The Incredible Mr. Limpet
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the The Incredible Mr. Limpet
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Don
Knotts. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of The Incredible Mr. Limpet. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
When we locked this file back in
I hoped we'd never open it again.
Can't we mark it "Rest in Peace"?
Not as long as scientists try to prove
porpoises have brains rivaling man's.
Tests are proving
these sea creatures possess...
...such amaing faculties
that they seem almost human.
And they think that he might
be teaching them?
- That's right, lieutenant.
- But admiral...
Do you think we can find him
after so long?
That's our assignment, to find him.
And to try to get him to coordinate
his work with our scientists.
That's when it first started.
Yeah, that's when it started.
I never knew him,
you know, until after...
- Is that a good likeness?
Yes. At least that's the way
he looked before...
Well, you know...
How he was when...
In September ' before...
...taken by one of our divers.
Is there any doubt in your mind?
No, that's him.
Just when I almost managed
...it all comes back like a nightmare.
- We have no choice, lieutenant.
Orders from the very top.
They're recalling him to active duty.
And we must stay with it until
we complete our mission:
I don't know. Henry always lived
in a world of his own.
I remember way back when he was
working as a bookkeeper in Brooklyn.
There you are, Mr. Limpet.
Thank you, Miss Barnes.
I know what it is to be
without your glasses.
Well, did you have your physical
I suppose we'll be losing you
to the Navy soon, then?
- I'm afraid not.
No, my eyesight. And a few other
things. I'm classified -F.
Everybody can't be a hero, Mr. Limpet.
We need men like you at home too.
- To give to the blood bank, of course.
They don't want my blood.
- There's always your job at the office.
- Miss Barnes, my job isn't important.
They could hire anybody to replace me.
I'm sure your wife will be happy
to know you'll never be called.
Well, I hope so.
But Bessie's very patriotic.
And very healthy. They may take her.
- Henry Limpet.
- Hello, Bessie.
- Henry, George is here...
- George Stickle?
- Yes. Now, Henry...
- He's back on liberty?
- Yes, he is.
- That's nice.
- Did you go to the draft board?
- Yes, I did, Bessie. They rejected me.
- Rejected? Again?
Let's not say too much
about this in front of George.
You come straight home from work.
Don't hang around that pet shop.
Don't be upset, Miss Barnes.
There's a fish in the water cooler.
I know. It's mine.
Hi, Hen old boy!
- George, good to see you.
- Good to see you, little buddy.
Don't you look important? That uniform
and all those doodads on your sleeve.
- Just a couple of hash marks.
- Don't apologie.
For your information, Henry, I am now
a machinist's mate second class.
Machinist's mate second class.
You look first-class to me, George.
What kind of a machine
are you mated to?
That's a little bit of humor.
Hey, Bess! Time to take over.
- Hello, dear.
- Hello, Henry.
Control yourself, Henry.
We have a guest.
- I'm sorry, George.
- I forgive you, Casanova.
Isn't it wonderful?
George has liberty the whole weekend,
and he wants to spend it with us.
The whole weekend?
Oh, well, that's great.
Well, little buddy,
I hear you missed the boat, huh?
The boat? No, I missed
the subway train, but l...
No, no, Hanky pal,
down at the draft board.
Washed out completely, I hear.
Oh, that. You can't
win them all, George.
Yes, George. What is it?
What say we clear the decks
for action, go dancing?
- Feel like shaking a leg, Henry?
- No thanks, George.
I can't. I have faulty equilibrium
due to poor vision.
How many times must I tell you,
you do not rumba with your eyes!
Now, don't worry.
We'll think of something exciting.
Say, listen, I have an idea.
Why don't we go to the university
for Professor Hoffmeyer's lecture?
- On decapods of the genera Pagurus.
You know, he's gonna talk about
the mating habits of the shellfish.
It's a little risqué.
Sort of for adults only, you know.
I'll just pass on that action.
I've got a weak heart.
I've got it! Why don't we run out
to Coney Island tomorrow morning?
- Well, I don't know...
You do not have to eat clam chowder
because it's Coney Island! We'll go!
I hate to miss that lecture,
but I do like the water.
Water and fish.
If you paid half as much attention
to me as those fish, I'd be happy!
It's just that fish are so bright
and cheerful. And so beautiful.
Look at him. Always drawing into his
shell, going off into his fish world!
Say, old boy, if you just stand
there staring down...
...at that cup of sardines,
you're liable to go off your nut.
George, come here.
Have you given much thought
to the Devonian Period?
- The what?
- Devonian Period of the Paleooic Era.
