In Like Flint Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the In Like Flint script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring James Coburn.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of In Like Flint. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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In Like Flint Script



Lisa, Paris is on the phone.



- About the hemline again? I'll take it.

- Mm-hmm.



Hello? Please, Paris.

It has been decided.



Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's correct.



- Lisa, how do you like this?

- It's very nice. Just fine.



- Put it through immediately.

- Thank you.






The color, the drama!



- It is fantastic!

- It's glorious!



Blast off.



Why not?



Come along, ladies.



Ladies. Ladies!



- Will you leave us, please? Thank you.

- Indicates a perfect orbit.



Right now we're waiting for

the computers to answer the question.



Then, we'll have an announcement

from one of the men responsible.



Yes, that's it.

We have an announcement.



Ladies and gentlemen, Lloyd C. Cramden.



Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,

we've done it.



The first manned space platform in

history is moving into a perfect orbit!



And this is only the beginning.

In the weeks to come,



other rockets containing

weather instruments,



cameras, mapping

and surveying equipment...



will join up with our platform...



making it the first scientific

laboratory in outer space.



- Think of it, ladies and gentlemen.

- We've done it. We've done it!



- Nobody can stop us now!

- Ladies, please!



This accomplishment

will add immeasurably

to our scientifiic knowledge...



and will usher in a new era

of goodwill...



as the platform passes across

all national boundaries...



- Oh, uh, excuse me, please.



Ladies and gentlemen, that's

the president calling Mr. Cramden.



I want to congratulate you on your part

in this magnificent achievement, Lloyd.



Thank you, sir. Thank you.



I must say, now that it's over,

I can use a little relaxation.



Right. Now you can relax. I was thinking

about a little round of g-o-l-f.



Very good. When do you suggest, sir?



- Tomorrow.

- Thank you, sir.



Uh-huh. Good enough. See you then.



Next week, same time, same station.



And now let's return to our

on-the-spot coverage... Uh, Colonel.



Ladies and gentlemen, this is Colonel...



- Uh, Carter, Colonel Carter.

- Colonel Carter. Right.



You must be an old ball player, Colonel.



For a moment there, I thought you were

making signals like a third-base coach.



What? Oh, this.

Habit, I guess.



But this space shot does put us back

in the ball game, doesn't it?



- This is quite a day.

- " Does put us back in the ball game,

doesn't it?"



- Men.



But he's right about one thing:

This is quite a day.



- That is, Helena, if...

- Oh, forgive me, dear.



I must have my moment of drama.

I will bring him right in.



Please, sir. Come with me.



Now you will see the final

results of    operations.



Sit down here.






- Voila!

- My God!



He's, he's perfect!



You see? It is possible.

Yes, it can be done.



Ladies, I have done what I promised.



- The next step is up to you.

- He's wonderful.






Now just sit tight up there.



Tomorrow we begin.



- Operation Duffer.

- Operation Duffer!



Duffer! Duffer!






- Operation Duffer!






Watch me very carefully, Lloyd.

You've been trying to kill the ball.



Brute power is not the answer.



Golf and life itself have one thing

in common: Success is based on timing.



- I'm only down three holes, sir.

- Well, that's all we've played.



Now, Lloyd, I'm going to give you

a little lesson on that swing of yours.



- You got your stopwatch?

- Oh, yes, sir.



All right now.

Watch me very carefully, and remember,



it's all in the timing.



- Start your watch.

- Hold it, Mr. President.



It's all right.



Nothing to be alarmed about.



Well, boys, it's the president.

My apologies, sir.



That's all right, sir. Hello, boys.



- Hi.

- How do you do?



Ask him for his autograph.



Gosh, Mr. President, if you'd

autograph your golf ball for me,



I'd put it right next

to my picture of Batman.



- Martin, comparing the president...

- Perfectly normal, sir.



When I was his age, the president

ran a poor second to Babe Ruth.



- Lloyd, let's have yours.

- Yes, sir.



- There you are, sonny. Come over here.

- Thank you, Mr. President.



And here is one for you.



- Thank you, sir.

- Thank you very... Oh.



Here's one for you, Mr. President.

Thank you very much again.



- You're welcome.

- That was very kind of you, sir.



My pleasure, sir.



- Time me, Lloyd, with your stopwatch.

- Yes, sir.



- Lloyd?

- Huh?



- Did you get that?

- Yes, sir.



What was it?



Three... Three min...



Now, if this watch is right,

something else is terribly wrong.



- But you could be mistaken, sir.

- I wish I were, Avery,



but three minutes went by

that I can't account for.



Three minutes

in the life of the president.



It's not just irregular,

it's irrational.




Exactly like the problem, sir.



You're right, damn it.



Get me that book on dogs.



- On what, sir?

- Dogs. I'm gonna see Flint.



Uh-huh. All right.

All right. Thank you.



You're right. Our man's

in the White House, but Cramden

has turned to Flint for help.



You see how predictable,

this childish masculine loyalty?



