Voila! Finally, the Guarding Tess
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Nicolas Cage and
Shirley MacLaine movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Guarding Tess. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Breakfast.
I'm going.
I thought I'd say goodbye.
Gentlemen, again, all the best.
Take good care.
Good luck and goodbye.
It's been fun.
Here you go, sir.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I'm here to see
the director of the Secret Service.
Okay. Thanks.
Is there anyplace
where I could put my bags?
Over there.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Congratulations, Doug. You've done
a terrific job on a tough detail.
Well, thank you, sir.
It wasn't that tough, actually.
Summersville, Ohio, is not exactly
the center of the universe...
of course. But it's
a nice, quiet little place.
Guarding Mrs. Carlisle gave me time to
pick up many hours towards my Master's.
- Oh, great.
- Of course, now I am hoping...
for a little more active assignment,
maybe back in the White House...
or a criminal assignment
out of New York or L.A.
Sure.
Let's sit over here.
Yes. Sir.
Joan?
- Yes?
- Coffee.
- Certainly. It'll be just a moment.
- Thanks.
How is she?
What's she like?
Well, there's the public person who's,
you know, adored.
Then there's the private person
who can, at times...
be difficult to deal with if you
don't know how to handle the situation.
- And you did.
- Well, I guess, as well as anybody.
I don't envy my replacement,
I'll tell you that.
I was in her husband's White House,
and I saw her in better times.
She has her good days
and her bad days now.
I guess you could say...
she's several different personalities
in one, like many people.
Well, one of her personalities
called the White House last night...
and asked the president to arrange
that you stay with her for another tour.
The president?
I can't go back there.
I can't do three more years there.
I can't do three more minutes there.
It's... It... l...
I mean, it's...
the worst assignment there is
in the service.
Well then, we've got a problem
because the president...
is asking you to return to Mrs. Carlisle
as a personal favor to him.
What if I say no?
I'll call him and tell him,
uh, you said no.
Take a moment to think it over.
I'll check on the coffee.
In New Jersey, ice kept three dolphins
trapped in an inland waterway...
Wednesday, frustrating rescuers'
efforts to free the animals...
Where's the Columbus paper?
Who's got it?
Just checking my horoscope.
Frederick, I told you times, she
can tell if we've read it before her.
Sorry.
- Morning, Doug.
- Morning.
- What are you doing here?
- Long story.
- Everything okay in Washington, Doug?
- Yeah.
Just back to pick up
your accoutrement?
Speak English.
Back to pick up your shit?
No smoking, Earl.
Why not?
She never comes down here.
It's a rule.
- I am shocked to see you back here.
- Are ya?
Ja. I thought you'd be guarding
Jackie O. By now...
standing outside the Russian Tea Room
for hour after hour in the snow...
with her inside, having little cakes and
chatting to her fashionable friends.
Here, Frederick.
- I'll do it this morning, Fred.
- Thank you.
Good morning.
Breakfast!
Come in.
Douglas, darling.
Yes, ma'am?
You seem to have dropped
some of my things on the floor.
Would you kindly
pick them up for me?
Yes, ma'am.
That's a good boy.
Do I still have any influence in that
evil town, or have they forgotten me?
Ma'am, with all due respect,
why me?
Why, because I like you, Douglas.
And my feelings are a bit hurt...
that anyone would be that anxious
to get away from me.
Well, I certainly don't mean
to hurt your feelings, Mrs. Carlisle...
but my assignment here is finished,
and I'd like to get back to Washington.
Washington is a dead-end town,
career-wise...
unless you're there purely to make
money, which I'm sure you wouldn't be.
I'd like to go back.
- Well, I'm sorry, but I need you here.
- Mrs. Carlisle?
Yes?
I'd just like you to know
that I came back of my own free will.
As an S.A. I. C... I could have refused
,
this assignment. But I didn't.
S.A. I.C.? What is that?
Ma'am, you know what that is.
No, I really don't.
You do.
Don't tell me what I do and don't know.
That is not your place.
What is a "saic"?
S.A.I.C. Stands for
"special agent in charge."
Oh, I see. A special agent, are we?
And in charge, no less.
My, my, my.
You rarely meet someone who's
a secret agent who's also in charge.
And why is he in char ge?
Well. Because he's
so doggone special.
And you did not come back
of your own free will.
If you had a free will,
you'd be miles from here.
I have some very exciting
news for you.
I have an inoperable
brain tumor.
I have bought you and your men
a SCUD missile launcher.
We are going to the opera in Columbus.
Which of those do you think is true?
When?
I would like to drive to Columbus
a week from Friday.
Yes, ma'am. May I say,
it is good to see you getting out again?
- Is it?
- Yes, ma'am.
Thank you, Douglas.
That's very patronizing of you.
I suppose you couldn't
care less about opera.
- No, ma'am, I couldn't.
- Of course not.
You're a typical,
red-blooded American male.
You'd probably rather watch the reruns
of "Mr. Ed" on television, wouldn't you?
Tell me.
If you had to choose
between opera and "Mr. Ed"...
I'd choose "Mr. Ed"
in a second.
Always so honest.
I try.
Good for you, Agent Dougie.
Now put my rosebud on the tray
and get out.
As you can see,
I'm extremely busy.
Yes, ma'am.
I expect him any minute.
