you up.
Me, the Great Fausto!
l command you to do my bidding.
Stay right there.
Nephew, come here for a minute.
You've got to see this.
''l am better than thou art.
''l am a fool, thou art nothing.''
Where are you?
The sweet and bitter fool
will presently appear.
There you are. l've done it.
l've done it, man!
Got stinking drunk before the show again?
You have my congratulations.
l performed magic.
Did you make Philip Hardin disappear?
l'm gonna show you.
lt's in the trunk.
What do you think of that?
-Think of what?
-ln the trunk.
l know they were real.
l made an incantation.
And they appeared. Little demons.
Damn it, Ned!
They're gonna close us down,
and you're so drunk you can't see.
Who's gonna be the barker?
Nigel and l gotta work the gags.
-What the hell good are you?
-He's sick, can't you see that?
He needs help.
They were real.
Honest, Larry, they were real.
you all take tips by hand.
We're almost ready.
Miss Nicole La Fevre?
lt's pronounced ''La Fay.''
l wonder if l might talk to you for a moment?
l wonder if l might talk to you for a moment?
We're on in just a few minutes.
Perhaps after the performance?
l have a few questions l'd like to ask.
l have five shows tonight.
l believe it's important for us to discuss
your future with this organization.
After your last show, then?
-l'll be here.
They don't call him Hardin
for nothing, honey.
Come on, you guys. You like?
They walk, they talk...
they crawl on their bellies like....
Yes, folks. The most gorgeous reptiles
in the whole world.
They sway. They undulate.
They are irresistible.
And they'll be dancing inside
in five minutes.
Yes, folks, the show starts in five minutes.
And it all goes on...
Ladies and gentlemen!
Behold the open gate to Hell!
You never know what to expect
on the inside.
Get your tickets now.
-ls it really scary, mister?
-l bet it's not. l bet it's stupid.
lf the demons don't get you,
you'll be all right.
-You have to leave your radio outside.
-The hell l do.
He don't go nowhere without his tunes.
Shut up, Merle.
You can take the radio inside,
but you must turn it down.
You'll be ruining other people's enjoyment.
We're gonna enjoy ourselves.
Wow, look at that!
Look at the bat.
lt's just stupid plastic.
Hey, look at that.
Don't go up there.
You're gonna get us in trouble.
Will you give me a break?
-Cheap piece of shit.
-We better get out of here.
This place sucks.
Let's see the rest of it.
Don't tickle me.
Good evening, friends.
l am so scared.
Hey, lover boy.
-You know Merle, he's lost.
Let's ditch Merle.
You'll never see him again.
-But it's a good guillotine.
Yeah, it's okay.
lt's a rat, stupid.
lt looks real.
Wait, it could have rabies or something.
Don't be such a dork, Leo.
We better get out of here.
You're dead rat meat!
Did you see that?
This place is better than Epcot Center.
-Come on, let's go and get the guys.
-We gotta show the guys this.
Are you ready for some rock 'n' roll?
What the hell was that?
l don't know.
Looked like a bat or something.
God damn it!
What's going on?
-lt broke my tunes.
Some bat, or....
l don't know what the fuck it was!
Bobby, let's go, please.
Okay, babe. We're going.
Hey, man, bring my tunes.
God damn it.
-l think we better go with them.
-lt's just a cat.
Don't worry about it.
Get it off!
Then the rat caught the star in its mouth
and started to chew on it.
Then it spit this gook all over me.
Let's go and get some more tickets.
Okay, all right.
-All right, don't shove.
-l'm gonna sue their ass.
This place is dangerous.
Here we go.
Where the hell are you guys?
Come on, guys.
Stop fooling around.
Whatever you are, let me go!
l'll kick your ass, fuzzball.
Three shots for a quarter,
ladies and gentlemen.This pool is waiting for you.
That was great!
Here you go. For both of you.
Looks like you're having a good night.
An excellent night.
l'd like to see the receipts after you close.
l'll be staying in Mr. Penneyweight's trailer.
You'll like it. lt's very cozy.
What caused the turnaround?
We wanna see the rats, man.
Where are they?
l wanna see the bats.
You're welcome to them, Philistines.
See, there he is.
Come on, guys.
-Here they are!
See? They're all over the place.
They're really neat.
-lsn't that clever?
-lt must be remote control.
You're a fascinating woman, Miss La Fevre.
l might as well tell you right now.
The only thing l want...
is to make enough money
to leave this carnival as soon as possible.
Sorry to hear that.
Old Ray thinks you have potential
as a specialty act.
l don't think so.
That's a shame.
lt's gonna be difficult
to make that kind of money...
without unique talent.
Sorry, my talents are strictly ordinary.
You're too modest.
Walking on a cable feet above the ground
without a safety net is extraordinary.
How did you find out about that?
bought out Kelsey's Carnival.
They acquired a wire-walking act.
The Fabulous La Fevres?
Would you care to step inside
and talk about it?
That's Sir Nigel's trailer.
He was kind enough to let me use it
during my stay here.
