If Lucy Fell Script - Dialogue Transcript

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If Lucy Fell Script



Wake up, please, sir.



Itīs Calendar Day.






forget about Calendar Day.



Wrong answer, Dick.



- Whatīre you doing?

- Itīs Calendar Day.



- Wake up.

- What time is it?



Sheīs gone already.



One more wasted day.



Not true, devil girl!



Come on, baby, be there.



Come on, where are you?



Sheīs probably got some manīs face

in an unspeakable place now.



Lucy, come on!



Come on! Hello.

My girlfriend Jane.



So who...?






that right there?



Whatīs going on?



Thatīs nothing.



Thatīs just her brother.



Thatīs her gay brother.



Whatīs her gay brother doing to her?



Oh, my God. Why?



That should be illegal. You canīt have

naked men wandering around. Disgusting.



Joe, donīt you think this painting

youīve done ofJane in the kitchen...



is a tad incomplete?

That there might...



I canīt hear any assholes talking!



Okay, Dick, rise and shine, and leave.



Come on, Lucy.

Itīs Saturday. Letīs snuggle.



Come on.



Hereīs five dollars, all right?



Go buy yourself a nice breakfast.



My friend!

Man, I love you! I love you!



- Get the hell off me!

- Iīll be right back.



Dick, Richie, Rich, Ricardo.



Joe, have you seen my shoe?



Have I seen your shoe? No.



Come on, Lucy, letīs do this.



You all dressed?



My shoe...



You can get it next time.



You are too brutal, Lucy.

Give the guy a break.



Bye, I had a nice time.

Iīll call you.



- Youīre doing it again.

- What?



Mushing my head out the door.

Could you not...



- do that?

- I wasnīt mushing. You were leaving.



I canīt take this anymore.



Lucy, I want you to decide.



After two-and-a-half years

of sleeping with you...



going to dinner...



not seeing anyone else...



meeting families...



I think I may have given you

a ring at one point.



Okay, am I?



Are we boyfriend and girlfriend, or no?



Thatīs it.



Let me see.



Lucy, not the hug test again.



No, Dick.






Oh, right.



Bye, Lucy.



Good-bye, Dick.



Missed a spot.



What is up with that guy?



You know, Dick is Dick.



Weīre friends.




Did you guys used to?



We used to.



Did you...



Did you go down on him or...









I was wondering,

do guys like that better than...






- Really?

- Absolutely.



- Youīd take that over that.

- Any day of the week.






does he have a...



a big...



Itīs average.



Bigger than me?



Iīve never...



You have. After I shower.



Yeah, but never in its full...



- Ten.

- Five.



I said "ten."



Five. Guys always double it.






So if...



I had said...



- six?

- Three.






- Three.

- Jesus.



I know...



a lot of guys who say six.






Remember that death pact

we made in college?



Excuse me?



The death pact that we made in college?






Billy Gash had just dumped me

and the girl you were so mad for...



wouldnīt even talk to you.



Her name was Betsy or...






Belinda Slaughter.



I was in love.

She wouldnīt look at me.



- I know.

- I was devastated.



I know.



All right, what did we say?



That if we didnīt have

wonderful, intimate relationships...



with serious familial possibilities

by the time you turned   ...



weīd kill ourselves.



Iīm happy to be an adult and not have

to suffer painful nights like that.



That was pretty bad.



Can you believe a death pact?



I know.



How old are you now anyway?



Like...      ?



No,   .



Whenīs your birthday?



November   th?



March first.

We have one month to go.






We are disgruntled people,

dissatisfied with our present lives.



We should kill ourselves

to get ourselves going.



Iīm going.

I donīt need to die.



No, youīre not going, Joe. And neither

am I. The world is a scary place.



And youīre the scariest thing in it

so I must go away from you now.




We canīt waste any more time.



You must meet someone by age   ...



so youīre together a few years

and you know you have staying power...



so you donīt mess up children

with divorce.



That makes you   

when you have your first kid.



Then you donīt hit menopause

until that child is at college.



Any other plan is a disaster.

Thatīs why we had a pact.



- Come on!

- Weīre coming!



You stay there, kids.






we both believe in God

and reincarnation.



Of course.

So why bother playing out a sad life?



Divorce, unhappy children,

unrealized ambitions.



If we donīt hit it in    days,

we just end it.



Let God start fresh with us. Itīs

selfish of us to think any other way.