I'll tell him as soon as he comes in.
All right.
Goodbye.
- She wants to see you.
- Oh, come on. I was just up there!
She called the president to demand I
pull another tour. How about that shit?
- Why?
- Because she likes me.
- Oh, you don't think that's the reason?
- I don't know. Who knows with her?
- She didn't say she likes me, did she?
- It has nothing to do with like.
She doesn't want a new guy
comin' in here, shakin' things up...
tryin' to get things running right.
She's got me broken in.
She'll never let me go.
Now my master calls again.
- Doug, come here. Check this out.
- Helen Grace. Helen?
Yes, Peter. In the city of Agua Dulce,
automatic wea pon fire broke out...
shortly after : local time.
The president was taken from the scene.
Secret Service plainclothesmen...
You see those Special Tactics guys?
They're everywhere.
The crowd had only seconds ago a pplauded
the American leader repeatedly.
- The men with the guns and rifles.
- Yes, Mrs. Carlisle?
- Are they U.S. Secret Service agents?
- Doug, she says it's urgent.
Tell her I'll be there
in minutes.
He says he'll be there in minutes.
Mrs. Carlisle?
Go up.
What does she want? Chocolate?
Some kind of goddamn fruit drink?
Do we look like a bunch of waiters?
We wanna be down there!
... some sort of charity work.
I have no idea...
... some sort of charity work.
I have no idea...
I got it!
- I'm coming!
- I can't do three more years of this.
I told you never to bring a gun
in this room. Now get it out.
Yes, ma'am.
How dare you
bring a gun in here?
- Sorry, Mrs. Carlisle.
- That's all right.
- That emergency alarm is to be used...
- It belongs to me.
I'll use it
anytime I want.
I think it bothers the neighbors.
Sorry.
What is it?
I want to play golf.
What?
Golf. It's a game.
My husband and I used to play it.
- Do you remember that?
- Mrs. Carlisle, it's degrees.
Thank you, Tom. Could you have
the car ready in half in hour?
- Yes. Ma'am.
- Thank you.
Now go on. Shoo.
Go on.
Kimberly?
Kimberly!
Would you mind
not standing there?
No, not there. Go over there
where I can see where you are.
- Didn't you guard Ford or Agnew?
- No, ma'am.
All they ever did was play golf,
which was a blessing for the country.
Yes, ma'am.
No, I was too young.
- What?
- Too young to serve Ford or Agnew.
Get back in the cart.
Get in the cart!
Yes, ma'am.
What is this all about?
She sits up in her room for five years,
and now we've got golf.
And opera.
- What's next?
- Synchronized swimming.
Why are you making noise?
We're trying to putt.
Sorry.
Why don 't you make yourselves useful?
One of you, come and hold the pin.
Yes, ma'am.
Putt!
Would you be kind enough
to get my first ball, please, Doug?
I'm a Secret Service agent,
Mrs. Carlisle, not a caddy.
You want that ball?
I suggest you go get it yourself.
- Ralph?
- Yo!
Since you've insisted
on me staying...
you should know I intend
to do my job by the book...
which means we don't run errands,
we don't make snacks...
and we don't check our guns
at the door.
Now, if you don't like
any of this...
I suggest you call Washington
and get yourself a new man.
I'd be very careful
if I were you, Agent.
You 're way out of your depth.
Let's switch.
- I've got to go up to the clubhouse.
- Sure thing, Doug.
I told her...
"No more calling us 'gofers with guns,'
snacks in the middle of the night...
no more checking our weapons
outside your bedroom door."
You said that?
In so many words, I said,
from now on, we go by the book.
- And she stood for this?
- She didn't say a thing.
Oh, yeah. She tells me
to go find her ball.
I said, "I'm not a caddy.
I'm a Secret Service agent.
- You want that ball, find it yourself."
- Come on.
- Are you crazy?
- No. Here's why...
Doug, telephone.
- Hello?
- Mr. Chesnic?
- Yes.
- Please hold for the president.
- Hello?
- Uh, hello!
- That you, Doug?
- Yes, sir.
- How are ya?
- I'm fine. And you?
Well, I got this call
from Tess Carlisle.
And I know this sounds
a little crazy...
but did you tear up
some flowers of hers?
- Doug? You there?
- Yes, sir.
- Somethin' about a bunch of roses.
- Well, uh, no.
- It wasn't a bunch. sir.
- Uh-huh.
- Well, how many of them were there?
- Just one, sir.
I see.
And you tore it up, did ya?
- No, sir. I didn't tear it up.
- Well, what 'd you do?
- I merely removed the bud.
- From her flower?
Yes. Sir.
Okay. Well, let's get
past that for a second.
- I was her husband's vice president.
- Yes, sir.
Frankly, I owe a lot to the Carllsles.
She seconded my nomination.
- You know that too.
- Yes, sir.
Why don 't we try to get along better
in Ohio? What do you say?
- Yes, sir. Absolutely.
- I don 't get it.
One day she calls me,
says she can 't live without you.
Ne xt day, she's callin ',
almost in tears.
So maybe you two have some kind
of sicko thing goin' on...
- No! No, sir. I can tell you...
- I'll tell you this, Doug.
Any more phone calls from her, you 're
gonna be guardin' my dog. Understand?
- Yes, sir.