You know, it followed the Silurian
and preceded the Carboniferous Eras.
- I try not to think of things like that.
- I've given it a lot of thought.
A lot of thought.
Do you realie our ancestors
Maybe your ancestors, Henry, not mine.
Maybe you ought to try to find a new
hobby. Maybe go in for parakeets.
- I'm not joking. I can explain.
- He sure can.
He's read many books on the subject.
He claims years ago there
was nothing but fish in the world.
That's right. Then some of those
creatures became amphibians...
...they crawled out on land. Millions
of years later they became men.
- I know some who ought to crawl back.
- Doesn't it give you a thrill of hope?
Hope for what, Henry?
With the war in Europe
and new weapons being invented...
...what if men were foolish enough
to destroy themselves?
Then the fish would develop
into a new race of men...
...and this time they might
turn out better.
How would you like a cocktail, George?
I wish I were a fish.
Fish have a better life than people.
Henry! The water!
What a mess!
- Just look at my rug!
- I've got it stopped now, Bessie.
You are floating yourself
out of your home with this hobby!
I'm gonna run down to the store and
get a regulator for the intake hose.
Take all of this junk with you!
The fish, tank, bowl, the whole works!
- You mean get rid of them?!
- You bet I do! Everything out!
- But Bessie!
- Either those fish go or I do!
Which is it to be?
I keep remembering how hurt
they looked when I left them.
- Who looked hurt?
- My fish. When I left them at the shop.
For heaven's sake, forget that.
We're out to enjoy ourselves.
Say, did I tell you about
my patrol duty near Bermuda?
- You wrote us all about that.
- I left out the most exciting details.
See, I don't like to brag
but, I tell you, that one morning...
- It was at night, wasn't it?
- Right. Good memory.
We went out with me
in the engine room...
I thought you were on the bridge
with the admiral?
Was it you or George
who made that voyage?
I'm sorry, George.
There are things you don't mention
in the open.
We're not in the war. Why can't
you tell us about your destroyer?
The USS Elias J. Starbright,
Keep it down about my ship,
There's things you don't understand,
not being in the service.
- I tried.
- I can tell you this, though.
There are so many Nai subs below
the surface you could walk to Europe.
The ocean's jumping with U-boats ready
to go if Uncle Sam gets in the fight.
I don't want to start a panic, so you
keep all this under your hat, right?
Old boy, did I ever tell you
about the Caribbean?
What a liberty we had
in a port near Trinidad!
And Miami. Wow.
- Did you ever do the rumba, Henry?
- Huh? No, I have faulty equilibrium.
Yes, sir. Join the Navy
and have a whirl!
the Virgin Islands!
Lunch is almost ready.
It must be wonderful
down there in your world.
Not a -F in the bunch.
Come along, Henry!
I don't wanna wait a million years
to go back again.
More than anything, I wish
I could be one of you right now.
I wish I were a fish.
Henry! George, Henry can't swim.
What will we do?
Get some help! Call the lifeguards!
Get the police!
Police! Lifeguard! Help!
You all right, son?
Come on. All right, move out.
It's all over.
Sorry, Bessie. I'll try again.
He doesn't even know how to swim.
And Bessie thought I couldn't swim.
He doesn't know how to swim!
Keep it clear here!
Let me help you, son.
Bessie! What's gonna happen
to poor Bessie?
- Did you see any sign of him at all?
- Afraid he's gone.
Guess he must have lost his glasses
during the fall.
- I saw a fish wearing them.
- Oh, no. Oh, George!
- Now, now.
There Bessie, we'd better
get going home now.
There we go.
All right, folks, back up, please.
Let us through.
And I thought it all
would be so beautiful.
Wish I were home with Bessie.
What am I gonna do now?
Bessie won't like it at all.
I've never stayed out
all night before.
Maybe I should have
listened to Bessie.
I got this back from the pet shop.
It didn't seem right leaving it,
Well, he was so cray about it.
Don't you think it would
make a nice planter?
Sure. And you could fix it up
with dried seaweed and stuff.
- Make sort of a memorial for old Hen.
- That's sweet.
- And I think he would appreciate that.
- Here's the notice:
"Henry Limpet, a bookkeeper, residing
at Pleasant Avenue, Flatbush...
...fell or jumped from a pier at Coney
Island. The body was not recovered.
Limpet is survived by his widow,
Gee, I must be nearing Florida.
Parrotfish live in southern waters.
Hi! I'm Henry Limpet. I'm...
Jumping St. Elmo's fire! Who in blue
blaes invited you in here?
- What is it?
