Happy Endings Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Happy Endings script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Don Roos movie with Lisa Kudrow, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Steve Coogan.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Happy Endings. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie scripts!

Happy Endings Script











My God! Oh, my God!



Oh, my God!



Oh, God! Oh, my God!



- I didn't see her! I didn't see her!

- Oh, my God!



Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!

I didn't see her!



Do you have a cell?! Call    !



Oh, God!



Hey, is she all right?



I don't know!



   ? Yes, hurry,

we need an ambulance quick.



My tapes.






This is cool, isn't it?



I, uh...I ran with scissors.



Seriously. I was six.



We're not related, you know.



Not really.



Pregnant? Pregnant?!



Get your bony fucking ass

out of this car!



What the hell

is the matter with you?!



What the fuck were you...



I gotta go.






Wear this when they do it.



It's--it's good Iuck.



Mamie? Who's in there?



No one, Mom. I'm on the phone.



Charles is waiting in the car,

so hurry up.



OK, I'm coming.



I've got your blue bag.



I only did it

to get out of this house. OK?



No, you didn't.



Mamie! It's time to go!



- Hello.

- Hello.



I'm Mamie Toll. I have an    :  .



A one-hour is    right?



That's right.



I'm gonna tip her now...



so if you would please

just tell her beforehand.



What's her name?



I'm sorry,

I have you down for Javier.



Do you prefer a woman?



No, it's fine.



That's fine. Can you make a note,

though, for next time?



Thank you.



OK, I'm ready.



Hello. I'm Javier.



Hi, I'm Mamie.



Have you had massages often?



Not really.

I've had them before, but...



What place hurts you?



My Iower back, a Iittle.

Right there.






OK, turn over.



I'II Iift the top sheet for you.






Better if we finish with the back.



Oh. Of course, yeah.



Makes sense. OK.



OK. Yeah.



Put your hands

at your side, please.



Relax them.



Oh, sorry, yeah.



Everyone does it




I'm Javier.

Did I say that already?



Or Javi?



Yes, Javier. Yeah, you said it.



- OK?

- Yeah.



OK, Iifting your Ieg.



Just Iet it be Ioose, OK?



This is for your Iower back,

to stretch.






Bend your knee.



Good. Good.

And I push, OK?









Do not bring your shoulders up.

Let them fall down.



- OK.

- Let them fall down.



Let them go.









Let 'em go.



What are you doing?



They can hear us.



Wh-what are you...



Get--OK, get off me.

Are you crazy?



- Shh!

- Don't!



This is what you need.

This is why you've paid.



Well, it was--

it was a gift certificate.



Oh, shit!



A gift certificate?

You would say that?



I just wanted to be specific.

You know, a Iot of details.



I told you I couldn't

pull this off, I can't--



You're not a good Iiar.



- No.

- This is good.



Well, you're not so hot, OK?



With the, you know,

"This is what you need."



That was a Iittle much.



You know what I was going to say?

I was going to say...



"Trust my hands,

trust my fingers."



I don't want to get you fired.



I agree.     percentage.



They can hear.






Mucous. Mucous.



- Mu-cous.

- Yeah.




Muc--Ah. Muc-ous.






- Membranes.

- Mem-bran-ees?



- Membranes.

- Mem-bran-ees sound better, no?



But it--



it already has a face, right?



A face and a personality?



It has more of a head

than a face at this stage.



And a personality?

I don't--Not a personality.



I don't think you could say that.



No one's giving me any advice.



I'm not here for advice.

I'm here to Iisten.



I can't tell you what to do.



That's great. That's helpful.



I had one when I was your age.



And were you sorry after?



I mean, does it bother you?



I'm Catholic.



I shouldn't have told you that.



And I'm Jewish, so...



I shouldn't have

told you that, either.



Will you be here tomorrow?



It's tomorrow at   :   if I decide.



Tomorrow? No. No,

but there will be someone for you...



Janet, if you want

to talk afterwards.



Yeah. I'm gonna do it.






I'm not maternal, either.



Thank you.



It's  :  .

I guess you're on your way.



It's tonight, you know,

in case you're checking.



- Fuck!

- Call me.






Hi. Yeah, Charley Peppitone, please.

It's his sister.



Hey, it's me.



Hi. Listen,

I'm--I'm too tired to come over.



Well, Charley, he's two!



And--No, he's not gonna--

He doesn't even know me.



I didn't get a present,

and Pam and Diane don't care.



- They don't even Iike me.

- They do Iike you.



Come on--What?

You don't have to worry about that.



No--Listen--No, Gil has, Iike,

a bunch of presents...



and he can just,

Iike, put your name on one...



and then it'II be great,

you know?



OK, wait, wait, wait.

Mamie? Hello?









- Happy birth--



That makes him cry.



Yeah, but the cake is great,

and the candles--Iove that.



Can he blow 'em out?



Yeah, you wanna

blow 'em out, baby?



We'II do it.



- Everybody do it together.

- BIow towards Mommy.



One, two, three, blow!



I hated that song, too.

I never knew where to Iook.



And how Iong

can you stare at candles?



Just cake, no icing,

'cause we don't do sugar for him.



I thought the whole point

of being a kid was candy.



Not anymore.



Could we just have dogs?



Oh, come on.

You would have been a great dad.



Aw, thanks.



We tried. It wasn't meant to be.



- Besides, being an uncle's better.

- Yeah.



So strong!



There you go.



Your cousin bites.



She doesn't. She's really good.



You think she bites?



Her husband's cute.



He totally is staring at your tits.



That's why I've got two weeks

to find somewhere else to stay.



Well, I wish you hadn't

slept with Rick back then...



otherwise, you know...



I know. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Sorry, sorry.



It's OK.



I'm gonna find somewhere.

It's cool. It's taken care of.






OK, next up, we have Jude!






Jude? What did you do?



- Jude here?

- It's funny, 'cause she's right here.



You are such a jackass!



- That was great.

- Thanks.






Are you fucking serious?



That isn't what you picked?



No, no, that's what I picked.






This song is for someone

who's here tonight.



If you search for tenderness



It isn't hard to find



You can have the Iove

you need to Iive...



Little Iow.



If you Iook for truthfulness



You might just as well be blind



It always seems to be

so hard to give






It's such a Ionely word



Everyone is so untrue






Is hardly ever heard



It's mostly what I need from you



I can find a Iover



I can find a friend



I can have security

until the bitter end



Anyone can comfort me

with promises again



I know



I know



- Hey, Jude?

- Oh, fuck off.



What? Oh, it's not that.



I've got this band. Serpentine?



Oh, have you ever heard of us?






Anyway, Rain, our singer...



she got sent to rehab.



So I was thinking...



Hey, Otis! What's up?



Oh, can I borrow this?



We watched it Iast week, right?



Yeah, but I want to Iisten

to the commentary.



You want to?



Uh, I gotta get home.



Yeah, I saw your...Gil.



- Hey, the baby's cute.

- Yeah.



Who would you say

he Iooked Iike?



Shit, I don't know.

What's the name of the pretty one?



Diane. No, no, no.

A guy, you know?



You know, if you had to say

a guy he Iooked Iike.



I didn't really see him.



He's a baby,

you know, cute, you know.



That's all I meant.

Like, puppies and shit.



- I'II see you Thursday.

- Yeah, sure.



Serpentine's playing?



OK. See ya.



Otis? Is that you?



Did you Ieave this at my house?



"Does  /  /  

mean anything to you?



"If so, meet me at

Cahuenga Grounds at    :  ."



It's a Iittle dramatic.

I'm sorry. I'm Nicky.



What is this about?



I don't want you to get

the wrong impression.



I'm not a bad guy.



I'm a documentary filmmaker.



And I have a proposal for you.

Strictly Iegitimate.



What do you know about this date?



You had a kid on that day.

Somewhere in Phoenix.



Tell me I have that wrong.



Do you want a coffee or anything?

A scone or...



I don't--I don't have any children.



Well, not Iegally, yeah.



But, I mean, you know,

he's still yours.



See--Hey, see?

I know it's a boy.



I know everything about him.



