Guarding Tess Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Guarding Tess script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Nicolas Cage and Shirley MacLaine movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Guarding Tess. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Guarding Tess Script






I'm going.



I thought I'd say goodbye.



Gentlemen, again, all the best.

Take good care.



Good luck and goodbye.



It's been fun.



Here you go, sir.



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



I'm here to see

the director of the Secret Service.



Okay. Thanks.



Is there anyplace

where I could put my bags?



Over there.



- Thank you.

- Okay.



Congratulations, Doug. You've done

a terrific job on a tough detail.



Well, thank you, sir.

It wasn't that tough, actually.



Summersville, Ohio, is not exactly

the center of the universe...



of course. But it's

a nice, quiet little place.



Guarding Mrs. Carlisle gave me time to

pick up many hours towards my Master's.



- Oh, great.

- Of course, now I am hoping...



for a little more active assignment,

maybe back in the White House...



or a criminal assignment

out of New York or L.A.




Let's sit over here.



Yes. Sir.






- Yes?

- Coffee.



- Certainly. It'll be just a moment.

- Thanks.



How is she?

What's she like?



Well, there's the public person who's,

you know, adored.



Then there's the private person

who can, at times...



be difficult to deal with if you

don't know how to handle the situation.



- And you did.

- Well, I guess, as well as anybody.



I don't envy my replacement,

I'll tell you that.



I was in her husband's White House,

and I saw her in better times.



She has her good days

and her bad days now.



I guess you could say...



she's several different personalities

in one, like many people.



Well, one of her personalities

called the White House last night...



and asked the president to arrange

that you stay with her for another tour.



The president?



I can't go back there.

I can't do three more years there.



I can't do three more minutes there.

It's... It... l...



I mean, it's...



the worst assignment there is

in the service.



Well then, we've got a problem

because the president...



is asking you to return to Mrs. Carlisle

as a personal favor to him.



What if I say no?



I'll call him and tell him,

uh, you said no.



Take a moment to think it over.

I'll check on the coffee.



In New Jersey, ice kept three dolphins

trapped in an inland waterway...



Wednesday, frustrating rescuers'

efforts to free the animals...



Where's the Columbus paper?

Who's got it?



Just checking my horoscope.



Frederick, I told you      times, she

can tell if we've read it before her.






- Morning, Doug.

- Morning.



- What are you doing here?

- Long story.



- Everything okay in Washington, Doug?

- Yeah.



Just back to pick up

your accoutrement?



Speak English.



Back to pick up your shit?



No smoking, Earl.



Why not?

She never comes down here.



It's a rule.



- I am shocked to see you back here.

- Are ya?



Ja. I thought you'd be guarding

Jackie O. By now...



standing outside the Russian Tea Room

for hour after hour in the snow...



with her inside, having little cakes and

chatting to her fashionable friends.



Here, Frederick.



- I'll do it this morning, Fred.

- Thank you.



Good morning.






Come in.



Douglas, darling.



Yes, ma'am?



You seem to have dropped

some of my things on the floor.



Would you kindly

pick them up for me?



Yes, ma'am.



That's a good boy.



Do I still have any influence in that

evil town, or have they forgotten me?



Ma'am, with all due respect,

why me?



Why, because I like you, Douglas.

And my feelings are a bit hurt...



that anyone would be that anxious

to get away from me.



Well, I certainly don't mean

to hurt your feelings, Mrs. Carlisle...



but my assignment here is finished,

and I'd like to get back to Washington.



Washington is a dead-end town,




unless you're there purely to make

money, which I'm sure you wouldn't be.



I'd like to go back.



- Well, I'm sorry, but I need you here.

- Mrs. Carlisle?






I'd just like you to know

that I came back of my own free will.



As an S.A. I. C... I could have refused


this assignment. But I didn't.



S.A. I.C.? What is that?



Ma'am, you know what that is.



No, I really don't.



You do.



Don't tell me what I do and don't know.

That is not your place.



What is a "saic"?



S.A.I.C. Stands for

"special agent in charge."



Oh, I see. A special agent, are we?

And in charge, no less.



My, my, my.



You rarely meet someone who's

a secret agent who's also in charge.



And why is he in char ge?



Well. Because he's

so doggone special.



And you did not come back

of your own free will.



If you had a free will,

you'd be miles from here.



I have some very exciting

news for you.



I have an inoperable

brain tumor.



I have bought you and your men

a SCUD missile launcher.



We are going to the opera in Columbus.

Which of those do you think is true?






I would like to drive to Columbus

a week from Friday.



Yes, ma'am. May I say,

it is good to see you getting out again?



- Is it?

- Yes, ma'am.



Thank you, Douglas.

That's very patronizing of you.



I suppose you couldn't

care less about opera.



- No, ma'am, I couldn't.

- Of course not.



You're a typical,

red-blooded American male.



You'd probably rather watch the reruns

of "Mr. Ed" on television, wouldn't you?



Tell me.



If you had to choose

between opera and "Mr. Ed"...



I'd choose "Mr. Ed"

in a second.



Always so honest.



I try.



Good for you, Agent Dougie.



Now put my rosebud on the tray

and get out.



As you can see,

I'm extremely busy.



Yes, ma'am.



I expect him any minute.

I'll tell him as soon as he comes in.



All right.






- She wants to see you.