After you, Mr. Hardin.
Do you think you can fit in that bed,
Have a seat, Miss La Fevre.
They were real.
l'll show 'em.
You can stay with us tonight, Nigel.
Thank you, Lawrence.
l wonder how our visitor is doing
in the executive suite?
l imagine he finds it a trifle...
A wee bit wee.
A little bit little.
A tiny bit tiny.
A wee bit wee. A tiny bit tiny.
l like that, yes.
lt's been a pleasure.
Nice talking to you. Good night.
Here you go, Mr. Hardin.
One night's receipts.
lt's impressive, but uncharacteristic.
Our records show Satan's Den's
never made this in a weekend...
much less a single night.
l'll reserve judgment till l see more figures.
You've already made up your mind.
l never close my mind to profit.
That's bad business.
What is the problem, Officer?
They say their friend went in Satan's Den
and never come out.
We were attacked by
some big-ass mother bat.
Our friends got caught up
in this gooey, sticky shit.
My tunes are still in there.
l don't know about your friends
or your tunes.
Easy, boy. l know these kids.
l don't know you.
Officer, l'm sure we can
clear up this situation.
l'm gonna shut your ass down.
Don't let this be real.
lt is real...
and l'm responsible.
l called you up.
You must obey my bidding!
l command you...
go back to the Hell that spawned you!
l need the book.
l've assured the officer that nothing
out of the ordinary's happened here tonight.
And if that young man or the radio
we'll notify the police immediately.
-You sure there's nobody in there?
-Nobody at all.
Then how'd that happen? Magic?
''Expulsion of demons...
''through demonic intercession.''
Expulsion. That's gotta be it.
Let go, you little bastard!
''Make a pentagram...
''on the floor.''
l'm a magician, you sons of bitches!
You can't kill me!
There's another switch in the back.
Maybe my uncle turned it on.
He was asleep when l left him.
Everybody stay close.
-What the hell is going on here?
-l don't know.
That old drunk causes any trouble
for this carnival....
-That's what shorted out the lights.
-But what turned them on?
Kirby, find that other switch.
-l'll get an ambulance.
-He's dead, boy.
Don't touch anything.
There'll have to be an inquiry.
l'm afraid it's obvious
what's happened here.
That's Ned Prentiss.
Everyone at the carnival will tell you
that Ned had a drinking problem.
He was obviously drunk, stumbling around,
and had a tragic accident.
Here you go, Lawrence.
l brought you some coffee.
Damn thing hasn't been tuned in ages.
No wonder we're always the last rig
at every stop.
Larry, listen. l'm gonna miss him, too.
He was a fine man, and a trooper.
Don't let this place do to you
what it did to him.
Did you clean up yet?
No. l have no intention
of doing any such thing.
Why don't you let it rest? At least for today.
And what will you do when Hardin fires us?
How many openings are there
for second-rate hobgoblins?
Are you a member
of the dwarfs' union, or what?
''They for sudden joy did weep,
and l for sorrow sung.''
Your coffee's getting cold.
Damn piece of rubbish!
Oh, my God!
You are real.
And you're everywhere.
Keep away from me!
l'm so sorry about Ned.
-l know how you feel.
-No, you don't.
Do you wanna go someplace
and talk about it?
Why don't you talk to Hardin? Or did you
tell him everything you had to last night?
That's not fair. He called me in
to discuss a business proposition.
He's good at that.
He just offered to buy me out.
-What'd you tell him?
-l told him to go to hell.
Wanna get some coffee?
When l saw you standing
in front of Nigel's trailer with Hardin--
He found out l used to walk the wire
for another carnival.
He wanted me to take up the act again.
l said no.
Why not? The money's good.
-l'm afraid of heights.
l didn't used to be.
The act was a double. My brother and l.
He used to ride a bike on the wire
with me on his shoulders.
We'd also pass each other on the wire.
One time, almost two years ago...
we were making a crossing.
lt was a tough one.
Outdoors in a wind.
l was so scared.
But when l looked at him,
he smiled at me, this big smile.
And then he was gone.
l almost fell, too. l grabbed for the wire.
As l looked down...
he missed the net.
So you see, l do know how you feel.
What the hell's going on?
You want in there,
you buy a ticket just like everybody else.
-When the carnival opens.
-No, l run this attraction.
Not according to
the Greenville Circuit Court.
l've been thinking about this all day
and l'm willing to sell...
if you keep Nigel as part-owner.
He needs the bread and the gig.
l've been thinking about it too.
l don't think this company needs
either of you.
Ned was right.
All you think about is your bottom line.
You've got until opening time
to get off the lot.
What about Nigel?
Sir Nigel can have his trailer back.
But if you see him...
please tell him we put a lien on his car.
Where the hell is Patty?
That broad's gonna be the death of me.
Nigel, what are you doing?
Are they still out there?
Did you see them? They're everywhere.
-What? What's the matter?
Living things, like demons.
-They're after me.
-ls this another scene from Shakespeare?
They were here. l saw them.
l found this. That's Patty's bracelet.
l think they must have
done something to her.