- The Flint file.

- It's quite a dossier.



- It's very impressive.

- Yes, yes. I know.



- Weaknesses?

- Yes. Three of them.



I'll leave for New York.



"Avoid tension.



"A dog can sense fear.



Show him you're his friend.

Offer him food."



And, ladies, at Fabulous Face, we offer

completely individual beauty treatments.



For example, if you happen

to enjoy a full body massage, we can...



I'm sure it's very nice, Miss Norton,



but I don't think we really need

to leave town for a massage.



- And, besides,

I don't think we've got the time.



As soon as Derek gets back,

we leave for Rio.



Well, that's just perfect.



Our place Fabulous Face

is right in the islands,



just a short fight from Rio,

right on your way.



Please, say you'll come.



Derek can pick us up

on the way back from the desert.



- That's just marvelous.

- Great. I'll tell him.



- Oh, is he here?

- Why, yes.



Pardon me.



You're supposed to smile, sir.

Then he'll let go.






You must be Mr. Cramden, right?



Uh, yes,



but I don't remember our meeting before.



No, we're new. All of us.



- All of you?

- Excuse us. We won't be long.



- This way, Mr. Cramden.

- Yes.



Derek is out at the pool.

He said to bring you along.



Thank you.



Simple. I'm hungry.



I'm hungry.



Oh, Mr. Cramden.



- Uh...

- May I get you a cup of coffee,

a drink?



- A cigar...

any one of his favorite cigars.

- Thank you.



- Huh?

- No, no, no. I gave them up.

I had to, uh...



- Thank you, young lady.

- Thank you, darling.



- Isn't she lovely?

- And... Yeah.



By the way, w-what

happened to the old girls?



I mean, the other one.



- Oh, they're married.

- Ah, happily, I expect.



- Oh.

- Oh, naturally. Why wouldn't they be?



They certainly were well... Well, um...



- Prepared?

- Oh, naturally.



But, uh, tell me.



Didn't there used to be four?



Well, there were five at one time, sir,

but that got to be a little too much.



- See, I'm trying to cut down.



Come on, Eric. You've had your lunch.



Now, sir, what's on your mind?



That, that fish out there. You don't...



No. Sir, a dolphin is a mammal.



Actually, a member

of the cetacean group.



Whales, sir.



- Whales.

- Very intelligent animals.



Right. Oh, good. What's

one more mammal in this household, eh?



But he doesn't live here.

He's just staying a few weeks...



while I compile a dictionary

on dolphin sounds.



A dictionary on dolphin s...



Well, not words, sir.

See, we communicate by sonic waves.



It's part of an experiment

in isomerism.



- Terry.

- Isomerism.



- Isomerism, sir.

- Isome... Isome...






Yes, isomerism, sir...



the relationship between two or

more nuclei to the same mass numbers.



Let's go to the library. Actually, they

have the same mass and atomic numbers.



It's just, there are different states

of energy and radioactive decay.



If it were not important, l...



It's simply radiant energy transmitted

by pressure waves at the speed of sound.



That's very interesting,

but my reason for being here...



Now, by controlling

the frequency of the sound wave,



we can produce a musical tone.



- For instance...

- Flint, this is important.



Yet, all solid objects can be destroyed

by the proper pitch.



- That's extraordinary.

- Ah, it's a toy.



However, we are making

such scientific strides...



that last year's book

is already outdated.



How do you find time to read?



No, no. I wrote that. Already obsolete.



Flint, I've got to talk

to you in private.



Oh, yes. Excuse me, sir. Terry?



- Would you mind...

- Not at all.



Thank you, baby.









Now, Flint,



something happened when

I was playing golf with the president.



Oh, the president! Well...



Oh, yes.



I don't know where to begin.

L-It just doesn't seem to make sense.



Well, I'm sure it will, sir.

Just, um...



Well, you know I haven't

been playing up to my game.



- Oh, that's too bad.

- Well...



So the president felt my timing was off.



So he asked me to time his swing

with this stopwatch. Well...



- Oh, I see. So, uh... Yes, uh-huh.

- Yeah.



Flint, it took three minutes.

Now that's not possible, is it?



- Uh, no, sir. It's not.

- No.



The, uh, the watch...

now you've had it checked, of course.



Oh, of course.



That's very interesting.

Would you like me to look into this?



That's what I was hoping.



I can take care of it

in about a week, sir.



- A week?

- Well, why? Is it urgent?



- Well, no, I guess...

- Oh, fine then, sir.



I'll contact you as soon

as I get back from Death Valley.



- Death Valley?

- Yes, a survival test.



- Derek?

- Yeah, baby.



Miss Norton has invited us

to be her guests at Fabulous Face

while you're away.



Fabulous Face? What's that?



It's that great new health resort

in the Virgin Islands.



- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- It's just a couple of hours to Rio.



- I'll check the airlines.

- Yeah.



- Fabulous Face?

- Besides, you'll be gone

that week anyway.






You're very convincing, Miss Norton.

