Happiness Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Happiness script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Todd Solondz movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Happiness. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Happiness Script






Are you okay?






Sure. I'm fine.






Well, I had a really nice time.



Yeah. Me, too.



Of course, you know I've always

had a really nice time with you.



Same here.









- You understand?

- Uh-huh.



Well, the food here

was excellent.



I'm gonna recommend it

to my sisters.



How many stars did it get?



Three and a half.



- ( begins to sob )

- Oh...



( coughing )



Do you feel better now?



- Me, too.

- Sorry.



It's really...

It's good we had this talk.






Before things went too far,

you know?



- Got too serious.

- Yeah.



( mumbling )



- Are you sure?

- Oh, yes.



Is it someone else?




It's just you.



Hey, I want to show you

something I got you.



- For me?

- Here, open it up.



But, Andy...



This is...






Oh, this is beautiful.






It's a Gainsevoort




Boston, late    O's.



I sent away for it right after

we had our...



...first date.



Oh, I just love it.




( sighs )



It's a collector's item.






It is pretty special.



( sighs deeply )



It almost makes me want

to learn how to smoke.



( both begin to laugh )



Hey, look at the back.



( gasps )




That's a forty-karat,

gold plated,



inlaid base.



Oh, Andy, I just love it.




this really means

something to me.



I'll always treasure it

as... a token.



No you won't.



'Cause this is for the girl

who loves me.



The girl who cares about me,

for who I am.



Not what I look like.



I just wanted you to know

what you'd be missing.



You think I don't

appreciate art.



You think I don't understand




You think I'm not hip.



You think I'm pathetic.



A nerd.



A lard-ass fatso.



You think I'm shit.



Well, you're wrong.



'Cause I'm champagne.



And you're shit!



And till the day you die...






not me...



will always be shit.



I dunno...



but whenever I see her,

I just wanna...



you know, I wanna...



undress her...



I wanna tie her up.



I wanna pump her...



pump, pump, pump,



till she screams bloody murder.



And then I wanna...



flip her ass over

and pump her even more.



And so hard that my dick

shoots right through her.



And that my...



come squirts out her mouth.



And not that I could ever...



...actually do that.






if she only knew how I felt.



Deep down I really

cared for her...



respected her...



she would love me back.






Oh, she doesn't

even know I exist.



I mean, she knows I exist...



I mean we are neighbors,

you know, we...



you know, smile politely

at each other, but...



I don't know if I could ever

really begin to talk to her,



I mean, what could I talk




I have nothing to talk about,

I'm boring.



That I know.



I've been told before,

so don't tell me it's not true.



'Cause it's a fact.

I bore people.



People look at me

and they get bored.



People listen to me

and they zone out...




Who is that boring person?



They think...



"I have never before met

anyone so boring."



And for her to

see how boring I am...



( to himself )

A gallon of skim milk.



A dozen eggs...



...one of those disposable

cameras for the weekend.



Stop at the  -  

on the way home...



I got to get the

dry cleaning, for Trish.



I've got to check Billy's




and call Mrs. Mitchell about

her appointment on Tuesday...



reschedule the dentist.



But do you know what

I'm gonna do?



( Bill to himself )

I gotta get the dog cleaned...



The next time I see her...



as soon as I see her...



I'm just gonna tell her...



I'm gonna tell

her that l, uh...



find her...






Good evening, Miss Jordan.



( nervously )

How, how's it going?






( elevator door opens )



- See ya.

- Yeah.



( phone beeps - dial tone )



( mumbling )

I'm gonna fuck you so hard,



you'll be coming out

of your ears.



Fuck you...



( dialing beeps )



( ringing )



- Man: Yeah?

- ( clicks phone off )



No, fuck you.



I'll fuck you.

I'll fuck you...



...really hard.



So hard you won't even...



( ringing )



Woman: Hello?



Hello, is this Claire?



- Woman: Who is this?

- ( clicks phone off )



- ( screams )

- Die, Aunt Joy! Die!



- Timmy!

- It's okay, Trish.



He's just going through a

phase. Leave him alone.



- I know, but...

- It's okay. I'm strong enough.



- ( begins to sob )

- I blame it on cartoons,



they are so full of violence.



What's with the people

that are making cartoons.



That's what you have to--




- ( sobbing )

- Joy, what's the matter?



I don't know what it is,

but I feel there's so much...



hostility directed at me.



Honey, did another guy

dump you?



No, l--



I just feel terrible.



Aww, Sweetie.

Timmy didn't mean it.



I know, I know.

I'm sorry, I just...



I'm overworked, that's all.



It's okay.



It's okay, 'cause now

maybe you'll listen to me.






- You have got to eat red meat.

- Oh, Trish.



I knew that's how you'd react,

but I'm telling you, it's true.



I've been watching you.



My doctor says just once

a month.



I know.



Really. It's the best thing

for the skin.



- It'll clear it right up.

- What's wrong with my skin?



Well it's fine now, but...



in another few years...



Please, Joy.



You know I'm just speaking

to you for your own good.



I know. I know.




- I'm so happy.

- You are?



Yeah. I mean being

around you and the kids



and you know, Kooki.



- You really are?

- Yeah.



Oh, honey,

I'm so happy you're happy.



'Cause all this time I've been

thinking you were so miserable.



Oh, Trish. That's too funny,

when I couldn't be happier.



You know, it's just with your

music career--



Oh, my career's fine.



Oh, I know. I know, it will be.

I just know it.



And then you'll move out

of mom and dad's.



- Real soon.

- And you'll meet Mr. Right.



Oh, I will.



Already I feel I'm off

to a fresh start.



That's right. Just because

you hit thirty



doesn't mean you can't be

fresh anymore.



You know Joy, I've never told

you this before...



but now that we're older,




I feel so bonded to you.



Well, the truth is...



I know this is

gonna sound horrible...



but I feel I have to be

open with you,



and get beyond

all the barriers,



and the sibling nonsense.



The truth is I always thought

you'd never amount to much.



That you would end up alone,

without a career.



It's what we all thought.



Mom, Dad, Helen...