Come on, Lucy!






Donīt listen to her anymore.

Sheīs no longer stable.



- Shut up, Joe!

- Be quiet.



Thank you.

Okay, whoīs first?



I think... Eddy.



I like this guy Billy,

but Iīm too afraid to talk to him.



Send him a note and tell him exactly

how you feel. Twenty cents, please.



Okay, Iīll take it in a second.



Letīs see.

Who might be next?



Sam, please.



I left a tooth under my pillow and

the tooth fairy only left a quarter.



You go to your mother,

and you say, " Mommy...



if this is all the tooth fairy can

afford, she needs it more than I do."



Fifteen cents, please.



I canīt believe you take their money.



They like giving it to me.

It makes them feel like adults.



All right, kids, class time!



You have therapy now?



Thank God.



Come on, you little creeps!

Get in there! Get in...



you nutty kids!



I have nothing to say.



Donīt you think

that this whole process...



is about getting to

your feelings of ambivalence?



What I say isnīt important.

Itīs what you say.



Iīm sure thatīs what you think,

but I have nothing to say...



and I think weīre out of time.



All right...



I might have something to say.



Maybe you can say it next week.






Thanks, Lucy.



- Youīre welcome.

- Youīve been a big help.






People with heads like balloons and

eyes in the middle of their faces?




Very nice.



A tough one for our expert over there.

Gauguin. Emily.



That gross guy who sent his ear

to his brother and then killed himself.



No, that was Van Gogh,

Gauguinīs friend.



Pair up, you little munchkins,

and start painting.



Come with me.



I called again.

I canīt believe I called again...



making my lover my authoritarian

parental scapegoat thus digressing...



in my analysis.



This clear, sort of

Edwardian mystical martyrdom that I...



Did you just yawn?



Am I boring you?



Iīm so sorry my problems bore you, Lucy.



Yes, you do bore me, Ted.

This story bores me.



Every week for an hour

itīs the same thing:



"I didnīt want to call. He made me

feel like shit, but I called."



It bores me.



It bores me too.



This ultimate...



Faustian prison.



I want to stop.

Why the hell do you think I see you?



Maybe youīre bored.



I look at the phone.

I stare at the phone.



Then I pick up the phone.

I feel I am the phone.



I am imprisoned by the phone,

therefore I am a prison...



with the phone as my...






Whereīs your partner?



Couldnīt find a partner?



I know how you feel.



I donīt have a partner either.



Do you want to be my partner?






You serious?



All right.



- What do you want to paint?

- A rainbow.



Letīs start with what?

A little red?



My goodness, who would leave

this phone here like this?






How was class?









Do you think

you help people in therapy?



Well, I try.



I think itīs possible.



The pain in these kids sometimes is...



It just makes me sad.



Oh, another deep painting subject day?



Why do you always do that?



Act flippant about things

that are important to me?



Youīve reconsidered the death pact?



Youīre afraid I may be right.

You wonīt answer one question.



What I hear you saying is

youīre frightened.



Do you want to tell me, or do you want

to keep projecting your fears onto me?



Iīm not projecting shit.



Why do you act flippant about things

that are important to me?



I donīt feel that I do.



You do.



Thatīs your perception.



Itīs not perception.



I feel like a piece of shit

when you act like you donīt care.



Thatīs how I feel.

Thatīs no perception.



Are you having a crisis aboutJane?



I could understand if I were celibate,

if I were saving myself   years...



if I were obsessing over someone and

didnīt have the courage to talk to them.



I can imagine that I might be in

a bit of a crisis about this person.



You have a glib response for everything.



Youīre in a little shell. You hide

behind your smug, pseudointellectual...



psychobabble humor.



Want to talk about being afraid?

Letīs talk about Dick.



Why donīt we talk about two-and-a-half

years of you hiding behind Dick?



You donīt give a shit about him.

You could care less about how he feels.



And turn down everything

thatīs come along.



If you want to talk about being afraid,

forget me. Letīs talk about you.



If everybody werenīt afraid, then nobody

would know how nice it feels to be safe.



All right, Lucy...






Iīll talk toJane.



Youīll go out with anyone who asks.



At the end of this month, if nothing

changes, weīll jump off a bridge.









- This is it. You take it.

- My God!



"The New York City Board of Education

is pleased to inform you...



that having met

the necessary requirements...




your application has been accepted.



Just answer these questions:"



Whatīre the questions?