- Oh, come on. I was just up there!



She called the president to demand I

pull another tour. How about that shit?



- Why?

- Because she likes me.



- Oh, you don't think that's the reason?

- I don't know. Who knows with her?



- She didn't say she likes me, did she?

- It has nothing to do with like.



She doesn't want a new guy

comin' in here, shakin' things up...



tryin' to get things running right.



She's got me broken in.

She'll never let me go.



Now my master calls again.



- Doug, come here. Check this out.

- Helen Grace. Helen?



Yes, Peter. In the city of Agua Dulce,

automatic wea pon fire broke out...



shortly after  :   local time.



The president was taken from the scene.

Secret Service plainclothesmen...



You see those Special Tactics guys?

They're everywhere.



The crowd had only seconds ago a pplauded

the American leader repeatedly.



- The men with the guns and rifles.

- Yes, Mrs. Carlisle?



- Are they U.S. Secret Service agents?

- Doug, she says it's urgent.



Tell her I'll be there

in    minutes.



He says he'll be there in    minutes.

Mrs. Carlisle?



Go up.



What does she want? Chocolate?

Some kind of goddamn fruit drink?



Do we look like a bunch of waiters?

We wanna be down there!



... some sort of charity work.

I have no idea...



... some sort of charity work.

I have no idea...



I got it!



- I'm coming!

- I can't do three more years of this.



I told you never to bring a gun

in this room. Now get it out.



Yes, ma'am.



How dare you

bring a gun in here?



- Sorry, Mrs. Carlisle.

- That's all right.



- That emergency alarm is to be used...

- It belongs to me.



I'll use it

anytime I want.



I think it bothers the neighbors.




What is it?



I want to play golf.






Golf. It's a game.

My husband and I used to play it.



- Do you remember that?

- Mrs. Carlisle, it's    degrees.



Thank you, Tom. Could you have

the car ready in half in hour?



- Yes. Ma'am.

- Thank you.



Now go on. Shoo.



Go on.









Would you mind

not standing there?



No, not there. Go over there

where I can see where you are.



- Didn't you guard Ford or Agnew?

- No, ma'am.



All they ever did was play golf,

which was a blessing for the country.



Yes, ma'am.

No, I was too young.



- What?

- Too young to serve Ford or Agnew.



Get back in the cart.

Get in the cart!



Yes, ma'am.



What is this all about?



She sits up in her room for five years,

and now we've got golf.



And opera.



- What's next?

- Synchronized swimming.



Why are you making noise?

We're trying to putt.






Why don 't you make yourselves useful?

One of you, come and hold the pin.



Yes, ma'am.






Would you be kind enough

to get my first ball, please, Doug?



I'm a Secret Service agent,

Mrs. Carlisle, not a caddy.



You want that ball?

I suggest you go get it yourself.



- Ralph?

- Yo!



Since you've insisted

on me staying...



you should know I intend

to do my job by the book...



which means we don't run errands,

we don't make snacks...



and we don't check our guns

at the door.



Now, if you don't like

any of this...



I suggest you call Washington

and get yourself a new man.



I'd be very careful

if I were you, Agent.



You 're way out of your depth.



Let's switch.



- I've got to go up to the clubhouse.

- Sure thing, Doug.



I told her...



"No more calling us 'gofers with guns,'

snacks in the middle of the night...



no more checking our weapons

outside your bedroom door."



You said that?



In so many words, I said,

from now on, we go by the book.



- And she stood for this?

- She didn't say a thing.



Oh, yeah. She tells me

to go find her ball.



I said, "I'm not a caddy.

I'm a Secret Service agent.



- You want that ball, find it yourself."

- Come on.



- Are you crazy?

- No. Here's why...



Doug, telephone.



- Hello?

- Mr. Chesnic?



- Yes.

- Please hold for the president.



- Hello?

- Uh, hello!



- That you, Doug?

- Yes, sir.



- How are ya?

- I'm fine. And you?



Well, I got this call

from Tess Carlisle.



And I know this sounds

a little crazy...



but did you tear up

some flowers of hers?



- Doug? You there?

- Yes, sir.



- Somethin' about a bunch of roses.

- Well, uh, no.



- It wasn't a bunch. sir.

- Uh-huh.



- Well, how many of them were there?

- Just one, sir.



I see.

And you tore it up, did ya?



- No, sir. I didn't tear it up.

- Well, what 'd you do?



- I merely removed the bud.

- From her flower?



Yes. Sir.



Okay. Well, let's get

past that for a second.



- I was her husband's vice president.

- Yes, sir.



Frankly, I owe a lot to the Carllsles.

She seconded my nomination.



- You know that too.

- Yes, sir.



Why don 't we try to get along better

in Ohio? What do you say?



- Yes, sir. Absolutely.

- I don 't get it.



One day she calls me,

says she can 't live without you.



Ne xt day, she's callin ',

almost in tears.



So maybe you two have some kind

of sicko thing goin' on...



- No! No, sir. I can tell you...

- I'll tell you this, Doug.



Any more phone calls from her, you 're

gonna be guardin' my dog. Understand?



- Yes, sir.

- 'Cause I probably got...



the most im portant job in the world,

and I feel like a goddamn idiot...



havin' to call you

about a goddamn flower I



- You know what I mean?

- I certainly do.