I know his name,

I know where he Iives.



He wrote, when he turned   

about a year ago...



for all that information

that they have to give you.



That's how I got your name.



He wants to contact me?






But they sent him back this file,

which he showed me...



and I have in a very safe place.



But he didn't want

to go through with it...



'cause he's such a suck-up

to his fake parents.



I hate to tell you,

he's really kind of a pussy.



Who are you?



I'm a friend.

I'm Iike a mentor...guy.



He went to my high school

six years after me.



Do you want to find him?

Because I can tell you how...



on one condition...



which is...



you Iet me film the whole thing--

you finding your kid.



See, I need to get into AFI.



Do you know AFI?

AFI is American Film Institute.



So, they have scholarships.



Well, they have, Iike,

one scholarship a year...



so I need a killer film.



A documentary,

Iike you finding your kid.



I don't believe this.



OK, yeah.

We'd have to fake parts of it.



Sure, we would.

But the emotion would be true.



Your guilt and stuff...



that would be our selling point.



I am so glad

that you're not a dog.



I mean, you know,

even if the story is great...



people want to Iook at

good-Iooking people.



You know,

all things being equal.



So, huge relief

when I saw you, you know?



And I can make you Iook better.

That's Iighting.



I don't need to see my son.



I was going to have

an abortion, in fact...



until someone talked me out it.



If you don't care, then why'd you keep

updating the adoption agency...



with your addresses?



There's four of them in the file.



He has the information.

He can contact me if he wants to.



He won't. He threw it away.



The whole file.

That's how I got it.



If it wasn't for me, you'd go

to your grave without ever seeing him.



You can keep that.

I have the original.



I needed to reshoot finding it

for the movie.



There's other stuff, too.



There's other stuff Iike this

that I can--



Anyway, just...say yes.



I mean, it's win-win here.



This is a human being

you're talking about.



Yeah! Who you gave away, OK?



I mean, come on,

don't--don't be Iike that.



Look, I know that this is

one of those big ideas...



but it's really just better

if you just say yes to the movie...



because otherwise, I have to

charge you   K just for the info.



That's what they want

at AFI for a year.



OK, you tell me where my son is

or I'm going to the police.



In fact, no, I'm going to go

to the police anyway...



you miserable jackass!



And I'm gonna press

every charge they come up with.



How's that for a big idea?









God damn it! You know...



what I didn't figure

is that you wouldn't care.



Which you don't. You haven't

even asked me his first name.



I was gonna throw you that bone.

But you know what? Fuck you!



No, no, no,

you can tell me his first name.



No, you blew it.



Wow, you Iook...different.



Well, yeah,

it was a Iong time ago, OK?



What'd you Iook Iike back then?



I don't--Forget it.



Listen, do you know

who the father is?



Because if you say no,

maybe this guy will go to him.



No. Father unknown.



I mean, of course,

I know who the father was...



but that's what

I put down on the forms.



And the father's dead.

PIane crash.



And you don't have      ?



No, I can barely pay the first

and second on the house!



How can I--



What about your family?



No, none of them

know about the baby.



Except my dad. He's dead, too.



You know a Iot of dead people.



Well, it happens.



It's creepy.



I'm young,

and I don't even care



How Iucky am I?



I'm young,

with a few bucks to spare



And I don't even try



I know it's all in my mind



How Iucky am I?



How Iucky am I?



OK, that was awesome!



You sounded just Iike Rain,

and she was good.



Really? 'Cause her tape sucks.



Can you slur and then have

your forehead hit the mike?



That was, Iike, her signature.



Hey, Miles, Iet's get this

in the van for tomorrow.



God, I don't know

what to do with this song!



We could slow it down maybe.



Go slow?



Hey, do you guys mind

if I ask you something?



She's not in rehab for drugs.



It's just booze.

PIus, she's a vomiter.



A fat vomiter,

which is fucking useless.






just, why is Otis the Ieader?



I could drum better than him

and his backup vocals suck.



Look around.



Yeah, he's an untalented

Iittle faggot...



but he's a rich,

untalented Iittle faggot.



His dad owns Linux Hills Mall.

Or, Iike, most of it.



And he knows

every club owner in town.



You think we could buy

this stuff on our own?



- He's Iike Bill Gates.

- That makes sense.



For now.

Until Pappy finds out...



his kid's a pickle smoker,

then we're history.



He's already got his suspicions.



He's gay?



Total cocksmooch.

He'II deny it, but...



He's not gay. He just--

He Iooks gay.



Dude, you won't even

take a piss with him.



Hey, there's beer, too, guys.



Why do you think he's a drummer?



So he can stare

at our asses all night.



- That's him.

- Sure?



OK, yeah.






Hurry. Here.



Oh, God.






Not a good wiper.



What kind of movies

does this guy make?



I don't know. He's an idiot.



The kind idiots make, I guess.



AII right,

we're Iooking for a file, OK?



Don't mess anything up,

if you can.



Not that he'd notice.



Yeah, check the duffel bag.



What if it's in his car?






OK. This is--



This is the form I signed.



I Ieft this with them,

to go with the baby.



Who's Miriam?



Me. Is there anything else,




Did you see a file?



There's no name.



Mamie, we'd better go.



Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Is that sentimental?



Not really.



Let's trade.

He'II never know the difference.



Thank you.



Whoa! What the fuck is this?



- No, no!

- What are you doing here?



It's OK.

I followed you today. It's OK.



You think you're gonna

beat it out of me? I can't believe you!



My God, Nicky, no.

It's nothing Iike that, no.



What's he doing here, then?



He's your new documentary.



OK? Javier, this is Nicky...



the director

I was telling you about.



He's an immigrant, OK?

From Mexico. And...



he was in gangs.

They had gangs there, all right?



And he crossed the border...



so that he could put his Iife

back together in the States.



It's the American dream.



OK? It's good.



Is that it?



That sucks!

You think that's as good...



as a mother finding the kid

she ditched?



AII right, well,

if you're not interested in that--



No, I'm not interested, OK?

We're done.



I can get into AFI some other way.



I can shoot...



me getting into AFI.

That'd be a good--



- Just get the fuck out of here.

- AII right, all right, we'II go.



So--But we'II work out

another deal.



No, you've got nothing to offer.

I got nothing to sell.



It's cool, man, OK? We get it.



OK? We couldn't think

of anything better, but you're right.



Who wants to see a movie

about a sex worker?






A sex worker. That's what I do.



Massage, the works, you know?



For these rich

Beverly Hills Iadies?



But you know what? Sex--



No, sex shouldn't be in

a serious movie. Come on, Mamie.



No, whoa, whoa. If it's...



necessary to the story, then...



What are we doing?

Now we're helping him?



You want to know

where your son is, right?



How hard could it be?

We do a couple interviews...



we put it all on the computer.



Right? The tapes, everything?



He gives us the name,

and we give him the movie.



Yeah. Well, you heard him, though.



He wants to shoot you

doing the sex stuff.



So we fake it. It'II be pretend.

You can be there to see.



Look, you're the boss.

I'm just the star.



Have you done that?

That kind of massage?



Happy ending? The full release?



Yeah. One time.



With you Iast week.



Nah. That was just a goof.



So is this. But at the end of it,

you're going to know who your son is.



Happy endings.



You know, that'd be a good title

for his movie.



You should tell him that.

It could be your idea.



Oh, well. It's Iate.



The Iady from Mexico said

I could take some of this home.



- She went to bed.

- Guatemala.



Really? She didn't tell me her name.



My cousin is charging me rent,

and she's got all her food Iabeled.



She said it's so that her boyfriend has

what he wants when he comes home.



Oh, shit! There were subs Ieft?

Do you mind?



Aw, yes!



Yeah, the thing is,

you need a day job.



We just get meals sometimes.

Couple bucks.



I told you that.



You always been rich?



I'm not rich. It's all relative.



That's what rich people

always say.



- Give me a tour.

- Oh, shit.



Just a real quick one.



Is this the African room?



No, those are--

those are from Indonesia.



Come on, tour me.



My dad's college roommate's.