I always prayed we'd all

be wrong, but,



somehow you always seemed

so doomed to failure.



But now I see that's not true.



There's a glimmer of hope

for you after all.



I'm sorry, I'm repeating




I'm just really happy for you.



( both sigh )



( screaming - hollering

in panic )



( gunfire continues )




And how is this different?



I don't kill myself at the end.



Do you see this

as something positive?



Gee, well...

I don't know.



How do you feel at the end?



Much better.



I wake up happy...



feeling good...



but then I'll get depressed

because I'm living in reality.



What about your family?



Trish is good to me.



But, still no sex.






but, she's not too interested

either, so...



really there's no problem there



when you think about it...



on a certain level.



( panting )



- Hi.

- Hi, hon, how's work?



Oh, fine.



Hey, Billy.

What's going on?






He's depressed.



- Well is anything the matter?

- I don't want to talk about it.



Ignore him.

He just wants attention.



He thinks you'll be impressed.



So anyway, Joy came by.



- How's she doing?

- I dunno, I'm concerned.



She's not like me.

She doesn't have it all.



She pretends to be happy, but,

you can see right through her,



she's miserable.



Why do you think that?



To be frank, she's lazy.



She's not a go-getter.



She's so picky.



I gave Damien Ross her

phone number,



and Joy sounded interested,

but I dunno.



I'm afraid to say it,

but it's what I believe.



She'll always be alone.



- We're all alone.

- Oh, Bill.



Sometimes I wonder how any of

your patients can talk to you.



Sometimes I wonder

if they'll ever stop.



I should tape some for you.



Would you?

Would you really?



- So I could listen, too?

- No.



Come on, you're such a tease.

I wouldn't tell anyone.



Right. 'Cause you're

so secretive.



Maybe not as secretive as you.



What secret would you like me

to tell you?



Like how come no matter how

much you treat me like shit...



I can't help lovin' you

even more?



- Dad?

- Yes, Billy.



What does "come" mean?






You know...



Well, you know sometimes

your penis gets erect?



Well, sometimes it gets so

excited that a sticky,



milky substance shoots out.






Yes, only "come" can be used

as a verb as well.



- Billy...

- Yeah?



Have you ever come?






Billy, it's all right

if you haven't.



But, I have.



- Billy?

- But...



everyone else in class

has and...



I want to come, too.



It's okay. It's okay.



Have you tried playing

with yourself?



You mean...



With your penis.



A little.



How did it feel?



I don't know.



I don't know what to do.



Do you want me to show you?



No. No.



I'm not normal.



Oh, no, Billy.



- ( Billy begins to cry )

- Don't worry, you're normal.






you'll come one day.



You'll see.




I'm turning on the dishwasher.



- Where's my valium?

- Man: What?



Never mind.



Fuckin' asshole.



( telephone rings )



You answer it, bastard.




Mona, it's Trish.



- Hi, Trish.

- Hi, mom. How are you?



Oh, I'm fine.



How are you?



- Trish: Fine.

- Good.



Trish: Did you watch

Leno last night?






( begins to sob )

He's leaving me.



Your father's leaving me.



Mom, what are

you talking about?



Trish, can you keep

this top secret?



Yes. Yes of course I can, mom.



He says...



He says he doesn't love

me anymore.



- I'm sure he doesn't mean it.

- He does fucking mean it.



He wants a divorce.



He said the word "divorce"?



What? You don't believe me?



- You talk to him, okay? Lenny?

- Yeah.



It's Trish, she wants

to talk to you.



- Yeah, Trish?

- Is it true what mom said?



- What?

- You want a divorce?



Mona, what are you telling

the kids?



She'll call you back.



Did I use the word "divorce"?



You... You said you didn't want

to live with me.



Answer the question,

did I use the word "divorce"?



You said that you didn't

love me.



Did I use the word "divorce"?







I just wanted to make that clear.



Now sit down next to me.

Come on.



Sit down.



( shouts )

Sit down!



( sighs deeply )



Lenny, why?



I don't know.



I just want to be alone.



I can let you be alone more

if that's what you want.



It's not that.

Things change...



People change.



I want out.



It's Diane, isn't it?






You're in love with Diane




Oh, get outta here. Please.



You're in love with someone.

It's someone younger probably.



- Wrong.

- Lenny...



it's okay, I'm not dumb.



Things happen.

I'll get over it.



I wish you had done this

twenty years ago.



Now I'll have to get another

fucking face-lift.



I'm in love with no one.



- With no one?

- No one.



Okay, then.






Woman: You know people are

always putting New Jersey down.



None of my friends can actually

believe I live here.



But that's just because

they don't get it.



I'm living in a state of irony.



Helen, are you sure you don't

want to have dinner with me tonight?



Oh, I can't.



I'm giving another reading

book-signing at Barnes _ Noble,



then Jamal's taking me out,



although I promised Flavio.



( sighs ) I hate Saturday




Everybody wants me, Joy,

you have no idea.



I know, it's that l,



I wrote a new song,

and I thought you'd come over,



- I could play it for you--

- Can you hold on?



I'm sorry, Joy, hold on.



- ( phone beeps )

- Hello?



Oh, Salman. Hold on one second.



( beeps )



Joy, I'm so sorry I have to

take this, it's London.



I'll talk to you soon.

Okay, bye-bye.






( telephone rings )






Hi. Um...



How are you?



Is this...






Yeah. How ya doin'?



Oh, fine. Trish told me

you might be calling.






( chuckles ) Well, I know how

weird these things can be,



but, I've always had such faith

in Trish's judgment,



I just thought, why not?



It's not like I have a huge

social life...



I do have a social life,

it's just not huge.



- Same here.

- Really?



That's so nice to hear.

Most people seem so confident.






- Or they're real jerks.

- ( banging )



What are you doing?



Oh, I'm sorry.



I'm sorry. I just trying

to thaw this steak,



and it's so hard, and I...

( laughs )



- I'm sorry.

- No, no.



Don't stop because of me.



Well, I feel I'm being so rude.



No, no, Not at all.



Well, thanks.



- Are you alone?