Theyīre giving us our school!



What are the questions, Joe? What?



"What is your teaching philosophy?"



Progressive but honest.



Like teaching kids to commit suicide if

they donīt have boyfriends by  th grade?






When do we get the building?



- When we get the money.

- Whenīs that?



- Right now. Simon.

- Excellent.



" Bwick Elias."

Yeah, whatever.



- Howīs Joe?

- Heīs terrific. Heīs good.



Is he still infatuated with

that woman across the street?



Did you hate grade school, Daddy?



No. Did you?






Actually, thatīs what

I wanted to talk to you about.



Iīve really been thinking a lot...

Well, actually...



Joe and I were talking about...






Never mind.




Really, itīs nothing.



You got your stuff into Harvard?






Mom used to tell me that if I...



sat here and wished hard, Alice would

take me to Wonderland with her.



But Iīd get discouraged.



I must have come here

every day for months.



And Iīd stand here.



Actually, Iīd sit right here,

desperately, hoping, wishing.



But she never showed.



By the way, I have some mail

for you at the house.



They keep sending it to my address.



You can have it forwarded to me.



It was great seeing you.

You look terrific.






- I love you.

- See you next week.



- Bye.

- Bye.




Youīre mine!



Any guy.



You look very pretty today.



Thank you.



- You look like an idiot.

- Excuse me?






I meant you...



looked like an idiot savant.



I mean, I think you have

savantian qualities.



I think we all do.



May I date you tonight?



Food for thought.

Gotta run.



Maybe Iīll see you around.



Tomorrow night,  :  ?






Hey, Al.

Howīre you doing, buddy?



- Is she in there?

- No.



- You saw her go in.

- No, I didnīt.



Iīm going to talk to her.



- I heard that before.

- You are my best friend.



- I love you.

- I love you too.



Eat shit.



Okay, here we go.



- Good.

- How you been?



- Good. And you?

- Fine. Long time no see.



Just talk to her.

You just got to fucking talk to her!



- Whatīs ginseng for?

- They is for men.



- What does it do?

- You know.



What does it do for women?



You just walk over

and you talk to the woman.



Itīs not a big production.

It doesnīt have to be dramatic.



You just walk over and you...



And you die, you walk over

and you die because sheīs so...



- See you.

- Thanks, guys. Have a good one.



Itīs bad.



Shut up.



I said Iīd kill myself up here

with you in three weeks.



You could at least do my picnic.



Letīs get used to the place.



What if people see us?

I hate this. Iīm freezing. Iīm cold.



I think if we jump, people will see.



Do you know what I mean?

Hot chocolate?



You were saying you spoke toJane?



Yes, I did.



Really? Whatīd she say?



Nothing. Sheīd left the deli.



It was close, Lucy.



I donīt know what I was thinking.

I thought of the genius plan.



Whatīs that?



I invite her to my opening. She comes.

She sees how huge I am. Sheīs mine.



Thatīs very sweet.



You know me, baby.



- This is nice.

- Thank you.



Itīs pretty.



- Would you drink my spit?

- Come on!



Can you take your weird survey

somewhere else, please?






Iīll answer your question...



but this is the last time

Iīll talk about it.



The last time. Forever.



You swear?



What do you mean?



Mother Theresa and the missionaries

drink the lepers spit.



I wondered if youīd drink mine.



How would we actually do it?

You would just...



Iīd open my mouth

and youīd spit in there, or what?



Would you spit in a cup

and Iīd drink it?



No, no, Iīd be like...



Iīd pucker my lips and Iīd gather

my spit in my lips like this.



Then youīd kiss me and suck it up.



- I wouldnīt be interested.

- Really?



- You donīt love me enough?

- Of course I love you.



- You donīt want to kiss me?

- Iīd make out with you right now.



I just donīt want to drink your spit.



When people kiss a lot,

they basically drink each otherīs spit.



But thatīs different.

Thatīs involuntary spit exchange.



- I have a date tomorrow.

- What?



- I have a date.

- With who?



A really cute idiot savant guy I met.



He started talking to you?



- Where? On the street?

- In a coffee shop.



You liked him?



You had to because of the pact.



I told you itīd work out.



I love this life! I love it!



- Hi.

- Hi.



Thanks for walking me home.



Please, it was my pleasure.

I had a wonderful time.



Yeah, it was fun.



- Give me a call next week or whatever.