- Slamming into my private quarters.
Come about and stand by for action,
you four-eyed flounder!
Say, you're talking to me.
You bet your binnacle
I'm talking to you!
Now, hoist your tail and get!
Why, you're a splendid specimen
of a Pagurus pollicaris.
In common terminology,
you're a crustacean, a hermit crab.
- I'm glad to meet you, Crusty.
- Crusty! That does it!
Put up your fins! I'm gonna swab
the ocean floor with you.
Hey! Take it easy.
I don't wanna fight!
Let that be a lesson to you,
you confounded, four-eyed...
Say, what are you, anyway?
You related to the porpoise family?
No, I'm a Limpet. Henry Limpet from
Brooklyn. You know, Flatbush.
I've seen flat fish, but I've never
seen no four-eyed flat bush.
Well, you see, l...
Well, I'm not really a fish,
I'm a man.
Or I was a man until quite recently.
Listen, Flatbush, anything I hate,
it's a smart-aleck fish.
I didn't mean to barge in on you,
but a shark was chasing me.
Shark! Jumping jellyfish!
Just swing about and let that shark
chase you full speed away from here!
Golly! Did that come out of me?
Stand by for a blow!
There's no hurricane.
It was just me.
Just you? You mean to say
that blast came out of you?
Why, you loudmouth
son of a bellerin' barracuda!
That belch of yours could capsie
me in the backwash.
If you sound off like that again,
...I'll batten your gills
and lower the boom on you.
Crusty? You all right, Crusty?
Gotta hand it to you.
That whale-busting noise of yours
is really something.
That blob of shrimp bait'll think
twice before he fools with us again.
Well, guess I'll be off.
Off? Where are you going?
I'd like to see if I can
locate others of my kind.
I figure I'd better go along
to keep you out of trouble.
Hey, great! Climb aboard, Crusty.
I'll bet I'm gonna be busier
than a one-armed octopus with hives.
All right, Flatbush, let her rip.
Look! A freighter!
Hey, let's not get too close
to the critter.
Don't worry, it's not alive.
Not alive? Suffering swordfish!
What kind of sea monster
killed a whopper like that?
A torpedo did it.
Full speed away before
that blasted torpedo comes back.
Oh, they won't attack us,
they're just after ships.
Hey, don't go moseying around
in this thing's innards.
No wonder this thing died!
Look at the kind of stuff it ate.
Here's the captain's logbook.
Hey, listen to what it says.
This ship was carrying
important cargo for the Allies.
Listen to what it says?
I didn't hear it say anything.
There must be a way to stop
the Nai submarines.
If only I could help.
Quit mumbling to yourself, Flatbush.
Come on, let's shove off.
This must be the captain's cabin.
Crusty, there's another fish in here!
A vicious-Iooking brute!
Ugliest critter I've ever seen.
Gangway, get me out of here!
It's only a mirror. It's me.
That's what I look like.
Well, swab my scuppers.
I'm not a bad-Iooking fish at that.
Really, a pretty unique specimen.
You've got some good points,
but beauty ain't one of them.
Look at that strong gill structure.
Did you ever see
such a fine dorsal formation?
But maybe I'm a freak!
Am I gonna be like this
for just a little while or always?
I'm probably the only one of my kind.
If only there was another
fish like me. Even just one.
Someone who would understand me.
- Listen. Don't you hear that sound?
- What sound?
I better go up topside
and have a look.
Did you see that?
They're trained to save each other!
Are you all right?
Oh, yes. Thank you.
That was nothing at all.
I mean, nothing.
Oh, yes, it was.
It was very nice of you.
And very clever.
It was just a simple thing, really.
I mean, anyone could have done it.
Well, I think you're wonderful.
Say, does that mean that you...
- Oh, yes, I like you very...
- Is that right?
Well, golly, I mean...
- What's your name?
- I don't know what you mean.
- What people...
- I mean, what fish call you by.
- I've never heard of such a thing.
Well, let's see.
I'll call you Ladyfish.
Do you like that?
By the way, my name is Limpet.
- All right, Limpet, shall we go?
- Go? Go where?
Why, to the spawning grounds.
After what you did for me, l...
You don't know what you're saying.
Oh, but I do.
All I can say is:
Mush and bilge water!
Well? Do you like it?
Bessie, you're a knockout!
Know what that dress reminds me of?
The first time I saw you. Remember?
Your pop brought me for dinner.
Oh, George, imagine your remembering
after all these years.
That was even before Henry...
Limpet, what is that on your nose?
On my nose?
Those are my eyeglasses.