- Yeah I'm alone.



Nobody's listening in.

Don't worry.



God, you're just like me.



- What are you wearing?

- You mean when we go out?



Where do you want to go?



I'm pretty easy to please.

I hate getting all dressed up.



What are you wearing now?



Just a pair of jeans, why?



- Are they tight?

- Not too tight.



Actually they fit pretty good.



- But why do you want to know...?

- Not the jeans, underneath.



What are you wearing

underneath? Check.



Underneath? Well...



- Damien, underneath is just...

- ( grunts )



This isn't Damien, is it?



Are you all wet?

Is your pussy all wet?



- ( phone hangs up )

- ( moans )



( doorbell rings )



- Who is it?

- Woman: It's your neighbor, Kristina.



( door squeaks open )



Hey, what's up?



Did you hear what happened

to Pedro?



- Who's Pedro?

- You know, the night doorman.



Oh, yeah. What?



He was found bludgeoned to death

in his apartment this morning.



- Ugh.

- Yeah. And supposedly...



- ...his penis was missing.

- Ugh!



Anyway, Carla in  B, she's

collecting money for the funeral,



you know, if you feel like it.



Apparently he had no family.



No one, no friends.

If I'd had known.



I did always say "hi," I think.



Yeah, me, too...



If it's the guy

I'm thinking of.



By the way, I have an extra ticket

to the playoffs tonight.



Maybe you want to come with me?



Hah, uh... Thanks.



I've got too much work.



I just wanted to tell you

about Pedro.



- Thanks.

- Okay. See ya.



It seems the things

I've wanted in my life



I've never had



And so it's no surprise that

living only leaves me sad



Happiness, where are you?



I've searched so long

for you



Happiness, what are you?



I haven't got a clue



Happiness, why do you

have to stay...



So far away...



From me?



When I'm in despair and life

has turned into a mess



I know I don't dare to end

my search for happiness



Happiness, where are you?



( telephone rings )






Hello. This is detective Berman

from the County Police Department.



I'd like to speak to

Miss Joy Jordan.



- This is she.

- I'm so sorry, I've got another call.






Yeah, lieutenant.

Hi. How ya doing?



They pronounced the guy DOA.



The door was locked from

the inside.



All the property's here,

suicide note.



Looks like a pill vodka OD,

with a bag over his head.




Hi, Miss Jordan, I'm back.



I'm sorry to disturb you,

Miss Jordan.



But, ah...



I'm afraid I've got some

really bad news for you



in regards

to an acquaintance of yours



by the name of Andrew




( sobbing - sniffing )






- ( sighs )

- Are you okay?



Yeah, sure. I'm fine.



What's the matter?



( sighs - sniffs )



Andy's dead.



- Andy?

- Yeah.



Who's Andy?



You know, the guy

who used to work...



right over

there in that corner.



- You mean where Pam's sitting?

- Yeah.



Was he kind of tall

and a little hunched?




He was...



a little shortish.

A little squarish.



Joy, I'm not sure.



Did he work here long?



A year, maybe a little longer.






Kay. Kay.



Do you remember a guy named

Andy who used to work here,



over where Pam is now?



No. Why?

What happened?



- He died.

- Huh.



- Which one was he?

- I'm not sure.



Maybe Tom knows.




I'm sorry, I don't.

But you know,



I do remember a guy, vaguely,

who worked over there...



I think.

But, I'm not really sure.



How did he die?



Yeah, Joy, how did he die?



( phone beeps )



Sales, may I help you?



- Woman: Joy Jordan?

- Yes.



This is Andy's mother.



I hope you fucking rot in hell.



Joy, was he kind of

Latino looking?



And a little acne scarred?



Oh, yeah. You know, like uh,




- The actor...

- Yeah. Sure.



That was him.



- That's it. That actor.

- What's that actor's name?



- What actor?

- It has an A in it...



it's uh, oh you know,

something, something, something.



- Oh, I know.

- I can picture his face.



Yeah, yeah, yeah.



( begins to sob )



Joe something.



If I go thought the alphabet,

I can usually picture their name.



It's um...



Uh, I don't know why

I suggested this place.



Joy recommended it.



Well, at least we're together.



I never get to see you,

you're so busy.



- You're so busy.

- No, you are.



- No, you are.

- No, you are.



- I guess I am.

- Me, too.



If I have to do one more




I guess it's hard, huh?






I'm just so tired of being

admired all the time.



I mean all these men,




...they're beautiful,

artistic minds,



great sex, the whole package...



...but, hollow.



You know what I mean?



I feel nobody's honest with me.



Nobody wants me...



...for me.



They're not family.



Oh, Trish I wish I had

your life.



Husband, kids, carpool.



I may have it all.



But, I wonder what my life might

have been like if I'd actually,



tried to write a novel.



I'm sure it would

have been good.



Well, maybe I will write one.



You should.



Just try.



No. I don't need that kind

of success.



Listen to us...



we who have everything

while Joy...



- ...what does she have?

- ( sighs ) You're so right.



She's just getting older.



Last night she called while

I was in bed with Huraki...



I think.



She was in tears.



- She told me she quit her job.

- Oh, God, no.



That's her lifeline.



She said she wanted to change

her life.



Do "good." Work with the poor

and the needy.



I don't get it.



Don't even try.

She doesn't understand,



she is good.



She doesn't need to do good.



What about her music career?



I don't know.

But don't hold your breath.



Listen, anyway...



this is all top secret.

She doesn't want anyone to know.



( sarcastically )

Oh, but, she told you?



She felt she could trust me.



'Cause she always thought

I was someone



that she could confide in.



Did you speak to mom?



You mean about the split up?



Oh... I...



I thought that was

all top secret?



Just for Joy.



Sensitive Joy.

Everyone else knows.






Waiter: Can I get you ladies

anything else?



- Coffee? Dessert?

- No thank you, just the check, please.



Thank you.



Thanks for lunch.



I really enjoyed this.



( pickets chanting ) Benefits!

Benefits! We want benefits!



Benefits! Benefits!

We want benefits!



You know, there are people

in real need in there.