- He's taking off his pants.

- I know.



These are some sculpturey things.



Where did--



Hey, don't!



It's freezing outside.

Your pool is so warm!



I know.



Oh, nice.



I just got this.



We're on this website

for new bands.



- What are you doing?

- I gotta spend the night, OK?



I just need a break.

I'm a Iittle buzzed.



I don't know. I--



Oh, just friends. Come on.



You're cute, but I don't know.



Have you ever slept

with a girl before?



OK, duh, I'm   .



I can drive you home.






I really want to spend the night.



I figure you should get

something out of it, too.



- But I've got a girlfriend.

- Otis, come on.



You should try it.



You might not be

who you think you are.



You can Ieave your watch on.



Oh, I don't have a condom.



Have you ever had sex

with anybody before?



Not exactly.



So you don't need one.









I'm sorry.

I'm a Iittle distracted.



Oh, the tits. Right?






Is that better?






- Good morning, Mr. Frank.

- Hey.



- Let me get this.

- No, I got it, I got it.



Their band played here.



AII right.



Oh, hello. Are you the dad?






Are you the dad?



Yeah. I'm Frank.



I'm Jude. I'm with Otis.






See ya.






Your dad's home.



Oh, shit! He's early.



You totally owe me, dude.



He does not think

you're a 'mo anymore.



Hey, I am not gay.






You hello.



- Hey, Otis.

- Hey.



Nice girl.



Yeah, she's in the band now.



OK. Listen...



don't make Dignora

wash the sheets, OK?



She's Iike your mother.



OK, Gil.

I have something to tell you.



But before I do,

you have to promise me...



that I'm the boss of this, OK?






OK, I've discovered something,

which I don't have to tell you...



so the fact

that I'm doing that...



means you have to

hand it over to me...



which means

that what I say goes, OK?






Fine. Up to you.



Absolutely fine.



It's cool.



Come on, please?

It's really good.



This is really great.

You'II thank me.



- If you want to tell me, tell me.

- OK. You promise I'm the boss?



How old are you?



Look, only I cared to put

this thing together.



I think that gives me a Iittle ownership.

I'm not crazy here.



I mean,

this is really, really good.



OK, you're the boss, I agree.



In all things pertaining to this

extraordinary development...



I will be guided by you,

is that OK?



- "Guided" meaning?

- Charley!






Max is your kid.



Your biological descendant.



Your spawn.



What're you talking about?



OK, this has been

bugging me for months...



but now I'm so sure.



Fact:    /  years ago,

you donated sperm to their gyno.






Fact: After three months of trying,

Pam said it wasn't working...



and they were gonna get a donor

from a sperm bank.



Yes. They were

upset about it, remember?



Pam was a wreck.



Fact: six months Iater,

they're pregnant.



Fact: Sperm can be kept viable

for up to twelve years...



if frozen correctly,

according to this website I found.



And fact: When your parents

came to visit a year ago...



Pam, Max, and Diane all got sick...



and couldn't come over

to visit because your mother...



would recognize Max

as her grandchild.



And, finally...






AII kids Iook alike!



No, no, no. No, you see it.



You see it,

but you can't believe it.



I can't believe it because--



Come on,

it doesn't make sense.



Why would they Iie?



Because this way,

Max is all theirs.



They don't have to consult you

about anything.



Sure, they'd Iose a Iittle money...



but it's the power,

that's what they want.



They don't have

to consider us at all.



But if that's how

they feel about it...



why did they even try with us

in the first place?



I don't know. Sentiment.



But then they thought

better of it.



Maybe we were too enthusiastic.



Maybe we got excited

and started talking about colleges...



or said something nice

about sugar.



OK, then, you know,

they changed their mind.



Why not really use sperm

from a sperm bank?



Because you're a sure thing.



Look at you.

You're smart, you're sexy.



You're not faggy at all.

The gayest thing about you is me.



I've known Pam since

the eighth grade. She wouldn't Iie.



She's a mother.

It's a sick, sick bond.



Think of yours.



Think of mine.

It's unwholesome.



We have to call them.



No, no, they'II just deny it.



Look, we have options.

We have plenty of options.



I think you should just Iet it sink in.



- God!

- I'm the boss of this, remember?



You're too emotional.

Just...trust me.



Did you guys hear that thing

on NPR this morning?



About sperm.



Oh, no, no, no,

I didn't hear that one.



- Well, maybe it was yesterday.

- What was that?



Just about storage

and freezing and stuff.



Pam, those jeans are great.

Were those the ones--



Where did we get those?

On Melrose?



Those are the ones you picked out,

the French ones.



- They're so good.

- Thanks.



Do you guys know

how Iong sperm keeps?



- No.

- Do tell.



Twelve years.



- What?

- Yeah.



In the proper, you know, facility.



I don't know

what it would be at home.



Did you hear

the other story, though?



It must have been after that,

on the Khmer Rouge...



about that guy who was growing

vegetables behind the torture room?



- No.

- That was devastating.



I almost had to pull the car over.



- Was Max in the car?

- Yeah, but he was sleeping.



Sugar, bad. Torture, fine.



Is that big enough, right here?



That's great,

that's perfect for me.



Can I get some ice cream

with that?



- Oh, absolutely.

- I'II get it.



You know,

there's Tofutti in there, too.



- Oh, good.

- You should try it.



What are you still doing here?

Go play dominoes.



Get me some scissors

from the bathroom.






We can take a DNA sample

from his hair...



but I can't pluck any

without waking him.



What are you, crazy?

Just get away from him.



Oh, my God, my car keys,

I forgot this.



You're not doing it.

Just give me those.




Come on, this is gonna work.






Listen, I know

what those tests cost.



No, Charley.



Look at him, he's so cute

when he's sleeping.






How can you not believe this?

Look at him!



There's a photograph of you

at home Iooking just Iike this.



Stick him in Tinkerbell PJ's,

it's the spitting image.



What is the matter with you? Jesus!

We are going to drop this, OK?



Look at him. He's happy,

they're happy, we're happy.



Just Ieave it alone, all right?



Yeah, but you believe me now.



- No!

- Yeah.



I don't. Promise me, all right?



I don't care

if you're positive about this.



Just Ieave it alone.

I'm serious.



OK. Fine.



I'm not Ieaving here until

you're back in that Iiving room.






Aw, man!



This is awesome!



I'm so going to buy this from you

when we're done.



No, forget it, OK?

It's all going back to the store...



before the credit card bill

comes, OK?



So don't drop it.

That's not funny.



Don't you know any of this stuff?



Oh, wow, you Iook really pretty

if I stand far away and I use the zoom.



Thank you.



OK, it's back to normal now.



- OK.

- Cool.



AII right, here, gimme the camera.



OK, here, sure.



OK, but right now.

Thank you.



AII right, Iet's see.



Just have to open the program.



Here it comes.



There it is!



Who's that handsome guy, huh?



Cool! Make it rewind

through the computer.



OK, no! Not in my room!



AII right? It's this room,

the bathroom, the kitchen.



Everything else is off-Iimits.



There. You're sleeping with Javier.



You could've told me.



"This is my boyfriend.

He's a sex worker."



- You're embarrassed, huh?

- No, it's none of your business.



And it doesn't affect

any of this, does it?



Wait, wait, wait,

rewind, rewind, rewind.



Hey, who's that guy?



Oh, my ex-husband.



- Still hung up on him?

- No.



That's there to remind me

what he's Iike when he calls.



He Iost $      that night.



That could've been my money!



Yeah, that's what

really hurts about it.



Does Javier gamble?



I don't know. I don't care.

I'm not planning to marry him.



Yeah, duh! He's creepy.



"Se?or Fingers!"



I don't want him handing me

any cigarettes...



if you know what I mean.



So, you're just into him

for the sex.



'Cause, I mean, I get that,

you know.



He's dangerous. He's, Iike...



gangs and handjobs and Mexican.



I can see where

that'd be attractive...



but, you know,

you've married the bad boy before.



Mr. Vegas, huh? Live and Iearn.



Naturally, as my extortionist...



your insights

are particularly valuable.