- 'Cause I probably got...
the most im portant job in the world,
and I feel like a goddamn idiot...
havin' to call you
about a goddamn flower I
- You know what I mean?
- I certainly do.
Are you gonna help me out
on this one?
- You can count on it, sir.
- Thanks. That 's what I wanted to hear.
- Have a nice evening, son.
- Yes, sir.
'Night.
If you need hel p,
hang up and then dial your operator.
Hey, Mrs. Carlisle,
I got your laundry and a Whopper.
Who's this opera by again?
Mozart.
Oh, that's right.
I saw a movie about him.
The guy was a complete jerk.
The end of the movie, some guy comes
to see him in a party mask.
It was just a mask, right?
But it upsets Mozart so much...
that he drops over dead,
just like that.
- What the hell kinda guy is that?
- I don't know, Lee.
Here. Don't shoot yourself.
Very funny.
Happy huntin'.
Well?
Sorry, ma'am.
This way, ma'am.
Kill the engine.
Start the engine.
- Earl.
- Yes. Ma'am?
- Do you like your job?
- Yes, ma'am. A lot.
Ma'am, the pr otectee is never allowed
to sit directly behind the driver.
That's a regulation. Nobody does it.
Not the president, not anybody.
The sun will be on that side,
and I do not want the sun.
Perhaps you could sit on the proper side
but slightly then to the middle.
- Nope.
- Ma'am, excuse me...
but we are not leaving this house
until you are seated properly...
with your seat belt
firmly fastened.
Jesus Christ. Let her sit
on the hood if she wants to.
Move it out, Earl.
We're rolling.
Oh, these family outings
are always so stressful.
Look.
I have never been so embarrassed
in my life. I want to go home.
I don't want to go to the hotel, and
I will never return to Columbus again.
Yes, ma'am.
For what it's worth,
I was just trying to help.
Your help is most precisely what I do
not want. When will you people get that?
Hello. Oh.
- Please, no autographs now.
- It's good to see you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Mrs. Carlisle.
- You got my vote!
- I appreciate that. Thank you so much.
Thanks for coming, Tess.
What is this?
I just wanted her autograph.
I'll do you one better. Write me,
and I'll get you an autographed picture.
- Good night, ma'am.
- Oh, a picture. How wonderful.
Well, thank you so very much.
Very nice and wonderful.
I hope you enjoyed the opera
as much as I did.
Thank you. I've changed my mind.
We'll be staying in Columbus tonight.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Give 'em hell, Tess.
What do you care
where she sits?
She's supposed to be where the driver
and I can both see her at the same time.
I know that. That's not what I'm asking.
This detail's a cupcake.
It may be the most boring detail in
the service, but it's still a cupcake.
Why are you gonna risk your career
on crap like that?
Because it's not crap.
It's my job.
I'm either gonna do it right, take pride
in it, or find something else to do.
You're right.
I can't argue.
But Doug,
I wouldn't piss her off.
- More calls to the White House, and...
- I'll be guarding the president's dog.
Bullshit. You'll be gone.
You try to get a job out there now.
Know what they want in private security?
Guys that can bench-press pounds.
This is a good deal.
You've let it get personal.
It's not personal.
Of course it is. She doesn't even know
the rest of us are alive.
- How is she?
- She's fine.
But, uh...
- Get rid of those.
- Okay.
What about, uh, Ali-Tyson?
Ali, TKO, eighth r ound,
in his prime.
All ri ght. What about
Mrs. Carlisle and Nancy Reagan?
- In their prime?
- Yeah.
Mrs. Carlisle would knock Nancy out
in the sixth to seventh r ound.
- It wouldn't go the distance?
- No. Two completely different fighters.
Nancy doesn't have
the big-time punch.
She throws these cutting left jabs
and combinations.
Always in your face. Unrelenting.
Bap, bap, bap!
Mrs. Carlisle, she's a floater,
a dancer. Totally unpredictable.
Just when you think you got her
where you want her, bam!
Out of nowhere comes her right hand, and
Nancy's on Queer Street. End of fight.
- I think you're right about that.
- I know I'm right.
I know. That's why I asked you.
Ralph, be a dear and get me
a Baby Ruth, would you, please?
- Yes.
- Thanks.
Earl, go.
I can't.
Who got you this job?
Did they, or did I?
Yes!
Doug, she took off!
Earl!
I want you to pull over right now.
You hear me, goddamn it?
- I'm sorry, Dou g.
- It's not your fault. It's mine.
Should've seen it coming.
Uh-huh.
Hold on a minute.
I'm gonna... Agent Chesnic,
I'm gonna put you on the speaker.
Is there someone else
in the room?
No. I just want to practice my putting
while we're talking. What can I do?
Would you please put out an all-points
for Mrs. Carlisle's automobile?
It's a ' Lincoln, Ohio plates...
Kilo-Hotel-Oscar .
When last seen, it was heading east
on the Chester exit of l- .
Just hold everything.
Have I got this right?
Have you Secret Service boys gone
and lost the president's wife again?
I don't believe there's any cause
for concern here. She's with her driver.
She's perfectly safe,
but proper pr ocedure requires us...
to notify you.
Of course it does.
- Uh, we'll get on this right now.
- Thank you.
Agent Chesnic, uh...
Ms. Carlisle is pretty slippery,
isn't she?
I mean, for a senior citizen.