- You see, I have a little astigmatism.
Astigmatisms must be very nice.
They make you look so distinguished.
Well, they help me to see
a long way off.
Do you see that barracuda
coming at us?
Oh, Limpet, Limpet, we'll be killed!
Just watch this!
You're very wonderful.
Shall we go?
You see, you don't understand.
See, I have to tell you that...
Well, I'm married.
Married? What is that?
Well, I have a wife.
Is that like astigmatism?
Oh, no, I mean, I already have
another lady fish.
Oh, that! Shall we go?
- It doesn't make a difference to you?
- I don't see why it should.
Well, it's just not done.
Do you spawn with every Tom,
Dick and fish that comes along?
Oh, no. You see, up until now
I've been too young.
Yes, of course. I understand.
Now shall we go?
Now, look, Ladyfish, l...
I'd sure like...
Well, that is to say...
Do you suppose that
we could just be...
...well, more or less friends?
Wouldn't that be more or less
I mean, it wouldn't be proper.
Gosh, I can't.
But, Ladyfish! I didn't mean it!
It's no use. I've searched everywhere.
Sunday, December .
The nation was stunned
to hear the news this morning...
...of the unprovoked attack
that has led to a state of war.
The rest is a mere formality.
Sources say the president
will ask Congress...
Our country at war?
...I'm not -F anymore.
I know, I'll go back to Brooklyn,
I'll find George Stickle and I'II...
...I'll do something!
What's all this blabberdash about war
and -F, and Stickle and like that?
Look, Flatbush, if you're in trouble,
you can count on me.
If you'd stay here and look out
for Ladyfish, I'd be grateful.
Not me, I'm going with you!
Oh, please, it's important, Crusty.
Tell her I love her
and I'll be back soon.
Well, all right. If you don't need me.
Oh, I need you more
than ever, old fellow.
To look after her while I'm gone.
Flatbush, take it easy, huh?
I will, Crusty.
So long, Flatbush!
They're missing the U-boat!
Ahoy! Ship ahoy!
- Who's out there?
- A friend.
Don't be alarmed. Please don't!
Are you on a raft?
No, I'm swimming. I'm a fish!
Good lord, a comedian!
- What are you doing?
- We've got an unidentified contact.
Why didn't you identify it?
There's a war going on!
Give the recognition signal!
- I can't!
- Give the recognition signal!
I'm Henry Limpet.
I fell in the ocean and was drowned.
Only I wasn't drowned, exactly.
- Hit him with the light.
- Hit him with the light!
Give the recognition signal!
- Commence firing!
- Commence firing!
Activate sonar dome.
Must be the ship's underwater
Now hear this!
This is Henry Limpet speaking.
This is Henry Limpet.
You missed the sub.
All engines ahead full.
Left standard rudder.
The old man should hear this.
Pipe it to the bridge!
All engines ahead full.
Left standard rudder.
All engines ahead full,
left standard rudder?
All engines ahead full, sir.
The enemy's hiding on the bottom.
Set your charges for feet.
Oil slick on the starboard beam, sir.
A direct hit.
Keep scanning. Could be a Nai trick.
Cut that light! I'm the friend
who guided you to the U-boat.
If you're friendly,
give the recognition signal!
How can I convince you I'm a plain
American trying to serve my country?
Give the recognition signal at once or
we'll commence firing depth charges.
Now, look! You were trying to locate
a submarine, weren't you?
You couldn't find it, could you?
And I told you where it was, didn't I?
And then you got it, didn't you?
We cannot see you!
How are you staying afloat?
I'd rather not say at the moment,
you wouldn't believe me.
What the blasted blaes is this?
If you wanna know who I am and what
I can do, bring George Stickle...
...machinist mate second class,
and you'll learn the answer.
What do you make of it?
Probably a Nai trick,
just as you said, sir.
You want to meet
with somebody called Pickle?
Not Pickle! Stickle!
Machinist Mate Second Class
On the USS Elias J. Starbright!
I'll do what I can. I'll send
a full report of this meeting in...
...but I can't guarantee Pickle.
Good. I'll be at this same spot
three days from now.
Left full rudder,
all engines ahead full.
Wait till this hits the Navy department.
Harlock, you've either been drinking
or you've got combat fatigue!
Believe me, admiral, this voice
seemed to come right out of the water!
We haven't time for nonsense.
We've got a war here.
- That's just it, admiral.
- What is?
The voice... Whatever it is.
It seems to be most efficient.
It led us to a Nai sub
and directed our charges accurately.
All right, Harlock.
Let's say you heard this voice.