Then why is he holding back,




I mean, bring on the ring, dude!

Like, he should marry you.



He should totally marry you.

You're a step up.



OK. Well, this is in.

It's in the hard drive.



When we're done with this,

we can edit.






Don't. No, don't. Oh, come on!



That's not a zoom, incidentally.

Just the way it is.



Like a penis, only bigger.



Who raised you?



How Iucky am I?



I'm yours, and I don't even care



How Iucky am I?



I'm young



With a few bucks to spare



And I don't even try



I know it's all in my mind



How Iucky am I?



I can't believe

all my good fortune



I count my blessings every day



Should hurt to be so fun-Ioving



My Iife must be a crime



How Iucky am I?



He says,

"I can't take    more of those!"



How's the food?



Thanks, Mr. McKee. It's great.



Yeah, we were just going

to hit up Taco Bell.



Well, it's my pleasure.

You guys are good.



- How's the new amp?

- Makes a difference, yeah.



You are really, really talented.



Thank you.

I'm just trying to hang in there.



What do you mean?



She's just helping us out

until Rain gets out.



Yeah, I need to get

a real job, anyway.



I got evicted earlier this month.



Actually, the guy that

I was subletting with got evicted...



and none of my checks

made it to the Iandlady...



so that was fun.



Speaking of that, we should probably

get you back to your cousin's.



Wait. You're not sleeping

on someone's couch?



It's an air bed.



You just push the button,

boom, it's full-sized.



Otis, what is the matter

with you, dude?






Listen, we got

an empty pool house.



You move in there

till you find a place.



- Oh, I don't know.

- We practice there, Dad.



That's what I'm saying.

It's no use to me.



It's got a big bedroom

and a full bathroom. You'II Iove it.



- Well, I don't know.

- I do. It's fine.



Miles, you'II know this.



What would it take to get all you cats

into a studio to cut a CD?



- Seriously?

- Seriously.



Nice car.



Well, my dad's Ietting me

run out the Iease.



Isn't it nice not being a fag?



This is the thing...



I'II totally help you find a new place.



Because this is temporary.



That's what he said,

until you find your own place.



Oh, what's it to you?



What do you mean?

This is too fast.



We're sleeping together.



Yeah, once. It wasn't that fast.

It was good.



I'm just saying we've got to be

our own, independent people.




we're, Iike, Iiving together?



You know what? It's fine.

'Cause we're breaking up.






Look, I'm not going to screw you

and your dad.



You're not going to fuck my dad.



He is    OK?



So, the first guy I slept with

was    and I was   .



My best friend's dad.



You're making that up.

That's from American Beauty.



It was exactly Iike that.



Except I didn't have roses

coming out of my tits.



My dad has Iots of girlfriends,

and he spends money on them...



but he doesn't marry them,

so you can forget that.



Why would I want to marry him?



Like that's what I need--

a gay stepson.



You think I'm just going to Iet someone

take advantage of my father?



Hey, butt boy, Iisten...



if you don't help me with this...



I'm going to tell him you're gay...



and then you'II be out

on your ass, not me, OK?






First thing you gotta do is,

you gotta break up with me...



because there's no way your dad's

gonna fuck his son's first real girlfriend.



He's got morals.



Yeah, well,

I am dumping you, OK?



Just so you know.



Yeah. But Iet me tell you why.



- Breakfast?

- No, thanks.



Thought you were out

in the pool house.






Otis, it's OK if you want

to spend the night with Jude.



It's fine.

You're not a teenager anymore.



- She get settled in all right?

- She's moving out.






We broke up.



I mean, I broke up with her.



She's moving back

to her cousin's...



and she might not even be

in the band anymore.



- I don't know.

- What happened?



She Iied to me about her age.



She's not    she's   .



She's too old.



- She's   ?

- Yeah, for another month.



I don't want to date a   -year-old.

I'm   . You know?



I could be in college.



Why would she Iie about her age?



I just assumed.



I don't know. Anyway, she...



she wants to use the pool today.

I said it was OK.



Her cousin's at work,

and she gave back her key.



Well, I'm sorry things

turned out this way.



I'm going over to AIvin's.



In the Lexus.



Sure, sure.



Sure, whatever.






Oh, hey, Mr. McKee.



No, Frank.






I hear things are a Iittle tricky.






Thanks for the pool house thing

and all.



I don't think it's going to work out.



You know, I'd really hate

to see you Ieave the band.



They really need you.



Well, it's kind of up to Otis.



I could talk to him.



I mean, every woman Iies

about her age a Iittle bit.



That's what he told you

it was about?



Man, it's not that.



He's got someone else.






Lane? That's a girl's name?



He didn't tell you

anything about her?



You don't know your son

very well, do you?



Well, I don't think

you should Ieave.



I insist you stay.

I'm going to talk to Otis...



'cause that's no way to treat

somebody you care about.



I wish he was more Iike you.



Well, he's young, and maybe

I could have done a better job.



But I was a kid

when I had him, practically.



Do you know what?



You remind me

of the first boy I dated.



Hardly a boy.



Now you're Iying.



Oh, my God.



Oh, my God.



Yeah, that's why

I've been behaving so weird Iately.



You know. We both have.



I just--I--

I can't even believe this.



I can't believe

we're having this conversation.



AII right.

So...what kind of disease?



He won't say, you know? He--



It's neurological, he told me that.



Oh, my God.



Yeah. Hereditary.



AII the males in his family

have to be tested for it.



Do you--I mean,

what's the name of it?



It's not MS, I know that.



Well, is it Iike MS?



Well, it's...I don't know.



Are you forgetting the name of it?



He didn't want me to interfere,

you know?



He just thought I would be,

you know...



that I would be on the internet...



and I'd be talking to doctors

and nagging him.



Like I'm that guy, you know.

I'm not that guy.



AII right. What are the symptoms?

Do you know the symptoms?



Yeah. Did you know

Gil's grandfather...



when you were

at high school together?



No. I don't think so.



I don't--I don't even remember Gil

talking about him or mentioning him.



Well, I'm not surprised.

It's pretty debilitating.



Oh, my God. Oh, my God!



Hey, it's not fatal.



- It's OK.

- It's not?



No, no, no. It's just untreatable.






AII right. So, when--

I mean, what do we do?



Pam, you mustn't say that we--

You can't tell him we spoke.



Oh, God. AII right. I mean, I--




He would kill me

if he knew we'd spoken.



- Oh, my God. Max!

- Max?



I've got to go pick him up.

I gotta get myself together.



- That's the one comfort we have.

- What?



You know, that you guys

couldn't get pregnant...



with Gil's, you know.



Like your body knew somehow.



Just said...not allowed.



I gotta go. I gotta go. Sorry.



Hey, Pam,

I think it's going to be OK.



I gotta say, man, I'm glad

she's not here for first day...



'cause she's, Iike, opinionated.



AII right.



What did you do

to your face, man?



- What do you mean?

- You got a fake moustache on.



Oh, yeah. You Iike it?



It's so my clients don't notice me,

you know?



It's a Iittle make-up, too,

that Mamie has.



Mamie's white, OK?

You Iook Iike a scared Mexican.



Like, down at the border

on the news.



Hey, come on.

That's my face up there, OK?



It's gonna Iook good

through the camera.



- Just shoot.

- It's cool, man.



I don't know how

it's gonna read. I guess--



- Come on. I gotta go.

- Well, it Iooks all right.



OK. We're rolling, we're rolling.



Came up with a Iist of questions

that, you know...



everybody who's ever gotten

a massage, I'm sure, wants to know.



Have you had a massage, ever?



Yeah, I have.

Actually, Iet's start with that.



What do you do

when somebody Iets one out...



while you're massaging them?

Do you just keep going?



Is that what the incense is for?

Take me through that.



You farted today inside.



- No.

- You said it was her!



- Cut!

- You know something?



Women don't fart Iike that,

my friend.



Do me a favor?

Take a picture of me.



I forgot, I wanted to do it before.

So we'II get back to this.






Your fly's open.






Here we go. What's it Iike...



when some woman

you're massaging Iets one out?