-Patty ran off with some guy from town.
-l know what l saw.
-They were demons.
-Listen to me, there is no such thing.
-They're vicious monsters.
Four, five, fifty.... Who knows?
Look at its teeth.
Remember the bites on Ned's neck?
l'm gonna kill them!
Come on, everybody!
You've never seen a sight like this.
-Where are you going?
-Our friend's in there.
-You still got to have a ticket.
There's demons in there!
They're attacking Larry.
-There's demons, l tell you.
-You seen my friend Merle in there?
-No, l don't know.
Please, you must help him!
l beg your pardon! Please put me down!
Here you go, squirt.
Please, somebody, help him!
There's trouble at the Den.
Better get over there.
Ray, there's trouble in the Den.
Get your piece.
Dixie, run the show till l get back!
-Larry, what is it?
-Just stay here. We can handle it.
-l'm coming with you.
-lf they need us they'll call.
lt's the Den. Real trouble.
-You need me, Larry?
-l hope not.
You must stop selling tickets.
People could be killed.
Stop! Sorry folks, Satan's Den is closed.
This attraction is open for business.
You're trespassing. You'll be prosecuted.
The rest of you get back to work!
Larry said there is trouble at the Den,
When he says no more trouble, we go.
There's a serious problem there.
People are in danger in there.
lf he takes one step toward that entrance,
-Then shoot me!
-Stop right there.
-What the hell is the matter with you?
-What do you want me to do, shoot a kid?
Help me! l am not kidding. Come on.
Get me out of here!
Help me! Will you get me out of here,
you fucking little kids?
Get those kids out of here!
Come on, kids, move! Come on, get out!
l'll get you out! Hold it.
Hurry up, man.
-Hurry up, get out of here!
-Okay, mangy bastards, come on!
-Where are they?
No wonder you did such a great business.
Where'd you get them?
-That's very funny.
Look, you moron,
these things have got to be wiped out!
-They kill people!
l'm not responsible. And, legally,
l don't see what you've got against--
Jesus, God in Heaven! lt's Patty.
They're getting away.
Close the carnival, Hardin,
before they kill again!
$ to any man who brings me one alive.
You son of a bitch!
What is that?
lt's a demon.
There's a bunch loose in the carnival.
-What happened to your hand?
l burnt it trying to kill one.
Let's get the carnies together.
Get out of there, wimp.
Just a minute, sir. You forgot your gloves.
-l don't need no gloves.
-That's the rules.
-Choose your prize, champ.
-Which one, sugar?
Looks just like you.
You couldn't hit a bar with a bazooka.
Move on, loser.
Let some other guy have a chance.
lf we didn't give you the balls,
you wouldn't have any.
l'm telling you,
the trick is not to look down and--
We've tried everything!
Guns, knives, clubs. Nothing seems to work.
Why don't we try magic?
No, l'm serious.
lt came from something supernatural, right?
Then why don't we fight fire with fire?
All right, maybe you're onto something.
-What are you looking for?
The one Ned had in his hand when he died.
l know l put it back in this thing.
-Here it is.
-What is it?
-A book of magic spells and incantations.
-This is crazy!
l know it is, but it's our only chance.
This is it.
l'm gonna kill the owner of this place.
No, l'll sue the son of a bitch.
Then l'll kill him.
lt's not your fault.
You had nothing to do with it!
''Expulsion of demons through
demonic intercession.'' This better work.
-Make a pentagram on the floor.
-What's a pentagram?
lt's one of these.
This looks like Latin. This is your territory.
We gotta get that book back.
You'll never make it
with your hand all burned.
l can do it.
l'm going up there.
l'll be okay.
-Nicole, are you all right?
Here it is.
l hope that was the right spell.
He swallowed that thing whole.
He's got a good appetite for demons,
but how do we get rid of him?
l'm working on it.
Speed is of the essence.
l know it is. l'm doing the best l can.
Look out, the behemoth returns.
Hold on, old boy.
l'm just bone and gristle.
Help me out.
He's still hungry. l'm doomed.
That's a rare burgundy.
-Give me some kerosene.
-What are you doing?
Molotov cocktail. Watch.
-Here's the wick.
-You've already tried fire.
Right, they're tough on the outside.
But maybe they're soft on the inside.
All we need is a little appetizing ghoulie.
Here, hold this. Help me out with this.
Open the door when l tell you.
All right, now.
Bon appétit, motherfucker!
lf you ask me, it was those teenagers
playing that heavy metal devil music.
You're sure it's okay if l just leave?
Listen, honey, there ain't nothing else left
to tell the law.
You better get going.
Larry's waiting for you.
Maybe it's time that you moved along, too.
l can't do nothing else
but sling these old bones around.
l might as well stay here with all my friends.
l'll miss you. Thanks for everything.
Your carriage awaits, madame.
l'll never forget you.
-Take good care of the Den.
-l'll do Ned proud.
''Parting is such sweet sorrow that l....''
Oh, the hell with it. Good luck, you two.