The resort must be quite a place.



Believe me, Mr. Flint, it is.



I, uh, do hope

you'll allow them to come.



- Why not?

- Ladies, perhaps you ought

to start packing.



- Well, thank you very much, Miss Norton.

- Thank you.



Oh, sir. Where was I?



The desert. That's right.



Well, it's not really too difficult

to know where to find food.



Food in the de... Thank you.

In the desert?



Oh, yes, sir. It's all around you,

if you know where to find it.



- Snakes, lizards, chiefy edible grubs.

- Oh!



- Grubs?

- Yes, they're found in decaying wood,



under rocks, shrubs.



- Grubs?

- Grubs, sir.



Yes. Larvae, pupae.

Anglicized from Latin vermiculus.



One of the most edible worms

that we have in the western hemisphere.



Have the appearance of macaroni.



Uh, if you'd like some

more conventional food,



how about dinner with me

tonight at Luigi's?



Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I have some packing to do.



Ah, that's all right.

I'll let myself out.



Oh, well, then. All right, sir.

Give my best to Luigi.



If you want something really special,

try his Vermicelli a la Derek Flint.



- Vermicelli a la Derek Flint.

- I'll see you as soon as I get back.



- Good-bye, Miss Norton.

- Good-bye, Mr. Flint.



Grubs. Ew!



Uh, grubs.



- Table, miss?

- Yes, please. That table right there.



Oh, certainly.



Good evening.

Would you care for a cocktail?



Yes, please.

Oh, I'll have a martini.



- Mm-hmm.

- Very dry.



Yes, ma'am.



- Oh!

- Oh, dear.



- Allow me.

- Oh, thank you. How awful of me.



- Oh, no.

- How terribly clumsy.



- Not at all.

- Thank you so much.



L... Um, I'm afraid

this will sound quite familiar,



sort of a line, as it were,

but... haven't we met?



Oh, no. No, I don't believe so.



You see, this is my first trip

here to New York.



- Oh, well...

- Thank you very much.



- You're welcome.

- Would the gentleman care for a drink?



- Well, I'm...

- Uh...



I'm not expecting anyone.

That isn't a line either.



Won't you join me?



Well, l-I'd, I'd love to, I'd love to...



- I'll have a cognac, please.

- Yes, sir.



Uh, may I introduce myself?



I'm Lloyd Cramden.



And I'm Norma Benson.






Um... would you please

give me a light?






Thank you.






Thank you.



My trip here

has to be a very short one.



Schoolteachers are not

in the higher income brackets.






I never had a teacher

as beautiful as you.



Perhaps it was just as well.

It would have been too distracting.



Oh, you're very fattering, Mr. Cramden.



Truthful would be more accurate.



Just... where do you teach?



I teach at the

John C. Calhoun High School...



in Roanoke, Virginia.



Roanoke, Virginia.



But let's not talk about me.



It's, uh... quite evident that you're

in a much more important position.



Hmm. No. Well, l...



I'm just one of the many

thousands of government workers.



- Oh, how nice.

- Uh, to the school system.



Especially Roanoke, Virginia.



And to a very charming representative

of our government.



- Uh, what?

- I'm sure you can explain this, sir.



- Who is... Wait!

- Pardon me, dearie.



- I don't know.

- I'll have to take you into custody.



- What?

- I'll arrange for an audience

with the president...



first thing in the morning,

and any decision will be made by him.



- Cooper, you and Austin

take Mr. Cramden to the car.



- I'll question the woman.

- I never...



- This way.

- There's a mistake.



You're not listening.



I don't even remember registering.



So, you met this woman for the first

time, had a couple of drinks with her,



and you can't recall anything

that happened afterward?



I can only conclude, sir,

that the drink must have been drugged.



What does your report show,

General Carter?



The waiter in the restaurant didn't get

a good look at the woman, sir.



As for the glasses they drank from,

the lab reports show no trace of a drug.



- And the schoolteacher?

- No criminal record, sir.



TheJohn C. Calhoun High School

of Roanoke, Virginia.



Oh, yes, sir. We checked it out.



TheJohn C. Calhoun High School

was vacated quite a few years ago,



at our request.



I'm afraid there's a security

angle involved, Mr. President.



Well, go on, General Carter.

Let's have the whole story.



Well, that school became

one of our top secret installations...



training center

for Special Forces Project K-  .



Lloyd, can you shed

any light at all on this?



- No, sir.

- And the woman in the hotel room?



Skid Row, sir. I'm sorry, Mr. Cramden.






I know what a dedicated servant

you've been to me...



and to the country

we both love so dearly.



I'm sure you'll be vindicated

at your hearing.



Until then, you're under suspension.



However, you may continue to use

your office and the assistance

of Lieutenant Avery.



- We'll try to keep this out

of the newspapers.

- Oh, thank you, sir.



You can be sure

of one thing, though, Lloyd.



I'll never turn my back on you.

General Carter.



- Yes, sir.

- There's a couple of security issues

we better discuss now.