The fucking management's

in there.



What about the refugees?



- What about our benefits?

- ( chanting continues )



I'm sorry. I think you're all

making a terrible mistake.



( crowd begins to chant )

Scab! Scab! Scab...!



( pickets heard outside )



That's so sad.



I mean, really, it's pathetic.



Such losers.



Really, I feel sorry for them.



- What is it? What happened?

- They called me a scab.



Oh, you're not a scab.



You're a strikebreaker.



- ( bell rings )

- Good luck.






My name is Joy Jordan.



I am your new teacher.



- Now...

- You are scab.



( broken English )

Where Marsha?



Marsha? Well...



- Marsha...

- We want Marsha!



( class begins chanting )

We want Marsha! We want Marsha!



We want Marsha! We want Marsha!



We want Marsha! We want Marsha!



( shouts )







I am not a scab.



I am a strikebreaker.



( cheering )



All right.



Good job.



( cheering )



Don't fuck this up.



- Come on.

- Let's go, Johnny.



Come on. You can do it.



Bill, I don't know.



Maybe I should talk to you.



You're supposed to be a specialist

in these things, aren't you?



Well, I don't know.

That depends.






...my son's a fag,

I'm not blind to these things.



How come you're so sure he's...






Are you kidding?



Well, it's just, sometimes

appearances can be deceiving.



And besides,

even if you're right,



there's not much

you can do... is there?



What do you think will happen

if I got him uh...



professional, you know?



A professional?






One that could

teach him things.



First-timers, you know...



break him in.



But, Joe...



he's eleven.



Yeah, you're right.

You're right.



It's too late.



He is what he is.



Forget I said anything.



Ah, dad, could Johnny

sleep over tonight?



Well, that's up to Joe.



Daddy, may I please sleep over

at Billy's tonight?



Sure. Sure. Whatever.



( cheering )



( scuffs )

Like girls.



( video game playing )



Come and get it.



Oh, Bill, you shouldn't have.



Here, take.

You only live once.






- Here, Johnny.

- No, thank you, Dr. Maplewood.



Aren't you having any?



Johnny hates chocolate fudge.






Is there something

you'd like instead?



No, thank you, Dr. Maplewood.



What about something to drink?



Leave him alone, honey,

he's fine.



No. There must be something.



Do you have any grape Hi C?



Do we, Trish?



I'm afraid not.



- I'll go pick some up.

- Bill, don't be silly.



He doesn't need anything,

it's late.



Do you have any tuna salad?



Would you like a sandwich?



Yes, please.



We're going to bed.

Timmy can barely keep his eyes open.



You boys don't stay up

too late, huh?






Here we are.



Hey, what happened to Billy?



I don't know.



I guess he just conked out.



Bedtime for Billy.

Here we go.



Here we go.



Aren't you gonna eat

the sandwich?



In a minute.



Take your time.



Is your game almost over?



This is the bonus round.



I... I have



some cereal or a hot dog?



No thank you.



Dr. Maplewood?






Would it be all right

if I ate this tomorrow?



Well... sure but...



I don't know if it's gonna

taste any good tomorrow.



How is it?



Actually, it's really good.



( birds chirping -

bicycle bell rings )



- Oh, honey, I feel so good.

- Me, too.



I don't think I've slept

this well in so long.



Me neither.



It's weird, I feel as if we...



Bill, did we?



Did you...?



Did I?






I don't remember.



That's all right.

It doesn't matter.



It matters.



Forget about it.






It's funny, I remember

I was dreaming.



And you were there...



and Billy and Timmy

and Chloe...



and Johnny Grasso.






I can't really remember

anything more.






I don't know.






Bill, please don't get

mad at me...



I know you hate

it when I ask...



Do you still...?



( exhales )






- Very, very much.

- Oh, Bill.



I do too. I do too.



Sorry I need to keep

being reminded.



- It's just...

- I know.



We haven't been...



I know.



- I know. It's my fault.

- No, honey.



- It's my fault.

- No, I...



Trish: I know. I know.



Timmy: Die! Die! Die!



Trish: Timmy, stop that.



Where's Billy?



Watching TV.



How come you two aren't

playing together?



I don't know.

Billy said he didn't feel like it.






Dr. Maplewood?






Can you drive me home now?



Well, sure, but...



...aren't you having

a good time?



I'm not feeling very well.



What's the matter?



l, I don't know.



I... ( gagging )






All right.






I'll take you home.



Dr. Maplewood?



Yes, Johnny?



I'm sorry I threw up.



Don't worry about it.



'Cause I really had

a good time.






Billy did too.



We all did.



Dr. Maplewood?



Yes, Johnny?



You're so cool.



Billy: Dad?



Yes, Billy.



I was kind of wondering...



( sighs )









Did you have fun with Johnny?






It was okay.

He's a little girlish, though.



Oh... yes.






Do you know how many

inches your penis is?



I never measured.






Ronald Farber says his penis

is eleven inches long.



Do you think that's possible?



What Ronald Farber

doesn't know,



is that it's not length

that matters.



It's width.






Things get a little more...




What do you mean "intense?"



Have you been practicing?



Yeah. But...



it's no use.

Nothing comes.



You have to be patient.



Your friend Ronald Farber,



I can assure you,

is full of crap.



Yeah. I bet yours

is a lot wider.



And longer.



Do you want me to measure?



Nah, that's okay.



Hi. Ann Chambue.



- Mona Jordan.

- Wonderful. Come this way.






I'm sorry to have kept

you waiting so long.



Can I get you some

coffee or tea?



No, thanks.






Now then, how can I help you?



Oh, you said that there

might be something available



over in Elysian Fields?



Well, actually we have several

places we can see there.



First I need to get a bit

of information from you.



Are you looking for

a one, two or three bedroom?



- Three.

- Wonderful.



( keyboard clicking )



Is this for you

and your husband?






Just yourself then?






No children?



My children are grown.



No pets?






Then just you alone

all by yourself?



( begins to sob )



Mrs. Jordan, is something

the matter?



My husband is leaving me.



I'm so sorry.