OK, they're cooked

all the way now.



I didn't know. I Iike 'em pink.



OK. Maybe we have five minutes,

in a montage...



with music covering the stupidity.



- We shot for two hours.

- Yeah, and it's garbage.



Nicky, who cares who invented

that donut that people put their face in?



It's called a cradle, OK?



A face cradle,

and I think it's interesting.



And farts?

And who pays for the Iotion?



And, so, OK,

how do people tip you?



Because they're naked,

so where's the wallet?



That's neat, OK?

The Iittle envelopes at the front desk?



I didn't know that.



AII right. Do you want

to get into film school?



- Yeah.

- Because I don't care.



I just have to help you

make a documentary.



As good as the one

you're not Ietting me make.



No. No. Just a documentary.



If you want a stupid interview...



that you could see

on the Iocal news, fine.



But if you want this to be good...



if you want people

to care about him...



you have to have a point of view.



I have a point of view!



This guy has it made,

and I care...



because I want to see him

get all these Iadies off.



- That's your reasoning?

- Yes!



Oh, OK. AII right.

Well, I'm relieved.



What does that mean?



It means someone smart

would be harder to please.



But if you're stupid,

hey, just makes my job easier.



What did you just call me?



Forget it. It's OK.



You know,

you say "stupid" too much.



I just mean, I think

you're better than this...



or you could be.



Yeah, well I think that goes

for everybody...



from what I can see

from right here.



Anyway, the makeup blows.

I'II give you that.



It's no fun thinking of him

nailing all these women...



if he might be a homo,

but that's just me.



That's my beer.






It's OK.



OK. AII right.



It's gonna be OK.



AII right,

well, it's gonna be good.



We'II just go through it again.



I got two hours of footage.






Will you do me a favor,

for my sanity?



Will you just say to me--



PIease just say to me right now...



five minutes was an overestimation.



Jesus Christ.



Time to go.



Hey, Charley.



That was Pam and Diane

from the car.



They're on their way over.



I thought we were seeing them

tonight at Jill's.



They say they have

something to tell us.



Wow. That was fast.



You know, don't you?



AII right, guys.

I don't know where to begin.



- Oh, well...

- So...



Look, you know, these things,

they just get out of hand.



I mean, you know,

you want to tell...



you want to get it off your chest.



And I'm sure every night

you think you will...



and it just gets

harder and harder.



We're your best friends. I mean...



I know, but, you know,

we're still that, right?



- I mean...

- Oh, God, yeah.



This doesn't change anything.

For me it doesn't.



No, but also,

trust is everything, and...



It's not just about trust.



Gil, how are you feeling?






Well, I'm feeling better

now that we're facing it.



But, you know,

we're getting ahead of ourselves.



Why don't you say

what you came here to say?



It's over, OK?



The secret, OK?

We're done with that.



It's done. And now we just...



we want to be here

in any way we can.



OK? I mean,

the health system's tricky...



- and, well, you need advocates--

- Pam! Pam!



You got to Iet us be that for you--



Pam, can I have

a conversation with you?




I'm gonna bring you into this.



- I need to speak to you in private.

- And Charley, too.



That should be obvious,

but you've got to Iet us all help you.



I'm--What are you

talking about?



- Come on, Gil. Knock it off.

- Gil, it's OK.



Look, we know you're sick,

and we want to help you.



I'm sick? I'm not--What?



- I told you not to bring it up.

- Bring what up, Charley?



I had to, man.

I mean, we're family.



- But I don't...

- Gil, your disease, all right?



Your incurable,

untreatable brain disease.



We know. Jesus. I mean,

how Iong are you gonna keep this up?



What? I don't know what is going on.



Look, so far we know

that it's hereditary...



it's progressive,

and asymptomatic so far...



which is good news.



OK, I didn't want to tell you

because I knew you'd be mad...



but I had a plan--



Hereditary? Jesus, Charley!



What, are you Lucy?

What kind of crazy shit is this?



It's not crazy. You should've

seen her face when I told her.



She was so upset.



Of course she was upset, Charley.

She's my oldest friend.



She was upset because she thought

Max would inherit the brain...



- Wait a second.

- Max? How would Max inherit it?



Oh, you're good.

You're very good.



Are you not sick?






Oh, Jesus. OK.



What the hell's going on here?



Look, we know that Max

is Gil's son.



OK? You only have

to Iook to see that.



We know that you Iied about

the sperm sample not working.



But, you know,

best friends or not...



you wanted a kid

that you didn't have to share.



Oh, you miserable Iittle faggot.



Oh, that's mature.

Homophobe much?



Do you have any idea

what you've done?



And you Iied to me?

About him being sick?



That's disgusting.



Jesus Christ, Gil.

Is that what you think?



No, no. I mean--



I don't know. I mean...



It never occurred

to me before, Pam. It just--



Notice that they're not denying it.



- I'II deny it.

- Fuck that.



- I gotta get out of here.

- You don't deserve it.



So Iet's get a DNA test.



You know what, motherfucker?

Get a court order.



In the meantime,

you stay the fuck away from us.



It's me, OK? It's not you.



They'II see that.

That's the way to go with this.



Just blame me.

I'm fine with that.



I mean, they didn't deny it.



Not really.



It's interesting. I...






Yeah. Just make sure

you don't get too much...



of the treatment room, all right?



'Cause that's what we've

got to fake Iater at your place.



So Iess is better with that.



OK, OK. What if they catch me?



Are you the type people catch?









Don't forget--mis-en-sc¨¨ne.



Come in.



Do you want me to start

face up or face down?



Is this your first time here, Mamie?



- I said your name.

- That's all right.



You don't have to go

all the way out.



Just start at the door.



Can we take five, please?



Sure. Yeah.



Take five.






- Thank you.

- Sure.






Did you see my interviews?



- They were good, right?

- Yeah. A Iot of acting.



Thank you.



It's a documentary, you know.



He Ioves it. He thinks

you're an American hero...



making depressed women

everywhere feel good.



He's an idiot.



I think he's getting

a crush on you, you know?



Right. Yeah, nothing says

"I Iove you" Iike blackmail.



So, did you really have

a sister who died?



How do you know that?



From the interview

where you're walking.



It's supposed to be Mexico.



Oh, yeah. Well,

she was the baby, you know.



She was always sick.

But I have five others.



Oh, wow.



I have a brother.






Not here.






you think we could match this

at my house?



- Yeah, sure.

- Yeah?



I'm gonna take the table home

and the screen.



And the robe, so...



They're gonna be

Iooking at the girl anyway.






Well, we have    minutes.



You want to help me rehearse?



Make me a better actor.



We should just get this done.






- Hi.

- Hey.



I just thought

Otis might be out here.



No, he's at Lane's.



I think he's probably

gonna spend the night.



Yeah. AII right.



Do you smoke?



Yeah. Pot?



Yeah, I get high all the time.






You know, the thing

about guys Otis' age is...



there's not a whole Iot going on

in there besides hormones.






I think he's in Iove.



No way. So quick?



It happened to me.



How Iong did you and Otis

know each other...



before you got together?



I'm not talking about Otis.



Look at me.



Just Iook at me.



- I'm firing!

- You aim.



- No, I'm firing!

- I'm firing!



I'm firing! I told you I was firing.



- Look, see? Fire, fire, fire, fire!

- AII right.



He's in Iove.






don't feed the dog

at the table.



Come on.



- Hi.

- Hi.



I'm Shauna. You must be Mamie.



Hi. Yes, that's right. Yeah.



You're Javier's friend.



He said   :   so...



Yeah, come in. That's right.



You're right. You're right on time.



OK, so...



we're zoomed in

as much as possible right now...



and all we see is your face. OK?



When she arched her back

in rehearsal, we did see her nipples.



Nipples are fine.

Are nipples OK with you, Shauna?



Yeah, sure.

It's part of the story.






OK, anyway, Javier...



Iet's take it from you flipping

over onto your back.



Yeah, OK.



Get the...



OK. And action.



Can I get you

on your back now, Mrs. KIine?



Do you think it's enough

with just her?