Hello?
Doug, let's have
a little stroll around the yard...
before we go in there
and talk to him, okay?
I want you to go in there
and tell Earl to meet me in the office.
Okay, Lee?
- All right.
- Thank you.
Hey, everybody's mad at me, right?
What am I supposed to do?
I'm just a driver, you know? Hey!
- You're through! You know that?
- No, I don't.
- You don't know that?
- No, I don't.
- Why don't you know that, you tick?
- Buddy, come on.
Because she assured me
that I was not gonna be fired.
In fact, I would have been fired
if I hadn't done it.
Look, look.
You guys come and go,
but I live here...
and I keep my job
because of her.
Oh, you think I don't try
to talk her out of these crazy things.
But I got no choice.
Well, you're fired, Earl.
Trust me.
Come in.
- Did you en joy yourself today?
- Don 't take that tone with me, Douglas.
Look, this is
just stupid, okay?
Which part?
The part where I have to run away like
a fugitive to get one hour of privacy...
or the part where I am
spoken to like a child?
I fired Earl.
This has happened twice now.
He is a driver in the employ
of the Secret Service.
I can't do anything about the cook
or the nurse. They work for you.
He works for us.
He's gone!
He works for you
because I told you to hire him.
He's my chauffeur,
and he's staying!
You've got to let me leave this detail,
ma'am. I can't do my job effectively.
Whatever you like.
You can go anytime you please.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Goodbye, Mrs. Carlisle.
Goodbye.
If I promise
never to run away again...
will that do?
Ma'am, I am truly sorry,
but I...
For God's sake, Doug,
I only went for a little drive.
- It was crazy.
- Yes.
Crazy. Exactly.
You should try it sometime, Douglas.
You should try going crazy yourself.
You should get a date...
have a martini,
drive with the top down.
You should, better yet,
give a tired old widow a break.
I am very sorry, Mrs. Carlisle,
but the regulations...
Oh, well, fine. Go.
Whatever you want to do.
Just leave.
One less gunman lounging around my
house. Take the whole bunch with you.
We are not gunmen, Mrs. Carlisle.
Since I am leaving for sure this time,
I'd like to take this opportunity...
to remind you that you can refuse
Secret Service pr otection...
anytime you want.
I believe you already kn ow that.
Well, that's brilliant, Doug.
Do you think they'd really
let me get away with that?
I don't know why not. Other people
have done it. But I think you like it.
I think you like having seven men...
and no women agents...
I notice... at your beck and call,
day and night.
- "Get a date."
- How dare you?
- Goodbye, Mrs. Carlisle.
- Get out!
Get out of my house this instant.
And stay out!
Yeah?
This is Air Force One calling.
Stand by for the president.
- Doug?
- Sir?
- How are you?
- I'm fine. How are you?
Not too good. I'm on my way to London.
I should be workin' on a speech.
Instead, I'm havin '
a goddamn Tess Carlisle problem I
- What the hell 's that about, Doug?
- I... It's...
Do you know that, as of this morning,
she 's refused Secret Service protection?
- Where the hell'd she get that idea?
- I...
This woman is a national treasure.
You and I know what a pain she is.
But we don't count. It's what the damn
voters think. That's what counts.
And they want this woman looked after.
You understand me?
Yes. sir.
What if some lunatic cuts her throat?
What about that?
- I agree, sir...
- How much doo-doo would I catch....
if something like that happened
on my watch?
- Yes, sir.
- Let me make it real clear.
Get over to her house
and straighten this out.
I'm countin' on you,
and so 's the country.
- Yes, sir. I'll get on it right away.
- That's what I wanted to hear.
Thanks.
The next time you're in town,
have dinner with us at the White House.
Yes. Sir. I'd be honored.
I'll be there. Thank you.
- All right. Have a nice day, pal.
- Yes. sir. I will.
Bye-bye.
She told us to leave and take the flag
with us. I loaded weapons in the car.
Jimmy.
- Hello. That you, Doug?
- Yeah. I want you to open the gate.
No way.
Come on. Let me in.
I'm actin' on the authority
of the president of the United States.
So what, Doug?
We got Mrs. Carlisle in here.
Doug, this is Frederick.
I want you to listen very closely.
Jimmy and I are holding
Mrs. Carlisle hostage.
Here is what we want.
We want $ in unmarked bills....
and a helicopter,
matching sports coats...
and a videocassette
of the movie "Gigi."
Are you listening to me?
- Hello, Earl. Do me a favor.
- Can you hear me?
- Can you talk to Mrs. Carlisle?
- You owe me an apology.
Yeah, probably.
Can you talk to her?
- She hasn't seen anyone.
- Get her to let me in.
If she wants to go out, let me know.
I'll be in the car.
- Okay.
- Than k you.
Okay, Barbara. I guess you might as well
go home. Guys, go home. Get some sleep.
All right. The three of us
will take perimeter positions.
Lee, take Maple. Ralph, go ar ound back.
We'll take our cars. I'll sit out front.
- Let's load this stuff up.
- This is nuts.
You got a better idea?
- The gate's opening. You read me?
- I gotcha, Doug.
Copy that.
Okay, guys. We're rolling.
She's in the Town Car heading west.
Earl, pull over.
What are you doing?
Let's talk.
I took your advice. I did what you
wanted. Now leave me alone. Drive, Earl.