You know...



we have a lot of divorcees

in Phase IV.



Would you like to see

something there?



Perhaps a bit smaller?



Who said I was getting




Ann: What you need

is a fresh start.



Mona: Yes. That's what

I'm looking for.



You know, I'm a divorcee.



- Oh.

- And I live in Phase IV.



Oh. I'm so sorry.



- Mrs. Jordan...

- Mona.



Mona. That's a beautiful name.



Thank you.



How long were you married?



Forty years.



You know, Mona, I ah...



I think we have

a lot in common.



Probably more than you realize.



See, I know what you're

going through, I've been there.



I'd like to share a little

secret with you.



Divorce was the best thing

that ever happened to me.






Don't worry, she's the

exception to the rule.



Everyone here is

much more youthful.



( siren sounds )



Lenny: Are you sure?



Let me show you something.



You see this?



You're the picture of health.



No tumors?



- Nope.

- How's the heart?



Like an ox, Lenny.



You'll live to be a hundred.



So I still have another

thirty-five years?



Just stay off the salt.



You bet.



Hi, Lenny.






Hello, Diane.



Mind if I join you?






No thanks.



How's Mona?



She's fine.



Why's she inside on such

a beautiful day?



I don't know.



What do you mean,

you don't know?



- I don't know.

- Whatever.



How are your girls?



Fine, I guess.



The grandchildren coming

to visit soon?



I don't know.



Look, Lenny...



I think you ought to know,

I heard about you and Mona.



About what?



That you're getting divorced.



- I really sorry.

- We're not getting divorced.



Divorced, separated, whatever.



It doesn't matter.



You're alone now.






if you ever need anyone

to talk to...



you know where to find me.



( engine accelerates )



( to herself ) Everything

I write is so shallow...



so superficial.



Can't anyone see through

my work?



It's inherent phoniness.

Rape at   ...



Rape at   ...



What the hell do I know

about rape?



I've never been raped.



I'm just another sordid




If only I'd been raped

as a child.



Then I would know authenticity.



But instead...



( screams )



I'm no good.



No good.



Nothing. Nothing.



Zero. Zero.



( telephone rings )






I know who you are

and you are nothing.



You think you

are fucking something,



but you are fucking nothing.



You are empty. You are a zero.

You are a black hole,



I'm gonna fuck you so bad

you'll be coming out of your ears.



( beeping )



( ringing )



- Data Resources.

- Who are you?



( breathing heavily )



( telephone rings )



- What do you want?

- I want you to fuck me.



I... uh...



I don't think I can do that.



I mean...



I don't think I can do that.



I gotta go.



- Call me tomorrow.

- All right.



Hey, Allen...



did you see the playoffs

last night?



Yeah. pretty good.



( chuckling )

Pretty good.



I was on my knees praying

for that shot.



It worked.

( laughs )



( muffled moaning heard )



( doorbell rings )



Who is it?



Who is it?



It's uh... me.







- How's it going?

- Okay.



Um, I have some more

information about Pedro.






- Yeah, you know, the um...

- Oh, yeah.






- Um, well...

- ( moans )



- Are you all right?

- No.



Pussy... Need pussy...



( begins to snore )



( snorts )



( gagging heard )



( throwing up )



( breathing heavily )



What the fuck

are you doing here?



Get out.



( shouts )

Get out!



Get out!



( door slams )



( sniffing )



Man: Joy!






Joy! Joy!



I am Vlad,

your student.



Hello, Vlad.

How are you?



I am fine.

How are you?



Oh, fine. Fine.



( broken English )

I not believe you.



( begins to sob )

Really, Vlad. I'm fine.



I'm sorry... it's just

I'm a terrible teacher.



Everyone hates me and I should

have never left telephone sales,



because I was really

doing a lot more good then.



Where you are go now?



I'm just on my way home.



Tell me where do you live.

I take you home.



Oh no, I couldn't.






Come in my cab.



- I give you ride.

- Vlad, no.



I like walking

and the train is nearby.



No. No train.

I drive you home.



I live in New Jersey.



- Good. I take you New Jersey.

- No, maybe you don't understand.



- New Jersey is far.

- Joy, you no understand.



Huh? I driver.



My taxi.



You come. You understand?



You come.



Are you sure you know...?



Vlad knows.



I love New Jersey.



Don't you miss Russia?



Fuck the cunt of Russia.



Well, I guess it's best

to feel that way.



Thank you for everything.



That was really very

nice of you.



I'm sorry about before...



that was very unlike me.



Do you think you'll need help

finding your way back?



Why you not married?



Oh... Vlad.



Our life is

so different in America.



Here a woman can, I know this

is difficult to understand, but,



a woman can fulfill

her potential.






there are opportunities

to do something...



...do good, really improve

the world.



Do you like men?






But, it's not so simple.



Are you lesbian?



- No.

- It's all right.



If you are lesbian.



I like lesbian.






I'm sorry.



But, this conversation has

become a bit strange for me.



So thank you

for the ride, and...



Well, then, good night...



and um...



I'll see you in...



Would you like to come inside

for a cup of tea?



I'll go put the kettle on.



Oh, that's good...



Take your shoes off.

Make yourself comfortable.



It's my parents' place.



I plan on

moving out soon, though.



- How long you live here?

- Since I was born.



I find there are a lot of

advantages to not moving.






What did you do in Russia?



- I was thief.

- Oh.



You mean the Mafia?







I steal things on my own.



Although I have many offers.



You are musician?



Oh, no.

I just write songs a little.



What kind songs?



I don't know.

They're so terrible.



Love songs.



- No.

- Play.



Oh, no.



I play.



So many nights



I sit by my window



waiting for someone



to sing me her song



So many dreams



I've kept deep inside me



alone in the dark



but now you've come along



You light up my life



You give me hope



to carry on



You light up my days



and fill all my nights



with song



And you light up my life



You give me hope



to carry on



You light up my days



and fill my nights



with song



It can't be wrong



when it feels so right



'cause you...



you light up my life.









I have to go now.



See you in class tomorrow.



( "You Light Up My Life" playing

- pickets chanting )



Good morning.