Are you gonna help me out

on this one?



- You can count on it, sir.

- Thanks. That 's what I wanted to hear.



- Have a nice evening, son.

- Yes, sir.






If you need hel p,

hang up and then dial your operator.



Hey, Mrs. Carlisle,

I got your laundry and a Whopper.



Who's this opera by again?






Oh, that's right.



I saw a movie about him.

The guy was a complete jerk.



The end of the movie, some guy comes

to see him in a party mask.



It was just a mask, right?

But it upsets Mozart so much...



that he drops over dead,

just like that.



- What the hell kinda guy is that?

- I don't know, Lee.



Here. Don't shoot yourself.



Very funny.



Happy huntin'.






Sorry, ma'am.



This way, ma'am.



Kill the engine.



Start the engine.



- Earl.

- Yes. Ma'am?



- Do you like your job?

- Yes, ma'am. A lot.



Ma'am, the pr otectee is never allowed

to sit directly behind the driver.



That's a regulation. Nobody does it.

Not the president, not anybody.



The sun will be on that side,

and I do not want the sun.



Perhaps you could sit on the proper side

but slightly then to the middle.



- Nope.

- Ma'am, excuse me...



but we are not leaving this house

until you are seated properly...



with your seat belt

firmly fastened.



Jesus Christ. Let her sit

on the hood if she wants to.



Move it out, Earl.



We're rolling.



Oh, these family outings

are always so stressful.






I have never been so embarrassed

in my life. I want to go home.



I don't want to go to the hotel, and

I will never return to Columbus again.



Yes, ma'am.



For what it's worth,

I was just trying to help.



Your help is most precisely what I do

not want. When will you people get that?



Hello. Oh.



- Please, no autographs now.

- It's good to see you.



- Thank you.

- Thank you.



Mrs. Carlisle.



- You got my vote!

- I appreciate that. Thank you so much.



Thanks for coming, Tess.



What is this?

I just wanted her autograph.



I'll do you one better. Write me,

and I'll get you an autographed picture.



- Good night, ma'am.

- Oh, a picture. How wonderful.



Well, thank you so very much.

Very nice and wonderful.



I hope you enjoyed the opera

as much as I did.



Thank you. I've changed my mind.

We'll be staying in Columbus tonight.



- Yes, ma'am.

- Give 'em hell, Tess.



What do you care

where she sits?



She's supposed to be where the driver

and I can both see her at the same time.



I know that. That's not what I'm asking.

This detail's a cupcake.



It may be the most boring detail in

the service, but it's still a cupcake.



Why are you gonna risk your career

on crap like that?



Because it's not crap.

It's my job.



I'm either gonna do it right, take pride

in it, or find something else to do.



You're right.

I can't argue.



But Doug,

I wouldn't piss her off.



- More calls to the White House, and...

- I'll be guarding the president's dog.



Bullshit. You'll be gone.

You try to get a job out there now.



Know what they want in private security?

Guys that can bench-press      pounds.



This is a good deal.

You've let it get personal.



It's not personal.



Of course it is. She doesn't even know

the rest of us are alive.



- How is she?

- She's fine.



But, uh...



- Get rid of those.

- Okay.



What about, uh, Ali-Tyson?



Ali, TKO, eighth r ound,

in his prime.



All ri ght. What about

Mrs. Carlisle and Nancy Reagan?



- In their prime?

- Yeah.



Mrs. Carlisle would knock Nancy out

in the sixth to seventh r ound.



- It wouldn't go the distance?

- No. Two completely different fighters.



Nancy doesn't have

the big-time punch.



She throws these cutting left jabs

and combinations.



Always in your face. Unrelenting.

Bap, bap, bap!



Mrs. Carlisle, she's a floater,

a dancer. Totally unpredictable.



Just when you think you got her

where you want her, bam!



Out of nowhere comes her right hand, and

Nancy's on Queer Street. End of fight.



- I think you're right about that.

- I know I'm right.



I know. That's why I asked you.



Ralph, be a dear and get me

a Baby Ruth, would you, please?



- Yes.

- Thanks.



Earl, go.



I can't.



Who got you this job?

Did they, or did I?






Doug, she took off!






I want you to pull over right now.

You hear me, goddamn it?



- I'm sorry, Dou g.

- It's not your fault. It's mine.



Should've seen it coming.




Hold on a minute.



I'm gonna... Agent Chesnic,

I'm gonna put you on the speaker.



Is there someone else

in the room?



No. I just want to practice my putting

while we're talking. What can I do?



Would you please put out an all-points

for Mrs. Carlisle's automobile?



It's a '   Lincoln, Ohio plates...



Kilo-Hotel-Oscar    .



When last seen, it was heading east

on the Chester exit of l-  .



Just hold everything.

Have I got this right?



Have you Secret Service boys gone

and lost the president's wife again?



I don't believe there's any cause

for concern here. She's with her driver.



She's perfectly safe,

but proper pr ocedure requires us...



to notify you.



Of course it does.



- Uh, we'll get on this right now.

- Thank you.



Agent Chesnic, uh...



Ms. Carlisle is pretty slippery,

isn't she?



I mean, for a senior citizen.






Doug, let's have

a little stroll around the yard...



before we go in there

and talk to him, okay?



I want you to go in there

and tell Earl to meet me in the office.



Okay, Lee?