- Stay with the car.
- Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Carlisle, I was just
on the phone to the president.
- Really?
- Yes, ma'am. He said you should let...
Get away from me.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes?
Barry.
Doug, this is Ralph. I'm goin' off duty
right now. She hasn 't been out all day.
By the way, Frederick said Mrs.
Carlisle's son is flying in tomorrow.
That 's about it from here.
Later.
Barry! Oh, hello, my darling!
Hi, Mom.
You look so wonderful.
- I missed you.
- Bring in his luggage.
- It's okay. He'll get it.
- Come. Tell me all about your life.
This thing is the best project
that I've seen in years, of its nature.
Here.
What we're talking about...
is detached and semi-detached
retirement villas...
starting fr om a $
Venice studio layout...
going all the way up to the Tuscany
four-bedroom plan, starting at $ .
And at least half of the villas
have a view...
of the nine-hole golf course
designed by Taylor Frye.
The whole pr oject's primo, Mom.
It's first-class the whole way.
The only problem...
And I don't think of it as a pr oblem.
I think of it more like an opportunity.
You know what I mean?
Some of the management
at Top Line Properties got burned...
in the S& L mess
a couple years ago.
So what we're looking to do now
is show people that we are r ock solid.
One of the ways of doin g that
is getting people of your stature...
to endorse the pr oject.
All we would need
would be a letter.
Something for the brochure,
saying you think the project's...
a good one for older people looking
for a sun-and-recreation-type lifestyle.
Only downside is, the bank's
being tightfisted in Phoenix...
'cause they made
those stupid loans.
We've got to show people
that they can trust...
the Hacienda Palms concept
down the line.
What?
I said, "No."
Shit!
Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Let earth receive her King
Let every heart
Prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing
This is the klnd of mandate President
Carlisle wanted from this convention.
This is, for all intents and purposes,
a coronation rather than a nomination.
Jim Carlisle is going to get
everything he wants from the delegates.
They seem ready to
follow him into the...
Their stay at their home
in Summersville.
The two met at nearby Denison College
and fell in love as undergraduates.
Interestingly enough, Tess Carllsle
was the class president...
and Jim Carlisle was the lazy, lacrosse-
playing student with a C average.
Later, in the Rose Garden, the president
put aside his congressional woes....
by welcomlng these Girl Scouts
to the White House.
They--
Special news bulletin. The president
suffered a massive heart attack...
We are now looking
at the Jolnt Chiefs of Staff....
and, of course, in the front row,
there is the president's daughter,
Theresa. And her husband.
They have two children
and live in New York City.
On the other side of Mrs. Carlisle,
the president's son, Barry...
now a very successful businessman
in the state of Arizona.
A very sad, sad day.
Oh. God!
Oh, ow!
You scared me to death!
You sneaked up on me.
I did no such thing.
- Yes, you did.
- I did not.
Where'd you come from?
I came from that gate,
and I intend to go back the same way.
Mrs. Carlisle? Wait, please.
Look, I was wrong.
- About a lot of things.
- Yes, ma'am.
But I was really wrong
about you refusing protection.
That's the one thing
you were right about.
You suppose the average taxpayer has any
idea how much money is being spent...
to guard all these old political
has-beens and their wives?
- I don't know.
- My God, it's an outrage.
- Yes.
- The cars and the manpower.
- It makes me sick.
- Listen...
Just like Washington
to spend money like that.
- Can we please talk for one second?
- Just like Washington.
- About what?
- The detail coming back in.
You came out here to ask me something.
What was that about?
Well, I was wondering
if you'd like to have a cup of coffee.
Oh.
Coffee keeps me awake, Doug. Even decaf.
I'd like to have a drink.
I take a drink occasionally.
Not often.
Did you know that?
No, ma'am.
Well, I do.
If I located a bottle,
would you join me in a highball?
Yes, ma'am.
Ah, you're such
a wild and crazy thing.
Well, my daughter
and I barely speak.
Unfortunately, I don't have a
much-impr oved relationship with my son.
I don't blame them.
The children got screwed.
We got the Governor's Mansion
and the Senate...
the White House.
They got this very
peculiar childhood.
I say, we...
Jim and I
were truly partners.
You must have known, in the White House,
how much he depended on me. Didn't you?
Yes, ma'am.
That was
pretty common knowledge.
You must have known about
my husband's occasional indiscretions.
Didn't think I knew about it,
did you?
Well, did you?
Nobody thought I knew about it,
did they?
Well, let's just keep that
our little secret.
Yes, ma'am.
You can count on me.
I know that.
Douglas, we're getting
out of here.
I've talked about myself enough
for one night. Let's talk about you.
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, well, there's
nothing much to say, ma'am.
Come on, Douglas.
Of course there is.
For in stance, what's it like guar ding
that crazy old bitch, Tess Carlisle?
- Mrs. Carlisle, please.
- It must get pretty screwy.
She lives like a hermit
and plays golf in the snow.
I. Um...
Ju st the rudimentary facts.
Family. Start there.
Family?
My father is a retired cop.
My mother was a millinery buyer
for a small department store.
Married once, for seven months.
- Come on, Douglas.
- You looked into my records.
My husband told me.
I do not look into people's records.
Well, was it painful
or a fling?
Everybody seemed to know
what she was like except me.