- Iīd like that.



May I use your bathroom?



Sure. Itīs...



the door behind you.



Tell me about your date.



He was nice.

A perfect gentleman.



He took me to dinner

and dessert and capuccino and...



then he walked me home and...



And then he...



He went into the bathroom and

didnīt come out for a very long time.



He went into the bathroom and...



he didnīt come out for a long time.



Like how long?

How long was he in there? An hour?



Like,    minutes maybe.






Go ahead.

Come on. Go ahead.



It was nothing.

It was just strange.



What happened in our bathroom

last night? Did you hear noises?



He just went to the bathroom,

thatīs all. It just seemed odd to me.



He went to the bathroom?



Yes, thatīs all.

See? Just weird.



What, number two?



I donīt want to talk about this!






He took some stanky shit

in our bathroom?



Is that what you mean?

That man took you out to dinner...



bought you a capuccino and walked

you home, perfect gentleman...



went into our house, into our bathroom,

stayed there an hour...



taking a foul-smelling shit

and then just left?



That is so disgusting.

I canīt believe that.



God! What is that?



I mean, what is that about?

Was he, like, trying to leave his mark?






You seeing him again?



You probably would.



Youīll see that guy.

Youīre probably going to him now.



ROSES Are red, Violets Are Blue



Oh, Jane, how the hell

will I get you to my opening



Will you send me away



Will you kiss me and stop me



From jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge



Iīve wanted to meet you

for such a long time now!



- I donīt put menu.

- You donīt?



- What is this, then, sir?

- I donīt know.



You donīt know what this is?



You donīt?



Thatīs menu!

Thatīs menu!



No, no, not menu, no.



All right, go ahead. Fine!



What? Donīt wave at me.



Iīm in another league here.



Iīm in another league.



What are you doing?



Run normal!



This would be the path

where normal people run!



The weird triathlete training complex

is somewhere else! Okay!



Run normal here!



Get off my path!

Get off it!



Oh, pretty fast.



Run around the block?



Donīt you think I could run that fast

if I ran around the fucking block?



Why donīt you try running    miles?

See how fast you run that!



Suntan lotion! Got to look good

for the big date tonight!



Get off! Iīll shoot you

in the face if you donīt stop now!



Get off of me, you maniac!



- Got to look sexy for the girl!

- Get out of here!



Got to look good for the big date

tonight, kids! Suntan lotion!



- How are you?

- Iīm beautiful, howīre you?



Iīd like to buy suntan products.



SP factor?



- Excuse me?

- SP factor?



No, thatīs okay.

Iīll just have suntan lotion.



What sun protection factor?



Oh, sun protection factor.

"SP," sun protection.






- What do you suggest?

- For you?



- Thirty.

- Thirty.



Give me a four.

Actually, better yet, give me...



that deep tanning tropical oil.



- Thatīs only two.

- Excellent.



At least get sunblock for your nose.



Whatever it is you think youīre doing,

do it away from me.



Why canīt we just love each other?



We have to be there in half an hour

or weīll be late.



- Iīm not going.

- Please, come on, will you just...



Let me see.

Lift your chin.



Five years I wait to meetJane.



Five years.



Let me see.

Iīll tell you if you should worry.






Just lift your face.

We must go.



Let me see.



Itīs not bad.

I barely see anything.



- Come on.

- Itīs minimal.



You barely...



The white ring I mean!



I know, and itīs nothing.



No oneīs even going to notice it.

Itīs fine.



No oneīll notice that?



Doesnīt it look weird?



Itīll be fine. Letīs go.

You have to get dressed still.



Youīll look great.

Donīt worry.



- What about makeup?

- No, do not put makeup on.



Youīll look great. Leave it alone.

Get dressed, letīs go.



Thanks, Lucy.



Just be a sec.



How am I going to explain

sheīs in every one of my paintings?



Sheīs going to think

Iīm a freaky Peeping Tom freak man.



Only you can see that, okay?



You canīt see my girlfriend Jane

in that painting there?



In that painting? Or that?



Not in that one.



Jane kissing God.

Jane and the elephants.



The big loveJane.

You canīt see that?



You see her face there, her clothes?



She has clothes?






Good, fine. Good.

No one can see. Only me. Good.



- Whatīs wrong with you?

- This is dumb.



Relax. Interview loves it,

and I think the Voice does too.



- Whatever.