Oh, yes, Mr. President. I've outlined

some of the major issues in this...



Sir, this is more important

than the missing three minutes.



- I'm certain Flint can help.

- Flint?



What a field day

he could have at my expense.






She was ugly, sir.









Well, you can forget about Flint.

He's going to be leaving very shortly.



Then we have no time to lose.

May I have your permission?



Well, fine.



Thank you, sir.



- Hey, Bill.

- Hi, Mr. Flint.



- Empty all the ash trays?

- No, I got you a new plane.



Ah, beautiful. Let's go.



So, damn it, Flint,

you know I'm no Don Juan.



Yes, I'm sure of that, sir.

The question is,



since raw animal passion is ruled out,

what was the woman's motive?



Raw animal... See here, Flint...



- It is ruled out, I assume.

- Yeah, well, yeah, no.

Of course it's ruled out.



- You should have seen her

without her makeup.

- I'm sure it was traumatic.






Now just take your time, sir.






Breathe... deeply.



Now... try to remember.



You're in Luigi's.






You're in Luigi's.



What happened?



She, uh, dropped her purse.






And I, uh, tried to help her.



And then we, uh, introduced ourselves.



And she wanted a cigarette,



so I lit a couple of cigarettes, and...






Cigarettes. Matches.



- What about it?

- Paper, please.



Huh? Paper... please.



- Uh...

- Hold still one moment, sir.



- Yes.

- Huh?









Hmm. Interesting. Singed, of course.






There's some styrax, ylang,

mimosa, hyacinth and...






- Oh.

- There's a combination of rare oils,



exotic fowers, herbs

and Macedonian brawley...



Combined with... the ash, of course.



- Ah.

- The residue. Euphoric acid.



- Euphoric acid.

- Yes.



- Yeah.

- Centuries old,



discovered by the Assyrians

during the reign of Hammurabi.



- What is it?

- It's a psychic deinhibitor...



a tranquilizer which conversely

stimulates the libido...



while giving the feeling of euphoria.



Combined with alcohol,

it becomes a soporifiic.



It's obvious that someone's trying

to discredit you... to embarrass you.



First the missing three minutes,

and now this.






- But who?

- Someone in your own organization.



- Yeah, but why?

- That we'll have to find out.



How can I find out when my

own organization is off-limits to me?



- It's not off-limits to me, sir.

- Now, wait a minute.



We're talking about a top-security

complex. If you get caught...



I'll take care of it tonight, sir.



- Cooper?

- Yes, sir.



General Carter.



I believe we can expect

a visit from Mr. Flint tonight.






I'll need your

identification papers, sir.



May I see those, please?



I'm sorry, sir.

This doesn't permit you in this area.



Eighty heartbeats per minute.



Must be Russian cosmonauts.



That's   .



Let's pay our respects.



My deepest sympathy, sir.



Your friend Flint.



I'm sorry. The document disintegrator.



You killed him.



Mr. Cramden, I'm surprised at you.



He broke into a top-secret

security complex.



There was no choice.



He did it because l...



I'm sorry, but you know the rules, sir.






He was obstinate.



A loner.



But the greatest.



What are you doing?



Sorry, sir.



Yes, sir?



Huh? Who's this? Flint!



Flint! Where are you?



Huh? Don't trust anyone.

I got it. I got it.



Flint, I gotta see you.



W-Where? Moscow?



Why Moscow?






He hung up.



He's alive! He's going to Moscow!



Well, if he's alive, sir, who's this?



Oh, who cares?

I've gotta get the president.



Why didn't

you tell me this before?



I was afraid you'd have thought

I cracked up.



Who could explain

those missing three minutes?



And you felt that Flint

could help unravel the problem.



He seemed my last hope, sir.



And after he broke

into security last night,



he told you that we were infiltrated

with traitors?



Yes, sir.



Did he mention any names?



No, sir, but I believe him.



That's why I thought

you should know, sir.



I wanna thank you, Lloyd.



I want to confess

that I misjudged Flint.



- Where is he now?

- Uh, Moscow.



What's he doing in Moscow?



Derek, darling,

what are you doing in Moskova?



The usual thing, my love.



When can I see you?









The usual place.



- Derek, darling.

- Yes.



Your American music is so decadent.



- Yeah.

- Mmm, but it's so exciting.



Well, that's where it's at, honey.



- Champagne.



Mmm, champagne. Pazhalsta.



A good year, huh?



I've been saving it

for your regular visit.









- Derek, darling,



You haven't told me why you are here.



It has to do with a couple

of lady cosmonauts.



Lady cosmonauts?



Now, how would I know

about lady cosmonauts?



I read the cardiographs

from the space platform.



And, uh, what makes you think

these are women?



The male heart beats

   times per minute.



The female,   .



- And these were   ?

- Yes.






you are right.



There are two missing.



This is important, Natasha.

Can you tell me about it?



I will tell you all I know.



Oh, Natasha...



Don't you move.