I'm sorry.
I don't like people knowing about it
becau se it's embarrassing to me...
that I was married
for such a short time.
You can count on me,
Secret Agent Douglas Chesnic.
Special Secret Agent in Charge
Douglas Chesnic.
Well, congratulations,
Special Agent Douglas.
You've been a naughty boy,
but now all is forgiven.
How'd you talk your way
back in here?
Well, Earl, the simple answer is,
she likes me.
- Jimmy, ham and eggs, I think.
- Yes, ma'am.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning, Mrs. Carlisle.
The president is coming to Summersville.
We must prepare for that.
Will you have the cars and the
machine gun s ready in about an hour?
Yes, ma'am.
Good. Thank you.
Frederick, perhaps some sit-ups.
Well, I think it's
a real feather in our cap...
to have the president coming
to the dedication of the final wing.
- Do you?
- Yes, ma'am.
It's a tempest
in a teapot.
But if the president insists on coming,
what can I do...
but try to be gracious
until the whole affair is over with?
Where do you plan
to stage this thing, Mr. Porter?
I thought outside,
at your husband's sepulchre...
we'd put up a tent.
It's of no great concern, and I'm
delighted to leave these matters to you.
But if it were me, I'd have
the presentation in the reading room...
before my husband's portrait.
I'd serve refreshments in the library
with a bar in the adjoining parlor.
What do you think of that,
Mr. Porter?
Well. I think
that would be nice too.
Thank you so much again.
I suppose you're all excited
about the president...
visiting us poor little
country mice.
Yes, ma'am. I see this as a chance
to get my people on their toes again.
- Thinking sharp.
- So you think they're dull too?
Frederick, tell me,
which of these exemplifies...
elegant disdain
yet sincere concern?
That one.
You're good. You know that?
You are very good.
I talked to them this morning.
We'll have six of their guys inside.
Ten on the grounds. But we're in charge
of the physical plant. Okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Those guys are taking
their orders fr om us.
Does she want
to be known today?
Don't know her.
- It's got no price at all.
- Yes, ma'am.
This is Bobby in canned goods.
Are you near the manager?
I need a price check on Lesieur
baby peas. Repeat. Lesieur baby peas.
Lesieur baby peas?
They're on special today.
Two for ¢.
They're on special today.
Two for ¢.
Uh, copy that.
It's two for ¢.
- I only want one.
- Roger that. She only wants one.
- How much for just one?
- The same. It's a two-for-one thing.
Bobby, it's a two-for-one thing,
so I suggest you go ahead and get both.
Copy that. I believe
we've lost interest in peas.
Repeat. Lost interest in peas.
Canned goods out.
- Someone's smoking in here.
- Ma'am?
Someone is smoking
in a grocery store.
- Are you going to deal with this?
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
Okay. I want one of those
temporary rinses. Not blue hair.
- Yes, ma'am.
- If it's blue, I'll chop it all off.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay. Let's do it.
I suppose you'd better
give it to her.
You 're her secretary.
Oh, I love this color.
Come in.
It's just great.
Douglas, hello.
Come on, we're back here.
- Mrs. Carlisle?
- Yes, come in.
- What do you think of this?
- I think you look beautiful.
Thank you.
I've got a fax here
from Washington.
It's confidential.
Would you excuse us
for just a moment?
The president's not coming.
Pressing matters of state.
Well. We can relax then.
Yes, ma'am.
Will they be sen ding
someone in his place?
Secretary of Commerce,
Yvonne Boyer.
Excellent. That'll make
your job a lot easier.
Yes, ma'am.
Would you be kind enough to send the
hairdresser back to collect her things?
Yes, ma'am.
The thing that my husband
would be particularly proud of...
is that this center is a place
of learning and contemplation.
He would have liked that
very, very much.
What I am especially proud of...
is that we took a fine,
wonderful old building...
and we made it useful again.
That appeals to me...
perhaps because
I'm getting old myself.
In closing, I would like to thank
Yvonne Kiki Hernandez-Boyer...
for taking time out of her hectic
schedule to be here with us today.
Thank you so much, Kiki, for coming.
You honor us all with your
gracious, gracious company.
Good morning.
Yeah. Come in.
Yes, ma'am?
I'd like to go on a picnic
tomorrow down by the lake.
Yes, ma'am. They say
it might snow tomorrow.
Well, we can't just
wait on summer, can we?
I guess not.
I'd very much appreciate it if I could
go with just you and not everyone else.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
Is this better than "Mr. Ed"?
Mrs. Carlisle,
I think it's getting colder.
Would you leave me alone, please?
Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Carlisle?
Ma'am?
I'll get the chair.
Stop!
Hey, Earl, stop! Damn!
- Office.
- Are they back yet?
- Doug?
- Yeah. Are they there?
Who? Mrs. Carlisle?
- Yes.
- They're not here.
Aren 't they with you?
Call everybody in.
Come get me.
- Did they get back yet?
- Nope.
- When did they take off?
- Two-and-a-half hours ago.
Jesus.
Who's this?
Tom, they there?
Call Sheriff Janson and the highway
patrol. Tell them they're out joyriding.
It's not a problem, but inform them that
there's no security with Mrs. Carlisle.
- Thanks.
- Washington?
No, not yet.
We'll give them another hour.
Goddamn her for this.