And it did what you say.
What's your explanation
for this phenomenon?
I don't know, sir. I only know
that it's friendly and cooperative.
It wants to work with us.
Blast it, Harlock!
We can't enlist a voice!
Why? It directed our depth charges
I'm not going on record as the admiral
who was sent away...
...because he believed in voices
from the ocean.
Why not delegate the responsibility
to someone else?
There's nobody else cray enough
to take it. Except yourself.
Oh, not me, admiral, l...
Maybe Machinist Mate Second
Class Pickle... Stickle.
Who is he?
The voice asked us to bring Stickle
out to meet with him.
I think we can arrange a leave for you
immediately. Take a good long rest.
Think what this means.
It could spot submarines all over.
Within a year we could break
the Nai U-boat threat.
All right, Harlock. We'll arrange
for Stickle to meet with this voice.
Until we learn the nature of this
device, it will remain top-secret.
- No discussion of it beyond this room.
- Certainly, admiral.
Except between Stickle and yourself.
You're to shoulder complete
responsibility for this secret weapon.
Commander, you've got to believe me!
I know nothing of this.
I'm just a machinist mate
I know all about you, Pickle.
I hunted through half the Navy
to find you.
- Yes, sir, but may I ask...?
- You may not! I'll ask.
You have been summoned here
by a voice from the sea.
- I have, sir?
It claims to be your friend. Who do
you know that might be down there?
I don't know anyone down there, sir.
Maybe a buddy on a submarine.
It did not come from a submarine.
So help me, sir,
I don't know anything about this!
When the voice hails us, you'll
talk to it until we get a fix on it.
And destroy it if necessary.
Do you understand?
Yes, sir. Yes.
Ahoy out there!
Did you hail us three days ago?
- Did you bring George Stickle?
- He's here.
Say something, quick!
Ahoy... Ahoy there!
This is George.
Hi, George. This is Henry Limpet.
George! Did you hear me?
This is Henry!
How are you, George?
Come on, sailor! For heaven's sake, get
a grip on yourself! Keep him occupied.
Hello, Henry. It's good to hear you.
- It's impossible! Limpet is dead!
- Just keep him talking.
We've got four other ships
closing in on him.
This is a real surprise, Henry.
Everybody thinks you're dead.
I'm not, George. I'm just...
Well, a little different.
- Sure sounds like Henry's voice.
Radar can't detect anything.
There's no engine vibrations.
We do have a hydrophone
fix on the voice.
- Hit him with light.
- I've got to talk to you, George.
It's awful urgent!
George! George, why don't
you answer me?
Turn that light off or I'll go away
Secure that light!
Now, listen to me, George.
Have them put you in a little boat all
alone, and come out here to meet me.
Break out a rubber life raft.
You can't make me...
You're the key to this mystery,
Stickle. You have to go.
Don't worry, we'll give you a strong
flashlight. Put him in the boat.
Henry, it's me. George Stickle.
I'm right here, George!
Where? Where, I don't see you.
- Don't turn that flashlight on.
- No, no, no, certainly not, Henry.
You don't know how glad
I am to see you, George.
Look, if you're really Henry, what are
you doing out here in the ocean?
Remember when you jumped in the
water after me at Coney Island?
I sure do.
Didn't you see a fish?
A rather strange fish?
Well, no. No, I don't think...
Hey, wait. I did!
And I thought it was wearing
glasses like yours...
...only I was so upset,
it was just my imagination.
No, George, that was me.
You?! You, a fish!
If you were a fish, you certainly would
need to wear your glasses, Henry.
If you'll pardon me now,
I gotta get going.
All right, I suppose
you have to see to believe.
You can turn the light on me.
Now do you believe me, George?
Excuse me a minute. Gotta go down
for air. You know, a fish out of water.
Oh, it's impossible!
Remember how you'd
come over on Friday nights?
You and Bessie would play poker
while I read myself to sleep?
That's right. Regular as clockwork,
every Friday night.
How about the time the three of us
went to the oo?
I got separated from you two. I had
to walk home. Bessie had my cash.
Oh, yes, I'll never forget that.
Hey, wait a minute!
Only Henry Limpet would know all that!
- You are Henry!
- Yes, George.
Is there...? Is there anything
I can do for you, Henry?
Well, I wanted to talk to you about
my helping the Navy.
- You, in the Navy?!
- Yeah, I want to help.
I can help spot Nai subs
or guide destroyers to them.
Maybe scouting around as an underseas
patrol, or doens of things.
Sure, Henry. I see where
you'd be quite a help to the Navy.