So, how's it going?



Oh, hi, Rhonda.



Your students treating you okay?



Oh, they're just great.



I hate to say this, but,



I told you so. ( laughs )



How about you?

How's your class?



Oh, my students

are such a hoot.



They're always telling

me how much they love me.



Actually, if you can keep

a secret,



there's this one...



( sighs ) Igor...



I've got such a crush on him.



- Oh?

- ( giggles )



Well, not that I'd ever...



I mean, especially the







- B.O.

- Really?



- Mine seem okay.

- You're very lucky.



- Rhonda?

- Yeah?



If your Igor...



used deodorant...



( broken English )

You teacher Vlad?






( screaming )



Oh, my God.

That woman was crazy.



Joy, are you okay?



Yeah. I'm fine.



( class bell rings )






you didn't...



did you?



- Mom?

- Yeah?



There's blood in my BM.



Can I stay home

from school today?



- Detective: How do you feel?

- Johnny: Okay.



Are you sure?



Yeah. I feel fine.



Maybe a little sore.




I'm ready to go back to school.



That's good, Johnny.



Johnny, I have to ask you

a few questions. Is that okay?






When did you first

start feeling sick?






What happened?



I threw up at my friend's house.



Johnny... he spent

the night there.



I thought that he had

a little virus.



Did you eat anything unusual,




Just a tuna sandwich.



He loves tuna salad.



I see.



Johnny, when did you

first notice the blood?



When I went to the bathroom

this morning.



Johnny, I have to ask you

a question



and it's very important that

you be honest, okay?






Johnny was there,

in the last day or two...



someone who hurt you?



No. I...



I don't think so.



But someone did hurt you?

No, Johnny?



No. No one hurt me.



( angrily ) What do you mean, no?

You've been fucking raped.



I'm sorry.



More potatoes, Bill?



Mmm. No thanks.



I got plenty.



The baby-sitter should be here

any minute now.



When does the PTA start?



We've still got about

a half an hour.



So, how did school go today?






Was Johnny there?






Oh, I sure hope the kids don't

catch whatever he's got.



( gagging )



Very funny, Timmy.



Now you're excused

and can go right to bed.



- But, mom.

- Yep.



Excuse me, Bill.



( telephone rings )






Hi, Tawny, is there a problem?



( sighs )



Well, thank you for giving me

so much notice.









Yeah, sure, I'm sorry too.



Well maybe you could have

thought of that before.






Bill, I'm sorry you're going to

have to go by yourself tonight.



Isn't there someone else

you can get?



No, not at this late hour.



( sighs )



Come on. You're gonna come with

me right now and take a bath.



- But I'm not finished.

- Yes, you're finished.



- Let's go.

- Wait.



My Tamagatchi.



Get your Tamagatchi

and let's go.



Come on, mister, up the stairs.

Come on.



Timmy, please.

Come on.






If you and mom died

in a plane crash,



would it be all right

if I took over?



Well... probably one of your

aunts would want to help out.



So, you don't think I'm old

enough to take care of myself,



Timmy and Clioe.









Ronald Farber's parents are away

in Europe for a few days,



and Ronald gets to stay home by

himself without a baby-sitter.



So why do I need a baby-sitter?



Well, if you want to change

Clioe's diapers...



Well, if I didn't have any

little brother or sister,



would you let me stay alone

by myself for a few days?



Your mom and I are not

Mr. and Mrs. Farber.



We worry.






What if I were twelve?









At thirteen I think

you'll be okay.



Can you promise?



As long as you don't look like

you're eleven.



I won't.






Thirteen then.



Bill: Hello, in Roseland,




I'm looking for the address

of a resident.



The name is Farber.



   Angel Court?



Thank you.



- Trish: Hon, is that you?

- Yes.



Did you remember the milk?






( television heard )



How was the meeting?






Bill, are you all right?



I think I have to lie down.



Oh, shit.



I hope you're not coming down

with what Johnny Grasso had.



I don't think so.



I'll be up in a minute.












I almost came.









( moans )



Do you love me?



Oh, Bill.



- Yes.

- No, I mean...



...do you really love me?



No matter what?



No matter what.






No matter...






Bill, you have me.



You always will.



I'm sick.



Aww, honey.



Take some Tylenol.



You'll feel better tomorrow.



Mona: I met with Steven Zimmer

this morning.



- You like him?

- Yeah.



I'm gonna use him.




I'm gonna use Marty Blua.






I feel so much better now.



Well good.

It shouldn't take long.



Good night.



- Lenny?

- Yeah?



Can you sleep on the living

room couch?






Steven Zimmer thought

it would be a good idea.






- Diane: Gin and tonic?

- Lenny: Okay. Thanks.



God, it's so bright outside,



it gives me a headache just

looking out the window.



Yeah, well they say

it's gonna rain tomorrow.



I don't want to talk about

the fucking weather.



Well it's good

for playing golf.



I hate that game.

It's so boring.



It passes the time.



I like to travel.



I went to Europe once.



Have you ever been to Tahiti?






How about Tunisia?



- A night in Tunisia?

- ( laughs ) No.



Vincent never liked to travel.



I guess I'm like Vincent.



When I was a child I always

imagined that...



I'd marry the man

I fell in love with,



have a son and a daughter

who loved me



as much as I hated my mother,



then die...



tragically and suddenly.

Young and beautiful.



When Vincent left me

I imagined I'd finally be happy.



I guess you haven't lost

your imagination.



Lenny, I've got to get

out of here.



I can't breathe.



The women are pathetic gossips

and the men are...



Just pathetic.



I don't want to die here.



You just don't want to die.



Not alone.






Don't feel guilty.



I don't.



I don't feel anything.



( telephone rings )



Helen: I have to see you.



( doorbell rings )



Who is it?






I'm sorry about last night.



Yeah. Uh, me, too.



I shouldn't have...



I understand.



I mean-- See, I can...



I can admit it.

That I'm fat...



and I'm ugly.

( sobs )



- No, no.

- Yes.



( sniffs ) Yes.



Thank you.






you wanna go somewhere?