It's the same ingredients.



Of course. It was in the paper!



Agave Americana.

It's indigenous to the Virgin Islands.



Virgin Islands?



Virgin Islands.



Fabulous Face?



It's in the Virgin Islands, right?



The missing cosmonauts...



What is it, Natasha?

What are you into? What is it?



Derek, darling, I am not your enemy.



I am your friend. I can't tell you now

because it's too late.



- Well, tell me anyway.

- You will be very happy,



but first, darling,

you must make me happy.



Who are you? What are you doing here?



My apologies, comrade Natasha,



but the order comes

from the prime minister himself.



He wishes to see Mr. Flint.



At  :   in the morning?



He couldn't sleep.

Your performance was so magnificent.



He wishes to confer upon you

the Nijinksy Medal.






- Is this your coat?

- Yes.



Ivan, help Mr. Flint on with his coat.






No, no!



Now! You too!









Hi, there!



Mr. President...



Melvin, listen!



If you haven't got

our two lady cosmonauts,



who has?



Melvin, I've got to find those girls.



Be reasonable.



They could be where?



Melvin, bite your tongue. They couldn't

live there three days. They hate rice.






Melvin, you give me the girls.






I will make a deal with you.



All right. You say

you haven't got the girls.



But just in case, we got Flint.



"Who?" Flint!



Yes, Flint!



What? Kill him?



But he's your number one hero.



Well, Melvin, I was exaggerating.



We don't actually have him,



but we know where he is going.



The Virgin Islands.



Melvin, you know we got

no fights there. Only to Cuba.



Melvin, what would Flint

want in Cuba?



Senora, para usted.



Para los pilotos.



- Gracias. Gracias.



¿Como esta, pilotos?



Para usted y usted.



¡Que bueno!



Es de Havana. Mmm, muy bueno.



What's going on?

I mention Flint is in Moscow,



the president can hardly

wait to get rid of me.



People I've never even heard of

are placed in key positions,

new faces everywhere.



Even the date of my hearing postponed.



I tell you, if Flint is right...



and we've been infiltrated,



we're in real danger.



I'm being electrocuted.



If you'll stop talking, sir,

I believe I can pry it out.



- Take it easy.

- I think I've got it, sir.



A transmitter.



They've known every move we've made.



But who's doing it, sir?



I don't know.

But I was right, and so was Flint.



How do we trace them?



I think I can find a way, sir.



This device operates on the

same principle as a walkie-talkie.



The system can be reversed.

Paper clip, sir.



This transmitting device

can become a receiver.



Just a few moments, sir.






I think this should do it.



General Carter?



General Carter?



General Carter? General Carter?



General Carter here.

What is it, Lieutenant?



Sir, this orders me to load

the rocket with nuclear bombs...



instead of a weather laboratory.



Nuclear bombs, sir?



- That's right, Lieutenant.

Project Damocles.

- Project Damocles?



- Arming the space laboratory, sir?

- That's correct.



The code name is Damocles. New orders

directly from the White House.



This is top security.

You understand, Lieutenant?



Yes, sir.



Proceed with arming immediately.



Arming the space platform.

You realize the consequences, Avery?



Yes, sir.

A nuclear threat to the world.



And he said the orders

came from the White House.



We know better than that.



General Carter is the traitor.



We've got to stop him.



General Carter's got

the president brainwashed.



If we could just get to Flint.






Why, we can!

He was gonna meet his girls.



That's it, Avery!

Some beauty resort...



with a silly name

in the Virgin Islands.



- "Fabulous Face."

- Virgin Islands?



But that's where...



The missile site.






- Avery, you get to the missile site.

- Yes, sir.



And you, sir?



I'm going to Fabulous Face.



I haven't always been

a desk-bound commando.



And Flint... he's not

the only master of disguise.



Tovarisch. Tovarisch.









You're doing fine, dearie.



- I'd better take these upstairs.

- Why?



There's something wrong

with these girls.



Well, not much that I can see.



Hmm, yes. Well, maybe

the machines are out of whack.



Just these three? Uh-uh.



These girls have got resistance.

We're just not reaching them.



You know that Flint,

he must make quite an impression.






Well, I'd better take these upstairs.

They'll know what to do.



- Mind the store?

- Okay.



- What's the trouble?

- I can't explain it.



These girls have rejected

all our programming.



This Mr. Flint of theirs...



Yes. Yes, he's quite an infuence.



As a matter of fact,

he's on his way here right now,



and we must get them out of sight.



Welcome to Fabulous Face, Mrs. Hiller.



Oh, I'll take the bags. Thank you.



Your room is ready.

Will you follow me, please?



I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay

here at Fabulous Face.



Come along now, dear.

Just take your time.



That's just fine.



Uh, this way, dear.



Get a load of this one.






What's that?



That's what I call ambition.



Good morning.



- Mr. President.

- Yes, madam?



M... Oh!






Of course.



The golf course.

The missing three minutes.



Lloyd, what's going on? Why am I here?