Speak to the Navy right away.
Go right to the top. I don't want
to waste time on red tape.
Well, I want to know about Bessie.
Is she all right?
She's still in a state of shock
about your being drowned.
You can tell her now
I wasn't drowned.
Gosh, Henry, you certainly
do sound different.
- You really have changed!
- You don't know the half of it.
Nothing like realiing your value
to make a man out of you.
Even if that man is a fish. Tell me
when there's word from the Navy.
Yes, I'll certainly
do the best I can, Henry.
If we ever need you, we'll just
use the oscillator gear.
- You think you can hear it?
- I'll hear it.
I've stayed above too long.
Wonderful talking to you. See you!
Harlock, you're cracking up.
We have to admit
there's something out there.
Call it a fish, or a secret weapon,
or whatever you wish...
...but it's there!
Pickle, Stickle saw it.
Talked to it.
And it's offered to help.
All right, Harlock. We'll assign
this secret weapon to your ship.
- Let it help you if you think it can.
- Thank you.
But please stop bringing
these fantastic reports to me.
I'm gonna have a hard enough time
explaining this to the Pentagon.
- I understand.
- And this is still top-secret.
Your secret, Harlock!
Yes, admiral. I was at the point of
calling you about that secret weapon.
Oh, wonderful progress, sir,
Research phase accomplished,
operational testing underway.
Oh, one little thing, sir.
This mission merits our pushing through
a rating for Stickle...
...and a promotion for Harlock.
No, no, sir.
I wasn't expecting anything
for myself. No, just doing my duty.
Of course, if you insist.
Hello, George. I heard the oscillator
and got here as fast as I could.
- Good news?
- Very good news, Henry.
The Navy has agreed
to accept your services.
We've been assigned
to Commander Harlock's destroyer.
- That's wonderful.
- That's quite an honor, Henry.
- Very unusual for a civilian.
- Very unusual for a fish too.
Here's the hydrophone.
Oh, a water-talkie. Thanks.
Limpet to Stickle.
Henry. Now, hear this.
They'd like you to give the Navy
a little assist.
Just hunt down Nai U-boats
and lead us to them.
You'll be under my direct command.
- I'm your liaison with the fleet.
- I like that, George.
It won't be necessary for you to
salute me or address me as "sir"...
...even though I've been promoted
to piscatorial specialist first class.
- Fine. Now, what's the first order?
- They go on the prowl at : .
- How do we keep in contact?
- Signal me through the oscillator...
...and I'll signal you with my thrum.
- Your what?
It's a remarkable sound I make now.
Goes over big underwater. Like this:
Did you hear it?
Sure did. I'll pick that up, all right.
Good luck, Henry.
And full speed ahead.
Aye, aye, George.
Drop your charges! Hurry!
The answer to Das Limpet.
With the thrum sound-maker.
The führer's super-secret weapon!
The perfect Nai counter-weapon to
blit the American underwater secret.
Our new beeper torpedoes will react
to the thrum, and boom!
You're doing a very nice job.
Captain Harlock is pleased.
I'm glad, George.
Isn't that a new rating
Yeah, they gave me
this little promotion here.
Chief petty officer, you know.
Skipper too. He's a four-striper now.
And Admiral Spewter, our big boss...
...he's moving right up there.
I suppose I'm in all the papers.
Well, no, you're not, Henry.
- We can't let a thing like this out.
- Yeah, I suppose not.
There's a couple of things I must talk
to you about. Very important.
Gentlemen, this is the rendevous
point for the mammoth convoy.
Captain Harlock's destroyer will
assume a vanguard position there.
And the Limpet will be out
in front of Harlock.
This convoy must get through safely.
On its safe voyage depends...
...the Allies' greatest effort:
The invasion of Europe!
I'm Captain Harlock. I'm sorry
to interrupt, but it's rather urgent.
- It may change plans for the convoy.
May I speak with Admiral Spewter?
It concerns the liaison problem...
...with the secret weapon.
- Yes, certainly.
Excuse me, sir.
The cruiser Los Angeles
will be the guide.
Vice Admiral Jones will be the OTC
and will fly his flag...
All right, Harlock. What is it?
You interrupted an important briefing.
Stickle has relayed a request
from the secret weapon.
I told you that was
I know, but I don't
have the authority...
...to act on this unusual request.
- Now what?
- He wants to be paid.
Are you out of your mind, Harlock?
How can we pay a fish?
He wants the pay sent
to his wife in Brooklyn.
The fish has a wife in Brooklyn?
She's not a fish. She's a real woman.
I should've thrown you out
when you came to me with this story.