- All right.

- Thank you.



Hey, everybody's mad at me, right?



What am I supposed to do?

I'm just a driver, you know? Hey!



- You're through! You know that?

- No, I don't.



- You don't know that?

- No, I don't.



- Why don't you know that, you tick?

- Buddy, come on.



Because she assured me

that I was not gonna be fired.



In fact, I would have been fired

if I hadn't done it.



Look, look.



You guys come and go,

but I live here...



and I keep my job

because of her.



Oh, you think I don't try

to talk her out of these crazy things.



But I got no choice.



Well, you're fired, Earl.

Trust me.



Come in.



- Did you en joy yourself today?

- Don 't take that tone with me, Douglas.



Look, this is

just stupid, okay?



Which part?



The part where I have to run away like

a fugitive to get one hour of privacy...



or the part where I am

spoken to like a child?



I fired Earl.

This has happened twice now.



He is a driver in the employ

of the Secret Service.



I can't do anything about the cook

or the nurse. They work for you.



He works for us.

He's gone!



He works for you

because I told you to hire him.



He's my chauffeur,

and he's staying!



You've got to let me leave this detail,

ma'am. I can't do my job effectively.



Whatever you like.

You can go anytime you please.



Thank you.



You're welcome.



Goodbye, Mrs. Carlisle.






If I promise

never to run away again...



will that do?



Ma'am, I am truly sorry,

but I...



For God's sake, Doug,

I only went for a little drive.



- It was crazy.

- Yes.



Crazy. Exactly.

You should try it sometime, Douglas.



You should try going crazy yourself.

You should get a date...



have a martini,

drive with the top down.



You should, better yet,

give a tired old widow a break.



I am very sorry, Mrs. Carlisle,

but the regulations...



Oh, well, fine. Go.



Whatever you want to do.

Just leave.



One less gunman lounging around my

house. Take the whole bunch with you.



We are not gunmen, Mrs. Carlisle.



Since I am leaving for sure this time,

I'd like to take this opportunity...



to remind you that you can refuse

Secret Service pr otection...



anytime you want.



I believe you already kn ow that.



Well, that's brilliant, Doug.



Do you think they'd really

let me get away with that?



I don't know why not. Other people

have done it. But I think you like it.



I think you like having seven men...

and no women agents...



I notice... at your beck and call,

day and night.



- "Get a date."

- How dare you?



- Goodbye, Mrs. Carlisle.

- Get out!



Get out of my house this instant.

And stay out!






This is Air Force One calling.

Stand by for the president.



- Doug?

- Sir?



- How are you?

- I'm fine. How are you?



Not too good. I'm on my way to London.

I should be workin' on a speech.



Instead, I'm havin '

a goddamn Tess Carlisle problem I



- What the hell 's that about, Doug?

- I... It's...



Do you know that, as of this morning,

she 's refused Secret Service protection?



- Where the hell'd she get that idea?

- I...



This woman is a national treasure.

You and I know what a pain she is.



But we don't count. It's what the damn

voters think. That's what counts.



And they want this woman looked after.

You understand me?



Yes. sir.



What if some lunatic cuts her throat?

What about that?



- I agree, sir...

- How much doo-doo would I catch....



if something like that happened

on my watch?



- Yes, sir.

- Let me make it real clear.



Get over to her house

and straighten this out.



I'm countin' on you,

and so 's the country.



- Yes, sir. I'll get on it right away.

- That's what I wanted to hear.






The next time you're in town,

have dinner with us at the White House.



Yes. Sir. I'd be honored.

I'll be there. Thank you.



- All right. Have a nice day, pal.

- Yes. sir. I will.






She told us to leave and take the flag

with us. I loaded weapons in the car.






- Hello. That you, Doug?

- Yeah. I want you to open the gate.



No way.



Come on. Let me in.



I'm actin' on the authority

of the president of the United States.



So what, Doug?

We got Mrs. Carlisle in here.



Doug, this is Frederick.

I want you to listen very closely.



Jimmy and I are holding

Mrs. Carlisle hostage.



Here is what we want.



We want $    in unmarked bills....



and a helicopter,

matching sports coats...



and a videocassette

of the movie "Gigi."



Are you listening to me?



- Hello, Earl. Do me a favor.

- Can you hear me?



- Can you talk to Mrs. Carlisle?

- You owe me an apology.



Yeah, probably.

Can you talk to her?



- She hasn't seen anyone.

- Get her to let me in.



If she wants to go out, let me know.

I'll be in the car.



- Okay.

- Than k you.



Okay, Barbara. I guess you might as well

go home. Guys, go home. Get some sleep.



All right. The three of us

will take perimeter positions.



Lee, take Maple. Ralph, go ar ound back.

We'll take our cars. I'll sit out front.



- Let's load this stuff up.

- This is nuts.



You got a better idea?



- The gate's opening. You read me?

- I gotcha, Doug.



Copy that.



Okay, guys. We're rolling.

She's in the Town Car heading west.



Earl, pull over.



What are you doing?



Let's talk.



I took your advice. I did what you

wanted. Now leave me alone. Drive, Earl.



- Stay with the car.

- Yes, ma'am.



Mrs. Carlisle, I was just

on the phone to the president.



- Really?

- Yes, ma'am. He said you should let...



Get away from me.



Yes, ma'am.