- We'll take care of that.

- There. Isn't that better?



Just one more session,

and we're through for the day.



Well, I hope at least

this one will be cool.



Oh, you'll just love it. Mm-hmm.



That's a cryobiology lab!



- Oh, no!

You're not putting me in there!



Let me go! No!

Let me go! Oh, please, no!



- You're not putting me in there!

- Oh, yes, dear.



I hated to do that. They're nice.



What a pity they're so hard to convince.



It's that Flint of theirs.

He must be a hypnotist or something.



Does it ever make you wonder when

you see how girls like that feel?



Forget it.



Penthouse, please.



Hello, Mr. Flint.



Miss Norton.



I imagine you find it all

a bit... Gothic?



It's lovely.



What you must think of us...

to come in this way, unannounced.



But not unexpected, I gather.



No. Is this real?



- Cryobiology?

- Yes.



Oh, yes. Yes, it's quite real.



We call it our "save for later" program.



- No!

- Yes.



Here, people worth keeping can be saved

for a time more worth living in.



As a matter of fact, it's really

quite the ultimate luxury.



- Hmm.

- Just imagine.



Just imagine.



Here we can suspend time

for as long as we wish...



to return    or a hundred years later.






to be frozen in nitrogen gas...



and then thawed out at some time later

like a supermarket pizza...



is not exactly the classical

idea of immortality, but...



Now, those... Occupied?



- Oh, yes.

- Who?



But-But come along, Mr. Flint.



This, uh, really isn't

much of a welcome.



I'd like to give you a tour.



I'm sure our ladies...



would like to get a good look

at the famous Derek Flint.



Oh, you're very fattering.



Good evening, Mr. Flint.



Good evening, Mr. Flint.



- May I?

- Thank you.



Oh, sorry.



- Thank you.

- You're welcome.



Excuse me.



You're quite accustomed

to being admired by women, aren't you?



- Hmm.

- All those, uh, ridiculous...



Sighs? Yes, you're quite right.

They are ridiculous.



I must say it's refreshing...



to be with a beautiful woman

who's above that sort of thing.



Why, I never said I was above

that sort of thing.



What I meant was, uh...






You really are good at it, Mr. Flint.



- Tell me something.



What is it about you that

makes you so irresistible to women?



It's very simple.

I don't compete with them.



Now that ends the suspense.



You're quite right. I was curious.



Well, now you've had the tour,

and so have I.



It's getting late, Mr. Flint.



Shall I have them take you

to the airport now?



- No. I want to see the girls.

- The girls?



- Where are they?

- They left this morning.



Look, I just came from Moscow.



I had a talk with

a little ballerina named Natasha.



There are two cosmonauts up there,

and my girls are here.



There's a connection. What is it?



- Cosmonauts?

- Mm-hmm.






I think we should

take him to the office.



Lead on, ladies.



Now, let's not have

that media discussion all over again.



The announcement has to be on television

the same time everywhere.



- Understood?



Do you mind?



Come along, Mr. Flint.



Ladies, this, of course, is Derek Flint.



- Miss Elisabeth.

- Miss Elisabeth.



- Miss Simone.

- Miss Simone.



- And Miss Helena.

- Miss Helena.



I know all of you ladies.



Fashions, cosmetics,

publications, communications.



You're all very famous ladies.



What you don't manage, you control.



What you don't control, you infuence.



What you don't infuence,

you probably one day will inherit, hmm?



That's very well put,

Mr. Flynn... uh, Mr. Flint.



- Don't you agree, ladies?

- Indeed.



All silo personnel

stand by. Ready for missile loading.



Excellent. Excellent.



Well, I must say that

this is quite a sight for a mere man...



to be present here among all of you.



This, uh, summit conference

of brains and beauty,



all sitting here watching

a rocket being prepared.



Now, what could that mean?






those Russian ladies fying arou...



You're in control

of the space platform?



He's really very clever.



Mr. Flint, you're really

quite intelligent for a man.



Mr. Flint, you're really

quite intelligent for a man.



Yes, yes. But it's getting late, and

there's still a great deal to be done.



Run along, Mr. Flint. All your questions

will be answered tomorrow.



As soon as Project Damocles

is complete, we shall return.



- Project Damocles?

- Project Damocles.



The Project Damocles that calls for

nuclear energy to be used as a threat?






That's a totally discredited idea.

No one in his right mind could...



Miss Elisabeth, we can't

let him leave here now.



No, my dear. You're quite right.



Don't be so nervous, Mr. Flint.



There's nothing to worry about.



By this time tomorrow,

women will be running the world.



And then you will see

how quickly everything will settle down.



Women running the world?



Oh, you can't... You can't be serious.



- Why not, Mr. Flint?

- Yes, why not?



Oh, come now, Mr. Flint.

How many businesses...



are actually being run

by secretaries, mistresses, wives?



If the boss goes away

for a few days, does the work stop?



- No, of course not.

- That's probably true,

but I can't imagine...