Okay, Barbara.
Let's call Washington.
This is the worst moment
of my life.
If she was taken, the people who did it
must have been setting it up for months.
- Yes, sir.
- Did you notice anything suspicious?
No, sir.
Nothing at all?
No, sir.
I have to call the president
when we get to the Carlisle place.
Yes. Sir.
It'll be almost midnight
by then, Mr. Harrison.
That's no problem.
He's up.
- Thanks for coming in.
- Sure.
Excuse me.
I would appreciate it
if you'd put something under there...
so that we don't
scratch the table.
Doug, why don't you
come in here with me.
Doug, this is Charles lvy, CIA.
Doug here is agent in charge
for Mrs. Carlisle.
Mr. President, I've got
Agent Doug Chesnic with me.
Does he want to speak with me?
She has a full-time nurse.
What's that for?
She's had some dizziness
the last couple of years...
and he monitors her medication...
makes sure she's eating right,
that kind of stuff.
Seven well-trained,
heavily-armed men...
can't take care of
one little old lady.
You disgust me.
Yes. sir.
Doug, Sheriff Janson's on the phone.
Who's that?
- Local sheriff.
- What's he got?
It's for Agent Chesnic.
Doug, why don't you
take it in the kitchen.
They found the car
on a country road.
Driver unconscious
on the front seat.
He's being taken
to a county hospital.
Mrs. Carlisle was not at the scene.
Jesus Christ.
Mr. President...
Tess Carlisle has been kidnapped.
I thought you'd appreciate an update.
A plastic syringe was found
on the floor of the front seat.
The lab says it contains a combination
of extremely powerful drugs.
Ketamine and Ativan.
Both are common.
easy to steal...
and used together would
knock out a full-grown man...
within ten seconds
of being in jected.
A big enough shot would
keep him down for up to six...
seven hours.
Which squares...
with how long
your guy was out.
We take it as a good sign
that they used the drug...
instead of killing him.
The injuries...
on the back of the driver's neck
are burns, which is interesting.
They're both in the shape of a small
crescent, smaller than a quarter.
My friends from the CIA
think it mi ght be a bran d...
a signature kind of thing for
a Middle Eastern terr orist organization.
Also, we spoke
to Mrs. Carlisle's doctor.
Those pills...
that she takes for dizziness...
Actually it's a little
more serious than that.
She has an inoperable brain tumor.
Did any of you know that?
We'll have fiber and fingerprint
reports by late afternoon.
And a note was found
in the car's glove compartment...
demanding $ million.
That's about it, except
we're gonna need these offices.
You can all go home
if you want to.
That's the best thing to do,
I think. Thanks.
Well. Let's...
get any personal stuff
and get out.
What's with that nonsense
about Middle Eastern terr orists?
Can you imagine a bunch of Arabs
slipping ar ound Summersville unnoticed?
What about this plastic syringe in
the car? Does that bother anybody else?
If these guys are such pros,
why would they leave that behind?
It had to be left there on purpose.
How long has she been gone?
Twenty-two hours and minutes.
- Doug, can I get a ride with you?
- Yes.
Mrs. Carlisle...
hired me.
I know, Kimberly.
We'll find her.
When others wouldn't.
Make this quick.
I'm busy.
I want you to think about this.
Mrs. Carlisle's sitting
in the back of the Lincoln, right?
If she's been taken against her will,
she know she won't just take that.
She's gonn a take
some form of action.
What does she have
in the back seat as a weapon?
- I don't know.
- Cigarette lighter, right in the door.
Makes a crescent-shaped burn.
You getting anywhere?
We'll know more
when all the lab stuff comes in.
If there's anything I can do,
Mr. Shaeffer...
or Doug, just ask me.
Thank you.
Can we have a look at your neck?
Yeah, I guess.
What for?
It's just such a peculiar thing.
Let me get a nurse
to help with the bandage.
What's this about?
He just wants to see the burns.
He thinks they're
the key to this case.
- The burns?
- Yeah.
I told them, I don't know how they
got there because I was unconscious.
- Could you sit up, please?
- Okay.
- What do you think?
- About the burns?
- We got a couple of ideas.
- Like what?
Just ideas.
I certainly hope you're not
gonna try to pin this on me.
I wasn't the one who arranged...
for Mrs. Carlisle to be
out in the middle of nowhere...
and guarded by only one agent.
And I also wasn't the one who...
hated Mrs. Carlisle with a vengeance.
That was Agent Chesnic here.
Did he tell you that?
- You hated her?
- With a vengeance.
- I actually like her very much.
- They argued all the time.
Isn't that right?
Is that normal for an agent
to be arguing with is...
No. Of course it's not.
You should be asking him the questions.
He hated her guts.
Look, look.
She treated these guys like dirt.
You know what I mean? She threw them
all out of the house a few weeks ago.
Can I have a cigarette?
Sorry, don't smoke.
Why are you suddenly so upset?
I'm not upset.
Well, wouldn 't you be?
Look, I may be only the driver...
but I'm at least
smart enough to know...
that you guys are not gonna leave town
without putting somebody in jail...
and that somebody
doesn't have to be guilty.
I know how you guys operate.
You did it. Didn't you, Earl?
The hell with you, okay, Dougie?
It was easy, wasn't it?
Will you get him out of my face?