Oh, yeah. If you get more than one,

it dilutes it.



But if you want,

you could get testimonials...



you know,

clients who get it done?



Would you Iike

a complete massage, Mrs. KIine?



What do you mean by "complete"?



Get ready for your zoom.



Right. Fuck.



It's all right.



There we go.



Oh, she's so good.



She's so good.



And he's a natural.

Look at how he gives her...



so much to work off of,

you know?



Are nipples OK with you, Shauna?



Yeah, sure.

It's part of the story.



Anyway, OK, OK. So...



so as soon as Javier says,

"Would you Iike a complete--"



As do--as do I.



And cut.



Shauna, fucking awesome.

I think I--



Oh! Shit.



It's gonna work, isn't it?



Yeah. Yeah, Iooks fine.



I was a house painter once.






A Iot of alcoholics on that job.



The fumes.



No kidding, man. You want one?



Yeah, thank you.



So, how'd you get these jobs,

you know?



Turn that thing off, OK?

You make me nervous.






- OK, it's off.

- Is it off?



Yeah, yeah, it's off.

There's no red Iight, right?



There's no red Iight.

It's not recording.



Let me practice moves.



Wasn't the worst job, but...



the damn ceilings?

I hate ceilings.



Nobody asked

for a green card, huh?



Not for the crap jobs.



You stand at Home Depot,

nobody asks you anything. Right?






But for Lifewell

and Beverly Patrol...



you had to have a green card.






I got married.



I was seeing this girl

off and on...



so she said she'd marry me.



It wasn't free.

I'm still paying her.



Wow! Hey, you think we could get her

for the documentary?



No way! You kidding me?



It's against the Iaw. It's major.



We had to pretend for a year

we was married.



They came over,

they'd do interviews...



ask us questions

in different rooms.



She was real good.

Good actress, you know?



But nobody knows.

I mean nobody. Not even Mamie.












So what if I hadn't seen it?

Were you gonna tell me?



I don't know

what you're talking about.



I saw the tape, Nicky. OK?



Javi and his wife.



Isn't that what you wanted,

to rub my face in it?



Like this isn't enough humiliation.



Don't be mad at me.

Be mad at him!



I care, at Ieast.



Oh, yeah, you care. Yeah.

You're    % heart.



Business is business, OK?



Come on. I'm not a prick!



Oh, yeah?



Yes. Hey, I'II--

Wait. I'II prove it.



- You remember this?

- What?



You Ieft it for the baby.



Come on,

I want you to have this, OK?



As a sign...



that I am not gonna screw you.






That's who I am.



And as for him, he's, you know...



I don't want to judge or anything,

but he's a sex worker.



He's a Iiar...sort of.



He's not ideal.



Jesus, Nicky.



You know that's a guy's cross.



Yeah, the father gave it to me.



I'm sorry.



Just don't do it again.



Kind of thought

we had a moment here, you know?



Based on you coming to me

first with this...



instead of Javier.



Do you want to put

some pants on?






- Morning.

- Yeah.






Look, I want to see her...



so do you know where she Iives?



- Oh, Iook.

- Is that Mrs. KIine?



Shauna. I knew it.



You know, now he's making

a fool out of me.



Fuck. He's fired. He's fired.



OK, and are you gonna

give me my son's name?



No. So Iet's just pretend

we never saw it.






He will tell me

when he's ready, OK?



It's OK. Let's just Ieave it all alone.



Whatever. Fine, fine. Whatever.



It is so hard to keep your ideals

in this business.



You know, I got a great idea.



- What?

- I got a great idea.






We go down to Mississippi,

and we get some barbecue.



And then we'II go

to the Indian casinos.



Have you ever been

to one of them?



- In a private airplane?

- Exactly.



Baby, you didn't tell me

you had a private airplane.



I'II go anywhere with you.



Just sign there

and note date of birth.



OK, everybody,

Iet's give it up for Steve.



Scott. I'm sorry.



He'II be doing She'll Be Coming

Around the Mountain.






Yes, yes, yes, yes.









Look, I know you're angry

with the Iegal stuff.



I can stop it with a phone call.

That's what I want.



I hope you want to, too.



Oh, man.

This isn't a counter-suit.



We weren't honest with you.

You were right.



We didn't destroy all of your sperm

two years ago.



Oh, my God. I knew it.



The top sheet's

from the fertility center.



See, it's a Iog there...



and at the top, you can see where

you deposited three years ago...



and then at the bottom

where we withdrew it Iast week.



Wait, Iast week?



This is from a DNA Iab.

We were gonna use this one.



Well, we heard

it was the best, so...



we went there using your sperm

and a DNA sample from Max.



Basically, we beat you to it.



What does it say?



- Charley...

- Let me see that.



OK, we want

an independent assessment.



- No, we don't.

- So do we.



I think it's important

you're convinced.



So you can have access to Max

to get a sample.



That's gonna be the Iast time

you'II see him.



We're asking

for a restraining order.



Our Iawyer doesn't think

it's gonna be much of a problem.



PIease, I don't want another test.



I'm sorry I didn't trust you.



It was wrong,

really wrong to do that.



No, no, it was me.



OK? Take a restraining order

on me, not him.



I'II sign anything.



No, you were right. We did Iie.



About keeping extra sperm?

That's fine. Who cares?



No, we Iied about...



why we stopped wanting

to get pregnant with you, Gil.



We just--we didn't want

our child to be his...



and we didn't know

how to tell him.



Because of me, right?



I know you guys have never

Iiked me, and that's fine.



Oh, no, Charley...



it's because we do Iike you.



Look, it doesn't matter why.



It was because of the affair.









OK, you have to tell him.



Gil was having an affair and...



he told me he was Ieaving you.



And I said whatever you say

when you hear that, you know?



"Think it over. SIow down."



But he was--You were really--



You remember

how you were, Gil? So sure?



And you know what?

I suddenly thought...



I don't want those genes

in my baby.



You know? I don't want a series

of Daddy's boyfriends...



coming in and out of his Iife.



But I couldn't tell you that, so...



Anyway, you were...



more invested in the guy

you were seeing...



than having this baby...



so we just told you it wasn't working

and we went to the bank.



It was a really hard decision.



And I felt guilty for a Iong time.

But there it is.



I'm sorry.



What guy?



He doesn't Iive here anymore.



He moved away.

You--you never met him.



OK, what, you broke it off?



It just ended, that's all.



That's the whole truth.



'Cause you were so interested.



AII right? So our Iawyer's name

is Jean Douglas.



And she knows Steve...



so I'm sure they can make

all the arrangements for your test.



PIease, I don't want another test.



Restraining order's gonna be in place

in a couple of weeks, so...



if you want to get another test,

you have to hurry.



- I guess that's it, huh?

- Yeah, we should go.



I am so sorry.



I didn't tell you

because it didn't mean anything.



It was...



crazy, intense. I...



I didn't think

it would help to tell you.






I wasn't born this way,

you know--






I had a vasectomy when I was   ...



which was as soon

as they'd Iet me.



I got a girl pregnant

when I was a teenager...



and I thought it would make me

feel better about it.



OK. I don't know

why you're telling me this.



You know, just saying that...



that was a Iie, too.



Just seeing if it makes us even.



I've got to get to work.



Oh, shit.






- I'm fucking pregnant.

- Nice move!



It wasn't intentional.



Yeah, but this is great.



Even if he makes you sign a pre-nup,

this baby's your ticket.



Yeah, I--



I'm not sure

if it's Otis' or Frank's.



Wait a minute.

You slept with the fairy?



Yeah, the first day.



Dude, how stupid are you?



You screwed a gay guy

without a condom?



He was a virgin.



Yeah. Right! Me, too.



Come on.

I still don't see the problem.



In a month--in a month,

you tell the old guy it's his...



and then when you deliver,

it's Iike this really big preemie...



that just happens

to Iook Iike both of them.



We're not reinventing

the wheel here.



- Hey, baby.

- Hi.



Big day, huh?



- Yeah. We're almost ready.

- What's he doing in there?



He's setting up, Iike,

a screening room or something.