Doug, this is Ralph. I'm goin' off duty

right now. She hasn 't been out all day.



By the way, Frederick said Mrs.

Carlisle's son is flying in tomorrow.



That 's about it from here.




Barry! Oh, hello, my darling!



Hi, Mom.



You look so wonderful.



- I missed you.

- Bring in his luggage.



- It's okay. He'll get it.

- Come. Tell me all about your life.



This thing is the best project

that I've seen in years, of its nature.






What we're talking about...



is     detached and semi-detached

retirement villas...



starting fr om a $      

Venice studio layout...



going all the way up to the Tuscany

four-bedroom plan, starting at $      .



And at least half of the villas

have a view...



of the nine-hole golf course

designed by Taylor Frye.



The whole pr oject's primo, Mom.

It's first-class the whole way.



The only problem...

And I don't think of it as a pr oblem.



I think of it more like an opportunity.

You know what I mean?



Some of the management

at Top Line Properties got burned...



in the S& L mess

a couple years ago.



So what we're looking to do now

is show people that we are r ock solid.



One of the ways of doin g that

is getting people of your stature...



to endorse the pr oject.



All we would need

would be a letter.



Something for the brochure,

saying you think the project's...



a good one for older people looking

for a sun-and-recreation-type lifestyle.



Only downside is, the bank's

being tightfisted in Phoenix...



'cause they made

those stupid loans.



We've got to show people

that they can trust...



the Hacienda Palms concept

down the line.






I said, "No."






Joy to the world

The Lord is come



Let earth receive her King



Let every heart



Prepare Him room



And heaven and nature sing



This is the klnd of mandate President

Carlisle wanted from this convention.



This is, for all intents and purposes,

a coronation rather than a nomination.



Jim Carlisle is going to get

everything he wants from the delegates.



They seem ready to

follow him into the...



Their stay at their home

in Summersville.



The two met at nearby Denison College

and fell in love as undergraduates.



Interestingly enough, Tess Carllsle

was the class president...



and Jim Carlisle was the lazy, lacrosse-

playing student with a C average.



Later, in the Rose Garden, the president

put aside his congressional woes....



by welcomlng these Girl Scouts

to the White House.






Special news bulletin. The president

suffered a massive heart attack...



We are now looking

at the Jolnt Chiefs of Staff....



and, of course, in the front row,



there is the president's daughter,

Theresa. And her husband.



They have two children

and live in New York City.



On the other side of Mrs. Carlisle,

the president's son, Barry...



now a very successful businessman

in the state of Arizona.



A very sad, sad day.



Oh. God!

Oh, ow!



You scared me to death!

You sneaked up on me.



I did no such thing.



- Yes, you did.

- I did not.



Where'd you come from?



I came from that gate,

and I intend to go back the same way.



Mrs. Carlisle? Wait, please.

Look, I was wrong.



- About a lot of things.

- Yes, ma'am.



But I was really wrong

about you refusing protection.



That's the one thing

you were right about.



You suppose the average taxpayer has any

idea how much money is being spent...



to guard all these old political

has-beens and their wives?



- I don't know.

- My God, it's an outrage.



- Yes.

- The cars and the manpower.



- It makes me sick.

- Listen...



Just like Washington

to spend money like that.



- Can we please talk for one second?

- Just like Washington.



- About what?

- The detail coming back in.



You came out here to ask me something.

What was that about?



Well, I was wondering

if you'd like to have a cup of coffee.






Coffee keeps me awake, Doug. Even decaf.

I'd like to have a drink.



I take a drink occasionally.

Not often.



Did you know that?



No, ma'am.



Well, I do.



If I located a bottle,

would you join me in a highball?



Yes, ma'am.



Ah, you're such

a wild and crazy thing.



Well, my daughter

and I barely speak.



Unfortunately, I don't have a

much-impr oved relationship with my son.



I don't blame them.

The children got screwed.



We got the Governor's Mansion

and the Senate...



the White House.



They got this very

peculiar childhood.



I say, we...



Jim and I

were truly partners.



You must have known, in the White House,

how much he depended on me. Didn't you?



Yes, ma'am.



That was

pretty common knowledge.



You must have known about

my husband's occasional indiscretions.



Didn't think I knew about it,

did you?



Well, did you?



Nobody thought I knew about it,

did they?



Well, let's just keep that

our little secret.



Yes, ma'am.

You can count on me.



I know that.



Douglas, we're getting

out of here.



I've talked about myself enough

for one night. Let's talk about you.



- Me?

- Mm-hmm.



Oh, well, there's

nothing much to say, ma'am.



Come on, Douglas.

Of course there is.



For in stance, what's it like guar ding

that crazy old bitch, Tess Carlisle?



- Mrs. Carlisle, please.

- It must get pretty screwy.



She lives like a hermit

and plays golf in the snow.



I. Um...



Ju st the rudimentary facts.

Family. Start there.






My father is a retired cop.



My mother was a millinery buyer

for a small department store.



Married once, for seven months.



- Come on, Douglas.

- You looked into my records.



My husband told me.

I do not look into people's records.



Well, was it painful

or a fling?



Everybody seemed to know

what she was like except me.



I'm sorry.



I don't like people knowing about it

becau se it's embarrassing to me...



that I was married

for such a short time.