You can't imagine how we poor,

dear ladies can cope with it all?



Face it, Mr. Flint.

We women are outliving you.



The wealth of this country,

of the world,



is concentrated in our dishpan hands.



In the laboratories, our refexes

are quicker than yours,



our manual dexterity

   percent higher...



and our patience a damn sight longer.



All right. Granted all of that.



Now, what's your hurry?

Why don't you just wait?



It'll all fall right into your laps.



Uh, you will still have laps when

you're all wearing the pants, I assume.



But what about the millions

of women throughout the world...



who may not see your little plan

just the way you do?



- Did you say millions?

- Millions, yes.



My dear, show Mr. Flint

how the hair dryer works.



Go ahead, Mr. Flint.

I think you'll be quite interested.



Hair dryer?



I suppose when the hair is wet,



the current is conducted

and the programming received.



Brain and hair washing at the same time.






You really think

you can get away with this?



Get away with it?



Oh, Mr. Flint, think a minute. Think.



Now then, hair dryers like these have

been in use for some time, correct?



Yes, correct.



Very well. For many years now,



every time a woman

went into a beauty shop,



she came out a little bit more

dissatisfied with a man's world.



We've been busy, Mr. Flint.



I think you'll find

the contented housewife...



is a thing of the past.






Forget it!



Forget it?



General Carter,

what is the meaning of this?



Why aren't you and Sebastian getting

the fight ready? You know your orders.



Shut up and sit down, Your Highness.

Playtime is over.



Sit. Major.



Well, Mr. Flint, I bet you've been

getting an earful of this nonsense too.



- Well...

- Well, forget it.



The situation is well in hand. My hand.



Did you really think we were

gonna go through all that

just for you old broads?



- Broads?

- Come on now, did you?



But Sebastian believed in us. And so

did you and the girls on the platform.



- Sebastian, the actor?

- The best.



- What's he playing?

- The president.



- The president?

- Yes. He took you all in, didn't he?



You know something?

He's really enjoying the role.



So much so, we're going

to make the whole thing permanent.



All this time,

the years we spent in planning...



He couldn't have fooled us.

He was so sincere about our cause.



Oh, yes, he was sincere.



But that's before we saw

the view from the top.



An actor as president?



Oh, we were fools to trust any man!



I hate to break this up, but I've got

to be there when the balloon goes up.



- Yes, of course.

- Major, escort Mr. Flint personally

to the cooler.



- The cooler?

- Yes.



You'll see your friends there

in a minute.



Take the ladies down.



Shall we try diplomacy?



You've kept everyone waiting, Mr. Flint.



Take your hands off me,

you monster! How dare you!



Since there aren't enough freezers

to go around, you two

will just have to double up.



I've seen to it that you have

a lovely companion, Mr. Flint.



You're so kind.



How much time do we have?



We have less than an hour.



Sir, a call from you?

There's an air base close by.



Who'd believe me?



Well, I saw a lot

of foating stuff up there,



and your staff, I understand,

is quite athletic.



- I don't know what you mean.

- I do.



Look, Miss Elisabeth,

our way just didn't work.



I'll get the rest of the girls,

and I'll meet you at the beach.



- What will you do when you get there?

- Operation Smooch.



Operation Smooch?



Operation Smooch?






I've been expecting you, sir.



Mr. President, Mr. Flint,

if you'll follow me, please.



Come this way, ladies.



Gentlemen. Gentlemen,

we are rapidly approaching...



what we hope will be the most

momentous launch of the century.



I'm sure you'll join with me

in wishing both of our astronauts...



- What the hell is going on here?

- I don't know.






- It's the president!

- No, that's the president.



Now, you all know me.

You've known me for years!



That man is an impostor.



He's right. I was not elected

to this office.



However, there are certain

compelling reasons...



why I feel I should continue in it.



And I'm sure that

General Carter agrees with me.



Oh, yes, sir.



You take charge here, sir.

I'll see the bird fies right.



Countdown will continue.



Pick up the count, soldier.



T:    minutes.



Don't be disturbed, gentlemen.



I assure you that our relations

with your governments...



will continue as before.



- In fact, with possibly

fewer disagreements.



Verify that missile checks

are complete...



and auxiliary checkout kit

readout is compatible.



Well, Doctor, how are they?



They're in excellent condition, General.



- Excellent.

- Good.



The president asked me personally

to offer his best.



- Thank you, sir.

- Good luck.



- Thank you, sir.

- Have a good trip.



Verify that Mod III

guidance data link test is complete.



Verify flight dynamics auxiliary

sustainer cutoff test is complete.



T: : Seven minutes.



- Ladies.

- Mark.



- Hello, baby.

- You don't need your gun, honey.



But I can't. I'm married.



I'm married.



What the hell is this?

Sadie Hawkins Day?



Cut it out. Cut it out!






Cut it out.

That is a presidential order.



I order you to... You!

I order you all to cut it out!



Stop the countdown!



Do you know what you just did?



You cannot manhandle me.