- Itīs over   %% sold, Joe.



Whatever, Rene, the girlīs not coming.

Itīs just dumb.



- This one Iīm going to buy.

- Really?



I think it sums up the historical

sexual struggle so completely...



that itīs inspiring.



So you would consider yourself...



" Limp Cock Man"?



Yeah. Proudly.



Oh, God.



Excuse me.



Where is Joe MacGonaughgill?



- Youīre...

- Jane.



Yeah, I know.

I mean, Jane, I know.



I know lots ofJanes.



Well, I donīt know lots ofJanes, but...



I have one...



good friend named Jane.



Thatīs nice.



You really are pretty.



Thank you. Thanks.



You look fantastic.



Your dress is pretty.



I thinkJoe is...



There he is.






Joe... this is Jane.



Jane Lindquist.



Joe MacGonaughgill.



Itīs good to meet you.



- I see you met Lucy.

- We met over there.



I have herpes.

I mean...



not downstairs.



I just get very...






herpetic outbreaks on my mouth.



I wanted to look especially nice

for the opening.



So today I did a little tanning thing.



So I put this sunblock on my mouth

especially so I wouldnīt get...



any cold sores.



I didnīt get any cold sores.



I did get a white ring around my mouth.



I didnīt notice it.



Hereīs the thing.

See, Iīm aware...



that you find me

extremely attractive.



Thereīs a heat.

Thereīs a thing.



I know this might be sort

of eating into that moment a bit.



Into that thing...

But I want you to know...



it will go away soon...



and Iīll go back to being...



the incredibly dashing...






you know, Newman-Brandoesque,

you know, looking...






Excuse me.



Iīm Bwick.



Iīve been watching you.

I know you see me, us, together tonight.



Donīt think. I want to go out now

with you all around the city. Just us.



I want to paint you, innocent...



us out joyful, good...









Heīs Bwick Elias.

Heīs a painter. You paint, right?









Youīll be all right.

Heīs harmless.



So, then, I guess that...



Bwick and I are just...






- Night and light.

- Asphalt.









Thanks, Lucy.









Excuse me?


















Joe MacGonaughgill.



You have a...



art show.



Good, great, thanks so much.



I love your paintings.



- Really?

- Yeah, really.



- Can I ask you something?

- Yeah.



Are you involved with anyone?















He does have quite a limp dick.



But he gives the best damn head ever.



- Good.

- Thatīs not good.



Ring the bell, make a wish.



Twenty more bucks and I get

a room and dinner tonight.



But, please, anythingīll do.

Your wishīll still come true. Here.



You want to try it?



Thatīs the way to do it.



Hey, it worked!

Thanks for everything!






So, how was it?



My imagined ideals...



were like...



insignificant bits of nothingness

compared to the magnificence...



which was her beauty.



I am completely in love with her.



She is Godīs woman.



And He has...



He has given her to me.



That sounds great.



You should be happy.



You think?



Yeah, because sheīs not

a fantasy anymore to you.



Sheīs a real woman.



Sheīs a perfect...



real woman.



Come on.



Thatīs nice.



By the way...



what was up with you leaving with...



Bwick Elias?



I donīt know. Heīs funny.

Heīs an idiot, but funny.



I sort of like dating.

Iīm getting it.



What I do is sit back...



and watch as strange men...



try to impress you

in weird and stupid ways...



and then you just pick

the least disgusting one.



You better pick

one of those least disgusting guys in...



the next    days.



You just worry

about closing your own deal.






if we get the school,

which we will...



but not weird boyfriends

and girlfriends, must we jump?



Good night, Joe.



Can I get specifics on Bwick, please?



See you.



No, I told you everything.

Thatīs not fair, you dog!



You were brilliant tonight.



- I hate you.

- Sweet dreams.



No, wait...



- Was I okay tonight?

- You were the best.



- Really?

- Good night.



- I was? I really?

- Go to sleep.



Come on, was I okay? Really?



I love you. Good night.

See you in the morning.



Good night.






Good night, moon.



- What?

- Good night, moon.



Good night, moonie.



Good night, fish.



Good night, spoon.






Yes, I am Joe. Joe MacGonaughgill.



Itīs Jane.



We met last night at your opening.



Hello. Hello.



Hi, Jane.



- Howīs it going?

- Great.



Whatīre you doing?



Just hanging out.



Listen, can I ask you a question?



Would you like to have dinner?