I'm not putting up with this.
- All right.
- Okay.
But I'm gonna have to warn you that
the FBI now considers you a suspect.
- That's just terrific.
- I suggest you get a lawyer soon.
Don't you worry.
I'm gonna protect myself.
Where is she?
Speak to my lawyer, Agent Dougie.
All right, that's it for now.
No more questions, but we're going
to have to have you available to us.
At our convenience.
All right?
Oh, no, Doug.
Let's not be stupid here, all right?
- Where is she?
- I don't know.
Doug, we're the good guys, okay?
We don't do stuff like this.
Don't you get it? I'm the only witness,
and he wants to kill me.
- Doesn't that tell you anything?
- Come on, Doug.
- I'm telling you to holster your pistol.
- Jesus help me.
Goddamn it, Doug,
put that gun away.
You're already in so much trouble!
- He's gonna tell me.
- I don't know anything.
We can't use it.
not like this!
I'm going to count to five...
then I'll shoot off your toe.
Oh. God!
And then I'm gonna count to five
and shoot another toe.
I don't know anything!
Will you get that through your...
Are you crazy? Are you?
- He didn't count!
- Five. Four...
You're going to prison.
Will you just listen to me?
If he is involved...
- Nurse. Should we call the police?
- Yes, and the FBI!
If he is involved,
then she knows it.
And if she knows it,
her life is worthless.
They have to fucking kill her!
We don't have time to meet his lawyer!
- God help me!
- Five. Four...
three, two...
Okay! Okay!
They've got her
in an abandoned farmhouse.
- An abandoned farmhouse?
- Yeah.
I don't think so. Five...
I swear to God. I swear to God.
Doug, really, listen.
It's my sister and her husband.
Check it out.
It wasn't my idea!
I swear to God!
They made me do it!
Mrs. Carlisle's all right, Doug...
because my sister
is taking very good care of her.
Freeze!
You have the right
to remain silent.
- She's over here.
- Where?
There. She's down there.
What?
Take that off.
You buried her?
Jesus Christ. She alive?
Yeah. Pretty sure.
You put her down there, what?
Over hours ago?
This is not a young woman.
Better start praying.
What did you do?
What did you do?
Take it easy!
Get him out of here!
Look how deep this is.
They weren't gonna dig this woman up.
Keep her alive for a day or two,
in case you had to have her...
just cut the ventilation and walk.
- Who let you back in?
- We want to dig. We're responsible.
You're upset. Wait outside.
Let the experts do it.
Okay, dig.
Get out of there.
- Give these men the shovels.
- Thank you.
Give me the shovel.
- I think I found something!
- Pull up the pipe.
Is she down there?
Mrs. Carlisle?
Ma'am?
Somebody get a power saw.
Come on, move!
I want soap, water and blankets.
Nobody sees her like this.
Sir, that's too many.
- We're getting on.
- No can do, pal.
All right. We'll meet them
at the hospital.
- What do you think?
- She's alive. That's all I know.
Come on, guys. Snap it up!
Hey! Anybody out here
named Douglas Chesnic?
Doug Chesnic!
I'm Chesnic.
What is it?
Lady's awake, sir. Says she's not going
without her Secret Service detail.
- Is that you guys?
- That's us.
Can you come aboard?
Yeah. We can do that.
Wait one second, sir.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
I have to throw some of you off.
- She gonna be all right?
- Looks like it.
Where have you been?
Looking for you.
How long did it take you to figure out
the cigarette lighter burns?
About hours.
Oh, Douglas, it was so obvious.
No it wasn't.
Nobody got it but me.
I can hardly believe that.
- It's true.
- Howard Shaeffer, FBI.
If I may say, ma'am, Agent Chesnic
is the reason we found you.
- If he hadn't shot a man...
- Shot a man?
Yes, ma'am.
You finally got to shoot
somebody, huh, Douglas?
- Did you kill him?
- Shot him in the toe.
Oh, after all that practice.
- Yes. Ma'am.
- If I could set the record straight...
I'd just like to talk to this
gentleman, if you don't mind.
I'll get it, dear.
Tell the others I'll be out in a minute.
- Hello?
- The president's returning your call.
- Yes, thank you.
- Yes, ma 'am.
Are they treating you all right
in that hospital? If they're not--
Har old, I want this Secret Service agent
of mine taken care of.
Tess, the man discharged
a firearm in a public place.
I don't care about any of that.
This young man saved my life.
He's like a son to me, Harold.
I want him taken care of, understand?
Sure, Tess.
I'm sure we...
And if anything should
ever happen to me...
I want your personal word
that you will look after him.
- Sure, Tess...
- Good.
That's all I wanted to know.
Have yourself a nice day.
Yes, ma 'am.
What is this?
It's your wheelchair, ma'am.
I can see it's a wheelchair,
but I won't be needing it, thank you.
It's hospital policy
that you leave by wheelchair.
But I would really prefer
not to sit in the wheelchair.
I would much rather walk on my own feet,
with my own steam, out of the hospital.
But the rules and regulations
state that each patient...
Oh. The rules.
Rules and regulations, young man,
are not something I'm fond of.
So if you would just allow me...
I'm just trying to do my job.
I am not going to sit in that!
If I may interrupt.
The regulations aren't really
that sacred, are they?
And Tess...
get in the goddamn chair.