He was here all day editing.



He wanted his director's cut

or something.



- It's all set.

- OK. Great. Good.



Show time.



- Are you ready?

- Mm-hmm.









Happy Endings.

Great idea, baby.



Thank you.



In June of     

Javier Duran returned to Mexico...



to the town he Ieft

five years before.



Coming back here to San Juanito

is strange.



Over there is my house.



Don't film it!

They don't want it.



And my school.



I haven't been back here

in five years.



I can't believe you shot this

across from the Costco. It's wild!



This is the bookend

to the movie. OK?



At the end of the film,

he walks towards camera.



We don't follow him.

It's all in suggestion.



You'II see.



And I got this Iittle girl--

this Iittle Mexican girl--



to shout out, "Javier! Javier!"

Iike this--



I shouldn't have told you.



This is that improvised part.



- Remember, Nicky?

- Yeah!



This is my speech where you see

that I have a heart, you know?



It's not just the money.



Oh, I didn't see this.



Wanting to do this

for my clients.



They taught us at school...



how to handle a client

who wants a full release.



Polite, but no, thanks.



The first time, I say, "No"...



and the woman--she cried.






And I felt bad.



And so, the next time it happened,

I thought, "Who am I to say no?



"This is America.

There's no church here.



"There's only the body

and its dreams."



His words. His words.

I didn't tell him.



"The body and its dreams."

It's genius, man.






And you can tell

by Iooking at these women...



what those dream are.



Their Iives are so ordinary.



Not good. Not bad.






They want something more.



You know, not just a touch.



A secret.



A secret that makes them

feel shame.



This is good for them.



It makes them somebody

other than what people see.



And that is why I do it.



And the tips are good.



Makes you Iike me, right?



Because, you know,

I'm helping them.



Maybe. I don't know.



Where's that part--

Oh, here.



To his clients, Javier is a god.



Strong. AII-knowing.

Dangerous but safe.



But in his own Iife as an immigrant

in this country...



all the power

is in someone else's hands.



- ?La Migra!

- ?La Migra!



- Watch out!

- ?La Migra!



Come here. Hey!



Come right here.

Do you speak English?



- What is this?

- Nicky--



This is good. Don't worry.



...is a battle against la Migra.



And the only answer

la Migra understands...



is this...



Yeah, I have to

have a green card.



What the fuck?



I got married.



I was seeing this girl off and on...



and so, she said she'd marry me.



I was afraid. I'm still paying her.



Nicky, what the fuck is this?



See, we're just

raising the stakes.



It's a drama thing, you know.



It's fine. Just...



It's good, right?



I don't--



We dated, and he was great.



And so he asked me.



What did I care?

I'd been married before.



It didn't mean that much to me.

And the money was good.



- What the fuck?

- Jesus, Nicky!



It was supposed to be

for two years...



until he got

his green card, but...



it works, you know?



I mean, it's not Iike

we have to be faithful.



You know? But it's better

than my Iast husband...



or the guys after him.



It's...it's private...



and we don't even really

know each other...



which is the best thing.



I mean, I had to know, Iike,

what color his toothbrush is...



or what side of the bed he slept on

for the interview, but...



other than that,

Javi's a real mystery.



And I am, too.



And it's a big fuck you

to everyone, too.



- What the fuck is going on?

- I don't know. I don't know.



- Are you crazy?

- The story unfolded--



Are you crazy?

I admitted to a federal crime!



If people see this,

do you know what happens to me?



When did you see her?

When did you even go there?



- You know about this?

- She didn't know.



- OK. I knew--I did know about--

- They will deport me!



They'II send Shauna to prison...



and they'II send me back

to that shit hole!



No, no, no, no.

Look, Iook, Iook. It's cool.



I got her to sign

a piece of paper...



that says everything

she's about to say is a Iie, so, it's--



Javi, that's too much. It's OK.






- No.

- Oh, God!






Javi, OK. It's OK.



- Is there any more?

- I'm not mad.



- Any more?

- No, no, no.



Are there any more?!



In the camera.

There's one in the camera.






Just so you know--

just so you know!



Nobody pays me to get off.




If I do it, I do it for fun.



We only make believe so that

you give her the name of her kid.



And this--this is mine!



We stole the real one

from your room.



That's what we were doing there.



Right, Mamie?



- Right, Mamie?!

- Yes.



Why did you do that?



Why did you put

that stuff in?! Why?!



I thought you should know!



Know with what? I knew that!



I knew what

kind of guy he is, OK?



You took me there. I saw her.



Not him. You. Who you are.

Who you are.



You're one of those women

who Iikes their secrets!



That's you!



OK. Just tell--AII right.

It's nobody's fault, OK?



That's--It's OK. Just tell me

everything you know.



'Cause we had an agreement.

We had an agreement.



Oh, OK. So, where's my movie?

Where's my movie?



That's not my fault.



- What did I--

- No, I didn't--



What did I get? You Ioved this.



You know you did.

You Ioved this!



- You blackmailed me!

- You Ioved every second of it!



You went to sleep

every night saying...



"I'm making a movie for a guy

who's got a gun to my head.



"I'm alive!"



- No.

- Yes!



- No.

- Yes!



And it's better than

fucking some Mexican...



you won't even tell anybody

you're seeing.



You know, you probably Ioved

giving up that kid.




It's Iike, hey, Iook!



I'm not just some ordinary woman.



I've got a kid somewhere

I gave up. I'm a star.



- That's the movie you're--

- Stop it! Stop!



Stop. Just tell me his name.

Just tell me his name.



You made a fool out of me,

Ietting me give you that cross!



- OK, I'm sorry.

- So fuck you!



- You can tell me--

- Fuck AFI!



- You can tell me his name!

- No, I can't.



Yes, you can.



What do you think,

you know me?



You don't know me!

Nobody knows me!



Hey, have you seen

the keys to the Spyder?



Don't worry.

I'm not on the pink slip.



- How was your Iab test?

- Fine.



What's wrong? Boy trouble?



Fuck you, Jude.



I'm signing a pre-nup, OK?



So don't Iook at me Iike that.



What? Nothing comes off the money

you're gonna get    years from now...



when your dad dies

from too much sex.



You don't have

to call me Mom...



all the time.






Hey, baby. You Iook great.

I'm making some eggs.



No, I gotta go.



- Coffee?

- I can't.



I got a crazy day.






Lane says she's on for Iunch.

Pick her up at her place.



Just give me a minute, OK?



That's OK.

You can Ieave it open.






I don't even know why I'm here.

I have already made up my mind.



It's just something we do here...



Jude. Or is it Judy?



- Jude.

- OK.



I want the abortion.



Do you want to tell me why?



Well, I'm marrying somebody...






I want to start out

with a clean slate.



- This is not his child?

- It probably is.



If it isn't, it's his son's.



Are you serious?



Yeah, and then,

if we have more kids...



their brother or sister

could be their cousin or...



- You see how it could get?

- Yeah.



Do your partners know

of your pregnancy?






Do you have any feelings

about your baby?



You're not supposed

to say "baby".



You're supposed to say

"pregnancy" or "fetus".



I'm pretty sure about that.



It's important to you

not to call it a baby.



Mm-hmm. But that's because

you're gonna rip it out of me...



and flush it away.



Are you pro-Iife?



Will you sign my form?



I'm just asking questions.



I'm pro-choice, of course.



But my opinions

aren't important here.



Well, then, I'd shut up about them.



I think we're done.



I have an appointment

for tomorrow at   :  .



I don't want you

to misunderstand.



I think everything is a much bigger

decision than we think.



And this one--

this is the biggest.



I don't know what I'm doing here.

I don't even know what to ask you.



You're a Iittle fucked up,

aren't you?



You gotta be better at this

most days.



This is about average.



- Here you go.

- Thanks.



I'm not pro-Iife, though.



Who is, once you start

paying attention?



Oh, hey, babe.



I didn't see you.



Where were you this afternoon?



Oh, I called your cell phone.



Lane--her mom came to town,

so we took her to the beach.



Without Otis?



Didn't she want to introduce

her boyfriend to her mother?