All right, I suppose
we can find some way...
...to push this through
the paymaster's office.
- British screening units will deploy
to their assigned ports...
He also wants
a lieutenant's commission.
No. Absolutely, no!
It's impossible to hold two meetings
here at once. May I join yours?
I'm sorry. The news Harlock
brought is disturbing.
If it concerns the weapon,
I'd like to hear.
Our secret weapon wants to be paid.
He wants a lieutenant's commission.
Then Admiral Spewter, I suggest you
pay and commission him. Immediately!
But, sir, you don't understand.
I understand the secret weapon is the
key to the safe conduct of our convoy.
I order you to commission
the secret weapon personally!
Henry's here now, sir.
You ready to begin the ceremonies?
this is to inform you that...
Sir. No, sir.
He's over that way, sir.
I think you can see him out there.
Port beam. You can see him, can't you?
I might if I cared to look.
- Limpet, raise your right hand.
- Sir, sir...
Raise your right fin
and I will now swear you in...
A check for me? From the Navy?
What does it mean, George?
It's made out to you,
but it's for Henry's services.
Henry? When was Henry
ever in the Navy?
You better get a grip
on yourself, Bessie.
He's in the Navy right now.
- Henry's alive?
- Yes, but you see that...
I'm going to him.
I'm going this minute.
- Now, Bessie.
- Take me to him.
- Now, Bessie.
- Why wasn't I told this before?
How long has he been alive?
I mean, when did he...?
- He didn't drown?
No, but brace yourself, Bessie.
You can't see him.
You wouldn't want to.
I do want to. How can you say a thing
like that? Why can't I see him?
His work for the Navy is top-secret.
Just be happy with his paycheck.
Don't even mention his name to anyone.
- There's something fishy about this.
- You said it.
A Mrs. Fish? What about a Mrs. Fish?
No. Not a Mrs. Fish, sir.
- The wife of the fish.
She's a forceful woman,
headstrong and determined.
She demands that we change
her husband back into a man.
Sounds like a most humane
and reasonable request. Do it!
I beg your pardon, sir.
How do we do it?
- You claim he turned into a fish.
- So I understand.
Then it's simple.
Just reverse the process.
- We'll try, sir.
- You'll do nothing of the sort.
We have a weapon of effectiveness.
Guard it with your life.
Don't even touch it, understand?
Now, never come to me again
with a request like that.
At a time like this.
When we have a convoy on our hands...
...ready for the biggest push
of the war.
If Bessie could see me now.
Not bad for a -F fish.
The spearhead of the spearhead.
Imagine! This might make me
a national hero.
My glasses. I must find my glasses.
The convoy. I'm losing the convoy.
Without my glasses, we're sunk.
Sunk? Just when the Navy
needs me most.
Himmel and Blitels!
It's that female Flatbush.
Ladyfish, got a message
for you from Limpet.
He said he loves you
and other such mush like that.
He loves me?
Oh, he loves me!
I don't love you, he does.
Oh, Crusty, do you think
he'll ever come back?
Don't get yourself into
a tiy now, Ladyfish.
If I know Flatbush, he'll be back.
Listen! It's him.
Limpet, I've never heard anything more
beautiful than that noise you make.
Ladyfish, I'm in terrible trouble.
I can't see.
Any sign of him yet?
Not yet, sir.
He better show up soon or the whole
operation will be snafued.
I'm not completely blind,
but things are awful fuy.
Flatbush, what in tarnation...?
I'm in an awful predicament.
I need some glasses, and...
I noticed you were missing
I've got to get back to my convoy!
But how will I find it?
I'll be your eyes. I'll climb
topside and serve as your navigator.
The sound of the convoy will guide
me, and with you navigating, why...
- I can't ask you to risk your life.
- Risk my life?
Maybe I ought to put on something
- I've got to go now. I'm on duty.
- Does that mean you'll be leaving me?
Don't you care for me at all, Limpet?
But I have an important job to do
before we can talk about that anymore.
Let's shove off.
- Then I'm going with you too.
- You can't.
It's a very dangerous mission.
Wait for me here.
All right, cast off. Full speed ahead.
No, hard aport. Full reverse.
Come about full,
then steady as she goes.
I'll always wait for you, Limpet.
Slow down, gosh darn it. I ain't got
the hang of steering you yet.
Haul up your keel!
Darned near shivered your timbers
Dagnab it. Hey, Flatbush, wait!
Hold it! Wait!
He makes a...
Sorry, chief, no thrums.
Any contact with that
piscatorial lieutenant pal?