You can count on me,

Secret Agent Douglas Chesnic.



Special Secret Agent in Charge

Douglas Chesnic.



Well, congratulations,

Special Agent Douglas.



You've been a naughty boy,

but now all is forgiven.



How'd you talk your way

back in here?



Well, Earl, the simple answer is,

she likes me.



- Jimmy, ham and eggs, I think.

- Yes, ma'am.



Good morning, gentlemen.



Good morning, Mrs. Carlisle.



The president is coming to Summersville.

We must prepare for that.



Will you have the cars and the

machine gun s ready in about an hour?



Yes, ma'am.



Good. Thank you.

Frederick, perhaps some sit-ups.



Well, I think it's

a real feather in our cap...



to have the president coming

to the dedication of the final wing.



- Do you?

- Yes, ma'am.



It's a tempest

in a teapot.



But if the president insists on coming,

what can I do...



but try to be gracious

until the whole affair is over with?



Where do you plan

to stage this thing, Mr. Porter?



I thought outside,

at your husband's sepulchre...



we'd put up a tent.



It's of no great concern, and I'm

delighted to leave these matters to you.



But if it were me, I'd have

the presentation in the reading room...



before my husband's portrait.



I'd serve refreshments in the library

with a bar in the adjoining parlor.



What do you think of that,

Mr. Porter?



Well. I think

that would be nice too.



Thank you so much again.



I suppose you're all excited

about the president...



visiting us poor little

country mice.



Yes, ma'am. I see this as a chance

to get my people on their toes again.



- Thinking sharp.

- So you think they're dull too?



Frederick, tell me,

which of these exemplifies...



elegant disdain

yet sincere concern?



That one.



You're good. You know that?

You are very good.



I talked to them this morning.

We'll have six of their guys inside.



Ten on the grounds. But we're in charge

of the physical plant. Okay?



- Yeah.

- Okay.



Those guys are taking

their orders fr om us.



Does she want

to be known today?



Don't know her.



- It's got no price at all.

- Yes, ma'am.



This is Bobby in canned goods.

Are you near the manager?



I need a price check on Lesieur

baby peas. Repeat. Lesieur baby peas.



Lesieur baby peas?



They're on special today.

Two for   .



They're on special today.

Two for   .



Uh, copy that.

It's two for   .



- I only want one.

- Roger that. She only wants one.



- How much for just one?

- The same. It's a two-for-one thing.



Bobby, it's a two-for-one thing,

so I suggest you go ahead and get both.



Copy that. I believe

we've lost interest in peas.



Repeat. Lost interest in peas.

Canned goods out.



- Someone's smoking in here.

- Ma'am?



Someone is smoking

in a grocery store.



- Are you going to deal with this?

- Uh, yes, ma'am.



Okay. I want one of those

temporary rinses. Not blue hair.



- Yes, ma'am.

- If it's blue, I'll chop it all off.



- Yes, ma'am.

- Okay. Let's do it.



I suppose you'd better

give it to her.



You 're her secretary.



Oh, I love this color.



Come in.

It's just great.



Douglas, hello.

Come on, we're back here.



- Mrs. Carlisle?

- Yes, come in.



- What do you think of this?

- I think you look beautiful.



Thank you.



I've got a fax here

from Washington.



It's confidential.



Would you excuse us

for just a moment?



The president's not coming.



Pressing matters of state.



Well. We can relax then.



Yes, ma'am.



Will they be sen ding

someone in his place?



Secretary of Commerce,

Yvonne Boyer.



Excellent. That'll make

your job a lot easier.



Yes, ma'am.



Would you be kind enough to send the

hairdresser back to collect her things?



Yes, ma'am.



The thing that my husband

would be particularly proud of...



is that this center is a place

of learning and contemplation.



He would have liked that

very, very much.



What I am especially proud of...



is that we took a fine,

wonderful old building...



and we made it useful again.



That appeals to me...



perhaps because

I'm getting old myself.



In closing, I would like to thank

Yvonne Kiki Hernandez-Boyer...



for taking time out of her hectic

schedule to be here with us today.



Thank you so much, Kiki, for coming.



You honor us all with your

gracious, gracious company.



Good morning.



Yeah. Come in.



Yes, ma'am?



I'd like to go on a picnic

tomorrow down by the lake.



Yes, ma'am. They say

it might snow tomorrow.



Well, we can't just

wait on summer, can we?



I guess not.



I'd very much appreciate it if I could

go with just you and not everyone else.



Yes, ma'am.



Thank you.



Is this better than "Mr. Ed"?



Mrs. Carlisle,

I think it's getting colder.



Would you leave me alone, please?



Yes, ma'am.



Mrs. Carlisle?






I'll get the chair.






Hey, Earl, stop! Damn!



- Office.

- Are they back yet?



- Doug?

- Yeah. Are they there?



Who? Mrs. Carlisle?



- Yes.

- They're not here.



Aren 't they with you?



Call everybody in.

Come get me.



- Did they get back yet?

- Nope.



- When did they take off?

- Two-and-a-half hours ago.






Who's this?

Tom, they there?



Call Sheriff Janson and the highway

patrol. Tell them they're out joyriding.



It's not a problem, but inform them that

there's no security with Mrs. Carlisle.



- Thanks.

- Washington?



No, not yet.

We'll give them another hour.



Goddamn her for this.