( jukebox playing )



I like you.



I have a confession to make.






Do you remember Pedro's penis?



You mean the one that...



that was...



cut off?



Well, it wasn't really cut off.



What happened to it?






I uh...



( sighs ) I don't understand.






why would you make something

like that up?



Was Pedro even killed?



How do you--

how do you know?



I tried so many times

to tell you,



but it's hard to, um...



I'd always been

very friendly to him.



I try to be that way

with all the doormen,



even thought they're usually

snickering behind my back.



I don't care.

I'm still friendly.



It's just my way.



But, um...



Pedro was different.

Pedro never snickered.



Of course, who was he

to snicker?



He wasn't exactly Tom Cruise.



Still, he could have,



but he didn't.



So anyway, one night...



I was coming home from the

  -hour Pathmark, it was late.



Good evening, Miss Hope.



Hi, Pedro. Can you help me

with these bags?



No problem.



Thank you.



Normally I don't need any help,



but my back hurt because

the bags were heavy.



And I had...



a half-gallon of strawberry

ice cream...



two boxes of fudge

and a key lime pie.



And uh, I just couldn't wait

to get home



and get under the covers

and watch TV.



But, um...



I was in the elevator when

I first got this funny feeling,



like he was...



you know, kind of looking

at me funny.



And I thought maybe he was

just being friendly too.



I mean, you know,



just um, two friendly people.

( chuckles )



Um, would you mind putting

those in the kitchen for me?



No problem.



Thanks so much, Pedro.



No problem.



Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.



Forget about that.



What I'd really like is...



a scoop of your ice cream

before I go back down.



Oh sure... please have a seat.



My wife died three years ago.



I feel...



...so lonely.



You are a beautiful woman,




You are so beautiful, Kristina.



( muffled screams )



( screams )



And the next thing I know...



...he's inside me,



you know, just pounding away.



Oh, Allen.



- Waitress: All finished?

- Allen: Yeah.



Would you like to see

a dessert menu?



What kind of ice cream

do you have?



Chocolate, vanilla

and strawberry.






Okay then, I'll have a plain

chocolate fudge sundae



with strawberry ice cream.

Thank you.



And you, sir?



( sighs ) Just the check,




So anyway, everything got

really quiet,



and then I thought, well okay,



at least the worst part

is over.



( breathing heavily )



How do you like it?



Kiss me again.



Kristina: But, that was just

an act.



I let him kiss me one last time,



and I grabbed ahold

of his neck,



- and I twisted it...

- ( cracking )






- Here you are.

- Thank you.



And then I had to

cut up his body.



You know, plastic bag,

all the parts.



I've been throwing it out

gradually ever since.



There's still some left

in my freezer.



- So you did cut off his...

- No.



I left it attached,

I didn't want to touch it again.



( begins sobbing )



I feel so terrible.



You must think I'm a monster.



But what else could

I have done?



Anyway, I couldn't help myself.



I hate...






I'm sorry, but just

the idea of it...



of someone all over...



inside of me.



I know it isn't right...



...but can we still be...









I guess.




Uh, I mean...



we all have our...



( sighs ) you know...



our pluses...



and minuses.



It was a crime of passion.



I'm a passionate woman.



( sighs )



( rings )



Helen: I've had you

on auto-redial all night.



( doorbell rings )



Helen: Hello?



( door squeaks open )






I'm the...






I'm sorry?






Come in.






have a seat.






No. Thanks.



This is not working.






You're not my type.






( doorbell rings )



Can I come in?



( arguing in Russian heard )



( buzzes door )



I'm sorry.



I wanted to...









( speaking Russian )



Come inside.









Why you are come here?



I came because

I wanted to say...



that I was sorry to your wife.



Zhenia is not my wife.



So you're not really married?



Zhenia love me.



It is problem.



She want be my wife, but...



she don't listen.



What can I do?



What can I do?



Come. You want I drive you

New Jersey?



- We go shopping.

- ( glass breaking/baby cries )



- No. I don't think that's...

- ( shouts in Russian )






I must ask you question.






I very ashamed.



I'm sure I'll understand.






Can I borrow money?



It's very important.



- How much?

- One thousand dollars.



All right. Five hundred.

I need money now.



I... I...



I guess I can go to

a cash machine.




I know where is ATM.



- Vlad?

- Yes.



Could I first,



have my guitar

and my CD player back?






It is deal.



Do you think shopping mall

in New Jersey is open tonight?



Yeah. Probably.






I love you.



You love New Jersey.



I give you back Monday.



That's okay.



I um...



I probably won't

be there anyway.



Why no?



I don't know.



I think I now have more

sympathy for the strikers.



See ya.



Stupid American.



So, Billy...



how was school today?




Ronald Farber was absent.






He was afraid of the math test.



So he stayed home?



Yeah. He cut.



That's terrible.

His parents...



Um, they don't know yet.

They're still on vacation.



Oh, are they gonna be upset.



Well, Ronald's gonna be pretty

upset when he finds out



that the test was canceled.



What happened?



Mrs. Paley was absent also.



( chuckles )



Did you call Ronald

and tell him?



Yeah, but, there was no answer.



Was Mrs. Paley sick, then?



Well, everyone said she was

too strung out.



Why do people say things

like that?



Because she's...



a drug addict.



And how do you know?



Everyone knows.



Well, I didn't know.

Did you know, Bill?






Did you hear that, Billy?



Well, it's what everyone says,

she's a junkie.



And she's probably

gonna get fired.



It's really sad.



Well, if Mrs. Paley turns out,

in fact, to be a junkie,



then she should be fired.

Don't you think so, Bill?



I don't know.



Don't you think that's...



a little harsh?



I mean, it's not

affecting her work.



Well, apparently it is.



No. In fact, I don't think

it's a little harsh at all.



I'm sorry, but when it comes

to drug abuse and children,



my children,



they should be locked up

and throw away the key.



I want you to know, if you ever

even think of doing drugs



and end up dying in a hospital,



I'd disown you. That's how

strongly I feel about it.



- Trish.