I don't know. I stay out of it.



You do, huh?



I thought we were

gonna eat out Iater.



Oh, shit. Right.



Yeah. I got

a physical tomorrow...



so I gotta do

all the blood work...



and I can't eat anything

until after  :  --



or before  :  .



I'm gonna go sit out

by the pool, so...



come on.



I told him everything.



Otis, I said I'd handle this.



You'II take her back.

I know you will.



What's going on?



He knows you're

just after his money.



And I told him

what you had over me...



and he doesn't care that I'm gay.



I care. Of course, I care.

It's not good news.



And you're moving out.



Maybe I should hear that from him.



I guess you're moving out.



But you can keep the ring.

I know it's worth something.



Frank, it's true.

It did start Iike that.



I'm sorry.



But I really Iike you. I--



- You can't fake that.

- I can't.



So? So, me too. Me--



Dad, Dad, Dad--



I gotta think about my boy.



I mean, you used him.

You helped him humiliate his dad.



It's not good.



He might be gay,

but he's my only kid.



I don't know about that.



I'm pregnant.






No, she is not! She's just--



Hold it.



You are pregnant, aren't you?



It shouldn't make a difference.



Do you know if it's a boy?



What do you care?

You have a son.



Or a girl. I'm just asking.



Come on. This is

the oldest trick in the book!



Ask to see some tests

or something.



Oh, fuck! OK.



It was worth a shot.



You can't blame a girl for trying.



I'm on the fucking pill, Frank.



What am I, stupid?

Like the world needs another Otis.



Hey! Hey!



I want you and everything you have

out of my house--



Otis will help you--

by tomorrow morning.



- No, that's cool. I'm packed.

- Great.



At Ieast you've got

some fuckin' balls now...



which would be great, except it'II

just make your dick Iook smaller!



You know, Lane will tell me

whether you're pregnant or not.



Oh, call her. Tomorrow.

After   :  .



I'm ready.



Good morning. Charley?



You can put your shirt on. I...



I just wanted

to tell you this in person.



Not good, huh?



Well, you know,

as you can see...



sometimes it's reversible

and sometimes it's not.



It's just the Iuck of the draw.



Who Iet you have

a vasectomy at   ?



Well, it's all theoretical, you know?



I don't even want kids, anyway.



Well...OK, then.



Thanks, doctor.









I was wondering if I could...



if I could give you a call,

now that we're done professionally.



Yeah, sure.



Great. I got your number.



Last night, you found out

they were wrong...



Hi. Can I sit here?






- You're Mr. McKee, right?

- Right.



So, I hear Jude

fucked you over, basically.



Me, too. I'm Lane.



Otis' girlfriend.



No one told me.



I have a boyfriend. Rick.






Just keep your head on straight...



I don't think she's off everything...



but she's better.



She's still fat, though.



Otis is so cute.



That should have been your tip-off.



I don't think Otis knows

what he is.



I think he just finds the idea of gay

attractive theoretically.



Because of all

the blow jobs you get?



I don't know.



Some guys are gay,

but you can flip 'em.



He's what I call a real homo.



No offense.






I don't think it's hereditary.



It's a choice, OK?






Would you Iike another drink?



Do it. That is beautiful.



Thank you.



- I wanna drive it.

- Not tonight.



- Give me the keys.

- No.



Get in.



- Oh, my God, man.

- Yeah.



This is fuckin' rad.

What does all this stuff do?



I'm not sure, but this is a--

Iike, a Techtronic gear shift.



So, if you just do that,

it's in reverse.



So it's real easy to operate.






- Are you OK?

- Yeah, I don't--I think so.



- I ran into--

- It's not my fault.



No, it's my fault.



- Is it my fault?-

- No, my fault.



- Oh, my God. Oh, no.

- I'II pay for it.



- Oh, no.

- Frank, come on.



- Here, here, here.

- God!



Take a drink.



I'II fix the car.

You're--you're OK, though?



Yeah, I think I'm all right.



- I'm Frank.

- Nothing hurts.



I'II pay for everything. Here.



I am--I'm gonna have to...



I gave her the fuckin' tapes.

She won't sing it Iike Jude.



- It offends her.

- Yeah, whatever.



And if you think

she's clean and sober, wake up.



That's all I'm sayin'.






Hey, you want any of this stuff?



It's just Iike, you know,

phone charger and...



Thomas Brothers Guide,

which I could use if you don't want it.



Yeah. Sure as hell

not gonna use it in Phoenix.



Yeah, take it.






Oh, it's his Iicense number.



The Mexican guy?



Yeah. Yeah.



Do you know anyone

who could trace it?



Javier Iives here?



- Nice house.

- I know.



What does he charge

for a massage?



- I have to talk to him.

- OK.



Oh, please, Charley, no.



I'm gonna--

I need to do this myself.



Look. OK.

You're on my speed dial.



AII I have to do is press send.



You're one thumb away

if I need you, which I don't.






I'm gonna come back tomorrow

or the next day by myself.



So, it's your choice.



- Hello?

- Hi.



You don't know me,

I'm from Los Angeles.



I'm Iooking for Nicky.



No, there's no Nicky here.




Wait, wait, yeah.

He said that might be a nickname.



Do you know--

do you know this guy?



Ronnie, my brother.



OK. Could I maybe speak

with your mom or dad?



They're in Hawaii. Hold on.



Tom, someone's here

about Ronnie.



- Come on in.

- Thank you.



Do you want a Coke or something?



No. Thanks.



Tom is my other brother.






- Hi.

- I'm Tom.



You're a friend of Ronnie's?



Yeah. I mean,

I don't--I don't know.



He told me his name







- Yeah, he's--

- That's--that's him.



Oh. Yeah. He's--

he's not here.



- What did he do to you?

- Nothing. No, nothing.



We were partners

on a film project.



Yeah, we worked together

about six months ago.



Does he owe you money?



- He's an asshole.

- Becca.



No, this is--it's not a big deal.

I was just--



I was in town

and I just thought I'd drop by.



It's OK.



Well, wait a second.

He called Iast week.



The number's on my cell phone

in the car.



- You want it?

- OK. Sure.



- OK.

- Thanks.



- Yeah. I'II be right back.




- Do you want to sit down?

- No. Thanks.



Dad says Ronnie's a black sheep.

He's in New York now...



but he's supposed to be

in some art school.



But Tom doesn't believe it.



He burned down our house once.



Well, the garage.



It's where I had my bike.



OK, I got it.



He didn't even give this to me,

but it was--



That's all right. Never mind.



Wait a minute.

Don't you want his number?



- What happened?

- I don't know.



- Her purse.

- Shit.






Hey! You all right?






Hey! Hey.

What did you do to her?



Nothing. Her purse.






Who the fuck are you?






Mamie, stop!









Oh, my God!



Oh, my God!



Do you have a cell phone?



- Yeah!

- Mamie.






Are you OK, Charley?






I have something for you.

It's in my purse.



It's right there.



You said you Iost it.



No, I Ieft it for the baby.



Something from you.



Did you name him?






But I held him once.



I don't know why I didn't tell you.






he knew who you were and...



he didn't want to find you?



That's what Nicky said.




Well, when he's smarter,

he'II want to find you.



Maybe he's smart now.






It's better to know you

than to not know you.



That's how I've always felt.



It's OK.



I run with scissors, too.



Does this do color?



Jump real good? OK.



Don't go changing



To try to please me



You never Iet me down before



Don't imagine



You're too familiar



And I don't see you anymore



I would not Ieave you



In times of trouble



We never could have

come this far



I took the good times



I'II take the bad times



I'II take you just the way you are



Don't go trying



Some new fashion



Don't change the color

of your hair



You always have my



Unspoken passion



Though I might not seem to care



I don't want clever conversation



I don't want to work that hard



I just want someone



That I can talk to



I want you just the way you are



I need to know

that you will always be



The same old someone that I knew



What will it take

till you believe in me



The way that I believe in you?



I said I Iove you



And that's forever



This I promise from my heart



I could not Iove you



Any better



I Iove you just the way you are






You are


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