Okay, Barbara.



Let's call Washington.



This is the worst moment

of my life.



If she was taken, the people who did it

must have been setting it up for months.



- Yes, sir.

- Did you notice anything suspicious?



No, sir.



Nothing at all?



No, sir.



I have to call the president

when we get to the Carlisle place.



Yes. Sir.



It'll be almost midnight

by then, Mr. Harrison.



That's no problem.

He's up.



- Thanks for coming in.

- Sure.



Excuse me.



I would appreciate it

if you'd put something under there...



so that we don't

scratch the table.



Doug, why don't you

come in here with me.



Doug, this is Charles lvy, CIA.



Doug here is agent in charge

for Mrs. Carlisle.



Mr. President, I've got

Agent Doug Chesnic with me.



Does he want to speak with me?



She has a full-time nurse.

What's that for?



She's had some dizziness

the last couple of years...



and he monitors her medication...



makes sure she's eating right,

that kind of stuff.



Seven well-trained,

heavily-armed men...



can't take care of

one little old lady.



You disgust me.



Yes. sir.



Doug, Sheriff Janson's on the phone.



Who's that?



- Local sheriff.

- What's he got?



It's for Agent Chesnic.



Doug, why don't you

take it in the kitchen.



They found the car

on a country road.



Driver unconscious

on the front seat.



He's being taken

to a county hospital.



Mrs. Carlisle was not at the scene.



Jesus Christ.



Mr. President...



Tess Carlisle has been kidnapped.



I thought you'd appreciate an update.



A plastic syringe was found

on the floor of the front seat.



The lab says it contains a combination

of extremely powerful drugs.



Ketamine and Ativan.



Both are common.

easy to steal...



and used together would

knock out a full-grown man...



within ten seconds

of being in jected.



A big enough shot would

keep him down for up to six...



seven hours.



Which squares...



with how long

your guy was out.



We take it as a good sign

that they used the drug...



instead of killing him.



The injuries...



on the back of the driver's neck

are burns, which is interesting.



They're both in the shape of a small

crescent, smaller than a quarter.



My friends from the CIA

think it mi ght be a bran d...



a signature kind of thing for

a Middle Eastern terr orist organization.



Also, we spoke

to Mrs. Carlisle's doctor.



Those pills...



that she takes for dizziness...



Actually it's a little

more serious than that.



She has an inoperable brain tumor.

Did any of you know that?



We'll have fiber and fingerprint

reports by late afternoon.



And a note was found

in the car's glove compartment...



demanding $   million.



That's about it, except

we're gonna need these offices.



You can all go home

if you want to.



That's the best thing to do,

I think. Thanks.



Well. Let's...



get any personal stuff

and get out.



What's with that nonsense

about Middle Eastern terr orists?



Can you imagine a bunch of Arabs

slipping ar ound Summersville unnoticed?



What about this plastic syringe in

the car? Does that bother anybody else?



If these guys are such pros,

why would they leave that behind?



It had to be left there on purpose.



How long has she been gone?



Twenty-two hours and    minutes.



- Doug, can I get a ride with you?

- Yes.



Mrs. Carlisle...



hired me.



I know, Kimberly.

We'll find her.



When others wouldn't.



Make this quick.

I'm busy.



I want you to think about this.



Mrs. Carlisle's sitting

in the back of the Lincoln, right?



If she's been taken against her will,

she know she won't just take that.



She's gonn a take

some form of action.



What does she have

in the back seat as a weapon?



- I don't know.

- Cigarette lighter, right in the door.



Makes a crescent-shaped burn.



You getting anywhere?



We'll know more

when all the lab stuff comes in.



If there's anything I can do,

Mr. Shaeffer...



or Doug, just ask me.



Thank you.



Can we have a look at your neck?



Yeah, I guess.

What for?



It's just such a peculiar thing.



Let me get a nurse

to help with the bandage.



What's this about?



He just wants to see the burns.



He thinks they're

the key to this case.



- The burns?

- Yeah.



I told them, I don't know how they

got there because I was unconscious.



- Could you sit up, please?

- Okay.



- What do you think?

- About the burns?



- We got a couple of ideas.

- Like what?



Just ideas.



I certainly hope you're not

gonna try to pin this on me.



I wasn't the one who arranged...



for Mrs. Carlisle to be

out in the middle of nowhere...



and guarded by only one agent.



And I also wasn't the one who...



hated Mrs. Carlisle with a vengeance.



That was Agent Chesnic here.

Did he tell you that?



- You hated her?

- With a vengeance.



- I actually like her very much.

- They argued all the time.



Isn't that right?



Is that normal for an agent

to be arguing with is...



No. Of course it's not.



You should be asking him the questions.

He hated her guts.



Look, look.

She treated these guys like dirt.



You know what I mean? She threw them

all out of the house a few weeks ago.



Can I have a cigarette?



Sorry, don't smoke.

Why are you suddenly so upset?



I'm not upset.



Well, wouldn 't you be?



Look, I may be only the driver...



but I'm at least

smart enough to know...



that you guys are not gonna leave town

without putting somebody in jail...



and that somebody

doesn't have to be guilty.



I know how you guys operate.



You did it. Didn't you, Earl?



The hell with you, okay, Dougie?



It was easy, wasn't it?



Will you get him out of my face?