Iīd love to.






Okay, great.



- Iīll just give you a call.

- Why donīt you just do that?



- Bye

- Bye






- Iīm dating my new girlfriend.

- Bullshit.



I got a date with her.



Youīre a hero. Piss off.



Why canīt you be happy for me?



- Why canīt you be happy?

- Piss off!



- Iīll be down soon.

- Wait.






Bwick Elias, Lucy.



You know, the painter.



Heīs nice. We talked.

He wants to call you.



Iīd like to call.




he was too overwhelmed...



with sadness by your

untimely departure last night...



and he couldnīt get your number.



Too overwhelmed with sadness

by your untimely departure last night.



But stalking me was apparently

well within your comfort zone.



I made this for you.



You could have it.



Or we could trade.



Little birdie for your number.



Thank you.



     -    . Cellular.



Little child speaks

what we dare not say.



I dare for you not to have me call you.



I dare you!



Which one?



I think I like this.

I like this. This is nice.



- Itīs pretty.

- I like it on you.



It doesnīt really matter

because he wonīt call.



If you shut up, heīd call.



- And if I donīt?

- He wonīt.



Look. If I wear these with it,

do you think itīs too dark?



I like it.



Hi, Bwick.



Is she free tonight?

Yes, she is.



I guess Iīll wear this tonight...



on my date, because...



he called me.



And down, slowly...






lower, lower.



Good. Good.



Saturation. Saturation.



And, vanquish!






Vanquish! Good!



Rotate right.



Rotate right, slowly.



Attitude adjustment.



Good. And stab!



Drop! Door!






Itīs open!



I must go. Bye.



You brought a shrubbery.



I was at...



the flower store and...



roses seemed boring.



So you brought me a shrubbery.



I wouldnītī really call it a shrubbery.

Itīs a ficus.



Itīs a rare and exotic plant.



- How wonderfully ī  s of you.

- Fine, weīll kill it.



No, no! Donīt!






I love it!



I love it!



- You sure?

- Itīs beautiful.



Weīll put it in my dentistīs office.






Iīve never done this

in front of anyone before.



I havenīt felt comfortable enough.









I hate this!



Purple all around! Smears!



Smear of red!






Position three!






Up, go...



knees down!






Yeah, two please.



What are you smiling about?






Iīm just happy to be here.



I find it really hard

to concentrate around you.



Iīm so into you.



Do you find it hard

to concentrate around me?



Now and then?



Itīs symbolic.






equals love...



which actually equals death.

Life equals death.



Itīs symbolic?



Symbolic death?



Symbols of life...



and death and love.



Life equals death,

which is in the middle...



The subset is love which is

really what the symbol is: love.



Life equals love equals death.

Itīs symbolic.






The woman with "life" painted on her...






and sheīs stabbing to death...



a man with a knife

that says "love" on it.



Then in big letters it says:



" Life equals love equals death."



Thatīs not very symbolic.



Itīs kind of spelled out.






it sucks.






No, it doesnīt suck,

itīs just that itīs not really...



You know, itīs a literal painting.

Itīs not symbolic.



Which is fine.

Itīs literal.



Right. Just literally sucks.






No, youīre right.

It just symbolically sucks.



Certainly isnīt

very literal anymore, is it?



Itīs symbolic.



Do you believe in...



a big love?



Is that a serious question?






when I was   ...



I was in love with a guy, William.



I was completely absorbed by him.



I felt like I had no sense of autonomy,

no sense of being.



I almost didnīt exist without him.



I couldnīt sleep, eat. I couldnīt

do anything unless he was around.



It was like I was just the same person.



And I thought that

was being madly in love...



or "the big love" as youīd say.



I read an article recently...



about how overrated

this sense of falling in love is.



People just seem to think

itīs all that initial thing.



The flowers, the explosions and...



that excitement you see

when you see someone.



And then what?



No one knows how to maintain that.



Thatīs what the big love is.



The capacity to reinvent

the relationship...



expand and maintain the feeling.



And not feel that if you donīt have it,

then itīs not working.



You walk out and find it elsewhere.



No, that big love youīre talking about,

I think...



thatīs just for lovers.






you have some...



feelings on this issue.



Deep-seated feelings.



I need to tell you,

you went crazy earlier.



Sometimes I feel things, Lucy.



What you feel, I treat.



Do you feel that?









is symbolic.






is flesh.



And flesh...