- We're nearing enemy water, Stickle.
- Sir, it's not my fault.
Maybe Henry has laryngitis.
Me and my secret weapon!
We've come quite a way. I still can't
pick up any sound of the convoy.
Do you see anything?
No. Say, why don't you make that
whale-busting noise of yours again?
- Let them know you're on your way.
- I should've thought of that.
Just hold up a minute
till I get inside.
I hear the convoy now. Dead ahead.
- Hooray, we finally made it!
- Stop. Hold it. Hold it.
Whole school of big ones,
coming dead at us.
Hard right rudder. Hard right.
They're attacking our convoy!
They're coming at us!
Stop making that whale-busting thrum
of yours. Those things go for it.
Yeah, how about that?
Then I'll just keep it up.
Follow me, you beeping devil.
We'll take it right back
where it came from.
- What's happening below?
- I don't know, sir. Might be Henry.
Something big is going on down there.
Them torpedoes pack
a walloping thrum too.
Great! They hit their own boats.
We've got the system now. We'll just
let them knock themselves out.
We gonna drop depth charges, skipper?
No, we don't dare.
It's about time you showed up.
I gotta talk to George Stickle.
Where have you been? You put me in
a terrible spot when we lost contact.
I'm sorry, George.
I had a little accident.
I lost my glasses.
Nice work anyhow, Henry.
I'll see Bessie when we get back
and have her get you a new pair.
We'll meet at Coney Island
when this is over.
Aye, aye, George. See you at Coney
when it's all over. Carry on.
Limpet, you did come back.
Yes, Ladyfish. And you did wait.
- You're coming with me now?
- No, but you're coming with me.
You see, I love you, but I don't know
if I have any right to.
I've got to talk to my wife first.
You and I have to make
a trip to Coney Island.
I can be your other eyes now.
Take over. I'm not going.
I'd probably drown in all the slush.
Thanks for all your
wonderful help, Crusty.
Forget it. I like the bachelor life.
So long, Flatbush.
Hate to admit it,
but I'm gonna miss him.
Had to lose my best buddy
to a frilly female.
Better get rid of this battle gear
and get back to my civvies.
What if I told you I was
once a human being?
I don't care how terrible
your past was, Limpet.
I'll help you forget.
I've forgotten an awful lot already.
So long, Flatbush.
I'll never leave you,
and I hope you'll never leave me.
It's always the males
who leave in our species.
That's why there's so few of us.
In that case, there might
be more before long.
You and I could be the beginning
of a whole new and better world.
I know where we are now. Follow me.
There, that's my wife.
Not much to look at, is she?
Actually, for a human,
she's quite lovely.
Let's get this over with, Limpet.
The water here is very cold.
Henry, is that you?
Don't you recognie me, Bessie?
Henry, you really are...
A fish? Yes, Bessie, you can say it.
To think you're actually still alive,
and I'm married to a...
A fish. Is that so terrible?
It doesn't happen every day.
Well, what's new? I mean,
how have you been, Bessie?
I'm bewildered, Henry.
Henry, am I the widow of a man...
...or the wife of a fish?
Let's be logical. You couldn't
keep me in a tub, could you?
I suppose not. No.
- I mean, what would the neighbors say?
- I shudder to think.
You know how that Miss Harris objects
every time I fry fish. Why...
Oh, good heavens.
Well, there you are.
Are you really happier
down there, Henry?
If you only knew, Bessie.
I guess this is goodbye, Henry.
If you'll come up to the steps,
I have something for you.
Take care of yourself, Henry.
Remember how you catch cold
when you get your feet wet.
Don't break up, Bessie. I'm just fine.
Maybe I was meant to be a fish.
Maybe nature just corrected her error.
Goodbye, Bessie. And thanks for being
sensible about this. And understanding.
- Goodbye, Henry.
- So long, George.
Take good care of Bessie.
Tell them not to look for me.
They won't find me.
"Goodbye, Henry," I said.
And I saluted.
I thought that was it.
Bessie and I have been happy.
Why stir this thing up again?
The chief of naval operations
Do they really think that Henry
is teaching porpoises?
That's what we've been assigned to find
out. You and I, Pickle. Stickle.
Where do we start to look?
Maybe that spot off the Florida coast
where Henry first contacted you.
It's worth a try. Get the old man.
He's going with us.
The secretary of defense ordered
him to take command of this mission.
"On behalf of the secretary of defense,
and speaking for a grateful nation...
...I'm empowered to advance you
to the rank of commodore...
...United States Naval Reserve."
And now, commodore...
...regarding porpoise activities...