I'm not putting up with this.



- All right.

- Okay.



But I'm gonna have to warn you that

the FBI now considers you a suspect.



- That's just terrific.

- I suggest you get a lawyer soon.



Don't you worry.

I'm gonna protect myself.



Where is she?



Speak to my lawyer, Agent Dougie.



All right, that's it for now.



No more questions, but we're going

to have to have you available to us.



At our convenience.



All right?

Oh, no, Doug.



Let's not be stupid here, all right?



- Where is she?

- I don't know.



Doug, we're the good guys, okay?

We don't do stuff like this.



Don't you get it? I'm the only witness,

and he wants to kill me.



- Doesn't that tell you anything?

- Come on, Doug.



- I'm telling you to holster your pistol.

- Jesus help me.



Goddamn it, Doug,

put that gun away.



You're already in so much trouble!



- He's gonna tell me.

- I don't know anything.



We can't use it.

not like this!



I'm going to count to five...



then I'll shoot off your toe.



Oh. God!



And then I'm gonna count to five

and shoot another toe.



I don't know anything!

Will you get that through your...



Are you crazy? Are you?



- He didn't count!

- Five. Four...



You're going to prison.



Will you just listen to me?

If he is involved...



- Nurse. Should we call the police?

- Yes, and the FBI!



If he is involved,

then she knows it.



And if she knows it,

her life is worthless.



They have to fucking kill her!

We don't have time to meet his lawyer!



- God help me!

- Five. Four...



three, two...



Okay! Okay!



They've got her

in an abandoned farmhouse.



- An abandoned farmhouse?

- Yeah.



I don't think so. Five...



I swear to God. I swear to God.

Doug, really, listen.



It's my sister and her husband.

Check it out.



It wasn't my idea!

I swear to God!



They made me do it!



Mrs. Carlisle's all right, Doug...



because my sister

is taking very good care of her.






You have the right

to remain silent.



- She's over here.

- Where?



There. She's down there.






Take that off.



You buried her?

Jesus Christ. She alive?



Yeah. Pretty sure.



You put her down there, what?

Over    hours ago?



This is not a young woman.

Better start praying.



What did you do?

What did you do?



Take it easy!



Get him out of here!



Look how deep this is.

They weren't gonna dig this woman up.



Keep her alive for a day or two,

in case you had to have her...



just cut the ventilation and walk.



- Who let you back in?

- We want to dig. We're responsible.



You're upset. Wait outside.

Let the experts do it.



Okay, dig.

Get out of there.



- Give these men the shovels.

- Thank you.



Give me the shovel.



- I think I found something!

- Pull up the pipe.



Is she down there?



Mrs. Carlisle?






Somebody get a power saw.

Come on, move!



I want soap, water and blankets.

Nobody sees her like this.



Sir, that's too many.



- We're getting on.

- No can do, pal.



All right. We'll meet them

at the hospital.



- What do you think?

- She's alive. That's all I know.



Come on, guys. Snap it up!



Hey! Anybody out here

named Douglas Chesnic?



Doug Chesnic!



I'm Chesnic.

What is it?



Lady's awake, sir. Says she's not going

without her Secret Service detail.



- Is that you guys?

- That's us.



Can you come aboard?



Yeah. We can do that.



Wait one second, sir.



I'm sorry, gentlemen.

I have to throw some of you off.



- She gonna be all right?

- Looks like it.



Where have you been?



Looking for you.



How long did it take you to figure out

the cigarette lighter burns?



About    hours.



Oh, Douglas, it was so obvious.



No it wasn't.

Nobody got it but me.



I can hardly believe that.



- It's true.

- Howard Shaeffer, FBI.



If I may say, ma'am, Agent Chesnic

is the reason we found you.



- If he hadn't shot a man...

- Shot a man?



Yes, ma'am.



You finally got to shoot

somebody, huh, Douglas?



- Did you kill him?

- Shot him in the toe.



Oh, after all that practice.



- Yes. Ma'am.

- If I could set the record straight...



I'd just like to talk to this

gentleman, if you don't mind.



I'll get it, dear.

Tell the others I'll be out in a minute.



- Hello?

- The president's returning your call.



- Yes, thank you.

- Yes, ma 'am.



Are they treating you all right

in that hospital? If they're not--



Har old, I want this Secret Service agent

of mine taken care of.



Tess, the man discharged

a firearm in a public place.



I don't care about any of that.

This young man saved my life.



He's like a son to me, Harold.

I want him taken care of, understand?



Sure, Tess.

I'm sure we...



And if anything should

ever happen to me...



I want your personal word

that you will look after him.



- Sure, Tess...

- Good.



That's all I wanted to know.

Have yourself a nice day.



Yes, ma 'am.



What is this?



It's your wheelchair, ma'am.



I can see it's a wheelchair,

but I won't be needing it, thank you.



It's hospital policy

that you leave by wheelchair.



But I would really prefer

not to sit in the wheelchair.



I would much rather walk on my own feet,

with my own steam, out of the hospital.



But the rules and regulations

state that each patient...



Oh. The rules.



Rules and regulations, young man,

are not something I'm fond of.



So if you would just allow me...



I'm just trying to do my job.



I am not going to sit in that!



If I may interrupt.



The regulations aren't really

that sacred, are they?



And Tess...



get in the goddamn chair.




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