Our paintings...



and our fingers...



equals symbolic...






All right, one kiss but thatīs all.






...you donīt think someone

could see someone from afar...



...fall hopelessly in love with them

and live happily ever after?



"One looks everywhere

for something to lean on.



One is charmed by the hope

of having found it.



Turns out to be a dream

in which the harsh facts...



are scattered with the rude awakening."



Who said that? Cher?



Marie Ann Du Daffand.



Sheīs a writer.



You really are funny.



Do you know what you are?



Youīre a girl who stands...



zero chance...



of ever being kissed...



by any other man.



Thatīs what you are.



Howīs that girlfriend of yours?

The one you have all those...



passive- aggressive

voyeuristic fantasies about?



With all due respect,

Iīd rather not hear your opinion.



You should let him help you.



He gets paid a lot to help people.



Thatīs okay.



Wasnīt there something

you needed to discuss?



Joe, come on.



What is it?



Joe and I have been discussing,

very superficially...



this idea that we...



had for...



opening a kidīs school.



School for kids.



Thatīs a fine idea, sweetheart.



If you werenīt going to Harvard, then

taking over the clinic, Iīd help you.



No, no, of course...



Youīre going to Harvard

and our grade school is history?



What do you suggest that I do?

Itīs all arranged.



It can be unarranged.



You mean rearranged.



- What?

- " Unarranged" isnīt a word.



It can be rearranged.



You donīt just rearrange a relationship.

It doesnīt work like that.



- Whatever. I have a date.

- So do I.



Great. Five days to go,

we both have dates.



But your credibility is shot.

Halfway down youīd want to go back.



Thatīs not true.

Iīve never been more resolved.






You lied to me.



Oh, fuck.



Itīs like Mickey Rourke

or someone that...



canīt make it to the bed...



and must do it standing

against a pillar or something.



I must put you up here

like a contortionist...



and do pliés...



and relevees...



to keep it in there and...



get it in there and...



be effective all at the same time.



Iīd be happy to blow your mind but...



can we just lie down?



In a minute.



- Have you had an AI DS test?

- Negative.



And you?



- Fifteen for fifteen.

- Youīve had    tests?



Every four months

for the last five years.



Do you shoot drugs?



Do you fuck guys?



Do you sodomize junkie prostitutes?



Without a condom?



When was the last time you had sex?



  years ago.



Then why all the AI DS tests?



I donīt want to talk about it.






I need to know.



Iīm embarrassed about it.

Can we not talk about it?



Why all the AI DS tests?



What is it?



I masturbated.



But you canīt even get it from kissing,

let alone jerking off.



I donīt know.



What about phone sex?



Iīll have another test on Thursday.



I think weīre safe then.



I cannot maneuver like this. I need

to be able to deal with you properly.



We have to lie down now.



But in the kitchen.



Iīll throw your sorry ass

on the floor here and fuck you.



But you canīt see the floor

from your apartment.



I know. I always hated

that I couldnīt see your ankles.



Wait. What did you just say?



You canīt see the floor here...



from your apartment.



You know that Iīve been watching you?

All this time?



All these years?



You know Iīve watched you?



Of course.

You knew that, Joe.



No, really...



I didnīt.



I was watching you watching me.



I liked it.



Whatīs the problem?



It wasnīt like that.



Iīve been smitten. I mean...



I donīt want you to be...



some fantasy.



I want you to be my girlfriend.



To be a reality.



Come on, Joe.



You never wanted that.



And if you do...



you better look at

who is standing before you.



Weīre not reality material.



I didnīt know that.



Whatīs a cute...



smart, sexy, good-looking guy...



Why havenīt you slept with a girl

for the last five years?



Iīve been saving myself.



For who?



I guess I donīt know.



See you.



Come on.



Whatīre you doing?






How is everything?



Itīs fine. Itīs great.






- You?

- Iīm having fun.



Iīm having a great time.






Whatīs wrong?



- Whatīre you wearing?

- What do you mean?



Whatīs that?

You slapped some paint on...




Howīd it go with Bwicky?



I donīt want to talk about it.



You donīt want to talk?



- I donīt like your attitude.

- What happened?



Tell me. Talk.



We fingerpainted, all right?



He made me dinner,

we fingerpainted and we talked!



I thought youīd be happy

I had a nice time.



That we could call off

this stupid death pact!



Why would we call it off?



Because, you and Jane and me and Bwick.