- No. I know I may sound harsh,



but I'm talking about our kids.



Not to be grandiose,

but this is the future...



the future of our country we're

taking about, after all.



( telephone rings )






Who's calling, please?



Oh, hi.

Sure, hold on.



It's Joe Grasso.



Oh. Great.



Hey, Joe. What's up?



How's Johnny doing?



Joe: You're a dead man.

( phone hangs up )



Oh, good.






No problem.






Okay. Well, take care.






Trish: How's Johnny doing?









- Never better.

- Good.



We bought those

"Beauty and The Beast" tickets.



I don't think

Billy has anyone else.



No. He did cancel...



( doorbell rings )



- Who could that be?

- I'll get it.



- Who is it?

- Police.



- Can I help you?

- Are you William Maplewood?






We're sorry to disturb you,

but we have some questions



for you and your wife.



It has to do with your son's

friend, Johnny Grasso?



Did something...?



Come this way.



Go ahead, please.



Thank you.



Sit, please.



Trish: Who is it?



We were just

finishing our dinner.






I'll be right back.



( whispers )

The police.



You take care of the kids.









you said something about

Ronald Farber?



Excuse me?



I'm sorry, I mean,



I mean, Johnny Grasso?



Mom, I don't want to go.



We'll be right there.



Billy, come on,

the bus is here.



Come on. Honey,

please, not today.



- Wait!

- ( Timmy continues to shout )



I'll take you boys myself.






Yes, Billy?



Everyone at school

is saying things about you.



( sighs )



Who is everyone?



Like, kids, you know.




What are they saying?



That... you're...



...a serial rapist.



And a pervert.



You mean, like what they

painted on the house?



( nervously )

Dad, did you, um...






with... Johnny Grasso



and Ronald Farber?






What... did you do?



I touched them.



What do you mean,

exactly, touched?



I fondled them.



What for?



I couldn't help myself.



What else?






I unzipped myself.




you mean, masturbated?






Then what?






made love.



What do you mean?



I fucked them.



What was it like?



It was...



it was great.



Would you do it again?









would you ever...



fuck me?






I'd jerk off instead.



( begins sobbing )



Timmy: I don't wanna go.

Where are we going?



- Mom, I don't wanna go.

- Shh! Just get in the car.



Wait, my Tamagatchi.

My Tamagatchi.



So, who used to live

here before?



Another couple, the Heller's.



What happened to them?



They got divorced.



Anyway, the police came and

looked in her freezer



and found baggies filled

with the doorman's genitals.



- I use baggies.

- Me, too.



Everyone uses baggies.

That's why we can relate to this crime.



- Don't you see?

- I can't relate to it.



In any case,



there's this guy I've met, Joy,

that I'd think you'd like.



He's in computers,

I think.



- How did you meet him?

- He's a neighbor of mine.



You want to call him, or should

I give him your number?



I'll call him.



That'll be great.

I think he'll really like that.



- What about me?

- I'm looking. I'm looking.



I like computers.



Trish, trust me on this one.



He's not for you.



And what about me?



I haven't forgotten, mom,

it's just...



it's hard.



But, I'm looking for everyone.



Well, don't look for me.



- Have you found somebody?

- No. There's no one.



I heard Diane had a stroke.



She'll recover.



Um, well that's good.



Where there's

life there's hope.



That's right.



- You bet.

- Absolutely.






Could you pass the sweet

potatoes, please?






Did anyone watch Leno

last night?



Mona: Timmy. Oh, Timmy.



Timmy, come over

and sit on Grandma's lap.



Timmy. Timmy, what?



- Timmy?

- ( door closes )



What's the matter with Timmy?



His Tamagatchi died.






Helen, so what's gonna happen

to that woman



who killed your doorman?



I don't know, mom.



It's so sad.



She's all alone.



I just wish I'd gotten to

know her better.



We might have found we had

something in common.



Maybe you'll write

a poem about her.



( laughs )



Joy, I'm so sorry.






don't worry.



I'm not laughing at you.



I'm laughing with you.



But I'm not laughing.



( breathing heavily )



( breathing rapidly )



Let's make a toast.



- To happiness.

- To happiness.



To happiness.









I... I came.



It seems the things I've wanted

in my life, I've never had



So it's no surprise

that living only leaves me sad



Happiness where are you?

I've searched so long for you



Happiness what are you?

I haven't got a clue



Happiness why do you

have to stay...



so far away...



from me?



When I'm in despair

and life has turned into a mess



I know that I don't dare

to end my search for happiness



Happiness where are you?

I've searched so long for you



Happiness what are you?

I haven't got a clue



Happiness why do you

have to stay...



so far away...



from me?



Happiness sometimes

I think I see you from afar



When I run to catch you though,

that's just not where you are



Happiness sometimes

I think I see you from afar



When I run to catch you though,

that's just not where you are



Happiness you know I'll

get a hold of you some way



Till I do you know I'll

keep on searching everyday



Happiness where are you?

I've searched so long for you



Happiness what are you?

I haven't got a clue



Happiness why do you

have to stay...



so far away...



from me?



Gonna find it

Gonna find it



Gonna find my happiness



Gonna find it

Gonna find it



Gonna find my happiness



Gonna find it

Gonna find it



Gonna find my happiness



Gonna find it

Gonna find it



Gonna find my happiness



When I'm in despair

and life has turned into a mess



I know that I don't dare

to end my search for happiness



Happiness where are you?

I'm gonna get to you



Happiness what are you?

I'll know before I'm through



Happiness you

know you just can't stay...



so far away... from me



Happiness where are you?

I'm gonna get to you



Happiness what are you?

I'll know before I'm through



Happiness you know

you just can't stay...



so far away...



from me



Happiness where are you?

I'm gonna get to you



Happiness what are you?

I'll know before I'm through



Happiness where are you?

I'm gonna get to you



Happiness what are you?

I'll know before I'm through



Happiness where are you?

I'm gonna get to you



Happiness what are you?

I'll know before I'm through



Happiness where are you?

I'm gonna get to you



Happiness what are you?

I'll know before I'm through.

Special help by SergeiK