That is a treasonable offense.



Get Carter down here, quick!



- Don't touch me!

- Mr. President...



Don't touch me!



Calling General Carter.



Calling General Carter.



Calling General Carter.



Calling General Carter.



Calling General Carter.



Calling General Carter.



Nuclear alert!



This is General Carter.



As you know, this lever controls

the arming of ten megatons.



Enough power to destroy

the entire Caribbean area,



with a radiation fallout

that could cover half the world.



I know you don't want me

to do that, so think about it.



But don't take too long.



Sir, we've got to get

the people out of here.



- If we delay...

- Stall him! I'll go after him.



Flint, wa...



But, sir, you better stop him.



Lloyd, you've gotta stop Carter.



This is Lloyd Cramden.

What is it you want?



Start the countdown immediately.



You're not gonna pull that lever.

You'd go up with the rest of us.



That's right.



Carter, wait! We can make a deal.

We've got Trent.



Congratulations. Now he's your problem.



Carter! Carter, listen to me!



Come on, Cramden.

You're stalling.



You've got to stop him.



General Carter, this is

your acting commander-in-chief.



I order you to leave

that capsule at once!



'Acting"is right.

But you're out of the cast now.



Your understudy has taken over.

Stop stalling, Cramden.



Get going. Don't waste

any more time on that clown.



Clown? Do you realize

who you're talking to?



I am the commander-in-chief

of the Army, the Navy, the Air Force!



I call on all loyal Americans

to picket the White House!



Write to your congressmen!

Don't let them fuoridate your water!



I am deposed!



"Oh, for God's sake,

let us sit upon the ground...



"and tell sad stories

of the death of kings.



"Once more into the breach,

dear friends.



Once more into the breach."



Carter, the countdown will begin.






Just remember. I don't want to see...



any deliberate malfunctions

appear on these instruments.



So be reasonable.



Start the countdown.



Uh, get me Mission Control.

I'm gonna need that suit.



Mission Control, give me Cramden.



Mr. Cramden, it's

the ready room, sir. Mr. Flint.



Flint? Yes?



Lloyd, get me three minutes,

any way you can. Three minutes.






He's in the ready room.

Get him three minutes any way you can.



Yes, sir. You, you've got a malfunction

in the tank pressure stabilization.






Reporting malfunction

in tank pressurization stabilizer.



We're checking it out.



- Good luck, sir.

- Thank you, gentlemen.



Hatch open,

and all systems are go. Pre-ignition.



You're stalling! There's nothing wrong.



I'll give you ten more seconds.



There's no other choice.



Yes, sir.



Resume the countdown.



Yes, sir.



T: Minus ten seconds.



Nine, eight...



Hatch open,

and all systems are go. Pre-ignition.






Why, it's Mr. Flint.



That's Flint!



- Ignition!

- Zero.



See ya!



What about the interceptor missiles?



If we detonate in the atmosphere,

we've had it... the whole hemisphere.



We can't let them arm

that space platform.



The timing will be critical.



We'll have to wait till the last second.



- All right, have the missiles readied.

- Yes, sir.



What about Flint?



We're committed.



- Send them up.

- Yes, sir.



Fire one.



Confirming visual observation

of liftoff.



Report time of launch vehicle liftoff.



Second stage separated and clear.



Capsule entering orbital path.



Unable to regain monitor contact.

We can't communicate with the capsule.



We can't reach him, sir.



Sir, there's something wrong

with the capsule.



The guidance control system

has malfunctioned,

and the capsule is off course.



It's heading into deep space.



Hold those interceptors.



It's too late, sir.



Two seconds.



He'll not be forgotten, Lloyd.



There will be a national... no, an

international day of mourning for him.



I'll issue a proclamation.



Mission Control. Control Center.



Control Center, awaiting instructions.



It's Flint!



He's alive!



Hooray! Hooray!



- He must be on the platform!

- That's impossible!



Of course it is!

That's why he's Flint!



Congratulations, Flint.



You made it!

We'll get you back here safely.



We've got a recovery team in

the area of the Canary Islands.



Sorry, sir, but the Canary Islands

seems a bit far out to me.



I... would appreciate

splashdown instructions...



for, say, Central Park.






Get the coordinates of Central Park.



Flint, what's going on up there?



I'm with a couple of friends.



Now, Flint, listen to me!

You're no astronaut. You're in danger!



Well, ladies, it was touch and go,



but I hope you learned your lesson.



The world is better off in our hands.



You're absolutely right, sir.







are you all right? Say something!



Flint, are you all right?

Say something!



  If you're not single or courting   



  If you're not single or courting   



   When our hearts mingle in space   



   That face

I don't believe it is grace   



   Combined with evil

in such a zowie way   



  I'll maybe steal

a little guile from you   



  I should run a mile from you   



  But I'd sooner stay   



  If we could only be left alone   



  In a lonely place   



  It would be dreamy

and if I'm disgraced   



  I could know

your zowie-zowie face     

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