I like him.



You like him enough

to call off the pact?



No, no, excuse me.

I didnīt realize he was so special.



I donīt understand

what this is all about.



Are you and Jane not getting along?

Is that what this is?






A fucking painter.



Youīre in love...



with a fucking painter.



Bwick Elias.



This is just fucking perfect.

I just donīt believe it.



I mean, that...









Counting Crows-headed...



"love equals life equals death"...















If you think that that fucking guy

is coming into my house!



Excuse me.



Excuse me. Your house?



Excuse me.



Your house.




Iīm out of here.






Hello, darling.



How are you?



Iīm opening a grade school.

Iīm not going to Harvard.



And maybe youīll help me, maybe not;

but this is really...



This is what I want to do,

so I hope youīll support me.



Why do you do that?



Do what?



Chuckle when I tell you

something important.



Oh, honey, thatīs your perception.



Itīs what happens.



I tell you something

thatīs important to me...



I donīt want to wait

till one of us dies to get closer.



Be with kids who want to be adults

instead of adults who want to be kids?



Yes, exactly.



I hope you know...



how proud of you I am.



I hope you know how proud

Iīve always been of you.



And of how much

I have always loved you.



Thank you, Daddy.



I love you too.






Listen up.



If Mopey Boy paints upside down...



does that mean you must look at

the painting upside down?



Yes? No?



You think about it

and weīll talk next time.



Get out of here.



Iīll see you guys all next...



Iīll see you soon.



What are you up to?



Whatīre you doing?



Putting money in the piggy bank.






To earn money for our new school.



I donīt want you to do that.

Keep your money.



You look even more pathetic than usual.






Iīm kidding.



Jane again?



I donīt care about her.



You whined about her all these years.

Now you donīt want her.



What an asshole.



Iīve been living with this girl.



This friend.



My best friend.



Iīm proud of you.






You figured out the girl in your heart

isnīt the girl in your dreams.



Some people never figure that out.



Youīre Mr. Fucking Philosopher?



Is she in love with you?






Not anymore.

I mean, not like that.



Not like anything.

Iīve ruined it.



I once had a girl.



Iīll never forget the day she told me,

"I donīt love you anymore."



I never wanted to feel that way,

so I never took a chance.



I stopped breathing,

thatīs how much it hurt.



So you can sit here with me...



and not breathe the rest of your life,

or you can try.



Come on, look.



Paint her a picture,

give her some roses...



write her a cute note

and sheīs yours.






Piss off.






Bwick Elias.



Heīs cute.






Heīs talented.



He makes me giggle.



Heīs rich.



But, come on,

letīs face it, heīs a dick.



I mean, heīs like

your old boyfriend, Dick.



Heīs not like a Joe,

he is more like a Dick.



Why would I bring upJoe now?



Joeīs in love with Jane.



Beautiful, lovely, tallJane.



I hateJane.



Iīd like to get her in therapy,

fuck her up real good.



You think?






   cents, please.






I think youīre really neat

but I donīt want to see you anymore.



Iīm sorry.



I want to show you something.



What do you see?



I donīt know.









Lots of...



ugly paint.



Itīs a beautiful girl...



and I hope itīs me.



Wait! Lucy!



I really like you.



I like you too, Bwick.



But Iīm pretty sure

Iīm in love with someone else.



Hi. Excuse me.



We should jump out there. If we jump

here, the highway might break our fall.



Out there itīs just a straight shot

down to the cold water.



I thought youīd break my fall.



What happened to Bwicky?



I wasnīt interested.



Whereīs Jane?



I donīt know.



Iīm scared, Joe.



Me too.



What are you scared about?



What are you scared about?



I asked you first.



Are you scared

because youīre in love with me?



Are you scared

because youīre in love with me?



I asked you first.






Donīt try that hug test on me.

Iīm serious.



No, if you donīt know after that kiss...



Doesnīt this feel incestuous?



Itīs like when I was six...



and weīd play "Seven Minutes

in Heaven" with my cousins.



Thatīs gross.



If Iīd have fallen...



would you have caught me?



I would have tried.



But who knows

my physical capabilities...



straddling a bridge, gravity.



Iīm trying to think,

two plus two plus one, minus one man...



If you can free yourself

from your brain for two seconds...



and allow me off your couch...



I will take your crazy spit test.






I love you so much, Lucy.



I love you, too, Joe.


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